0:01

Tongue. Cupcake. 4 eyes.

0:04

Rubik's Cube. 6

0:09

away

0:12

from 100.

0:17

I mean we'll

0:23

figure out. Probably 5 minutes before 100. I'm

0:29

gonna be like, oh shit. Should've done something

0:31

special. I'm

0:59

gonna be like, damn it. Just get it out. You're like

1:01

tickling your nose to do, get it

1:03

to go. Looking at the sun, doing anything you can.

1:05

I was just gonna ask. I've never been a sun

1:08

looker. It's gotta be far

1:10

enough into it where it's like on the verge and

1:12

then the sun puts it over the top. Really?

1:15

I sneeze like 50 times every time I go

1:17

outside in the sun. Maybe

1:19

you're allergic to sunshine. The earth, yeah.

1:21

Or plants. Yeah, maybe the earth's trying

1:23

to kill you. Sounds fair. That

1:25

is true, it is. Endlessly.

1:28

Yeah. Endlessly trying to get you. If

1:30

there's something you want to see on the show, send it in to

1:32

Hey Guys. I thought the world was

1:34

made perfect for us. It is. It's just for us. Just

1:37

to try to kill us? Okay, go ahead. At

1:39

Hey Guys at canyodontpodcast.com, bonus content at the end

1:42

of every show. If you sign

1:44

up on Patreon and support us there, it doesn't matter what tier

1:46

it is, you will get the bonus content.

1:50

94 this episode, we're doing some lap time. Michael,

1:53

Zach, what are we doing? We're gonna learn about

1:55

the body. Learn about the body. We are things.

1:57

And I'm gonna see what you guys know about

1:59

the body. No, she goes this can

2:01

be great. It's gonna be terrible. Let's do

2:04

it Yes, it is that butthole's bounce back

2:06

to closed on there. There's some

2:08

stuff like that. Yeah What's

2:12

the limit that something could be jammed in there that'll

2:14

bounce back like there has to be a point where

2:16

it's just not gonna Bounce back just wreck forever. Yeah,

2:18

I don't know if you shove like a butcher knife

2:20

up there. I'm sure let's gonna do something But

2:23

even that would heal itself, right eventually. I don't know. I

2:25

know there's a limit to how big it can get But

2:28

I'm not sure if I was thinking something around not a

2:30

sharp like it's I know Soccer

2:33

ball. Yeah, it's something big. It's like four

2:35

like fucking four inches like assholes can get

2:37

huge Which is awesome.

2:39

No, I mean it doesn't seem big but that

2:42

when you think about it, you can fit a

2:44

cat up there We're a raccoon Have

2:47

do people do that. I don't I hope

2:50

not. It's like a bad idea.

2:52

I've heard of gerbils going up butts Who

2:54

hasn't? Here

2:58

read this email email you flop in

3:00

there. Yeah, let's see. Wait, where is

3:02

it? Okay, so this

3:04

is reference to a couple weeks ago show.

3:06

Yeah, this is from Tiffany. Oh, hi, Jeff

3:09

Hello, can I call you Jeff? Can

3:11

I call you? Can I call you at home? Was

3:14

listening to the rant about what is allowed to

3:17

be thrown out the window? Mm-hmm.

3:19

I and I

3:21

thought he better not fucking say ice

3:23

cream cone And of

3:25

course I did. Yes, you did. I want to share this little

3:27

ditty I was an off-ramp in

3:29

Cincinnati, Ohio And I saw a white

3:32

thing get flung out this window and

3:34

thought not today not today motherfucker No,

3:36

I sped up around this dude like

3:39

a fucking maniac and yelled. There's not

3:41

a fucking trash can anywhere you're going

3:43

Oh Good

3:47

that's a lot to yell. Yeah The

3:51

dude looked around Sound like he was

3:53

about to get murdered replied gently

3:56

Who it was nice cream cone. Mmm. I

3:58

sighed and then yelled Well

4:01

fuck you anyway! Cause

4:03

well fuck him. Love the podcast. P.S.

4:05

has a box of Fingos leather gloves

4:08

because of you and they didn't fit. Now my

4:10

girlfriend has some sick gloves. That's

4:13

a good... That's a good re-gift. I

4:16

mean that's...it really is. You buy something and it's like it

4:18

doesn't fit. It's always a gift for somebody else. You're like

4:20

well, don't throw it away. Give it to somebody else who

4:22

would appreciate it. Just hold on to it for your

4:24

kids. You know? Don't

4:26

grow into those Fingos leather gloves. One day it'll

4:29

all be yours buddy. It'll be yours boy. Right

4:32

now your whole hand fits in there but someday this half

4:34

your finger is going to be covered by that leather. You

4:38

know what's annoying is when your kids are so

4:40

small when you're trying to put finger gloves on

4:42

your kids when it's

4:44

snowing outside and they can't

4:46

get their finger. You're trying to put each individual finger

4:48

in there. They shove two in one and they're like

4:51

fuck it. Pull it back off. Like God. That's

4:54

one of those things that's like okay we leveled up. As soon as

4:56

they can do that, it's like okay I

4:58

can take on the world now. Anyway.

5:02

Tiffany yelling like

5:04

that full sentence. There's not a fucking trash can

5:06

where you're going. It's one of those things

5:09

where there's so much and it's out of the blue. Is

5:11

there anything more frustrating when you yell something

5:14

mad at somebody and they go what? And

5:16

you have to yell it again. That's

5:18

why you don't yell phrases. You yell. You're

5:21

like fuck you. That's got

5:23

some impact. That's why I'm

5:25

like fuck you. Listen if you ever come

5:28

back. Yeah. But

5:31

don't shit out your window. What? I

5:35

mean it's all the words but like this is a phrase. Yeah.

5:39

Well there's not a fucking trash can wherever you're going. Are

5:41

you asking me questions right now? I'm sure there is. Why

5:45

are you so mad? They're

5:47

just driving down the road screaming through windows. I love

5:49

how the guy was like oh shit. And then

5:51

you're like oh no I feel bad. You shouldn't do that. I

5:55

gotta get something in here. Alright you

5:57

ready to fire off the show? Yeah.

6:00

one. He's back.

6:03

Hey,

6:06

shut up.

6:10

So whenever we get a Would

6:13

you rather from our son Danny beer, you

6:15

know, it's gonna be a day, you know, it's time to

6:17

buckle up. Hey, Gombe, do you? Oh,

6:20

Danny, love your buddy. Ready? Yeah,

6:22

would you rather the bottom half of

6:24

your body be a riding lawnmower for

6:28

the top half of your body be

6:30

one of those wacky inflatable tube man.

6:32

Oh, wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube

6:34

man. One of those fellers. So

6:37

like a centaur

6:40

situation of sorts. We

6:43

use a lawn a lawn tar. Nice.

6:47

Bottom half being a

6:50

riding lawnmower. Okay, the

6:52

noise alone. But you're also

6:54

I mean, you're at what point is

6:56

it just a one of those sit down

6:59

scooters, whatever they're called, you know, you go to

7:01

Walmart and they're gonna little rascal like rascal. That's

7:03

what it is. I mean, that's

7:05

basically what it is. If you disengage the blade,

7:08

you just got a you got a john Deere rascal.

7:11

Yeah, I mean, if you you got to run to

7:13

the store real quick, and you're like, you don't want

7:15

to chop up everything else you shut the blade off,

7:17

cruise on down to your favorite.

7:19

Oh, I wrote sir, I feel like

7:22

the majority of riding lawnmowers that were

7:24

gas powered. So that's funny. And

7:27

I grocery store just Yeah.

7:31

But I'm lost. I guess you can't say

7:33

you can't modify it. So the blades go

7:35

in the hole the whole time. You'd be

7:37

flicking shit everywhere. Just shooting

7:40

rocks at people.

7:43

Grabbing little Captain Crunch. Putting

7:46

in your little basket. Just

7:50

I mean, one of those big ones too. Like it's

7:52

got to be a decent sized riding lawnmower. Oh, yeah.

7:54

One that you can like, relax,

7:56

you got cup holders. That would be

7:58

nice though. Having your cup holder all

8:00

the time. I mean bottom half there

8:02

goes your dick right? Yeah. We're

8:05

going waist down. Phew.

8:07

Yeah. Now your dick is a

8:09

lawn mower? You just pee and poop out

8:12

the bottom? It's just the place. It's just the place.

8:14

Shooting shit everywhere like that video the hippo

8:17

that's flinging shit everywhere. Mm-hmm. Yeah that

8:19

would be interesting. Yeah that'd be loud.

8:22

Yeah I guess you just go in

8:24

the yard. You're a lawn mower. Go

8:27

fertilize like baby I gotta fertilize the lawn.

8:29

Yeah. That'd be cheaper than buying fertilizer.

8:31

Just going on like god that smell

8:33

of just a

8:35

human shit getting splattered in the

8:37

backyard and flung into

8:40

the neighbor's yard. Yeah. You could have to

8:42

redo all your doorways. That's a

8:44

fucking problem. Well you're gonna have

8:46

to have ramps everywhere. Mm-hmm. Yeah

8:48

you're just pretty I mean you're

8:50

basically let's say every anybody that

8:52

a wheelchair they

8:55

first of all you need that set up.

8:57

Mm-hmm. You need some accessibility. So. I mean

8:59

driving though like you're you can't even get

9:01

out of it. So it's your bottom half.

9:03

You're gonna have to have a

9:05

special like car docking station for your

9:07

riding lawn mower and then you

9:10

have to just drive with your hands using the little

9:12

paddles. You could get a

9:14

van. You could get a van with a with

9:16

one of those ramps. Yep. And then you just got

9:18

some. Yeah you got the whole thing out and you

9:21

drive up to the spot. You could you could do

9:23

that. You're getting I don't know

9:25

you get pulled over you've had you had some

9:27

drinks because you know life's tough your bottom half

9:29

is a fucking riding lawn mower. Can't jerk off or

9:31

have sex. Yeah get pulled over the cops like

9:33

step out of the vehicle please. And you're like

9:35

okay. Back

9:39

up. The cop like you're trying to walk

9:41

the straight line. You're like this isn't hard.

9:44

This thing actually drives itself. It's gonna follow

9:46

this line. I mean

9:48

this isn't doing nothing officer. What

9:50

can you please turn off your

9:53

legs. You know the guys

9:55

that roll up to like a McDonald's and they

9:57

have their diesel truck and they have to shut

9:59

it off. We can order like that's what you'd

10:01

have to do that. Mm-hmm. You roll up to

10:03

someone have a conversation with

10:06

neighbor. Yeah Dude,

10:08

can you turn your bottom half off for a second?

10:12

Trying to have a conversation conversation with you.

10:14

I mean, yeah, it's unfortunate your fucking legs

10:16

are a lawnmower But would you have to

10:18

fill like a big mac or not with

10:20

like gas and oil and stuff? I'm assuming

10:22

you would so and if it's a

10:24

lecture extra, let's say there's electric riding lawnmower You got

10:26

to plug your legs in at night. I

10:29

mean, how do you sleep? You just tape a

10:31

stick to your back? You're not

10:33

getting in bed. You can get in

10:35

bed. You know what you lay You

10:37

lay back and just wheelie the yeah the

10:39

things off the end of the bed Don't

10:42

be able to see you. Well, you would have I mean

10:44

you would have like if you had like let's go back

10:46

to the wheelchair Thing it's you have accessibility for yeah, they

10:48

get to get out of the wheelchair and get in a

10:51

bed No, but you would build

10:53

you would make your your house your living

10:56

Lawnmower yeah riding lawnmower accessible

10:58

if you're in a wheelchair you get to take the

11:00

wheelchair off. You don't get to take these off Like

11:03

yeah, they're not like people after it. They're in a wheelchair

11:06

and they're getting in bed to sleep Like

11:08

they're not laying in bed with the wheelchair doing

11:10

really Right.

11:13

Realize that I'm saying that you would make

11:15

it your bed accessible for your lawnmower So

11:17

you just roll up there onto your comforter

11:19

with your fucking lawnmower? No, you wouldn't you

11:21

put it fucking nightmare? Reverse

11:24

Go up the end of the bed. Yeah, and

11:26

your bed stands up or something like that and

11:29

then you sit back and then the bed Rolls

11:32

backwards. What an inconvenience. Oh

11:37

Yeah sleeping sleeping with lawnmower That

11:40

wouldn't be that big a deal because then in the

11:42

morning when something get up your bed just lifts up

11:44

and you go from like This and then you're right

11:46

back onto the your lot your

11:48

mower again and fired up you go Go

11:51

to another busy day wouldn't have to worry about well You

11:53

wouldn't have to worry if you don't have a dick you

11:55

don't have a butt Well, you have something

11:57

just has to come out of the the bottom

11:59

of the the blades it

12:02

has to come out somewhere so it's going

12:04

somewhere okay top

12:06

half being the wacky inflatable tube guy you

12:09

still like intimate time is gonna be a

12:12

fucking nightmare yeah mm-hmm oh

12:14

my god can you imagine like

12:17

you're on top and you're having saying

12:19

like you're significant

12:21

others looking up at fucking like just going

12:23

like they're doing this one like the yeah

12:25

it's like what pop back

12:29

a little she's hearing is like tarp noise

12:31

like it lays on her face and well

12:36

and you need air to get those things to go so

12:38

you have to be you have to

12:40

have plugged in air I think it's a

12:42

look has to be a little magic a little magic

12:44

involved in this one if it's just your top half

12:47

if you have to be plugged in all the time

12:49

I mean there's no way I'm gonna have to go

12:51

with a lawnmower but if you

12:53

just get to like float around

12:55

you have you can't

12:57

just float you have to have air circulation

12:59

take your lungs your lungs do it you

13:02

have enough air in your lungs to power your top

13:04

hat okay um intimate

13:06

time any job like you're trying to be

13:08

serious like you're having a serious talk with

13:10

your kids mm-hmm talking about the birds and

13:12

the bees like when you get older when two

13:16

people love

13:19

each other very

13:22

much just

13:25

hunching over and then snapping back up any

13:27

serious situations I'm no one that would take you

13:30

serious nope at all not if I mean how

13:32

could they just walking down the road yeah

13:34

he was heading down the sidewalk these

13:37

legs walking in your body yeah just

13:39

flopping up and down I yeah I

13:43

don't know I picture like a school performance

13:45

and the like the cameras panning through the

13:47

audience and everyone's sitting in the auditorium and

13:49

it's just one in you're behind that guy yeah you're

13:51

just like just

13:55

always pumped I mean you would have

13:57

a built-in job yeah you could dig

14:00

Just use stand outside of a car dealership.

