0:00

Hey Club Random fans, guess what I did? I wrote

0:02

a damn book. It's called What

0:04

This Comedian Said Will Shock You and it's

0:07

available for pre-order now where you get your

0:09

books or at simonandschuster.com. When

0:11

I first saw Monty Python when

0:13

I was a kid, I lost

0:15

my mind. Like this is everything

0:17

that I want. Club Random. If

0:21

I could have just been a pure standup

0:24

and never done anything. But you're already known

0:26

as the purest of the pure standups. Club

0:28

Random. I

0:31

must tell you, I got up this morning, I

0:33

was like Christmas morning. No

0:36

really, I felt that

0:38

Christmas morning vibe because like Jerry

0:40

Seinfeld's gonna be here. I

0:43

got it, I am excited too. I

0:45

got excited too. I've been excited for a couple days.

0:48

It looks odd that we're talking

0:50

about being excited in this position

0:52

with each other. Sit down. There's

0:54

a stripper pole right there. I

0:56

see. But

0:59

you'll never guess who just called me. Leno.

1:03

I just talked to him too. I

1:06

said, yeah, I haven't seen him in a while. I really would

1:08

love to get together. Maybe the three of

1:10

us when you're out. That'd be amazing. So

1:13

that's what's good about these shows though,

1:15

which I'm sure you've already discovered. And

1:18

I discovered with the comedians in cars,

1:20

people I can't, I can't,

1:23

I'm not calling people up and hanging out.

1:25

But if you do a show. I said

1:27

it every week. Both

1:30

people who I know like you, who are like,

1:33

exactly, why are we here? Because

1:35

we're forced to, we're not, it's

1:37

just this crazy force of thing that makes us,

1:39

we don't need the money, you

1:41

don't need the promotion, although we'll certainly do what we

1:43

can. Thank you. But the other thing

1:46

is, I don't know how you feel, I think you

1:48

might be a little different this way, but I don't

1:50

like to be around people

1:52

not working. The

1:55

working is kind of this baseline, it's like

1:57

a baseline current. It's like a beat. I

2:00

can hang out with almost any comic if we're

2:02

here to do a gig. If we're just, if

2:04

I'm here just to enjoy your company, that's not

2:06

good. To me, no, the art. It's

2:09

not going to be good enough. Your company. You

2:13

know, I can get a set in and chat

2:15

and screw up and get some new material. I

2:17

mean, I could take that the wrong way, but

2:19

I'm not going to. Yes. I completely

2:23

see the point about, and set it

2:25

to about work, but also to while

2:27

you are working, do exactly

2:29

what you would be if you were not

2:31

working. In other words, if we

2:33

were over that again, if we were just

2:36

here and we weren't working, we,

2:38

I want this conversation to be zero different.

2:42

Oh, that won't happen. That

2:44

can't happen because, uh, I mean,

2:46

let me,

2:50

I'm a savvy professional. Do you think I don't

2:52

know that if I say something stupid, it won't,

2:56

uh, I can do it.

2:58

No, even you are savvy. You

3:00

are also the saviours professional. What

3:04

are you away right now? What are you away?

3:06

Why is that a relevant question? Oh,

3:09

what's the name of the show? Club

3:11

random. Okay. What do you weigh? I

3:14

think probably one 52 today. What

3:17

today? It was very good.

3:20

Me too. I weigh, uh, I

3:22

weigh one 66 today. And

3:25

what were you in 1979? I

3:29

was probably one 50 probably

3:31

the same, but I

3:33

think you have a, you're slightly smaller,

3:36

um, I don't know. But

3:38

the time where you mean compared to you. Yes.

3:42

I'm afraid that I think you're a little

3:44

bigger, a little bit. Yeah. Also, we can

3:46

go. Yes. Well, I don't know.

3:48

That's a close race. Let's let's. Well,

3:52

listen, before I, uh, forget,

3:55

I heard, what can

3:57

I get Jerry for his birthday? I mean, the man

3:59

you have every. you're a great star. Never

4:03

get tired of that. Do you ever get

4:05

tired of that? No one

4:07

else ever said those words. But

4:10

Don, you're a great star. I know. I only say

4:12

it to you. I love

4:14

it. I want you so bad. She

4:18

took the necklace off and the head hits the sink. Some

4:25

of those things they made no sense. Drop

4:28

your pants and fire a rocket. Well, he

4:30

didn't want to say fire a rocket out of my ass.

4:32

That's what he wanted to say. He

4:34

was very, very clean. Which

4:36

is interesting because he had those

4:39

little... What do we call them? He

4:43

would just kind of bend the

4:45

rules, let's say, for television. Oh,

4:47

yes. But yeah, drop

4:49

my pants and fire a rocket out of my

4:51

ass. That's what you're supposed to finish in your

4:53

head. I didn't even know that was a thing.

4:57

Oh, sure. Well,

5:00

I loved it as a kid no matter what he did. And

5:03

he certainly would be the eminently

5:07

cancelable today. Let's not.

5:11

Oh, I promise you. I saw him... You

5:13

can't move him from then to now

5:15

without him... Modulating?

5:17

He wouldn't have. You don't know that. He's

5:21

going to want to work. I think the man likes

5:23

to work. Okay,

5:26

but I saw him doing it later than it

5:28

should have been. I

5:31

saw him opening... Yeah, yeah. That was

5:33

a miscalculation. Anyway,

5:36

I wanted... You should

5:38

fill. I'm so touched. You don't

5:41

even know what it is yet.

5:44

Don't worry. I'm not really touched. Well,

5:46

I hope you were touched by

5:48

what I gave you. I was. I put it

5:50

very prominently in my little den. That was the

5:52

metal rabbet. I love it. And I look at

5:54

it and I think of you and it's a

5:57

bit... Okay. It's too much

5:59

because you really... Really? Well, and

6:01

it's true. And let me tell the people. Oh

6:03

gosh. Do we have to? Oh really?

6:06

You're gonna tell them? You don't wanna? Oh, all right, go ahead.

6:09

It's okay. I mean, it's not, I mean, it's- It's not

6:11

a big deal. It was very sweet

6:13

and I'm very nice. But it limbs, I

6:15

think, for an audience who you really are

6:17

to us, the comedians. I had a rabbit

6:20

made, and by the way, they

6:22

don't make rabbits. I had to have it made because

6:24

you can get a bunny on Amazon. Bunnies

6:26

are all over, but not like

6:28

the rabbit in motion. The idea was Jerry

6:31

was always the rabbit among the comedians. He

6:33

was the leader of the pack, and we

6:35

were all chasing. And it was

6:37

inscribed, the rabbit we never caught. What,

6:41

you don't remember that? Of course I do. You

6:43

said it like, oh. I

6:45

think I read it. Does it say that

6:47

on there? It does. Oh, I never read

6:50

it. Oh. I'll

6:53

go home right after this and read it. You

6:55

just remember me saying it at this part. Yes, yes.

6:59

That's interesting. Wow.

7:02

Well, anyway, that's exactly who you are. Thank

7:04

you. You've also been a great

7:06

friend. You know, you were

7:08

there when I did the

7:11

first week of Politically

7:13

Incorrect. You didn't have to. You

7:15

flew to Washington on your wife's

7:17

birthday in 2014 when I

7:20

needed a guest on, when we did

7:22

our special show in DC. You remember that? That's right,

7:24

when you did the stand-up stuff on the. And

7:27

I certainly have vivid memories of

7:29

like, I got

7:31

on stage at the comic strip and I had tried

7:34

like all this new material. This was my first year.

7:36

And then with you, I looked back and I think you

7:38

must have been thinking you fucking idiot, but you were nice

7:40

enough to be like, you know, you should

7:42

just try one or two new things. And

7:46

it was, you know, advice I needed to

7:48

get and probably did not follow

7:50

for another three years. But

7:52

I went through all like my

7:54

file from 1979 because

7:57

I thought, where can I get the first in

7:59

there? Everything got the amazing

8:02

career, the perfect wife, the great

8:04

family, the adoration of a

8:06

grateful nation. The

8:08

only thing I could get you is to amuse

8:11

you and give you a memory or bring back

8:13

a memory. So here's my show

8:15

and tell box. Look at this

8:17

from 1979. What

8:21

is it? Comedy Hour, Biltmore

8:23

& Company. Oh, I don't

8:26

know why, and Company, it's my first year in comedy.

8:28

Look at the time. 1230 to 130. 1230

8:32

to 130? Well, you

8:34

can't give me this. I'm not giving it to you. There

8:37

is something I do wanna give you. Oh, okay. That

8:40

I've treasured for 50 years, 60 years. But

8:43

I- 60? Yeah, yeah,

8:45

it's from the, it's 1964, but 1230. The

8:52

fact that we were doing shows- All the time.

8:54

And this is, well, 1230 would

8:56

be a bad time to do the show AM

8:58

or PM. Yeah. But

9:01

this was noon. This was a

9:03

nooner. Okay. So,

9:06

all right. So here's the thing. I

9:08

wanna have framed if you like it for you. See

9:12

if you can see what this is. I

9:14

betcha you are here. Oh,

9:17

yes. Oh, man. I'm

9:19

a pack rat. You're not. Oh

9:22

my God. Do you know what that is? Of course

9:24

I know what it is. And I read this more

9:26

than anything, yes. Were you there?

9:29

I lived for it. I went many,

9:31

many times. And I have quite a

9:33

bit of memorabilia myself. Anything

9:35

blue and orange that says World's Fair

9:37

on it, I have it. Not

9:39

anything. Well, that is the map that

9:42

told you where all the pavilions and everything was at

9:44

the 1964 World's Fair. Which-

9:49

Oh, let's be honest, Bill.

9:52

What? And say there's

9:54

a sadness to what

9:57

the world seemed like to us.

