0:00

Let me just share my truth. Let me just share what I've

0:03

been in through this industry. And maybe some people would say that they've

0:06

never done anything before, but how we've all have some sort of

0:10

relation and relatability to the fact that owning our

0:13

shit and how scary that is and walking with our fear and

0:17

changing the relationship we have with our fear is actually going to

0:20

turn your insecurities, your shame into power

0:31

I'm feeling something in my spirit. Chops

0:45

Hello, friends, neighbors, lovers of art and creativity. Welcome

0:48

back to chats and tats with me, your host, Aaron Delevidova. My

0:52

guest today is a tattoo artist, and, uh, I

0:56

just found this out during our interview, but she, she

1:00

crossed this line. That is like a line

1:03

in the sand that in my industry is like the, uh, no

1:06

fly zone for sure. It's crazy what happened, but

1:10

what inspired her to do in her own life, the healing

1:13

that she went through because of it, the reformations that

1:17

she made because of this event, and then what she became after

1:20

this event, extremely inspiring. I think it's a,

1:24

she sets an example for, I mean, who out there listening right

1:28

now hasn't fucked up? We've all fucked up. What you

1:31

do afterwards means a lot. Some people never want to talk about it again,

1:34

deny it ever happened. Others own it. make

1:37

reformations, she did that, and it also spurred her

1:41

on into the work that she does today, so in a way it was almost necessary, and

1:44

she'll tell you that herself. So, with all that being said, please

1:48

welcome my guest today, Reese Hilburn. All

1:51

right, here you are. Here I am. Oh, this has been

1:54

something you've been on my mind for a while. I've been watching a lot of the things you're doing on,

1:58

on Instagram. Um, and you know, that's just Instagram,

2:01

but over a course of a couple of months, I just really felt

2:05

inspired by a lot of the things you were saying on there. Um, and

2:09

then Ryan Roy was in here with another super inspirational guy

2:13

and he, on his way out was like, you got to look up Reese. So, So

2:17

those two things came together that was a sign to me and I hit you up

2:20

You said you could be here and here we are. I know it's not too hard because

2:23

i'm just down the street For those of you that's

2:27

down here just right here by san diego where we are currently I

2:31

want to take a second to thank my sponsor, Sullen Clothing.

2:35

If you guys are lovers of tattoo art or art in general and

2:39

would like to see that on your favorite t-shirt or hoodie, you got

2:42

to go over there to check out sullenclothing.com. Ryan

2:45

and Jeremy, huge supporters of the tattoo industry, huge supporters

2:49

of this show, great human beings, good friends of mine. So

2:53

thank you for tuning in. And now back to the show. You are

2:57

a spiritual business mentor. You are a tattoo artist of

3:00

13 years. You own your own studio, the Edge Inc. out in San Marcos.

3:04

You're a meditation queen. I like the way you put that. And

3:08

there's many other layers to that. And that's really probably what we're

3:11

going to get into, you know, about you and what you do today.

3:15

But maybe just to get people buttered up and warmed up, you could tell us a little bit

3:18

about how it all started, how you got into this industry, where your

3:21

journey began and what led you to be a spiritual business mentor.

3:25

Yeah, let's see. I actually never drew a day

3:28

in my life. And when I was a kid, I didn't think like,

3:32

my dad was an entrepreneur and how unstable my

3:36

mom saw that she was like, get a corporate job, do the corporate

3:39

don't be your dad, which is so funny, because I

3:43

ended up becoming an entrepreneur later. So I did what my

3:46

mom did and very Filipino woman it was either nursing or finance

3:49

and I chose finance because I tried I tried the nursing

3:53

thing and blood I just am not a it's not a vibe for me. Deep

3:57

deep red blood. And so I went and got my finance

4:01

Just to clarify not the blood that comes when you tattoo people. Not that kind of blood.

4:04

It's just plasma. Not someone

4:08

shooting out of their carotid artery onto your face. It's a

4:12

Okay. Yeah, and so But

4:17

so I got into corporate I Finance CPA

4:21

private accountant for an up-and-coming company and

4:26

One day I was already heavily tattooed, you know, I was I I was the hot

4:30

topic manager for a long time, you know, during college and

4:33

then college. I left college and went into the, um, as a CPA. And

4:37

after that, we went to like a company morale and

4:40

we did a wine and paint night and I actually found out I could paint. And

4:45

I sold my first painting for $500 that night. I

4:48

don't know if the guy was hitting on me, but I made money and it put a

4:51

seed in my brain that I was actually, I had something.

4:55

So I quit my job, cold turkey, lived in my car for

4:58

six months so that I could really pursue art. And

5:02

I went to a fine art school. And then from there, I

5:05

had looked for tattoo apprenticeships and it was three years. I remember getting

5:09

all of the different kinds of, you're a girl, girls can't tattoo, girls

5:12

can't draw. Getting like I got my

5:16

favorite one was you're too pretty my wife wouldn't like that you work here And

5:19

that's the I was like, okay. I don't want to work anywhere where I'm gonna make that

5:22

one might have been true I'm like, okay Ellie.

5:26

Thank you for at least like alleviating a situation that I

5:29

don't want to be a part of yeah And so finally I was like I

5:33

almost gave up I was like almost sound like think my year three

5:37

in art school and I was really planning to be a Art teacher

5:40

and art history teacher go get my master's degree and that was

5:44

kind of that until someone asked me if I wanted to

5:47

become a Tattoo artist at

5:50

a at an art show and I was like, oh my gosh. Yes. Absolutely. I

5:54

was already doing colored pencil Portraits and painting portraits.

6:00

It should be noted. I've seen a lot of your work. Really good work, by

6:03

the way. Beautiful work. You're a, you know, I would call

6:06

it a color realist tattooer. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful portraits in

6:14

Gotta be probably. I'm a 32 year tattooer. I've

6:17

seen it all and I don't do that, but and I've, you know, I

6:21

have some realism in my work, but when I'm getting close to that, it's

6:25

Oh, you know, it's so funny. It's always been like it.

6:29

I always absolutely loved it. And I think now as I as I've evolved

6:33

and shifted, you know, the 13 years of being in being in

6:36

this industry, it's like it becomes true. Like it's almost like

6:40

a like, I don't know, there's something about it that feels really honoring

6:43

of the it's almost like an alter ego that the person wears at this point. That's

6:47

what I'm creating. Instead of it just being like some portrait of a

6:50

warrior woman, it's like, oh no, this is me. This is my alter ego. And

6:53

so I've really fallen into that love for accentuating

6:58

someone's own life, almost like their face and putting it

7:01

on their bodies in the way that they're just like, this is how I see myself almost. And

7:06

So you do a lot of portraits where it might be the person themselves, but just

7:09

completely modified to show their spirit

7:13

animal coming out or whatever. The way that they

7:16

would like be like the dream of them in the future. You're

7:20

putting their future on them so they can have a clearer picture of

7:24

I kind of look at it from like a highest self perspective. They're like,

7:28

oh, this is, this is the mirror image of my highest self. And

7:32

they see themselves and it's a lot of entrepreneurial women,

7:36

go figure. I tend to attract those where they're like wearing warrior

7:40

women with like, you know, you know, wolf headdresses

7:44

and warrior paint. And it's just like, And I always like,

7:47

whenever they ask me for those and I get it a lot, it's like, I'm like, can you just send me

7:51

a picture of yourself? And they're like, why? And I'm like, it's just a

7:54

little, you know, and I always put like little things that I'll feature about them

7:58

just because I feel like that's really the story we're telling is because that's why they

8:01

would get something like that. And it's just like amplifies who

8:04

they desire to be, which is the whole point of like

8:08

what I represent is like authenticity and self and full unapologetic

8:13

That's cool. That's cool. So, so I got you off track. You're at

8:16

an art show. Somebody asks you, Hey, you want to be a tattooer? And you're like,

8:20

Hell yeah. Let's go. And I end up realizing

8:24

that this shop is, you

8:27

know, run by very particular human beings that I

8:30

just don't want to like call out or anything like that. They might be listening,

8:34

but just run by a really, really rad, rad guys that had

8:39

And so with that being said, you know, I learned a

8:43

lot about the ways of tattooing that I wasn't like,

8:47

I didn't know anything. So I was more of like, just teach me how to tattoo. I've

8:50

been desiring to be in this tattoo industry. And finally, when they

8:53

were like, I got in there, they were like, well, Reese, you should just get to tattooing. So

8:57

I really didn't even have like a formal apprenticeship. They were like, you already

9:00

draw so well, you're in art school, like, it's just putting

9:03

the machine, yeah, here's a machine, here's a person, literally one

9:07

of the guys, and it wasn't one mentor, it was like the whole shop was my mentor, and

9:11

one guy was like, oh, here he is, hand me his machine, on

9:14

a guy, a boy, like a man that was just sitting there,

9:18

and he goes, oh, yeah, he's like, let me see your arm, yeah, he tattooed me, he was

9:21

already getting tattooed by the guy, and I was like, I was scared shitless,

9:25

I was like, please no, and ended up doing

9:28

my first tattoo, was like, at that point, I was like, okay, Okay,

9:32

I got this and then honestly it just kind of went I have

9:36

a career that went by really Different than

9:39

I think most tattoo artists have been able to have and

9:43

one of which was I being on Tattoo television like

9:47

so you were what show were you on again? I was on Tattoo Nightmares Miami.

9:53

It was a show based off of the regular Tattoo Nightmares up

9:56

in LA and they wanted to do like a spinoff in Miami. So

10:00

I'm, you know, I don't even know how I got it. I remember being there with

10:03

a bunch of, I think at this point this was season three

10:07

of Ink Masters and stuff there. So there were a lot of Ink Master people there and

10:10

I was like, there's no way I'm getting this. And somehow I didn't realize

10:13

that it wasn't based on your tattoos, that it was based on your personality. At

10:23

I was tattooing for about a year and a half. And at this

10:27

point, yeah, a lot of pressure. Yeah, it was. And I didn't know.

10:30

And at this point before I had even really,

10:34

you know, had gotten like started, I

10:37

remember just being so nervous and like feeling not

10:41

good enough and feeling like I shouldn't even be here and unworthy.

10:45

And I actually, when I got on the tattoo television show, I received a

10:48

lot of, like, hate. And it was just like, why are

10:51

you even here? Why are you not even a good tattooer? And it

10:55

became this whole, like, self-deprecating situation for

10:59

me. And so when I got home and was

11:02

susceptible to everything that was happening around me, I remember a

11:05

couple of guys at my shop just being like, You're an amazing artist.

11:10

And feeling this sense of like, gosh, this is like this,

11:14

this whole like, almost like the sense of like, I shouldn't be

11:17

here. I should quit tattooing. I remember even thinking this, like, like

11:21

when I got home from the filming, and this was like the

11:24

first time we had gone out to go filming and they were just like, don't believe them.

