Podchaser Logo
Home
Roseanne | Club Random with Bill Maher

Roseanne | Club Random with Bill Maher

Released Sunday, 3rd December 2023
 2 people rated this episode
Roseanne | Club Random with Bill Maher

Roseanne | Club Random with Bill Maher

Roseanne | Club Random with Bill Maher

Roseanne | Club Random with Bill Maher

Sunday, 3rd December 2023
 2 people rated this episode
Rate Episode

Episode Transcript

Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.

Use Ctrl + F to search

2:00

I'm just I know but I want to know

2:02

no no give me the hand. I need to

2:04

straighten you out. No you don't straighten me. Yes,

2:06

because you don't even know. No you won't straighten

2:08

me out. I'm 70.

2:11

If I want to. No put your hand down right there. Do

2:13

it. No. Put your hand there. What are

2:15

you gonna do? I'm gonna cover it with mine, and

2:17

I'm gonna tell you that I love

2:20

you. Wow what a 180 that

2:23

was. I love

2:25

you, and I don't want to hurt you. I

2:27

love you too. I lost mine. Oh that's right. I

2:33

love you, and I want

2:35

to bring everybody together to see

2:37

they're getting screwed and robbed. Okay,

2:41

now are we on the same page

2:43

with that? Yeah. Okay now let's talk.

2:46

All right. I

2:49

have a lot of video tape that if I wanted

2:51

to go into the archives I could send you where

2:53

I pretty much alone in

2:56

media was questioning the pharmaceutical

2:58

industry and people like Monsanto.

3:00

I was early part of

3:02

the century with the... I know you were. Yeah,

3:04

so I'm not the guy to hit that hit

3:06

with the... I'm not hit. You would have been.

3:08

You're for Monsanto. But what about the vaccine shit?

3:11

And I've been way out on the limb

3:13

on that one too. You were wrong. I

3:16

don't know which what I don't know what

3:19

your stance on vaccines is so why don't you tell me

3:21

yours and I'll tell you mine and we'll see who's wrong.

3:23

They're trying to fucking kill us. They're

3:26

trying to? Yeah, that's why they're

3:28

giving us the vaccine. I don't think they're trying. Well,

3:33

it's much more complicated. They hate

3:35

us. Who hates us? The pharmaceutical

3:38

industry? No, actually... The

3:40

fucking crazy-ass psychopath billionaires.

3:43

They hate the regular people. Okay

3:45

Bernie. So,

3:48

but you're not one of the regular people.

3:51

Look at you. You're a Southern belle. You're

3:53

like in a Tennessee Williams play. And

3:56

you're the... I've always depended

3:58

on the kindness. of strangers.

4:01

Right. Look, you could play

4:03

that today. I kind of am. You could

4:05

still be Blanche DuBois. I love that character.

4:07

I'm sure. What a writer. You know that

4:09

nobody under like 50 knows who Tennessee Williams

4:11

is. I know it's sad, huh? It is

4:13

very sad. What about our age? It's so

4:15

horrible because... So horrible. The reference is nobody

4:18

gets the... I told my daughter and I

4:20

was talking about Lenny Bruce and she goes,

4:23

I swear to God, and I have to recreate it.

4:26

Wait. Who's that?

4:30

How old is she?

4:33

34. 34. Well, I must

4:35

say Lenny Bruce was even before my time. What?

4:38

Really? Yeah. Oh, definitely.

4:41

67. You're only three years younger

4:43

than me. Lenny Bruce died, I think, in 1969. But

4:48

I don't... I think he... It could have been 66.

4:50

Something like that. I think it was 69. Okay,

4:53

but I don't think he had been working. He had

4:55

been... No, he hadn't been working. Okay, so like... He

4:58

was not somebody as a kid I would see on

5:00

Ed Sullivan, you know? No. Or, you

5:03

know, Merv Griffin or something. So he was just

5:05

this... But because I was a kid interested in

5:07

comedy, he was... I knew he was a comedy

5:09

god and, you know, Lenny Bruce, you know, they

5:11

talked about him like that, other comic stuff. But

5:14

when I actually went to listen, it

5:17

reminded me that comedy does not really pass

5:20

through the ages very well. It's...

5:23

Oh, it does. So I disagree. Some of

5:25

it, it's... Okay, Lenny Bruce. Not

5:27

a lot of it. Okay, getting real

5:30

real and let's have another swig so

5:32

we can relax. I'm all

5:34

for that, sister. That sounds

5:37

like my Uncle Frank. Do

5:39

my big daddy impression. Okay.

5:43

Okay, she says yes. Let's

5:46

see. So how is...

5:48

So what... Now, you live in... What

5:50

part of Texas? I live in

5:52

the... What's

5:54

it called? What's that fucking town? Austin.

5:57

Austin. About an hour out of there.

6:00

I was just there. How

6:02

much do you love it there? Percentage

6:06

wise, I do like Austin. I do.

6:08

Everybody likes Austin. Did you go to

6:10

Joe's club? No, I

6:12

didn't. I did his podcast, but then I had

6:15

to do a show that night and, uh, you

6:17

know, I had to go to Dallas the next

6:19

day. So, you know, Should've went

6:21

to the club. Well, they got Mitzi's

6:23

room in there. He made a whole

6:25

bar for Mitzi's room. He's

6:28

got Mitzi's room. The bar is called

6:30

Mitzi's room. And there's a picture of

6:32

Mitzi with the table. It's like Mitzi

6:35

spirit lives on there. And it's

6:38

like everyone is trying new shit,

6:40

real offensive out there. Really?

6:42

Yeah, good. And I love it.

6:44

And the audience is like eating it

6:47

up, even though they're blue, they're blue

6:49

voters, but they have open minds. And

6:51

I'm saying my worst Democrat jokes and

6:54

they're loving it. That's one reason

6:56

I love places that are cities

6:58

in red States because you

7:00

get a mix of both things in the

7:03

country. I think does need both things. Absolutely.

7:05

So, you know, yeah, you

7:07

go to Charlotte or someplace like that and

7:09

it's like, yeah, you're, you're, you're in North

7:11

Carolina, but it's a very blue city, but

7:13

it's not so blue that they got to

7:15

stick up their ass. You know what I

7:17

mean? I think one thing we both

7:20

don't like is people with a stick up their

7:22

ass. Okay. It's like blue

7:24

mixed with red commie

7:27

equals purple. You

7:29

know what I'm saying? Bell with the hair

7:31

and the whole thing. It's beyond blue. It's

7:35

the next step towards Stalinist. Wait,

7:39

what are we talking about? Well,

7:41

I have to get my SIGs. Where's

7:43

my fucking cigarettes. Did I forget my

7:45

cigarettes? I have to go get

7:47

my cigarettes. Yeah. Okay. They're over there. I'll

7:50

be right back. Yeah. We have

7:52

cameras that will follow you all over the room. Oh

7:55

good. I'm going to take a leak to a leak.

7:57

No, I'm kidding. I

8:00

mean if you have to, so you're moving

8:02

pretty good for 70. Yeah, because

8:05

I went to Joe Rogan's doctor and

8:07

they hyped me up on all this

8:09

testosterone. No. And it's changed

8:11

my life. Are you serious? For real.

8:14

Are you fucking with me? No, I ain't.

8:16

Because I know Joe is a big proponent. I know.

8:19

Of that. We had that discussion once on

8:21

his show and I am of

8:24

the school that I wouldn't

8:27

do it because if you do have cancer

8:29

cells in your body, it can accelerate their

8:31

growth. And we all do have some cancer

8:33

cells. We all have something,

8:35

everything bad. For cancer.

8:39

She says it. She likes the zigger, right? Yes.

8:42

Don't underscore my joke. You're right. You're

8:45

right. But you got it at least.

8:47

Half of my life, nobody gets what I'm

8:50

saying if it's a joke or serious or

8:52

what. Really? Your boyfriend doesn't get you?

8:54

How could you be with him that long if he didn't love every

8:56

joke you make? I

9:00

mean, it's got to be... I

9:05

guess that's all you can expect from a man. It's

9:07

the most I've ever had from any guy. Yeah.

9:12

But my son... I'll take 70. Look,

9:15

my sons though, they get 90. Yeah,

9:19

they get my shit 90%. You

9:22

know who else gets my shit 90%? He

9:25

even gets it 98%. Who?

9:28

Tony Hinchcliffe, that fucker. Who?

9:31

That comedy assassin, I call him. Tony

9:34

Hinchcliffe. Don't know. That does that

9:36

podcast Kill Tony. Oh, I don't know.

9:39

It's so fun, Bill. You got to watch that. I

9:41

will. He brings on new comics, which

9:43

is why I like it, because it's misty-like, you

9:45

know? These people come up and

9:47

they audition for one minute. They got their fresh...

9:49

You know, like we used to do for five.

