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episode is brought to you

1:02

by State Farm. Oh,

1:36

hello. Hi. Hi. How are

1:39

you? Well, I forgot you where you are. Yeah,

1:43

it's really weird because

1:46

you're on the north side of the island. The

1:48

sun doesn't, every morning you think, oh, it's

1:50

grey, but the sun's on the other side of the

1:52

hill. Right. God,

1:54

I just realised that's right. I sometimes

1:56

say really boring things, but

1:59

anyway, things I find that's great, you know, just

2:01

get a lot of that. Peter

2:03

goes, oh right, and sort of. I

2:06

get that, and we all get that, don't we?

2:08

I say, it's like, you zone out. Yeah.

2:13

Should be chopped out, really. I

2:18

sat down this morning just thinking, oh

2:21

man, I don't know how I'm gonna feel off out. I had

2:23

one of those moments. Well, I've got something

2:25

I can talk to you about. Oh,

2:27

wonderful. I think you'll like

2:29

it, but I'm not sure I should. Right, I would tell

2:31

you, and we can always. Right, do

2:35

you remember, it was real, ooh,

2:37

moment for me, a real, ooh. Hello.

2:41

Right, shall I say? Right,

2:44

okay, yeah. And

2:46

I'm completely in the wrong, and I sort of,

2:48

I think I wanna put it out there, because

2:50

I felt like, I had

2:52

a moment where I was like, you look

2:54

back at something you've done, and go, you

2:56

twat moment, right?

3:00

Are you in the tree, too? Yeah,

3:02

I'm in. Okay. I

3:06

was on the

3:08

laptop about nine o'clock on Saturday. I

3:10

just went to Twitter, and,

3:16

had tweeted me. Yeah.

3:19

Because, and he's completely in the right here. Oh,

3:22

God, yeah. Yeah. Well,

3:24

don't do that, because I'm a bag

3:26

of insecurity, right? I

3:29

wrote a tweet like 11 years ago,

3:31

that he obviously then said. Oh, my

3:33

God. Basically, I, do you remember you

3:35

said, you remember- Oh, we bought the

3:37

goods this morning. You remember

3:39

what you said about how we looked

3:41

back at old tweets, and go, you

3:43

fucking wazzock. No? No? Well,

3:46

you shit. Yeah. And

3:51

I, one of mine hit me like a freight truck.

3:53

I don't even remember writing it, obviously, but I was

3:56

just like, I hate to eat you. Yeah,

3:58

yeah, right. Or DM you. you know,

4:00

into the... Okay. Into

4:03

the... Oh, I've deleted it. Because

4:05

I say I'm gonna have a look at his tweet. Oh, okay.

4:08

Well, I'll tell you what he wrote. Yeah,

4:10

I just wanna look at it. Okay, well, God,

4:13

I'm really uncomfortable. I

4:16

am actually, I'm really uncomfortable just having

4:18

a look. Oh

4:21

no, oh no. Oh,

4:23

you deleted it, that's even worse. No, it's

4:26

not, I just... No, it is, just stand

4:28

by it and just go, I

4:30

was just a silly bit, oh no, you deleted it. Why'd

4:33

you delete it? Because I was

4:36

like, oh, I just wanted to delete everything

4:38

I've ever written, basically. Oh,

4:41

now my mum's just texted me and I feel disgusting.

4:44

She's seen it. No, it's my

4:46

mum's seen it. Now she's

4:48

asking me if I'm having a nice holiday, not right

4:50

now. Okay,

4:53

right. Hang on a minute. You're

4:55

making me so much worse for me. No,

4:58

only because it's bad. I'm imagining being

5:00

in your shoes and this is horrible.

5:03

That's why you gotta create a character. What

5:10

did you say? Oh

5:12

God, it was like- How many years ago was it?

5:15

Was it 11 years ago or five? No, 11, it

5:17

was 11 because I looked at it. It was 2013.

5:22

So where were you in your career at this point? On

5:25

the fringe. Looking

5:28

in jealously. Yeah, yeah, basically.

5:31

Now on the outside looking in jealously, not on

5:33

the fringe. When was him and her?

5:39

This is an important moment. When was him and her?

5:41

The fact you stepped in to show it was- Probably

5:45

about 11 years ago. So would

5:47

it be? God,

5:51

this is awful. Why

5:53

am I doing this? Can we cut all of this? No,

5:58

no, I think. This is

6:00

actually very good to listen to for

6:02

people like spent you know, I've written

6:04

terrible things Well, there'll be other

6:07

comedians going you know And

6:10

we are comedians Exactly

6:15

what we are not in that moment. I wasn't there's

6:17

a terrible no I hate it.

6:19

I even said that's horrible No, but I

6:21

mean when I tweeted that thing think it

6:23

was Oh, it was like

6:25

10 years ago series one him and her 14 years

6:28

ago and you tweeted this 11

6:30

years ago 11, okay Okay,

6:33

you're not helping at all you're actually in a

6:36

show when you tweet this yeah,

6:38

maybe a little bit culty A

6:44

little bit punky thinking I was untouchable and

6:46

people weren't real and I could do whatever

6:48

I want as a maverick So

6:51

true. So that's what twitter's like, isn't it?

6:53

You forget there's a human being and

6:56

and it was something like Right,

6:58

and I I read the tweet back

7:00

as a 49 year old man Look

7:02

at it and I'm imagining me

7:04

and just going don't write that You

7:07

twat and like Probably

7:10

how I look at some

7:13

things I read now And

7:15

going oh, it's loads of people going Oh

7:18

fucking that was it And

7:22

until You are

7:24

spot on You know

7:26

when you read it and you go I am it's

7:28

in I was like I got nothing I can't I'd

7:31

write in i'd send a email i'd actually

7:33

go that far and explain all

7:35

this I

7:37

think I would I just go I hate I think

7:40

I would this is lovely.

