0:00

We have two live gargle shows

0:02

at the Edinburgh Fringe. Please come along to

0:04

the Edinburgh Fringe the 15th and the 22nd of August.

0:07

I will be there and an array of delightful

0:09

guests. So book your tickets now. Go

0:12

to thebuglepodcast.com forward slash

0:14

live to buy tickets.

0:16

This is a podcast from the Bugle.

0:21

Hello, welcome to Catharsis. I'm Tiff

0:23

Stevenson, comedian, daughter, consumer

0:26

of content and sympathetic friend.

0:29

This podcast is all about talking

0:32

people through their petty gripes, their

0:35

old grudges, historic beefs

0:38

and sometimes listener problems to

0:40

see if we can provide some relief and

0:43

I'm reluctant to say relief because it sounds sexual

0:45

but here we are. What I'm saying is you

0:47

can sweat the small stuff with me. Hello,

0:50

welcome to the show. As is traditional

0:53

at the top of each episode I like to talk about

0:55

something that's bothering me before I introduce my guests.

0:58

So let me get into

1:00

the government. This government ever

1:02

wanting to be seen like something out

1:04

of a Dickens novel have decided

1:07

that they want to put a sugar and salt tax

1:09

on all of the food. Let's just put tax

1:12

on the food because there's too much junk food

1:14

out there and banning junk food

1:16

or making it more expensive just isn't

1:18

going to do shit if you're broke. This

1:20

is my point like how about

1:21

we start making healthy options more

1:23

affordable. We start there. Start teaching

1:26

cooking in schools properly. I had

1:28

Home Ec, they made us buy a pizza base

1:30

and then taught us how to put like like

1:34

pasta sauce out of a jar and spread it. I don't

1:36

even actually know it was a tube of tomato puree

1:39

and I know I've talked about this before on social

1:41

media there was a banning of junk food adverts

1:43

and I posted about that and then what happened

1:46

was the spag bol warriors came out

1:48

and this is what I call a particular type of dad

1:51

who comes

1:51

on to sort of mansplain

1:54

spag bol how to make it how

1:56

cheap it is and then basically

1:58

describe all the ingredients of like

1:59

like shop sauce, which is full of

2:02

like sugar and salt anyway, which

2:04

is the whole thing we're talking about. So,

2:06

you know, I'm just raging about this and my guest is

2:08

nodding along. So I'm gonna bring her in. This week

2:10

I am joined by stand-up

2:13

comedian, presenter, actress,

2:16

I was gonna say raconteur. She's bloody

2:18

brilliant. I love her. I'm also a daughter.

2:21

You're also a daughter. I love that. She's

2:23

also a daughter. She's a daughter.

2:25

Let's put it out there. She's not afraid to say it. I'm

2:27

just saying. Welcome

2:30

to the podcast, Tanya Moore. Thank you. I

2:32

just wanna add my pronouns, they're middle of child.

2:35

So. Middle of child. I'm

2:38

youngest, spoiled babies. That's mine.

2:40

Oh, well, let's get out coming off the pod now. I'm done with this.

2:45

So you were nodding along there because I just feel

2:47

your frustration. With the food, it's

2:50

just. Yeah. It's

2:52

so frustrating. It's so funny that you said about

2:54

this bag bowl and then them bringing up the bolognese.

2:57

It's got all of the acids in

2:59

it that you could

2:59

find. That's not in the rain, right?

3:02

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's so

3:04

silly. If you came on and started arguing about a bag

3:06

bowl that you made yourself from potatoes that you picked,

3:08

that you grew yourself, that you knew what was going

3:10

on, fair.

3:12

But really, 90% of food

3:14

that we eat is rubbish unless

3:16

you're growing it yourself. Yeah.

3:19

If you want people to be healthier, you

3:21

have to then offer discounts on

3:23

fruit and vegetables. Yes. All

3:26

you're doing is punishing people

3:29

that are struggling to be able to afford

3:31

food. Go, well, we need to make you more healthy.

3:33

And how are you going to do that? By literally starving

3:35

people. Because fruit and veg

3:37

is so expensive now.

3:39

Like fresh fruit and vegetables. I'm glad you

3:42

added fresh because I was waiting for you to finish

3:44

to be like, because them little babies, they're

3:46

still bad for you. Yeah.

3:50

Your apple shouldn't be that soft. I shouldn't be able

3:52

to squeeze my apple.

3:54

Yeah. I mean, let alone we get into like the chemicals

3:57

that go on to stuff. Like if you're lucky enough

3:59

to get into an- allotment and be able to grow,

4:01

you

4:02

know, your own food and veg. But again, that's

4:04

a luxury that a lot of people don't have,

4:07

you know, and then you're talking about seasonal

4:09

and we should probably all eat a bit more seasonal anyway,

4:12

because that's when the food is at its best if

4:14

you eat it in season. But

4:16

it just seems like a sticking

4:18

up a plaster over a gaping

4:21

wound. And hoping that the

4:22

blood stops gushing. The blood

4:25

is definitely gushing. Yeah,

4:27

exactly. Exactly. They're the same

4:30

people who come out when they go, the free school meals

4:32

was extended, you know, during lockdown and everything.

