0:03

O La bian Benigos to Cheeky's and Chill.

0:06

Today's episode is going to be an interesting

0:08

one. I have some news to tell you guys,

0:11

something that I've been on the fence about for quite

0:13

some time, and today I'm

0:15

going to talk about it. It's about IVF.

0:18

Okay, So spoiler alert, guys.

0:22

I went through with it. Okay.

0:24

So let me take you guys back, because I have

0:27

talked about this on the pod

0:29

quite a bit. The last episode

0:31

in which we talked about IVF, I had decided not

0:33

to go through with it. I wasn't feeling

0:36

it. I started the injections.

0:38

I bought my medication, which was

0:40

very expensive, but I

0:43

just wasn't ready mentally, physically,

0:45

emotionally, spiritually. I just wasn't

0:47

ready. I remember injecting myself

0:50

and I was just like in a bad mood. I just it just didn't

0:52

feel like the right time, and

0:54

I said, Okay, I'm going to give myself a year to get

0:56

pregnant if it happens. I wasn't trying

0:59

to get pregnant. I really wasn't trying to get pregnant

1:01

at all. I wasn't like I'm not on birth control or

1:03

anything like that. I was just like, Okay, if it happens, it happens.

1:05

But it didn't, and I feel

1:07

that everything happens for a reason. I was like, I know my body

1:10

can do this on its own. I know it can because I get a period

1:12

regularly, Like I can do it. Anyways,

1:15

didn't happen. I went to get,

1:17

you know, a pap smear, and then

1:20

I found out I had pollups and they had to remove

1:23

those. And so my obgyn said,

1:25

hey, you know, if you guys want to have kids,

1:27

because Aamlio was with me, if you guys want to have

1:29

kids, we really have to start figuring out what we're

1:31

gonna do. I remember her telling

1:33

me you will never regret having

1:36

a kid, but you will regret

1:38

not having one. So I was like,

1:41

oh shit, that really hit me, and

1:43

I said, oh my god. Okay. So then

1:45

Emilia and I started kind of like talking

1:47

about it and entertaining the conversation

1:50

a bit more because then I thought, okay, I had these poll ups

1:53

and the polyps were huge. You guys, like, there

1:55

were eight of them at first, she only saw three. For

1:58

those of you that don't know what pollups are, so are

2:00

like this, It's like tissue, tissue

2:02

that's filled with like blood and just like gunk.

2:05

I don't know exactly, but it was in the

2:07

lining of my uterus. So they're

2:09

just like like chunks of meat, really

2:12

filled with blood. And I had

2:15

eight of them. At first she thought I had three,

2:18

But when she went in and I had to get and

2:20

removed, she's like, you know, cause I was bleeding and usually

2:22

I was like spotting like for two months, kind

2:24

of NonStop, and I was say, what's wrong with me? So that's why I went

2:27

to the doctor to go get that check. So anyways, I find

2:29

out that I have pollups. We set a day

2:31

for the surgery and she

2:33

cleaned me all up and she said, hey, I just wanted

2:35

to let you know you had eight, not three, and they

2:38

were pretty big and they were covering

2:40

your fallopian tubes. They were

2:42

just all up in there. We don't know how long they were there,

2:45

so maybe that's what was keeping you from getting

2:47

pregnant naturally. So I said, okay,

2:49

cool, So then you know that's

2:51

what happened. Then Emilia and I left and we were talking

2:53

about it, like talking about, okay, are we gonna have kids?

2:55

Like what are we really going to do and

2:58

more and more as I'm getting older, I'm

3:00

getting more mature. I'm thinking, you know what,

3:02

I'm so happy and

3:05

I'm so satisfied

3:08

and content and grateful

3:11

with how things are going in my career that

3:14

I feel like, this year, I want to continue

3:17

doing music and touring and stuff like

3:19

that, but I am going to want to slow

3:21

down next year, you know, And what does that look like?

3:24

So we thought, you know what,

3:27

I don't want to just have an oops, oops,

3:29

I'm pregnant. I was like, you know now that the polyps

3:31

aren't there. Then I started talking about I'm like, okay, wait a second,

3:33

now this can really happen. Should

3:35

I get on birth control? We both decided no, we're not going

3:37

to get on birth control. We're just going to use a little mappy

3:40

thing, you know, the period tracker, because that's what

3:42

I use, so whenever I'm ovulating or

3:44

fertile, let's you know, let's be careful sort

3:46

of thing. And I

3:48

said, okay, well, the clock is ticking.

