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0:39

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Cold Case Murder

0:41

mysteries. I'm your host, Ryan Krause,

0:43

returning for another examination of

0:46

a baffling true crime enigma. This

0:48

time, indulging the disappearance in

0:51

subsequent gruesome fate of

0:53

Tiffany Valente in May's Landing,

0:55

New Jersey on July twelve, twenty

0:57

fifteen. This case has

0:59

recently become sensational due

1:02

to an appearance on the incredibly stupid

1:04

and manipulative yet very entertaining

1:07

TV unsolved mysteries,

1:09

where viewers are routinely fleeced

1:11

into believing things that are simply

1:13

not true by way of missing

1:15

information. like a herd

1:17

of sheep. They all flock in direction

1:20

they're taken. Happy to be together

1:22

in fighting for a mutual cause. Without

1:25

ever asking why it's happening, with

1:27

a degree of scrutiny that might

1:29

actually render the truth. Instead,

1:31

we get cults from this and it's

1:33

disgusting due to manipulated

1:36

narratives, there is far more

1:38

support for sociopathic murderers

1:40

like Adnan Sayed, and Damien

1:43

Echols than there is for their victims.

1:45

They exonerate the guilty and

1:47

then pretend that there is something called

1:50

quote unquote the real killer

1:52

still out on the streets. Yet that

1:54

real killer never comes to light

1:56

because, of course, he does

1:59

not exist. In order

2:01

to cope with the reality that

2:03

your fantasy world is fabricated and

2:05

project guilt away from

2:07

someone who was obviously guilty, you

2:10

manifest a phantom who was

2:12

responsible for the crime, but

2:14

very specifically It has

2:16

to be a phantom who can never

2:18

be caught as there is

2:20

no real killer other than

2:22

the one you afforded false innocence.

2:25

As long as you band together in a cult,

2:27

the only requirement for displacing and

2:30

projecting is fabricating

2:32

a non existent entity to suffice.

2:34

The quote unquote real killer

2:37

has to remain someone who has

2:39

been, still is, and

2:41

always will be out there,

2:43

so to speak, roaming the streets

2:45

free looking for his next victim

2:48

except that there is no next victim.

2:50

the real killer doesn't have a face

2:53

and he also never reemerges.

2:56

That's how you can gaslight audiences

2:59

over and over. In a

3:01

cult, the evil can just move

3:03

from one person to the next. If

3:05

you make a documentary about John

3:07

Mark Byers being guilt you have the West Memphis

3:10

three murders, and it's bullshit. You

3:12

simply move on to making one about

3:14

Terry Hobbs being the murderer, which

3:16

is equally ridiculous. In

3:18

the end, it always comes

3:20

back to the same truth. When

3:23

the person in question is

3:25

guilty, there is no

3:27

real killer to find. Likewise,

3:31

in this Tiffany Valente case,

3:33

a has been inserted into

3:35

this narrative to mold it into

3:38

something that displaces blame

3:40

and projects it onto someone else

3:42

who for all intents and purposes

3:45

really does not exist. So

3:48

let's look at why people do that.

3:50

Why do they need to believe lies?

3:53

Well, because

3:54

the truth hurts and

3:56

sometimes it so much

3:59

We can't

3:59

face it. Okay.

4:01

So it's July twelve,

4:03

twenty fifteen in May's Landing.

4:05

For anyone not familiar with this

4:07

area, New Jersey can be a

4:09

bit strange in terms of its geography.

4:12

South Jersey on the west side

4:15

is basically an enormous suburb

4:17

of Philadelphia. but to the

4:19

east heading toward the beaches or

4:21

down the shore as it's referenced locally,

4:24

New Jersey is actually somewhat

4:26

rural. I used to have family in a

4:28

town called Ab Seacon, which is

4:30

located right next to Mays Landing,

4:33

and would sometimes make the drive there

4:35

for holidays. It was essentially in

4:37

the middle of nowhere, a huge

4:39

culture shock from what you'd normally

4:41

think of when talking about Filipe

4:43

or South Jersey. but also

4:45

a very nice place to live between

4:48

the big cities and the plentiful beaches.

4:50

Tiffany, at this time in July

4:52

twenty fifteen, has just

4:54

graduated from high school and is

4:56

looking forward to heading off to college in

4:58

the fall where she'll be a student

5:01

athlete on scholarship for the volleyball

5:03

team. In fact, she was so

5:05

talented in her chosen sport that

5:07

she was projected to be a starter for

5:09

the team in her first year as a

5:11

freshman, which was quite rare. Tiffany

5:14

is described as a bundle of joy,

5:16

always smiling outgoing friendly

5:19

and of course tall at

5:21

six feet two inches from everything

5:23

we're told and the photos we're

5:25

shown It's apparent that

5:27

Tiffany loved life.

5:29

Right? Well,

5:30

that's what we tell each other,

5:32

but what we truly understand is

5:35

that a person's mental health

5:37

is not consistent with the facade

5:39

of normalcy and happiness, but

5:41

an actual accounting of how the

5:43

person's internal or emotional

5:45

life matches or betrays that

5:47

idea. Now, on

5:49

this evening of July twelfth, Tiffany

5:52

heads over to her cousin's graduation party

5:54

with their parents on foot as

5:56

their relatives live directly across

5:59

the street. Again, Tiffany

6:01

is six feet, two inches tall. white,

6:04

and she's wearing a black t shirt

6:06

with bluish white denim shorts,

6:08

flat white shoes and white headband.

