0:31

Hey,

0:33

all you cool cats and kittens out

0:35

there in Radioland. It's Tuesday, September

0:37

5th. That's right. Labor Day has come and

0:39

gone heralding the end

0:41

of the summer. But folks, it sure doesn't feel like that.

0:44

It's a scorcher out there. Hope you're staying nice

0:46

and cool with the boys from Chapo Trap

0:48

House. Sorry, I'm just practicing my

0:50

radio DJ pattern to just kick

0:52

things off today. It's

0:54

me, Matt and Chris coming at you

0:57

today. Gentlemen,

0:58

let's start the show. Let's do it to

1:01

kick things off today. I

1:04

just the story that everyone's talking about. I

1:06

think we need to mention diarrhea plane,

1:09

the plane full of diarrhea. Headline

1:12

Sharks on a Delta flight forced into a Delta

1:15

flight forced into emergency landing by passengers.

1:18

Diarrhea hot

1:19

snakes on a plane. A

1:24

Delta flight from Atlanta to Barcelona was forced

1:26

to turn around and make an emergency landing after

1:29

a passenger had diarrhea, quote,

1:31

all the way through the plate.

1:33

Now, OK, this story, this story,

1:35

what's that mean? Yes. How

1:37

all through the plane? Like he

1:39

he shat like directly into one of the air

1:42

vents and it just aerosolized throughout

1:44

the cabin.

1:46

He got he did

1:48

his ass down the entire aisle

1:50

like a dog. Matt, I've given I've given

1:53

I've given this much thought. And

1:56

basically

1:56

the only the only

1:59

explanation I can have. for how diarrhea

2:01

could get all the way down the plane

2:03

is some sort of terrorist attack. Like someone

2:06

just, someone just gets up, drops

2:08

trout and just runs down the aisle,

2:10

just, just spraying shit everywhere.

2:13

I think the most realistic possibility

2:15

is that, yeah, it just, it hit

2:17

him before he got to the bathroom and it just,

2:20

just left the trail. Yeah, down the old pant leg.

2:26

Now there's a lot of agonizing

2:28

things to imagine. Um, were

2:30

you on that plane or were you indeed the, uh, the

2:32

diarrhea person in question,

2:35

but like the fact that it had to turn

2:37

back and land in Atlanta, cause like, yeah,

2:39

I would, I would want like, I would want if I was on

2:41

that plane, like, cause like, look, you're going to be trapped

2:44

in her medically sealed soda can

2:46

with liquid shit. I

2:48

would like it to like the flight to have sort of crossed

2:51

the terminator at which turning back would be

2:53

longer than reaching the destination. That's

2:55

ideal. Yeah. I mean, situation

2:58

like that can't be, you know, this is a worst case area

3:00

because if it happened like a half an hour

3:02

after takeoff, all right, that's kind of annoying.

3:05

Two hours, two hours,

3:07

two hours. And now you get to spend another two hours

3:09

in the shit plane and you haven't even left

3:11

the place that you started from your over

3:14

at the international waters. And instead

3:16

of getting to disembark in Barcelona,

3:18

you're back in fucking Atlanta.

3:25

Well,

3:32

our, our such to be them, I

3:34

think is the only real takeaway from that one.

3:36

It's a, it was a biohazard

3:39

situation. Our teams worked as quickly

3:41

and safely as possible to thoroughly clean

3:43

the airplane and get our customers to their final destination.

3:46

A Delta spokesperson said, we sincerely

3:48

apologize to our customers for the delay and any inconvenience

3:51

to their travel plans. I am going to,

3:54

I'm going to go on a limb here and say that Delta

3:56

airlines did not fully clean that

3:58

plane before. No way. eight, 300

4:01

people back onto it. They just gave it a

4:03

little wet wipe and then they were like, okay, this one's

4:05

flying to, you know, salt lake city

4:07

in half an hour. Yeah. Just a quick

4:10

once over with a hose. There's

4:12

no way they did the like total

4:15

submersion in bleach you would need. We've

4:18

been talking about feral files, especially

4:21

as they relate to planes and air travel

4:23

a lot. And, uh,

4:24

usually when there's an incident of

4:27

this level that a plane needs to get turned

4:29

around, you know, there's, there's an identifiable villain.

4:32

Uh, you know, somebody who is, you know, you

4:34

can tell is acting in the wrong, but

4:37

you can't help but feel for the

4:39

shit tour in this situation.

4:41

Yeah. It's not only stuck

4:44

on a plane filled with their own shit, but also

4:47

must, if they are normal

4:49

at all, feel the insane

4:52

guilt and shame of their shit

4:54

ruining 300 people's day. They're

4:57

all there. They're all know that it's you.

4:59

You're

5:00

right there. Honestly,

5:03

were I the diarrhea man in that situation

5:06

after, after, after trailing shit all

5:08

the way down the plane and then having the plane

5:10

be sent back to Atlanta, I

5:12

would consider some sort of Muhammad Atas

5:14

style strategy. Cause like, look, I don't

5:16

want anyone on the plane knowing about it. Look,

5:19

I'm going to die with them, but then we were all taking

5:21

this to our graves. We were going to those

5:23

first into the fucking Atlantic where for

5:25

anyone knows about my dude who has on the plane

5:28

and then, but then your, your

5:30

posthumous nightmares realize when they get the black

5:32

box and the pilots, like,

5:35

uh, a passenger seven L

5:38

summer, she's shit on everything. And

5:41

now he's battering down the cockpit door.

5:46

Let this be his epitaph. They're

5:48

going to send James Cameron down there. And they're just

5:50

like, yep,

5:53

that's does do do that. Do do all over

5:55

the shit. This is making me think of a,

5:57

uh, a airplane based thriller in say

5:59

the

5:59

red eye or yes stop.

6:02

Oh, yeah. A tradition where

6:05

the shit is found, but nobody knows

6:07

who did it. And you have the rest of

6:09

the flight to try to figure out which

6:11

passenger or crew member it was.

6:14

It was the pilot. You get kind of

6:17

a Kenneth Branagh, like a situation.

6:23

Shooting at altitude. Ladies and gentlemen, one

6:25

of you is the shooter. None of us will be leaving

6:27

the plane.

6:28

Well, that's

6:31

a charming diversion. But can

6:34

we queue up the Trump clip,

6:36

the Trump heater for this week? Absolutely.

6:39

He keeps coming out with them. Good

6:41

Joe Biden's only campaign strategy

6:43

is indicting me. That's all they can do.

6:46

Keep indicting him on nonsense.

6:48

Going on extended vacations and

6:51

sleep, sleep, sleep. That's what he wants to do.

6:53

He wants to sleep and he wants to go to the beach and

6:55

sleep. He thinks he looks good in a bathing suit. He

6:57

doesn't. I

7:00

love, I love, I love, I love just

7:02

like the rhythm of things. He looks good in a bathing

7:04

suit. He doesn't

7:05

just the way it just flows, flows

7:08

right together. More of that just bitchy Broadway

7:11

hag. Also

7:13

like when he said sleep, sleep, sleep, that's

7:15

all he wants to do. He wants to sleep on the beach.

7:18

And I realized like, Hey, like, I mean, that's

7:21

relatable. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep.

7:25

And occasionally a bang on the drum all day. But

7:27

what I realized about this, uh,

7:29

but what I realized about this is that

7:31

trope is, I don't know, maybe inadvertently

7:34

attacking Joe Biden for living the

7:36

margarita village, Jimmy Buffett lifestyle, RIP.

7:39

And I wonder how that will play with voters. It

7:42

is a question like he has,

7:44

I mean, obviously presidential vacations

7:46

are always as an incredibly stupid, uh,

7:49

controversial topic. No matter who's

7:51

in office, because it's the

7:53

heart of it is disingenuous because the people who

7:55

complain that the president is, uh, is

7:58

always on vacation are the people. who think that they're terrible

8:01

and doing a shitty job. So what do you want? Do

8:03

you want this guy to be a terrible president? Or

8:05

wouldn't you prefer him to be hanging out on a beach somewhere,

8:07

not fucking things up.

8:09

So it's never, it's never like sincere.

8:11

Uh, and I honestly don't

8:13

think anybody cares. And I think when

8:15

they see a lot of older people, yes, when

8:18

they see Biden and the aviators looking like

8:20

a melting candle on the beach, they think

8:22

looking good, Joe, or they see

8:25

themselves horribly reflected and have

8:27

a terrifying moment of recognition, in

8:29

which case no good. They hate him. I

8:31

don't know. I know. We got to talk to some old. I

8:33

mean, for someone of his age, Joe Biden,

8:35

does it look, you know, that bad? But

8:38

it's like, I'd love to see Trump in a basement too.

