0:19

Hello, everyone, it's your go Cheeky's and you've

0:21

reached the voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's.

0:23

I'm here to give you advice on anything and

0:25

everything you need help with. Maybe you're going through

0:27

a breakup, maybe you're having issues with your family,

0:30

or maybe you need help figuring out how to balance

0:32

your checkbook or how to start a business.

0:35

What are the cases I want to hear from

0:37

you? Remember these are my thoughts and opinions,

0:39

and if you're suffering from an issue or hardship,

0:41

you should seek help from a qualified professional.

0:44

All right, Now go ahead and leave your question at

0:46

the sound of the beat.

0:49

Cheekys, I've beenefendly girls for over

0:51

a decade. I love your energy, your personality,

0:54

just everything. So I recently

0:56

went through the passing of my boyfriend

0:58

of eleven years. I

1:00

have a similar situation when it comes to

1:03

family and betrayal and

1:05

just all around toxic. So

1:08

I'm no longer in contact with my boyfriend's family.

1:10

They wasted no time after he passed to show

1:13

me how they really felt. They took a lot

1:15

of his belongings from me while I wasn't

1:17

home. Even though it wasn't much.

1:19

They knew exactly what they took. They

1:22

completely flipped the story on me. They

1:25

when it told lies about me. His

1:27

mom talks so bad about me, get expects

1:30

to have access to our two kids. My

1:32

question to you is, what's your advice for toxic

1:35

family members after betrayal, after

1:37

they do you so dirty, after they deny

1:39

everything. I would love to know your

1:41

opinion. Thank you.

1:44

Oh my gosh, Marlene, I'm so sorry.

1:46

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I

1:49

can't even imagine. Damn

1:52

you know what. I will tell

1:54

you that, unfortunately,

1:57

families seem

1:59

to fall apart after losing a

2:02

family member, Like I don't know what

2:04

happens. I don't

2:06

know. I've lived

2:08

it, I've experienced it. And

2:11

my mom was a huge

2:13

pillar, a strong pillar in our family. So

2:15

when that pillar was no longer there, well, a

2:17

bunch of stuff started happening and started

2:19

coming out, and people started just showing their true colors.

2:22

And it's so sad and disheartening.

2:25

But it's also best

2:28

to know the truth sooner rather than later.

2:30

You know, if that

2:33

is your choice to keep your children

2:35

away from his family, then

2:38

I'm okay with that. Once they they're old

2:40

enough, then I feel like, okay, if that's if you guys want

2:42

to go find and speak to

2:44

your family and have a relationship. I think

2:46

that that's fine. But right now, I'm sure they're young, and

2:49

you need to protect their hearts and their minds, you know, because

2:51

if they're talking bad about you and doing all these things

2:53

and they have some soul searching to do. You know, the

2:56

best advice that I can give you when it comes to toxic

2:59

family members, because I think we all have them, guys,

3:01

there's always at least one toxic

3:03

family member. Stay away.

3:06

That's the best thing that I can tell

3:08

you to do. There's nothing wrong. You can love them from

3:10

afar. Don't speak bad about

3:13

them. One if I can give you some advice, don't speak

3:15

bad about your

3:17

man's family to your kids, like

3:20

keep the kids out of it in

3:22

that way, in that aspect, protect their little

3:24

hearts, protect your heart, and

3:27

stay away. Stay away until

3:29

hopefully they come around and apologize and

3:31

can accept the wrongdoings and take accountability

3:33

and responsibility for their actions. And if they don't,

3:36

then you stay away and you wish them well and

3:38

you love them from far and pray for

3:40

them, send them love and light. That

3:42

is the best advice that I can give you other than that revenge

3:45

does no good or talking bad about them too

3:48

or not. So it's a waste of your time

3:50

and your energy, and you need to focus on your kids and

3:52

healing your heart. So that's

3:55

the best advice I can give you, and I hope that helped.

3:59

Wishing you the Marlene.

4:04

Okay, So our next question comes from an

4:06

anonymous listener.

