0:05

Today at the radio backyard fence. I

0:08

want you to think about your fence, your

0:10

limits, your limitations.

0:13

Do you have any of those? What

0:15

if your limitations, the things that

0:17

you feel are holding you back from being all you can

0:19

be? What if those limits

0:21

are a gift from God?

0:24

Look at the weaknesses that you might

0:26

resent that are in your life

0:29

right now. Look at all the ways that you've

0:31

been pushing yourself against the boundaries

0:34

of your life, trying to do more,

0:36

to be more, to achieve, to become

0:38

a success, to find the outcome.

0:41

What if the boundaries you feel

0:43

that lead to shame and frustration

0:46

are there for your own heart?

0:49

Are there for a purpose?

0:52

Sarah Hagerty is our guest. Today we're going

0:54

to talk about the gift of limitations.

0:56

You do not want to miss this.

0:58

You can find out more about her and our

1:01

topic and a whole lot more. Chris Fabry

1:03

live. Org. Thanks

1:05

for joining us at the back fence today. Also thanks

1:07

to Ryan McConaughey doing all things technical.

1:09

Tricia's our producer, gave him the chair

1:11

today. Anthony will be answering your calls

1:14

in little more than a week. The window's going

1:16

close. The fence is going to close

1:19

on our offer of a great resource.

1:21

It's our thank you for supporters of this

1:23

program, give a gift of any amount.

1:26

We're sending the book Memorizing

1:28

Scripture. I talk a lot about

1:30

Christianity being transformation and not

1:32

simply behavior modification.

1:35

And in the book today I was

1:37

reading this, Glenna marshall

1:39

says, you might not

1:41

think that much is happening

1:44

in your slow, plodding

1:46

commitment to scripture memorization.

1:48

I'll tell you what's happening. The Lord

1:50

is changing the way you think. He

1:53

is changing your desires. He

1:55

is keeping you awake to the spiritual battle

1:57

going on for your affections

2:00

and attention. He is reminding

2:02

you you are his. You

2:04

will know how to go out and live whole heartedly

2:06

in a dark, confusing world

2:08

with the light and life of Christ

2:11

because he is making you

2:13

new word by word, phrase

2:15

by phrase, day

2:17

by day. If you feel

2:19

like you cannot memorize any

2:22

more Bible verses than you already have,

2:24

Glenn and I are here to tell you. Don't believe

2:26

it. We'll send you a copy of Memorizing

2:28

Scripture. Call or click through today.

2:31

Again, the the fence is closing.

2:33

We're going to close it in a little more than a week.

2:35

Go to Chris Fabry live org.

2:38

Scroll down. You'll see how you can become a friend

2:40

or a partner with their right with us right

2:42

there Chris Fabry live org

2:45

or the phone number is (866) 953-2279.

2:51

Would love to put this in your hands. 8669

2:54

5th February. And thank you

2:56

for being a friend or partner with us. Every

2:59

now and then I stumble across something

3:01

that explains my life to me.

3:04

And for me. Often it's

3:06

fiction because I think in terms of

3:08

story, it's just how my brain

3:10

lights up. It's how I come alive. It's how

3:13

God sometimes will knock on the back

3:15

door of my heart and say, hey, here you

3:17

are. This is you, right here

3:19

in this story. From

3:21

the moment I opened the Gift of

3:23

Limitations, I was captured

3:25

by both Sarah Hagerty's

3:28

story as well as how

3:30

she interprets the limits

3:32

in her life. Who is she? Well, I'll

3:34

tell you. She's a best selling author.

3:36

Wife to Nate, mom to seven children.

3:39

She runs, she walks through the woods,

3:42

lives near Kansas City, probably

3:44

roots for the that team that's

3:46

there in the red and the white and are featured

3:49

resource is her book The

3:51

Gift of Limitations

3:53

Finding beauty in your boundaries.

3:55

Sarah. Is that right? Do you root for that

3:57

team that does not that successful?

4:00

Oh please. You cannot live in

4:02

Kansas City and not be a Chiefs fan. I think there's

4:04

maybe two of them out there

4:06

and I'm not one of them.

4:08

Yes.

4:08

Well congratulations. It is

4:11

it is fun to watch and fun to

4:13

watch.

4:13

Good year for.

4:14

Us. Yeah. And it's been a good two

4:16

years. We'll see if three happens okay.

4:18

But that there is the limitation right there.

4:20

You know we one two. But we got to get three

4:23

because then we're going to be historic.

4:25

It's it's even in football isn't

4:27

it.

4:28

Um it is. We live that way right.

4:30

Like we get the goal and we

4:32

can sit in it for about 3.5 minutes

4:34

before we're going. What's next? Yes.

4:37

That happened to me, uh, because

4:39

you and I were talking before the program and

4:42

publishing that happened when I got my very

4:44

first book. I dreamed about this. I held

4:46

it in my hands. I went to the publisher, I opened

4:48

it up, my wife and my kids were there, and we opened

4:50

it up and I held it in my hands. I looked at it and I thought,

4:53

when's the next one coming out?

4:55

You know, isn't that interesting?

4:56

That's the first thought that I had. And

4:58

I thought you ungrateful. But

5:01

it it's showing again. What you're

5:03

doing here is you're showing our heart

5:05

to ourselves.

5:06

Right. Mhm.

5:08

That's right. Our eyes really do rest

5:10

if we picture our life like a

5:12

plot of land and a fence around it.

5:15

We live so much of our lives

5:17

with our eyes over the fence line.

5:19

You know your story of your book. I live

5:21

that right. I have a moment. That's beautiful.

5:24

God given, intended for me to savor.

5:27

And my eyes flit from there

5:29

to what's next, I'm

5:31

thinking.

5:33

Exactly. So you

5:36

write about the ache of our limits.

5:38

Define them. What do you mean when you

5:40

say limits or limitations or

5:42

boundaries? What are you talking about?

