0:00

Or designing your characters, they're part of a village that's like a population of 77.

0:05

It's only like two acres large, at least the town center.

0:09

There's farms outward of it. The demographics are like 53% fiume,

0:16

14% half-elf, 13% halfling, 8% dwarf,

0:22

6% gnome, 2% elf.

0:26

That's not many elves to make all as half-elves.

0:29

1% half orc and 1% tiefling 1%

0:34

basically everything else the town's only worth about 385 gold the town?

0:40

So this is not an adventurer's town necessarily I mean that's a lot of gold

0:46

but you're not really going to find many things for sale over like 25 gold and it's a militia of about 7,

0:54

so your police force is 7 people are we it? No.

1:00

The ruler is a male halfling named Fargus Popperkettle.

1:06

He's fair and just and respected by the populace. That first part of that sentence again? Which part?

1:13

After his name. He's fair and just and respected by the populace,

1:18

but there is some tension between the races.

1:20

So is he, like, as a ruler, is that essentially he's, like, the mayor of the

1:24

town type of a ruler? The mayor? The mayor.

1:28

Yes. There's not really a lot in the town. There's a tavern,

1:33

a blacksmith, a general store, and that's pretty much it.

1:41

One of the comments on here is, I like how in D&D it is just as difficult to

1:46

kill a frog as it is to kill a commoner. You saw that one too?

1:57

I won't read the comments anymore. No, that's okay.

2:02

Your town is only like two or three blocks, right? If the town center of it

2:08

would be like two or three blocks, there's an intersection of two major streets

2:12

in the middle of the town. They're not really named. They're just kind of dirt. One street light town.

2:18

Yeah. Recently, a company has moved to your town because your mayor was offering

2:26

a better tax rate than the town that they were based in originally,

2:30

the city they were based in. And so you guys get a good amount of gold every

2:35

month in taxes which is why you probably have

2:38

some gold for 77 people and it's going to build right but the town the city

2:44

that the company came from was jealous and tried to stop the company from coming

2:51

to your town so that they could keep the taxes why does this feel like the beginning

2:55

of a hallmark movie i don't know are we gonna

2:58

fall in love with the big time big city execs and i mean if that's how it works

3:03

out stop them from destroying our small businesses i don't know every christmas

3:09

movie um it's why i hate them so much.

3:16

Careful, Becca loves them. I watch them non-stop. There's a few of them I like,

3:24

but most of all, nope, not a fan.

3:26

They're all the same, I don't deny it. And I'm not claiming they're good. I just like the money.

3:33

I watched one last year that wasn't bad. I forget what it was called.

3:38

They usually have ones that break the mold and those are always fun.

3:42

My favorite Christmas movie, sorry Mike. You're fine.

3:47

It's actually really sad it's this husband and

3:50

wife they're in a fight and she gets hit by a car

3:53

and he makes a wish that like

3:56

she didn't get hit by he could go back

3:59

in time and change things well this guardian angel

4:03

came down and granted his wish but he had to prove that he loved her in order

4:07

for her to stay alive if not then she's gonna die so he tries to prove over

4:12

x amount of days that he still loves her and it's getting down to the wire and he ends up pushing her,

4:21

in front of the car no no no no no no away from the car he gets hit instead

4:26

and that proved that he loved her and she was able to stay alive and he lived

4:31

and it's an oldie and i haven't seen it in years but i really liked it it's a good story.

4:40

So anyway the uh this company

4:44

or this city much larger than yours and much more powerful than yours has sent

4:49

their own militia to overtake your militia and the ones that wanted to stay

4:54

on could stay on and the ones who didn't were kindly asked to leave the town

4:59

possibly because they disappeared We had one night.

5:02

Doesn't sound like kindly. It's like we're gonna die.

5:06

Listen, I only have four hit points. The ones who stayed on,

5:11

the people for the company. What's that?

5:15

What do you mean by the ones who stayed on? Are we talking? Yeah.

5:18

So, so your town of 77 people had seven militia and of those seven,

5:24

a few stayed on when they were basically told they could stay and work as militia.

5:30

Cake or death, I guess, as Lena says.

5:34

So I guess what I'm confused on, sorry, it's been a long day.

5:38

Our militia of seven is part of our population. Relationhood,

5:42

their militia threatened that if our militia didn't leave.

5:46

Or join them. Okay. So our militia threatened and seven of them stayed behind.

5:51

Not all seven stayed behind. A few of the seven stayed behind. Okay.

5:56

We'll say one. Because that's what I rolled. One of the seven stayed behind. That's not a few.

6:01

I know. I was thinking the same thing. Because I rolled a D6.

6:04

That's a couple. We'll say two stayed behind and joined the ranks of the opposing

6:12

militia, the occupying force.

6:15

This just seems rude. Oh, they're actually occupying us, okay.

6:18

Yeah. I guess that's also a good thing. I only have four hit points.

6:25

Not only is there the militia they sent, but there's also a female tiefling

6:31

wizard who's kind of the leader of the bunch to control the city and is taking

6:36

over the role of acting mayor. People are trying to take over our town in order to control the company so they get the taxes.

6:46

Yeah. Rather than making the company go back to them, they're coming here to

6:49

take them. Yeah, it was easier. Okay.

6:53

To overtake a town of 77, then to try and force a town to come back to them.

6:58

Plus, you might suspect that all of their legal remedies have been quashed in the courts.

7:04

Okay. I'm just making sure I'm on track with the story here.

7:08

Yeah. So the acting leader is named Acta.

7:13

I swear to God, this was a random generation.

7:19

Why do the random generations hate me so much?

7:24

Actimaya. That's not what it was, but that's what it's going to be.

7:28

Her name is Actimaya. The Maya?

7:32

The Actimaya. She is a very fat woman, well, tiefling, and is wearing a long black cloak.

7:40

Her long chestnut hair is drawn into a two-foot-long braid, gold eyes,

7:46

and slightly larger than normal her eyes are.

7:49

She also is slightly larger than normal.

7:53

Well, you described her as very fat, so does that mean the rest of us are fat?

7:57

She's slightly larger than normal? You can make those decisions about your own character. I do eat a lot of eggs and bacon.

8:05

You've noticed that she resents people who mock her appearance.

8:09

Well, yeah. and she seems

8:13

skeptical of anyone around her these

8:16

aren't the actual flaw but the flaws say ugly

8:19

shy ugly and shy wow the random generator really hated actamaya yeah yeah they

8:28

did okay so that is the setup what's the name of your town what's this a pop quiz townberg townberg,

8:38

Townberg. Okay. So Actimaea has taken over Townberg.

8:47

I think it's funny. Kayla thinks it's funny. So what is your character?

8:56

Assume you've grown up in this town, right? Tell us a little bit about your character, Lena.

9:02

I live alone in a small house. And I raise chickens and sell eggs for a copper

9:09

piece Copper a dozen, what makes sense?

9:12

I don't know I sell eggs to the other members of the town And I'm known as the

9:17

chicken lady What's your name?

9:20

The chicken lady Okay, so you're just going to go by chicken lady this whole time?

9:24

No, I gotta think of a name Flora Flora the chicken lady Becca, what's your character?

9:33

Good question. Good question. I'm a half-elf. Oh, yeah.

9:39

Let's say early 20s, so pretty young by even human standards.

9:46

My parents have been trying to get me to decide what I'm doing with my life,

9:49

but I just like to gallivant around town and just go splash around in streams

9:53

outside town and stuff and not really take anything too seriously.

9:57

But I do sometimes help them out. they farm

10:00

one of the plots just outside the town and i

10:03

know that they work really hard for it but i just i

10:06

just don't want to do that work and but

10:09

i haven't figured out what it is that i want to do yet okay and do you have

10:12

a name yes i click click certainly not googling half-elf names i was just thinking

10:23

you did a flora we could be uh meriwether and fern from i thought you were You're going to say Fauna.

10:31

You could be Flora and Fauna. I thought Fauna, too. And Meriwether.

10:36

These are terrible names. You want to be Fauna? Sure. Wait, so you're Flora with an F? Yeah. Okay.

10:46

No. I thought she was about to be the rich girl whose parents heard your name

10:51

in the hospital and then spelled it with a P-H to one-up it.

10:56

So it's flora and flora i probably should have specified a race for mine you

11:03

still can i'll be a gnome i love it a gnome with chickens that are like half my height,

11:10

okay well i'm back it comes up with a name oh i said fauna that's fine i'll do fauna okay.

11:17

Flora, Fauna, Flora is a no, and Fauna is a half-elf? Yes.

11:24

Okay, and Kayla? Well, Meriwether, because Meriwether is very fair, you said Sleeping Beauty.

11:34

What's another race in this town? Gnomes, half-elves?

11:37

Human, half-elf, halfling, dwarf, gnome, elf, half-orc, tiefling,

11:42

dragonborn, tabaxi. So the regular stuff.

11:48

We'll be a halfling. Actually, no. No, no, no. Scratch that. Okay.

11:53

We'll do an elf. And my family, we live on a horse ranch where we raise horses, and I like to ride them.

12:03

Okay there you go cool so basically your family makes up the two percent of

12:09

elves in this town and if we suppose something might have happened where she

12:16

might be your half sister, just because the limited number of elves in this town i mean i assumed her parents

12:24

were one human and one elf. So maybe the elf is part of your family.

12:30

Yeah. A philanderer. Or a lush. I was just found by the side of the road.

12:37

That's a baby. Except it's...

12:40

Outcast. But as soon as they saw your pointed ears, they're like, again?

12:45

Because 14% of the population is half-elf. You're killing Kayla.

12:51

That's not part tonight. So, you two might not know your half-sisters, but everyone else knows.

13:02

And no one talks about it in front of you. So does that mean both my parents are probably human?

13:08

One of your parents is human. Your adoptive parents could definitely be human.

13:13

That's what I mean. Like, the parents that I think are my parents.

13:15

I guess, what happens if a half-elf breeds with a human? Do you get a quarter-elf?

13:20

Quarter or a half-elf. Depends how much.

13:23

I mean, I guess that technically would be another thing, but it is much funnier

13:26

that we're sisters and don't know it. Does Fauna also not realize that she's part elf?

13:32

No, I think she has the pointed ears and stuff. And she always blames the fact

13:35

that she doesn't want to farm and she just wants to be out in the woods on her

13:38

elf hat. Well, that sounds annoying. So probably disillusioned by her parents to say like,

13:45

you know, when her mother was younger or her father was younger,

13:49

they went out and, you know, had a tryst with an elf, not saying whether or

13:55

not that elf still lives in the town. Becca, our eyes give us away. That's the family trait. I love it.

14:02

They have to be a very unique color. What do you want?

14:08

Violet, gray, gold, silver. Violet?

