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0:30

Hi, I'm Coach Cory Wayne and this is

0:32

my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of

0:34

today's newsletter is going to be, My ex

0:36

is hot and cold. I

0:38

want her back, but she's dating

0:41

other guys. Well, this

0:43

particular email is from a dude.

0:45

He's 25 years old. He claims,

0:47

claims to have read 3% man,

0:49

six times. He says he's been following me for a

0:52

while and he's in

0:54

contact with his 24 year

0:56

old ex-girlfriend. And

0:58

so it's pretty apparent after going through

1:00

his email that he doesn't elaborate on

1:03

what led to the breakup, but

1:05

just the fact that he's trying

1:07

to win her back shows

1:10

me that he's in the wrong mindset. He's

1:13

trying to win her over. He's seeking her

1:15

attention and validation. And so

1:17

recently he finally backed off. He

1:20

let her be. She started to pursue him.

1:23

They spent the whole weekend together having a great

1:25

session in the indoor Olympics. And then

1:27

he finds out a few days after that she's

1:29

on a date with another guy. And

1:31

he's like, well, it seems like the whole weekend was a

1:33

lie. What the hell? Why would she do that? And,

1:37

but you could tell he goes right

1:39

back to the failed strategy of

1:42

pursuing somebody that's blowing you off and

1:44

dating other guys. And

1:47

he should be following what's in seven principles to

1:49

get an ex back, which is an article on

1:51

video I did many years ago, what to do

1:53

when you're in this situation. And

1:56

so guys that are finding themselves in this

1:58

situation, usually they're the ones that gotten

2:00

dumped and most men don't

2:02

know any better because we

2:05

all tend to fall under what I call the illusion

2:07

of action because we're driven to

2:09

succeed, we're driven to make things happen

2:12

and so he feels he's got to do

2:14

something to get her back. When

2:16

in reality he was smothering her

2:19

and over pursuing to the point

2:21

where she blew him off, broke

2:23

up with him, didn't want to be with him

2:25

anymore and yet he continued to

2:27

pursue and when a guy does that all he

2:30

literally does is chase the girl away and into

2:32

the arms of another man and so

2:34

now he's starting to kind of recognize

2:36

that he's continuing to pursue the ex

2:38

is getting him nowhere. He finally backs

2:40

off for a little bit, she comes

2:43

back tells him all these things about

2:45

her feelings because it stimulates her emotions

2:47

and the way that

2:49

women's emotions get stimulated and

2:52

then what does he do because he spent the whole weekend with

2:54

her and now he's thinking oh great now I can go back

2:56

to pursuing her and he starts pursuing again and finds out she's

2:58

going out on dates and

3:02

this doesn't even, like I

3:04

said I don't know if there was cheating or anything like that

3:06

involved but he's a free agent at

3:08

this point, she's a free agent at this point,

3:11

they can both do whatever they want and if

3:13

he's trying to win her back

3:15

he's already lost because he's in the wrong mindset

3:18

and that's not going to work and

3:20

all he's going to do is frustrate himself, end

3:23

up with blue balls and if he doesn't back off eventually

3:25

what's going to happen is she's going to get serious with

3:27

another guy and then dip

3:29

for good and then he's going to be

3:31

sitting there licking his wounds and

3:33

so where he is as a man is

3:36

most of his behavior is unattractive

3:38

behavior so this is not only

3:40

going to create problems because of

3:43

his weak mindset and potentially attracting

3:45

his ex back it's also going

3:47

to affect how he appears to other women and

3:50

the best medicine when you're

3:52

in this particular situation is

3:55

having attention from many other women versus

3:57

no women at all because you're constantly

4:00

turning off every woman that

4:02

you meet. And so

4:04

my goal as a coach is

4:06

to get him to display his

4:08

most attractive side all the time

4:10

with all women wherever he happens

4:13

to be. So he

4:15

puts himself in the best possible

4:17

position to either attract the ex

4:19

back or attract somebody better. Because

4:22

if he keeps behaving the way he's behaving with

4:24

her, any girl he starts

4:26

to date in the future that he likes, he's going to chase her

4:28

right out of her life and turn

4:30

her off for the same exact reasons.