7:42

This is a lovely yet This

7:45

is absolutely I'm tucking into this

7:47

well, I'm not Do

7:50

you know what as I as I say, oh,

7:52

okay, David, I did go David. I love this

7:55

Yeah, because I've written how

7:58

fucking pathetic tweets probably

8:00

involving do you know what is pathetic

8:03

pathetic is the right word it was

8:05

something along the line I want to

8:07

know what it was it was it

8:10

was like I'm improvising

8:12

this afternoon I got

8:15

half a through reading it I was like I was already

8:17

throwing up in my mouth I was like I'm

8:20

improvising about being a mouse

8:22

in a fucking what was it jar or

8:24

something and I know that I wouldn't

8:26

have been having like a direct pop at them I just

8:29

thought I could say what I want you

8:31

just don't like the possibly hurt

8:34

feelings yeah and any of them

8:36

it's like yeah like God almighty

8:39

fun they're just having fun yeah

8:41

and they're funny yeah exactly I

8:43

was like fucking hell Joe so

8:45

what was your angle why were you having a pop because

8:49

I thought I was the show maverick I

8:51

can do anything to wanker like

8:57

so someone right I can't I

8:59

won't say it was but like someone

9:01

sort of did a similar thing about

9:04

me about four years ago I'll tell

9:06

me bleep out I think

9:08

it was I'll bleep it and I can't

9:11

remember fucking oh God

9:13

what's his name he's and I've

9:15

met him and he's nice the

9:19

you God the

9:21

one who don't write after to leave all this out to

9:28

I think it's him what did he

9:30

say there's something like along the lines of

9:35

doing I don't know

9:37

anyway I can't but it but it wasn't like

9:39

particularly hurt for it but you know you know

9:41

you go oh right okay hmm I want to

9:43

know now well I can't remember but it was

9:45

like I'm in a line up with oh can

9:47

we delay on this cuz I don't want I

9:50

don't want him to feel bad yeah you

10:10

The tree joke. Getting pouters.

10:12

What are you saying, top of the

10:14

tree? Fucking top of the

10:16

tree getting pelt. That's exactly how I

10:19

felt. I am at the

10:21

top of this tree and you're all the top of

10:23

the tree getting pouters. Pelters

10:25

and young bucks don't like it.

10:27

What's pelters? Pelt-a-dah? Yeah,

10:30

throwing coconuts at you. I was going

10:32

to tell you a boring fact then

10:35

about bananas but I went. No,

10:37

no, no. Not

10:41

right now buddy. Not when you're in

10:43

hell. Do you know what? Just

10:45

to add salt to the flesh

10:48

wound. Seems like the loveliest

10:50

man. I know and

10:52

he's done stuff with ****. I

10:54

remember like I was reading

10:57

about. Just going wow that's

10:59

amazing. Like four

11:02

months later. Right,

11:05

how did he find that sweet? Well

11:08

no I do. Like I didn't even

11:10

think they went back that far. Well

11:13

you can obviously go back over people. No but I

11:16

thought they were like. Oh right. I don't

11:18

know how to talk about that.

11:20

How did he find a tweet? I

11:24

don't know. But again I'm not

11:27

trying to make this a thing.

11:29

I'm apologising is what I'm

11:35

doing. No of course. Of course. I'm just

11:37

asking a question how did it? Maybe someone sent

11:39

it to you. Yes probably. That's what I guess

11:41

I thought. But

11:46

yeah it's just weird that

11:48

we were talking about him having tweets

11:50

and like novents a

11:53

few months ago and I was like well that's

11:55

come back to haunt me. Sorry

11:57

I've got to find your action tweets. I've got to understand.

12:00

what we're dealing with. What about deleting it? Yeah

12:03

I'll be able to find it. How? Come

12:06

on wake up Grandad they're all there

12:08

you put it on the net it exists.

12:11

Really? Yeah we can find

12:13

that baby. This

12:16

is fucking crazy.

12:21

Can you though? Yeah.

12:25

If you can find it after deleted. Well what

12:27

about all this stuff. You know when like they

12:31

go over you know like people who are in

12:33

Big Brother they delete all their tweets and all

12:36

that. I hate that you have deleted it. Did

12:39

you did you respond to him? No I

12:41

just deleted it at the moment. You've just

12:44

deleted it? Oh no! You've

12:46

got to do more than that. Why? What's

12:48

the rules? What the fuck are you on

12:50

about? No there are no rules but I

12:52

just made me go oh no he's written

12:54

that. You've

12:57

deleted it. Oh

12:59

stop doing that face. It's

13:02

not helping me. Sorry.

13:08

Fucking sweater. Yeah.

13:10

Well the humans that use

13:13

it. Me. Well

13:15

I'm me. Rank.

13:21

Can we end the plot there? Really

13:24

rank. Really rank. I

13:26

think you're the worst person to talk to about this.

13:30

Why? Because I feel that way. What should

13:32

I have said? No. What

13:36

should I have said? Find

13:39

your old tweets. Stop

13:41

this. Okay. You'll

13:45

do it after anyway. Do you

13:47

know what whatever his reason is

13:49

I was like oh yeah just

13:51

just don't like I don't know

13:54

I think my point was is

13:56

now I'm just very

13:58

sensitive to anything I that like

14:00

you know like oh god

14:03

joking you know when you're like you're

14:05

younger and you go just fucking throw

14:08

stuff in the fabric yeah and you

14:10

go well no don't do that you're

14:12

penis people people go oh I like

14:14

him he says what he thinks he

14:17

says what I'm thinking he says what I'm

14:19

thinking and then when you hit me 50

14:22

yeah you just want to be nice

14:30

you really do you just want to go oh

14:33

I want to be in your I am I

14:35

want to be in your gang rather than be

14:37

going oh yeah I'm

14:39

changing everything just be fucking normal

14:43

I think I

14:48

realize that so much

14:50

of this stuff is a bully like

14:52

it's just so embarrassing disgusting

14:54

it's so embarrassing like

14:59

delete it what but

15:02

to the Twitter you know

15:04

what I've been doing my new football club now

15:06

I had that little moment on chatterbix about two

15:08

weeks ago I thought fucking out I did this

15:10

every night about 10 years ago

15:13

what what do you mean to do what we

15:15

tweeted yeah just sort of

15:17

tweeting a fucking tweet tweet tweet such a

15:20

and I don't do

15:22

it now and the only thing I do is my new

15:24

football club and it's all just tailored

15:26

to yeah and I only follow

15:30

people tailored to the phone but that makes

15:32

sense though doesn't it you sort of yes

15:34

it's not like you guys like creating a

15:36

little gang or whatever see yeah it's

15:39

not wazakin

15:41

about right

15:45

I want to think about what I when I

15:47

put things out it was to yeah I'm not

15:50

part of the establishment deal

15:53

with it it's noticed me as

15:55

well oh yeah noticed me

16:00

Notice me. You

16:02

can notice me so I can

16:04

get into the show. And

16:07

then have a breakdown about it. Yeah,

16:18

I'm not part of your world. Yeah,

16:21

but I'll show you. Yeah, I'll

16:23

show you. What you're missing out on. Yeah.