4:34

And these same people came out and went, you don't

4:37

know hard. And then you get these ridiculous,

4:39

you know, we shared one square

4:41

of chocolate between 27 of us, you

4:44

know, like, you know, so and like,

4:46

that's the thing you want, you know, especially

4:48

kids as well, you want kids to be able to eat healthy.

4:50

But this isn't this isn't the way to go about

4:53

it. The way to go about it is by making those

4:55

things accessible and cheap. Yes.

4:58

And I mean, it's a sad day when

5:00

you can't even buy a lettuce

5:02

anymore because even lettuce is so

5:04

expensive. You can't even make a nice, cheap,

5:06

healthy salad anymore because salad

5:09

isn't even cheap anymore. You go to the shop

5:11

to get a salad is 12 pounds.

5:13

Yeah. Yeah. And you want to bake. You

5:16

want to bake. You want to get the butter now. The

5:18

butter's gone. Yes. I've been a big I like Leur

5:20

pack. That's what I buy. Thanks. I'm an anchor

5:22

girl. I get it. It's expensive.

5:25

My butter shouldn't be seven pounds.

5:28

It's what's going on. And

5:30

I'm trying to be healthy. I'm still buying the unsalted

5:32

and it's still seven pounds. Well,

5:35

my I buy Palmer's cocoa butter and that

5:37

is cheaper than actual butter. So I know

5:39

why I just need to drop some salt in that.

5:42

Stop putting that

5:43

on my bread. I'm like, why is my body

5:45

lotion cheaper than the stuff that I want

5:47

to actually be healthy with? Yeah.

5:50

We are now, though.

5:52

Oh, then then I hate pineapple

5:54

on pizza. People must be laughing. Pineapple

5:56

is expensive. Can't

5:58

ruin the peak. I haven't ruined the.

5:59

These are for months, Tiffany. Hahaha.

6:06

Well, thank you for joining me. Let's

6:08

get into, let's get into your old grudge. This

6:11

is the section of the podcast where we asked you to bring

6:13

something from your past and I can see you're already champing at

6:15

the bit that you wish you handled

6:17

differently or let's get into it. I

6:19

wish I handled it differently because at the time

6:22

I did nothing. Hahaha.

6:25

Right. I was like a college teacher. Oh,

6:27

she was an absolute

6:29

bunion. Honestly, you know, like

6:32

those things of life

6:34

that has to be there and you hate it. You just got

6:36

to get used to it. That's a bunion. That

6:38

is my college teacher. For some reason,

6:41

we just hated each other and there was

6:43

no, there

6:45

was like no way of finding a resolve.

6:47

So we just spent two years

6:49

trying to one up each other. Really?

6:52

Honest. Right. Or

6:54

of attrition between the two of you. Listen,

6:57

she got me good. She got me suspended

6:59

for one day for something she made

7:01

me do.

7:02

Oh, dear. That

7:05

day, I've only been suspended once in my life and

7:07

that was in college. I was the naughtiest

7:10

in secondary school and I managed to matrix

7:13

my way through them five years. You

7:15

just, you just flashed a cheeky little smile

7:18

and went, what me? Honestly. Yeah.

7:21

Honestly. When we get to college, me

7:23

and this lady were going back and forth, back

7:25

and it's all the little nasty spiteful

7:27

stuff like, can I go toilet? No, you can't.

7:30

Knowing I'm wetting myself,

7:32

being spiteful. There's no reason for me not

7:34

to be able to go toilet, but she might

7:36

say no. So we're going

7:38

back and forth. And I remember the reason

7:40

why this sparks is because we were all in, this is a drama

7:43

class, by the way. We're all in class. Yeah.

7:46

Yeah. Yeah. This

7:48

is performing arts, drama, all of it. So

7:50

we're in class doing our writing work and

7:53

there's a fly buzzing around her and she keeps

7:55

going, oh my God. Oh my God. And I was like,

7:57

yeah, that's what happens. They like shit.

7:59

Who told me to say that,

8:01

dear? Who told me? Oh

8:03

my God. Then comes around by Christmas

8:05

performance of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

8:08

And guess what she gave me? I was the

8:10

sweet seller. Not even a line.

8:13

Ah, ah, she's really held

8:15

on to that. Oh, she was bad. She held on to that flies

8:17

and shit bit. Mate, the

8:18

true stings. So,

8:22

my job in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was to

8:24

step onto the stage, no lines.

8:27

But surely you must have, because if you're selling the

8:29

chocolate bars at the beginning of the book, right? Right.

8:32

You can have a line there. Like what do you do to finally- At least she

8:34

wants a chocolate. She took away

8:36

the four words

8:38

and made me just walk onto the stage. Charlie

8:40

took the chocolate and then I just stepped back. And

8:42

then for the rest of the show, my job was to open

8:45

and close curtains.

8:47

Oh. Yeah. Oh, evil.

8:49

Speaking of eat right. That's fucking the bad bit. Oh.

8:52

Oh, go on then, right, right, go on then. During the rehearsals

8:53

of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I asked to

8:55

go to the toilet. I was allowed to go to the toilet.

8:58

On the first floor, the toilets weren't working. Second

9:00

floor, staff toilets. Third floor is our toilet

9:02

again. I couldn't make the third floor. So I went

9:04

to the second floor and I went toilet. Got caught

9:07

by a teacher in the teacher's toilet. She walked me

9:09

back downstairs and I was like, no, I was given permission

9:11

to come here.