5:45

I think a lot of us live reacting

5:47

to limitations we've never named,

5:49

but we realize them when we're given

5:51

permission. Maybe even just listening today

5:53

to go, huh? Our limitations

5:56

are the things that hold us back from what we think

5:58

we really want. And so all

6:00

of our all of your listeners have something right.

6:02

It could be a health issue that we're waiting

6:05

for, a finally,

6:07

a negative test. It could

6:09

be small children at home

6:11

and we're tired and going, when will they finally

6:13

sleep through the night? It could be challenges with teenagers

6:15

where we're thinking when they're finally launched, I'll catch

6:17

my breath. Or a challenge in our marriage where we

6:19

think, if we could just get around the corner or I

6:21

can't pay this bill, but when I get

6:23

this promotion, we'll have a little bit more cash

6:26

in the bank. I think all of us live

6:28

with limitations, but but they

6:31

have a power over us because we oftentimes

6:33

don't name them. And if we don't name them,

6:35

then we can actually bring them to God.

6:38

So there's an ache we live with, an ache we

6:40

don't name, but we react to.

6:43

Here's here's what arrested me.

6:45

Ooh, you're on page 11. You say

6:47

you are kept from what I have

6:50

and I can't have what you have.

6:52

I want your quiet afternoons

6:54

and your free evenings. And

6:57

you want my arms full of

6:59

family. Your meticulously

7:01

maintained lawn is the dream of

7:03

the tired landowner who has the sunsets

7:06

you wished you could see if

7:08

your neighbor's roof weren't in the way.

7:11

Um. And this hem of the world

7:14

that ties us into one narrative

7:16

is the ache of our want,

7:19

the ache of our limits.

7:21

And then you say we live mostly

7:24

dissatisfied, bloated

7:26

by the vaporous nature of

7:28

too much, but reaching

7:31

for what's being served at the next

7:33

table over. I mean, that

7:35

that stopped me in my tracks.

7:38

Because we live that right. But we oftentimes

7:41

don't name it. But we live this reality that

7:43

I dream about

7:45

when I'm going to have more time and space

7:47

in my day. I have seven kids, and I dream about when

7:49

I'm going to have more time and space in my day.

7:51

And a sweet girl stopped by my house yesterday.

7:53

She's going to help me with some planting,

7:55

and she's desperate to have children,

7:58

and I think she wants what I have

8:00

and I want the extra time she has. Isn't

8:03

that ironic? But we live there, right? We

8:05

live there.

8:06

And you lived where she was

8:09

years ago because of the struggle

8:11

with infertility, right?

8:13

Right. And that was really my first introduction

8:15

to my limits. You know, I wrote this book after

8:17

seeing that the landscape kept

8:19

changing in my life, as it naturally does, is

8:21

we go through different seasons. But I still

8:23

felt a similar ache in every season.

8:25

And that was I want what I

8:27

can't have, and I feel like there's a fence

8:30

line between me and what I really

8:32

want, and I faced that for the first time in

8:34

my 20s, when all my friends were having their babies

8:36

and growing their families. And I'm going to the hospital

8:39

to visit their new babies. And then first, second,

8:41

third birthday parties. And

8:43

my husband and I went through a decade

8:45

plus of infertility. So standing,

8:48

in essence on the other side of a storefront

8:50

window, watching a life

8:52

happening and growing in so many

8:54

of my peers as we were just

8:56

stymied. We were stuck and stationary.

8:58

In this season of infertility. That

9:00

was the first time I started to

9:03

see. I can't

9:05

always have what I want in God. I can't

9:07

pray my way here. I can't

9:09

actually wish and dream and pray

9:11

and intercede enough to get what I want. And could

9:13

it be that God wants

9:16

to meet me in the not yet, when

9:18

I'm waiting for him to answer the prayer and he's

9:20

going, I actually have something for you right

9:22

now while you're waiting.

9:24

But the problem is,

9:26

Sarah, that we

9:28

in the church either

9:31

theologically, spiritually, putting this

9:33

into something that makes sense,

9:36

we will think that discipleship,

9:38

following Jesus really hard is

9:40

pushed down. Those desires push

9:42

down those wants, don't want

9:44

the thing that you want anymore.

9:46

You know, just be just be happy with what

9:48

you have. Why can't you be content

9:50

with what you have? And if you do

9:53

that, what you say

9:55

is it'll bubble up some other

9:57

way. So let me

9:59

take a quick break and come back and let me

10:01

ask you as you listen today, the gift

10:03

of limitations is our featured

10:05

resource. Highly recommended.

10:08

It's changing my life. And

10:10

I don't say that too often about books, but it's

10:12

like it's not changing my life. It's showing me

10:14

what it is already so that I can I

10:16

can change and embrace it.

10:19

Um, what is your limitation right now

10:21

in your life? What what is the.

10:23

And maybe you're listening and you say it's no, it's

10:25

not infertility. It's not being able to have kids.

10:28

I'm not married. I'm single. I've

10:30

always been I've been single

10:32

and I want to be married. And my limitation

10:35

is when I go to sleep at night,

10:37

I have nobody to share this stuff that I'm.

10:39

I go on a vacation. I can't share

10:41

this with anybody else. What is your

10:43

limitation that you're

10:45

staring at right now? (877) 548-3675.

10:51

We're going to address some of those today with

10:53

Sarah Hagerty. The

10:55

gift of limitations is our featured

10:57

resource at Chris Fabry Live. Org.

11:00

And again I want to hear from you (877) 548-3675.

11:17

Sarah Hagerty is joining us today.

11:19

Hagerty. Why

11:22

the Gift of Limitations is our

11:24

featured resource at Chris Fabry

11:26

Live for Finding Beauty

11:29

in Your Boundaries.

11:31

And since we put this as the radio

11:34

backyard fence perfect metaphor

11:36

for the for the program for you today.

11:39

Um, so, Sarah, for those who are

11:41

listening and they hear your mom to seven

11:43

children and you do you homeschool

11:45

and you, you know, you're you're superwoman.

11:47

Tell us, since you dealt

11:50

with infertility, how do you now

11:52

have seven children?