9:52

And so... And then we get to

9:54

judge him. Ha ha! You know, and

9:56

he roast him like a... Like they

9:59

put him on a spin. He just likes

10:01

to see the fat drip off him, you know? But

10:04

then I don't want to do that because

10:06

I'm so rich and glamorous and famous. It

10:08

wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be right. No,

10:10

it's true. I just

10:13

try to encourage

10:15

him and, you know, say what

10:17

I think they could correct because

10:19

that's more motherly, right? So,

10:23

but it's a fucking blast and you should

10:25

be on there as a judge. Well,

10:27

now that I got the number

10:29

one podcast behind Rogan. Well,

10:32

I mean, I'm glad you're edifying me on all

10:34

this. I know you've got to

10:37

get hipper, Bill. Thank

10:42

you. Our

10:46

whole generation is all fucked up

10:48

and crazy and lazy. Which

10:50

one? Ours or that ours?

10:52

We're all fucking mentally deranged. We're not

10:55

nearly as mentally deranged or as lazy

10:57

as the kids. That's true. Okay, I'm

10:59

glad you agree on that. That's a

11:01

great matter. They're deranged.

11:04

They're fucking beyond deranged.

11:07

They don't take care of their kids and that pisses me

11:10

off. We're two generations

11:12

into the rot, really, in society

11:14

because they just, it's not the

11:16

kids fault. They were just raised wrong. Everybody

11:19

raises their kids a little wronger. Then

11:22

you get to this where there's just no boundaries.

11:25

No, it's all

11:28

fucking bitterness and recriminations.

11:31

There's no fucking forgiveness no matter

11:33

how much money you give the

11:35

bastard. That's what

11:37

I found. With kids, your kids.

11:40

Yeah, they never will forgive

11:42

me ever, no matter who

11:44

I buy in my fucking house. They don't forgive

11:46

me. Forgive me for what? For the fucking

11:48

years of fame that I put them through.

11:51

That's what they say. Really? Yeah,

11:54

they're all libtards. My daughters are

11:56

all libtards, but thank God I

11:58

have two sons. that are patriots of

12:01

this country. I

12:04

remember when you were a socialist. I

12:07

still am, that's what's so funny. You're

12:09

like a socialist Nazi. It's an

12:12

interesting- I'm not a Nazi. I'm

12:14

kidding. Remember when me and you

12:16

got in that fist fight at the Playboy

12:18

mansion? I get it. I get it. Fist

12:21

fight at the Playboy mansion. You'd think I

12:23

would remember a thing like that. All right,

12:25

by the aviary there? The

12:28

abi- Yeah, the zoo in the

12:30

back? Yeah, once we were both

12:32

drunk and all fucked up. You

12:34

called me something and I called you

12:37

something. You remember that? I don't,

12:39

but I'm not denying it. In

12:42

fact, I love that it happened. Yeah. I

12:44

love that I got into a fist

12:47

fight with Rosanne. I sucked you right

12:49

in the jaw. You

12:51

hit me back. No, I didn't. I

12:53

always hit men first and then they'll hit me

12:55

back. Yeah, you did. No wonder I don't- No

12:58

wonder I don't remember this. No shit, you

13:00

blocked it out, MKUltra. Who's

13:05

that? That's the

13:07

mind control program you're under, Bill. MKUltra?

13:10

Yeah, MKUltra Mind Control. Are

13:12

you kidding me, Nora? Do you really think I'm under a mind control

13:14

program? I do. Is there

13:16

a conspiracy theory you don't believe? No,

13:19

I tell the truth. Everything I

13:22

say, people like you is always laughing at

13:24

me. And then it comes true

13:26

and you never go, I'm sorry, I made fun

13:28

of you, Rosanne. You was right. How come you

13:30

never say that, Bill? Because-

13:33

I'm always right. You're not always

13:35

right. I am so. You

13:37

have some, I mean, I

13:40

don't know. Well, by your own

13:42

admission, remember- You're gonna say I'm mentally

13:44

ill, which I say I am. Well,

13:47

then why are we having this discussion?

13:49

Because you have to listen to the

13:51

mentally ill, as the Zohar says. Well,

13:54

that's a circular argument. As the Zohar

13:56

says, in these days- Zohar. The

13:58

Zohar, the holy. Who's that? The

14:01

holy Jewish... Is that the thing

14:03

in Big where he makes these?

14:06

Yeah, but in reality... Really?

14:09

You believe in that? Of course, I've read it.

14:11

You should read it. The thing in the movie Big?

14:14

Sort of. All of it, but they make it a

14:16

cult and they put it in their movie. Because

14:19

they're Satan worshippers. There are a cult? No,

14:21

they're Satan worshippers from

14:24

Babylon. They're the reptiles.

14:26

Long Island? No, they're the

14:28

reptile people, Bill. Oh, the

14:30

lizard people. Yeah, the reptiles. Yeah, I

14:32

know that QAnon especially believes

14:35

that there are a lot of

14:37

the world's elite. Queen

14:40

Elizabeth was a lizard person. George

14:42

Bush, George W. Bush was a...

14:45

There are people who are,

14:48

you know, they normally when we

14:50

see them, they're out there in a suit

14:53

and tie and they're speaking. No, it's not

14:55

that. They're actually lizards. They're actually... Once

14:58

in a while you catch them and blurry photograph of

15:00

someone and you just, you know... I

15:02

don't believe all that. Oh, no. But

15:05

I believe that something affects you after

15:07

thousands of years of inbreeding. Well,

15:11

I don't think you could endure thousands

15:13

of years. Well, you know how they

15:16

used to make a

15:18

king in the

15:20

old world, you know, the world of

15:22

pharaohs? Egypt. Yeah,

15:24

Egypt and before Egypt. It

15:27

used to come from a brother and a sister,

15:30

how you make a

15:32

royal prince or a king. The

15:34

pharaohs were victims of inbreeding. That

15:37

is true. Yeah, right. So

15:39

it went on for hundreds of hundreds

15:41

of centuries. Right. So

15:44

that DNA thing is

15:47

different from other humans except

15:49

the Jews, which

15:51

also inbreed. No,

15:53

I'm kidding. And so do people in Kentucky.

15:56

That was my joke. But no, the

15:59

pharaohs and... that line,

16:02

they're really super inbred with

16:04

their DNA. Yes, they were. Right.

16:06

That's true. And of course it drives you

16:09

mad and makes

16:11

you like have

16:13

a shittier immune system, you

16:15

know, susceptible. And psychopathology, I

16:18

think. They think they can like decide

16:20

how many millions of people will die

16:22

next year and the stocks will go

16:24

up. That's why I think people are generally

16:27

attracted to people who don't look like

16:29

them. I know that's true in my

16:32

case. You know, I mean,

16:34

I'm Irish, fair skin, that's

16:36

like the one type I don't like. Yeah,

16:40

that's true. You know what I mean?

16:42

And I think that's because my DNA

16:44

is saying, you know, mate with this

16:47

one. Because it's less likely the kids

16:49

will come out. Like

16:51

you? You

16:56

still got it. You

16:58

still got it. I'm

17:01

loving that I still got it. You still got

17:03

it. Totally. And I'm going on stage

17:05

there and Joe is in so far. I

17:08

love it. You got a lot of

17:10

nutty ideas, but you're not nuts. I know

17:12

that sounds like a distinction, but that's a

17:15

difference. But I swear to God, it's meaningful.

17:18

I find it very ironic that you raise

17:20

nuts. Yeah,

17:22

in Hawaii, macadamia nuts are perfect

17:24

protein. Of all the things to

17:27

pick. Because it's the perfect protein

17:29

for the world. Why nuts? Because

17:31

it could solve world hunger in 10

17:33

minutes. You know, I think deeply about

17:35

these things, Bill. They're not a joke to me. What

17:38

is it about nuts that spoke to

17:40

you when you were thinking about raising

17:42

them? Okay, I'm telling you,

17:44

fool. Listen up. Listen

17:46

up here. Because of

17:48

the macadamia. I bought

17:50

my farm, Side Unseen. Because

17:54

it was a farm

17:57

that had several thousand. macadamia

18:00

nut trees. And I was

18:03

intrigued once I read that

18:06

well because my son's kind of

18:09

it all goes back to my son having

18:11

severe learning disabilities and they had a school

18:13

in Hawaii so I sent him there and

18:16

so I bought a farm so I could

18:18

buy my son that's where it comes from.

18:20

Okay so I thought well I'm gonna do

18:22

something useful to the world.

18:24

So macadamia nuts I researched

18:27

them so it was perfect protein

18:30

for the human and it's

18:32

so easy to grow and

18:34

it is rich in all

18:38

the right fats for brain. You

18:40

know develop your brain and to

18:43

fuel your body and like you

18:46

know all the good stuff all the good

18:48

fats all the good proteins and very

18:50

low in carbohydrates high in

18:53

energy and you

18:56

know I just got intrigued by man this

18:58

could feed the world. I got

19:00

really altruistic over it. How many

19:03

trees do you have? 5,000.

