0:00

Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of

0:02

iHeartRadio and the Black Effects. Oh

0:16

Shit, be back on the air. Welcome back to yet

0:18

another carefully reckless episode with your girl ess

0:20

hilarious. What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing

0:22

mess. Y'all know that, and that's why we got to jump

0:24

straight into it today. We got some voice noes,

0:26

y'all know. I love when we get voice notes

0:29

because then I ain't got to read through people's errors

0:31

and their essays and PDFs that they be senting

0:33

and shit. So this is actually good. Also, I

0:35

just want to throw in there, I don't mind, I

0:38

don't mind reading, Okay, I just

0:40

need for y'all to come punctual study

0:43

literacy. I mean, I know a lot of y'all ain't

0:45

been in school for a long time. I've been out of school since

0:47

twenty ten. But it helps me get

0:49

through your story much better. It helps me.

0:51

It helps me. That's why I haven't read a lot of stories

0:53

that's being sent to me, because I can't make sense

0:55

of all the run on sentences and how y'all misspelling

0:58

stuff and all that. I'm

1:00

not saying nobody is uneducated.

1:02

I'm just saying y'all be rushing and shit, then y'all

1:04

talk with slang and all that. I don't know

1:06

how to decipher what y'all be talking about because

1:08

a lot of y'all are not from Baltimore, So if it ain't Baltimore

1:11

lingo, I don't understand it, y'all. However,

1:13

I do love you guys. And then also I see a lot of people

1:15

have been getting confused on where to send audio

1:18

because I haven't made the announcement in a while. Yes,

1:21

you have to send your voice memos to the

1:23

Carefully Reckless podcast page, not

1:25

just Hilarious official not Reckless Discussions,

1:28

because this is not either of those, and not

1:30

co Parenting Therapy. I notice a lot

1:32

of you guys send voice notes to co Parenting

1:35

that's for Rome and I. That's

1:37

not for a carefully reckless that doesn't cater

1:39

to carefully Reckless unless

1:42

you want it to be read on the Carefully

1:44

Reckless podcast. But I'm under the impression

1:46

when you guys send voice notes to co

1:49

Parenting Therapy page that you guys want Rome

1:51

and I to help you with something

1:53

which we will be launching, relaunching

1:56

another season where we actually sit down with

1:58

people and talk with them

2:00

and try to sort out their differences for cool parents

2:02

and Okay, then let's jump straight on.

2:05

Okay, girl, this about to be long. Okay.

2:08

So I met this guy when I was twelve years old,

2:10

so blah blah blah.

2:11

We got in trouble together. You know how that.

2:13

First love type stuff goes. So

2:16

at sixteen, I had a baby. Seventeen,

2:19

I got pregnant seven seen, my mom kicked

2:21

me out of the house. We wound up leaving

2:23

the area that we lived in and moved

2:25

like three or four hours away.

2:28

I was homeless. He went to jail for domestic

2:30

violence. I didn't have anywhere to go. So

2:33

then I wound up getting back

2:35

with him. I wound up getting my own place when

2:37

I was eighteen.

2:38

All of the story, and he was very

2:40

abusive the whole entire relationship.

2:41

And then he wound up trapping me with five

2:44

kids.

2:44

I know, people don't really talk about that, how

2:46

men trapped females with five kids. But I

2:48

was so young. I was in the town where I really didn't

2:50

know anybody. He had the homecourt

2:52

advantage because we were in the town that his family

2:55

was from. So yeah,

2:58

he wound up by

3:00

the time I was twenty four and I had.

3:01

Five kids Jesus Christ honey.

3:04

So then, yeah, I don't know what part I left off

3:06

one. So anyway, by the.

3:07

Time I was twenty four, I

3:09

had five kids, and he wound up going to jail.

3:12

He got sentenced to three years. Boom.

3:14

So he gets out after three years. I'm doing a

3:16

little bit better for myself. I still have the

3:18

five children, but I am doing better.

