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1:28

What's your opinion

1:32

on that? Well

1:45

it's definitely true because

1:47

he's, I mean we

1:49

talked about this before but it's like that

1:51

Bob Marley said is that everybody

1:54

is going to hurt you, especially the people

1:56

that you love. Everybody you love is going

1:58

to hurt you. some way shape

2:00

or form and the key

2:02

is to find which people are worth

2:05

suffering for and that's what They're

2:07

talking about in that clip is that

2:11

He's like you're a bitch. You're a pain in

2:13

my ass and I know I'm an arrogant dickhead

2:15

But that's how relationships are and you're supposed to

2:17

call me out when I'm being an arrogant asshole

2:19

or a dickhead And I'm gonna

2:22

call you out when you're being an insufferable

2:24

bitch or an insufferable cunt, right? And

2:26

you know, that's that's what love is the communicate

2:29

to the other person ideally in

2:31

a loving way, right? not fighting

2:34

but communicating and pointing

2:36

out that the way the other person is

2:38

treating you or their behavior is inappropriate. Yeah,

2:40

and Talking in

2:42

a calm manner. I mean granted that's Hollywood and

2:44

it gets hyped up, but I Mean

2:47

relationships are messy and sometimes people get excited and

2:49

their feelings, you know, they get their panties in

2:52

a wah they get their feelings all wrapped up

2:54

and They react based

2:56

upon their feelings and so you got to be able

2:58

to Say things that are

3:00

truthful, but they're not very nice and it's

3:02

gonna hurt the other person's feelings but if

3:04

they're doing things that are Out

3:07

of line or inappropriate you have to tell them

3:09

even if it hurts their feelings or it's gonna

3:11

make Make them cry or

3:13

it's an unpleasant uncomfortable truth Yeah because

3:15

that's one thing that women love about us

3:17

guys and love about men is that

3:19

we have the confidence to tell you

3:21

what we're Really thinking or what we

3:23

think of you or your behavior or

3:25

the way you've treated us versus

3:28

just going oh everything's great because we're worried

3:30

to upset you and Potentially

3:33

lose you yeah And the

3:35

reality is is women have to know that

3:37

if they push a guy too far We'll

3:39

walk and we'll never fucking look back. Right?

3:41

Like if you cross that line Women

3:45

gotta know they gotta be able to feel that they gotta be able

3:47

to feel that I've I Literally, I'm

3:49

probably never gonna hear from this dude again Unless

3:51

I pick up the phone and call him or go see

3:53

him or apologize, right? and if she's willing to

3:55

let you go then Well, she

3:58

really didn't care enough to change your behavior That's

4:01

okay. That's gonna happen sometimes. Yeah, sometimes

4:03

people their personalities don't jive or they're

4:05

not compatible or they don't really get

4:07

along And they don't

4:09

care for one another enough They don't like each

4:11

other enough to want to change or to do

4:13

the things that a person wants to do. Mm-hmm

4:17

You got to lay it all out there and they can

4:19

either say yay or nay Yeah, the idea

4:22

is to keep on working together, you

4:24

know The whole idea is to be

4:26

together, stay together and get better and

4:28

healthy not to just run away at

4:30

any little Inconvenience, you

4:32

know, that's not love if you love someone

4:34

you're gonna tell them when they're wrong when

4:36

they're right and what you can Do together

4:39

as a team to figure

4:41

it all out But

4:44

yeah, I saw that video and I was just like

4:46

I love this because it's so true

4:48

like I'm

4:50

gonna tell you things you don't like it might

4:52

sound hurtful. You might not like it, but it's

4:54

coming out of love It's not hate. I'm not

4:56

trying to hurt your feelings I'm just

4:59

trying to be honest and truthful because I care about

5:01

you and I don't know

5:03

that video just made me feel like Oh, I love this.

5:05

This is like a definition of

5:07

love that I would like to have in the

5:09

future You know, what's interesting about

5:11

that scene is that it starts out. I mean, we

5:13

don't I don't know the whole context I haven't seen

5:16

that movie in over 20 years whenever

5:18

it came out But

5:20

she's basically I'm leaving you're being a jerk

5:22

and I'm leaving Yeah, you know, he's upset

5:24

her and she's you know, gonna storm off

5:26

and he's like you shouldn't leave.

5:28

Let's talk it out Let's work it out. Right

5:30

and it reminded me of I

5:33

had a girlfriend of mine. We just moved in

5:35

together and Got

5:38

our house all together and everything and and I

5:40

don't know what it was about but I She

5:43

got upset started crying. She's like, that's it. I

5:45

believe I'm going home Like

5:47

she's packing to start a pack a bag

5:49

and like she's gonna just leave and go

5:52

back to her parents house I'm just thinking number one.

5:54

It's like that's kind of embarrassing Because

5:57

we need to be able to work our problems out

5:59

between her and I and I just get mad

6:01

and leave and go back to mom and dad. So

6:05

I was just like, we need to sit and talk.