8:40

I'd love his body. Oh, my God.

8:43

It's just something about

8:44

the sun, you know, just like

8:47

the starkness of it. The whiteness

8:49

of the skin. We have, there's a whole

8:51

chapter of Moby Dick about the urban,

8:53

the nature of the color white. And yeah,

8:56

every,

8:57

every one of these grub like Biden

8:59

beach pictures radiates with

9:01

it. Yeah. And then you're like, whenever, whenever, whenever

9:04

I saw Libs get outraged and like, you know, Trump

9:06

has now spent like more time on the golf

9:08

course than he has in the Oval Office. I'm like, good dude.

9:11

What are you doing? What do you want? Do you want

9:13

Biden if you hate him? Do you really

9:18

want him in the White House pressing the

9:20

gender button over and over again? At

9:22

least he's in the Hobart beach. The,

9:25

the, these thousands of, he's hundreds of miles

9:27

from the gender button. But no, you want him

9:29

in there. Button mashing all day. Matt,

9:32

Matt, they bring the gender football everywhere.

9:34

The president. Well,

9:38

then that destroys the whole argument the other way. If

9:40

he's still working while he's there, then

9:43

who cares? It's literally just a change of scenery.

9:45

He's still doing the job. So shut the fuck up.

9:47

He's still pressing the gender button. There's nothing

9:49

to complain about. Sleep, sleep, sleep. So

9:53

like, yeah, there's sort of like a confluence

9:55

of this with the death of Jimmy Buffett. But

9:58

I also want to talk about I saw that guy.

10:00

Richard Hennenenenenia, he

10:03

weighed in on the death of Jimmy Buffett to say,

10:05

Jimmy Buffett taught Americans to hate their jobs

10:08

and live for nights and weekends so they could stuff

10:10

themselves with food and alcohol. But pride

10:12

and work is what gives Americans purpose and explains

10:14

our success. Deaths of despair may

10:16

be considered considered part of his cultural legacy.

10:19

And I'm just gonna say,

10:20

I like this guy a lot better when he was a Nazi. Yeah,

10:23

seriously. He should go back to doing that. It

10:25

was actually more likable

10:27

when he was talking about the genics. The Andy

10:30

Rooney thing is no good. It's

10:32

very annoying. And I get it. He's kind of doing a bit.

10:34

I think he thinks he's doing a Norm McDonald bit

10:36

with this stuff. You know, like

10:38

the Bob Saget roast

10:40

type of deal. But it also

10:42

is revealing because these are jokey takes

10:45

that emerge from a real instinct.

10:47

That's what these people do. And his real

10:49

instinct is to think that it is stuff like

10:52

Margaritaville that made people hate their jobs

10:54

over the last 40 years, as opposed to it being

10:57

their jobs that made them hate their

10:59

jobs. And that to me is

11:01

the entire worldview and its flaws in

11:03

one terrible fucking take because I'm

11:06

sorry, that's not how it works. The

11:08

objective conditions of working

11:10

in America, the

11:11

amount of free time you have versus how compensated

11:14

you are for the time you spend at work. It's

11:16

a line that goes down. So why would not

11:18

satisfaction with work go down to

11:21

you don't need to hear Jimmy Buffet's to say like, you

11:23

know, you wouldn't be better if you were eating a cheeseburger

11:25

right now. You already want

11:27

a cheeseburger. Then you hear the song and you're like, God

11:30

damn right. And you keep listening to it. You buy the album and

11:32

he becomes a star because he is giving voice

11:35

to a feeling, something that is emerging

11:38

out of changing material conditions. And

11:40

then you have troubadours and bars like

11:42

James Buffett Jr. to show up and

11:45

say, oh, you got to say your jobs. Wouldn't you rather

11:47

be eating a cheeseburger paradise? And oh, boom,

11:49

he literally has a, he died

11:52

with a, he died a real estate

11:54

resort mogul with a spanning

11:57

chain of a high end

11:59

luxury.

11:59

spots to

12:04

make up for the fact that their jobs suck.

12:06

Well, we were patrons

12:09

of the Margaritaville Empire, lest we forget.

12:11

Yes. But

12:13

the reasoning, reactionary reasoning

12:15

on this sort of stuff that tries to make sense of

12:18

capitalism without

12:19

actually naming it, it's

12:22

all essentially magic

12:24

because it works back from Margaritaville

12:27

Resort exists. So who

12:29

benefited from that? Jimmy Buffett. How did

12:31

he benefit from it? By making people not

12:33

want to be at their jobs, but instead shit faced

12:36

blackout drunk at his establishment. Can

12:38

I bring you guys in on one of the ironies of Jimmy Buffett

12:40

from that I learned from the and introducing

12:43

episode we did on him, which is

12:45

an anecdote that he would be on tour,

12:48

living it up at the pirate Margarita lifestyle.

12:51

At least the rest of the band would be, you know, after the shows

12:54

that I'll be partying in the hotel room, doing all sorts

12:56

of things. And people

12:58

would be like, wait,

12:58

has anybody seen Jimmy? Where's Jimmy? And

13:01

one of his guys would go around to the hotel

13:03

room.

13:04

He was staying in and knock on the door and open

13:06

it up. And he was inside hunched over

13:08

the decks at his desk, reconciling

13:11

all the bills and expenses

13:14

of the tour and basically doing accounting

13:16

and the turn to his the guy and be like, don't tell

13:18

anybody what I'm doing in here. He is

13:20

a hypocrite. Yeah,

13:23

he's like he's like one of these rappers that's not

13:25

really gang affiliated. You know, he

13:28

saw he saw a market and filled it.

13:30

That's how this fucking shit works. They

13:32

don't they don't get in there, little kapals

13:34

and figure out how can I Jimmy Buffett become a millionaire

13:37

by disaffecting hardworking Americans?

13:39

It's hey, there's a lot of people who

13:41

hate their jobs. What would they like to hear? Well, I

13:44

will say I was I was a big fan of his performance

13:46

as himself in the Harmony Korean film.

13:48

That the beach bump. Great. Oh, yes. It

13:51

was wonderful. Great, great movie.

14:00

Evelyn on sponge cake, watching

14:04

the sun bake. All

14:08

of those two is covered

14:10

with oil.

14:13

All right, well, moving on from

14:16

Margaritaville, I would like

14:18

to talk now about

14:20

the lawsuit that I want more to

14:22

happen than anything else in the world, but

14:25

is more guaranteed not to happen than

14:27

anything else in the world. That's right. Musk

14:29

threatens to sue the Anti-Defamation League

14:32

for destroying Twitter's advertising

14:34

revenue. And all I

14:37

got to say is, roll out Ken Watanabe.

14:39

I think he's got something to say about these

14:41

two participants in this civil action.

14:43

Let them fight. Yeah, I

14:45

mean, there are mutual judgments

14:48

where they're both wiped out. Is that possible? Like,

14:51

there's a counter-suit. They both win. It's like

14:53

the end of Reservoir Dogs. Everybody goes down.

14:57

Stop pointing that gun at my dad, huh? Stop

14:59

pointing that gun at my website. Ah, quite epic. Quite

15:02

epic. Oh, interesting irony. I

15:06

mean, like, you know, this lawsuit is not

15:08

going anywhere, but, you know,

15:10

I mean, something,

15:11

I mean, look,

15:13

something happened to cut Twitter's

15:16

value in half. Like, something did. The thing that

15:18

happened is he bought it. Because

15:20

the value he's talking about is the value he paid for

15:22

it. He was the only person on Earth

15:24

who would have paid that price for

15:26

it. The proof of that is that he was forced by the president

15:28

and he was forced by the government to pay that price for

15:30

it. So as soon

15:32

as he bought it, it lost that value because

15:34

there was a market of one at that price point and

15:36

he filled it. No one else is paying that much for Twitter.

15:39

No one else is insane enough as you and has

15:41

the freedom to do that kind of impulsive bullshit.

15:43

So that means

15:44

it will, no, the market has collapsed

15:47

for it without anything. You could do

15:49

nothing. And you're still, or in a

15:51

situation where you've lost half the value for it. And

15:53

now you've got to find something

15:56

that's going to be a little bit more than the subsequent

15:58

failure to like, epically, you know, make it worth that. through magic,

16:00

which is what he thought he was going to do. Well, I can

16:02

get there. No problem. Oh, it's not working. She

16:05

was, did it. It is like, it is

16:07

a textbook example of how anti-Semitism

16:09

functions. It is like

16:11

you fucked up something happened. You're

16:13

in a bad situation. You had something

16:16

to do with it. Not entirely. None of us do a

16:18

guy like Elon, thus well has a freedom of action

16:20

that almost no human being on earth has. So it is

16:22

mostly his fault.