4:08

Hi, Tiki's I have asked you

4:10

a couple of questions on your podcast

4:12

and you have given me great advice.

4:14

So here I am again. I

4:17

currently am married for ten

4:20

years now, well been with this person

4:22

for ten years now, but just lately

4:25

I learned that within

4:27

our marriage, he has been using

4:31

drugs to have sex,

4:33

and so it has just become

4:35

habit. Without the drugs, it's not good,

4:38

and with the drugs it's good,

4:41

but it's not the best thing because he's

4:43

inconsistent. He's leaving

4:45

my son alone to go and find them while I'm

4:47

at my part time and it

4:50

just makes my life really hard. I

4:52

don't have support from my family, and

4:55

I just don't know what to do anymore. So I

4:57

just wanted to ask and see what

5:00

your thoughts are. What I could

5:02

do. I feel a little stuck

5:05

and I really love him and he's a really good man,

5:07

but he has this drug problem.

5:11

Oh damn. This is a tough

5:13

one, babe. Drug addictions

5:15

are are

5:18

tough. It's a disease. But

5:20

he has to first accept that he has

5:22

a problem. If he doesn't

5:24

want to change for

5:26

you, for your child,

5:29

for your household, then it's going to be very

5:31

hard. I

5:34

wonder what kind of drug it is, because

5:36

if it's I mean, I just I

5:38

just not that it really matters kind

5:41

of, but regardless, a drug is a drug. And

5:45

if he's leaving your child alone to go

5:47

and find this, like it's it's progressively getting

5:50

worse, you have to put a stop

5:52

to it. He needs

5:54

to know that he's lost

5:56

you, and you have to be

5:58

serious. It can't be a game. You have to like for sure, be

6:01

like I'm done, Like I can't put my child

6:03

through this because you're putting now your child in danger

6:07

and you have to make a decision and you

6:09

have to have a straight up conversation like if you

6:11

don't stop this, give him a warning. I'm sure

6:14

you've given him plenty, but it's like, dude, this is it.

6:16

If you don't get your shit together. I

6:19

have to walk out. I have to protect my kid. He

6:21

needs to go find help, and you

6:23

can be there with him and be by his side,

6:26

but he needs to want it. You can't force

6:28

him, like you need to make a he needs

6:30

to make a decision as a grown ass man for

6:32

his family to say, Okay, I want to go to rehab.

6:34

I want to find help. I like, he needs

6:37

to stop this because it's going to get worse and

6:40

if he needs drugs for his penis to get hard, like

6:43

no, like you need to find other

6:46

ways to like no, I'm

6:49

just I'm not okay with that is

6:52

your big sister talking. Okay, So

6:55

I'm gonna leave it at that, but you know what you got

6:57

to do, and you need to have that conversation, and you need

6:59

to and

7:02

do this for your child if you're going to do it for anyone

7:04

else, because him leaving

7:07

your child alone is not

7:09

okay because so many things can happen. I'm

7:12

so upset about that. Now

7:15

we're gonna breathe. I hope. I

7:17

hope everything gets better, Biby, And

7:19

thank you for continuing to listen to Dear Cheeky's

7:22

and sending me questions and I'm hoping and praying

7:24

that this advice can help. We're

7:32

gonna move on to Melinda

7:35

Hi cheeky.

7:36

So this is something that I've always

7:38

been curious about and hope that you

7:40

can provide the answer. So

7:42

I'm curious as to how it works

7:45

when you go on these trips

7:48

that are beautiful and amazing experiences,

7:51

go to events or you

7:53

know, to nice expensive restaurants.

7:56

When you invite a group of people, is it

7:58

expected for the person that does the invite

8:01

to pay for everything? Is

8:04

it a discussion that

8:06

everybody pays this much. I'm

8:08

just curious as being a

8:10

person that would not be able to afford,

8:13

you know, these trips, Like what do

8:15

you do if you have a friend where you know

8:18

that they're not in a place where

8:20

they could afford, you know, going

8:22

on a trip with you, going to a certain restaurant

8:25

with you. Do you just never invite them?