6:07

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm not trying

6:09

to hurt your feelings. It wasn't my intent. But what

6:11

you did upset me. We

6:13

ended up talking and working things out. So

6:16

I think the

6:18

reason why I brought that up is

6:20

because sometimes women will suggest the end

6:23

of the relationship or

6:25

suggest space or suggest that you

6:27

need time apart. Not

6:30

because they really want that, but because they want

6:32

to see does he care enough about me to

6:34

tell me to stay or is he just going

6:36

to let me go? And

6:38

if he lets you go, well, then you assume that he

6:41

doesn't give a shit. But if he's like, no, I want

6:43

you to stay. Let's talk and work it out. In

6:46

other words, she's making it easy for the guy to tap

6:48

out and go, yeah, see you later. Don't let the door

6:50

hit you in the ass on your way out. So

6:52

it's not a real big deal that you're disagreeing over. You're

6:55

like, I don't want you to leave. I don't need

6:57

space. I don't want to break. Yeah,

6:59

like we're butting heads on something and we need

7:01

to work it out. We need to talk it out. And

7:05

a good woman will do that. A

7:07

woman who's a train wrecking a lunatic will be like, no,

7:09

screw you. And then she'll take off and you won't hear

7:11

from her for three or four days. And

7:13

then she'll calm down and then get in touch.

7:15

And then when I act like nothing ever happened, I want

7:17

to talk about it. Yeah. There

7:20

are women out there that are like that. You'll never be

7:22

able to work out any differences. You'll just have to deal

7:24

with silent treatment for three or four days. And

7:26

then she'll come back and expect you to just sweep

7:28

it under the rug like nothing ever happened. And

7:31

it's, that's not adult communication. I don't want

7:33

to be in a relationship with somebody that

7:35

behaves that way. Right. And I think some

7:37

people don't realize in the

7:39

moment that whatever you're fighting about

7:41

might be just so little, but

7:44

the way it's like being blown out of

7:46

proportion, it starts becoming something bigger and bigger

7:48

and bigger. And then you're in this whole

7:50

rut where you're just like, I don't

7:52

think it's ever going to get better. But

7:55

then when you realize, what are we really arguing

7:57

about? What are we fighting over? tiniest

8:00

little thing. So it's like it

8:02

could be so simple, so easy to

8:04

figure things out, but stubborn people. It's

8:06

probably even your damn toothpaste in a sink,

8:08

Caroline. Right. And that turns into, oh,

8:10

but you're dirty. You see, you don't clean,

8:13

you don't respect me. Pick your towels up

8:15

off the bathroom floor, Caroline. Like

8:18

I don't know. Your hair is everywhere. Your hair's

8:21

all in my sink. Then it turns

8:23

into a conversation. Well, really, I just don't like

8:25

the person you are. And then boom,

8:28

that's a whole new argument. New fight,

8:30

wait, you don't like me. What are

8:32

we going to do? It's like stick

8:34

to what really matters in the

8:36

moment. And it's your relationship, how you want

8:39

to get better and come together so you

8:41

can just move on and be happy. Dilly

8:44

beloved, we are gathered here today to

8:46

come together, to

8:49

come together as a couple in the holy

8:51

matrimony. And

8:54

this scene, they were actually arguing. She

8:56

was leaving because she already left him

8:58

the first time he was broke and

9:01

she was a millionaire, rich, from a

9:03

rich family. But she

9:05

still loved him, even though he couldn't afford

9:07

anything. And he realized that her life

9:09

was going to keep moving on. And he felt

9:11

that he was going to hold her back because

9:13

she was going to Harvard or something like that.