6:11

We're told everybody was in a good mood

6:13

and having a great time while

6:15

also understanding that Tiffany

6:17

was not drinking or using drugs

6:19

as later confirmed by her toxicology

6:22

report. This fund as

6:24

we're told continued for several

6:26

hours. That's when

6:28

at nine fifteen pm,

6:30

Tiffany's mother, Diane, receives

6:32

a phone call from one of Tiffany's friends

6:35

The way she describes this encounter

6:37

with all due respect is

6:40

not as it seems to have happened.

6:42

In the TV show unsolved mysteries,

6:45

Diana explains that she simply got

6:47

a call from Tiffany's friend who

6:49

was arriving outside her home

6:51

and wanted to talk. The

6:53

truth is that this friend was

6:55

accompanied by her own mother

6:58

and the reason they were coming to confront

7:00

Tiffany's parents along with

7:02

Tiffany, is that they learned

7:04

Tiffany had stolen the friend's credit

7:06

card and used it to buy

7:08

merchandise The value of

7:10

which is disputed with one

7:12

figure placing it as low as

7:14

eighty six dollars, while another

7:16

jets, it was something more like three

7:18

hundred. dollars Now,

7:20

to get into the nuances of this

7:22

difference and why people are arguing

7:25

over whether it's eighty six dollars or

7:27

three hundred. What I did was just

7:29

a little Google search and learned

7:31

that in New Jersey, any

7:33

credit card theft exceeding two

7:35

hundred dollars counts

7:37

as a fourth degree felony, and

7:39

so we were talking about a more serious

7:41

charge. potentially involving jail

7:44

time for that type of offense.

7:46

So according to Tiffany's family, it

7:48

was something like eighty six dollars

7:51

but according to the other side, it

7:53

was three hundred. Now, Diane

7:55

plays this off like she was

7:57

going back to the house to just casually

8:00

meet only the friend about

8:02

a subject for which she was unaware

8:04

and expects us to believe that her

8:06

husband on a whim was

8:08

like, oh, okay, I'll join

8:10

you. However, it is beyond

8:13

obvious that Diane knew

8:15

that both the friend and her

8:17

mother were on the way

8:19

and really pissed off no less

8:21

and that the matter required both

8:24

her husband Steven and

8:26

daughter Tiffany to be there.

8:29

Tiffany, when confronted, deny

8:31

stealing the credit card, and by

8:33

extension, using it, but it's

8:35

already a foregone conclusion that

8:37

she did. So Tiffany's

8:39

parents defend her against the accusations

8:42

and within perhaps ten minutes,

8:44

the friend and her mother leave

8:46

having been denied the truth.

8:49

Pretending that the card was possibly

8:51

dropped and lost in Tiffany's car,

8:53

something typical of credit cards and

8:55

money. Tiffany and her mom

8:57

proceed to search Tiffany's vehicle

9:00

but this is absolutely ridiculous.

9:03

If the card was already used

9:05

in the context of being stolen,

9:08

then it wasn't dropped in the car by

9:10

way of an accident nor did

9:12

it fall out of the person's pocket

9:14

and remain there. clearly,

9:16

if it was used illegally,

9:19

it had already been found

9:21

and was not under the passenger

9:23

seat or in a crack between

9:25

the seat at the console. It's

9:28

more than obvious that there

9:30

are psychological issues here,

9:32

which is easily seen when you

9:34

consider what I'm going to say next.

9:37

Tiffany stole from her parents in the

9:39

past and spiff specifically use their

9:41

bank account and or credit cards

9:43

without permission. So

9:45

here, as the women searched the

9:47

car, they already both know

9:49

this is a ruse. It's bullshit.

9:52

Simply a performance designed to make

9:54

this situation appear to be

9:56

something other than what it is. a

9:58

theft of a credit card by someone

10:00

who has already been proven

10:02

to steal money from people she

10:04

cares about in order to buy

10:06

merchandise. Tiffany

10:09

is that person. So

10:11

as they search the car, Tiffany

10:13

tries to pull a fast one

10:15

by snatching up the card and putting

10:17

it in her back pocket. But

10:19

mom sees her. Diane

10:21

confronts Tiffany with this realization,

10:24

and according to mom, Tiffany

10:26

also admits her wrongdoing at

10:28

that point. Well, in many

10:30

traditional homes, when a child

10:32

has done wrong, noticed

10:34

by mom's more scrutinizing eye,

10:37

the father is then made aware and

10:39

the consequences come to

10:41

bear by way of that convergence.

10:44

By this time, however, Steven

10:46

has already gone inside the house.

10:48

So Diane enters the home to

10:50

get him and breaks the

10:52

news. Now, we're told

10:54

that this is a loving family and

10:56

that Tiffany was happy, go lucky.

10:59

but it's also true that

11:01

Tiffany showed up the school one day with

11:03

a bruise on her arm that was

11:05

so significant and so obviously not

11:07

a sports injury that one

11:09

of her teachers called CPS or

11:11

child protective services. Think

11:14

about that. Somebody saw a

11:16

bruise on the arm of an

11:18

athlete who was six feet two

11:20

inches tall and played volleyball.

11:22

and was so just concerted by the

11:25

appearance of that injury that they

11:27

sought help. Volatile

11:29

players regularly dive to

11:31

the ground, and also fall

11:33

on hard surfaces. So

11:35

for someone to call CPS,

11:38

this injury had to be

11:40

bad. and we're told that it

11:42

was inflicted by Diane

11:44

during an argument. Diane

11:46

had admitted to punching Tiffany

11:49

And in twenty fourteen, the

11:51

year prior to Tiffany's death,

11:53

CPS was supposedly called

11:55

out to the home three times.