14:12

Sounds good to me. Okay. Okay. So, an elf and a half elf with violet eyes who

14:17

you're friends with, I guess. I don't know. We went to school together. Yeah, I was going to say,

14:23

it would be great. Like, let's say it was her dad and my mom,

14:27

because maybe our moms were pregnant at the same time. We'd really actually

14:30

been, like, raised, like, literally through school together and stuff. Okay.

14:35

That works. You pooped on me. Didn't poop on me. You pooped on me.

14:43

This is going to be a lot. Wow. Wow.

14:51

You always don't have markers, Mike. I have a lot of markers.

14:55

There's some little thingy-majiggy over here. Yeah, I have some here.

14:58

I have some here. Are you going to throw out the ones that don't work now?

15:02

Probably not. Probably mix them back in. You're a monster. Why?

15:07

You set traps for yourself, apparently. Sometimes, yeah. Well, John, too. Yeah.

15:14

John, too. I have a million of those little tiny dry erase markers in the drawer at my desk at work.

15:22

Please tell me these aren't sharpies no they're dry i'm

15:25

like that would be really they're the kind that i have

15:28

they're from five below i think yeah but they come they came in like a pack

15:33

this big with like tons of colors so how do you guys tend to meet up where do

15:38

you tend to find their tavern yeah there's one tower probably the tavern i would

15:43

say i'm young enough that i think i'm being rebellious by going to the tavern every night,

15:49

the tavern is called babes unumberment umber hulk babes umber hulk yeah that sounds dirty yeah,

16:02

that's in the back you need to ask for this special i was that's our sidekick

16:08

guys i always called it babes under milk.

16:15

That's not that's not it's like oh what are you guys doing oh we work here but

16:20

i hope you're also drinking because otherwise this is gonna get awkward fast perfect perfect,

16:28

It was a great day. When I was in college, we had an outbreak of norovirus.

16:33

Great. They wouldn't let us use the cafeteria. They were ordering taco.

16:40

There's a lot of taco down. They're like, oh, yeah, don't worry.

16:45

We're going to come clean your dorm. Because we had suite-style rooms. So there was a bathroom.

16:50

And there was four bathrooms in my house. The way the maintenance came to clean

16:55

our rooms was just be like, with life so okay it's clean and i'm like i've seen those cleaning styles before

17:03

i'm like dude neurovirus.

17:08

It was awful nobody was allowed in or out okay i'm gonna shut up again,

17:14

i don't know if i should offer her more i am not i

17:17

mean you can the fridge so anyways it's

17:23

been a long day of hard chicken farming and goofing

17:26

about for fauna and what's merriweather

17:30

do all day right is it at

17:34

her farm is it at fauna's farm does fauna's

17:37

farm have horses she had the horse i had the

17:40

horse ranch okay so it's at

17:43

your horse yeah i think fauna's family just farms

17:45

yeah just regular farming and i i supply

17:49

basically the entire town with eggs like picture

17:52

you know we're planting like alfalfa and hay for like the horses and some corn

17:57

and beans and stuff you know what about the squash there's a little bit of squash

18:02

in there too so i can have that three-in-one thing i could imagine as flora

18:07

walks into the tavern she is.

18:10

Carrying a chicken a bunch of

18:13

eggs oh maybe a chicken probably a

18:16

chicken and like a chicken under one arm

18:19

and a basket of eggs on the other giving the daily

18:22

supply to the tavern owner for tomorrow uh it's

18:26

it's like early evening so it's like happy hour

18:29

perfect i'll go right up to the the

18:32

the counter and like hold up the basket got your delivery and the that's the

18:38

blacksmith a lean cromwell a female human leans over to get the eggs i'm a gnome

18:48

yes leans over to get the eggs.

18:52

Takes the chicken into the... Oh, was the chicken not for her?

18:56

The chicken was not for her! Oh, okay. Okay.

19:01

She hands you back the chicken when she sees your face. And is kind of happy

19:06

she didn't snap its neck right away. Oh, man. I hold the chicken a little closer.

19:12

I'll take the basket tomorrow. And I walk away. Thanks for the eggs.

19:17

Yep. And she goes on the back with the eggs. the chicken was not for you not

19:23

for you i picture i picture fauna entering the bar with like grass or flower

19:31

crown that she's made from sitting around doing nothing all day becca that's you,

19:38

i'm just like hanging around you said no i

19:41

picture you like walking into the bar the tower but with

19:45

like a flower or grass woven crown that

19:48

you made because you weren't really doing anything else all day there's also

19:52

some streaks of dirt on my face from the frogs i was catching and the insects

19:56

i was looking at in the stream okay yeah i'm gonna go out on a limb here and

20:02

say you're not wearing shoes yeah okay.

20:09

Wild child. Yeah. Okay. I guess I passed Flora.

20:14

Probably. I'm finding a table. With a chicken in her hand.

20:18

I mean, the chicken's really big compared to me, so it's more like in my arms.

20:22

Yeah. Yeah. So I would imagine like holding a pumpkin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

20:28

So you two are in the tavern now and Meriwether walks in. What do you look like?

20:37

Windblown hair because we were out riding our horses. Well, horse today.

20:42

What's your horse's name? Flame. No, I'm just thinking of that joke. What do you name the baby of a horse

20:52

whose mother's name was? What was it? I don't know. It was a pug last night. And she had seen it,

21:00

apparently, so it roamed it. The mother's name was something to do with red wine. Oh, the name was Redwine.

21:06

Oh, the mother horse's name was Redwine.

21:09

And the person is like, you name it Cabernet.

21:19

Okay. We're good. Hi, Presco.

21:24

So I assume you guys see each other in this tavern. Probably.

21:30

How do you greet each other? What do you normally do? I like wave my hand to

21:35

get their attention to come sit at the table that I,

21:38

Uh, not reserved. Claimed. Claimed for us. Uh, I didn't decide higher level was good or bad.

21:47

But I rolled a nat 20. So, right as you wave, like, the people in the bar,

21:54

as they're crossing back and forth, there happens to be a gap where they can perfectly see you.

21:58

Otherwise, like, there was no way they would have seen you standing on the ground waving.

22:03

Oh, I mean, I could have jumped on the bench. Right, but because of the perfect. No need. Right.

22:10

So, Flora waves to Fauna and Meriwether. And I sit down at the bench and set

22:15

the chicken next to me. Okay. Whether it stays there, I have no idea, but I'll take it home at the end of the night.

22:21

It stays. All right. It's a well-trained chicken.

22:26

Not perfectly trained, but well-trained. I'm going to assume that I ordered

22:31

food already, so once the food comes, I'll just feed little scraps to the chicken. Okay.

22:36

What did you order? chicken you can't

22:39

assume you ordered food already because you definitely oh i

22:42

ran away from the yeah never mind i didn't order food yet okay

22:45

makes that makes more sense did either of

22:48

you order food i ordered a drink and a little bit of food yeah okay so their

22:54

specials today are bacon soup with onion and a tankard of beer chocolate soup

23:01

and a tankard of bitter or eggs and ham steamed bun with rice and a mug of peri.

23:08

I don't know what peri is. Yeah, what's bitter?

23:11

I assume a bitter beer. That's my kind of thought, I guess. IPA. Yeah, it's an IPA.

23:19

I go for the chocolate and the bitter.

23:23

Yeah, so you get a chocolate soup and an IPA. That'll be four silver pieces, which is not much.

23:30

We all have money to cover this stuff, so. Yeah, I mean, let's say you have

23:35

a life savings of five gold. You probably make a couple or like five to seven silver a week.

23:43

Okay. Do I trade eggs for dinner?

23:46

Sure. And I just spent a lot of my money from this week then. Yeah.

23:52

Yeah, going out to the bar to eat is only like a once a week type thing.

23:57

So we probably planned to meet up tonight or something Or said hey I'm going

24:00

to be in town later tonight Hey Flora What chicken you got with you tonight.

24:09

Popcorn, Popcorn the chicken I sometimes feed her little pieces of popcorn.

24:20

No one's going to get that reference Yeah it's a Bob's Burgers There was a turkey

24:25

named Popcorn Maybe because it's Sandler's. But a little piece of popcorn.

24:33

Okay. Merriweather, are you having anything for dinner?

24:37

I didn't order anything. Oh, I got distracted by popcorn again.

24:43

We're going to go with option one. So, bacon soup with onion and a tankard of beer.

24:51

No, no, no, no, no, no. We'll go with B. would be

24:54

the chocolate soup and an ipa did you say three oh three three that's the perry

24:59

and the ham yeah eggs and ham steamed bun with rice and a mug of perry yeah

25:05

we'll do that one we'll say it's like one silver instead of five silver i don't

25:09

know google it we'll just say it's wine i'm running a game here,

25:15

i'm gonna get option one okay you're getting option one so one of each one of each Yes.

25:21

Okay. Because we can all taste each other's food. Perfect.

25:25

We'll have one of everything off the special form.

25:29

Yeah. Yeah. Do you seem proud when she's eating the eggs?

25:34

Yeah, I'm really happy about my job. I love my chickens, and I love that this

25:39

is the contribution I make to our community. Cool. And that you make us feel bad for having no contributions to our community.

25:46

No, I'm just one of those, like, super industrious teacher's pet kind of types.

25:51

You know, like I actually was as a kid, so.

25:54

So, you're sitting, you're eating your meals. Do we notice anything?

25:58

So, what's been going on today? I was just down at the stream.

26:02

We saw some cool frogs today. I mean, I did have to go water all the plants this morning, but,

26:09

you know, I ran off after that. How do you respond to your friend?

26:13

I mean, I was working. I have a lot of chickens. Like, a lot. A lot of chickens.

26:19

How many is a lot? How many chickens do I need to supply a 77-person town with eggs every day?

26:25

How many eggs do 77 people eat a day in Medieval Town?

26:29

Is that what we should Google? go with a week

26:32

i'll probably do a delivery for each household per week are

26:36

you going i would guess maybe each household goes

26:39

through like a dozen eggs i probably so it's 77 divided by 2.5 right now that's

26:46

2.5 kids right what's up is it 4.5 it's the average family size at least well

26:53

we can also say it's a larger family potentially because yeah it's more like Like, medieval-esque.

26:59

So, 72-ish eggs a week.

27:03

Let's see, how many eggs? It would be like seven dozen or so.

27:08

Maybe eight dozen eggs a week, plus for the tavern.

27:11

How many eggs does a chicken lay? Five to six eggs in a week.

27:15

Just looking that up, too. So, I need basically two chickens per household.

27:20

So, let's say I have 20 chickens. Okay. That seems reasonable.

27:24

It seems like a lot to me, though, because they're...