19:07

5,000 and how many people does it take to 10 to

19:09

5,000 trees? Well

19:12

see that's the problem. It's

19:15

just you? Yeah. Me and

19:17

like 4,000 wild pigs that I have

19:21

to like you know I have to

19:23

shoot them because they're attacking me so

19:25

I had to become

19:27

a huntress. Wait.

19:30

What are you joking? No. What do you mean

19:32

by 4,000 pigs? Well because it's overrun

19:36

by wild pigs. Those are the nut

19:38

trees because I can't harvest them because

19:41

they're so labor intensive. You can't keep

19:43

animals out with a fence? I've

19:45

got a fence. It goes under the

19:47

ground. The pigs are so smart. You

19:50

know I call them the uniparty

19:52

the repiglicans. That's what they

19:54

are. They'll go if you think you're gonna

19:56

keep them out with a fence electric fence

19:59

that goes under What are they?

20:01

They want what you have.

20:03

Okay boy, it's like they're

20:05

pigs. Yeah But

20:08

what so they tunnel under the fence?

20:10

Oh, they'll do anything But what do

20:12

you mean? I thought this one bit,

20:14

but specifically she couldn't get through they're

20:16

so fucking smart. Okay, but you say

20:18

wait Let me tell you they're so

20:20

fucking they're smarter than humans. Listen, okay,

20:22

it's either smarter than humans I've seen

20:24

this one big old pig bitch.

20:27

She couldn't get into what I have 9,000

20:31

fucking acres around her but she's

20:33

got to come where I am where she ain't

20:35

wanted because she's a Repiglicant,

20:38

right? Yeah, so she

20:40

puts her little tiny baby through

20:42

the hole in my fence She

20:44

squishes him through pushes him through

20:46

so I can anchor baby Kind

20:50

of like that And I see

20:53

I'm pushing their babies to the fence and

20:55

I am overrun by wild pigs And

20:58

you say there's 4,000 There's

21:00

so many fucking hundreds of them every time I

21:02

come home and go up my driveway There's

21:05

more of them and they're looking at me too

21:08

first I used to scatter but how do you

21:10

now they stand there going? What are you looking

21:12

at? But who counted them? me

21:15

I got a I

21:17

mean, I want to know how

21:19

you actually count 4,000

21:21

wild pigs in a forest by yourself

21:24

that does seems like it that you

21:26

probably didn't do that I'm

21:29

estimating It

21:32

was like a perfect Jack Benny I'm

21:35

estimating How

21:37

great was that guy also

21:40

before my time but My

21:42

time too, but I did get right TV. That's the

21:44

thing when you're when you're a aspiring

21:47

Comic as a kid you

21:49

are want to be a student of

21:51

the past ones too. Okay,

21:53

let's get to the real deal Let's

21:56

cut to the chase here because I really

21:58

was it caused me. I think he did

22:01

it. I was one and

22:03

I talked about him, okay

22:05

let's talk about him, but okay wait

22:07

I don't even know about

22:09

what he and that taking that off the

22:11

table they did take him what all that

22:13

shit off the table yeah they

22:16

did violate his civil rights because

22:19

he signed that paper saying I will

22:21

only testify true that's why if I am

22:24

NOT prosecuted that's why you got a

22:26

agreed that's why yeah that's why they

22:28

overturned the shit because they tried they

22:30

came back on him after they agreed they

22:32

were never gonna come so they violated him

22:34

okay but what they did is

22:37

they fucked up the procedurals right

22:39

and that counts that's our system and

22:42

he did serve three years that yeah

22:44

I've strict rule of the law

22:46

he shouldn't have served any time because you're right that's

22:48

right but so they

22:50

got their pound of flesh we call

22:52

it poetic justice because he certainly deserved

22:54

to serve probably more than three years

22:56

considering I mean I was willing to

22:59

let the first 50 go what

23:01

is got higher than that I was like hey I'm

23:04

seeing a pattern here maybe this guy did do something

23:08

yeah it is amazing the way he was enabled

23:12

through decades well just

23:14

the transcripts of the trial

23:16

that he admitted to our

23:19

horrible but the crimes that you can perform

23:22

almost in broad

23:25

daylight not almost Christ

23:27

you know it's like saying the Emperor's

23:29

naked and that used to shock people

23:32

now it's like he's not

23:35

happy enough to be naked in the

23:37

streets and not anybody

23:40

say nothing but now

23:42

he like wants to walk down the

23:44

street and just bend over and

23:46

put his butt right up in our face

23:48

and we're not supposed to say nothing well

23:51

I don't think we're not supposed to say nothing

23:54

you know I don't know why you have to

23:56

you seem to want to always pick a

23:58

fight where I feel like because they

24:00

tried to destroy me Phil.

24:03

Who's they? Oh, you talking about the

24:05

networks? Yeah. Hey, I

24:08

know. I know you. I

24:10

always felt for you. I mean, for

24:13

people who don't remember it too

24:15

young, Roseanne was the biggest

24:17

thing. There was a rarely

24:20

seen kind of comment that crosses the show

24:23

business sky. Like when she first went on

24:25

The Tonight Show. Now does it sound like

24:27

a Jack Benny show? It was the biggest

24:29

like reaction. We had not seen anything

24:32

like this hit a nerve, whatever you

24:34

want to call it. Then the biggest

24:36

sitcom and then comes

24:38

back. What is it? 20

24:40

years later, 10 years later, something with 20. The

24:44

reboot of the sitcom goes to number one again.

24:47

Try that bitch. And then you tweeted

24:50

something that I don't

24:52

even know if you thought it was racist.

24:54

It certainly was. It was

24:56

not. Okay, well,

24:59

I thought the bitch was white. I

25:02

know that's what you thought, but

25:04

that doesn't mean it isn't racist

25:06

because obviously, she looks like the

25:08

fucking picture. You're not going to

25:10

get yourself out of this by

25:12

reiterating that. And everybody's in power

25:14

got to be made fun of. That's true.

25:16

Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark. Fuck you.

25:18

If you can't take a joke, fuck

25:21

you, you fascist. That's how I feel,

25:23

Bill. And you know what? I don't

25:25

give a fuck what color your ass

25:27

is. If you ain't doing

25:29

right for your own people or anybody's

25:31

people in this country where people are

25:34

sleeping in the streets and

25:36

it makes me fucking sick, then

25:39

fuck you. I don't give

25:41

a fuck about your feelings. You are offensive

25:43

to me. You better take care

25:45

of people living and dying in these

25:47

streets. Fuck off. I'm

25:50

so sorry, but it just came

25:53

out. I'm glad. That's what I want. I

25:55

want it to come out. It's what old friends

25:57

do when they get together. You can either have

25:59

a... Blah, blah, boring

26:01

like, you know, chit chat small

26:03

talk conversation or you can like

26:06

let it out and I'm

26:08

trying to tell you like I get

26:10

what you're coming from. I also... I

26:12

don't know how to do it other than just

26:14

say it. You have more balls than anybody. That's

26:18

because I'm a trans man and people

26:20

don't know that. Well...

26:26

I am though. No,

26:28

you're not. You're not a man. You

26:31

were never a man. We knew you from... You

26:33

were a child star. You were on the

26:36

Disney channel. You were a little rosy. Remember?

26:38

Little rosy. I remember the character you

26:40

did. You were really a witch I think of

26:43

some kind but a good witch from

26:45

another planet and somehow they

26:47

implanted all these crazy ideas in your brain

26:50

and cut to what's

26:54

what they really did. Oh

26:58

my God. You know what really happened though? But

27:00

you need to be a little more sensitive to

27:02

like people who I get it. I face the

27:05

same frustrations. I love them. I want

27:07

to set the captives free. Who's

27:09

the captive? The fucking people

27:11

that believe anything that comes across the

27:13

TV. But

27:16

what you're on TV sometimes. Except

27:18

me. Bill,

27:22

help me. It's true. I'm

27:25

here to tell you about Dr. Squatch. The

27:28

traditional soaps just aren't cutting it anymore. All

27:30

full things are chemicals that are awful for

27:32

you and your skin. Plus

27:34

the scent is so aggressive. My

27:36

point is Dr. Squatch is all

27:38

natural and the scents are incredibly

27:40

pleasant. Dr. Squatch is different than

27:42

traditional soaps. They use high performance

27:44

natural products, have no harmful ingredients

27:46

and have you looking and smelling

27:48

your best. This is the perfect

27:50

holiday gift. Stocking stuff or a

27:52

treat yourself purchase. Right

27:55

now buy three soaps and get three soaps for

27:57

free. That's $28 in savings. making

28:00

each bar just four bucks. Offer

28:03

valid for new customers only and

28:05

free shipping is included. Right now,

28:07

Dr. Squatch is offering our listeners

28:09

huge savings. All new customers will

28:11

get three free bar soaps plus

28:14

free shipping with any purchase of

28:16

three bars. Just go to drsquatch.com/random

28:18

to receive this buy three, get

28:20

three offer. That's drsquatch.com/random

28:23

to buy three soaps and get

28:25

three free. It's time to get

28:27

all the daily routine essentials you'll

28:30

need to start feeling good and smelling like a

28:32

new man today. Club

28:34

Random is brought to you by the Stash

28:37

Monkey. Stash Monkey is a

28:39

patented airtight and odor resistant box that's

28:41

practically the Fort Knox of your personal

28:43

belongings. We're talking prescription

28:45

medications, recreational goodies, and anything else

28:47

you'd rather keep away from prying

28:50

eyes and curious noses. The

28:52

dual smell-proof high-grade silicon seal lid

28:54

includes a resettable combination lock to

28:57

secure your items, allowing you to

28:59

take it with you anywhere. Stash

29:01

Monkey keeps your items fresh, neutral,

29:04

and moisture free because it's water resistant.