3:21

So he agrees to take my kids for the summer.

3:24

And I appreciated that because, mind you, I've been knowing

3:26

him since I was twelve years old.

3:27

I thought I could trust him.

3:28

So he takes it.

3:28

He was a good dad. He was very a horrible boyfriend,

3:31

very big so, but he wasn't a bad dad. So

3:33

when he gets out of.

3:34

Jail, he takes his kids for the summer. My

3:37

daughter, and my oldest daughter at the time, was nine years

3:39

old. She came back, and when she came back, she was extremely

3:41

different. So I kept asking her to something happened, that something

3:44

happened, and something happened.

3:46

So more I love the story is he

3:48

molested her.

3:49

Oh my god.

3:50

So I could never be with him

3:52

again after that. And now I

3:54

know this sounds crazy.

3:56

So now my kids are older, they're

3:58

sixteen, ten,

4:01

nine, eight, and six, so

4:03

I just really want to I

4:05

just be feeling like I need help. Sometimes it's nobody

4:08

but myself. It's just only me and my children.

4:10

I don't even be knowing what to start at. Some days,

4:12

I just be wanting somebody to pat me on the back and say,

4:14

you know what you're doing, a good job, You're a good mother.

4:17

I do also want a relationship, and it's so

4:19

hard looking for love even friendship,

4:22

So I just want somebody, and it's hard not having

4:24

anybody. So I guess I don't even know if I'm

4:26

asking a questions or if I'm just vincent, because

4:28

I don't. It's hard trying to tell people

4:30

that because when people will see you with five kids.

4:32

They instantly judge you and be like, oh, you

4:34

have all these.

4:35

Kids, you're deadbeat and you're

4:37

dumb and da da dah, and the man do wants

4:40

you.

4:40

But the whole time, to me, i'm invest than my daughter.

4:42

But it's like a secret that I don't tell anybody,

4:45

and I really don't know what to do. And

4:47

then I do want to be in a relationship, and I do

4:49

want love, but it's hard because I don't really trust

4:51

anybody.

4:52

Because of that.

4:53

Well, that would definitely prompt

4:55

you to have trust issues for the rest

4:57

of your life.

4:58

I don't know.

4:59

And then it's like, if I do meet a guy, do

5:01

I tell him that, like, hey, yeah, this

5:03

is why.

5:04

We're not together.

5:05

Some far I've just been telling people he did, because

5:08

I don't really know what else to say.

5:10

It's just hard. Sometimes I wish I had somebody

5:13

even like family.

5:14

I just really want to marry somebody with a big family,

5:17

and I just feel like I don't never happen because I

5:19

got five kids and I love my kids.

5:21

But no, I understand, I totally

5:23

understand.

5:24

I don't even know where I'm at in this message

5:27

because my kids they say, you're not going to go

5:29

bothering me.

5:31

I never get no time to myself.

5:32

I'm literally clumped up in the bathroom and they steady

5:35

coming to me, bothering me, knocking on the do.

5:39

Well of the story, I'm just looking for love, looking

5:41

for a family, and I don't

5:43

know how. I don't know how to look for friends. I don't know how

5:45

to look for love. I just don't

5:47

know.

5:48

I just know I'm sad because I feel like I have nobody.

5:51

Some days I just be wanting somebody to just give me

5:53

a hub.

5:54

It's crazy. I'm not about to sit a hen crowd up.

5:56

Because life is life in so just

5:58

if you have any you know, not even advice,

6:01

it's just some words of encouragement that would be great.

6:04

And I really hope you get things. I know you've.

6:05

Probably overwhelmed with messages, and even if

6:07

you don't get it, I guess it felt good just to

6:10

finally let all these things

6:12

out because I've been holding it in for so many years.

6:15

All Right, I don't get that Jessica.