27:28

Very large compared to me so it's just like a sea

27:31

of chickens and they're all different colors this one that

27:34

i had today just happens to be white which is why she's named popcorn

27:37

nice cool cool so mary weather asked what do you do you guys notice in the bar

27:44

yeah like because based off of the description earlier you said things have

27:51

been happening so like do we notice people i would I think small town,

27:55

we would notice if people weren't there or whatnot. Yeah. Or if someone didn't belong.

28:01

Yeah. You notice the normal townsfolk in here. It feels like such a great night.

28:07

It almost feels like before the people came to town because none of them are

28:12

in this bar right now. And people seem happy.

28:15

And there has been a morale issue lately in the town due to the oppression.

28:20

Right. But as you're noticing this, you see the door open.

28:24

And all of a sudden, like, people don't look as happy. The dancing kind of slows down.

28:31

And people kind of clear to tables.

28:34

Did the tiefling walk in? No.

28:36

Just a well-dressed, like, Captain of the Guard. The militia. Traitors.

28:43

Meriwether's going to scoff when she sees them walk in. I just can't believe

28:47

it. I just can't believe it. What is this town coming to?

28:52

You know, it wasn't like this when we were kids. way

28:56

to make us sound like we're 80 no i

28:59

mean think about it when you're in college you always think you're

29:02

already so old like 20-ish so yeah it seems totally legit i mean i think i'm

29:08

so old right now i'm 28 didn't i say something like that to you this morning

29:14

yes yeah i'm so old now Well, in my experience.

29:23

So this is the old captain of the guard from your town. His name is Gar Shadowwoods.

29:30

Gar the guard. Damn it, I did it again.

29:36

I was going to choose between Gar Shadowwoods or Peritor Bulbazo.

29:45

But I'm like, that sounds ridiculous. clearly that's going to be linked to something

29:49

what do we spend a zone of hair orchard and then I choose Gar Shadowwood after the Captain of the Guard,

29:58

After doing Actimea. Oh, my God. The Actimear.

30:03

This is why you can't blame me for gluten. It was a random generation.

30:09

I don't blame you. I just think it's funny. Let me have my puns and my jokes.

30:14

And then you guys also know the other guard that worked under,

30:20

and I'm choosing this one on purpose, under guard was Gizir, man, the human.

30:27

Man the man the human yeah gazir man

30:31

the human that wasn't his full title the human

30:34

was not part of the type we're just saying that do we call him

30:37

the human you can are there many what was the percentage of

30:40

humans like half the time it's the

30:43

majority oh don't worry if it

30:46

was only like one or two it would have made sense but not

30:49

with that many yeah both guards were human both guards

30:52

that stayed so you see gar walk in

30:56

and you can hear like the clomp of the heel on his boot as he walks in and everyone

31:02

kind of scatters to sit down i'm just not gonna look that way and roll my eyes

31:09

and keep eating my food but also i need to pull my chicken a little closer.

31:16

And what were you two doing scoffing scoffing yeah i take a big swig okay he

31:25

doesn't seem to notice that's good the clear disrespect we're not very subtle no not at all.

31:36

Guard the guard with man your parents your parents should have,

31:42

should have named you trey the traitor probably the

31:48

person who spoke up and said that is quickly dragged by their collar out of

31:53

the bar i ducked my head down at that told you what's this place coming to i

31:59

just remain as is bold as the door opens you see See,

32:05

there are guards of the militia standing outside,

32:08

and Gar throws this man into his...

32:13

Bless you. Thank you. Gar throws this man into their... Sorry,

32:18

I'm fighting another one. Gar throws this man into their care and walks back into the bar,

32:24

so you are not quite safe. Yeah, head down.

32:27

I just continue eating and drinking like nothing's happening around me.

32:31

Gar walks up to the bar, and Aleem says, Thank you.

32:35

What do you have tonight, Gar? And Gar can't really read. Oh.

32:40

Just says, give me the usual. She just slides him a couple eggs.

32:45

And he grabs them and walks out. In this case, I look a little less proud.

32:50

But I don't say anything. Okay. And Gar walks out of the bar.

32:55

Turns back real quick and just glares down across the bar.

32:59

At who? Everybody. Just like a real quick. And then leaves.

33:04

Did he take his plate of eggs with him? They weren't cooked. He just grabbed two. She gave him two shelled eggs.

33:11

What? Like eggs in shells, and he just grabbed them. That's my job.

33:15

I'm shaking my head. Does he just, like, eat those raw?

33:18

They might be hard-boiled. You don't know. That is true, I guess.

33:22

You don't know what his special is. They may be raw. Some. Oh, yeah. Kayla hates hard-boiled eggs. Worse than raw eggs?

33:32

I'm sorry, Kayla. are you struggling

33:35

more with a man eating raw or hard-boiled eggs

33:38

than a man just swallowing okay just wanted

33:43

to get that out here they're so

33:46

gross and they smell gross and then you're gonna eat it yeah

33:50

so you guys are sitting here in the tavern you know

33:53

like when a teacher yells at you and tells you

33:56

to be quiet and sit still but leaves the room and then

33:59

like everyone's quiet and still for a little bit

34:02

then the whispering starts and then everyone

34:05

starts looking at each other and then slowly it makes its way back to a party

34:09

but toned down to not attract attention you ever think about leaving you say

34:16

that every time we meet up i mean but do you how would i transport all these chickens.

34:24

Um, a cart? We could just take one of the horses.

34:28

I think we're going to need more than one. For 20 chickens? Yeah, maybe.

34:33

Plus us. We could walk. There's a lot of stuff in my cottage.

34:37

How much stuff do you have? I collect things. They're necessities.

34:42

Yeah, I collect things too, and then I let them go back down at the stream. Oh no.

34:47

Mine are mostly like rocks and pine cones and stuff.

34:51

Things you can find everywhere. There's bits of metal and screws listen listen there's some nice feathers in

35:03

that collection I mean they're chicken feathers but it's beside the point I

35:07

can see that she has one for each chicken. I mean maybe I've got like a bracelet or something made out of the chicken feathers

35:17

and it's just like all of them dangling in the air I mean when she goes to your

35:22

house She just started collecting them to make jewelry for you.

35:27

Every once in a while, as you're eating your bacon soup, like,

35:29

a little bit drips out of the spoon onto your feathers.

35:33

It's not a, what's the word? Like, reasonable piece of jewelry.

35:39

It's clunky. It's not in my dominant hand.

35:42

Oh, okay. We're still going to say you eat wild enough that it gets on. Wow. Wow you some.

35:49

I'm trying to make a story here. I give my chicken a little piece of onion.

35:52

Okay. Becca, tell me if chickens are allergic to onion.

35:57

Dogs are. Can chickens have onion? Is this integral to the story?

36:02

It might be. Well, I would think that since she raises chickens, she would know that.

36:08

Okay. So chickens can have onion in moderation. Yeah. It's one piece of onion.

36:13

I don't fit there. I feed them onion. So hopefully popcorn didn't get into any wild onions this morning.

36:21

There's none in my garden not that they

36:24

can reach gotcha so you take care to

36:27

make sure what they can reach and what they can't yeah

36:30

these chickens are my life like literally

36:33

they're my livelihood yeah so flora can't go anywhere because of the chickens

36:39

and father is ready to pick up and leave at any moment what about mary weather

36:43

every day she runs to the border of the the town with the horse and then she comes back.

36:50

What are the thoughts as she sits on the border?

36:53

What are I once on the other side? Does she stand there and sing like a Disney princess? Because that's what I'm

37:01

picturing. And all the birds come to her.

37:08

I'm sorry. No, this is great because realistically, here's the other thing.

37:12

Because you're level zero, right, commoners?

37:15

You could go into adventuring one day. Or you could just be a shopkeep or a farmer.

37:21

So you could be a druid. She could just be a farmer. birth. And I don't know

37:26

what Meriwether or Fauna would do.

37:29

I'm going to be a ranger. Possibly a ranger, yeah. I'll provide the eggs.

37:35

I'll keep the homestead. You guys can come home and have a nice plate of eggs.

37:41

Homebody. I mean, your eggs are good and all. I do think you make some good

37:45

eggs from your chickens. Listen, you could get me a cow and then we could have eggs and milk.

37:50

But then we take the livelihood away from old Dave.

37:54

Dave. The dairy farmer. Yeah.

37:58

Our berry field, Selena. Our berry field.

38:03

So does Merriweather's field even a berry field? Yeah.

38:08

No, but she knows where a good one is. She'll go there once in a while. Gotcha.

38:13

But today, while Merriweather was on her ride, she just goes a little bit past the border. Okay.

38:21

What do you feel like? Freeing. Brain. Mm-hmm.

38:26

So almost that, like, excited urge to, like, I can just go. Yes.

38:31

And why did she turn back? Um...

38:35

Well, because eyes are such an interesting characteristic, especially purple eyes.

38:41

She knows that her family's not telling her something.

38:44

Okay. So. So she can't leave until the secret is understood. Yeah. Cool. Cool.

38:51

Okay. So the night goes on. You guys finish your meals. How drunk might you

38:57

get or sober might you say? Probably tipsy. You get a good buzz going. One. Done. We're driving.

39:06

Is the horse tied up up front? She brought two. Two horses? Yeah.

39:13

Why? Because in case I had to take you guys home. Oh, that's fair. You're the DD.

39:20

What's the other horse's name? Spirit. Spirit.

39:25

Stallion of the Cimarron. I don't know if that's actually how you say that, but...

39:30

Would it be reasonable that one of us would have a game with us or that the

39:34

tavern would have a game? Possibly. The tavern has dice or cards on hand at all times.

39:40

So maybe we pick up one of the games after we finish eating and spend some time

39:44

talking about the good old days. Or nothing.

39:49

Or the things that they want to do, and I'm just like, hmm, I don't know about

39:54

that. What would some of those things be?

39:57

I mean, Meriwether keeps talking about maybe leaving.

40:01

Orfana always wants to leave. Yeah. Is that a new calling, possibly? Fauna.

40:07

Who? Fauna. I thought you said Urbana. I'm like, who's that?

40:12

Introducing new characters. Even though that's technically a town in Illinois. I mean, it's not like we're

40:19

strong enough to really do anything about the militia. Oh yeah, we're all talk.

40:24

Could we find somebody else to come kick them out for us? Who would we ask?

40:30

Also, wipe your voice down. I am. I am. I am.

40:34

Like, if we went to, like, you know, another town, found someone who could help us out?

40:43

I mean, how does one find someone? I mean, we know not to go to Big Town.

40:50

Big Town. That's the Big Town thing. It's Big Town now. And this one was what?

40:56

Town Bird. Town Bird. Oh, yeah. I mean, could we go over to Tinyville?

41:01

Maybe they could help us. flora maybe you have some family in tinyberg it is

41:07

primarily now i mean tinyville oh timeville yeah i mean maybe like an amp yeah,

41:16

You're going to tell your friends that your aunt lives in Tinyville?