9:12

Walked in the room and my teacher was like, I didn't

9:14

even know you'd left. The whole class

9:16

gasped, yeah. Because it was a

9:18

blatant lie. I kicked

9:21

off, smashed the set. Then,

9:23

we sat in the teacher's office

9:26

with my mum. She

9:28

normally decides if a teacher, bloody

9:30

bitch. But on this occasion, I

9:32

was kicking off and I don't normally kick off.

9:35

I was being, this is unjustified

9:38

behavior. And she suspended me

9:40

for one day. We were in college for three

9:42

days, two half a days, one full day. She

9:44

made sure it was that full day. What

9:46

a bitch. Wow.

9:49

I love, you were like, this is not fair. Like,

9:51

it's injustice. Yeah. When

9:54

you're like, how is this, the fact that

9:56

the whole class has gone. We

9:58

know, we know she asked.

9:59

and then you just flipped out and I don't blame you.

10:02

Whole class. You just flipped out. Won't let

10:04

us for me, like we campaigned the whole shit, she was so

10:07

horrible.

10:08

That was the first time I swore in front

10:10

of my mum because I was so angry,

10:12

I just forgot myself. My mum backed me at school

10:14

actually. My form tutor

10:17

was not fun and my mum went in

10:19

hard. Yeah. I don't know if I mentioned

10:21

this on previous podcasts, but she called him a jumped up

10:23

little Hitler. Yes, yes

10:26

mum! Oh, I need her

10:28

back in the day, man. I needed

10:30

her. I think that was because

10:33

I'd answered like back on something or he'd said

10:35

something really, really mean to me. So

10:37

my mum was like,

10:38

nah, you know, like, you're

10:40

just like a full man and you're just like screaming

10:42

at a teenage girl. So

10:45

yeah, some. I mean, in

10:47

primary school, she was right not to defend me. However,

10:49

it would have been nice. The one time she did

10:51

defend me in primary school was when I hit a boy and she was like,

10:54

yeah, you can hit boys. Yeah,

10:56

yeah. That's who I used to get into my fights

10:59

with. Boys. Yeah. That

11:01

was my one and only fight. I didn't even like have

11:03

a fight. I hit him because he was being so rude

11:05

and he kept coming into my face and not

11:08

respecting

11:08

my personal boundaries. So

11:10

I punched him in the face and I was like, go away. Then

11:13

I ran. I

11:15

remember there was something about a race. I raced a

11:17

guy and then we ended

11:19

up fighting, but I don't know if it was charged

11:21

with anything else. I don't think it was. We were too small.

11:24

You probably won. I think it was just, you're annoying.

11:26

You're annoying. You probably won,

11:28

babes. But

11:32

speaking of drama teachers, I am with

11:34

you because my drama teacher said maybe

11:37

not as a career to me. And I was like, and

11:39

there I am. There I am doing my acting parts

11:41

going, is it maybe not a career? Babes.

11:44

Is it maybe not a career? Because I know my drama

11:47

teacher, she still exists. I've seen her on

11:48

the high street by my mom's house, first of all.

11:51

So I was campaigning to find her address. I could get her

11:53

evicted, stupid bitch. Then I found

11:55

out she's actually head of drama at a college

11:58

right now.

11:59

She's aware of me. She's

12:02

aware. I would just send her posters

12:05

anytime you're touring, doing gigs anywhere,

12:07

every TV appearance, little

12:10

flyer through the door. I wish I didn't

12:12

have this streak in me, Tiff, but it's in me, as

12:14

I'm gonna tell you what I'd rather do. I'd rather

12:17

make her think that I wanna come to her college

12:19

and praise her and set up a whole assembly.

12:22

And then I will tell everybody how much of a bitch

12:24

she is. Oh. I'm

12:27

sorry, is it me? Is it me? Sam,

12:30

come out, you could do a play. You could do,

12:32

have you watched Barry on HBO?

12:34

I have, actually. Do you see the actors?

12:36

Have you seen how Koo Snow completely

12:38

does a whole play about how he

12:41

met Barry and turns it round into

12:43

his? I think that's what we're gonna do.

12:45

We're gonna do a one woman,

12:47

like at the Fringe. I mean, that's essentially

12:49

just, but we're just doing this Fringe show

12:51

and we call it something like the inspiration

12:53

or something. And you can make it seem like you're

12:56

gonna do this really

12:58

beautiful, wonderful

12:59

piece of art about her. And

13:06

then she shows up and you get her in open at night

13:08

and it's just like, and then this happened. And

13:10

then this happened. And then, and actually

13:12

she contravened a human rights,

13:15

it's

13:18

a human rights violation, like going to

13:20

the toilet. That's just a basic human rights violation.

13:22

So like not let someone. I couldn't lie as

13:24

well and say she did it for the two years and that's why I don't

13:26

have kids.

13:29

This is deep. It's getting far. This

13:32

is deep. I think we need to. Do not cross

13:34

Tanya is what I'm saying. Before I write it, we should have some

13:36

therapy. Well,

13:38

that's what this is. I'm hoping you feel a bit

13:40

better. But also what I'm learning is

13:42

don't cross Tanya. Well, you can cross me all

13:44

you want. What we've learned is I don't do anything about

13:47

it. I just go on podcasts and talk about things I want to

13:49

do it to you. Not the things

13:51

I've actually done. Just

13:53

things I think about. I

13:56

do. I do think I do think there

13:58

is a real though. There is a real.