10:00

at this time what we thought

10:02

it was. What everybody wanted it to

10:04

be, right? I

10:06

was looking at this the other day,

10:09

and I see the GM pavilion, and

10:11

I thought, nobody

10:13

bitched about every fucking thing back

10:15

then. Now, every pavilion would have

10:18

somebody in front of it, like, you're making oil, and

10:20

you can't. Nobody

10:24

would just enjoy the fucking...

10:26

Well, it's Jimmy Brogan's great

10:28

heckler line that he used to

10:31

do when people would talk to

10:33

heckler, and he would always say, I'm sorry, we

10:35

don't have microphones for everyone. Remember

10:37

that line? Unfortunately, that's

10:40

what happened. That's

10:42

what happened. And yes, it ruined everything.

10:45

But how do you have this? By the

10:47

way... Because I'm a pack rat, I'm the

10:49

opposite of you. Oh, this is a map

10:51

of the World's Fair. It looks like an

10:53

architectural rendering. I think they gave it

10:55

to you so that you could know where... Hey,

10:58

I'm here at the Finland pavilion. No,

11:00

really, and we want to get to

11:03

Muriel Cigars before lunch. I

11:08

remember walking around here, and at one point

11:10

being very tired, and my feet were hurt.

11:13

Remember how boring the countries were? I

11:17

don't want to see any country. Let's go to the World

11:19

of... Well, the Caribbean, you'll see that was on there. That

11:21

was kind of a good one. Do you remember the stories

11:23

of the kids that got lost in there, and

11:25

the parents left them there, and they were living

11:28

off the coins in the fountain? I remember... To

11:30

eat coin dogs. I don't remember that, but I

11:32

do remember kids getting lost there. Well, if you're

11:34

going to give this to me... I

11:37

want to have it framed and then give it to you. Yes, I would

11:39

love it, and I'll put it up on my wall. Yeah,

11:41

and you can look at it endlessly.

11:43

Yeah. Because it's so intricate, and they have

11:46

all the... Incredible. Thank

11:48

you, Billy. Yeah. That's

11:50

lovely. See? You can't get that at Sears. No.

11:53

So funny that you mentioned Jimmy Brogan.

11:57

This is what I took out of... uh,

12:01

TV Guide in 1979, the year

12:04

I met you, at the clubs. Uh,

12:07

I, I kept every one of the full

12:09

preview issues of TV Guide that had all

12:11

the new shows. You know what I'm talking

12:13

about? Of course. And that was

12:15

like, that was a big event for me when

12:18

I was a kid. The full shows, yeah. Like

12:21

this one I do not remember, but this is,

12:23

um, a man called Sloan,

12:26

Robert Conrad. Wow. I

12:29

loved him. I wanted to be him. Yeah. What

12:31

a stud. Stars as Thomas Remington,

12:34

Sloan the Third, a stylist, cosmopolitan,

12:36

an unnervingly effective globe circling secret

12:38

agent. Not unlike James

12:41

Bond, who reports directly to the president

12:43

of the United States. But

12:45

look who's at the bottom. Out

12:47

of the blue with Jimmy Brogan. And

12:51

I cut that out because it was

12:55

like, wow, I know a

12:57

guy in TV Guide. Like

13:00

that really, see,

13:05

like I said, like there was nobody else

13:07

here. I've read for Trapper John so many

13:09

times. What? I don't know why they kept

13:11

reading me. They never put me on the

13:14

show. I was desperate to get on in

13:16

the eighties. So

13:18

here it is. Trapper John.

13:20

Trapper John. I didn't know you read

13:22

for guests starring on. A

13:24

couple of times. Yeah. I

13:26

know you did the Benson. Yeah. You

13:29

were a regular. Yes. Well, I

13:31

did three episodes. I thought it was like seven. No, it

13:33

was three and they fired me. Oh. Mercifully.

13:36

That's very close to the guy who didn't sign the Beatles. Yeah.

13:39

You know. Oops.

13:42

Sorry. That's all right. By

13:44

the way, drink. You don't drink? We just have

13:46

to drink. I drink, but it's a little early

13:48

and I'm driving. Oh, you're

13:50

driving. You drove yourself. Yeah. What

13:53

a stud. Yeah. But we know

13:55

how you feel about cars. Yeah. I

13:57

drove an old Mercedes-Benz.

14:00

diesel here. I mean

14:02

I just did that level of car I mean

14:04

like I guess Jay has it too. Level

14:07

of car enthusiasm. Yeah. I don't want to talk about

14:09

that. I don't either. I don't like to I

14:12

know it's not of any interest but. But

14:14

to your credit you made it interesting to

14:16

me on the show like when you did

14:18

those Acu-A-Work commercials. You got a little interested.

14:21

I know well not enough to like pursue

14:23

it but like it was I was interested

14:25

in the connection you had between the person

14:27

in the car. Yeah. Why you felt that

14:29

was that I thought was elegant. Yeah people

14:32

like that. I never understood the

14:34

one you picked me up in it was a German

14:36

police. It was for one joke which is

14:38

it was a VW police

14:40

car because this is you're

14:42

someone who seems to have a lot of

14:44

power and has none. And I

14:48

thought that that that's what that

14:50

car is a VW police car. You're

14:52

police but you can't catch anybody. Well

14:57

yeah I guess. I

15:01

noticed that like in that show

15:03

though like in your own kind of

15:06

Sanfeldian way you did become

15:09

like such a truth teller. You

15:11

know obviously

15:14

not political the way I do it but like

15:17

you just used your political

15:19

capital from

15:21

the first show. Right. I felt like you

15:23

know the popularity that you would accrued to

15:25

like go well I'm just gonna say what

15:27

the fuck I want. And it's

15:31

not always gonna be that pleasing to

15:33

everybody and that's so to me

15:35

the most refreshing thing in show business. Yeah

15:37

but it wasn't there's nothing really I suppose

15:41

it was a little more revealing than what people

15:43

had known prior but not that much. Really? I

15:45

don't know whatever you think. That's what I think.

15:48

Oh okay. I mean just because

15:50

you weren't playing from a script like

15:52

in the show. I mean you're that's

15:54

a character first of all obviously close

15:56

but you know I mean the situations

15:58

were so absurd. Right. And they were ridiculous

16:00

that it was a show about nothing nothing was

16:03

about everything right yeah, and all those right That's

16:05

not and then now you're just talking to

16:08

somebody and they're saying you know like what

16:10

do you think you know your kids nothing?

16:12

Right, you know you just you know you

16:15

said things about like family and stuff like

16:17

that that was like oh wow Yeah, well

16:19

that's what this show is but what you've

16:21

accomplished with this show because I thought Nobody

16:25

has always been more I

16:30

don't want to use the word transparent, but you

16:32

you we probably know more

16:34

about your opinions than any other celebrity

16:36

in right Yeah out

16:39

there and yet on this

16:41

show there was a whole other World

16:44

of stuff that I can't believe I still can't

16:46

believe when you were on

16:48

with I think it was mammoth and

16:50

you and they got into a thing about

16:52

the The

16:55

battery shortage in Germany that they were

16:57

trying to go electric when they kind

16:59

of overshot it And I'm going how

17:01

does this guy stop at

17:03

that article in the paper and they're like

17:05

yeah I need to know more about the

17:07

German power grid stop you being you don't

17:09

think you know About

17:12

many many things no I don't not

17:14

like you really no I watched the

17:16

show to see what does bill know

17:18

that I didn't know he knew and

17:20

I'm always blown away Wow

17:22

that one was amazing and then

17:24

you talk with that other guy about the Bible, and you know

17:26

all about the Bible I'm

17:30

old I Know

17:33

but your brain is your brain is

17:35

worthy of all the attention it gets

17:38

well finish your thoughts. Yeah No,

17:43

I think you're amazing Join

17:46

you as much now such as things I even

17:48

know you ever saw this show. I

17:50

watch everyone How do I

17:52

know these things I texted you about doing this you

17:55

never texted me back? Did

17:57

you back no you like to I'm

17:59

a fan of? the show? Oh yes,

18:01

that originally then I text

18:05

you about a month ago and said what about when you're

18:07

doing the promoting the puff chart

18:09

movie and I didn't hear back your people

18:11

got back and said yeah he's gonna do

18:13

it I was like thrilled but like cuz

18:15

I already told you I want to do

18:18

it. I know that's but most people are

18:20

not quite to see again I'm a rat

18:22

pack you are the guy who is there's

18:24

no extra no extra.

18:26

I do like that I love no

18:28

extra. I mean I think to

18:31

quote one more thing that I

18:33

quoted before about the Paul Simon

18:35

song that I always think that is you and

18:38

it's it's such an amazing

18:40

song one-trick pony and you're anything but a

18:42

one-trick pony because you've been successful and when

18:45

you did reinvent the talk show you had

18:47

your series and you've done movies but

18:50

there's that middle part he makes it look

18:52

so easy look so clean

18:54

he moves like God's immaculate machine

18:56

he makes me think about all

18:58

these extra moves I make and

19:01

all this herky-jerky motion and the

19:03

bag of tricks it takes to

19:05

get me through my working day I feel

19:07

like I'm the herky-jerky guy well you're not

19:09

and you're the guy who's like just

19:12

gliding through with no extra and

19:14

no baggage you know stupid mistakes

19:17

and and that

19:19

song by the way hit me like that

19:21

too I thought that's

19:24

everything I want to be what he's describing

19:26

I thought that's it that you

19:28

don't think you are that I don't try I mean

19:30

you were always like more mature than

19:32

the rest of us like in

19:34

back in the day well what

19:37

did you do that was immature

19:39

professionally speaking we all knock professionally

19:41

and personally lot many things but

19:43

not professionally yeah absolutely

19:46

professional I used to piss off the crowd so

19:48

they hated me so much no matter what kind

19:50

of joke I told him on how funny it

19:52

was they would never laugh that's

19:54

the most unprofessional thing you can do

19:57

I remember once at the comedy seller the MC

19:59

getting on after me and saying to

20:01

the audience, okay, that bad man is gone

20:03

now. That is absolute, don't run

20:05

fast, I think it was. That

20:10

bad man is gone now. I

20:12

was very... Okay, I consider that

20:14

just... Growth. No, creative

20:16

experimentation that you needed to...