3:51

I am going to be a year

3:54

older, and every year you lose

3:56

more eggs and you lose more

3:59

of the chance of getting pregnant naturally, you know. So

4:01

I said, you know what to take the pressure off

4:03

of me, Let me just

4:05

do it, let me do the IVF. And I had

4:07

already given myself December

4:10

and January to be off and just say even

4:13

February, but it didn't happen that way. So I was like, Okay,

4:15

we're busy. That's good. Work has come

4:17

in, that's great. But I said,

4:19

you know what, I'm going to take January to

4:21

get my boobs done. I'm also going to

4:23

take January to start IVF. I

4:25

did quite a bit in January. It was very busy, you guys,

4:28

which caused a whole other a whole lot of things

4:31

that I'll all tell you guys about. But I got my boobies

4:33

done first. I got them redone and all that whole situation

4:35

that we already talked about. And

4:38

then I made the appointment to do the IVF.

4:40

I met a new doctor. His name is Andy Wong.

4:42

He's amazing. He has helped many people

4:45

with their IVF journey and having children and

4:47

people that I just wouldn't feel comfortable mentioning, but

4:49

people that I'm sure you guys know, very famous people.

4:52

And he was great and

4:54

he made it happen like this. I

4:56

had the appointment with him. While I

4:58

was in Zo for

5:00

New Years, I was out there with Emilio and

5:04

I had a zoom meeting with him, and everything

5:06

just happened. It just honestly all fell into place.

5:08

I feel like, Okay, this is meant to be you,

5:10

guys, because I wanted to take off the pressure

5:12

of like this year, I want to focus on a

5:15

new album, on a new tour. I have so

5:17

many golds when it comes to my music that I

5:20

just wanted to have the control of saying,

5:22

Okay, I'm not going to get pregnant naturally.

5:25

I don't want it necessarily. I want to have a plan.

5:27

So now we have a plan. Anyways,

5:29

came back from Zion, did my boobs

5:32

and did IVF and once

5:34

I swear to you, I went to the doctor and

5:37

he's like, Okay, we'll start in February, and I said, damn,

5:39

I don't want to start in February. He's like, well, it's because

5:41

your period. It all happens with your period. You have to be on your

5:43

period when you start. Guys.

5:45

Why did my period start like two days

5:48

after I saw him. I don't know if

5:50

it was because of my hormones were

5:52

all crazy because of the boob surgery. I have no

5:54

idea, but my period came early, so

5:56

it all just happened. I called to him, he said, call

5:58

me as soon as you get your period. Supposed to get a period at the

6:01

end of the month. I got it in the middle of the month,

6:03

so I was like, okay, this is already like too perfect.

6:06

I really wanted to start it and be done with it in

6:08

January. It happened. So

6:10

anyways, got my period, went in there and started

6:12

the process. I skipped which was the scariest

6:14

part for me because I've never been on birth control

6:17

pills. The only type of birth control I've ever done

6:19

is the IUD, which is,

6:21

you know, the copper one, the ten year one that has

6:24

no hormones. Because I'm already like, I'm a cancer girl.

6:26

I'm like the moon and I It's just

6:28

it's a lot. So I was like, oh my god, if I'm on birth control,

6:30

I'm going to be like this crazy bitch. So I

6:32

was like, okay, I don't want to do birth control pills,

6:35

and what dude, I didn't have

6:37

to. I skipped that whole thing because He's like, Okay,

6:39

no worries, you started your period. Come in. We started the process.

6:41

I went straight to estrogen and I was only

6:43

on that, like on estrogen for like a few days,

6:46

and everything just happened so quickly. He put

6:48

me on my injections, and

6:50

by the end of the month, we retrieved

6:53

twelve eggs. You guys, twelve eggs

6:55

is a lot for my age. So I was like, oh

6:58

my god, so I have twelve healthy eggs.

7:00

Well, I don't know if they're healthy yet, but I have twelve eggs.

7:02

And usually it's

7:05

about forty percent of what you get that is healthy,

7:07

because not every egg is gonna be healthy. So

7:09

I got twelve, which is He's like, I just want

7:11

to be in the double digits, and we were thank

7:14

god. I was afraid of having to do another

7:16

round because honestly, I'm gonna tell you guys,

7:19

it's a lot the injecting.

7:21

It hurts more and more because

7:23

you have to do it. Gets to the point where you do four injections

7:26

in one day. So I started off with one, then

7:28

two, then four. Then you feel bloated

7:31

and your emotions are everywhere. My skin

7:33

was crazy, you guys, mind you

7:35

I had just got my boobs done, so imagine

7:37

all these hormones in my body, all this stuff

7:40

that I'm injecting, and my boobs

7:42

are already super super sensitive, so then

7:44

they were like very sensitive, like extremely

7:46

sensitive with everything. I was very

7:48

bloated. It was just a lot. It was a lot.