29:07

Stash Monkey's crafted of the highest

29:09

quality materials designed to withstand daily

29:11

use, making it a reliable storage

29:13

companion for years to come. It's

29:16

also easy to clean and it's

29:18

dishwasher safe. I got a

29:20

Stash Monkey myself and can safely say

29:22

I feel assured that when I'm away,

29:24

my dogs won't be partying without me.

29:26

Save up to 30% off Stash Monkey

29:29

with this exclusive offer. Go to stashmonkey.com

29:31

and use the code monkey, that's

29:34

stashmonkey.com or text the word monkey

29:36

to 511-511 to save up to 30% off your order, plus

29:41

receive free shipping. Text monkey to

29:43

511-511 and place your order today

29:47

and receive your Stash Monkeys in time for

29:49

the holidays. Remember to text monkey to 511-511

29:51

today. Terms,

29:54

conditions, message, and data rates may

29:56

apply. Club

29:59

Random is brought to you by. by the audio

30:01

marketing gurus at Radioactive Media. Okay,

30:04

if you're in charge of a nationwide

30:06

company, it's time for you to step

30:08

up your game. Time to try something

30:10

groundbreaking that will get noticed by utilizing

30:13

new platforms to acquire customers and partner

30:15

with shows like mine. You could enjoy

30:17

lower CPMs, elevating your brand in a

30:19

space away from your competitors. Generate

30:22

up to nine times more leads by

30:24

combining the power of audio and video

30:26

channels with text messaging and generate an

30:28

ROI as high as five,

30:30

six, or seven to one. Radioactive

30:33

Media can create campaigns airing

30:35

nationally on podcasts, terrestrial, satellite,

30:37

and streaming radio. Club Random has

30:39

been partnering with Radioactive Media

30:41

since the beginning with clients

30:43

such as Signal Wire, Heat

30:45

Holders, Wine Enthusiast, and more, and

30:48

they can create a customizable campaign

30:50

for your company's needs. Radioactive

30:53

believes so much in the power of

30:55

audio marketing, by

30:58

using it themselves, right here, right

31:00

now. Their Radioactive Media exclusive Cyber

31:03

Week deal was such a huge success, they

31:05

were extending it through December 15th. Make

31:08

sure you don't miss out on this

31:10

exclusive Cyber Week deal. Go to radioactivemedia.com

31:12

or text RANDOM to 511511. Text

31:16

RANDOM to 511511 today. Terms,

31:19

conditions, message, and data rates may

31:21

apply. Let's face

31:23

it, after a night of drinking, you don't bounce back

31:25

the next day like you

31:27

used to. You have to make a choice. You

31:29

can either have a great night or a great

31:31

next day. That is, until I tell you about

31:33

Z-Biotics. If you're committed to your

31:36

healthy routine this year, you need Z-Biotics. Z-Biotics

31:39

pre-alcohol probiotic is the

31:41

world's first genetically engineered

31:43

probiotic. It was invented

31:45

by PhD scientists to tackle rough

31:47

mornings after drinking. You know, because

31:49

those guys party like rock stars.

31:52

These wild men told me that when

31:54

you drink, alcohol gets converted into a

31:56

toxic byproduct in the gut. It's

31:58

this byproduct. dehydration that's

32:00

to blame for your rough next

32:02

day. And Z-Biotics produces an enzyme

32:04

to break this byproduct down. It's

32:07

designed to work like your liver

32:09

but in your gut where you

32:11

need it most. Just remember to

32:13

drink Z-Biotics before drinking alcohol. Drink

32:15

responsibly and get a good night's

32:17

sleep to feel your best tomorrow.

32:19

Go to zbiotics.com/random to get 15%

32:22

off your first order when you use random

32:24

at checkout. You can also sign up for

32:26

a subscription using my code so you can

32:28

stay prepared no matter the time or

32:30

occasion. Z-Biotics is backed with a 100%

32:34

money-back guarantee so if you're unsatisfied

32:36

for any reason they'll refund your

32:38

money. No questions asked. Remember to

32:40

head to zbiotics.com slash

32:42

random and use the code random at checkout

32:44

for 15% off. Thank you Z-Biotics for

32:48

sponsoring this episode. You

32:51

were reminding me of a really

32:54

warm wonderful memory which is you

32:56

doing Politically Incorrect which

32:58

when you were the

33:00

biggest star in television and I

33:03

had a little show that was

33:05

getting point two rating and

33:07

you came and did this show I think

33:10

with Tom I think you did it

33:12

together. Did I? Yeah. Did we? And

33:14

like the point of that show was

33:17

like everybody should get a voice. Right.

33:19

You know I mean even when you're nutty I

33:21

think you should be heard. Like

33:23

I don't believe in any sort

33:26

of circumcision of free speech. Oh

33:28

what a great that is a great word.

33:30

Oh my god. Circumcision of free speech. Yeah

33:32

I didn't really mean it I was just.

33:35

I think we have to remember that well

33:38

Americans like after 9-1-1 you

33:40

know Bill? 9-11 you mean? Huh?

33:43

You called it 9-1-1. Oh well it's an emergency.

33:47

I know but we did. How

33:49

come they're alike? I remember at

33:51

the beginning we people were

33:53

calling it 9-1-1. Yeah. But then it became

33:55

9-11 and has been that way

33:58

for like 21 years. Well,

34:00

you know better late than never 9-eleven

34:03

I hate saying it. Oh,

34:05

it's just awful memory. But oh, yeah, but

34:08

I Remember

34:11

I didn't find out about it till 9 1 2

34:16

That's a weird but it's true.

34:18

Why why Gracie? It

34:22

is like that Why

34:25

yeah Just

34:28

like George Burns I got this ago why

34:30

why didn't you find out about it until

34:32

9 1 2? Well,

34:39

George what well John

34:43

It's like this thing another

34:45

comedy Icons

34:47

who were before my time, but

34:50

I still knew so I

34:52

remember when I was a I should talk about

34:54

her How fucking genius that woman

34:57

was Gracie Allen. Yeah Well,

35:00

it is true again. I didn't actually seem

35:02

I knew what the act was. She was

35:04

the dumb blonde It wasn't really dumb, you

35:07

know, it always has to work out where the man looks

35:09

like the asshole It does have to work

35:11

out But I tried to change that paradigm

35:14

because I didn't I didn't want Dan to

35:16

look that way you brought real truth both

35:19

in the stand-up and in the sitcom to

35:22

Domestic American life you also

35:25

I tell this every time I tried

35:27

every time people Bring

35:30

up that movie Dolores Claiborne. Uh-huh.

35:33

I always say I remember

35:35

this very clearly Roseanne

35:38

was the first person to

35:41

talk about how common child

35:46

Harassing is whatever the what's

35:49

the right word whatever? Yes. Yes And

35:53

which is what that movie is about

35:55

right and I remember so clearly at

35:57

the time the reaction was she's I

36:00

was like, oh, Roseanne's full of it. I was like,

36:02

oh, I did not know that. You

36:06

were the one who like really put

36:08

that out there and said, no, it's not a

36:10

weird or rare thing. It's

36:13

like it's all through the culture.

36:16

I guess it's been through every culture. It's

36:18

amazing how horrible humans are that they can fuck

36:20

children. Oh,

36:24

they do worse than that. Murder, I

36:26

guess, is worse. I'm going

36:28

to... Oh,

36:31

look at this. Look at this. Oh,

36:34

you got a thing. No one

36:36

had this all along. Oh,

36:38

that's nice. I'm like

36:41

Dorothy, who just remembered she could go home

36:43

at any time. It is like that. I

36:46

played the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of the Beast. It

36:50

is like that. I

36:52

played the Wicked Witch in

36:55

The Wizard of Oz on Broadway,

36:57

you know. Typecasting? Oh,

37:00

my God, it wasn't fun, though. Oh, my

37:02

God, it was taking... The villain is always

37:04

the fun part. Oh, it was

37:06

so fun. I got to fly on them fly

37:08

things. Oh, right. Yeah, it

37:10

was so awesome. What year was this?

