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0:28

details. Hello, this is

0:31

Joe. I'm just doing this bit because I don't think

0:33

we sort of set up

0:35

who our guest was today. We

0:37

just got on with it. So

0:39

our guest today is John Fendley,

0:41

aka Fenners, who was a

0:43

producer and co-presenter on Soccer Air

0:45

for 25 years. Very funny, lovely

0:47

man, done loads of

0:50

other stuff. We love him, but

0:52

we didn't say any of that at the top because

0:54

I don't know.

0:56

Oh yes, also, because

0:59

we love him so much, we went off for

1:01

ages. So the second part is going to come

1:03

out as a bonus app on

1:05

Friday and it's really soccer, and

1:07

heavy and football heavy. So that's why it's going to be

1:10

a bonus app on Friday. All

1:12

right. Cheers. Bye. All

1:27

right,

1:29

legend.

1:51

I was looking

1:53

at the room going,

1:56

is that Joe's?

1:58

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Oh

2:01

that's good. Sorry, I just kicked a cup of

2:03

coffee out there. If you're recording, you've

2:05

got it on the record. Yeah.

2:07

Yeah, we are recording. Yeah, you've

2:10

got that. I was looking. Is

2:13

that John's living room? Because he's normally

2:15

on the Zoom. Yes. I

2:18

was going to play along there and

2:20

there. Did you think it

2:22

was me? It was an empty room job. Oh,

2:25

right. Why is John... It's too much light.

2:27

John, do you want to do those blinds? Is it

2:30

a little bit... I don't

2:32

know really. We've never been asked to

2:34

say it like that. I

2:36

don't know. I'm just going to have to wait an hour for

2:38

you so I think we'll find out. I

2:40

tell you what, let me give you the option.

2:43

Yes. Wonderful. Honestly, Joe, that

2:45

was just an entry. I was like, what the

2:48

fuck? You

2:50

thought I'd moved. Yeah. Because

2:52

you've seen every room in my house, basically.

2:55

That's better than it looks. See, I've got a little

2:57

bit of picture in there as well now. Yeah.

3:00

So that's actually... I think you're the only one

3:02

who cares. Yeah. I

3:05

mean, I've actually looked... This

3:07

is the first gig I've had for a long time. So

3:11

I've put a nice smart shirt

3:13

on. You have? Yeah. I've

3:15

had a go. I've

3:18

had a go. I've got a

3:20

yellow jumper on. That's nice. When I

3:22

finish the job... Straight

3:25

back to the call center, you see, which is great. We

3:28

can hear you now. We can hear you now. I can

3:30

hear you as well. We

3:33

were here in the back of your head until you moved your mic.

3:36

Oh, I can hear you. I mean, you get

3:38

okay like this. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's

3:40

interesting you realise how good you are

3:42

at this. I

3:46

look like a pilot. I

3:48

don't know how comfortable... If you hadn't

3:50

mentioned the mic, I don't know how comfortable I'd have

3:52

been. I think I'd

3:54

have been looking at it going. Yeah, we've

3:56

got to be honest. He's got a top.

4:00

call centre Michael and no one's

4:02

bitching. He's having himself here, he's got

4:05

everything a little bag as well,

4:07

it comes out and it's got a little thing. Well

4:09

just for today? No, I mean

4:12

I've had it a long time but as

4:15

you probably know it's been gathering dust

4:17

for the last few months

4:19

so I'm really excited. We've

4:22

done it now. I mean you probably have,

4:24

I like that because this is always the

4:26

best bit. Yeah it's a bit cheeky this

4:28

podcast. And I've just got

4:31

to sound a bit of, I love your theme

4:33

tune. I'll do you.

4:35

Yeah I love it. James can you pop it in

4:37

now? Yeah,

4:49

Venice has him. I'm

4:51

not hearing it now either. I'm not

4:53

hearing it. Who's James? Does he

4:55

exist? Yeah

4:58

sort of. Yeah you're a

5:00

first time don't you? Yeah. He's here

5:02

with that. He's

5:04

our chap. Alright yeah we all are. We

5:07

all are. James

5:10

don't we? Do you

5:12

have a reaction? We really do. Can I just say

5:14

before we start, thank you very much for having me

5:17

on and I appreciate it because Don't

5:20

get heavy. Do you

5:22

know how many requests I've had for any of you? Since

5:27

leaving the soccer game. No

5:31

I'm not one. So this

5:33

is the truth. You

5:38

may get some exclusive but

5:40

I'll probably just climb up

5:43

and straight back to it like Chris Taboray. Yeah

5:45

I remember Chris Taboray. I wish I could

5:48

have listened to it. I'm thinking of Jim

5:50

Taboray. Who's Jim Taboray?

5:52

He's a comedian with a

5:54

double-pitched voice. He's a comedian with a double bass

5:56

who I met who when you meet him he

5:58

tells you about how much he hates the fact

6:01

he has to take a double bass everywhere with him. But

6:06

it was his idea. Yeah, yeah, I

6:08

mean double bass. You

6:11

lost me a double bass, but I'm purely pretty brilliant. He

6:14

is very good, yeah. What can I call

6:16

you? Is it John or is it?

6:18

Because I don't feel like I'm a huge winner. Well I said

6:20

Fenner's already and I feel bad for him. Well,

6:23

I'm the acting... Did you cringe when Joe called you

6:25

Fenner's? Are you like... No, no, no. No,

6:28

no, no. Honestly, I mean after he's probably

6:30

known as Fenner's. So,

6:33

John Fenner's, well, no, Fenner's is fine. It's

6:35

like, it's easy, isn't it? I

6:37

always dreamt of having a nickname like that when

6:40

I was a kid. I got, because I wanted to be Wilco.

6:42

I ain't never had Wilco. No,

6:45

because I sat next to a kid called Ian Wilkinson

6:47

and he got it because he was really good at

6:49

football. So it sort of synced up nicely. First dibs.

6:53

Yeah. Don't be a dog because we're Wilco, but

6:55

that's about it. I flippin' love it. Well,

6:57

I mean, I'd love to call you, but

6:59

I wouldn't be so familiar as to... Oh

7:02

no. Was I over-familiar? No,

7:05

no, no, no, because everyone, you know, that's what people

7:07

call me. Well,

7:09

yeah, when we met a few months ago,

7:11

I called

7:14

you Fenner's because that's how it happened. Yeah,

7:17

I would never introduce myself

7:19

as Fenner's. I'll

7:21

go home and go, no, I'll never do that. I'll go home, John.

7:24

And so sometimes when I'm sending an email to

7:26

somebody, if I'm trying to get a bit of

7:28

work, which I've been doing a lot of recently,

7:30

I'll put John and then

7:32

sometimes I think, if I put Fenner's,

7:34

they might know. Oh, that's tricky. So

7:38

it's kind of like... Yeah, who's John? Yeah,

7:40

you don't want to write Fenner's in brackets,

7:42

do you? No, no. God,

7:46

yeah, you're a snooker, really, aren't you? Yeah,

7:48

it's tricky. Well,

7:50

I don't know if I want to be Wilco. No, I

7:54

think you'd best leave the names alone. Especially if

7:56

you were coming in with a professional angle. Yeah.

