0:00

Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of

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iHeart Radio and the Black Effect.

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Oh shit we on a air.

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Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless

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episode with your girl Jessilarious.

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And what I be doing.

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I'll be fixing mess not only here on

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the Carefully Reckless podcast on the Black

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Effect Network under our Heart, I

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be doing that shit on Breakfast Club each

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and every Thursday. Well it alternates

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between Wednesdays and Thursdays or whatever, but that's

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what I'll be doing, y'all. So We're gonna jump straight into it. And

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I'm so excited. Guess

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what your guess why? I guess why?

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Yes? Why? Because we have a fucking voice

0:43

memo. Thank you. So we're just gonna jump straight

0:45

into it. Here we go.

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What's so, jes, I don't think I ever

0:49

ever heard a guy come on here, but

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maybe I'll be the first.

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Please bear with me. I do have my son in the car.

0:57

Okay, you not with You're not the

0:59

first.

0:59

Out with my significant other for probably

1:02

a little bit over three years.

1:04

We just had our second child a week

1:06

ago, and I

1:09

would.

1:09

Say within these last three years

1:12

I have been having issues

1:15

with you know, her not wanting to grow

1:17

and just you know, help me push you

1:19

know forth in my business, you know,

1:21

and and and just help help

1:24

me. Just just be that

1:26

that woman for me that they can sense. So

1:31

when we had our first child, I

1:34

you know, gave her the option to go

1:37

to work or stay home, and she is not to

1:39

stay home. And and

1:42

and that's how I like it.

1:43

Man. I feel like, you know, any I

1:45

feel like.

1:46

Own black men shouldn't have their significant other,

1:49

uh stay home and.

1:51

And take care of the household while we're out doing

1:53

the farmwork. And my Max

1:56

was just trying to build and grow my business.

1:59

And you just make sure that my family never

2:02

have to go to work. And

2:04

I would say, one of the things that really

2:07

gauzes me is we're avery

2:09

almost home, buddy, is

2:12

that she does.

2:13

Not put forth any effort to show

2:15

that she values he has been

2:18

while I'm not here going to work for difficult

2:20

people, if you know what I mean. It's

2:23

just as a black man working out in an

2:25

American assistance of all in general.

2:27

But I'm sacrificing that so she

2:29

ain't got to deal with it.

2:30

And I don't wh I keep my boys

2:32

on, you know, so while.

2:34

I'm putting forth, you know, my hardest

2:36

work, working overtime every day,

2:39

putting network on Saturdays, and then coming

2:41

home and working the extra you

2:43

know, three to four hours

2:45

on my own personal business that I've.

2:47

Been working on for the last you know, four

2:50

years or so.

2:52

I need her to ask me step up

2:55

and hold it down at

2:57

the house, and she has.

2:58

Not been doing that.

2:59

Like literally for the last three

3:01

years some of my relationships,

3:03

she has literally not done anything.

3:07

And I said rules, like, hey, if.

3:09

You're gonna be in stay at home mom, you went to homeschool

3:11

like kids, let's start working

3:13

on the curriculum for them, you know, because I

3:15

don't agree with the public school system.

3:17

I feel like young black men should be taught

3:19

differently. And

3:22

it's just like she doesn't do anything. Man,

3:24

it just bothers me, and it

3:26

kind of kills my sex drive with her, because

3:29

like when I come home every single day

3:31

of the week and I'm so pissed off because

3:34

not only I'm dealing with these white folks at

3:36

work, I got to come home to a

3:38

dirty house, food not being cooked,

3:41

you know a lot of the times I'm cooking, and just

3:44

she's just not holding her up her end of

3:46

the day. If I

3:48

know, no means I am not going to break

3:50

up with her.

3:51

I cannot destroy my family like that. You

3:53

know. I got two boys that needs me and

3:56

the two playing household. It's just that's

3:58

extremely important to me because I didn't have that

4:00

and it affected me a lot.

4:02

But when you're dealing

4:04

with somebody who don't respect growth

4:07

and developing themselves as a you

4:09

know, person in general,

4:11

it really bothers me.