11:53

Yeah, well, my husband and I always

11:55

had a dream to adopt. We knew

11:57

pretty early on that we would adopt. We just thought we would

11:59

adopt after we had biological children.

12:01

But after many years of infertility, we thought

12:04

maybe the Lord is actually putting this

12:06

in front of us now. So we adopted

12:08

two children from Ethiopia. And

12:11

uh, while we were there was I was

12:13

really stirred by a girl in the orphanage who was

12:15

maybe 7 or 8, and

12:17

it was clear she didn't have a family coming for her.

12:19

She just had these eyes that said, take me home.

12:22

And we came home from Ethiopia and I

12:24

said, we we I want to look for that

12:26

girl, not literally that girl, but the

12:28

children who are oftentimes left in the

12:30

orphanage and not adopted because they're older.

12:32

And so two years later, we went back and

12:34

we adopted two more children from Uganda.

12:37

And then several years after we

12:39

had them home, I had

12:42

four miracle pregnancies in a row.

12:44

Three of them I actually, you know, one was a miscarriage

12:46

and three, I birth

12:48

so well into my 40s. I

12:51

had a lot of surprises.

12:54

And that, and they're right

12:57

there. To have all of

12:59

those children limits

13:01

you especially, you know, you

13:03

got a book contract you want, they want

13:05

you to speak. They want you to be on

13:07

this hourlong program. You got to figure

13:10

out, can I do that? Can I fit

13:12

this in? And, and and

13:14

there's there are expectations your own as

13:16

well as, you know, the publisher and everybody else.

13:19

What are you going to do. So you have to that's

13:21

hard to factor in and not just say yes

13:23

to everything.

13:25

Oh yeah. I mean, I think that's when

13:27

I part of this book was birthed

13:29

from seeing that when I was in my 20s

13:32

and into my 30s and wrestling with infertility

13:34

and going, I am so limited

13:37

from what I want. A lot of those feelings

13:39

were very similar to

13:41

being in my now later 40s

13:44

and seeing my friends launching their children,

13:46

and I have a four year old and

13:48

going, oh, the life that

13:50

I thought I would be living at this season, in

13:52

this season is not what I'm actually living,

13:54

and I have similar feelings of looking

13:56

over the fence line, of looking at the

13:58

life that I'm not living, instead of the

14:01

life that God has given me. And as I started

14:03

to see, whoa, we all

14:05

have this commonality in feeling

14:08

subtle resentment towards our limitations

14:10

and reacting towards them in such a way that

14:12

we miss the life that's right

14:14

in front of us. That's what made me desire to

14:16

write this book. I went, oh, I'm not

14:18

alone. The 20 year old, 25

14:21

year old version of me isn't all that different than the 46

14:23

year old version of me.

14:25

What did you say to the

14:27

friend who longs to have children

14:29

and can't with you

14:32

see, as a as a friend, you

14:34

can come alongside someone else

14:37

and, and kind of dismiss

14:39

and just say, oh, if you only knew what my life

14:41

was like, you wouldn't be. You know, I can see you asking

14:43

for, you know, maybe a 1 or 2 you

14:45

can, you can minimize the pain

14:47

that they're in. So

14:50

how how were you a good friend to

14:52

her?

14:53

I think we as Christians often

14:55

skip steps. And one of the steps that we

14:57

miss is grief. I think there's

15:00

something very significant to not only

15:02

naming our limitations, but grieving

15:04

them with God. But we are

15:07

so good at coaching ourselves out of grief.

15:09

Get on with it. Be happy. Be grateful

15:12

that we miss a very important

15:14

step that actually enables us

15:16

to be grateful. It's crazy

15:18

to think that grief enables us to be grateful.

15:21

But I would say to, you know, even the girl

15:23

standing in my yard yesterday, I was thinking

15:25

and even saying elements of this

15:27

man, this is a season of grief,

15:29

this is profound loss. And

15:31

it's okay to sit with God in this, and you actually

15:34

aren't forsaking God by giving

15:36

your heart permission to be sad. In fact,

15:38

the psalmist gave us lanes for that,

15:41

and there is place and space

15:43

for us to grieve with God that could

15:45

enable a deep growth in him.

15:48

Well, and I think even in this. Yeah. Go ahead.

15:50

You could you could have tried to move

15:52

her though because of your move

15:54

her along, skip the steps because

15:57

and I think I do this myself because

15:59

I'm not comfortable with the grief. I'm not comfortable

16:02

with the silence, with the just sitting

16:04

here. And when you find somebody who is,

16:06

that's gold, isn't it?

16:08

That's absolutely. And I think it

16:10

is. We get to be a little bit of the

16:13

hands and feet and face of God

16:15

when we give people permission

16:17

to grieve, because if we look, you know, I

16:19

think of Psalm 34, God is near

16:21

to the brokenhearted and saves those

16:23

that are crushed in spirit. And I think we have in our

16:26

minds that surely someone who just lost

16:28

a spouse or lost a child. And while that's

16:30

very true, many

16:32

of us have broken heartedness in

16:34

our life that is hard

16:36

and that God wants to be near to

16:38

that he wants to hold. I you know, I think of

16:41

even when I found out I had this last

16:43

surprise pregnancy, I was 42

16:45

and very tired and raising kids who'd been through

16:47

significant trauma. And literally

16:49

two nights before I found out I was pregnant, I

16:51

said to my husband, there's just not enough of me.

16:54

There are too many needs in this house, and there's

16:56

not enough of me to go around. I'm going to drown.

16:58

And then two days later, I found out. I found out that

17:00

I'm pregnant. And in that

17:02

I could say, girl, you've wanted this

17:05

your whole life and you wanted

17:07

a big family, and now you have it, get on with

17:09

it. But instead, it really felt

17:11

like the tender heart of God to me

17:13

was to, as a father, say,

17:16

it's okay to grieve this. It's

17:18

okay to go. This is going to be hard.