11:58

Now, Let's ask, what

12:00

happened during those months that

12:02

might have led to an escalation of

12:05

violence? Well, in the year

12:07

preceding her death, Tiffany

12:10

had one major life

12:12

event or revelation

12:14

that was monumental above

12:16

all others in terms of

12:18

difficulty on a personal level.

12:20

She came out to her parents

12:22

and everyone else as a lesbian. I

12:25

have no idea what Tiffany's parents

12:27

truly thought of her sexuality. but

12:29

what I do know is that there is

12:32

very often a greater propensity for

12:34

violence in a household in

12:36

which children come out.

12:38

It's this simple. Parents

12:41

are inclined to be angry

12:43

about things they have projected for

12:45

their children's lives that suddenly

12:47

won't come to bear because of

12:49

decisions the offspring has made

12:51

that conflict with what they

12:53

wanted. So if

12:55

you want your kid to go to an Ivy League

12:57

school, but they have failing

12:59

grades, anger fills the

13:01

gap between your expectations

13:04

and that failed projection, you

13:06

think about what could have been,

13:08

which essentially amounts to

13:10

a feeling that a person is stealing

13:12

your hopes and dreams. Thematically,

13:15

it says this. You

13:17

have taken something from me

13:19

and I can't get it back. It's been

13:21

stolen. The kid

13:23

will be perceived as a

13:25

thief. We all know the mother

13:27

or father who can't go on

13:29

living because this kid or

13:31

that kid isn't going to grow

13:33

up to be this or that or

13:35

whatever they wanted. Just like

13:37

children have dreams for their futures,

13:40

their parents have dreams for their

13:42

kids' futures as well. And

13:44

it's obviously because as

13:46

a parent, you do get

13:48

to plan their futures for nearly

13:50

two decades before they take

13:52

over. So what often happens in

13:54

cases in which parents believe their

13:56

child is heterosexual or

13:59

want them to be and they're not.

14:01

is that they project a typical heterosexual

14:04

experience onto them,

14:06

giving the parents something to

14:08

look forward to only

14:10

to later learn their

14:12

plan is dead in favor of

14:14

something entirely different

14:16

that has left them baffled

14:18

and

14:18

shot out.

14:19

Now, what is it that

14:22

creates the disparity between

14:24

what the teen wants and what

14:26

the parents believe? Well,

14:29

lack of access to the

14:31

kids' internal life.

14:33

We don't know what is

14:35

taking place in other people's

14:37

heads. and so we project

14:39

based upon what's going

14:41

on in our heads. Now

14:43

when somebody needs a fresh

14:45

perspective, or to look at

14:47

something in a different way to restore

14:49

enthusiasm, there's a slang

14:51

term we often use to

14:53

express that idea which

14:55

is the person needs a

14:57

shot in the arm. As

14:59

needles delivering medicine to help

15:01

us feel better and heal are

15:03

known as shots, the

15:05

slang a shot in the arm

15:07

became known as anything

15:09

that would suffice in

15:11

doing so. it's intended to

15:13

give you a boost to get you

15:15

moving. In this case,

15:17

it's fairly obvious that if

15:19

Tiffany is a lesbian, giving

15:21

her a proverbial shot in the

15:23

arm isn't going to miraculously

15:26

alter her sexuality. That

15:28

is unless you believe or

15:30

perhaps just need to believe that

15:32

Tiffany's interest in girls rather

15:34

than boys, which is part of

15:36

a phase. Accordingly, that's

15:39

supposedly what Diane told

15:41

Tiffany when Tiffany came out to

15:43

her that being a lesbian was

15:45

just a phase. Of

15:47

course, parents do that because

15:49

they're in denial and

15:51

trying to protect themselves from

15:53

the fact that the reality they projected

15:56

for their kid's future is now

15:58

just a fantasy world that has

16:00

come toppling down with

16:02

the revelation of reality. Yet

16:05

if you were in this mind

16:07

state that left you believing Tiffany's

16:09

sexual orientation was only

16:11

a phase, then what would

16:13

you be inclined to believe was

16:15

needed to get her out of

16:17

that rut, a shot in

16:19

the arm. Right? And if the

16:21

issue was won that, deep

16:23

down, you knew you really

16:25

could not change, then the

16:27

shot and the arm you have to deliver

16:29

has to be equally mighty.

16:32

Thus, we end up with mom

16:34

giving Tiffany a punch

16:36

in the arm so hard

16:38

that the bruising can't even pass

16:40

for falling or diving onto a

16:42

hard floor during a volleyball

16:44

game. Diane admitted

16:46

she had become short tampered with

16:48

her daughter during that time and

16:50

blamed that aggression on menopausal

16:52

considerations. However,

16:54

I don't think it's too difficult

16:56

to see that Tiffany was

16:58

actually a lesbian and would

17:00

forever have that identity.

17:03

So all Diane was doing by suggesting

17:05

her daughter was going through a

17:07

phase, was creating a

17:09

cycle for herself. she's

17:12

thinking Tiffany just needs to

17:14

get past this phase, meaning

17:17

mature, just grow up and

17:19

move on. but because it's

17:21

impossible to do so, both

17:23

mother and daughter are miserable living

17:25

within the confines of a false

17:28

reality in which neither of the futures these women

17:30

projected would come to

17:32

bear. Without mom's

17:34

acceptance, the future Tiffany envisions

17:36

is impossible to facilitate

17:38

and conversely with Tiffany

17:40

not actually being in a phase

17:44

mom's projections are impossible as

17:47

well. That leaves Tiffany trapped

17:49

between who she is and what

17:51

everybody expects her

17:53

to be. an impossible gap to close

17:55

when the issue causing it has

17:57

nothing to do with choice.