41:19

I thought I said that to the group. Oh, did you?

41:22

I mean, if I do have an aunt, I haven't talked to her in a while.

41:28

It's true. That's been a while. For a bit, no. Yeah.

41:33

I'm changing the horse's name to Piccaro. Piccaro? Piccaro. And which horse

41:38

is this, Spirit or Flame? Yeah, it's Flame and Piccaro. Okay.

41:45

Piccaro. Okay. So, these are the ideas your friend has come up with so far.

41:51

I mean, how serious are you about, you know, getting rid of these guys?

41:57

I mean, I miss the way it used to be. Our other option is we could go train

42:01

every day in the woods where no one could find us, but I feel like that's not gonna maybe help.

42:06

Your chickens can't leave that often for that long.

42:11

Yeah, I can't stay away for too long. No.

42:16

You know? How far away is Tinyville? About a half day's ride.

42:21

If, like, we help to feed the chickens in the morning, we could be back in time

42:25

to feed them in the evening and help you so it goes faster?

42:28

I mean, I guess that would work. I mean, it doesn't hurt to at least inquire,

42:32

right? Maybe they'd have some other ideas. I mean, I guess let's do it. But we can't spend too long there,

42:38

okay? We can't leave the chickens that long.

42:40

No, no, no. Let's just get some information, see if there's anyone.

42:43

One or any thoughts and I don't know. I mean, it's better than just sitting

42:47

around and watch this happen. I am saying this low, but I don't know how well you guys can hear me if I actually

42:53

treat them well. Understood. It's like when we used to do, what were they? Theater whispers? Yeah.

43:00

Or how I used to call them, whisper yells.

43:04

Hey! Hey, guys! So when do we want to leave?

43:09

Do we want to go tomorrow? I mean, why quit it off if we're going to do it?

43:13

As long as you guys are going to help me. Yes, yes. What time do you want us over there?

43:18

Dawn? The quicker we leave, the quicker I get back to them. All right,

43:22

I can do Dawn. I mean, I'm up by then anyway.

43:25

Okay. Okay. So you set a plan. It's kind of probably the end of the night.

43:31

It's not much fun to be had after making decisions that could cost you your lives or your freedom.

43:37

So you pay your tab, you get up, and you go to leave. Roll perception checks.

43:43

It's a plus zero, Leah, just in case you're lucky.

43:47

How dare you? reckles three

43:50

18 and what'd

43:54

you say she's on a horse six so with

43:57

the 18 from your vantage point on the horse you see a shadow down the alleyway

44:02

it seems to be two figures arguing suddenly you see the glint of metal off of

44:08

like candlelight and a quick flash and one of the figures seems to drop.

44:15

Does the other one leave? Give me a perception check to see if, what you notice about the figures.

44:22

Or maybe investigation. It doesn't matter. It's all plus zero.

44:26

If I can make up whatever check it is.

44:29

Ooh, another 18! Another 18. You see this as a very rotund individual.

44:36

And you hear heavy breathing as it's running away.

44:40

And the other figure's just laying there? Just laying on the ground.

44:43

Guys, look! Look over there! Okay, and when she tells you to look, you can see kind of the outline of a body on the ground.

44:52

I feel like we should pretend like we didn't see anything. Do you see that shape?

44:56

I have a feeling it's Actimea. Are you saying we shouldn't do anything? Yeah, don't we have to help them?

45:04

It's one of us. No, no, the rotund person.

45:07

You don't see the rotund person, Becca. You saw the other person on the ground.

45:11

So, but I will tell you that it's... A rotund person.

45:16

And they have run off, and they're like...

45:19

Breathing heavily and snorting a little bit. Like, they're not just a little

45:23

heavy. They're like 400 pounds heavy.

45:26

It's like a 400 pound demon.

45:30

He's only like 5 foot 2.

45:34

Does anybody else notice? You notice.

45:37

You tell them. They notice the body. They didn't see the person. No, but anybody else?

45:42

No. There's nobody else on these streets right now. Is the body moving?

45:47

It does not Did we go over there?

45:51

You are going to have to answer that question.

45:54

I asked that to friends. Okay. Laura, Fauna, your friend is asking if you head towards the body.

46:02

So we don't see the other person there at all. We only see the body. Yeah.

46:06

If I only see a body, I'm getting. Okay. So you go over and you see someone laying there, perhaps dead.

46:14

Can I take a look to see if I can tell if they're dead? Yeah.

46:17

Yeah, make a medicine check. We just essentially add nothing to anything, right? They're just all straight rolling. Yeah.

46:21

All right. Yeah. Oh, that's a nice. Oh, my goodness.

46:26

This person, if they're not dead, they're dead within a few seconds. Do I see any wounds?

46:33

Or did they just, like, collapse like they could have been a heart attack?

46:37

Possibly, like, some kind of force hit them.

46:41

Is there a doctor? Like, is there, like, a medicine? Not within seconds.

46:46

Should we just start screaming, was there a doctor in the bar?

46:49

Again, too far away. I will give you the chance to save this person,

46:53

if you can, with a medicine check, but it is going to be a near-impossible medicine check.

47:00

Basically at 9.20. I'm going to try. Do I know this person? I mean,

47:04

I guess I know everyone in town. Yeah, you know everyone in town. It's like, do we like this person? No, just kidding.

47:11

That's 14 for me, so forget it. No. 12.

47:16

Yeah. This person, you hear the last breath exit their body.

47:22

Oh, that's traumatizing. It's more traumatizing if you've actually ever heard a death rattle.

47:27

Okay. There's a reason it's called a rattle. and it's not fun.

47:31

I watched an episode of Cops when I was young and it has changed me.

47:35

How does that change me thinking it's traumatizing for my character when you

47:40

just said it's terrible? Because I described it in a much better way than acting it out.

47:48

It is horrible. It is. It changes the person.

47:52

So you are changed. Not into a druid, I'm sorry.

47:58

Or a ranger. So, there is a dead body in front of you, and you saw someone had run off.

48:06

It's probably, like, two minutes at this point. Should we go get help, or...

48:10

I mean, we should go tell somebody. You have the horse, don't you? I do. Go.

48:16

Is there, like, a doctor in town or something that we could go get?

48:18

Even though we know they're dead, but, like, just to... There's not a...

48:22

I mean, in these times, there's not necessarily a doctor.

48:25

There's not a town or village large enough for a cleric.

48:28

No but is there like like like a

48:32

doctor only like we would know about like somebody

48:34

who practices medicine maybe not a doctor but you mean like a vet who does surgery

48:39

on mobsters who get shot is that what you're talking about well that was like

48:43

you know it's a strange town maybe like they want to help out the townspeople

48:47

so like they they learned how to do it and will do it for are relatively cheap. I mean, they're...

48:55

Flora, you know there's someone in Tinyville that is a cleric,

49:00

but they are not necessarily proficient enough to save this person.

49:05

Well, we already know they're dead. Yeah. So I don't think getting a doctor,

49:09

but we don't really trust the militia. Hope you understand what your goals here are. Saving this person?

49:16

Pretty much out of the question. Unless you go to a big town and you pay like Like, 25,000 gold.

49:22

I mean, do we just drop them off at the church and be like, they just dropped

49:25

dead so now they can get married?

49:28

Is there, like, a sheriff or a constable we should go to that's not the militia?

49:33

Tinyville we want to log a dead body all

49:36

the way to tinyville i didn't

49:39

say we take the body i say we report it but how

49:42

does that help us just a dead body

49:45

in the street by then someone else will find this body and leave it alone i

49:49

don't know what do you want from me i mean have you ever had a dead chicken

49:54

yeah i take care of it and how do you do that like what you propose me to hear

50:00

she sell Well, she sells it to Aline.

50:04

If it was just a normal death, then someone eats it. I don't think we're doing that here.

50:12

Well, we drop it off at a church so it can be buried.

50:17

Closest church would be Tinyville. Of course it would. Since we know the person,

50:22

maybe we should contact their next of kin.

50:25

That's a good idea. Yeah. Whose family this is. so

50:28

if you bring like the candle maybe closer

50:32

make we'll say it's a con save just to

50:35

see if your nerves can allow you to identify the body at this time yeah con

50:39

save is just a straight roll a 19 yeah lena nine okay so the 19 you recognize this as gar shadowlands,

50:52

Guard? Yeah, guard the guard.

50:56

He's dead. In front of you. Does he have family in the town or was it just him?

51:00

Maybe we don't care that much. It's not like we can save him. Maybe we shouldn't, like, stay here and make

51:10

ourselves look incriminating. I'm going to look around and see if anybody noticed us here.

51:17

Nobody seems to be around. Do we walk away?

51:20

I'm walking away. I'll walk away. Okay.

51:24

I mean, was I ever friends with this guy or is it just... If you were,

51:28

that relationship was destroyed when he turned against your town.

51:32

All right. All right. Okay. I'm imagining I got off the horse when this happened,

51:37

so I get back on the horse. Okay. And you offered the other horse. I offer the other horse to Fauna and Flora.

51:47

And I'll help Flora out on, because you're a gnome, right? So you're tiny.

51:52

Yeah, I was wondering how we were going to have a show on that one.

51:57

Okay, and you return Flora and Fauna to their home for the night.

52:01

And then you return to your home.

52:05

Before dropping them off, you question, like, are we still on for Tinyville tomorrow?

52:11

Or if plans change like i'm gonna

52:14

go with whatever happened makes us more and

52:18

that we have to go i feel the same way okay especially now because the guards

52:23

are turning on each other okay cool so you drop off flora and fauna you put

52:30

your horses in their stable yeah it's not a manger.

52:41

It's a stall. That's the only word that was coming to me.

52:47

Yeah, you put your horses in the stall, and you all go to bed,

52:51

and I'm going to take a quick break. The langer. Do you actually have a plan?

53:00

I'm actually quite proud of the quiet people. I'm not in the crew.

53:06

Moving forward with this. I'm proud of us.

53:11

Yeah, I just got a little distracted because KDP is chipping me out of money.

53:16

Rude. Yeah. They keep saying my bank information can't be verified,

53:22

but I haven't changed it in three years. That is weird. Yeah. They're giving me trouble. So I just redid it and see if

53:29

that works. Is your card, like, close to being expired?

53:32

Or does it? It's an account. True. Because it's for payments,

53:35

not for me to pay them. Right. It's to pay me. What are you talking about?

53:39

Amazon isn't sending me my royalties. Oh. They're telling me my bank information

53:45

can't be verified for some reason that I've had and put in their system for

53:50

three years. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay.

53:54

So, y'all wake up. You two had promised to meet Flora at her farm before dawn or at dawn.