8:00

really that's not much of a problem. Well

8:02

I'm still thinking about calling your fellas

8:07

too early. Honestly, please,

8:09

fellas is great. So

8:14

what are you doing now? Yeah,

8:18

can't say this. I'm actually doing little

8:20

bits and pieces of things but there's

8:31

nothing that's really kind of, I'm being

8:33

brutally honest, that's

8:36

taken up a lot of my time. When

8:40

I left Zokram, everyone said,

8:42

oh you'll be absolutely fine. The offers

8:44

will come flying in and they

8:47

didn't. It's a tough place

8:52

in, not the TV world, I

8:54

mean it's really tough in the

8:57

TV world and I was always

8:59

a weird fit for television

9:01

really because Zokram

9:04

was really the perfect show

9:06

for me to do because I'd worked on

9:08

it for so long and I was producing

9:10

it. So it kind of fitted

9:13

well but I think I'm

9:15

not gonna go and get a job on presenting

9:18

live football. I'd love to but people aren't

9:20

gonna go, oh well let's

9:22

give Fenner's a shot at that because they'll

9:26

go, oh he was the guy who was doing impressions

9:28

of Jeff Stellin or

9:30

the stereotypical resident of Manchester or

9:32

Bob. It's kind of like, it's

9:35

the perception I think might stop

9:38

me from having conversations but

9:41

I still have the conversations because I've had

9:43

a million conversations in the last six months,

9:45

let's go and have a coffee and a

9:47

chat and direction of travel, let's have a look

9:49

at that and that's my thing. Direction

9:52

of travel, what does that mean? It's just basically saying,

9:54

have you got a job? Really,

9:56

it's my way of saying, you're dressing up rather than saying,

9:58

have you got any work? I say, hey let's have

10:00

a coffee and then we'll have to have

10:02

a chat with you and discuss the direction

10:05

of travel within your company. I

10:08

think you've said that to me, I'll panic.

10:11

I'll be like, fuck, what don't I know? Shit!

10:19

The thing is with that, I

10:22

cringe at all that PR

10:26

industry sort of speech, you know, like let's

10:28

circle back, let's take that offline, all that

10:30

kind of stuff, it makes me go, oh

10:32

god, just let's have a conversation. So I've

10:35

been having lots of coffee

10:38

with people and essentially, so

10:40

me and Jim might be doing something I can't say,

10:42

it's like, yeah,

10:45

me and Jim, I'd

10:47

love to work again with Jim, so we had

10:49

such a great time doing soccer and

10:52

we are mates as well, like you two are,

10:55

I'm assuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:57

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah,

10:59

yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

11:01

no. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

11:04

It's fine. It's fine. So

11:09

we've been discussing some things and,

11:11

yeah, we're hopefully going to

11:13

do a podcast. We're hopefully going to do a

11:15

podcast. I was going to say, that seems like a... Watch

11:18

out. Yeah, watch out. People leapfrog us

11:20

left, right and centre, we're used to it

11:22

now, aren't we David? Who's above us in

11:24

the charts now? Oh, yeah. John

11:27

and Jimmy, good, now they're 14th.

11:29

Exactly. That will come. No,

11:32

yeah, yeah. Will you go,

11:34

please go under the sports section, not

11:36

comedy, because you will knock us off.

11:38

No, absolutely not now. Now

11:41

you said that. No, that's the first call I'm

11:43

making, I assume. I thought that would be the

11:45

first thing you would have done, like, because you,

11:47

like, you

11:50

are in a unique position, but like,

11:52

funny sport is... people

11:54

hover that. Yeah. Surely

11:56

that's all I want. I think... I

11:59

think... for me I was

12:02

fed up, I was upset and

12:05

so I... What do you

12:07

think happened with soccer? Sorry I know to

12:09

jump around but what happened? I'm

12:12

not sure and hopefully one day I'll

12:14

get to sit down with the

12:17

people who... Well I probably won't get to sit

12:19

down with the people who made the decisions because

12:21

I think what happens is the

12:24

decisions get made up there and then it's up

12:26

to the people who you kind of

12:28

know who have to deliver that news

12:30

and I don't envy them. Hopefully

12:33

one day when maybe the

12:36

dust settled in they could sit down and

12:38

might have a bit of an understanding

12:41

of why

12:43

it happened but yeah it's a

12:45

bit... You're

12:47

given reasons and that

12:50

the ratings aren't as good as they were so

12:53

I would... I can't say well I don't

12:55

think anyone's ratings are as good as they were

12:57

TV wise. So yeah it

13:01

was a shock but it wasn't a shock

13:03

for me in the sense that I'm not

13:11

silly. I knew that my time

13:13

would probably be coming

13:15

up because I'm not spring chicken

13:17

anymore in that industry

13:19

and what

13:24

you see on the screen. So

13:27

I was like having conversations

13:31

what could be my next move? What could

13:33

be my next thing to do here? I want to stay but

13:36

it just didn't transpire so yeah it was a shock when

13:42

it happened and I felt I was

13:45

upset and I felt a bit hurt and because people

13:48

said don't take things personally and then... But

13:51

you do... It's your thing

13:54

and you've invested so much of your time in life into

13:56

it. How many years were

13:58

you on it? Well, in so I was

14:01

there for around about 25 years. So

14:05

I did the whole cause I was there. You

14:07

for the first show. No.

14:10

So the first, the first shows were

14:12

with, um, Helen

14:14

and Russ Williams. Gary

14:16

Stevens might've been. Yeah. Do you remember?

14:18

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

14:21

and then Tim came over from the

14:23

big breakfast with Andy Harris. Uh, God

14:25

rest his soul. Um,

14:28

and they wanted

14:30

to basically turn

14:33

the show that was

14:35

soccer. I'm into something more

14:37

aligned to the, you know, the big

14:39

breakfast. And that's, that was, that was

14:41

what they did. Um,

14:43

so I fell into it

14:46

really. Were you working on, what

14:48

were you, what were you doing when you

14:50

got into. So, so my, so my background,

14:52

if we've got time, so my

14:56

background, I always wanted to be

14:59

a football as, as we

15:01

all probably did. And I, um,

15:04

I got to a level I know what has

15:06

never gotten good enough. And well, no,

15:08

no, I mean, when I said got to a

15:10

level, it was, it was nowhere near good enough

15:12

to go to a pro

15:14

club. It was county level, which was, you know,

15:16

I enjoyed it. I'm all right. That

15:19

were you counting level, David? Counting

15:21

them to, okay. I'll let it go.

15:23

Are you taking that? Counting them to. I'm

15:27

very, very quiet. There

15:30

was a lot of, I don't know what county did

15:32

to face pulling over there from someone who's played counts.

15:34

All right. Well, ask me what can you do to

15:36

ease? And I'll ask that. Is it, is it county?

15:39

I don't know. I've

15:45

no idea. Because John

15:47

was very clear about county. There

15:49

was no div to questioning John.

15:52

Okay. Well, I'm going

15:54

to play county. I'll just say that I'm going to

15:57

say I played county

15:59

football for. for Yorkshire. I think

16:01

you'll find it's the largest geographical

16:05

county in terms of size. What

16:12

about anyone at your level who went on? Well,

16:15

so I was getting to that. So I played

16:17

against Lee Clark. Remember

16:20

Lee Clark? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

16:23

And he was 16 at

16:25

the time, but he was still... I mean,

16:27

he was at Newcastle, I think, but he was

16:29

still playing for Northumberland. So he was at school

16:32

by Newcastle, but he was playing for Northumberland. And

16:34

we had a little... I used to play in the

16:36

centre of the midfield. And so we had a little

16:38

tussle. We had a little tussle.

16:40

And he got up and he blew the raspberry at

16:43

me. Did he? Yeah. What

16:46

a harp-nuff. I like

16:49

him even more now. Yeah.