8:27

Do you invite them and then offer to pay, or

8:29

do you just do the invite and see

8:32

what they say they can pay? Like, I just

8:35

I'm really curious as to how all of that works.

8:37

I always see people on social

8:40

media doing all these amazing things, and

8:42

I wonder, like, what about their friends

8:44

that truly can't afford it? Are they just left

8:46

out? Or like what

8:49

happens? Thank you? I love you so

8:51

much.

8:53

Oh, I love you too. This is

8:55

a very good question. I've

8:58

been in this situation where I've

9:01

had friends that expected me to pay

9:04

all the time, and

9:06

it caused a lot of issues and a lot of frustration within

9:09

myself. I take responsibility

9:11

because I could have put a stop to

9:13

it, but I didn't. I think in a way,

9:15

I was kind of buying their love and I was buying

9:17

their company because I didn't want to be

9:19

alone. I didn't like to be alone,

9:21

and I wanted to do all these things knowing

9:24

that they couldn't necessarily

9:26

afford it, and I was like, well, maybe I can, so

9:29

I'll do it. And there's nothing wrong with being a

9:31

person that if you feel in your

9:33

heart you want to buy

9:35

your friends something or invite them to a trip or whatnot,

9:37

there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is when

9:40

a person starts getting used to it, and I

9:43

understand, Okay, they probably can't this time, but

9:45

if they're doing well and then they

9:47

can and they choose not to because they're so used

9:49

to you doing it, then that's where the issue comes and

9:51

that's what happened to me. And

9:53

now I'm fortunate enough to have friends

9:55

that we can go out. Sometimes I'll be like, hey, don't

9:58

worry, I got the bill. It is

10:00

very important that it's

10:02

how we word it, like hey, let's go,

10:05

let's go to this restaurant. I want to try this

10:07

restaurant. Let's go. We'll split it, like say

10:09

it from the very beginning, so that they can

10:12

either say hey, I can't afford it, Hey I

10:14

can't do it, or hey, yeah,

10:16

let's go, and everyone already knows you have

10:18

set the tone of we're going to split the bill, or

10:20

hey, I invite you if you're inviting

10:23

them. It's all in how and the

10:25

words that we choose, how we deliver our message.

10:28

Then you can go and say, okay, well I'm going to pay for it. I'll pay

10:30

for your have Now I

10:33

have friends where it's like hey, I know my set of friends

10:35

where it's like I know who can go on a trip with me and

10:37

who can't, or it's just a conversation.

10:39

I'm grown now and they're grown. It's like I'm

10:42

hey, what's up? Can we do this?

10:44

Are you down? Can you afford it.

10:46

It's like straight up, you know, without feeling

10:48

like you're going to hurt anyone's feelings. Or

10:50

if you're in a position where you can pay

10:53

for it, then great. And if it's a good friend

10:55

to you and you're able to do it, then I think that's awesome.

10:57

It's just people that take advantage. I can't

10:59

with that, Like, don't take advantage of my kindness.

11:01

Don't take my kindness for weakness. That irks

11:03

me so bad. So I

11:06

hope that answered your question. But

11:08

because I went in and I was like, hold on, I was starting to remember

11:11

all kinds of things. But anyways, I am so good. I

11:13

have good friends.

11:13

Now.

11:14

It's like, hey, we split the bill, and I think

11:16

that's healthy. I think it's absolutely healthy.

11:18

So Melinda, thank

11:21

you for your question. I love you too. I already said it. But yes,

11:24

don't let people take advantage of you, babe. I don't

11:26

know if that's happening, but it's not cute.

11:28

It's just not fun. It just frustrates you. So

11:34

our last question comes from Steph

11:38

Habby Cheekys.

11:39

I want to say hi, and I'm such a great

11:41

fan of your family. I need some

11:44

help. I need some advice. I

11:46

just broke up with my ex about six months

11:48

ago. You know, it is what it is. Single.