4:13

And You've got a lot of people who are just okay

4:16

with just.

4:16

Going to work and

4:18

and just looking forward to the weekend,

4:20

and I'm not. And I'm like, I'm.

4:22

Grinding, and I need my partner to know,

4:24

like, hey.

4:25

I need you to grind with me one

4:28

quickst album. With

4:30

my business, you know, I'm probably

4:32

projected to make an

4:34

extra thirty to fifty thousand dollars

4:37

in my small business this year.

4:39

But I'm doing everything by myself.

4:41

Like I have to answer all the emails, I

4:43

have to talk to.

4:44

The people that I hired to work

4:46

for me to.

4:47

Do some software stuff and engineering

4:49

type stuff. I gotta do all that.

4:52

And it would really suit

4:54

me to have her hands as emails, have

4:56

her contact, or even

4:58

have her do.

4:59

Some social media stuff for me.

5:01

But it's literally like she doesn't really

5:04

value it.

5:05

And like, sexually, I

5:08

love it if I love having sex with her, but

5:11

for me to boost my energy

5:14

with her, it's just like I need some type

5:16

of intellect between us to be formed,

5:18

because like, it just doesn't really

5:20

drive me to want to be so romantic when

5:22

I have somebody who don't even care about growth.

5:25

And I would say we are.

5:27

In therapy right now, but I don't really

5:29

see therapy working when I have already

5:31

communicated.

5:32

Her like, hey, look, look if

5:34

I need you.

5:35

Like it's tough out here, man, and I need

5:37

you to you know, I

5:40

need you to pick up that second half.

5:42

Of me while I'm at

5:44

work.

5:44

And I do understand what got kids

5:47

and she's a stay at home mom, but imagine

5:49

if she had to go to work, and it'd be a lot different.

5:51

My question to you is like how do I

5:55

how do.

5:55

I get her to understand the value

5:57

that she brings to me as

6:00

for one being at being at home taking

6:02

care of kids, having

6:04

a freedom not to go to

6:07

work, and didn't deal with the bullshit.

6:09

I deal with, you know, It's

6:11

like, how do I get that through her? Because

6:13

like I have already maxed

6:15

out of my life. I bought my second

6:18

house when I was twenty nine years old. I

6:20

make good money, you know, I got my family.

6:23

You know, it's just the thing that's lacking

6:25

is that that woman. Man Like, I need

6:27

her to pick up and be that rock for me.

6:30

Man Like. I literally, I

6:32

literally do so much to the points where

6:34

it's like.

6:37

Me to the point where I'm like, man Like,

6:40

a lot of men go through this kind of shit and

6:42

they end up getting aside piece or something like

6:44

that, Hey we home, but let's go in to eat.

6:47

They end up getting aside chicken. I ain't trying to do

6:49

that, man like.

6:50

I like, I like my girls, So just

6:53

just help me out.

6:54

Man.

6:54

But I like what you're

6:56

doing in the breakfast club. And keep up the good work.

7:00

You're doing great. Your reading is

7:02

getting a lot better too, by.

7:03

The way, a whole lot thanks.

7:05

First of all, you know what, I'm gonna come back to

7:07

that, all right, I'm gonna come back to that. Hold

7:09

up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good. But listen

7:11

to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If

7:13

you love me, you'll listen. But

7:16

no, I just couldn't get past your baby

7:19

in the back. You know, even though I

7:21

have I'm pregnant right

7:23

now already. That just gave me baby

7:25

fever again. Babies, just give me baby

7:27

fever period, pregnant or not, honey,

7:30

I just oh my god, I

7:32

love this baby. It's like, Nigga, I'm hungry.

7:34

You want to be talking talking to the stranger about

7:36

my mom. Nigga, come on home, get me out this car.

7:38

All right? Anyway, all right, let's get to that. And

7:41

then secondly, thank you so much.