16:24

You know, he can't blame society the way that

16:26

the rest of us can because he's a post society. That's

16:28

what all that money does. So he fucked

16:30

up and now it's somebody else's fault. It's

16:33

funny to hear that. I mean, it's surprising to me

16:35

that their ad revenue is thinking because

16:37

in my opinion, the ads have never been better on Twitter.

16:39

I love the ads. The ads on Twitter have

16:41

been great because like they all now,

16:44

like it seems like most ads I get are in

16:46

that sort of universe of like, there's

16:48

got to be a better way style, like ads

16:50

that are on TV at three in the morning. I saw an

16:52

ad on Twitter the other day and

16:54

there was like a video for it and everything is essentially

16:56

like a, like a suction cup

16:58

pump that you can put over someone's fucking

17:01

gob as they're choking to death on steak. Oh

17:03

yeah. Or an alternative to the Heimlich

17:05

maneuver. It just shoots out like some fucking

17:08

chunk of steak or something. The one

17:10

thing I'm, the only thing I'm surprised

17:12

about is that that ad does not go

17:14

with the angle.

17:15

Uh, the, uh, big pharma

17:18

medical establishment will tell you that the Heimlich

17:20

maneuver is the way to clear a blockage at someone's throat.

17:22

This is the Ivermechan of pulling something

17:24

out of somebody's neck. Grieving cells, especially

17:27

on that website, missed opportunity. I

17:29

like the one that selling, uh, mushrooms,

17:32

psychedelic mushrooms that are just literally

17:34

poison. And I know, you know, all psychedelics are like technically

17:37

poisoned, but

17:38

this is like an actual, where like the hallucinations

17:40

are part of a package of symptoms of like deep,

17:44

uh, cellular damage. Uh,

17:47

yeah, they got community notes now on the ads.

17:49

So people are saying this is literally poison, which

17:52

is another thing, those community notes. I'm sorry. Nobody

17:54

wants those as an advertiser, even a company that

17:56

is literal. Oh my God. That's that is,

17:58

that is, that is like.

17:59

could flag anything you put on there. That

18:02

is xenomorph blood to brands.

18:04

Hey, the

18:06

philosopher's

18:08

tea I ordered from Socrates mind

18:11

genius Alpha warrior is just Hemlock.

18:13

It killed me. I am dead. Yeah. Yeah.

18:16

Or like your McDonald's and you're

18:18

like, I'm loving it. And

18:20

then there's a community note. Actually, nobody has

18:22

loved it in McDonald's since 1984 when there

18:24

were still white people behind the counter

18:26

and it was a beautiful.

18:28

But yeah,

18:31

like a, just Elon,

18:33

I best of luck with that. And like,

18:36

and the ADL really funny too, because you

18:38

remember like a couple of years ago before Elon

18:40

Musk bought Twitter and the ADL

18:42

was like writing his Dick. They released

18:44

like some, they did a tweet where

18:46

they favorably compared him to Henry

18:49

Ford and then had to delete it for

18:51

obvious reasons. We don't like that guy. Yeah.

18:54

Yeah.

18:55

Wow. What a coincidence. You get these guys who

18:57

are not part of a broader

18:59

like capital class, you know, not like,

19:01

like, like the, like the finance guys, you

19:03

know, not let people part of a sector

19:06

guys who essentially define a

19:08

sector by themselves for did

19:10

musk did. So that means they are lump in billionaires.

19:13

They're not immersed in like a, a,

19:15

a, a sector and are like disciplined by

19:17

a social network.

19:19

When things go wrong for them one way or another, I

19:21

guess who they blame will become.

19:24

There's no other explanation at that level. When

19:27

you are in that level of clouds, if it's either

19:29

you or some other force,

19:31

well, it can't be, you know, any of the things that got you

19:33

there. It has to be an externalization

19:36

of the worst parts of that process into

19:38

a group of people.

19:40

And then boom, I got my explanation

19:42

for what's going wrong here. All

19:43

right. Well, moving on from the, you

19:46

know, the psychological roots of antisemitism

19:48

among the business genius billionaire

19:50

class. Let's check in

19:53

on the, uh, Mercedes and Mercedes

19:55

and

19:59

Mercedes and Matt Schlapp Felix

20:03

isn't on today but Felix

20:05

did his tweet about this had to be dying when

20:08

Mercedes Schlapp tweeted the Daily

20:10

Beast is Satan's publication to persecute

20:12

Christians and their families which are true

20:15

factually. It's the Daily

20:17

Beast. They're not really hiding it. Felix

20:21

said Matt Schlapp owns none

20:23

of your wives would do this if you got caught

20:25

trying to honk off your work friend. He

20:28

had insane game except when he's trying to have

20:30

sex with guys.

20:33

I

20:35

guess that honestly feels like a wizard's curse

20:38

or something. You know you're going to have like total

20:40

rapport with women to the point that you

20:42

can get one to just be your devotee.

20:44

She would throw herself on your funeral pyre

20:47

but you actually want to have sex with men and you have

20:49

zero gain. You cannot fucking fuck at

20:51

all. You're just awkwardly groping at interns.

20:56

You're fucking you're going Beatle

20:58

Bailey's boss mode. Chasing

21:01

them around a desk at turning points

21:03

USA. No

21:07

but what inspired Merchelady's and

21:10

her the latest outburst is

21:12

this Daily Beast is covering

21:14

headline inside Matt Schlapp's offer

21:17

to settle the sexual battery lawsuit against

21:19

him.

21:20

American Conservative Union chairman Matt Schlapp

21:22

has maintained that the sexual battery allegations

21:24

against him are untrue but he's also

21:27

offered to settle. Now a quick refresher.

21:30

Battle conservative activist Matt Schlapp made an

21:32

offer in March to settle the multi-million

21:34

dollar sexual battery and defamation lawsuit

21:36

against him but the proposal was rejected

21:38

according to multiple people with direct knowledge of the matter.

21:41

The offer from Schlapp was in the low six figures

21:43

according to the sources.

21:44

But Schlapp's accuser Republican strategist

21:47

Carlton Huffman filed

21:49

the law. That's all I wanted

21:51

to read. I wanted to remind everyone that

21:53

Carlton Huffman was the accuser

21:56

in this case and you know

21:58

six low six figures.

21:59

Oh, Mr.

22:02

Schlapp, you're gonna have to do a little bit better than that.

22:04

Yeah. You're Mr. CPAC

22:07

low six figures. That's what

22:09

you, that's what you paid. You pay, you

22:11

pay that much money in like Sebastian Gorka's like

22:13

forehead blacks or whatever. Yeah.

22:16

I'll shop his big dome. And this guy, what's his name?

22:20

Carlton Huffman. Carlton Huffman. Yeah.

22:23

Carlton Hufflepuff.

22:25

This guy just from the name I know he's, he's,

22:27

uh, he's not some, you know, waste natural. He's

22:30

from, he's from a family.

22:32

You molested him while he was dressed like David Spade

22:34

at PCU. He

22:37

is a fine young man from a fine young family

22:40

and they're going to see this through the end, sir.

22:42

Matt

22:46

Schlapp just does a thing for David Spade

22:48

and he's like, yeah, actually called Carlton Huffman is

22:50

dressed like David Spade in PCU tummy

22:52

boy. And uh, fuck what's the movie where, uh,

22:55

he's running for office. Oh, black sheep. Yeah.

22:57

You're right. Yeah.

23:01

Same outfit, every movie, the Navy blazer tan

23:03

slacks. Yeah. Um, but, but

23:05

here, but here's the real, here's, here's the really good, uh,

23:08

daily beast article and like, you know,

23:10

Hey, are they, are they at

23:12

his satanic majesty's,

23:14

um, uh, service? Well let's just see here. Match

23:17

lap held an exorcism at CPAC

23:20

offices after junior employees resigned.

23:23

This is a, this is the daily beast from September

23:25

1st.

23:26

Uh, when a group of employees resigned in protest

23:28

from conservative activist group CPAC last

23:31

year, the organization's power couple

23:33

match slap and his wife, Merche Sladees

23:36

felt it was time for a new begins as

23:39

part of the reset. The slaps turned

23:41

to a priest to evict satan

23:43

experience from the DC area offices.

23:45

According to multiple people with knowledge of the exorcisms,

23:48

father, Marin, are you there? Oh

23:51

my God. Where were these

23:53

DC offices in Georgetown next to a large

23:55

stairway by any chance? And

23:59

so.

23:59

So on an afternoon in spring 2022,

24:02

CPAC employees at their offices in Alexandria,

24:05

Virginia, about eight miles from the fabled staircase

24:07

featured in the 1973 horror classic The Exorcist,

24:10

found themselves suddenly in the presence of a Catholic

24:12

priest.

