0:25

Spectacles,

0:25

testicles, watches and wallet.

0:27

It's not my watch. I'm fiddling in my pocket.

0:29

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hmm.

0:32

Thank you to Super Dave 2687. Oh, I wonder if it's the real

0:35

Super Dave. Oh no, he's no longer with us, but

0:37

maybe he left us that before he passed

0:40

on and shuffled off this mortal coil. Who knows?

0:43

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another

0:45

edition, week four of our Strike

0:47

Era. That's

0:48

right. The WGA and SAG Strike

0:50

is here and the quality of our guests

0:53

has dropped precipitously.

0:55

We have had

0:58

podcasters on and this week is

1:00

no exception. We have a

1:03

fellow podcaster here. Oh,

1:05

oh, wait a minute. No, he's also directed something.

1:07

He's in the DGA. Oh, that's right.

1:10

Let's let me take a look at what he directed. Shorts

1:12

to promote

1:14

going to movies? No, not shorts, just

1:16

commercial. Long, commercial. Jesus fucking

1:18

Christ. All right. Well, we'll talk to him anyway. We'll

1:21

hear about these commercials. Should

1:23

I just apologize up front? Yeah, sure.

1:25

I'd appreciate it. I wish more guests would

1:28

do that. I am so sorry that you don't

1:30

have someone young and

1:32

not as- Dumb,

1:34

full of cum. ... boring. I mean,

1:36

you are full of cum. Someone young

1:39

and dumb. Yeah, but you do not want

1:41

it. Not this cum. It's been very backed

1:43

up for about 30 years. You

1:46

know him- No, I'm sorry. Yes. No, I appreciate

1:49

that. And you know what? You were

1:51

a TV star at one point, but

1:54

we can't even talk about that in the strike. Oh,

1:57

that's right, because then someone will go look up-

1:59

Someone will go watch

2:02

an old episode of Conan. We'll discover

2:04

Conan. Wait, Conan a what? Conan

2:07

a wow? You

2:09

know him from his podcast,

2:12

what is this, the Ten Commandments? Oh

2:15

my god, you know what it is. You

2:17

know what it is. What is it you just reciting

2:19

the Ten Commandments every single episode? Thou

2:22

shalt not covet thou neighbor's wife.

2:25

Thou shalt not skip this better

2:28

help ad.

2:29

No, his show is

2:32

I know it's a number. The three questions

2:35

motherfucker. That's right. With

2:38

Andy Richter. You were a guest on it. I was.

2:41

Yeah, we had a lovely conversation. You asked me between

2:43

two and four questions as I recall. Yeah, yep, I

2:45

did. I did. And you were

2:47

shifty on all of them. I was a very... Please

2:51

welcome the titular Andy Richter. Hello. Hi,

2:53

how are you? How's it feel to be titular? It's

2:56

hot. Perky. Perk. Pouting.

3:00

Welcome back to the studio. What are pouting bosoms?

3:03

I've never understood that. I know. Pouting.

3:06

Where I guess the nipples are frowning a little bit? Maybe that

3:08

would be like weird boobs I would think. Yeah. Would

3:11

be pouting. What's the weirdest set you've ever seen, Andy? This

3:13

is what men talk about on podcasts. Kid

3:17

in high school

3:18

had ridiculously puffy nipples.

3:21

Like just they were, it was

3:23

like half a strawberry. Interesting.

3:26

Which is really weird. Oh my God.

3:29

I don't know. Right or left,

3:31

wouldn't it be the same? Oh, you mean

3:34

or like how you would... No, it's the top half bottom

3:36

half. What are you cutting strawberries lengthwise?

3:38

Yes, yes, yes. What kind of lunatic are you? That's

3:41

how I would always cut strawberries.

3:44

Oh, okay. If you're cutting the top

3:46

off first. Yes. Okay, but I'm

3:48

assuming this guy had a head. But

3:51

there was a little green tuft on

3:53

the top of each nipple. Oh really? So

3:55

that's why I'm saying lengthwise

3:58

cutting. No, yeah.

3:59

Puffy nipples, weird Puffy nipples.

4:01

Was it Puffy, by the way, Puff Daddy himself? It was

4:03

not. No, interesting. It was not. Oh,

4:06

he is now love, by the way. What?

4:08

He's changed to love. This is news to me. My

4:11

wife was just working on a possible

4:14

video because

4:15

she works in the music video industry.

4:18

Hmm, a booming thriving industry. Oh,

4:21

that's why she's looking elsewhere.

4:24

But he was Puffy,

4:27

but now is love. And so every

4:30

email that she got about this project,

4:32

love says this and love would like

4:34

to do this. This is reminding

4:36

me of like Van Halen because he's changed his name

4:39

so many times. Just like Van Halen was

4:41

like, you know what? We got a new singer and it worked out

4:43

even better for them. And then they were like, nope, we're

4:45

back with the old one. And then the next time

4:47

they changed it to Gary Sharon, uh-uh,

4:49

everyone went no, no, no, no, no, no. One

4:53

too many. One too many. Yeah. But

4:56

speaking one too many, there is not one

4:58

too many episodes of your show, the three questions.

5:00

In fact, I would take many, many more,

5:02

hundreds more. Oh, thank you. How many

5:04

have you done? I don't know. How

5:09

long have you been doing? About four or five years,

5:11

I think. Four or five years, approximately 200 episodes, I

5:14

would think. I could guess. I'm gonna look this up for

5:16

you because I want you, I know you're gonna be doing

5:18

a lot of press. You can pull this up too, or whoever

5:21

it is that pulls it up. Yeah. You

5:23

don't do this, dude. You don't edit. I don't do this much.

5:26

A full staff here working

5:28

on the show for me. And let's

5:31

see, you're up to, oh,

5:34

you don't even number them. It's just August 7th

5:36

with Andrew Rannholz. I don't know.

5:39

You want me to look it up? From the Comedy Bang Bang television

5:42

show, of course. Oh, can't talk about that. But

5:45

if you're listening to this, I bet you watched

5:47

at least one episode. Oh, here's some, people

5:50

also ask, why did Andy quit Conan?

5:52

Let's check it out. I was bad up. Richter

5:55

left his post at late night in 2000 to

5:57

pursue a career acting in films

5:59

and television. Oh boy. Is

6:02

Andy Richter really a quintuplet? Yes,

6:05

I am. Was

6:08

Andy Richter on the Brady Bunch?

6:11

Yes, I was. How long was

6:13

Andy Richter on Conan? These are good sensible questions.

6:15

How much did NBC pay Conan

6:18

to leave?

6:19

To leave? 45 million.

6:22

Get out of here. Was

6:24

that a 45 for the entire show that he

6:26

distributed or was that a pure just straight

6:29

into Conan? I have no idea. Any

6:31

number you see on the internet is... It's

6:33

always fake. It's bullshit. It's much

6:35

too low. Absolutely.

6:36

Are Conan and Andy really friends?

6:39

Yes. Are Jay Leno and Conan friends?

6:42

No. How much did Conan get from Sirius?

6:44

I think

6:47

tens of millions of dollars. This has 150. That's

6:50

insane. Yeah, but I think that was for everything. I can't even

6:53

believe this. That was for everything. How much did Sirius

6:55

pay for Conan?

6:56

These are all questions about you supposedly.

6:59

Yeah, yeah. That

7:01

shows you again the top-notch booking

7:03

because people's interest in me is

7:05

deep. How much does a Sirius host

7:08

make?

7:08

A Sirius host? Oh, oh,

7:11

oh, I like that. Has Sirius

7:13

XM ever made a profit? How

7:15

much does... I only listen to profitable

7:18

things. How much does Sirius pay per play?

7:21

Sirius XM satellite radio is known for paying artists

7:24

upwards of $44 US per play, a significant amount

7:28

compared to the minuscule royalties paid out by top

7:31

streaming services such as Apple Music and

7:33

Spotify or through regular radio programming.

7:35

Oh, that's good to know. It

7:38

makes me feel better. I took $44. Do

7:40

you have a Sirius? I do. I got a new

7:42

car for the first time in 14 years, I believe. Because

7:45

my car, I never drive, so it had 50,000 miles on it.

7:49

And I started going like I would

7:51

like a backup cam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

7:54

It's weird to buy a... And backup cams now are like every

7:58

tiny little econobox.

7:59

has a backup camera. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking

8:02

about tiny little O'Connell boxes.

8:04

Oh, never

8:06

heard of it. You know, like a Chevy

8:09

Aveo. Oh, I don't know.

8:11

Are you a car guy like Jay Leno was? I used,

8:13

no, not like Jay Leno was. I assume he

8:16

doesn't drive cars anymore after you got horribly disfigured

8:18

while driving.

8:19

No, he still does. What? Yeah,

8:22

he still, I would, if anything,

8:24

if I ever had an engine. And it wasn't driving.

8:26

What was it? It was, something

8:29

ignited. Yeah. The gas fumes

8:31

under a car ignited, torching his

8:34

face. Like I broke my ankle playing pickleball.

8:36

I will never play it again. Really? Yeah. And this guy's

8:38

underneath cars still? Oh

8:39

yeah. Yeah. Do you think he likes that movie cars?

8:42

Is he like, that's a perfect world.

8:43

Well, cars can talk to you. You know, oddly enough,

8:46

he loves ants. The movie ants. Yeah,

8:48

no one likes that. No one likes that one.

8:51

I'm an ant here. That's

8:53

my attempt at a Woody Allen. Kids

8:56

love Woody Allen.

8:58

So you're not a car guy? Have you? I used

9:01

to be more of a car guy, but in the same way

9:03

that,

9:04

you know, like somebody

9:07

might be into purses or

9:10

shoes, you know, it was just, I was, and

9:13

I do, I mean, I appreciate the

9:15

function of them and I like that. But

9:17

as time went on and I had children

9:20

that were like puking in cars, I

9:22

realized I don't need to spend fancy car

9:25

money. And then

9:26

to the planet dying,

9:29

I kind of have more of an emphasis

9:31

towards high mileage

9:33

and low emissions. And that's

9:36

not fun. Unlike your children, their

9:38

emissions, they're apparently they're puking in cars every

9:40

week. You know how

9:42

it is. Like your kid isn't spewing some

9:44

kind of fluid. The one time that we took

9:46

our child on the first trip we

9:48

ever took of like, and it was approximately a 90 minute

9:51

car ride five minutes before

9:53

we reached destination.

9:54

Puke city.

9:57

Absolutely. Everywhere. My

9:59

yeah. My son

10:01

threw up down my ex-wife's back approximately

10:05

an hour into the flight to Rome.

10:09

Fully soaking, just

10:11

absolute puke

10:13

waterfall. When in Rome. When in Rome,

10:15

get puked on. And

10:18

of course you have two

10:20

wonderful children. Three now. You

10:22

have a third. I do, I do. How has

10:24

that affected your life? I

10:27

mean, you haven't raised a child.

10:29

You haven't spared the rod in

10:32

quite a long time. How

10:35

many spankings have you given in your life? To

10:41

children? Yeah. Oh, sure.

10:44

Well, I actually did because I was

10:46

raised in a house where we, you

10:48

know, corporal punishment was pretty standard. And

10:51

to me, it wasn't a belt. It

10:54

was usually a hand or

10:56

a wooden spoon. Yeah.

10:59

Or ruler.

10:59

Or yeah, a ruler too. My

11:01

grandma used to use a ruler. She also did

11:03

the like really twisted sick thing of

11:06

sending my brother and I to go out and cut

11:09

a switch that she could hit us

11:11

with. Cut a switch? Yeah. That's

11:13

the ultimate indignity. It's like go buy a belt. I don't even

11:15

remember. I don't even remember if she actually

11:17

followed through and hit us with it, but just the thought of

11:20

like,

11:20

go get the instrument of your own

11:23

torture. So would you not then

11:26

try to sabotage the switch? I just brought

11:28

in dandelions and I said,

11:30

go nuts, old lady.

11:33

I think I spanked my son

11:35

twice and then realized this

11:37

is

11:38

bad and no good and this is not.

11:41

And I don't mean like spank. I just mean like

11:43

a swat on the butt. And I realized

11:46

that when I did that, it was all

11:48

about me being impatient.

11:51

It wasn't about like, this will teach him

11:53

something because all I think it ended

11:56

up, all it felt like I was teaching him

11:58

was to be afraid of me. Like this is

12:00

someone that I should, I should, in

12:02

my, in my paint

12:04

box of feelings for this man, I should

12:06

also include fear. And I

12:08

didn't like the idea of that. Has he

12:11

taken that color away since

12:13

those two spankings? Approximately

12:16

what, three years ago? Yeah, except now, well,

12:19

now I think the fear is like,

12:22

afraid to hurt my feelings about

12:24

things. That's okay. I think that's a good healthy

12:26

amount of fear. I know, but I mean, but

12:28

I,

12:29

it's like, you're not, you know, all the things

12:31

that he's ever been afraid of hurting my feelings about,

12:33

I'm like, honey, just

12:36

tell me, I'd rather hear it than. And

12:38

they're grown now. Yeah, my

12:40

son is 22 and my daughter is 17. Is

12:44

three. Is three. That's

12:46

an adjustment. It is a gap, yes. And,

12:49

but not, honestly, not that big

12:51

a one because I

12:53

like raising

12:55

kids. Yours

12:57

or somebody else's? I

13:00

mean, I prefer my own,

13:02

honestly. If you had to raise someone

13:05

else.