20:19

No, no, no, no. It

20:22

was totally a function of a bad

20:24

attitude. Your bad

20:26

attitude has matured into... Yes, I hope.

20:29

Totally. You're

20:31

one of the most successful people in the

20:34

history of television and stand-up comedy. I have been

20:36

on a long time. Yes.

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and data rates may apply. Yeah,

23:19

my aesthetic role model was Mike

23:22

Tyson. When I saw

23:24

Mike Tyson in his prime, when he

23:26

cut the hole in the hotel towel

23:29

and had no socks and no stool and

23:31

black shorts with nothing on them, I

23:34

thought that's what I want to be. And

23:37

recently, just a few years ago, I don't know

23:39

what it was, I said why do I have

23:42

these different colored ties and suits? I

23:45

go, I'm just wearing a black suit

23:47

and a black tie from now on.

23:49

I just felt so calm. We visited

23:51

Japan last December. I was so

23:53

happy there. I connected

23:56

so strongly with

23:58

that ethic of their color. of

24:00

just focus and

24:02

simplicity and singularity of purpose.

24:06

I do like that. And I have done these

24:08

other things, and I have to say it's all

24:10

with a component

24:13

of reluctance. I do it

24:15

to think, I think I could do that, like the

24:17

movie, I think I could do that, or let's do

24:19

a different type of talk, so I think I might

24:21

be able to do that. But it's not really what

24:23

I wanted. If

24:26

I could have just been a pure stand-up

24:29

and never done anything else. But you're already

24:31

known as the purest of the purest stand-ups.

24:34

That's your, that is like your, and

24:36

it's real. And by the

24:38

way, this leads me

24:40

to something I feel

24:42

nervous about telling you, I feel like you're

24:44

the confessor to this, but like after

24:47

this year, I'm gonna stop doing it. Really?

24:52

Well, I could go back. I

24:54

don't wanna make like a big announcement or

24:56

something. Well, go ahead. I mean, I'm doing a

24:58

special at the end of the year. It'll

25:00

be my 13th for HBO, that's a lot.

25:02

That's a lot. And

25:05

I just feel like you gotta, I

25:07

don't know. First of all, I

25:11

put a lot of time and effort into it

25:13

because as you know, stand-up is like playing the cello.

25:15

You can't just walk up there, you have to stay

25:17

in practice. And I do, and I've

25:19

always loved it, and I'm always working on it. But

25:22

I have a show. Yep. I

25:25

don't know how you kept it up during the show, or

25:28

frankly, why, but

25:30

you did. Because they fed each other,

25:32

first of all, it was so great,

25:34

and also because I love it. I

25:36

mean, I can be the loosest, the

25:39

show was great, but there's constrictors there. This

25:42

is looser, but what's looser

25:44

than just, you people paid to see me.

25:47

Even if you don't like it, you kinda have to laugh. To

25:50

get your money's worth. The way you stay

25:52

in a movie, even though it sucks, I don't wanna walk

25:54

out, my father would pay $2 to see

25:56

a movie, and hate it, and wouldn't leave. Yep,

25:58

got it. Yeah, mother's great. Yeah,

26:01

he waited till it came to the theater,

26:03

you know, where there was one theater in

26:05

Bergen County where the movies would come late

26:08

and so they'd be like two bucks. Yeah,

26:10

all right, let's get back to- Yeah, so,

26:14

you know, but if I don't have to practice the

26:16

cello eight hours a day, I can

26:18

do, you know, I might wanna do

26:20

some of these kind of things live, that's kind

26:22

of an interesting option that people

26:25

do know. Oh, right. You know, and

26:27

then it's kind of an event. Interesting,

26:30

you know. Yeah, it's

26:33

not crazy. It's not

26:35

crazy. It's not crazy. I mean, the

26:39

landscape of

26:41

the business, which is one of the things I love about the

26:43

business is everybody's like, what is going on? You know, what do

26:45

we do? What are we supposed to do? What's

26:48

so-and-so doing? Why is he doing that? Should I do

26:50

that? I love that endless

26:54

grind and everybody has always, everybody's

26:56

always on the phone, you know. You

26:59

mean like what's happening in the business? Yeah, did

27:01

you see what so-and-so did? What'd you think of

27:04

that? Right. You know? Right. And

27:07

I think perhaps for you,

27:09

for whatever feels right for you at this

27:11

point is what's right. But that's after 40

27:13

years, that's why I don't wanna like make

27:15

an announcement. This is my final, because

27:18

I might change my mind. I

27:20

might, it might be like cutting off a

27:22

limb and I have to go back to it. How

27:24

do you view the show? How do you view real

27:26

time? How

27:29

old are you now, 60 something? Jerry,

27:32

I'm always hot on your heels. Okay. Well,

27:35

whatever it is. You're both a year and a half behind

27:37

you. Whatever it is. Do you ever

27:39

look forward or do you say forward? Only

27:41

forward. Only forward. But I mean, do you

27:44

think, maybe another five and. No,

27:47

I can't. Every other one, Michael's line, I asked him,

27:49

how much longer you think you'll do SNL? He says,

27:51

you know, I think it'll get

27:53

to the point that I'll feel like I'm

27:55

slowing down and I don't have the same

27:57

edge. I don't have the same enthusiasm. he

28:00

hasn't for it and he says, when I get to that

28:02

point, I'll do five more years. I

28:07

love that answer. I love that answer. I

28:14

would love for us to compare notes, who

28:16

is more addicted to show business, you

28:18

or me? Because I love it to

28:20

death today as much as

28:22

even more. Everything else

28:24

in life for me has fallen

28:26

away, has gone gray. I

28:29

mean, I loved

28:31

having kids and

28:34

that whole side of my life has been great, but

28:37

you always have to say that. But

28:40

if you're just talking about work, let's just talk about work.

28:42

We can chirone it, Jerry. You

28:46

know, I love show business

28:48

as much today as ever, if not more,

28:50

because I tried every other goddamn

28:53

thing. But you say you don't love show

28:55

business, you don't stand up. That's

28:57

show business. I know, but it's that

28:59

one aspect. Again, you're such a minimalist.

29:01

You're so direct with everything, everything peels

29:04

away, no extra things. Yeah. That's

29:06

why I think you will do it till you drop.

29:09

I will, I will. And

29:11

maybe I will too. I don't know. It's

29:15

a tough decision, but I also feel like it's

29:19

easy as you get older to not

29:22

do new things. And that's what keeps

29:24

you young. I think that's part of the reason I want

29:26

to do this. Definitely. Because

29:29

look, when we're doing a podcast, if you said to me 10 years

29:32

ago even, the big thing

29:34

in show business is gonna be basically AM radio.

29:37

I would have said you're crazy. And yet,

29:39

I mean, you talk about too

29:41

many people at the beginning of the marathon

29:44

clogging the road. I mean, there's

29:46

like 4 million podcasts

29:48

in America. No one's

29:50

doing this one. I know, but it'd

29:54

be like if Johnny Carson, when

29:56

we watched him had four million

29:58

podcasts. million

30:01

late night shows that people had that they,

30:03

you know, maybe only 500 watched this one

30:07

and a thousand watched this one, but his rating cumulatively,

30:09

all of all those tiny ants

30:11

sucking a little bit away would

30:13

have left him not with 17

30:15

million, which he had at his

30:17

height, but you know, something much

30:20

more modest. That's the problem with

30:22

so many podcasts. No.

30:24

Why? What? First

30:27

of all, you're doing the thing that you hate

30:29

the most, which is moving people around in chronology.

30:33

If Johnny Carson was, forget that. We're

30:36

here now. You're you. We're here

30:38

now. It doesn't matter what

30:41

he would have done or what matters is this

30:43

makes. Go

30:47

ahead. Finish your point. Oh my

30:49

God. What year is that? Oh.

30:54

Carson must stay. What a baller

30:56

he was. Right. I mean, just

30:58

to like have the headlines like

31:01

about what you're, but

31:03

you're right. He would not. I mean, as great as

31:05

he was, he would not survive today. He was

31:08

just that show breathed way too much

31:11

for the current audience. Right.

31:14

I know. Yes. I who

31:17

cares. The world wouldn't make him

31:19

today. Right. Don't make those

31:21

guys anymore. They don't make George

31:24

C. Scott anymore. You know what loomed

31:26

large in our world, even this late

31:28

as 1964, because it was 20 years

31:31

after, but World War II was

31:34

like my childhood. I look back.

31:36

It was like everything. My parents were in it.

31:39

TV shows were about it. Right. Hogan,

31:41

heroes and McHale's Navy and combat. And

31:44

did you kind of feel also as

31:46

a kid, I just missed it. I mean, it

31:48

was when I played Army, I

31:50

played World War II and it wasn't

31:52

and there was no nuance to it.

31:54

We were good. Yes. They were bad.

31:56

Yeah. And, you know, it was like a a

32:00

big hug musical. That's

32:03

what World War II was. Here's a

32:05

musical for everyone, you know? Yeah,

32:08

and everyone was involved in it. Like

32:11

nobody was ever like, I'm

32:14

just doing something different these days. You know what

32:16

I'm saying? World War II. But

32:20

anyway, I'm still not quite to

32:22

the essence of why it

32:24

feels right to you to not do it

32:26

anymore. I

32:29

don't know. Because it's sachello. And travel

32:34

and... Travel. Writing.