11:51

I didn't think I was gonna be single, but here I am. However,

11:55

I just can't get over my first.

11:58

I haven't talked to him. We're just social

12:00

media friends, but I haven't talked to him in almost two years.

12:03

I just want to say how he's doing. Nothing, like, Hey,

12:06

hit me up because I'm single. I want to

12:08

just say hi, but I am nervous.

12:11

I have his number, But should I reach him out on social

12:13

media first, or just send him a quick

12:15

text and just say, hey, how are you doing?

12:18

It's been in my mind. I've

12:20

had dreams about him. Oh girl,

12:24

I'm stuck. Should I not funny?

12:27

My first I was

12:30

the one who made the move, So now,

12:32

almost ten years later, should I make the move again?

12:36

Steph? I

12:38

like you, girl, okay, because I love it because you're like,

12:40

Hey, I just broke up with my egg six months ago.

12:42

It is what it is, and we're talking about the first,

12:44

which is great. You know good. I am glad

12:47

you're not hurting that much. And

12:49

honestly, look, I always say

12:52

this, I would rather take

12:54

a risk than live with you.

12:56

What if hopefully this dude

12:58

is not in a relationship, follow him on social media.

13:01

That's the first thing. If he's in a relationship, don't

13:03

do that. If you know that he is with

13:05

someone, don't do that because that's disrespectful

13:08

to yourself and to his partner. But

13:10

if it looks like he's single, why the heck not?

13:13

Girl? Yes, who cares?

13:15

All this like this whole like, oh, the guy should

13:18

make the first move. I mean the first movie with the media, I was

13:20

like, dude, you got some QT eyes. Like I was like, I'm

13:22

feeling you. So anyways, if you want

13:24

something, you you gotta be the one to like, hey,

13:26

what's up? You know what I mean? If that's

13:28

what you feel. If he's not,

13:31

then why not that way you get

13:33

out of that, Like oh should I

13:35

shouldn't because that's like that, that's there's

13:37

like a lot of like when you're in limbo,

13:40

that makes me uncomfortable. It's it's just like I'd rather

13:42

just go bam, let me take the sleep of faith, let

13:44

me take this risk and see what happens.

13:46

But if he's if he has a girlfriend, don't do it.

13:49

Don't.

13:50

But if he's single, if it seems like he's single.

13:52

Do it.

13:53

You're the first one to do it last time. Why

13:56

not now do it? Steph

13:58

and keep us updating. I want to know what happens.

14:01

Okay, don't just leave me here and be like, Okay, I'm giving you advice

14:03

and then you don't let me know what's up. So Steph,

14:06

let me know if you reach out and what he says and

14:09

if the dream can come true if you know what I

14:11

mean, because I'm sure it was crazy dreams. Okay,

14:13

anyways, I want to know all about it, okay, Steph.

14:15

So, oh my god, I'm excited. I

14:17

hope it works out. Okay, you guys, thank you so much

14:20

for your questions. These these were

14:22

like, these were good questions. One

14:24

of them got me hot. But anyways, and

14:27

I don't mean like horny hot, I mean like hot, upset

14:29

hot. You guys, if you have any

14:31

questions that you would like me to answer,

14:34

please leave them. I always tell you guys. Speak

14:37

pipe dot Com slash Cheekys and Chill

14:39

podcast. That is speak pipe dot

14:41

Com slash cheeks in Hot. Oh

14:43

no, I was trying to make a song, but anyways, no, it's not gonna

14:45

work, so speakpipe dot Com

14:48

slash cheeks in Chill podcast. All

14:50

Right, you guys, I love you. Thank you for

14:52

listening to dear Cheekys and cheeks in Chill.

14:54

I really really love you, guys, and I appreciate you so much.

14:56

You have no idea.

14:57

I love my podcast and I'm glad that you love it too.

14:59

Okay, I'll see you guys soon. Misitos.

15:05

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15:09

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15:16

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