0:01

Hello and Welcome do another episode of Chasing

0:03

Excellent on a respect Commission has always have

0:05

you been virtually every week on the show.

0:07

We dedicate some time to explore how we

0:10

can live a life of better health and

0:12

increased for some. We answer your questions about

0:14

five factors of health: Dive deep. I'm living

0:16

a life of excellence and explore the strategies

0:19

frameworks to help us chase what truly matters.

0:21

Thank you so much for joining us this

0:23

week. Hello and how are you then? Hello

0:25

and underwear think that trick is a beautiful

0:28

day Here says welcome to Spring Springtime Spring.

0:30

Time in New England is special. And.

0:33

Got to. I get the windows open in the office. It's always

0:35

nice when we get to get their to get to that point

0:37

of the year. What We've

0:39

got this episode addressing listener questions about how

0:41

to manage upper body cardio following an injury

0:43

and tips for establishing leadership in a gym

0:46

environment for our work out. Were returning to

0:48

another one of our frameworks jumping back into

0:50

what we've referred to in the passes the

0:52

hierarchy of mindset. Think we're going to change

0:54

the name of that were in. Talk about

0:56

what it is, An update some of our

0:59

thinking around it and then we will wrap

1:01

up the episode with a Hopper. To a

1:03

question about what we were really into as kids

1:05

and are excited about this because says a lot

1:07

of the time because we've been doing this for

1:09

many many years. A lot of times I have

1:11

a sense of your answers to these questions. I

1:13

don't know that I have a good sense out

1:15

your answer to what you are really into the

1:17

kids I'm excited actually learn from our what you

1:19

are like as a kid I just a reminder

1:22

before we get into the warm up if you

1:24

wanna get a question into a future episode. Had

1:26

to w W W.chasing excellent start email and get

1:28

on the free newsletter list. Every Friday we sent

1:30

out a note with a link to a form

1:32

that you. Can use to submit as

1:34

many questions as you've got. The link

1:36

to that is also in the show.

1:38

Notes for easy click ability or warm

1:41

up. We started episode with your questions

1:43

about factors of health. This you fundamental

1:45

behaviors and was positively affect our performance,

1:47

vitality and longevity as five actors Or

1:49

how we eat, how we move, how

1:52

we think, connect and recover. Three.

1:54

Questions as always we got first one from

1:56

Adam in the move category. he says I

1:58

did cross for reform. There's weightlifting for a

2:01

couple years and followed by power lifting for

2:03

about a year. However, adamant

2:05

active in about a year and half

2:07

and gain some excess weight. I have

2:09

a question. I recently had a freak

2:11

accidents. I slipped on the driveway operating

2:13

snowblower after a storm. It wasn't her

2:15

fault, but I didn't land right and

2:17

fully ruptured my patellar tendon to about

2:19

two months since the emergency surgery, I'm

2:21

now able to sit and walk without

2:23

my leg without my like fully extended

2:25

questions. Not about the tendon recovery it's

2:27

been, but do you know any good

2:30

upper body cardio ideas? Yeah

2:32

sorry about that. Ah had are smart

2:34

a year ago experience almost the same

2:36

thing where she slipped and fell on

2:38

some might add a our our daughters

2:40

lacrosse games Darn North Carolina she's on

2:42

there with my with me or daughter

2:44

and on which looked down her kneecap

2:47

as on the side of her leg

2:49

armor you told me that and I

2:51

have written for save on down a

2:53

rich so bad that it cracks or

2:55

kneecap in half so full tear of

2:57

the not to tell it and but

2:59

I'm. De. Clawed

3:01

Ah, but it does not

3:04

have. A way

3:06

to a back to the question. It's.

3:09

It's it's kind of interesting question

3:11

cause I think what he's getting

3:14

at is when he says cardio

3:16

is. Can I get a

3:18

cardio response? Is.

3:21

And. I'll give kind of the or give three different. Navy.

3:24

Buckets of answers you to do

3:26

traditional. Quote. Cardio

3:28

stuff like seated

3:30

skiers. Up Mom.

3:33

Or. Ah. seated rowing.

3:35

Now it sounds like whoa, whoa

3:38

whoa whoa. But. We've. Had

3:40

plenty of athletes. Are you put

3:42

your injured foot in a brace

3:44

on a skateboard? And it's

3:46

just going along for the ride while the other foot

3:48

is doing all of the work and he actually gets

3:50

hold of on it's not just an upper body on

3:53

the roller. We. Don't

3:55

need to do cardio to get a cardio

3:57

response. And here's maybe I

3:59

go ahead. The between are some if

4:01

not very common in our space. will

4:03

we do? But you'll definitely recognize it

4:06

and see it. It's cop popper and

4:08

fighting community is rope battles you to

4:10

seated wrote battles and reason. We don't

4:12

do it just to Castro that there

4:14

is. it's really it or on measurable.

4:17

Spilled try to put a measurement to

4:19

it in terms of duration, but intensities

4:22

really hard to measure meeting like. The.

4:24

Loader. Distance. Racing out

4:26

so huge that but here a d

4:28

my answer. Is. Do

4:31

bodyweight on it's. Do. Five

4:34

strict pull ups. Ten.

4:37

Pushups. And fifteen sit ups for

4:39

his may rounds you possibly can in

4:41

twenty minutes. Essentially. Cindy.

4:44

The. Cross fit girl work out by

4:46

your subbing out sit ups for the squats.

4:49

And as long as you're probably a

4:51

little bit early to this cause the

4:53

only limitation would be your billie to

4:55

get up and down dowdy the thing

4:57

for the sit ups. If that is

4:59

a challenge then. He.

5:02

I just do. Bigger.

5:04

Sets. Honestly since you don't rotating

5:06

through his as May transitions, but

5:08

anyway, it's done the work out

5:10

Cindy. Knows. How Cardio quotes

5:12

that his arm. It's essentially the middle

5:15

part of Murph and no one of

5:17

the middle part. Martha's like. Not

5:19

breathing heavy. So. Ah,

5:22

dowdy the suggestion. You can even

5:24

throw away their saw and if

5:26

you want, make a living more

5:28

challenging. but there's a photo. Three

5:30

different buckets. True. so cardio seated

5:32

ah wrote battles seated or bodyweight

5:34

stuff. And a goal

5:36

being of course I get the heart rate up. Get

5:38

the that breathing heavy or read that as as good

5:40

as I want to see what else was crushed about

5:42

says he wants to me. I think about when I

5:45

think of cardio right? Yeah yes as long as you're

5:47

lucky, matured as are you doing that, it doesn't have

5:49

to do your point beer It be a cardio machine.

5:51

Yeah cardio is not swim bike run, At

5:53

system that that's is a triathlons saying

5:55

yes you can get incredible and actually

5:58

this is was time for the. Yes,

6:00

before, but. You

6:02

can get a stronger

6:04

cardiovascular. Meeting. Your. Your.

6:07

Lungs. And heart pumping. He obviously

6:09

like your heart pumping blood through

6:12

your body. Responds.

6:15

Through weightlifting then you can running.

6:18

And that's just that's just that's this

6:21

the truth sites do. Ah, Ah

6:23

of fifty yard, you grace.

6:26

Do. Grace. Vs.

6:29

Equipment time versus a for her me to run. And.

6:32

Your heart rate will get higher and

6:34

you could you using it just it's

6:36

more challenging cardiovascular demand. Threats.

6:40

Best Person is in our same category Some

6:42

Valerie she says I'm twenty six year old,

6:44

I'm twenty six years old and I manage

6:46

a gym and coach full time. I started

6:48

at the gym extremely part time a few

6:50

years back to the five hours a week

6:52

and have climbed up to basically running the

6:54

show alongside the owner. As I stepped into

6:56

this role and taken a more responsibility is

6:58

it has been difficult to establish myself as

7:00

a leaders and manage the other members of

7:02

our team like other part time coaches. Most

7:04

of them have been with the same for

7:06

much longer the me some of them even

7:08

after ten years. And I'm the youngest

7:10

person we have on the staff to. There

7:12

isn't much for a hot built in authority

7:14

of. My friends at my age are coming

7:16

out of school into their careers, but are

7:18

not quite in leadership positions yet so I

7:21

can relate or bounce things but nonstarter ideas

7:23

off of them very often. A question is

7:25

what are a few the best things I

7:27

can do to become more confident in my

7:29

ability to lead my teams as we grow,

7:31

make changes, etc. A

7:33

cigarette questions. As for the out the

7:35

level awareness and I'm know that it's

7:37

a challenge because you're young and you

7:40

don't have the peer group and you

7:42

know there's work to be done. You

7:44

don't just be judged by default, are

7:46

in that position. So does a lot

7:49

to like about this question arm and

7:51

there's the the Answered Basic comes down

7:53

to two different aspects. The first one

7:55

is. No one's gonna annoys

7:58

you. know it's going to say you are

8:00

now or leader You have to just start

8:02

acting like it and this is. Every

8:05

young sports athletes as trying

8:07

to. Play. The role

8:09

of from the our young buck young

8:11

rookie in the league to now the

8:14

leader. Tom.