16:28

I got it. And then somehow, oh, I

16:30

am kind of part of the world now.

16:32

I regret everything I did. Yeah. I

16:35

was at the bottom of the tree. Can I delete

16:37

everything that I did to get here? Thing

16:40

is, I'm still on a lower branch and I

16:42

can sleep here now. No, you're not. You can't

16:44

pay that card. You can't pay that fucking card.

16:46

You're nominated for a bastard. Fuck you. I

16:50

can. No, you can't. You love that card. He's

16:52

a little bit punky on that lower branch. You

16:55

love that branch. Even

16:59

as that branch goes upwards, you're still

17:01

cooling at that lower branch. You bust,

17:03

you're not having that. No, I'm still.

17:07

There's a lot of guys and girls

17:09

above me. I'm like, fucking hell. Yeah, but you

17:11

climb that down to the branch down. You go,

17:13

hey, do you want to hang out here? I'll

17:16

be there. They're going, you know, he's kept it

17:18

fucking real down on the lower branch. Hey, brother.

17:20

Was he down here? Piss off. Piss

17:24

off with your new shiny

17:26

shoes. Fucking hell. My

17:53

announcer going back for shopping in

17:55

New York. Break

18:00

out ya fusils. McDonald's

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18:49

Atlassian. I

18:53

thought Patcher does like, she

18:55

takes really nice photos and puts them on

18:58

Instagram and it's really healthy. Yeah, lovely. It's

19:00

really healthy. It's normal. And she like finds

19:02

a really pretty street where we are. Yeah,

19:05

and take it and I look at pictures of those. Because you're

19:07

having a pop of people. Well was,

19:09

past tense. I

19:12

said that 11 years ago. God,

19:15

were we having pops at people? It's

19:17

probably. We had a big three years ago. What

19:20

do you mean? God. What

19:23

do you mean? Well, I'm just wondering what the first 50 eps

19:25

were like. We were like, yeah, fuck it. Well,

19:28

are we doing that still? I

19:31

don't know. It's

19:35

jealousy. Interview a scientist

19:37

and be normal. Yeah, and have

19:39

a few interesting questions and let

19:42

them speak. End

19:45

of. Fucking hell.

19:50

Well, so they, that's the thing I had to tell you.

19:52

Well, I thank you from the bottom of

19:55

my heart. Also, I have nothing else. Also,

19:57

did you know that bananas grow in a

19:59

huge. you mount no

20:02

I'm sort of not ready to

20:04

go there yet I am I'm

20:07

sorry yeah I

20:09

admire you

20:20

no say what if I did

20:22

write anything that was home I

20:24

don't think I would have well you

20:26

know what I would have retweeted a

20:30

what's his name the oh

20:32

isos oh

20:34

yeah I would have retweeted his

20:36

album gonna check this out no

20:38

he's just writing the album yeah

20:41

right now they did

20:43

yet I do not want

20:45

to upset anyone sorry no

20:47

because most people are lovely yeah just

20:49

do this thing and someone had a pop yeah

20:53

I see my watch a bit whoa

20:56

what's your bit who's it oh what's his

20:59

name come

21:04

that's not good is it

21:06

um I've got dust in

21:08

my head it's not dust

21:10

um I've got

21:13

Ken no oh John no no

21:15

John no BBC blue Peter guy

21:17

wouldn't he yeah I definitely said

21:31

something about is out because everyone was oh check

21:33

out just being because

21:37

he's mainstream I'm gonna ask

21:39

it alone you get a low just

21:42

thinking about yeah

21:45

just be nice just

21:47

be nice people fucking

21:49

idiots no yeah monday

21:52

morning this is recorded what terrible start

21:55

to the week for me when

21:59

did that come through on Saturday night.

22:03

That would have made me feel... did it make

22:06

you feel low that night? That would

22:09

have had an effect on me. Thanks

22:13

mate, thanks for that

22:15

mate. We just have a nice time when

22:17

we're on stage. Yeah, I thought you'd

22:19

say... So it's the audience. And actually if

22:22

you were there you probably would have had a laugh as

22:24

well. No, no. Well it was because it was indefensible. Yeah.

22:27

Do you know what I mean? I still don't understand

22:29

what you said about mouse in a jar. No I

22:32

don't. I read it. I was like, you fucking... that

22:34

was the extra kicker for me. It's like you wankers.

22:36

It doesn't even make any sense. Just

22:38

thought you could say anything. And me, it makes

22:41

sense. When you're over your pot. Do

22:44

you know what also? I was thinking how

22:46

I used to tweet. I used to go,

22:49

do you know what?

22:51

I'm going to text you this. This

22:54

is what I thought. What,

22:56

when you tweeted it? No,

22:59

tweeting in general. Right,

23:01

right. Tom, why are you texting me?

23:06

That. Oh

23:11

yeah, I thought I'd go immediately. And

23:15

if Tash is listening, she will have a... As

23:19

soon as you said it, I went, why mate?

23:21

That's below your... Below

23:24

your wall. Well,

23:27

you would have given it more thought normally. Yeah,

23:30

but you just

23:32

thought you were a crazy, crazy guy. Fucking,

23:36

I feel sick. Consequences,

23:38

isn't it? Yeah. God

23:41

almighty. Fucking hell. You

23:45

know when people do stand up

23:47

and they have a pop at someone? Yeah.

23:51

How do they sleep? What do

23:53

you mean if it's being recorded? Yeah,

23:57

or just generally. Well, yeah, especially if it's recorded. I

24:00

think it's in a club, only 100

24:02

people. But

24:04

even then, I know it can mean, but it's

24:06

definitely been recorded. Just

24:09

imagine walking past them and going, you know,

24:11

you do joke about my nose. Yeah. Oh,

24:15

yeah. I don't like it.