16:53

And at the end of the game, he just... off

16:55

he went straight down the tunnel. Selfish?

16:58

No. No. But he was brilliant. He

17:00

was a brilliant player. Because you tell

17:02

him he was different level.

17:05

Yeah. Yeah. That's the... Heartbreakingly

17:07

good? Yeah. Just

17:11

a different... playing a different game. Playing a

17:13

different game. Oh, I love that. Streets ahead. And I've

17:16

played in games with professionals

17:19

in charity games and things like that, as

17:21

you will have. And it's... So

17:24

anyone who criticises a professional football

17:26

of any level, I

17:29

would say, please don't do that until you've been

17:31

on a pitch with pros,

17:34

ex-pros, and you realise, you know, as David

17:36

will back me up, you know, county level...

17:40

If you ask someone. County level. So... Sorry.

17:42

So going back to... Yeah.

17:48

I love that. League level. Yeah. So

17:50

I got to that level and that

17:52

was me. And then

17:54

I wanted to coach. I said

17:57

I wanted to be a coach, so I did my height.

17:59

Oh, wow. So I was

18:01

at college in York and I did my...

18:03

I went to college in York basically

18:05

because I bumped into one of the

18:07

lecturers at... Sorry, I'm pointing.

18:10

One of the lecturers at... I was

18:12

laughing at it. Sorry.

18:14

One of the lecturers from St. John's in York. I

18:17

met him at one of the other county football matches

18:19

and he said I was

18:21

having a year out because I

18:24

failed all my education pretty miserably.

18:28

And so I was going to have a year out and then kind

18:30

of apply through the clearing

18:32

thing. So he said come next year because

18:34

we've got a really good football set up

18:36

at St. John's. We

18:38

play twice a week and it's great. We've

18:41

got some team, good reasonable teams. And that's

18:44

why I went. That's kind of why I went and I

18:47

got an education as well but I

18:49

really love playing football. So what the other

18:51

guys did in the football club, they were

18:53

like, we've got to America. We've got coaching.

18:55

So I was like, I want a bit

18:57

of that. So I did my... It was

18:59

called your prelim at the time, which was

19:01

your very basic coaching imagination. So

19:04

we all did that and then I started

19:07

coaching for York City Public Community and

19:09

then Scarborough where I'm from and then

19:11

started going to America coaching

19:13

out in the States during the

19:16

summers. It wasn't Camp America. People

19:18

always go, Camp America. It's like, no. I'm thinking

19:20

for sure. No, it wasn't Camp America. I don't

19:22

know what Camp America was. I've

19:25

heard it so much. I never know what

19:27

it is. Camp America is like, you go

19:29

over and you're kind of babysitting outdoors. Okay.

19:32

Really. That's... They

19:34

definitely wasn't that. Whereas I was coaching for a company and...

19:37

Well, basically. Yeah. Let's

19:41

have it right. Some of the kids were quite young

19:44

but then we got on to high school and

19:46

do proper teams and things like that. So anyway,

19:48

I... Sounds great. I then

19:51

went to work for the

19:53

PFA as

19:55

a tutor delivering GMVQs

19:57

in football clubs. it

20:00

was a franchise. So on a

20:02

Monday I would go into Skuntorp,

20:04

Tuesday I would go to Lincoln,

20:08

Wednesday Barnsley and Thursday

20:10

Leicester. I love

20:12

that so specific. And

20:15

on Monday you'll be going to Lincoln? Yes.

20:17

And Tuesday? Skuntorp. I

20:20

was in Mansfield as well amongst

20:23

that. But I

20:25

was Emil Hesky's tutor. Why

20:28

are you in?

20:31

Wow. Yeah. So I

20:33

was delivering GNVQs in

20:35

leisure and tourism. So

20:38

back in those days, that was,

20:40

yeah that's the term. And

20:45

that's what Emil Hesky was doing like a

20:47

tourism. So football isn't how they're called scholars.

20:52

So they go into college. Whereas what

20:54

we used to do is we used

20:57

to take the course into

20:59

the club. Was it like a backup thing

21:01

in case football didn't run out? Yeah, exactly

21:03

that. I think it's probably legally the club's

21:06

out to do it. My

21:08

mate did that with Jamie Rednap, Bournemouth

21:10

I think. Right, yeah. And

21:12

it wasn't tough as in it

21:15

was just, you know, you're

21:19

banging your head against a brick wall really. I was

21:21

just saying, the clear guy, I'm going to be a

21:24

bloody footballer mate. Yeah, and Emil Hesky was a footballer.

21:26

He was playing in the first team. So he'd be

21:28

playing in the first team on a Wednesday. He was

21:30

16 or 17. Sorry, I

21:34

pictured him at like 28

21:37

doing it for some reason.

21:39

Honestly mate, I've banged in

21:41

16-17 goals

21:43

already this season. I don't need to.

21:45

So he's 16 playing in the first

21:47

team. Yeah, he played

21:49

games on a Wednesday sometimes for the first team

21:51

and he would come in on Thursday and

21:55

I'd be like, are you late?

21:57

He's like, yeah, I was just playing the

21:59

prem last night mate. I was

22:01

like okay, not hungry. Okay. Have

22:04

you got your homework? Open your six

22:07

books to fire escapes in the sports

22:09

center. In the mortar. He's

22:14

kicking himself now though. Well

22:17

again, weird because I

22:19

became friends with him then

22:21

but I used to get boots off him

22:23

because he had a boot deal. He had

22:25

a boot deal with Lotto and I was

22:28

playing local football. Kind of. Were they

22:30

crap? No

22:34

they weren't. They were good. The

22:37

ones with a little green square on. He

22:42

used to sort me out with a

22:44

pay. He charged me 20 quid. Well,

22:46

they would have been retailing at least

22:49

45, 15. Is

22:55

that where you decide to? These are

22:57

retailing. That's your

22:59

tourism coming in. You've

23:01

learned that from me. These are returning. You're

23:05

welcome. Guys, just sort of look into the door

23:07

and I think he's a postman who might

23:10

deliver with me. Oh, he's a

23:12

postman. That's amazing. The

23:26

postman's walking in.

23:31

He opens my door and he

23:34

opens my door. The

23:40

postman's walking in. I've

23:45

been working. I've been playing the

23:47

tune. The

23:50

postman's walking in. Oh

24:30

Oh Sorry

24:44

someone's getting it. Murdo who's

24:46

the painter

24:49

and decorator is He's

24:52

in and he's just a nice about he's got

24:54

that so that's good John

24:57

I had an idea for this episode. Yeah

25:00

that I could throw in just some

25:02

quick fire questions them You've

25:05

met luck. Yeah, I just came up with You

25:08

have free plan We

25:12

can have a little change goodness thing well,

25:14

but you've met loads of professional footballers

25:16

loads I have So

25:19

quick fire just a quickie now Yeah,

25:22

as long as you don't ask me which ones I didn't

25:24

I didn't like I'm

25:27

not about that. Yeah But

25:31

that question David's

25:42

not so quick fire slightly ambiguous football

25:45

a question Okay,

25:48

this is simple on the best footballer you've

25:50

ever met that's a quickie best

25:52

footballer I don't understand

25:55

a question You

26:00

met Pele? Yeah, I

26:02

met Pele. Yeah, well that's the best you're gonna meet. I've

26:04

got signed shirt and I can go and get it at

26:07

some point. I

26:10

won't go now but I'll get it and

26:12

then I'll come out. I've

26:14

got signed Pele shirt. I interviewed Pele in Amsterdam.