37:14

Oh, one of those years. Right.

37:18

I got to run for president, too. Weird.

37:20

I wanted to talk to you about that.

37:22

But anyway, we'll go back. That's a whole

37:24

other subject. Why don't you raise pot instead of nuts?

37:27

Well, I tried, but they won't fucking legalize this

37:29

shit. Oh, you're in Texas.

37:32

Neither Texas nor Hawaii will legalize

37:34

me to sell my... Not Hawaii?

37:36

Uh-uh, they won't do it neither.

37:38

Come on. Uh-uh, they won't. Wow.

37:42

And it's a socialist state, and

37:44

they won't do it. I'm

37:46

surprised to hear you admit that. See, that's

37:48

the thing. Your politics are so all

37:51

over the map. One foot in blue, one foot

37:53

in red. I know, but what

37:55

is that, Anna? That's straddling the vast metal,

37:57

bitch. I... Well, okay.

38:00

I would concur with you

38:03

that we need both sides. We need

38:05

the vast middle. We need

38:08

the vast middle, correct. How did

38:10

they marginalize the vast middle? That's what I

38:12

ask myself every day. But

38:14

some of the things you say are not

38:16

representative of the vast middle. No, I

38:18

know, because I'm fighting on another level. Another

38:21

level? I'm fighting up here in the

38:24

penthouse of thought, where wars are won and

38:26

lost. I mean, people get at the truth

38:29

through different means. I mean, some people

38:31

are out with it. I

38:33

think you and I are in that category

38:35

generally, and we pay a big price for

38:37

it sometimes. I mean, you know, people do

38:39

not like to hear it true if they

38:41

really don't. They say they do. They like

38:43

it in theory. Well, I say

38:45

they like it after the guy that told

38:47

the truth has been tortured and murdered and

38:49

stripped of his skin after 2,000 years,

38:52

then they think he's cool. Well, we could

38:54

be a little rosier about it than that,

38:56

can't we? But I mean, they only like him 2,000 years

38:59

after they've died a tortuous death

39:01

that they put him through. You

39:05

know, it's just gross how people

39:07

think. I consider myself a realist,

39:09

but you know, when it tips

39:11

into that darkness, I don't know

39:13

if that's realism either. Of course

39:15

it is. We live in a

39:17

fucking dark world ruled by Satan. You

39:19

don't live in a dark world. You live in

39:21

Hawaii and Texas. I don't, but most of

39:24

the world lives, I mean, and myself.

39:26

I'm forced to live in this sphere

39:28

where it's controlled by Satan the snake.

39:30

Wait, a sphere that is ruled

39:33

by Satanists? Yeah. Who

39:35

are the Satanists? Well,

39:37

they're all over the place, but they don't know that

39:39

they're doing it. Like who? Like

39:42

name somebody. You know, just anybody. I

39:44

don't know. I don't know who you are with George

39:46

Bush, Jeff Goldblum. I don't know what level.

39:50

Are they everywhere? The bank.

39:55

Who are the Satanists? At the very

39:57

top sits the Bank of International

39:59

Settles. settlements in Bern, Switzerland. The

40:02

Bank of International Settlements? I've

40:04

got my savings account with them. Oh

40:07

no. I mean, it's only $142,000,

40:09

but still, are they in trouble of some kind? Are

40:16

they caught at being an international

40:19

cabal? Well, they

40:21

were actually caught at that in 2008 with the

40:24

HSBC Bank Act. Well,

40:27

the whole world economy collapsed

40:30

in 2008. They weren't the

40:32

only ones. How smart you are to

40:35

have noticed that about 2008. Let's

40:39

clank a fucking glass on that. Okay,

40:41

it's common knowledge, but thank you. So

40:44

I didn't know you had that common knowledge.

40:47

Well, yeah, I host a show about the news.

40:49

It was kind of like the biggest story of

40:51

that year. But okay. Well,

40:53

I don't remember every God blessed

40:56

thing you utter. Well, I'm

40:59

plainly I'm consumed with

41:01

myself as you are. Are

41:03

you still into Kabbalah? I know. I

41:06

know you're into Kabbalah. I'm

41:08

into the Zohar, that thing you

41:10

know nothing about. Well, I

41:12

love big. He

41:16

could not have gone back to childhood if

41:19

he wasn't with the

41:21

Zohar. If you saw it would blow your mind.

41:23

It tells us about the karma of ants. And

41:28

anyway, that's the key. The karma of

41:30

ants. It's just, it is a

41:33

little ethereal. It's like, it begs for like

41:35

a Woody Allen joke. It kind of does.

41:37

The karma of ants, but does it affect

41:39

ultimate sighted dispute parking is my

41:43

question. Jokes

41:45

are the greatest thing

41:48

to save humanity. That's why

41:50

I just love the abec the comic. They will not save

41:52

humanity. No, I agree. We're down for

41:54

it. Well, I mean,

41:56

I remember when

41:59

Isis was... writing Hyde. You remember

42:01

after the Iraq War was over, I guess

42:03

it was Obama

42:05

into Trump, mostly Obama,

42:08

second term, I guess, when ISIS

42:11

was kind of like took over

42:13

a caliphate, which, you know, people

42:16

were crazy, thought Glenn Beck,

42:18

who is crazy, said

42:20

they're looking to start a caliphate, and then

42:22

they did, which, you know, Glenn Beck,

42:24

I still think is crazy. But like,

42:26

when he's right about one, give him

42:29

the credit. He did say that, and they won't do that.

42:31

That's what

42:33

the greatest quote, even a broken

42:35

clock is right twice a day.

42:38

Well, I don't think it was, I

42:41

would give him a little more credit than that.

42:43

He seemed to study that subject quite well. I

42:46

understand him completely because he

42:48

is LDS, and I was raised in Salt Lake City,

42:51

amongst the LDS. And I totally

42:53

understand what he's saying. And much

42:56

of what he's saying is, you

42:59

know, I know that they'll forgive and excuse

43:01

me for saying, but that is

43:03

because of the deep teachings of the

43:05

Zohar, which the Mormon Church does teach

43:07

as the Pearl of Great Price. So

43:09

you were both raised a Mormon

43:12

and a Jew, Orthodox Jew and Mormon

43:14

at the same time. Okay,

43:17

so you raised a Mormon and a Jew,

43:20

and also took a hodornament right through

43:22

the skull. Which do you think fucked

43:24

up your thinking more? That's enough for

43:26

you, young lady, you're cut off. All

43:29

right, Father. Yes,

43:34

which fucked up your thinking more? Well,

43:36

I wouldn't call it fucked up my thinking. I

43:39

know, I was just teasing. I was teasing about the

43:41

hodornament. I understand from

43:43

your world, which we call the

43:46

Singleton world. The Singleton world. Yeah,

43:48

that's our language. Singleton, meaning

43:50

I'm not married? Meaning you

43:52

have only one personality. I

43:56

do, or everybody. That you know

43:58

of. Everybody or just... me just

44:00

you just me yeah everybody else has

44:02

more well I don't know

44:05

but you do speak the language

44:07

of someone who isn't like severely

44:09

divided although sometimes I think you

44:11

might be severely divided because

44:13

here's a test I always ask people

44:16

take this test to see if you might

44:18

be severely divided do

44:21

you often say

44:23

one thing and then

44:25

do another never that's

44:28

cool it's so easy

44:30

not to maybe I did when I was

44:32

younger and dumber I'm sure I did but it's

44:35

a very easy once you're

44:37

mature adults and you know

44:40

your capabilities and so forth there's no

44:42

I never understand people who do that

44:44

who like promise something that they know

44:46

they're not going to deliver on can't

44:48

you foresee ahead two days or two

44:51

weeks when you know right you know

44:53

it's like why you

44:55

would never like tell a girl or you I

44:57

have a big dick if you didn't because at

44:59

some point you know that you're

45:01

gonna like hey you said you had I know

45:03

I would it was what I said to get

45:05

you in bed but now I'm embedded in your

45:07

sitter what a terrible strategy that would be you

45:10

know but people do it all the time set

45:12

themselves up for humiliation on purpose

45:14

I'll give you a perfect example twice I

45:16

fucked up listen to

45:19

this twice I stated a

45:21

five-star hotel I won't say which

45:24

hotels they are but

45:26

you know five-star we get it anyway

45:32

when I I'm not gonna say I'm

45:35

not gonna say the name but it

45:37

was it rhymes with more reasons not

45:40

to stay there again because although I

45:42

do I forgave but not that particular

45:44

branch so they're like most people I

45:46

guess are in a hotel they get

45:48

up their business people they go out

45:50

and they do their shit so they're

45:52

out of the hotel at 9 in

45:54

the morning or whatever I'm a comedian

45:56

I'm asleep at noon this construction going

45:58

on I know you Have you ever

46:00

had that happen? Of course always. And

46:02

you've been banging and like I called

46:05

down. This is the point I'm

46:07

talking about where like why do people just not tell

46:09

you the truth right away? And I'm like, hello?