11:28

You're an amazing tattooer. And I just kept trying to hear that until email

11:32

and DMS and things like this and comments were just kind of

11:38

Yeah, I mean, I just I'm just remembering myself a

11:42

year and a half into tattooing and the anxiety and

11:45

the Not worthy and I mean, I don't know all

11:49

tattooers go but then to have that put on a nationally syndicated television

11:53

show, you know just to be tattooing with cameras around you knowing it's

11:56

gonna air and I mean, wow, that would

11:59

be immense pressure. Yeah. And then, yeah, of course, there's

12:03

going to be hate. I mean, hell, back then, anyone who went on a show was hated just

12:07

Actually, that's a that's a really solid point because of the fact that yeah

12:11

We if you went on a tattoo television show, you were not a real

12:14

tattooer. A lot of people hated those dudes. Oh my gosh Yeah,

12:18

yes, and there was another tattoo television show that I had gone on that

12:21

that had invited me to go on but I actually said no

12:25

before I said yes to the tattoo nightmares show and

12:29

It was a tattoos after dark. I think it was and that was like it's

12:32

like a really really bad show and When

12:36

you'd watch it, it was like everybody you want to get a late-night CD

12:39

shop basic I mean

12:43

if you wanted some drama be a good setup I

12:47

think like a bestie and could just come out and then like obviously ink master

12:51

and These other like side end tattoo shops like the Vegas cover-up

12:55

shows and the tattoo nightmare cover-up shows like it's like they were just trying to

12:58

like feed into what what's happening in the industry and

13:02

kind of just like have fun with it I suppose but Yeah, it's just

13:08

Well, yeah, now you can go on a show and it's honorable. I mean,

13:11

there's still some haters, but it's not like it was. But yeah,

13:15

you're making the point, like the pressure must have been immense. And

13:19

then to get hate, you know, DMs or whatever at

13:22

such a young age in tattooing. And yeah, now you're

13:25

questioning, should I even be here? Do I suck? Yeah, so

13:30

Yeah, so I mean, it kind of went into a whirlwind of

13:35

Rockstar Lifestyle. You went Rockstar Lifestyle. It

13:38

was like, oh my gosh, I'm being invited to all of these things. South

13:41

America loved the TV show. I went there and I've

13:45

never felt like a Backstreet Boy before in my life, but I felt like one because I

13:48

had three security guards just walk me to the bathroom and I was like, wow, this

13:51

is crazy, crazy. it became this sense

13:55

of like trying to escape from my own reality of

13:58

the online space. And you know, and it, and

14:01

then all of a sudden it just was like, you start to try and like mask,

14:05

you start to try and become a person that they desire you to be. And

14:09

this was actually when I started posting tattoos that were

14:13

You mentioned this earlier and you said you were going to get into this and I first of all want to

14:16

say it's incredibly brave of you to be this authentic and honest about

14:19

your career. But there were circumstances. It wasn't like

14:23

you just woke up and decided to do this. You know, I think you should add those

14:27

Yeah. And the circumstances were the fact that

14:30

my shop, bless their hearts, they were so defensive

14:35

of what was happening. And they knew I was an amazing artist.

14:38

They were like, Reese, just post tattoos that you know you

14:42

can do. You just need a chance to do it. And in my mind,

14:45

I knew it was absolutely not right. But

14:49

at the same time, I was so... I

14:52

would say along the lines, there was no self-love there. Not

14:55

any that I could actually own. Maybe it was faked. But

14:59

there was no sense of respect even for myself

15:02

at that moment, that all I wanted it was for people to just like

15:06

me. And when we're in an age when social

15:09

media, especially, you know, I'm 36, going

15:13

on 37 soon here, and it's like one of those things where you

15:16

just kind of get pushed into a place where you just desire to be

15:19

liked. And social media is kind of one of those addictive dopamine

15:23

hits that makes you want to feel and the currency is

15:27

being liked. And when you're being hated on so much, when you know,

15:31

you feel like you're like, I got, I know that there's something in me that's going to

15:34

create something great. And, you know, if I were to tell any

15:37

artists now, I'd be like, just put in the work and don't

15:41

look. outward, you know, of course, that's what we would tell ourselves

15:44

or we tell someone else. But in this moment, from the justification I

15:47

was getting from my shop, plus the fear and

15:50

the, and you know, basically, just like the fear and the judgment I

15:54

had of myself and the people that were around me, I said, okay. And

15:59

when I said, okay, I was like, I remember very

16:03

clearly being like, just get your own pieces. Once it's done,

16:07

delete them. And I never deleted it.

16:11

I don't know why. I think in part of me just wanted it to be

16:14

like a part of my portfolio. And it's funny because after years

16:18

had gone by, I had put out beautiful work.

16:21

I was very successful in the eyes of like tattooers. I

16:25

was actually getting loved on after this. I was traveling the

16:28

world. I was being booked out everywhere I went. It was amazing. And

16:33

then 2016 rolls around and somehow, don't

16:37

know how, but someone finds this these photos and

16:40

they're like, huh, this isn't yours, contacts the

16:44

artist who's actually pretty well known. I didn't know that at the time. I'm

16:48

sure he got well known over the years. And he reposted it.

16:51

And he was like, look what this girl's doing. And

16:55

I was at the height of my career. I was actually at the Brazilian consulate getting

16:58

my Brazilian visa so that I could go to a convention to

17:02

Brazil because I was invited by these promoters who were gonna fly

17:05

me out, put me up and do the whole thing. And I was like, I'm

17:08

on top of the world. You know, I'm feeling like a rock star. And then I

17:12

get a call and they're like, have you checked Instagram?

17:16

And I said, no, and I'm in the parking lot. And all I see

17:20

is just all this hate. And I could feel my whole body shaking just thinking about

17:23

it and seeing what's happening. And I'm like, oh, my God. Oh,

17:27

my God. And I didn't know what to do at that point. And so what

17:31

I ended up doing was hiding. And after

17:34

all the hate mail, I think I had received over a thousand pieces

17:38

of mail, some of which were like, you don't deserve to live, you're

17:41

a lying piece of shit. And of course, not only

17:45

did I lose all my sponsors, I lost You

17:48

know, I contacted my sponsors prior and let them know, I was like, this is what

17:52

I did. I understand if you don't want to represent me anymore. Just

17:55

because I think that that was like the last of my dignity at that point. And

17:59

I just didn't want them to hear it outside of me. And I

18:02

remember one of them had been like, Reese, we appreciate it and we're going

18:06

to let you go. And I was like, cool. The other ones were just like, I

18:09

didn't hear anything from them, I just assumed. And so after that, I

18:13

turned my Instagram off. I actually quit tattooing for an

18:16

entire year. And it became not

18:19

only a self-deprecating, depressive loss

18:23

of dignity, disrespect, unworthiness, like in-depth unworthiness,

18:28

it became like I lost family, not family, really good

18:31

friends, friends that I thought were family, really. You

18:34

know, I did have a lot of really beautiful people in the industry that would reach

18:38

out and say really nice things to me. I was like really surprised. But

18:41

then, you know, of course there was a lot of hate. So it became this

18:45

moment and this catalyst in my life where I was like, oh

18:48

my God, like I can't, I can never show my face in this

18:51

industry again. I can never show it again. And so I took the

18:55

remainder of 2016, because this happens like early 2016. And

19:00

I took the remainder of 2016 and into 2017 to, I

19:03

thought I was going to become a yoga instructor. And I couldn't even admit it

19:07

to my yoga class. And the day, I think it was

19:10

like our last week of out of like the eight months that we were together doing my

19:13

yoga teacher training, I admitted it. And it was just like this big group hug. And

19:16

it was like the first time I ever felt like I could offer myself a

19:20

little compassion and forgiveness. And I realized in

19:23

all of that, I was like, I still desire to be in the tattoo industry. And there's something

19:26

in my heart that really desires to do better. But

19:30

I was too scared to open up my own Instagram. And

19:33

so I kind of hid behind my studio's Instagram at the time and

19:37

posted tattoos, but never with my face. I even remember posting

19:40

tattoos with my shop's card in there. So nobody thought that

19:44

I would steal again. You know, it was like, oh my God, I was so scared. And

19:48

it got to the point where I was so afraid. I would get

19:51

almost panic attacks from opening the Instagram because I was so afraid of

19:55

what someone might say or if someone found me out or something. And there were a few

19:58

people that did. They were like, oh, hiding behind your shop, you know, they would say

20:01

things. And I was just like, and my whole body would just go into frozen mode.

20:05

And everything that people would say, I believed I deserved. Even the parts

20:09

where they're like, you should kill yourself and things like this. Like it was really to

20:20

Yeah, and it is. I call it the gift of rock bottom. And I know we're going to hit there next. Yeah. This

20:24

Yeah. And so actually, it's a whole reason why I am

20:27

a spiritual business and life mentor is because of

20:31

this very reason. I look at this as my gift of rock bottom because of

20:34

the fact that if it wasn't for this to happen, there's no way that

20:38

I would be in this position that I'm in now. And I remember

20:43

2017 went by, I came back into the industry in 2017, kind

20:47

of started to show back up, opened up my Instagram in 2018, and

20:50

I still was so scared. And then I realized how scared I was, and I was like,

20:53

I'm going to. And I had done a lot of therapy, a

20:57

lot of mentorship, a lot of books, a lot of prayers, and a lot of meditation by this

21:00

point. And I was like, I'm ready to just own. I'm

21:04

ready to own this, because I just don't want it to own me anymore.

21:08

And so what ended up happening was that I did an IG live.

21:12

And I was just like, I'm gonna full send this and I'm gonna talk about this. And I

21:16

talked about it. And it was the first time that I had ever

21:19

felt that some of its power over me was

21:23

no longer over me. And so I continued to talk about it

21:26

and share my vulnerability. And it was mostly for me. It was like,

21:29

let me just share my truth. Let me just share what I've

21:33

been in through this industry and maybe some people would say that they've

21:36

never done anything before but how we've all have some sort of

21:40

relation and relatability to the fact that owning our

21:43

shit and how scary that is and walking with our fear and

21:46

changing the relationship we have with our fear is actually going to

21:49

turn your insecurities, your shame into power

21:53

and into unapologetic self-expression. And that's became my

21:57

thing and actually ended up happening in 2019, where that

22:00

same artist ended up reposting that photo, reposting, hey,

22:04

this is what Reese did, you know, back in the day. And, you

22:08

know, and it was like 2016 all over again. Everybody

22:11

started hating on me. And it was the first time

22:15

where I responded back to him and I said, thank you.