26:17

Did you? For soccer I

26:19

am. Fucking hell, you got

26:21

signed Pele shirt. Yeah, yeah, back

26:23

from him and obviously

26:25

then it was well back so I didn't have

26:28

camera phones and things so I didn't have a picture with

26:30

Pele. Is it a Brazil shirt? Yeah,

26:33

yeah. Oh my God. My best friend

26:35

has never forgiven me because I got

26:37

another friend, who is a good friend but

26:40

he's not my best friend, I

26:42

got him a signed shirt and

26:44

he's never forgiven me. So

26:47

yeah, so Pele would be the answer to

26:50

that one. I took my

26:52

brother, I got given two tickets for Champions League

26:54

final and I didn't take my brother and he's

26:56

never forgiven me. He's not my friend

26:58

Simon. My brother goes, I've got

27:00

you in the United States tickets every

27:03

time it comes up. Would

27:06

you have had a better time with Simon

27:08

than you would have had with your brother?

27:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah because

27:15

me and Rob would have argued on the way

27:17

up. About what? What

27:22

would we have argued about? Just

27:24

him farting probably and

27:27

finding it funny. Yeah, and you move. No,

27:29

I'd be driving, he wouldn't drive. I'd

27:32

be driving, I'd go seriously don't do that and

27:34

he'd just be giggling. He moved

27:36

the right. And

27:40

Simon drove so I didn't have to drive.

27:43

So that answers that lovely

27:46

segment. Yeah, right, back out

27:48

of that little. Yeah,

27:50

I want to ask about. That

27:54

was rubbish. That

28:00

was like the weirdest

28:02

quickfire question

28:05

slot that I've ever been

28:07

involved in. I was expecting

28:09

five or six, maybe seven,

28:11

ten questions. One question. No,

28:14

no, no, it's fine. I like that one. All

28:16

right, but it's... No, I like it. I

28:18

like... Okay. There's a

28:20

whole emphasis to the question as well to be aware

28:22

of. Hello. I liked it.

28:24

That's for me to answer, isn't it? I like that one.

28:27

Can I have a quick one? Yes. Quick,

28:29

quick, quick one added. Have

28:31

you met Glenn Hoddle? Yes. Oh,

28:34

that's all I wanted to know. I so

28:37

loved Glenn Hoddle. I

28:39

used to admire him so much. You

28:42

know what? I probably got upstairs, right? Oh,

28:45

there we go. And

28:47

if I can find it, I will send you to this,

28:49

right? So we used

28:51

to do a show called the Fantasy Football Club on

28:54

Sky Sports, and it was

28:56

supposed to be based around fantasy football,

29:01

but I wasn't really a massive fantasy football fan. So

29:03

what I tried to do is go... Because

29:06

I think if you play fantasy football, all you

29:08

care about is your team. You're not bothered about listening to my team. All

29:10

you want to care about is your team and who

29:12

you should put in your team and who's your captain.

29:15

And so we devised... So

29:17

with me and Merce, Paul Merson, and

29:20

we came up with an item called 1-11, where

29:23

basically we would sit, and

29:26

the set was like a dressing room.

29:30

So we had kit skips, and we had

29:32

boots and shimpads and old bits of

29:34

tape lying around, and

29:37

we'd sit down with Glenn

29:40

Hoddle, and we'd sit, and we'd have

29:42

a sheet of paper, and

29:44

he'd have his Sharpie, and we'd go, Right, Glenn, 1-11,

29:46

best level player you've played. I

29:48

remember this. I remember this. Yeah. It's

29:51

great. Yeah, I loved it. And

29:53

he would... So he'd write. He wrote down

29:55

his best 11. He'd write his

29:57

thing. He'd write it. So he'd write it on

29:59

the paper. the sheet, he'd go through it and

30:04

then sign it and then we'd keep the sheet.

30:06

The first time we did it was with God

30:09

blessing Ray Wilkins, one

30:11

of the nicest men

30:13

I ever came across, not just in football but just

30:16

a really lovely man and I was

30:18

always supportive and asked you about you

30:20

when you saw him. That came out

30:22

when he passed away, wasn't it? All

30:24

the comments. Just lovely

30:26

and we sat there and

30:29

we did his once through 11 in six

30:32

minutes and we came off air, we

30:34

went, what are we doing? Six

30:37

minutes, given Ray Wilkins, arguably

30:40

one of our greatest element fielders, six

30:42

minutes to talk through his team and

30:45

from that point on we just went, that's

30:48

a 15 minute slot. I

30:50

love this show, I

30:52

can't even remember, what was it on?

30:54

I can't remember. It was on Sky

30:56

Sports, yeah. Yeah, loved it. It

30:59

was a great podcast. That is a

31:01

great podcast. You've got,

31:04

I would hoover that up, say

31:06

Paul Person comes on and goes, I'd be like, I

31:11

want to know exactly who you'd play

31:13

with. And all we did is

31:15

we'd do teams we'd do players

31:17

played with and then you could, the

31:20

next time that came on you could do players played against.

31:25

Some of the teams were ridiculous but

31:27

it was ridiculous, obviously they would kill

31:30

the lily and tell us about that player

31:32

and the story and that's what it was

31:34

all about. I want this in my life

31:36

so badly now. The great

31:38

thing about it was that I loved,

31:41

I became sort of redundant. Which

31:44

I really liked because I was just perched on the edge because

31:48

if you've ever been chatting to a

31:50

footballer and then another footballer turns up,

31:53

they'll just kind of talk to each other and

31:55

they, not in a rude way, but they're like,

31:58

you only played County mate. I

32:00

played Prem, I've been to World Cup. I should be

32:02

a Div too. And I

32:04

would just sit there and sit

32:07

on the edge and enjoy it, and Murs and whoever

32:09

it was would be sitting talking. It

32:12

was just brilliant and it was a real privilege to be a

32:14

part of it. And

32:20

also we went and

32:22

did players out

32:24

of the studio as well, so we'd

32:26

go to Barcelona or Europe or we'd

32:28

do... We did so many brilliant players and I

32:30

loved it. I

32:33

did Gary Lineker. I

32:36

went and met Gary Lineker in a

32:38

pub in Barnes. I sat him there and did it.

32:41

And it was just brilliant. He's

32:43

such a great speaker.

32:47

He's such a good broadcast, like a raccoon, so

32:49

he tells stories and he's got such a brilliant

32:52

rich career. And brilliant.

32:55

I loved it. But

32:57

you're right, we should... I

32:59

loved it. It's great. So simple. Thank you, that's

33:01

very kind of you. Well, this is

33:04

a moment to go back into the quick fire

33:06

section. Hit me. David's

33:09

not so quick fire and slightly ambiguous

33:11

footballer question. The

33:15

nicest smelling footballer. Oh

33:20

gosh, I mean they all generally smell

33:23

pretty good. I'd

33:25

like to take a guess. Michael,

33:31

what do you think is probably

33:35

for the last at least

33:37

five years, probably maybe eight, ten

33:39

years, what is

33:41

the footballer's aftershave

33:44

of choice? It's

33:46

not... It's going to be... I've got

33:48

to say I don't know many, but

33:50

is it like a... Not Vlouvaton or

33:52

whatever? No,

33:55

what's that? Patrioni. It's

33:58

not that. It's one

34:00

word. Brute.