13:59

I

14:00

do think teachers do this and I know

14:03

it must be hard, a hard job to teach, but

14:05

I do think sometimes teachers, and I've

14:07

definitely been on the receiving end of this, decide they

14:09

just take a dislike to you. Or

14:12

there's something about you. And this comes

14:14

up quite often on this because it's those key years

14:16

of your life, right? But it

14:18

comes up quite often, but sometimes teachers are

14:20

like, no, I am, I feel, I'm

14:23

affronted

14:26

by you or there's something that you've done that

14:28

has made me, my English teacher was

14:30

like that. She didn't like that

14:32

I said why a lot. And

14:34

I was like, but why though? And she went

14:37

like, I used to do that as well. Yeah, they

14:39

don't have answers. Yeah. Yeah.

14:42

She sent me out for asking why. And I remember she never used to wear

14:44

any shoes in class and that was probably one of my,

14:47

but why though? Why are you not wearing shoes

14:49

in the classroom? I like the idea of you

14:52

spending 10 minutes asking her why, her sending

14:54

you out and you're being like, but why? Should I leave

14:56

the room? But why? It's really, I mean, I'm,

14:58

I'm mitting. That must be annoying. I must,

15:01

I was probably, I probably,

15:02

I probably was, you

15:04

know, an irritating shit at school. However,

15:07

however, they must have to learn ways

15:09

to negotiate around this and kind of

15:12

go, you know, but I think, I

15:14

think the blatant gaslighting in front of a room full

15:16

of people for you that I was shocked. I was shocked

15:19

when you said she was like, I didn't even know you'd gone.

15:21

Yeah.

15:22

It's still in me. I think I've got, because

15:25

it's a figure of authority. Yes. And

15:27

that's, you know, I've had

15:29

many instances where figures of authority

15:32

have done bad things. And so I just don't

15:35

like them. And I'm very much like,

15:37

and we need to stop putting

15:39

weight to words and names

15:41

like teacher. They're still human beings.

15:44

So they're still going to have human being reactions to

15:47

stuff. They're not now superhuman because they've

15:49

got this qualification and they're not going to be

15:51

affected by a little shit in their classroom.

15:54

They are. Yeah. Yeah.

15:57

Great liars.

15:58

They make them suspended for no reason. Well,

16:00

they're flawed. They're flawed human beings

16:02

as well, right? None of us are perfect.

16:04

So, so, you know, I think it would have

16:06

been good if, if we can find the space

16:08

to be able to, you know, in an ideal world

16:11

to kind of go, do you know what? She was just winding

16:13

me up and I'm, I was out of order. She

16:15

did. She did say it. I'm sorry.

16:18

I'm

16:18

not going to suspend her, but you know, I wanted

16:21

to make an example of her in front of the class because she's

16:23

always

16:24

pushing it. And then then

16:26

there's a conversation to be had where you can kind of

16:28

go, you've acknowledged you've been a bit wrong. I

16:31

am always pushing it. And I, you know, and

16:33

maybe kind of acknowledging as a grownup as well,

16:35

going, this is a kid, like you're essentially,

16:38

you know, you're going, I'm a grownup. This is

16:40

a kid. And I'm now behaving

16:43

in a combative way with someone that

16:45

is young, a young person.

16:47

And doesn't have the tools that I have come into this

16:49

place. I have to

16:52

be able to kind of go, Oh, actually,

16:55

yeah. Like I, I have power

16:57

and authority here. And so I can make

16:59

it be whatever I want it to be and not think

17:02

putting herself in your shoes to go

17:04

how awful that must be to be on the receiving

17:06

end of going, but I did though, like I did.

17:09

And now you're just telling everyone I didn't like.

17:11

So, and I think that is about having

17:14

latitude to kind of be for teachers to be able

17:16

to

17:16

go. I didn't quite get that right. And also

17:18

then go, once you've said, I didn't quite get that right, then we

17:20

move on. It's not labored

17:23

upon weeks and weeks and forever

17:27

and brought up every time, you know, because we

17:29

all make mistakes. And the thing is people, I mean,

17:31

back then we weren't really

17:33

into it on paying attention to

17:35

it like we are now, but when you do those things

17:37

to people, you leave bodily

17:39

scars. So they're going to have this

17:41

thing carried with them until they learn to

17:43

find a resolve. Obviously, I haven't found

17:46

my resolve and I feel like I'm going to hate her forever.

17:49

But going forward. I was going to ask

17:52

you, going forward, how do we feel?

17:54

Do we feel a bit better? I feel we might not have

17:56

eased your suffering in that situation,

17:59

but we might have provided.

17:59

some helpful solutions for anyone

18:02

else that has that happened. So thank you. Yes.

18:04

Thank you for sharing your old grudge.

18:06

That was great. I mean, let's just call it a grudge. Let

18:10

me tell you what's so funny. You put old

18:12

grudge and on my piece of paper when I was doing my homework,

18:14

I just wrote grudge. Grudge, yeah.

18:19

Just grudge. There's nothing

18:21

old about this. It's as fresh as if it happened

18:24

yesterday. It's still a grudge.

18:30

So

18:33

you're looking forward to this section of the podcast,

18:35

Tanya. I am. It's unpopular opinion.