14:02

Yeah, and but all you could do But

14:05

probably worth it. I mean you'd be

14:07

quite the quite the attraction. Yeah, and

14:09

yeah, maybe you get some commission. Mm-hmm

14:12

So how many cars would they sell if there

14:14

was an actual human? Yeah with a cop half

14:16

and flake talk to you You

14:18

want to buy this? Dodge

14:21

near Isn't

14:24

anything more sad than a deflated

14:26

inflatable tube guy? No way in

14:28

there So tired and just

14:31

get plugged in the melee gets like I

14:36

Think I'm gonna pick The

14:38

riding lawnmower. I'm just have to

14:40

sleep sitting up on my

14:42

lawnmower legs. You don't need to though I don't

14:44

understand why you're not getting that You're

14:47

describing a 40

14:50

million dollar bed setup a Tesla

14:52

bed. You're not really what they

14:54

have automated bed They have recliners

14:56

that do that Like

14:58

a Murphy bed that folds into the wall,

15:00

right? No Like they have recliners that like

15:02

my grandpa had one that was like this

15:05

and then it would lift up and basically

15:07

you out Dump you out. It would put

15:09

you on your feet and you sit down

15:11

So yeah legs but the same thing you

15:13

you back into the bed. Mm-hmm And

15:16

the bottom half. Well, it

15:19

depends on how it depends on how

15:21

high the mower is So

15:23

your bed would be high you'd lift up your bed

15:26

So your your lawnmower can have clearance to go

15:28

underneath your bed visualize this with me. I'm in

15:31

here's your mattress. Mm-hmm You

15:33

your bottom half drives partway under the mattress

15:35

And so you get that clearance and

15:38

now the bit you in the bed just grabs

15:40

you it grabs you and lifts you up Is

15:42

it like do you strap yourself in? Yeah, let's

15:44

say you strap yourself in or there's little hooks

15:46

or something And it lifts up

15:48

like this you have to hire an asset and

15:51

make your fucking bed frame Dude, if this is

15:53

gonna be your life you would you would spend

15:55

the money on it Yeah, you spend all day

15:57

and your lawnmower legs. Let's do it. We have

15:59

to go back wheelchair thing again because

16:02

are you telling me when someone

16:04

gets in a wheelchair they don't spend money

16:06

to make their house accessible? How heavy is

16:08

a riding lawnmower? So now this

16:10

bed has to have some serious engineering. Well it's

16:12

that's one of the most important things you do

16:15

is sleep. I know why don't you get sleep

16:17

sitting up or something? Who wants to stand it

16:19

up? Or bend over and just like have a pillow

16:21

on your lap. Like why couldn't the bed just be

16:23

forward and you just lay into a soft foot? Sure

16:25

you could do that but that would get old. Yeah

16:29

like okay imagine having to try to

16:31

sleep like you would sleep on an

16:33

airplane every day. That would get

16:35

old. Yeah. So you would want to spend the

16:38

money to make sure you're comfortable. Yeah

16:40

a lot of money. If I'm gonna be...

16:42

The common bed that you're describing. So

16:45

much money because it doesn't exist. You have to reinvent

16:48

the bed wheel and then

16:50

install it in your house. Yeah I

16:53

don't see the problem. Maybe

16:55

you'll get some grants or something. Dude all the money

16:57

you would... There's a foundation out there for lawnmower legs.

16:59

All the money you could make is just mowing the

17:01

neighborhood lawns. Yeah. And like you could be doing you

17:03

could be mowing their lawns and

17:05

doing other things. You're working on your

17:08

computer. You're working two

17:10

jobs. So you're making lots of money. You

17:12

can afford this fucking bed.

17:14

And that's about all you could do right? Couldn't

17:17

work at a bank with fucking lawnmower legs. No

17:19

you couldn't. I mean you're it's like the wacky

17:21

waving inflatable arm inflating too man. I mean your

17:24

job is built into your... Built into

17:26

the this dark magic. Yeah. Um

17:29

yeah nope. I mean I'll take it but I'm

17:31

just I'm not... I can't wait to

17:33

see your bed. I feel

17:36

like I'm surprised you're so

17:38

stuck on the bed aspect of it. I

17:41

feel like it's so... I mean help me out here.

17:44

In the house, in the car and then every other

17:46

door in the entire world you're not going in. Because

17:48

you have a fucking lawnmower for legs. But

17:50

at least you get to get around and go to your

17:52

own home. Right? Like

17:55

why would you also not just have a thing on the floor that tipped

17:57

you over and picked you back up? Why does it have to bed after

17:59

bed? pick you up to a bed level. That's

18:02

what I'm getting at. Well, it doesn't, I don't care how you do

18:04

it. How do you do it? Sleep. You

18:06

wanna sleep laying down. What if, okay, what

18:09

if, instead

18:11

of this $86 million hydro, hydraulic

18:15

bed that you're describing, what

18:17

if you just pulled onto a platform and the

18:19

platform tipped you over onto a mattress? That's fine

18:21

too. That's fine too. The

18:24

thing is that you, but you have to have the,

18:27

you have to have your mower hanging off the bed, right?

18:30

Or on the little platform. Yeah, it just tips you

18:32

over. I mean, I'm thinking of this on the spot.

18:35

I don't care how we do it. That's

18:37

fine too. I mean, I enjoyed listening to

18:39

it. I was like, when's it

18:41

gonna figure out you just tip over and

18:43

lay down like on a bed instead of getting picked

18:46

up into a bed. It's

18:49

classier, I guess. Well, no, because you can

18:51

run into issues. If you're getting dumped onto

18:53

something, what if the momentum takes you over?

18:55

Well, and you roll off, you're gonna hurt

18:57

yourself. It'll lock you in. It's

19:00

just slow, a slow, it'll just tip

19:02

you. Dude, beds fold up into walls. They

19:05

have not with riding lawn mowers in them. I

19:11

didn't agree to disagree my mind. Help me out here,

19:13

Zach. If there's a hell, there's a way, I think.

19:15

Yeah. You have enough money, you can definitely do

19:17

what you were gonna do there, Brian. I don't understand why this

19:19

would take so much money. A

19:21

lot of hydraulics. All it needs is a little

19:23

bit of hydraulics. Dude, hydraulics, you don't need that

19:25

much to lift. Look what

19:27

some of these things with hydraulics can do. Maybe

19:30

you don't even need, dude, you just need a

19:32

pulley system. You have hands, right? So

19:34

you're lifting the bed up, but you're pulling

19:36

the chain like this, and the bed lifts

19:38

up, and then when you're

19:41

ready to lay back down, you crank

19:43

the chain back the opposite way. You don't

19:45

even need hydraulics. Let's

19:48

see here. This is how the pyramids were built, this kind

19:50

of conversation. Riding lawn mowers. Yeah, and we're all envious of

19:52

those, aren't we? Riding lawn

19:54

mowers on average are 800

19:56

pounds. Okay.

20:00

Pretty good there are 800 pound people that lay

20:02

in beds and then they never get out again

20:05

No, they know a forklift comes and get them that

20:07

takes them to a funeral

20:09

home No

20:12

Gilbert grave haven't you ever seen my

20:14

600 pound life or whatever the show

20:16

is yeah, I watch it. Yeah makes

20:19

me sad Mm-hmm. Nice. I

20:21

imagine if they had a lawn

20:23

mower for legs Just

20:25

imagine least you're out there doing something if you had to get

20:27

a doctor to go to a doctor's appointment You just go to

20:29

a mechanic Yeah for

20:32

the bottom half. Yeah. Yeah Top

20:34

half looking good bottom You

20:36

have to go check your oil. Yeah Get

20:39

your blade sharpened. I think I think get rid

20:41

of it I think if you want to save

20:43

money you don't use the hydraulics you use a

20:45

pulley system with like gold chains and

20:47

gears and It's

20:50

a little medieval, but it'll work and pick up your

20:52

800 pound body with your arms See

20:54

you don't need to pick yourself up. That's the whole point

20:56

I'm making If

20:58

you have if you're using the lift like

21:00

you're saying you have to lift someone up I'm

21:02

saying you walk up to the bed and all

21:05

the bed does is go back this way. So

21:07

it's just lifting Your

21:09

body back this way. Mm-hmm. That's

21:11

it This conversation is tearing

21:14

the kids apart you guys. Yeah Either

21:17

way, we'll just have riding lawnmower legs because there's no

21:19

world I can be a wacky inflatable tube guy I

21:21

want to do the lawnmower thing just to show you

21:23

that I can do it Yeah, let me know when

21:25

you're done with your bed I'll be sleeping on the

21:27

floor when I just have a little thing that tips

21:29

me over and then picks me back up That's

21:32

gonna be I'm gonna have like seven years

21:34

of sleep Too many moving parts to have

21:36

a thing that lifts you up just have

21:38

the bed pull forward. What? It's

21:41

like have you not seeing each other's designs. I don't

21:43

think we are because you up It's like

21:45

a fucking half of door that opens on

21:48

the floor and just puts you in a bed. How I

21:51

Know I can't visualize yours. It doesn't

21:54

matter no one cares. All right, you ready

21:56

to move on I don't know Like

22:00

we're gonna solve anything. We're gonna

22:02

take the riding lawnmower legs. Okay,

22:05

and one of us gonna say I'm gonna show you Hey,

22:09

hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking

22:11

about? Ah, you know nothing actually, you

22:13

know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit What

22:17

are you thinking about? We

22:19

were sitting on the couch before recording today and just

22:21

talking about some different things. Mm-hmm one

22:24

newest thing added and I highly Recommended

22:28

it's I mean if there's better out

22:30

there and if you can afford

22:32

an electronic one Like an arcade

22:34

style one then maybe you can get that

22:37

but I'm talking about fucking darts.

22:39

Hell. Yeah, brother We went to Dick's sporting

22:41

goods Cassie and I and the kids and

22:43

where we were not planning I'm

22:45

not sure if does anyone ever plan on getting a dart?

22:48

No, you don't go you're not like Oh fuck we need

22:50

to run down. You know, I mean maybe sometimes you're like

22:52

darts would be great Take a summer

22:54

afternoon. You're like dude right there Backside

22:57

is the baseball game front sides darts

23:01

Home. Yeah, and I and you like yeah, whatever

23:03

we'll get a little dartboard But

23:05

anyway We were not planning that and we went to

23:07

Dick's and they have this this cool one that has

23:09

it goes inside of its own Cabinet and when you

23:11

open it up lights automatically turn on and then you

23:13

kind of unfold it and then all the darts and

23:17

Where it comes out? Wow Hi

23:21

But so we've been playing playing some darts,

23:23

you know We get things done around the

23:25

house and then you know, we close out

23:27

the day by by throwing darts One

23:30

does and this week Cassie

23:33

and I have played darts every single night

23:36

and that just got me thinking about It's

23:39

and I was asked asking Cassie I was like

23:41

what are some things that you have just like

23:43

weird things that you get super

23:45

obsessed with for whatever amount of time and

23:48

Then it just disappears. Mm-hmm. And then obviously

23:50

talked about but a long time ago on

23:53

Can you don't is when I

23:55

just went fucking crazy With

23:58

pinball. Mmm. Yeah when you're a pinball I

24:00

don't know what happened. It just

24:02

it came to me pinball found

24:05

me me Because

24:07

we were in Seattle and you needed it. Yeah, it was

24:09

a good time. It's a good time to pin, you know

24:12

and I was in Seattle and Cassie

24:15

had to work so I guess have the the day

24:17

to fuck off in downtown Seattle I

24:19

started cruising around and taking ubers to different places of

24:21

that pinball machine. I didn't get a expensive Yeah, it

24:23

was a but it was it was a while. It

24:25

was worth it I mean, come on and

24:28

as I was playing this game, you know, I guess was

24:30

somehow doing well This guy walked up

24:32

and he's looking cheering me on he's like doing pretty

24:34

good I was like bang so I'm

24:36

just pushing the paddles and playing how

24:38

I thought pinball was He thought you thought he

24:40

was giving you compliment right like yeah But I

24:43

also think that he was kind of I don't

24:45

know He was shimmy who cheers

24:47

someone else on point pinball Like

24:49

something would have guy that knows he's gonna show you up and he

24:51

was like he was like, yeah Like just

24:54

fucking deep being doing cool moves and

24:56

I'm like this guy's my new best

24:58

friend Mm-hmm, and then I got

25:00

I was done and then he got on their necks and

25:02

then I was watching him play and he's you know He's

25:05

punching the table and wiggling. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm

25:07

like, I thought that was illegal Mmm, I thought the bar

25:09

would be like get the fuck out of your dude Put

25:12

it in my machine Mmm And it turns

25:14

out as you're supposed to hit a part of the game

25:16

part of the game and I never knew that this guy

25:19

Who has no idea that he

25:21

basically for the fall then the next

25:23

two months after that experience. I There'd

25:27

be a grown-ass man laying in bed looking

25:29

up pinball tutorials. Mmm, like just

25:31

being like, mmm. Yep That's right and like

25:33

different ones and like the different tilt settings.