13:05

But no, I like raising kids. And I think if

13:07

you're going to do something with your time, it's one of the

13:09

most valuable things you can do with your

13:11

time. So I feel like

13:14

that's, it's almost like I feel like I've

13:16

played a scam and then acquiring

13:18

a three-year-old because it's like, hey man,

13:20

I get to do valid shit for like 16 years

13:22

now. Like I thought it was all

13:25

over. Yeah, it's got, because if

13:27

I didn't, if I wasn't raising a kid, then it would

13:29

just seem. What's it gonna be? Like New York

13:31

minute two? You know? What do you mean? Weren't

13:34

you in New York minute? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what do you mean? You're

13:36

just gonna be spending your life like making. Oh no,

13:39

no, no, no. Stuff, you know, making stuff.

13:41

I don't mean that. I mean, just, I just mean I consider

13:44

raising children to be very important

13:46

work. That's what I mean. And so I've given myself a new job. You

13:48

get another 15 years of that

13:50

instead of just like, well, I guess now

13:52

my kids are out of the house. What do I do? Because

13:54

it is weird to have your children turn into

13:57

young adults. And then you're like.

13:59

You realize like, oh, I don't

14:02

have any control

14:03

over this human being whatsoever. Like,

14:06

I mean, you know, I mean, in like in terms

14:08

of what they're going to do with themselves and what

14:10

decisions are going to make like they are legitimately

14:13

adult human beings now off

14:16

on their own. And it's kind of scare.

14:18

It's like, yeah, it's scarier

14:20

than.

14:22

Freddy Krueger. No. Because

14:26

he no, no. Hey, bitch. I know.

14:28

Welcome to my dream, bitch. I'm

14:31

in show business, so I know him. Oh,

14:33

yeah. Oh, yeah. Robert Englund's friends. No,

14:35

no. Oh, just Freddy. Freddy Krueger. Yeah.

14:37

Yeah.

14:39

You see him on the lot. Well, I

14:41

see him at Soho House. But

14:46

no, I so I am

14:48

I did have to regain patience. Right.

14:51

That was the big step.

14:53

And I also kind of, you know, I didn't I

14:56

didn't want to come

14:58

in to this, you know, like when I first started

15:00

dating my wife, I didn't want to come

15:03

in and start, you know, like, hi

15:05

there. I'm you know, that do

15:07

that. I'm your new daddy stuff. Well,

15:10

she's pretty young. Yeah. But I mean, I also

15:12

didn't want to like

15:13

butter her up too much or, you know,

15:16

because you I've seen people do,

15:18

you know, try and get in good with a little kid, which

15:20

is just gross. So I kind of, you know,

15:23

and also because I didn't want to give

15:26

any false idea,

15:28

you know, and if we and if it didn't work

15:30

out between me and Jen, I didn't want her right

15:33

kid to be going like, where's Andy? Where's

15:35

my new daddy? You know, where's that

15:37

nice guy who put on that that

15:39

wonderful front? Where's that guy that brought

15:42

Freddy Krueger over for dinner? Have

15:44

you ever seen that video of the kid who loves

15:46

Michael Myers from Halloween? No, no.

15:49

She just views him as like

15:51

a costume character. And so

15:53

he shows up to her birthday party and you hear the Halloween

15:55

theme and she gets very excited. And then

15:57

he comes out of the bushes and then she just runs.

15:59

runs over to him and hugs him. It's adorable

16:02

because it's a good costume

16:04

when you think about it, like appealing to kids. Like,

16:07

take the slashing out of it. Had she seen the movies? I

16:09

don't think she's seen the movies. She just developed somehow

16:11

a fast, it's like the other girl who developed the

16:13

fascination with Michael McDonald. It's like,

16:15

I don't know how they, now according to

16:18

her. Michael McDonald from the Doobie Brothers?

16:20

Yes, from the Doobie Brothers. There's like a viral

16:22

video out there now of like an eight year old

16:24

who- Who loves Michael McDonald. Who loves Michael McDonald

16:27

and her father surprised her with

16:29

a concert that I, apparently he

16:32

got $2 tickets to at the last minute, if you

16:34

can believe that.

16:35

I see that you can. That

16:38

just hurts. And, but she

16:41

says that she listened to Michael McDonald and

16:43

said it was the most beautiful voice. And she imagined like

16:45

Harry Styles singing. And then she looked him

16:47

up online, was bummed to see that he

16:49

was like a 75 year old man, but

16:52

then was kind of like, but still the voice is so good.

16:54

And so she was so excited about it. I love

16:56

it when kids have like these weird interests. Yeah,

16:59

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And especially like

17:01

niche ones. Cause like, oh, you like trucks.

17:04

Wow. Oh wow. Way to

17:05

go. Oh, you like cars. Yeah. Yeah,

17:08

you know. Choo choo trains, huh? Boring.

17:13

It is boring. And hopefully our kids

17:15

though, I would like our kids to be friends.

17:17

I'm sure they will be. I bet they will be. Yeah, yeah.

17:20

I'm sure that my daughter will bully your kids. Yeah.

17:23

How dare you? That's, listen, that's how we're

17:25

raising her.

17:26

To be a bully. Don't you look

17:28

at the news. That's the way the world's going.

17:31

Come on, Andy. Treat her

17:33

to- No, I'm not. I'm not training her

17:35

to be a bully, but she, but

17:38

she's a handful, man. She is a,

17:40

she is very, she's

17:43

just, and it's just a phase

17:45

she's in now where the, she,

17:47

everything that you tell

17:50

her she can't do

17:51

becomes, like she

17:53

does. It's amazing to watch her because

17:56

she will stand and

17:58

scream. like

18:00

just like a you know like a steam

18:03

kettle. She'll stand there and then she'll be

18:05

getting mad and then she'll just like go ahhhhh!

18:08

And then stand there breathing heavy

18:11

and then do it again. You

18:13

see I wouldn't take that. I have a rule I'm gonna

18:16

tell my daughter I'm gonna what she's not allowed

18:18

to do once

18:19

and I expect her to fall away. What

18:22

did daddy say? What

18:26

did daddy write on the whiteboard?

18:29

Well it's

18:32

wonderful that you know you have these

18:34

new changes in your life and

18:37

but you know what's constant is your podcast

18:39

the three questions for at least four

18:42

or five years apparently. Absolutely. All the way up to the

18:44

current episode with Andrew Reynolds from Broadway

18:46

from the Book of Mormon. Broadway. Broadway

18:49

yes of course. Oh did he correct you? No

18:51

he didn't correct me but he did say Broadway

18:53

but I think he was saying it with a sense

18:56

of yes you know self-awareness and I'm very funny

18:58

but I think he did say

18:59

it every time he did say Broadway. It's

19:02

yes it's very fun to say Broadway.

19:04

Broadway. Yeah yeah. How do you approach

19:08

talking

19:11

to your guests because there must

19:13

be you must have a booking

19:15

person who just just like hey this person's

19:17

available and then you're kind of like maybe

19:20

not even

19:21

really know who they are. I guess what I'm asking

19:23

is like what do you do when you're in a situation like I

19:25

am sometimes where you're not really interested in the guest? Andy?

19:33

I usually one of my first rules

19:35

is to keep that a secret. Oh yeah

19:37

so I don't know if that's something you might want to incorporate

19:40

into your style. It might

19:42

be helpful. Well

19:46

honestly. Do you do a lot of research for it? I wonder

19:48

something. I know you're asking the three questions

19:50

right because your

19:51

questions are where are you?

19:53

Where do you come from? Where are you going

19:55

and what have you learned? Right and that's and you could

19:57

just kind of ask those three and people

19:59

would

19:59

just like start talking and talk all the

20:02

time. But you must you must have to do some

20:04

research for some people. Well, if somebody looks

20:06

them up on Wikipedia, quite frankly, that's

20:08

the top notch. How do people do podcasts before Wikipedia? I

20:10

don't know. I

20:11

guess they went to the fucking library.

20:14

I have a theory that they were invented on the same day

20:16

because they knew they needed each other. Or

20:19

the you know, the thing too that like Wikipedia

20:21

has ruined is

20:23

settling bar disagreements

20:25

with reference books. Yeah. Like

20:28

taverns always. They always would have those.

20:30

Yeah, like an almanac and a dictionary

20:32

and and that was, you know, sports records

20:35

so that they could settle arguments

20:37

at the bar. And I mean, I was a part

20:39

of a number of times. I haven't thought about that in

20:41

so long. I was telling Paul F.

20:44

Tompkins that I've been reading old Nancy comics

20:46

from the 50s. And it's so funny to remind

20:48

yourself of the things that

20:50

were like staples of that people

20:52

were concerned. Yeah. Yeah. Like there are so many

20:55

strips about Sluggo going to a

20:57

baseball park and watching the game for free through

20:59

a knothole in the woods. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

21:01

it's like you don't think about that all the time. Yeah.

21:03

And there and those are all those kind of tropes

21:06

too.

21:07

We never even experienced other

21:09

than in Nancy comics. Yes. And

21:11

they were actual tropes, but it's a trope to

21:13

us now too.

21:15

Even though I don't like, yeah,

21:17

what does it last for you, son buddy? Peeking

21:19

through a

21:20

knothole. Yeah. But the reference, the

21:22

bar reference books thing, that is the thing

21:24

that I've

21:28

only seen in media. Yes. But

21:30

I've never experienced it myself. Or like I

21:32

was talking to somebody. In fact, I think it was

21:34

on a show and in like a writers room, we were talking

21:37

about like,

21:38

we went around the room like, has anyone

21:40

seen an actual anvil? Right.

21:43

Yeah. And like over half the room

21:45

had never seen an anvil. What are they for?

21:47

Because you see them blacksmith, they're for shaping

21:49

metal. Right. There's the flat part that you

21:51

hand, you know, that's all hammering. Right.

21:53

So the sort of horn end

21:56

is

21:56

for is for curves. It's

21:59

interesting that it's

21:59

where you move the metal, you

22:02

know. Enough people used them that they made it a token

22:04

in monopoly. It's like, oh, here's something everyone

22:06

has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. An iron, an

22:09

anvil. Yeah, because you'd see an anvil. Is it a token

22:11

in a monopoly? Now I'm starting to feel like that. No, I don't know that

22:13

it is. But it is, I mean. What

22:15

about the boot? We can agree there's a boot in monopoly,

22:17

can't we? There is a boot and there is a car. So I'm

22:20

right, right? There's an old timey open racer,

22:22

yeah. So I'm right. But no, I'm just saying they're

22:24

all from like Looney Tunes. That's so many

22:26

of the old timey things. That's the only time you would

22:28

ever see one that is being dropped on

22:29

Wile E. Coyote. Yeah. What's

22:32

his middle name, I wonder? Everett.

22:35

Edgar? Everett. Everett. It

22:37

is Everett? Yeah, it's his father's name. Really? Is

22:40

he a junior? No. No, no. His

22:42

father was just Everett Coyote? Yeah, and his father was actually against

22:44

naming him.

22:45

Because his father was very humble. Really?

22:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, just a humble Coyote. Yeah, and

22:50

really disappointed. In how Wile

22:53

he? In his son, yeah, how wild. I can imagine.

22:55

Yeah, yeah, how wild. You know, I mean, just

22:57

the predatory aspects. The predatory aspects alone,

22:59

yeah. Exactly, yeah. Oh, it's terrible.

23:02

Who's your favorite cartoon character?

23:04

Golly. I

23:07

look at you and I think you're like a Count

23:10

Chocula guy. Yes,

23:13

advertising cartoon. That's, like

23:16

for me, that's the pinnacle of anime.

23:18

I don't know what it is about you. I just thought like, I'm looking at you

23:20

and I'm like, this guy loves Count Chocula.

23:24

I don't know. Well, I mean, I would say a

23:26

character, I don't know that there's like a character.

23:28

I mean, aside from Homer Simpson is

23:31

like the John Wayne. The dole man himself.

23:33

Yeah, I mean, he's like the John

23:35

Wayne of comedy

23:37

of stupidity

23:40

in animation, you know? When you say John

23:42

Wayne, you mean? I mean like the

23:44

ultimate pinnacle. Yes. Not a racist

23:46

cowboy. Yes. Yeah,

23:50

no, racist cowboy. Yeah,

23:53

and too short, like they had to, you know.

23:55

Was John Wayne short? How short was he? I

23:57

don't know, but they built doors

23:59

smaller.

