0:00

Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of

0:02

iHeart Radio and The Black Effect

0:15

and just like that, be back on the air. Welcome back

0:17

to yet another Canfully Reckless episode with your

0:19

girl Jess.

0:20

Hilarious.

0:20

So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do. I

0:22

also do it on the Breakfast Club as well.

0:25

On B E T. Nine Am.

0:27

Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which

0:29

is more than likely almost all the time.

0:32

All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.

0:34

I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from

0:36

fixing people's mess on Breakfast Club, one

0:39

that I actually was

0:41

pissed off about.

0:42

And it's rabbit quick, So I'm just gonna jump straight

0:44

in with that.

0:45

So this woman calls up Ray and

0:47

she has a boyfriend, okay,

0:49

but she's upset because he's married.

0:52

I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married,

0:55

star duh.

0:57

And I know I had to do my own sound

0:59

effect, but duh, someone

1:01

what should I do?

1:03

So this is the thing.

1:04

She met her man in jail. Right, of

1:06

course, he sold her dreams of what they were gonna be when

1:08

he.

1:08

Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,

1:11

he went to get engaged.

1:12

To someone else, right,

1:15

And not only did he get engaged, he actually

1:17

jumped that broom. He got

1:19

married and then went to go

1:22

find the girlfriend.

1:23

Right.

1:24

So when she found out about the

1:26

wife, she didn't leave. She

1:29

tells me she mad at the wife for not

1:31

holding her man down. How

1:34

you not mad at your

1:36

boyfriend because he's somebody

1:38

else's husband, but she mad at his

1:40

wife for not holding

1:43

her husband down who just happens to.

1:45

Be your boyfriend?

1:46

And then another fucked up thing about it is,

1:49

you're mad at this man's wife.

1:51

But he got married when he came home,

1:53

he wasn't already married. So you were never

1:56

first. You were always second and was

1:58

always gonna be second. And you're asking

2:00

me what you should do.

2:01

What you should do is get some fucking

2:03

dignity, wake up and go find

2:06

you your own fucking man. Because

2:08

he's not yours, he will never be yours.

2:11

You've already allowed too much. You think

2:13

a man actually wants to

2:15

be with someone who was okay

2:18

with them cheating on their wives,

2:21

or was okay with being second

2:23

anyway, you think you'll ever deserve

2:25

in his eyes to be number one. These

2:27

men only do to us what we allow mentally,

2:30

you know what I'm saying. And then some women are

2:33

not as strong minded as others. But

2:35

I just couldn't understand

2:37

like she had some nerve, she

2:40

was upset. Oh she wouldn't

2:42

hold him down, And I just felt like that's

2:44

crazy, Like how could you not hold him

2:46

down because he wasn't married to a yet?

2:49

Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?

2:52

You have to realize

2:54

who you are, what you are, what you want, what

2:56

you're gonna take, what you ain't gonna take, and realize

2:59

the consequence instance of your actions

3:01

are because of what you allowed or what you

3:03

did. So the consequence is you always gonna

3:05

be the side bitch. I'm sorry, that's what it

3:07

is. Get back to me if you can. I know she's

3:09

gonna be calling up after she had a shit like I

3:12

ain't tell you going there and say, Audi, well

3:15

you made yourself look dumber on a huger

3:17

platform, a bigger player. She said, it's on

3:19

be et, crazy ass.

3:22

But I hope she gets the help that

3:24

she needs, because lord, she's delusional.

3:27

All right, moving on, We

3:29

got a voice note y'all, y'all know how I feel about

3:31

these there.

3:32

We go hi Ja.

3:33

So before, sir, I'm just

3:35

gonna give you a little background about myself

3:38

before I ask you the original question

3:40

that I have for you. So, I

3:43

am twenty one years old, born

3:45

and raised in Minnesota. I'm

3:47

currently worked at three jobs. Also want

3:49

to school for nail technician. I

3:52

have no kids, I am single.