25:35

It was it was wild and I guess

25:37

went all around beautiful

25:40

downtown, Coeur d'Alene and Beat

25:44

them all When

25:47

in there fucked up the scores went left went

25:49

in there and I don't I have no idea

25:51

if it's still there But I mean as far as

25:53

I know almost every pinball machine the top score said

25:55

Joe Which is awesome when you

25:57

have a three-letter name. Yeah when it comes to our

26:00

old arcade thing because it just says your

26:02

name. It's just Joe. And then I beat

26:05

this score on a Mandalorian game that this

26:07

other dude, I couldn't beat him for a

26:09

while. And you're like, how do you do it? And you're

26:11

like, this is the way. This is the way. And

26:13

I got the high score. And then

26:16

I never went back and never played pinball since

26:18

then. They're like, where did that guy go? What

26:20

happened to him? And just, yeah, I just went

26:22

on our hearts. He's got super obsessed with pinball

26:24

for a couple of months. And then I was

26:27

like, that's it. That'll do it. That'll do. And

26:29

like, I don't even think about it at all.

26:31

I don't want to do it. You know what

26:33

happened. Kind of bores me now. That guy that,

26:35

that you were in the bar with. Let's

26:38

say you went and you got like the fourth

26:41

highest score. And

26:43

to you, you're like, Oh, I just moved

26:45

on and pinball to him. He's like,

26:48

I got to get this fucking Joe off

26:50

this board. He's leaving his family. Yeah. So

26:53

he's got a, he's got all the, his

26:55

name is Bill. He's got all the scores,

26:57

but he has to skip one L. He's

26:59

just B I L. Right. Bill. Okay. And

27:02

so he is like, Bill, Bill, Bill, Joe, Bill, Bill,

27:04

Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. He's like, I

27:06

can't have this. Nope. So you fucked up his life.

27:08

Cause now he's got to go back in there and

27:11

bump you off the board. He's crying at work.

27:13

Yeah. He's eating dinner really quick and rushing out

27:15

the door. I'll be back. You're not even playing

27:18

anymore. No, I've moved on. I know. And Bill's

27:20

out there. He has not moved on. I'm sure he's kicked.

27:22

He's probably already kicked the shit out of it. He wasn't

27:24

even trying. And it took me forever to do it. I'm

27:26

just picturing some guy. That's like a pro pinballer and

27:29

like new high score. Is that good? Let's say

27:32

this guy sitting at

27:34

the bar, right? He's drinking a beer and

27:36

then you're over at the bar playing and you're like, why

27:38

with your hip, you smack it. And he goes, Oh,

27:41

he hears, he's like, he hears the challenge. He

27:43

can, he can tell the noise of the hip.

27:46

He's like, I haven't heard

27:48

it. I haven't heard it. Hip check

27:50

like that. He's

27:52

looking over and you're like this prodigy. He's got a,

27:54

he's got a, he's

27:59

got a, to coach you to get you to

28:02

the pinball championships. Like a slow walk up,

28:04

his eyes are wide, and he's like, oh

28:06

no. You remind me of

28:08

myself. Yeah, when I was your age. Yeah.

28:11

Now look at me. He shows me his

28:13

hands, his fingerless leather gloves that holds it.

28:15

Yeah, they're just fucked. Look at me. Like

28:18

he got bad, I had like a blister on my thumb. He's

28:20

got perma blisters on his thumb. Who gets

28:23

a blister from playing pinball? Can we make

28:25

this movie? Uh, it should be a movie. I

28:28

mean, let's do it. Like you're, I mean, I'm

28:30

in for either a dart movie or a pinball

28:32

movie. Yeah. But I guess

28:34

the question, and I mean, asking all the kids

28:36

out there, please send it in.

28:38

Hey guys, at can you don't podcast.com. Just

28:40

like weird. Doesn't have to be weird, but

28:42

just obscure or anything that you've gotten crazy

28:44

obsessed about for whatever,

28:47

like it's a short period of time and

28:49

then just completely left it behind. You

28:52

know what's something that comes to mind for you?

28:54

I mean, obviously shows like that's an easy one

28:56

where like you watch, insert any of the things,

28:59

Game of Thrones and you just rip through

29:01

it. I watched it

29:03

from the beginning. So I was in it

29:05

for 10 years. Just say you get in

29:07

and you binge it and you're like, yeah,

29:10

and you've done and you never go back.

29:12

Maybe you never watch anything. That's a

29:14

spin off of it. You just completely move

29:16

on. I mean, everybody binges show. So don't,

29:19

don't worry about sending that in. I get that. But

29:21

what's it, it's a different, what do you think of? I have

29:23

a couple of things. Uh, I'll go back first. When I was

29:25

in college, um, I came

29:28

back home one time and

29:30

my family, I had like, you know,

29:32

stepbrothers and my sister, they,

29:34

so like the world series of poker,

29:36

that's when it exploded. Oh

29:38

yeah. Everybody was playing poker. I

29:41

came back, they had bought like a poker

29:43

board, the felt board. They had all the

29:45

chips and everything. It was like, I was

29:47

like, what did I just walk into fucking

29:50

Vegas in my, in my house's living room,

29:52

you know? For

29:54

a few months, it

29:56

was like Everybody was obsessed

29:58

with, with, uh, Texas hold em

30:00

and then it sort of just went away

30:02

and no one plays in New York has

30:04

disappeared. Me like pickle ball feel like isn't

30:06

that Right now everyone's plane pickle ball and

30:09

and I'll go with. The thing that happened

30:11

that I can recall is like. I.

30:13

Sold my first Roubaix cube. And

30:16

then I was like. I.

30:19

Was obsessed with a true but he

30:21

comes. As it's

30:23

still good to see what I did video

30:25

does that. And I was. I supposed. To

30:28

talk to get it out. I was the oldest

30:31

in I would have the right keep doing it

30:33

and I went that. Way

30:36

to tell. Us

30:39

as. Scared

30:41

as I have no got out of there you

30:43

go as. A

30:48

success! I'm so sorry. Go ahead so

30:50

guess those are you are excited that

30:52

I saw the river from for you

30:54

So I was like every time I

30:56

wasn't like a kid store. I

30:59

was like buying differ redux cubes and

31:01

ridges, hoarding rooms, cubes trying to get

31:03

all these like different ones. see vikings,

31:06

home and stuff and are and then.

31:09

I. Got into like like the four sided tubes

31:11

and stuff and I couldn't solve it and so

31:13

i just like I didn't give up a as

31:15

everyone's wow will still I can still saw one

31:18

but it's like. Outs all

31:20

that. we're in there now movement for like.

31:22

A. Month. Of

31:25

everyday just Cuban. Just as mark

31:27

Cuban government rip it really is.

31:29

it's even getting do. I

31:32

do that. I totally forgot about my

31:34

head of Subaru obsessive in college. Yeah,

31:36

I guess I had to select. Your

31:39

head know? Guess that? Says

31:42

suggested the same thing but I never

31:45

liked out I was cheating. Design.

31:47

I mean, I've I think I've solved

31:50

one. Like. Actually to solve them,

31:52

but I'm just too dumb to know what I

31:54

did. but there is a formula yeah member at

31:56

Memorize the formula and it was like a for

31:58

a pretty funny party to. Can I go

32:00

back to last week's Mon and content where

32:02

I could just go half of reboots queue

32:05

for a while ago but I rarely it

32:07

is do it and then ready to be

32:09

done is put on the coffee table. but

32:11

I just as a as memorized like into

32:13

I'm here It's hard to memorize but that

32:15

as hard as fuck do in Aruba Do

32:17

yes I had all the steps of got

32:19

to a certain point you move to different

32:21

sequence yes that's how I do it now.

32:23

yeah it's there there. There are certain moves

32:26

that yeah you do in once but every

32:28

solve is different than so. It's not like

32:30

you're and identify any who has a problem

32:32

solve the problem at all. The other sequence

32:34

in that pertains to whatever colors and were

32:36

corner and so my so like I'll just

32:38

be sit at home or something and old

32:40

Solve it India my son of your mouth.

32:43

Nose. Thrown the rooms given. Solving is a

32:45

far as the feel of your fucking loser.

32:47

Yeah, you do even just toss of movies

32:49

do so he'll He'll mess it up backwards

32:52

and then go forward and you know it'll

32:54

solve this and so it exists out. which

32:56

is really cool. Yeah Zach, you ever need

32:58

those legs. Of steer of sessions or

33:01

something like that. You've really gotten into. Not

33:03

eating as really was shown. I mean let's

33:05

just steady and stuff and we're all. Yep,

33:07

of course like flying like through a conspiracy

33:09

theory. Communism when you go nuts on a

33:11

for a bit and you're like Bannerman Death.

33:16

Six bucks been focusing was actually

33:18

like we've. One. Of my company's

33:20

we put on the first televised poker

33:22

tournament the Martian State. I got. An

33:25

implant a lot the pantsuit on us.

33:27

we're with seen as and some and

33:29

now we're obsessed with for while we

33:31

built the table that you can see

33:33

our cards and shit and so we

33:35

got really into bonus armor underneath me

33:37

sick amazon parts. So what year is

33:39

that? I'm just picturing scuse me see

33:42

our to imported and or because they

33:44

want has by two thousand dollars x

33:46

yeah ten five or six is when

33:48

it was really going crazy enough. yeah

33:50

I you're a meme. Also sports cars,

33:52

no assets. a good one. It's.

33:54

Like coming back again. sounds a little longer for me,

33:56

like I had years in that one before. his kind

33:58

of ah ha interest. Yeah, like

34:00

all fads kind of fall into this.

34:03

You like you buy a certain thing.

34:05

For. Whatever reason I put that a different category think

34:07

is good. I'm super obsessed about some shit and is

34:09

the bills will happen with darts Two. Magnets,

34:12

August the eventually of like math fuck darts.

34:15

I have a dozen, haven't Ah, I'm. But.

34:17

I as I was thinking about porn to

34:19

ever go on a guy like have some

34:22

category for no reason whatsoever, use get into

34:24

it for a few weeks and never go

34:26

back to it. Up

34:28

the mess not only like you're gonna

34:31

was thousand, did you found yourself there

34:33

somehow? He like move move well

34:35

as hell I let me get into of

34:37

a new like that and when it was

34:39

a certain video words like who they do

34:41

You ever get one of those videos where

34:43

it's like men, They do all the good

34:45

stuff, almost like you're directing it. Yeah yeah

34:48

because there's some like you don't I hope

34:50

you do that next. the like you did.

34:54

You see the preview it's like a still

34:56

image the thumbnail and it asserts preview and

34:58

you liked still look at three like many

35:00

the I like and their nationality not as

35:02

dogs you are now here. For more

35:04

front stuff. So you see something in

35:06

your like arctic that are you watch

35:09

you like This is a massive and

35:11

I was like lot of wanted season

35:13

of my bookmarks. always remember what her

35:15

name is an annualized last and then

35:17

you're like a loser name again How

35:19

do I find that's pretty gory? Back

35:21

to the same page and they are

35:24

on Paid seventy six a for hum

35:26

boots and concerned find the right review

35:28

all birds like porn hub later oh

35:30

yeah nice yes way I've last one

35:32

and then we're going into. some big

35:34

i had this happen with a juggling

35:36

with me and I wonder what it

35:38

was like? I have my entire life.

35:41

My. Brother: My Dad. About my

35:43

sisters but I like a lot of people

35:45

around me. some friends like were really good

35:47

jugglers and I just I like to know

35:49

how to do settling then and this is

35:52

something that I guess never learnt a never

35:54

figured it out as I was probably like

35:56

from five six years ago. I'd. Lay

35:58

in bed one night. man I was like, I

36:00

want to learn how to juggle. And I just

36:02

bought juggling balls on Amazon. They showed up whatever

36:04

two days later. And then for 10

36:07

minutes at night for the following month, I would

36:09

just pick them up when the kids went to

36:11

bed and just start juggling until I figured it

36:13

out. And it was funny because I didn't

36:15

show anybody, or really talk about it. And

36:17

the next time, walk in, I'm like,

36:19

check this out. He goes, doo-doo-doo, doing one ball,

36:22

two ball, bouncing a ball off the floor. Bouncing

36:24

off their forehead. Throwing them in a circle. Like,

36:26

what was I, pulling one out of my ear? When

36:29

did Joe become a clown? And

36:34

I just learned how to do it. And I don't

36:36

even know if I could juggle anymore. I have no

36:38

idea. It's probably not like riding a bike. Yeah, I

36:40

just got to that point where I was like, OK,

36:42

well, that's enough. I can do it. And then I

36:45

just, I don't even know where they are.

36:47

And they're gone. They're lost forever. And right now, I have

36:49

no idea if I can still juggle. Dude,

36:51

I totally get the motivation of that, too.

36:53

Like, I mean, I wanted

36:56

to learn Spanish. So I'd

36:59

be in a situation where I could just speak Spanish.