22:18

I was like, thank you. I commented back, I reposted

22:22

his thing. And I was like, I just want to say thank you for doing this, for calling

22:25

me out. Because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be the artist I am today. I

22:29

also wouldn't be where I am today in my own healing, in my own

22:32

spiritual growth. And I wouldn't be so committed to

22:37

myself and the relationship that I have with myself. And it was so interesting

22:40

because the last thing I expected to happen was for anybody to be like, that

22:44

was awesome. But we ended up like all these comments started happening

22:47

where people were like, this is absolutely incredible, Reese. I

22:50

love how you're owning this. You should take this down. They were like getting mad

22:53

at him for having it up. They're like, why are you bringing this back up?

22:57

And I was like, that's not the point. And he deleted it. It

23:00

was so interesting. I wasn't expecting anybody to delete it,

23:04

first off. It was not – that was such a – that was so lost

23:07

on me. And then that's when I realized that that's

23:11

what I wanted to do. I was like, I desire,

23:15

because I had a life coach, a spiritual guide, and

23:18

I also had mentors, business mentors as well at the time, where

23:22

I was like, I desire to do something similar and help people turn

23:27

Dude, that, okay, let me stop you there for a second. So

23:31

that's a really beautiful story. I did not know that about you. This is all happening

23:34

to me in real time. It's a very interesting story, very beautiful story.

23:38

And it just has so many layers to it. You know, we all want to change, right? I mean, everybody

23:41

wants to become something different. I mean, maybe not everybody, but most people are

23:45

always thinking about next year, I'm going to be more in shape next. I'm going to become this,

23:48

but I guess the more you, as you were talking, I was thinking about it

23:51

and like the first step. to change is

23:55

the burning down of the it, whatever the is is, right?

23:59

Honesty around the is-ness of whatever it is. And

24:03

secondarily, I'm really, I talk a lot about empathy, compassion, and

24:06

forgiveness only because as I look around at the world today, especially with

24:09

social media and cancel culture, I just feel like we've really got

24:13

to, as a species, start allowing forgiveness

24:17

People are being shut down for a moment, a

24:21

moment of weakness, a moment of insecurity. You can call it a

24:24

couple moments, but really you've got this large life, you had a couple moments

24:28

where you were feeling insecure, less than, scared,

24:32

afraid, and you made a bad decision. I challenge anybody

24:35

out there listening to the show right now, Write me if you've

24:39

never in a weak moment done something silly when you felt that way. I

24:42

know I have. It wasn't posting somebody else's work, but it

24:45

was other stupid shit that I had to admit to,

24:49

ask for forgiveness, and to me, anybody, and

24:53

now this is taking out crazy acute shit, right?

24:56

There's probably somebody out there like, you know, my neighbor raped my

25:02

I know, I know why I went so big. Yeah. But I'm trying. I'm

25:05

trying to illustrate, you know what I mean? There are certain crimes that

25:09

I don't want to debate, and I still think probably forgiveness

25:12

needs to happen there too somehow, some way, even if it's from a distance. We'll

25:16

just take that off the table. We're talking about the normal dumb

25:19

shit some of us do in life. Too drunk at a bar, you know, cussing

25:23

your loved one out, doing whatever your bullshit

25:26

was. Normal life stuff to me anybody that can admit to

25:30

it Honestly, and and you did it publicly say i'm

25:33

gonna change my ways. I'm gonna be a different person In my book you're

25:36

forgiven. Let's go. Yeah, you know, I think that's that

25:40

makes me. Um, I mean more Enthusiastic about seeing

25:43

what you're gonna do next and I know we're gonna get because you've done a lot since then But i'm talking

25:46

in that moment. I wasn't a part of that I missed it somehow, but I would have been

25:49

one of the first to be like, okay Now, would I be cautious around

25:53

you? Probably for a bit. Totally. To make sure that what you said, what

25:56

you meant it. Yep. And now we know years later, you did mean

25:59

it. Yeah. And then the other thing is just, you know, you, you

26:03

teach a lot of things, but a big part of what you teach

26:06

is authenticity. Yeah. You know, finding out who

26:10

you really are And you know the thing is when you really find

26:13

out who you really are you are gonna have people who don't like

26:16

who you really are oh yeah hundred percent so if you're in

26:20

if you're if you're trying to be the person that everyone likes now you're gonna have to

26:23

be kind of fake but so you're teaching authenticity and i

26:26

really think it's cool that you have this history because you're

26:29

teaching something you went to the. Bottom with you you

26:33

made the ultimate crime you you suffered. I

26:36

can't imagine what that year was like I mean the depression and they you

26:39

know anxiety and all the stuff you went through So to have gone

26:43

through that makes you a perfect teacher to teach the opposite

26:46

of that Yeah, so and you're holding true and and I know

26:49

that's what you are today So I just want to say all that because I was really inspired

26:56

No, and and it's funny because it is such a it's one of those stories where

26:59

most people are like well Why do you continue to talk about it? Like

27:02

why do you continue to let people know that's what you did and I'm like well listen like

27:06

if I'm really going to be the coach or the the mentor that

27:10

tells you to go follow your soul and

27:13

to follow your heart and follow your truth, how am I able

27:16

to do that without owning my own? And so it's one of

27:19

those things that with this, like with that truth, I

27:23

am here because of that reason. Like I have seen

27:28

For me this inner wealth as a whole

27:31

human as a whole artist that has come into

27:35

fruition I mean personally I believe it's the reason it's

27:38

one of the biggest reasons When it got me into meditation and really

27:42

to self-healing and getting a better relationship to myself I got to know what

27:45

success looks like in my life. I got to know what my artistic style

27:49

looks like in my life and I got to know exactly who I wanted to call into

27:52

my tattoo chair. I knew exactly who I wanted in

27:55

my shop. Getting to know yourself is the most,

28:00

like, it's the best thing you can do for your life and for your business because

28:03

of the fact that I know exactly who I am. I know exactly

28:07

who I'm going to call in. And the more that I can accept that aspect

28:10

of me, accept all of my human. I'm absolutely going

28:14

to honor not only boundaries, but I'm also going to honor the

28:17

fact that I can love and accept myself and

28:21

never reject myself because of others rejecting me. And

28:25

that became like my whole catalyst and for the mission that I have on

28:28

this planet. You know, when I was tattooing, there was no purpose behind it. It

28:32

was just like, I just want to do cool art. And I love that. And I love that for people. But

28:36

now it's like a whole movement behind it. The people that

28:39

come to me, or people that desire to feel

28:43

more authentic in their own bodies. And oftentimes it's people that

28:46

are like, I've always wanted a tattoo, but I just never could

28:50

or this or that. And now I just feel like I can because of your message.

28:53

Like you empower. And like, that's the whole point I think really is

28:56

like finding that space of purpose that drives you,

29:00

that motivates you, that gets you up in the morning. And for me, this

29:04

was that. It was like, oh, I have a mission on

29:07

this planet. I was meant to go through these things. And, you

29:10

know, I'll be really honest because that's

29:14

just who I am. When you said, talked about rape,

29:17

when I was a little girl, I was sexually abused by

29:22

an older boy, 18. I was seven for years.

29:26

And I still had so much forgiveness for him after that had happened.

29:30

I have a whole of forgiveness. So when you talk about forgiveness, I'm

29:34

like, I'm here as a catalyst of something that could be

29:37

so bad. And I remember thinking like, I'm glad it was me over

29:41

any of the other girls in the house because of this reason, because I'm strong enough.

29:44

And I believe that's why I'm here on this planet. is

29:47

because I am strong enough to hold this. I am strong enough to be

29:51

the leader in this. And I don't mind. And if people are going to hate

29:55

on that, I can take it because I love me. And I

29:59

know how to hold that because I understand how to hold duality. I

30:02

understand how to hold my doubts and insecurities and also, like, my

30:05

celebrations and, you know, my accolades. Like, this is what we

30:09

get to do as a human. And that's really, like, what this

30:12

whole life's about. I just happen to do it in the tattoo industry because

30:17

That's incredible that you found forgiveness for that person that did that to you.

30:20

I mean, it's huge. Very rare that you see that. You

30:24

know, I think a lot of times people mix up forgiveness with

30:28

allowance. So the

30:31

idea is, if I maintain my resentment towards

30:36

the person that wronged me, it protects me. Because to

30:39

forgive them means I'm saying it was okay, and oh,

30:43

by the way, others can do it to me too. It's not the case. And

30:46

you can forgive from a distance too. I mean, you don't have to

30:49

maybe go find that gentleman and tell him your truth, but in

30:53

your heart, You've let it go. And by

30:56

letting it go, you've let go of that resentment frequency because

31:00

we all attract whatever we vibrate at. If you're walking around watching

31:04

MMA all day, thinking about fistfights and

31:08

thinking about fighting and thinking about fighting. I had a guy that worked for

31:11

me that was like this. He said, I don't get it, man. Every time I go to the bar, someone

31:14

always wants to fight me. And I'm just like, you're just orating

31:18

fight mode, you know, and nothing against MMA. I actually love the sport.

31:22

I shouldn't have probably mixed that sport in with that. I'm just trying to make an example that

31:26

if you don't find that forgiveness, you're just going to attract a similar situation in

31:30

a different circumstance eventually. Sure. And forgiving

31:34

isn't allowing. You can forgive and have very strict boundaries.

31:38

You know, and i'm sure you do I do I have very good boundaries.

31:41

Yeah, so I mean, I just think you're your story It's

31:45

it's about tattooing but it's who can't relate to this I

31:49

think you'd be hard-pressed to find a human being who hasn't had

31:52

something like this where they did something they're not proud of

31:56

They admitted they did something wrong. They asked for forgiveness.

32:00

And at that point, the only people I have a problem with are the ones that won't give them the grace. You

32:03

know, give people some grace. Give them a shot. So anyway,

32:07

go on. But forgiveness isn't allowance, I guess you might say.

32:11

And I love that, too. It's like when we look at it from a forgiveness perspective,

32:14

it's like you're absolutely right when it comes from like the resentment aspect. Like

32:18

if I'm walking around with all this resentment in my heart, I'm giving my

32:22

power away to that person. I'm not, I'm here as a sovereign being.

32:26

Like I am sovereign, I own my power. I understand that

32:29

what happened to me was an unfortunate thing. But

32:33

at the same time, I do not let my past dictate my

32:36

present nor my future. And the more that I hold that resentment, that's all

32:40

it does is I'm literally taking my past and moving it into my present and

32:43

moving it into my future. And that's boring to

32:46

me. It's fucking boring. Because I'm like, I'm not

32:50

going to let that person, I'm not gonna continue to

32:53

live in my past. Yeah. And actually what ended up working out

32:56

was that nobody believed me that this happened. My

33:00

parents included. Culturally, I understand. I love

33:03

you, mom. I understand. Filipina, I'm sure she

33:07

saw it a lot in her life. So for her, I understand. So I have a lot

33:10

of forgiveness for everybody in my life. I have no resentment. And,

33:14

but what ended up happening was that I was able to have

33:17

my moment where Unfortunately, it happened again, and I

33:20

was able to testify against him So even

33:23

though I forgave him, of course, I'm gonna tell I'm you're wrong brother.