7:43

I appreciate you and and

7:45

the fact that you complimented

7:47

my reading or whatever, which is why I'm

7:50

glad that you sent them the voice. No, nigga, ha ha,

7:52

so I would have to read just shit because that was long.

7:55

But let's jump into it. So obviously,

7:57

either you two are from totally

8:00

different walks of life, you know, y'all, y'all

8:02

are bought up different differently. You know, you

8:05

care about things that at

8:07

twenty nine, like you said, you was already buying your second

8:09

property. You know what I'm saying, as opposed to

8:11

the average twenty nine year old ain't thinking about

8:13

that, you get what I'm saying, Or

8:16

just another twenty nine year old, you know, could

8:18

be thinking about what she

8:20

gonna wake up and post on social media tomorrow.

8:23

You know, it's just it's different

8:25

walks of life that different paths, different

8:27

mindsets, different thinking. Okay,

8:30

now, you let this go on for three years. You told

8:32

me three years. I'm just quoting you

8:34

three That's what Also like when y'all send voice notes

8:36

in because I can challenge what you said.

8:38

Three years.

8:40

You let this go on. Okay, Now,

8:42

I know you said you've talked to her and everything.

8:45

I'm gonna just give you a couple things that

8:47

it could be if it ain't the different

8:49

worlds.

8:50

Okay, she just had a baby. That

8:52

baby sounds fairly young.

8:54

I think you said he's a couple months or no, you should

8:57

she just had a baby a week ago something like that.

8:59

I know you just said that.

8:59

You y'all have a newborn, of course, a

9:02

small infant child. Have you ever thought

9:04

about maybe she is having post

9:07

traumatic stress disorder? Have

9:10

you thought about like, maybe she is

9:12

miserable in her own right, Maybe she wants

9:15

to do something else so badly

9:17

with her life. Maybe she doesn't want to be a stay

9:19

at home mom just because that's the mold that

9:21

you want her to fit.

9:22

Me, because that's what you see for her.

9:24

Have you ever thought that maybe she had

9:27

dreams but she put them aside to

9:29

have your two babies.

9:30

You get what I'm saying.

9:31

Have you thought about the

9:33

fact that what's running through her mind

9:35

when you are out there and those two babies

9:38

are that she's not getting proper sleep.

9:39

Have you thought about that?

9:40

Now?

9:40

These are not excuses, these are facts, and this could

9:43

very well be what's going on with her.

9:45

I just want to tell you don't.

9:47

And I know you're not discrediting her, and I

9:49

know that you feel that you have given her grace, But

9:52

have you you got to think about that? Have

9:54

you given her grace all right until

9:56

you are able to have a baby and

9:58

then have another one and then you

10:01

want me to cook and clean and

10:03

still you know now, listen, it's been done.

10:05

I'm not sitting here telling you that it is not possible,

10:07

because baby, it is possible.

10:09

It's possible. Black women do it every day.

10:11

White women do it every day, Hispanic women

10:13

do All other women do it every

10:16

day. I'm not here to narrow it down to race,

10:18

but I'm just saying women do it every

10:20

day. Okay, so it is not

10:23

impossible, but everybody is different.

10:25

Their mindsets are different. Okay,

10:29

everybody is not strong after

10:31

birth mentally.

10:33

You get what I'm saying.

10:34

And then you say you bought up the thing of Okay,

10:36

we can do therapy, but I

10:38

feel like me talking to her should

10:40

be enough, should be mm hmm. Because

10:42

you're in the house, you have a bias opinion.

10:44

You know you're in it. Maybe y'all do

10:47

need a professional. Okay, I understand.

10:49

Brother.

10:50

I just want to say congratulations on you

10:52

being that strong black man for your family. All

10:55

right, you're building an empire and you wanting

10:58

to take care of your family because it's not. There

11:00

are many brothers like you, but we need

11:02

more. You get what I'm saying. I do understand.

11:05

I understand, But I also need you to understand

11:07

the other side of it as well, and that's her side. You

11:10

come home to a dirty house, you feel yo, she

11:12

could very well be depressed as fuck.

11:14

Right now.