24:13

The priest's sources said, sprinkled holy water

24:16

around the CPAC premises and blessed all

24:18

the staff, regardless of their faith. As

24:20

part of the rite, according to these people, the priest

24:23

placed a medallion above doors

24:25

in the offices and explained it would help

24:28

ward off evil spirits.

24:30

Now when I read stuff about a Catholic priest

24:32

doing like sanctifying the CPAC

24:34

offices, and then I

24:36

hear reports that like Pope Francis is getting

24:39

ready to like excommunicate the entire American

24:41

Catholic Church. About fucking time. Yeah,

24:43

it's about time. I mean, you've

24:45

got to protect the brand better than that, man.

24:48

This guy's a Catholic priest, sprinkling

24:50

fucking water on Mercedes match slaps,

24:53

fat, sweaty forehead. But this is perfect

24:55

though. Excommunicate all the American

24:57

Catholics and then these guys, instead of just becoming

25:00

Protestants

25:00

because I think they're a little, they like

25:02

their pageantry a little too much, you know, to go straight

25:04

into like the former fucking

25:07

footlocker style of churches.

25:10

You turn them into an American Orthodox

25:13

church. So you've got guys

25:15

blessing office buildings, swinging

25:18

a big sensor of incest

25:20

at a TGI Friday's incest.

25:24

I mean, why not certain

25:26

provinces? Let's

25:28

go. I was also like every service,

25:30

every service is three hours long

25:33

hovering over a tray of Buffalo wings. And

25:37

they got a big hat, a big foam hat.

25:40

It's like a number one finger on their head. This

25:43

is my wing and this is my sauce. I

25:47

just, just from

25:49

listening back through the Rodreers supercut, I was

25:51

reminded that one of the issues

25:53

at the heart of Rodreers friends

25:56

exorcism was that they had been

25:58

on a waiting list for a Catholic. exercise.

26:00

I'm for like almost two years and

26:03

yet the show doesn't have

26:05

a demon in your house for two years

26:07

while you wait for these motherfuckers. This was part

26:09

of we've, we've already been over this. This was part of the,

26:12

the Roger. I mean, like, I forgot

26:14

about the slaps, the slaps pick

26:17

up the phone. They got a priest there that night for the

26:19

CPAT. You know,

26:21

it was the rich and powerful, the rich and powerful

26:23

is skip the line of exercise reasons. While us,

26:26

hoi polloi have to be on

26:28

the waiting list years and years suffering

26:30

our wife's torment. See, this is,

26:32

this is a market inefficiency.

26:34

This is a, this is a bottleneck,

26:37

a bureaucratic bottleneck

26:38

that's creating excess demand that can be solved

26:40

by freelance exorcists. Yes.

26:42

Uh, and I think that that would be a tenant

26:45

of the American Orthodox

26:47

Catholic church is that we would allow

26:49

market forces to dictate the

26:52

distribution of, but it's not

26:54

because they got all freelance. There's Protestant

26:56

esc

27:01

course.

27:12

Yes. Uh, I want, I want them bearing

27:14

the tabernac, if you will. Yes.

27:16

I don't know. I don't

27:18

want a guy with like an extension cord belt in

27:23

my bathtub.

27:24

Well, unless it's John Constantine. Well,

27:26

yes, of course. This is such a good point. And why would be perfect

27:29

for America? Because like, what is the problem

27:31

with exorcism

27:32

regulation? Here's the deal.

27:35

The official Catholic church still recognizes

27:37

exorcisms and like still technically

27:39

in some cases performs them, but like

27:42

the Pope as an exorcist Russell

27:44

Crowe. Yeah. But the thing is

27:46

like the office that adjudicates like the validity

27:49

of these claims, because like, look, if you're the Catholic church, you

27:51

can't just give up the ghost and be like, yeah, demon possession

27:53

isn't real. Like then, yeah, we're full of shit. Go, go

27:55

see, go see a doctor. Just

27:58

get your, give your wife a vibrator.

27:59

she'll be fine. No, but

28:03

no, but like, so like they have an office that has to like,

28:05

yeah, like adjudicate these claims and like, it's a

28:07

very, it's an extremely high bar to clear.

28:10

So most people with demon possession

28:12

problems will be, you know, left by the wayside

28:14

while they like, you know, find some perfect

28:16

case that like one in every 50 years that they

28:19

can say, Oh yeah, like we performed an exorcism.

28:21

It's real.

28:22

But you know, that doesn't help the CPAC offices,

28:24

which are probably, you know, demon

28:27

come of some kind.

28:29

The longer those demons stay in there,

28:31

the more, the more crotches

28:33

match lap will be forced to awkwardly paw

28:35

at.

28:36

The article continues

28:38

though.

28:39

It's not just an anonymous, it's not just

28:41

anonymous sources who make this claim CPAC

28:44

general counsel, key pack general counsel,

28:46

David Safavian, also a devote

28:49

Catholic publicly acknowledged an in office

28:51

exorcism earlier this year under the circumstances

28:53

similar to the 2022 event

28:55

described to the daily beast.

28:57

Now that we performed an exorcism on a recently

28:59

vacated office, I'm enjoying my new private

29:01

cigar lounge. Safavian posted on May

29:04

23rd, referring to a specific office of an employee

29:06

who had just departed at the time beats

29:08

the heck out of the corner of the garage where I could get

29:11

where I could get cell service.

29:12

Okay. Here's my question here. I know

29:15

he says he's a devout Catholic, but like I look,

29:17

I'm a, I'm a lay person and I'm not a Catholic isn't,

29:20

doesn't demonic possession, isn't

29:23

a human being that like demons want to,

29:25

they don't want to just possess some office in Alexandria,

29:27

Virginia. So they're describing a

29:30

lot of this

29:31

for paranormal activity.

29:33

Yeah. Demonic possessions are of

29:36

yes. Of, of soul. Like a person,

29:38

they want to corrupt the soul of the,

29:40

of the virtuous. Not like I said, the

29:43

corner office of an office park in

29:45

fucking Northern Virginia. Yeah. I mean,

29:47

to be fair, if I was a demon, that's probably

29:49

where I would most, I mean, that's the thing is

29:51

building in Northern Virginia. Their

29:53

idea of demonic possession is probably incorrect,

29:56

but like

29:56

office buildings, actual buildings

29:59

in this country.

29:59

I would argue are the places where demons do

30:02

live, not in us. But not old

30:04

buildings. And no, anybody

30:06

who enters one and is sit in

30:09

the right chair, in the right place is essentially

30:11

possessed by the demonic spirit

30:14

of nihilistic extraction

30:17

and surplus piling. And

30:20

so can only act according to that. And

30:23

if you're in any office in northern

30:25

Virginia, DC does a

30:29

Silicon Valley, downtown Manhattan,

30:32

lower, these buildings are literally demonically

30:34

possessed and because you could quit as

30:36

a person to say, I get a bad vibe in here, I don't like

30:38

who I am when I'm here and you can go off and you

30:41

can volunteer and be in

30:43

and run a tugboat business

30:45

in the, in the golf. And you will

30:47

be clear that the demon won't

30:50

follow you, but whoever goes to fill your

30:52

chair next, boom, as soon as they

30:54

sit down, they're, they're fucking

30:56

possessed. This is the essential

30:58

ecstatic truth of Ghostbusters too. Yep.

31:01

Yes. Yes. The bad vibes accrue

31:04

and accumulate.

31:05

Uh, just

31:06

going on in the article, he says, another source described

31:09

the 2022 event as the weirdest thing

31:11

I'd seen. And yet another said I had no idea

31:13

that was going on. Okay. If you work for match

31:15

slap and have been to CPAC multiple times

31:18

and say an exercise is the weirdest thing

31:20

you've ever seen. I questioned

31:22

your judgment because the one time I went

31:24

to CPAC that I, show me a

31:26

demon business person right now. And it wouldn't, it wouldn't

31:28

phase me in the slightest.

31:30

No, my God. Those, those, those

31:32

dolphin tooth, fucking great proteins

31:35

approaching us and calling us an aesthetic men.

31:38

We, a

31:40

lot of, a lot of guys who, who

31:42

definitely made me realize why, uh, the Mac

31:45

tonight guy from McDonald's was briefly

31:47

a outright icon with, yeah. Cause

31:49

they look like that. They have like scooped

31:52

faces.

31:53

It's like just these horrible non

31:56

Euclidean planes. It

32:00

says,

32:01

multiple sources with knowledge of the event

32:03

said that the right included a prayer circle

32:05

in Schlapp's office, which

32:07

one person described as performative and inauthentic.

32:10

Like the show, this source says, really? Really?