4:34

And those reasons are he's looking for

4:37

attention and validation from the woman. He

4:39

in essence is acting like the woman,

4:41

he's acting feminine. And when you go

4:43

from acting masculine and then feminine you

4:46

vacillate back and forth, the

4:48

woman goes from being really attracted and

4:50

turned on to being turned off and

4:52

indifferent to you. And you can totally see that is

4:55

what's going on in his email. So

4:58

he says hey coach I hope you're doing great. I've

5:00

been following you for a while and I've read and listened

5:02

to your book six times. Can be better, I know. Well

5:05

you never try to

5:07

keep somebody in your life that doesn't want

5:09

to keep you in theirs. You don't keep

5:11

pursuing a woman after she dumps

5:13

you. You tell her hey change your mind

5:15

get in touch. And you never call, you never

5:17

text again for any reason, you don't birthday text,

5:20

no Christmas holidays, no groundhog

5:23

day text, nothing. In

5:25

other words that person is basically dead to

5:27

you, there it goes to you. And quite

5:29

frankly if you are in a period of no contact

5:31

or you go no contact because a woman basically doesn't

5:34

want anything to do with you and

5:36

you don't hear from her, well that tells

5:38

you everything you need to know that she

5:40

doesn't care. And a

5:42

lot of guys that the thought

5:44

of finding that out is the worst thing

5:46

and so at least this way they

5:49

still have some form of contact with

5:52

their ex but in reality they can't

5:54

see that she's just not interested. She

5:56

enjoys the attention and validation, it reiterates

5:59

to her. that he's happy to be

6:01

a backup boyfriend potentially in case she

6:03

can't find anybody better and

6:06

then enables her to keep him

6:08

stuck in friend zone and having loo balls.