8:16

Brady when he came in. After.

8:19

Drew Bledsoe. When down his second year in

8:21

the season, he's taking over for a hundred

8:23

million dollar quarterback. He's looking around, he's that

8:25

twenty three year old kid and there's about

8:28

a thirty year olds in or in the

8:30

in the huddle. But. He

8:32

comes in. And

8:34

he acts. He's acts like he's the leader. like

8:37

that's up in this is a weird it's or.

8:39

How. Do you do it? You start

8:41

acting like so leader. You. Have

8:44

to assert assuming that position. Now

8:46

the challenge her obviously his. How

8:48

do I do that? Well. There's

8:51

It's a really simple sort of

8:53

acronym formula which is yet at

8:55

yeah that you have to care.

8:58

And. That's people and pills. I

9:00

care. It's not that empathy saying

9:03

it's not a nice saying. It's

9:05

sights hogs. It's not being. Really?

9:08

Nice it just a if the

9:10

care about the performance of the

9:12

team. That's. When the turbo use

9:15

its hair about this think. The

9:17

Nexus You have to have confidence. You

9:19

yourself have to be a high performer

9:21

so you have to care yet to

9:24

be competent yourself. And for

9:26

us in that world yet to be accompanied coach

9:28

so goes into how to become a com to

9:30

coach. That's a whole other discussion and last one

9:32

is just be consistent. In the hardest

9:34

part about being a leader. Litigious

9:37

yet it. You. Have to

9:39

shop every single day putting

9:41

your needs seconds. And.

9:43

It's the needs of each individual

9:46

on your team, the needs of

9:48

each of the customers or members

9:50

and the needs of the team

9:53

as a whole behind you. That's.

9:56

Really hard. Like being a leader. Taking

10:01

it sucks in one where his. It's

10:04

an incredibly rewarding position, and as

10:06

much freedom that comes with it

10:08

does wonderful still mince that comes

10:10

with it. But. Just

10:12

like I mean you know this, like being

10:14

a dan like be a dad a lot

10:16

of the time isn't the awesome part. Now

10:19

being a dad is awesome. So.

10:21

You're being a dad most are being

10:23

a dad is not offer for most

10:25

to be a dad is not awesome idea

10:27

of chapter yet to change diapers Yep

10:29

yep in the middle the knights of

10:31

his i seat of crying baby gets a

10:33

deal with a are extremely tired spouse

10:35

you have to still navigate work and

10:37

and like you try and teach and

10:39

sale and teach and failed and or said

10:42

oh a little victory in the next

10:44

thing comes along gets punched in the

10:46

face again if your dad you get punched

10:48

in the balls again. my stash have

10:50

it's a half. The time. For

10:53

that says he has I just constantly

10:55

constantly costly do the same So. That's

10:58

the first part just that acts like a

11:00

leader know Next part is a little bit

11:02

of this is understanding of where you are

11:04

in the journey and this is just borrowed

11:06

completely from John Maxwell who wrote a better

11:09

books in ever could on it called the

11:11

levels of Leadership and I'd I'd since I've

11:13

I've talked with the so much that I

11:15

since refrained. His levels are so I can't

11:17

know what he called them but I call

11:19

them. That is causing the same

11:21

level one his position or. Which. Is

11:23

where you are right now. You. Will

11:26

mar the boss but. You.

11:28

Have no real authority other than

11:30

have the boss, yeah usa. That's.

11:32

A really crappy place to

11:34

be. Level to leadership is

11:37

relationship based. Which. Is

11:39

people who listens you? not just because you're

11:41

the boss, but because they like you. You.

11:43

The friend. But. That's

11:45

not really good. Get them, do the hard

11:47

things. They're gonna go in there. gonna eat

11:49

out our recent replace the toilet paper because.

11:52

You ask them to because you're like they

11:54

like you, but not a whole lot else.

11:56

Know what's going to go above and beyond

11:58

for opposition leader? So

12:01

then we grow to another level which

12:03

is results based aslam certain And that

12:06

happens when. You

12:09

start to deliver results for members the

12:11

team. You know, like in our

12:13

case you help someone get. Ah,

12:16

There you have some study and become

12:18

a level three. You help one of

12:20

your teammates get on to. Ah,

12:23

the seminar staff. You.

12:25

Help somewhat get to the cross a games

12:28

you have for people that last one hundred

12:30

pounds. Now. Set You you have

12:32

it up. You run a business is super

12:34

successful your for the second business. Would you

12:36

have enough second business? You have the results

12:38

of the first one to lead on it

12:41

during i'm gonna was that guy because. He's.

12:44

Done this Before. Level

12:46

for though is when you get results for

12:48

that specific individual. You. Get

12:51

when you get that person to

12:53

the cross for games when you

12:55

get that person on level Summer

12:57

staff when you build the second

12:59

business with that person and out

13:01

there is a gym manager from

13:03

the internet started Nelson. There's.

13:06

A Lot. It's all levels of By and

13:08

that's a whole thing we're position of. There's

13:10

no By in it's just authorities with their

13:12

friends. A I trust you so you enlighten

13:14

me. Result is like a they do this

13:16

for that over there he might know to

13:18

talk about and then we do for that

13:21

person like hey, this person's told me these

13:23

six things he succeeds were game changers for

13:25

me. When they tell me the seventh, I'm

13:27

gonna listen to them. There.

13:29

Is a fifth which is called Pinnacle which

13:31

is people seek you out because of your

13:33

reputation but most were starting to worry about

13:35

our. Rec. Center saying

13:37

that the universe to sort of framework,

13:39

the care, competence, consistency and then the

13:42

levels of leadership. The third and fourth

13:44

levels line up perfectly the that confidence

13:46

and of things right and so understanding

13:48

how those two things are related says

13:50

the first thing that comes from. I

13:52

just think it's it's day jobs and

13:54

what that frameworks inside exact that comp

13:56

sci. And then the second

13:59

thing is this is something I've started

14:01

with her myself is. Recognizing

14:03

that we started thinking about the care

14:05

but even the competence when you turn

14:07

the corner is when you say more

14:09

about what they need and when they're

14:11

lacking in how you can help them

14:13

stay in your thinking about what do

14:15

I need us has become a better

14:17

leader or to become more successful A

14:19

will I need to be more confidence,

14:21

recognizing that as it does it. A

14:24

hard but necessary shift that we all

14:26

need to make were as were as

14:28

you know to as Valerie is going

14:31

from where she is, where she wants

14:33

to go. That will happen as soon

14:35

as more heard of her energy as

14:37

spend thinking about her coworkers and heard

14:39

members than she's worried about. Am I

14:41

being a good leader? How can I

14:44

be a better leader. It's

14:46

easy to think about us easier to think

14:49

about me when will I need what should

14:51

I do but up the secret, the unlock

14:53

as them and. The. Perfect.

14:56

Analogous sort of that is and show

14:58

is our will relate to. This is

15:00

coaching itself. When you first

15:03

start coaching your so in your own

15:05

head. About. How.

15:08

I guess. Soundtrack of Lesson Plan M

15:10

I hitting the price to performance arm

15:12

is what ah M I am on

15:14

the timeline like is like all these

15:16

different slightly just am I doing the

15:18

things ounces you doing? Am I doing

15:20

things in when. Our. Son. And

15:23

it's adult. The it takes the ten thousand

15:26

hours, but certainly take thousands of hours. It.

15:28

Starts to shift to that starts to

15:30

melt away and huge what you do

15:32

is is really athletes. You. Just read

15:35

and going like what could they use right

15:37

now. What? They need right now. And.

15:40

None. of the thought goes into. Timeline.

15:43

Points, performance or anything else. What are they think

15:45

of me and my damn good dried setup for

15:48

former up on stage all time for like a

15:50

imagine like a musician going like what's the next

15:52

note with this lot of the word for felt

15:54

what's the audience sick me right now like so

15:57

in my head as opposed to get there and

15:59

just like. Feelings or vibes.

