0:01

Grab your coffee

0:01

and join me Nicoa For a

0:05

caffeinated conversation about

0:05

life. I'll be talking to people

0:11

who have chosen to walk their

0:11

own paths and just like me, are

0:15

creating a life by design. I

0:15

hope that will give you the

0:19

inspiration you need to do

0:19

exactly the same. Afternoon Lori

0:26

Pyne, how are you?

0:28

Hi, I'm so good

0:28

afternoon today.

0:30

I know I've been looking forward to this all day all week. And I have to tell

0:32

you, did you hear that I had

0:35

COVID last week.

0:37

Well, I had it the

0:37

week before. So you're just

0:39

copying me? You're just trying

0:39

to keep up with me. You're

0:44

always one step

0:44

ahead. I'm

0:47

sorry about that one.

0:49

So Right. Aren't

0:49

you so tired?

0:52

I it took a while to

0:52

get my mojo back. sliding back.

0:56

font. Well, thank

0:57

you for telling me

0:57

that because I did. I got I

1:00

tried to work out this morning I

1:00

was on the peloton. And I was

1:02

like that was like this eyes

1:02

closed. Like, oh my god, what am

1:09

I doing? So I just, you know, I

1:09

reeled it back and I have a bit

1:14

of a nap earlier. So I am

1:14

prepared for today's

1:16

conversation. So good. I also

1:16

have my coffee did you get Do

1:21

you drink coffee? At the end of

1:21

the day? I usually don't. But I

1:23

had to.

1:24

Yeah, no, I'm fat.

1:24

I'm not a coffee drinker.

1:28

Period. Oh,

1:29

okay. In the

1:33

I need to be honest

1:33

with you right up front.

1:38

That's what I love

1:38

about you. You are take turns.

1:44

Just wanted to make

1:44

sure you still love me going

1:46

forward.

1:47

I can I make an

1:47

exception. I get it. It's okay.

1:53

And I just needed it because of

1:53

the damn COVID over. Well,

1:58

everybody, welcome to Coffee

1:58

with Nicoa. Today, I'm gonna

2:01

give you a quick overview of

2:01

this beautiful woman sitting in

2:04

front of me 25 years. And

2:04

honestly, I'm reading this and

2:09

I'm like, Is this my story?

2:09

Like, we really are like soul

2:14

sisters. 25 years in a

2:14

traditional corporate

2:16

environment. Think black suits

2:16

stiff white shirts. Yeah. Uh

2:20

huh. Working for global brands

2:20

like Anheuser Busch, the Coca

2:24

Cola Company, and Campbell Soup

2:24

Company. You know, my daughter's

2:28

name is Campbell, did I tell you

2:28

that she's darling, I know that

2:32

she thinks she thinks we named

2:32

her after the soup company.

2:35

Well, you have to tell us all

2:35

about working in those worlds.

2:38

Because, you know, it's pretty

2:38

impressive. You made it all the

2:41

way up to the top, you're a vice

2:41

president, you were thriving.

2:44

You had tons of pressure. And

2:44

this was that life that you had

2:49

grown accustomed to. And then

2:49

like so many others around the

2:53

world, the shutdown of you know,

2:53

we're talking about COVID Were

2:59

the shutdown of the global

2:59

pandemic. And you had a wake up

3:02

call. And that's what we're

3:02

going to talk about today.

3:05

Because that wake up call, just

3:05

like my wake up, call back in

3:08

2009. redefined for me what

3:08

mattered most. And when we touch

3:14

base before scheduling this

3:14

interview, you really had some

3:18

eye opening moments. And I hope

3:18

you'll dig deep into those

3:21

today. Now, everybody, please go

3:21

make a note. Lori is also now

3:26

you know, because she's going to

3:26

tell you her story. She's now an

3:29

executive life coach for

3:29

professional women over the age

3:31

of 40. who feel stuck and empty,

3:31

despite all of their

3:36

accomplishments. And where were

3:36

you? 1009 when I was 40 years

3:43

old, I quit that you had no idea

3:43

was going to quit. Where were

3:48

you when I needed you most? Oh,

3:48

gosh, I was

3:52

still climbing that

3:52

corporate ladder hell bent on

3:55

you know, making my way and

3:55

paving my path. And yeah,

3:58

right. Taking that

3:58

that was the way for you know,

4:01

happiness, satisfaction and

4:01

contentment. That was the

4:04

American dream, right? That's

4:04

right. So what in the

4:07

world happened?

4:07

Little did I know that a global

4:12

pandemic would come and, you

4:12

know, I had been a single mom

4:16

for a long time, seven years

4:16

raising two little boys. By

4:20

myself. I did ultimately

4:20

remarried somebody wonderful.

4:27

Yeah, yeah. There's a happy

4:27

happy ever after in that story.

4:31

But, you know, the global

4:31

pandemic comes and I'm leading

4:35

this large team for Campbell's.

4:35

And, you know, I'm sitting in

4:41

this home office and I had been

4:41

accustomed to traveling every

4:45

week I was on a plane I had. I

4:45

had people that reported to me

4:49

on the West Coast, East coast,

4:49

midwest, Southeast Texas, and

4:56

we're in custody. We're in sales, customer service. Of course, you You

4:58

wanted to you were the face of

5:02

candles for those regions after

5:04

my customer and for

5:04

my customer and, and I had a

5:08

young team, you know, some of my

5:08

team had young children. And so

5:13

when the world shut down, so did

5:13

their daycare so did their

5:16

parents. And so it was it became

5:16

a real humanitarian crisis on my

5:20

team where they were working all

5:20

night, so they could take care

5:23

of their kids all day. And, you

5:23

know, it was really a struggle.

5:27

And we went from doing our

5:27

normal selling job to really

5:31

becoming crisis management for

5:31

transportation and supply and

5:36

and how do we get product and

5:36

because the demand was so

5:41

intense, wow, nobody could have

5:41

prepared for that in the

5:45

supermarket channel, which is

5:45

where I worked. All the while

5:50

there was a humanitarian crisis

5:50

going on in my own home, that I

5:55

wasn't paying attention to. I

5:55

was so busy sitting at this desk

6:00

on conference calls and zoom

6:00

calls, that I couldn't even see

6:05

what was happening in my own

6:05

home. I had moved my youngest

6:11

son from a very large public

6:11

high school to a very small

6:13

private high school in January

6:13

of 2020. And I thought, ah, feel

6:19

like this is going to solve

6:19

everything, he's just going to

6:21

be great. But he had only gotten

6:21

two months there when the school

6:27

shut down and didn't know

6:27

anybody.

6:31

And what ended up

6:31

having challenges prior. And

6:33

yeah, that was kind of the

6:33

solution. Let's give him a

6:36

smaller school. And let's give

6:36

him a smaller school

6:39

where he gets more

6:39

attention, he can't hide in the

6:42

back of the room on his cell

6:42

phone and just, you know, kind

6:45

of hanging out all day, and

6:45

nobody really cares, because

6:48

he's not a behavioral problem.

6:48

And nobody's really pushing him

6:51

because he's not, you know, an

6:51

academic genius. So they're

6:55

just, they just don't really

6:55

care. So they're not pushing

6:58

him. And no matter how many

6:58

times I went there, they

7:02

couldn't be bothered with me

7:02

either. So. So we moved on to

7:05

the small.

7:06

I was just to

7:06

clarify, so everybody knows. So

7:09

you had already been in spite of

7:09

you being busy. You've been

7:13

picking up on challenges, which

7:13

he had some mental health

7:16

challenges, and you were like, I

7:16

gotta fix this. Yeah, but you're

7:20

busy trying to run your

7:20

corporate world. And I guess,

7:24

I had been in the

7:24

trenches with him for a long

7:26

time with ADHD and, you know, at

7:26

the school and, you know, 504

7:32

plans, and you know, so this was

7:32

not anything new. But, but high

7:37

school brings a whole new

7:37

craziness to it. So now he's a

7:41

sophomore, we move into this

7:41

private school, and then the

7:44

pandemic shuts everything down.

7:44

And at the same time, his

7:47

brother was a senior that year,

7:47

they're very close, and his

7:51

brother that fall we would leave

7:51

for college. And when he left,

7:57

Bryce became noticeably more

7:57

secluded recluse really didn't

8:04

have a lot of friends. And you

8:04

know, I'm just here working now.