32:14

As the priest made his way through

32:16

the office, spritzing holy water room to

32:18

room, employees nudged him towards Matt's

32:20

office, this person said, the way he

32:22

had treated junior employees seemed to us like

32:25

he was the one who needed it most.

32:27

CPAC is being terrorized by a demon

32:30

self described as the Daily Beast, the statement

32:32

attributed to Matt Slout said. The good

32:34

news is the leadership of CPAC knows

32:36

how the epic battle against the Beast ends.

32:39

I'd short the stock.

32:40

Wait a minute. So the Daily Beast is the devil

32:43

that they're exercising.

32:44

So why didn't they go to the offices of the Daily

32:46

Beast? Well, because it's like, I don't know, it appears,

32:49

you know, an angelic membrane

32:51

of the Schlapp barn, the

32:54

Schlapp fuck barn. Yeah. No, I

32:56

think as you say, like they were trying to get it into

32:58

Matt's office. Everyone kind of understood, OK,

33:01

if we are exercising anything, it is Matt's

33:03

compulsive need to honk us off. Yep.

33:08

Maybe he could take this moment to like

33:10

really reflect on what he's done and be like, OK,

33:12

folks, this house is clean now,

33:15

meaning I will stop trying to honk you off.

33:18

But yeah, like I I saw the idea of

33:20

like Max von Sindau walking around being

33:22

escorted around Alexandria,

33:25

Virginia by Northern

33:27

Virginia's horniest couple, Mercedes

33:30

and Matt Schlapp. I like to think

33:32

of them as a even less wholesome

33:34

couple from the people under the stairs.

33:40

All right. Well, let's let's let's depart

33:42

from politics for a second, because I have

33:45

a I got an opinion piece here

33:47

in the Washington Post that's it's

33:49

pretty interesting.

33:51

And like basically, I don't

33:53

know if this is a recurring segment

33:55

on the show, but, you know, it's a question that comes

33:58

up from time to time. And that question is.

34:00

Men, what are we killing

34:03

these days? What are men up to killing and destroying?

34:06

What are we up to? What are we fucking up these days by

34:08

ending the life up?

34:10

And the answer is houseplants. This

34:12

is an opinion piece in the Washington Post by

34:15

Karen Adia, titled,

34:17

Why Do Men Kill Women's Plants?

34:20

And fellas, we've

34:23

got some explaining to do. Because

34:25

I like, you know, let's dive into this

34:27

piece. Men, what is up

34:29

with this?

34:30

So she says here, begins,

34:33

there's that saying, it's better to be a

34:35

warrior in the garden

34:37

than a gardener in a war. I've never

34:39

heard that saying before. Have you ever

34:41

heard this phrase? Wait a minute. It's

34:44

better to be a warrior in a garden

34:47

than a gardener in a war.

34:49

Oh, okay. Oh, I see. Why

34:52

would a warrior be a garden? What

34:54

are they doing? I

34:55

mean, it seems like sort of a truism.

34:57

I mean, is the warrior going to fight

35:00

the plan? Wouldn't it just be better to not be in

35:02

a war? Yeah. Yes. Yeah,

35:05

exactly. That's what I'm saying. And if it was better

35:07

to be doing anything than doing the same thing in a war. Right.

35:09

Like if you were a gardener in a war, they would probably take

35:12

the trowel out of your hand and give you a gun. And

35:14

then you'd be a warrior in a war. You

35:16

wouldn't be a gardener for long. Whereas

35:18

you could be a warrior in a garden forever and just

35:21

miserably failing to properly garden. You

35:23

can't leave the garden until you get like a crop

35:26

to sprout and you're just hacking at it with

35:28

your sword. You have no idea what to do.

35:31

That could suck. I do like

35:33

your idea of a warrior

35:35

in the garden as being antagonistic to the plants.

35:37

So your goal is there to shop

35:39

and eradicate plant life in

35:42

your in your garden, which is like the opposite of

35:44

what you want in a garden. So he's doing a bad

35:46

job and maybe there's consequences

35:48

for that. Maybe he gets fired.

35:50

Maybe he gets evicted. I was just trying to think of an example

35:52

of gardening during the war.

35:54

And you know what? It was all those British officers

35:57

that became POWs during World War Two. All

35:59

those RAF officers.

35:59

that were sent to like the Great Escape or whatever.

36:02

They got to garden. They were loving it. They

36:05

had a great time. No bigger fucking

36:07

teacher's pet nerds

36:09

than the officers who tried to escape from

36:11

POW camps during World War II. You

36:14

fucking made it, dude. You served your country.

36:17

Just chill out, do drag for each other,

36:19

which I know you guys love more than anything. Yes,

36:21

yes. Have your little garden plot. They

36:23

got to do panto and have a big sleepover

36:26

with their friends. Did you need a convention

36:29

for bid officers from doing work? They were not

36:31

allowed to work

36:32

so they could just hang out. You

36:34

know you're going to win at that point.

36:37

The Germans are fucked. You're going to go home in a while

36:39

and you're not going to get killed in the meantime. What do you take

36:41

a load off? You fucking lunatic. Signing

36:45

yourself extra credit in World

36:47

War II. No, thank you. All

36:52

right, but back to what? I mean, I say that as coming

36:54

from a long line of cowards. My

36:57

grandfather volunteered

37:00

for the Coast Guard in World War II.

37:02

Good move. You see Mr. Chrisman? Nope.

37:05

Mr. Chrisman, it is every officer's duty to

37:08

resist the enemy and evade capture

37:10

and escape by any means necessary.

37:12

Snip upper lip.

37:14

Snip upper lip. They're

37:18

like, Matt, you've

37:20

got tunnel duty. And you're like, these

37:23

cathanthemums aren't going to tend to themselves. Look,

37:26

later tonight, we're all going to put broom

37:29

mops on our heads and pretend to be beautiful ladies.

37:32

Yeah, I'm going to dress up as Betty Grable and have

37:34

a sock hop. Leave us alone. That's

37:38

the fun shit about war. Yeah. I

37:40

mean, that's a, you know, we just came up with a

37:42

great example of being a gardener during

37:44

the war. But let's see what else this article goes. Nearly

37:47

three years ago,

37:48

one of my favorite trees in the world,

37:51

my parents' 22-year-old fig tree,

37:53

was butchered by some clueless landscaping

37:55

warriors looking to make a quick buck.

37:58

And now she includes in this.

37:59

A tweet that she, documenting

38:02

this at the time it happened, October

38:04

16th, 2020, she tweeted, putting

38:06

her dad on blast on Twitter,

38:09

she said here, my dad let the tree

38:11

trimmers massacre the fig tree, my favorite

38:13

tree in the world. I am livid, I need

38:15

to walk this off.

38:17

When she says, months later, as I tearfully predicted,

38:20

the tree was so injured that a large part of it

38:22

died.

38:23

And then another followup tweet,

38:25

many of y'all remember my distressing tweet thread

38:27

last year about the trimmers that came and massacred

38:29

our tree. I wish it had a happier ending.

38:32

What was once the beautiful wood of the fig tree

38:34

is now being burrowed out by ants. It's

38:36

like looking into the decaying corpse of

38:38

my old friend.

38:40

I wish I could go after the scamming land

38:42

rapers who did this, but they aren't even

38:44

a registered company.

38:46

This

38:49

certainly escalated. This article

38:51

is going places. And I think like this fig tree

38:53

is really kind of like a, just a

38:55

stand-in for the fucked up relationship between

38:58

this woman and her dad. When did

39:00

this thing happen? When was the initial

39:02

tweet? This happened like three years ago. And

39:05

she's been thinking about it that long. Well, I mean, like the

39:07

article is from September 1st. I

39:09

mean, this is still in her mind.

39:12

But she writes, I wrote about it at the time, utterly

39:14

enraged at the landscapers and my

39:17

father, who had allowed them to mutilate the

39:19

tree. So angry that I took a

39:21

pair of scissors and threatened to execute

39:23

his favorite post-pathos right in front

39:25

of him to give him a taste of how I felt.

39:28

Like, see what I mean? Like, I

39:30

don't think it's just the fig tree here, you

39:32

know? Well, also, yes, this sounds

39:34

like there's some, some electro

39:37

complex stuff going on here, but also

39:39

you can't forget how

39:41

psychotic the relationship is between

39:44

Brits and their lawns, gardens,

39:46

like their personal. Oh, this isn't a British

39:49

person. What? This isn't a British

39:51

person. There's not, this is a regular American.

39:53

This is Karen. She's

39:56

a Northwestern University BA

39:58

in communication study.