18:00

the usage of the term phase

18:03

implies not only that Tiffany had a

18:05

choice to be a different person,

18:07

but that one day when all of this

18:09

nonsense blows over, she

18:11

soon will be. So

18:13

the longer Tiffany stays a lesbian

18:16

the longer mom remains trapped in an emotional

18:18

cycle she created.

18:21

Nothing she could say served

18:23

as sufficient for being a metaphorical

18:25

shot in the arm, which

18:27

means when her emotional plight

18:29

of trying to give Tiffany a shot in

18:31

the arm finally failed, it

18:33

manifested in physicality. Mom

18:36

was at that point

18:38

and by definition indulging

18:42

sociopathic behavior. It

18:44

spilled over into physicality because

18:46

her emotional plight was

18:49

absolutely impossible. Mom was

18:51

manifesting the idea of giving her

18:53

daughter a shot in the arm because

18:55

her vision of what the future would

18:57

be was in her mind,

18:59

stolen from her when

19:01

Tiffany revealed her sexuality. Accordingly,

19:05

if the theme of that change is

19:07

having something taken from you

19:09

or stolen, then what

19:11

your behavior is going to do

19:14

is force the binary counterpart

19:17

in this cycle to do the

19:20

same. So as mom feels like

19:22

Tiffany stole something from

19:24

her emotionally, and to indulge sociopathy

19:26

to get it back. We

19:29

understand that Tiffany will

19:31

ultimately counter with actions that

19:33

manifest the same in an effort to

19:36

restore balance. Tiffany

19:38

will steal from her mother

19:41

and steal from her friend by way

19:43

of their bank accounts and credit

19:45

cards, which are connected

19:47

to what specifically. identity

19:52

being someone else.

19:54

Those can't give her control

19:57

over another person's

20:00

identity. That's what people

20:02

are trying to fucking do to

20:04

her. And even more specifically, we're

20:06

talking about pretending to

20:08

be someone else. having the resources necessary

20:11

to become someone else.

20:13

And even more nuanced than

20:16

that, We understand that

20:18

the people she stole from by

20:20

using a false identity

20:22

meaning her mother and friend

20:24

were heterosexual women.

20:27

Just like the punch in the arm

20:29

was a cry for help from mom

20:31

to say that she had no solution

20:34

to fixing what was, quote

20:36

unquote, wrong with her daughter. The

20:38

identity theft related to resources

20:41

by Tiffany says the

20:43

same. It's telling people in her

20:45

life that she doesn't

20:47

have the resources to become

20:49

them. And by stealing

20:51

from them, allows them to

20:53

understand the pain she

20:55

feels by having her

20:57

identity stolen from her by

21:00

those she loves. The

21:02

hurt the loved ones feel

21:04

by having a trusted person

21:06

deal resources related to identity

21:09

is a cry for help from

21:11

someone who feels the people

21:14

around her won't let her be the person she

21:16

needs to be. Diane

21:18

even says in the unsolved

21:21

mysteries episode, that this behavior

21:23

was unlike her daughter,

21:25

and that's the point. The

21:28

friend, mom, and

21:30

dad, on this fateful

21:33

night, they were all intended

21:35

to finally see,

21:38

admit, and accept that

21:40

Tiffany was a different

21:42

person than which they

21:44

had always believed. they

21:47

heard of the theft

21:49

and said, I can't believe

21:51

this is you. It's not

21:54

like you. The point is that

21:56

the person they knew and

21:58

had always known because

22:00

of her secret was a lie,

22:02

at least in part, and

22:04

what she needed more than anything else was

22:07

the freedom to indulge her

22:09

authentic self without

22:11

everybody trying to take

22:13

it away without them

22:15

trying to steal her identity.

22:18

They're erasing her future

22:20

as her authentic self.

22:22

so she disappears. And the only

22:24

thing left in her wake is

22:26

the person all of them remembered.

22:30

and why does she give that to

22:32

them because that's all they would

22:35

accept. That was all they wanted.

22:37

And

22:37

that person, at that point,

22:40

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comCCMM. she

24:19

relieved herself and

24:21

her loved ones of that

24:23

perceived burden. All

24:25

kids who grow to

24:27

adults become a different person through the conduit

24:29

of sexuality. But in

24:31

the case of those who are perceived

24:34

one way, only to reverse

24:36

course and become something unexpected,

24:38

the path can be one that

24:40

is paved with people who

24:43

can accept that you're not the

24:45

person they always knew anymore.

24:47

And if those people are

24:49

the majority of people you know,

24:52

then what might happen is that

24:54

you believe you're causing them

24:56

all pain by existing

24:59

and forcing change on them.