11:15

You know the baby's crying, and then you

11:17

know sometimes you got to come home and cook. Let's

11:19

compromise, okay, baby, piece of day

11:22

can be Thursdays and Fridays. You don't gotta

11:24

cook Monday through Friday. I'll give you

11:26

that check in with her how.

11:28

Is you today?

11:29

Baby?

11:29

Why is the house dirty?

11:30

Is it something that I you know, it's something

11:32

that was bothering you today? How's your mental? How do

11:34

you how are you feeling? Come here and sit down.

11:36

Let the baby cry for a second. Let there is nothing

11:39

wrong with a baby crying. They strengthening them lungs. I'm

11:41

telling you all right, So nothing

11:43

wrong with a baby crying for

11:45

a little minute. Y'all go sit in the

11:48

room somewhere. What happened? Why is

11:50

the house dirty? Furthermore, before we get to the

11:52

house being dirty, listen, how's

11:54

your mental? How are you feeling? Let

11:56

me come inside of your world before

11:58

I just come home and be

12:01

angry with you and not want

12:03

to give you no sex or I

12:05

don't feel like I'm sexually attracted

12:07

to you because you know, I feel

12:09

like you're lazy. Let me figure out why

12:13

I feel like you're lazy. Let's figure out

12:15

why you are changing

12:17

or whatever you said. It's been three years, sir,

12:20

Why haven't y'all gotten therapy? If

12:22

this shit has not changed you like

12:24

you said you mentioned therapy, y'all don't need that because

12:27

you ain't the therapist here, you know, because

12:29

you have a biased opinion, and you're already kind

12:32

of frustrated.

12:33

You're already frustrated with it.

12:35

So if she's frustrated and you're frustrated,

12:37

that's all it's gonna be is just boom

12:39

knocking heads, knocking heads, you

12:41

know what I'm saying, Instead of knocking the boots,

12:44

y'all need to get back to y'all. Y'all sexual

12:47

spice. Y'all need to be able to put them babies down.

12:49

She needs a schedule, she needs a

12:51

schedule, she needs to prioritize certain things.

12:54

But you have to get through to her mental

12:56

first.

12:57

Make sure she's mentally okay and not just

12:59

being lazy, because we can always mistake what

13:01

we think somebody is going through for

13:04

some shit that they're actually really going

13:06

through. You get me, I

13:08

hope you getting me all right

13:10

now. I absolutely applaud

13:12

you for putting me in your business because you did not you

13:15

absolutely did not have to do this.

13:17

But I'm happy.

13:18

And no, you're not the first man to come on and

13:21

actually ask for my advice on an issue.

13:24

And thank you for being so open and vulnerable.

13:26

You know, most of our black men do not feel comfortable,

13:28

you know, And because you came to me with

13:30

the situation. I know that you would be down

13:33

for therapy. I know you got

13:35

to get inside your woman's brain. Babe, you

13:37

have to we hurt just like y'all hurt. You

13:39

are a black man. You are a black man,

13:42

which means, yeah, it is a

13:44

lot harder for you in this world, whatever

13:46

industry you in, whatever workforce you and

13:49

than other races.

13:50

Of course, you get me. You get what I'm saying.

13:52

But at the same time, it's

13:54

hard for us too, all right, to

13:56

be the bore of the house.

13:59

You know, we bear everything. You

14:01

get what I'm saying.

14:03

If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial

14:05

and then we'll be right back. That

14:09

beautiful woman of yours probably

14:12

don't feel beautiful no more. You understand

14:14

what I'm saying, So you have to meet her on those

14:16

levels, and you already

14:18

working hard.

14:19

You are. I'm applauding both

14:21

of you.

14:22

I want it to be that communication where y'all

14:24

take I don't even want to call it the ego

14:27

and pride, take all the hardness

14:29

away, take the defense

14:32

away. Try not to offend

14:34

her so much, give her grace

14:37

in the conversation. Babe,

14:40

Look what's wrong we need to see a professional.

14:42

Let's do it. You know, maybe you should

14:45

take.