8:09

Yeah. Okay. This is just what

8:09

he's going through. This is just

8:12

what the world is going through.

8:12

Right. And so when my oldest

8:16

came home that year, he was very

8:16

outspoken, and said, What do you

8:24

do? We saw you more when you

8:24

traveled every week, and you're

8:28

right here in the house with us

8:28

every day. And it was one of

8:31

those off the cuff flippant

8:31

comments that probably only he

8:36

could make. But it stopped me

8:36

dead in my tracks. I was like,

8:40

Oh my gosh, what am I doing? You

8:40

know, I mean, I'm selling

8:45

goldfish crackers. I'm not

8:45

saving the world. I'm not coming

8:51

up with the vaccine for COVID.

8:51

Right, like, right? What am I

8:56

doing? So I really took a pause

8:56

and just started to look around

9:03

and, you know, look at Bryce,

9:03

and you know, he's probably

9:06

doing what most teenage boys are

9:06

doing. He's like, on his gaming

9:11

while the teachers on Zoom and

9:11

the screens black. And, you

9:15

know, then I went into his

9:15

grades and he was like, failing

9:19

everything. homeworks weren't

9:19

turned in. You know, it was just

9:24

all half assed. And yeah, and

9:24

I'm not paying attention, like,

9:30

I don't even know this is going

9:30

on. So I'm like, ooh, wake up

9:34

call. So meanwhile, you know,

9:34

there's some other things going

9:38

on. I'm, I'm not sure if he's

9:38

depressed. I'm not sure what's

9:41

going on with the friend

9:41

situation. And so I start

9:44

watching over the next couple of

9:44

months, and it finally leads me

9:48

to have some conversations with

9:48

my husband. Now, mind you, I had

9:52

been the single mom, solely

9:52

financially responsible for

9:57

these boys. Nothing for my ex

9:57

husband. And, and to partner

10:03

with somebody financially was

10:03

very new for me. So to go to him

10:09

and say, I think we need to do

10:09

something for Bryce. I don't

10:14

know what that is, but

10:14

something, something perhaps

10:18

different than what we're doing

10:18

where maybe I'm home more and

10:21

available more. And my husband

10:21

said, maybe it's time for you to

10:29

take a break from corporate

10:29

life. And I did that. I was

10:35

like, I don't know. I, I mean, I

10:35

was shocked, right, like

10:39

stuttering, like, shocked. But

10:39

the fact that he offered that

10:44

was so generous, and kind in a

10:44

way that made me feel seen that

10:53

I just hadn't had I just had not

10:53

had that probably since my

10:56

parents had treated me that way.

10:56

Oh, wow.

10:59

And that's lucky,

10:59

too. Right? Yeah, great support.

11:04

But I know that not everybody

11:04

has the partner in crime or

11:08

through the circumstances, but

11:08

to have someone love you and

11:12

support you, and be able to say,

11:12

whatever it is, we got this.

11:16

Yeah, you know, internet my

11:16

child that much. Oh, yeah. Yeah,

11:21

yeah. No, but this has been to

11:21

your identity for so long. And

11:24

although I mean, you know, I get

11:24

it. i There's a joked about this

11:28

before, I'm gonna write a book

11:28

one day called I feel guilty for

11:31

not feeling guilty. Yeah. I

11:31

mean, I have three kids. They've

11:38

been crying at the door when I

11:38

leave the country for two weeks

11:41

then. So I can only imagine this

11:41

was kind of a well, we need to

11:45

do something for Bryce. But I,

11:45

what you told me to not work.

11:49

That's my identity. What? How

11:49

did that feel for you?

11:53

Oh, well, so it

11:53

didn't really hit me until my

11:56

first day not working. Then I

11:56

was like, holy smokes, what are

12:04

you doing myself? Yeah. But they

12:04

did have the wherewithal to hire

12:08

a coach of my own. Or I left.

12:08

Yeah. And so I ended up leaving

12:14

in April, in February, I hired

12:14

this coach, and I started doing

12:18

some of the work that said, you

12:18

know, what do you dream about?

12:23

What's your purpose? And I was a

12:23

deer in the headlights? Yeah. I

12:29

had no idea. In fact, I said to

12:29

her, could you give me a test to

12:34

tell me what my purpose is? And

12:34

she laughed, just like you're

12:38

laughing right now. She laughed.

12:38

She laughed. And I said, No, no,

12:43

I'm really I'm hoping that you

12:43

can give me like this multiple

12:46

choice sort of thing, like Myers

12:46

Briggs or something, and it will

12:50

spit out what I'm supposed to do

12:50

with my life. And she said, No,

12:55

Laurie. She said, Your purpose

12:55

is within you. And I said, well,

12:59

we need to do an archeological

12:59

dig. And to find it because it

13:03

is so buried. I have no idea

13:03

what it is. I love

13:07

that an

13:07

archeological dig. Yeah, I do

13:09

that with every freaking client.

13:09

Yeah. And I know I do now too.

13:12

Yeah.

13:12

Now I do too, because

13:12

now I can see it, and I can only

13:15

see it because I experienced it.

13:15

So I know exactly what that look

13:20

is like, Huh? Yeah, you want a

13:20

purpose? No, no, you see, I'm

13:25

just trying to survive. I'm

13:25

trying to keep a roof over and I

13:28

want to make sure my kids become

13:28

decent human beings in the

13:31

world. Like, that's my purpose.

13:31

Yeah.

13:34

To take care of

13:34

everybody. Seven o'clock on a

13:38

Friday when you finally come

13:38

home from work, and everybody's

13:41

out of town, and you're like,

13:41

What do I do with myself? It's

13:44

like you don't even we didn't

13:44

have hobbies. I don't know. What

13:51

is my hobby? buying clothes for

13:51

my children? Yes, I traveled

13:56

because the coolest clothing

13:56

stores has been all the money I

13:58

was making on clothes for them.

13:58

Because I like clothes. That was

14:02

my only fun hobby. Yes, yes.

14:05

Yes. There were times

14:05

when they were so much better

14:07

dressed than me. They were

14:07

wearing Ralph Lauren and I was

14:11

wearing something from Walmart

14:11

or Target. Yeah. So So yes, so I

14:19

got with this coach and I

14:19

started doing some really heavy

14:23

work now I had done a lot of

14:23

therapy work on the divorce and

14:27

how I ended up in that

14:27

situation. So a lot of that part

14:31

was cleaned up which that thank

14:31

you God. But the coaching work

14:36

about the dreams will like I

14:36

didn't have really any dream. So

14:40

I was I was really just trying

14:40

to, you know, like, get through

14:46

and kind of get every buddy else

14:46

through.

14:51

You know, that's

14:51

not uncommon. It is not, it's

14:55

really not even, you know, with

14:55

all due respect to my sweet

14:57

husband, I said, Well, you know,

14:57

what do you see This far down

15:00

the road when we first started

15:00

dating five years ago, and he's

15:03

like, I don't usually think like

15:03

that. Right? And so he's like,

15:08

learn to dream with me. Yeah.

15:08

But that was not common at all

15:14

for him and in most of my

15:14

clients, so. So what was the

15:19

part of the archeological dig,

15:19

that really woke you up into

15:24

purpose driven? Knowing. So

15:29

I went through some

15:29

exercises that really kind of

15:35

gave me some breadcrumbs that

15:35

said, you know, I'm here for a

15:40

purpose. And I am unique. And

15:40

there might be other people who

15:45

can do what I do, but they're

15:45

not going to do it the way I do

15:48

it with my thumbprint with my

15:48

personality. And so these

15:54

breadcrumbs like start back in

15:54

childhood, and they go into

15:57

middle school in high school.

15:57

And like, as you start to look

16:00

back, you're like, Oh, they're

16:00

all my uniqueness, my unique

16:08

abilities. And so the way

16:08

somebody else might do something

16:13

isn't the way I will do it. But

16:13

that's okay. I can still come

16:18

out in the world, and be this

16:18

person, be this entity be this

16:23

thing. And I didn't really know

16:23

that until I did the

16:27

archeological dig. There's a lot

16:27

of safeness in working for big

16:32

company, you hide behind their

16:32

brand. And you hide behind their

16:37

playbook and their rules. And

16:37

there's a lot of, you know, when

16:40

you get this job, you do X, Y,

16:40

and Z. And then you go to the

16:43

next job, and then you do A, B

16:43

and C, and then you're right.