25:02

So to relieve them of

25:04

that emotional burden to

25:06

end everyone's pain, a

25:09

depressed person can look to

25:11

suicide. It says,

25:13

If I never become the thing

25:15

they hate, then they won't get

25:18

hurt, and neither will

25:20

I. None of us will have to go on

25:22

living this way. that's the basic

25:24

logic. So at this

25:26

point in the story, it's nine

25:28

twenty eight PM, and

25:30

Diane has reportedly just

25:32

seen Tiffany trying to hide the stolen

25:34

credit card during the search of the

25:37

car. Diane says she's

25:39

going to get Steven who

25:41

is inside the house at this

25:43

point. Steven has a wildlife

25:45

camera in his yard, so we

25:47

have evidence of what happens here,

25:49

at least in terms of movement. At

25:51

nine twenty eight PM,

25:53

Diane splits from Tiffany in

25:55

the driveway and heads inside

25:57

to get dad. by nine twenty

25:59

nine PM, one minute

26:02

later, when the couple comes back

26:04

outside with the family dog,

26:05

Tiffany is gone. The

26:08

wildlife camera revealed her walking down the

26:10

driveway toward the street. It's

26:12

here that many believe Tiffany

26:14

was abducted by multiple people

26:16

inside a car that stopped

26:18

outside the house on the street. But

26:20

there is no evidence to support

26:22

that theory nor are there any

26:24

witnesses to support it. So

26:26

if you're on board with this kidnapping

26:28

angle, you'd have to believe that

26:30

in the span of one minute,

26:33

a young woman who is taller and more

26:35

athletic than a lot of men

26:37

was snatched off the street by people

26:39

who both had the means to

26:42

instantaneously or quiet in a

26:44

situation in which there were twenty or

26:46

thirty cars out there for a

26:48

party and also do it while

26:50

undetected. The

26:52

TV show pointed to a pair

26:54

of headlights approaching in a distance on

26:56

the wildlife camera suggesting

26:59

perhaps that car or even one

27:01

thereafter, would have been in the perfect

27:03

position to intersect with

27:05

Tiffany Valente. But

27:07

that frame shows something

27:09

much more telling if you

27:11

examine Tiffany. She's

27:13

walking along the driveway,

27:16

going away from the house and

27:18

what is she doing with her eyes

27:20

and by extension her head.

27:23

looking back over her shoulder up

27:25

the driveway toward the house.

27:28

Now, if you are walking

27:30

away from somewhere, but

27:32

show an investment in whether

27:34

or not someone follows you or

27:36

doesn't follow you. It says

27:38

either one of two things. your

27:40

curiosity is derived from wanting

27:43

someone to follow or

27:45

conversely not wanting

27:47

someone to follow. Now, get

27:49

real for a minute. The murder

27:52

conspiracy is the sexy angle, but

27:54

completely unsupported by

27:56

fact. It's ludicrous What

27:58

we do know is that Tiffany

28:00

had just gotten caught for what

28:02

amounts to multiple crimes

28:05

even felonies by her friends

28:07

and family. Not only is

28:09

such a thing extremely embarrassing

28:11

and shameful for someone expected to have greater character.

28:14

But in one fell swoop,

28:16

from lying to her parents, to

28:18

lying to her friend,

28:20

and the friend's mother about the theft and

28:23

usage of the credit card to the

28:25

potential of police involvement

28:27

and charges resulting in the loss of

28:29

her scholarship jail time,

28:31

or other long term damage to her

28:33

future, this is

28:35

exactly the type

28:37

of thing that could break a

28:39

person mentally. I'm

28:41

sitting here like, are you out of your

28:43

fucking mind to say that a

28:45

car coming down the street grabbed

28:47

her? Can you not see that

28:49

this is absolutely the worst goddamn

28:51

moment in her life?

28:54

So if she looks back over

28:56

her shoulder, while walking

28:58

away and doesn't stop for

29:00

anyone. What it says to

29:02

me is that she wants

29:04

to leave without anyone

29:06

following her and

29:08

also doesn't want them to see

29:10

where she's going. Now,

29:12

Not long after Tiffany's disappearance

29:14

that night, her phone

29:16

is discovered abandoned

29:18

right outside the house on

29:21

the roadside. like it was just dropped

29:23

there. Of course, people

29:25

are calling and texting her during this

29:27

time to try to locate her and you

29:29

get the general sense that everybody involved

29:32

wanted this event to end

29:34

well and there was no reason

29:36

to run off. they weren't

29:38

planning to bring the hammer down on Tiffany for

29:41

the wrongdoing. Though, of course,

29:43

inside her head, you'd have to

29:45

imagine that the

29:47

reality she was projecting was

29:49

quite different. More

29:51

than anything, they just wanted

29:53

the what happened

29:55

and why she did it. But

29:57

that was the thing that scared

30:00

Tiffany most. they were close to

30:02

a place in her heart and

30:04

mind where she felt so

30:06

vulnerable that she

30:07

just took flight. If she

30:09

could have talked to them about

30:11

the truth and gotten through in

30:13

a meaningful way, that already

30:15

would have happened. and she wouldn't

30:17

have felt at an emotional dead

30:20

end that seemingly necessitated sociopathic

30:23

behavior to put the

30:25

problem of escaping on a

30:27

physical canvas. This

30:29

type of behavior suggests

30:31

that she might have been masking

30:33

mental health issues due to

30:35

societal expectations related to things like

30:38

family, friends, team,

30:40

and love life among

30:42

others. People often

30:44

fear that they will be perceived

30:46

as something less if

30:48

they're struggling mentally. and as

30:50

our instincts drive us to do,

30:53

we often create a facade

30:55

in which we hide the weakness.

30:58

But as we see with animals

31:00

in the wild, only being

31:02

able to keep up the charade until

31:05

the moment of collapse The

31:07

same goes for us emotionally. It's

31:10

this simple. People

31:12

seeking to hide mental illness

31:15

will do so right up until the

31:17

point that the illness begins

31:19

to hide them instead.

31:22

And when the tipping point comes

31:24

and people say as

31:26

they did on this night in relation to

31:28

the credit card theft,

31:31

I don't know this person. I don't

31:33

know who you are. Then the

31:35

time has come that one

31:37

of two things will happen.

31:40

either the process of that person

31:43

disappearing on an emotional level,

31:45

meaning becoming someone else

31:47

before your eyes or

31:50

disappearing physically. Of

31:53

course, the latter option often in

31:55

the form of suicide becomes

31:57

an attractive choice because it ends

31:59

the pain now rather

32:02

than prolonging it.