7:51

I don't regret it. I'm very happy that I did it because

7:53

now I don't feel that pressure. Now I know, okay, there's

7:55

twelve eggs, so I don't

7:57

regret it. It was great. I'm happy

8:00

I don't have to kind of worry.

8:02

I have twelve eggs waiting for me whenever

8:04

I want to fertilize them or make

8:06

embryos or put them together. But

8:09

it was it was a lot, and

8:11

it was very expensive. And the only reason

8:13

I'm telling you guys that it was expensive is just to

8:16

be honest. You guys know, I'm very transparent

8:18

and honest with you guys. But I feel

8:20

like it was worth every single penny, every

8:22

single penny, mind you. My doctor also

8:25

does payment plans, which I think was awesome,

8:27

where it's like, okay, if you don't want to pay it all, we'll do it in

8:29

like increment's, you know, and installment payments,

8:32

which is awesome. And you know, again, his name

8:34

is doctor Andy Wong. He has

8:36

an office in Redondo Beach, in Beverly

8:38

Hills, and once somewhere else I don't remember,

8:41

but he's great. The entire staff

8:43

was awesome. And anyways,

8:46

it was about all in

8:48

all, about twenty thousand

8:50

dollars, you guys, So it was hefty, and

8:53

thank goodness, I'm going to keep working this year so

8:55

that we can just you know, I'm when I

8:57

have my kid, i'm'll be like you already owe me twenty

9:00

eight thousand dollars a day it's born. I'm

9:02

like, you aren't in debt with me for twenty thousand

9:04

dollars. I'm just kidding. But

9:06

but yes, it was expensive, but I do feel

9:08

that it is worth it. And again there are payment plans.

9:10

If there are any women out there that either

9:14

are in their twenties or in their early thirties or

9:16

even their late thirties, if you're looking

9:18

into like doing IVF, I do highly

9:20

recommend it. I was on the fence for a very long

9:22

time and I did not feel any

9:24

pressure from a media. It wasn't about that. It was

9:26

more about to be honest about my career.

9:29

It was more about I want

9:32

this year I'm going to be a year older this year. You

9:34

know, the account goes way low every

9:36

year. We lose so much. So I said,

9:39

you know what, I want to be able to work comfortably and

9:41

do what i'm doing without that pressure

9:43

of, oh my god, what if I do get pregnant and

9:45

it messes up the plan, which, regardless, a baby

9:47

would be a blessing. That's not what I'm saying. But if I have

9:49

that control issue, I'd

9:52

rather just control that a little bit more. And

9:54

it did remove a lot of pressure. I feel like I

9:56

can breathe you guys. I feel like I'm

9:59

like, oh, I'm glad I did it. So whenever we

10:01

start planning, which I

10:03

think we might do

10:05

it I don't know next year, or

10:07

we're going to try to do it naturally

10:10

now that we don't have those polyps in the way, I'll

10:12

try to do it naturally and if not, then

10:14

I have my backup plans. So I

10:17

wanted to share that with you guys because it is

10:19

something super intimate. It is something super

10:21

personal. But I've shared everything

10:24

with you guys on this podcast, and I feel like if

10:26

I can help anybody, anyone

10:28

that has felt like me, that

10:30

has been kind of like one foot in, one foot out,

10:32

and then both feed out and then that. Because I've

10:34

been like that, I've been like, I don't know, dude. So I finally

10:36

did it, and honestly, I feel

10:39

so good about it. I really do.

10:41

I think I made the right decision for me. I

10:43

made the right decision for me, not for anyone else,

10:45

Not because I'm meant to have a kid, not because

10:48

I have to, not because people are

10:50

telling you. No, It's for me and

10:52

for Emilia and I and we were both on the same page,

10:54

and he was with me the entire way. You guys,

10:56

like he only missed one doctor's appointment,

10:59

because you have to go almost every

11:01

other day to go get everything checked and get an

11:03

ultrasound, you know, to make sure that the eggs

11:05

are growing nice and big and fluffy,

11:07

and they call it what do they call it, They call it,

11:09

oh juicy. They're like, okay, oh these look

11:12

juicy, you know, so you have to check them. But he was with

11:14

me every single way. He would like

11:16

mix the medicine for me and

11:18

sometimes inject me, and he was

11:20

very very patient. So that also helped me a lot.