3:54

I have my own car and apartment

3:56

that I share with my sister. Okay,

4:00

the question I have to ask you is,

4:02

I don't know if anybody else is having this

4:05

problem, but from my early

4:07

twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity

4:10

crisis. I feel like I truly can't

4:12

find myself. I don't know what direction

4:14

I want to go in. I'm trying to find love, I'm

4:16

trying to lose weight, I'm trying to achieve

4:18

goals.

4:19

I just feel like.

4:20

I'm everywhere right now, and it's

4:22

to the point where it's giving me overwhelmed and

4:24

depressed and drained and feeling

4:27

like I'm behind in a way.

4:29

Wow.

4:30

Like, for example, when I was in school,

4:33

I was way smaller than what I am now,

4:35

so I've gained a little bit more weight.

4:38

So I just been feeling like, you know, I

4:40

just don't look as prettier as everybody

4:42

else. And of course I feel like social

4:44

media for me, it takes a part

4:46

of that. So I have took a break from

4:48

that to help a little bit. Another

4:51

example is with love.

4:53

I'm such a.

4:54

Freaking lover girl, like I love love,

4:57

but.

4:57

The relationship is just not going well for me,

5:00

the dating era, all that stuff

5:02

like, it's just not going well for me.

5:04

Even if I want, like a little sneakily like

5:06

it never works out. And then with

5:09

my school, and I've been in school

5:11

for a two years trying to get my nail license.

5:13

Because I'm just like stick.

5:14

Dis harder for me to pass the quizzes

5:17

and it's been taking me longer. But everybody

5:19

else is an entrepreneur at my age,

5:21

so I just feel like I'm just way behind all

5:23

the things I need to do.

5:24

So just give me some clarity to help me.

5:27

Just thanks love you, heyy

5:29

First of all, I love you too.

5:30

Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up

5:33

to me about that, because you know what you do. You open

5:35

up the floor for other younger

5:38

females, younger women to feel

5:41

like they're not alone in this, you

5:43

know, because y'all generation

5:45

are going through some shit.

5:46

Too. Of course, a lot of identity crisis

5:48

going on.

5:49

Of course, when you have media constantly

5:51

shoving in your face, you can change

5:53

who you are. You can change any

5:55

part of your body now and

5:57

everybody has access to these

6:00

surgeons and just you

6:02

know, all types of things that can help you rid

6:05

of your flaws. You know, But I

6:07

think it's internal for

6:10

you. You did say exactly

6:12

what I was going to tell you. Social media will play

6:15

a big part in this and how

6:17

the media constantly tries

6:20

to manipulate our minds with just

6:22

certain standards that we're supposed to follow,

6:25

like you know. And then influencers that I thank

6:27

God for them because I started off as one, but

6:29

I say their work would be a gift

6:32

in accurse because they open

6:34

up your eyes to seeing I

6:36

can own my own business, I can own something.

6:38

I can be a young black creator.

6:41

I don't have to work for nobody

6:43

for the rest of my life. I am in a

6:45

position where I can run my own business.

6:47

At the same time, what it does is it

6:50

shows another side where it

6:52

makes working a nine to five

6:54

or being who you really are off

6:57

of social media, it looks uncool, It makes

6:59

you uncol What makes you feel that

7:01

you're not enough, and I

7:04

really don't agree with anybody

7:06

having to feel that way. Oh

7:08

man, I'm very conflicted about your

7:10

situation just because I don't want you to ever

7:12

feel like because you are.

7:14

You know, you consider yourself a.

7:15

Little overweight or a lot overweight,

7:17

whatever, you know, whether you're obese, fat, you know, it's

7:19

levels to it. But however you

7:22

feel about it, you still shouldn't let that depict

7:24

how you go on in your

7:26

love life. And then also listening you're

7:28

twenty one, you're still trying to figure out you. I

7:31

wouldn't be asking for love right now. I'm

7:33

not gonna say you don't know what love is.

7:35

I would never say that.

7:36

I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old

7:38

because what love is to you maybe different

7:41

for what love is to me. Love has no one

7:43

fucking meaning, you know what I mean, So

7:46

it goes by experience of what you feel. But

7:49

I will say, you have a lot going

7:51

on, so you can't focus on one thing. You

7:53

know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love right now

7:55

because you also told me in the

7:57

same breath you're trying to figure out who you are.