33:27

You can't be doing that shit This is

33:30

a boundary and so I was absolutely happy to testify and

33:35

to help out this other young woman and And so it was just one of those things where

33:38

it felt really, that's the empowering part.

33:42

And it's funny because it's like, as I'm getting older, I'm starting to see

33:45

how all the things are connecting. I'm like, okay, okay, okay.

33:49

And so I'm just willing to, at this

33:52

point, it's like, okay, what is my truth? Where can I utilize this

33:55

to truly create this momentum in my life to give me fulfillment and

33:59

purpose? Because that's what I believe we all have. Like we have, You

34:02

know, I'm very huge on the chakra system, the chakra system

34:06

or energy center system, where our sacral is like

34:09

our creative zone. That's like, you know, where we make babies. It's like, that's

34:13

where we're creating things. And so I'm going to be pulled by

34:17

pleasure and amazingness and what I'm excited about in

34:20

this fulfillment and not be almost avoidant of

34:24

fear. And so I want to, I want to move through life in, in

34:31

That's where it's that's where the magic happens, you know I mean I in hearing your

34:34

your story has kind of set you up perfectly to be a teacher

34:38

of these things, right? Yeah, and I think that's something you've awakened to is

34:41

Mm-hmm. Yeah looking, you know looking at your whole surroundings

34:45

being like why did these things happen to me? Well, perhaps they happen to you so you could be

34:49

this Yeah, you know and again acute there

34:52

are cute things that happen that I think we have to take off the table that

34:56

you know, they are truly just you know, next level,

34:59

and I don't know what you do with some of that next level stuff, but you,

35:03

and honestly, what happened to you as a child, that's pretty next level, actually.

35:08

I'm getting, and I know you didn't need it, but getting some

35:11

recognition that you weren't a liar, that must have felt a little bit good, like,

35:15

because no one was believing you, and then the guy finally, you're like, fucking told you.

35:20

You know, I think there was a part of me that just felt it

35:24

was, Oh, maybe I did ask for it. Maybe,

35:27

maybe this was, you know, and it's like that, that is a

35:30

very, you know, when you're a young girl and I

35:34

was seven, seven, eight, nine. So it was like, um, it was one of

35:38

those interesting things where, you know, it just became one of those things where

35:41

I was like, you have all these thoughts. And I think it

35:44

was a big, it was that sense of that happening

35:48

actually what got me into getting tattoos because tattoos became my armor. It

35:51

made me feel confident, made me feel strong. And I was a

35:54

heavily tattooed CPA before I became a tattoo artist. And

35:58

then being in the tattoo world and almost feeling like that

36:01

sense of like getting on TV and then being hated on

36:05

in television, it almost like felt like I brought myself back to that little girl.

36:09

And so that's why in my work, I love to go in

36:12

and really talk about parts work. I do a lot of healing somatic work,

36:16

inner child work, because of the fact that when we can change those

36:19

relationships with the parts of ourselves that are telling us like, You're not

36:23

enough. You're unworthy. You can't have this. Like all of these things that

36:26

limit our abilities, which is incredibly untrue

36:30

because everybody has the most limitless potential within

36:34

them. You cannot, you can, you cannot talk me out of it.

36:37

I don't care who you are. I don't care who you are. And

36:41

so it's like with this, we just stack limitations on ourselves and

36:45

this human existence. And I really truly believe it's all about just onion

36:48

layer, peeling the onion layers of healing right off and

36:55

And it should be said that you are a certified trauma counselor.

37:00

Yeah, so I'm a somatic, I'm a certified somatic trauma healer

37:04

and therapist. So I got my, both certifications

37:08

probably a few years ago because I was so, I started to talk

37:11

to people in the chair so deeply that I was like, I

37:15

want to be mindful of what's happening and what I'm saying, even

37:18

though I've had a lot of therapy and things like this. So I wanted to

37:21

get certified in this and it's actually a lot of the work that I bring into with

37:26

the artists that I work with as a spiritual business and life

37:29

mentor. So it became probably one of

37:32

the most unique parts of my work where we actually do somatic healing

37:36

and trauma therapy in our sessions versus just here, let

37:39

me teach you how to be good at business or here's some mindset work

37:43

and stuff like this. We actually like go in the body and really

37:46

like reprogram the subconscious mind and really understand like where

37:50

our thoughts and our beliefs are really coming from and honoring those

37:53

places that have, that are there and never shaming. Like I'm

37:56

here to like release shame for everybody. Like

38:00

I think that that's like the biggest thing that we're missing in this world just in

38:04

general. And I just so happen to be in the culture of tattooing cause

38:07

I see it so much. And this is always the biggest thing. And the reason why I

38:10

teach social media a lot is because of the fact that

38:13

that's like the first place it happens. But when we start to

38:17

see where the insecurities are with social media and we start to peel back

38:20

and peel back, it starts to come down to the whole part of what we believe about

38:23

ourselves. And that's where the real juice

38:27

is. Like that's where the real good shit is where you're just like, Oh my

38:31

gosh, you're about to unlock something so deep and

38:34

yummy and I'm so excited for you, but it's so hard. And so

38:37

they want to chalk it up to being like, I'm shy, I'm introverted and

38:40

that's that. And it's like, but when they're willing and you see them

38:44

unlocking and unlocking and then their eyes start to open, they take the horse

38:47

blinders off of their face and they're just seeing a world with like brand new eyes.

38:51

They're like, oh, wow, I'm actually really capable of a

38:54

lot of amazing things. And I'm like, yes! So it's like

38:57

my work is just like, I love it. This is where

39:01

I feel most joy in

39:04

my body is when I see people seeing their own life in a

39:08

Yeah, I mean, to be that for others is always huge. I've

39:11

had my micro moments. I don't do it for a living like you do, but yeah, how

39:15

rewarding to be able to help people at that level. And again, how much your

39:18

life story puts you in a perfect position to be someone who could speak with

39:22

relative authority around how to heal your trauma.

39:26

You had your own trauma, those three. I mean, and shame. I

39:29

mean, your TV show getting hated on, then the reposting getting

39:33

hate. I mean, you had to move through some. To get through those things

39:36

and to be the person I see in front of me today, I don't know the work you've

39:40

done, but I know you've done it. Yeah. Because I can feel you. It's like nobody

39:44

could sit there with those bright eyes and that positivity

39:48

oozing out of them without having done the work. So

39:52

you've done the work. And then once you've done the work, it's easier to teach others how to do some

39:55

of that work. And that's cool that you're doing that. Yeah, that's rad. Yeah. And

39:59

I think on your I mean, there's a lot that you do. And I like want

40:03

to kind of highlight some of it. I know that you practice meditation. Do

40:09

All kinds. So I believe that we

40:13

play three different games on this planet. We play the

40:16

three different games in this world. We play the inner game, which

40:20

is the identity game. We play the energetic game, the quantum game.

40:24

and then we play the material game, the strategy game. And so how

40:28

we move, so the inner game informs the

40:31

energetic game, the energetic game informs the strategy game. So we

40:35

first start with the inner game. So for me, it's always like meditation, somatic,

40:39

in the body. So anything in the body, breath work, parts work. So

40:43

parts work being like going in there, differentiating the different parts of

40:46

you that has a different say. Like we have a round table in our minds, like

40:49

there's a lot of voices going on in there. And sometimes we all

40:53

just believe it's us. And so when we can kind of separate them and

40:56

kind of look from an observer's point of view and looking down at

40:59

ourselves and being like, oh, actually this is just one part of me and

41:02

this is just one part of me. And so it's, I'd look at it like you're driving a

41:06

bus. You really want your highest self to drive the bus, but sometimes your

41:09

inner child's really scared of something. So the ego comes up and tries to turn

41:12

the wheel for you. It's like, nope, we're not going that way. We want to stay comfortable. And

41:16

so, and what ends up happening is that we don't realize that it's

41:20

not us, our highest self driving this bus. It's like a part

41:23

of us. and we think it's us. And so what we do

41:27

is we go in there, differentiate the different parts and heal the relationships with

41:30

ourselves. It's like basically reparenting the inner child, the inner teen, inner

41:33

young adult, all the kinds of different parts of ourselves in there. And

41:37

so that's one meditation that I love to go through. And then the second one would be,

41:40

of course, the quantum who doesn't love to connect to

41:44

their future self or to the future that they desire because of course that's

41:47

what magnetizes right that vibrational level and so we go

41:51

in there and we start to see what it is that we desire what it feels like and when

41:54

we say somatic it's like I feel it in my body that's oh

41:57

I already felt it like when we think about money Money's a

42:00

big one. It's always like, what does it feel like to have it? It feels like freedom. It

42:04

feels like stability, safety. And

42:07

what I'm doing is that I want you to recreate that feeling within the body to

42:10

know that you actually create it within yourself first in

42:14

order to call it in, the soulmate clients as I like to

42:17

call them, or the tattoo business as you'd want, or something of that nature.

42:21

And so it all starts from here. And so it's like that way, we

42:24

get the inner game. This way, we're touching the quantum, we touch our future, we

42:27

touch the potential that we know we have. and then we move in

42:31

the material game. So when we have these two pieces, we move in

42:34

the material game and all of a sudden we're not moving

42:38

in avoidance of fear. We're not moving because of what

42:41

one part of us is like afraid of. Oh, I'm afraid to be seen. It's like, no,

42:44

actually, yeah, I'm still afraid, but I move with

42:48

that fear instead of moving away from it. And that's what changes the

42:52

strategy in the material game in the

42:56

Yeah, I've heard it said different ways similar to that, but

42:59

I couldn't agree more. I mean, that is, it is how, um, you

43:03

know, I, I

43:06

love this type of material. I've read philosophical books my whole life

43:09

and I've done my own soul searching and meditation

43:13

work and work with lucid genetics. And I guess people

43:17

like us, they call us seekers or whatever. I, I, I mean, I, sometimes

43:21

I I've had friends say to me like, It's almost like you're like are

43:25

you lost why are you always why is it always about this stuff and i'm like

43:28

well. Simply put i think it's the most interesting thing going on

43:32

frankly i haven't gotten over the fact that

43:35

i'm here i mean it's like look around do what is this investigating

43:40

what this is is just really interesting to

43:43

me i'm not. I think when I was younger, the seeking might've come more from

43:47

being insecure and not understanding so much about myself. And

43:50

I had to read these books and practice these practices to try

43:53

to get more grounded. It's turned more into just enjoyment. I

43:57

just enjoy the seeking, walking the path, meeting people

44:00

like you, learning more about how this universe works. But

44:03

in that journey, I sometimes have been going a

44:06

little bit away from words like manifestation and even spirituality. Because

44:11

one, they're loaded words, and I think a lot of people can, it means so

44:14

many different things to so many different people. You could say, oh, you know, my

44:18

spiritual work. Well, you're talking to a guy that went to some strict Christian school

44:21

where the nuns used to whip him across his hand. So immediately, that's a

44:25

negative word, you know. And also, you

44:28

know, the longer I play with this stuff, I just don't think

44:32

it's anything like that. I think it's just like, like the universe is like a

44:35

machine and it works just on rules. And

44:39

if you play by the rules, your life's better. You know, it's the mechanical way

44:42

the universe works and, and these things do work. And I

44:45

just think that's a better way to look at it for me at least. And also to get people

44:49

to maybe people that wouldn't listen, listen more. But

44:52

the reality is when you can do the things you just said, good

44:56

things happen. Oh yeah. I mean, they just do. And you don't have

44:59

to believe that there's spirit guides in the clouds above

45:03

you. You don't have to believe in, frankly, gods and

45:06

devils and demons and angels. And it's cool if you do.