9:16

And in New York, and they were in like North

9:18

Carolina or something. And she was like, you can come

9:20

with me, come, come with me to New York. And

9:22

he's like, what am I going to do in New

9:24

York? And she was like, be with me. And

9:27

he was just like, no. And that's when he realized I need to

9:29

let this girl go. So he said, I think

9:32

you're better off without me. And it broke her heart because

9:34

she was just like, I don't care how much money I

9:36

have, how much money you have, I just want to be

9:38

with you. But that tells me that you're

9:40

not confident, you know, you're not secure as a

9:43

man. She ended up leaving to

9:45

New York. And then that same day that

9:47

she was flying away, he realized, what am

9:49

I doing? I'm an idiot. That's the love

9:51

of my life. And he runs back to

9:54

her house and she's already gone. And

9:56

he doesn't see her ever again. He sends her

9:58

letters and then the mom. Like

10:00

those are the letters so that she doesn't find

10:02

them in years pass by she meets someone new

10:05

Then she finds out that he's doing better

10:07

that he's working. He has money He's

10:10

successful and comes back and

10:12

he's with the same attitude Just insecure and

10:15

not sure if he's the man for her

10:17

and that's when that happened She's

10:19

like, you know, I'm just gonna leave and then he realized I just

10:21

want to fight for you You know, I want to be with you

10:25

well part of her leaving is You

10:28

know, it's like what I was talking about

10:30

before it's it's a test she didn't really

10:32

want to leave She's not intent

10:34

on leaving. She's saying that in

10:36

hopes that he fights

10:38

for if you will which is

10:40

him basically saying Get your

10:43

ass back here. Let's talk. Let's work this out. I

10:45

don't want you going anywhere. It's like not a big

10:47

deal Let's just talk this out. Right and

10:49

so that's you know, that scene reminds me

10:51

of that, you know a Conversation

10:53

I had with a girlfriend that had just moved

10:55

in with me and we butted

10:57

headed to about something She got so upset. She's you know

10:59

packing a bag to go back to her parents house. I

11:01

was like, it's ridiculous I didn't let her

11:04

go but I did have a Situation

11:07

years later with a girl. I was

11:10

really super in love with and I was still learning this stuff

11:13

and she was like well, maybe we need some time

11:15

apart and you need to think about things and how

11:17

you feel about things and and I

11:20

heard all that and we caught me off guard and I

11:22

was like Well,

11:25

that's what you really want to do I don't really

11:27

want any space and I was

11:30

like, okay And

11:34

then I don't know it's like four four or

11:36

five days later I still hadn't heard from her

11:40

He's really fucking pissed and

11:42

I later heard this from her brother. It's like

11:44

after I hung up with her. She's like Oh

11:52

And It led to a series

11:54

of events that ultimately ended the

11:57

relationship. It was because it's like I had

11:59

done it with somebody else

12:01

I had been with. I did the right thing,

12:03

but with this one, and I, because I really

12:05

loved her, I still hadn't connected all the dots

12:07

at the time. Yeah. The stuff that I teach

12:09

now. I was like, okay. I

12:11

let her go, even though I didn't really want

12:13

her to go. And she was just, she

12:16

was making it easy for me to dip out.

12:18

Right. And the way she took it was like, I didn't

12:20

want to be with her anymore. And

12:22

you didn't think to like, call her late. You were

12:24

waiting on her to reach out to you? Yeah,

12:26

I just figured, well, cause she's like, well, we

12:28

should take some time apart and so you can

12:31

see how you feel about things. Yeah. And

12:33

I was like, okay. She wants

12:35

time apart. It's kind of like

12:37

when a woman says fine, it's fine, Cory. It's

12:40

not fine. Yeah, I know. So you

12:42

have, you know, so I

12:44

had, twice, I had a situation like that

12:46

one time. I did everything

12:48

right. And another time I completely fucked up and it

12:50

ended my relationship with somebody who was one of the,

12:52

one of the loves of my life at the time.

12:55

Who broke contacts? Or

12:59

was contact ever broken or that just, you

13:01

guys ended indefinitely? I think,

13:04

well, I don't think we spoke. I think I

13:06

went, it was like the next,

13:08

it was like a week and a half later, I went to her cousin's

13:10

wedding and she was there. Cause that was where we

13:12

were both going to go, but obviously we didn't go together. And,

13:16

you know, we ended up sitting together

13:18

at dinner and, you know,

13:20

her brother and I were talking, he's like,

13:22

dude, you're fucking up. And

13:25

then I told him my side of the story would happen. And

13:27

he's like, oh, I didn't know that. Cause obviously she told him

13:29

her, her question. But at the end of the day, things

13:32

didn't really click. Some, you know, some

13:34

things happened after that. Some things she

13:37

didn't said, some things I didn't said.

13:39

And then ultimately it ended, but it

13:41

wasn't until years later, when I

13:43

looked back, I was like, ah, totally

13:46

saw where I had fucked up. And

13:48

that experience of getting burned like that

13:50

or losing a relationship like this, like

13:54

Over the last 20 something years I've been doing

13:56

this, I've helped countless dudes with that to not

13:58

make the same mistake I did. The

14:00

road marriage together or their relationship or

14:03

whatever is like. Also, they teach. I've

14:05

I've been. Up the mountain

14:07

down the mound fallen down the mountain been

14:09

the top of the man found out again

14:12

as like when you. You finally

14:14

learned something and you connect enough the

14:16

dots. It's like he kind of get

14:18

through the. The. Shadow

14:20

of the Valley of Death if you will. Get.

14:23

There Now it's like you know how to

14:25

do it and then you can teach other

14:28

people rather. land mines are that will wreck

14:30

their relationship and you get him through the

14:32

minefield my and get him to the promised

14:34

land where they need to be and

14:36

so even all as things happen were. Very.

14:39

Unpleasant and break up Zoc and that

14:41

one really hurt. Bad hits like I

14:43

learned a lot from it and me

14:45

a better man at all. The girlfriends

14:47

I've had since in got the benefit

14:50

of that and then novices. Tens.

14:52

Of thousands of phone session clients if

14:54

you have email with and. Millions.

14:57

Of people around the world over over last

14:59

twenty years and learn the stuff now and

15:01

it's help them so. You need experiences

15:03

like that in order to grow unless you

15:05

never know to the say. So

15:08

benefited you. A hurt that it means you

15:10

grow. As a painful lesson, pain as

15:12

life change age and it's slice way of saying

15:14

that what you're doing is wrong way. And.

15:17

Either you can keep on going in that routine or

15:19

to make a change. His.

15:23

Part of it was I was learn

15:25

the balance between pursuing too much in

15:27

the Not Enough and in that case

15:30

they didn't pursue a not center here.

15:32

And then it led to see into

15:34

the relationship. I was too much of

15:36

a cold.