8:00

There's no way that you could be ready for a relationship

8:04

and you don't know who you are. So what I think

8:06

is that you love the idea of love. You

8:08

know, you love what it looks like. You know, you

8:11

love what it can be. You love all the possibilities.

8:13

You love what you see visually,

8:17

what looks good visually to you, and

8:19

then you probably see a lot of relationship

8:21

goals too, you know what I'm saying.

8:23

And that's good.

8:24

You took a break from social media. I actually have family

8:27

members that have.

8:28

To do that.

8:29

I have friends that have to do that. I

8:31

know other influencers that have to do

8:33

that.

8:33

I do that.

8:34

We need breaks, you know, because

8:36

you could kind of like feel like Instagram

8:39

is the world and it's not, and

8:41

you're constantly reminded when you exit

8:43

out the ad. Damn, that's

8:45

just one part. That's social media,

8:48

you know what I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays a

8:50

big part in our confidence,

8:52

you know. So I think you should do a

8:54

lot more soul searching. You probably will not be

8:57

in a relationship until you hit thirty. That don't need to

8:59

scare you, that just needs to motivate you,

9:01

you know, stay on your path and figure out what

9:03

you're doing with your life.

9:04

Girl, You ain't got no kids.

9:06

You work three jobs and you're going to school to be a fucking

9:08

nail tech and you fucking worried about

9:10

some lift.

9:11

You got three jobs? Girl, how the

9:13

fuck you gonna spend time with?

9:14

Girl?

9:15

Listen, A man is a job too. A

9:18

boyfriend is a job, just like we jobs too,

9:20

you know what I'm saying. So that's

9:22

four jobs.

9:23

Thank god. You ain't got no damn kids. But you

9:25

know what men do. They give you kids.

9:28

So your little twenty one year old, but need to stay

9:31

on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this path

9:33

that you're on.

9:34

Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at your picture.

9:36

You are beautiful, all right. It is only

9:38

from your head to the top of your.

9:40

Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful,

9:43

probably inside and out.

9:44

I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you sound really concerned

9:47

about nobody loving you. Girl. Fuck that.

9:49

You gotta love yourself because when you

9:52

learn how to love yourself, and I mean the railway

9:55

because people hear this all the time. Oh you gotta

9:57

love yourself up. People say this to people all the time, and they

9:59

take it the wrong. You gotta love yourself. You gotta

10:01

love yourself or I do love myself. Like nah,

10:03

people get more defensive after hearing

10:06

that than just actually listening. No, do you really

10:08

know what it takes to love yourself, because

10:10

that's probably why your relationships fail.

10:12

You said, you're even just a sneaky link.

10:13

I'm no, you

10:15

know, even if you want some dick, just sometimes sometimes

10:18

maybe that's not what you need. Maybe

10:20

shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.

10:23

That's not in your timing right now, you

10:25

know what I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just

10:27

do some more searching for who you are. You know,

10:29

you're at the best time right now. And then

10:32

you also at the best time to lose some more weight

10:34

if that's what you want to do. Shit, if you want to lose

10:36

more weight, go do that. If you feel like

10:38

that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose

10:40

some more and then see, and

10:43

I guarantee you you'll find

10:45

it wasn't even your weight.

10:47

It probably is your mind.

10:48

It probably is the fact that you,

10:51

like I said, you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.

10:53

You love the idea of love, but

10:55

I do hope everything works out for you

10:57

and you do get everything that you want in

10:59

life.

11:00

Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.

11:03

Thank you.

11:04

If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial

11:07

and then we'll be right back moving

11:10

on. Last story. Oh my god,

11:12

I got all the babies today. Hey Joss,

11:14

I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy and I

11:17

have intimacy issues. It's hard for

11:19

me to open up. I've never been in a relationship

11:21

before, so this part of intimacy

11:23

is new and hard. It's hard to talk about

11:26

my feelings. I had a lot of trauma, so

11:28

I don't want it to change our dynamic. The

11:30

guy is amazing. I don't want him to think

11:32

he is a problem. My question is

11:34

do you think I'm ready for a relationship or should I

11:36

just continue to explore being alone for

11:39

a bit longer. By the way, you can use

11:41

this for the podcast in case you want

11:43

consent.