45:10

Bringing that into your belief system Enhances and

45:13

abuse it to bring it more power than great but i honestly think

45:17

that's just the way the universe works and you either play by. It's like an

45:20

engine in a car you you know you can put water in there and i can run very well

45:23

it's not gonna run at all where you put gasoline in a run great so that's

45:26

a good way to do it i like those three the way you broken that in a

45:29

three sections and it does start inside and then it

45:32

starts in the future which is quantum which is. You

45:36

gotta create that vision like what do i look like what is my life

45:40

look like and then i like the fact you added that layer of

45:43

the meditation part of it where you are encouraging the person to

45:46

feel the emotion and you know if you close your eyes

45:50

and get quite enough and visualize. You're in this certain house

45:54

and maybe you want a family and there's your kids playing in the yard and.

45:58

And you got this great job and money if you just

46:01

it's not that this is meditation i'm doing right now i think a lot of people are like i

46:05

can't sit still and think of nothing for an hour and that's one form of

46:08

meditation but. You'll feel an emotion, you know, you might get goosebumps

46:12

like, oh, this is fucking awesome. But, you know, many of the books I

46:15

read is feeling the emotion of

46:18

your future, of the goal or whatever it is you're trying to attain is

46:22

literally the fuel that empowers the vibration to

46:26

make it actually happen. The emotional feeling, that emotional component.

46:31

So I like that you threw that in there. Because I do think a lot of people don't

46:35

talk about that much. And I think it's crucial to the ingredients

46:40

Just feeling that emotion. I think that I look at

46:43

it from a perspective of like, you're just having a memory of your future. Like

46:47

when you put it in your body, you already see it. Your subconscious doesn't

46:51

understand the difference between what's not actually happening and

46:54

what's just in your mind. And so that's like, that's how you shift

46:57

your vibration. That's how you shift your energy. And that energy

47:01

calls in or, you know, what it is that you're focusing on,

47:04

right? Energy flows where your attention goes. So it's like, if I'm focusing on

47:07

not being broke and I'm so scared of being broke and I'm trying

47:11

not to focus on being broke, your subconscious only sees being broke.

47:14

It doesn't say, Oh, we're not trying to be broke. It's like, oh,

47:18

she wants to focus on being broke. Okay, let's focus on

47:21

that. It doesn't understand. It just follows you. That's

47:25

how beautiful your subconscious is. It's like that intuitive part of

47:28

you, that subconscious part of your brain, it honestly just wants

47:31

to work for you. And we can actually train it

47:35

in this way. And it's so interesting because what I

47:38

love about meditation and breath work, it teaches you how to

47:42

do something that's already automatic and brings it conscious. So what

47:45

happens is when you take a breath, you do it automatic. We never even think

47:48

about how life force energy just constantly comes in and

47:52

out of our bodies every day, every moment, every second. We breathe

47:57

14 breaths, I believe, in like a minute. And when you can

48:00

get so focused on that breath, what you're doing is you're telling

48:03

your subconscious mind that I desire control in this moment. And

48:07

when you do that, what happens is that you consciously tell your

48:11

subconscious that I'm ready to take control of

48:15

the beliefs of the things I'm doing. And you can literally reprogram it

48:19

from that space. So when we do meditation and we get good and

48:23

practice, what tattooing is a practice, showing

48:26

up online as a practice, me telling my truth as a practice. It's

48:30

all a practice. It's like, so when I can get a hold of that breath and

48:33

do something that's normally automatic or, you know,

48:37

any of the thoughts that come in your mind that's negative and all of these things about

48:40

yourself, that's negative. It's like, if I can just get aware of that, you

48:43

can actually shift exactly what it is you do want to believe about

48:47

yourself. And that's how we shift our self concept. And so for me, it's

48:50

like, why not just try that? Like, why not

48:53

just give it a shot? Like I always tell people 30 days, Just try it,

48:56

30 days. Just try it for 30 days and see what happens.

49:00

See the shift in your own, in your own body, in your own awareness, in

49:03

your tattoos. I truly believe that meditation is the

49:07

biggest reason why I've gotten better at my tattoos because I'm so intentional now.

49:11

I'm like so focused. I'm like, oh, this and this and this instead

49:14

of letting my brain go like this. And I'm just like, you know what I mean? And

49:17

so it's like, this like intention to focus changes

49:21

everything in your life. And you actually, that's where time when

49:25

people say, I never have any time time goes by so fast. It's

49:28

like actually that's where you can slow time down It's so interesting

49:32

something. I'm really really passionate about I'm like, how can I have

49:38

You said something in there, um, why not why would someone

49:41

not want to try that for 30 days? Oh And there's a lot of reasons, but

49:45

I mean, a big one, I think, is we become

49:48

very attached to our identity and

49:52

what it's connected to our story, you know, so, you

49:55

know, it might seem subtle, but what you're asking someone to do is.

49:59

Subconsciously they know you're asking them to let go of

50:03

who they think they are and in that story

50:07

of who they think they are they might have a good. Excuse

50:10

for not having success you know they have a victim story well i

50:14

can tell you exactly why i don't have what i want my dad this

50:17

is this happen to me and this happen to me so you're asking someone to let

50:20

go of that so i got a big part of why. Even though

50:24

why wouldn't you want to do the work to let go of that and move on to the new

50:27

you but it's you know again it comes back to that like you

50:30

can't just become the new thing you gotta let go of the old thing

50:34

yeah you know i think for me the way i like to teach

50:37

you know teach my the people that i have run in my spaces is

50:42

You don't have to let go of anything. You can keep it.

50:45

Let's just get aware of it. Let's just get aware of it. You

50:49

Awareness, basically. That's a

50:53

little, you're tricky. I like that. I'm a little trickster. If you get the awareness,

50:57

you know what happens next. It dies. It withers on the

51:02

Well, do I want this? I'm looking at this. Does this feel good in

51:05

my body to think or believe this? No. Okay. And

51:10

so when people tell me they're trying, I'm like, I love it.

51:13

And I have, I'm like, I'm always like this. I'm always like, I want you

51:16

to love on every single part of you. And I want you to accept that. So if

51:20

we can just get aware of what we're accepting, it's perfect. But then

51:23

once they get aware of it and when they truly do that type of work, they're like,

51:26

oh my goodness, all of a sudden they're like, I actually really don't like this part.

51:30

And I really would like to release this because I feel like this is the part that's holding

51:33

me back. But there's safety in that. There's safety in what they

51:36

believe in their identity. And I would never want to remove that safety. That's traumatic.

51:40

That's a traumatic thing. I'm not trying to traumatize you

51:44

further. So all I'm trying to do is just be like, I

51:47

want you to love on every single part of you. And we're

51:50

going to look at the shadows. This is the wounds. This is the shadow work. If

51:53

anybody's ever heard of that, it's like, that's what we're doing. Let me just shine the

51:56

light on the shadows. That's it. Because we always put the things in the

52:00

shadows we deem or society deems you know, unacceptable.

52:04

And we put things in the light that we think are acceptable. So it's one

52:07

of those things where it's like, well, how about we just own both? This is duality. This

52:11

is the law of polarity, right? We're talking about polarity. So

52:14

it's like, yes, I'm going to love all parts of myself and accept it

52:18

and not change a thing. But the byproduct of looking is

52:23

Yeah. You know, we talked earlier about some of the work of Miguel

52:27

Ruiz and Miguel Ruiz Jr. And we actually, I was like,

52:30

yeah, the Four Agreements is like my Bible. And you were like, me too. And

52:34

we both love the teachings of the Toltecs. And you know, the

52:37

Buddhists teach it too. And a lot of other philosophies and religions teach

52:41

it. Well, I wouldn't say religion as much, but a lot of philosophies teach.

52:44

And it's just this idea of being a steward of your thoughts, right?

52:48

And just in accepting that idea, you've already created separation. Just

52:52

by saying there's my thoughts and then there's the observer of

52:55

the thoughts because we can all do that Try it. You can have a thought like

52:59

oh, I hate la traffic. Okay. Well, you

53:02

can just be the person who that's it There's or

53:06

you can be the person who looks at that and goes, huh? Look at that. Look

53:09

at that thing. Someone's talking in my head saying they hate la

53:13

traffic and now you've created that bit of separation. And that's a

53:16

practice I deeply try to stay embedded in.

53:19

I'm always, you know, they just pop up. The weirdest shit

53:23

just pops in your head. And then I just look at it and

53:26

decide, I don't even decide, I just create that

53:29

separation. And then slowly the thoughts, you become a

53:33

curator and you start looking at it more like, well, that thought,

53:37

okay, I acknowledge you and now I'm gonna move to a

53:40

different thought because You know, you might have that same negative thought five times

53:43

that day, and you're just like, okay, I heard you. It's like a little, little

53:47

kid in the classroom, like, we heard you. Can we move on

53:50

to somebody else in the classroom now? Oh, you, you have your hand up. What

53:53

would you like to say? I'm beautiful and

53:57

I seek wealth and prosperity. All right. I'm

54:01

going to pay more attention to this student over here. So it's just moving that

54:04

attention around and being a steward of your thoughts. And again, I think the four agreements,

54:07

you know, really eloquently explains that one.

54:11

But you're right, man. Just those thoughts in

54:15

your head that talk all day long, aren't you?

54:18

They really aren't. They're just, well, they're probably, you

54:22

could call it your ego or whatever. And they're there to

54:26

keep us alive, you know, to keep us away from, it's just a

54:29

lot of old programming from being ancient man where you

54:32

probably had to think about scary shit a lot to stay vigilant. Oh,

54:35

yeah, something most things were gonna kill you you were gonna starve because

54:39

you didn't store enough food for winter there was predators outside there

54:43

was a Neighboring tribe that you knew was

54:46

always trying to figure out how to come in and take over your shit I

54:49

mean, this is human existence for thousands of years and

54:53

only lately and again for us

54:56

the we live in a very lucky part of the world, so I don't

55:00

want to You know, just say it in a way like I realize there's people who

55:03

probably are still in that situation where they have to wake up every day and really be thinking

55:07

about shit that could go wrong. Yeah. You know, I'm not

55:10

there, you're not there. But yet those programs are still operating,

55:13

you know, and we're in fight or flight mode most of the time. Yeah,

55:17

creating that separation, realizing those thoughts aren't you, and then you can decide

55:20

which thoughts you want to imbue with your attention.