16:47

And

16:48

unless you've spent

16:48

it on somebody or stealing, then

16:51

you can't you actually ever,

16:51

it's like you're in a mosh pit.

16:55

Everybody just kind of hold you

16:55

when you don't know what to do.

16:58

Like you literally you cannot

16:58

drown unless you do something

17:02

blatant. Or just have an

17:02

attitude that's just not fitting

17:06

with everybody. So the

17:06

infrastructure keeps you safe,

17:10

and keeps you secure. And a lot

17:10

of people don't think that way

17:13

about corporations and they

17:13

think I'm not safe. They're all

17:17

I'm like, You're safer than most

17:20

safer than most. Yes,

17:20

until you get into, you know,

17:25

kind of the higher levels reorg

17:25

after reorg after reorg. And I

17:30

went through 12 rewards and it

17:30

does become unnerving, the whole

17:34

nature and culture of reorg. And

17:34

so I do work with some women who

17:39

are like caught up in that

17:39

culture true.

17:42

And they say the

17:42

higher up you're what is it like

17:44

a 5% retention rate anyway, so

17:44

the highest rolls for it, but

17:48

I'm

17:48

thinking about that

17:48

seven, middle section. You're

17:51

right. There's a structure that

17:51

hard to leave. Well, my dad

17:55

always taught me about those

17:55

golden handcuffs, right? Yeah.

17:58

Yeah, that was their tough tough

17:58

to leave 401 K company car stock

18:03

options, like that stuff's hard

18:03

to walk away from. Yes. Yeah.

18:06

So. So yeah. So the miracle in

18:06

the Bryce story, my youngest

18:13

child story is that I ended up

18:13

asking the universe for a sign I

18:18

was out on my front yard yard

18:18

one day, and looking very

18:24

schizophrenic, almost homeless,

18:24

saying, God, I need a sign so

18:29

clear that you're going to hit

18:29

me with a two by four, like it's

18:33

going to be that obvious. And lo

18:33

and behold, almost a week later,

18:40

there was a sign so obvious that

18:40

God was like, it is time for you

18:44

to leave this job. And he set it

18:44

up in such a way that I was able

18:49

to leave, get a severance

18:49

package, and just go do the next

18:55

thing. And I thought that I was

18:55

going to be like this hero

19:00

seeming Bryce but then she

19:00

laughs all your listeners heard

19:08

you. Heart bless my heart and my

19:08

by just my Superwoman Cape was

19:17

off. But the truth was, this

19:17

whole situation saved me. Yeah.

19:23

And transformed me and really

19:23

gave me the space to you know,

19:29

rethink all of my priorities. It

19:29

gave me a whole new relationship

19:35

with Bryce. Yeah, in he he

19:35

really transformed in that time.

19:43

I mean, did a great turn around

19:43

that got a 4.0 his senior year,

19:48

got academic awards, became the

19:48

MVP of his lacrosse team went on

19:53

to play lacrosse in college and

19:56

really dissected

19:56

them because you came so you,

19:59

you you asked and you received.

19:59

Yeah. And I wish people would

20:03

ask more often don't You don't

20:03

ask and go, but I want it to

20:07

look like ABCDE f g. Or you

20:07

don't ask and say, you know,

20:13

yes, but like in any way, shape

20:13

or form, you just have to say

20:16

yes. And show me what needs me

20:16

show me how to get to my purpose

20:21

and, and allow me to receive it.

20:21

So you received it. But it

20:28

couldn't have been that easy.

20:28

Waking up that next morning and

20:31

walking into Bryce's room saying

20:31

good morning time for breakfast

20:34

mama, senior roommate like what

20:34

the hell Mom, I'm trying to play

20:39

a video game here or wake up to

20:39

11 pandemic.

20:46

In fact, I said

20:46

presence and so I've, you know,

20:50

I'm leaving my job now. And I'm

20:50

going to be a stay at home mom,

20:53

and he looks at me just now. I'm

20:53

17. Are you kidding me? So this

21:00

did not come as great news to

21:00

brace?

21:03

I bet not. So we

21:06

had to work at that.

21:06

He was by that time they were

21:09

back in class at school. And so

21:09

he went to school and my husband

21:16

went to work. And there I was

21:16

with the two dogs like, Okay,

21:20

girls, what do we do next? I

21:20

don't know. Okay, you sit here,

21:25

I'm gonna go to the grocery

21:25

store. And then I did that about

21:28

three times that day, I went to

21:28

the grocery store, I came back,

21:32

I went to Target, I came back.

21:32

And then I didn't know what else

21:37

to do with myself.

21:39

We hope you're enjoying

21:39

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21:42

Coffee with Nicoa. Make sure to

21:42

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21:45

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21:49

inspiring content that will help

21:49

you begin creating your life by

21:53

design.

21:54

Tell us about the

21:54

self dialog because I'm always

21:57

thinking about the people

21:57

listening that, you know, how

22:00

are they talking to themselves

22:00

during these big transitionary

22:03

moments? And, you know, what was

22:03

it like to be you right in at

22:08

the quit at the change?

22:41

Well, my productivity

22:41

equaled my self worth. And if I

22:49

wasn't going to be productive,

22:49

then I wasn't going to have much

22:54

self worth. And so without a

22:54

title, and without a paycheck.

23:01

We were coming out pretty short

23:01

handed.

23:04

What were you telling your neighbors when they'd say What are you doing

23:05

now? Laurie? Would you say

23:08

Thank God there

23:08

there's enough acreage between

23:11

us that they don't know my

23:11

comings in government.

23:16

You didn't she

23:16

didn't tell him people

23:20

have to mention that

23:20

at all.

23:24

I mean, we've been

23:24

looking so long for external

23:26

validation, for whatever reason,

23:26

you know, in our upbringings

23:30

and, and it's really I have

23:30

actually coached more people

23:34

transitioning into retirement or

23:34

that's easier, but transitioning

23:38

out of a big role. And they'll

23:38

be in their 50s or 60s, and, and

23:41

they're like, helped me

23:41

articulate what I should say.

23:45

Because they were so caught up

23:45

in there, I was the CEO of such

23:49

and such, or I, you know, ran my

23:49

own business for 15 years, and

23:54

now it failed. And I work with a

23:54

lot of entrepreneurs, so or

23:58

closed, and I'm like, well,

23:58

let's just tell the story. Let's

24:00

tell it in a way that was a

24:00

learning and not have a

24:04

judgment. And I'm curious, how

24:04

have you, how do you now tell

24:09

that story?

24:11

Yeah, I, it's really

24:11

interesting, because the

24:15

pandemic was a very common exit

24:15

for a lot of women. Sure. Now,

24:22

there's a statistic that it's

24:22

almost like 3.5 million women

24:26

exited during that time. A lot

24:26

of it was childcare needs, a lot

24:31

of it was burnout. You know, so

24:31

my story is that the pandemic

24:37

really gave me a chance to

24:37

prioritize my family in a way

24:41

that I had never been able to.

24:41

And when I did that, I was able

24:48

to get clear on who I wanted to

24:48

be in this next chapter in my

24:52

life. And who was I wanted to be

24:52

somebody of service, somebody

24:57

who could give back what I've

24:57

been given, you know, help those

25:03

who I could help. I've had a lot

25:03

of lessons, you know, you get to

25:09

work for those big companies,

25:09

you learn a lot, but there was a

25:12

lot of life that happened in

25:12

there, you know, from the

25:14

divorce and raising the boys to

25:14

I lost my mom when she was 59.

25:21

And it was a real quick, short

25:21

battle with a rare form of

25:24

cancer. You know, just like and

25:24

then and then you have to keep

25:29

going right like corporate life

25:29

doesn't stop because your heart

25:33

broken, you know? So how do you

25:33

keep going in those times and,

25:37

and then remarrying trying to

25:37

build a blended family.