16:01

That's. A performer like that's that just feeding

16:03

off the crowd. Oh right,

16:06

that is a rap for the warm

16:08

up going to jump into our workouts

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something That which is right packs up

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are right We are going to dive

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doing about once a month. We're revisiting

19:16

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the framers that we talked about here on

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day to one that is maybe like right

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up there for us with Firefox his house

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I give or was it was that one

19:31

and this one I think are really the

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keystone frameworks are from chasing excellence and something

19:35

in the past we the hierarchy of mindset.

19:37

I really changed the name to the the

19:40

Mindset continuum but. As. We get a

19:42

new kind of explain why. Maybe it's the better

19:44

thought of as a continuum that a hierarchy but

19:46

I would love for you to just kind give

19:48

us the we were joking before I told you

19:50

were into a five minute overview and you're not

19:53

sure if you can do is and five minutes

19:55

someone challenge you have five minutes overview of what

19:57

it What is this frameworks what is the mindset

19:59

continuum. I never going to handle a questions to

20:01

kind of dive into. Ah,

20:03

so it's just first you the quick one

20:05

which is why Continuum vs. Hierarchy and that

20:08

is of that you. A

20:10

It's not like once you level up

20:12

to the same you are now living

20:15

our new level. It's A It's A

20:17

admits it's their faces and you might

20:19

experience of all five of these ever

20:21

phases in inside of the same minutes

20:23

and even almost the same side of

20:25

films and say moments sometimes. A

20:28

Pit Nuts why people at train the

20:30

way we do it? So it it

20:32

becomes incredibly. Obvious.

20:34

As to where you are and that's why you

20:36

go. Oh my gosh, Yes, I can. I can

20:39

run. I I can relate to that isn't that.

20:41

And resonates. Allow me because before the work I

20:43

thought this and during the work I thought that

20:46

after work hours thought this. To

20:48

do so those the different phases

20:50

that sit inside of this continuum

20:53

other part of the continuum is

20:55

it. It very much as like

20:57

that that the sick well fit

20:59

continuum. I think it's the. It's.

21:03

The it's a mental aspect of that.

21:05

And. Your. The

21:07

six sides of that continuum. It's

21:10

the victim mindset. If

21:13

we're to catch, go up a little

21:15

bit. you. Fall into

21:17

the way that a pessimists

21:19

would. Think. Up

21:22

in the middle. Quote. Well

21:24

where most people aspire to

21:27

be would be the optimist.

21:30

Are. We certainly don't aspire

21:32

for wellness. We aspire for

21:34

sickness. Fitness is a hedge

21:36

against sickness. If you are,

21:38

well, in some catastrophic happens,

21:40

you are now sick if

21:42

you are set to something

21:44

catastrophic. haven't used to pass

21:46

through Wellness before. You are

21:48

sick. so. This is

21:51

why we want to be not just

21:53

an optimist, but we'd like to be

21:55

passed that in the next area. Say

21:57

that we lighter edge into his the

21:59

Realist. I

22:02

think get some of us

22:04

have probably touch the certain

22:06

parts. com experienced that final

22:08

side which is that competitor

22:10

mindset. Now. Before

22:13

we kind of like just give some

22:15

examples of those. I actually don't even

22:17

like that term mindsets for the same

22:19

reason. it's not set like this is,

22:21

it's it's I really think that's a

22:24

better way to think about. This is

22:26

when things don't line up for you.

22:29

When. Things don't happen the way you

22:31

want them to happen. What's.

22:33

That voice in your head say. Yup,

22:36

That's really what this comes out. it. And

22:38

there are other things, right? your your ability to

22:40

focus like there's other stuff. But to me that's

22:43

really what comes down to if you're if you're

22:45

saying, there are things you're able to focus. Cause.

22:49

Flow follows focus. The opposite side

22:51

of focus is a fragmented state,

22:53

so there is this other alpha,

22:55

beta, and gamma brain waves. There

22:57

is some sides we can dive

22:59

into but without going there and

23:02

pulling back. Keeping it at this

23:04

more accessible and find that conversation

23:06

level. What? and

23:08

when it doesn't line up, What are you saying? That's

23:11

everyone can identify with that. So

23:13

one of the more poignant ways

23:15

to exemplify this would be a

23:17

story. Ya. And at think

23:19

a lot people have experienced something similar

23:21

to this which is. Near

23:24

you get on a flight. And

23:26

it's a six hour flight whatever of

23:29

Ip and you're excited to. Sell.

23:31

In the black sleep, watch

23:33

movies, do work, read books

23:36

whenever my be. And.

23:39

As you're settling into your seat. There's.

23:42

The to seats next you that open

23:44

you're like oh yeah this is a

23:46

kitten gimme get and then. Lo.

23:48

And behold, ah, a young mom with

23:51

a toddlers me out a baby and

23:53

in since it's so next year. And.

23:58

He out. A. Few me

24:00

into the flight or on take off,

24:02

the baby starts just like wailing and

24:04

crime. Like. Really, Just like

24:06

belting it out. Care

24:09

when that happens in the baby's

24:11

been crying for five ten twenty

24:14

minutes in our in our house.

24:17

This the tuck. What's going through your

24:19

head. The.

24:23

Victim. says. Of

24:26

course this would happen to me, but

24:28

I won't do some work and of

24:30

course a baby's crying baby sitting next

24:32

to me. And. That's what they get

24:34

off the flight and is where they talk about backing.

24:36

I of course I want to get some work. I

24:38

want to sleep or do this but a baby said

24:40

and that's what they're talking about. The.

24:43

Pessimists? Goes. This.

24:46

Maybe and swear in there,

24:48

but this sucks. God like

24:50

this like this. Heart is

24:52

terrible. I hate this. The

24:55

Optimists: E o When the baby's five

24:58

hundred the mets and goes bad he'll

25:00

stop trying to kill surprise you minutes.

25:02

still surprised few minutes. And.

25:07

Toughness lacks Bray saying that of

25:09

optimists is not in touch with

25:11

reality which why we want to

25:13

get the next area which is

25:15

the realist. It with a baby

25:17

starts crying. What? The real

25:19

is says and this. This. Sounds

25:21

like I'm I'm. Is

25:24

not hyperbole a the snow exaggeration.

25:27

This is the way. Some

25:29

people operate inside their heads.

25:31

I know it's not most

25:33

of us. They

25:35

go. Yes, babies

25:38

cry. Babies. Cry

25:40

and I'm taking flights and the chances are

25:42

that there's going to be a cry baby

25:44

Assist us Me: I want to slights. Okay,

25:47

Crybaby. There it is. Got

25:49

it? That's my reality. That's

25:52

what some people are able to

25:54

do and they jones. Crate.

25:57

Extra drama or. It

26:00

can research realizes it's like a

26:02

Shakespeare said. there is no good

26:05

or bad, but thinking makes it

26:07

so. If you

26:09

are realists, it's it's just

26:11

this ability to radically. Except.

26:16

The. Way the world is Happening.

26:19

That's. It and you can't change the

26:21

baby crying. The best thing you can

26:23

do at that point is accepted. The

26:26

optimists story telling us. It's okay, it's

26:28

we okay because this is a A

26:30

up like. And. Up at

26:32

the the pessimists in the victim

26:35

just storytellers. Well. It's.

26:38

Another word for storytelling is. Creating.

26:40

Drama which is melodrama so you're making

26:42

the situation bigger and were. And this.

26:45

Such the first four phases, but there's a

26:48

fifth, which is that competitor mindset. And

26:51

their. And.

26:53

Again, I know this isn't what most

26:55

way most people think, but there are

26:57

people that think this way. They

27:00

can header goes. On.

27:03

This is giving challenge. Good.

27:07

It's digital thing right? Assert their yeah,

27:10

he got tapped out. She didn't get

27:12

the job you wanted. You got fired.

27:14

Yeah, he got injured. Good.

27:17

Like. Something. You're

27:19

gonna. You're gonna grow and evolve

27:21

from this Like you don't grow

27:23

and evolve with out challenges. This.

27:27

Is a challenge. So now

27:29

that this is happening, can

27:31

you turn inward? This

27:34

is what happens victim

27:36

pessimists, optimists looking outward,

27:40

Something. Out there is good or bad. Realist

27:43

neutral, Competitor.

27:46

Turned inward and goes. How

27:48

can I use this opportunity

27:51

to grow? And

27:53

that's it. That's. It That's

27:56

what these different phases represents.

27:58

Can we? Level up.

28:01

Can. We refrain things.