55:24

Attention is like water to a garden.

55:28

You know, where you place it, things grow. So if you're

55:31

placing it on, you know, kind of negative thoughts, those

55:35

things are going to grow and those things are going to eventually become your your reality,

55:39

you know, more of your reality. I, I'm just backing, you already

55:42

said it, but I just wanted to put one more layer on it. I love it. I couldn't agree

55:46

I could not agree with you more. I think this is the reason why we're having this conversation in

55:49

the first place is that we have a very similar, um,

55:53

outlooks on life, you know, and similar beliefs where we're like, This

55:57

work is, and honestly, it makes

56:01

my whole heart crack open to have conversations like

56:04

these more and more, because even with all of the

56:08

things, the myriad of things that have happened in my very

56:11

young existence still, it's like, I have so much faith

56:15

in humanity. I

56:18

root for us, and people are like, you are crazy, and I'm like,

56:25

But if you believe thoughts create reality, boy, you better anchor into that thought,

56:28

because if you don't, then what happens next? If

56:32

most of the planet's thinking we're fucked tomorrow. My

56:35

opinion is we're fucked tomorrow. So, yeah, I do believe thoughts

56:39

in the end manifest a physical reality. I

56:43

often say we're in a simulation. I think it is some kind of simulation. I

56:46

mean, the quantum physicists can almost prove it. They get down to a molecular quantum

56:50

level and they can't even find matter. all they

56:54

Oh my gosh, don't even start with me when it comes to

57:00

It just fucks your head up because you grab a table and you're like, that's not.

57:03

This is actually not real. It's not material. It's

57:07

energy so focused together that it just becomes something

57:11

solid, quote unquote. I love this understanding that

57:14

we're coming to and I find it so interesting how people still don't

57:18

want to understand it. And that's okay because I truly believe I'm

57:21

like, I have a program I'm going to call The One because I'm going to just base it

57:24

off of Neo and The Matrix. It's really just

57:28

like how we like understand that it's

57:31

wonderful to be in The Matrix. Like we actually get to, like

57:35

I'm getting to at this point. Like I'm choosing this at this moment.

57:38

Like I, yes, I'm a, I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. Right.

57:42

So it's like, but at the same time, it's like we got to remember that

57:45

we're here. and that we got to remember that everything is actually not

57:49

what it seems to be. And when we can kind of

57:53

even just touch it, not even have to try to wrap our heads around it

57:56

because sometimes our tiny little brains are just like, I can't understand or

57:59

compute this. It's like, even if we just touch it, it's like, then we

58:02

enter the realm of potentiality and the realm of possibility versus

58:06

the realm of predictability. It's like, everything's predictable. I know a lot

58:09

of people want predictability, but yet we all desire a magic and

58:12

a miracle thing to happen. We're like, oh my gosh, best. You know, in

58:16

my world, it's like, I want the, you know, really successful tattoo

58:19

business. I want to make XYZ money. I want, I want this, this and that. And

58:22

it's like, okay, but if we're living in the realm of predictability, then

58:26

how are we ever going to get into the realm of possibility or

58:29

potentiality unless we expand what we believe is

58:33

real or what we believe is possible? You know, and so

58:36

it's like, if I can believe that this table actually doesn't exist because

58:39

it's just energy, then what else could be possible? What else

58:43

is potential? And if science can prove this, I'm like,

58:46

okay, well, I'm going to back it up with science, right? A lot of

58:49

people say in the spiritual community and science, in the science community

58:53

too, is that spirituality is just science that we

58:56

don't have the tools to prove yet. And so it's like one of those things

59:00

where, you know, for me, spirituality just means I believe in something bigger than

59:03

myself, which is, I just truly believe that there's a feeling inside

59:06

of me that's pulling me and I don't know why it's pulling me in this direction. Why

59:10

am I a tattoo artist that desires to do this for artists versus anybody

59:14

else? Why does a finance person want to be a finance person?

59:17

Why does this person want to be, you know, a camera operator or,

59:20

you know, run this business? It's like, we're all being pulled to do

59:24

something that brings balance to this earth. And if we can follow that,

59:27

then we're really going to do a service to humanity, I

59:30

think. And so it's like, that's what I believe. And

59:34

so if we could just get a little bit around the fact that

59:37

this isn't real, like this is actually energy and that all

59:40

of life is energy, then how much more possibility can we bring into

59:44

Well, anything really. But I want to add two layers that why

59:48

a big reason I believe why people don't want to go there with

59:51

we're in a simulation or there's no actual

59:55

matter when you break it down to its smallest, whatever, all you find is energy

59:59

where spiritual beings having a human experience. If

1:00:02

you do get to the point where you can accept that as your truth, you

1:00:06

immediately have to accept all the results that have been created up

1:00:09

to that point. Because, you know, you're basically saying to

1:00:13

somebody, are you ready to take complete responsibility for everything that's

1:00:16

ever occurred in your life? And I think for a lot of people, that's

1:00:20

they don't maybe even on a conscious level, they don't even understand. They can feel you

1:00:24

pushing them in that direction. And that's where they're just like, oh, dude, this is all

1:00:27

just fucking crazy. Where we go next is I'm

1:00:30

responsible for the job I hated for the last 15 years. That's

1:00:34

my fault. That's what you're telling me. I

1:00:37

mean, we don't have to get so extreme with you, bud. But yeah, because

1:00:41

if this other philosophy is true, they have to accept that 15 years

1:00:45

ago, they could have walked away from that job and they could have changed their reality and

1:00:48

they could have done something else. But you don't understand. I had a wife and she was pregnant.

1:00:53

You know, even those excuses are not, they don't hold water. So

1:00:56

yeah, that's definitely, I think a big part of the resistance to this type

1:01:00

of thinking is you got to take a, you're in the driver's seat.

1:01:03

You always were. When you get to things like what happened to you when you

1:01:06

were seven, I even get confused or hung

1:01:10

up. I mean, I personally wonder if there's a

1:01:13

karmatic system at play here, like many lifetimes are being lived

1:01:17

and things are happening. Because it is difficult when you hear about children

1:01:21

and things that, because you're asking yourself, how is that three-year-old

1:01:25

creating this abusive father? Totally. Now,

1:01:28

when you get to like grown adults and the job they hate and

1:01:32

the marriage, their dissent, with all that, I'm more quick to be like, no, dude,

1:01:36

I guarantee you in a practical way i could walk through your last

1:01:40

10 years and show you 15 times where you chose a

1:01:43

when you could have chosen b and you didn't and it's not

1:01:46

even like we don't have to go spiritual land here it's pretty pretty black

1:01:49

and white you could and you didn't you could have went to the gym

1:01:53

and you didn't you could have not eaten doritos all night

1:01:56

and you did So this these are the results you've created but

1:02:00

yeah when you get into like the youth and things like that I'm always and in that

1:02:05

I don't ever think I need to know I don't think it's my job to know but

1:02:08

I do wonder if it's some karma and many lifetimes being

1:02:12

I think for me since it has it is a part of my

1:02:16

story It's one of those things where it's like the

1:02:19

creation of it No However, I

1:02:23

you know, obviously it's like an unfortunate thing that happens to someone so young

1:02:27

but it's like there I can see there

1:02:31

are parts of me, you know as I'm young and

1:02:34

this is not saying that I created this or I asked for it or anything like

1:02:37

that, but you can start to kind of unfold there are

1:02:41

parts of us that do desire closeness

1:02:45

and we do desire, you know, we are taught that Abandonment

1:02:50

or rejection is death. That's just an immutable. That's

1:02:54

our first chakra for thousands of years If you got

1:02:58

kicked out of the tribe, you died you died exactly And

1:03:01

so like a part of the tribe is life. And so when we look

1:03:04

at this perspective, you know, of course manipulation is at hand and

1:03:08

we don't know that as children and But it's like I truly believe that

1:03:12

we're just following what is a part of

1:03:15

our like what we feel is like survival. And

1:03:18

what's happening in that mode is like that survival. So

1:03:21

it was almost like for me in that moment, I

1:03:25

can't say what I was thinking or doing. I don't even remember. I think I even honestly

1:03:28

just kind of block that part of my life out, which

1:03:32

is something I think is so beautiful about the brain, where it's just like, we're

1:03:35

going to just keep you safe from having to deal with that. We understand the

1:03:38

ins and outs of it. We remember the after effects, you know, and all this

1:03:42

kind of stuff. So it's like, really, like, I do believe that there's this divine protection

1:03:45

in that. But I do know that although I

1:03:49

didn't ask for it, I do believe that it's a big part of me

1:03:52

finding what I needed to do now. And I'm

1:03:55

not saying that it is deserved or you can't find your purpose in

1:03:59

life without something gnarly happening to you. I don't believe that you need

1:04:02

a rock bottom to find that. It's true. I

1:04:05

truly believe that you can find it in your own way when you do desire to

1:04:08

say yes, you know? And so in this moment, I

1:04:12

truly like, there's no real reason, but I do believe that

1:04:16

I can turn my past into something that means something really

1:04:19

good to me. Yeah. And so if I desire to do that, then

1:04:23

I can. If I desire to make myself a victim of that, I

1:04:26

can. People would fucking applaud me. They'd be like, you're right. You should feel

1:04:30

like this. Like they would, they would be like, you do that. But

1:04:33

I'm only making it better for me because I know what it feels like.

1:04:37

And so my way I feel in my body is really important. Because

1:04:40

I know that's how I'm going to lead in this world. Do I want to lead in

1:04:44

victimhood? Do I want to lead in resentment,

1:04:48

rejection, hate? Like, woe is me,

1:04:51

fuck everybody, everybody's out to get me kind of vibe. And trust me,

1:04:54

like, I know that I'd be well in my – everybody would be like, You're

1:04:59

well and you're right to do that, Reese. You deserve to do

1:05:02

that. Of course, you know, I could. Or I could choose

1:05:06

something different that feels better. And I tell people all the time, your tattoos

1:05:09

don't mean shit if you don't want it to mean shit. It could just be a tattoo I just got.

1:05:12

Like, love my tattoos. I just got them because I liked them, you know? But

1:05:16

I'm the meaning maker. You are the meaning maker. You're

1:05:19

the permission giver. I'm the permission giver. So it's like, at this

1:05:22

point, it's like, I'm going to give myself the permission to choose a different story

1:05:26

for my past and what it means to me. People get that. You have

1:05:29

the sovereign right to do that for you. And then that's where I'm at at

1:05:32

this point. It's like, it doesn't mean, yeah, you created it or whatever. That's

1:05:36

really hard. I'm with you on that. But I get to choose what it means for me today.