24:19

I had someone say something about something I don't

24:22

want. Well, in public. Well, you met them. No,

24:25

it was one of the first times I've been

24:27

given an opportunity to do something. And

24:30

it's very vague. Yeah,

24:33

I don't want to be super- I

24:37

see someone slighted something I did. Then

24:41

did you ever pop back at them? I'll

24:44

text you. I

24:46

haven't done this texting back and forth to annoy the

24:48

audience in a while. Good

24:52

to be back. Oh.

24:56

Really? Yeah. I

25:00

can't put this out either. I

25:02

don't want to give any suggestion.

25:05

What about now? Are you fine? Oh,

25:08

yeah. Absolutely fine. In

25:11

fact, fine then. I can't

25:13

even remember what happened now. Oh,

25:27

my God. Yeah. Oh,

25:30

my God. How did you feel about that? We

25:34

can't put this out, but I want to know. I

25:37

mean, tiny bits, James, if

25:40

you can. Yeah. Oh,

25:44

God. Can

25:46

you do a quiz or something? I

25:49

don't feel shit. Can you do a quiz

25:51

or something? Because I'll need an up. This

25:54

is a good thing to talk about moving forward.

26:00

Yeah, I just... Do you know

26:02

what I'm worried about now? Is I don't

26:04

want... I fucking have to... People go, oh,

26:06

they're talking about you because it's not in

26:08

any way on Facebook. No, it's

26:10

because you're embarrassed. Yeah, but I also don't... I want him

26:12

to be able to just move on from it as well.

26:14

You know what I mean? Not having you go and go...

26:17

Oh, right. What,

26:19

we deleted the last half hour? I

26:22

don't know. But what I mean is... You

26:25

know what I mean? He probably

26:27

just tweeted it, maybe really... You

26:30

know, went, oh, well, then moved on. And now he's

26:32

like, oh, fuck, well, I didn't mean... So

26:34

now they're doing a pod about it. So, like,

26:36

I don't want it to be like I've used it as a way

26:38

of having a big

26:41

back or whatever, because I don't want... God,

26:43

now I'm a wanker talking about our podcast,

26:45

basically. That's what I'm thinking. You

26:47

just be a... Be a

26:49

person that you want to be and don't talk about it

26:51

on your fucking pod. Well, then

26:53

the pod's shutting down. What?

26:56

No, you just don't talk about him. LAUGHTER No.

27:02

Oh. Well, can we just bleep out

27:04

his name so people can't... Yeah,

27:07

that's a good idea. Go on, go back... Yeah,

27:10

just bleep that out as well. Oh, then there's no

27:12

point putting it out. You've got to understand what you're

27:14

talking about. Well, no, just the name of it. I

27:17

just don't want it... Just take his name out or

27:19

anything that we can... We don't have to put this...

27:22

LAUGHTER I

27:24

don't know any more. You're spiraling! Yeah!

27:28

Where would you be? And then I'd go,

27:30

bloody hell, it was a tweet from 11 years ago, and then

27:32

I'd go, well, you're in your 30s, you weren't 10. Yeah,

27:35

approaching 40. You were approaching

27:38

40! You weren't in 22! Imagine

27:41

being 19 to stand up and the fuck. What

27:44

kind of wank would I have been saying then?

27:47

Oh, my God. Well, I wouldn't... I'd been singing

27:49

songs. No

27:51

way I would have been doing comedy. No chance. That

27:55

was something I was going to talk to you about, but

27:57

I'm not coming to doubt that either. What

28:00

am I saying? Well, they... They

28:04

were like, yeah, that as well. Alright,

28:07

let's all cut. Can you stop

28:09

asking me to open up? You

28:12

stop opening up. Are you wanting me to

28:14

open up? This is what happens. Can you

28:16

stop enjoying making music, please? Oh, you

28:19

do it much more privately. Don't

28:25

record anything. OK.

28:33

I want to talk to you about something else, but I

28:35

feel like it's a massive gear change from the night. But

28:37

I have, sir. I've been

28:39

quite a little... James has put a song

28:41

in there like Chatterbus. You

29:23

ripped us in a man,

29:25

so sweet, not alone. I

29:28

forgot your name. You

29:30

ripped us in a man, so come with me.

29:33

You're the one who blew us crazy.

29:37

You're the one who blew us

29:39

crazy. You're the

29:41

one who blew us crazy. You're

29:44

the one who blew us crazy. Chatterbus.

29:51

We're getting in. I'm

29:53

gonna show you, cause you're

29:55

all for my friends. Chatterbus.

30:30

Oh, baby girl, oh, baby girl Jennifer,

30:35

it's here again

30:39

Just walkin' up so you can jump on

30:41

for my friend Jennifer,

30:43

walkin' up on my boat

30:47

Just jump on my boat,

30:49

baby girl, with a Jennifer,

30:51

ooh, it's here again Just

30:54

walkin' up so you can jump on

30:56

for my friend Jennifer,

30:59

ooh, it's here again

31:03

Jennifer, it's here again Jennifer,

31:08

ooh, it's here again Walkin'

31:11

up so you can jump on for

31:13

my friend Jennifer, walkin'

31:16

up on my boat I can't lose track

31:18

if that's a real one, or not Oh,

31:22

it's real, let's do this, Jen Do

31:27

you really want to talk about the other thing? Well,

31:30

I don't know what it is Oh, no, it's not No,

31:33

it's not that long It's about

31:35

the fucking hill of the starlight I just know

31:37

why they say it's gone bananas Anyway, the other

31:39

thing I was going to talk about was

31:42

I was, and I

31:44

don't know you'll be interested but I'll

31:46

tell you Well,

31:49

how do you want me to lie and say

31:51

I'm not, I am interested or will you get

31:53

up to check Yeah,

31:56

that's what I want Do

32:02

you want me to be honest, if I don't want to hear any more

32:04

I'll say, you don't

32:06

do that in a conversation, no I'll just go on. No

32:08

you don't do that in a conversation. Learning

32:12

how to have a conversation on the

32:14

pod. No thinking

32:16

about it you don't think. I think people

32:18

think, right I've got to say something, people

32:20

think that we're like this

32:22

in real life, we are not, trust

32:25

me, we know what we're doing.