18:37

What do you love that everyone else hates or vice

18:40

versa? What do I hate that everyone else loves?

18:43

Two things. Two things.

18:45

Okay. Okay. Chocolate. I

18:48

know. And smoked salmon.

18:51

Oh, wow. I just don't understand

18:53

why we exist. Wrong, wrong,

18:55

wrong, wrong. Everyone

19:00

who knows me knows chocolate is

19:02

disgusting. I hate the texture.

19:05

It's the texture when it hits your

19:07

mouth and it starts to melt. And it feels like

19:09

I feel like I'm in a Venus

19:11

fly trap. You know, when it opens and it's got all the lines

19:13

and it's stuck together. Yeah. That

19:16

makes me feel, I just don't understand

19:18

it. When I have a chocolate, I'll buy like a Snickers

19:20

or Maltese's and I'll bite the chocolate

19:22

off the other side and then eat the middle.

19:26

You bite the chocolate off and spit it out.

19:28

That's my favorite bit. I'll buy

19:30

the chocolate off. I let it melt and then I just get

19:32

into the middle. No. Well, actually,

19:34

so chocolate for me,

19:36

I used to like it more, but then actually

19:38

when I got, I think in my late twenties,

19:40

early thirties, my relationship with chocolate changed

19:43

and it became

19:45

just when I was pre-menstrual, it would be like

19:47

a one night stand. Oh, I went through that.

19:51

I knew I was coming on because I'm like, I fancy chocolate

19:53

and I hate chocolate. Yes. And then

19:55

I would like do it. And then in the next hour, I'd

19:57

be like, don't look at me. I

20:03

would take one bite and then be like, yeah, I knew I

20:05

didn't want this and then throw away the rest of the bar.

20:07

But it satisfied

20:09

whatever that thing is. Yes.

20:12

Yes. Some kind of weird sugar dopamine that

20:14

I don't know. There must be a number of ways to do that. I don't

20:16

know. I mean, it's probably a healthy, and also

20:18

when you said chocolate and smoked salmon back to back,

20:20

I did gip a little bit because it sounds like combining

20:23

of those two. Like chocolate

20:25

wrapped, chocolate wrapped smoked

20:27

salmon. And

20:30

again, I'm a textures girl, because that's why I don't like

20:32

smoked salmon. The texture.

20:34

Right. Too weird for you. Can't do with that

20:36

jelliness. It feels like

20:38

it's not cooked yet and it isn't. It's

20:41

smoked and I can't get

20:43

that around my head either. So do

20:45

you not like salmon sashimi?

20:48

No. Oh, I love

20:50

all of that. I like sushi if the salmon

20:52

is the cooked one. Right.

20:54

Okay. Right. So

20:57

for you, that fish has got to be... For you, smoked

20:59

salmon and sushi is the equivalent of like swimming

21:01

in the sea and

21:02

just taking a bite out of a fish as it goes

21:04

past. Basically. No.

21:09

When I see smoked salmon, I do, I think of Brighton.

21:12

It smells like Brighton.

21:13

It smells like Hastings. It's all

21:16

the things. It does have a fishy smell,

21:18

doesn't it? Because salmon, when it's cooked, doesn't really

21:20

have a fishy smell. So when you're

21:23

in smoked salmon, there is a fishiness to it.

21:25

It's pungent. It's kind of like the idea of, and I've

21:27

never thought about it before, but

21:29

just fish smoking

21:32

cigarettes. Just

21:34

a fish puffing away like a salmon

21:36

guy. I've not seen a mermaid

21:37

roll up a smoked salmon and... That

21:41

would be funny. They missed the tricking little

21:43

mermaid with that. They did. They

21:46

did. And always, why is it you always see the mermaid

21:48

with like the fishy tail? What

21:50

about the fish head and some sexy legs? We

21:53

never see that version. Oh my gosh. I

21:55

didn't think about that.

21:57

The fish head and the sexy legs. Yeah.

22:02

Oh my gosh. Yes. I

22:04

want to see that. Maybe that would be the man. The man

22:06

would be fish head. Strong

22:08

legs. Yeah. Yeah. Strong legs.

22:11

Abs. Some nice ripped abs on the go.

22:13

Yeah. Yes please. Abs.

22:16

That would be awesome. Yeah.

22:19

We'll get that. We'll get that going. Also

22:21

the bra, the shell bra. Like is there any

22:23

other option? Because I'm just imagining that a bra

22:25

made out of shells is painful. I

22:27

didn't even think

22:29

about that. Under wiring is painful. A

22:32

shell bra is definitely painful.

22:34

I mean she looks good in her shell bra. I'm just

22:36

the practicality of it I worry about. Yeah. Yeah.

22:39

I think if you've got, I think if you've got some big

22:42

girls,

22:43

those are not. Oh that's only going to go over your nips. That

22:45

ain't going to cover the old breasts is it? Look,

22:48

a couple of starfish. A couple of starfish

22:50

on the nips. Starfish

22:50

is just ugly. That's what

22:53

we should be. That's

22:56

what we should just

22:59

be. Some modesty starfish.

23:02

I love this intelligent conversation

23:05

about mermaid breasts.

23:07

Mermaid tits.

23:10

We are all over it. The fish tits. Also

23:12

when mermaids give birth, how one

23:14

by one and two

23:15

do they breastfeed? Right?