17:20

It's okay to acknowledge that you feel

17:22

like there's too much for your

17:24

capabilities right now. And I

17:27

did grieve, and I gave myself permission

17:29

to grieve, which ultimately opened

17:31

my heart up to receive what is now one of the

17:33

greatest blessings in my life this blond,

17:35

curly haired little four year old who is

17:37

like such a sprite and I can't get enough of

17:39

her.

17:41

But we want to move. We want

17:43

to move people because we want to move ourselves.

17:45

You know, God's not going to give you more and you can handle.

17:47

I've heard that a lot of times. And I

17:49

look at the garden, I look at

17:52

Gethsemane and. And I see

17:54

in his humanity Jesus

17:57

struggling. We're going to talk about that

17:59

next week. But Jesus struggling

18:01

with this weight that

18:03

he is asked by the father

18:06

to carry, that he says,

18:09

if there's some other way, you know,

18:11

and then and then to make

18:14

the decision and to say,

18:16

and he had already made the decision, but he's

18:18

just struggling with it. There's a there's a

18:20

gift there, isn't there?

18:22

There really is. You know, Psalm 22

18:24

Jesus used the words in Psalm

18:27

22, My God, my God, why have

18:29

you forsaken me? He used those

18:31

words on the cross, and I think there's really

18:33

a he gives us language

18:35

and permission for what it looks

18:38

like to sit with God

18:40

in the pain. And at the end of

18:42

Psalm 22, ultimately

18:44

is praise. And not that

18:46

Jesus actually used those words of praise on the cross.

18:48

He just used the first part of Psalm 22.

18:51

But if we watch in the Bible,

18:53

we have a grid for weeping

18:55

before God such that we can eventually

18:58

praise. I think of the life of Joseph. You know, he

19:00

I don't know. I feel like it's 7 or 10

19:03

times. Joseph is noted as weeping

19:05

in the Bible, and what we remember

19:07

is him looking at his brothers and saying what you

19:09

intended for evil. God meant for good.

19:12

But there's a back story there where

19:14

Joseph actually wept through his life

19:16

such that he was able to eventually

19:19

say that I think many of us don't give ourselves

19:21

permission to grieve.

19:23

(877) 548-3675.

19:27

What is your limitation?

19:30

What are your limits that you're, uh,

19:32

banging your head up against or

19:35

coming up against the fence line?

19:37

Sarah Hagerty has written the gift

19:39

of limitations. Karen

19:41

is on the line in Idaho. Hi, Karen.

19:44

Go right ahead.

19:45

Oh, hi. Um. Thank

19:48

you. Um, I, um, at first

19:50

made the made the call here because

19:52

I heard you talking about. I'm a single

19:54

woman. I'm in the 60s. Uh,

19:56

in 60s. I'm a business owner

19:59

and have been for about eight years.

20:01

Very busy, very busy shop.

20:04

Um, and I and it's the use of my hands.

20:06

So it's something that I have had since

20:08

childhood, uh, creativity and

20:10

and, uh, that bent. But

20:13

after you talked about putting your head

20:15

on the pillow and I'm single, putting,

20:17

putting your head on the pillow and having someone to share,

20:20

share things with, uh, that that

20:23

just really prompted me to call, because

20:25

it's really in my heart all the time.

20:27

And, um, I have traveled

20:29

alone for a year. Um,

20:32

and I have built my own

20:34

business, uh, you know, done all

20:36

of those things. And yet, um, because

20:38

I'm so busy, the challenge is, uh,

20:41

is, um, is actually

20:43

being too busy and overworked.

20:46

And I left my shop of five

20:48

years before travel during

20:50

Covid and came back, and

20:52

it's it's busier. And

20:54

so in my heart, uh,

20:57

you know, the challenge is not only time management.

20:59

It's some of those things that she, your guest talked

21:02

about afterwards, too, about, you

21:04

know, the loss, um, I

21:06

did I am divorced for

21:08

many years. Um, but I did lose

21:10

a child early on. And some

21:12

of the kinds of artificial

21:14

types of things went through that too, and

21:16

I, I it's hard to get

21:19

past the grief. Um, so

21:21

those things that you're talking about and Joseph

21:23

crying and weeping sometimes

21:26

because, uh, certainly

21:29

I'm very outgoing person and lots

21:31

of people come into my shop and we have great conversations.

21:34

Um, it's it's

21:37

just a limitation that I

21:39

haven't been able to get past.

21:41

Uh, we all want to come into your shop and

21:43

listening to your voice.

21:44

I like coming to your shop. You keep doing it.

21:46

Um, but but is it. Isn't

21:49

it easier to stay busy

21:51

so that you are exhausted

21:53

so that you you go to sleep so that you

21:55

don't have to think? Because, you know, the next day you

21:57

got to get up and do this again. There's almost

22:00

a a comfort in the exhaustion

22:03

that you so that you don't have you

22:05

don't have to spend that time. Is that

22:07

how you feel, Karen?

22:08

Well, well there's

22:10

that there's definitely that I will I

22:12

will say that I have had a hard time getting

22:14

help in what I do, and it is

22:17

a kind of a it's a craft that's

22:19

gone by the wayside here in the last couple.

22:21

Oh, you've got to tell us what it is, what it is that a

22:23

macrame shop or what?

22:26

No, no, I'm a seamstress

22:28

and I do alterations. Um,

22:31

so so it's a it's

22:33

needed. Uh, it's people walk

22:35

into the shop all the time and say, this

22:38

is a dying art, and I'm saying I'm

22:40

alive. I'm right here. I can help.

22:42

You. You know.

22:44

I love that, but.

22:45

But with that said, it's true.

22:47

And I have an education degree. I

22:50

would love to educate people as well.

22:52

The other part. That is just, um.

22:55

Yeah, it's where we are in society. We've dropped

22:57

some of those kinds of skills we have,

22:59

and and yet they're still

23:01

in need out there, so.

23:03

But they're not.

23:04

Valued as well. Okay, okay. Karen, you

23:06

hang on right there because I have

23:08

to hear, Sarah, how do you respond to

23:10

the the limits you're hearing?

23:12

I think they're really real. And it's interesting.