32:28

I don't know some days. No

32:30

I don't. I'll

32:36

tell you what stuck in my head a

32:38

few months ago is when, oh

32:41

shit, what I did, even this

32:43

morning with this, I

32:45

don't think I'll ever be able to delete it.

32:48

It's when you

32:50

know something bad happens like the tweet

32:52

thing, you go, I'll talk about that

32:55

on the pod and in

32:57

that moment I go, well that's

33:00

just a weird way to be. Sorry,

33:02

is this what we're talking about now? No no, I

33:05

was going to say, you are fucking unraveling my order.

33:10

I'm having a nice holiday. No,

33:12

no you're right, you're absolutely right, it's like saying,

33:14

well we'll vlog that. Yeah, it's just. Let's go

33:16

to the restaurant tonight dear, and that's a vlog

33:19

net, yeah. Well, yeah. Well,

33:22

just shut it down, I don't mind shutting it down. Shut

33:24

it down. Pod, I

33:26

don't know what I'm fucking with. Delete everything, shut

33:28

it down and move on. Release.

33:32

It'd be great wouldn't it? Yeah, I think it worked actually.

33:34

They are, they're pretty. Imagine

33:40

off the back of a person's tweet, we shut

33:42

it down. Imagine the

33:44

power of those nine words. Oh

33:47

yeah, yeah. Yeah. God, no. What

33:52

did you want to talk about again? Might need another

33:54

quick jingle. Yeah, take a jingle. pennsylvania

34:14

intrinsic I

34:17

feel it all in

34:22

a bit Please

34:28

be quiet in

34:30

a bit I

34:34

can feel it, I can feel it I

34:36

can feel it just doing a bit I

34:40

can feel it only

34:44

regardless of doing a

34:46

bit I'll

35:00

tell you what I was thinking and

35:03

it probably won't go anywhere but we

35:05

were in a cafe

35:07

and they were playing with some music

35:10

and I thought, I did think of you because it was

35:13

really nice music but it was dance music right? and

35:16

it was brilliant and I

35:18

was like, this is amazing and I

35:20

said to Petra and

35:23

it's definitely like a midlife crisis thing I

35:26

went, I'd like to go dancing and

35:29

she started laughing and I went I

35:32

didn't sort of talk about it in this detail but I

35:34

went, no I do I'd

35:37

like to try and go dancing because

35:39

I feel like but

35:42

I feel I've been so cynical about it that

35:44

I can't now but

35:49

I think like I've

35:51

put What's that for dancing? I

35:54

don't know, I don't know You throw your head

35:57

back or something Yeah, I don't

35:59

know in a disco. No in a disco.

36:02

In a club. No don't say buskos, the

36:04

kids all off. I

36:07

don't think they say club now by the

36:10

way. No. A

36:12

pill house. I don't

36:14

know what they call them. A pill

36:16

house. I definitely don't want to go

36:19

to a pill house. But I

36:21

don't know, but obviously

36:24

it's a bit late to stop. Because

36:27

I was just thinking. No, I think this is something

36:30

that's quite common isn't it? Middle A's to do

36:32

getting into dark. I think like Bora and Dark.

36:34

Sure my sister got into sort of that. I'm

36:37

not saying you want to do Bora but it's sort of a

36:39

thing you do isn't it? Keep it

36:41

active. Have a bit of fun. Keep active.

36:44

Fucking keep active is not a line I

36:46

was hoping that. Keep

36:49

active. What's up with this holiday? Why is it giving

36:51

you? Why are you having an

36:54

existential crisis on holiday in the

36:56

ring? Well because. Because

36:58

you put the pause button on and you're a

37:00

bit embarrassed by it. Yeah. Well

37:02

put the pause work button yeah.

37:05

Yeah and you're looking at

37:07

everything Gus. Well

37:10

we was lying on the day bed

37:12

which was lovely. Heaven. This is great.

37:14

Yeah. I don't

37:16

know. I think because once

37:18

you're out in your normal routine you're sort of

37:21

stepping out. Hold on. How have we gotten to

37:23

this? I want to go dancing. Is that

37:25

a word? Every

37:29

time you go on holiday you might

37:31

go and do something and then I'm

37:33

going to buy you some dancing shoes

37:35

and you're like I'm fucking doing it.

37:40

Well. No well

37:42

done. Yeah that's true. Well. Yeah

37:44

that's true. But

37:46

what is that? What sort of dancing? Well

37:48

like. Just going out on a night out.

37:51

Yeah. Yeah and having

37:53

a duck because like Petra used to

37:55

love dancing. Yeah fucking the amount of

37:57

times you go Petra goes out dancing I couldn't do

37:59

it. Yeah, now you want to do

38:01

it. Well, she kept laughing when I said

38:03

I said no I do Yeah, I think I did

38:05

say take you dancing. I felt I'm a dad Want

38:15

to take you dancing Listen

38:20

If you're serious about this, I am you are I

38:22

am I am that's then we need to do an

38:24

S Where you do dancing on

38:26

the on the pot? No exactly

38:29

what I shouldn't do What

38:36

I'm saying is I

38:39

could talk to just you know Who's

38:43

the talked about it so Jessica Hines was

38:45

telling me about go she lost I'm just

38:47

going dancing And I

38:49

think that was the seed of like it's

38:51

a seed like my sand and surface thing

38:55

Yeah, she like she doesn't she

38:57

doesn't like it's not like husband go Don't

39:01

know I Met

39:04

him as well. He's not about no, he's

39:06

a sculptor. I was really taking Trust

39:10

me when I met him I couldn't get out my

39:12

head. He was a sculptor Right

39:14

look and I can dance. Yeah I

39:18

Thought that their arms are so worn

39:20

out. They but um But

39:23

she just goes she that's so she leave

39:25

the house and goes to a place, you

39:27

know No, no with

39:29

her friends remember, but they don't go to the pub

39:32

first or it's like, you know, we're going dancing Yeah

39:35

No, no, I just want to do it Because

39:38

I feel like I've

39:41

got in a trap where I've sort of said

39:43

I Don't dance because

39:45

that's become my thing and I think I've gone

39:47

I've got to stop doing things like that Cuz

39:49

I think I might enjoy it if if

39:52

could no one if I if I get out right

39:55

You know when you paint yourself into a corner like

39:58

But you go, that's my thing. I just bought and

40:00

cycling shorts. Sorry.