37:01

And people would be like, what the fuck? And

37:03

like, learning an instrument or something. You

37:08

know, like, learn how to play piano. So when you're

37:10

in, like, you walk into a house, you

37:13

kind of walk around. They're showing you around the house. And

37:15

this is my grandma's piano. And you're like, oh, yeah. And

37:17

you can just walk over there and

37:19

be like, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. And

37:21

you're like, sounds pretty good. Yeah, sounds pretty good. And they're

37:23

like, what the fuck? You can do that? Yeah. That's all

37:25

I can do. Please don't have to sit down. I

37:28

can't do any more. I learned that. And I've been practicing

37:30

that. But I

37:32

think that was a lot of motivation for learning

37:34

guitar. It's just like, oh, I want to be

37:36

the guy that knows how to play guitar, or

37:38

whatever it is. And

37:41

I want the Rubik's Cube thing. It

37:43

was like, I always wanted to learn how to

37:45

do Rubik's Cube. I was like, no one knows

37:47

how to solve a Rubik's Cube, except for the

37:49

genies, genius guys. The genies. The genies. They're

37:52

while they're waiting for someone to rub the lamp.

37:54

They're in there like, man. You get three wishes.

37:56

You're like, hmm. Number one, I'd like

37:58

to solve a Rubik's Cube. What

38:02

you realize you only have three wishes right like me

38:04

I'm not doing this he just goes back inside Think

38:07

about our wishes Think

38:10

it when you run it run me again. We think

38:12

of something better. You're fucking doing like a nerd cares

38:15

boo That

38:17

would be kind of funny a judge a genie

38:19

that judges you on what? Your

38:22

choice are like oh my god You're an idiot

38:24

dude you really as the first time I've been

38:26

out in a thousand years And this is what

38:29

I get offered first thing is you want some pogs Okay,

38:33

you want to have you want to be

38:35

the best pogger out there, okay? Oh, you want

38:37

a new Xbox like Jesus Christ? You

38:39

know you can't come up with 400 bucks to get you to

38:42

have an Xbox You know she could do is wish for like

38:44

I don't know 600 trillion dollars. I mean fuck me right yeah

38:46

Yeah, what do I know what do I know? I'm just a

38:48

fucking genie just the guy that's been waiting around for a thousand

38:50

years Grant anyone the

38:52

wish they want really help somebody out anyway

38:56

I was gonna say oh yeah to be able to

38:58

like the to be able to be in a

39:00

room Where there's a Rubik's Cube

39:02

on a table or like in a kid's toy box?

39:05

And you just grab it solve it and

39:07

like set it on the table while everyone's just in the

39:09

room talking And they're just like that guy

39:11

just solved Rubik's Cube while we were having a conversation Was

39:14

that real that was those motivation yeah,

39:17

and now I can do it. Yeah, I think I

39:19

guess like I'd like to know how to do stuff.

39:21

Yeah, I think that's kind of the the base Reason

39:24

for a lot of shit yeah I want to know how

39:26

to do it and I want to try to be good

39:28

at it mm-hmm And then if I I guess it either

39:30

sticks around or it doesn't but hopefully

39:32

those little obsessions like you just have

39:34

it It's somewhere in your brain, but how far do you

39:36

go? Do you want to be really like darts no do

39:38

you want to be really good at darts or like you're

39:40

at a bar? And you're like holy shit. That's

39:43

pretty good at darts. Yeah, I guess I just want to

39:45

be able to throw some I just want to dart yeah,

39:47

you know life's no fear. You

39:49

know no fear. I'm here to do two things

39:51

There's no fear still a thing no

39:53

way should we should buy it and bring about? Yeah,

39:56

I'm here to do two things eat pussy and

39:58

play darts. I'm all out of pussy Okay,

40:02

let's just put one of the dudes around here

40:04

now. Yeah, dude. Okay. We got you

40:06

dick. We fucking took forever. Yeah All

40:18

right, this is a interesting story

40:21

Joe, okay Student

40:23

persuaded by his friend to get

40:25

his legs amputated for a 1.3

40:27

million dollar insurance scam Wound

40:29

up getting only 7200 that he now has to return Yeah,

40:35

you think couldn't the headline

40:37

said zero And

40:39

he got nothing. Yeah, but I guess they wanted to put

40:42

that in there because it's like Oh, we got somebody got

40:44

something but then ultimately didn't you think

40:46

he felt any sort of relief when he got seven? Thousand

40:49

two hundred dollars. Well, he probably like well He's

40:51

like I got something for these fucking useless legs

40:53

dude He he what he probably thought was I

40:56

can get 1.3 million dollars I've

40:58

some of that goes to taxes and pay off some

41:00

debt and then I

41:02

could buy a lawnmower to

41:05

Replaces my legs like this will be a or

41:08

I could use this 1.3 million dollars to get

41:10

me at least 10% of this hydraulic Bed that

41:12

I need to build right down

41:14

down payment Down

41:17

that down payment on my fucking state-of-the-art

41:19

NASA designed the hydro Powered

41:22

bed hydro a water-powered bed You

41:24

have a waste of time that is you have to

41:26

live next to a river so you can get hydro

41:28

power You want a water

41:30

bed so bad you got a windmill? Sleep

41:35

next to a creek so that your water bed gets flushed.

41:37

Oh So dumb

41:39

dude water beds were sick dude. I have my dad

41:41

had one. It was always warm And we talked about

41:43

I want to win so bad My

41:45

room was so small as a California king-sized water bed.

41:47

My dad was getting rid of it I was like,

41:50

oh have it and the heater was broken and I

41:52

lived in the fucking soft tooth mountains Oh

41:54

god, it was fucking I had to sleep on top

41:56

of 700 blankets and when you

41:58

came in the door Hit the bed the

42:01

only thing in my fucking room was

42:03

a king-sized water bed with a broken heater And

42:06

my dad still was like fuck. All right,

42:08

you know I'm glad you didn't want to fucking fill

42:10

that water bed up knowing how stupid of an idea

42:12

it was Yeah, things you do for your kids right

42:14

still did it and then what I mean one day

42:16

I was just gone He's like dude. You had to

42:19

get rid of that thing. They sucked. Do you remember

42:21

what beds used to be? Like my dad had a

42:23

water bed and but it had a

42:25

back thing on it too with shelves In

42:27

a mirror and all this shit was like you

42:30

don't move that you move it in

42:32

and it stays until you did you move

42:34

out Yeah, it goes with the house. Mm-hmm

42:36

Like you're like, hey you buy this house

42:38

for whatever, you know $200,000

42:40

you get this fucking sick water, but like we don't want

42:43

to get it out of here like no deal It's

42:45

not part of the deal. No, we have to remove the wall

42:47

I when I when I when I left

42:49

for college my dad, I think my dad

42:52

got a new bed He let me have the frame for his

42:54

water bed But I so

42:56

and I but I used my like twin

42:58

mattress So I

43:00

had his frame. Mm-hmm So

43:03

there was like six inches gap on on

43:05

each side of the mattress to the edge

43:07

of the bed to fall into yeah Wedged

43:11

in anyway. Yeah fucking All

43:15

right student Taiwan had his legs amputated

43:17

to claim 1.3 million dollars

43:19

insurance pay up The criminal

43:22

investigation said the man soaked his feet

43:24

for 10 hours in dry ice to

43:26

get frostbite Fuck

43:29

that is crazy dedication.

43:31

Yeah, fuck but

43:33

my ice is so cold

43:36

Yeah, how do you stand

43:38

that why did you 10 hours? Cuz

43:40

he had to get frostbite you can get it

43:42

in 10 fucking 10 minutes. So 10 seconds Have

43:45

you played with dry? I had to make it look good. Oh my

43:49

god I'm gonna you

43:51

keep talking. I'm gonna look up how long it takes

43:53

to get like frostbite from dry ice Okay, and I

43:55

think it's really quick. Maybe They went

43:57

numb and he fell asleep. Well, yeah, The

44:00

rare and put the plan backfired when

44:02

the medical staff saw his injury. Seems

44:04

suspicious. The Bureau said university student in

44:07

Taiwan who had his legs amputated in

44:09

hopes of receiving the money have been

44:11

arrested on suspicion of fraud. Twenty

44:14

three old identified only by his last

44:16

name Zang, plus his feet in a

44:18

bucket of dry ice for more than

44:20

ten hours to get them so badly

44:22

frostbitten that he would need a double

44:24

amputation. The. Bureau

44:26

said. the friend of things from high school

44:28

identified as lab persuaded him to carry out

44:31

the insurance scam. His

44:33

friend also twenty three suffer losses from

44:35

trading crypto currency and it's any tricks

44:37

zang and does signing a legal note

44:40

all the getting him to pay about

44:42

eight hundred thousand dollars. Is

44:45

a love that it's not even is? Is the pay

44:47

off a debt? Got

44:50

a great idea! Is

44:53

to save these for as a bus.

44:55

several expensive policies for life insurance, travel

44:57

insurance and accidental insurance after their motor

44:59

bike ride or so he that's a

45:01

motorbike right zang. So to Sweden dry

45:04

ice in it was middle hostile. He

45:06

wanted to make it seem like. Oh

45:09

my god it's his legs were. No

45:11

shoes or zoc marks await Omaha and.

45:14

I'm. Okay, gloomy, go back

45:16

the road they wrote on the motor

45:18

the motorbike at night, wanting to present

45:20

the claim dizzying, was afflicted with frostbite

45:22

while riding the vehicle in the late

45:25

evening. With. Science Bomb the weather

45:27

on the night as hitter twenty six

45:29

was nowhere close to below freezing was

45:31

it's coldest temperature be forty two degrees

45:34

Fahrenheit. Wow! in he runs. use that

45:36

as excuse for getting for us bus.

45:40

They they were amputated below the

45:42

cafeterias frostbite injuries but this case

45:44

report authorities. In

45:47

a goes on. But basically what

45:49

happened was he didn't get the

45:51

one point three but they did

45:53

claim seventy two hundred from one

45:55

ensure but the money is being

45:57

seized. Wow! So ultimately he got

46:00

nothing private, is gonna get some

46:02

criminal activity and no legs. Semi.

46:06

Get a lawnmower down there. me up

46:08

around can't even pay for that's and

46:10

I fucking love me ever since we

46:12

com at the same. Here we go:

46:14

Is your asses protected? If your ass

46:16

as a one where blatant salesmen knows

46:18

you want to fuck that. Pa.

46:20

Probably someone. Something. That sounds

46:22

like it. Ah, I

46:25

was looking at are still stuck on the

46:27

second dry ice thing. As

46:29

a semi the A really quick. Me

46:33

into the not what I just searched since and. Once

46:37

I am committee book is easy suck.

46:39

The City of London Police or Insurance

46:41

Fraud Enforcement Department said reported cases of

46:44

opportunistic fraud when someone tries his sake

46:46

an injury exaggerate claim is up sixty

46:48

one percent from March two, April and

46:50

Twenty twenty two Twenty three. The

46:53

increasing costs of living might push people

46:55

consider insurance fraud so my B C

46:58

lot more. this. To. School lesbian

47:00

lopped off. I just feel like.

47:02

You to do without? For

47:05

hims Poland: Dry ice on your feet for

47:07

ten hours. Man.

47:10

I know why I've I've always

47:12

found a fascination with dry ice

47:14

that's fun. Like. It's

47:16

weird I use it to entertain the children unless I

47:18

mean as it would still love it a matter of

47:20

fact peppered with ever let it was use a kid.

47:23

But. So many fun things you can do this. Like.

47:25

You put in a water bottle with a

47:27

little spout as a suit. sites for your

47:30

age as me and my favorite thing to

47:32

do with it is try to get scam

47:34

insurance companies out of what's your favorite says

47:36

if ever been in love doing that I

47:39

obviously Halloween for a nice bubbly treating. I

47:41

have you put soap in the water with

47:43

the dry ice and and all the bubbles

47:45

are full. The smoke as he pop only

47:48

saw that sweet spot. A lot of tips

47:50

and tricks your shoulders and sky over Youngstown

47:52

the science guy. Bill Bill

47:54

Bill Bill Bill Bill Be. And he suggested

47:56

Juggle Max. Yeah, I mean it's simply not

47:58

totally dry ice. Chances and dry strength

48:01

of the funniest thing we did I bought like

48:03

a for hour know it was a lot like.

48:05

Twenty. Pounds of dry ice. Which

48:09

you can get it algorithms by the way.

48:11

I've and just filled up the bathtub swimming

48:13

rural a pot of water we could and

48:15

Adidas dump it in the bathtub. When.

48:17

It's really fucking cool. Like. The entire

48:20

room via email not safe like six

48:22

it does be around them would seem

48:24

to. Yeah, no freezing in the I get

48:26

him I said Amanda Knox Oh yeah to make sure the

48:28

windows are open. Says you could just

48:31

sammy. What What a fun experiment and time with

48:33

dad. could go straight and right who has out

48:35

from there are now I could Eat isn't going

48:37

to kill you right away but if you inhale

48:39

it yeah like it does it take just takes

48:41

your breath away. Replaces the oxygen vs those gonna

48:43

pass. who the fuck out. From.

48:46

To Switzerland in there I never did

48:48

do not try this at home kids

48:50

and never did find. An

48:53

answer the how fast. But.

48:55

Casting man some of these burns from.

48:59

Memory didn't know he has asked what during the next

49:01

article you want to see if you can figure out.

49:03

I'm sad to look to these fees

49:06

different forms to see how fast it

49:08

is, but how be willing to guess?