14:45

And I don't know how your finances are set

14:47

up, set up, maybe you should take maybe one

14:49

week or even four days off of work,

14:52

three four days off work and live in her world

14:54

and see watch her everyday pattern.

14:56

I'm not gonna say, put cameras in the house, because what the fuck.

14:58

You ain't spying on your girl. I don't

15:00

know if you said your wife or your girl. You're not spying

15:03

on her. You want to have a day

15:05

in the life of her. First,

15:07

You're not home with them babies all day, not

15:10

all day, all right, you got to come home and

15:12

cook dinner. Compromise that compromise,

15:15

you know, until she gets on the schedule. Then you said you also

15:17

have a small business that allows you to make maybe

15:19

thirty to fifty thousand dollars extra. I applaud

15:21

you for that too, black man. Yes, I do, Yes,

15:23

I do. But listen to me. Maybe

15:27

she does need something to do, you

15:29

know, maybe that can give her some motivation.

15:31

All right, Shit, if I feel like I'm working, I'm

15:34

doing something. Maybe if

15:36

and then pay her a little something, go get her and

15:38

you know, so she go get her nails, and I told done

15:41

feel good while she's mommying all

15:43

day, you know, while she's wifing

15:45

all day. These are wifely duties. You

15:48

understand that shit ain't easy. And

15:50

I'm not a wife yet, but I know plenty,

15:52

I know many. I'm a daughter of one.

15:55

Listen, I know, I

15:57

know what it takes. You know,

16:00

I'm not a man, but I'm a daughter of

16:02

a man who was married to my mom

16:05

for decades, all right, three uh over

16:08

three?

16:09

So I know that's not hard.

16:11

And I know that it sucks like hell

16:13

for a man to feel like he cannot provide for his family.

16:16

So that's where your mindset is, and I

16:18

love that for you, But I want you to give

16:20

her the grace in the

16:22

conversation to make her feel

16:24

safe enough to tell you, baby, I don't

16:27

feel I don't know, I don't know what it is.

16:29

Maybe she don't even know how to communicate that.

16:32

You know, because you always come home on ten. You

16:34

know, I'm not saying you're trying to knock her head off. Don't get

16:36

don't get that mixed up the

16:39

listeners either.

16:39

I'm not saying that.

16:41

He's coming home violently

16:44

verbally attacking her and shit, no,

16:46

no, no, no no, but she's

16:48

very fragile. She just had another baby.

16:51

She's very fragile. Treated that way

16:53

all right. I'm not saying coddle her

16:55

and make excuses and

16:57

all of that, but you still have to understand we're very

16:59

fragile. You want we give birth and PTSD.

17:02

I think that's it. That is

17:04

very real. That is very

17:07

real. I just saw a video the other

17:09

day of a woman screaming to the top of her

17:11

lungs at her baby in her baby's

17:13

face.

17:14

I hate you, I hate you. The baby was crying.

17:16

What was the husband doing recording

17:19

his wife doing that shit instead of removing

17:21

the baby, removing the

17:23

fucking baby from the room. And

17:26

then when he posted it, he captioned it, my wife

17:28

has pt AS the I mean, she has post traumatic disorder.

17:30

She has she's not she's not been well.

17:33

So why the fuck are you recording or posting or

17:35

putting on the internet embarrassing her?

17:37

Probably not enough, fucking right, mind. She was

17:40

a home mom as well, a stay at home

17:42

mom as well. I totally agree

17:44

that you don't even want your kids to be in school? Is

17:47

she the one to teach them? A curriculum? This

17:49

is what we got also understand, all right?

17:51

Is she the one to do that? Or would

17:53

you recommend that you guys get

17:55

what like a nanny tutor or something,

17:58

somebody to help her, somebody to be there with her. That

18:00

she had friends? Does she have somebody that she

18:02

can talk to? She just probably

18:04

needs to open up to somebody. She probably

18:07

feels suffocated.

18:08

You understand what I'm saying. How

18:11

old is she?