40:05

It's a gear change for me, sorry.

40:08

No, I'm the same. I used

40:10

to mock men in cycling shorts. Now

40:12

I wear them and I walk round the house. Yeah, I

40:14

think I've checked what? Do

40:17

you? Yeah, I only

40:19

got padded ones. Yeah. Yeah.

40:25

Very much

40:27

so. How's

40:31

your family around you when you're in them? They

40:35

don't get a lot of attention actually. In

40:38

them? Which is nice. They're not

40:40

pointing the finger, they're not laughing, I'm just wearing them. They're

40:43

not judging me. No, I

40:45

especially hope the kids aren't. I'd

40:48

expect that. No, I'm the same. It's

40:51

got sort of defined you, isn't it? Yeah. All

40:54

this is who I think. Yeah, exactly. I'm sick of

40:56

tired of it. Yeah, I'm sick of tired of it because I'm in this thing and

40:58

I was... Right, okay,

41:01

I'm going to tell you that the music came

41:03

up and I was... Just be careful. Opening

41:06

up. God,

41:09

these go long when I open up, don't

41:11

they? I

41:13

can't stop. I'm so sorry. Yeah,

41:17

oh, Papa Brinkley. But...

41:23

Do you know what I thought then? That's going

41:25

on no Chatterbix context, the word. No context Chatterbix.

41:27

I'll have my... Yeah, Papa Brinkley. My face will

41:29

be on a Papa Brinkley. I'll see you up

41:31

in Abba, he can. He can. He

41:36

can. What

41:40

was it? Oh yeah. So I don't think

41:42

it was like... Anyway, and I was like... I

41:45

really like this music. My first instinct

41:47

was to pretend I didn't. And

41:50

what music was it then? It was like dancing. It was a... Do

41:53

you know what it was? I don't know if it would be it, but it was like... You know,

41:55

it was a ream... It's a dance version

41:57

of a line of which he saw. Right.

42:01

Which I don't know if all that was annoying

42:04

you. And you were the...

42:07

nothing annoys me I'm just... I'm

42:09

just sniggering inside. Yeah well that's

42:11

worse I suppose. You

42:14

wanted the original you wanted it not. No no

42:16

no no it was really good some DJ... Oh

42:18

right so why did it annoy you then? No

42:20

it annoyed me my instinct when it came on

42:22

I re-lightened it and I went... But

42:24

what annoyed you was it? No the song

42:26

was... I really enjoyed the song but my instinct

42:28

was pretend it's having no

42:30

effect on you. Like

42:33

why? I don't know

42:36

because like I didn't... I saw... So

42:44

you were desperate to nod your head? Yeah and

42:46

then I went nod your head. But I don't

42:48

understand why it's because it was it the style

42:50

of music that annoyed you. No no no no

42:52

no just the fact that that I spent my

42:54

whole life going I don't

42:56

dance I don't have a ball... Oh

42:58

fucking hell right. Bloody hell. We're

43:01

still on that. That's proper issues that is. But

43:04

then I started doing this and then... I

43:09

started bobbing my shoulders and... Petra

43:12

immediately noticed it was like... Man were you

43:14

in a cafe? Yeah on the beach though

43:16

to be fair. There's a

43:18

beach cafe and it was like music. I've got to find it. Do

43:20

you know the song? I've got to find the song. It was a

43:23

line of... All

43:25

night long remix he called it. Oh no. Was

43:27

it all night long? Yeah yeah yeah. Okay

43:30

great. Lovely. And I

43:32

had a little bop and Petra was like... Oh you're having

43:34

a bop? And it was like...

43:41

No it's me telling it back like... Yeah

43:45

yeah yeah. No what did she say?

43:48

Do you think it's the tropical house really? Quite

43:53

like the original. Was it quite different

43:55

from the original? No quite soon. I

43:58

felt comfortable with it. Right.

44:00

Yeah everyone you meet. Yeah, that's it.

44:03

And then it sort of repeats. It

44:05

was good. Yeah. So

44:07

I had a little... Honestly beaches are no good

44:09

for you. No, no, no. Why do I crumble?

44:17

No, do you know what it

44:19

is? I realise I unshackle. Yeah,

44:22

well I do. Look at me, I was told

44:24

I was a Labrador. It's

44:27

a good thing and then I unravel

44:29

about my real life. So this is

44:31

holiday, me. Yeah. And

44:34

then I unravel. And you like being holiday

44:36

you? I do. Yeah, the

44:38

boys, the young boys coming out, the

44:40

10 year old Joe, he just

44:42

enjoyed life. Yeah, even

44:45

in my... I was thinking, no I

44:47

did. Yeah. But I've had a

44:49

dance at 10 year probably. At

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The way car buying should be. See

46:07

carmax.com for more details. I

46:14

remember reading somewhere, I

46:16

think it has to do with employment or job. You

46:18

should think about what you're into when you're 10 or

46:20

11 and do that. It's

46:23

normally a good place to start. Lovely.

46:27

Paulding, I was into paulding. Yeah,

46:30

I was. I

46:33

was. I was into mid-level podding.

46:35

Yeah, mine would be working for

46:37

a little cricket club somewhere. Lovely. So

46:40

you're all seen to dancing, surfing or not that,

46:43

but just letting go and having fun. I

46:45

think I was in the living room. I

46:47

saw a kid yesterday, really brilliant.

46:50

I was walking with his mum and dad in front

46:52

of us along the promenade,

46:54

I think, and he just legged it off. And

46:57

I thought, that's brilliant. I'd love to just legged it off.

46:59

Like he just ran off and back. Just

47:02

did 20 yards sprint and 20 yards back. No,

47:04

really. No, he did on the podd.

47:07

Yeah, he wasn't that puffed out, really. But

47:12

your favourite is all for like 20 yards

47:14

and back. I

47:16

was the same on holiday. I was like,

47:18

I was exactly the

47:20

same. It becomes someone different. Yeah,

47:23

but I'm frustrated because I know that I'm going

47:26

to go back to old show. Yeah, yes. Right.

47:30

So we're still talking about Antigua and we're

47:32

putting things in place. But

47:35

I'm starting to look at all the negatives now.

47:37

Shit, I knew this would happen. The

47:40

reality of it is just so frustrating.