49:10

It's like it hurts, it hurts and

49:12

like one second. That. One

49:14

second starts hurting your beer stem. So.

49:17

I want to go like for and a

49:19

decent blister frostbite. Amerigo. Ten to

49:21

fifteen seconds just holding onto a piece of

49:23

like a dry ice with i dislike fire.

49:25

I mean would it be so cold that

49:28

it would just gaps are like your fi

49:30

elect you're holding fire. Ten fire like eating

49:32

broccoli to pick it up and put it

49:34

in like put it somewhere. But if you

49:36

just let him hang onto it doesn't it

49:38

hurt so fucking bad either three or next

49:40

article we'll see of on Prozac Him and

49:43

foremost before he Jovan the laptop, the seal

49:45

I back there is less I'm fucking browse.

49:47

have their. By a

49:49

joystick? This on. Yeah. He. Takes them. I

49:51

love when porn have does this leave? Been

49:53

doing a more and more recently than weird

49:56

flex look at. Porn

49:58

have club. In Texas.

50:03

Noted for you. Servings

50:06

bigger of my dick Van Gogh or

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it's going to be a little harder

50:10

to find porn and the Lone Star

50:12

City state know it's not. How

50:15

much? How much harder is it? All

50:19

voted for know lowered and guess I'll go to

50:21

one of the four hundred billion other born website

50:23

have used to breeding. Porn have

50:26

is no longer available in Texas

50:28

residents space to a lawsuit from

50:30

the state's Attorney General Horny Texans.

50:33

Saw. Very on the sexy message when

50:35

visiting the previously mentioned porn sites on

50:37

Thursday like a they said horny Texans

50:39

leisure on of are you willing. Bout.

50:42

Some Zola me or I'm really I'm looking

50:44

for that to make me horny. Yeah, you're

50:46

trying to get horny. Yeah, don't show up

50:49

for him. But. Not overtime who

50:51

answered sometimes sometimes sometimes of his legs and

50:53

with our go here in. Less

50:55

than my brain do the magic the ever like

50:57

when your bathroom or wherever like you're going p

50:59

and and we're like you give a little bit

51:02

to me like. Matter. That it's

51:04

like lizards coconut like of with it was

51:06

like Garces. Are you in the mood? Yes

51:08

I give insights. Sometimes you still feel anything

51:10

like that no one else knows. Where am

51:13

I do like oh hello okay okay could

51:15

do some other or talk to you later.

51:18

As you may know, you were elected

51:20

officials in Texas a recording us to

51:23

verify your age before allowing you access

51:25

to our website. The message reads: Unfortunately,

51:27

the Texas law for age verification is

51:29

ineffective, haphazard and dangerous until the real

51:32

solutions as I also. Have hazard.

51:35

Oh. Sonos. Haphazard,

51:37

Will. Hurts of the new every been on

51:40

the last it's not a full hazardous

51:42

has suffered. A

51:45

This the other words, half hazard.

51:48

A third. A Hazard. Surprised

51:50

that a few times off oh yeah,

51:52

to say an hour even after the

51:54

same size houses and have answers? Yeah,

51:56

we all have like ten words that

51:58

we miss here. The identify some he

52:01

was called me out a guy have this

52:03

was vols just last week or the above

52:05

the way think that we before like I

52:07

like worked with kids or maybe I just

52:10

forgot it and replaced it. But.

52:13

Like. People use this one but one is

52:15

deathly more prefer preferred and like we're

52:17

talking with. Like of with but children

52:19

on the spectrum like I always. For.

52:21

Whatever reason I don't have a is a

52:24

stemming. Three. Minutes

52:26

stemming from. right?

52:28

A site itself simulations? Yeah. and

52:30

that wix. Way more sense. yeah.

52:32

but a lot of people like

52:35

to say stemming. Just one

52:37

of those things that they did say as

52:39

a sound so familiar know and mother and

52:41

son in there is stem to yeah like

52:43

a learning the i like oh yeah new

52:45

brain stem bright spot I've insulin was like

52:48

dude is could sing stem stem and I

52:50

use it as like I said notice yeah

52:52

we decide well as I'm it's iti well

52:54

the time I know what I said stemming

52:56

the whole time So and it's in the

52:58

it's in the. It's spelled

53:01

stemming in the yeah it'll be I

53:03

extra fucked it up Your mind off.

53:05

at least that actually exists. Let's go

53:07

as soon as you an answer for

53:10

you think so? Yes Ah. It's.

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Minus one hundred nine point, Three

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Degrees Fahrenheit just for this information

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And Ten seconds, Ten seconds Chef

53:18

Flock So test out what did

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a lot more that I say

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Ten to fifteen such added for

53:24

them. You know your dry I

53:26

Zero I love Do Our Best

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Was. A severe

53:30

man you love dress men after

53:33

his own dry as ours was

53:35

blew up but I unfortunately the

53:37

Texas law for age of cases

53:39

ineffective. Half hours of hazard and

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answers assist us. Until the real

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the difficult decision to completely disable

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access to our website. Texas Porn

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have sexy stepsisters, sites read to

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razors or browsers. What isn't. Fraser's.

53:56

Phrases can we ignore? I was hoping

53:58

you're going to ignore. Acknowledge this,

54:01

but. This. This like sister

54:03

company isn't but the way is a step

54:05

sister like funny because that's very funny. it's

54:07

part of the whole thing yeah I don't

54:10

know if they meant built and knew they

54:12

were do and how they do with their

54:14

maybe yeah the scanners resume iron be like

54:17

can I please take the form of article

54:19

I've always made for this is in the

54:21

mornings are like okay we got a porno

54:23

bands or I'll take it Mrs Johnson give

54:26

the jobs with with Iraq our deck and

54:28

the rather somebody. Browsers

54:31

Browsers View. Porn or also showing

54:33

the same message. Agi.

54:35

So now you only have a six

54:37

point eight billion other have heard. Places.

54:40

Go to five pm via. Ah, but

54:42

I've seen this type of i mean

54:44

this type of thing from porn have.

54:47

A few times now where they're just did

54:49

they take it down for various reasons in

54:51

different states. the. Cat. As a

54:53

like a little back last know it's great publicity.

54:56

To. Just throw out there me think about you if you

54:58

win him as a you were. Prairie.

55:00

Home Boots with big Vpn yeah I guess

55:03

they have you can now you gotta get

55:05

a Vpn get it's and now they know

55:07

they're doing it Vpn cause of what's happening

55:09

behind the scenes rubber and big Vpn suspects

55:11

but I like as I like it when

55:13

we reached with they know what they're doing

55:15

that know they are porn have knows what

55:17

they're doing. how much of a bring in

55:19

any year since this I like to go

55:21

to like to be alex of my know

55:23

yourself why but don't I give her to

55:25

be a man But I'd be very surprised

55:27

for the it's not that I it's not

55:29

that I love. It's it's so I don't

55:31

have to type in porn I think is

55:34

what I like about it was like a

55:36

avoid typing the word like would you too

55:38

scared of. I. Don't know. the

55:42

word years worried about foreign bullets just

55:45

typing i mean you never know like

55:47

the gear incognito taboos sneeze still the

55:49

of the company whose oh no you

55:52

fix your the worst no i don't

55:54

think i'm the world was other me

55:56

like who's what type of food is

55:58

a similar dogs No, I just

56:01

visualize like my my Wi-Fi carrier or

56:03

something. He's like, what's this guy looking

56:05

at bro? We don't give a

56:07

shit. Oh, I know I

56:09

think they legally could say anything. Yeah, then even if

56:11

they did them you like I don't know not just

56:13

yours is out Everybody's is oh,

56:15

yeah, so you're gonna you type it in

56:17

porn It's gonna be the bottom

56:19

of the list in your neighbor But if I but

56:22

if I can get to a porn site without typing

56:24

in porn you won't then still look around for the

56:26

porn You know, what are you

56:28

typing to bait? Yeah. Oh,

56:31

I type in teen in it Auto

56:34

The auto loads to be pretend you're

56:36

looking for fucking electrical to yeah. Yeah

56:40

using different words shocker

56:43

shocker gaping a tube Gaping

56:48

eight-inch tube you like got it

56:51

doggy treats doggy treats

56:53

deep tube eight That's

56:58

funny good job. I like to I

57:00

like the The filmy stuff

57:02

this stuff that looks good. Yeah, that looks like

57:04

it's directed. Well high production. Yeah, they do them

57:06

on the high production Don't waste my time with

57:09

this fucking iPhone shit. Yeah,

57:11

you better have a fucking hog I'll

57:14

just have they'll have shots where it's just like a

57:16

butthole stretched open hmm And then they're like it's

57:18

just I don't know that doesn't do anything for

57:20

me You like to seem like a close-up of

57:22

an open butthole like where's the lighting? Where's the

57:25

lighting guy? Well, I don't I don't need to

57:27

I don't even care about seeing a close-up of

57:29

a opened up vagina Like it just

57:31

doesn't doesn't do for I want to see like

57:33

not a close-up guy I want to see all

57:35

the other stuff want to see the titties bouncing.

57:37

I want to see the get thrusting, you know

57:39

I don't want to just see The

57:47

guys balls bouncing off of his thighs I'm

57:49

just picturing a porn video of just two leather

57:51

gloves doing that hmm. Yes. How fucking hard someone

57:53

would come Yeah, dude, that's like Harley Davidson point

57:56

Alright, we gotta get the lap time Zach hit it, buddy Hey

58:01

little chitrons, why don't you come take a seat on

58:03

Uncle Zachy's man? Gather

58:07

around boys and girls, it's lap time

58:09

with Uncle Zach. Not my lap you

58:11

little chits. Entertain!

58:13

Hello? I

58:17

don't know how to talk. Alright

58:19

you guys, so I'm going to talk to you guys

58:21

about the human body. We've talked about the body a

58:23

few times, but I found a few interesting things. Like

58:26

for fans of Fight Club, you know that they

58:29

make soap out of people's bodies sometimes. How

58:32

many bars of soap do you think an

58:34

average body could make? Oh.

58:37

Wait, what part of the body do they use

58:39

for the soap? The fat. The

58:41

fats. I assumed that, but I didn't want to

58:43

do anything crazy. Oh

58:45

man, there's going to be a lot. What

58:48

the standard bod? Like 20% body

58:52

fat? How

58:55

much of that could be molded into soap? I

58:58

like the math, he's doing the math. So wait,

59:01

I guess I'm not aware of this. They use

59:03

human fat to make soap? In Fight Club. They

59:06

did in Fight Club. I haven't seen that in so long.

59:08

Yeah, you use fat for soap. Or

59:10

you can. There's other alternatives. There is indeed.

59:13

I guess I assumed it was like animal

59:15

fat or something is what I... Yeah, I think

59:17

they found other ways, but... Yeah,

59:20

we use bare fat sometimes. I think it's

59:22

going to be something super. I'm

59:24

going to go high. I'm going to say 150 bars of

59:26

soap. Nice. Okay.

59:30

Brian. Honestly, I don't know what we're talking about. 151,

59:32

Bob. I'm trying

59:34

to understand what's happening. How many bars of soap are

59:36

in your body with the fat? Ah,

59:38

got it. It's

59:40

a hard question. Do you want the answer? Yeah,

59:42

I don't have any reference points. Sorry. It's a

59:44

stupid question. It's seven. It's only seven. I knew

59:46

it was going to be lower high. I know,

59:49

right? I was surprised with that. I think you could get

59:51

a bunch. So humans aren't worth... What's a bar of soap

59:53

worth? Four bucks? Irish

59:55

Sprig, you get a fucking... I haven't bought a bar

59:57

of soap in 86. Get a 40 pack

59:59

for... Two bucks. Yeah, I've been zestfully

1:00:01

clean the last time I zestfully clean is last

1:00:04

time I bought a bar of soap Nice. Nice.

1:00:06

All right. So here's another one when you blush,

1:00:08

you know, your face blushes But there's another part

1:00:10

of your body that blushes what what would you

1:00:13

guess your butt cheeks? Yes,

1:00:15

chest your penis guess what

1:00:17

it is your stomach the inside of your

1:00:20

stomach blushes. I don't know how they figure

1:00:22

that out It's kind of

1:00:24

like when you're like embarrassed or something. Yeah, exactly. Is

1:00:26

that why you get like sick to your stomach? Okay,

1:00:29

I don't think it together, you know how much research I did

1:00:31

on this. Oh, yeah Okay,

1:00:34

so this is another one that I found just kind of

1:00:36

gross There are certain kinds of tumors that

1:00:38

can grow their own teeth and hair. No,

1:00:40

I see. Yeah, they're called what teratomas Oh,

1:00:43

you don't want a teratoma because it's got teeth that

1:00:46

is you from the insides. That's a

1:00:48

horror movie Yeah, big time. Oh,

1:00:50

they should make a horror movie out of that.

1:00:52

I'm sure they have a tumor that comes alive

1:00:55

He has to see you. Yeah That

1:00:58

has to be too. I've never heard that. I'm

1:01:00

calling fucking teeth tumor. Oh That's

1:01:04

good That's

1:01:06

good. I like that name and shit put it down All

1:01:10

right. Another question for you. There's this is kind of

1:01:12

controversial I had to look into this one a little

1:01:15

bit So I did some research But there's two parts

1:01:17

of the body that stay the same size from when

1:01:19

roughly the same size from when you're a baby to

1:01:21

when you Die your head. It's close Both

1:01:24

of them are in the head your brain close

1:01:27

your medulla, Vangata. It's

1:01:30

your eyes But

1:01:37

then I looked into it because there's some Nurses

1:01:39

in my family and they were telling me about it and then I looked into

1:01:42

it and about You grow about 10

1:01:44

to 15 percent till you're 16 with your eyes But

1:01:46

there's also a little thing in your ear too that

1:01:48

stays the same size a little bone Yeah,

1:01:50

that little bone in the middle. Yep. Yeah

1:01:52

the ossicle staples. Mmm Nice.