32:03

Now a suicidal tendency

32:06

would be one which can start

32:08

with this thematic idea,

32:11

getting away. That's the

32:13

initial inclination you

32:15

physically leave the location of

32:17

the pain, manifesting the

32:20

way you'd emotionally leave the

32:22

past behind to

32:24

permit psychological growth in

32:26

your head. That's what

32:28

allows you to immediately get

32:30

away when being chased

32:32

as more or less.

32:34

So in a lot of movies and TV

32:37

shows, we have ridiculous scenes

32:39

where characters and most often

32:42

kids from small children to teens run

32:44

away from the location of an

32:46

argument even though it seems

32:48

awkward in reality. Like

32:51

here, Everybody is

32:53

asking where the hell Tiffany

32:55

went because it seems so

32:57

odd that she would just take off

32:59

during an argument. But the whole

33:01

point of showing TV and movie

33:03

characters running from the location of an

33:05

argument is to convey

33:07

and highlight the

33:09

emotional distance they desire

33:11

from the problem, and

33:13

also the urgency with

33:15

which they need to get away. So in this

33:17

instance, it's no different.

33:19

Tiffany wants to get far away

33:21

from the problem. Now, let's

33:23

say, hypothetically, you

33:25

were having an argument with someone about an

33:28

experience you've had that

33:30

they haven't, but they

33:32

believe they're the expert. What

33:34

might you say? Well, you might

33:36

say something like this. You

33:39

haven't walked in my shoes.

33:42

or if the person actually

33:44

had, they would say, I've

33:46

walked in your shoes. So

33:48

whether a person takes off

33:50

their shoes to sit on the

33:52

couch, go swimming, or

33:54

even put on a new pair, the

33:56

message being sent is

33:58

always this. I

34:00

don't want to walk in these shoes

34:02

anymore. Now, if you

34:05

metaphorically don't want to walk in certain

34:07

shoes anymore, manifesting your

34:09

emotional desire, then you would literally,

34:11

in a sociopathic narrative,

34:14

remove the

34:16

shoes and not walk in them to suggest

34:19

symbolically that that

34:21

was your intention. But

34:24

It's obviously fair to say that if you

34:26

don't want to walk in those shoes

34:28

anymore and take them off

34:30

while wanting to get away, irony

34:34

is that the only method of getting

34:36

away by running or in this

34:38

case, walking is to keep

34:40

going and search lead to nowhere

34:43

but right back at the

34:45

start. The devastating effect

34:47

on a person's mind potentially

34:50

caused by creating another

34:52

cycle in which they thought they were

34:54

escaping one is the

34:56

ultimate result of believing

34:58

this concept. There's no

35:00

way out in life, but

35:04

suicide works. It can't

35:06

cure your emotional issues.

35:08

Rather, in true sociopathic

35:10

fashion, it can only

35:13

erase them physically. death is the only means by

35:15

which an emotional issue can be

35:18

rectified solely by physical

35:20

means and absent of

35:22

emotional growth. And

35:24

the reason it's the only one is because killing yourself

35:27

actually does count

35:29

as sacrificing yourself

35:32

instead of others. Every other measure of sociopathic

35:35

behavior targets other

35:38

people. I believe we see a will full

35:40

disappearance here

35:42

one in which Tiffany physically left the scene of her

35:44

pain, so to speak, and tried to

35:46

escape to a place of peace that

35:48

did not exist any place other

35:51

than death given the requisite nature

35:53

of sociopathy requiring that what

35:56

she was looking for was in front

35:58

of her

36:00

eyes physically and not behind them in her head

36:02

emotionally. Clearly, we

36:04

don't know the whole story in this case

36:07

as it's incredibly obvious that there

36:09

was something irreconcilable about

36:12

the circumstances in

36:14

her mind. Was she just caught up in the moment and

36:16

projecting this situation as worse than it

36:18

was going to be?

36:20

Or was she hiding something else?

36:24

something much worse. We don't

36:26

know and it probably doesn't help

36:28

to speculate beyond the appearance that

36:31

whatever took place it was

36:34

enough to drive her away in a

36:36

situation in which she didn't want

36:38

to ever come back. The

36:40

phone is

36:42

abandoned immediately at the house. Now let's take

36:44

a look at where she travels

36:46

from that spot. Tiffany

36:48

has gone for approximately two point

36:52

five hours but around midnight, her uncle or

36:54

Steven's brother passes a

36:56

railroad crossing several miles from

36:58

the home and

37:00

notices the New Jersey transit

37:02

police have occupied the tracks

37:04

nearby. After speaking with

37:06

someone close to

37:08

the investigation, and learning someone was hit and killed by a

37:10

moving train, the two of them

37:12

decide it's best if he tries

37:14

to identify

37:16

the victim of what they

37:18

believe is his suicide.

37:20

The uncle identifies the

37:22

remains as those of

37:24

Tiffany Valente and has the

37:26

difficult job of going back to

37:28

the parents home to

37:30

confirm the same thing. The

37:32

investigation was

37:34

very short and seemingly focused only on the

37:36

possibility of suicide, which

37:38

some believe is insufficient,

37:40

even shoddy

37:42

work and I wouldn't argue, but I would say that the insensitivity

37:44

spread by their haste in

37:46

making this thing open and shut

37:50

is that it was indeed suicide.

37:52

However, the next day,

37:54

when certain family members searched

37:56

the area of the collision, they're

37:59

still finding things like hair,

38:02

blood, and other pieces of

38:04

Tiffany's jaw, which was

38:06

clearly not an

38:08

enjoyable experience to say the least. I'm sure some

38:10

of this human debris, which is

38:12

actually evidence, was difficult

38:14

to recover at night given

38:17

the nature of how it was caused

38:19

by a train. The area

38:21

in which such things would

38:23

be found had to be very

38:25

large. So we do understand to a certain extent

38:28

why there would be an

38:30

insufficient investigation, but this

38:32

one seems again to have been pretty shoddy.