46:11

What the fuck? I'm trying to sleep. I

46:14

paid for this room. It's the Four Seasons

46:16

or whatever hotel it was. I

46:21

mean the more reasons. And

46:24

they say, I'm so sorry, Mr. Moore, but we'll

46:26

stop. And they have no

46:28

intention of stopping it. It's costing them whatever $50,000 a day or

46:30

something. And

46:33

it just goes on. And you call back,

46:35

I'm so sorry. And they're just like, you've

46:37

got to be fucking kidding. And then

46:39

you go down to the lobby and you say, what the

46:41

fuck? You keep telling me. And

46:44

some guy comes out and says, yeah, we

46:46

can't stop. He's like, why didn't you tell

46:48

me that right away? And you

46:50

know, switch my room. Crazy.

46:53

That's why I never stay at hotels

46:55

anymore. That's why I would stay. Well,

46:58

I just stay at my own damn farm. But

47:02

you're in LA. Oh, I mean, when

47:04

I'm over at the island. Like, where are

47:06

you staying now? Huh? Where

47:09

are you staying now? I have no idea.

47:11

Yes, you do. Well,

47:13

I do have a place out of LA. And

47:16

you're a place in LA. Yeah. So

47:18

you're just one of the common people. How many other.

47:21

Lovely neighborhood. No,

47:23

I do live in a lovely

47:26

neighborhood that is a nice

47:28

neighborhood. I'm glad you

47:30

were able to hang on to enough loot

47:33

to have a bunch of fucking houses around the

47:35

world, because I think if you was like. All

47:38

wealth comes from land. You're like the

47:40

share of comedy. Wow.

47:45

Wow. It's

47:47

like the alarm in prison where they have to all get

47:49

on the ground. After

47:52

that noise, you get a shot with a rubber

47:54

bullet. No,

47:57

but you're very iconic. I

48:00

just try to do what I just try

48:02

to put my They

48:04

can't get you down money where my mouth is

48:06

or fuck it, right? I just

48:08

can't talk bullshit No, I

48:10

know you know I know down to

48:12

send me straight to hell where the serpent rule

48:15

rule my soul I don't

48:17

want to give in to the serpent I

48:19

you know that's what the Bible says but

48:21

they they got it all MK ultra So

48:23

women can't know what the Bible really says

48:25

Bill. Oh, I mean there's

48:28

so much to Just

48:31

too exhausted to go back and pick

48:33

apart The crazy all the

48:35

way back to the first crazy, but it's something

48:37

about the serpent I don't think I don't I

48:40

think the first part of what you said has

48:42

merit but I don't think we need to attribute

48:44

this to the serpent and By

48:48

serpent You

48:51

really do you really believe in a

48:53

serpent do you believe in the Bible like literally are

48:55

you a Bible person? I'm a Torah person

48:58

Deal with that. I just want to see your face

49:00

and I tell you that I know for folks

49:02

who don't know the Bible Torah is the first

49:05

five books of the Bible, you know the five

49:07

books of Moses the big ones Genesis

49:09

exit is you know, all the big

49:12

stuff happens. The earth is created Garden

49:14

of Eden Going

49:16

out from Egypt Yes,

49:18

of course, that's the big one going out.

49:21

That's my yes exiting

49:24

right, right I

49:27

Mean, yeah, the Bible is just such

49:29

a silly. It does movement

49:32

of people, you

49:34

know, it's just a book full of horrible

49:37

morality and Pointless

49:39

violence. It's just as a

49:41

moral guide. It is. That's

49:43

how they were That's how

49:45

they were exactly. Yeah, but the idea

49:47

that people today take it seriously and

49:50

emulate that That's what you do that same

49:52

shit No, I

49:54

don't think they should take almost any well, they

49:56

think they should follow along with it

49:59

with the that's supposed to be teaching them

50:01

something, but they don't get the

50:04

teaching of it. No, they do

50:06

teach parables. They're just horrible lessons.

50:08

They're like, you know, Jacob pimped

50:10

out his daughter to the

50:12

king of Shlumizar so that he

50:14

would curry political favor, and then

50:16

the daughter was raped until they,

50:19

you know, burned down the whole

50:21

village. It's just

50:23

never some good lesson. It's

50:25

terrible. Check it out. Check

50:28

it out, though. That's how they

50:30

were. That's how, exactly. I'm just

50:32

saying. That's how they were. Exactly.

50:34

The problem is that they encoded

50:36

that into a moral guide, quote

50:38

unquote, and it's the

50:40

last thing you would want as a moral guide.

50:43

But it leads up to something. What?

50:46

It leads to, well,

50:49

if you do the total Jewish

50:51

Gematria of

50:53

Torah, okay. Gematria. I

50:56

don't know that word. I know you don't,

50:58

but who cares? You don't need to. I

51:00

like... You're perfect how you are. I like

51:02

learning. That's cool, but

51:05

you are perfect how you are. I

51:07

feel like the older I get, the

51:09

more I approach on a daily

51:12

or weekly or yearly basis, being

51:16

approach, not being, but approach being 100%

51:19

of, you know, who I want

51:21

to be at that moment, like accepting

51:23

when I can't change and changing

51:25

that old thing, changing when I

51:27

have the power to change, making

51:30

the right decisions, not stupid decisions,

51:34

treating people the right way. That

51:38

takes decades. I

51:42

just feel the needle does

51:44

move toward 100, but of course

51:46

you'd never get there. These

51:49

people who say in interviews, I have no regrets.

51:51

I have regrets every day. There's not

51:53

a day that goes by where you're like, I

51:55

did everything just perfectly, even if it's something trivial.

51:58

So, you know. You just do

52:00

less and less as you get older. It's

52:02

the compensating factor that we have for being

52:05

this age, because we're not as cute as

52:07

we used to be. Well,

52:09

I was never cute. You sure were.

52:11

No, nobody ever would have fucked me. You

52:14

know what, you actually grew into your age, great. No,

52:16

nobody ever wanted to fuck me in Hollywood. And

52:18

now I thank God that that was correct.

52:21

You just have to, look, every age- Look,

52:23

if I had had to get

52:25

to the very tippy top of

52:28

Hollywood by blowing my way

52:30

to the top, I would have the

52:32

worst shame ever, but I never had

52:34

to do that. Right, you just did it

52:36

for fun. I

52:39

just did it for free. Because

52:43

you're a socialist. No, it all leads

52:45

to this. It's all gonna

52:47

be so great in the future. What

52:49

is? Everything. It

52:52

is, though. I

52:55

said this at Y2K, which

52:57

they're trying to obscure all notions

53:00

of Y2K, but

53:02

I was right about Y2K and

53:04

what was gonna happen, and nobody

53:06

listened to me, including you.

53:09

Nothing happened. That's right, nothing happened. Is

53:11

that where you said all- Because they

53:13

inserted the O between the

53:17

one and the one. All coders

53:19

know this. I see. There was a

53:21

one and a one, and everybody was

53:23

obsessed that when the century

53:26

turned, what was gonna

53:28

happen? Well, what did indeed happen

53:30

is they added a zero between

53:32

the one and the one, and

53:34

all the banks crashed, just

53:37

like everybody said was gonna happen at Y2K.