23:20

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't, how

23:23

would it work? Because that's the fish end.

23:25

Yeah, exactly. So it must be eggs that

23:27

get fertilized. So they maybe don't give live

23:29

birth then. Okay. So there's going to be like

23:32

roe or spawn

23:33

or what. Spawn. Spawn.

23:35

And then the male, the

23:37

merman comes along and just, or

23:40

the man. Because mermaids don't seem to go out with mermen.

23:42

They seem to just go out with men.

23:44

That's

23:48

right. You don't ever see the mermaids. Like

23:53

it's got to be a prince, right? That's the,

23:55

it can't

23:56

be a regular Schmeggler dude. No,

23:58

it's got to be king of the

24:00

land.

24:01

Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm even thinking of Tom Hanks

24:03

in Splash. Like there wasn't any

24:06

like rival people

24:08

wanted to dissect her and study her, but there

24:10

was never any like

24:12

mer man that came along that was like, get off my

24:14

girl. Like, yeah, the

24:16

king belongs with me in the water. He didn't make one

24:19

of the little mer boys into

24:22

a human so he could then have that

24:24

and keep it in the family. Oh, that's

24:27

the king allowed her to go outside of her race. And

24:30

I appreciate him doing that. She's

24:32

mer race and she dated human race and

24:34

I dig it.

24:36

And I, I maybe don't know the plot

24:38

of Little Mermaid enough. Is it that if

24:40

she, she gets her voice back? So

24:42

she kisses? Yeah. So basically

24:45

she met the mer man, she met the man and

24:47

wanted

24:47

to go onto the sea but needed legs. And

24:50

then Ursula the sea witch, because there

24:52

has to be a sea witch. And she has

24:54

to be a lady and she has to be massive. I don't know

24:56

why. But Ursula the sea witch, she

24:58

said, I'll give you legs

25:00

if you give me your voice. Ah,

25:03

right. So she got the legs, went

25:05

on, didn't have the voice, had to kiss him by midnight,

25:08

but Ursula tried to make it because she couldn't kiss him by

25:10

midnight.

25:10

Right. Got the voice back. Dad gave

25:13

her the legs and now here we are. Now

25:15

they live happily ever after. Yeah. There's a mermaid part

25:18

two, did you know? No. Yeah, there's

25:20

part two going back to the sea where she's got a fab,

25:22

she's got a daughter who loves the water

25:25

and doesn't know why. Oh,

25:26

okay. Mermaid, little

25:28

mermaid two, Revenge of the Smoked Salmon. Just

25:34

to, just to bring it back to, be

25:36

about to your unpopular opinion. So

25:43

we've got two unpopular opinions. You clearly

25:45

like little mermaid. We've got some concerns

25:48

about mermaid underwear. But

25:51

I would say, I would say those are two things that

25:53

I, I smoked salmon, I am a smoked

25:56

salmon bagel with

25:56

some cream cheese and some capers.

25:59

I mean, that must.

25:59

to you be like a for

26:02

me and you had the papers

26:04

and cream cheese and a bagel

26:07

I hate bread I was gonna say bread but

26:09

I thought no

26:10

I hate too unpopular yeah

26:13

people coming for you yeah

26:16

I imagine if you don't like smoked salmon you

26:18

probably hate

26:20

an oyster I'm yet to even try one

26:22

because just the sight of it is making

26:24

me and I've tried I've put it close to my

26:26

mouth but I end up you

26:28

know I end up in that space so yeah it does

26:31

kind of look like someone sneezed into a soap dish

26:33

that's how I just feel you've not made

26:35

it attractive dear you've not

26:37

made me want to have it anymore

26:43

before we get on to what you've got coming up

26:45

we have time to deal with a quick listener

26:48

problem

26:49

with AngryAunt people have sent some

26:51

stuff in for us to tackle on the podcast

26:54

this one is from Tina Sesselman she's sent

26:56

in a problem before this week she said dear

26:58

AngryAunt the thermometer has just reached 25

27:01

and every bus or train is already smelling

27:04

like the armpit from hell why

27:09

because we are moving into a nation

27:11

of people who think they don't want to wear

27:13

deodorant anymore and that

27:15

natural stuff doesn't work guys

27:18

news flash doesn't work you

27:20

need to get deodorant okay

27:24

so now get ready for the spicy

27:26

take oh I've never

27:28

worn deodorant

27:30

and so therefore I've never

27:33

needed it you're odorless

27:35

I just didn't start using it as a teenager

27:38

for some reason because I'll tell you

27:40

why for some reason I never sweated

27:43

like now I'm a bit older I do

27:45

a little bit Prince Andrew but I'm gonna

27:48

take it um I would might so

27:51

when I would exercise

27:53

when I was younger my face would go really really

27:55

really really red yeah

27:57

but I wouldn't necessarily get liquid coming

27:59

out out my pores. Now

28:01

I do like, I was in the garden

28:04

yesterday and it was very hot and I was like, Oh, I'm,

28:06

I'm sweating the back of my neck. As I've

28:08

got older, I'm like, Oh, your knuckles sweat. Do

28:10

your knees sweat? I didn't know your knees, your

28:13

elbow creases. Yeah. Yeah. Everywhere.

28:15

Right. And actually it's quite healthy, but I

28:18

just never have worn a deodorant.