32:37

How much time? No, I love it. How

32:39

do you do a TV show and do any

32:42

stand-up stuff? I mean, I'm not married, no kids.

32:45

All my time is mine. So

32:47

that's one way. I

32:51

like that. I mean, you know me, I think

32:53

we're very similar to this. I

32:55

love the tinkering. I

32:57

love the, I put that word

32:59

in front of this thing and I moved

33:01

this over here. So I put together a

33:04

Rubik's Cube. Yes, exactly. And I moved this

33:06

here and now it all fits.

33:09

You know, for six months it was

33:11

good, but now it's great because I

33:13

feel bad for those audiences that last

33:15

six months. Right. Because like,

33:17

but it's the same way in a relationship. I

33:19

always felt like, oh, if I only knew what

33:22

I learned on her. Yeah. With

33:24

you, I would have been a lot better

33:26

with you. But I can't, you

33:28

know, we can't reverse

33:31

time. But you didn't answer my

33:33

question about real time. What

33:35

was that? Which is, how long? Do you think of how

33:37

many years, you first of all you're at it, how

33:39

many, 25 years? Real

33:43

time. Starting with the, politically incorrect?

33:45

Well, it's 31. Okay, 31, that counts.

33:48

Oh, I know, I know, I know. What

33:50

do you think? Well, I certainly wouldn't want

33:52

to quit now because I feel

33:54

like I'm at the top of my gun. Absolutely. And

33:57

lots of people tell me that. And that's what I'm saying.

34:00

That's why I put out this book, Jerry. I signed it to

34:02

you also, but you know, I'm a book. How'd you do that?

34:05

The strike. With the same glasses even. The

34:08

strike. It's amazing. The

34:10

strike. I

34:13

had five months to, and it's just,

34:15

it's all the editorials we do at the

34:17

end. Wow. That I put

34:19

together in a way that made sense. Of course you

34:21

did. And then, no, I put a lot of work

34:23

into this. I'm sure you did. Shut up. But

34:29

I think what stand up is for you is

34:32

what writing that editorial at the end of the show is

34:34

for me. Oh, okay. That's what

34:36

I- Well that piece I never ever

34:38

miss. Oh, thank you. For the

34:40

writing. Thank you. For the flow of it.

34:43

The consistency is

34:45

shocking. Your level

34:47

of consistency is shocking. Well, I

34:50

mean. And it's the best comedy

34:52

monologue every week that anyone

34:54

does. And

34:56

you even make a point on top of being funny. Which

34:59

is, you know. Usually a point no one else is

35:01

making. Right. That's, I

35:03

mean, it's very easy. And I can't tell you

35:05

how much I appreciate that. I mean, this is

35:08

Christmas morning for me now. But, I mean,

35:11

other shows I feel like are partisan

35:14

one way or the other. I

35:16

rarely hear a thought that I

35:19

haven't heard anywhere else. You know, they

35:21

will amplify it and get- But their

35:23

audience doesn't want to. The audience just

35:25

mostly wants to hear what they already

35:27

believe. And they want, yes.

35:29

Trump's an asshole. And they can't fit in an

35:31

asshole. And I certainly have done my share of

35:33

jokes about that. But I'm always

35:36

trying to say something that's

35:38

not breaking this news story, but breaking a

35:40

new way of looking at a news

35:42

story. Right. And, you know,

35:44

consider this. And- Oh,

35:48

it's just fantastic. Thank you. It's fantastic. Well,

35:50

I appreciate it. And- You

35:52

know what? Like, when you would go on

35:54

Larry King, that was always so great. Yeah,

35:57

I loved that. It was great. That show,

35:59

don't you think- Yeah, there's a hole

36:01

for that show. I think it's Joe

36:03

Rogan. I think Joe wrote

36:05

what? No,

36:11

what I'm getting at is what was

36:14

I thought special about that show was that was 9 o'clock Every

36:17

night at 9 o'clock Larry King was

36:19

gonna be sitting with someone right who

36:21

could probably be of interest. Yes, and

36:24

that was

36:26

a great TV.

36:28

That was great TV The

36:31

set I thought was I love the multicolored

36:33

dots the blackness You

36:35

know not like he was the

36:38

greatest interview in the world, but he was good

36:40

Well that but that's why I compared him to

36:42

Joe Rogan because they're both Minimalists both of them

36:44

do zero research by their own admission Right like

36:46

it's like they just I think Joe would say

36:48

the same thing And Laurie said I want to

36:51

be the audience. I want to be the guy

36:53

who knows nothing about you I know but he's

36:55

off at three and a half hours Larry

36:58

King is right, you know, it's on at nine.

37:00

You're wandering around the house. You're looking for something

37:02

to do Who's got who's on Larry King? Right

37:04

that was that was a great thing. I can't

37:06

believe they haven't tried to replace that I don't

37:09

know who would do it. But well, they

37:11

did piers Morgan did it for a minute. Yeah, he wasn't

37:13

right. I Don't

37:15

think it's the fact that there's nobody Right

37:18

for it. I think it's the fact that the

37:21

audience is different I mean, we don't have what

37:23

that was one of the last shows Well, it

37:25

wasn't really a hearth show but like in our

37:27

it was it was a hearth show Okay, so

37:29

so like an REU but not to

37:31

the level like in our youth Like

37:34

when there was three channels and all

37:36

the new shows were in that issue of TV guys Like

37:40

the family had a communal experience

37:42

with television Don

37:44

Rickles, you know, we all remember oh

37:48

Like it was an event when he was on the

37:50

Tonight Show So I see in the summer when we

37:52

could stay up the famous one where he threw him

37:54

in the Japanese bath Yeah, I was getting this I

37:57

mean it was amazing that throw by the way

37:59

that he He was able to do that. Why

38:02

are you saying it was fake? It was quite a

38:05

jiu-jitsu that he- Oh, Johnny threw him. Yeah,

38:07

when Johnny threw him in that- Johnny was

38:09

a mean bastard. And like,

38:12

you don't fuck with Johnny. I mean, that's

38:14

the only thing about Johnny. I

38:16

mean, he could be terrible to people. But

38:19

what- Everyone at that level should be terrible

38:21

to people. No, you don't mean that. You're

38:23

not terrible to people. I'm not, I'm not.

38:25

But when you hear someone is, I can't

38:27

believe anybody thinks anything of it. I think

38:30

there's levels to it. And I don't think

38:32

everybody is. I think he was just, he,

38:35

especially when he drank, I mean, he just

38:37

had a really mean side to him. Right.

38:40

I mean, he could close off. I read that biography

38:43

by Bushkin, remember? Right, yeah.

38:45

Bombastic Bushkin, right. And

38:48

I felt it was so true. I

38:51

don't know it's true, but everything I know about

38:53

Johnny, and it

38:57

wasn't kissing his ass, and it

38:59

wasn't covering anything up. You

39:02

know, he said he was just as cold

39:04

as that, his mother was

39:06

like very cold to him. But

39:08

in a way, it made

39:11

it easier to watch him. I

39:13

can't watch people that want me to fill

39:15

that need for them. I can't do it.

39:17

I agree. They're exhausting. I

39:20

totally agree. Just a bombastic Bushkin,

39:22

don't you think that that joke

39:24

was his intense jealousy of Dr.

39:26

Vinny Bumbad's. Rodney's great

39:28

doctor. I think Carson

39:31

loved that joke so much. He

39:33

wanted his own. And of course he would steal when he

39:35

suited it. I'm telling you,

39:37

that's what I mean. He was just a

39:39

badass. He broke into his wife's apartment. You

39:42

know that? I don't know. That's in the book. It's

39:44

like when they were going through the divorce. Yeah. Yeah,

39:47

I mean, like did really badass things. I

39:51

don't know if that's a badass, it's just bad. Yeah.

39:55

Well, I'm just saying, you didn't fuck around with him. And

39:58

yes, I do. Remember

40:01

what you say? What did he do?

40:03

That bombastic Bushkin was... Oh,

40:05

he was a thief. He loved

40:07

Dr. Vinny Bumbati. But he stole

40:09

the Answer Man from Steve Allen.

40:11

And he stole Maude Frickard from

40:14

Winters. Yeah, we know. It

40:17

was horrible. And then he would have them on the show. Yeah.

40:20

Well, what they could do, he was the king.

40:22

Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not

40:24

saying it was admirable, but I

40:26

guess that persona

40:29

kind of... He was

40:32

gracious. That was what was

40:34

Johnny's calling card. But boy,

40:36

when that red light went

40:38

off, I don't think he was that

40:41

guy. Did you have little

40:44

interactions with him in the hallway? A little, of

40:46

course. Wasn't that the most exciting thing in the

40:48

world, when you would see him coming down the

40:50

hall with the tie down? I didn't have to

40:52

tell you the story, but when I saw him,

40:54

the last time I did it,

40:57

and Leno was about to take over, and he...

40:59

I'm walking out, and he's in his car, he

41:01

had like a Corvette. Yeah, the Corvette. And

41:04

it wouldn't start. And

41:06

I said, boy, I bet you Leno knows everything about

41:09

cars. I bet you he'd know what to do. Oh,

41:11

got it. And he looked up and he went, you

41:13

know, we'll see how much he knows about television. I'm

41:18

telling you, he was a

41:20

bad man. Yeah. Well,

41:25

these guys, you know, they're

41:27

not... It's not a coincidence that they're

41:30

there, all these guys, whether politically, entertainment

41:33

industry, corporate world, a

41:35

lot of people are there for a reason. I

41:38

feel like a late night host is always

41:40

a reflection of the society that we live

41:42

in, better than a lot of

41:44

other signposts. I mean, like, that's why Leno was

41:46

right for his era, and Johnny was right for

41:49

his era. And what do we have now? We

41:51

have Jimmy

41:53

Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and

41:55

Jimmy Fallon. I think they're right for their era. In

41:57

that... Why

42:00

look at this! Oh,

42:06

New Breeders Stand Up Comics, what's that?