23:59

form. They

24:00

built doors smaller for

24:03

him. So he would always like bump into the sides going,

24:05

oh, I'm so big. Yeah. Yeah. Can't

24:07

fit through this door. I wonder why that line

24:10

is in almost every John Wayne movie. That's

24:12

how interesting. So I made this

24:14

door too small. The retiring Pat

24:16

Sajak, which by the way, I was bummed when you didn't get that

24:18

job. Were you up for

24:21

it? No. I had absolutely,

24:24

I knew there was, I had like people

24:26

telling me like, you should like, as if I like,

24:29

like it's just me being lazy

24:30

is why I didn't get to be fucking ghost

24:33

of the legitimately wheel of fortune.

24:35

When I saw that, I thought it was a conversation that we had

24:38

many years back, maybe why I thought of you, but I was

24:40

like, I bet Andy would have been good at that. Cause

24:43

I think we had a conversation years back where you were like, I'd love

24:45

to do a game show. And I just, when I saw

24:47

it was available, I thought in

24:49

my head,

24:50

go get him Andy. And then like

24:53

two days later, Ryan Seacrest gets it. Yeah.

24:55

Yeah. A fucking cool. No,

24:57

I mean, the main reason that I thought I wouldn't

24:59

get the job is because

25:01

I'm a white man in my fifties and

25:03

we've seen plenty of them on television and

25:05

I am absolutely a hundred percent.

25:08

I'm not somebody that's like, yeah,

25:10

I can't get a job. Cause I'm white, but at least,

25:13

but at least one white man and Andy Richter

25:15

could get a job. Well, no, but I'm saying, that's what

25:17

I'm saying is that

25:19

for to, to recast Pat

25:21

Sajak, first

25:24

of all, they should, you should go for a

25:26

young person. You should go for a person of color.

25:28

You should go for a person of the

25:32

female side of things, you know,

25:34

and I know which side you're talking about. Oh yeah.

25:37

Um,

25:38

but unless of course

25:40

you find the ultimate like

25:43

famous person, palatable, interstitial

25:47

kind of like, like doesn't

25:50

offend anyone Ryan Seacrest. Yeah.

25:52

And when that was kind of rumored that Ryan Seacrest

25:55

was,

25:56

you know, and it's like, Oh yeah, of course. Why

25:58

not? Yeah. Let's give him more

26:01

jobs. Yeah. He's. Well,

26:03

yeah, but I would like one job.

26:06

That's all I want is just one. I don't need to be Ryan

26:08

Seacrest. I just want one. You know,

26:10

have it be. Well, you picked a great time to want it. I

26:14

want to scab together. Is that all right? Is

26:16

that so wrong? I want a scab job.

26:19

Can I get a scab job? Can

26:21

someone get a scab job around here? Hi,

26:23

do you want a scab job? Call 1-800-SCAB-JOB.

26:28

Well, the three questions, I

26:31

think we nailed talking about it. We sure did.

26:33

You know, I don't know. I'm so sort

26:36

of.

26:36

I

26:38

sort of sort of like 50 50 about almost

26:41

everything in my life, which is why

26:43

I have the medication and

26:45

to get me to get me to. Yeah,

26:49

exactly. Yeah, probably. But

26:52

when I started doing it, it was kind of, you know, yeah,

26:54

I'll do this too. And it'll be fun. But

26:56

I mean, I really do feel like I've learned

26:59

how to

27:00

interview someone for an hour. I. Which

27:06

I

27:06

kind of worked at, you know, I listened. I

27:09

listened to the tape of it or you listen

27:11

back to the shows as much as I possibly

27:13

can, because I am

27:15

for inspiration. No, just

27:18

for credit, how good you are for critique,

27:20

you know, to learn to stop doing

27:22

things. Stop doing that thing with

27:25

your voice or stop

27:26

interrupting or whatever.

27:28

Why are you pointing at me when you say stop interrupting? Because

27:32

of your hat that says the interrupter. Oh,

27:35

that's right. I'm sorry. It's the interrupters.

27:37

It's my favorite SCAB ad. But

27:40

yeah, I mean, I've grown very proud of it and I

27:43

get and I don't. I talk to people.

27:45

I just I only talk to people I want to talk

27:47

to

27:48

except for, you know,

27:49

some. No, no, I really I really truly

27:52

do. I don't. I talk to me. So I

27:54

feel like it's not like I love

27:56

you too. And it's not like podcasts are like clamoring

27:58

to get me on them. So I was.

27:59

very uh but you're interested

28:02

I mean I feel like as long

28:04

as it's an interesting conversation I

28:07

don't I'm not that worried about it but I mean

28:09

I don't even know how it does or whatever

28:11

they tell me it does well and

28:13

and I'm happy about that and

28:16

it's now you're in it for the for the serious exam

28:18

yeah I mean I kind of have developed

28:21

that way of being

28:23

to just try and have fun

28:26

and it kind of developed through

28:29

the Conan show where I just

28:31

got this system and it's like well I'm

28:34

gonna make the best show for the people watching

28:36

it if I follow my own good

28:39

time within that hour and

28:41

I and I try to do that

28:44

um with all kinds of

28:46

different stuff like the commercials that you you

28:48

know that you just mentioned that I directed like I

28:51

I like being on set I like being funny

28:54

with people I like

28:56

people that work in movies and and television

28:59

so I just am trying to you know it's fun to be

29:01

on set that's a thing absolutely a lot of times it's

29:03

just like you get offered something and it's just

29:05

like you know what I don't even care about the money let's

29:07

just get on set and have a ball and have fun

29:10

with fun people yeah you ever be on

29:12

that Conan show and you're like

29:14

god I want to interrupt Conan well

29:17

then you're like I just would do

29:20

did you have to reign yourself in ever or were were

29:22

you ever like second guessing yourself like well

29:25

no this is just too much talking for me there's

29:27

I mean there there was many many occasions

29:30

where I had a zinger and that's

29:32

trademarked by the way you trademarked

29:34

I trademarked zinger amazing uh Paul

29:36

Azinger was furious the golfer

29:39

Paul Azinger um no but

29:41

I I would have something loaded up and

29:43

then the moment would

29:44

pass you know like the person would say something

29:46

else or and then the timing wasn't right

29:49

and then I just would have to this is what I would do I'd

29:51

raise my hand say I want to go back hold on well

29:54

I got occasionally I I would

29:56

I would do that and it almost never was

29:58

a good idea Hey, remember

30:01

when you guys said that thing about this book? That's

30:04

what I used for toilet paper. What?

30:07

Anyhow, back to the Holocaust.

30:11

Well, it's interesting to see you going

30:14

from sidekick,

30:16

second banana with one of the world's greatest

30:19

interviewers and then stepping into

30:21

the spotlight yourself. And

30:24

then taking what you've learned from those situations

30:26

and becoming an interviewer in your own

30:29

right, with now approximately four

30:31

to five years of episodes,

30:33

including all the way, including up to the one with

30:35

Andrew Rannells that just came out.

30:37

And the three questions is

30:39

the podcast fellow podcaster, Andy Richter

30:41

is here. We have to take a break. Does that surprise

30:44

you? No, it doesn't. Yeah. We've

30:46

been going for about 30 minutes. We've got to pay some bills. We do

30:48

my bills. That is, of course, we

30:51

have a great show for you. I did not ask

30:54

our guests who they are, though. I didn't get any

30:56

info. We've been blabbing. Sorry,

30:58

guests. We just dove right into it. But we're going

31:01

to take a break. I'm going to get all that info. When we come back, we'll have

31:03

more Andy Richter, more comedy bang

31:05

bang. We'll be right back after this.

31:07

Comedy

31:11

bang bang. We're back. Andy

31:13

Richter is here. Andy Richter, you would know from his podcast,

31:15

the three questions as well as directing approximately

31:18

three commercials. How many? No,

31:21

no. How many spots? Really?

31:24

Like 12.

31:26

Like 12 over a number of years. And

31:29

they're what, a minute apiece? No,

31:32

usually 30s or 15s or something. 30 seconds. Approximately

31:34

six minutes of content? I did. Yeah, yeah.

31:37

Wow. For commercials. Congrats. No

31:40

problem. I did a series for

31:43

Illinois Lottery a number of years ago

31:45

and I was in them too and I

31:47

directed them to me. This is

31:50

fun. Do you like directing? I do. Well,

31:52

it's also. That's a wrap. What

31:54

I like about it. Don't print that one. What

31:58

I like about it besides people doing.

31:59

you say, that's awesome.

32:03

Is that in the at least in

32:05

commercials, because it's the only thing that I've

32:07

directed

32:09

is you have a set

32:11

amount of stuff that you need to do with all kinds

32:13

of variables and a set amount of time to

32:16

do it.

32:16

And so it's like a beat the clock with

32:19

problem solving, you know, like we're running

32:21

low on time. Look, let's just turn the

32:24

camera around and shoot what we

32:26

were going to move down the street for here in this

32:28

corner, you know, and that's

32:30

all done. Yeah, it is really

32:32

fun. Sort of fun. Yeah. I

32:35

like it. I know William Friedkin. Well, I didn't

32:37

I didn't have this. I mean, you've had more

32:40

stressful directing probably and bigger,

32:42

longer things. Yeah. But William Friedkin

32:44

was just talking about how to

32:46

a classroom of like film students

32:48

was like, okay, here's what you got to know about directing.

32:51

You're going to have to eat shit constantly. And

32:54

they're like, and the film students were like, no.

32:56

And he's like, yeah,

32:56

you're going to have to eat shit from the studio. You're

32:59

going to have to eat shit from the actors. You're going

33:01

to have to eat shit from the elements. You're going to have to

33:03

eat shit from the sun, you know, like

33:05

everything that you basically have to totally compromise

33:07

on. A lot of people think like, oh, and I'm going

33:09

to be a director and I'm an auteur and I'm going to do it exactly

33:12

the way I want. No, you constantly have to make

33:14

compromises and that can be infuriating. Well, you could

33:16

just like lay into it and go,

33:18

well, you know, this is none of this is

33:20

going to be the way exactly the way I thought it was going

33:22

to be. But it's going to be something cool. And

33:24

also you at a certain point, you just surrender

33:27

to the general kind of momentum

33:30

of the set and the people you're

33:32

working with. And you just kind

33:34

of

33:35

I mean, because I you know, like even in these

33:37

ones I just did, I had a moment where I was like, are

33:40

any of these good or funny, you

33:42

know, like while I'm doing it and then I would just

33:44

I have to be like,

33:45

just relax. You

33:47

know, it'll be fine. You know, and

33:49

I'm sure they're great. I did not. I did not watch them.

33:52

That's all right. I don't watch commercials. Okay. I have

33:54

a team. I see. They there. There

33:56

is a little story about them in I'm

33:59

sure you look at the ad.

33:59

week website.

34:02

I don't watch commercials. I love to read about it. Yeah.

34:05

Oh my God.

34:06

Reading about them. It's awesome. Well,

34:08

these sound great. And, uh, three,

34:11

uh, three podcasts. The question is

34:13

out there now. These guests, I want to meet

34:15

these people. Let's meet these people. We, uh,

34:18

we've spoken to her before. She's a teen foreman.

34:21

Uh, please welcome back to the show. Susie Tuman.

34:23

Oh, hi, Scott. Hi. So great to

34:25

see you again. Wow. I'm just an

34:27

average teenager. I took off my glasses

34:29

and everybody thought I was really pretty. I got an A

34:31

in senior algebra and I

34:33

got a big secret. I'm a teenage foreman

34:35

of a non-union construction site. That's right.

34:37

Andy. Uh, yeah, Susie's been on the show before. We

34:40

met. We met. Yeah. The

34:42

last time I was here, Susie was here. I

34:45

don't remember exactly

34:46

what the thing was. Well, that's

34:49

it. What I just said. Oh, that. Okay.

34:51

That's pretty much it. A, a foreman of a

34:53

union reconstruction. It's

34:56

the summer. So, uh,

34:58

well, we're starting school this week. Oh, you are

35:00

junior year, junior year. Really?

35:02

How are you feeling about it? Oh, pretty good. I had

35:04

an amazing summer and, uh, I'm getting ready

35:06

for homecoming. That's coming up in a few weeks and

35:09

weeks. That seems yeah. And a

35:11

few weeks is homecoming always like in

35:13

the early September. Well, a few weeks is

35:15

relative, right? So a few weeks is actually

35:18

nine weeks. Okay. Yeah. Hey,

35:20

uh, put a half on that. One of my favorite movies.

35:23

Nine and a half weeks. Is

35:26

that true? Have you ever been a horny in a movie theater?

35:28

I don't understand the reference. Nevermind. You're

35:30

just a teenage kid. How would you? That's it.

35:32

Um, wait, I want to know

35:34

while you're at school. If I'm sorry.

35:37

Of course, no, Andy, please. While you're at school, what are

35:39

the guys on the job site do?

35:41

Oh, well, Mr. Richter, they do a lot of different stuff.

35:43

Um, I sort of locked the gate behind me and so

35:45

they have to continue working until I come back and unlock

35:47

it. Yeah. Which is sort of a fun practice

35:50

that we've put in place. Um, it's called,

35:52

uh, gate hours. And they don't mind. Um, I

35:56

never asked them.