11:44

Oh that's nice, thank you all. Was gonna use it anyway.

11:46

Girl.

11:47

I don't know your name, so that's good and

11:49

can't bite see your face, but no, I appreciate

11:51

you for reaching out and I'm

11:53

happy that A lot of a lot

11:56

more younger people are reaching out because

11:59

this younger generation, they are

12:01

facing a lot, you know, and they're seeing

12:03

a lot, and they are much more.

12:05

Exposed to a lot of shit too than

12:07

we.

12:07

Ever were that I that I ever was at

12:09

nineteen, you know, so they could really

12:12

be the main ones that need

12:14

some mental tending to.

12:16

You know. It's a lot, a lot of shit that these

12:18

babies are seeing.

12:18

But yeah, to get into what you have going

12:21

on, you've never been in a relationship

12:23

before, so you don't really know what

12:25

it takes.

12:26

I understand. You got to think about it, though, every.

12:28

Person on this earth has been in that situation.

12:31

Everybody ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody

12:33

has to have has to jump in it some type

12:36

of way.

12:36

You know.

12:37

Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody

12:39

has to jump into us some type of way. You don't

12:42

like talking about your feelings. You feel like that will hinder

12:44

you from a healthy relationship. I think you need to dig

12:46

deeper and figure out where that comes from. You

12:48

know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing

12:50

with people that you grew up with. You constantly

12:53

seeing things because I know you said

12:55

you had trauma, you know, but you didn't

12:57

go into depth about the trauma, and

12:59

that's it's okay.

13:00

I'm glad that you even you.

13:01

Know, we don't have to so obviously you

13:03

know, I just don't know what the trauma is

13:05

from. It could it could be something

13:08

more recent, it could be deeply rooted, but that's

13:11

probably, you know, more than likely where it comes from.

13:13

And I understand you said, this guy is amazing, he's

13:15

understanding. You don't want him to think he's

13:18

the problem. No, you don't. You

13:20

don't because then in restrospect,

13:22

that's not fair to him. But no, I don't

13:24

think that you're ready for a relationship. I think you

13:26

should start some counseling, or you should start some therapy.

13:29

It's nothing wrong with it. You see that you do

13:31

have issues that you want to move

13:33

past. You do see that, and that's good that

13:35

you see that. A lot of people's fear

13:38

of therapy is because they don't want

13:40

to open up. They don't even want to go talk

13:42

to somebody. But this first step

13:45

for you, you come in to me. I think that's

13:47

amazing. I do think that you should

13:49

seek further therapy. Because I'm not a

13:51

licensed professional, I can only give

13:53

you good advice. Figure yourself

13:55

out. Then you also still nineteen. I'm gonna tell you, like I

13:57

told her the last baby, girl, you're nineteen. See

14:00

more years til you hit twenty one, But in

14:02

my eyes, you're still a baby. I got a little sister that's

14:04

nineteen, you know, and I just watching

14:06

her navigate through her social

14:09

life. You know, it's way different than

14:11

mine was. You know, when I was nineteen, we

14:14

weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even look

14:17

already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now

14:20

y'all starting to look like. Y'all

14:22

already got bbls and shit.

14:24

You know what I mean.

14:25

And y'all bodies just all just

14:27

full figure like that, y'all developing

14:29

more, y'all just exposed to everything.

14:32

I don't know.

14:33

So I do think that you just need to explore

14:35

just being alone for a bit longer. And you

14:37

already knew that. You just needed to clarity, and

14:39

I'm here to give it to you, girls, So keep me updated,

14:41

let me know what's going on. Yeah,

14:44

don't mess that man up. Girls, that's one good

14:46

one obviously. Don't mess them up. Just

14:48

fix yourself and go back and get them. Hold

14:51

up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good, but listen

14:53

to just a couple seconds of a commercial.