25:42

How did you keep going, I want to get back to the losing your mom because grief,

25:44

we're dealing with the loss of

25:47

my father a year and a half ago

25:47

and watching my mother go

25:49

through that grief. And so how

25:49

did you turn that grief? In my

25:56

mom always says I try to turn my

25:56

grief into gratitude as she

25:59

cries, Mama, but she was with

25:59

him 67 years, I mean, to lose

26:05

your mom when she was so young.

26:05

I mean, that's four years from

26:07

now for me. So tell me, how did

26:07

you manage?

26:13

Um, there was a lot

26:13

in that timeframe. You know, the

26:19

real gratitude I had at the time

26:19

was that it wasn't one of my

26:22

children. Yeah. You know, I have

26:22

friends who've lost a child.

26:28

That's it. That's a grief, I

26:28

can't imagine. And, you know, I

26:32

hope that that's not a grief I

26:32

ever have to imagine. But I have

26:38

a faith that you know, if I have

26:38

to, I will. But for now, I hope

26:44

that that's not one that's part

26:44

of my journey. But you know, I

26:49

think that what really

26:49

compounded things for me was my

26:55

mom and dad had been married for

26:55

42 years. They got married

26:58

young, like right out of high

26:58

school. And my dad very quickly

27:02

moved on. Like five minutes

27:02

later moved

27:06

on. Oh, moved on,

27:06

like, found somebody else moved.

27:09

Oh, yes, she

27:09

came. She came with

27:09

hot soup wearing, you know, mink

27:13

coat. Yes. knocking at the door.

27:19

He was too afraid

27:19

to be alone. I was afraid and

27:23

so heartbroken. You

27:23

know, it wasn't like she was

27:27

sick for five years. It was five

27:27

weeks. You don't want a

27:31

backache. And before you know

27:31

what she's got cancer all

27:35

through her body. And she's

27:35

gone. Wow. And her fear her

27:42

funeral was five days before

27:42

Christmas. And it was just it

27:46

was so heartbreaking. And so it

27:46

was the middle of winter. My I

27:50

grew up in Maine, my dad was in

27:50

Maine, it was so horribly

27:53

depressing for him when we all

27:53

left and went back after New

27:56

Years. And and so somebody came

27:56

along and brought soup and

28:00

checked on him. And before you

28:00

know it, he's getting married

28:03

again. And

28:04

now are you taking

28:04

care of you through all of this?

28:08

Are you dealing with it? Are you

28:08

ignoring it? Are you just

28:12

focused on Bryce for work, so

28:14

I had the benefit. So

28:14

I had the benefit of being in

28:18

New York versus where everybody

28:18

else was in Maine. So I

28:22

distance. So it wasn't right in

28:22

my face like everybody else. And

28:28

so I could ignore it a little

28:28

bit. But it was devastating. And

28:39

I had met my husband, and we had

28:39

dated for nine months. And we

28:43

had broken up for a year. And we

28:43

were broken up during this time

28:47

that my mother had passed. And

28:47

he lo and behold, he came back

28:53

around in March after she

28:53

passed. And so you know, that

28:59

was kind of a distraction the

28:59

year after she died was that he

29:03

was back in my life. And but it

29:03

was this grief is still

29:09

something I'm working on. Her

29:09

anniversary this year, was one

29:15

of the hardest anniversaries

29:15

I've had. And I couldn't

29:18

understand why. And I worked

29:18

with my therapist on it and just

29:22

said, I don't understand this.

29:22

This is year 12. I should be

29:26

good. And she's like, that's not

29:26

how grief works. That's

29:31

a good reminder.

29:31

Yeah, it's because I

29:34

want to be like this.

29:34

I want to be all tidy in a box.

29:37

And no, I'm good. I'm moving on

29:37

with my life. And it's just

29:41

that's just not how it is.

29:44

So yeah, so that's,

29:44

that's a big lesson. And I'm

29:48

sure that you've applied that

29:48

into your life by design now as

29:51

to how do you manage the ups and

29:51

downs? You know, I look at some

29:54

of your speaking titles and

29:54

engagement, you're talking about

29:57

warning bumps ahead. Some of the

29:57

takeaways share with us a little

30:03

bit about some of those, that

30:03

real self insight that you're

30:07

now applying when you interact

30:07

and engage your clients.

30:14

Yeah, I mean, in a

30:14

coaching engagement, of course,

30:17

it's you know, it's not about

30:17

me, it's about them, but I try

30:21

to be as transparent and honest

30:21

as I can in anything my client

30:26

might read about me my website,

30:26

my blog posts, my social media.

30:30

You because it's so important to

30:30

be relatable, you know, for

30:37

somebody to be able to identify

30:37

in and say, Wow, she's been

30:41

through that. I'm going through

30:41

that right now. And, and that's

30:46

what motivated me, there was a

30:46

time kind of like you jokingly,

30:50

open to this whole podcast with,

30:50

you know, where was somebody

30:56

when I was going through and

30:56

fill in the blank, you know, I

31:00

was crying myself to sleep,

31:00

raising these two boys by

31:03

myself, preparing for a huge

31:03

presentation, and feeling so

31:10

alone and unseen and

31:10

misunderstood. And, you know, I

31:17

had a therapist, but she didn't

31:17

work in corporate America. So

31:20

she had no idea that demands of

31:20

my job, what it was like, and I

31:25

wished for somebody like me,

31:25

that could sit across from me.

31:31

You know, I have this three hour

31:31

Joy power boost session, I wish

31:34

that somebody would sit with me

31:34

for three hours and problem

31:37

solve something that was keeping

31:37

me up at night that I just

31:41

couldn't stomach anymore. Yeah.

31:41

But I nobody existed. I couldn't

31:46

find anybody like that.

31:48

So you're on your

31:48

own. You're out working with

31:51

Bryce trying to be the stay at

31:51

home mom. I mean, tell me a

31:55

little bit about how long that

31:55

lasted before you kicked in with

31:58

becoming the the joy CEO and

31:58

launching your business?

32:02

Well, we kind of have

32:02

a joke, because it wasn't

32:05

shortly after I left my job that

32:05

a friend said, Hey, I'm going to

32:09

Greece for two weeks. I've got

32:09

an Airbnb want to come? And I

32:12

was like, yeah, so I went to

32:12

Greece for a week. And then, and

32:16

then after that, I went on

32:16

another trip to DC to meet a

32:20

girlfriend. And then after that,

32:20

I went to Maine, because we have

32:23

a lake house. That's where I

32:23

grew up. And then after that, I

32:27

was turning 50s were like three

32:27

trips with girlfriends. And so

32:31

Bryce looks at me one day, six

32:31

months into this and he says,

32:34

First Date home mom, you're

32:34

never home.

32:43

So I think there's some truth to

32:43

that. But meanwhile, he's you

32:47

know, he's like, he's doing

32:47

great. When I am all I get

32:52

dinner on the table. I'm talking

32:52

to him like, he's good. You

32:56

know, it

32:57

really wasn't about

32:57

Bryce. That's kind of the point.

33:02

The point is not about Bryce.

33:02

Oh, we love you, Bryce, baby.

33:06

And we're not worried about you

33:06

anymore. But Rice was the

33:09

impetus. Yeah, and I think

33:09

things happen. Here it is.

33:14

Things happen for a reason. They

33:14

really do. And each of the souls

33:17

in our life, our family unit,

33:17

are showing up for us in a way

33:21

that we must have agreed to

33:21

before we came down here and

33:24

started living this family

33:24

dynamic. So when they're

33:27

reacting to life in a way that's

33:27

triggering us, why is that

33:32

happening for us, and whether

33:32

you could see it for what it was

33:37

in that moment. It clearly you

33:37

can see it now in retrospect or

33:40

present. And here's a

33:40

funny thing, I have an

33:44

expectation that I was going to

33:44

get my stuff together in a

33:50

certain timeframe. Like, as soon

33:50

as Bryce graduated, that's it.

33:55

I'm ready. I'm gonna be all neat

33:55

and tidy with a bow. But the

34:02

truth is, like, my spirit wasn't

34:02

ready. And I didn't know how

34:08

burned out I was just how to my

34:08

core exhausted. I was. And so I

34:17

kept trying to rush things. Like

34:17

that little engine that could.

34:22

And every corner I turned, it

34:22

was like not yet. Not yet. No,

34:29

there was an example. So I while

34:29

Bryce was finishing up his last

34:34

semester of high school, I went

34:34

to Rutgers and got my

34:37

certification, and executive

34:37

coaching. And so as soon as I

34:41

got my certification, I'm like,

34:41

okay, shingles up, I'm ready.