42:08

Oh, these are the two articles that

42:10

were in the New York Times. Am

42:13

I in any of those? You probably are. Here's

42:16

Adrian Tullsh with a Catcher Rising

42:18

Star T-shirt. I have

42:20

a Catcher Rising Star T-shirt though, all

42:22

the time. It's a

42:24

new one. Because I hear when you wash them

42:26

they make lovely hand puppets. Oh my God, Bill.

42:32

I know. Calvin

42:36

Fussman, who's that? He's

42:40

the writer of The Ridiculous.

42:44

Why are you keeping this? Just because it's comedy in the day? You

42:48

know what, every year of my life I make

42:50

a file where I just put stuff in because

42:52

I like to be a good caveman. Like if

42:54

I want to go back and excavate and see

42:56

who I was. That's one good thing I did.

42:58

I made so many dumb errors. But

43:01

that was pretty smart. Look

43:04

at that Mad Magazine cover. Aren't

43:08

you glad I saved this from the Supremes

43:10

album? No,

43:12

I wasn't missing that. You don't think that's

43:14

cool? It's okay. Be

43:19

honest, Jerry, come on. Come out of your shell. I've

43:24

done all of my stuff recently and threw out

43:26

almost all of it. Of course you did, because

43:28

that's you and I'm me. My

43:32

kids don't care what I did. I even

43:34

thought that. Aren't

43:36

you glad I kept the World Fair thing? You

43:40

never know which is going to be the one, right?

43:42

I think these are all good. No. What

43:48

about this from

43:51

Richard Belzer?

43:53

It's a great shot at

43:55

him, by the way. It's just too much. talk

44:00

about how I started in New York at a club

44:02

called Catch a Rising. Start how many of you remember

44:04

it? And that moment Bill,

44:07

there's like about 10% of the audience will

44:09

applaud. It's a great moment. I just

44:11

love that Remember how cool that

44:13

joint was? But it's so

44:15

much fun to just share that for a

44:17

second. But isn't it all sad that, well,

44:19

and look what he wrote. Little no. To

44:22

potentially. Tremendously sad. To

44:25

potentially one of the greats. That

44:27

is funny. Bill's or I think he was

44:29

talking about himself, but But

44:32

I think it's said that only 10% of the

44:34

people, well, you know what? Come on. You're

44:36

right. Let it all go. I

44:42

do like it, but I must say bad memories

44:45

do not make me sad. Good

44:47

memories make me sad. Oh. You

44:50

know, bad memories. It's like great. It's

44:52

over. Right. Good

44:54

memories. It's like, shit.

44:58

I'll never have that again, you know? Right. No,

45:00

I don't have anything again. You

45:02

seem more at peace with that. I am. I am.

45:04

You know what I came to the other day? Because

45:07

I'm going through this thing with the movie, you know,

45:09

and you're doing a lot of press and they're watching

45:11

the movie and they're responding to it, you know. And

45:13

I hit me the other morning. An

45:15

instance here, compliment is

45:18

absolutely of equal value as a

45:20

totally genuine compliment. There

45:22

is no difference in value. They're

45:25

both utterly meaningless and

45:28

just as nice. An

45:31

instance here, compliment is just as nice.

45:34

I don't care if they're lying to my face,

45:36

but it doesn't matter what they think anyway. What

45:40

the fuck are you talking about? This is ridiculous.

45:42

Like, I gave you a very

45:45

wonderful compliment, I think, and it came from

45:47

me and it's very sincere and it's true

45:49

about you. That's got to mean more than

45:51

an instance here. Compliment. Not

45:55

in that situation where you're meeting strangers

45:57

and they're saying, oh, I loved your

45:59

movie. That's

46:03

great. That's just as great. I

46:05

don't have to know. Really? Did you really? Give

46:08

me that rabbit thing back. A

46:11

compliment from you who knows me. That's

46:13

what I'm saying. That's different. Oh, okay.

46:16

That's different. I hope so. I'm

46:18

talking about 90% of the things people

46:20

tell you in show business are not

46:22

true and not sincere. Of course. And

46:25

that's okay. Even when they... I shouldn't

46:28

even admit this. It makes me sound

46:30

petty. But I think all show

46:32

people are the same. Sometimes people

46:34

will give you a compliment and you still don't like

46:36

it because it's like, yeah, but

46:39

you noticed the wrong thing. Yes.

46:44

Yeah, you liked the show, but you thought that

46:46

was the best part of it? Yes. And

46:49

it's like, you can't... Teddy

46:51

doesn't even describe how

46:54

small-minded that is. I

46:57

don't know. What's below petty? Whatever

47:00

that adjective would be.

47:04

You don't... You never felt that way? No. Really?

47:08

No. Take what you like. Whatever you like. What

47:10

do I care what you like? All right. Then

47:13

why do you keep arguing when I say you're

47:15

more mature than... I

47:17

like to argue. I know. Good. I

47:20

don't even believe when I'm... Oh, we're not even arguing. But,

47:26

yeah. No, that's true. I feel like

47:30

I've evolved a long way. Mm-hmm. But

47:32

I started really far back. Way far

47:34

back, yeah. That's

47:37

true. I didn't want to talk

47:39

about that. Oh, here. Look at

47:41

this. No, I always thought... This

47:44

is so funny. All this crap you brought out here.

47:48

Well, tell me you're not enjoying this. I'm not.

47:51

You're such a... No, you said to tell me. So I guess I'm

47:53

not... Look at this.

47:55

My father was in radio. I know. Right?

47:59

Mutual broke. broadcasting system This

48:03

is when the media was respected by this

48:06

country because these were mutual

48:08

men Mutual

48:14

and where's your dad is he in here

48:16

right here? Look right here? film

48:19

or Your

48:21

dad mutual no more of course.

48:23

Well that explains a lot. I

48:27

Think we've cracked this case wide open

48:30

right here mutual men of conviction Isn't

48:33

that awesome? Does it resemble you much? Look

48:36

it you can't see that it's a

48:38

drawing So it's not what he looked

48:40

like. It doesn't look like that. But you know, you're

48:42

very handsome. He looks kind of No

48:45

Are we looking at him dangish? It's

48:49

a drawing from this right creeps who made

48:51

this thing men of conviction. So were these

48:53

guys? They

48:55

were half announcers, but they weren't journalists.

48:57

Well, I think they would consider themselves

48:59

journalists Jerry they had deep voices and

49:01

they were on the radio and Your

49:06

dad have a deep voice you have of course. Yeah,

49:09

of course he did When

49:12

I when he took me to the radio station, you know

49:14

once in a while I'd be like scared like

49:17

Shit out of me because they all Man Elle's

49:21

Robert. I mean look at

49:23

some of these names Whitney Bolton Charles

49:29

Charles Batchelder No,

49:32

Tostilla was good as

49:34

was Jack Allen and Martin Edwards You

49:37

know, I did a little stick We

49:40

made it we made a couple little video

49:42

Promotion pieces for it for the movie and

49:44

one is where I'm called into the office

49:46

of the president of pop tarts So

49:49

I needed a name for who would be

49:51

the president of pop tarts and we came

49:54

up with Kelman P. Gassworth He

50:01

says, I'm Kelvin P. Gaston, the

50:04

president of Pop Tarts.

50:27

It's both inscrutable and

50:30

inevitable. That is a

50:32

great line. You

50:35

were going, and I just want to know before I see it, or

50:43

maybe you don't want to say this, but just don't.

50:45

But what is the

50:47

metaphor? Plainly, it can't

50:49

just be about Pop Tarts.

50:51

Oh my gosh, no.

50:54

It's quite a deep story. But

50:58

it has to be a metaphor for something. You

51:01

got me. Really? Yeah. What?

51:05

Again, we're not like the

51:08

serial killer and the detective. We're not really like. No.

51:16

I like important-seeming

51:18

men in suits, like those

51:20

names you're talking about, puffs

51:22

and flakes and sprinkles, in

51:26

a very serious way. That to

51:28

me was funny. It

51:33

really is about childhood

51:36

fantasy and wanting

51:38

to hang on to your childhood and that

51:40

time and that product.

51:42

To make this movie, I get to go

51:45

back there. I get to go back

51:47

to when the only thing I cared about was the

51:49

stingray and my cereal and

51:51

the TV shows that I liked. And

51:54

that was like a

51:56

little soap bubble that

51:58

I got to get inside for. a

52:00

few weeks. Yeah,

52:02

I mean I have that inclination, but our

52:05

childhood is now just so

52:08

long ago. Yeah. I

52:10

mean... But the fun of

52:13

it is still there. Yeah, I

52:15

know. So, and with the movie you get

52:17

to recreate it. But

52:20

you don't... You're gonna get to really

52:22

go there. No. But

52:25

you don't have intimations

52:28

of mortality when you dwell on the

52:30

distant past like that, that it reminds

52:32

you that you're closer to the end.

52:34

I'm not that in love with... Like

52:37

you really love life. Don't you?

52:39

You love it. It's okay. Oh,

52:41

come on now. Your life?

52:44

Oh. I...

52:48

Because like when... I know this was your birthday

52:50

and I was like, I bet you he's the same

52:52

place with birthdays that I am, which is like, I

52:55

had a big party here right in this

52:57

room at 60. You had one at 65.

52:59

After that, like, yeah, it's happening, but we

53:01

don't need to go and do it at

53:03

all. No. Absolutely. Mine's in January, so there's

53:05

people sending me a couple of weeks after

53:07

they say, oh, didn't you just have a

53:09

birthday? And I go, um, you know, maybe.