14:55

If you love me, you'll listen.

14:57

So this last mess, I'm a fix this in person

15:00

and somebody actually came into the studio

15:02

and you know this is I'm I'm trying this out because

15:05

in fourth season, I may

15:07

bring this to video. You know,

15:09

I know we have Catholic reckless audio, but

15:12

for those who want to see, I may just

15:14

do it. I don't know. I'm raising right

15:16

now. It's gonna be my first in person

15:19

mass effix, so we'll see.

15:20

Let's see.

15:21

Hey, Jazz, So I

15:24

have been a long term situationship

15:27

and I just need some advice on something that

15:29

I really you know, have been worried

15:32

about for it. And this is because of my own

15:34

personal growth.

15:35

So I'm in my relationship,

15:38

I'm the more communicated person and

15:41

the other person is a person who needs time

15:43

to walk away. Right, That's the thing, Like I need, I need

15:45

to get some space clear my mind. And

15:47

that's it's understandable, you know that people

15:50

some people can't just get to the bottom of it real

15:52

quick. They need a time to see what they're

15:54

going through. But it's like when

15:57

does it get like Okay. Now this is getting played out because

15:59

if you think about it, the number one answer that

16:01

older people will have successful relationships.

16:03

Say is what communicating beyond?

16:05

Like that's like the number one thing everybody say,

16:08

because you have to find a way to really

16:10

find that balance to communicate. Right, And

16:12

it's like, well, thank god, both of us

16:14

is not like that. I can't that's avoid it. But

16:17

one person is begging to communicating, other person's

16:19

not. So then that means that it has to

16:21

be more of an aggressive like exit,

16:24

which is, oh, I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna

16:26

block you or some shit like that. Right, It's not like because

16:28

I'm gonna be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,

16:30

completely block you out, and you

16:33

could be literally like sending messages like

16:36

just talk to me. It's okay, it's fine, let's just get

16:38

this Like it's not that big of a deal. And you don't hear

16:40

from them, So it's like, how do you deal

16:42

with that going forward?

16:43

Yeah, that's actually a really really

16:46

good one because I can see how

16:48

both could feel. You know,

16:50

I feel like you just describe

16:53

introvert versus extrovert,

16:56

but in a relationship

16:59

that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs to

17:01

be a willingness to come

17:03

out of your show.

17:04

A little bit more and open up, like as

17:06

this guy.

17:07

If I know that I'm with a person who is

17:10

a bit communicator. All she

17:12

does is communicate it, and I know

17:14

I'm not I'm gonna try

17:16

to meet her there. You know what I'm

17:18

saying, Like you know, and I understand

17:20

because I was even like that.

17:22

I was on both sides.

17:24

I'm on more of your side

17:26

now where I am communicating more, But at

17:28

first I was the same way. I guess that's why

17:30

I can kind of see where he would be

17:32

coming from. But I had to change that, and I

17:35

was willing to change that meeting the right

17:37

person. I was always aggressive and

17:39

I was always just like no, yo, I don't want to talk about

17:41

it. I need time because some people sometimes

17:43

some people want to be mad that shit is

17:46

fucked up, but some people want to be mad,

17:48

they want.

17:48

To get it off. That's how some people

17:50

get shit off their chests.

17:52

He's not really a mediator because has

17:54

he seen that shit growing up? Has he always

17:56

been that way because his parents didn't talk

17:58

to him, or he just

18:00

has never been in in a place

18:03

where he felt safe enough to open up.

18:05

And I don't know your past, you

18:07

know, I don't even know his past.

18:08

Book, from what you're telling me, you

18:10

kind of had a different upbringing than he did.

18:13

I don't know whether that that's household

18:16

wise.

18:16

Parent schooling, different

18:19

groups of friends, you know, because

18:21

anything can define who you are as

18:23

an adult.

18:24

It don't have to always be how you was raised. It be

18:26

you raise yourself, you know what I mean.