34:03

And it begins with C. I

34:09

don't know. A perfume. Is it a perfume beginning with C? Is

34:12

that what we're going for? Is that a perfume? Is that a

34:14

perfume? No. I don't

34:16

think you're going to get it, guys. If I'm honest with

34:18

you, I'd love a problem. I think this could go on

34:20

for weeks. Even

34:23

with Google, we wouldn't get it. Yeah. It's

34:26

Creed. Have you heard of

34:28

Creed? No. No. That's the... That's

34:30

the... Is it expensive? I

34:34

think it's... They're all expensive

34:36

now, aren't they? They're all expensive.

34:39

Are you Spry on Deodorant? Yeah.

34:42

Which is... I just... I've got

34:44

some roll on you. From Aesop. You

34:48

know Aesop? You're familiar with Aesop? The shop Aesop?

34:51

No. Yeah. Very

34:53

nice. Is it a cheap shop or not? It's not

34:55

a cheap shop. But I had some gifts. I don't

34:58

know anything. I've had some gifts that my wife had

35:00

got me for Christmas. I went in and I said,

35:02

look, I know I'm going to be out of date

35:04

on the receipt. And she said,

35:07

not a problem. We do an exchange. It's not

35:09

the sort of shop that Riffra, I find myself...

35:12

Oh, it's a posh shop. Generally, go... I

35:14

mean, I love it. I love the stuff. It's

35:17

excellent. So, yeah. I picked a

35:19

few nice bits. Aesop, yeah.

35:22

So when you meet a professional footballer, do

35:24

you go... Without

35:26

thinking, do you think? Very nice. Very

35:28

nice, Mel. David Beckham. I

35:31

will say the nicest man.

35:33

David Beckham. Yeah, David Beckham.

35:36

I know smelt very nice. And

35:39

that's from my wife. She

35:41

told me David Beckham smelt very nice

35:43

because David Beckham... Can I tell you

35:46

a David Beckham story? Please. Yeah. And

35:50

then I'll come back to the best... It'll be as long

35:52

as you want. All right. That's great. So,

35:56

Noel Gallagher. And no Noel. relatively

36:00

well. I would say we're friendly.

36:02

I would never go,

36:05

yeah, Noel's my mate because he texts me

36:07

going, what are you doing? That'd

36:09

be a horrible text. No,

36:14

but I, you know, I'm, I get

36:16

on, I get on well with Noel

36:18

and, but I'm not wanting, I'm not

36:20

wanting, I've never been wanting to like

36:22

cross lines and stuff like that. So

36:25

it is, we've got, we've got a

36:27

nice relationship. And so he

36:29

invited me to the premiere

36:32

of the Nebweth documentary. I don't know

36:34

if you're a, and he was at an everyman

36:36

theatre cinema

36:42

in, I forgot his name was on the Houston

36:44

or Kings Cross or something like that. Anyway, it

36:47

was my wife, Kate's birthday. And

36:50

so I said, can I

36:53

bring Kate along? Yeah,

36:55

Koshkam. So we, we, we

36:58

turn up and it's a lovely little

37:00

layer, it's roped off. Do you

37:02

know, Whispering Angel, the, the rosé? It's

37:05

beautiful. Yeah. So

37:07

it's absolutely gorgeous. It's my wife.

37:10

Yeah. It's, because Petra said, well,

37:13

I don't drink when we don't drink

37:15

at all. But when she brought it home

37:17

one time, she said, this cost 25 pounds

37:19

is expensive. And she said, but it's, it's

37:22

meant to be incredible. And I was furious

37:24

that she spent that amount until I kicked

37:26

it. Yeah. It's gorgeous.

37:28

It is lovely. And I

37:31

am, for the record, I'm not someone who would

37:33

ever come on a podcast

37:35

or talk about food and, and,

37:38

and drink. It's not, I'm not, I'm not, but

37:40

she really likes Whispering

37:44

Angel and it is very, very refreshing

37:47

little drop. So we

37:50

turn up and there

37:52

are buckets and you know,

37:54

I use general, yeah, you generally have buckets

37:56

of beer and there's buckets of Whispering Angel.

37:58

So. Kate's

38:01

having a few drinks and she's having a

38:03

great time and Noel comes over and he

38:05

has a chat with her and me and

38:07

it's lovely and then in distance

38:11

and David Beckham

38:13

walks in and

38:17

with a guy Dave

38:19

Gardner who I know and

38:22

if I hadn't gone to chat I'd just

38:24

a little wave and... You waved at

38:26

David Beckham? Well I've just... Oh nice. I've

38:29

never met David Beckham before but I wouldn't

38:31

ever be like David would know who I

38:33

was and then again I hate that old

38:35

familiarity where I'd be like oh yeah it's

38:38

like he might be like who's

38:40

he? Anyway we go

38:42

downstairs to the toilet, the self and

38:44

Kate's, separate toilets, none of that, none

38:46

of that, you know, she's only had a couple

38:48

of lunch bernons at this point. Then

38:50

we come back upstairs and everyone's been ushered

38:52

into the small room where the

38:55

film is going to be shown. I

38:58

was just wondering why everyone's been ushered into

39:00

the room. The

39:03

screen, the screen,

39:05

there's about 40 people. It was

39:07

like punching each other right? Yeah,

39:10

there's about 40 places and anyway

39:12

Noel's just sitting on like

39:14

the stair because he's given his seat up and

39:18

there's one seat

39:21

basically spare and it's

39:24

next to David Beckham. David

39:28

and Dave, Dave's

39:30

friend, they go off and you

39:32

come and sit here, you two come and

39:35

sit here and they get up to give

39:37

up their seats and I'm like no,

39:39

no, no, no, no, no, I've got

39:41

the finger there. I said I'm just

39:43

going to stay here. They're about

39:45

to step back down so there's one seat. So

39:48

I said David, all right,

39:50

if Kate comes and sits next to you. So

39:53

she basically sat next to David

39:55

Beckham watching the net

39:57

worth, probably not paying a great deal of attention to the

39:59

film. myself but

40:02

she said that David smelled

40:04

wonderful and who am I

40:06

to doubt her? Why

40:09

did you doubt her? I didn't doubt

40:11

her no. It was a lovely evening and she then went

40:13

on to drink co-piece amounts of

40:19

a whisper nasal and I don't know how

40:21

much she recalls of it but

40:23

she does have a photo. David,

40:26

can I add one

40:28

tiny bit to the end of that? I

40:31

sat next to Noel Gallagher in a cinema. What

40:36

cinema was it? It

40:39

was in Leicester Square and

40:42

it was early evening and

40:44

I was watching a film, can't remember what it was and

40:48

I looked to my right and Noel Gallagher

40:50

was there and a very tall lady next

40:52

to him to the right of him and

40:55

that's kind of the end of the story. What

40:58

was the help? I can't remember. It was

41:00

about 20 years ago. So it was just

41:02

a point. It wasn't like a premiere. No,

41:04

it was almost empty. I remember thinking it's

41:06

weird that someone as

41:09

famous as him was just in Leicester Square watching

41:11

a film. Seemed odd. Well I've got

41:13

one. Oh this is wonderful.

41:16

I watched a film in Leicester Square and

41:18

to my left was Jack Nicholson. No.

41:22

No, made it up. No. That's

41:25

why I said no. I was honored to

41:27

join in. I thought you were going to say right in front of

41:29

me was Jack Nicholson and that's because

41:32

I was watching a giant movie. Yeah.

41:35

But that was weird, didn't it? I just wanted

41:37

to circle back. Yeah,

41:41

I love that. No. Sorry.