28:03

Can. We use some tools

28:06

and tactics. To. Try

28:08

to spend more time being a realist,

28:10

maybe edging, and to be better than

28:12

we can in the lower once I

28:14

don't want city optimises. It's

28:16

certainly a whole lot better than being a pessimist

28:18

of it's that's well. That's.

28:21

Ah, I'm. Resting heart

28:23

rate of seventy five. That.

28:25

Is running at eight minute mile. that's

28:27

be of the do a pull up

28:29

that is. A

28:32

blood pressure of one twenty over eighty I

28:34

got this year. Just no one's bugs in

28:37

either. Which way is that is you start

28:39

to get the other ones feel. Go at

28:41

whoa. Check that out. That. Some

28:43

interesting stuff. That's.

28:45

That guy can run a five

28:48

minute mile. Said list five hundred

28:50

pounds, do thirty pull ups, and

28:52

has resting heart rate of forty

28:54

two. Whoa. That's.

28:56

Kind of cool. The other?

28:58

an obsession you can't. Dead.

29:01

Lifted empty barbell. She can't resent.

29:03

rabbits. You're. Resting. Heart rate

29:06

is ninety four and your body

29:08

fat thirty six percent. and we

29:10

all know this like we all

29:12

know what living life like those

29:14

different parts is. Mirth: Sit: This

29:16

is a hedge against sickness. The

29:18

more time we can spend being

29:20

a realist or competitor, the less

29:23

time will spend being quote mentally

29:25

and sets. This is mental sickness.

29:27

In. San Antonio so

29:29

that has been. I've heard Simon cynic similar

29:31

what you said for like mindset is not

29:33

the right words but I've heard him talk

29:36

around this about this. not that not these

29:38

five things but and he he was really

29:40

pushing on the I did as mental fitness

29:42

and the same way that it is Sickness

29:44

says it's physical fitness is not something that

29:46

has done, it is something that we are

29:48

doing and some days we're stronger than others.

29:50

And Sundays we crushed. Pr isn't some days

29:52

we just don't even come close right? And

29:54

so I do like that as the refrain

29:56

it's it's mental fitness in the same way

29:58

that we think about physical. We

30:00

call animal health right? We

30:02

comments on hadn't but yeah, we don't

30:05

create the the framework and we say

30:07

that we're just we're just necessarily by

30:09

default. The magic no one ever took

30:11

control of, worth eight eights, how they

30:13

slept, or the way the exercise and

30:15

there's like i just how the hell

30:17

that I have. What?

30:19

Is this whole thing you don't

30:21

Just gets to run five minute

30:24

miles? decides to five hundred pounds.

30:27

And have that level of fitness just

30:29

have worked at it. This is his

30:31

work to get there. And just

30:33

like he would take work to get

30:36

to those performance physical force metrics you

30:38

take years. And years And

30:40

years Probably better measured in decades. It's

30:42

the same thing for this now. People

30:45

certainly have a headstart, just like they

30:47

do physically. If. You write

30:49

grub in the right environments, exposed

30:52

to the rights stimulus you have

30:54

a better chance of it. Cisco

30:57

Health and Mental Health. Now.

30:59

Some people have experienced physical

31:01

trauma and so we have

31:03

experienced mental trauma. It's.

31:05

Important to santa. Arm. Put.

31:08

An asterisk Next that victim

31:10

one. Because this is the

31:12

victim mindset. It's not be,

31:14

it's not a victim. There

31:17

are victims. Unfortunately,

31:20

By. No fault of their own set

31:22

of been. The

31:25

victim of. Trashy

31:27

and terrible things. But.

31:30

There are people have expressed are things that. Don't

31:32

act like victims. And

31:35

if we're still holding on to things

31:37

decades later the happened earlier, that's the

31:39

mindset that we need to work on.

31:44

You. When you're talking about the realist

31:46

something popped in my head returns from and

31:48

I'm not gonna have not going to get

31:50

the the exact words rights or from all

31:52

her birth four thousand and weeks you're talking

31:54

about somebody picked out of the use the

31:56

word do but like this kind of like

31:58

enlightened individual and he was that he was

32:01

in the audience for up a talk to

32:03

disperse and gave and you and and the

32:05

guy. Kind. Of leaned into

32:07

the microphone and said you want another secret

32:09

and everybody was like yeah tell secret that

32:11

we want to know what you know we

32:13

want to feel like you feel and he

32:15

said and the guy said i just don't

32:17

mind what happens next. Which

32:20

I love. I. Love

32:22

that idea just even just would just

32:24

mind less what happens next and you

32:26

will find that you are in your

32:29

moving into that space of being a

32:31

real us. To your points kids as

32:33

down starts crying just don't mind what

32:35

happens that's are just mind a little

32:38

bit less. I

32:40

just think that pops into a part of

32:42

my love I've I loved that part of

32:44

that bit in the book. I'm. I

32:47

want to talk to you about. Default

32:50

states here because I feel like that's where

32:52

it makes sense to have to really think

32:54

about these things. We actually got a question

32:57

are separate of us of preparing for this

32:59

conversation I just happen to come in. Ah

33:01

and I made a known I flagged as

33:03

from Diego he said. I've noticed that for

33:05

most of my dad fall into the victim

33:07

mindset. What's scary is that it seems to

33:09

be my strong default mindset when I'm working

33:11

traveling her dressing my mind always was the

33:13

complaint, sadness and bad thoughts of a my

33:15

future. Even when I have a good time

33:17

the sector months it grabs me. For example

33:19

when I'm. With my girlfriend I think about

33:22

the sadness of being lonely or when I work

33:24

out. I think about when I was fat years

33:26

ago. The problem? My question for you as do

33:28

you have any suggestions for person are who does

33:31

not one who wants to escape the victim mindset.

33:33

But this mindset is so damn strong that comes

33:35

automatically multiple times during the day. So that's my

33:37

question. To you

33:39

and for us is. How.

33:42

Do we first recognize what our default

33:44

is and maybe some of us are

33:46

default is all? I know people whose

33:48

default his optimism or even realism rights

33:50

and I just just as likely day

33:52

Diego I know people's default our our

33:54

victim or pessimists so is is that

33:56

step one is to just kind of

33:59

place ourselves Now. Because you're for

34:01

like we can be all five of these

34:03

within five minutes. But it's like when things

34:05

settled back down. where do we settle? The

34:08

obvious to me like an important thing to

34:10

figure out before any of the the work

34:12

needs to be done to improve our mental

34:14

fitness. Yeah. Ah,

34:19

To see excellent soccer's a lot to

34:22

unpack. their new suffixes. Okay so I

34:24

do believe that people have a natural

34:26

just kind of the same way people

34:28

have has been medically. Me get it

34:30

was the medical community would say as

34:33

a set like set your point for

34:35

their weight support yeah ah and effort

34:37

have point for happiness too which is

34:39

rated I believe it. I think that

34:41

makes a lot of sense as he

34:44

has mostly to do with ah I

34:46

didn't say mostly as he has to

34:48

do equally. Wesson. Nature nurture. I

34:50

think anyone that's had more

34:52

than one child. Can.

34:55

Just like sees a stark

34:57

differences even at like for

34:59

it like instant instant incense

35:01

in disposition. The like with

35:04

know with seemingly nothing that

35:06

you've done drastically different from

35:08

anything to kids will have

35:10

very very different set points.

35:13

I think that's. I.

35:17

Think that's a big party. I

35:20

think the next part is that

35:22

I think the environments we're shape

35:24

our environments. So if you are

35:27

around obscenely positive, happy, optimistic people,

35:29

that chances are you coming out

35:32

of that really negative victim. Pessimistic

35:34

mindsets are. A

35:36

lot less likely that you would be

35:38

with a positive disposition and vice versa.

35:43

Some moving from that is there

35:45

a set points to the A

35:48

goes. Situation.

35:52

I. Would say. That

35:56

he probably has a. Default.

35:58

Mindset. I would

36:01

not classify that as a

36:03

victim mindset. I.

36:05

Think that which was before in terms

36:07

of like the way Burn a Brown

36:09

does. Talks. About this which is. People

36:13

just have a hard time labeling emotions.

36:16

And. Bomb.

36:18

He's just royal sad like I'm just

36:20

and net and acts. I don't think

36:22

it's wrong, it sounds like you said,

36:25

but because you're sad doesn't necessarily mean

36:27

that you're a victim. If anything, it

36:29

sounds more like a pessimists than anything

36:31

else com but I think victim nice

36:33

up something pointed at of we need

36:35

to point something to be the victim

36:38

It to be not pass it needs

36:40

to be something else right? It's not

36:42

us and it's colleagues of woe is

36:44

me like why is this happening to

36:46

me and the pessimists More like well.