53:12

I don't know. I don't... I

53:14

might have. I didn't check my

53:16

calendar. I didn't check my calendar, you

53:18

know. It's just like, it's

53:20

happening. I can't deny it, but let's

53:22

just ignore it. Yeah. It's a certain

53:24

point because you'd still look

53:27

generically late middle age, which

53:29

is great. You know, you don't read old.

53:31

No, neither do you. Like Biden.

53:33

Yeah. Like reads old and Trump reads crazy,

53:36

but not old, you know. Yeah. Okay. He

53:38

reads... He just reads differently. Well, he's got

53:40

a lot of makeup on, you know. A

53:42

lot. And the hair color and all that.

53:45

Yeah. I always say he's like kiss. He

53:47

puts on the face paint and the wig

53:49

and it's always 1976. That is fantastic. That

53:53

is a great show. But

54:01

yeah, so we could probably, I

54:04

mean Mick Jagger is doing it at 80, doing

54:07

rock shows. Okay.

54:10

It's amazing. It's amazing. But

54:12

I'm thinking if a guy can do rock

54:15

and roll at 80, certainly comedy. What

54:18

do you think you'll be doing at 80? I

54:21

hope very similar to what I'm doing now. Really?

54:23

Yes, I would love to. Only

54:26

in my 60s came to realize

54:29

how right my mother was when she

54:33

once said to me, yeah, I really

54:35

like my 50s and 60s the best of

54:38

all the decades. I said,

54:40

that's crazy. 60s? What are you, fucking nuts? Yeah.

54:43

But the 60s is our 80s, physically.

54:49

I mean, I don't have, I don't do anything different now

54:51

than I did in my 40s. I

54:54

could do any number of shows. I could go

54:56

into. Exactly. Right. I haven't made

54:58

any adjustments. Same way. But I imagine. I

55:01

mean, there's a diminishment to everything. Yes. I

55:04

mean, you know, I can still play basketball. Yeah,

55:06

that's amazing. That's amazing. And,

55:10

you know, I mean. But yeah, I think

55:12

you maybe have a little tighter

55:15

grip on this lifetime

55:18

than I do. It is what it is. All you

55:20

can ever be is good

55:22

for your age. But I

55:24

mean, as far as how far you

55:26

can go, I feel like

55:28

I'm, and

55:30

you are too for a somewhat different reason,

55:33

uniquely suited to another

55:35

decade. Because I never

55:37

was selling. I can dance. I

55:39

can jump around. I was selling

55:42

wisdom. And sophistication. That's

55:44

why HBO has been such a good

55:46

home for me. It's a sophisticated audience.

55:48

It's a sophisticated show. I

55:51

mean, that word maybe, I'm not putting that

55:53

on myself. But

55:55

yeah, that is what I strive for.

55:57

And the audience is a sophisticated audience.

56:00

and there's precious little left for

56:02

people who are sophisticated. That's a

56:04

genre, that's a niche. But it's

56:07

always been a small niche. Yes,

56:09

always, yes, that's what I'm saying.

56:11

You have a much broader, you

56:14

know. Somewhat broader. Majorly

56:17

broader. There's another reason

56:19

why I'm probably not gonna

56:21

do any more stand up is because, first

56:24

of all, when you're on TV every week,

56:26

it's very hard for people to come out,

56:28

and it's harder to get that you're less

56:30

unique. Also, they tend to think I'm a

56:32

political comic, which is limiting. So

56:35

like, there's guys who are not half as funny

56:37

as me selling twice as many tickets. I'm a

56:39

little sick of it. Not that I can't do

56:41

nice shows in theaters, but I've always

56:44

been fighting a little uphill on those

56:46

things. I

56:48

think your stand up is my editorial. That's what

56:51

I wanna do. So they put me

56:53

in the grave. Every week, come

56:56

up with that one thing, because it's

56:59

almost Seinfeldian, because it's building one

57:01

very small, limited, but trying to

57:04

perfectly craft it, and then it's

57:06

over. Right. Next

57:08

week, there's a new one. And on Monday, I,

57:11

you know, I mean, we nailed

57:13

down the premise before the weekend.

57:16

And on Monday, I read all the passes

57:19

and put it together,

57:21

you know. Right. My

57:23

own version, and then sew it

57:25

together, and each day, first

57:28

it gets fatter, then it gets smaller. You

57:30

know, there's a method to it, to show you

57:33

this, by Friday, I love it. Now that would

57:35

be a vacation that, for me, if

57:37

I would just sit with you, and not

57:40

contribute, but just watch you do

57:42

that, that would entertain me

57:44

more than any trip to anywhere in the

57:47

world. Yeah, that's good. Because I think, I

57:49

don't know how you do it, but the

57:51

end result is so elegant.

57:53

And that is what I,

57:56

love and appreciate more than anything. It's

57:59

simplicity and elegance. in writing. Thank you,

58:01

me too. And of

58:03

course, getting the job done comedically. Yeah. We

58:06

got to do all those three things in the

58:08

piece. When that is executed, I

58:11

mean, I just feel full of music.

58:14

I just love it. And I, you

58:16

know, we're so lucky that, you

58:19

know, I do think sometimes I watch great pitchers, great

58:23

athletes, and I think, oh, this

58:25

guy's only going to get 12 years of this to be

58:27

able to play this music. Oh, yeah. Right.

58:31

And so it's a huge career for a pitcher, right? But

58:33

for us, if they told us you can only

58:36

do this 12 years, it's ridiculous. Musicians,

58:39

does it bother you? You're so,

58:42

you're very, very sophisticated musically

58:44

and you had all

58:46

those Paul Simon lyrics in

58:48

your head was amazing. But what's

58:52

your theory, and I know you have one,

58:54

on why these great, great, great songwriters, are

58:58

not able to find that thing

59:01

in their later years? Too many drugs.

59:05

Come on. No, we're doing

59:07

drugs, partly. But also I just

59:09

think it's innate. Music

59:11

is something that flowers in youth. I

59:14

mean... Do you think music is

59:16

sexual? Of course. If you're not horny, you

59:18

can't write a great song. Well, oh, that's

59:21

ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Yeah. Okay.

59:25

That's right. That's right. Not

59:27

all songs are about sex. Yes, they

59:30

are. Everyone... Oh, stop it. But what

59:32

is your theory on older

59:34

songwriters struggling to find

59:36

that same magic? I

59:39

couldn't agree more, first of all. It's

59:42

rare, and I'm not going to name names. No. There

59:45

are exceptions to

59:47

that, but they are rare. I

59:51

thought the Eagles 2007 album was

59:53

really good. Yeah. It was like could fit

59:55

in... It was a double album

59:57

if you made it into like just one kick.

59:59

the gas album that would be fit in

1:00:02

there pretty well. But

1:00:05

there are people that we love, desperately

1:00:07

love, that write stuff now that

1:00:09

is. And have for 25 years,

1:00:12

not been good. Because part

1:00:14

of it I think is you

1:00:16

get too ahead of the parade. You

1:00:20

always wanna be a little ahead of the audience.

1:00:23

Otherwise you're over. But

1:00:25

not so far ahead, they're like, what? And

1:00:28

I think sometimes you're so good that, oh

1:00:30

I've done that and this would be different. It's

1:00:32

like, yeah, but I just wanna, you

1:00:35

gotta hit that sweet spot. Where

1:00:37

it's striking me as something a

1:00:40

little different, but not so alien that

1:00:42

me, just the young man in the

1:00:44

22nd row, can't appreciate it. Because I'm

1:00:46

not a musician. I just

1:00:49

appreciate what you do. So it's

1:00:51

kind of, I guess the equivalent of being like

1:00:53

a comics

1:00:55

comic. Who

1:00:59

makes the other comics laugh. And

1:01:01

I always felt like that was what

1:01:03

you, like I

1:01:06

felt you were a catch. You

1:01:08

always had kind of an attitude about catch.

1:01:10

This is a shiny object. Because

1:01:12

it was the hot club. You

1:01:15

weren't the man at the hot club. You

1:01:17

were at the comics. The hot club was

1:01:19

Belzer. And it was the hot club because

1:01:21

that's where the stars went. And the celebrities

1:01:24

went. And the mafia was there. And

1:01:26

it was just singers and

1:01:28

Belzer. And I think you were

1:01:30

just like, okay, enjoy your

1:01:32

shiny object. Because I'm going

1:01:35

to just do what I do, which

1:01:37

isn't quite as flamboyant as some of this

1:01:39

other stuff going on. And I will be

1:01:41

the bigger star. Because I'm going to be

1:01:43

on television, which is a cool medium perfectly

1:01:45

suited to me. I never, I

1:01:48

read that on you. And you can read it, but I

1:01:50

never thought it or felt that. But

1:01:52

it turned out to be true. Yeah, well, you have

1:01:55

an amazing eye for those kinds of things. I

1:01:57

just, in those days, Bill.

1:02:00

I wasn't. But I just

1:02:02

felt like you that the fact that

1:02:04

it was ill suited to your exact

1:02:06

persona. It was. Was

1:02:08

a bet to your credit

1:02:10

because again, that wasn't

1:02:13

what was going to make you a star jumping around

1:02:15

on the piano. Yeah. And

1:02:17

all that same as the comedy star

1:02:19

out here. A lot of stuff that

1:02:21

looks great in a small club. But

1:02:24

there was your eye on the prize. I

1:02:26

did. I did. I

1:02:28

don't see those guys sometimes they would come to the comic

1:02:30

strip and struggle and I would

1:02:32

realize, oh, they're out of

1:02:34

context and it's not working. And

1:02:37

that's not what this game is about. This

1:02:39

game is about put me in any context and

1:02:42

I'll make it work. Right. That's

1:02:45

the bigger game to play. Yes. You

1:02:47

and I had an argument many times about like,

1:02:50

is there such a thing as a bad crowd?