47:42

What I suggest though, do I want

47:44

to go through all the stress of

47:46

sort of maybe renting this out and

47:48

all the stuff? There's going to be tricky stuff.

47:51

There's going to be tricky stuff, yeah, obviously. Yeah, and

47:53

I said to go over there and watch, I

47:55

go to the beach like once every couple

47:57

of days. When you were really happy. Then

48:01

I was thinking, but we were on holiday

48:06

driving around, not caring the world. I think

48:08

if you went there, you'd have to go

48:11

on the proviso that you kind of go, I

48:14

don't work the same hours. You

48:16

know what I mean? It's got to be like, you

48:19

know, like you finish at one or whatever. I don't know.

48:21

Do you know what I mean? And then I thought about

48:24

being 17 going, why the fuck didn't

48:26

I do it? I thought you were

48:28

going to say, I'm bloody on people. That's

48:34

terrible. Because when

48:36

we got back, the squatters. So

48:41

depressing that you

48:44

can't just go, no, we'll do

48:46

a month of graft, we'll get the place, tip

48:49

top condition. A month of graft

48:51

here? Yeah, you know, like get

48:53

the house, say it's really rentable,

48:55

blah, blah, blah. That's

48:58

a problem I have. Sorry, it was sort of

49:00

zigzagging, but I don't like the idea of strangers

49:02

in here. Oh, yeah. But if you

49:04

do that, no, we've had

49:07

that sort of discussion and

49:10

like, it's weird, Patrick goes like, you

49:12

know, she'll go, oh, you know, because

49:14

we always have someone staying in our

49:16

house basically at some point. And

49:19

I always go, oh, can I not

49:21

stay in our bed? And

49:23

she's like, we used to hang hotel rooms all the

49:25

time. And I'm like, oh, yeah, but

49:28

I don't know. But you have

49:30

to just sort of get over that. I know.

49:33

I know. Well, that's it's like a

49:35

massive hurdle at the moment, that part of it.

49:38

Anyway, sorry, you want to go dancing. We

49:42

could get a disco dancing expert. That's

49:44

not the problem as well. That's

49:47

not the problem. It's not the I don't want

49:49

to be. That's me thinking about. Yeah.

49:53

Yeah. Forget an it forget getting an epic. Sorry

49:55

for thinking about the whole thing about. Just

49:59

think about. Yeah well no I don't think so.

50:02

I'm sorry. Because I'd love to

50:04

solve my dancing issue and get three pods out

50:06

of it if I'm sorry. Love

50:11

to fill a week. Right so when did

50:14

you move your shoulders in the cafe this

50:16

weekend? Yesterday. Yes.

50:18

Oh no Saturday Saturday Saturday. Why don't you go

50:21

dancing then in Tenerife? Well

50:26

I think that's the other thing I need to know

50:28

is a safe environment. There's also a slight fucking well

50:30

obviously. Right here I thought. No

50:33

spikes. I know. It's

50:35

going to spike me. I don't know. There's

50:39

some dirty old gangs in Tenerife. No they're

50:41

not. They're

50:44

nice people. No

50:47

I want a dancing environment for older people

50:49

so I need I think Brighton's

50:51

probably a good place. It's probably like

50:53

an older dance scene. I told you

50:55

my friend Andrew he's an old raver

50:57

and his kids call him. Oh

51:00

I understand that. Gravers. A

51:05

dance place for older people. Well yeah

51:07

because I'm. No I agree I

51:09

can't believe they're there. But there are there

51:12

are places in Brighton I think. I

51:14

hope Steve won't mind but his night I saw him

51:16

that was for like older people you know. But

51:19

they're ravers I can't do ravers. What's

51:21

Steve's makes them ravers? Well

51:24

I bumped into him in the pub and

51:26

his mate was DJing in our local pub.

51:30

But the sort of vibe

51:33

of the nights there for people used to

51:35

be into raving in the 90s and so

51:38

they have a little like you know. What

51:41

was that song? Yeah.

51:52

I think about my friend Richard Smith who

51:54

was really into his music. He like really weird

51:56

and he became like an act. It

51:59

just reminded me you know. what you like to attempt he became

52:01

an up I

52:03

need a lock can

52:07

we look at that please don't drop

52:09

it I

52:13

need a lock he became an up

52:17

I need a lock he became

52:19

an up I

52:21

need a lock he became an

52:23

up he became an

52:25

up I need a

52:27

lock I need

52:29

a lock I need a

52:31

lock I need a lock I

52:35

need a lock I

52:37

need a lock I need a lock

52:40

I need a lock I

52:43

need a lock I

52:46

knew I was going to get it wrong that's why I stumbled I

52:49

think I've got it wrong just now I thought he

52:51

was saying he became an architect no I

52:54

need a lock oh

52:57

and up yeah but

52:59

it's just amazing we used to make

53:01

fun of him because he liked techno and stuff before it was cool

53:04

anyway oh you made fun of him do you

53:06

well yeah exactly it's

53:09

all back to my point I think

53:11

that all stems from there because you can't

53:13

handle doing it so you

53:15

make fun of everyone else and now

53:17

you want to do it when you turn 50 pay back

53:19

time yeah we'll

53:23

go dancing it's not as easy

53:26

I bet there's loads of great nights in Brighton oh

53:28

I can just see me doing what you did for

53:31

the older gentlemen I can just

53:33

see me doing what you did at the spa

53:35

Petra all gets up and goes I'm going to dance

53:37

with Joe it's amazing no but the spa was to

53:39

do with germs and I'm not a germaphobe

53:42

but I might just go fuck

53:45

that I can't do it

53:47

Petra I can't dance I can't sorry

53:49

I thought get a little brownie

53:51

and coke in you unfortunately

53:53

I've stopped drinking I

53:55

haven't drunk for over a month for a month I

53:58

think it's two and a bit years for us. I

54:01

can't even

54:04

do that. I can't even have a bloody drink to get my...

54:08

Good laugh, can't you? Can't

54:10

even fucking go like that. Can't

54:14

even move his shoulders all night long. Play

54:16

the song, see if I can do that. Without his

54:18

brain saying, stop. Stop enjoying

54:21

the moment. No, stop showing people you're

54:23

enjoying the moment. That's what it is.

54:25

Stop showing people you're enjoying local Richie.