41:46

No, I was here. So the

41:48

best smelling footballer that I could

41:51

actually say is Jimmy Bullard. Oh,

41:55

lovely. And Jimmy... Consistently

41:57

nice smelling as well. smells

42:00

good introduced me to Tom

42:03

Ford as in not actually Tom

42:05

Ford the designer that's

42:09

but his fragrances. Oda Wood.

42:11

I thought you meant Tom

42:14

Ford. I

42:17

know Tom. But you weren't talking about him.

42:20

I wasn't talking about Tom Ford. Tom

42:23

Ford is a designer.

42:25

He's a fashion designer

42:27

and he makes yeah

42:30

and fragrances so he does a race.

42:32

Are you talking about 130 a bottle?

42:36

Yeah I don't know. We seem to

42:38

have gone up but Jimmy then but

42:40

Jimmy wears because we have

42:42

these conversations. Well

42:44

we used to on a Friday where we talk

42:46

about different fragrances. That's all

42:49

to get your head around you two doing

42:51

that. I know because

42:53

it's all that stuff. So he

42:55

wears an aqua de parma. He

42:57

wears a aqua, a Giorgio

42:59

Armani. I think it's called aqua by Giorgio something like

43:02

that. He wears that one during

43:04

the week and he actually during the

43:06

week not the weekend. During the week

43:08

not the weekend. No no no. Not

43:10

the weekend. How does he up his

43:13

game at the weekend? Aquadigio. That's the

43:15

one. Did you just google that? Yeah. Yeah.

43:18

That's cool. Yeah that's Aquadigio. Why did you

43:20

google it? No

43:22

idea. Just to see if

43:24

he existed. So

43:28

he wears, he'll probably wear a bit of

43:30

a different fragrance on a week. Oh

43:32

no maybe. I don't know. I don't know

43:35

but I know he's got a variety of

43:37

fragrances. How many drink are they as? Different

43:39

bottles? I don't know. I mean I've got

43:41

different ones. How

43:45

do you choose? How do you choose?

43:47

It's literally yeah. In the moment

43:49

sort of thing. Yeah I might like the

43:52

look of the bottle that day. So Jimmy

43:54

bought me some Ralfa Ramm Polo which is

43:56

quite an old school. 80s, 90s.

44:00

quite masculine, it's very recognized.

44:05

You know you're there, you're there. And

44:07

it's great. And that's really, I reckon

44:09

that. You reckon footballers wear

44:11

it on the pitch? Yeah. Do

44:13

they? Oh yeah, yeah, I would

44:15

absolutely say so. I would absolutely say so,

44:18

yeah. That's bonkers. Can

44:20

I say something

44:23

now which is

44:25

controversial? And

44:30

you probably know all about it. And

44:32

it's not. Have you heard of that stuff?

44:34

Is it suss? Yeah. You

44:37

heard of that joke. The stuff you put up

44:39

there. Yeah. Are they trying

44:41

to ban it or something? What, like

44:44

chewing tobacco or something? Yeah. Oh,

44:47

joking. It came from Scandinavia,

44:49

didn't it? And we're talking about the

44:51

same thing. I think so. Someone told

44:53

me about it last week, yeah. So

44:55

like a little lozenge that

44:58

you put under there and

45:00

it releases nicotine,

45:03

I think. Well, I

45:05

used to know a lad who

45:08

was half Scandinavian, half

45:10

London, that makes sense. But

45:12

he had them and he told me

45:14

that there's little tiny, tiny

45:16

shards of glass in it that scratch

45:18

your gum. Is he talking out to us? No,

45:23

no, you're right. Scratch

45:25

your gum so then the nicotine goes into your

45:27

system. So I'm not talking about. No, you're not,

45:30

sorry. That was a lovely little story. Everyone

45:32

was making fun of me there. No, no,

45:34

no. No, no, you're right. Because I was thinking

45:36

I might need to do a product recall on

45:38

that, but you're absolutely right. It goes into the

45:41

bloodstream. Yeah. 20 times more

45:43

nicotine hit than cigarettes. I'm

45:45

frightened too much. Yeah. And

45:48

I think that Gaza, Gaza

45:51

used to, Gaza used to have them. I

45:54

think so. Like most of them do. I

45:56

think, well, I think what happens with football is you

45:59

get the, you get trends in football,

46:01

you get trends so it

46:03

might be what the players are going to

46:06

all have the same type of wash bag and

46:08

players are going to wear Creed and players

46:10

like doing certain things like they cut the

46:13

bottom of the socks off don't they? So

46:15

they wear the

46:18

two socks, the other socks and

46:20

so these things that

46:22

happen within football which I'm really

46:24

fascinated by and to

46:27

do with kit and all these

46:29

and all the preparations and I'm

46:31

sure there's loads of other things but there's

46:34

kind of a pattern if the

46:36

club are doing it or players about that then he'll

46:39

tell his mate another club and then

46:41

the... And then they're all sucking on

46:43

tobacco. Yeah, I

46:46

don't know if they're all tobacco.

46:48

I think some of them might be not

46:52

herbal or something just so they

46:54

get the... kind of

46:56

maybe there might be like a vape style

46:58

alternative to the tobacco. They're young

47:00

aren't they? They're impressionable essentially.

47:02

Absolutely. You said they cut the

47:04

bottom of their socks off. I really

47:07

thought you were saying they cut their balls. Do

47:09

you want just Nick? Nick! Do you want

47:11

just Nick? Nick! Nick!

47:13

Nick! Nick! Nick!

47:17

Nick! Nick! Nick!

47:20

Nick! Nick! Nick!

47:24

Nick! I

47:26

love the way your collective mind works.

47:30

That was brilliant. Yeah, so you, I want to

47:32

go back to your career. So,

47:36

you were teaching M home inherent ski? I

47:38

forgot about all that. Quickly, very quickly,

47:40

very quickly. Can I just... You

47:43

wrote it with your quick fire question, $20 6 minute.

47:46

There's a picture on the internet of me

47:48

with Emil Hesky. I'm

47:53

looking at it. I'm going to try and find it. It's

47:55

a photograph that exists. And

47:57

I've never been above 12 stone in my

47:59

life. my life. But there's

48:03

a picture of me wearing this and I've got

48:05

this jumper on and I look. What?

48:08

Have you found it? What

48:15

the fuck? Are you with your

48:17

hands on the table? Yeah, that's

48:19

it. Yeah. Yeah. Is

48:22

that you? That's me. Yeah. I

48:24

look at like, I look

48:26

about 25, about 25. Yeah.

48:30

That is the most unflattering

48:32

thing a human being can

48:34

wear. Well, thank you very much. I

48:38

mean, because you're a smashing

48:40

looking fella. So,

48:42

yeah. So

48:45

how old is Emil Hesky there? 17? Yeah,

48:49

he'll be 17. So he'll probably be

48:51

first and second year. So what year

48:53

is that? I'm just trying to... So

48:55

that's probably... So

48:58

that will be 1994 or 1995? That

49:01

whole year, 1995. So

49:04

what's that dynamic like? Because he... That

49:07

must be so weird for you, going, he's like 17, but

49:09

he's like a superstar and I'm

49:12

trying to teach him tourism. Yeah.

49:14

I mean, he was really polite, actually. They

49:17

were all the lads that...