39:59

I just assumed they were British because this

40:02

is exactly the kind of shit that's always in the Guardian

40:04

Yeah,

40:11

I killed my wife's favorite tree it looks

40:13

like it's the death penalty for me by Adrian I

40:15

was just like oh, this has got to be this is pretty

40:17

Wow, this is a regular American Wow See

40:21

I I'm not quite sure where this is going But I feel

40:23

like that first paragraph is already a tell because if

40:25

it if she was motivated by a pure love

40:27

of natural Growing things then she would have

40:29

an instinctive aversion of taking out the death of one

40:32

Green thing the fig tree on another

40:34

growing thing the pothos. This

40:36

is it's not about the plants. It's about something else

40:39

Yeah, okay, so she says here she writes

40:42

after after that column was published I

40:44

was flooded with tweets and stories from

40:46

women whose spouses boyfriends fathers

40:48

and

40:49

and male neighbors Had destroyed

40:52

their favorite shrubs flowers herbs

40:54

even plants that had been handed down to them from

40:57

long-gone relatives I was reminded

40:59

of the fig tree fiasco a few days ago

41:01

when my sister informed me that the same Landscapers

41:04

had come back and asked whether there was any pruning

41:06

to do my sister told me she put into the

41:08

tall spindly fig Shrub growing from the dead

41:11

trees from the trees dead trunk

41:13

stumps Apparently the men looked embarrassed

41:15

said story and drove away. They're

41:17

lucky. I wasn't there I would have threatened

41:19

to prize the tires off their truck if they

41:21

ever came back again But that inspired me

41:23

to put a call it back out on Twitter now

41:26

known as X for women to share

41:28

their stories

41:29

And so she puts she puts out says out the bad

41:31

signal and says I would still love

41:33

to compile stories Oh women who

41:35

had to deal with men destroying their gardens favorite

41:38

flowers or trees and vines that

41:40

have a long history Hell hath no

41:42

fury like a woman whose plants have

41:44

been wrecked by mindless men The

41:46

responses I got here were well horrifying

41:49

if you're a plant lover read at your own risk tree

41:52

triggers ahead

41:54

Now now listener before

41:56

I embark on some of these horror stories.

41:59

I would just like to have it stated for the

42:01

record that I have

42:03

had a jade plant for probably 16

42:05

or 17 years, the same

42:08

jade plant.

42:09

And it's going strong and I

42:11

hope to have it another 15 or 16.

42:14

So I am one of the good ones,

42:16

ladies. I will

42:18

not let a plant die if I can help it. But

42:20

let's listen to some of these responses.

42:24

One reply says, I

42:26

had a boyfriend that destroyed a gigantic

42:29

and beautiful orchid.

42:30

I'm talking about three to four feet tall and at

42:32

least two feet wide because he was jealous that

42:34

one of our mutual friends, a man, gave

42:37

it to me as a trade for my help with his business.

42:39

Okay, so that's his that's his that's

42:41

not a man problem. This guy

42:44

is psycho.

42:45

Come on. That's not that's not Homer Simpson

42:48

going, oops. Okay,

42:50

next one. I lovingly, lovingly

42:52

recreated a medieval style herbal

42:54

lawn in our backyard. Husband,

42:56

in parentheses, now former, had

42:59

a service mow the lawn while I was out of town.

43:01

They alerted him to the weeds in the lawn and

43:03

offered to remove them. One application of

43:05

weed killer and six years of work

43:08

was gone. Oh, right. See,

43:11

now that's what we're talking about. Yes, that's classic

43:13

of fish. That

43:15

is male ovary. Wow. That

43:17

is some fucking that is some king

43:19

of Queens

43:20

level. Some Jim Belushi

43:22

grade male ovary. Congratulations.

43:25

Writing a writing a John Deere over

43:27

like a bed of rosemary

43:29

or something. I mean, you're

43:32

drinking a beer.

43:34

It does. It does take a special

43:36

kind of husband ovary to not have

43:38

noticed that your wife has been cultivating

43:40

one part of your lawn for six years.

43:44

It's like the one time you

43:46

went out of town being like, Oh, I wonder why we've never mowed

43:48

this part of the lawn in six years.

43:51

Next one says my husband

43:53

had weeded. Quote unquote. So

43:55

many of my perennials he mowed over in Azalea

43:58

Bush. He planted a mom where

43:59

my peonies were and killed that I can

44:02

go on and on. So now I take him with

44:04

me to the nursery and tell him the price of everything

44:06

I am buying that he killed. There

44:09

you go. Hit him on the wallet. There's

44:11

a few more. Let's see.

44:13

Early in their marriage, my parents and toddler,

44:16

my parents and toddler

44:18

and me spent some time living with my mom's

44:20

grandparents. Her grandparents had great vines

44:23

that they were very proud of. And wouldn't you know, my stoned

44:25

father wound up killing them in an attempt to prove

44:28

my mom was and still is pissed.

44:30

There we go. This is the good stuff. Keep

44:32

this coming. I like this.

44:34

A friend of mine got fucking Hendrix

44:36

on a giant headphones. He's

44:39

got a booby the size of a fucking

44:41

Sunday time is coming out of his mouth. Friend

44:45

of mine took a job in another town at the start of her

44:47

divorce before she could dig up her flower

44:49

bulbs collected over the years. He completely covered

44:51

the bulbs with rocks baking them in the Southwest

44:54

sun. He knew what they meant to her intentional,

44:56

vindictive, spiteful. I mean, yeah, like

44:59

that's not Ophory. That's just that's just I

45:01

don't like that. I don't like the ones where the guy is just

45:03

being a psycho. All right.

45:05

Well, I mean, there's more there's more similar

45:08

tales. But now

45:09

she has some commentary on it.

45:11

She says, I don't know whether the destruction

45:13

of plants and gardens is commonly considered a

45:15

sign of toxic or even abusive characteristics

45:17

in a relationship. But maybe it should be.

45:20

Plenty

45:20

of women pointed out that the men who had destroyed

45:22

their plants were now their exes. I'm

45:24

not saying all women are earth goddesses blessed

45:27

with the innate horticultural talents. And

45:29

of course, not all men are out there murdering

45:31

every tree and shrub they can get their hands on.

45:34

I do know men who have gorgeous gardens and are

45:36

quite good with indoor plants. From

45:38

what I could find, there haven't been many studies on the

45:40

gendered aspects of American lawn and garden

45:42

care or yard work

45:44

and why men sometimes kill plants they shouldn't.

45:47

But for me growing up lawn care was male

45:49

work. And no surprise, manicured

45:51

lawn grass remains a symbol of male

45:54

material success.

45:55

So it's like, they're sort of like the

45:58

lawn, right, which is like that. That

46:00

is like

46:01

the man, the landowner, the

46:03

sort of the barren,

46:05

you know, and like a pretending of the lawn is

46:08

man work because you have to do battle with it. You have

46:10

to, you know, you got to cut the grass. You see

46:13

the shrubs. You got to clear the shrubs,

46:16

but then the brush and shrubs. But then there

46:18

is gardening, which is, you know, yeah,

46:20

I think fairly can be there as gendered,

46:23

nurturing, like, and bringing forth

46:26

either, you know, like food to eat

46:28

or flowers, you know, which is, you know,

46:30

that's, that's, that's a bit, it's a bit fruit nourishing

46:33

one way or the other spirit and the body.

46:36

Um,

46:37

as crystal Dacosta wrote in scientific American

46:39

in 2017, the state of a homeowner's

46:42

lawn is an important in relation to their status

46:44

within the community and to the status of the community

46:46

at large lawns, connect neighbors

46:48

and neighborhoods. They're viewed as an indicator of socioeconomic

46:51

character, which translates into property and resale

46:53

values. Lawns are indicative of

46:55

success. They're a physical manifestation of

46:58

the American dream of homeownership.

47:00

Uh, they are also something that I think should probably

47:03

be made illegal.

47:04

Like, I don't think we should have

47:06

cause like, okay, the round up that

47:08

you need to pour into like the groundwater

47:10

to keep a fucking lawn looking away like it is,

47:13

is just like going to make it so that we can't

47:15

eat food in the coming decades.

47:18

And like, and not to mention all the cancerous effects of

47:20

Roundup, but also just like the water wasted

47:22

on fucking watering lawns.

47:25

It's just, I mean, it's all, it's all to maintain

47:27

this parody of our old relationship

47:30

with nature. It is, it's literally

47:32

like, we just need to have a little therapeutic

47:35

valve for the fact that we just wrenched ourselves

47:37

completely from any relationship to the natural

47:39

world. So we got to create this little

47:41

curated parody of it, like a

47:43

serial killer who like poses

47:45

his victims and merry configurations.

47:51

But yeah, it's like, uh,

47:52

the common thread in the responses I heard from

47:54

women had nothing to do with grass, but with

47:56

flowers, herbs, trees, and vines being

47:59

ruined by men who I.