6:17

Oh I love that she addressed

6:20

me, calling me Jessica. A lot of people just call me Jesse

6:22

hilarious, jess with the mask. You know, I

6:24

do love that, though. She also

6:27

wrote a paragraph after

6:29

submitting her voice, notice that I'm just overwhelmed

6:32

without a soul. I can't even cry because I got

6:34

to remain strong for my kids. But it's hard.

6:36

Some days I just want to hug and it will be okay.

6:39

It's hard sometimes I feel myself

6:41

being a horrible parent because I can't

6:43

poor love in my kids because I have none

6:46

to poor man

6:49

If you love me. You'll listen to this commercial

6:51

and then we'll be right back. Well,

6:54

listen, I'm going to start off by

6:56

saying, I love that you are open

6:59

enough to go into every

7:01

part of it, you know, with me, because

7:04

you could have very well, you know, held back.

7:06

But as a result of holding

7:09

back, people get depressed. People

7:11

often turn to drugs and suicide

7:13

and other things like that. What you've gone

7:16

through is definitely traumatic,

7:20

especially for your baby.

7:21

Girl.

7:22

You understand what I'm saying now. I know that you were

7:24

younger. I do know that you said you met him when you were

7:26

twelve, You got pregnant

7:28

at seventeen, you know, you had your

7:30

first child at eighteen. If

7:33

I'm remembering right, I think

7:35

it was sixteen or seventeen. But you had a baby before

7:38

you were twenty, you know, and then you had five by

7:40

the time you were twenty four. Did

7:42

you not realize the first

7:45

time that he went to jail for domestic

7:47

violence? And I'm going to assume that it was, you

7:49

know, a case with you. He went

7:52

to jail for hitting on you, beating on

7:54

you, of course the first time. Why

7:56

didn't you go the first time?

7:58

Baby?

7:58

I know you were young, yess I know no, but

8:01

you are still old enough to realize this is not

8:03

what a man is supposed to be doing. Now,

8:06

I have a lot of people that are going to be upset with me,

8:09

maybe even you are going to be upset with me. But let's

8:11

just look at it for what it really is. Your

8:14

mom kicked you out, you know you were being

8:16

grown. It is what it is. You know you were being grown.

8:18

You were living with your

8:20

boyfriend at seventeen. You have

8:22

to look at this timeline. You know you met him when

8:24

you were twelve. Then you're not even telling me how old he is, and

8:27

if you did, I'm sorry I didn't catch that.

8:29

So I'm imagining that he's much older than you

8:31

because he prayed on you. You know, a lot of men

8:34

pray on younger women, and a lot of older women

8:36

pray on younger men. It's the same, you know, vice

8:38

versa, and either are right. It

8:40

doesn't make it better because it's a woman. It's not

8:42

right. If a man can't do it, a woman should

8:44

not either, you know. So,

8:47

yeah, he went to jail. You

8:49

met him when you were twelve, Your parents

8:52

kicked you out, You went to live with him

8:54

a long way from home. Obviously, because you said that

8:56

you were in a town where you didn't even know anybody. He

8:59

went to jail for for beating you, you know, for

9:01

putting his hands on you, domestic violence. You

9:03

were pregnant, you had the first baby. Obviously,

9:06

you're not gonna tell me that he ever stopped putting

9:08

his hands on you. He never stopped putting his hands

9:10

on you, even when he came on from jail. He didn't

9:12

you mean to tell me, As young as you were,

9:14

you didn't realize that that was not a situation

9:17

that a young woman should have to endure. Do

9:19

you really mean to tell me that, you

9:22

know? Because I feel you, baby,

9:24

I feel your empathy. I do, I

9:26

do, and I sympathize

9:28

with you for your child,

9:31

mostly because he molested

9:33

his own daughter. Okay, so he belongs

9:35

six feet fucking under, and I am

9:38

very sorry to say that he deserved

9:40

the fucking electric chair. He deserves to

9:42

go to jail, never come out. He deserves

9:45

everything negative in life. He does

9:47

not deserve to prosper at all. I

9:49

don't care. I don't give a fuck what people say. People

9:51

change, People change. You molested your child.