6:12

So the book is only going to help you if

6:14

you actually apply it not when you're doing the

6:16

opposite of what the book teaches. He

6:19

continues, so I'm 25 and I'm in

6:21

contact with my ex who's 24 and she

6:24

goes hot and cold a lot. Well that's

6:26

because you're vacillating back and forth between being

6:28

in your masculine and acting attractive and

6:31

acting like an insecure chick. So

6:34

you're gonna turn women off in general

6:36

when you continue to act like a

6:38

girl. He says recently

6:40

I let her chase a bit. So

6:43

what does that tell you? It tells you

6:45

right away he's been even though he got

6:47

dumped he continued calling, continued texting she's like

6:49

I don't know I'm confused I need time

6:51

I need space I need to get my

6:53

life together I gotta figure out

6:55

my purpose I gotta

6:57

focus on myself I gotta work on myself you

7:00

get those kinds of things but

7:02

that didn't click. Again he claims he's read

7:04

this book six times maybe it was a

7:06

long time ago but that these

7:08

are not the actions of a guy that knows what's in

7:11

the book. These

7:13

are the actions of the guy that's probably cherry-picked and

7:15

maybe thumb through the book a few times but

7:17

didn't really take it seriously when

7:20

I told him he needed to read it 10 to 15 times. He

7:23

says recently I let her chase a bit and

7:25

then one night she texts me so in other

7:27

words he finally backs off she

7:29

starts to pursue she reaches out and

7:31

if the woman is pursuing you and reaching out to

7:34

you guess what you don't have to worry about getting

7:36

dumped or blown off or jerked around. He

7:39

says I was asleep but the next day

7:41

she said she could only think of me

7:43

that night. Yeah because you stopped moving

7:45

forward and she felt that. She

7:48

felt your inaction. Whereas

7:51

you have been chasing and smothering her you finally

7:53

backed off enough and then she's like wait a

7:55

minute what happened to that guy? What's

7:57

he doing? Did he meet somebody else? He

7:59

sure seem to be really hot for me and also

8:01

I haven't heard from in a few days or a week

8:03

or two. What's going on? I gotta reach

8:06

out to him. He

8:08

says well a fun weekend followed. Indoor

8:10

Olympics at night, waking up at 7

8:12

a.m. doing it again and falling

8:14

back asleep. She even poured

8:16

her heart out. Well you gotta remember that

8:18

only whenever she said in that minute or

8:20

moment that's what she meant. But

8:23

it only applied in that moment. It's

8:25

like a weather report. It's only good for about

8:27

24 hours and

8:29

then it's gone. Then there's a

8:32

new weather report. In other

8:34

words, a woman's emotions and feelings change like the

8:36

weather. That's just the way they are. Feminine energy

8:38

is chaos. Don't get buttered. Don't

8:40

get upset about that. It's just the way it is. So

8:46

she was saying that she often feels a

8:49

tingling in her stomach when she sees me.

8:51

Well that's only when it's her idea when

8:53

you've backed off and let her do all

8:56

the pursuing. Because as seven principles get an

8:58

expect discusses, when you've gotten dumped, you've gotten

9:00

blown off, you stop chasing her. And

9:03

then therefore instead of oh I hope I

9:05

can win her back and get her attention,

9:07

the attitude should be

9:09

you're the prize, you're the catch.

9:11

She's the one that unilaterally ended

9:13

the relationship. And so therefore it's up

9:16

to her to fix it. You kept

9:18

chasing, you kept pursuing, and you got nowhere.

9:20

And then as soon as you finally backed off

9:22

and stopped moving forward, she reached out, you have

9:25

an amazing week and fucking each other's brains out.

9:27

And then what happens? Instead of

9:30

letting her continuing to come to him, so it's

9:32

her idea, then he starts calling

9:34

and texting and trying to move things along a

9:36

little quicker because again he wants to lock her

9:38

back down and make her his. Because that's what

9:40

he sees in movies and on TV. And

9:42

all he's gonna do is turn around and chase her right back out

9:44

of his life again. And he's not clicking,

9:47

it's not making the connection that it's

9:49

him and his neediness and his insecure

9:51

behavior and acting like an emotionally

9:54

insecure little girl that's chasing him away or

9:56

her away. And

9:58

some other things that felt like she was kind of

10:01

longing for what used to be and that there's

10:03

still some hope for us left. His

10:05

whole mind says, please pay attention to

10:08

me mommy, please give me an attaboy,

10:10

please like me. That

10:12

tells me that he probably didn't get enough strokes as

10:15

a kid, didn't get enough I love yous from mom

10:17

and dad. And so he

10:19

feels incredibly insecure and unloved and unlovable

10:21

and so therefore to make up for

10:23

it, he tries to do something which

10:25

is pursue. Instead of letting

10:27

her be, if his parents had loved him

10:29

and filled his bucket of self-esteem

10:32

up to the point where the world couldn't

10:34

poke enough holes in it to drain it

10:36

dry, he wouldn't care.

10:39

He'd wait for her to reach back out.