35:57

Yeah. I mean, you're the boss. You laid

35:59

out, you have the rules. Yeah. They have to abide by them.

36:01

I got some crazy stuff happening though. We've got sort

36:03

of our first week Carnival, which is gonna be pretty

36:05

exciting, but...

36:06

This is a high school or is this as part of the construction

36:08

site? At the job site, yeah. This is a high school, but then

36:10

unfortunately we got indicted on human rights

36:12

violations at the construction site, so,

36:14

and that's happening the exact same week.

36:16

No! The trial and

36:18

Carnival. Yeah, and I just don't know what to do. Can

36:21

you go back and forth like you're in an episode of Three's

36:23

Company or something? I think I'm gonna have to try. Yeah. So

36:27

maybe like, you know, you raise

36:29

your right hand and you know, pledge on the Bible,

36:31

you know, to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but

36:33

the truth. Sure. And then you like duck out the back and go to the

36:36

Carnival.

36:36

Do you think that would work, Scott? I

36:38

don't know. It, it, traditionally

36:40

those things, there's a costume change involved.

36:43

Yeah. And then at some point you get it confused.

36:45

You get the wrong costume. Yeah, you show up in court

36:48

in your Carnival suit and you go right back

36:50

and then you run out and change into your court suit.

36:52

That's

36:52

such a good idea. Yeah. Because I have to go

36:54

to this Carnival. Why? What's going on at the Carnival?

36:57

Well, so I got really hot this summer.

36:59

It's basically what happened.

37:01

I wasn't gonna mention you're a junior

37:03

in high school. I wasn't gonna talk about like your

37:05

aesthetics. Yeah. But you've blossomed,

37:07

certainly.

37:08

Thank you so much, Scott. Yeah.

37:10

So I got boobs this summer and

37:13

I took my glasses off and my long hair

37:15

got a little bit longer and definitely

37:17

shinier. Wow. And.

37:19

That's

37:19

all it takes sometimes. Yeah. That's, that's like algebra

37:22

of hotness. You add those things up.

37:24

Yeah. Equals hot. I should know that. I

37:26

got an A. Yeah.

37:29

You just said that for algebra. Yeah. But it's

37:31

one of those things where now. It'd be great to get like whatever the letter

37:33

grade is for whatever your class

37:35

was. So like biochemistry, I got a B. That's perfect.

37:38

Yeah. Oh, sure. For the first letter. Sure. Yeah.

37:40

C in chemistry. Perfect. J.M. You get a G?

37:43

A Z in duology. Yeah, exactly.

37:45

Yeah. That's fun. I love that. Hey,

37:51

I love your feedback. Here's my issue, Scott. So

37:55

I've got the love of my life, Paul. Right?

37:57

Who's Paul? Paul is my crush,

37:59

guys.

37:59

I feel like you don't listen to anything that I say. That's

38:02

pretty accurate. Yeah. So I have

38:04

this love of my life, Paul, and then my best

38:06

friend Paul, and they're both Paul G, but one has

38:08

a long name and one just goes by the initial

38:11

G. And I thought that Paul

38:13

G was just my best friend, but actually I think I might be in love

38:15

with him too. So who do I go after? Do I go after the boy

38:18

that I've been crushing on since literally eighth grade

38:20

or my best friend turned maybe love interest?

38:23

Well, could you ask them what is it you

38:25

like about me? You know,

38:27

like for the boy you've been crushing

38:29

on, is it just the new boobs? You know,

38:31

because then maybe you have your answer, like

38:34

your best friend has been supporting

38:36

you, you know, pre boobs and

38:39

probably post boobs.

38:40

Yeah. Well, I tried to work it out with

38:42

two of the guys on the construction site. I sort of locked them

38:44

in a room and I made them play out the scenario. And

38:47

they got an improv scenario. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I made them improvise.

38:49

How'd they do? Really bad. Did

38:52

you teach them the tenets of improv before you

38:54

started? Well, they're more IO style and I'm more

38:56

UCB style. So we just weren't speaking

38:58

the same language, I think was the issue. I made them take

39:00

classes on their own dime.

39:03

So it was really hard. What did you

39:05

learn from it though? They were just bad at it

39:07

and you didn't learn anything? I learned from it. Big Tony should

39:09

really brush his teeth. Oh,

39:12

we were Tony. We practiced kissing. Oh

39:14

dear. Yeah, they got really upset

39:16

about it. They got upset about it. Yeah,

39:18

yeah, yeah. I put tape over their mouth and then I drew lips

39:21

on top of the tape. Oh. Yeah,

39:23

it wasn't great. But he still could smell Big

39:25

Tony's breath. Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. Wow.

39:28

Really bad breath. Clinically, he should go to

39:30

a dentist on his own time. He doesn't have any. And

39:32

his own dime. And his own dime. A no dental,

39:34

that's for sure. Anyways, this FBI lawyer

39:36

is really getting on my ass and I don't know what

39:38

to do. What did you do?

39:40

There was a human rights violation? What

39:42

happened? Yeah, well we would do this thing where,

39:45

you know, when I'd lock the gates and I'd sort of make people

39:47

The Mark Maron special. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

39:50

so then it was one of those things where I would play

39:52

classical music that way nobody could fall asleep.

39:54

Oh, I've found

39:56

that people fall asleep to classical music. No, I'd

39:58

blast it and it was weird. Is it like William

40:01

Teller or Ovechter or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

40:04

people got mad about that and they said, you can't do that. And

40:06

also then I didn't provide any drinking water. I said the rain

40:08

would collect in the ditches that we were

40:11

taking and people were more than welcome to drink that if they

40:13

wanted to. That's not

40:14

good. Wow. No. I

40:16

mean, come on, water. Water,

40:19

H2O? Why can't they just have water? Well,

40:21

they can, as long as it comes out of the ditch. But

40:23

why couldn't they have drinking water, really?

40:26

What do you mean? Why don't you let, is

40:28

it really that expensive for you to let them have drinking

40:30

water? Is every job supposed to provide water

40:33

though? I don't think it's a law necessarily.

40:35

That's

40:35

it Scott, we're on the same team. Wow.

40:38

Okay. I don't think I've ever been to a job where it's like,

40:40

people are legally mandated to give you, it's like

40:42

you can bring some.

40:43

Yeah, that's what I keep saying. When you leave on

40:46

your own time and your own dime, as Scott said that that was really

40:48

funny, you can bring some. Yeah. All

40:51

right. I don't know, it just seems like, it

40:55

just seems like you're very

40:58

strict for someone who's so

41:00

young. And I'm wondering if that, have

41:02

you experienced that saying, like have you ever

41:04

been deprived drinking water in your

41:07

life?

41:07

Yeah, basically. Really?

41:09

We were at gym class last Wednesday and my gym teacher,

41:12

Ms. Franz, she said, you got to go run an entire

41:14

mile. And I said, but I'm thirsty. And she said, run

41:16

the mile and then you can have some water.

41:18

Wow. And you did run the mile?

41:21

No, I said I had cramps. How

41:25

often do people use that? Like

41:27

what percentage of the time is it true? How

41:30

often do people use it? And how, well, the guys

41:32

on the site try and use it all the time to get out of work

41:34

and it never works. So I

41:36

said, get back to it. You

41:39

know, I find it interesting

41:41

that you

41:43

are having so much trouble in both locations.

41:47

It seems to me like you'd be excelling at one and

41:50

maybe the other would be suffering, but it

41:52

sounds like both halves of your lives

41:54

are you're undergoing complications.

41:55

Yeah, really falling apart. And I tried

41:58

to, my stepdad Frank, he's. my

42:00

rock and my love of my life.

42:03

And so it was one of those things where I tried going to him for advice,

42:05

but it's really hard because he's in jail right now. Oh no,

42:07

what happened? His modeling thing was a Ponzi

42:10

scheme.

42:10

Oh, I remember talking, yeah. Yeah,

42:13

he used to go scout for models at the mall.

42:16

And it was a Ponzi scheme. How was it a Ponzi scheme? Like they were

42:18

hiring three models themselves?

42:21

He would pay the top tier of models

42:23

and then they would have to go scout at other malls in

42:25

the area. Sounds like if you're a guy

42:28

out there scouting for models in

42:30

a mall, like you want to be the one doing the scouting.

42:32

You're not doing a Ponzi scheme.

42:34

You would think, but he got tired. Too

42:37

tired to scout for models. I don't think I've

42:39

ever been that tired. Yeah,

42:42

you're constantly at the mall trying to tell people that they should

42:44

be a magazine. Great Scott. Well,

42:46

you know, I mean, I was thinking about that the

42:48

other day about does that, I wonder if that line works

42:51

anymore. Like, hey, you know, you should be a model. Here's

42:53

my cart because it's like, yeah, I am one.

42:56

I don't know.

42:58

What do you mean by that? Like everyone's

43:00

a model now. Like everyone has an Instagram. It's like,

43:02

yeah, I have an Instagram account. I'm good. I

43:04

don't need your card. Oh, I see. That's really

43:07

interesting. You know what's interesting?

43:09

The reviews are in. I just, I've

43:11

been doing a lot of asking you questions and it seems like my

43:13

job as a foreman isn't going well, but it seems like my job of

43:15

maybe hosting this podcast is going really

43:17

well.

43:17

I don't know that I'm necessarily looking

43:20

for a substitute host. If I were, I would

43:22

look to an experienced podcaster like Andy

43:24

over here. I have a podcast. No,

43:26

thank you. You have a podcast? What's your podcast?

43:29

That's a really great question. It's sort of about. So

43:31

I'm doing fine. I don't need a substitute.

43:34

You got me there, Scott. What

43:36

is it? He got right to it. What's the name of

43:39

it? The name of the podcast is

43:42

Two Girls, One Family. You

43:46

have me until the word family. Two Girls,

43:48

One Family. And it's basically about

43:50

a theoretical sort of story-based podcast

43:52

about what if a teenager was

43:55

living two very different lives than

43:58

I would have on my friends to ask.

43:59

what they would think if

44:02

their friend had been lying to them for four years straight.

44:05

This sounds very familiar.

44:07

It sounds a lot autobiographical. Sounds

44:10

a lot like your own life.

44:11

Well, no, because what is

44:13

happening in to this girl in this podcast

44:16

is she's running a non-union Starbucks. And

44:19

so it's a little bit different and they're

44:21

obviously really trying to unionize.

44:22

Now in in the podcast

44:25

version does she display

44:28

incredible decisiveness and assuredness

44:32

assuredness at the at the Starbucks

44:34

and yet not at all

44:36

in high school. It's like you listen to the podcast, Andy.

44:39

Yeah, yeah. No, but I mean I'm just saying because

44:41

that's what we're seeing. That's what we're seeing

44:43

from you. Like you're so self-assured. Which

44:46

Paul, but yeah, but then you're locking

44:49

grown men in and forcing

44:51

them to

44:52

do improv. I just really feel like something's got to

44:54

give. You know what I mean? Like I just I don't

44:56

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm not sleeping.

45:00

Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping?

45:02

But you just feel like you're not? I feel like I'm not.

45:04

I'm only getting like eight hours. That's

45:07

a lot. I mean, yeah, that's a fair

45:09

amount. I mean more than I probably sleep, but you

45:11

feel like you're not. It's not a competition Scott. I

45:14

wasn't saying it was. If were it to

45:17

be you would be winning. So how do you feel about that? Well,

45:19

I mean, I guess kind of good. I mean

45:22

I don't know. It's it's I feel like you could use

45:24

a little of your self-assuredness, you know and Translate

45:28

it into your personal life. You know, are you saying

45:30

what I think you're saying? I don't do a lip

45:32

sync at the first week of school carnival. I

45:35

guess so. I guess that's what I think and then put

45:37

on another wig and date both boys at the same time.

45:40

I mean that's kind of what I would do if I

45:42

had the ability to just put on a wig and date

45:44

several people at one time. I would probably

45:46

do

45:47

it. You are constantly saying that. And

45:49

what if you found out one of them was

45:51

gay and then you dressed up as a boy?

45:54

And that was the switch is

45:56

that one of you would pretend to be a boy and

45:58

one you would and then and then as the boy

45:59

you and the other Paul were to be competing

46:03

for your favor as well. Right.

46:06

Right. I don't know. Is this a movie

46:08

idea? It's getting to inception. I've

46:11

actually written, I've written down and so I'm going to sell it.

46:13

So I, the rule is- You mailed it to yourself already?

46:15

I didn't mail it to you. Oh my gosh. And

46:17

I stamped it and I closed it so when the strike is

46:19

over. Shit. And don't

46:22

worry. I got a, I got a team of people

46:24

that can help me produce this movie. Can

46:25

we at least be in it, Niansco? Yeah. Yeah,

46:28

you can be in it. Two best friends maybe.