36:48

This just this is negative.

36:51

The Sox I don't like

36:53

this. And. Ah,

36:56

What's really interesting is when he

36:58

thinks of positive things or

37:00

is exposed to positive things, he.

37:03

Diverts. Back to the flip.

37:07

And. I

37:09

would I would call this

37:11

is. The. Beginning

37:13

of working on yourself. If.

37:17

You're not aware of this.

37:19

Ah, You

37:22

can just kind of live there, but

37:24

once you become aware of it's. It's

37:27

hard work at a lot of

37:29

times when you try to be

37:32

grateful for things and you're exposed

37:34

to. Beauty.

37:36

Joy of things that

37:38

you otherwise should be.

37:41

Appreciative of. You

37:44

can. Really?

37:47

Quickly slipped the other side and go.

37:50

But. There's so much hurt and the world's. I

37:53

could so quickly lose this. There's.

37:58

Yeah I have this Great. Why do

38:00

I deserve it? And this is

38:03

just the level of. understanding.

38:06

Things outside of yourself. And

38:08

your which talked about it a little before we

38:10

start will Diego. We talked about how this is.

38:13

A. Decades long journey. And.

38:16

If he, if we're just edging

38:19

into this this understanding of this

38:21

framework. And we're

38:23

just giving language to oh Mike

38:25

and understanding to oh my gosh

38:27

I I think my default is

38:30

the victim and. I'm sorry to

38:32

recognize when this pops up in a pops up

38:34

in these weird times as well. Whoa.

38:38

That's. Kind of. As kind

38:41

of amazing that kind of i'm

38:43

a I or next level. It.

38:47

Can I use Arts Or you're playing a

38:49

game of cards and you start to understand

38:51

the rules of the game is as holding

38:53

a deck of cards your head in stereo

38:55

and having no idea what to do with

38:58

these things. Now you go. Oh. I.

39:00

See that I have this Ryan in

39:02

this flush and these pairs and I don't

39:04

really know the how to do the strategy

39:07

part of this, how to make it

39:09

better, but I understand what I'm holding here.

39:12

I think that's where Diego is. It's just.

39:15

You know? they're certainly a whole bunch

39:18

of tools that we could use. from.

39:20

when you feel these things, you know

39:22

there's up regulate and down regulate. There's

39:25

using perspective. There's. A

39:28

see yourself on a spectrum.

39:30

There's. There's. A bunch of

39:32

different things that we can do. One

39:34

is the awareness. That. Gives

39:37

you. So. Much that keeps

39:39

you and you realize you're playing a game.

39:41

That. Like Holy Smokes And then

39:43

from there there's tactics and strategies.

39:46

and c. E

39:49

O We can just start to like

39:51

play on those tactics and strategies. Me

39:53

out the simplest one is refraining Thanks

39:55

notice. He. Out when when

39:57

you. Ah, the bit.

40:00

The baby's next to you on a plane plane. Or.

40:03

Diego is spend time with his

40:05

girlfriend and he feels joy but

40:07

that immediately flips to wow I

40:09

could feel so lonely is sort

40:11

of work to back. At.

40:13

Zoc. it worked back right now. But.

40:16

Yeah, you can't dead with three hundred pounds right now.

40:18

But. Your skates. I'm going to go to the gym. try. That's

40:21

his practice. We sought to take

40:23

years and years or decades. And

40:25

it's fitness. It doesn't just happen,

40:28

you have a default states based

40:30

off of who knows why? I

40:32

certainly don't possess the nature nurture

40:34

of your pass. On

40:37

genes, environment for why you're

40:39

in this default seat. And.

40:42

if we want to grow out of it

40:44

which I. Hope that he does

40:46

it sounds like he does. Yep

40:48

kids at work and of the

40:50

work is this was is the

40:52

beginning of this process. It's uncomfortable,

40:54

painful, It's a has you

40:56

don't just had like live in a

40:58

default state where you go because here's

41:01

the danger of the victim to victim.

41:03

Is that the reason they are? That

41:05

is because I give some a sense

41:08

of control and impairments. I get to

41:10

label me as this person and in

41:12

a weird way it's the hero's journey

41:15

in reverse where the there's a lotta

41:17

movies about victims right in a look

41:19

at me like oh my gosh like

41:22

all of this happening to me and.

41:25

That's. Out that is there

41:27

a way of assigning importance to

41:29

themselves. It's all ego driven until

41:31

you can pop yourself out and

41:33

go. It's. It's not

41:35

that it's like. But

41:38

doesn't The baseline message here is

41:40

a doesn't just happen, It doesn't

41:42

happen without work And work is

41:45

hard and it's uncomfortable and that's

41:47

that's how we move to a

41:49

new default and you can. Agree

41:54

chris story and then I'll follow up

41:56

with question. Even

41:58

though we started this conversation say. The beautiful spring

42:00

day or the northeast some are for. Five

42:02

days ago we got a bunch of snow

42:04

I'm not gonna buy. Just know that we're

42:06

tennis now and we lost electricity on Thursday

42:08

morning at about five am and it came

42:11

back Saturday night at about five pm. And

42:13

so Thursday Friday Saturday my wife and I

42:15

were basically like trying to figure out kids

42:17

kids are no school cause of course the

42:19

can go to school is nothing so we're

42:21

trying to the how to get some worked

42:23

on where to find some heat all these

42:25

things. And on Saturday I'd I'd snuck away

42:27

to go to the book, go to a

42:29

bookstore and discuss get a couple hours worked

42:31

on. And.

42:33

My wife texted me to. She got

42:35

a note from their power company saying

42:37

we think the power of the back

42:40

on Tuesday to Saturday afternoon at about

42:42

like three or four we've been through

42:44

three days, have no power and all

42:46

the other things and in that moment.

42:49

I. Knew that we're having this conversation since

42:51

the that's probably playing it played a part

42:53

of this but in that moment I was

42:55

like okay would be very easy. To.

42:57

Feel very bad for myself. Can.

43:00

List lizard couple days without electricity. Not like not

43:02

the biggest deal, but in the moment it feels

43:04

like. Terrible. Get

43:07

Imf enemy as as days behind our all the

43:09

things that can run through your mind but I

43:11

was sitting on the books or another note not

43:14

gonna go there and so I packed up my

43:16

stuff and I was just like by time I

43:18

get home I'm going up a plan for what

43:20

we're going to do until Tuesday. My my God

43:23

being I wouldn't I wouldn't say I got a

43:25

competitor but I've got to get real us as

43:27

about how my get home and have a plan

43:29

for what we're going to do so that we

43:32

can get through this and so that Michelle's not

43:34

stress out anymore. Sarah Now the whole thing. Didn't

43:36

matter because about how I got on the

43:38

electricity came back on so it's I didn't

43:40

really have to implement the plants but my

43:42

point his having recognizing. And

43:44

as gets to my my question of my

43:47

next points recognizing how easy it is. To.

43:49

Settle back into either victim mindset

43:51

or pessimist and recognizing that I

43:54

have to burn mental matchsticks to

43:56

use the phrase that you use

43:58

before that I love. Have

44:00

to burn mental calories to

44:02

get beyond or past or

44:04

away from these to lower

44:06

stages of the continuum. Recognizing

44:09

that up is is not going to

44:12

happen automatically again. I know people who

44:14

would probably would. You might happen automatically

44:16

for you. Awesome! For me, it's easy

44:18

to settle into victim or pessimists inside

44:21

a work of art. Myself out of

44:23

it. And. That's

44:25

my That's again that my point of

44:27

my question which is like moving the

44:29

continuum is the same thing is moving

44:31

they continue of health of of Sickness

44:33

wellness Center in the sense of. It.

44:36

Requires more and more

44:38

energy. To. Go from one side

44:40

to the other and we are built to

44:43

conserve energy. We are built and not expend

44:45

energy because the thousand seven million years ago

44:47

we had no idea when irvin eat again

44:49

and I'm not running after that thing unless

44:52

I know this food at the end of

44:54

it or that that are be alive at

44:56

the end of it right? And so I

44:58

think that's such a big part of which

45:01

is where to teach ourselves to burn mental

45:03

map and bet mental matchsticks in pursuit of.

45:06

Optimism. In pursuit of realism, and certainly

45:08

in pursuit of being that competitor. That.

45:11

Amazing. Their. Data

45:13

Set. It takes work, it takes

45:15

much mass. Sexy? gotta. You gotta go for

45:18

it and get some people lucky enough to

45:20

be. The.