1:05:41

Yeah, yeah, and for the record I got really stuck up on that for many years

1:05:45

and I arrived where you arrived I'm like, oh god, this is just a rabbit hole

1:05:48

that never ends and it produces no goodness for anyone

1:05:52

and so I just kind of I bring it up on the show because it's a I

1:05:55

just want to open that up to a lot of people who might still be in that mindset of

1:05:58

thinking but I think what you said is exactly what I Was knew

1:06:02

you would go with it, which is it doesn't matter. Yeah, you know and

1:06:06

you know, I I do think there is a higher i believe it's probably a

1:06:10

higher self or whatever who probably guides events in such a way to

1:06:14

cause it it knows the life it kinda wants you to walk and

1:06:17

be a and and so it'll create what seems like tragedy around

1:06:21

you but if you look back if you follow that intuition and you turn

1:06:24

into positive tivity most people that are very successful tell

1:06:28

you Yeah, those things were perfect. Yeah, they sucked

1:06:31

at the time, but there's no fucking way i'd be doing this without

1:06:35

that So thank you. Like you said to that gentleman who who

1:06:38

called you out. Thank you. Yeah, so what we do with it

1:06:42

That's what's important because everyone has some shitty thing

1:06:45

that's happened to them whether it's as extreme as yours or that's extreme But

1:06:50

I find that it's so interesting because I literally like, I have, I'm

1:06:55

about to drop a bottom on you. I just pulled my dad off life support

1:06:58

last week on Wednesday. And I

1:07:03

only smile because I feel so at

1:07:06

peace with the decision. I don't think I made it. I think he made it for me.

1:07:09

It was just me speaking for him. And

1:07:13

because of what I believe in and because of the work that I've done, I

1:07:17

was able to move my grief and turn

1:07:20

it into creative power. And that's like something I'm realizing that like

1:07:24

grief is like towing the line between like

1:07:28

the veil of like your highest potential and just

1:07:31

like humanness. And when we can just allow ourselves to make meaning

1:07:35

to what it's meant, like I could, of course, I've gone through the realms

1:07:38

of what's happening and how everything's going. But with this

1:07:42

it's like I feel so good like it's people again

1:07:46

You'd be so well in your right to feel all these things and I'm like I know

1:07:50

but I'm gonna choose to feel it all and just allow myself to

1:07:53

be so accepting of this and Be here and

1:07:56

make meaning to what it what what this means to me. I'm so

1:08:00

lucky to have a human experience like this

1:08:04

because none of us are gonna escape someone

1:08:07

dying in our lives and And I mean, if that happens, I

1:08:11

really feel bad for the people that may be older than you, that happens

1:08:14

too. We all want to outlive our parents, right? So it's like, I

1:08:18

know that like, no matter what, it's really, it's

1:08:21

like in these moments, in these moments of hardship, the way

1:08:24

I lead myself or the way that I know myself, who I am to be

1:08:28

in this moment is really what defines what happens in

1:08:31

my life. I absolutely feel so

1:08:34

at peace. Of course, I'm, I have a myriad of feelings of

1:08:38

feeling like sadness and grief and

1:08:42

anger and just like all of these things. Like, why would you make me the permission?

1:08:45

Like, why would you make me the decision maker? Like, why would you do that? And,

1:08:49

and having to do all of these things. And I'm just like, And

1:08:53

the moment we accept it, we're like, okay, I'm not trying to

1:08:57

tell you to change anything. I just want you to accept everything that's happening and

1:09:00

open yourself to feeling it. And I truly believe that because

1:09:04

my whole vibe is about being

1:09:08

a good feeler versus always feeling good, allows me to

1:09:11

move through this in a way that feels fucking incredible. And

1:09:16

I feel so good. Like when people tell me sorry, I'm like, please

1:09:19

don't be sorry that I get to do this in my life. Like this is

1:09:22

what I get to do. And it's the first time for me. I

1:09:26

still have two other parents who are really amazing. And so that's

1:09:29

like, this is the first parent that's ever left me. And so I'm like, wow, this is

1:09:33

really interesting what I'm going through and I'm moving through

1:09:36

it. And all I desire is just to let it

1:09:39

all feel. And if I desire to fall on the ground and

1:09:43

cry and scream, I'm gonna do it. If I desire to just be

1:09:46

a little dazed and confused, I'm gonna do it. I just was like offering

1:09:50

myself so much permission when I got the call that

1:09:53

I was like, Okay, I'm gonna just let it

1:09:56

happen, whatever happens. And it became this almost beautiful sense of like

1:10:00

closeness with my dad, closeness with God, spirit, the

1:10:03

universe, your highest self, whatever you want to call it, and then just a

1:10:06

sense of like peace. And so I come here being like, I

1:10:10

am the meaning maker, I can make meaning to this, I

1:10:14

can let it absolutely be well within my right to let it mean that

1:10:17

like I'm gonna fall for a week and nobody talked to me vibes and I

1:10:20

absolutely would be in my right. Or I'm gonna just turn

1:10:24

it into power. And this is like, this is where I'm like, I

1:10:27

know I'm meant to do this work. This is where I find myself the most

1:10:30

where I'm like, I feel so much like love

1:10:34

for what I'm doing. And he alchemizes my dad, he helps me

1:10:37

push me further into my why and my purpose. And it feels so good. And

1:10:40

I know he's really proud of me for that. So it's like, this is

1:10:44

like, again, it's like, Meaning, you're meaning, you're the permission giver,

1:10:47

you give yourself permission. Don't change a thing, just

1:10:51

notice, just be, just open, accept it. And

1:10:54

when we can do that, you have a whole different life ahead of

1:10:58

Wow, that's pretty, that really shows where you're

1:11:03

at as far as you're working with these concepts. I mean, that

1:11:06

was a week ago. I won't say I'm sorry for you.

1:11:10

I don't know what words do you I use I should use with the person like

1:11:13

It's a celebration of life I think mostly and it's like I think that that's like the whole point what

1:11:26

It's like one of those things where I'm like, I believe our soul chose to

1:11:29

be here and we're maybe working off some debt.

1:11:33

Some people believe, sometimes they're like, oh, I just want to go through this experience. I

1:11:37

want to, I want to experience grief. I want to experience, um,

1:11:41

hardship or rejection or something like this. So I know how to move through it.

1:11:44

Who knows why, but. We chose to be here

1:11:48

and I wanna like open myself up to feeling the

1:11:51

amounts of what the humans feel in an experience like

1:11:55

this instead of trying to only try to feel good, which

1:11:59

I mean is dictated by society and what, you know, like people

1:12:02

go on a roller coaster, they feel excited or scared and it's the same chemical release

1:12:06

in the brain. And so it's like I get to determine what that feeling

1:12:09

gets to be like, if it's good or bad. And for me, it's just kind of like it

1:12:13

is. And this is where I get to move with

1:12:16

it. And I allow myself whatever I need. And for some reason, what

1:12:20

I didn't need was to have space. It was actually to

1:12:23

be in community, to be here with you today. It was to be with my

1:12:26

community. I taught a class this morning. I was with the students that I teach.

1:12:30

I was like, I wanted to be with them. And I was like, okay,

1:12:34

this is where I really feel my deepest passion and know

1:12:38

I like what you had to say there. How did you word that? The

1:12:42

Oh, yeah. Instead of always trying to feel

1:12:48

Well, that's cool. I've never heard that put that way before. And that's

1:12:52

I mean, that's great because I mean, the reality is nobody feels

1:12:55

good all the time. It's an impossible fucking goal, first of all. And

1:12:58

if that is your goal every day, you're going to be let down like, damn

1:13:02

it. Another day went by and I wasn't totally feeling rad.

1:13:06

Fucking failed again. I'll try it

1:13:10

again tomorrow. This time more tequila. Yeah,

1:13:14

maybe. I've tried that method. It doesn't work either,

1:13:18

friends. It doesn't. Trust me. But yeah,

1:13:21

and I kind of arrived in that way. You know, life isn't about feeling good.

1:13:25

When good times come, you savor them. And when, um, in

1:13:29

a way, when, when sadness comes, you kind of

1:13:32

savor that. Oh yeah. When do we all of it you know in again

1:13:35

if you're viewing life from the perspective of we're here to

1:13:39

experience this crazy thing called human

1:13:43

existence and earth in reality seeming seemingly.

1:13:47

No matter in time. Still

1:13:51

question if any of that's real, but I mean, if

1:13:54

someone was going to create a place to really deepen a developing

1:13:58

soul's character, I mean, this seems like a pretty perfect

1:14:03

It's a little too coincidental. Like, I mean, it's probably

1:14:07

what it is. Like, you know, and you probably have souls that are, I don't know what they do

1:14:10

up there. They might be in different universes doing all things I don't even understand.

1:14:13

You might become sound in that one or, you know, not even

1:14:17

have physical form or anything. But this one's a specific type

1:14:20

of school that seemed to really develop soul's character.

1:14:24

And in order to develop character, you're going to have to have tragedy and

1:14:28

death and loss and triumphs and

1:14:32

ecstatic moments and love and sex and

1:14:35

And fire and ice and you know it's perfect for

1:14:39

all that and i think it just going at life in that perspective can.

1:14:43

Can actually make it more you know more joy you

1:14:46

know if you can find joy in the whole thing looking at

1:14:50

it mean this is pretty like sometimes i've done a lot of lucid genetics

1:14:53

in my life and i don't do as much as i used to because.

1:14:58

The older I get when I look just it

1:15:01

all looks like it's trippier than LSD, really. You know,

1:15:04

when I look out of reality, this is fucking crazy, dude. You

1:15:07

know, and I don't know. It's those moments I can somehow separate myself

1:15:11

and not be Aaron anymore. It's like I'm just that two year old kid

1:15:14

that didn't even know his name was Aaron yet. Yeah. When the years

1:15:18

where you looked at a tree, you didn't even know it was called a tree, but you still

1:15:21

just were like, you know, you walked up and touched it. Like, what is this thing?