28:20

So I just like shower, you know,

28:22

like everyone else does. And I've

28:25

never worn it and I've never, you know,

28:27

unless people come on now go, you fucking stink,

28:29

but I don't know, I've never had people come up to me and go, you

28:32

smell. No, I've never smelled you. You

28:34

always smell nice. Yeah. So I, I, when

28:37

you say I've never worn it, it

28:38

adds to my, why I stopped taking my

28:41

hay fever tablets. Cause I've genuinely believed the

28:43

stuff they make us buy keeps us

28:45

in the space that we have to keep spending the money

28:47

on the thing. Yes. Yeah. So my first

28:49

two years without having hay fever tablets was really

28:51

hard, but now it's easier,

28:53

just easier. Yeah. It's coming out. Bit of Vaseline

28:56

man, the nostrils. Yeah. I might have a little like,

28:58

um, sniffly nose every now and again, but

29:00

my

29:00

eyes have not been red anymore. I'm not rubbing

29:03

continuously anymore. I'm not getting the

29:05

headaches and all that stuff anymore. I genuinely

29:07

think the stuff that we buy

29:09

keeps us in the space of a continuously having

29:11

to, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Cause how does they

29:13

make money if you don't still have the problem? So

29:16

that's, but I just never did. And I don't know what it

29:18

was. It wasn't like it was enforced upon

29:20

me for my mum or anyone else like that. Like

29:22

in my family, I just never, I remember

29:25

there being those kind of impulse body

29:27

sprays and I had Dubri from

29:29

the body shop. I had like their little perfumes,

29:32

but I never had, I never

29:34

went, Oh, I'm going in and spraying under here

29:36

and just,

29:38

just didn't. And actually I've got on

29:40

pit hair at the moment. Sometimes I grow it out. It's

29:42

there and I'm still not, you know, so

29:45

I, I just, I wonder if my body

29:47

naturally when will we learn how to

29:50

deal with this? And then when you start using that, you're somehow

29:52

interfering with that process.

29:55

And then there are certain ingredients in there

29:57

and stuff

29:57

that, you know. Also,

30:00

when you sweat, I realize when you sweat, it

30:03

activates a smell when

30:05

you put the deodorant on top of it. Right.

30:08

Your natural odor, which is probably fine, as

30:10

you well know, is now going against

30:13

what you put on top of it. Whatever. So

30:15

you're getting to... And so that's where it's... Yeah.

30:18

Yeah. I remember there was this woman that

30:20

I worked with years ago and she used to get annoyed because there was another woman

30:22

in the office who would just like throughout the day spray her

30:24

deodorant and she was like, she's putting

30:28

spray pond stink up. Well,

30:30

how is that works? You

30:32

smell worse when you do that. You have to wash before

30:34

you spray or once you add into

30:36

the drama and it doesn't make any sense. Yes.

30:39

Yeah. So you just... But

30:41

it's also hard as well because if you're like, oh, I'm getting hot

30:44

throughout the day and I feel like I could smell

30:46

myself, then the need

30:49

to like kind of get

30:51

some deodorant on or do something. But

30:53

I just feel like it's, you know, in weather like this,

30:55

sometimes I'm like, this is a two shower day.

30:59

And I've had one this morning and then

31:01

before I go out to do the show tonight, I'm going to have to have

31:03

another one because it feels like, yeah, it

31:06

feels too much. You get clammy, didn't you? You

31:08

don't want to go to work feeling like all day.

31:11

That's horrible. Yeah.

31:13

But I do. I have one in the morning

31:15

always and I have one before I go to bed always because the idea

31:17

sometimes, because we go into comedy

31:20

clubs and sometimes we have to even get on the train

31:22

and the tube, I've collected all

31:24

of outside and I'm in

31:26

my mind, it's like my mind works is

31:28

I'm bringing that to my bed.

31:31

Yeah. You know what I mean? So what I do is when

31:33

I get in, I've got a little space here,

31:35

my shoes and stuff stay outside and

31:37

then nine times out of 10, I will undress.

31:40

And

31:40

by the time I get to my shower, I'm naked

31:43

and my clothes are in a dirty basket. And then that way I've

31:46

minimized bringing in as much outside

31:48

as possible. Right.

31:51

Right.

31:52

That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know a lot of people who

31:54

feel like that. They're like, yeah, I'm not bringing

31:56

outside into my bed. Yeah. But

31:58

I wear shoes from outside.

31:59

my sister's like, shoes off? My

32:02

sister's like, you come into my house, your shoes are off.

32:04

And then I got a friend who's

32:06

like Filipino and she's like, we all

32:08

take our shoes off. What is this madness where you

32:10

come in and you're stomping around in

32:12

your shoes? I do, I feel like,

32:15

yeah, because when you're outside, you've walked

32:17

on untold amounts of things, things that you

32:19

don't even realise. So yeah, why do

32:22

you want that in your house, Tiff? Yeah,

32:24

so I think everything already smells

32:26

because it's

32:28

hot and people aren't, they're going from

32:30

one place to the other, they haven't had a chance to get home

32:33

and it's hard. Your own smell is one thing, everyone

32:35

else's smells is harder to take as well.

32:38

I only like your smell if I love you.

32:40

You know that? Yeah. The moment

32:42

you break up with a boyfriend, that smell now

32:44

stinks. Yeah.