45:22

Optimists and they have a little bit of work

45:24

to get a realist neo. Others

45:27

d fall victim. It can be

45:29

a lot of work just to

45:31

get to become an optimist. Your

45:34

etc case, as your example, is

45:36

such a sweet microcosm of. Theirs.

45:39

Is like this. This. Journey

45:41

the people. I

45:44

reluctantly label at Something Com because

45:46

we all experience it with. Like.

45:48

Cove. It right here is yours like

45:50

a little many covet thy use experience

45:52

which is you know and that's another

45:55

really awesome example that people can have

45:57

all go through a guy. oh I'm

45:59

remember I was. Saying and thinking

46:01

and feeling you know are you

46:03

the kind of person Darwin Cove

46:05

it hits and you have a.

46:08

On a trip planned with your buddies to

46:10

Nashville Steagall of of course this thing hits

46:13

and it's kids was my trip like. It's.

46:16

Like it's not about you isn't how

46:18

to value of guess for are you

46:20

the prototype or is it more like

46:22

of those guys? Don't worry, this sub

46:24

is this we find to be easy

46:26

will be over two weeks more. those

46:28

conversations have you ever two weeks and

46:30

you totally stop that challenge with an

46:32

optimist and this is I was on

46:34

default optimists. Yeah recognized

46:37

it's and. Yeah,

46:39

recognize it because now one of our business

46:42

partners is a bigger optimists and I am

46:44

sad. And it

46:46

it it's hard. Because. He

46:49

didn't recognize the issues at hand. Like.

46:51

If you were to come home

46:53

village till tuesday were fine don't

46:56

worry about it or office be

46:58

so fun to their lives every

47:00

with I and and or said

47:02

inside job no food says getting

47:04

food still got no money our

47:06

pets heads or follow us is

47:08

so yes it but the real

47:11

list. Understand that. There's.

47:13

Going to be. There's. Going to

47:15

be things that you like. it's easy,

47:17

don't like, it's part of life. Like

47:19

that's a part of life and what

47:21

happens is the realist can navigate life

47:23

better. That's what happens. You.

47:25

Become more productive,

47:28

As walking down a hallway, the most

47:30

productive ways to walk down the middle

47:33

of the hallway? Whose. Room. It's.

47:35

A lot more. Painful.

47:39

And slower to smash into side

47:41

to side to side, smashing the

47:43

walls as you make your way

47:45

down. If you're not a real

47:48

assess what you don't. You're. Just. Telling

47:50

stories and cranny, extra drama, an

47:52

extra things and you're done. It

47:55

said: no, it's you're not staying

47:57

centered. The real Us to

47:59

censor. Now the competitor gets

48:02

excited about the walk down

48:04

the past, especially when the

48:06

hallway might start shaking. So

48:09

yeah i yeah this was gonna this

48:11

was can make me better so the

48:13

that's the best way because. Dot.

48:15

The competitor understands. Truly.

48:18

What this whole thing might

48:20

be about. Which is. Becoming.

48:23

The best versions of ourselves living life

48:25

to the fullest, embracing challenges and adverse

48:27

seats because as the things that make

48:30

us growth which set up the next

48:32

generation for some even better now than

48:34

Ak evolution in the whole shebang. But.

48:39

We can use not only your

48:41

example of the power, but every little

48:43

saying member the way we started.

48:45

sauce. What?

48:48

Does. The voice inside your head say

48:51

when things don't go the way that

48:53

you want them to. And

48:55

the really cool thing is

48:58

to recognize the tiny little

49:00

things. We are tiny. Cause.

49:02

That's when you start when you recognize them

49:05

and their tiny and you start to try

49:07

to like oh, can I get to the

49:09

optimist? Oh, I get to the realist Try

49:12

urgently. Pet Bike. When. You work

49:14

on the little ones. Will. Work

49:16

out with little dumbbells or little weights

49:18

were getting a little bit center. And.

49:21

We all know like if someone

49:23

throws a six hundred pound bar

49:25

on your on your back I'm

49:27

it's must. Well. That's

49:29

a really big thanks. That's my kid

49:31

getting sick like like and diagnosed with

49:33

a horrific disease like. I'm not set

49:36

up to be the real saying pattern

49:38

that scenario. Maybe

49:40

I could. Protect be

49:42

tend to be an optimist a little bit by know

49:44

I'm in to find a victim. It's just too heavy

49:46

for me, that's just too heavy. But

49:48

if I don't do the work on the little ones,

49:50

I never could be held on the hill. The medium

49:52

once. If I can meet him once,

49:54

I'll never be able to have a big ones. And.

49:58

This. Is what we wanted. Yasuo. Handle

50:00

hard better. Your. Ah,

50:03

Here it to more questions. other one hit

50:05

on for a before. Wrap this up a

50:08

different that I think the first one will

50:10

be. Can you just sort of alluded to

50:12

it a little bit. We we used to

50:14

talk about this in a durations pass as

50:16

the the kind of the pinnacle was There

50:18

was a point where was you would cause

50:20

they're curious competitor and then it evolves into

50:22

the warrior mindsets and now it's kind of

50:24

back to the competitors. Just got a little

50:26

bit to your own thinking just in playing

50:28

with these ideas, having them in your head

50:30

for more than you know more than a

50:32

day. Why have. We landed where we did.

50:36

Like autopsy the horse guy aired

50:38

of process which is served. On

50:41

the cures competitor really read? That's what

50:43

is is. I want to curious and

50:46

I want to go in, like to

50:48

find challenges, not competitor in the sense

50:50

of i want away and and little

50:52

Johnny subset of her little league when

50:54

he loses and. It's.

50:57

Not that it's I once. I

50:59

once you go up against. Stimulus.

51:03

It's. Whatever that is that challenges

51:06

me, that's what matters and occurs. Want

51:08

to cure is part of that his

51:10

lights at it's that like the with

51:12

levels of curiosity like my wonder how

51:14

this is gonna turn out not would

51:16

judge him to hide your was anything

51:18

below that certainly below as rios layers

51:20

and judgment So curiosity is the opposite

51:22

judgment in my in my estimation. I.

51:26

Moved to warrior be consulted really

51:28

soft I hit I didn't like

51:30

the saga of of curious computer

51:33

and I. I. I wasn't

51:35

yet ready to stay a competitor.

51:39

A where I started. It has also

51:41

started using the analogy of the. The.

51:44

True Warrior The samurai warrior that now

51:46

dominates the dojo and roamed the earth

51:48

looking for a worthy foe because he

51:51

knows that your way he can grow

51:53

involving become better. So if

51:55

warrior made a license me. Nuts.

51:57

Why we started as that way. But

52:00

I really do come back to.

52:04

I think it's I just need to a

52:06

better job of explaining what a true competitor

52:09

is. Mans I I.

52:11

I. I like that responsibility in

52:13

this setting of not going

52:15

and needs to be a

52:18

warrior Because warriors are also.

52:21

Ah, Potentially.

52:24

Violence. You know? it's all about

52:27

that. And I really think that.

52:30

Are. People miss understand the word

52:32

competitor. And. I

52:35

think through this framework and as continue on

52:37

this is the right place to have that

52:39

conversation. Is A. This

52:41

is a pinnacle of mental

52:43

fitness is to have a

52:45

competitive mindset. Again, not

52:48

eyes. It's. Not about. It's.

52:50

Not I. I. Would.

52:52

You like or hey, more. Winning or

52:55

lose. It's not that saying. It's also

52:57

not. I. Don't want to

52:59

when you certainly want to win.

53:01

Like you really really want to

53:03

win. But more important

53:06

is your gross and developments. That's.

53:08

Where this? So. You're

53:11

okay with losing to someone

53:13

better it and you as

53:16

long as it made you

53:18

better in the process. That's.

53:21

Different than the way most people today

53:23

to find can better. Material.

53:26

Today to find a better as

53:28

the opposite which is when at all

53:30

costs. When or nothing when

53:32

his every said. That's

53:35

not what we're saying. We're

53:37

saying choose the competitive mindset.

53:40

Because. It is the one that has

53:42

is the most. Likely

53:45

to help you become the best

53:47

version of yourself. The. Book

53:49

the inner game of Tennis and it's

53:52

Tim Galloway. He has is really cool.

53:54

He explains this real struggle he had

53:56

with his own kind of journey of

53:58

trying to be of. National tennis

54:00

players being a pretzel are

54:02

professional tennis coach and the

54:04

where competition sat with him

54:06

and all this and. He.

54:09

Has this really cool. I think his dad

54:11

explained it to him in this way which

54:13

is. A.