53:39

But the banks didn't crash. Oh, yes,

53:42

they did, and they crashed again in

53:44

2008. They crashed

53:46

in 2008. They didn't crash in 2000. Y2K-

53:49

Oh, yes, they did. Okay. But

53:52

they tried to prevent it. They

53:55

tried to prevent it by destroying

53:58

evidence. I mean, I remember- losing

54:00

money in the year 2000 but it

54:02

was because I yeah because I

54:05

fell for again better to be older

54:08

and wiser in some ways I fell

54:10

for like the idea of

54:12

like the internet which was

54:14

kind of new was going to be this

54:16

this rocket of economic

54:20

superstardom and invested

54:23

in a bunch of you know tube

54:25

socks calm who's not gonna want to

54:27

get their tube socks and of course

54:29

we now have a company that everybody

54:32

gets their tube sock from and everything

54:34

else but yeah there was

54:36

a dot-com bubble burst around 2000 it had

54:38

nothing to do with any of this it

54:40

did have to do with why she

54:43

did not in

54:45

the world of economics they definitely did

54:48

you said I mean I remember

54:50

reading it then they started jacking

54:52

up the prices you have check

54:54

it out the prices personality and

54:57

every one of them is a mathematical

54:59

genius so kiss our

55:01

ass it's but it's still seven

55:03

or did you have to lay

55:05

a few off because the

55:08

three of them are working from home

55:10

now okay there's only

55:17

one now really yeah anyone

55:20

meds hell

55:22

yeah really

55:25

yeah I remember that

55:27

the pilot am I the question

55:30

is have you never been on

55:32

meds that's the question

55:34

you should ask I remember the reboot

55:37

the pilot of the reboot of your

55:39

show mm-hmm you the first scene you

55:41

and Goodman are trading your

55:43

pills yeah I can't afford

55:45

to have all the pills you need

55:47

yeah that is your genius yeah I'm

55:50

caps encapsulating a blue-collar

55:52

concern in a way

55:54

that people oh they hate the blue collars

55:57

yeah but you that's the nerve you hit and

55:59

you hadn't when I saw

56:01

that, you know, like, oh, well,

56:04

no, they know what they're doing. What

56:08

do you think of this guy who's saying Richmond

56:12

North of Richmond? I sent

56:14

him an email. I want to interview you

56:16

and here's

56:20

what comes back. This

56:22

can't be real. He

56:25

probably is. He's probably a big fan. And as

56:27

somebody else's name, but not his. And

56:30

so I sent back, but it

56:32

is real. Right. And

56:34

then I said, are you a publicist? And

56:39

I haven't heard back. Do

56:41

you know publicists are the most evil

56:44

people on earth. You know that bill. What

56:48

I know is they are of the snake. Don

56:52

Henley, when they put him

56:54

in the rock and roll hall of fame with the

56:56

Eagles. He was talking about Irving A's office. They're a

56:58

long time manager and now mogul. And he said people

57:01

in the industry think of him as Satan, but

57:03

he's our Satan. And that's what

57:05

you want in your publicist. You want, you want

57:07

Satan on your side. So,

57:10

you know, that's like that Azov

57:12

clan over there in the Ukraine.

57:14

The Azov that's very different.

57:16

That sounds like Fox news stuff. It's

57:19

true. The same name. I feel

57:21

well, that ain't Fox news. Irving A's

57:23

of the mogul manager.

57:26

Nothing to do with whatever is going

57:28

on in Ukraine. I

57:31

promise you. I bet he does.

57:33

Unless the Eagles are playing Kiv. I'm

57:36

old. Like I don't get half the shit I use.

57:38

Yeah. You look, you're doing fine. You

57:41

know what you don't like. You don't

57:43

have what you don't have is old

57:45

energy, which is good. You have young

57:47

energy. That's what it's not. Yes. People

57:49

can see that we're not 25 anymore.

57:53

But it's like the way you

57:55

conduct yourself, you know, at a certain

57:57

point, like Biden is a perfect example of the other

57:59

party. this. Biden, do I think

58:01

he can do the job as

58:04

president? Yes, because government is done

58:06

in small rooms making quiet decisions.

58:08

Do I think he's up to

58:10

running? No, because there is

58:12

the perception because he just looks and

58:16

moves and stumbles verbally. And so

58:18

it's just, there is an oldness

58:20

that he cannot escape. It is

58:22

a monster that is chasing him.

58:24

Perception is reality. He has to

58:27

step aside. I think it gets

58:29

Jim Carrey in a mask

58:31

playing him. Jim

58:33

Carrey did play him on Saturday Night Live for

58:36

a season. I know,

58:38

but like going up the stairs and

58:40

falling that many times, only Jim Carrey

58:42

could do that so brilliantly. It's

58:44

funny you say that because I've said this before

58:46

about Jim. Like, a

58:48

lot, most parts, you know,

58:51

they have a list of people who can play this

58:53

and it's like, yeah, they get the first guy they

58:55

want. But they don't, sometimes the second guy, Hollywood

58:58

is full of stories of stars

59:00

who turn down a part, which turned out to

59:02

be a hit movie for, oh, Ryan O'Neill and

59:04

Burt Reynolds could have had it, but he didn't.

59:06

Like Klaus Schwab used

59:09

to be Colonel Clink

59:11

on Hogan's Heroes. Brilliant

59:13

casting. I mean, you know, you don't remember

59:16

Hogan's Heroes. Oh, of course

59:18

I do. I loved Hogan's Heroes. Remember

59:20

Colonel Clink? Of course. Werner Klemperer. He

59:23

was the son of Otto Klemperer, a great

59:26

German composer. Oh, not him.

59:28

I'm talking about the fat bald one. That's

59:31

that's Sergeant Schultz. Yeah, that

59:33

one. That's Klaus Schwab. John

59:35

Banner as Sergeant Schultz. Sergeant

59:38

Schultz is Klaus Schwab. In

59:41

real life? Yeah. So, but

59:43

who's Klaus Schwab? The head

59:46

of the W-E-F. What's that?

59:48

Google it. Is

59:51

that the bank

59:53

that controls everything? W-E-F? What is the name

59:56

of that? The Bank of International Settlements in

59:58

Burmese. So

1:00:01

the Bank of International Settlements.

1:00:03

That's where all wars are decided.

1:00:07

They meet there, but it can't be

1:00:09

the Swiss themselves. They're

1:00:11

not secretly running the world. The

1:00:13

bank I get is there. But everybody

1:00:16

uses Swiss banks who wants to keep their...

1:00:18

Although in recent years they've eroded a lot

1:00:20

of those privacy laws with

1:00:22

Switzerland. I mean, it's not quite as in

1:00:26

the vault as it used to be. Yeah, it's

1:00:28

called the Bank of International Settlements.

1:00:30

And it's the central bank of

1:00:32

all central banks. Trace me through how

1:00:35

they get to make the decision. Is

1:00:38

it about what they're... They finance

1:00:40

certain armaments that are then... It's too

1:00:42

lucrative to not fight a war with

1:00:44

these armaments? Is it that kind of

1:00:46

thing? How does the bank

1:00:48

control the war? Well,

1:00:51

banks control all the wars. How?

1:01:01

Well, they finance all the wars.

1:01:04

I'll concede this. They go and

1:01:06

they sell. Their job

1:01:08

is to stir up wars and

1:01:11

arm both sides for profit.

1:01:14

Okay. There's a book.

1:01:16

Check it out. It's on the internet. There's

1:01:19

a book. They make money from

1:01:21

wars. Period.

1:01:24

Yes. Halliburton. Yes. We

1:01:27

understand. During World War

1:01:29

II, they prosecuted war profiteers. I mean,

1:01:32

it was not something

1:01:34

that went unpunished. There's

1:01:37

a very famous play called

1:01:39

All My Sons. Do you know that play?

1:01:42

The movie was a very famous movie,

1:01:44

Black and White, Edward G. Robinson. He's

1:01:47

a maker of planes. And

1:01:50

he makes planes and scrimps on

1:01:52

the bolts a little bit. And

1:01:56

people go down because the

1:01:58

wing doesn't work right. And

1:02:01

one of them is his son who's in the

1:02:03

war. Oh God, what a paradigm.

1:02:05

And that's the title, they were all my sons.

1:02:08

So that was very much on the minds of people

1:02:10

back then. Not cool war

1:02:13

profiteering. That went away

1:02:15

as corporations and we're on the

1:02:17

page with this, you know, the

1:02:19

Pentagon, Eisenhower had it

1:02:21

right, military, industrial complex. It's just

1:02:23

something that never, it's the one

1:02:26

thing the Republicans and Democrats always

1:02:28

agree on is that the Pentagon

1:02:30

needs more money, which really means

1:02:32

defense contractors, which is different than

1:02:35

defense. And the

1:02:37

budget of the Pentagon is like the Virgin

1:02:39

Mary. It is sacred, it is immaculate, it

1:02:41

cannot be touched and it just goes up

1:02:43

and up. With no accountability.

1:02:46

With very little accountability. Like charging $15,000 for a

1:02:49

screwdriver. But

1:02:54

that's part of just a kind

1:02:57

of corrupt, greasy, end of

1:02:59

the empire system that happens

1:03:01

in countries. It's not like

1:03:04

a deliberate conspiracy. It just

1:03:06

happens when people slowly evolve

1:03:08

getting lazier and greedier. There's

1:03:11

a book called, I can't

1:03:13

remember the name of it, but the thesis of it is

1:03:16

that government uses

1:03:19

crises as

1:03:21

a way to get a policy in. They

1:03:23

always wanted to get in. Yeah, they do.

1:03:25

And the example, the prime example would be

1:03:27

the Iraq war, you know? The

1:03:30

Republicans wanted to go back to

1:03:32

Iraq and kick Saddam Hussein's ass.

1:03:35

You know, well, so did the Democrats. They

1:03:37

went along, but it wasn't like George Bush. He

1:03:39

tried to kill my daddy. No,

1:03:42

but the Democrats went right along with it.

1:03:44

They did. Most of them, not all of them.