32:46

You don't want to smell that sweat ever

32:48

again. But also I find that when I'm on the

32:50

tube, if I do smell someone, sometimes

32:53

it's diet. You know that when they eat, they

32:55

use a lot of oils and stuff and it seeps out

32:57

of their skin. Sometimes it's diet. Right.

32:59

Certain foods do show up in your,

33:02

like if you have beetroot, you'll go to the toilet

33:04

and think you're about to die. And then remember you add

33:06

beetroot because your pee is red. Yes. Yeah.

33:09

Yeah.

33:10

Well, if you eat too much vitamin C, your

33:12

pee goes green. Your pee goes green.

33:15

Oh really? Yeah. Oh,

33:17

I did not know that. I was in Jamaica once and I was just, oh

33:20

man, I could climb a

33:22

tree and pick the juiciest oranges.

33:25

And I spent all day just eating oranges. And

33:27

then when I went to the toilet, I went in, I

33:29

ran out of the toilet.

33:30

I was like, oh my God, I want to die.

33:33

And my dad then was like, he's just laughing. He's like,

33:35

no, it's cause you've been sitting in the orange tree all day in the

33:37

matter. You've eaten too much oranges all day.

33:40

Yeah, it's too much vitamin C in your diet. And

33:43

now your insides are green. I'd like that to be a

33:45

problem for me. Yeah. Well,

33:48

I think that's one of the good things about vitamin C

33:50

is actually you can't overdo

33:53

it because your body just ejects it. Literally.

33:56

Yeah.

33:58

So, well, thank you for... for

34:01

tackling that listener problem. Tina,

34:03

there's not much you can do about it. I would,

34:05

the other thing is, is I would take maybe a little

34:07

bottle of some,

34:10

what are those drops, those like, you

34:13

know, the little. Like the oils,

34:15

the essential oils. Yeah, the essential oils. If

34:17

you've got a little, if you've got something, you

34:20

could just

34:20

wave it under your nose and you can get a pleasant

34:23

smell. Yeah, you know that kind of sticks. You

34:25

know when I put one of those there, you know you put

34:27

the oil in the bottle, oh yeah, roll-ons, but you know you've

34:30

got oil in the bottom of like a container and you've got

34:32

the sticks that stick out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe

34:34

you can carry one of those with you as well, because that's the case. Carry

34:36

those, just waft it under your nose and just. Just do that.

34:39

I used to be,

34:41

spray my impulse girl. Right,

34:44

right. When I was on the train and someone smelled. Right,

34:46

someone smelled, you just sprayed it. Shh, I took off my head.

34:49

Yeah, yeah. Or act like I'm spraying my clothes,

34:51

but it just means that this scent is now around

34:54

me and not your scent. Yeah. I've

34:56

done, I do that with, I got

34:58

this, I was at the Brazilian Bum Bum, whoever

35:00

does that, they've got these body sprays, which

35:03

I've started obsessively using. They've got

35:05

like a caramel and pecan. The

35:07

one I use is coconut and something else.

35:09

And it's in a little spritzer and occasionally I'll

35:12

just spritz. Yeah. Sometimes I

35:14

just spritz because I want the smell, but also.

35:17

Because we want the smell. Because we

35:19

want the smell to knock out all

35:21

the other smells. So it's quite a nice way to do

35:23

it. So yeah, don't

35:25

take it personally guys. Okay. Okay.

35:28

Okay. Okay.

35:31

Thank you for joining me on the podcast. Thank you.

35:33

Before we head off, is there anything you'd

35:36

like to plug? What have you got coming up? Where can people

35:38

see you? Yeah, best thing to do

35:40

is go to my website, www.tanya-moor.co.uk.

35:45

I am up to date with my dates and stuff. I've

35:47

got my one hour, my new one hour coming.

35:50

It's called August. It's a work in progress,

35:51

hopefully to tour. If

35:54

not late 24, early 25. Amazing.

35:58

So we'll be doing that. We've already won an award at bulk. which

36:00

is wonderful. Oh wow! Nominated

36:02

at Leicester. Some really excited about

36:05

it. It's a really nice show. Go see Tanya because

36:07

her stand-up is really really brilliant. Thank

36:09

you. And follow me on TikTok

36:10

because apparently all the other apps are

36:12

dying. Right, right.

36:14

Go to TikTok. Yes. Hit some clips. There's

36:17

some great clips up actually. I've seen some clips of you at the

36:19

Comedy Store MCing and stuff. So there's some great

36:21

fun crowd

36:22

work ones and stuff like that. Thank you.

36:24

So if you're looking for

36:26

stuff, go find that. Follow

36:28

on the social medias. Go to the

36:30

Working Progress. Are you taking it to

36:32

Edinburgh? Not to Edinburgh? Not this year, no. Right.

36:34

No. No. I just want to explore it. I'm doing a week.

36:37

Well that's my plug. I'm doing a week working

36:39

progress at the Fringe but just one week. Yeah.

36:41

I'm going in front of a doing month again. So one

36:43

week and then it will go out on the

36:46

road and that's how we do now.

36:48

Thank you for joining us on the podcast. Thank you. Your

36:51

ace loved having you and

36:54

thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Bye.

36:57

You can listen to other programs

36:59

from The Bugle including The Bugle,

37:02

Catharsis, Tiny Revolutions,

37:04

Top Stories and The Gardel wherever

37:07

you find your podcasts.