54:02

Fauna, do you wake up before dawn? Yeah.

54:06

I think I'm used to, like, my parents are up and about, like,

54:09

getting ready to work on the farm. So I get up with them every day at this time.

54:12

So I try to get things done in the morning before I leave. Gotcha. And just disappear.

54:16

Yeah, so she can just not worry about doing anything else. And no one can find her.

54:22

Gotcha. Okay. So I'm assuming Merriweather picks up Fauna on the way to Flora's house. Mm-hmm.

54:29

Okay. Okay, so Meriwether and Fauna show up at your house.

54:35

I hand them buckets full of corn to feed the chickens.

54:40

I start passing out some corn to the chickens and clucking at them a little bit.

54:44

I do think they're cute, even if I think she's obsessed with her chickens,

54:47

but I'd never tell her to her face. Meriwether? Meriwether goes and just lumps it.

54:56

A bunch of chickens swarm your feet. Oh, no.

55:01

Corn is among them. I guess I should have explained how to do this a little better.

55:07

And then as you, like, let go of the second handful, it, like,

55:10

bounces off a bunch of chicken heads. Because they're at your feet eating corn, and you're just dropping more corn on top of them.

55:17

I think after the first time she would learn her lesson, Hajibe just,

55:21

like, take the corn and just go like this. I mean, are you watching?

55:25

Because Flora's pretty good at it by now. No. Oh, okay. Flora uses the sprinkler. Mm-hmm.

55:33

No. I think it's more like... No, the second time, she just goes...

55:39

I mean, it gets the job done, I guess. Okay. The second time, the handful hits Fauna.

55:49

That's the reaction. That sounds about right.

55:53

So, Fauna, you've been hit by a bunch of corn. Suddenly.

55:56

Link whoops becca you're fine i toss a little corn back toss or throw because she like,

56:07

pelted you with it i'm like i'm not

56:10

sure how you're going to respond yet to it so i don't want to like waste the

56:14

corn so i kind of gingerly like toss it it's up on the ground like as long as

56:19

the i almost said ducks as long as the chickens get it it's fine so fauna's

56:26

like looking at floor at this time and like,

56:30

throws to the side at Meriwether. Flora ignores it.

56:34

Okay, so Fauna, you feel comfortable doing whatever you're going to do.

56:38

I look at Fauna and motion for us to throw corn at Flora.

56:45

Flora, make a perception check. It's a straight roll. 18.

56:51

You know they're about to throw corn at you. I just kind of spin around and

56:56

glare at them a little. I do it anyway.

57:02

I guess I'll just shake it, like, out of my hair and out of my clothes.

57:05

Mm-hmm. Okay. So you guys have a little bit of a corn fight.

57:10

It seems to have ended quickly. Yeah, they weren't interested. Yeah.

57:16

The chickens seem fed at this point. The chickens are interested.

57:20

Mm-hmm. All right. If you guys still want to go, I guess we can go. I think they'll be okay.

57:26

I mean, they're animals. They've got instincts. seeds

57:28

they're well fed and we're not going to be going that long do

57:32

you want us to like drop in and let somebody know you know

57:35

if we don't poke our heads back in by dusk this evening to uh come over and

57:40

feed them again do you think it's really a good idea to clue people in that

57:43

we're leaving no that's true that's true then i think you just have to trust

57:47

us that we'll be back for your chickens tonight do you live with parents no

57:51

you said you lived alone alone okay my parents probably They probably live,

57:54

like, next door. Do they not like chickens?

57:57

They might look over at them, but, like, they're my chickens.

57:59

I'm very protective of the chickens. In gnome customs, you take care of your responsibilities. You don't push them in front of you.

58:08

It's very, like... That felt really passive-aggressive for some reason.

58:12

No, it's, like, very boomer-esque. Like, I'm not going to watch you, kid. You chose to have them.

58:17

Boomer-esque? Yeah, boomers tend to have that mentality these days. It's a big trend.

58:24

Why would I know? I'm not a boomer. Okay. Anyways, you guys prepare to leave.

58:30

I pull an apple out of a bag and I feed it to horses.

58:36

Get a look at your hip. You're up with an imaginary side jump.

58:42

I love it. It's fantastic. I pull a bag. I pull an apple out of my bag.

58:56

I love it. Anyways, you guys, you said, what would the apple?

59:02

Horses. Okay, you feed the horses an apple? Depending on how comfortable the

59:08

ride was with two people on one horse, I may have brought a third.

59:11

She's like 30 pounds, max.

59:14

Like, the average horse can carry 250 easy, 225 easy. Perfect.

59:20

Neither of these are padding up. We'll stick with pickerel and lame. Yeah. Okay.

59:26

So you guys head out of town. The only road really out of town from here is

59:31

through kind of the center of town. It's still pretty early in the morning, but the sun has come up.

59:36

It's been up for maybe 30 minutes, an hour.

59:39

It's like post-dawn, right?

59:42

You see a gathering in the center of town.

59:45

I look to see what's happening. Okay. Give me a perception check.

59:50

11. 11. so from this distance you can see Acta Acta Mea is up on a stage in

59:59

front of everybody else and she is with Gezir Man and she is pinning.

1:00:06

Make an investigation check, anyone that wants to see. Well, 15. That's a nat 20.

1:00:11

Okay, nat 20. You see Actimea is pinning a silver star on the chest of Gazir

1:00:20

Man. Oh, not a gold star? No.

1:00:22

They want to make sure that the people who live in this town know their second

1:00:26

fiddle. So the star for the sheriff is silver.

1:00:29

So you can assume this was Gar's sheriff's badge.

1:00:34

Mm-hmm. and let's get closer okay

1:00:37

as you guys get closer you can

1:00:40

hear acta discussing how gar

1:00:43

has decided to move up

1:00:46

to the big leagues in big town

1:00:50

and tinyville townberg in big town and

1:00:53

move on to a higher level of law

1:00:56

enforcement and that in his stead he decided that gazir man hand would take

1:01:01

over for him i just give a look to flora and barryweather and i give a nod like

1:01:07

we need to get going now we need to get this taken care of do you think we should talk to.

1:01:14

Actimea before we leave why i mean she seems to think our just laugh well i

1:01:20

told you last night that i saw her with him she wouldn't have described to you

1:01:25

that she saw a glint of metal metal,

1:01:28

like some kind of bright flash come out of that glint of metal.

1:01:32

And all of a sudden, the car dropped to the ground.

1:01:36

She's the reason he's dead. Oh, then let's not talk.

1:01:42

I might not be the brightest. Yeah. You named your chicken popcorn. Wow.

1:01:52

I named this cat Freckles. You didn't name that cat.

1:01:55

We bought that cat Freckles. I didn't name Freckles. I named the other cat Taffy. I named that cat Taffy.

1:02:00

No, you didn't. Yeah. I said, she stretches like Taffy. And you go,

1:02:04

I'm going to name her Taffy. I'm like, yeah.

1:02:07

Did you hear what you just said? Yeah, you named her after I was basically like

1:02:12

yelling. Yeah, I said, I named that cat Taffy.

1:02:15

And you're like, no, I said this. And then you named her Taffy.

1:02:19

Okay. Okay. Kayla, do you need more wine? Are you trying to make a business?

1:02:31

Oh, crap. Can I eat popcorn at this point?

1:02:35

Like actual popcorn? popcorn you can have popcorn i

1:02:38

was joking you can have the chicken not

1:02:42

the chicken no chicken for you okay okay so you guys head off to tinyville takes

1:02:49

about a day no half a day half a day i'm sorry it's like it's like noon when

1:02:56

you get to tinyville you pull up on your aunt's farm I assume she...

1:03:01

What is this, a farm for ants? What does she have?

1:03:09

You pull up on your aunt's ant farm.

1:03:18

Oh, my God. The same thing as I just got.

1:03:25

It would have done so many levels. Oh, my God.

1:03:32

She has a small farm. She's an ant, so it's your ant farm.

1:03:37

And she possibly farms ants. She doesn't farm ants. She doesn't farm ants.

1:03:44

What's he doing? He's chewing his bone. Why is the pillow moving? I want to take him and fall still.

1:03:57

Okay. So what does your ant farm? Bees! It's the Ant Farm's bees!

1:04:07

Why are you cheating on me? Sorry.

1:04:19

Becca. Is Becca also dying? I hate it!

1:04:26

So you guys pull up on your Ant's bee farm.

1:04:31

Do we see a bear? Probably not.

1:04:35

The symbol for the farm is a bear collecting honey. Mm-hmm.

1:04:41

Does it have a little berry sprig in its ear? It seems to.

1:04:46

This is the symbol, or at least the visage of the goddess Honey, the bear.

1:04:54

The Archfey. The Archfey. She is the goddess of friendship and honey.

1:05:00

Archfey are basically gods and demigods. So please stop crying. Archfey.

1:05:10

What is this? It's a farm for ants. Good morning, Ant.

1:05:15

Okay, so the symbol is basically honey the bear. Okay, okay, got it, got it.

1:05:20

The archfey. The archfey of friendship and bees and honey.

1:05:25

Let's go right up to the house. Okay, you go right up to the house.

1:05:29

You knock on the door. You knock on the door. Your aunt answers.

1:05:34

Oh, I wasn't expecting this. What do you mean you weren't expecting this?

1:05:37

You knocked on my door. I thought you wouldn't be home.

1:05:41

Were you hoping I wouldn't be home? No, well, we have some problems.

1:05:45

What kind of problems? Can we come in?

1:05:48

Yeah. Do you want tea? Yes. She pours you all tea and puts honey in it.

1:05:54

How much honey? Just kidding. It's this much.

1:05:57

She globs in some honey.

1:05:59

Do one of you guys want to explain? Because apparently I'm not that smart.

1:06:05

Seriously. I will give a synopsis of what I saw last night and kind of what's

1:06:13

been going on with the town. But please don't make me repeat it.

1:06:18

A murder? Yeah. In your town by...

1:06:23

Actimea? Yes. There's been a murder. What are you going to do? That's why we came here.

1:06:33

You're not quite twins. You're half sisters. Anyways.

1:06:38

Wait, we don't know that. No. Okay. I'm saying that.

1:06:43

I was like, does my aunt know something? No. No, she lives too far away to know anything.

1:06:49

So what do you want from me? What do we do? You can ask the court here,

1:06:56

but I don't know if their militia is strong enough to take over the militia

1:07:00

of Big Town. What do we do?

1:07:03

We need someone to help us against the militia. You said something about metal.

1:07:10

Yes. Metal. I saw metal, and the guy fell.

1:07:16

Okay, this is a long shot, but I think if you go to, I want to say, you know what, I'll go.

1:07:25

I'll go. I'll take care of it. Hang out here for the day, for part of the day.