18:28

It'd be different people, different people that you

18:30

met on your journey to becoming

18:32

an adult and how they prophesied

18:35

to you, or seeing this person come from this

18:37

walk of life, so like it's just figuring

18:40

out a person is this way you want to be? And

18:42

you said, y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all

18:45

not together now, but y'all were in a long term

18:47

relationship. Is this a place where you

18:49

see yourself going back to or.

18:50

Do you not?

18:52

Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you

18:54

be with a person. I don't want to be with him this time,

18:57

but I didn't. I do want to be with him, though, But when he does

18:59

something to make you man, it goes out the window, and

19:01

then he comes round and y'all talk about

19:03

it, and then now you want to be with him again?

19:05

Is that? How do you know you want to move forward

19:07

with this person? Do you see a future with this person?

19:10

And I'm gaining more self

19:12

worth, I don't because, like you

19:14

said, when you just respond to back, it's like you

19:17

move differently now because of this

19:19

love that.

19:19

You don't want to miss out on it.

19:21

So I'm at a place where it's like I'm gonna have to be okay

19:23

with realizing that maybe I can't

19:25

bring that out of him mm hm. And and that

19:28

hurts right, like that this man don't love me

19:30

enough to be like I want to work it's out with her. I want to talk to

19:32

her. So I'm at a place now I

19:34

know my worth like yes, I do have

19:36

my shit right like I know,

19:39

and even done in my communication like you

19:41

you know, I sometimes I can talk around

19:43

to get to a point because I wanted us to get to

19:45

a page without letting somebody go through

19:47

it, right, And I'm learning that and I'm more than help.

19:49

That's why I was like, you gotta walk away.

19:51

I get it, but it's the extra shit hang

19:54

out answering like it's

19:56

it's it creates too much of a like I

19:58

get I be hurt. I don't even be mad. I've hurt,

20:00

like yo, this person. Now I'm not gonna

20:03

talk to them for days. Now, i gotta

20:05

be left here just like yeah,

20:08

until when they calmed down, like a few days later,

20:10

and I'm just like over it.

20:11

You know, that shit is not

20:14

fair, Like I said, I used to do that.

20:16

I used to do that to people, and that shit

20:18

is not fair because

20:21

it now it leaves the person

20:23

wondering whether or not you do actually really

20:25

love them, like or do you even

20:27

respect me? Because that's

20:30

when things start getting disrespectful. It's the difference between

20:32

an extrovert and just shutting down versus

20:34

the disrespect. You don't have to hang up, you don't have

20:37

to block me, you don't have to not talk to me for days. What are

20:39

you trying to prove a point? Because that's what it comes

20:41

to. Now, you're trying to prove a point. And

20:43

then that's the manipulative too, because those

20:45

type of people always know what to do to get back and your

20:47

good graces. Like they're selfish

20:50

in a way, you know, and sometimes

20:52

subconsciously selfish. And those

20:54

people don't like to be told about themselves. I

20:57

was selfish. I never like to be told about myself.

20:59

I didn't want to be in control, but I

21:01

just wanted things to go my way

21:04

and people to see shit my way all

21:06

the time. And shit ain't gonna

21:08

be like that, not in the real world, not

21:10

in your household, not at your job, not

21:13

with your friends, because everybody thinks differently.

21:16

Communication really

21:18

is a big factor with love.

21:21

Sometimes you can love a motherfucker, but

21:23

you feel empty because you don't feel like you're being loved.

21:26

If you don't hear me, you don't give

21:28

me an opportunity to be heard. You're

21:30

not listening. You don't want to listen,

21:33

so you don't even want to find out what the problem

21:35

is, and then you don't want to fix it.

21:37

And this is another note, d really

21:40

really is a struggle for me because it's abuse.

21:43

Yeah, Like you know how like if your

21:45

maybe parent spanks you, right and

21:47

they could have been wrong for it because they was doing out of anger. Then

21:49

they come back I'm so sorry, Or somebody who's

21:52

dating who's going through abuse, it's like,

21:54

baby, next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally

21:56

that because you're coming back saying you're

21:58

not even coming back apology. You just come like hey,

22:01

and I'm over here, like literally was hurt, Like I'm not over

22:03

here, may like a bitch is hurt crying about

22:05

it, and it's because it's like I actually

22:07

like care about you and you're leaving me hanging

22:10

right all because what you

22:12

you just don't want to talk about it at all.