9:54

You sent his children with him because

9:56

you did point out that he was a great dad. He showed

9:59

you that he was a ain't shit man, but

10:01

that never stopped him from being a good dad. And

10:04

then you go on to tell me that your

10:06

daughter went with him for a summer along

10:08

with the other four kids that you two have together,

10:12

and your daughter came back and you noticed that

10:14

she was different, she was very different.

10:17

That's sad, that's very very sad.

10:19

And then later you found out that she was molested.

10:22

Of course you didn't see this coming. No mother

10:24

in her right mind would send their child

10:27

with a man, even with it being her biological

10:29

father, if they had any inkling

10:32

that he would touch her inappropriately in that

10:34

way. What did you do

10:36

for her? That's what I want to know when you

10:38

found out, because you said you'd like to keep this

10:40

a secret. That's the problem in these black

10:42

families as well. I can't speak for any other race because

10:44

I am not any other race, but a problem

10:47

in black households is we sweep shit under

10:49

the rug and we keep going as

10:51

if shit never fucking happened. Like

10:53

you hear these stories about,

10:56

you know, a child being ripped by our uncles

10:58

for years and years, and the found

11:00

out and just cut the unc just

11:02

cut her brother off. She just cut the uncle off. She didn't

11:04

take any type of legal action, and they just swept

11:06

in under the rug. And then you grow up. Then the child

11:09

grows up all promiscuous and shit

11:11

or thinking that this is regular because there

11:13

was never any action taken against

11:16

her uncle. You know what I'm saying, What

11:18

did you do? Did you call the police? Did you get them locked

11:20

up? What did you do? And then what did you do

11:23

for her? You know, what

11:25

did you do to really set an example to

11:28

say this is not right? This

11:30

is my baby, this is your

11:33

child. You raped her. You gotta pay for this shit.

11:35

You understand what legal

11:38

action was taking? And then also did you get her therapy?

11:40

Do you talk to her? Is she allowed to open up about

11:42

it around you? Because if you like to keep her a secret, I

11:44

know, damn well, she ain't supposed to be saying

11:46

nothing about it, you know?

11:49

Is that how you raised her after that? Like, look,

11:51

we don't talk about this because that's wrong.

11:55

You know, she may have issues for the rest of her

11:57

life because of this, you

11:59

know, and listen, I

12:02

understand, you want love, you want

12:04

friends. It's very hard being lonely,

12:06

but with five children.

12:08

You can't be lonely.

12:09

I understand that you have five children can't

12:12

give you intimacy, they can't get but that's

12:14

gonna have to be on a back burner

12:16

until you really heal, because you haven't healed yourself.

12:19

You have not healed. It's nothing wrong with having a person

12:21

that you can talk to and stuff like that. All you gotta

12:23

do is get out. That's easy, finding somebody to just

12:25

talk to. But you're trying to be in love. You want

12:27

to get married, you want to, but that's gonna take a lot

12:29

of work, honey, because there's been a lot

12:31

of traumatic moments that

12:34

led up to you being damaged.

12:36

You are damaged, Your daughter is

12:38

damaged, and I don't know about the rest

12:40

of your four beautiful children. But who's

12:42

to say that he didn't do that in front of them? Who's

12:44

to say that you know? We just

12:47

don't know, okay, Because

12:49

if you molest one child, and you treat one child

12:51

like shit, or you put your hands on one child, the

12:53

rest of them aren't exempt. You just have to assume

12:56

that he's a danger to all of them. All

12:58

of them are in danger around the fuck father.

13:01

You understand what I'm saying, how

13:03

is the relationship between you and your kids? You said, sometimes

13:05

you feel like a horrible parent. Do

13:07

you look at them and see him? Do

13:09

you see them as a product of him? And you

13:12

know and you get disgusted with them?

13:14

You know, because you need therapy.

13:17

You need to heal tremendously before

13:19

you make a decision to date somebody.