49:19

They were just lads who didn't really want

49:21

to be there, but they were never rude

49:23

or... Part of the contract

49:25

though, I suppose. Yeah, they were good lads,

49:28

Lester. And

49:30

when we'd finished on a Thursday, we

49:32

all go to the restaurant

49:35

and they used to do these amazing bacon

49:37

and sausage sandwiches. And that was

49:39

like the end of my week because I did work on

49:41

Fridays. So it was like, that was the end of my

49:44

week, I had that. And then I got on the train,

49:46

back up to York and... Yeah.

49:48

Good times. Yeah. But

49:51

we stayed in touch and got him on

49:53

the train a number of times.

49:55

Did you chat about those times? Oh

50:00

yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'd like to say,

50:02

but he remembered you teaching him tourism.

50:04

Yeah, yeah, I mean... Amazing. So

50:06

weird. I thought you taught

50:08

tourism when you were 17. I mean,

50:10

it's a strange course for

50:13

young footballers to do.

50:15

I mean, they're probably changing now. They

50:17

probably do business

50:20

or... Yeah. Well,

50:22

I talked to Clark Carlisle about it a few years

50:25

ago, because he's a big... He was

50:27

big in the PFA, wasn't he? His thing was

50:29

really about... I was talking to

50:31

him about a lot of the problems with,

50:33

like, young footballers who don't make it and

50:35

stuff, and he was real advocate of kind

50:38

of pushing that side of it, making it

50:40

more and more important because of the certain

50:42

casualties of the game that, you know... They

50:44

put all their eggs in the basket, and

50:46

then they're left... I'm

50:49

sure it's not like it now from what I've heard,

50:51

but, like, it used to be like, oh, sorry, and

50:54

it wasn't, you know, and then they're

50:56

just bereft, basically. Yeah, there's much more

50:58

emphasis on the duty of your character,

51:01

young players and certainly young professionals, and

51:03

they have people employed in those roles.

51:06

Like, when young kids get on loan, you know, they've

51:09

got someone who looks after them and stays

51:11

in touch, and is a point of contact,

51:14

so that they don't, you know, they

51:16

don't feel isolated. When... I want

51:18

to say, when we did Sakura MJO, we

51:20

left feeling a bit giddy, didn't we? Oh,

51:22

I wanted to say so earlier. We absolutely loved.

51:25

What a day. And what an

51:27

environment. And it felt like

51:30

that show needed to be on

51:32

the TV. Yeah. So

51:34

much fun. It's such a good...

51:36

But, Joke, it's sport and fun, and they don't

51:38

really mix. Oh, I went...

51:40

Cos me and David are sort of quite

51:42

reserved about going on stuff, cos we find

51:44

everything a bit like, oh, God, what are

51:46

we doing on that? Just being ourselves and

51:49

whatever. And we came on going, I'll

51:51

do that all the time. It was

51:53

a weird thing that come from... From

51:57

the first moment you walked in, the first person met

51:59

you. It was so lovely and that just, I know

52:02

it's such a credo, but it sort of ended up

52:04

going through everything and then came out the telly. Do

52:07

you know what I mean? Yeah, I think

52:09

we weren't like

52:11

an archetypal TV

52:15

show set up. You

52:19

know, you do a lot of TV

52:21

and you go into the screen rooms

52:23

with all this and that and the

52:25

security and you literally rock open. Someone

52:28

will come up and off your drink and you know, you

52:31

kind of bless your own devices and then it's

52:34

very, very relaxed because A, we

52:39

didn't have resources to put on

52:41

all that, you

52:43

know, all that stuff that maybe some

52:45

people turn up and expect. But

52:49

just put, and I think we come in chat and Jimmy

52:51

come in and we come in and chat to everyone and

52:54

try and put everyone at ease, put ourselves at ease

52:56

as well because it was for us

52:58

having you

53:01

on the show was amazing. It

53:03

was like, you know, that you wanted

53:05

to come on was amazing. So

53:08

I was like, you know, and I'm always very

53:10

aware of, right, I want to make sure.

53:13

The key thing for me is, was your

53:16

guests coming into our

53:19

house really and we want you to have a

53:21

great time. We don't need to do anything you

53:23

don't want to do. We want you to be

53:25

looked after and go away and

53:28

hopefully tell your friends that you

53:30

enjoyed it so that then

53:32

some more people will come on the

53:34

show because we always felt

53:36

like we had that

53:39

underdog mentality. Even though we were

53:41

part of a big corporation,

53:45

soccer was like this little, this

53:47

sort of weird project at the

53:49

bottom of the garden. And

53:52

we like that. So

53:55

when people came on the show, generally

53:57

it was because they wanted to.

54:00

to come on the show because they liked

54:02

it and enjoyed it and hopefully when

54:05

they experienced it, they went away

54:08

feeling that. I

54:11

text Tom Davis about it. I said, you

54:14

know, just said, oh, we've been right on this. And

54:16

he was just like, you'll have the best time. F***ing

54:19

do it. And that was it. And

54:22

word does get round because everyone does that.

54:24

If they get an offer that you want

54:26

to do, everyone talks. They do. And

54:30

that was like, it was the most sort of no brainer

54:32

text I've ever had from someone about doing a show. Because

54:36

we've certainly,

54:38

Joe, and I know we tried David,

54:41

I think, to

54:43

get you as well on various occasions.

54:46

But I was under

54:48

the impression that you know, you didn't.

54:51

You know, you ask so many times and you

54:53

get knocked back to say, no, you can't do

54:56

it or he doesn't want to do it. People

54:58

very rarely say they don't want to do it

55:00

because that's not the dumb

55:02

thing, is it? But I just felt

55:04

like you weren't up when I said,

55:06

when we got you on. Well, it

55:08

was more about my sort of like

55:10

feeling comfortable and stuff. You know what

55:12

I mean? Like I just go, like

55:14

just going on as yourself. I was

55:16

just like, well, I don't do something.

55:18

And funny enough, doing this podcast has

55:21

changed everything, I think. Because

55:24

David just talk as ourselves. Well, I

55:27

love that. And that's all right. But I

55:30

feel the same. Like when you asked me

55:32

to when pets are messing me and said, do you want to come on? I

55:35

was like, do you not

55:37

want Jimmy? Is there being a bit

55:39

of a, you

55:41

know, something lost in communication that you

55:43

want Jimmy the other guy? Because

55:46

I'm like, well, what

55:48

do you want to talk about?

55:50

And I'm not really. This is

55:54

literally the first time

55:57

I have ever been interviewed on.

56:00

anything apart

56:02

from something that I did on YouTube

56:04

for a friend of mine. This

56:07

is the first podcast I've ever been asked

56:09

to go on and a lot of it has been

56:11

my... They

56:16

want the guy who does

56:18

all the characters and they want all that, all the sort

56:20

of... they might

56:23

regard it as the funny, they want the Jeff

56:25

Stelling impression and all that and I'm like yeah

56:28

but that's not me, this is me. But

56:32

I knew when

56:34

I found out it was actually me that you wanted

56:36

on that I was so... I've

56:39

been so excited about doing it because I love

56:42

these kind of conversations

56:44

where... You know that thing that

56:46

was like people used to come on, people

56:48

would only come on if they were plugging stuff and they

56:50

used to just try and be mad, I'm like just come

56:52

on, just come on the show. It

56:57

didn't offend me but it's like if

56:59

you're waiting for me to come on and plug

57:01

stuff, you're going to be waiting a long time.

57:04

It's the last six months or anything to go by

57:06

but it's like just come on and

57:09

that did happen. You would get people

57:11

coming on and you were just like they

57:13

wanted to come on and do the show. It's

57:17

like one of those shows though because you don't...