11:23

But even if you do it by yourself, it's okay as long as

11:25

you have a friend someone that can just

11:27

you can speak to about it and express

11:29

your feelings because it is a rollercoaster

11:31

of emotions, and I

11:33

definitely felt it. I had hot flashes,

11:36

like a motherfucker hot flashes.

11:38

I was like, WHOA, I was like,

11:40

I wanted to be naked, and then I wanted to be covered,

11:42

and then most of the time I just wanted to be naked. So it

11:45

was crazy, but it was definitely worth it.

11:47

Definitely worth it. From

11:54

what I hear. When you do IVF, twins

11:56

are very very common. You can

11:59

either Usually some will transfer

12:01

two eggs at a time to make sure that one stick.

12:03

Sometimes both sticks. Sometimes one egg

12:05

divides into two. So it's

12:07

very common, especially with like my age

12:09

and stuff like that, to have twins. I

12:14

wouldn't want twins, but if that's

12:16

God's will for my life, then I will

12:19

figure it out. I figure everything else out

12:21

in my life. But for

12:24

a long time I wanted a boy. Now

12:28

I'm okay with whatever

12:30

God wants. I do want to get, like the genetic

12:32

testing, I do want to do that. Emilia

12:35

and I talked about like what

12:37

if you know, what

12:40

if there's only one healthy egg, you

12:42

know what I mean. If we're not able to get pregnant naturally,

12:45

what would we do? And what if that one egg

12:48

had signs of down syndrome. We've thought about

12:51

that and Emidios

12:53

more of like, damn, I don't know if I

12:55

want my child to go through that. I'm more

12:57

of like, well, if that's the only egg we have, we

13:00

really want to have the baby, then that's

13:03

what God wanted for me, and I would go

13:05

through with it. It's a lot.

13:07

This whole process has brought

13:09

so many different things. We've even thought about, Okay,

13:11

like you know, we want to have a civil wedding. We

13:13

want to have, you know, a spiritual wedding.

13:16

Would I be okay with getting pregnant because a spiritual

13:19

wedding won't be until next year, So

13:21

what if I am pregnant? Then I was like, I'm fine.

13:24

So many things have changed, things that used to be

13:26

important to me, where it's like, oh my God, I needed

13:28

to look snatch for my wedding blah blah blah, And now I'm like, you

13:30

know what, no time

13:33

is of the essence. But now

13:35

that I have my eggs, I can be pregnant

13:37

at forty five if I wanted to, like, it doesn't

13:39

matter. That's one thing that my doctor was like, Look,

13:42

you're young, your body's young, your

13:45

uterus will never age. It's

13:48

the eggs. Everything else is fine.

13:50

It's just the eggs that are just like, hey,

13:52

putting a little bit more pressure. But now that we have that

13:54

out of the way, even if I wanted

13:56

to wait to be freaking pregnant at fifty, I can

13:58

do that. I don't know if that's what I want to do,

14:00

but I'm just saying, you know what I mean. So things have changed.

14:03

My perspective on things have changed so much, and I

14:05

swear to you guys, I feel like I could just I could just

14:07

breathe. I don't know. I'm just

14:09

like I can sigh

14:12

and say, Okay, it's done. It taken care of.

14:15

But I did not want to go through it again. To be honest,

14:17

I was praying. I was like, God, no, I was like, this is

14:19

a lot. It's a lot. Especially me. I'm

14:21

so in tune with my body. I feel

14:24

everything. I know when something's wrong, I know when I've

14:26

taken something that's made me feel a certain way.

14:28

I'm very in tune with my body. So

14:32

I was like, it was a lot

14:34

emotionally, but it was definitely

14:36

worth it, So I do recommend it. It's nothing

14:38

out of this world that you can't handle. Us women

14:42

are fucking built for freaking

14:44

childbirth, you guys. We are built for so

14:46

much. And not just because I'm a feminist

14:49

and yeah, but yeah, you know, you know, freaking women,

14:51

we're the badass, you know. But honestly, like, we

14:53

got this, We we

14:55

got it. So it's nothing out of this world,

14:57

nothing that you can't handle if that's what you decide to do,

15:03

you know. With all this IVF

15:05

and then even this past weekend, Emilio

15:08

and I were talking a lot about baby stuff,

15:10

you know, and I feel that e

15:13

Media is definitely more ready than I am

15:15

to have a baby. It's crazy

15:18

because I've been a parent to my siblings.