34:46

And so I, you know, started to

34:46

coach people, and, you know, I'm

34:53

kind of getting my momentum. By

34:53

that summer I formed an LLC, and

34:58

I'm like, Okay, I'm going to be

34:58

available to the world. And then

35:03

that fall, you know, I done a

35:03

brand photoshoot. I was building

35:09

a website, the whole thing. And

35:09

it was like, doors kept slamming

35:13

like it was just like, not yet.

35:13

Not yet. Like, and the truth

35:18

was, I was still so tired. And I

35:18

was I'm still in my coaching

35:24

program. I'm still in my with my

35:24

coach today, and I wasn't

35:29

resolved. Right If I wasn't in a

35:29

good headspace where I could

35:35

coach somebody clearly, and

35:35

really show up in a way that

35:40

allowed me to be a vessel in a

35:40

safe space, I still had too much

35:45

chatter. Yeah,

35:46

and that is always

35:46

the case for most people who

35:50

quit some big role in their life

35:50

they've been in for a long time,

35:53

and they go try to start

35:53

something new. You know, I call

35:56

it a couple of things, you know,

35:56

same circus, different tent,

35:59

right? Still burning yourself

35:59

out, I got this digital

36:03

checklist, you're still sitting

36:03

at the desk all day. And it's

36:05

your, you know, growing your

36:05

business, and then wait, what?

36:08

And, and I also think that

36:08

people don't recognize that it's

36:13

not about the doing and the

36:13

identity, it's about the way of

36:16

being, and until your body is

36:16

ready, and your body is a

36:19

powerful messenger. until it's

36:19

ready. The doors will keep

36:23

shouting. So what was your

36:23

relationship like with your body

36:27

during all of this? Were you

36:27

hearing those? Those messages of

36:31

fatigue?

36:32

Yeah, yeah, like, an

36:32

afternoon nap almost every day.

36:38

If I got an old or like, what is

36:38

this? Take a nap every day when

36:43

I was working like I now. Yes.

36:43

And the need for you know, this

36:48

time of year, the need for

36:48

sunshine and like, I can't

36:51

really can't handle the cold

36:51

anymore. And so, you know,

36:56

really being intentional with,

36:56

with having my happy lamp on and

37:02

getting, you know, some of that

37:02

in taking a couple of trips. But

37:08

it would it's really been

37:08

powerful meditation, intentional

37:13

journaling. Really deep

37:13

connections with women, I

37:22

started. So one of the things

37:22

that I did do when I left, my

37:25

job is I kept googling for a

37:25

networking group in my

37:30

community. And I could not find

37:30

one, how could there not be an

37:34

executive women's networking

37:34

group in my community? I live in

37:38

an hour north of Manhattan.

37:38

Yeah, I could not find one. And

37:43

so I really kept talking to God

37:43

and the universe by like, And it

37:48

came to me like, it's time for

37:48

you to start one. And so back in

37:52

the fall, I started one and it

37:52

is blossoming into this

37:56

wonderful web of brilliant women

37:56

who live in this community who

38:01

are looking for the same thing I

38:01

am to really connect with other

38:05

amazing executive women. And we

38:05

just had an event last week. And

38:10

I can't even tell you though,

38:10

the caliber of women who came

38:13

out so so

38:14

I'm not surprised

38:14

and what you just said, you just

38:16

summarize something rather

38:16

profound that I hope everybody

38:19

was listening. Because we've

38:19

been talking a lot about

38:22

strategic self care in the last

38:22

couple of months as I roll out a

38:25

Journal recently. And that

38:25

strategic self care. What

38:30

percentage of that were you

38:30

doing for 25 years? 00. Exactly.

38:38

And if people and I've said this

38:38

the other day, like, we're not

38:41

telling you to quit your job,

38:41

everybody, we've done, if

38:46

anything, we wish, you know,

38:46

Laurie, and I wish we knew what

38:50

we know. Now back then. So we

38:50

could have continued to get

38:53

those great benefits. And if we

38:53

could have figured out how to

38:57

thrive even more, we didn't know

38:57

what we didn't know. And it took

39:03

a dramatic like you said the

39:03

door had to be big, like the big

39:07

message had to really hit you.

39:07

And learning that strategic self

39:12

care. Did you learn that from

39:12

coaching? You know, at what

39:16

point did you begin to give

39:16

yourself permission to actually

39:19

implement strategic self care

39:19

tactics?

39:24

Yeah, so yes, some

39:24

from some coaching, but really,

39:28

from this continuous message

39:28

that kept coming. That was not

39:32

for me, this was not my voice

39:32

that said, start an executive

39:37

women's networking group in your

39:37

area. Perfect. And then just the

39:42

courage to be bold enough to do

39:42

it. Just to start the first

39:45

event I had 57 women came,

39:48

oh my gosh, right.

39:48

Oh, that's amazing. So

39:52

just, you know, just

39:52

being courageous, and instead of

39:55

saying, Who do I think I am

39:55

saying, Okay, here we go. Let's

39:59

do this.

40:01

And how is your

40:01

life by design different now? I

40:04

mean, how long it's only been

40:04

since 2021. Right that you left,

40:09

so it's only been a few years.

40:09

But how would you say your way

40:13

of being is different than it

40:13

was just three years ago?

40:20

It's different in so

40:20

many ways. I think I'm much

40:25

calmer. I think I go at a slower

40:25

pace, which is It's such a

40:32

positive thing. I think I'm much

40:32

more intentional with who I

40:37

spend time with and how I spend

40:37

my time. And I really think that

40:42

I'm in a place now of, of

40:42

service. You know, like, I'm not

40:50

out just to work for a company

40:50

and get a paycheck, and have a

40:55

big title, I am really out to do

40:55

meaningful work, that will, you

41:00

know, pay me well, but it will

41:00

have an impact on others. And

41:05

that's really my goal.

41:08

Do you think if you

41:08

could not have left, and you

41:13

knew what you know, now, what

41:13

would you have done differently

41:17

inside the corporation. So think

41:17

about a lot of these women who

41:21

actually really love their work

41:21

like we both did. But they

41:25

really maybe they're not in a

41:25

situation where they can leave,

41:28

or they really don't want to

41:28

leave. But they know they need

41:31

to do something different to

41:31

find the joy that you talk about

41:34

having craved back then and

41:34

didn't even know it was missing.

41:38

What would you do differently.