57:20

to be fair to people

57:22

you don't know how fun it is until you do

57:25

it. You know what I mean? It's like anything like

57:27

you know just the anxiety of going

57:29

oh well you know I don't know anything about

57:31

it because there are shows you go you

57:34

know I have done stuff and turned up and

57:36

go this is just tense. You know what I

57:38

mean? But then you got

57:40

to Soccer M and it was just like

57:42

a joint, you go well this isn't work is it?

57:44

It's like a little party, it's going out of life.

57:47

And when you get to the point where you

57:49

go I get to kick a football, I was

57:52

just like well this is... I knew

57:54

you'd say that but it was

57:56

like oh now we're kicking

57:58

a football. like we're in

58:01

the park. This is

58:04

not work at all. And Jimmy

58:06

Bullard did say, and it's not

58:08

the top bins, when I said

58:10

it to David, but Jimmy

58:12

gave me a hell of a boost. When I took

58:15

that free kick and he went, he obviously

58:17

played a bit and I melted.

58:19

I melted. And he hasn't. He

58:21

hasn't. Yeah, he hasn't played any

58:23

of that. Not he's active too.

58:26

I've been counting easily. But

58:29

somebody who's playing football gave you even a fake

58:31

compliment, because it probably was. I

58:37

used to get

58:39

really impressed with and

58:42

surprised by where you'd

58:44

get live bands on. And you have

58:46

to remember that those bands were

58:48

playing fully live. So they were playing

58:50

fully live 10-30, starting the show, smashing

58:53

it out. And they

58:55

would stand there and everyone,

58:57

every artist

59:01

who was on, they

59:03

smashed it. I don't think we had one

59:05

technical issue where we had to start something

59:07

again in all that time when we were

59:10

doing live music. And they were just

59:15

fearless and they smashed it out and there was no

59:17

nerves. And there was a crowd that go, yeah, yeah,

59:19

great. It's like chilling peas. That's what we do. Fast

59:22

forward 45 minutes and

59:24

I see him waiting in

59:27

the tunnel, go outside and try

59:29

and hit a volley. I

59:33

mean, there are shambles. What are you

59:35

doing? What are you doing now? Oh,

59:38

your mates are going to have that

59:40

bamamie. Yeah, it's awful. And

59:42

it's all that. I

59:44

mean, because I didn't really kick on the show. I

59:46

never really thought about

59:51

that too much. But you're absolutely right. What

59:53

a gig. What

59:55

a job. outside.

1:00:01

It was chaos as well. That's what I loved

1:00:03

about it. It was just like, kick

1:00:06

the ball, kick

1:00:08

the ball. I was laughing the whole

1:00:10

time because it was just endless kicking

1:00:12

a football. I was like, I don't

1:00:15

want this to stop. And

1:00:18

that was the thing, you go to the break

1:00:20

and there's like 10 footballs lying around. How

1:00:23

are you not going to smash one? Yeah.

1:00:27

We used to be getting all sorts

1:00:29

of trouble with cameramen and health and

1:00:31

safety. On a Friday

1:00:33

when we were out there, we rehearsed because we

1:00:35

did actually rehearse. I know we didn't look like

1:00:37

people. When we were going through things, we'd block

1:00:40

stuff out. We'd spend

1:00:42

hours, literally hours,

1:00:45

just smashing footballs, kicking footballs. If anyone

1:00:47

got a top bid, you'd

1:00:49

be putting in their SH1C. Let's

1:00:54

not talk about it. You've got,

1:00:57

yeah. Did you get a top

1:00:59

bid? Yeah, it's just irrelevant. I

1:01:01

love that you've forgotten that.

1:01:04

It's brought me a lot of joy. Oh,

1:01:07

yeah, of course. Sorry. Of

1:01:10

course I remember it. I'm grinning through

1:01:12

this bit. Did you do

1:01:14

it pre-show? Yeah, pre-show,

1:01:17

yeah. No, I didn't get

1:01:19

to do it in the show. I get

1:01:21

to do it in a bloody show, heartbroken.

1:01:26

Sorry about that. No, I was over

1:01:28

the moon. They still record though. There

1:01:31

was video evidence. The

1:01:33

bins, I was going to take

1:01:35

the bins. I was going to actually...

1:01:38

The bins, because I think it's

1:01:43

been dismantled. I

1:01:47

got the kit skips. You know the big metal

1:01:49

kit skips that you would

1:01:52

sit on? I mean, they're totally comfortable. I got some

1:01:54

of those. I thought I'd

1:01:56

be good get

1:02:00

them in the loft and I got them all the

1:02:02

way upstairs and tried to get them the loft and

1:02:04

outfits so I've got them upstairs. I'm probably

1:02:06

gonna give one away actually

1:02:09

at some stage so we

1:02:11

could maybe do a little give away of

1:02:13

some sort. Oh yeah, lovely. It's

1:02:17

sort of annoying me that the

1:02:19

shows we kept. The more we talk about it,

1:02:21

the more it's annoying me that they've kept it.

1:02:24

It's such a joyous show. I'm really

1:02:26

surprised someone else hasn't just jumped in to

1:02:28

make the show. That's what I was thinking. Because

1:02:33

I was just going back from when

1:02:35

I was in my 20s, it was the start of my day. Saturday,

1:02:40

you know, you were just single and just

1:02:43

loving football. You put that on probably

1:02:45

with a hangover, watch that

1:02:47

and then either be going to a game or watching

1:02:49

the game. It was

1:02:52

like an automatic thing I did. I put

1:02:54

it on as part of the day and it was

1:02:56

such a pull. Then my

1:02:58

day would be, I don't know, football focused after. It

1:03:01

was such a long show to start

1:03:03

with. It used to start at 7

1:03:05

o'clock in the morning. It was

1:03:07

from 7 till 11. It was a four hour

1:03:09

show. It became

1:03:12

this thing that was whatever you were doing, it was

1:03:15

still on so you grabbed five minutes and you go

1:03:17

and have a brew or you go and wash on

1:03:19

whatever and then you come back to it and it's

1:03:21

there. It

1:03:25

became shorter which obviously

1:03:28

changes the dynamics. Which

1:03:31

is why I think podcasts

1:03:33

have become so popular because

1:03:35

people just want that time just to

1:03:38

have a chat. This

1:03:41

is lovely for me because when I did

1:03:43

soccer, I'd sit there and

1:03:45

you're live and you've got a running order and

1:03:48

you've kind of got to stick to it because

1:03:50

if it's four hours, you can go

1:03:52

off piece because you can make that

1:03:54

time. You've got four hours. When

1:03:56

you've only got a 90 minute show which is really about a... a

1:04:00

70 minute

1:04:02

show when he'd set the ads out,

1:04:05

you've got to time

1:04:07

that all up. Because if you're overrunning, you're

1:04:09

having to drop things and then in

1:04:12

the old days you would drop stuff. But we

1:04:15

didn't really drop stuff. So you'd be asking a

1:04:17

question and you get

1:04:19

told to wrap it up after that but you want to

1:04:21

ask another question. It was

1:04:23

so frustrating and I always felt,

1:04:27

I really wanted to peel

1:04:29

the onion there. I really

1:04:32

wanted to get into it because

1:04:34

that's nice. I mean, I'm sure that's

1:04:36

a part of the job that you

1:04:38

love, just being able to really keep

1:04:41

going and asking

1:04:43

all those questions that have been on your mind.

1:04:57

Thank you.