1:03:46

I'm always just the same thing and act like

1:03:48

they ain't gonna. Not all of them. That's

1:03:51

how Obama got elected president, partly

1:03:53

because he was the one who was

1:03:55

right about the Iraq war. He was

1:03:57

not for the Iraq war. That's

1:03:59

that. bombed eight countries. Sometimes

1:04:03

presidents have to bomb. They do. The

1:04:05

world is full of shitty people plotting

1:04:07

against us. Sometimes presidents have

1:04:09

to kill you. Yes, that's true. You're the

1:04:12

one who like speaks the truth. That's

1:04:14

the truth. So you can live comfortably in

1:04:18

Hawaii and Texas and

1:04:20

California and how many

1:04:22

other states and we

1:04:24

can enjoy our cushy lifestyle. Yes, there are

1:04:26

bad guys out there. They're

1:04:28

not all rooting for us. And

1:04:31

they're like the pigs, some of them

1:04:34

in your forest. They want

1:04:36

what you have. And sometimes you

1:04:38

got to bomb them. But we

1:04:40

would try not to. I feel that

1:04:42

Jimmy Carter is a heroic president because

1:04:44

he's the one president never

1:04:46

fired a shot. Now,

1:04:48

if he had been president after 9-11, he probably

1:04:50

would have had to fire a shot or two,

1:04:53

but never fired a

1:04:55

shot. That's very rare. He's pulled

1:04:57

the trigger a lot. Now,

1:05:00

should Clinton have bombed Serbia

1:05:03

in 1998, the Balkan Wars?

1:05:08

I mean, that's a

1:05:10

big thing to bomb another European

1:05:12

country. It's a little presumptuous.

1:05:17

But they were going to annihilate

1:05:20

possibly the Muslims in Kosovo. It

1:05:22

was like, those are the decisions.

1:05:26

You think Biden's sober? He

1:05:57

looks invigorated. He fucking killed

1:05:59

him. killed it in his mugshot. You

1:06:02

could not have done better in that mugshot.

1:06:04

I got to give him that. It was

1:06:06

killed. It was, I

1:06:08

mean, you could, any other, any other

1:06:11

actor, you can give a hundred takes.

1:06:13

Great show on our. Any other supermodel

1:06:16

and they couldn't have nailed it. And he, he only

1:06:18

got one take and he did, that

1:06:20

was exactly the look he wanted. Andrew

1:06:23

Sullivan said he was trolling the

1:06:25

Constitution. Is

1:06:27

he still your boy? Who? Trump.

1:06:32

Oh my God, you're not going there.

1:06:34

Well, I'm just trying to

1:06:37

get pick another fist fight between. No,

1:06:39

I'm just asking. I don't give a shit. You think

1:06:41

I think it's not going to affect my

1:06:44

love for you. That's the whole, not

1:06:46

the whole point. One of the main points of this

1:06:49

thing we're doing here is that I love to

1:06:51

talk to people who I don't agree

1:06:54

with on every show. Yes. We

1:06:56

should all be able to talk

1:06:58

to each other. That's the fucking

1:07:01

point of America.

1:07:03

Long may it

1:07:05

wave. I

1:07:08

had Candace Owens here and, you

1:07:11

know, it just made me think so many of

1:07:13

things she says. She was, she's very funny when

1:07:16

she says something I totally agree with. I

1:07:18

mean, she's just a, she's like a comic

1:07:21

going straight at it. I mean, the

1:07:23

ref needs to call the match sometimes. I

1:07:25

mean, it's like, it's not a fair fight.

1:07:28

But then she's, it's like, what I

1:07:30

thought was like, this is the challenge of

1:07:32

America. How to get along with someone who

1:07:34

you think, oh,

1:07:36

this person is so on the money on

1:07:39

A, B, C and D, but

1:07:41

is insane about E

1:07:43

and F or in your case, G, H,

1:07:45

J, K, L, M, N, O, B, U,

1:07:47

R, S, D, U, B, W, X, Y,

1:07:49

Z, double A, double B, double C, double

1:07:52

D. But people like, but

1:07:54

you're on your side, you call

1:07:59

common sense. crazy. Me

1:08:01

personally you're talking about? No, your

1:08:04

way of thinking. Based on facts?

1:08:07

No, mine is. Yours

1:08:09

is not. Mine is totally

1:08:11

facts. Yours is based on

1:08:14

anything anyone says on the internet. That

1:08:17

is so fucking untrue. It is very true.

1:08:19

I mean, I don't know how you got

1:08:21

sucked into the Fox News vortex. I didn't

1:08:23

get sucked. I hate Fox News. I think

1:08:25

they have one of those swirly things. I

1:08:27

hate Fox News. And it was like, I

1:08:29

hate Fox News. You

1:08:32

hate Fox News? I always have. But

1:08:36

that's where you get things

1:08:38

like, you know, what you've got

1:08:41

you in trouble. What?

1:08:44

I mean, there's memes in

1:08:46

the right wing mediosphere

1:08:49

that, you

1:08:51

know, need checking out and vetting and people

1:08:53

don't. People just, if they see it on

1:08:56

the screen, it's, you know, somebody asked

1:08:58

me recently, what scares you? I think they were going to

1:09:01

thinking I was going to say COVID or

1:09:03

some stupid thing like that. It was like,

1:09:05

what scares me is the human brain and

1:09:08

like how crazy people

1:09:10

can be. Again, not about everything,

1:09:12

but like how much crazy there

1:09:14

is out there. And yet, you

1:09:17

know, life doesn't just, as

1:09:19

it seems like it should just

1:09:22

completely go off the rails. We

1:09:24

get up, we drive, we go places,

1:09:26

we come home. Sometimes shit happens, but

1:09:29

mostly we're living our best lives. And

1:09:31

it's like with all these crazy people

1:09:33

out there, it's that

1:09:35

that's what scares me. At some point,

1:09:38

there's got to be a reckoning with

1:09:40

all that crazy. Well, I think

1:09:43

we're all crazy to someone. I

1:09:45

definitely think we're a too conformist society.

1:09:47

Whereas when people step

1:09:50

outside the bounds of what is the

1:09:52

one true opinion, I call it, you

1:09:54

know, the conventional wisdom, they are some

1:09:56

sort of heretic. That's why I say

1:09:58

I want people to be here. to

1:10:00

hear everything you think because yes, once

1:10:02

in a while, like

1:10:04

the crazy person, this we saw this with

1:10:06

COVID, everything that the people who were supposed

1:10:08

to be crazy were saying, oh,

1:10:11

now the studies come out and oh yeah, the masks

1:10:13

were not good for you breathing in

1:10:16

your own CO2, something I said like the

1:10:18

first week of the day. Okay,

1:10:20

I'm the crazy person but a lot

1:10:22

of times the crazy person after some

1:10:24

time turns out to be not so

1:10:26

crazy. I

1:10:29

forget what brought that up but I'm

1:10:31

getting like you. It goes like

1:10:34

for me that my tweet was

1:10:38

about a militarized government under

1:10:44

the Obama administration. What does

1:10:46

that mean, a militarized government? Governments

1:10:50

control the military. We have a

1:10:53

military. We're not a militarized government.

1:10:55

Not yet. I'm sorry, militarized police

1:10:57

force. Well,

1:11:00

the police in America did, they

1:11:04

went through a period. That's when tanks showed

1:11:06

up in the streets. Yes, I remember doing

1:11:08

editorials on this that especially

1:11:12

after the Iraq war, the military

1:11:14

had America always run by, how

1:11:16

can we make money on this?

1:11:19

Everybody in America is Milo Meyderbendner

1:11:21

in Catch-22. They had

1:11:23

like excess Jeeps and tanks and shit that

1:11:25

came home from the war. It's like, what

1:11:27

can we do with this shit? Oh, you

1:11:29

know what? I'm sure

1:11:31

we can sell it to police departments. Wouldn't

1:11:34

you like a tank if you were

1:11:36

the sheriff? That's

1:11:39

what they did. I remember

1:11:41

doing a new rule and it was after the riots

1:11:44

in Boston and maybe after the

1:11:47

Boston Marathon bombing, not riots, the

1:11:50

manhunt. It

1:11:52

was like, when did

1:11:55

Boston get an army? I got to go

1:11:57

to bed, Bill. Oh,

1:12:00

that's honest. Yeah,

1:12:03

okay. Not because

1:12:05

I said something bad. I'm just tired.

1:12:07

Okay. Shit. I love that you,

1:12:10

it's always right out there. Like, it hit you.

1:12:13

You're like, I'm not gonna bullshit or like

1:12:16

slowly, I'm just, hey, I'm ready to

1:12:18

go to bed. Oh, okay. I can't

1:12:20

tell you how much I

1:12:22

appreciate you doing

1:12:24

this. I had fun. I

1:12:27

saw you laugh a million times. That's what made

1:12:29

me love this. It was so hilarious.

Unlock more with Podchaser Pro

  • Audience Insights
  • Contact Information
  • Demographics
  • Charts
  • Sponsor History
  • and More!
Pro Features