13:22

Baby, This is not just gonna be

13:24

a I date now

13:26

all my problems are gone away. No,

13:29

you have to connect with your children. Connect

13:31

with them. Let them know what their father

13:33

is. You need to let them know why you left their dad.

13:36

You need to explain to them everything that you explained

13:38

to me, because that's all you got is your

13:40

children. They ain't gonna never leave you. They'll

13:42

never telling you, They'll never leave you. Hold

13:45

up, hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen

13:47

to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If

13:49

you love me, you'll listen. Are

13:52

you religious? Do you have do you pray? You

13:55

know? Do you meditate? Do yoga? What do

13:57

you do? You know? What are you doing

13:59

for job? What do you do in

14:02

your free time? You know? Do you not

14:04

have one homegirl? Are you close with your parents?

14:07

Have you and your mom or dad, you know, reconvened.

14:09

Since you left this man, you know, does

14:12

he still contact you? I need to know. I

14:14

need to know these things so I can tell you

14:17

or advise you on how to move with

14:19

your social life. But first you need to sit down and

14:21

see somebody professionally. You and your

14:23

babies. You need to do individual therapy,

14:25

but you need a family therapist as well. That's

14:28

what y'all need in that house. I don't

14:30

care if you don't think it's it's not

14:32

gonna work. It works. Therapy works

14:34

and it helps people. It does

14:36

help. We are living in the times

14:38

right now. Mental health is

14:41

trending. People want to fix

14:43

themselves. We didn't even know we had

14:45

help for mental health until just

14:48

recently, but now we do. We have all

14:50

types of resources that can help you. I

14:52

feel so bad for you and your babies. Yes I

14:55

do, And it's the holidays now as well.

14:59

Hold your baby tight, love on them. They are all

15:01

you have. They are all you have.

15:04

It still could be worse because you could not have them. You

15:06

could have lost them, CPS could

15:08

have took them right the fuck up out of there. You understand,

15:11

you got your babies, all five of them, all

15:13

of them teenagers all the way down to six

15:15

to a six year old. Take your

15:17

babies, love on them. They're going

15:19

to be your strength, and you on return

15:22

have to be theirs because they are still the children

15:24

they didn't next to be here. You gotta put

15:26

that big mommy head on, and you

15:29

put your big girl panties on, and

15:32

you got to pray. You know, I'm

15:34

not trying to force a religion on you. I am a Christian

15:36

woman, god fearing woman.

15:38

Yes.

15:38

But whoever you believe in, whatever

15:41

you believe in, that's what you need to do.

15:43

You understand what I'm saying. And I need

15:46

an update because I want to know how you're doing. I

15:48

want to know how you're doing. Jesus

15:51

Christ. Damn. That

15:53

made me. Oh man, that just made that

15:55

makes me feel so bad for this woman and

15:58

and her children, you know. And

16:01

like she said, I don't even know if this is

16:04

a question or not, or if I'm venting.

16:06

I don't know. Like you know, she says she doesn't know what

16:08

to do. I think she's doing both. She's venting

16:11

while still in a place where she doesn't know what to do.

16:13

She feels lonely, you know, and she doesn't

16:15

think a man is going

16:17

to want her after

16:19

having five kids. Let me tell you something, babe,

16:22

it could be way worse for you in that dating pool with

16:25

your kids. You could have five different baby daddies.

16:27

No shame to nobody else who does you

16:30

know, But I'm saying it could be that

16:32

thing, because then a man, a

16:35

man will look at a woman and say, damn,

16:37

you got five kids by five different niggas.

16:40

Oh nah, I ain't fucking with this bit, you know what I'm

16:42

saying. It goes the same way. My

16:44

son's dad got five kids. It's

16:46

certain women that will not mess with him because all

16:49

five of his children don't belong to one woman.