1:01:54

So there you go with that. I had a friend

1:01:56

that had a weird one growing up like stuck out

1:01:58

like in the middle of his ear Oh wow did

1:02:00

it get I think you got it come like a chorus

1:02:02

it was fucking gross Yeah,

1:02:05

just wrapped in silly had skin human

1:02:07

skin chicken bone. Yeah fucking terrible We

1:02:09

haven't removed fish bone. I think so.

1:02:11

Yeah, did he eat it? I had

1:02:13

it I'm gonna get it I

1:02:15

put it in my field in the converse what

1:02:18

body parts never stop growing your Curlows

1:02:20

your ear lobes nose ears. I

1:02:23

think your penis keeps going. Yeah

1:02:26

Whoo got them all Stocked

1:02:28

your balance really keeps growing. Yeah. Yeah Just

1:02:31

doesn't work as good later. It's kind of a double

1:02:34

source. It's got more Battery this

1:02:36

nice to it. Yeah, you just well you just

1:02:38

get fatter. So you yeah, it

1:02:40

hides your dick growth That is the first that's

1:02:42

one of the best things of losing weight. All

1:02:44

sudden your dick grows an extra inch. No, that's

1:02:46

nice shit, I Also

1:02:49

found this kind of interesting. I knew that you couldn't like

1:02:52

at least guys can't sneeze and pee at the same time

1:02:54

Yeah, yeah, but you also can't breathe and swallow

1:02:57

at the same time which makes sense. Yeah, so

1:02:59

that's obvious No, I just tried it. What

1:03:01

was the yeah humming and and plugging your

1:03:03

nose another one? Yeah, good one We just

1:03:05

wanted everyone to try it And

1:03:10

then oh yeah, but it's get air escaping through your

1:03:12

mouth Well

1:03:19

done Riveting

1:03:23

Best show today by far Did

1:03:26

you know that your height fluctuates throughout the

1:03:28

day? Yep? I didn't know that son of a all

1:03:30

right But I knew that from I don't I learned it

1:03:32

early on in school. We Maybe

1:03:34

elementary maybe high school they had before you went

1:03:36

to bed measure yourself Mm-hmm, but you like put

1:03:38

your arms up actually not your arms

1:03:41

because your arms you can tilt and make it

1:03:43

different And then but

1:03:45

it's not much. It's like a couple eights, right?

1:03:47

Yeah, it's very yeah But you're taller in the

1:03:49

morning than you are at night because your body

1:03:51

expands when you're laying down Yeah, I found this

1:03:53

interesting I was just looking at facts and stuff

1:03:55

and it was like I guess many people at

1:03:57

some point have fought cancer and not known it

1:04:00

What yeah your body you may not know you

1:04:02

have it and you've just been fighting it off

1:04:05

is your body beats it Yeah, not

1:04:07

crazy. That's free. That's free. Well, that's about as

1:04:09

bad ass as it gets We don't even know

1:04:11

I had fucking butt cancer dude All right, you

1:04:13

don't know my best my body is I had

1:04:15

butt cancer even though I didn't even know it

1:04:18

I can't you guys I still have it. I

1:04:20

kicked my own. Yeah, my ass kicked my cancer's

1:04:22

ass Dick his

1:04:24

butt. All right I was trying to look for

1:04:26

lots of things like to compare You

1:04:28

know our body to real world stuff

1:04:31

and so like the average person produces enough

1:04:33

saliva in their lifetime to fill Two

1:04:35

swimming pools. I was trying to find

1:04:37

boogers like how many boogers does a guy collect like an Olympic? Yeah,

1:04:40

yeah, cool. Yep. Fuckin. That's a

1:04:42

lot. God. That's so

1:04:45

much for you. I do never Just

1:04:47

spitting it out and forever If

1:04:50

oh, yeah, I'm gonna say it's ton

1:04:52

of free lube, which is pretty cool.

1:04:54

Yeah, but that dries up. It's not lube It doesn't

1:04:56

last a short firm lube Just

1:04:59

like well that might go to get you in Whatever

1:05:03

bottle of lube that's at

1:05:05

the airport. Oh Joey lube mouth. That's right. So

1:05:07

you guys know that Well,

1:05:12

you guys are doing good at this so far, you

1:05:15

know that fingerprints are unique to everyone They're your little

1:05:17

snowflakes. Mm-hmm, and they grow back even if you fuck

1:05:19

your fingers up as long as they're not chopped off

1:05:21

They'll grow back. They try mine

1:05:23

tried. I have even acid don't

1:05:25

people do that. They burn their fingers

1:05:28

with ass I think it lasts for a while, but

1:05:30

I think it comes back if it grows back I

1:05:32

have rare you can get away with it temporarily. Yeah,

1:05:34

I have a gnarly cut on

1:05:36

this finger Like it went all the way down bone

1:05:39

through the fat and I still have the

1:05:41

scar. I Mean maybe

1:05:43

there's a print but when I do fingerprints, I've seen

1:05:46

that my scar shows up really I mean, it's part

1:05:48

of my fingerprint. Yeah, but I'm sure the lie if

1:05:50

you look closer the lines might start going through the

1:05:52

scar I have kalasas on my

1:05:54

from guitar. I'm sure you guys do too, but they're

1:05:57

all man used to and then the fuck music Yeah,

1:05:59

you've been playing Can you guess the body part

1:06:01

that also has a unique fingerprint type thing? Oh, I

1:06:03

know this you do Joe you're killing it, but oh

1:06:05

I got but I gotta think I gotta think it's

1:06:07

a good It's a funny one. It is kind of

1:06:10

funny. Oh Jeez,

1:06:12

what is it? It could be used

1:06:14

sexually. Yeah Your

1:06:17

butthole clothes. Oh what you like just on the

1:06:19

other side of the table No,

1:06:22

it's all Zach. It's the tongue.

1:06:24

Oh your tongue. You misled me. It's close

1:06:26

to the bottle There's a lot

1:06:28

of people eating ass lately. I mean it gets there

1:06:31

really I thought butthole what I think

1:06:33

butthole that has your butthole is Unique maybe

1:06:35

everyone's a little butt little starfish is different

1:06:39

I'll look into that for a future thing. We'll see This

1:06:42

one was pretty weird every hour human

1:06:44

shed about six hundred thousand particles of

1:06:46

skin Which equates to about one point

1:06:48

five pounds per year and

1:06:50

if you live to 70 that will be about a

1:06:53

hundred and five pounds Of dust in your house Yeah,

1:06:56

just breathing in skins one person got a

1:06:58

family of five you got fucking 700 pounds

1:07:00

of skin dude And

1:07:03

that's mainly what your dust is is just your damn body gross.

1:07:05

Ah So what is the strongest

1:07:07

muscle in the body? Would you guess? Oh tongue

1:07:13

I have to say close again cuz oh

1:07:15

it's close butthole

1:07:20

Maybe your butthole for me what it used to

1:07:22

be strong. It's not anymore No,

1:07:24

it is doesn't doesn't bounce back as well.

1:07:26

I gave for 12 days you guys

1:07:28

give up Strongest muscle in the

1:07:30

body. I I just gonna have to go with tongue,

1:07:33

but I think it's your heart. No, that's

1:07:36

a pussy Go

1:07:38

ahead. It's the jaw muscle. Oh,

1:07:40

you can crush that motherfucker. You're close to the tongue. Yeah

1:07:44

All right, you carry about an average of four pounds of

1:07:46

bacteria in your body 96%

1:07:49

of it in intestines 3% in the mouth and then

1:07:51

a little bit on your skin So

1:07:53

you're a little environment for tiny little things. That's nice little

1:07:55

petri dish. Yeah I don't know if this is I won't

1:07:57

ask you this but the highest recorded fever

1:08:00

yeah well can you can you even guess

1:08:02

this is insane oh one 13 whoo higher

1:08:06

what 128 lower 200 121 it's 115 somebody fucking boss close

1:08:08

with one yeah

1:08:13

you were right there 115 yeah

1:08:15

102 and I'm like yeah the

1:08:17

fever of one baby one of the kids little

1:08:20

kids gonna have a higher fee is it yeah

1:08:22

105 or something if it

1:08:24

was a kid or if it was an adult my

1:08:26

research is donkey shit so I have no idea but

1:08:28

I would imagine it was an adult they say it was

1:08:30

an oven just guessing no

1:08:32

this one is more can

1:08:34

you don't do you guys

1:08:37

know why men's testicles hang below their bodies yeah

1:08:40

yeah temperature regulation yeah yeah because sperm dies a

1:08:42

body temperature they get some balls in there that's

1:08:44

why you shrivel up and hang if it's cold

1:08:46

they shrivel I get on in there and keep

1:08:48

the keep the sperm safe that's right here's

1:08:51

another one for sexual things we

1:08:53

like to think it's a nice exercise right

1:08:55

but according to this research I did for

1:08:57

10 minutes you it's about

1:09:00

3.6 calories a minute so

1:09:02

that's dogshit exercise oh that's lame

1:09:05

doing what sex having the

1:09:07

sex I don't know if it's different for

1:09:09

different positions oh is that like a 30-second

1:09:11

sex what are we talking about here it's

1:09:13

30 sec 3.6 calories a minute do you

1:09:15

lose the same amount jerking off oh through

1:09:17

that's a good question I don't I bet

1:09:19

not yeah

1:09:22

I would be

1:09:24

watching your Apple watch watching

1:09:27

your calories burn a quick 20-minute jerk-off session

1:09:29

you can hit your move goal bad

1:09:32

just fucking oh dude I had 3,000

1:09:34

strokes today vigorous jerk-off says get

1:09:36

your move goal today keep it up Joe all

1:09:38

right you guys know that the largest bone in

1:09:41

the body is the femur but I didn't know

1:09:43

this it can support 30 times the weight of

1:09:45

a person's ounce

1:09:47

for ounce stronger than steel just

1:09:49

one or both of them together

1:09:51

just one whoa yeah the

1:09:54

human brain messages going from nerve to nerve

1:09:56

travels 200 miles an hour that those kind

1:09:58

of neat and that if you could We

1:10:00

have so many nerve cells in a human brain that would take 3,000

1:10:02

years to count them I

1:10:04

thought that was kind of interesting. You know what's interesting

1:10:06

about that speed thing is like you ever like You

1:10:10

know you you get a smack or whatever it

1:10:12

is and it it's like it hurts But then

1:10:14

like three seconds later. It's like oh hurts even

1:10:16

worse cuz then just takes a little bit together

1:10:20

I've always thought that that's a weird thing now. I

1:10:22

learned this one and I still don't know if this

1:10:24

is true I tried to look into it and people

1:10:26

kept saying it was true Humans little

1:10:28

finger contributes to over 50% of the hand strength

1:10:32

I've never heard that before your pinky is a

1:10:34

badass whoa this guy doesn't seem like a

1:10:36

badass Well playing guitar that makes sense though

1:10:38

like if you grab something grab

1:10:40

it with just three fingers and It's

1:10:43

not the same as when you when you wrap

1:10:45

that that fourth finger the pinky finger. It's a

1:10:47

huge difference The

1:10:53

climber guy I forget

1:10:56

his name climbing with climber says yeah,

1:10:58

he's missing in his

1:11:00

index finger and he fucking free climbs

1:11:04

Yosemite and shit no that feller hmm. Yeah

1:11:06

like imagine how important that fingers, and he

1:11:08

doesn't have that well You feel like this

1:11:11

important well to grab but those guys

1:11:13

climb They they can all they need is

1:11:15

that much yeah to grab on and he

1:11:17

doesn't even have a fucking index finger That's

1:11:19

that yeah, I found out why blow

1:11:21

jobs are awesome. I could tell you Conjuries,

1:11:23

I don't need to do research on that Good

1:11:27

I found the scientific reason ah the same skin

1:11:29

cells that make up the human vagina are the

1:11:31

same types of cells that are In the human

1:11:33

mouth yeah, I mean So

1:11:36

you guys have vagina mouths too. That's why I think

1:11:38

I could do a good pretty good job not doing

1:11:40

this again The

1:11:44

Hey, they thought of every

1:11:46

now and again it creeps in of like

1:11:48

a blow job like really all you're doing

1:11:50

is just Turning

1:11:53

your mouth into a pussy hmm. Yep

1:11:55

like you're just simulating a pussy with

1:11:57

your mouth you're doing your best to

1:11:59

be like It's already there. But you're just like

1:12:01

making it tight and wet and

1:12:04

I don't know. I haven't stuck to

1:12:06

it. Yeah, but there's something about it where it's like

1:12:08

you don't have to do anything. Somebody else doing it

1:12:10

for you. Yeah, you're just like, I get the reason.

1:12:12

Okay. I'm just saying the thought creeps

1:12:14

in where it's like you're just trying to make a vagina on your

1:12:16

face. Yeah. That's

1:12:18

cool. I appreciate that. Alright, the wife would

1:12:20

also like to do her vows now. You

1:12:25

guys want a couple more? Yeah. Yeah, give

1:12:28

us a couple. Okay. I'm

1:12:30

just saying I had no idea. The word muscle is

1:12:32

from the Latin word musculus and it

1:12:34

means little mouse because the Romans thought a flexing muscle

1:12:36

looked like a mouse moving under the skin. God, you're

1:12:38

so dumb. I thought, yeah, I was just going to

1:12:40

say, I thought Romans were a lot smarter now. But

1:12:42

it looked like a little mouse. What?