23:14

Karen, as you mentioned your age, I think it's revelatory

23:17

for us that in every season we're going to face

23:19

really challenging limitations. I

23:22

think there's something that happens in our youth

23:24

where we imagine that one day we'll grow

23:26

out of these, and that's

23:28

not true. And so, Karen, I hear you saying

23:31

someone who is acknowledging

23:33

her sadness and her grief, and I think

23:35

that's profound. And so what I would

23:37

say is that may even be the invitation of

23:39

God to you and to those of us who are listening

23:41

and going, oh, I resonate with that

23:43

there. Some of us are being invited to

23:45

grieve, and we're afraid to grieve because

23:47

it might feel like it takes up too much time,

23:50

or it might be disruptive, but

23:52

grief can actually be a road to

23:54

healing and embracing the limitations

23:56

God has given us. It takes a little bit longer than just

23:58

coaching ourselves into better

24:00

living and better behaving. But Karen,

24:02

it sounds to me like you're really at the

24:05

you're at a place of acknowledging and going,

24:07

maybe it's time to grieve some of this loss

24:09

and see what God does with my grief.

24:11

Karen, hang on, because we're

24:13

going to we're going to send you a copy of this

24:15

book. I really want to do that. So Gabby

24:17

will get your information, but I want to read this.

24:19

I'm in the middle of the grief chapter here,

24:22

and Sarah writes, skipping

24:24

the step of grieving even life's

24:27

minor papercuts

24:29

exempts us from experiencing

24:31

Jesus's nearness.

24:33

The lines on his face, the tenderness

24:36

of his in his voice, the feel of

24:38

his calluses across our tear streaked faces.

24:40

Skipping the step of grieving prevents

24:43

us from a measure of healing.

24:45

Will never know. And

24:47

then she says, all the while,

24:49

God's invitation remains the same

24:52

come to me with your tiredness,

24:54

your overwhelm, your sadness over

24:56

what you thought this season would be. Come to

24:58

me. Come to me with lowercase

25:01

aches. I love that the

25:03

ones your dad might coach you out

25:06

of, or your sister might say are

25:08

foolish. The ones that don't compare

25:10

with the child starving in Africa

25:13

come to me with those eggs.

25:15

Yes, come to me when your neighbor

25:17

has lost their spouse. And

25:19

when you think it's foolish to cry over

25:21

another unpaid bill. Many

25:24

of us have years of splinters

25:26

we never brought to him.

25:28

And we wonder why our hope

25:30

is lost. That's from the book

25:33

The Gift of Limitations by Sarah

25:35

Hagerty. You can find out more about

25:37

it at Chris Fabry Live or

25:39

click through today's information right

25:41

there. Chris Fabry live.org,

25:44

more about the limitations

25:46

of life and how to respond to them

25:48

straight ahead on Moody Radio. The

26:04

little encouragement regarding the issue of life.

26:06

Here's a story from Kearney's 40

26:08

day devotional, A lifeline of

26:10

Hope. Jazz came to the US

26:13

looking for a better future. She

26:15

met David, another recent immigrant,

26:17

and life was looking up until

26:19

she discovered that she was pregnant.

26:22

David immediately suggested

26:24

abortion in their cultures.

26:27

They shamed people who got pregnant outside

26:29

of wedlock. Jazz

26:31

parents found out. Of course they did,

26:34

and they pressured her as well.

26:36

Just make the problem go away.

26:39

But as she was looking online,

26:41

she found this number for a pregnancy

26:43

decision line from Connecticut.

26:46

Unplanned pregnancy crosses every

26:48

racial, national and theological

26:51

line. Thankfully, there's

26:53

a number that women and men can call

26:55

and local pregnancy centers that offer

26:58

support and care and compassion.

27:01

If you go to Chris Fabry Live org,

27:03

there's a green Carnet button. Click

27:05

that today. You'll see a welcome

27:07

to you from mute for moody

27:09

listeners and a way to receive

27:11

that free devotional where you can read

27:14

the rest of the story. The

27:16

devotional is a lifeline of

27:18

hope. Read some good news about this

27:20

pro Abundant Life ministry.

27:22

Click the green Carnet button today at

27:24

Chris Fabry Live. Org.

27:28

Sarah Haggerty has written the gift of

27:30

Limitations Finding Beauty in

27:32

Your boundaries, and

27:35

I mentioned this a little earlier. I want to flesh

27:37

it out just a little bit more with you, Sarah.

27:40

And that is, as Christians we

27:43

will. Sometimes you have a

27:45

friend of yours, you know, who comes over

27:47

and is dealing with infertility,

27:49

and you have three verses and a

27:51

poem and a book and you know,

27:54

and you want to give and it's almost like

27:56

we we are so uncomfortable

27:59

with the limits,

28:01

with the struggle that

28:03

someone else is having, that we want to

28:05

move them down the road.

28:07

Can you talk about that? The danger

28:09

for Christians?

28:11

I think it actually, as you mentioned earlier, is

28:13

reflective of our own heart stance

28:15

before God. I think

28:17

we assume God is maybe uncomfortable

28:19

with us being in pain, or we feel

28:22

uncomfortable in pain such that we want to move

28:24

other people along. I think parents who are listening

28:26

can probably identify with you, hear

28:28

one of your teenagers or young adults wrestling

28:30

with something, and don't you surely want to give

28:32

them a nugget of wisdom that will get them out

28:35

of that pain? And I do think

28:37

it's reflective of perhaps our theology

28:39

and our understanding of God is an emotional

28:41

God, and God is one who actually

28:43

gave us lanes for our grief in

28:45

the Psalms and permission to grieve

28:48

in the Psalms. And I think at times we put

28:50

that into categories of, well, if it's a big

28:53

loss, I can surely grieve, but can I

28:55

grieve the fact? You know, I think in my own life

28:57

I broke my ankle and at

28:59

that time had five kids, was

29:01

pregnant, surprise pregnancy with my

29:03

six, and was not able

29:06

to attend my mom's 70th birthday party

29:08

on the other side of the country. And

29:10

I realized I was flooded

29:13

with sadness as I looked

29:15

at aunts and uncles flying in for it

29:17

and all that they did to celebrate her. And my

29:19

mom is such a wonderful beacon

29:21

of light in my life, and I couldn't celebrate.