41:42

So I did do a lot

41:42

when I was in organizations, I

41:46

started mentoring groups, I was

41:46

part of, you know, employee

41:50

resource groups and helped lead

41:50

those. The problem that I

41:55

experienced is that that is all

41:55

fluff. And it doesn't drive the

42:02

business. Right, it doesn't

42:02

drive the bottom line. So it's

42:07

not deemed valuable. In fact, my

42:07

boss said to me, you can't make

42:13

a full time job out of doing

42:13

that. But those spaces were

42:18

where I had the most passion,

42:18

mentoring others, creating any,

42:23

you know, programs for the

42:23

employee resource groups where

42:27

we could talk about these sorts

42:27

of topics. There was a safe form

42:33

and a safe space to have bold

42:33

conversations like this, you

42:37

could draw a line,

42:37

I mean, as an you're talking to

42:40

an HR professional, so I would

42:40

have to say there is a line to

42:43

those individuals. And those

42:43

connections that you made, I'm

42:46

sure that the women that you

42:46

were mentoring, are more

42:50

grounded, and more powerful as a

42:50

result, because they had you to

42:53

interact with. So it does impact

42:53

the bottom line, but it is also

42:56

the first thing they freaking

42:56

get cut, oh, it comes to the

42:59

budgeting. So you know, I used

42:59

to think you had to be inside to

43:03

make the difference. But I have

43:03

found since I've been out for 15

43:06

years, and as you're starting to

43:06

find out you can influence and,

43:09

and move the needle and pull the

43:09

levers from as a third party

43:15

influencing these executives and

43:15

the different roles much more

43:19

powerfully than if you're inside

43:19

having to wear all the hats

43:22

simultaneously. Yeah,

43:25

yeah, all those hats

43:25

that come down to reorders, and,

43:28

you know, cost cutting and

43:28

people cutting and all those

43:31

things. Yeah,

43:31

well, for sure. You

43:31

know, if you and I were gonna

43:35

sit in front of a group of women

43:35

right now, that said, we cannot

43:37

leave because I really want to

43:37

give these individuals

43:40

listening. Some, I want them to

43:40

feel empowered. So they're not

43:44

hanging it up from this

43:44

listening to this podcast and

43:46

saying, well, crap, I should

43:46

just go and quit. I want I want

43:52

them to find a way to change the

43:52

culture. Like if I could do it

43:56

now, which I'm not going back,

43:56

because I'm too old and tired

44:00

now. But if I was in there,

44:00

right now, I would, I would do

44:05

really bold things, like, leave

44:05

at three o'clock to go pick up

44:10

my kid and not apologize. And I

44:10

would just and if companies

44:14

fired me, I just keep getting

44:14

fired until the one company said

44:19

absolutely. Because at the end

44:19

of the day, you're getting paid

44:23

for an outcome, right? And, you

44:23

know, I don't care how many

44:27

hours it takes you, I don't care

44:27

if you can do it in 10 hours or

44:30

92 hours a week, you know,

44:30

you're gonna get paid for 40

44:33

hours, get the work done. If you

44:33

need to leave at three to go get

44:37

your kid leave at three now,

44:37

there could be a consequence to

44:40

the game you're playing in that

44:40

company. And when you realize

44:43

that, look, I can't leave it

44:43

three, or I'm gonna miss the 530

44:46

Coffee Chat with all the good

44:46

old boys and that one corner

44:50

office, then I better stick

44:50

around if I want to play the

44:53

game that way. Right? Or I just

44:53

go and they don't they don't get

44:58

me. Yeah, I'm not gonna be a

44:58

part of that. You know what I'm

45:01

saying? Like, I'm curious what

45:01

you would tell maybe your

45:04

younger self about how could you

45:04

have balanced more powerfully or

45:08

felt more confident in focusing

45:08

on the boys outside of work,

45:13

more of a thriving than a

45:13

striving to just keep playing

45:16

the game?

45:17

I think it's what

45:17

you're talking about. It's that

45:20

keeping up with the boys, you

45:20

know, the men in the

45:23

organization and trying to be a

45:23

part of and that I think that

45:29

comes down to no knowing your

45:29

worth knowing who you are and

45:33

what your strengths are. That is

45:33

critical. And most women cannot

45:41

articulate their own strengths.

45:41

At least that's what I'm

45:45

finding. And so when you can

45:45

articulate your strengths, and

45:50

you have a competence to sit

45:50

across from your boss, or

45:54

somebody you're interviewing

45:54

with, and you can say, this is

45:57

what I bring to this

45:57

organization, this is how I'm

46:01

unique. This is what I do

46:01

differently than perhaps anybody

46:05

else. Then you've got job

46:05

security, you do.

46:10

incompetence is a

46:10

big thing. I don't care, you're

46:13

sweating buckets, when you make

46:13

those comments to people. But

46:17

this is how you know, when you

46:17

know that conversation you have

46:19

with your best friend, your best girlfriend, you're drinking wine, and you're like, I know

46:21

them it. And they don't even

46:24

realize because I did ABC, and

46:24

I'm the one that fix that. And

46:28

I'm the one who made sure that

46:28

we won that contract that story,

46:33

pick it up and apply it to the

46:33

real conversations at work.

46:38

Here's what women

46:38

don't do enough of they do not

46:42

toot their own horns, they do

46:42

not claim their own work enough.

46:48

And for those listeners

46:48

listening that want to stay in

46:53

their corporate roles, my

46:53

coaching advice would be to be

46:59

much more intentional about

46:59

claiming their work. Because

47:03

here's the thing, nobody knows

47:03

what they're doing, especially

47:07

in this whole messy hybrid

47:07

craziness that's going on right

47:11

now. People are too busy

47:11

focusing on themselves and their

47:15

work and their own desires and

47:15

motivations. They have to be

47:20

told what you're doing in order

47:20

for you to be seen. And why

47:25

do I do that?

47:25

Laurie, how do I do that without

47:27

sounding like I'm just a bi Tch,

47:27

and I'm just bragging.

47:33

So guess what? Nicoa

47:33

none of the men that you're

47:36

worried about, or that you're

47:36

working with are worried about

47:39

being a bi tch are worried about

47:39

being too Hotty Toddy or any of

47:44

that? No, they are claiming what

47:44

they do, they might even be

47:48

claiming more than what they do.

47:48

And they're sitting across from

47:53

their boss with a long laundry

47:53

list of what it is that they've

47:57

accomplished. Yeah. And women

47:57

are playing small and

48:01

diminishing themselves. And

48:01

they're using words like we and

48:05

as a team, and, you know, so and

48:05

so on. My team did this. Well,

48:11

that's all well and good. But at

48:11

the end of the day, you get to

48:14

claim your own victories.

48:16

And you can do it

48:16

in a way guys that's humble and

48:19

is powerful and charismatic. And

48:19

you do it like this. You say,

48:23

Well, I'm really and you spend

48:23

time marketing. I like the word

48:27

that you just used. Laurie, you

48:27

said, intentional. So if you're

48:31

in any organization, and you

48:31

would like to be noticed and or

48:34

promoted and or be considered

48:34

for a project, that you're

48:38

sitting in the corner thinking,

48:38

How come nobody's asking me,

48:41

then it's really important that

48:41

you see yourself as someone who

48:45

needs to be marketed. And that

48:45

that becomes really, not only

48:49

are you marketing yourself, but

48:49

your piece of the pie here. So

48:53

you can still champion the

48:53

people on your team. And you can

48:56

still champion your department.

48:56

But you start with yourself. And

49:00

it's not braggadocious it's

49:00

marketing, it's strategic

49:06

marketing, in order to get you

49:06

what you want. Now, you don't

49:10

have to do these things. And

49:10

that's fine. And I can hear I

49:13

can hear women, some women now

49:13

saying, Well, I would never do

49:17

that. I would never not start

49:17

with the team. Say that is

49:21

absolutely fine. And you will

49:21

stay with that team. That's a

49:28

you gotta be you can't have it

49:28

both ways you can you say, Well,

49:33

you know, it really wasn't me.

49:33

And then they go, Okay, well,

49:36

who was it because we want to,

49:36

we want to promote the person

49:38

who just led that group and made

49:38

that happen. So you got to pick

49:44

and choose. So you know, pull up

49:44

your big girl panties and take a

49:47

big deep breath and put on the

49:47

extra deodorant and

49:50

antiperspirant and walk in there

49:50

or send the email that says, I

49:55

want to really do a big shout

49:55

out for the work we just

49:58

accomplished. And I led the team

49:58

to do ABC.

50:01

That's exactly right.

50:01

Yeah, there's no shame in that.

50:04

None. It's the company needs to

50:04

know. They

50:09

want to know they're paying you

50:11

money. Yes, exactly.

50:11

Yes. shouting from the rooftops.

50:15

There's joy in that.

50:17

There is tell us

50:17

about how you came. I started

50:21

you down this path before and

50:21

forgive me. I got up on my

50:23

soapbox about that. But how did

50:23

you decide that you were the joy

50:28

CEO

50:30

so I went through

50:30

this training program, this

50:33

certification class at Rutgers.

50:33

And in there, we had to do a

50:37

branding presentation, like who

50:37

were we going to coach and I did

50:41

the best branding presentation,

50:41

everybody clapped, and they

50:45

called me afterwards, they were

50:45

like you did the best. And I

50:49

looked at it afterward. And I

50:49

was like, that was so awful. I

50:52

can coach like that. So it was

50:52

like all these people in

50:57

despair. They've been through

50:57

divorce. They've been through

50:59

loss, like all these circumstances that I've been through. And I was like, if I

51:01

have to coach all these heavy

51:04

circumstances, all day long, I'm

51:04

going to jump off the bridge. I

51:08

can't do this heavy stuff all

51:08

day long. I am a light, happy

51:13

person. I mean, yes, I've gone

51:13

through these experiences, but

51:16

like, I've gotten to the other

51:16

side to where I am living this

51:20

joyful life to them. remarried,

51:20

the boys are doing great. I got

51:24

two golden retrievers. We are

51:24

good, right? I've done some

51:27

heavy lifting work, we are good.