47:59

either refused to listen to women's instructions or

48:02

it tipped over into rage. I've

48:04

yet to hear of a woman poisoning a man's

48:06

lawn out of negligence or spite, but

48:09

if it's happened, I'm all ears. See, I think

48:11

maybe the thing is like,

48:13

the lawn is in conflict

48:15

with the herbs, the vines, the flowers,

48:18

and I guess to the

48:20

lawn mower dad, they're all

48:23

just chaffed to be sliced

48:25

up. To be mowed. Destroyed and brought to heel,

48:27

yeah. No, all you have is the blade.

48:30

Well, as she has carried on. You are in fact a warrior

48:32

in a garden.

48:33

Yeah. Armed only with

48:34

a blade. The next paragraph says, is it the sense

48:37

of power they get from wielding large, sharp

48:39

tools? Or given that women's labor

48:41

is especially in the home is valued less than men's,

48:44

is it that our gardens work with flowers, vines,

48:46

and heirlooms passed down is also less valued?

48:49

Or can it be that these men are jealous of the time,

48:51

energy, and dare I say love, that women

48:54

give the gardens we care for? We

48:56

know that spending time in nature and caring for plants

48:58

and flowers are sources of stress relief,

49:00

well-being, and joy. The stories that

49:02

paint men as blundering idiots in women's gardens

49:05

obscure the very real harm these men have caused

49:07

and the very real pain many women

49:09

describe feeling when they discover their plants dead.

49:12

Perhaps this gets to a larger point about society,

49:14

gender, and nature that

49:16

has been a running theme throughout history. The

49:18

male fear and contempt

49:21

for nature and women that leads some to

49:23

see both as things to be cold, controlled, colonized,

49:26

and wrestled into submission.

49:27

Anyway, as for my parents' fig tree,

49:30

she has seen better days. But like so many of the

49:32

American women I know who survived neglect, callousness,

49:34

and well men, she's still kicking.

49:37

So you can't keep a good tree down.

49:40

But that. Sounds like a cool tree. I

49:43

mean, I think there is a useful lesson there

49:45

for guys. Pay more attention.

49:48

That's always a good suggestion.

49:50

Be less Doug Heffernan and

49:53

more, I can't even think of an alternative because

49:55

they're all like that. I

49:57

would recommend just getting into it. Like I said,

49:59

I've had a jade plant for, like I said, as long

50:02

as I have, because they take almost no

50:04

upkeep. So like, invest in plants

50:06

that, like succulents, that you have to water. If

50:08

you forget to water them for a month, they'll be

50:10

fine.

50:11

Or cactuses are also quite good.

50:13

But you know,

50:14

orchids, you know, some of these

50:16

are orchids into my house, I'm killing that shit. I'm

50:19

killing it immediately. I also think a

50:21

lot of guys need to find ways to get into things that

50:23

are maybe through the more analytical realm,

50:26

you know, like,

50:27

how one might like research and build

50:30

one's own PC at home. So

50:32

just figure out the ways that you can approach something

50:34

like a science project or a manual to

50:36

be cracked or a math problem to be solved.

50:39

And that will get

50:41

you into the garden mindset. I tipped

50:44

my cap to the lady who showed her husband

50:46

how much everything he ruined cost. Because

50:48

that is the way to actually pierce the bubble. That's the way

50:50

to get it.

50:51

Yeah, you turn the thermostat

50:53

up by a degree. And

50:57

every day in the country knows exactly the cost

50:59

of that. That one degree temperature of heat. So

51:02

yeah.

51:02

And yeah, like you said, like, you know, just

51:05

think of producing a beautiful bushel

51:07

of heirloom tomatoes, like a character

51:09

build. Yes, exactly. You've got

51:11

to invest in the stats to

51:13

get a delicious BLT. Yeah,

51:16

think about all the item

51:19

fusions you need to do or all the fetch

51:21

quests you need to do to make a potion

51:23

in Skyrim and just apply it to your garden.

51:25

It's all just gaming. Gamify

51:28

your garden. All gaming. Gamify your garden.

51:30

Thank you. Well,

51:32

yeah, shout out to shout out to all

51:34

the ladies whose husbands are taking

51:38

a weed whacker to their precious hobby.

51:41

Ladies solidarity with oath wives. The

51:45

WYW W W Wives

51:48

of Oath. WOO is the new coalition that

51:50

we are establishing today.

51:54

Yeah, I think that does it

51:56

for me today. Anything

51:59

else going on? Oh, what

52:01

do I see here? Gunther has thrown Israel under

52:03

the bus because yeah, gosh is Yeah,

52:07

power levels are going up dramatically

52:09

very quickly Israel must not dismantle this

52:12

punishment for her moral neutrality against the

52:14

Russian genocide against. Oh, what's this? Gunther

52:16

follows me now? Yeah, I Respect

52:19

that he went with the three states.

52:22

He's like, oh everybody knows about the two-state solution.

52:24

That's for normies What makes me Gunther is that I'm

52:26

proposing a Try state

52:29

area. Wait, what I did I did not

52:32

I have not been I saw the headline But

52:34

I did not catch up with the thread. What are the

52:36

three states that he is Proposing

52:39

I actually didn't see him like get specific

52:42

with it because I think he knows that Muslim

52:45

or

52:46

NATO Palestine

52:48

in Israel I administered

52:52

a State

52:54

that's gonna say He threatens

52:56

all these states would being broken up into like not

52:59

just two states not just three states But let's

53:01

say a dozen different states break it all he

53:03

gets off on it. It's the harder

53:05

he can get I don't I

53:07

Maybe it's like two states with

53:09

Jerusalem is like a Danzig like

53:12

international city, you know administered

53:14

by the UN or I'm sorry not the UN

53:16

NATO, of course Yes,

53:18

I think that would work. I don't know

53:21

but I just love that he's he's pushing the envelope

53:23

He's taking he's taking it seriously Like

53:25

everybody else in the NATO coalition is

53:27

just politely ignoring the fact that Israel is

53:29

like, yeah, fuck you We don't care. We

53:31

don't care about your little fight with Russia. We're good And

53:35

only gunther is like hey are these guys

53:37

on our side or not? It's like they have

53:39

their own deal here that is not necessarily in

53:41

our interests So expect

53:44

the ADL to put gunther in their sights

53:46

pretty soon now Gunther

53:49

though. Yep. He's a grinder.

53:51

He wants it more. He is the reincarnation of Hitler

53:53

after all

53:58

No, I was to the last thing of no Did

54:00

you see a former deputy solicitor

54:03

general of the United States and Neil Kata'el, Neil

54:05

Kakatiel at fucking Burning Man,

54:07

wearing a fucking propeller beanie baseball

54:10

hat and like the most Dan flashes

54:12

t-shirt I bet, but Dan flashes button up

54:15

I've ever seen in my life. Okay.

54:16

Look at that photo and imagine

54:18

that you are a like African child

54:21

enslaved on a cocoa plantation and that's

54:24

the last thing you see. Yeah. It's

54:26

something.

54:28

All right. It's something. All right.

54:30

I've never, obviously I've never been to Burning Man and

54:32

I, it's just the whole configuration

54:35

after this is absolutely baffling

54:38

to me because I think I get it. They're like, Oh, it's for

54:40

tech libertarians who want to do drugs. But

54:42

then like

54:43

fucking Chris Rock was there. Uh,

54:46

fucking, uh, Grover Norquist goes

54:48

every year. Yeah. The fucking

54:50

hillbilly troubadour was there.

54:52

Like what, what is bringing this together?

54:55

You know, like bill homie, Bohemian Grove to me

54:57

has like a logic. I don't understand

54:59

what is bringing people together at La

55:01

Playa.

55:03

I know they make a big burning man. It

55:05

certainly seems more than, you

55:07

know, it's always had that like tech libertarian

55:09

background, but it certainly seems like it has broken

55:12

containment of even those nerds over the

55:14

last few years. Yeah. And

55:16

that this year's flooding is the Ragnarok that

55:18

it has been courting as

55:21

it has moved further and further away from the,

55:23

uh, the values of let's get a bunch of horny

55:25

hippies to live, live in community in the desert.

55:28

The first burning man was on a beach in the

55:30

Bay area. It was not out in the middle of nowhere.

55:32

And it was like, we're just going to get together on the beach

55:34

and we're going to have a bonfire. We're going to vibe out.

55:37

And they're like, we got to keep this going, man. And eventually

55:39

it leads to, you know,

55:41

like a Jay sock guy

55:43

who's responsible for 15 hospital drone

55:46

bombings on fucking NDMA

55:49

listening to Diplo and eating

55:51

like, uh, eating like dolphin

55:54

blowhole croquettes.