10:44

He says, well after the weekend I found out

10:46

that she had a date a couple of days

10:48

later and is active on Tinder. Well

10:51

it felt like the whole weekend was a

10:53

lie. I still saw her this

10:55

week and again she's just that doesn't want to

10:57

be touched. That tells me that he reached out

10:59

to her, it wasn't her idea. Because if it

11:01

was her idea she would have been like she

11:04

was the previous weekend. But instead he was needy,

11:06

he's neurotic, he's like the crazy

11:08

monkey at the zoo that's

11:11

throwing his jizz and his feces at all

11:13

the people trying to get their attention or

11:16

he's just a crazy monkey. In

11:20

other words don't behave like the crazy monkey

11:23

in the cage at the zoo. It's

11:25

not a good look. He

11:28

says what's my move now? What else can

11:30

I do? How about you read

11:33

the book, actually read it, take the time to read it

11:35

10 to 15 times like

11:37

instructed and you also should be

11:39

following what's in seven principles to get an ex

11:42

back instead of constantly trying to do things. You're

11:44

literally chasing this girl out

11:46

of your life. And so what your

11:49

next move is nothing, your pursuit of

11:51

your ex is over forever. The

11:54

only way you're ever going to see or talk to her again

11:56

is if she reaches out to you. So

11:58

what do you do? You wait to hear from her. her when

12:00

she reaches out you assume she wants to see

12:02

you and you make a date in

12:05

the evening at your place to make dinner together you don't

12:07

go meet her out you don't go pick her up she's

12:09

got to come to you at least three dates

12:12

in a row but you have to let her do

12:14

all the contact initiation and that's where you're going wrong

12:17

as soon as you spend a bunch of time together like

12:19

this past weekend you come on

12:21

glued start acting all dopey thinking you're gonna

12:24

you got a winner back and

12:26

then you go right back to the same exact

12:28

behavior that chased her out of your life a

12:30

few weeks before it's like you

12:33

got to be able to see that by now I would

12:35

hope I mean it's so obvious he

12:39

says we're not exclusive or anything so she can do

12:41

what she wants however I obviously

12:43

don't like it want to win her back over

12:45

it's like no you shouldn't be trying to win

12:48

any woman over you should let her win

12:50

you over she should be the one trying to

12:52

convince you to give her another

12:55

chance and when you're in that

12:57

mindset you're not going to call you're

12:59

not going to text her for any reason he says do

13:01

I let her do a hundred percent of the pursuing yes

13:04

that's what it says the seven principles get

13:06

an ex back you've tried violating all the

13:08

principles in the book and in seven principles

13:10

get an ex back and what's happening last

13:12

week he had this passionate weekend and

13:15

this week you've been pursuing her and chasing her and

13:17

she doesn't want to be touched doesn't want to be

13:19

kissed and is repulsed by you so

13:21

last weekend you acted like a man and

13:23

you let her come to you and this

13:25

weekend it's like she was kryptonite and you

13:27

couldn't fucking handle it and you've totally come

13:29

unglued and you're acting like a little bitch

13:32

chasing after your mommy trying to get strokes

13:34

from her it's pathetic

13:36

when you do this man this is

13:38

not attractive behavior and

13:42

if she texts me do I wait for

13:44

her to ask to meet up or do

13:46

I just assume that she wants to see me

13:48

well as the book says if she reaches out you should

13:50

assume she wants to see you and you

13:52

make the next day now there is a

13:55

caveat and seven principles get an ex back because

13:57

there are times where the guy is chased so

13:59

much and made himself look so

14:01

pathetic and turn the girl off so much

14:04

that even when she's reaching out he'll try to

14:06

set a date and she'll give him some excuse

14:08

oh I gotta check my schedule I'm

14:10

not sure I don't think that's a good

14:12

idea you get those kind of responses and

14:15

then you just go hey well I gotta run let

14:17

me know when you figure out your schedule and so

14:19

you're gonna ask twice two times

14:21

max in a row when she

14:23

reaches out to you first and if both times

14:25

she won't make a date then yeah in that

14:27

case you're never ever gonna bring up getting together

14:29

again unless she brings it up

14:31

first and if she does mention getting together or

14:33

seeing you then you make a date then

14:36

you get off the phone I mean

14:38

your situation is so easy but

14:40

you're just not exercising any

14:42

emotional self-control and you're doing the opposite of

14:45

what the book teaches and the

14:47

opposite of what's instructed in seven principles to

14:49

get an ex back you cannot cherry pick

14:51

things like this and bend

14:53

stuff to your will because

14:55

you're constantly acting extremely unattractive

14:58

and it's going to repulse all women not

15:01

just the ex any other woman that's attracted

15:03

to you and you behave this way you'll

15:05

turn her off for the same exact

15:07

reason so you need to grow up jump up

15:09

and down so your balls finally drop whatever you

15:11

need to do you need to knock this shit

15:13

off because it's disgusting it's disgusting behavior

15:15

for a man it's like don't do

15:17

it man don't do it

15:19

bro so if you got

15:22

a question or challenge and you'd like to get my help go

15:24

to understandingrelationships.com click the products tab at the top

15:26

of your screen on any page of my website

15:29

and book a coaching session with yours truly

15:32

until next time bye well

15:34

talk to you