29:24

And I would have thought, well, this is just a small thing.

29:26

Get over it. Or just, you

29:28

know, I suddenly be cynical that, like, I

29:30

have all these kids and so I can't do

29:32

this because I have a

29:34

broken ankle. I need somebody to travel with

29:36

me. I can't be gone for that long.

29:38

But instead I really felt the permission

29:41

of God. Like, this may seem small

29:43

to you, but I care about this. Sarah,

29:45

will you grieve with me? Will you sit

29:47

with me in the ache of missing this

29:49

because of a physical limitation, and because

29:51

the limitations under your roof? And

29:54

all of a sudden, that part of

29:56

my story and my understanding

29:58

of myself moved to just the common

30:00

line in my head of you have too much

30:02

going on to be able to care

30:04

for things you want to care for, to.

30:07

Oh, there are layers here that God wants

30:09

to tend to in my heart.

30:12

Because he cares and because he's

30:14

kind to you. I

30:16

think one of the other things that we can perhaps

30:19

we can fall into in the church is,

30:21

you know, God is going to give

30:23

me the strength to do this. And there's no Sunday

30:25

school teacher for the fifth graders, and

30:27

there's nobody responding. And I need

30:30

to and I've also got to do this.

30:32

And, you know, so we fill up our

30:34

schedule because with good things,

30:36

with very, very good things, you know, God bless

30:38

those fifth graders. They they do need a

30:40

teacher. But if I, if

30:43

I don't have the, the

30:45

bandwidth in order to

30:47

do that, then if

30:49

I say no to it, then

30:51

I feel the shame and the guilt

30:53

every time I hear about the, you know, the

30:55

noise coming from the fifth grade Sunday

30:57

school class, right? You know, talk about

30:59

that.

31:00

I mean, I think, you know, as a woman, I think of

31:02

the number even currently today

31:05

in my life, the number of people who are

31:07

in need. And so there's meal trains

31:09

left and right to serve friends. Now,

31:11

I myself have Lyme disease. I was diagnosed

31:13

with Lyme disease a year ago, and in

31:15

this last year I've become like so

31:18

up close aware of

31:20

if I don't take care of myself. This

31:22

this ship in our home sinks

31:24

our home saying if mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy

31:27

really. If mommy doesn't take care of her body,

31:29

then everybody else struggles. But then I have these

31:31

friends who are in need and coming up

31:34

with these, you know, coming face to face with

31:36

these opportunities to serve and recognizing

31:38

I am just one person and I'm one

31:40

person who's limited. And could it be

31:43

that just because there's a need out there, it doesn't

31:45

mean that I'm meant to fulfill it? And

31:47

in the same vein, could some of my tiredness

31:49

be that I've been fulfilling needs that

31:51

I thought I needed to fulfill because

31:54

it was right in front of me? Instead

31:56

of acknowledging my finished? I

31:58

am one person, that's all.

32:01

Yeah.

32:02

You know, this happens with,

32:04

um, parents that are getting older

32:06

too. Not just with teenagers or

32:08

or going to college kids,

32:11

but grown adult children.

32:13

And the amount of

32:17

anxiety and angst

32:19

and worry and struggle

32:21

that the parents go through because they want,

32:24

uh, you know, they want good things for their

32:26

kids and for their grandkids as well. It can

32:29

happen. You're kind

32:31

of giving us the the

32:33

vision of, you don't have to

32:35

take on more than

32:37

you don't have to take on what God is supposed to be

32:39

taking on. Right?

32:41

Right. Well, and even I mean, here's

32:44

here's casting a vision for this to some

32:46

of the things that if we say no to them because

32:48

as we grow, I believe as we grow in

32:50

maturity with God, we also

32:52

grow to understand and accept our finitude,

32:55

our limitations, and our

32:57

inability to do it all and to save the world.

32:59

There may be areas where we're actually

33:01

getting in the way of the work of God, because

33:04

we keep trying to save a flailing child

33:07

who actually needs to flail. We keep

33:09

trying to save a situation that seems

33:11

broken, so surely don't

33:13

we want to fix the brokenness when ultimately,

33:15

if we step out of the way, it might be an opportunity

33:17

for God to move in a different way,

33:20

and we get to also see ourselves as one

33:22

who ones who aren't needed by God,

33:25

but delighted in by him. Yes.

33:27

You.

33:27

Right. When we live where we are,

33:30

we remember what we often forget.

33:33

There is so much to see here, so much

33:35

to consume. We 21st

33:37

century humans have tried to live

33:39

limitless within

33:42

our limits. What do you mean by that?

33:45

I think we have, you know, in our hands

33:48

access to. I can see

33:50

what my childhood best friend is doing.

33:52

I can see what my where my friend is

33:54

traveling in Europe. I can

33:56

see the great exploits my cousin

33:58

is doing in their job, all in three

34:00

minutes. And so I naturally begin

34:03

to think and assume that I can connect

34:05

with people at the same time as cooking

34:07

dinner, at the same time as placing an Amazon

34:10

order and listening to a podcast and taking

34:12

notes. I mean, we just live in

34:14

a way that has very little

34:16

boundaries, because our 21st century

34:18

life has taught us to optimize.

34:21

When God moved, Jesus

34:24

moved at the pace of three miles an hour.

34:26

I mean, he set an example for us of

34:28

living very present with the life that is

34:30

in front of him. And we want to travel

34:32

across continents and time zones

34:34

and all the boundaries that

34:37

we might have in a single day by accomplishing

34:39

communicating with many people at once.

34:42

And we wonder why we're tired. Yeah.

34:45

And, you know, I mentioned this before we

34:47

went on this program is 54

34:50

minutes. So there's, you know, there's the fence

34:52

that's around there. And I know that we're not going to do

34:54

justice to what you've written here,

34:56

but there's also this this

34:58

pang in my own heart. I want to have

35:00

everybody on the program that I, you

35:02

know, that that reaches out to me and says,

35:04

hey, would you have me on the program? And I can't do it?