18:11

Like, give me a little bit more feedback

18:14

on it. Like I said, I'm not beating you up. I'm not beating

18:16

you down.

18:17

Brother. I actually really do love that you came

18:19

to me with this story. All right.

18:22

This is the first time I've actually gotten a story like

18:24

this. It's very relatable and it's very

18:26

real.

18:26

I just want you to understand, like I

18:28

understand that you need her, but she

18:31

needs you too. You understand

18:33

what I'm saying. She needs you and the

18:35

babies need y'all. So y'all

18:37

got to make sure y'all straight for these babies.

18:40

You know, I know you don't want to leave her. I can tell you love

18:42

her, I can tell you hold her to a higher standard.

18:45

I can tell no, you don't need no motherfucking

18:47

side piece honey, because before you know it, you're gonna

18:49

have to take care of.

18:50

That one too.

18:50

Don't play with it, all right, because what you're

18:52

doing for your wife, the side piece gonna look up

18:55

and then you know, or your girl, main girl sidepiece

18:57

gonna look up like, oh sure we can take care of me.

18:59

No, bitch, keep it moving.

19:00

He got two children and he got he got a home to fix

19:02

right now. So no side pieces ain't

19:04

never the way to go unless you motherfucking

19:07

leave her. And you ain't trying to do that because

19:09

you told me so. I

19:11

want you to take into

19:13

consideration that we

19:15

need y'all to we do. And I

19:18

know it feels like you're fighting the world, that you got

19:20

a lot going on already. I know what it feels like. I

19:22

know, I know, I know, ugh,

19:25

But you can be her rock. Look

19:28

that's what partners do. You need me to hold this motherfucking

19:30

house down. I need you to lift

19:32

me up and get to the get

19:35

get to what's wrong with me.

19:37

You gotta live in her world too, boo.

19:39

Like I said, take them two days off, you can probably take

19:41

one day off and see what the fuck she go through, all

19:43

right?

19:44

You know now, if she is just lazy.

19:46

Uh.

19:48

You know, sometimes you gotta

19:50

make a motherfucker get.

19:51

A job, you know, Yeah, get

19:53

on out there and get on out there. I don't know if y'all

19:55

have active parents or you know, family

19:57

support. All right, take them babies to my

20:00

I mean, pay her a couple of dollars or whatever.

20:01

You know what I'm saying.

20:03

You go get a job and see what it is. See how it is out

20:05

here. That's if she is lazy. But you don't

20:07

know. We don't know, So

20:09

look, figure it out. Try

20:12

your best to figure it out. I know you tie

20:14

it, but she probably is too, all right.

20:17

I love you, shit, I love her too, shuit.

20:19

Make sure you check back in with me. I'm glad

20:21

that you send me this story. And just like that, that took

20:23

up the whole episode. But that was a good goddamn

20:26

story, y'all.

20:27

All right?

20:27

Good, and I'm gonna keep on working on my reading

20:29

for this brother.

20:31

Make sure you get your tickets if you have not yet,

20:33

for the second annual Black Effect Podcast

20:35

Festival, where I will be fixing mess

20:37

on stage live again. Like I said

20:39

before, I will be pulling people, unprompted,

20:43

unprovoked, out of the audience.

20:45

To fix your mess on the spot. That's how

20:47

I do it best. Get your tickets if you have not

20:49

yet. VIP is sold out, and you can also pitch

20:51

your podcast first Come, first serve.

20:53

It will be a table there or a

20:56

vendor or something. It'll be something where y'all

20:58

can pitch your podcast or whatever. Last year the

21:00

line was wrapped around a goddamn venue

21:03

and this year we expect

21:05

for it to sell out just like last year. Y'all will also

21:07

be hosted by my sister Pretty v A, my

21:09

brother b Dot. Make sure you get your tickets

21:12

and stay tuned each and every Wednesday for

21:14

Carefully Reckless podcast and

21:16

then my deepest pan boys.

22:29

Can't.

22:29

Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio

22:32

and The Black Effect. For more podcasts

22:34

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22:36

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