1:07:30

I'm not going to be longer. Okay, I get it, you chickens. I know how much you care about your chickens,

1:07:36

Flora. As long as we're back by tomorrow morning for their feeding.

1:07:40

Give me like an hour, and I'll be back. Enjoy your tea. Thank you. Don't talk to the bees.

1:07:48

They don't know you. And I'm worried they'll sting you. And when they sting

1:07:53

someone, they die. And I don't want that to happen.

1:07:55

Yeah. I know. Are the horses okay? I know, Meriwether. It's crazy.

1:07:59

Because Honey the Bear did not have stinging bees. And I do. I know.

1:08:06

I know it doesn't make sense. My horses. Oh, yeah. Your horses are fine.

1:08:10

Okay. Like, she has a stable.

1:08:14

More like a post out front away from the bees,

1:08:19

I have no reason not to trust her. So I'm just going to sit back and drink my tea.

1:08:24

So she grabs her giant sun hat and her purse and very aunt-like runs out of

1:08:32

the house. Kind of a mess. Her glasses, scarf. Yeah. Her glasses are falling down her nose.

1:08:39

She pushes them back up with one finger. She throws her scarf over her head. She throws on her sun hat,

1:08:45

throws her bag over her shoulder and runs out the door.

1:08:49

That's quite the image. I'm thinking like one of the ants from Practical Magic. Yeah, I want to watch that.

1:09:00

It's a very good movie. It is a very good movie. You can watch it after D&D.

1:09:03

Are you not coming to the 6 a.m. meeting tomorrow? No.

1:09:08

Absolutely not. Sorry. So she runs out the door. I have to go next week.

1:09:14

You guys, what do you do for the hour she's gone? She has books.

1:09:19

Drink tea. She has a small library about farming and bees and aviaries and honey.

1:09:25

And one holy book regarding Honey the Bear.

1:09:30

The Archfey. I'll go back to the table with my tea. Okay.

1:09:34

I think Durant will actually be able to find a way to help us.

1:09:37

I just, it's getting bad. I mean, now we saw the body and the new militia in town.

1:09:44

I mean, they're not even letting the old guys stay anymore. I mean,

1:09:48

my parents always said if I needed help, just go to one of the families,

1:09:53

so she must know something.

1:09:56

I mean, why was she asking all those questions about the metal that you saw?

1:10:02

Good point. And then we just stopped talking and twiddled our thumbs because

1:10:06

we are all nervous and don't know what to say.

1:10:09

Yeah, so after about 45 minutes of awkward silence, your aunt bursts back into the door. I found it!

1:10:17

What? Found what? I found something that might help. I don't know.

1:10:21

I don't know if any of you are capable of using it.

1:10:24

What is it? What is it? I kept this in my safe deposit box at the bank for a very long time.

1:10:30

I found it once. It's a spell scroll.

1:10:33

Spell scroll? Yeah. Typically, you need to understand magic to use it. Oh.

1:10:40

Well, none of us know how to do that. None of you? How does it work? What does it do? If you are able to read this scroll...

1:10:51

It should cast a spell, possibly, if you're able to.

1:10:56

I look at the scroll. Is it supposed to kill somebody? Like,

1:11:00

we could take out the mayor with this? You might be able to do something to disarm the mayor if what she holds is truly metal.

1:11:07

What do you think she has that's metal? You seemed... You said this was...

1:11:12

You said this was... You said there was a glint of metal in the night that the flash shot from.

1:11:20

Yes. Yeah, and the body looked like some sort of force hit it. Mm-hmm.

1:11:26

So, not Flora, but Fauna and Meriwether, you look at this scroll,

1:11:32

Meriwether make a roll. We'll call it Arcana.

1:11:36

17. It's just... Yeah, it's a straight roll.

1:11:41

So, only Meriwether seems to notice, this is a spell scroll of heat metal,

1:11:47

and for whatever reason, you're able to read it.

1:11:49

I ask if I could get a better look at this I ask if I can hold it Yeah, you feel that you,

1:11:58

based on what the ant is saying, you might be able to cast this spell because it is a bard,

1:12:05

druid artificer or forged domain cleric spell,

1:12:10

So only you are the only one of this group who could cast this spell,

1:12:15

Wow, this is so cool, I didn't know I could do that,

1:12:20

That will potentially do that. Not a guarantee.

1:12:23

But if you can, I hear this spell could make someone drop something that's metal.

1:12:29

And that may be your best chance to fight off. I don't know who this was.

1:12:34

I don't need to know. I want my bees to be safe. Leave me out of this. But take this.

1:12:41

And don't mention me. Ever.

1:12:44

Gnomes are very cautious people. Have you seen you've seen from flora gnomes are very cautious people well what do we do now,

1:12:55

you know all that i know now go does she

1:12:59

push us out of the house kind of do you need tea for

1:13:02

the road i would imagine she'll just give us tea right back yeah here is here's

1:13:09

a arrow what is he not a thing not a thermos not a canteen like a water sack

1:13:15

maybe water whatever water stand Water skin. Of tea. Of tea.

1:13:21

It's cooled enough. You can drink it whenever you want.

1:13:25

So I imagine we're by the horses and I'll be like, so what do you guys want

1:13:28

to do now? So you guys have gained the magic item. Canteen of tea.

1:13:34

It is always full and perfect sweetness. And it does not make you gain any weight.

1:13:41

I mean, it's tea. Well, like, to the perfect sweetness could make you gain weight.

1:13:46

But this will not. Fine.

1:13:50

I think that's a pretty cool magic item I just made up on the fly.

1:13:53

I'm sorry. It is a pretty cool magic item. You're right.

1:13:56

So how do you want to deal with this? How do you guys want to deal with this is your friend asking.

1:14:02

Do you think you could use the spell? I'd love to see if in any of the bags

1:14:08

there's something metal. This is a one-time cast. If you were... Oh, okay. You would know this based on the spell.

1:14:18

Like, as you're holding the spell scroll and you're, like, reading the words

1:14:22

off of it, it starts to, like, singe. And you're like, ooh, I can't test it.

1:14:30

So, do we try to find somebody who can, like, teach magic?

1:14:37

I don't know what to do. We have the scroll, I can read it, the paper's singy, so it'll work.

1:14:47

But we only got one shot at it. I just think it's funny that the dog picked

1:14:52

the egg out of the basket. In the most loudest. The noisiest way.

1:14:57

Definitely we're not. Yeah, we're not recording. No, we're recording.

1:15:01

Oh, we're recording. Okay. JK.

1:15:05

That giant microphone, I think. I thought I was going to pick up that. No.

1:15:13

Okay, so what are you guys doing? Going home, I guess.

1:15:16

Okay. Okay, so you're heading from Tinyville to Townburg. Yep.

1:15:21

Okay. I assume it's like dinner time when we get there.

1:15:26

It's half a day's ride, so yeah, it's about dinner time. Yeah.

1:15:31

Nobody seems to be in Town Square like they were earlier. Do you think they're

1:15:35

in the tavern? I mean, that's like the only other place to gather.

1:15:38

Well, do we want to go see other people, or like, what do we want to do?

1:15:42

I mean, do we just go confront them?

1:15:47

But what are we going to do if we confront her and she comes at us with that

1:15:50

medal? I only got one shot at this.

1:15:54

How are we going to prove that she's the one that killed the dude?

1:15:58

You know pretty definitively. Like, no one else is that fat in town.

1:16:04

Well, I'd be the only one that saw it, so who would believe me?

1:16:07

Do you think we should talk to a man first and, like, see if he thinks that Gar left?

1:16:15

Left or figure out if he's in on it because if

1:16:19

he's in on it and we try to expose acta that's not going to go well for us yeah

1:16:25

that's you know that's a good point i was like if only we had somebody care

1:16:30

about me it's a plus zero you're all equally as good.

1:16:39

Yeah we can try to go talk to him i mean

1:16:42

he was one of us once maybe he's

1:16:45

like undercover you know we can't blow his cover let's go try to talk to him

1:16:50

so does the militia have like a barracks yeah so let's go there and see if we

1:16:55

can talk to him alone okay you

1:16:59

show up at the barracks there's a guy named Derek guarding the barracks,

1:17:05

did you do that on purpose? Yes okay it's a theme now at this point hi Derek hey no oh it's Flora it's okay

1:17:16

we were just looking for Mr. Man.

1:17:21

There's a lot of Mr. Man around here no no no the actual we wanted to like catch

1:17:28

up with him congratulate him on on, you know, his new position.

1:17:32

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, your buddy is here.

1:17:36

We'll see how long he lasts. What do you mean? Nothing. He's inside. What?

1:17:44

Okay. Insight? Okay. Roll insight.

1:17:50

That. Good luck. Yeah, you don't know. Alright.

1:17:55

Go inside. Okay, you go inside. You see Gazir rolling dice with a bunch of fellow

1:18:03

guardsmen. Am I taking lead on this?

1:18:06

It seems that way. Oh, he was one of the other ones that was a town's,

1:18:10

like, part of the old militia, right?

1:18:13

Yeah. Was he closer to one of us than the other two?

1:18:17

He's the only one left that existed in this town before the takeover.

1:18:22

No, no, no, but I'm saying, like, was he friends? Of the three of us.

1:18:26

Was he, like, friends with one of us? Roll friends.

1:18:31

Yeah, just roll. I don't know if you've gotten this by now. It's just a roll for everything.

1:18:37

Fifteen. Sixteen. Back up. What's your best roll in that one or not, too?

1:18:42

Sorry. two okay so flora and meriwether you were both you both knew of him and

1:18:51

he knew of you and there were no hard feelings at all fauna he doesn't know who the hell you are,

1:19:00

okay so does fauna know this yeah okay you've talked old enough you've given

1:19:07

him eggs personally sometimes no no no does fauna know that he doesn't really know who she is ah yeah,

1:19:15

every time she's shown up and said like hey gazir

1:19:19

she's like he's like hey you

1:19:22

hey afl all right so i guess you and me i'll lead it yeah so i'll go over and

1:19:29

tap him on his shoulder and say hi gazir oh meriwether yeah i just want to congratulate

1:19:38

you on your new position you know it's a huge promotion.

1:19:43

I know Gar would be proud. Make a perception check.

1:19:46

I'm going to follow that up. 16.

1:19:49

He seems a little choked up. Oh, what's wrong?

1:19:54

Nothing. Nothing. Make a perception check.

1:20:00

Nothing's wrong. I know we don't know each other all that well,

1:20:05

but I did know Gar pretty well and I didn't care where he went. What happened?

1:20:12

He left very suddenly. He didn't get to say goodbye. He went to Big Town.

1:20:16

He'd be a big man in the big army.

1:20:20

Did you guys have a party and see him off? There was a celebration this morning.