1:15:25

What? Look at this huge thing. And then you see the little

1:15:28

two year olds do this. I watch my own kids do this. I mean, they're tripping, basically. Nothing

1:15:32

has a name yet. They touch the grass and you can just see them rip

1:15:36

it out in this. It's just like a 35-year-old

1:15:40

man on two hits of LSD. That's what they do too. It just takes you

1:15:43

back to being a two-year-old. But really that fascination towards

1:15:49

this ride can go away as we get older because everything gets

1:15:53

a name and a label and everything has a meaning. Most

1:15:56

of those meanings are told to us by our culture and our society and

1:15:59

our parents and our bosses and whoever else. And then we agree

1:16:03

to it. And you don't have to agree to any of that

1:16:06

stuff, you know, just realize those were agreements you made. You

1:16:10

can disagree at any time, you know, and you're

1:16:14

really highlighting that. I think you using this thing you just went

1:16:17

through with your father and having such a bright, beautiful energy

1:16:20

here with me today tells me that you're living in that that

1:16:24

way a bit. You have to be to be sitting here like this. Not many people

1:16:28

It's funny because my sister she she doesn't she gets

1:16:31

it. She doesn't get it. She's like you you ride

1:16:35

unicorns into the sunset and I'm gonna sit over

1:16:38

here and cry and be miserable She

1:16:41

has like tattoos on her body that says I hate

1:16:45

everyone equally like she's very much of that nature We love her

1:16:48

and she's a nurturer and so it's just like it's so funny because she sees me

1:16:51

and she's like I don't get it but I love you for it and

1:16:54

I want you to stay whatever whatever your juice you're taken

1:16:58

and I'm like I'm just high on life at this moment. I have

1:17:01

my moments where it's very down, and I don't feel right, and

1:17:05

I should and shouldn't in my life, and I should be better, and

1:17:08

this, this, and that, and I have a very high standard of myself, and so it's like, of

1:17:12

course I have these. I'm very fucking human. It's not like I don't

1:17:15

have a bad day. Actually, the best part about having a

1:17:18

bad day is that I give myself permission to have one. I

1:17:21

ask my partner all the time, I'm like, I really don't fucking wanna deal with

1:17:25

today. Can I have a bad day? Let's have a bad day together. And then

1:17:28

the moment I allow myself that permission all of a sudden, it's no longer a bad day. It's

1:17:31

like an easy fucking day. So it's like, it's just the permission.

1:17:35

It's just like acceptance and permission to let myself do whatever happens.

1:17:39

I'm like, okay, I'm here. What's gonna happen? I'm open to

1:17:42

it. I'm not gonna fight it. We're just gonna move and see what

1:17:45

happens. And it's like just allowing myself to have that grace. And

1:17:49

the more I offer myself that sense of space, it's like

1:17:53

the more I actually don't need to do

1:17:56

what society tells me I need to do when death happens or when

1:18:00

this happens or when that happens. It's just like, oh, I actually get

1:18:03

to make my own choices, which is so weird

1:18:06

because you're like, sometimes you do like it when people make your choices.

1:18:10

You're like, oh, I actually do have responsibility. Like you said earlier, it's

1:18:13

like, do I really want to take full responsibility for everything that's happening?

1:18:17

But I think it's the most beautiful thing you do because then you get to kind of just like be

1:18:20

cool with pretty much anything. You know, maybe, you

1:18:23

know, you look back, whatever, it's like, I think it's just

1:18:30

Yeah, and it's okay to be sad, you know? And

1:18:33

it's actually, you know, I've met some people that are on the path

1:18:37

that they seem to even skip that part. And I think it's, there's

1:18:41

a trap there too. It's like, oh, I'm so enlightened. I never

1:18:44

even feel sad. No, no. It's when people

1:18:48

get stuck in it, you know? Yeah, be sad, be pissed off.

1:18:51

You know, as much as I believe in no resentment and someone

1:19:00

Yeah. Like I need two days of fuck him. But

1:19:04

eventually I always have that moment. I'm like, okay, I did

1:19:07

that and I'm not going to hold onto this anymore. You know, that person

1:19:11

who did that, They were once a two-year-old little baby

1:19:15

innocent life happened for whatever reason that person's doing that it

1:19:18

happened to me i now have a different um boundary around me

1:19:21

and i forgive them what's next love the things that love you back move

1:19:25

ahead yeah it's getting stuck in it but yeah i you gotta feel

1:19:29

things too you know along the way but that's really cool man um

1:19:32

yeah i i do think that you have a lot to offer You've

1:19:36

got a lot to share. You're here

1:19:39

to do this work. And I think you got the right game plan.

1:19:43

I was curious to see how you would break it down today. And not that I'm

1:19:47

a genius in any of this, but damn, I've read a lot of books. I've been to a lot of

1:19:50

seminars. I've spent a lot of time researching this stuff. And

1:19:53

I think you've got a good set of rules and ways of

1:19:56

working through. With people on how to get clear

1:20:00

of their shadow cells and how to let go of these resentments

1:20:04

on how to get focused on your quantum self and how to eventually I'm

1:20:08

not gonna use the word manifest but Wake up

1:20:11

in it. Just wow and patience everybody. That's the

1:20:14

one thing I've learned to it. Oh, yeah is You just got to be patient. You

1:20:18

know, you can't just change shit. And then a year from now be like,

1:20:21

how come I'm not a millionaire? How come I'm not married? How, whatever your

1:20:26

Urgency is the ego. Like I think that if you're urgently trying

1:20:30

to get to this one point, that's just your ego talking. Cause you're saying that

1:20:33

it's not fast enough. It's not happening for you fast. It's like, if

1:20:36

we can't honor our own journeys, it's like, that's, that's really where

1:20:40

it's going to suck you dry. Cause you're just going to constantly be chasing the

1:20:43

next thing. And it's not going to be fulfilling once you get there anyway. But

1:20:47

you can say that all day long and nobody's gonna understand it until it happens to them I

1:20:50

just think it's it's one of those things where you know The the

1:20:54

way we move the way we like you said, it's like we get the inner game.

1:20:58

We touch the quantum We understand herself. It's like it's not even really

1:21:01

manifesting at this point. It's really like I'm actually taking action from

1:21:05

a place from From a space that feels really good to me

1:21:08

that it's alignment to my joy. I and what feels fucking good. Like

1:21:11

I want to move towards something that feels fucking good, but so many people are afraid of

1:21:14

moving toward what feels good because they're afraid of letting go

1:21:18

of this or maybe that there's like there's this fear of like, well, I have

1:21:21

to do something different. You know what I mean? Or I have to do this

1:21:26

Yeah, or I don't deserve it. And so it's just like, at this point, it's like,

1:21:29

really, all the feelings are good, right? Be a good feeler. It's

1:21:33

not about feeling good. And actually, there's a trade-off to that too, because the

1:21:37

more I feel one side, right, polarity, the more I'm gonna feel

1:21:40

the goodness. So it's the more that I'm allowing myself to feel the sadness, the

1:21:43

anger. And anger is really good, by the way. It's telling you, your body is basically telling

1:21:47

you, you need a fucking boundary. So if you have anger, it just means,

1:21:51

Where did I not put up a boundary? Where do I need to put one up? And

1:21:54

I need to honor that boundary because boundaries are just self-love, you know? And

1:21:57

this goes with clients, this goes with people, your friends, other artists.

1:22:01

It's like all of these things. And that's really where it's at.

1:22:04

Like if you're having a feeling that people deem negative, anger, resentment, it's

1:22:08

just like because there's a boundary that hasn't been in place put for you.

1:22:12

And it's a beautiful sign from your body telling you we need something

1:22:17

Yeah, boundaries. It's like you catch a little child playing with a

1:22:20

lighter and you take the lighter away and they cry. Were you being mean

1:22:24

to the child? You know? And you know, there's that layer of, it's

1:22:28

actually love to the other too, to put boundaries around, for others

1:22:31

to, you know, you really are helping them to grow because they're exploiting

1:22:36

you or exploiting a situation. You draw the boundary and

1:22:39

it's a, it's that tough love moment where they have to be like, huh, This

1:22:43

isn't working. You're helping them to understand a right a

1:22:46

better way of living. So it's love for self. It's love for others

1:22:50

Agree boundaries are important from all those perspectives. But yeah,

1:22:54

I mean, I love it. I love it And I guess um, maybe you could

1:22:57

just tell people a little bit about because I know after this people hear this

1:23:01

They're gonna get excited. They're gonna want to work with you and uh,

1:23:07

Yeah, so you want to follow me, I'm at the art of race on

1:23:11

Instagram, pretty much all platforms. I have a podcast as well called

1:23:15

the mind of race is where I kind of riff off just like this. But

1:23:18

if you want to work with me, I have several different containers, which

1:23:23

is you know, I have a base membership, which is like getting a little taste. I

1:23:26

always tell people if you just want to dip your toe in the water and

1:23:29

see what it's like. I do daily transmissions in

1:23:33

a private telegram group. They also get access to a lot of programs and

1:23:36

a community that's amazing. We love the community in there. I

1:23:40

also help tattoo artists and spiritual entrepreneurs grow

1:23:44

their businesses by way of leaning into a brand message,

1:23:48

which I just shared with you, my brand message, which is my life story on

1:23:51

how I found myself into becoming a spiritual entrepreneur, a

1:23:54

spiritual tattoo artist, really. And leaning into your own

1:23:57

stories, lived and alive stories, accepting, and then

1:24:01

actually utilizing that to promote an actual brand and

1:24:04

message so that when we take that brand and message and put it out

1:24:07

into the online space, we utilize that and create

1:24:10

a community and that community bandwagons, which is the bandwagon effect,

1:24:14

to get you more clients into your space. So I

1:24:17

teach tattoo artists how to really create success and

1:24:20

wealth in their businesses from both other programs that

1:24:25

wheelhouse so yeah so there's plenty of places where people can

1:24:28

plug in and play just if you want to dm me or anything like that

1:24:32

i'm here and yeah just thanks for having me on the on

1:24:35

the show you're welcome my pleasure to have you on today so there you have

1:24:39

everybody that's how you find reese you've already heard what she's all

1:24:42

about if any of that resonated or felt felt

1:24:45

you felt something tingle inside of you take action What

1:24:49

do you got to lose? What do you have to lose? She has

1:24:53

a program where you can literally dip your toe in the water. Give it a shot. So

1:24:57

thank you for coming, especially considering how crazy life's been

1:25:00

this last week for you. Could have easily canceled on me and you didn't. So

1:25:04

really, really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for coming. Thank you for

1:25:07

that wonderful OM we ripped this morning together. We did rip

1:25:10

an OM today. We did rip an OM. It was good. It felt vibrationally good.

1:25:14

I'm glad we started that way. Yeah, me too. Maybe on that note, we'll close

1:25:17

this one with another yoga term. We put our

1:25:25

Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you on the next one. Peace out, everybody. I just want to

1:25:29

take a moment. I've had a lot of you reach out and be like, how did

1:25:32

you do that? You know, because the reality is I had no

1:25:35

idea how to build a podcast. I had no idea how to produce it. I had no idea

1:25:38

how to do any of that stuff. And I was lucky enough to meet

1:25:42

Michelle Renee. Her and her and

1:25:45

her daughter, Bria, and her brother, Eric, they are the core

1:25:49

heartbeat of Verb Media Group. And I just have

1:25:52

to say they've been the best. This show is here because of

1:25:55

them. If any of you guys are out there thinking about trying to stab

1:25:59

at what I'm doing, or maybe you already do something like this, I would highly

1:26:03

recommend these guys. Solid gold. Verbmediagroup.com. Check