46:30

Two best friends way, way far in the background of the

46:32

carnival scene. Two

46:35

carnies. All right. I'll

46:37

take it. I'll take it. Honestly, after a

46:39

strike, I'd take everything. Sure,

46:41

sure. Because you know on a carnival set there's

46:43

going to be cotton candy and popcorn. Oh,

46:46

not on this one. My school were not allowed to have any potential

46:48

allergens. Oh. Yeah.

46:51

What sort of things happened at this carnival? Is

46:53

there a dunk, huh? What? Is

46:55

there a dunk tank? Me?

46:57

Yeah. What happened

46:59

to this segment? Is there a dunk tank? Oh, I wish.

47:01

Not anymore. Not after what happened last year.

47:03

What happened? Somebody

47:05

got dunked. Really? That's its purpose,

47:07

I think. So no one expected that. Water

47:09

everywhere. Their parents sued the school district.

47:11

Oh. Because it got wetter? Just

47:14

some wetter? Yeah. So now it's just an, it's empty.

47:16

No wonder that you have a thing about water. So that people will

47:18

just drop into the bottom? Yeah,

47:21

yeah, yeah. Oh. Maybe put some

47:23

cushions down there. Oh, I wish. Can't do

47:25

it. Can't do it? Why not?

47:27

You just can't. You can't. Goose

47:30

feathers? Are you in charge of this carnival? It

47:32

sounds like you- Well, my guys are building it. Oh, I see.

47:34

It's going to be a really bad thing. Okay. Double

47:36

dipping. Well, here's the thing is they gave me the budget

47:39

and they said as long as I do it under budget I get to keep

47:41

the change. Nice. Okay, yeah.

47:43

That's a good system. So that's the other big thing is my

47:45

guys are building the carnival and I'm constantly having just

47:48

put my wig and my hard hat on and then take it off

47:50

so that way I can talk to all my friends.

47:52

Why don't you just put the hard hat on and say-

47:53

I can't do that. I got to get in character, Scott. I

47:55

definitely told you this at some point in time. I

47:57

feel like you're not listening to me. I'm sorry.

47:59

Yeah, but think about, did

48:03

you ever see the last episode of Hannah Montana?

48:06

No. The last episode. Yeah,

48:08

see, I didn't either. But in that episode, I

48:10

guess the Miley Cyrus person

48:12

says goodbye to the Hannah

48:14

Montana alter ego. And don't you think you

48:16

should do that and just be one person? Just

48:19

be a kid, yeah. Or say goodbye

48:21

to your school. I mean, honestly, like

48:23

you're better at the construction stuff, it sounds like, than

48:25

you were at school.

48:26

Yeah. Whoa, I didn't even think

48:28

about that. I can tell everybody the truth and see where the chips fall.

48:30

Precisely. Whoa, okay. So

48:32

then I guess I can go to

48:35

school and be myself. And then I can also

48:37

stand trial as a legal adult

48:39

because even though I'm 16, they're trying me as an adult. Are

48:41

they real? Oh no. Yeah,

48:43

and

48:43

then potentially. How many decades are you looking at in prison? Oh,

48:46

it's a white collar crime, technically. Oh, okay. So

48:49

no jail fines. As long as you pay a fine, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, $2,000.

48:53

Why are you even bothering going to the trial? Do

48:55

you think? Yeah, just pay the two brand. Skip

48:58

it? You couldn't pay me $2,000

49:00

right now to show up to a court. If

49:03

I offered you $2,000 right now, you wouldn't show

49:05

up to any kind of court? No way. No, thank you. What's

49:07

the cash? What about a tennis

49:10

court? Definitely not a pickleball. Yeah, right. What's

49:13

the amount that I would show up to a court and undergo

49:16

a trial for? Yeah. How long

49:18

is the trial? It's going to be eight weeks. And what size

49:20

is your head? Eight weeks? Yeah. Would

49:23

you wear a wig? Is that $250 a week? Hmm?

49:25

Huh? Me? Yeah,

49:28

you.

49:29

Okay. Yeah, so like $250 a week. I

49:35

thought $2,000 for a day I wouldn't even

49:37

do.

49:38

Okay. Well, how

49:40

much would it cost for me for you to put my wig on and

49:42

show up at this trial?

49:44

Well, let's see. I wouldn't

49:46

do it for $2,000 a day. Right.

49:50

I would do it for... I'd do it for 10 grand a day.

49:52

Scott, what if I tell everybody the truth and nobody likes

49:54

me? That's a fear,

49:57

honestly. And it happens. Trust

49:59

me.

49:59

that we all have, what if I tell the truth about myself

50:02

and no one likes me? I mean, that's, that's how we all feel

50:04

about ourselves every day. I think, you know, the

50:07

best we can do is just

50:09

try to live our lives honestly. And, and

50:12

you know, the people that don't like you, they're not meant

50:14

to be in your life. Do you think so? Maybe

50:17

I just kind of made that up as I was talking.

50:18

Well, what do I do if I can't be non union

50:21

construction site foreman and I can't be

50:23

a junior? What do you want to do with your life? What

50:25

do I want to be? Yeah. I mean, this is just a

50:27

hobby for you right now. Have you thought about college

50:29

maybe? No, I haven't. Not

50:32

at all. Not for one second. You're a junior. Yeah,

50:34

I'm a junior. They haven't even brought this up to you ever. Well,

50:36

my uncle Frank gave me some really good advice

50:38

and he said, college, don't do it. And

50:42

did he, did he elaborate or was that

50:44

it? No, then the prison phone caught out

50:46

and so I couldn't get the end of what he was saying. I don't know that I'd

50:48

be taking his advice necessarily.

50:50

So your stepfather and your uncle. Your uncle

50:53

Frank? Are in prison?

50:53

Oh, right. It's my, it's my

50:56

stepfather. Is your uncle Frank? Well,

50:58

my stepdad is my uncle, is my legal

51:00

uncle. Legal uncle? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

51:02

So he got an upgrade. Yeah, well, he got married

51:05

to my aunt. He

51:07

got, he got married. Your stepdad got married

51:09

to you? My mom passed away in a tragic ship

51:12

accident. Oh. And so then he married

51:14

my aunt. So

51:17

he's here. I don't think this is making sense. No, I didn't.

51:20

Yeah, it does. Her stepfather

51:23

after her mother died, her widowed

51:25

stepfather. Where's your father in all this?

51:27

Oh, Portland. Say

51:29

no more. Portland. He

51:31

makes beer. Oh, like craft

51:33

beer or? No, he works for Budweiser.

51:36

Oh, okay. They're in Portland trying

51:38

to sort of cut out the craft market

51:41

up there. Yeah,

51:41

I understand that. Well, look,

51:43

Susie Tooman, I don't know that we have

51:45

answers for you, but you seem to be at a constant

51:48

state of distress every time you come. Yeah. I

51:50

hope that getting this kind of stuff

51:52

off your chest is, yes. I gotta say, the calmest I've ever been

51:54

is when you guys locked me in that back room for three hours

51:56

before the podcast record. That's right. Yeah.

51:58

I remind.

51:59

Remind me to do that next time you're on the show. Again?

52:03

Yeah. Yeah, well you do it every time, so I would imagine that it would

52:05

happen again next time. I don't know why it wouldn't happen next time. Just

52:07

remind me because I keep forgetting and then I see you and

52:09

I go, your assistants will take care of me. Yeah,

52:12

all my many assistants, my whole team.

52:14

Why do you have so many assistants? You

52:16

know, it's just one of these things where they're doing this

52:19

podcast, it's a lot of hard work, you know? I

52:21

mean, a lot of people think, oh, anyone could do this,

52:23

you know? You're just saying bullshit.

52:25

I'm thinking that constantly. You're right,

52:27

maybe I will host your podcast when I grow up.

52:30

Look, I mean, I still think I have another. Andy,

52:33

if I go to college, can I host this podcast? Yeah, yeah,

52:35

you can major in hostile takeovers

52:38

and then use those skills to

52:40

oust this guy. You could buy me out, yeah.

52:41

What a good idea. Yeah, you

52:44

could buy me out. I love that podcast. If his day

52:46

rate is 10 grand, buying him out on this

52:48

podcast is gonna. You're gonna need a little capital,

52:51

but it's gonna

52:51

be a great experience. And we're running out of time here, I think I'm ready to move on

52:53

to our next guest. No, no, no, no, no,

52:55

no, we have to take a break. Oh, right. First

52:57

lesson in podcasting. We need to go

52:59

talk to mattress people.

53:02

Oh, right, right. And food delivery services.

53:05

Let me write this down, let me write this down. Yeah, no, this

53:07

is a good lesson. I feel like I'm mentoring this young

53:09

child.

53:10

What you were saying

53:12

about raising children, Andy, this is really resonating

53:15

with me now that I'm. Yes, yes. Telling Susie Tooman here

53:17

about podcast ads.

53:18

All right, I live here, I guess. You're constantly

53:20

bothering. I'm living here. All right, I'll move in. I'll move

53:22

in, I guess. Yeah, I'll change my last

53:24

name to Ockerman. Oh, boy. Tumen

53:26

Ockerman. That sounds like we're

53:28

married. Susie. I don't think so. Susie

53:31

Tockerman. Oh, that's good. Not

53:33

bad, actually. Susie Tockerman, teen podcaster.

53:35

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it. But

53:37

your branding instincts

53:40

are really, really good. Look, we need to take

53:42

a break. We need to take a break right now. Go

53:45

ahead. We'll come back to you right after this

53:47

break, or maybe not, we'll see. You

53:50

really don't want to leave the audience thinking we're not going to come

53:52

back after the break. They won't sit through the break. Go

53:54

take some time for yourself, and you're back when

53:56

we get back, we'll see you back. OK, your

53:59

podcasting instincts are bad. I think that's all

54:01

exciting. It sounds exciting. Yeah,

54:03

it sounds exciting. Okay, we're going to take a break.

54:05

When we come back, maybe we'll be here. Maybe we won't.

54:07

Maybe you who knows,

54:10

but we are supposed to talk to a viral guru

54:12

when we come back. That would be very exciting. So, uh,

54:15

please come back. We'll have more from Susie

54:17

Toome and more Andy Richter, more comedy

54:19

bang bang. We'll be right back after this.

54:23

Comedy bang bang.

54:25

We're back. Andy Richter is here of the

54:27

three questions and nothing else we can talk about.

54:29

Another, oh, and his directing career. Can't

54:31

talk about it. Can't talk about, whether

54:33

he's a quintuplet or not, or why people might be

54:35

asking that. I think we could talk about quintup.

54:38

Are you worried? I, I'm worried that the

54:40

sag is, is afraid that

54:42

someone's going to look up quintuplets and put

54:45

some money into the pockets of,

54:47

uh, what was that on Fox? It was on Fox. It

54:49

was on Fox. Yeah. It was on Fox. Is it

54:51

streaming anywhere? Can anyone get it?

54:53

I have no idea. Isn't that interesting?

54:55

You'll do stuff and that just disappears. Oh, absolutely.

54:58

But that's the way it used to be. I mean, they used to erase

55:00

tapes back in the, uh, like Monty Python

55:02

days and I love Lucy and stuff like that. They used

55:04

to, Dr. Who or yeah. And also

55:07

like, you know, most early cinema is just

55:09

gone. Just gone. Like, yeah, throw it out.

55:11

Yeah. That's I mean, it's weird to be working in an

55:13

industry where that's kind of like,

55:15

that's the norm in a way is like, yeah, let

55:18

us throw it out. Yeah, I guess. But I guess everyone's

55:20

job is like, yeah, we're all just, you know,

55:23

biting time. We're all just renting our

55:25

little space. We stand on a big beach.

55:27

That's right. And hopefully when

55:29

we get up there to heaven,

55:31

the heavenly father will be awaiting us. Look,

55:33

I live on the beach. That's all I'm saying. Scott,

55:36

can I try asking a question? All right. Susie

55:38

Tooman is here. Uh, uh, team Foreman. Yeah, go ahead.

55:41

Ask a question. Uh, so Andy, uh, you did a

55:43

lot of things on TV and on podcasts.

55:45

Uh, so I guess my question is, um, have

55:47

you ever been in for questioning because they found a body buried

55:50

in a, in a hospital sort of foundation

55:52

or anything like that? No,

55:54

I honestly haven't. I

55:57

got to ask this question. I wouldn't be a good podcaster.

56:00

didn't ask a follow-up, which is have you? Not

56:02

that anybody can prove, right Scott? That

56:04

you, no one can prove you've been in for questioning.

56:06

I think they keep records of that at the police station. Good

56:09

luck finding it on that place, burned to the ground in my right,

56:11

Andy. The police station? Why are you high-fiving?

56:14

Wow. Andy, you're reciprocating.

56:17

It's a reflexive thing when somebody puts

56:19

one up. I can't leave them hanging. I understand that. Well,

56:22

speaking of putting one up, let's put up another guest

56:24

on the board. He is a viral

56:27

guru. This is very exciting. I don't even know what that means.