55:57

It's like fried calamari, but

55:59

it's just the whole of a blue

56:02

whale. They're

56:04

all setting around. It's like, it's like

56:07

a giant table. They're all nibbling one end. Yeah.

56:10

Uh, the, the

56:12

burning man is that, I mean, like, I know

56:14

a few people have gone for years and years and years

56:16

and years who are outside of that, like

56:19

the, the, you know, the Neil Katia

56:21

class. And the, the attitude is

56:24

always very funny to me because you look, you know,

56:26

over the weekend you're seeing pictures coming in and

56:28

that look more like mad max than

56:30

maybe anything I've seen in the real world.

56:32

Fury wrote it. Yeah. I like the part where they got

56:34

stuck in the mud and that and they have to like shoot, shoot at

56:36

the bullet farmer over his shoulder. Yes, exactly.

56:39

Exactly. Uh, and then I check

56:41

in on some of my friends, like Insta

56:43

stories or whatever, who I know are there and,

56:45

uh, they're all like first story,

56:48

uh,

56:48

waist deep in mud. What am I going to do?

56:50

Second story? Honestly, this might be my favorite

56:53

burn ever. So, you

56:55

know, God

56:56

bless him. Obviously the character building. Yeah. So

56:58

obviously the, the, uh, the

57:01

Raytheon class attendance of burning

57:03

man is, um, you're rotating, but, uh, I

57:06

gotta give it up for the,

57:08

the lifelong burners who, who, uh, are during through this.

57:10

You got, you got Neil there. He's wearing

57:12

a fucking look, looking like a complete prick, but

57:15

I'm sure he's like rolling face, having a great time.

57:17

He's got to get his boys, uh, fucking Samuel Alito

57:19

and

57:20

Amy Coby Bryant. And Clarence,

57:22

get the Supreme court to go to burning

57:24

man. Give him, give him some fucking, let

57:26

him candy flip and

57:28

like, you know, give him a billion dollars. And

57:30

maybe we just realized like, Hey, the Supreme

57:32

court bullshit. We don't need it again. Grover Norquist

57:34

goes there. Every year. It doesn't work that way.

57:37

Okay. Get Holland. Crow to go

57:39

there. Get Holland. Crow to go there. He'll fucking have

57:41

a psychedelic experience. You know what? He's like, I'm burning all

57:44

of my Hitler memorabilia in the giant, in the man.

57:46

We're going to go. He's going to have Hitler stuff. He's going

57:48

to see Hitler and he's going to be like, you know what? He's actually

57:51

made some good points. He

57:52

seems like a nice guy. I'm

57:55

actually. of

58:00

stoke that I own all of his silverware

58:02

now. I'm just imagining getting

58:05

the entire Supreme Court out to the playa

58:07

and

58:07

to do an enacting an inverse

58:10

Supreme Court to judge them like

58:13

when the scarecrow is presiding over court

58:15

in Dark Knight Rises. Except it's

58:17

like a panel

58:19

of white guys with dreads doing

58:22

devil sticks holding them accountable

58:24

for their moral crimes from

58:26

the top of mountain of like

58:28

junk and like art RVs. Yeah,

58:31

but then that's time to render judgment. They're like, we

58:33

just realized literally all of us are only able

58:35

to afford to come to Burning Man because of decisions

58:37

you people made. So congratulations, you're

58:39

actually in charge now. You're absolved.

58:41

We're going to give you blood red robes and let you preside

58:44

over the great sacrifice. And here's the

58:46

thing I actually had the hardest time getting understanding

58:48

about Burning Man.

58:49

When I hear, okay, yeah, you go out and

58:52

it's just a giant rave in the desert, you do drugs,

58:54

you have sex in like a camper or

58:56

a porta potty. Okay, I get that. It's a music festival

58:58

without the music. Perfect.

59:00

But then the shit about how like, oh,

59:02

we're also building like a giant erector

59:04

set the whole time. Yes. It's

59:06

like, how does this, how does this time management work

59:09

here? Where it's like you come down off of 15

59:12

psychedelics and then you've got to like get together

59:14

and build an Ikea tablet,

59:16

an Ikea like bookcase.

59:18

It's like the size of

59:21

like a four story building. I don't understand

59:24

that part of it. All the erector sets

59:26

are constructed by Filipino guest

59:28

workers. See, this is what I wondered. Do they just

59:30

like have, do they just like fiber out

59:32

a bunch of people on private helicopters?

59:35

I don't know. Just do a mass fire. No, a task

59:37

rabbit. They just have them all like helicoptered

59:40

out and dropped from parachutes. It's just,

59:42

it's actually have to do that shit. Like have

59:44

an Allen wrench on their hand.

59:46

It's like the limits of like a psychedelic

59:48

experiences because I could very well see

59:50

Neil and company, you

59:52

know, like a rolling face

59:54

and having some sort of like,

59:56

plural moment and feeling of oneness with the

59:58

universe where they conclude that. like, you

1:00:00

know what? Everyone else who's

1:00:02

not here are insects and should be

1:00:04

squashed. I

1:00:07

guess what, like, we're all just

1:00:09

part of one conscious being. I mean, like the people

1:00:11

here, everyone outside of this bubble. You

1:00:14

can sort of imagine it like the West,

1:00:17

the gods, you know,

1:00:19

godhood sort of emanating sort of like rays

1:00:21

from a central sun, you know, like

1:00:24

if you put it on a flag,

1:00:26

maybe there would be like slightly off center.

1:00:28

There would be the sun and then the rays of the sun would

1:00:30

be coming out of it,

1:00:31

encompassing the world and

1:00:34

touching all those who are, who are benighted

1:00:37

and not touched by God's,

1:00:39

God's oneness, that kind

1:00:41

of thing. Well, I hope they had a lot of a

1:00:43

Nestle chocolate to keep the

1:00:46

energy going during the six mile hike

1:00:49

out of the day. Have enough I ever

1:00:51

met him to deal with the Ebola outbreak.

1:00:53

Yes. Talk about worms.

1:00:56

Jesus Christ. That that I

1:00:58

watching that fluoresce, watching

1:01:00

brace, just be like, I'm going to pretend I'm at burning

1:01:02

man and tell him

1:01:06

to premium influencers,

1:01:08

tick talking about the extant

1:01:11

and un, uncontested

1:01:13

Ebola outbreak at burning man.

1:01:15

I just had, I had to doff

1:01:18

my cap to, um, yeah, to brace

1:01:20

when I went to a IRL

1:01:23

labor day hang of mostly offline

1:01:25

people yesterday and heard

1:01:28

the rumor bubbling up. Did you

1:01:30

hear that there might be like some kind of like

1:01:33

a bullet outbreak there? I heard that

1:01:35

that was true. And I was like that the fact that

1:01:37

you can, you can post something so hard that,

1:01:39

uh, that it breaks containment

1:01:41

into the real, real world. I mean, I,

1:01:44

I, I don't know if this can be attributed entirely

1:01:46

to, to brace, but I, you know, let's just say I

1:01:48

want to believe, uh, not

1:01:51

another headline here. I just have to share before we get off

1:01:53

today. Uh,

1:01:53

this also the jelly beast president

1:01:55

Biden has been briefed on burning man chaos.

1:01:58

Quote, we are in touch.

1:01:59

with the local people, he said, while adding he

1:02:02

was focused on getting everyone out. Thank

1:02:05

God for that.

1:02:06

We're there to help.

1:02:07

I would love to be in the room as an

1:02:09

aide tries to explain what Burning Man is

1:02:11

to Joe Biden. I mean, I would,

1:02:14

it shouldn't be that hard. You just be like, it's, it's,

1:02:17

uh, it's Woodstock with gender, sir. It's

1:02:19

a gen, it's gender Woodstock. And

1:02:21

I think he would get that because he clearly gets, he knows

1:02:24

Woodstock, you know, he was, he

1:02:25

was outside shaking his fist at the hippies when

1:02:27

it happened.

1:02:28

And he certainly knows gender. He knows

1:02:30

what the gender stuff is. He knows enough. There are

1:02:32

at least three of them. It's not his business, but they're on

1:02:34

his side. That's all he needs to know.

1:02:37

So it's gender Woodstock gives him all the information

1:02:39

he needs to know.

1:02:40

All right. Let's, let's put a pin in it there for today.

1:02:43

Uh, fellas, you have anything to, uh, to plug

1:02:45

or share with you at the show?

1:02:47

We are plug free other than that, Roger,

1:02:49

right? But it seems like people are discovering it. So,

1:02:52

um, right.

1:02:53

No new business for the day. So

1:02:56

let's just, uh, say

1:02:58

goodbye. Bye. Goodbye.