1:20:25

Was he there at it? I didn't see him. No, he had already taken off to the academy.

1:20:31

He had to get started on his training. Well, why would you celebrate without him present?

1:20:37

He had to get started. While he's with other people Currently at that table

1:20:42

So while he's talking I'm going to grab my arm And kind of like Pull him to

1:20:48

the other side of the room Where there's nobody there, Make a persuasion check I'm following 18.

1:20:58

Killed him What do you mean? They killed him They're going to kill me next if I say anything Shut up,

1:21:07

I don't want to die we don't want you to die that fat killed,

1:21:13

I'm sorry to everybody. Yeah, that was a little open shop. It's how he feels.

1:21:18

Yeah. His best friend was killed by a fat lady who was a demon.

1:21:23

Did something happen? I just told you she killed him. No, why?

1:21:26

Why would she do that? Why? Yeah. Because she's terrible.

1:21:31

Why do you think we were the only ones left? Are you saying that she did this to everybody? No.

1:21:39

Nobody else could tolerate her. So they just left.

1:21:43

Yeah. she didn't kill them all i mean

1:21:46

i don't know that i want to believe that

1:21:49

so please like let's stop talking about

1:21:52

that side of it what does she

1:21:55

want out of this they want the tax money she

1:21:58

wants power she wants control she wants to be able to take the money back to

1:22:04

big town wait but what she's from big town yeah she's not from here oh i definitely

1:22:11

missed that you've I've never seen her before she arrived after Big Town.

1:22:15

I think she wasn't the well-liked person. No.

1:22:19

So, sorry, I mixed up characters. What did Gar do in order for her to kill him?

1:22:27

Like, did he not get her tax money? Was he taking some for himself?

1:22:31

Honestly, I'm not sure. He did something that pissed her off.

1:22:35

Maybe he was going to expose her. Maybe he was going to take her power away somehow.

1:22:39

I don't know. How is her power? She kills people. How?

1:22:44

With some kind of metal rod that she points at people and it fucking kills them. You've seen it? Yeah.

1:22:51

It recharges every day. So she can kill a person today?

1:22:56

At least seven. Seven of you guys. Maybe only like three or four of us.

1:23:01

Wow. Does she always have it on her? Yeah.

1:23:05

Does she have a plant? You look like you're forming a plant.

1:23:10

You guys need to go because if

1:23:13

she catches you here she's gonna kill us all we're just

1:23:16

here to congratulate you yeah cool now get out because if she catches you here

1:23:25

there's only four of us she has seven chances well three of you and me times two is five,

1:23:36

All right, fine. Let's get out of here. Go. It looks at you, Meriwether. Go.

1:23:42

Save yourself. And that may pull on the heartstrings of your urge to leave the

1:23:48

city every once in a while. Okay.

1:23:51

As Meriwether's walking away, she's going to look back.

1:23:56

He just, he walks. Oh, as Meriwether walks away.

1:24:01

He just, he, you see him pretend to smile and walk back into the room of the

1:24:09

other guards, real boisterous, is that the word? Boisterous. Boisterous.

1:24:15

And yell, I'm like, who's going to roll these dice against me, you idiots?

1:24:20

Okay. I'm ready for your money tonight.

1:24:24

But you know, he's, he is terrified. Okay.

1:24:28

I'm going to grab Fauna by the arm and drag her out of the building, too.

1:24:32

I come. I'm just kind of shocked. Did you follow us? Yeah, she said she did. Oh, I missed that.

1:24:41

I stood back because he doesn't really know me and I didn't think he'd talk

1:24:44

to you, but I kind of overheard enough of it. I just acted like I wasn't listening.

1:24:48

Okay, so we leave. Meriwether, it seemed like you had an idea. Let's hear it. Well, we have the scroll.

1:24:58

The scroll's just for her to drop it, right? It can cause her to drop it,

1:25:03

depending on her concept. I'm guessing it's heat metal. It is heat metal.

1:25:06

But, like, if she drops it... Someone's got to be ready to grab it. Yes.

1:25:11

So someone needs to hide. I'm pretty small. Like, somebody small. I could probably hide.

1:25:17

I mean, I sneak around in the woods a lot, too, but I think hiding...

1:25:20

But, you know, maybe I could have, like, a second chance in case it doesn't

1:25:23

work with you. I'll be hiding, too. I think that's a good idea.

1:25:26

So now we just have to get her alone somewhere.

1:25:30

Should I put some chickens in her office? I mean, that'd be a distraction. I wasn't expecting it. I was not expecting it.

1:25:44

Let's put some chickens in her office. Like, I feel like that's a good distraction.

1:25:48

It would be pretty distracting. I mean, they're so cute.

1:25:52

Because we don't want to do it where she, like, do we want to be,

1:25:54

like, extra sneaky where, like, we're all hiding and, like, I whisper a spell

1:25:59

and then we go and grab. I feel like that might be the thing to do.

1:26:03

Like, not even clue her in that we're there. Yeah. We put enough chickens in

1:26:08

her office. She'll leave, right? I would hope so. I mean, would you? Well, never mind not you.

1:26:15

You would probably like that. Call someone.

1:26:18

But once we

1:26:22

get this thing you know at least more

1:26:25

than seven chickens yeah what have

1:26:29

to be sacrificed i mean if it's for the good of the town i can get more chickens

1:26:35

but okay so we use let's just say everything the stars align you know 14 chance

1:26:43

honestly dealers make it into the

1:26:46

playoffs you know stars

1:26:49

align everything works perfect what do

1:26:52

we do once we have this thing run do we use

1:26:55

it on her or do we need to have magic for that too i don't know but do you really

1:27:00

think you could kill someone i don't know but i hate to think of the fact that

1:27:05

she's probably just been killing them all and i mean just because we have her

1:27:09

tool does that mean like she doesn't have other things that she could come after us with?

1:27:14

I just, I worry we're going to have to take her out in order to be free of her.

1:27:20

What if we gave it to Gazir? I mean, unless one of you guys is ready to start your life of adventuring.

1:27:26

I said I didn't do it. You know, I've been thinking about it. We would like to go on an adventure.

1:27:31

So this is a big reveal to you that, like, they are ready to leave this town.

1:27:38

You'd leave me here? Well, I would come back and visit.

1:27:42

All the time we'd come back and visit. We could bring you chickens from all

1:27:45

over the world. Why don't we talk about this later and just deal with this now?

1:27:50

Yeah, first things first. But it goes back to, okay, we have this piece of metal.

1:27:57

She's going to be angry that we have it. She's not afraid to kill things.

1:28:02

Plus, she has a whole entire militia behind her.

1:28:07

What if we gave it to Gazir? But if we wait to give it to Gazir,

1:28:11

she's going to have lots of time to also plan to get back to us.

1:28:13

Why would we wait to get it to Gazir? If we can snatch it and be gone, what's she going to do? Do we know she's a wizard?

1:28:22

You do know she's a wizard. Cast magic on us? Put a spell on us?

1:28:27

Who knows what other powers she has? You also know that, like, based on the description of everything and spending

1:28:37

time with the aunt, maybe in her library you would have found that,

1:28:41

like, this is probably a wand of magic missile,

1:28:44

and it's metal, and it requires no attunement.

1:28:48

And has at least seven charges today because it normally has seven charges.

1:28:54

I think we need to take her out. I don't know if Kazeer could do it. He was really upset.

1:28:59

And any spellcaster can use a want.

1:29:03

And do you think one of you could do that? You know that you can read a spell.

1:29:08

She would possibly be able to, but it's questionable at this point because she

1:29:14

couldn't read this spell. Could I do an insight check on myself As to whether I think I could actually kill someone.

1:29:20

You able to kill someone or with magic?

1:29:23

Just to kill someone. Like, is it in my personality? Okay. Give me an insight roll. That's an eight.

1:29:30

You have no idea. Yeah. I think it would have to be a heat of the moment thing, but I, I don't know.

1:29:37

I feel like we might have to try. I'm afraid. I don't know.

1:29:41

Meriwether. Do I think I could kill somebody? Yeah. Good insight.

1:29:48

17 you care about life

1:29:51

but the destruction of life

1:29:54

is worse than the preservation of life so now someone that kills multiple people

1:30:01

is probably worse than killing that one person the good of the mess yeah kinda

1:30:05

the good the good of the nature good i mean i guess i could Yeah.

1:30:14

Is this what we're doing? I think we have to.

1:30:17

I know you're uncomfortable with it, but I can't stand to think that somehow

1:30:21

she thinks maybe Gazir put it up to us and kills him or somebody else next using

1:30:27

her other magic because we weren't strong enough to act in the moment.

1:30:32

I guess. We can't rely on Gazir because he doesn't know magic. Yeah.

1:30:39

He can't even use that okay then i

1:30:42

guess we have no choice i think that's where she's

1:30:45

put us she's left us with no choice if we

1:30:48

expect to save the town i mean townberg has

1:30:52

been my home forever and i know i talk about leaving it

1:30:54

all the time and you know yeah i've seen big town and

1:30:57

we were just a tiny bill but this is my home here

1:31:00

in townberg and i mean could you imagine not waking

1:31:04

up and seeing your chickens or just being constantly

1:31:07

under a cloud of dark energy not knowing what's gonna happen

1:31:10

or poor old dave i mean who knows what could happen

1:31:12

to his cows she might decide she's tired of milk one day take him out we can't

1:31:17

let her go unchecked all right so where are we gonna set our trap is there like

1:31:25

a an alley or anything we would know outside of her office so we start with

1:31:28

putting chickens in her office uh you know she killed someone in an alley,

1:31:33

So Poetic Justice might need you to take her out in that alley.

1:31:38

Is there a way? All right, so we'd have to be able to lure her into the alley somehow.

1:31:42

The alley is on the way to the tavern. Does she, like, have a regular schedule?

1:31:48

Does she, like, go to the tavern for lunch or dinner?

1:31:51

No. She doesn't seem to go to the tavern. Except kill people.

1:31:56

At the tavern? As far as you know. Not at the tavern. like she kills people

1:32:00

outside the tavern from what you've seen. Could we send her a message and say something about meeting us in the alley?

1:32:07

I mean, perhaps we could make it threatening if we know what you've been doing.

1:32:10

Or... Certainly. Pretend we're from like a bigger town? Like...

1:32:14

Yeah. I don't know. Flora, do you think she'd respond to that?

1:32:18

I mean, I know her about as well as you do. But I think... I saw Kayla go upstairs.

1:32:23

She wanted to protect her secret enough that she told everyone that Gar went to Big Town.

1:32:31

Maybe we send a message, Gar sends his regards. We'll be in the alley.

1:32:38

Laughing at the pun? Yeah. Okay. Just checking. Gar sends his regards as the captain of the guard.