56:30

But please welcome to the show for the first

56:32

time, Daniel Kolodzie. Hey, hey.

56:35

How's it going, Scott? It's going really good. This

56:37

is Susie. This is Andy. Hi, Andy. Hi.

56:40

Good to meet you. Yeah, we said hello before the show. Oh,

56:41

you did? Yeah. Daniel Kolodzie? Is

56:44

that your name? Kolodzie. Kolodzie. It's

56:47

like cologne without the N? A little

56:49

bit. It's K-O-L-O-D-J-I-E-Z.

56:52

So you have a DJ in there, which is fun. That's right.

56:54

You're like DJ Z-Trip. Yeah, like a little

56:56

bit of a party. Yeah, I love that. I

56:58

love that. And you're a viral guru.

57:01

I don't know exactly. I

57:03

sort of know what a guru is. And

57:05

I know it goes. So it's the word viral that's discovered. Well,

57:07

I've gone viral. There's several of my tweets

57:10

in the past. Well, I do. Is it something

57:11

like that? A little bit. I am

57:14

hired to give symposiums and one-on-one

57:17

coaching to brands and individuals to help

57:19

them

57:20

go viral. Because that's our currency

57:22

these days. I help people

57:24

go viral. Because I've been viral myself. What

57:28

have you been viral with? Well,

57:32

the very first time I ever went viral, I remember it well.

57:34

It was about 10 years ago. And I was walking out

57:36

of a Cumberland farms in Warwick, Rhode

57:38

Island. What's a Cumberland farm? It's like a little

57:40

mini mart. It's a mini mart. It's like AMPM.

57:44

And there were. Anti-meridium, post-meridium. Yeah,

57:46

OK, you get it. You didn't have to ask. And

57:49

there were five or six 13-year-olds

57:51

there.

57:51

And they said, hey, nice hat.

57:53

But I wasn't wearing a hat. And I said,

57:55

I'm not wearing a hat. And they just beat the shit

57:57

out of me. And I'm ringing camera cocks.

58:00

it and it went huge. It

58:02

was just massively big. Just these

58:04

13-year-olds just going to town. How

58:06

many 13-year-olds?

58:07

Well, it's foggy, but

58:09

I think it's like four or five, six, somewhere

58:12

around there. Yeah, so that's like a 65-year-old. Yeah.

58:15

If there were five of them. Yeah, yeah, I guess so,

58:17

yeah. Did you fight back? Oh,

58:19

yeah, as hard as I could and it didn't matter and

58:22

I think that's part of what the appeal was.

58:24

Sure. You know, people- Just watching someone flail

58:26

around

58:28

and without any

58:30

sort of- Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

58:32

just impotently. Yeah, and I get it. It was funny,

58:34

you know what I mean? And that kind of made me famous

58:36

and I was like, that's fun for a day. And then it just kind

58:39

of kept happening where

58:41

I'd go somewhere and a bunch of 13-year-olds

58:43

would show up. I don't know how they knew and they would

58:45

just beat the shit out of me and they would film it

58:47

and that would go viral. And like if

58:49

you're 13, you know Daniel Caloge

58:52

and you've probably

58:53

beat me up. And it's just- This

58:56

would happen in your neighborhood or- Neighborhood

58:59

vacate. I went to a mini golf invitational

59:02

in Myrtle Beach once. And

59:04

they- Didn't know they had invitationals for me. Well, they don't.

59:06

The 13-year-old said it up. Oh, it was a lure.

59:09

Yeah, the invite was real, but the mini golf

59:11

was not. So when I got down there- Then the

59:13

invite wasn't real if the mini golf was not. The

59:15

invite- Oh, it was a real invitation. Thank you,

59:17

Andy. I was invited to go to Myrtle Beach. But can you call

59:20

the invite real if the whole basis

59:22

of the invite is just a lure

59:24

and a trap? I think so. I mean, maybe

59:26

I may have. Yeah, right? He

59:28

didn't go because he came up with it. Somebody

59:31

invite. If you're invited to like, there's

59:33

like a surprise party. Oh, I think we're going to go out to dinner. That's

59:35

still an invitation even if there's a party there. You do go out to

59:37

dinner though because that would be a terrible surprise party

59:40

if it was like, hey, we're going to go out to dinner. And

59:42

then like you never go out to dinner. You just go

59:44

back to your house and there's a bunch of people there. We've

59:46

got there in the last 10 minutes. I can't go to dinner

59:48

anymore because of the 13 year olds. But like that

59:50

is such a big thing about my life.

59:53

I was like, I can

59:53

monetize this. I can turn. I can

59:55

help people go.

59:59

something about the Joker. I don't remember,

1:00:02

but yeah, there was a Star Wars

1:00:04

tweet. I think Star Wars very viral. Great. Even

1:00:06

Ryan Johnson replied to. Yeah. And so

1:00:09

you did that. And then like, I mean,

1:00:11

not to brag. Yeah, it was pretty, yeah, it was fairly.

1:00:13

It's caused a lot of problems

1:00:16

with my cell phone for a few days. And

1:00:18

then you got beat up. The 13 year

1:00:20

olds found you. No, no, I

1:00:23

did not give my location away in those tweets

1:00:26

and no 13 year olds found me. Mine

1:00:28

was a happy ending where I ended

1:00:29

up deleting my Twitter account. May

1:00:33

I ask a question? Do

1:00:36

the kids age out?

1:00:38

Like what happens when they turn 14? Yeah,

1:00:41

no, I think they do. I've

1:00:43

never been hit by an adult in my whole life. Right.

1:00:45

Four or seven years old, I've never been punched by an adult. What

1:00:48

do you consider to be an adult? Is this like 14? Honestly, 14.

1:00:51

14 years old. Through their bar mitzvah? Yeah.

1:00:54

Once they are canonically adult

1:00:56

in the eyes of the Jewish God, then

1:00:58

they have no interest. That's how I feel too. Yeah.

1:01:00

Okay, good. I'm glad we're on the same page. And

1:01:03

they, so once that happens, but they are still

1:01:05

around. A lot of times they'll be filming,

1:01:07

right? Oh, okay. So they're not too

1:01:09

old to film. Not too old to film. But

1:01:12

you must be very excited when one of

1:01:14

these child's 14th birthday is approaching.

1:01:17

You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't. They

1:01:19

just keep coming. They make new 13 year olds every

1:01:21

day. Every day. Like shark's teeth. Yeah,

1:01:23

exactly. Row upon row coming down. I'm

1:01:25

so sorry. I'm a little star

1:01:27

spurt. Well, I'm very nervous being next to you. As

1:01:30

soon as he's a 15 year old, so.

1:01:32

Well, no. Or you're 16. My little

1:01:34

brother, Chicken Wing, actually has one of your teeth

1:01:37

on a necklace. Oh, no way. Which one? Yeah,

1:01:39

is the left canine? Oh

1:01:40

yeah, yeah. They're all gone. If I go

1:01:42

under a blacklight, you know right away these are not real

1:01:44

teeth. How often do you go under these blacklights? All

1:01:47

the time.

1:01:47

Really? Are these posters or are they? No,

1:01:51

I just, you know, I made a bad Amazon order. Like

1:01:53

I did. And they just come every week. They're

1:01:55

sending it. So it's a subscription service.

1:01:58

And so like, I'm not going to.

1:01:59

waste them, you know. Of course.

1:02:02

Climate change. I just am always basically

1:02:04

under the black white. Yeah. Or I'm just glad to hear it

1:02:06

wasn't like a homicide investigation that

1:02:08

you're constantly part of. No, no, no.

1:02:10

Absolutely not. People looking for your semen everywhere? Yeah.

1:02:13

No, they'll find it, but no, they don't look for

1:02:15

it. But they will find it. No,

1:02:18

I mean, if you look hard enough for anything, you'll find it. There's

1:02:20

a label on the jar. Yeah, it's

1:02:22

right there. So, I

1:02:24

mean, this is not the way that people normally go viral.

1:02:27

I don't know if you know that. So, but what's

1:02:29

some of the advice that

1:02:29

you give to these companies? So, the first thing

1:02:32

I say, you know, I'll be there. I'll be like

1:02:34

in front of like, all the CEO

1:02:37

suite of a hard seltzer company. I'll be

1:02:39

on the first thing you need to know about Gomvault viral

1:02:41

is don't do this. Don't do

1:02:43

this to yourself. It'll ruin your

1:02:45

life. You don't want to go viral. Don't go viral.

1:02:47

It's bad. It's never good. It's good for a

1:02:49

little bit. And then it goes bad and your life is ruined.

1:02:52

And then I go, but if you want to hear more, I can talk more.

1:02:54

And they'll say, yes, we don't care about that. Okay. Number

1:02:57

two,

1:02:58

take the worst things that happened to you and

1:03:00

brand it. Right. So, like my

1:03:02

brand is 13 year olds running up to

1:03:05

me,

1:03:05

tricking me. I'm a gullible man. How do

1:03:07

they trick you? That's the other thing because the first in

1:03:10

the, I mean, we've heard about the,

1:03:12

the, oh yes, that was

1:03:15

a trick. That's what got me to stop was I said, I'm not wearing

1:03:17

it. I see. So, you didn't say it as

1:03:19

you were continuing walking. No, because I thought they were

1:03:21

friendly children, but they weren't friendly.

1:03:23

Pretty genius to say like, I like your hat.

1:03:26

I'm wearing a hat. I thought like maybe I am wearing a

1:03:28

hat, but I wasn't wearing a hat. So, you're gullible. So,

1:03:30

anything anyone says to you, you'll buy

1:03:33

it. Mostly.

1:03:34

Yeah, absolutely. Mostly. Can we try this out?

1:03:36

Andy, do you have anything to say to?

1:03:39

Sure.

1:03:41

You know,

1:03:44

Scott and I are actually secretly married.

1:03:47

Oh, wow. Well, it's not secret anymore, but

1:03:49

congratulations. Yeah. Yeah. So nice. Yeah.

1:03:51

See, now that was, that was us telling the truth.

1:03:53

I'm not falling for that. No. Wait a minute.

1:03:56

I'm not falling for that. I'm gullible. I'm not that

1:03:58

gullible. Okay. So, you.

1:03:59

the thing that was not true. I bought the truth. Yeah.

1:04:02

Okay. Interesting. Wow. Interesting. Wow. Over here.

1:04:04

Yeah. Yeah. And the

1:04:06

thing that he bought, the truth that he bought

1:04:10

was not true in the statement of the

1:04:12

thing being not true. That was what he did.

1:04:14

Yeah. Wow. It's like you have backwards brain.

1:04:17

Have you ever heard of that? Just from my doctor.

1:04:19

Can I ask, do you,

1:04:22

do you ever show up

1:04:24

to a CEO

1:04:26

meeting? Yes. And

1:04:29

you come into the boardroom. Oh, and it's 13 year old?

1:04:31

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 40% of the time. It's

1:04:35

like not a lot, you know, but you don't get

1:04:37

paid then. I do not get paid. And are

1:04:39

they all wearing like little tiny suits? Like they're

1:04:41

in the boys from summer? Cute, cute, cute. They all look

1:04:43

like they're, they've been- Which video am I thinking of that, little

1:04:47

kids? Oh, I don't know. I think

1:04:49

it's the boys from summer video. I don't know. Where

1:04:51

the little kid breaks the pencil. He's so stressed out.

1:04:53

I said, I don't know. Just say like boss. I'm sorry.

1:04:56

Like boss baby.

1:04:57

Oh yeah. You're thinking about-

1:04:59

Has anyone ever done a boss baby on you? No,

1:05:01

babies love me.

1:05:03

Babies will love me. They will. They're very considerate

1:05:05

and they're very nice. Um,

1:05:08

love to be around the baby. Is it just when they turn 13 and suddenly?

1:05:11

Yeah. You can see it in their eyes around 11. You

1:05:13

can tell they're thinking about it. They're working on it. Yeah.

1:05:15

They're building up. And then around 12 or 13, a lot of kids

1:05:17

get their phones and they start to be aware and they're like,

1:05:19

Oh, well, we'll go, uh, uh, we'll, we'll

1:05:21

go be, just beat the living shit out of this man.

1:05:24

So how, how many days a week are you

1:05:26

getting the shit beat out of you? If you don't mind

1:05:29

me asking if you can round up or down

1:05:31

school year for four days

1:05:33

a week. Summer, seven. Seven

1:05:36

days a week. So this is prime

1:05:38

time for you. This is prime time. This is where like, you know,

1:05:40

I really get out there and honestly it brings work in.

1:05:42

I made $29 million last year from all these symposiums.

1:05:45

Wow. So it's worthwhile to a certain

1:05:47

degree, everything but my ego. And that's why I'm,

1:05:49

I'm happy to be in this audio book just to talk about it a little bit.

1:05:51

Oh, it's a podcast, but, uh, that's so interesting.

1:05:54

Would you, Andy, would you,

1:05:55

if someone were to pay you $29 million

1:05:57

to get an almost. daily

1:06:00

beating. Yeah. Would you take it? By 13 year

1:06:03

olds? Yeah. I might. They

1:06:05

could be vicious though. I might. That's a lot of money.