16:51

They belong to five different women,

16:53

you know, myself included. So it's like it

16:56

would be his preference. If you do

16:58

reveal that you got five kids, it'd be

17:00

like, nah, but you know, all five of your

17:02

children were produced early by one man.

17:04

It doesn't make it better all around the board,

17:07

per se, but it makes it better. All of your

17:09

children. They you know, they have to left the same

17:11

last name, the same dad.

17:12

You know.

17:14

It just makes it easier. I'm

17:16

not saying it makes it better. I'm

17:18

just saying it makes it easier for you to date

17:21

when all five of your children belong

17:23

to one man. But I don't think you that.

17:26

I don't think you should be worried about dating right now. And

17:28

I understand how it feels to be

17:31

alone and just want an

17:33

intimate touch or that person that could

17:35

tell you I love you, past you on the back. You

17:37

need a hug. You go hug them babies until

17:39

you meet someone that will give

17:41

you a genuine hug and that will

17:44

will love you for you and love your babies

17:46

as well. But I think you should go get your

17:48

daughter some help, and I think you should get

17:50

help as well. Don't make nothing a

17:52

fucking secret because this shit is happening

17:55

every day somewhere. So you're not the only person

17:57

who went through this shit. Your baby is not the only

18:00

person who was molested by her father. And

18:02

then, obviously with her being so young,

18:05

what made her not tell you is he probably scared

18:07

her into not telling you. You understand what I'm

18:09

saying. Just think about every night she wanted

18:11

to run away, or she wanted to come the fuck home,

18:14

she wanted to call the police, she wanted to kill

18:16

her father. She don't understand why her Why

18:18

are you doing this to me. Think of her,

18:21

Think of how she was feeling the same

18:23

way you were feeling when he was beating on your ass before you

18:25

had four more children. Do you

18:27

feel me. I'm not here to coddle

18:29

you. I'm here to tell you

18:32

you're stronger. You are a strong woman because you ain't

18:34

on drugs, not that I know of it, but I'm gonna go ahead and say

18:36

you ain't on no drugs. You are

18:38

strong. You didn't give those children away. You

18:41

did not give them, you know, put them in foster care.

18:43

You could have gave them up for adoption. You are strong

18:45

and that's how I know that you are strong enough.

18:49

You're strong enough to not give

18:51

up right now because you want a man, you

18:54

know, you want to marry somebody with a big family.

18:56

All that shit will come. You have to get

18:58

yourself together, you

19:00

know, and your baby. So

19:02

just check back in with me, because I really want to

19:04

follow up with you. Oh my god,

19:06

but we've come to the end

19:09

of this episode because I don't even have time to read

19:11

another story. We've come to yet the

19:13

conclusion of another episode

19:16

of Carefully Reckless with your CIRL dressing. Hmm, my

19:19

bad, y'all. I was eating a sandwich. The rest of my other

19:21

half of my sandwich got cold, and shit, this

19:24

story was so damn good. I'm like, damn

19:26

man. I mean not good in a sense where it's

19:28

like it's entertainment. I

19:30

mean like this is some real life shit

19:33

and I had to delve into it. I had to stop biting

19:35

all my saying. I got a bacon, egg and cheese on white

19:38

toast with butter and jelly mm,

19:40

and that was cold. You don't want to put no

19:43

no breakfast sandwich in a microwave. So

19:45

you know I love you, girl. You know I love

19:48

you, And that's why I want you to update me on everything

19:50

you've got going on from here on out, you

19:52

know. And it doesn't have to

19:54

be an update for Carefully

19:56

Reckless. You can just update me anyway

19:58

personally. You know what I'm san hand. And if

20:00

you don't want, you don't want the updates to be

20:03

on the podcast, they don't have to be. I just want to

20:05

make sure you're okay, all right, And that

20:07

is the end, you guys. I'll see you

20:09

next week. Peace Can't

21:22

Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio

21:25

and The Black Effect. For more podcasts

21:27

from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio

21:29

app, Apple podcasts, or wherever

21:31

you listen to your favorite shows.