1:12:45

Why no fucking came up with that. Muscle

1:12:47

and a little mouse. I thought a

1:12:49

little mousey was. Anyway, let's

1:12:51

go fuck over here for a while. Back

1:12:53

to drinking wine and fucking whatever. I

1:12:56

guess. I fucked that pussy on your face. It looks like

1:12:59

a little mouse. I never thought of this, but you

1:13:01

take 23,000 breaths a day and that's 700 or 672 million

1:13:09

breaths in a lifetime. That's fucking insane. That's it?

1:13:12

Yeah. That's also sad that every breath you

1:13:14

take, you're just like... Count it down. I

1:13:17

think this one's pretty interesting. Every move you make. Mine's going to

1:13:19

be, my breath count's going to be way lower. Okay, sorry guys,

1:13:21

I'm going to die. Go ahead. Last two.

1:13:24

The average person passes gas about 15 times a day.

1:13:26

Did you know that? No, that's cool. Is that way above

1:13:28

average? I feel like I'm way above average too. I feel

1:13:30

like I... How many times do you

1:13:33

do it and don't know? I

1:13:37

know every single one because I usually do something cool

1:13:39

with it every time. Just taking

1:13:41

advantage of the opportunity. Sometimes, no, I'll walk around and

1:13:43

be like, I'll let it creep out and then squeeze

1:13:46

my butt cheeks

1:13:48

so I'll feel the air come through and then you squeeze

1:13:50

the butt cheeks and it goes...

1:13:54

What? Yeah, I love it. We

1:13:56

were just talking about party tricks and you can

1:13:58

pop your butt part. I'll

1:14:00

let it creep out through the butt cheeks and then just

1:14:02

do like a quick pop in like a bubbler Oh

1:14:05

like when your cheeks are wet and you get that no

1:14:07

that they're not wet No,

1:14:09

I mean I'm doing it on perp prove it. Well, I gotta have

1:14:11

a fart first But it

1:14:13

definitely depends on like the style

1:14:15

of fart you're doing if I know I'm gonna what

1:14:17

kind of the genre Yeah,

1:14:20

the genre of two. What's I gonna say about farts?

1:14:22

Hmm. Anyway, oh, yeah, we tried to tune them That's

1:14:24

always fun. Like just keep them

1:14:26

somewhat like chronological Like you

1:14:28

like a pitch Tight

1:14:32

little less and then just get in the gape.

1:14:35

I know what I'll be doing when I get home All

1:14:41

right, I got two more I got two medical words

1:14:43

for you Eric Eirication

1:14:46

is the medical word for burping which doesn't

1:14:48

roll off the tongue So I don't know

1:14:50

probably why we use it the medical term

1:14:52

for bum crack and tongue For bum

1:14:55

crack bum crack your butt crack is

1:14:57

the intergluteal cleft. I thought that was

1:14:59

really neat Yeah, it's like a make

1:15:01

sure and cleft intergluteal cleft. Yeah where

1:15:03

your skin gets split. It's a split

1:15:05

cleft Mm-hmm like a cleft lip. Yeah,

1:15:08

we have a cleft butt Yeah,

1:15:10

it goes the wrong way. Don't get that fixed.

1:15:12

No, it's supposed to kind of be there. Mm-hmm

1:15:15

Alright, well, that's all I got for you Here

1:15:20

we go ready. Oh, this is not gonna work I

1:15:27

Came out too quick got it. Wish you were sure What

1:15:31

I mean it was a little bit I'm gonna say

1:15:33

no no, but it didn't work it came out it

1:15:37

This is cool. Yeah, I don't even know that was

1:15:39

a possible. It's a thing tame your booty hole I

1:15:41

have ground I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.

1:15:43

That's yeah I mean students or be

1:15:45

a butthole since I that sounds like a fucking

1:15:47

lawsuit I Parents

1:15:51

bringing their kids sixth grade fart and

1:15:53

choir This

1:16:00

is the tube, your tuba, lower.

1:16:03

Yeah, yeah. You're a baritone.

1:16:05

Come on. Show me that butt.

1:16:07

A butt-a-tone. Fart for me. Okay,

1:16:09

no, you're a baritone. All right, all right. Good

1:16:11

news? You want to do good news? Sure. Okay.

1:16:15

You do it. Zach, after you do it. So

1:16:17

you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray.

1:16:20

We are doomed. Yeah! All right.

1:16:25

Town leaders help big, er, oops.

1:16:28

Town leaders help dig beloved stuffed animal out of

1:16:31

trash, compact your using more than just their heads.

1:16:33

Oh, that's nice. New Hampshire resident

1:16:35

Jake McAlphin accidentally threw away his

1:16:37

daughter's favorite stuffed animal. The

1:16:40

town leadership took a whole day out to help find it.

1:16:43

Cupcake is a floppy-eared dog. He went

1:16:45

floppy. He went floppy. He is a

1:16:47

floppy-eared dog that daughter Charlotte received for

1:16:50

Christmas when she was four. Though,

1:16:53

though, though, I thought there was an

1:16:55

R. Though a grown woman, Cupcake was never

1:16:57

far from her side. One day,

1:16:59

and then one day disaster strikes. She doesn't

1:17:01

have the news article put that in there.

1:17:03

She doesn't fucking... Why would you say that?

1:17:05

I didn't give you... Why would you fucking

1:17:08

tell everyone that? She's gonna

1:17:10

get so bullied now. So

1:17:13

the dad was like, I said, what are you looking

1:17:16

for? And she goes, cupcake, and somewhere in the back

1:17:18

of my head, I was like, oh, is

1:17:20

that the stuffed animal I just took to the dump?

1:17:22

Such a dad move. The captain told

1:17:25

WMR News 9 New Hampshire. Mother

1:17:29

Mary put out a post on Facebook

1:17:31

asking if anyone was available to open

1:17:33

the dump for them that Thursday. The

1:17:35

post was picked up by Brian Monahan,

1:17:37

the selectman for the town of

1:17:39

Stratford, which was a mid-Atlantic government position

1:17:41

that served as a board member and

1:17:43

chief administrative authority of Town Hall in

1:17:45

New England. What? Cool.

1:17:48

No, I'm not gonna give anybody else credit. Okay, you're

1:17:50

just gonna cut it out? Yeah. So

1:17:53

the screenshot of the Meredith had written the colleague with

1:17:55

the keys to the dump, and they asked if they

1:17:57

could go find cupcake and bring her home safe. On

1:18:00

a rainy day Thursday morning to beat the

1:18:02

to begin searching through the trash compactors that

1:18:05

smoosh the municipal waste bags through thoroughly

1:18:07

that Monahan's colleague Dan had to use

1:18:10

a back back Oh to loosen it

1:18:12

enough to say they could use their

1:18:14

hands Arriving

1:18:16

to see what had happened Transpired McAlpin witness

1:18:18

they effort being put into the name of

1:18:20

his daughter's toy and leapt into the trash

1:18:23

to help together They found it to the

1:18:25

great relief of McAlpin and then eventually to

1:18:27

Charlotte and a great relief for that dad.

1:18:29

He would have been Made

1:18:32

us feel pretty good. No one wants to be without

1:18:34

their stuffy and the smile on her face

1:18:36

said it all And

1:18:38

the smell of fish said the morn way.

1:18:40

How many people need to be recognized in

1:18:43

this fucking article? It's so I don't know

1:18:45

bugs a shit. Anyway, so that knew he

1:18:47

was in deep shit You would never do

1:18:49

that unless you were like, oh fuck.

1:18:52

I love it in to a check You

1:18:54

just it's this I don't

1:18:56

know if it was it like this in

1:18:58

this case But so many times where you're

1:19:01

like, there's this toy that's sitting in this

1:19:03

fucking basement for a year Well

1:19:05

that contradicts the first part of the story when it

1:19:07

said that it was never far from her side Yeah,

1:19:09

which is even more of a dad move. Oh, yeah.

1:19:11

Yeah, I've never seen this thing before Okay, yeah, yeah,

1:19:13

and she has it everywhere. She's 37 years. She went

1:19:16

to take a shower Yeah, and the dog was always

1:19:18

in there. Yeah. Yeah, and he's like I've never seen

1:19:20

this thing before my life No, what is this? Oh

1:19:24

shit that dog the

1:19:26

one that she has with her always Yeah,

1:19:30

oh Fuck it. All right.

1:19:32

I'm gonna call the governor All

1:19:37

right, I'll call the governor Guess

1:19:41

my board jobs off the table, huh? Fine.

1:19:43

Okay Isn't that the worst when you're about

1:19:46

to have sexy time or something and then

1:19:48

something like that happens and then she's pissed

1:19:50

and you're like Life happens you're like negative

1:19:53

jerk off. Just try not to say something

1:19:55

stupid to ruin everything like you just

1:19:57

go mute You leave on

1:19:59

a high note It's like you're like shit 3 p.m.

1:20:01

Okay. She likes me right now.

1:20:03

I'm going mute And

1:20:06

I will just say nothing and she gets mad because

1:20:08

you didn't talk. Oh, yeah, you gotta be careful Yeah,

1:20:10

you gotta stay busy go to garage pick

1:20:12

something Keep the keep the spark

1:20:14

alive. Whatever you did that put her in the mood. You'll move

1:20:16

some dishes around Just

1:20:19

slide a cup. I really

1:20:21

okay quick story I remember I shot a

1:20:23

video one time and I was using these

1:20:25

leggings tick the end They were like so

1:20:27

it was like tick tock legs to make

1:20:29

your butt look really good and

1:20:31

I shot this video and it was really funny

1:20:33

and Amber was involved in kids

1:20:35

were involved in everything and then the kids went outside and

1:20:37

played and I was like you should try those On she

1:20:39

put them on and was like ooh And

1:20:42

it was like I was like man getting kind of boned

1:20:44

up here. So then get a little

1:20:46

frisky And I was like,

1:20:48

let's get that now. Let's get those things off now that we've seen

1:20:50

them on and so they started going

1:20:52

that direction then the kids came back inside and Then

1:20:55

it wanted a bunch of shit and it was this whole thing

1:20:58

and then I got mad at the kids because

1:21:00

I was trying to get him to fuck out of the

1:21:02

house because dad's about to get some and Then

1:21:04

it turned into us fighting and

1:21:07

then she like it was fighting and she went and changed

1:21:09

out of the pants put other clothes Back on and then

1:21:11

the the legs were sitting or hanging over a chair So

1:21:13

then you just ended up jerking off in the leggings in

1:21:15

the closet Cry

1:21:17

it was like this whole thing. I was like it let on all

1:21:19

this is gonna be good And then it was just the we didn't

1:21:21

speak for a day. Oh the moment It

1:21:25

just happens so fast And

1:21:28

the kids have no idea what they did. Yeah

1:21:32

Daddy was just too excited. Yeah, what

1:21:34

they did was cock-bock. Yeah. Yeah, it

1:21:36

was it was good stuff funny funny

1:21:39

Funny at the time. No Alright

1:21:42

next thing Next thing what's

1:21:44

the next thing? I don't know Yeah,

1:21:47

we found on the internet The

1:21:52

internet is pretty wild Depending on

1:21:54

your browsing habits. You can either

1:21:56

experience something super cool or go

1:21:58

to prison crazy right

1:22:01

let's check it out together as

1:22:03

a couple hey what I found

1:22:06

yeah this was

1:22:09

actually sent in by our son Andy I thought the

1:22:11

mics were off I went sorry buddy

1:22:16

so this was sent in by our

1:22:18

son Andy and this happened beautiful downtown

1:22:21

Spokane oh you're missing it

1:22:23

where Spokane what's the worst

1:22:26

Washington all right

1:22:28

mom brings 10-month-old to a rave cool

1:22:32

so this was uh it was posted

1:22:34

on reddit it was a complaint but

1:22:36

so anyway just a little

1:22:38

reminder if you ever go to a show

1:22:40

and see a child or a baby there

1:22:42

I don't care how lost you are have

1:22:44

some respect last one I went to Zed

1:22:46

dead here in Spokane Washington at

1:22:49

the end at the knit and it was an awful

1:22:51

experience people kept bumping into

1:22:53

my 10-month-old son one guy

1:22:56

spilled his drink on me and I would

1:22:58

not and would not stop bumping me hmm

1:23:01

I got smacked randomly a few times and

1:23:03

the worst part was we got it we

1:23:06

got so packed that we're literally unable

1:23:08

to move I had to yell at

1:23:11

everyone as I was shoving my way through

1:23:13

the crowd we have a baby you need

1:23:16

to move and people

1:23:18

were very rude about it huh

1:23:20

not hard to have fun and

1:23:22

still be considerate of each other

1:23:24

that's what this community should be

1:23:26

about not getting so messed up they

1:23:28

become completely unaware of yourself and your

1:23:31

surroundings raving should be a

1:23:33

safe and enjoyable environment for anyone not

1:23:35

a place where people go

1:23:37

to be rude and hurt each other what

1:23:42

is that poor poor always

1:23:44

bass fam poor always bass for

1:23:46

him what I don't know bass heads I'm

1:23:48

guessing I don't know what player is I'm

1:23:50

not hip enough that's how did we take

1:23:52

care of each other update since

1:23:54

comments were turned off all I

1:23:56

have to say is this when

1:23:59

there's no No other option as a parent, sometimes you

1:24:01

have to bring your kids along. We couldn't find

1:24:04

a babysitter last minute and we had already bought

1:24:06

the tickets. If you bring them

1:24:08

and they don't like it, then you learn.