1:06:07

Yeah. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of money. Yeah.

1:06:10

And to be fair, I'm not getting paid for getting beat up.

1:06:12

I'm getting paid because of the publicity

1:06:14

of getting beat up. Yes. By

1:06:16

Mike's Hard Lemonade to come in and teach them. Would you show

1:06:18

up to court for $2,000? No, because

1:06:22

I know that would be a trick.

1:06:23

That would absolutely be a trick. Yeah. If you're paying

1:06:25

someone to go to court, like jury duty

1:06:27

style. When you watch that movie, or it's a TV

1:06:29

show, I guess. I was in it. I was in it. You were in

1:06:31

that. Yeah. They cut me out because I believed it too

1:06:33

much.

1:06:34

And you never thought it was going to

1:06:37

be a 13 year old beating you up? No, that one I didn't. Because

1:06:39

they said right in the context, this won't be 13 year

1:06:41

olds. I was like, 13 year olds can't lie. Like if they

1:06:44

have to say if they're 13. Did you ever consider

1:06:46

that this podcast is just

1:06:48

a ruse that we're not recording anything that

1:06:50

actually a bunch of 13 year olds are going to jump

1:06:52

out from behind that door over there and just beat

1:06:54

the shit out of it? Yeah. I considered it. And I was

1:06:56

like, that feels like maybe like, even if they are recording,

1:06:59

maybe like bang bangs been dropping off and listeners

1:07:01

and they want to go viral. I'll probably get a little bit just

1:07:03

from the sound of a man getting beat

1:07:04

up by 13 year olds. Yeah. But

1:07:07

I still came.

1:07:08

You still came. I still came. That is commitment

1:07:10

because I do want to tell you, yes, we have

1:07:12

some 13 hours behind that door. I knew

1:07:15

it. And they have been really

1:07:17

looking forward to beating shit out of you. Of

1:07:19

course. I had heard about you obviously.

1:07:21

Sure, sure. I pay attention to these kinds of things. And

1:07:24

Susie, you rounded up some of these, didn't you?

1:07:27

Well, yeah, I don't give bonuses on

1:07:31

the construction site. So I had a couple of the guys that

1:07:33

I said, you got kids.

1:07:34

It's their kids. I was going

1:07:36

to say, if you just rounded up the construction people,

1:07:39

that would be a...

1:07:39

No, they got work to do. They're busy. Oh, okay.

1:07:41

But their kids have come? I grabbed a couple of their kids.

1:07:44

I'm not evil. I'm not me. And you know

1:07:46

what I mean? So yeah, I got a couple of the

1:07:48

kids. How many?

1:07:48

Just so I know. So you can prepare

1:07:51

yourself mentally or? There's 12. Yeah,

1:07:53

so it's quite a few. That's a lot of them. Biders? Biders?

1:07:57

Oh, let's hope so. Just

1:07:59

in the biz that's what we call kids who bite. Oh

1:08:02

I mean yeah I would think even out of the biz. It's a good name

1:08:04

yeah. Yeah it's pretty descriptive.

1:08:07

So we have these 12, 13

1:08:11

year olds and

1:08:14

they're willing to beat you up right now. Oh I'm sure. If

1:08:16

you want. Well I'll be honest there's nothing I can do

1:08:18

about it right like like uh so like good

1:08:20

point. Yeah I mean we have them they're wearing

1:08:22

to go. I mean you could run.

1:08:24

Have you ever tried to outrun the 13 year old? Oh

1:08:27

no I have not. No you I haven't found

1:08:29

occasion to do so. Yeah well I have tried

1:08:31

many many times. 13 year olds are the quickest things

1:08:33

on earth. Quickest mammal.

1:08:35

Really quickest mammal. Bluefin tuna

1:08:37

can go faster. Oh okay well

1:08:39

here we go let's open yeah they're

1:08:41

all here. Let's open up

1:08:44

the door over here. Hey

1:08:47

guys how you did.

1:08:50

No

1:08:53

karate. No karate. No.

1:08:56

I said no karate. Okay so

1:09:00

what you're seeing now this is the

1:09:02

sausage. Get your

1:09:04

fingers out. This is how it yeah.

1:09:06

They're really focusing on the groin. Yeah

1:09:08

well that's their height yeah they. So

1:09:11

what. This is jitsu now. Okay that's fine

1:09:13

yeah more flips. These kids have kendo

1:09:16

sticks. Yeah I didn't

1:09:18

realize you had to say hyah when you did karate.

1:09:21

Yeah karate.

1:09:23

That karate stuff.

1:09:26

Okay so yeah normally

1:09:28

this goes on for like you know 20-30

1:09:30

minutes. Yeah they're prepared to do it for that long.

1:09:32

Like until they just get bored. They get

1:09:34

bored. Yeah they get bored. Sometimes you can. Oh

1:09:36

yeah you can see some of the taller ones starting to wander

1:09:38

off. Yeah they wander they don't have the attention span for it.

1:09:40

Okay they've gone into the kitchen.

1:09:43

Yeah they've all oh okay. Okay.

1:09:45

But that was not long at all.

1:09:46

No you're looking shockingly all right. Yeah

1:09:49

you know what I'm mostly callous so

1:09:51

that kind of helps a little bit. I was gonna say your entire

1:09:53

body just it's very leathery.

1:09:56

Yeah Mickey Rourke.

1:09:57

Yeah. Yeah. Scott Amalo

1:09:59

to ask a question. Wonderful.

1:10:01

So I was just so curious because I can

1:10:04

see how this would maybe work for your brand. But how

1:10:06

is that translating to like, I don't know,

1:10:09

Pepsi, Four Locos, something like that? That's

1:10:10

actually a really great question. I don't know if you noticed this, but

1:10:12

a lot of times brands will go out there and

1:10:15

they will kind of do the

1:10:17

sort of metaphorical version of this, right? It'll be

1:10:19

like 9-11 and they'll tweet. I'm

1:10:22

not following you at this point. I'll take a

1:10:24

different one. Pearl Harbor. And they will

1:10:26

post a picture of a Pepsi can

1:10:28

being like, we'll always remember. And then people just

1:10:31

digitally

1:10:33

jujitsu them for a solid two

1:10:35

weeks. Oh, I see. So this is a lot like

1:10:37

the, which Jenner was it that did

1:10:39

the Pepsi campaign? A hundred percent like that. I

1:10:42

actually worked on that. I went in right before and I was like, what you need is something

1:10:44

people hate so much that they will

1:10:46

be furious at you and talk about it for days

1:10:48

and days and days, just like these 13 year olds

1:10:51

that are kicking me in the teeth. And

1:10:53

then they'll still think, but I do want a Pepsi and they'll go

1:10:55

buy that. I mean, I hadn't thought about Pepsi in years

1:10:58

and suddenly that was all I could think about for a good summer.

1:11:00

What's Pepsi? Oh, interesting. That

1:11:03

actually is

1:11:03

a tough question to answer. It's so- Oh wait, no, I remember.

1:11:05

It's a drink, right? Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:07

It's technically a drink. Yeah. Yeah. Technically,

1:11:10

although I wouldn't suggest drinking it necessarily.

1:11:14

Like I said, I'm 50-50

1:11:16

on a lot of stuff. Why not? May

1:11:19

I ask a question? Yeah, please. Bye. I

1:11:22

will stipulate that anyone can ask a question. Well,

1:11:24

actually it's more of a pitch. Oh.

1:11:27

Because- I will authorize that as well. I'm

1:11:29

just spitballing

1:11:31

products here, but say like

1:11:34

you spend a day, because

1:11:36

I'm assuming that this is almost always an ambush

1:11:39

or a trap. Sometimes

1:11:42

it's like a make a wish thing and I know I'm going into it, but like 99%

1:11:44

of the time. Right. Oh, there's make

1:11:47

a wish kits. Yeah, they'll ask and of course I'm like, what a nice send

1:11:49

though. I'm not going to do that.

1:11:50

Do they go through your agency or is it more of a,

1:11:52

they reach out to you directly? Mainly through Cameo. Oh,

1:11:54

great. Wow. So you're

1:11:57

doing Cameo. I'm doing Cameo. Do you get the shit beaten

1:11:59

out of you during the Cameo?

1:11:59

You know, I wrote on there, don't beat me up, but it doesn't,

1:12:02

it doesn't work. I mean, well, you can't,

1:12:04

you know, it's like asking a bird saying,

1:12:06

don't make me fly. Yeah,

1:12:08

but nope, we're gonna be out there making birds fly every

1:12:11

day. Well, I was just thinking this, there's

1:12:13

so much good stuff for branding, like

1:12:16

you just spend the day in

1:12:18

a shirt that says,

1:12:20

you know, like tooth decay, and

1:12:22

then a bunch of kids in Colgate

1:12:25

uniforms. Charge at me. Charge at you and beat

1:12:27

you, you know, just like senseless. Yeah,

1:12:29

that actually is a great pitch. And like, I've actually

1:12:31

pitched that to other corporations. They don't like it cause

1:12:34

you saw the beatings are so vicious. Yeah,

1:12:36

yeah. They really got it. They're not so fun. And

1:12:38

it's like,

1:12:39

it doesn't feel good to see

1:12:41

a kid that young be that

1:12:44

violent and amalistic. No, I was

1:12:46

very disturbed by it, but that's it. I want to get them back in

1:12:48

here. Kids, do you mind coming in and just see? Come back

1:12:50

in. Yeah. Hi, y'all. So,

1:12:53

hi, y'all. Yeah, I don't know if this is reading.

1:12:55

Oh my God. They got a melon baller

1:12:57

from the kitchen. Oh, that's a

1:12:59

new one. They're trying to scoop his belly. They're heating

1:13:01

it up with a big lighter. Now they're

1:13:04

doing

1:13:04

Taekwondo. So,

1:13:06

like, all the audio book listeners, like what's happening

1:13:09

here is just like really excruciating

1:13:11

for me. But you'll probably be able

1:13:13

to see it on TikTok or

1:13:16

X or anything like that later on. What

1:13:18

is X? I think X is what my speech

1:13:20

used to be. Yes. Okay, kids. All

1:13:23

right. That's

1:13:24

enough. That's a bigger one. So just gone at this point.

1:13:27

I think one turned 14 in the middle of that, by

1:13:30

the way. Oh, is that what the happy birthday gig

1:13:32

was? You got a little happy birthday ringtone

1:13:34

on it. The one wearing a little crown, little paper

1:13:36

crown. Oh, that's really sweet that they did something. Yeah,

1:13:38

he just lost interest immediately. It

1:13:40

must be a genetic thing. I don't know. I

1:13:43

just bring it out. Today I am a man and

1:13:45

I have to beat the shit out of you. But

1:13:48

you know what?

1:13:49

It's all in pursuit of

1:13:51

art. Same reason we do anything. I

1:13:53

guess. We're all the same. Scott,

1:13:55

can I ask a question? It's actually an answer.

1:13:58

So I was just wondering. because I did

1:14:00

a little bit of a Google search of you. You used

1:14:02

to be a doctor. Yeah, I was a doctor. Do you still

1:14:04

do that? No, here's

1:14:07

the thing. What kind of doctor were you if you don't mind? Cardiac

1:14:09

surgeon and the- Cardiac, well you need more of those

1:14:11

in the world.

1:14:11

Yeah. Yes. And it sounds like you were making a

1:14:13

lot of breakthroughs based on this. I was doing really good, but what you

1:14:15

don't need is cardiac surgeons who at any given moment, 13 year

1:14:18

olds might barge into the operating theater and just start

1:14:20

punching. Like, it was very hard to keep

1:14:22

the hands. A hospital could have security

1:14:25

measures that would, you know. Have you

1:14:27

ever tried to get a 13 year old to not do something?

1:14:29

Yeah, that's a good point.

1:14:30

And I will say most of the security at the

1:14:32

construction site is sort of 12

1:14:34

to 14 year old. Wow. Would you always do it

1:14:36

in the operating theater? Yeah, I'm a little

1:14:39

theatrical guy. I would like to put on a little

1:14:41

show. How is it? I think it's- Showy. Yeah.

1:14:43

So funny when people use those. Well,

1:14:46

it's just fun. You know, it's funny. If I were the patient,

1:14:48

I would not consent to it. It's like, I don't know. Well,

1:14:50

you bring it up after they're under.

1:14:52

Oh, okay. Oh, I see. This

1:14:54

is karma for me. I'm pretty sure my

1:14:56

life is karma because- Because you would constantly

1:14:58

like put people And

1:15:01

then I invite my buddies and like bring in a pony cake

1:15:03

and we just have a good time. And

1:15:06

I'd wear my cape and I do fun bits. Cape?

1:15:08

Oh yeah. It's the theater. It's the

1:15:10

theater. Of course, my dear boy. You gotta look good. But

1:15:14

now I can't do it.

1:15:15

Yeah. Well, I mean, look, you're

1:15:17

making more money. A lot of money.