22:15

You know, it should be small. Even if it was big,

22:17

it's still okay to talk about it, Like, yeah.

22:20

Do you think that he would need any benefited with uh

22:23

from any type of therapy?

22:25

Yes?

22:25

Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time.

22:28

What was his answer to it cost money?

22:31

Oh?

22:31

Why?

22:32

But there are a certain therapists

22:34

you know, therapy y'all, lets that just take insurance

22:37

some of them don't.

22:37

Cause explain that to him and he was like, oh,

22:40

you know, he was into it.

22:41

He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So when

22:43

you did explain it, he did like agree, like all right,

22:45

well I might.

22:46

Look into it now.

22:47

Is that something that do you feel like he needs

22:49

individually or do y'all want that something that you

22:51

would be open to doing with him?

22:53

Naw.

22:53

You need to like seek your own inner

22:55

piece and that's why I'm getting so a point where my

22:57

self worth that I'm like, no, like

23:01

I can have him.

23:02

But now it's away to me that a man will actually talk to

23:04

me.

23:04

So in my next relationship, I'm gonna

23:06

anticipate him being like, I'm gonna I

23:08

feel I'm gonna pull back on my communication because

23:11

I think he's gonna be like, nah, I

23:13

you know, I don't really want to talk about it, instead

23:15

of me being like insaid, of him.

23:16

Being like, let's let's talk about it, like

23:19

I'm.

23:19

Be happy about it, but it's gonna be hard like going

23:21

into it because I'm gonna think they're like, it's just gonna

23:23

create some type of conflict.

23:24

Yeah, So then that's you

23:27

being scarred, like like subconsciously

23:30

like you're scarred from that, and that could

23:32

also build in securities for the next man

23:34

from you. You know, you can also project onto

23:37

other people what you've been through in your last

23:39

relationship. So do you feel like you

23:42

need to heal in this before you even

23:44

you know, well, are you even trying to date?

23:46

First of all, I'm

23:48

just waiting on go as time and I'm not looking no more.

23:50

I'm not even looking for him, you know, I just

23:52

I just want to whatever is meant

23:54

for me and my energy. That's why I'm trying to change

23:56

my energy around to match. If you're not mentioning,

23:59

then I'm gonna have to, you

24:01

know, but not even as friends at this point, because

24:04

friends don't treat each other that way, all right, yep,

24:07

And.

24:07

That is what defines

24:09

a foundation in a relationship to actually

24:12

being that person's friend, because it gets

24:14

very, very toxic when

24:17

you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all

24:20

get mad at each other and you feel like y'all broke up.

24:22

You feel like he don't love you when he mad at

24:24

you, or you feel like she don't love you when she mad

24:27

at you. It should never be that way because

24:29

friends don't do each other like now friends plus

24:31

friends fight. Friends supposed to get that good.

24:34

If you go into it just

24:38

straight intimacy, you skip all that building

24:40

foundation and all that shit. It's

24:42

never gonna work because you're supposed to know

24:44

somebody deeper than what you

24:47

can see. Like it's

24:49

like, I know what I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all

24:52

listeners like bed with me. You know, if you

24:54

can see through all the fucking

24:56

like intimacy and what's on outside.

25:00

He looks sexy and he's and and oh

25:02

she can cook, and and oh he got his

25:04

own this, that and the other. And if you strip

25:06

down all that shit, y'all didn't have anything together

25:09

like and y'all go through shit together and

25:12

ship, then that that's what makes your friend,

25:14

you know, like being able to withstand trials

25:17

and shit together and obstacles together and being

25:19

are when one lax like pick up that slag and shit

25:21

like that. So that's what I feel like. No, everything

25:23

you said was was real about the whole friendship

25:25

thing.