54:16

Surfer and I think we've talked

54:18

about the summer up here before.

54:20

Buttons. In that

54:23

even semi as non competitive as

54:25

surfing and surfing is just you

54:27

and the wave man is just.

54:29

It's most soulful saying there is.

54:31

Yeah, Jack Johnson brow. But.

54:35

What does what surfers don't do is go

54:37

paddle out and just jump on the first

54:39

where they see. They

54:42

get a whole lot more surfing if

54:44

they did, but if you ever watch

54:46

surfers they pile out there and sometimes

54:48

hurt their flights. Fifteen minutes just sneer.

54:50

Sit on their boards and what they're

54:53

doing is they're waiting for a wave

54:55

that will challenge them. That's

54:58

it. That's all. Idea

55:00

is the bigger. The.

55:02

Wave. And or of

55:04

said, the right thresholds, right? That the

55:06

right wave at the right level of

55:09

that's gonna challenge. That's that's the competitive

55:11

nature that I once. The. Challenge.

55:13

I want the harder. We've had our sakes

55:15

the first three photo that rose by. I'm

55:17

gonna wait for the the big one. Because

55:19

that's where I know I'm going to get

55:21

pushed. That's from normally to grow. That's where I

55:24

know going to find that sweet spot. For.

55:27

That last question Athena Diego thing

55:30

about every else out there who

55:32

want to take something away from

55:34

the set as actionable and see

55:36

what can I start doing now

55:38

that maybe I recognize oh I

55:40

default. To. Victor: My default to

55:42

pessimism. Even I default optimism. Any

55:46

tools, tricks, tactics that

55:48

you found useful and

55:50

meaningful to. Begin

55:52

in the same way that you know. Okay, we'll

55:54

get to the gym. To. Some high

55:57

intensity exercise, right? Decent thrusters, do some

55:59

pull ups, What did have was the

56:01

version of that for folks who are recognizing metaphorically

56:03

that they need to get off the couch and

56:05

off the carbs. The

56:09

answers the same. Tool.

56:11

Tactic Process Weber call that

56:14

you use when you recognized

56:16

that. When.

56:18

You got a notice that you're going be in

56:20

the dark for three more days cup which is.

56:23

Oh, I see all my mind doing

56:25

that. saying. It sounds too simplistic

56:27

to be a useful tactic, but it

56:29

is just that. I recognize

56:32

where I am. And

56:34

the gap between where I am and where I

56:36

could be. A return

56:38

close the gap. Yep! That's it. Yeah.

56:42

And I found it really really helpful

56:44

and wrap it up your boss. I

56:46

found a really really helpful to have

56:48

the labels to be able to say

56:50

oh I'm here I want to be

56:52

there and for whatever reason having the

56:54

labels having that, the definition of each

56:56

one of those labels makes it so

56:58

much more tangible. As you start thinking

57:00

about oh I've got a something's gotta

57:02

change here to have like have a

57:04

mental target in your head the you

57:06

can aim for his to me as

57:08

been a real unlock as you just

57:10

have the words. Yeah, it's a it's.

57:13

We're just the some of our habits for the

57:15

some of way we behave and a we have

57:17

this we should have the certain value set of

57:19

so life we want to live. And

57:22

I think most of us want to

57:24

live a life of we're not being

57:26

rattled by outside circumstances every plate every

57:28

time we turn around a corner. but

57:30

we will have some control of our

57:32

lives and Asimov's of emotional maturity and

57:34

be able to handle hard things. So.

57:37

It's a matter of when those things pop

57:40

up. Being. Aware

57:42

of where we actually are

57:44

and the gap between that

57:46

and the life where envisioning

57:48

for ourselves. As the

57:50

same thing it's is really same conversation with

57:52

somebody is trying to be healthier. Like

57:55

do you do understand what

57:57

you're eating? Right to.

58:00

Then, what you're actually eating And

58:02

what? Good. Health looks like when

58:04

you're eating. And which I

58:06

close the gap. And. Sometimes you

58:08

meet when you're at the birthday party and

58:10

people are passing the cake and it goes.

58:12

You are first it's and you have to

58:14

hold every single piece before goes person next

58:16

to you and I go and bed you

58:18

are a big these are small piece that's

58:21

what it's really hard. It's

58:23

it's. a lot easier when you're not

58:25

hungry when you're not around food, but

58:27

this is the moment. You gotta make

58:29

those decisions. Just like you

58:31

need to be aware, now this is

58:33

the time to make those decisions. We

58:38

wrap it up there. Thank you Possible phone

58:40

wouldn't be back with a new quick shout

58:43

out and then a cool down momentarily.

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and mind will. Hold your. Okay,

1:00:01

Shut out real quick. The short shout out

1:00:03

to go to run a bit longer than

1:00:06

usual says from Chris. I mentioned it before

1:00:08

but when folks sign up for the premium

1:00:10

membership is all space to send us own

1:00:12

up which is been greatness as from Chris.

1:00:14

Ah after he signed up for the premium

1:00:16

membership at the I've listened to the kissing

1:00:19

i phone sarcasm Episode number One At that

1:00:21

time I was single I not married with

1:00:23

two daughters Spending Patrick of mentored me through

1:00:25

these life changes. I am better person husband

1:00:27

father because of their investment in this community.

1:00:30

Say. To Chris I was also not married

1:00:32

and had no kids were not of. This

1:00:35

podcast has under his the same Boat with

1:00:37

that Rush Wilde. The at analysts

1:00:39

it's funded hearts are it. Ah cool down

1:00:41

Hopper talk as when I grab a question

1:00:43

from the internet's have to have a little

1:00:45

define as we wrap up episodes. I got

1:00:47

this one as I often do ask Reddit

1:00:50

or what we really into when you were

1:00:52

a kid and I said this is a

1:00:54

top I'd I would yeah I am other

1:00:56

than skiing I can for I couldn't I

1:00:58

would know it to guess for yes I'm

1:01:00

super curious what you're really into and I

1:01:02

don't know. a kid like I don't know.

1:01:04

pick your own age like a beat three

1:01:06

to seven of fourteen on aka. Ah,

1:01:09

casual. As

1:01:12

my sounds obscure but maybe not. I don't

1:01:14

know where I grew up. We

1:01:17

had a stream in my backyard

1:01:19

like a broken and. The.

1:01:22

Amount of hard time to I

1:01:24

spent. In. That

1:01:26

stream. Is wild It

1:01:28

was like Huckleberry Finn type things

1:01:31

were why would it and I

1:01:33

love streams to this day. I

1:01:35

think because that can buy some.

1:01:38

And I. Would damn it up.

1:01:40

I would revert it. I would

1:01:42

make it go different direction I

1:01:44

would can walk through like I

1:01:46

would follow it through people's backyards

1:01:49

into like marshes and woods and

1:01:51

swing on vines and tickets downs

1:01:53

like a little waterfalls and I

1:01:55

was a D V d I.

1:02:00

Very. Ah

1:02:02

is engineer/adventurous like from that

1:02:04

you're constructing a certain way.

1:02:06

There's one where the highlights

1:02:08

was one day to fish

1:02:10

came down the stream. And.

1:02:13

Work. With. Dams up the stream

1:02:15

in the front of it and behind it's

1:02:17

and our our like Pvc I'd make pvc

1:02:19

pipes that we don't with puts the water

1:02:21

through and. Were so

1:02:24

at a tree house. And. As

1:02:26

i right x the stream

1:02:28

so i saw that i

1:02:30

i decided vision of creating

1:02:32

eyelids. This. Gangs that would

1:02:34

roam up and down the streams and

1:02:37

are treehouse would be are for it.

1:02:39

I would have this gang arts always

1:02:41

tried to recruit neighborhood kids to be

1:02:43

in my gang and again was the

1:02:46

of. The. Only purpose the gang

1:02:48

was to. Prepare.

1:02:50

To. Defend ourselves against other gangs I

1:02:53

grew up in like. Wellesley.

1:02:55

Massachusetts Six six if there's no hangs

1:02:57

at all or the exact Philadelphia paid

1:03:00

for. It was like it wasn't about

1:03:02

gangs. it was more like. In

1:03:05

oh no is it I was like teams

1:03:08

but is really more like end of the

1:03:10

world stuff. It was like or with the

1:03:12

battery apocalypse man is this a that for

1:03:14

i didn't know was added cigarettes. I wait

1:03:17

for the hey if sick close down and

1:03:19

we're going to be ready because we have

1:03:21

these handmade spears and are like Lord of

1:03:24

the Rings type stuff and we've got these

1:03:26

like we we know how to navigate the

1:03:28

stream and so. I was

1:03:30

like really really into that stream.