38:35

Now, Tiffany is wearing only her

38:38

underwear and sports bra

38:40

when struck, so the rest of her

38:42

attire is unaccounted for at

38:44

this point but has been

38:46

stripped from her body.

38:48

Now, think of that for a moment.

38:50

What did we just discuss

38:52

as being the major issue here, the core

38:54

focus. It's Tiffany's sexuality.

38:58

Right? Now, In a

39:00

rebirth narrative, a person

39:02

is stripped down to symbolize

39:04

again like a baby being reborn.

39:07

And so in this situation, we have

39:09

Tiffany stripping off all of

39:11

her clothes except for

39:14

what? what remains covered? Well, she's

39:16

only wearing her sports bra

39:18

and her underwear. and

39:21

So If

39:23

we

39:23

think about that for a moment,

39:26

what are those areas

39:28

that are covered

39:30

or hidden most conducive to. And that would

39:32

be one, sexuality

39:34

and two, motherhood. That's

39:37

what those areas generally

39:41

facilitate. And so what we see here

39:43

is that Tiffany was seeking

39:45

a rebirth, but

39:48

one absent

39:50

of sexuality. That was hidden. It was

39:52

covered. And so this was the

39:54

source of her shame and the

39:56

source of the problem to begin

40:00

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40:35

to

40:35

two miles away heading back in the direction of the

40:37

Atlanta's home. Her mom discovers

40:40

her shoes

40:42

and headband along the

40:44

side of the road just past

40:46

the tree line. This is

40:48

about three weeks after

40:50

the incident. A point has been raised that these

40:52

items had to be tossed away here

40:54

rather than abandoned by Tiffany on

40:56

a walk because she

40:58

was never seen walking along the

41:00

road that night. But I'm

41:02

like, come on.

41:04

Try just a little bit harder here.

41:07

if the shoes and headband

41:10

are found just inside

41:12

the tree line where they couldn't

41:14

be seen from the road,

41:16

but are very close to the road so that someone like

41:18

Diane doing her search roadside

41:21

can follow a path right

41:23

to the train tracks then

41:26

stands to reason that Tiffany

41:28

walked that path inside

41:30

the tree line to avoid

41:32

being seen yet still

41:34

allow her to get to the tracks.

41:36

So symbolically,

41:38

look what we have here.

41:42

Tiffany stops and takes off her shoes. The shoes

41:44

are actually found side by

41:46

side and face up

41:48

with a

41:50

gap between like they had simply been removed from a

41:52

standing person's feet. She's

41:54

saying, I'm not going to walk

41:56

in these shoes anymore.

41:59

she's telling

41:59

us what she's going to

42:02

do. To follow that

42:04

up, she'll tell us

42:06

why. Now, what did we say

42:08

she was caught in, both in her life and on this walk to

42:10

nowhere. A cycle.

42:13

Right?

42:14

she's going around and

42:17

around and a circle. In

42:19

that light, just like taking

42:21

off the shoes, says, I'm not

42:23

going to walk in these shoes anymore, meaning I'm not going to

42:25

be this person any longer.

42:28

Taking off the

42:30

circular headband and leaving

42:32

it behind says, I'm

42:34

getting out of this cycle.

42:36

In the context of

42:38

emotional change, a cycle has to be broken,

42:40

meaning different thoughts have to

42:42

precipitate different actions fulfilling

42:45

the binary necessity of

42:48

true manifestation of idea to

42:51

reality bringing change. We

42:53

break the circle to

42:56

become unstuck. sociopathic

42:58

narratives in which the protagonist

43:00

doesn't change however or

43:03

tragedy dictate that the

43:05

circle or cycle is never

43:07

broken and that change will instead be delivered through

43:10

ironic fate, which, in

43:14

this case, is the notion that what was coming up

43:16

ahead in life was going to

43:18

kill Tiffany emotionally, lending

43:22

itself well. to getting hit

43:24

by a train. In

43:26

a cycle, structure dictates

43:28

that you physically collide with the

43:30

thing which you ran from emotionally back at

43:32

the start. And here,

43:34

that thing is what lay

43:37

ahead. She couldn't bear the thought

43:39

of what was coming ahead. it

43:41

was killing her emotionally

43:44

tearing her apart inside.

43:46

So

43:47

she needed to say

43:49

it. and she

43:49

did, but perhaps not

43:52

in a way that satisfies anyone's

43:55

reason or logic. And that's because if

43:57

she had the ability to express this

44:00

damage any other way

44:02

short of this

44:04

tragic ending, she would

44:06

have done so to stop

44:08

her pain well in

44:10

advance of resorting to something

44:12

like suicide. Those

44:14

options were seen as insufficient

44:16

however, and I think very

44:18

much like we saw in the Mara

44:20

Murray case, We have a troubled young

44:23

athlete with a promising future

44:25

whose indulging sociopathic theft

44:28

related to identity before suddenly

44:32

disappearing and meeting a

44:34

mysterious controversial fate.