1:02:53

Oh, yeah. And I, of

1:02:55

course, took the position. Yes.

1:02:58

When they don't like me, you're bad. And

1:03:02

you took the position again, more

1:03:04

mature, Goofus and Gallant. Oh, yeah.

1:03:07

Gallant believes and you're right. There's

1:03:10

no right. It's just, well, it's just

1:03:12

a sport you're playing. It's a better

1:03:14

attitude to have. Right. Yeah. You

1:03:17

know, you were like, but you're also right. You want to,

1:03:19

yes. But you once said, uh,

1:03:24

of course they're in a bad mood. Why do you think they

1:03:26

were to comedy club? You're

1:03:30

the doctor. They don't come to the doctor when

1:03:32

they when they feel well. Right.

1:03:35

So that's another piece of advice I

1:03:37

remembered and put into practice a mere

1:03:39

17 years later. No,

1:03:43

I got around everything. It just, some

1:03:45

people just takes a long time. Yeah. You

1:03:48

know, what about, I mean, everybody's okay. This

1:03:53

is why you're not afraid of dying. Everything

1:03:55

comes into your head. Okay. I

1:03:58

mean, don't you. I

1:04:00

feel that changing. I mean, I'm

1:04:02

70, and I really

1:04:04

feel things changing in my

1:04:06

perspective. Names I have,

1:04:08

who is the singer? All

1:04:12

these things, even politics, even

1:04:14

social movements. I'm

1:04:17

meeting a lot of Marcus Aurelius. Have you ever read

1:04:19

that? In college, absolutely.

1:04:23

You should pick it up again. It's

1:04:25

really great. Meditations, what's it called? Meditation.

1:04:27

Right. I was the

1:04:29

Roman emperor in 188. 150

1:04:31

AD, and he is a fantastic guy to

1:04:33

get you to zoom

1:04:35

out and go, all these things you're worried about,

1:04:37

all these things that you see happening, they've all

1:04:39

happened before, they're all gonna happen again. Everything

1:04:43

that you're worried about is much smaller

1:04:45

than it is, than you make it

1:04:48

in your head. That's his basic message.

1:04:50

And being told that by the emperor

1:04:52

of Rome in 150 AD is

1:04:55

a very nice daily, I read it almost every

1:04:57

day, I'll read a page or two. And

1:05:00

I love to imagine him

1:05:02

in his bedroom there, the

1:05:06

leader of the entire world,

1:05:08

an emperor, a Roman emperor, and

1:05:11

saying, yes, you're gonna talk to a

1:05:13

lot of annoying people today. That's what every day is

1:05:15

like. Why are you surprised? People are

1:05:17

annoying. I like to

1:05:19

imagine the peasants of 150 AD. Hey,

1:05:23

did you hear the emperor has a new track,

1:05:27

treaties out? Oh, great, I can't

1:05:29

wait to pick it up. It

1:05:33

was like Sam Harris of his day. He

1:05:35

had the morning meditation, and yeah. By

1:05:40

the way, if people wanna have an image of

1:05:43

who Marcus Aurelius is, think of

1:05:45

the movie Gladiator. Yeah. And

1:05:47

he was played by Peter Oat. I

1:05:50

thought it was Joaquin Phoenix. He played the son. He's

1:05:54

a grew up son. Who kills his father. Right.

1:05:56

Who kills Marcus Aurelius in the beginning. Well,

1:05:58

not in real life, though. I think he

1:06:00

did. No, no, no, no, no. He died

1:06:02

of natural causes in his 50s. You

1:06:05

know a lot about Marcus Aurelius. I'm kind of

1:06:07

into him these days. That's amazing. Yeah. I

1:06:10

didn't think I'd ever hear that from

1:06:12

you. Why? Well, just because he didn't

1:06:14

seem like a history buff and that...

1:06:16

I'm not really, but I do. I

1:06:18

love philosophy and I love his philosophy.

1:06:20

And I just find it helpful. I

1:06:23

like shrinking things down.

1:06:25

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And

1:06:27

you do it better than anybody. I

1:06:30

mean, I always say that about

1:06:32

you. Like the act that like

1:06:34

every single person can love and

1:06:36

the most intelligent person in the

1:06:38

room is also not insulted by

1:06:40

it. And that's... I feel like

1:06:43

excellence is always getting

1:06:45

to that golden mean of

1:06:47

like the two things that are in opposition,

1:06:50

but somehow you bring them

1:06:52

together. Right. Well,

1:06:55

that's what I'm... I think you might

1:06:57

find that in Unfrosted, the pop

1:06:59

chart movie, it's a silly idea

1:07:01

for a movie. And the

1:07:03

jokes are silly, but as we know, there

1:07:05

are no silly jokes. They're either good or

1:07:08

they're not. And you'll find

1:07:10

there's a level of sophistication in the

1:07:12

silliness. That is my ultimate.

1:07:14

When I first saw Monty Python,

1:07:16

when I was a kid on

1:07:19

PBS in the early 70s, I

1:07:22

lost my mind. The

1:07:25

sophisticated silliness that they were

1:07:27

doing absolutely lit

1:07:29

me up. Like this is everything

1:07:32

that I want. Everything

1:07:34

that I love. I think Get Smart

1:07:36

had that. I think Peter Sellers had

1:07:38

that. He's

1:07:40

acting dumb, but there is such

1:07:42

a sophistication to it. It's

1:07:45

because as we know, as comedians, acting

1:07:48

dumb is really not... Laurel and

1:07:50

Hardy are not stupid. No, no.

1:07:52

I wasn't a stooges guy, but

1:07:54

Laurel and Hardy is elegant and

1:07:56

sophisticated. You were not a stooges

1:07:59

guy? No. I

1:08:01

didn't like Moe. I

1:08:05

think he's funny. Currently

1:08:08

he was carrying the whole damn show. But

1:08:10

we were five. No,

1:08:13

I wasn't. I watched Comedians when I

1:08:15

was five years old going, did you guys get them? Did

1:08:19

you watch Officer Joe Bolton? Of course. Okay,

1:08:22

didn't he introduce the three soojus? Wasn't

1:08:24

that his? Yeah, yeah, he had the

1:08:26

soojus. I watched it. And

1:08:28

Superman also? No,

1:08:31

they didn't have Superman. They had those

1:08:33

movie shorts. Superman just

1:08:35

stood by itself? Yeah, that was

1:08:37

a real series. Oh, I remember. Yeah.

1:08:40

And still pretty good, by the way. I've been

1:08:42

watching that lately. To me,

1:08:47

George Reeves is the greatest Superman

1:08:49

of all time. His sophistication and

1:08:51

those double-breasted suits, that's another reason

1:08:53

I wanted to do Unfrosted. I

1:08:55

wanted to look like George Reeves.

1:08:59

Did you like that Superman show when they would close the

1:09:01

door? I

1:09:03

lived for it. You know this. Really? When

1:09:05

I was a kid. I remember in high school, I wish

1:09:07

I'd found out. I probably have that somewhere in my Rat

1:09:09

Pack file. But we made

1:09:11

a list of every episode that we could remember.

1:09:14

There was probably a hundred episodes. I

1:09:16

remember all the episodes. We've talked about

1:09:19

it. Kaborium X. I

1:09:23

got to do a commercial with Jack Larson and

1:09:25

Noel Neal. Yes,

1:09:28

I remember it. Nine. Yes. Five

1:09:31

villains. I know. I can't

1:09:33

explain. And your bit was one of

1:09:36

your first ones. As a brilliant disguise,

1:09:38

it was like, that is so you.

1:09:40

And then somebody else had a great

1:09:42

bit about, it's a

1:09:45

bird, it's a plane. Who mistakes a

1:09:47

bird with a... Whose joke

1:09:49

is that? I don't know. That's a good one,

1:09:51

too. It's a perfect example

1:09:54

of that. It was laying

1:09:56

there on the ground. Anybody could

1:09:58

have seen it. Right?

1:10:01

I have a Frankenstein bit I'm doing now, but

1:10:03

the sport jacket. Why is he wearing a sport

1:10:06

jacket? That's great. It's

1:10:11

an AI bit. It's

1:10:15

a part of an AI bit about

1:10:17

making fake brains as risky. We

1:10:20

can see that from Frankenstein. Oh, that's funny.

1:10:23

That's a great joke. Yeah, exactly. And

1:10:25

he goes, well, I thought maybe we'd

1:10:27

go someplace nice afterwards. It's

1:10:29

Romania in 1820. There's no

1:10:31

place nice. No one's going to

1:10:34

say to you, I'm sorry, Mr. Stein. It's

1:10:36

jackets only this evening. That's hysterical. That's

1:10:39

funny. I talk about monsters

1:10:41

now with the toxic

1:10:45

masculinity that they're always talking about. It's true.

1:10:48

Men are toxic. What are we talking about? When

1:10:50

you say lacking... Men have been ruined by the

1:10:52

phone. Yeah. And

1:10:54

pornography. Uh-huh. And it's

1:10:57

rapey. It's domineering. It's

1:11:01

not... And

1:11:04

this is what young men see. When we were kids, if you

1:11:06

had a playboy, that was huge. Yeah.

1:11:12

Now they see horrible things. Yeah,

1:11:14

I can't imagine. Choking and spanking.

1:11:16

Oh, God. What? That's

1:11:18

horrible. I know. I mean,

1:11:21

what these kids are... When

1:11:24

you think about how innocent our

1:11:26

childhood was... The

1:11:29

level of innocence is just like from

1:11:31

a different... What? Yeah.