51:27

So I started to like get out a

51:33

pen and say, Okay, well, who am

51:33

I going to coach that? Like, am

51:37

I going? Am I going down the

51:37

wrong path? So I started to make

51:45

all these notes like, what am I

51:45

going to do? And I hired this

51:49

woman to do this branding,

51:49

photoshoot and everything. And

51:54

in that, she said, Who are you

51:54

gonna coach? And I was like,

51:58

Well, I'm kind of struggling

51:58

with this. And so we went

52:00

through this whole thing. And I

52:00

said, but the word I keep coming

52:04

back to is joy. I want them to

52:04

find joy. So the photoshoot was

52:11

all these bright colors. They're

52:11

the pictures on my website, all

52:14

these great,

52:15

you gotta go look,

52:15

Laurie? pine.com. Right, or

52:19

florida.com? Right? Yeah. So you

52:19

gotta go check it out, because

52:22

it's the most beautiful pink and

52:22

green and orange and oh my god,

52:27

I was so happy and so jealous. I

52:27

was like, Oh, I like her

52:31

website.

52:34

Thank you. Joy. Oh,

52:34

that's the boy. That's my that

52:39

was my goal. So I wanted to join

52:39

so. So afterwards, she's a brand

52:44

strategist. So she does these

52:44

photos. But then she's a brand

52:46

strategist. And I said, I need a

52:46

name. And so we just kept

52:50

talking. And she said, I think

52:50

you could be the joy CEO. And I

52:55

was like I said, helping women

52:55

know that they can be the joy

53:02

CEO of their own life.

53:02

beautifully. I don't have the

53:08

corner on joy. I'm not you know,

53:08

I'm not a monk here that I'm

53:13

going to teach you everything to

53:13

know about joy. But empowering

53:18

women to know that when they

53:18

embrace joy when they find joy

53:22

for their life. It has a ripple

53:22

effect that will touch everybody

53:28

in their life. And that is

53:28

beautiful. It

53:33

is beautiful. I

53:33

love it so much. Share with us

53:38

some of the you do this thing

53:38

where you're talking about who's

53:42

in your hula hoop. What is that

53:42

presentation about and or which

53:46

one of these you have such fun

53:46

like idols? Like not your bubble

53:51

gum kind of joy? Let's go. So

53:51

how do we know we're enjoying

53:55

it? When part of the challenge

53:55

is most people are like, I don't

53:58

even know what hobby I like,

53:58

right? So what is joy? I've

54:02

asked people what what is your

54:02

definition of love? And they

54:06

don't even know how to

54:06

articulate it. So I can imagine

54:10

if you asked me back in the day,

54:10

are you filled with joy? What?

54:13

What brings you joy? I would

54:13

have just said something like,

54:17

you know, holding my baby like

54:17

holding my daughter, or laughing

54:23

like what is joy for you?

54:26

So, here's the thing,

54:26

the the women that I'm talking

54:30

to if they don't really care

54:30

about joy, dangerous, want some

54:33

time freedom, they want a map,

54:33

they want somebody to pick up

54:38

some groceries like that's

54:38

really that's joy. even think

54:42

about it, right? Like this idea

54:42

of joy being this like big thing

54:46

and I'm gonna have this euphoric

54:46

bliss is not happening. So what

54:51

I really tried to do is break

54:51

down joy is this like micro

54:55

moments. And joy is so

54:55

assessable it already exists

55:00

within you. And when use stop

55:00

and give yourself permission to

55:08

just say, Oh yeah, oh my gosh,

55:08

right here this thing you know,

55:14

the funny shaped clouds in the

55:14

sky, the rainbow that I can just

55:17

chase for another five minutes

55:17

if I keep on going. You know,

55:21

putting my bare feet in the

55:21

grass. Like holding that baby. I

55:29

have a Maybe for your listeners,

55:29

it's, you know, 61 ways to find

55:35

joy. It's just a thought starter

55:35

that they, it's, it's like the

55:39

ultimate guide to getting some

55:39

joy fast and quick, because we

55:44

complicate it. Yeah. And we

55:44

think that it's got to be this

55:50

big fancy vacation, and it's

55:50

cost $20,000. And I got a plan

55:54

for it and save for it. And it's

55:54

gonna be 10 months from now.

55:58

Like, right here, right now, we

55:58

can access joy. Yes,

56:03

and we have to

56:03

integrate it into our current

56:05

life. Even if it's the busiest

56:05

life in the world, you'd have to

56:09

find the little things like this

56:09

Uniball air pin is my favorite

56:13

type of pin, and I only buy this

56:13

pen. And I have a whole bunch of

56:16

them. And I make sure I use this

56:16

pin every day. I mean, it's the

56:19

silliest thing. Right? But well,

56:21

I, I have that pen,

56:21

but in pink, Oh, perfect.

56:31

Because if you're

56:31

not finding ways to

56:33

intentionally get out ahead of

56:33

it and integrate it throughout

56:36

your day, then you're always

56:36

going to be seeking something

56:39

that If This Then That, or when

56:39

I'm on vacation, then I'll be

56:42

able to relax and have

56:43

children, then we

56:43

squander our life.

56:45

Yeah, because it's

56:45

happening right now. And we

56:48

can't get that time back. No,

56:48

no, we cannot. What are some of

56:54

the more fun things that you've

56:54

incorporated into your life by

56:57

design now, that make you feel

56:57

joyful?

57:01

Oh, my gosh. So I

57:01

just was in the car for 15

57:04

minutes, and I had the radio up.

57:04

So live, you would think that I

57:08

was a Taylor Swift concert of

57:08

mine, or Beyonce. I had girls

57:12

run the world on I mean, and I

57:12

was like my own and I actually

57:16

convinced myself I can sing good

57:16

because the music sounds so

57:19

loud. I can't hear myself.

57:23

I love the speakers

57:23

out Craig. Yeah, my own

57:28

playlist. Yeah, badass playlist.

57:28

I called it yes playlist. And I

57:33

enjoy it very much. And if I'm

57:33

having a tired hard morning,

57:37

getting up out of bed, I'll just

57:37

go on the Sonos and crank it.

57:40

And I'm just like, alright,

57:40

yeah, let me get up. Yes, yes,

57:43

yes. Even outfit or get me out

57:43

of the bed. Like, I love clothes

57:48

so much. I'm like, What should I

57:48

wear today, that would motivate

57:51

me back in the corporate days to

57:51

just to get up, I was like, I

57:55

have that new outfit, or I'm

57:55

gonna wear that cool suit that I

57:57

really like. So I think our

57:57

message here to everybody,

58:01

Laurie, is that you guys have to

58:01

own it, you have to decide

58:06

whether that means quitting your

58:06

damn job and focused on what

58:09

matters most to you. Or if it

58:09

means you know what, redefining

58:13

how you're going to interact and

58:13

the current organization you're

58:16

in? Or how you're going to start

58:16

making that relationship that

58:19

you've got with your partner

58:19

mean something else than what

58:24

you've been complaining about?

58:26

Yes, yes. We can riff

58:26

on that one for a while. Yeah,

58:32

got,

58:33

we still got time go girl.

58:37

You know, the

58:37

relationship one, if if your

58:41

work is always first, it's not

58:41

going to work, you're going to

58:46

end up with a roommate, you're

58:46

going to end up with a roommate.

58:49

And so at some point, you've

58:49

you've have to stop and let

58:55

somebody know that they matter

58:55

that you see them. In the middle

59:00

of the pandemic, you know, my

59:00

world was just so important. And

59:06

we had empty grocery store

59:06

shelves, and we had, you know,

59:11

customers that were counting on

59:11

us. And my husband runs his own

59:15

company he has for 30 years he

59:15

does investments and financial

59:21

planning and life insurance.

59:21

And, you know, I think I'm so

59:26

important over here with my big

59:26

VP title. And he came up one

59:31

day, and he's like, I really

59:31

need to talk to you. And I was

59:34

like, I'm busy. We got a

59:34

goldfish crisis. We're missing

59:38

two trailer loads and the

59:38

customers looking for me. And

59:41

he's like, No, I really need to

59:41

talk to you. And he had this

59:44

look on his face. And I was

59:44

like, Okay, let me shut my

59:47

camera off, put myself on mute.