44:36

I believe these things happen as

44:38

a result of what is going on in someone's head and

44:41

certainly not as a result of

44:43

getting into a phantom vehicle

44:46

with fabricated perpetrators leading to fully

44:49

unsubstantiated notions of

44:51

murder. Here's where their controversy comes

44:53

in with this case,

44:56

The crew running the train gave conflicting

44:58

stories about what occurred,

45:00

meaning conflicting both by

45:03

contradicting each other and also contradicting the

45:05

information on the black box, so to speak, that

45:08

records every action taken

45:10

by them. Warnerkamp

45:12

has the men identifying something on the

45:14

tracks a half mile away, while

45:17

another suggests that person's back was

45:19

turned and he saw nothing. have

45:22

to admit, I did not find

45:24

this the least bit suspicious, and

45:26

there was never an indication that there was

45:28

wrongdoing on the part of the train's operators

45:31

leading to death. What leads to

45:34

inconsistencies like these is a

45:36

combination of actually not

45:38

knowing exactly what happened in a

45:41

sudden violent accident that took

45:43

place in the dark and also

45:45

a desire to offer answers

45:48

conducive to limiting

45:50

liability when speaking to the police prior to being

45:52

counseled in any way. It

45:54

seems the bottom line in

45:56

the controversy is not

45:58

whether the trains crew behaved

46:00

badly, but whether or not what

46:02

they saw can prove that the

46:04

train was in

46:06

fact what killed Tiffany and that she had not been

46:08

placed on the tracks after

46:10

being murdered by someone

46:12

else. It seems the

46:14

family strongly believes their loved one

46:16

was murdered and then placed on

46:18

the tracks. Yet while the

46:20

evidence doesn't support such

46:22

a thing, and the

46:24

investigation was admittedly hasty at

46:26

best. I simply do

46:28

not see a reason to

46:30

believe that beyond a potentially very painful

46:32

realization anybody would want to

46:34

avoid, which is that

46:36

they were

46:38

the train. emotionally.

46:41

Something was in

46:43

her way, and it

46:45

ran her down. we've all found ourselves

46:47

on either side of that

46:50

equation. Sometimes we're running

46:52

them down.

46:54

and other times they come for us. But

46:56

what we all understand is

46:58

that there's no escaping it

47:02

in life. It

47:03

never seems to

47:06

stop.

47:06

What others want from us

47:08

is often very different

47:11

than what we need. and from the

47:13

collision of those ideals, if forced to

47:15

be irreconcilable against one

47:18

another, there will be no change in

47:20

the end. other

47:22

than some form

47:23

of death. I

47:26

believe this was a cry for

47:28

help. I believe Tiffany had

47:30

nowhere to go she

47:32

felt something happening at home

47:34

was irreconcilable in a

47:36

way that disallowed

47:38

going back and forbade

47:40

going forward just the same.

47:42

She

47:43

was stuck. I believe

47:45

there is guilt here. And

47:48

again, due to the

47:50

irreconcilability of that guilt precipitated by

47:52

Tiffany's death, there are

47:54

people who need to believe it's murder

47:56

because it says one thing. Anybody

47:59

can be at fault,

48:01

but not them. and

48:04

damn it, not for one second, would

48:07

I disagree. No decent

48:09

parent on earth wants

48:11

to believe that they played a part in

48:14

circumstances that led to their child's

48:16

death. Unless they caused

48:19

the death, they sure as hell shouldn't have to suffer

48:21

the consequences or something they

48:24

can't change. I would

48:28

say, however, that Tiffany clearly felt that she was not

48:30

accepted and understood for who

48:32

she really was. To the

48:34

extent that she had become too afraid to

48:36

communicate it,

48:38

any other way than symbolism

48:41

through sociopathy. A

48:43

person doesn't reach that

48:46

place overnight. but neither

48:48

does our understanding of what

48:50

goes on inside other people's

48:52

heads. Ultimately,

48:54

I don't think anyone is explicitly to blame

48:56

here, but I would suggest

48:58

that it's incumbent upon all

49:01

of us to understand that

49:04

wanting others to be anything

49:06

different than their true authentic

49:08

selves is a nightmare

49:12

beyond words. So at the

49:14

conclusion of this story,

49:16

perhaps it's not a coincidence

49:18

that Tiffany left us without words

49:21

in our effort to understand what

49:23

she so desperately needed others

49:25

to hear, which is

49:27

the truth about what

49:30

killed her. The people who discovered that

49:32

scene, as gruesome as

49:34

it sounds, finally came

49:36

to realize what was inside

49:40

something no one had ever seen

49:44

before. If we

49:46

only listen, We

49:48

never realized people are falling until

49:50

they hit the ground, until

49:53

it's too late.

49:56

But if we choose to look and see

49:58

them for who they really

49:59

are, we understand

50:03

what it's like when they're about to

50:06

jump. So that when we reach out a

50:08

helping hand,

50:10

it in the right place

50:12

to save them where they're drowning

50:14

rather than where others had

50:16

hoped they'd chosen to swim.

50:19

and I think if we did

50:21

that many times we would

50:23

learn that the hand we believed

50:25

was pulling a heavy burden

50:27

back to safety. would become

50:29

a hand that was being led to

50:32

beautiful places we've never

50:34

been. The ones where

50:36

you're weightless

50:38

and flying the places that the people we've lost had

50:40

always dreamed of, but

50:42

could never quite explain

50:44

with the exquisite beauty they possessed.

50:48

because you had to see it for yourself

50:50

to finally understand what it

50:51

means. I think it's

50:54

where Tiffany went that

50:58

night And maybe what it tells us

51:00

above and beyond anything

51:03

else is that the thing we

51:05

want most in life

51:08

Freedom is only

51:10

found in death. In the

51:12

courage to leave it all behind,

51:16

to let go with no guarantee

51:18

of what comes next.

51:20

Except the idea that

51:22

we spend our entire lives crafting

51:25

an elaborate facade called identity

51:28

to hide from a

51:30

single moment of truth. in

51:33

it all disappears

51:34

which it

51:38

all

51:40

disappears.

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