35:06

And I live in some

35:08

ways, feeling guilty about

35:11

having to say no to

35:13

some really good folks, you

35:15

know, that I could have on or conversations

35:18

that we could have. And I think

35:20

what you've written here has kind

35:23

of freed me up to say it's I'm not

35:25

judging anybody's message

35:27

or life or, you know, what they've

35:29

sung or written by not having

35:31

them on the program. This is just

35:33

the way it is. This is just

35:36

the fence that I have. And I have to tend

35:38

my pasture the

35:41

way that God what for what God has given

35:43

me in that time, does that make sense?

35:46

Absolutely. I you know, we just have

35:48

our minds. As I said at the beginning of the

35:50

program, we have our minds fixed over

35:52

the fence line more than we even realize. And

35:54

I would say to listeners, there

35:57

is a life right in front of each one of us.

35:59

If we want to use the fence line analogy around

36:01

your property, there's grass underneath your feet,

36:03

there's a willow tree in your yard, or

36:05

maybe a magnolia that's blooming. It's the

36:08

beginning of spring, and we're

36:10

missing it because our eyes are fixed on

36:12

what we can't have or

36:14

what's outside of our limitations. There

36:16

is a beautiful life. Psalm 16

36:18

six tells us the boundary lines for

36:20

me have fallen in pleasant places.

36:23

I have a good inheritance. Many

36:25

of us can actually step into that

36:27

until we lean into

36:29

our limitations, instead of resisting

36:31

them, until we say no, until we

36:33

go, I can't do it all. I can

36:36

invite every guest on. I can't say yes to

36:38

every person that needs a meal. I can't help

36:40

every friend in need. I can't help

36:42

every one of my children. You

36:44

know, save them out of every pit that they're in.

36:48

That's Sarah Hagerty. She's written

36:50

a really, really encouraging

36:52

book, a hard book, because

36:54

it will look inside of you

36:56

because it's based on God's Word,

36:59

which is not going to come back void. The

37:01

gift of limitations. You

37:03

could almost have called it the book of limitations.

37:06

You know, and sound biblical

37:08

with it.

37:08

But I like gift the gift of limitations

37:11

finding beauty in your boundaries.

37:14

It's our featured resource today at Chris Fabry

37:16

Live. Org. I read

37:18

a paragraph today for those of

37:20

you who listen to this program a lot. You

37:22

know they've been talking about process

37:24

versus outcome. And

37:26

I read a paragraph today and my

37:28

jaw dropped. You've got to hear that.

37:30

And we'll talk about idealism too.

37:33

Straight ahead on Moody Radio. If

37:46

you've listened to this program for any amount of time,

37:48

especially with the last couple of years,

37:50

you've heard me reference process

37:53

versus outcome. We are so focused

37:55

on the outcome of our lives that and

37:57

we go, what are the steps that I need

37:59

to take to get this outcome? When,

38:02

as I look at the scripture, God

38:04

seems massively disinterested

38:06

in the outcome that I want

38:08

for my life, and he's very interested

38:11

in the process of what's going

38:13

on. So when I read this morning,

38:16

um, Sarah wrote, the

38:18

most profound, wearying agent

38:21

was my way of navigating

38:23

all the outcomes

38:25

and let me back up from that, she says. I thought it

38:27

was grief that was wearying. But

38:30

grief was beginning the beginning

38:32

of a reprieve. Was I tired from all the

38:34

hurting in our home? Yes. Was I tired from

38:36

the sheer number of mouths to feed? Yes. Was

38:38

I tired from the responsibility that felt

38:40

too big for me to carry? Yes. But

38:42

the most profound, wearying agent

38:45

was my way of navigating

38:47

all the outcomes.

38:49

I was bone tired from steering

38:52

my course, from living

38:54

for specific outcomes

38:56

and mitigating against

38:58

others. It's an exhausting

39:00

way to live. Yet most

39:03

of us do so unthinkingly.

39:05

Talk about that. Sarah Hagerty.

39:08

You know, Bonhoeffer said, we must

39:10

be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted

39:12

by God. God will be constantly

39:14

crossing our paths and cancelling our

39:16

plans. And I think in the back

39:19

of our minds, we think that as we get older

39:21

and mature in God, we can secure

39:23

outcomes and we live towards that.

39:26

And yet, when I look at mature

39:28

believers ahead of me in life, really

39:30

one of the signs of their maturity is

39:33

their peace and their rest, that

39:35

there is an open handedness that

39:37

they live with. Like, I

39:39

don't know how this is going to turn out, but I

39:41

know he's going to be good.

39:43

Yes.

39:44

And and holding on to that, not

39:46

in blind faith, but

39:48

in looking, you know, back at centuries

39:51

of God doing that and in the scriptures

39:53

and then even in our own lives, because

39:56

so much of this is comparison oriented,

39:58

we get we start to compare.

40:00

And that brings up all of

40:02

the the angst inside.

40:05

Absolutely. I mean, I think we naturally

40:07

not only do we literally look at our neighbors,

40:10

but we have by access of

40:12

our computers or our phones, we can look at,

40:14

you know, dozens of people in a day and what their

40:16

lives look like. And we naturally see their highlight

40:18

reel and think, that's how that's the life

40:20

I want. When people sit

40:22

and tell honest stories, all of us are struggling.

40:24

All of us have areas of our life where

40:27

we are vastly limited from what we want.

40:29

And if we can start to go, oh, there, there's

40:31

a commonality in all

40:33

believers in this world. You will have

40:36

troubles. Each one of us is

40:38

walking through hard things. And

40:40

what does it look like then to go, God,

40:42

what do you have for me right now? Not

40:44

I'm holding my breath until this

40:46

thing is over, until I finally get what

40:48

I want. And then we're going to live together gloriously.

40:51

God, what do you have for me right now?