1:03:33

like six. Siblings

1:03:35

and you built a little. You built a

1:03:37

little without a streamer was a router thing.

1:03:39

I live a white house. Your my that

1:03:41

your know your eggs aca. Yeah. From

1:03:43

I really like that I got I've got them questions

1:03:45

about I'll give a give my answer first is so

1:03:48

we can put it on the table which is when

1:03:50

I was right when I was young you know intervene

1:03:52

or kind of where my son my son is now

1:03:54

it's seven to ten I i basically and I don't

1:03:56

know this is hyperbole of is just something or there

1:03:58

are that if is was even. Close to being

1:04:00

true but like my mother would tell me that

1:04:03

I basically read like every book in the kids'

1:04:05

section of the town library so my mom and

1:04:07

so which is probably not surprised anybody knows I

1:04:09

am said hours of what like storytelling and writings

1:04:11

and and reading ah was a really big part

1:04:14

of my life when I was really young and

1:04:16

then as I moved into high school and even

1:04:18

before I school but moving a nice guy I

1:04:20

got really into sports and when I think about

1:04:23

this question the thing that I get for a

1:04:25

like who you really into as a cave I

1:04:27

think about high school. I had a i like

1:04:29

up study period for some reason in high school

1:04:32

in the first couple years and they would let

1:04:34

me go to library at it like I'd set

1:04:36

free period and go Lebron. Nor do I have

1:04:38

free periods but I would go the library and

1:04:41

add newspapers there and I would take like the

1:04:43

Boston Globe down and the New York Times or

1:04:45

whatever else out there and in a notebook I

1:04:47

wouldn't write like ah. Box.

1:04:50

Scores of basketball games and like stats

1:04:52

from various players and I've no idea

1:04:54

what I did with. I've no idea

1:04:56

why or what I thought I was

1:04:58

going to do with it, but I

1:05:00

would spend like hours a week like

1:05:02

transcribing stats and facts from wire is

1:05:04

basketball players? baseball player? some jeb jeb,

1:05:06

an inkling of what that motive might

1:05:08

have been like? What a why behind

1:05:10

that was. I liked

1:05:13

I don't other I I've Yeah, it's a great

1:05:15

question. I don't know what. Again, I don't know

1:05:17

what I thought it was leading towards other than

1:05:19

it was. Just really interesting to me. And

1:05:22

our So had some into a sports i don't

1:05:25

I don't I don't really know like I wish

1:05:27

I could I were I would. I really wish

1:05:29

I had like those notebooks to see what the

1:05:31

heck I was actually during the dumb but alas

1:05:33

are gone with time. But here's my question. The

1:05:35

onus is a housing about with this question and

1:05:38

I'm even with your answer. Now I'm curious. What

1:05:40

I don't know? I can you draw. A.

1:05:42

Connection to what you are really

1:05:44

into as a kid playing in

1:05:46

the stream, building your gang. It's

1:05:48

with what ultimately you are as

1:05:51

an adult. Really?

1:05:53

Into today Like can you draw. Parallels.

1:05:55

There, even if they're they're lose one's and I

1:05:57

are these lists at all I want to criticism.

1:06:00

Our great a tribe of like ridiculously

1:06:03

sit prepare people. Yeah as an untrusting

1:06:05

not have zoc I mean it is

1:06:07

like. It. It.

1:06:09

Is a weird saying that this is

1:06:12

what I ended up doing and obviously

1:06:14

we're not on what is your head

1:06:16

out with old sticks to have point

1:06:18

the ends more yada or how to

1:06:21

read read direct streams but steady my

1:06:23

that was like let's create a or

1:06:25

group feel as prepared for when something

1:06:27

happens and it's not like. The.

1:06:30

Apocalyptic same but it is the. Head.

1:06:34

Or hard. Better saying it's like when isn't the

1:06:36

hard thing cause we're can be ready. So.

1:06:38

Interesting Yeah it's like is it's it's

1:06:41

whilst because it wasn't a linear path

1:06:43

to get to hear it's like I

1:06:45

whereas from the had to like the

1:06:47

military even would make sense right arm

1:06:49

so then like. From. There

1:06:52

into. Coaching would

1:06:54

make sense. I did you any of that. I.

1:06:56

Wince of very very different routes but ended up

1:06:59

back here. And

1:07:01

so that's my that's my second question which is

1:07:03

now that you and I are in a position

1:07:05

where we got kids and we're starting to see

1:07:07

what they get really into. Do you like how

1:07:09

do you think about that like is your kids

1:07:12

are look at older than mine some on are

1:07:14

just beginning to develop like ah what I would

1:07:16

consider like oh you're really into that kind of

1:07:18

thing and you're really into that kind of thing

1:07:20

with kids a little bit older not receive at

1:07:22

the ot the the bigger kids to do you

1:07:25

do you notice what the really into and you

1:07:27

like. Do. You think about oh

1:07:29

like oh you might be an engineer you might

1:07:31

read the really into whatever the heck it might

1:07:33

end up being. I'm just curious. name's has your

1:07:35

your look at how to me on that. Are

1:07:41

the be hard not to or the everyone

1:07:43

can of projects like that? It's sights the

1:07:46

arm for software so. Just

1:07:48

appeal. We have two older kids ah with twenty

1:07:50

three year old and a nineteen year old know

1:07:52

with younger kids was hurt eleven and nine And

1:07:54

and lemon Nine your officers were. I've been through

1:07:57

it with the first one's are so you they're

1:07:59

not. Their.

1:08:01

Career path isn't set for

1:08:03

the. Yeah. And everyone

1:08:05

goes oh years you're going to be

1:08:08

has mode is very analytical, is a

1:08:10

veering be an engineer or are you

1:08:12

me official skier or you're gonna and

1:08:14

Harley you're going to be a performer

1:08:17

or he cites. Was

1:08:20

hardly had since. ah she tells us everyday

1:08:22

which is gonna be anyway. So it's such

1:08:24

episode when I go over there are as

1:08:26

I would rather only had it not sites.

1:08:28

it's the same five things. unless

1:08:31

it be a veterinarian to

1:08:33

has bakery across fit. Games

1:08:35

Athletes and. Ah,

1:08:37

a songwriter. Like

1:08:40

assisted suicide bomber on

1:08:42

but it's ah. And

1:08:45

then of course you got. Jeb us

1:08:47

I also. It's.

1:08:50

This weird thing where you want to. Provide.

1:08:52

Opportunities and and direction

1:08:55

and lead and encourage.

1:08:58

But. You also want them to carve their own

1:09:00

pass. And just like I said, Smartass wasn't linear

1:09:02

and I feel kind of re where I should

1:09:05

be. So I I take very much and you

1:09:07

know this from working with me but I'm a

1:09:09

very hands off. In

1:09:11

terms of. Alcoholic.

1:09:14

Are. Pushing or molding passions. I've I

1:09:16

let him. I let it happen. I'm

1:09:19

not very. The only rule that we

1:09:21

have is if you start something, you

1:09:23

can't stop it in the same. whenever.

1:09:26

This year or season. Yeah Agag

1:09:28

Yakutsk, you committed Seem you're doing

1:09:30

this through and are. We made

1:09:32

that mistake with our jonah Maya.

1:09:34

There was no stopping her and

1:09:36

all she was my was as

1:09:38

for speed me there was a

1:09:40

good Jonah. I would say it's

1:09:42

a mistake to join us. Awesome.

1:09:45

But I do think that. Commitment.

1:09:48

Matters. And ah,

1:09:51

Yes I am not one to say

1:09:53

like. You started

1:09:56

karate and now you have to stay through it

1:09:58

until you're a black belts in our. They want

1:10:00

to change them. Are we loved Change?

1:10:03

It. From. As if I

1:10:05

were in revved up there because we're bit

1:10:07

longer than usual. Figure by out there for

1:10:09

listening or more time soon to get question

1:10:11

it. A few drops of a little bit

1:10:13

of it is also saw email is the

1:10:15

dust Ways to do so he can be vented

1:10:17

other questions to the common. Hopelessly

1:10:20

Rowlands Interviews City for Shares. Share with you

1:10:22

friends. This would be a wonderful absurd to

1:10:24

share with some friends who perhaps not on

1:10:26

the chasing your son's train is leaving again

1:10:29

on a deep dive into what we often

1:10:31

talk about. Hear it into business with that

1:10:33

as well and I will be back next

1:10:35

week for another episode I've written. And

1:10:41

now another no brainer money saving tip

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from progress that of. For

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