25:26

And it's top of all of you know, which

25:30

is the end of it all is you

25:32

would think that all of that meant something when

25:34

you do have these moments tribulationship

25:38

and in this situation.

25:39

It's given very much, it does it. We

25:42

built this friendship.

25:43

Up, like your friendship is way

25:45

more of a priority to me than a

25:47

relationship, right, but you know this,

25:49

right, so you know that this is a big thing

25:51

for me, and you still like

25:54

so all we went through his friends and still don't make it enough

25:56

of you want to talk to you because you should be.

25:59

If I'm your friend, you're my friend. She'd be like, shit,

26:01

no, I don't want us to be beefing right, So

26:03

that so that's it. That's the part of it all is it

26:06

goes back to like, really, he doesn't love me the way

26:08

I.

26:08

Love him, right right, and he's

26:10

still stuck in that relationship

26:13

part of it that, you know, like because

26:15

even I think that's still even bigger you to be like,

26:17

all right, look, we just need to be friends, all right, Like

26:19

I want to focus on the friends. And then like so

26:23

ladies, look she's still even

26:25

trying to find a way

26:27

to well, she was, you know, was

26:29

trying to even still find a way to.

26:31

Make it comfortable for him.

26:34

Do you see how we like sometimes

26:36

indirectly bend over backwards for these men, you

26:39

know, and we still don't get the credit. We

26:41

still don't get flowers, We still

26:43

don't get even acknowledgment at times like

26:46

yo, I'm trying to figure this shit out for you.

26:47

I know how to fucking communicate, I

26:50

know.

26:50

And we've been friends for the past what ten

26:53

plus is five plushy is whatever, and

26:55

we we we've been together. You know, it's

26:57

just like fuck, you would think you had some

27:00

some type of respect

27:02

for me or some type of like loyalty

27:05

to the point.

27:06

Where it's like you'll know, or it is because

27:09

we came up.

27:10

Like we you know, we've been through shit together, so

27:13

I feel you. Some bonds are supposed to be unbreakable.

27:17

But like you said, ultimately

27:20

it's you loving him more than he loves you,

27:22

or him not being able to even love you like

27:24

you should be loved, or how you

27:27

love him. And that's

27:29

just the short end of the stick that us women has.

27:31

We have to bear with that sometimes,

27:34

or we fucking don't. We move on, but

27:36

then you're still mentally held

27:39

captive to a person who manipulates

27:41

you into never letting them go, you

27:44

know what I mean, in some type of weird way.

27:46

I'm gonna keep this leash on it.

27:48

Not because they just want to torch you, because

27:50

they really fucking want you to.

27:52

They just don't know how. They don't

27:54

know, they don't know how to say it, they don't know how to show it.

27:56

But they know what they want to expect for you to read their fucking

27:58

mind, you know what I mean, Expect for that. But

28:01

no, we want to be coddled, We

28:03

want to be fucking pampered. At times, I

28:05

want you to read my fucking mind at times. I want you to

28:07

say, all right.

28:07

Yo, you ain't going away till we talk about this.

28:10

I want you to initiate that fucking communication

28:12

all the time, because then it's gonna feel like I wear

28:14

the fucking pants all the time. I shouldn't have to wear

28:16

the pants. I want a man to lead, that's what you

28:18

want. You want a man to lead you. And you

28:21

talk about it. You're on your spiritual journey and you

28:23

talk about that. You know you want somebody

28:26

else spiritual too. You want to want your man to be like,

28:28

Noah, we ain't leaving up the house until we pray together. Where

28:30

you going that day? You know, you

28:32

know we pull off.

28:33

You know you want that, and

28:36

you're gonna get that. You can get that.

28:38

You know something make us feel like it's impossible,

28:40

it's not, you know. So I want you

28:42

to check back into We come to the end of another

28:44

carefully borkless episode with your girl Jess.

28:46

Hilarious.

28:47

I'm fixing mess not only on the

28:49

Black Effect Network, but on be Et

28:52

as well.

28:53

Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys, I'll

28:55

see you next week.

28:56

Peace A

29:46

Name