1:15:20

But are you happy? That's the thing. No. I

1:15:22

mean, like look at Susie Tooman over here. You know, she

1:15:25

obviously is really good at what she does, but she

1:15:27

seems very unhappy.

1:15:28

Yeah, I was sad at a construction site and now I'm

1:15:30

sad in this little podcasting room. Well,

1:15:32

I think we can all agree. All four of us are very sad

1:15:34

about everything we've done in our lives. I don't know that I would agree with that. It just

1:15:37

feels like that's what makes this episode work. We're

1:15:39

all pretty pretty sad all the time. We're pretty

1:15:41

happy guys. Yeah. Yeah. We're

1:15:43

just two bros, two carneys. Two carneys.

1:15:46

That's right. Well, we'll talk

1:15:47

about the crediting. Card

1:15:49

number one, myself. I think party number three

1:15:52

or four. I'm picturing more of the

1:15:54

far background roles. Way

1:15:56

far where we don't even get, where

1:15:58

in IMDB it says uncorrect. Yeah,

1:16:00

well if you go tag yourself sort of in the IMDB

1:16:03

page, maybe you can cut it yourself that way But we'll just sort of

1:16:05

say so many people did that on the difference

1:16:07

movie before it ever came out really Uncred

1:16:10

yeah Like all the background

1:16:13

actors on it like it would pop up

1:16:15

Is that nice because people are excited about it or

1:16:17

is that I guess so I mean it was yeah They

1:16:19

were more excited by it than the audience was I would

1:16:21

say Dismayed

1:16:27

Look I I have no advice for you.

1:16:29

I don't know if you came here for advice. No, this is not

1:16:31

an advice podcast So I would think

1:16:33

that you wouldn't but your life sounds

1:16:36

terrible and I'm glad I'm not you. Oh, thank you

1:16:38

Can I just say you also said you're so gullible and

1:16:40

you we've said on several occasions This is podcast,

1:16:43

but you do keep calling it an audio because I'm not falling

1:16:45

for it Oh, I know this is an audiobook Wait,

1:16:47

so you thought it was a trap to just

1:16:50

record an audiobook instead of a podcast and

1:16:52

I guess a 13 year old boy Part of it like a live

1:16:54

audiobook. Yeah between an audiobook. Are these 13 year

1:16:56

old boys or they oh, no No, this is a

1:16:59

very diverse group of

1:17:01

boys girls non-bond lot

1:17:03

of non-binary 13 year

1:17:05

olds beating you up lots of different races. They all

1:17:07

like they all love it. It's just an age

1:17:10

thing. I guess It's really beautiful. Yeah, I think it is

1:17:12

beautiful. It's it's America, you know, it's wow. Well

1:17:14

look Daniel. This is terrible.

1:17:16

I feel like

1:17:21

I don't I don't envy you is all I want

1:17:23

to say I don't envy you. Okay good We have an agreement.

1:17:26

But one thing I do envy is the

1:17:28

listeners who

1:17:30

Realize that this show

1:17:32

is running out of time and why

1:17:35

man, I'm really trying to make this make sense Go

1:17:38

ahead try it. Try it Susie. I don't want to you. You

1:17:40

don't want to really know You got to work on your segways

1:17:43

if you're gonna do podcast. Okay, so okay

1:17:45

So what he said we ended on don't

1:17:47

envy you and I have to take a break So, how do you get there?

1:17:49

Okay. So first I think about what's

1:17:51

something that a viewer would like so I'd go. Um, so Daniels

1:17:55

agreed to pay each and every listener $5,000 to

1:17:59

go show up at court

1:17:59

on a Tuesday which is above $2,000 so

1:18:02

that should be enough to get you to come to court.

1:18:05

We'll be right back. What are you talking

1:18:07

about right now? That was really good. I feel

1:18:10

like you're not listening Scott. Have you agreed? That

1:18:12

was really good. Pay $5,000? It sounds like I have. I've been

1:18:14

told I have. Yeah. I'll go for ten. No.

1:18:17

No. We're offering five Scott. Five

1:18:19

sorry. Then I will not go.

1:18:22

I'm sorry. I would go for ten today.

1:18:23

Speaking of ten, the only ten I see

1:18:25

is on a break. You're

1:18:27

the only ten I see. Wow. Thank you Scott. Scott.

1:18:31

Scott. You really blossomed during the summer. I

1:18:33

really appreciate that. I

1:18:35

feel like I'm blossoming during this episode too.

1:18:37

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You're getting a little more mature. Well,

1:18:40

we are running out of time unfortunately. I'm I'm afraid

1:18:42

to say that. We only have time for one final feature on the

1:18:44

show. That is of course a little something called plugs.

1:18:47

I'd like to plug.

1:18:59

Zooky and Keep It

1:19:02

Frooky.

1:19:05

I'd like to plug. Keep it Frooky.

1:19:07

Keep it Froopy. Keep it Froopy.

1:19:09

Keep it Froopy.

1:19:13

I'd like to plug. Keep it Froopy. Keep

1:19:15

it Froopy. Stay

1:19:18

strong, Green. And keep it Frooky. Is

1:19:21

that your catchphrase?

1:19:21

I'm not sold on it yet. Wow.

1:19:24

That was Keep It Frooky by Brendan Hogan.

1:19:26

Brendan using the sample that VOM from a couple of weeks

1:19:28

ago. We're going to go back to the next couple of weeks ago later. That

1:19:30

was a pretty quick turnaround. Thanks so much to

1:19:32

Brendan Hogan and guys what do we plug in? Andy

1:19:35

you obviously have the podcast three questions. I

1:19:37

have a podcast. The three

1:19:39

questions.

1:19:42

Devo is going on

1:19:44

tour. I don't have anything to do with

1:19:46

that. I just wanted people to know. Okay good.

1:19:49

Yeah, where can people get information about that? I

1:19:51

imagine on the internet. Okay, that's

1:19:53

a good place for it. Yeah. Or on earth somewhere. Right.

1:19:55

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Word of mouth. Sure.

1:19:58

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe a guy like you would mention that.

1:19:59

Keep your ears open, people. Sure.

1:20:02

You might hear something.

1:20:04

Okay, wonderful. And that's, is

1:20:06

that the conclusion of your plugs that you're legally allowed to

1:20:08

get? Yeah, absolutely. Everything,

1:20:11

I have nothing else. We can plug

1:20:13

quintuplets, though. No one's watching that. Yeah, go

1:20:15

check out quintuplets. Go check out

1:20:17

quintuplets. All right. It's the show

1:20:19

I did that I like least. Oh, no.

1:20:22

What's the one you like? You probably can't mention the

1:20:24

one you like the most. Oh, yeah. People

1:20:26

are still watching. Oh, which

1:20:27

one is it? Andy Barker PI. Yeah, that was

1:20:29

a good show. It was a good show. You worked out of the

1:20:31

mini mall. I did? Yeah. Yeah.

1:20:35

Good stuff. Of course, people can't watch it. Don't

1:20:37

watch it, though. Don't ever watch it. Yeah.

1:20:40

Don't give a universal your money. Yeah,

1:20:42

don't make your eyes scabs. Yeah. Susie

1:20:45

Toon, what do you want to plug?

1:20:46

I want to plug my stepdad

1:20:49

Frank's commissary account. So if you can go

1:20:51

ahead and send him some cash.

1:20:53

Yeah, he needs, what do you buy over

1:20:55

there? Like candy bars? Yeah, like flip flops.

1:20:58

Yep. And

1:21:00

Daniel. Collage.

1:21:03

Collo J. Collo J. Yeah.

1:21:06

What do you want to plug? I want to. I

1:21:08

just want to. How do you spell that again? K-O-L-O-D-J-I-E-Z.

1:21:11

Got it. Collo J. Collo J. It

1:21:14

won't forget again. Just the way it sounds. Yeah,

1:21:16

it won't forget again. I just want to plug

1:21:17

the website X. Great website. You know, like great website to

1:21:19

go viral on. Easy to find, too.

1:21:22

Easy to find. Just put an X in your computer

1:21:24

somewhere. Just getting better every day. You know, get out

1:21:26

there and enjoy it. Yeah. It's wonderful. I

1:21:29

want to plug, look, head over to CBB

1:21:31

World

1:21:32

and we have so many great shows over

1:21:34

there. We have Scott Hasn't Seen. Andy, you were on an

1:21:36

episode of Scott Hasn't Seen. What did we watch? We

1:21:38

watched, oh yeah, yeah, well, the

1:21:41

Meryl Streep, Sophie's Choice. Sophie's

1:21:43

Choice, yeah, that's right. That was an interesting

1:21:46

episode. It was, it was, yeah, because that

1:21:48

movie is

1:21:50

gut wrenching kind of. Yeah, but

1:21:52

also a weird romance. Yeah. For

1:21:54

most of it. And then suddenly Nazi time.

1:21:59

And we did.

1:21:59

We did a great episode where we watched Mr.

1:22:02

Holland's opus once with someone. Nice.

1:22:05

Don't know who. Don't know who, we'll never find out.

1:22:07

I'll never know. But head over there to CBB World, we also

1:22:09

have episodes of CBB Presents where people

1:22:11

from this show have their own shows, like

1:22:14

Randy Snuts has his own show, Hey Randy. We

1:22:16

also have Who Me with the Batman, and

1:22:20

Heinz I'm Proved to Meet You with Will Heinz,

1:22:23

and so many great shows. And

1:22:26

if you're just listening to the regular comedy,

1:22:28

bang, bang, then you're only getting half the

1:22:29

story. All right, let's close up the old plug

1:22:32

bag.

1:22:33

♪ Doors are made for closing ♪

1:22:36

♪ So we take them up and shut

1:22:38

them tight ♪ ♪ And then doors are

1:22:40

made for locking ♪ ♪ So

1:22:42

we take a... ♪ ♪ Every

1:22:45

morning when I wake up and I see

1:22:47

the bed ♪ ♪ That my girlfriend is not in

1:22:49

bed ♪ ♪ Every

1:22:53

morning as I hang around the

1:22:55

tattoos ♪ ♪ And I'm very glad that my

1:22:57

boyfriend failed ♪ I

1:23:00

thought it was every morning when I wake up and I

1:23:02

see the bed, I check to see if my girlfriend's

1:23:04

dead. You say Sugar Ray, that band? Mark

1:23:07

McGill? Sugary. Huh,

1:23:09

that was Every Plug Back Morning,

1:23:12

Ted Noogie Sugary Mix

1:23:14

by Maximiliano Ruoco.

1:23:17

Thank you so much. If you have a plugs theme,

1:23:19

head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs

1:23:22

and you could be famous for a week. And I mean,

1:23:24

look, that's all it takes. It's

1:23:26

to do something like that. You can get on this show. Whoever

1:23:29

did that remix is probably getting beaten up by 13 year

1:23:32

olds right now. Speaking of which, I wanna

1:23:34

thank Daniel Koloj.

1:23:36

Koloj, K-O-L-O-D-J-I-E-J.

1:23:38

That's right, I won't forget it again. Thank you so

1:23:41

much. Susie Tooman, good

1:23:43

luck. I doubt we'll be talking to you

1:23:45

before homecoming, but will you give us an update next

1:23:47

time you're on?

1:23:48

Oh, absolutely. Yeah,

1:23:50

and throw a couple of carny jobs at

1:23:53

Mandy over here. I will if you're willing

1:23:55

to do it for free. Good luck with Paul.

1:23:58

Do you mean it? I do.

1:23:59

I do, yeah. One of them sounds great.

1:24:02

The other sounds like a bore, but I

1:24:04

will not say which one. I'm

1:24:05

so nervous. I just hope I get kissed. Have

1:24:08

you ever been kissed by the way? Never. I

1:24:10

mean, other than by, who was it? The big Tony. Yeah, big Tony.

1:24:13

Big Tony. I'm more kissed than Tony. But there was tape

1:24:15

in between. And there

1:24:16

was tape in between. So it doesn't count, Scott. Doesn't count if there's tape

1:24:18

in between. I've always said that. Yep. Too

1:24:20

much. Yep. Say it too

1:24:23

much. That's it, these lips are done with being virgins. If there's a condom

1:24:25

on it, doesn't count. If there's tape in

1:24:27

between, anything like- I'm writing this down. Anything

1:24:30

like that in between doesn't count.

1:24:32

It doesn't count. Right? And

1:24:35

speaking of not counting, we're not gonna count how many

1:24:37

of these 13 year olds are gonna come back in

1:24:39

here and beat the shit out of you. I hope you

1:24:41

don't mind. No, I don't mind. Obviously you expected

1:24:43

it, right? Yeah, oh no, I don't mind. That's just the amount

1:24:46

on it. Come on you guys. We're having an area. Oh, okay.

1:24:48

Ow. Hi, yah.

1:24:50

This is fun. Hi, yah. All right,

1:24:52

we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.

1:24:54

Oh, he's got a fork. I don't

1:24:57

even know- Oh!