59:47

I'm just gonna hide from this

59:50

conference call for a minute.

59:50

And he said, one of my favorite,

59:55

longest clients died. Ah, and I

59:55

was like, Oh, I don't deal with

1:00:03

that. Like, I know, I'm dealing

1:00:03

with that. Right. And he, they

1:00:06

had life insurance and

1:00:06

investments with him. And he's

1:00:09

like, I'm so upset. There's no

1:00:09

funeral. I can't go. I can't be

1:00:14

with the family. And here I am

1:00:14

thinking, I'm so important. And

1:00:19

I'm so busy. I can't be bothered

1:00:19

with my husband. And I went back

1:00:23

onto the meeting and I said,

1:00:23

Guys, I'm gonna have to let you

1:00:27

handle this. I need to step away

1:00:27

for a minute. And like I had to

1:00:30

Really, like just hug my

1:00:30

husband? And I'm sorry. But he

1:00:35

needed to matter in that moment,

1:00:35

of course. And so like, how many

1:00:39

times are we so busy, that we're

1:00:39

just not seeing the signs?

1:00:46

That's not not catching that,

1:00:46

that they have needs to that our

1:00:51

needs are the kids needs or the

1:00:51

dogs needs or like, whatever the

1:00:55

snowstorm. And I just think that

1:00:55

that's really important to pay

1:01:01

attention to have open

1:01:01

communication to say, hey,

1:01:04

here's what's really happening.

1:01:04

Here's what Yeah,

1:01:07

yeah, and giving

1:01:07

yourself permission to delegate

1:01:11

like you did and step into that

1:01:11

space. And then and recognize

1:01:15

that he was role modeling for

1:01:15

you, too, that, hey, when

1:01:18

something important happens, I'm

1:01:18

as a man, right? He said, No, I

1:01:23

need you know, I need you. And

1:01:23

he stayed there until he got

1:01:28

what he wanted, which is really

1:01:28

a great role model. Because this

1:01:32

is important. And in this

1:01:32

relationship, this is an

1:01:35

expectation I have. It's the

1:01:35

reverse boundary, right? It's

1:01:38

the opposite of the boundary. I

1:01:38

hate you.

1:01:45

He's, he's very good.

1:01:45

Beautiful. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And,

1:01:51

you know, I think we can be

1:01:51

tired, and we can be like, Yeah,

1:01:54

you know, I don't have time for

1:01:54

any of that other stuff. And you

1:01:58

know, and then weeks and months

1:01:58

can go by, and then we're

1:02:02

lonely. And, you know, like, we

1:02:02

need to pay attention. And

1:02:06

you'll know that

1:02:06

you're not focused on a balanced

1:02:09

approach to your life, when you

1:02:09

start getting really irritated,

1:02:11

frustrated, annoyed when you

1:02:11

dread pushing the zoom button,

1:02:16

you know, these are all signs.

1:02:16

And if your body's not yelling

1:02:19

at you with, you know, illness

1:02:19

or pain or you know, something,

1:02:24

you're gonna get shut down. Now,

1:02:24

fortunately for you, it didn't

1:02:29

cost you physically, you know,

1:02:29

you you had an emotional state

1:02:35

of what mattered most to trigger

1:02:35

you to get out of that

1:02:37

organization. And so that was

1:02:37

helpful, you're lucky, because a

1:02:41

lot of these clients I have, you

1:02:41

know, they're having heart

1:02:43

attacks, or, you know, they're,

1:02:43

they're just not listening to

1:02:47

themselves, nor are they

1:02:47

listening to the people around

1:02:51

them. So the questions are, what

1:02:51

matters most right? What matters

1:02:55

most to you? And how willing are

1:02:55

you to really behave in a way

1:02:59

that fosters what matters most

1:02:59

to you? Right? And prioritizes

1:03:05

it?

1:03:05

Yeah, yes, exactly.

1:03:05

Right. And, you know, it's, I

1:03:08

think it comes down to all that

1:03:08

fear, you know, am I going to be

1:03:11

okay, am I going to have what I

1:03:11

need? And I think that the truth

1:03:16

is, like, if we go back to the

1:03:16

whole bread crumbs analogy, we

1:03:20

have proof that it always works

1:03:20

out. It always does.

1:03:26

Yeah, it's gonna be

1:03:26

okay. Everything is always okay.

1:03:30

Even when it's not okay. Yeah.

1:03:30

Yeah. Every time. Yeah, we could

1:03:36

talk all day. We have lots of

1:03:36

soapbox as people we can jump

1:03:39

right up on the advice for you

1:03:39

talking to the choir here, each

1:03:44

of us, well, why don't I give

1:03:44

you some time here at the end,

1:03:48

to share what you're working on.

1:03:48

Tell us more if there's ways

1:03:53

that people can get engaged with

1:03:53

you, they're listening from your

1:03:56

area. And also you know what

1:03:56

else you could offer up to let

1:04:00

people come and check out from

1:04:00

you know, the CEO, the joy CEO.

1:04:05

So I am working on

1:04:05

helping you know, busy empty

1:04:09

women reclaim their joy. I have

1:04:09

a freebie for your listeners.

1:04:14

It's the guide to finding their

1:04:14

joy in it is my my joy CEO

1:04:21

playlist on Spotify. So I share

1:04:21

it in that freebie. Great

1:04:26

fiance's in there.

1:04:28

I should put my

1:04:28

badass playlist on there too.

1:04:30

I'll do it. Well,

1:04:31

well Sheriff with me,

1:04:31

girl. And, and I would love,

1:04:39

love, love to have you come

1:04:39

follow me on Instagram at Laurie

1:04:44

pine and check out my website or

1:04:44

a pine.com. But most

1:04:49

importantly, just this idea to

1:04:49

spread this idea that when women

1:04:54

are empowered to find joy, it

1:04:54

will impact everyone in their

1:05:00

orbit. Friends, family,

1:05:00

children, partners, colleagues,

1:05:04

community. And that ripple

1:05:04

effect can literally change the

1:05:09

world.

1:05:10

Absolutely, and

1:05:10

you're changing the world. And

1:05:13

I'm gonna ask ask you one last

1:05:13

question before we wrap up and I

1:05:16

usually ask my clients if I'm

1:05:16

going to do a twist. So I

1:05:19

usually say what's one thing you

1:05:19

want to celebrate about yourself

1:05:22

before we hang up? But now I'd

1:05:22

like to ask you what's the most

1:05:26

powerful thing you want to

1:05:26

celebrate about your life by

1:05:29

design? Before we Hang up.

1:05:32

You know, it's really

1:05:32

leaning into this idea that my

1:05:37

self worth is not linked to my

1:05:37

productivity. And that has been

1:05:43

my journey the last three years.

1:05:43

So yes, you

1:05:46

are enough my

1:05:46

friend before you you're enough

1:05:52

where you're napping. enough and

1:05:52

I am so honored to meet you.

1:06:01

Likewise, my friends

1:06:01

likewise,

1:06:03

you are making the

1:06:03

world a more joy filled place.

1:06:07

And thank you for being a guest

1:06:07

on coffee with Nicoa

1:06:10

Oh my gosh, it was my

1:06:10

pleasure. Thank you for letting

1:06:13

me bring along my Stanley Cup

1:06:13

that you know the ticket talkers

1:06:17

taught me I needed

1:06:20

a Yeti and this big

1:06:20

ass Yeti right? My thumb is

1:06:23

starting to hurt. I'm like, is

1:06:23

it too heavy? Like I should just

1:06:29

stick to my little coffee cup. My

1:06:31

perfect is perfect.

1:06:36

Thanks for joining us

1:06:36

for a caffeinated conversation.

1:06:39

Subscribe to Coffee with Nicoa

1:06:39

for more stories from people

1:06:42

living a life by design. You can

1:06:42

also find inspiration on

1:06:45

Instagram. Just follow Coffee

1:06:45

with Nicoa and check out our

1:06:49

website Coffee with nicoa.com

1:06:49

and that's Nicoa N IC O A. We

1:06:56

look forward to talking with you

1:06:56

soon. And enjoy your coffee

1:06:59

between now and then.