54:27

Yeah, and not one person has glanced

54:34

at me the whole day. You know what I

54:36

mean? Yeah, or maybe one or two. That is

54:38

it. Yeah, and

54:41

they might go, fair enough, that bloke

54:43

over there is him. Honestly, no one

54:45

noticed you moving your shoulders to Lionel

54:47

Richie. I haven't petrified. Literally,

54:50

it's where you're

54:53

moving them. It's like

54:55

that. It's so out

54:57

of character. It's like

54:59

me juggling something. I'm

55:01

not doing that. And

55:04

sort of like 80% of you

55:06

don't comfortable with it. We're

55:09

really trying to bounce through it. It was.

55:15

It was. Oh, no, no.

55:18

Hate yourself, hate yourself. No, it

55:20

was hate myself. It was a

55:22

car wasn't expecting someone to go

55:24

there. I hate myself. This

55:36

is do other people

55:38

have this? I

55:41

got a problem. I

55:44

think I've put such a wall up.

55:46

That's what's annoyed me. I've

55:49

got that wall down in series night. Such

55:51

a wall up about don't make a show

55:53

yourself. Then he's under fucking stand up for

55:55

20 years. But

55:57

don't make a show yourself. Don't. Yeah, there you

55:59

go. So what, a hypocrite? Exactly.

56:04

Aren't they all? God,

56:11

I don't think you should go on holiday.

56:14

A petcher loves going on holiday.

56:16

Oh no, it's not. Go

56:18

on holiday for good and become the

56:20

new Joe. Oh yeah, that's what

56:22

I want to do. That's in there. Yeah.

56:28

New life, new friends, no back story,

56:30

no one knows you. Let's start again.

56:34

Oh no, no. I've

56:38

got a beach bar for

56:40

older people. Hey

56:44

Joe, can I have a... I

56:48

know what you like. But

56:50

I like dancing drinks over. I

56:54

hate me. I like to relax,

56:56

do you? I find

56:58

it uncomfortable. I think he's

57:00

a prat. But

57:06

what I do is I go, Joe's prat bar. Joe's

57:08

bar? Can we have

57:10

some Joe's Bar music? Like a Tiki bar. It's

57:14

like a Tiki bar. I wear hula

57:16

skirts. Would

57:18

you? I'll bet you that's Guy's

57:20

sport. No I wouldn't, I

57:23

don't want that kind of vibe. He

57:26

can't let

57:30

go of you. No,

57:33

it's a relaxed vibe. When

57:36

the song goes down, the dancing stops. I

57:39

did think, like making

57:41

a big move like that, full

57:43

time. I'll open a bar on the beach. No,

57:46

no, but I'm like fucking... What

57:50

do I know? If

57:52

you go through everyone you

57:54

know, who's most likely or

57:56

least likely, most likely on

57:58

the beach. I

58:00

think Nomi would sort of run it.

58:06

Oh no Nomi's coming. Oh no Nomi sort of

58:08

talked about it like me and Nomi did it.

58:11

I don't know if I set it up and I

58:13

know Nomi. Left

58:15

field. Yeah

58:18

sorry, you're running

58:20

it back. I

58:24

think that was... you bring the character. I

58:27

just walk around the bars. Yes thank

58:29

you David. That was

58:31

really annoying, no Nomi. Get stuck in, wash

58:33

up. No you should

58:35

go, I'll end everyone, I'll go there fine.

58:38

So I'm stuck in that then. You're the

58:40

major dude. The middle man. But

58:43

are those the bars I hate? Leave

58:45

then. Yeah I

58:47

will. Your job is

58:49

to walk around and say have you got anything here? Yeah,

58:51

I've got to stop here with my friend. Yeah, so

58:53

they feel like yes thank you. I wish he had leaned

58:56

us alone. He was in half

58:58

the night. Not until. Not

59:01

until. I think he was on one of

59:03

the lower branch. I

59:06

know he says he is but... But

59:09

it is sort of safety net. Oh

59:20

god I'm still thinking about the person we

59:22

talked about earlier as well. Fucking hell. We

59:25

are now asking people who we know whether

59:27

they want to live here for a year. Six

59:30

months. Really? For people who live

59:32

in London or something? People in

59:34

the near, who we sort of know might want

59:36

to. There or who live away? Here,

59:39

where we live. So

59:41

if someone said yeah, honestly that would really get

59:43

the wheels and motions just at

59:45

the moment. I can't imagine strangers

59:47

being here. Yeah

59:50

but, yeah like when you moved into your house

59:52

strangers have been in their food. I know. I

59:56

know, I know but I'm the same. I'm not trying, I'm

59:58

not saying you're an idiot. I'm saying. No you're

1:00:00

right, I know. I understand like, you

1:00:03

can imagine this, when you come back you

1:00:05

pay a company 300 pounds and

1:00:08

they do it and they do a deep clean

1:00:10

to begin with so there's no trace of their

1:00:12

anyone they've ever been in here. Pupil

1:00:15

hair's all gone, there's one but

1:00:17

you'll never find it. It's

1:00:22

fallen down between the ground thing.

1:00:26

Yeah. That's

1:00:28

there forever, preserved. And

1:00:32

then you buy new matches in

1:00:34

your bedroom. Oh

1:00:36

god yeah. Yeah so there's one straight review. Thoughts

1:00:40

of what they've been doing in the bedroom. Delete

1:00:44

all that and get a new matches. Wow,

1:00:49

that is what I call a 55 minute

1:00:52

bet. Right

1:00:55

cheers everyone. Cheers everyone, bye. I'm

1:01:29

having a feeling, feeling, feeling,

1:01:32

feeling, feeling, feeling.

1:01:41

Having a piss like crack

1:01:44

six baby, having a piss

1:01:46

like crack six now. I'm

1:01:56

having a piss like crack six baby.

1:02:00

I'm having a big life crisis

1:02:02

baby I'm having

1:02:10

a big life crisis

1:02:12

baby I'm

1:02:24

having a big life crisis

1:02:27

baby I'm having a big

1:02:29

life crisis baby I'm

1:02:32

having a

1:02:34

big life crisis

1:02:41

baby I'm having a

1:02:43

big life crisis baby

1:02:46

I'm having a

1:02:49

big life crisis baby