1:11:33

Oh, absolutely. And we can't fix it,

1:11:36

Bill. They broke it. Why

1:11:38

do you think I'm always trying to fix it? There's

1:11:41

a difference between trying

1:11:44

to remedy something and just being amazed by

1:11:46

it. Like age fascinates me. And

1:11:48

people say, oh, don't worry about it. I'm

1:11:50

not worried about it. I'm just fascinated by

1:11:52

it. I'm fascinated by different generations. I'm fascinated

1:11:54

by how different... The

1:11:57

difference is that I can see in my lifetime. Right. I

1:12:00

know. I

1:12:02

said to my mother one time who passed about 10 years

1:12:04

ago at the age of 99. And

1:12:07

I remember asking her one time, do you remember when cars

1:12:10

suddenly became popular? She said, oh, yeah.

1:12:13

My mother, when she was born,

1:12:15

there were no cars around. When my mother was born,

1:12:17

women couldn't vote. 1919. Women got the vote in 1920.

1:12:23

I say to my kids, your kids are

1:12:25

going to say to you, you mean they let

1:12:27

people just get in cars and go as fast

1:12:29

as they wanted? Yeah. For

1:12:32

the most part. I mean, there were laws, but people

1:12:34

did pretty much whatever they want. My grandma. Didn't

1:12:37

they crash and die all the time? Yeah.

1:12:42

Well, and children died

1:12:45

often. You know, they'd get kicked by a

1:12:47

horse on the farm. That's why they had

1:12:49

a lot of kids. They expected a few

1:12:51

of them to... So better or worse, the

1:12:54

way we value life today or the way we

1:12:57

were more casual, so much more casual about

1:12:59

it in years past. I mean, it's so

1:13:01

easy to say, oh, you know,

1:13:03

back to... Please. We are

1:13:05

so seduced by, and I am as

1:13:08

much as anyone, by creature comforts

1:13:10

and convenience. Yes. No, I

1:13:12

don't. With all the bullshit going on,

1:13:14

we live in the most amazing fucking

1:13:16

time. Yes. I mean, the climate

1:13:18

change is probably going to get us at some

1:13:20

point, but it hasn't yet. Right. We

1:13:23

walked out here today. We weren't like evaporated by

1:13:25

the rays of the sun or something. I mean,

1:13:27

we had... It was a beautiful day. Yeah. The

1:13:30

grass is green. The sky is blue. I know

1:13:32

it's really not. There's lots of things going on

1:13:34

behind the scenes that are horrible, blah, blah, blah.

1:13:36

But we're still living in that time where we're

1:13:38

basically, you know, yes, health certainly

1:13:41

can rear its ugly head, and there's lots

1:13:43

of poisons everywhere, and lots of terrible things.

1:13:46

People could do this and democracy and blah,

1:13:48

blah, blah, nuclear war. But from the moment,

1:13:50

you know, I've said that at dinner with

1:13:52

people, and they're like, well, the world's ending.

1:13:54

Look around you, you fuck, you dumbass. We're

1:13:57

at this fucking awesome restaurant. They're bringing...

1:14:00

you this food, dinner's gonna cost $700 and I'm not even gonna fucking blink and

1:14:02

hang the

1:14:06

check. Shut the fuck up

1:14:08

about how terrible things are. I'm

1:14:10

not gonna lose my nervous system about Trump

1:14:12

again. If he ends the world, he's gonna

1:14:14

end the world. I'm not gonna fucking go

1:14:17

nuts again if he wins another term. I

1:14:19

just can't. I hope you have

1:14:21

that wherewithal. Well,

1:14:25

what are you gonna do? I don't know. I'm

1:14:27

trying to stay right there. You're

1:14:30

gonna get anxious like a millennial? Exactly.

1:14:33

That generation, especially the Z

1:14:35

generation. Ugh. But

1:14:40

your kids are great. Thank

1:14:45

you. I mean,

1:14:48

I think with great parenting,

1:14:50

you can still make great kids. Sure. Well,

1:14:53

you don't really make them. You have a hand

1:14:55

in it. You're like

1:14:57

the manager. Yeah, you're the manager. You give

1:14:59

them advice, they take it, they don't take it. Like

1:15:01

the manager of a team. Yeah, that's right. Like they

1:15:03

say, a good manager can affect like six to eight

1:15:06

games a year. That's right. That's right.

1:15:08

You think that's all a parent can do? I have

1:15:10

no idea. But wait,

1:15:12

you raised great kids. It's mostly what

1:15:14

you didn't do wrong. Really

1:15:16

bad stuff. But mostly, the way

1:15:19

we were raised, you

1:15:21

were kind of left to your own devices

1:15:23

and you're in a fairly healthy environment and

1:15:25

hopefully you make decent choices. And

1:15:27

the same is true today. I remember that

1:15:29

night you and Chris Rock were in my dressing room

1:15:31

before the show and I asked him something, you guys,

1:15:34

something about, oh, your kids, do they play together? And

1:15:37

you both went, Bill, the

1:15:39

wives handle that. And

1:15:45

I got, okay, that's, I see. Yeah, I

1:15:47

have the most amazing wife. I really love

1:15:49

my wife. I know you do. I got

1:15:51

to a point with my wife now that

1:15:53

I can't believe how

1:15:56

great she is because I

1:15:59

can't believe I can't really say that, but

1:16:01

in the single world, it

1:16:04

always runs out of gas. And

1:16:07

I found a woman where it never runs out.

1:16:09

I'm always excited to see her. We

1:16:11

always have fun. I love talking

1:16:13

with her. It's fun, it's

1:16:16

fun. But again, it's a little

1:16:18

bit of luck. Or maybe

1:16:20

it's instinct, I don't know. But are you an

1:16:22

empty nester now? Not yet. My

1:16:25

son is finishing high school. But

1:16:28

you will be. I will be in a few months.

1:16:30

And is that a big

1:16:32

changeover? That's what people say. But Justin

1:16:35

and I, we feel more good. So

1:16:39

it must be a big difference

1:16:41

without the sound of children frolicking.

1:16:44

But Bill, all these things. I

1:16:49

feel like you're going back to thinking

1:16:52

that I am somehow

1:16:55

ruining the passage of time. And

1:16:57

I'm just remarking. And I'm fascinated

1:16:59

by it. I'm

1:17:03

fascinated. And I enjoy that

1:17:05

that's over. And now we're doing this. And

1:17:09

anything else in life? Well, you just characterize

1:17:11

what I think about maybe quitting stand-up.

1:17:14

I've enjoyed it. But maybe. That's

1:17:17

cool. That's very cool of you to

1:17:20

let your mind be that free. That's

1:17:22

cool. I think

1:17:24

it's always great to stretch. It is? To

1:17:26

put yourself out of your comfort zone. Just

1:17:28

change the menu. We're

1:17:30

doing this now. Yeah, exactly. Because

1:17:34

at our age, it's

1:17:37

an ageist country. They're always going to

1:17:39

try to move

1:17:41

you out. It's the nature of what? Not

1:17:46

an odd thing. Nobody cares how old

1:17:48

you are. Well, that's another reason why I

1:17:51

would add it to the hopper about me maybe

1:17:53

getting out of it. I do think there is

1:17:55

a generational element to stand up. Because

1:17:57

humor is not something that translates.

1:18:00

plays through the ages that well. And

1:18:02

like the humor of today is a

1:18:04

lot more about feelings, nothing

1:18:06

more than feelings. And like

1:18:09

people wanna see someone of their own generation.

1:18:12

Of course, but they also wanna see people

1:18:14

that can really do it. I understand that.

1:18:16

Some can and some can't. And it's irrespective

1:18:18

of age or anything. Yes,

1:18:21

that's true too. But

1:18:24

you're an icon, you know. Thank you.

1:18:27

I didn't mean to play. I'm gonna be nicer when

1:18:29

you give a comment. I didn't mean it like that.

1:18:32

I just meant, you

1:18:35

don't have to, all you have to do is put your name

1:18:37

in the paper and it'll sell out.

1:18:40

Maybe if I was there, I would

1:18:43

still do it. That

1:18:45

would be an element that would influence me.

1:18:48

Probably not, I think I'd still make this

1:18:50

decision. But yeah, it

1:18:52

makes it a lot easier. I

1:18:55

mean, the audience that comes is certainly a

1:18:57

great, it's a love

1:18:59

affair because anytime they're paying a hard

1:19:02

money ticket to see you, they

1:19:04

want you to do what you

1:19:07

do very specifically. And

1:19:09

I just wanna do it for them so

1:19:11

well. I'm getting sad

1:19:13

Bill that this show is almost over. I

1:19:18

really was looking forward to this as much as you

1:19:21

were. Because it's you.

1:19:23

And I also just love the

1:19:25

vibe of this show. I

1:19:28

have one more thing to show you from my

1:19:30

thing. This was my

1:19:32

father's. How

1:19:35

I Met Hollywood's Biggest Stars by

1:19:37

Bill Maher. This

1:19:40

is amazing, what in the world?

1:19:43

What is this? Somebody

1:19:51

gave my father in 1960 whatever. It's

1:19:55

great, and it's all Chinese

1:19:57

folks. So,

1:20:01

we were so innocent. Yeah.

1:20:05

Well, as a

1:20:07

great man once said, it's so nice

1:20:09

when it happens. Oh God, Bill, you did it

1:20:11

again. Freddy deCordova, after

1:20:13

my first tonight show, put

1:20:16

his arm around me as we walked off the set. He

1:20:20

said, it's so nice when it happens. You don't

1:20:22

know you're in show business at that moment. Yeah.

1:20:24

When somebody says something like that. All

1:20:27

right, pal. Thank you. Thank

1:20:29

you for what I thought it would

1:20:31

be. Cool. I'm

1:20:35

going to have this friend and send it to you. Okay,

1:20:37

thank you. Yeah, I'm in a

1:20:40

world's fair obsessive. I didn't know that.