Heyyyyy girl! Whatcha dooooooin’? Heyyyyyy girl! Where ya goin? WHO’S THAT GIRL? WHO’S THAT GIRL? It’s DUELS. Gather your bird shirts, your silk kimonos, your giardia-infected belly rings, don’t feed any cereal flakes to amphibians, and COME ON DOWN because Kristin and Esther are GOING DEEP ON NEW GIRL!!!!! You know, the TV show? The one that ran from 2011 to 2018? Our duel this week is BEST NEW GIRL EPISODE, and we may or may not talk for two full human hours about this wonderful and beautiful creation of a television show. Quotes abound! Important moments! BUT THERE’S MORE -- we introduce two new segments that are both CORNERS, making this show really kind of a weird polygon, if you want to go all geometrical: KRISTIN’S GRUDGE CORNER and EsTEAR’s CRY CORNER. We’ve missed you kittens, so here’s an extra long episode to snuggle up with.

Editor/Esther’s Note: The advice I was trying to remember from the episode was this gem: “Don’t do a slumber party trick on yourself.”

Takeaway quote: “That kind of gives my nipples brain freeze, thinking about that”Alternate takeaway quote: “I just know I am, in most conversations, trying to figure out a way to weave in ‘slut butler.’”Another alternate takeaway quote: “It’s called Chain of DUELS, not Chain of SOFT OPINIONS.”

Highlights:+ Kristin’s inaugural Grudge Corner is a confusing journey of anger, then victory, then research, then confusion, and then back to straight up complacence. What IS the next evolution from a starship?+ Esther takes us on an Incredible Journey of tears (and pedicures) and introduces us to OLD BODGER.+ THE DICE IS DEAD! WE’RE TAKING CHARGE OF OUR OWN DESTINY! (Unless Roll Dice Online wants to sponsor us, then we’ll GLADLY keep rolling the dice to choose future duels)+ “He’s very earnest …. And … his name is Ernest.” “OW! ME SO ERNIE!”+ Seriously, though, what ARE people from Maine called? + “I am not a titan of finance, sir!”+ ICE BRA: not as good of an idea in practice as it is in theory. + SURPRISE, we’re the presidents of the Linda Cardellini fan club!+ We’ll leave you on a cliffhanger: WILL WE EVER GET SUED? WHO WILL BE FIRST TO DRAG US THROUGH THE COURTS?