1:24:10

We went to the big gigantic, when he

1:24:12

was four months old, and had

1:24:14

him in the backpack, proper ear protection,

1:24:17

and he slept the whole time. The

1:24:19

crowd was super kind, everyone wanted to

1:24:21

know about him. Right. And

1:24:23

there was room to dance. What's this guy's story? What?

1:24:26

Who's that? Is that your kid

1:24:28

or whatever? Well

1:24:30

that's crazy. What's up with him? He likes this

1:24:32

band, huh? Look at him, he's sleeping baby on

1:24:34

his back. This just goes to show that if

1:24:36

you do not bring your baby to an all

1:24:38

ages show, it can work out if you... Hang

1:24:42

on. This just goes to show that

1:24:44

if you do bring your baby to an all

1:24:46

ages show, it can work out completely fine. I'm

1:24:48

not saying this is something you should do all

1:24:51

the time, but I like to say

1:24:53

as a parent, sometimes it's just not a choice or

1:24:55

it's just a choice you make. And if

1:24:57

you mess up, you learn. My biggest

1:24:59

point on this post was to promote

1:25:02

spreading, plural, not creating a toxic environment.

1:25:04

I don't know these words, but

1:25:06

ultimately it was a

1:25:08

trial experience and we learn. That's

1:25:11

what it's like as a parent. Okay. I

1:25:14

don't know. So there's like, there's

1:25:16

certain times you can... Like when you're on an

1:25:18

airplane, we talked about this before. You

1:25:21

don't know why these people are traveling. Maybe

1:25:23

a family member died, you gotta fly back

1:25:25

to Florida to meet with your family and you're

1:25:28

taking your baby. If you

1:25:30

bring a small child on

1:25:32

you to a show where people

1:25:34

are dancing, banging around, drinking, probably

1:25:36

taking drugs, it's a rave, and

1:25:40

you're upset that

1:25:42

people aren't being considerate. Everybody

1:25:45

move! We got a baby! God.

1:25:47

It's like a hostage situation. See?

1:25:51

Why do some people think that everyone needs

1:25:53

to... Bend to them? Yeah.

1:25:56

I love how the majority of this was

1:25:58

like, you don't understand... We didn't have an option You

1:26:02

did don't go to the fucking show.

1:26:04

Yeah, that's what that's what being a parent is

1:26:06

or staying in the back Not doing whatever you

1:26:08

want and bringing your baby. Yeah, that's not being

1:26:10

a parent That's putting your baby in

1:26:12

a weird ass fucking place. It shouldn't be that's putting yourself

1:26:14

before your babies

1:26:17

Like and it's not I mean I get it

1:26:19

fun fine Whatever things happen and the situations are

1:26:22

different for everyone But if you're

1:26:24

gonna bring a fucking baby to a

1:26:26

rave yet alone going out to dinner

1:26:30

If that baby starts losing its shit, guess

1:26:33

what dinners over get out You don't just

1:26:35

fucking hang out and keep your dumb fucking

1:26:37

crying baby there and ruin everybody else's dinner

1:26:39

So expecting everybody at the rave to dial

1:26:41

it back as you brought your baby Wrong

1:26:45

get the fuck out of here. It's

1:26:47

one thing for you want everyone at a

1:26:49

restaurant to bow to you But then you

1:26:51

go to a concert where people are dancing

1:26:53

having fun and where were they there's safe

1:26:56

places in that knitting factory Let's

1:26:58

say you brought the baby. It's a rave But

1:27:02

you saying like there's

1:27:04

always a place Unless

1:27:06

you've never been to a venue ever in

1:27:08

your life Not

1:27:10

every square inch of that is

1:27:12

full of drunk idiots go upstairs

1:27:14

go anywhere with your fucking baby

1:27:17

But you were probably down in the pit with

1:27:19

a baby and being like oh my god

1:27:21

pay attention We have a baby. Mm-hmm. If

1:27:24

you want to enjoy the show with your baby. I don't

1:27:26

think it's great idea It's a rave loud as fuck probably

1:27:28

not great. I Just

1:27:30

go to the balcony. Mm-hmm. Go stand up there

1:27:33

where there's not that. Mm-hmm But that's what you

1:27:35

were doing you brought your baby into the mayhem

1:27:38

If you want to enjoy the show like you can

1:27:40

go to any show with a baby like a picture

1:27:42

in like whatever a bigger venue I go that's going

1:27:44

outside is a lawn. Don't go to fucking

1:27:46

pit stand back in the back with your

1:27:48

baby You get to enjoy it. I

1:27:50

get that parents need to get out. Mm-hmm. It's fine But

1:27:53

you did you also made a choice of becoming a

1:27:55

parent? Yeah, and if you if you if it wasn't

1:27:58

gonna work out in the baby city babysit Babysitter

1:28:00

fell through. Do you know how many times I've

1:28:02

had to do that? Mm-hmm. Some fucking sweets going

1:28:04

on that something happens. You're like well, I'm

1:28:06

not bringing this fucking baby to the meth

1:28:09

lab Mm-hmm, so I don't go to the

1:28:11

meth lab Right the

1:28:13

dangerous environment for a baby if

1:28:15

it was just me. Yeah, I can handle the meth lab I'd

1:28:18

love them as much as the next guy. Hey, you

1:28:20

guys want to know what plural means? Yeah. Yeah, it

1:28:22

means peace love unity and respect There

1:28:26

you go fucking stupid Just

1:28:29

kidding. Anyway got it. That's I mean

1:28:31

fine. I'm sure the comment section fucking ripped her

1:28:33

apart All right. Are you ready to hear from

1:28:35

some of the kids? Yeah. All right All

1:28:42

right, let's hear what you guys think really

1:28:44

you want to talk to me wow, that's

1:28:46

cool Do

1:28:49

you want me to read? Yeah, you know that are you worn

1:28:51

out just doing one email

1:28:53

this week? This is coming in from

1:28:55

our naughty daughter Julia Hey

1:28:57

daddy Gotta read it

1:28:59

like that with that description. Yeah, love the

1:29:02

podcast Love the podcast

1:29:04

and I've been listening since day one and

1:29:06

other pleasantries first time writing in well, thanks

1:29:08

for doing Now

1:29:10

into this embarrassing story Picture

1:29:12

this my husband and I are getting into

1:29:14

some heavy petting. Oh Yeah,

1:29:18

I'm just picturing like a petting zoo. What's

1:29:20

like yeah, yeah way too aggressive Under the

1:29:22

yeah, like that but that gets a little

1:29:24

bit rough here. Yeah some heavy petting and

1:29:26

we both know it's about to go down

1:29:28

Yeah Then

1:29:30

your kids walk in yeah, and then fucking end up jerking

1:29:32

off in the closet wearing leggings For

1:29:35

some backstory He's not

1:29:37

very experienced. He likes what he likes and

1:29:39

I'm happy to oblige But

1:29:41

that's just let's just say I had to teach

1:29:43

him how to pleasure a woman Cool

1:29:46

and some fun of a nuclear

1:29:48

like edging and pegging Good

1:29:52

edge session. That's what's edging. Well, you

1:29:54

you could come but you stop point.

1:30:00

You can't fucking handle it anymore. You're

1:30:03

like, I have to explode. No, no. Back

1:30:05

to the, see, I just taught you. Well, I

1:30:08

mean, it makes, that

1:30:10

makes sense. I just didn't know I had a

1:30:12

name. I know. It's like when you go out

1:30:14

there and edge the lawn. Yeah. You fucking dare

1:30:17

grow. Back, back to the smooching and touching. We

1:30:19

have our clothes off and we're just about to

1:30:21

get to the sex part. My favorite part. So

1:30:24

I tell him, go tease

1:30:26

me. In my mind, I'm

1:30:28

thinking he would go so slow to make

1:30:30

me want more, but nope. This

1:30:33

motherfucker verbally bullied me. Direction's

1:30:38

unclear. Yeah, yeah. To him

1:30:40

that meant school. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, sorry.

1:30:43

Okay. To him,

1:30:46

this meant schoolyard insults. Yeah,

1:30:49

you like that four eyes. I

1:30:52

wore a glass. You like

1:30:55

that you fucking dweeb, you bookworm

1:30:57

bitch. Fail math again, you fucking

1:30:59

nerd. I can

1:31:01

tell him that you love the food

1:31:04

in the fridge and grabs my stomach.

1:31:08

Yeah, you're a little fat though, aren't

1:31:10

you? Yeah. God

1:31:12

damn it, it's so funny. And

1:31:15

then he goes, your parents don't love you. Oh, yeah.

1:31:18

To everyone you

1:31:21

fat ass. You know

1:31:24

what else you let down besides me. What?

1:31:27

Your fucking parents. You

1:31:29

never amounted to anything. I talked to him when you were

1:31:32

too busy eating food in the fridge fatty. I

1:31:34

drug you out of the gutter. You couldn't do it in

1:31:37

yourself. Just tried to have

1:31:39

a second the whole time. Like what is

1:31:41

happening? I was so taken

1:31:43

aback. I didn't say anything at the time and

1:31:45

just let him finish. Then after

1:31:47

we both showered up, he's

1:31:49

like, yeah, you

1:31:51

fucking fatty. You

1:31:54

ain't my miracle whip. You think

1:31:57

you're fat ass ho. I'll

1:32:00

be right back and go get a fucking proof of

1:32:02

a miracle whip. You

1:32:11

like that, don't you, four eyes? I'm

1:32:14

about to go study up for your test,

1:32:17

bitch. So I have to pay for your

1:32:19

classes anymore. You broke ass hoe? Your parents

1:32:21

are sick of sending you shit. They

1:32:23

just told me. Okay. Anyway,

1:32:26

let him finish. And after we both showered

1:32:28

and I had to break the news to

1:32:30

him that he got so wrong. He apologized

1:32:32

profusely and I thought I

1:32:35

wanted the degradation. Turns

1:32:38

out I'm definitely not into that kink. He

1:32:41

has never made that mistake again. I'd love

1:32:44

to hear you guys think he just did. So,

1:32:46

Julia. Yeah. Oh,

1:32:48

God. I

1:32:51

hope it happened just like that. I

1:32:53

bet it did. Why not? Because

1:32:56

I was being like, I like

1:32:58

it. I like you to talk dirty to

1:33:00

me. Whatever. And

1:33:02

just really don't know how to do it. I

1:33:05

just love the idea of someone going so

1:33:07

personal where it's

1:33:09

like you went from like, yeah, tease me. You're

1:33:12

on the edge of having an orgasm to just crying and feeling

1:33:14

really depressed. Like

1:33:18

you're just being verbally assaulted. Well,

1:33:22

I'd like to talk about it. I wonder what he says

1:33:24

now. Yeah. He's so scared to talk.

1:33:26

He's just ballgagging him. All right. Well,

1:33:29

that's episode. What was that? Ninety-four.

1:33:31

We got to get off to the bonus. No, the

1:33:33

next time he's just like, oh, you're so skinny. Man,

1:33:36

you look. Man, I've never even. You probably

1:33:38

hate refrigerators. You've been working out because it

1:33:40

looks like those salads have been flying off

1:33:42

the shelf. He's backtracking. He's like, yeah, you

1:33:44

look the same with contacts. He

1:33:47

goes, I've never. You don't even like refrigerators. I'm

1:33:50

not good enough either. So, I locked the refrigerator.

1:33:52

I mean, you don't. Oh, shit.

1:33:54

You trying so hard. Those glasses look amazing

1:33:56

on you. Your parents always tell me how

1:33:58

much they appreciate it. What you do for

1:34:01

them? It's 2.7 GP. It's not that bad Yeah,

1:34:03

I mean like you're fine look at look at

1:34:05

people that like and it's not like you're going

1:34:07

to Yale or anything Go to

1:34:09

wait, but no one I mean who does anyway like the

1:34:11

only the 1% you just talking to herself Oh,

1:34:14

what fucking what one percent sure you

1:34:16

apply several to several schools Brown didn't

1:34:19

want you Yale didn't want

1:34:21

you Stanford couldn't wouldn't want nothing to do with

1:34:23

your your four eyes glasses I did not know

1:34:25

they do the glasses Eastern Washington took you though

1:34:27

didn't they yeah Go call me

1:34:29

Eastern Washington What

1:34:31

I'll take you're proud to be an eagle Okay,

1:34:35

be part of the gaggle we keep

1:34:37

going sign up on patreon patreon.com/candy don't

1:34:39

podcast Fuck all the other stuff

1:34:41

uncle Zach go check out what he makes get

1:34:44

cast calm at scat with the K All right,

1:34:46

let's wrap this shit up ready, okay? Good

1:34:51

guy wrap it up already. Yeah, all right

1:34:53

got a quick joke for you. Yeah, we

1:34:55

call elephant that doesn't matter What

1:35:00

irrelevant? Oh

1:35:15

That can you do an outfit You

1:35:22

have elephant sound Oh,

1:35:24

yeah, what a fucking sick house

1:35:30

Back wasn't producer back when that fucking first

1:35:32

happened. Yeah, that was a good stuff. I'll

1:35:34

tell you after the show that okay perfect

1:35:36

All right guys see ya in whatever

1:35:55

You you