15:20

I feel like I've had freaking four kids,

15:23

you know, with the experience that

15:25

I've lived with them and I've gone through everything with

15:27

them, as you guys know, I talk about this on my podcast

15:29

every day or all the time. So

15:31

anyways, but he, I think it's something

15:33

he'd be very good at at being a dad. And

15:36

I know you can't compare a dog to

15:39

an actual real baby. But the way that I see

15:41

that he's with our dogs, especially

15:43

little baby one, ryu like, I'm

15:45

just like, he's so patient ever since

15:47

we got him, like taking

15:50

him out to potty every four hours. That's a huge

15:52

commitment. I honestly wouldn't do it. I

15:54

honestly, I was just like, I don't know how this guy's doing

15:56

it, because it was like three months of it, of waking up in

15:58

the middle of the night, of being like super insistent.

16:00

I was like, dude, he'd be a great dad,

16:03

you know, to the point where I was even telling my friends, I'm

16:05

like, I feel that it's important

16:08

to be careful or if I have the

16:10

opportunity to. Obviously has choose the father

16:12

of my child. Now I

16:15

know, like he makes me feel safe, and he makes me

16:17

feel like God forbid something happens to me, you

16:19

know, I'm no longer on earth, or we split

16:22

up, God forbid, Like, I know my child will

16:24

be in good hands and I don't have to worry

16:26

about any other baby mama drama. I've

16:28

been through that, and I just I feel

16:31

good with him. And yes

16:33

he's younger, and I feel like he's gonna have a lot more

16:35

energy, and we talked about it this weekend. I

16:38

was like, Hey, are you gonna be okay with

16:40

waking up and feeding the baby and all this stuff.

16:43

He's like, Oh, yeah, I'll do it, don't even worry about it. I don't

16:45

know. Maybe he'll say that now to try to

16:47

convince me to have a kid, but it

16:49

seems like he'll be really, really good,

16:51

and I know the type of mom

16:53

I will be. I can talk all this crap and be like, oh,

16:55

he's gonna do everything and blah blah blah, he's gonna change

16:58

all the diapers. But I already know myself. I already

17:00

know I'm gonna want to, like, you

17:02

know, make sure my baby's okay, and do

17:05

anything and everything that I can to give

17:08

my baby the best life possible before

17:10

we go. Before we go, I'm gonna pull

17:12

a card. This is a game called We're Not Really

17:14

Strangers. I'm not sure if you guys have heard about

17:16

it, but if you haven't, check it out, I'm just gonna pull

17:18

a card. I feel like this would be different

17:21

for us to just try, and it could be. I

17:23

don't know. We'll see what kind of question that I

17:25

can quickly answer for you guys. Okay,

17:27

So the question is if you could have it your way,

17:30

who would you be with, where would

17:33

you be what would you

17:35

be doing? Oh that's cute, Okay.

17:38

So if I had it my way,

17:41

hmmm, I think

17:43

that I would choose to be with my mother,

17:47

and I would be with her on

17:49

my last birthday, the last birthday that I spent

17:51

with her, when she took me and surprised me to

17:54

the movie. She took all of us to the movies, my siblings

17:57

and I And because that's

17:59

like so me so janey, you know, to go to the movies

18:01

and have to do something relaxing for my birthday, I

18:04

would definitely go

18:06

back to that moment if I could. Right now, I

18:09

like this and no they're not paying me, you guys.

18:11

I just I love this game, and yeah,

18:13

I thought it would be something different. So yeah,

18:15

guys, that's it' that's my IVF

18:17

journey. I did want and feel

18:20

the responsibility to let you guys know because I

18:22

have taken you through everything,

18:24

even my first doctor and then me

18:26

not doing it and I'm trying in the whole

18:29

thing. So now you guys know it's out in the open.

18:31

I did it, so that's

18:34

that you guys. It's always beautiful

18:36

to be able to speak to you guys about everything

18:39

on the podcast. I feel like this is definitely my safe

18:41

place. Thank you for making it that way.

18:44

Thank you for listening to this new

18:46

episode. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope that

18:48

it inspires you or it's

18:50

informative or whatever it is. I just hope

18:52

it touches your heart. So yeah, guys,

18:55

maybe you'll see me as a mommy. I don't

18:57

know if anytime soon, but soon in the near

18:59

future. Okay, guys, all right, well, thank

19:01

you so much, and I will see you on the next

19:03

episode of Cheeks and

19:05

Chill. Do

19:09

you need advice on love, relationships,

19:11

health emails? I'm so excited

19:14

to share with you that my Cheeky's and Chill podcast

19:16

will have an extra episode drop each week.

19:19

I'll be answering all your questions.

19:21

Just leave me a voice message.

19:26

All you have to do is go to speak pipe dot

19:29

com slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcast

19:31

and record your questions. I can't wait to hear from

19:33

you. This

19:36

is a production of iHeartRadio and the

19:38

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19:41

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19:45

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