40:54

You talk about the distance between

40:57

your dreams for this season

40:59

of your life and your reality,

41:01

and how you resented that fence

41:03

line. You call this idealism,

41:06

and it's in the chapter on the myth of dreaming

41:08

with God. So tell me, what

41:10

is idealism and what's wrong with dreaming?

41:13

Well, I used to think idealism was this beautiful

41:15

thing, and I do think God created

41:18

us with eternity in our heart. So he did

41:20

create us with an eye for the

41:22

beautiful, the ideal. But

41:24

when it becomes a problem is when idealism

41:26

by definition is, I ascribe

41:29

more to the ideals that I have than

41:31

the reality right in front of me. And

41:33

so, you know, I think of it in parenting at times.

41:35

We can read the books and go to the

41:37

classes and take the seminars and have a picture

41:39

in our mind of what our family is going to be like

41:41

and drive our kids towards that picture

41:44

at the expense of where they really are. What if you have

41:46

a kid who is special needs, or

41:48

learns slow, or struggles with

41:50

certain behaviors, and instead of

41:52

actually embracing them where they are, you're constantly

41:54

frustrated because they're not matching your ideals.

41:56

What if you have this vision of what your marriage

41:58

is going to be like in this season, and

42:01

but then you actually are married to a real person

42:03

who sins and struggles, and there's a lot of

42:05

fumbling to get there. But you're living subtly

42:08

discontent because it's not the ideal

42:10

that you had. I think we have idealism bleed

42:12

into so much of our life that it prevents

42:14

us from seeing the beauty

42:17

right in front of us. I think of, you know, I mentioned

42:19

earlier, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease a year ago

42:21

as absolutely not what I imagined for

42:23

this season of life and to be

42:25

limited by my body, to be

42:27

limited by my physical health. And

42:29

I can constantly be dreaming about

42:31

what it looks like to not be

42:34

inhibited, to not be tired,

42:36

to not be getting sick. Or I can go,

42:38

here I am, another day in bed. And

42:40

you know what? Maybe God's giving me

42:43

the gift of rest with a novel

42:45

and my kids playing outside barefoot today.

42:49

You.

42:50

You're right.

42:50

The, um.

42:52

The distance between your dreams

42:54

for this season and your reality, the

42:56

resentment of that

42:59

fence line idealism

43:01

can become an intoxicating way

43:03

of avoiding the pain of what's real

43:05

right in front of us. That's what you just said.

43:08

And we are master pain avoiders.

43:11

And idealism cloaked in spiritual

43:13

language, can become a sophisticated

43:15

tool for those who'd rather not face the

43:18

pain of what's right here,

43:20

right now. One other

43:22

paragraph unchecked idealism

43:25

enables me to keep the word

43:27

at a distance from my heart,

43:29

merely responding with my

43:31

head and calling it hope

43:33

and optimism. Idealism

43:35

keeps me from naming the valley

43:37

of the shadow of death.

43:40

And that's where you say we

43:42

we skip steps and why grief

43:44

is so important, right?

43:46

Absolutely. You know that valley of

43:48

the shadow of death, that Psalm 23, in

43:50

Psalm 23, it's you

43:52

are with me, your rod and your staff,

43:55

they comfort me. You prepare a

43:57

table before me in the presence of my enemies.

43:59

We miss that when we're constantly

44:02

going, well, this isn't working out right now, but

44:04

guys, everybody get on their knees. Let's pray.

44:06

Let's intercede that this changes. And I

44:09

am not dismissing the power of prayer. I've

44:11

seen my body physically heal from God,

44:13

you know, in terms of my infertility. But I

44:15

do think there are seasons where we're pounding

44:17

heaven going, God move, God move.

44:20

And if we can have a moment of

44:22

reflection and self-awareness, we

44:24

might realize my fervor for

44:27

prayer is actually coming from

44:29

a place of being scared out of my mind

44:31

that the outcome won't be what I want it

44:33

to be. My drive to

44:35

keep holding onto hope in air

44:37

quotes might be, actually,

44:40

that I'm very scared that if this

44:42

doesn't happen or I don't hurdle this

44:44

fence, I don't know where I'm going to

44:46

be.

44:47

Which brings us kicking and screaming to

44:49

the thought that maybe we've made God

44:52

an idol. Not that he

44:54

is one, but we've made an idol

44:56

out of our hopes and dreams and

44:58

what we want, the outcome that we want

45:00

in this situation right here,

45:02

rather than fully trusting in

45:05

his power, in his work,

45:07

and being content with

45:10

the inability to see

45:12

between across the

45:14

chasm.

45:15

You know, through the valley. Right?

45:17

Absolutely, absolutely. I think

45:19

we can miss that. God has

45:21

something for us right here,

45:23

right now, in this very

45:26

limited minute.

45:27

Here's another quote

45:29

from The gift of limitations.

45:31

Children who frequently find safety

45:34

in their father's laps tend

45:36

to trust the most. A

45:39

heart settling into peace with its limitations

45:42

has found genuine trust in God.

45:44

Do you have. That? Is. Is

45:47

that what you have? And if you

45:49

don't have that, it's okay

45:51

and he's okay with it. And that's why

45:53

yesterday's program, Sarah, it goes

45:56

so well. Leslie Leland Fields was

45:58

with us and she was talking about praying the Psalms,

46:00

and we were talking about Psalm 23 at this

46:02

point yesterday. So these two

46:05

programs go so well together.

46:07

Uh, I can't say enough good things about

46:09

the gift of limitations. Thank

46:12

you for writing it for for living it first,

46:14

for writing it and then sharing it with

46:17

us today.

46:18

Well thank you Chris.

46:20

Sarah Hagerty. Hagerty.

46:23

The gift of limitations finding

46:25

beauty in your boundaries.

46:28

It's our featured resource. Just got a crisp relevant

46:31

click through today's information. You're

46:33

going to you're going to underline the whole thing.

46:36

Because it's really really good.

46:38

Come on back tomorrow. The two Michaels are

46:40

here for a special conversation

46:42

on Chris Fabry Live for production of Moody

46:44

Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible

46:46

Institute.