1:32:46

Also, he was a guard. He'd be a guard again. Re-guard.

1:32:50

Regardless. That might work. Then we don't need to risk your chickens either.

1:32:55

We just have to get the message to her. Could we pass it to Gazir and somehow make it where he doesn't know where it's

1:33:02

from? Let's not involve him.

1:33:06

So what did you guys come up with? Get her a message that says to meet, or Gar sends his regards meet in the alley.

1:33:15

So we know what you did. I thought we were going to keep Gar out of this.

1:33:19

We can't send her a message. Gar's dead. You're thinking of Gizir. I'm thinking of Gizir. Yeah. Guard the guard.

1:33:27

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1:33:32

It's like the Ant-Ant phone. How good are you guys at like folding paper I can attach it to a brick.

1:33:42

Oh, I guess you could throw a brick. I'm going to attach it to a brick.

1:33:47

That's a typical ranger answer. But you'll have to hide real quick if you're

1:33:51

going to throw a brick through her window. Or throw it from the alley, I guess. Is her office like on the alley side?

1:33:58

You could find an alley that reaches her office.

1:34:01

Let's do that. So two of us will hide right away.

1:34:04

And the other one will throw the brick through the window. know and then hide

1:34:08

how's that well we need to maybe we just scope out the alley and make sure there's

1:34:12

a place for us to hide so we're ready to grab the rod too that's why i said hide first,

1:34:18

so it has to be merriweather who throws the note then yeah

1:34:22

so i had

1:34:25

to throw the brick so if

1:34:28

we throw it from the alley all we

1:34:30

have to say on the note is gar sense his regards because

1:34:33

she'll automatically come to the alley because that's where

1:34:37

the brick came from this is true this is true i mean your arms are strong from

1:34:42

roping all those horses right yeah okay so i guess we're gonna go scope out

1:34:48

the alley and we need mine to tell us what we find i will say i do like these

1:34:54

characters that we've created. Oh man and this would actually be a good like campaign i was thinking this sounds like a cozy mystery.

1:35:11

Kind of i mean i was thinking like encyclopedia round or like babysitter's club

1:35:17

or any of those like young,

1:35:21

Is that mid-grade? Middle grade. Middle grade mysteries.

1:35:25

Except a little more... Murdery. Murdery, yeah.

1:35:29

So, what's the plan? We're going to scope out the alley first.

1:35:35

Okay. Look for hiding spots. Okay, give me an investigation tip.

1:35:40

Ten. One. I find nothing. Fifteen. Fifteen? You find enough spots where people can set up.

1:35:49

You compensate for your team. Let's do this I guess I'd hide,

1:35:57

wait do we have a brick did we find a loose brick I'm sure we did or a rock

1:36:02

it could be a rock and it's easy enough to find paper if only Candace was here

1:36:08

to tie the note to the rock. Well I mean you know the blacksmith is also a tabaxi her name is Aura of Clay,

1:36:21

Well, nothing because I was a sailor. Okay.

1:36:25

Okay, so I fedangled the note on the rock. We wrote Gar sends his regards.

1:36:34

Okay. And since we're throwing it from the alley, we're assuming she's going

1:36:37

to come out to the alley. Okay, perfect.

1:36:39

So I'm guessing she found me a hiding spot that I can quickly throw and then hide.

1:36:48

Yeah, duck into the shadows. Yeah. And then we're hiding ready so that we can

1:36:52

grab the wand right away. Okay, so near the entrance to the alley from Perlman's. Yeah. Either side. Yeah.

1:37:01

Okay. Are we ready? I think we're as ready as we'll ever be.

1:37:05

This is for Gar and for the town burg.

1:37:09

Okay, throw. I throw the rock. Give me a roll. Oh, God.

1:37:15

17. As long as it wasn't in that one. It goes through the window.

1:37:20

And you hear, what the hell? She's from hell. Oh, and I duck. Yeah, thank you.

1:37:26

Okay. And you duck and you see.

1:37:29

It's real, right? You see a fat tiefling lean out the window.

1:37:34

You interrupted my lunch. I'm going to kill you. And then she comes down.

1:37:39

Let's see which side she enters on. She enters on lower high. Low.

1:37:46

Okay. She enters on Lena's side. On Flora's side.

1:37:50

She's standing within a... You can feel the heat coming off of her body from her anger.

1:37:57

And you see she is brandishing a metal rod.

1:38:03

Step out, coward. I'm going to start reading the scroll. Ugh.

1:38:10

Make a contested we'll just say contested casting check.

1:38:16

Very well there. Thirteen. It just barely makes it. Oh goodness.

1:38:22

I'll take barely. All of a sudden you see the metal turning red hot as it starts

1:38:28

to burn her hands and she makes a constitution saving throw to hold on to it. It's not enough.

1:38:35

She burns! Roll 2d8.

1:38:37

Because that's what heat metal does. Hold on.

1:38:40

One here's two seven seven you

1:38:44

see she only takes about half of that damage so three

1:38:47

damage onto her because she is a fucking infernal yeah so she takes three damage

1:38:58

and it's on my side with the constitution saving throw she drops the wand do

1:39:05

you drop heat i don't keep it on,

1:39:08

I drop it because I know somebody has to grab it.

1:39:10

Okay. Oh, I don't know that. So I'm reaching out with my apron around my hands

1:39:14

and I grab the wand. All of a sudden the wand is not hot.

1:39:18

I drop my apron, but I have the wand. Okay. Yes? Yeah. Roll initiative.

1:39:25

We add proficiency to this, right? It says we have a pluck two to proficiency. Sure. Yeah. Oh, no.

1:39:32

I was like D&D Beyond would do better. Oh, one.

1:39:37

Did you add the proficiency? Plus two?

1:39:41

Three What's your dex?

1:39:45

All our dexes are zero. You made us this way Reroll,

1:39:56

Nineteen What?

1:40:01

Eleven Okay If you said reroll one more time I literally rolled a 19. I figured.

1:40:12

What'd you get? This many. Five. You got a three. No. Okay. Doing good.

1:40:20

Okay. And we have no weapons. Fauna, what'd you roll? 19. I should have brought the chickens.

1:40:28

Okay, Fauna, you're up first. All right. I know that this all hinges on the

1:40:34

heat of the moment, being able to get that wand and try to use it. How far away is Flora?

1:40:39

You're probably maybe 15 feet from Flora and extra 15 feet, so 30 feet total, from Fauna.

1:40:47

Or Flora. You're Fauna. You're 30 feet from Fauna. You're 15 feet from Merriweather. Flora.

1:40:55

She's 30 feet from Flora. Okay, you're 15 feet from Flora.

1:41:03

I got it. Why did you wait till the end to get me?

1:41:11

All right, I think I have 30 feet of movement, right? That's standard. Yeah, I think so.

1:41:18

Yep, I can beat it 30 feet. So I am going to, I especially know how nervous

1:41:24

Flora was about this whole thing. So I'm going to run up to her and take the wand from her.

1:41:30

Well, I'm going to use my 30 feet. I'm not actually dashing.

1:41:33

Give it willingly? Yeah. Okay.

1:41:36

Flora gives it to you willingly? And I'm going to try to use it,

1:41:40

and I'm going to point it right at Actimea.

1:41:43

It doesn't seem to work. You can't seem to... Neither do we need you.

1:41:48

So you throw it to Meriwether?

1:41:51

So with your action, you throw it. Give me a, we'll say dex check,

1:41:56

because it's not that heavy. A nine. It makes it about halfway. So it's about seven, eight feet between you and Meriwether.

1:42:05

Your turn has ended. It is now Meriwether's turn. Oh, thank God.

1:42:10

I'm going to run up and grab the wand.

1:42:16

Okay. And then I'm going to use it. Okay. You feel a surge of energy coming from this.

1:42:22

You can use up to seven charges you know

1:42:26

one charge will kill any villager but you remember the captain of the guard

1:42:31

saying it took at least two to kill him okay i'm gonna use it on her how many

1:42:38

charges use it all two no i would use it all use it all okay so you're gonna use seven charges.

1:42:46

Yeah, so I better roll good guys. You just have to roll 1d4.

1:42:50

It's an auto-hit. It's an auto-hit. Oh, yes. Okay.

1:42:54

One. One. So that's 7 plus 7.

1:42:57

No, 3 plus 3 plus 6 plus 6.

1:43:03

So 12 plus 6 is 18.

1:43:06

I don't know where these numbers came from. Yeah, I really, yeah.

1:43:09

Magic Missile is 1 plus 1. Whenever you roll a die plus 1.

1:43:14

Mm-hmm. And technically, Magic Missile is whatever you roll in the die times whatever.

1:43:20

And the initial cast of Magic Missile, one charge of this wand, is three darts.

1:43:26

Each additional charge is one dart.

1:43:29

So each dart you just threw was three, plus three is six.

1:43:34

And then you threw six more, plus six, that's 18.

1:43:38

Okay. Okay. I need you to make a d20 roll.

1:43:43

14. she dies straight out she had nine hit points and you doubled it which kills

1:43:51

her immediately like did we do it you are honest.

1:43:58

Now what she's dead I think we go get Kazeer we go book in it,

1:44:07

hide the wand hide the wand and I go book in it And I'm guessing the scroll

1:44:12

is no more. It's gone. Okay. Booking it.

1:44:16

I'm going to step out of the alley and also run away. Okay.

1:44:22

Yeah, I go a different direction. So where do you guys go? To scattering?

1:44:28

It's like an alley away, just so I can kind of see what's going on.

1:44:32

I want to kind of hide and make sure what happens.

1:44:35

At some point throughout the day Unless you guys notify someone Her body is found,

1:44:43

All of a sudden, the militia that was guarding the town becomes very concerned.

1:44:48

They know she had a wand of magic missile, and it's missing.

1:44:52

And they're very concerned someone else has it and can kill them.

1:44:56

Maybe they should leave. They are packing up and kind of heading out.

1:45:02

Not to say that someone won't return in the future, but as of right now,

1:45:07

the town might be free as of now. Did we save the town?

1:45:11

I think we just did. I think we meet back at Aurora's house later on and help

1:45:15

her feed the chickens without the loss of a single chicken no chickens we're

1:45:21

home done the making of this episode.

1:45:27

What do we do with the wand hide it I think we hide it where it could come in

1:45:32

handy I mean you're the only one who can use it it seems like maybe I mean I

1:45:36

found some good hiding places in the woods when I've been out there before do

1:45:39

you want me to put it out there or you just keep it,

1:45:42

I'll just keep it, and then I'll hide it in a box, in a lockbox.

1:45:47

Maybe one day you will go beyond the border, and you'll need it. I don't know. We'll see.

1:45:54

Yeah, that's where we'll end. And no one knows we're heroes. Nope.