0:00

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is

0:02

brought to you by Progressive, where drivers

0:04

who save by switching save nearly $750

0:06

on average, plus auto customers qualify for

0:08

an average of

0:12

seven discounts. Quote now at progressive.com

0:14

to see if you could save.

0:17

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates

0:19

national average 12-month savings of

0:22

$744 by new customers surveyed who saved

0:24

with Progressive between June 2022 and May

0:28

Potential savings will vary, discounts

0:31

not available in all states and

0:33

situations. This

0:36

episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to

0:38

you by Sport Clips Haircuts. At

0:41

Sport Clips Haircuts, they hairdo like

0:43

no one else hair does. That's

0:45

because not only is it the home

0:47

of champion haircuts, but they've

0:50

also made relaxing and unwinding the

0:52

name of the game. With the

0:54

MVP haircut experience, your haircut gets

0:56

turned up a notch. That's

0:59

because the MVP is more than just

1:01

a haircut, it's a spa day for

1:03

your hair follicles. It's

1:05

a seven pressure point massaging

1:07

shampoo, along with a perfectly

1:09

steamed hot towel, all while

1:12

sports plays on TV. You

1:14

can want it all and have it

1:16

all at Sport Clips. It's

1:19

a game changer. Hey

1:21

everyone, Scott Aucherman here. And welcome

1:23

to a special episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Today we're

1:25

going to do something a little bit different. Over

1:28

at comedybangbangworld.com, we put out weekly

1:30

episodes of a show called CBB

1:32

Presents, where some of your

1:34

favorite characters from this show host their

1:36

own programs such as Hey Randy with

1:38

Randy snots, Eat Pray Dunk with

1:41

Bill Walton. This book changed my life with

1:43

Lilly Sullivan. A couple of

1:45

weeks ago, we released the second Alimony Tonys

1:47

of Alimony Shoney. And

1:49

this week we've decided to put out today's

1:51

episode here on the free feed so everyone

1:54

can enjoy it. So if you like what

1:56

you hear, there are more than a hundred

1:58

other episodes of CBB. presents you

2:00

can hear over at CBB World. Also

2:03

we have the neighborhood listen, we have

2:05

Scott Hasn't Seen with Sprague the Whisperer

2:07

and myself, College Town, the entire

2:10

archive of Comedy Bang Bang so much more. All

2:12

you have to do is subscribe

2:14

to CBB world.com on the Maximus tier.

2:16

You can either do it monthly or

2:18

if you subscribe for a whole year

2:21

you get two of those months for

2:23

free. So now without further

2:25

ado please enjoy the Timekeeper's

2:28

Leap Day Special. CBB

2:30

presents. Tick,

2:50

Tock, Tick, Tock,

2:52

Tick, Tock, Tick,

2:54

Tock, Tick, Tock,

2:56

It's the perfect

2:58

year for time.

3:01

February 29th. Hello?

3:20

Anybody you guys open? Yes, yes, come

3:23

in and welcome to Longo Watch Repair.

3:25

Okay, great. Okay, I was having a

3:27

little trouble finding it. Oh

3:29

yes, yes. Great. Yeah,

3:32

well, yeah, gotta watch that. In

3:34

need of repair? Yeah, yeah, pretty

3:36

busted. Here's a tragedy to be

3:38

sure but here's why we're

3:41

here. Yeah, yeah, well thank you, yeah.

3:43

Well thank you. Yes, now

3:45

you may be wondering am I

3:47

Desmond Longo, owner of Longo Watch

3:50

Repair? Were you wondering that?

3:53

Well, no, but I guess now, yeah. I

3:55

bet you are now, but I've put the

3:57

idea in your head. Yeah. I'm not. Oh,

4:01

so you're not the I'm not Desmond Longo. I'm

4:04

the timekeeper Okay,

4:06

Desmond Longo is my brother-in-law. He's out for

4:09

a little bit. So I'm kind of manning

4:11

the store while he's gone Oh, okay.

4:13

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, keep it in

4:16

the family. Okay. Yeah. Yeah that that's

4:18

great Let me

4:20

see this watch. Let me give it. Let me

4:22

show you the expert at fixing things But you

4:24

know, I've been practicing so if you want I

4:28

could be the one to try to work

4:30

On it. So free of charge, of course.

4:32

Oh my god I wouldn't go to a

4:34

salon and someone training you and you get

4:36

a free haircut. Oh free. Yeah Yeah, if

4:38

you don't mind that me of course Trainee

4:42

is trying to fix sign watch. Oh, yeah.

4:44

No. Hey, I know how it is, man

4:46

You know on job training. Yeah

4:48

here. I mean, of course I'd love for you to

4:50

take a look. Okay What seems to be the problem?

4:52

Well, you know, it's pretty busted up. It's

4:55

you know, it's this thing goes back You

4:57

know, they're not taking nor talking I suppose.

4:59

No not taking her talk and not you

5:01

know And you know, it's an old piece

5:03

of you know, it's an old piece. Oh

5:06

Yes, it's a beaut. Yeah, it's been

5:08

in the family for you know, as

5:10

long as you know Yeah, as long

5:12

as it goes, you know, as long

5:14

as time immemorial. Yeah. Yeah time immemorial

5:18

Long gone on coal mine real sweet guy.

5:21

What's your name, sir? My name's Bobby Bobby

5:24

Oh, I love that name reminds me

5:26

of the police overseas. Oh

5:28

though in the UK. Yes. Yes Yeah,

5:31

I've never been I hear that. Yeah, I

5:33

hear the Guinness is different in Europe. Yes.

5:36

I've heard that too Yeah, the glasses are

5:38

upside down You're

5:42

funny too, this is great. I don't intend to

5:44

be oh man Uh,

5:46

but yeah, I belong to great uncle an uncle

5:48

of mine real sweet guy He

5:51

sentimental value, oh yeah, he passed

5:53

recently. Oh not violently I hope

5:56

well Unfortunately, I Wish

5:58

I could say no, it's it's. I guess

6:00

it was you could say was violent.

6:02

the kind of a freak accident. So

6:05

yeah, let me just sit, see like

6:07

and sussex. Yeah yeah please. Yeah, I'm

6:09

fine with some freak accident, some whoops.

6:13

Sorry. Just so sorry. No

6:16

doubt it's okay a freak accident. Go on here

6:18

are just keep six to get under know you'd

6:20

you'd years that gloomy destroys his. Okay,

6:25

I don't worry about that. That's the most

6:27

the have admitted. probably next to spring inside

6:29

of it. Could have been the problem though.

6:31

They we go as your uncle he passed

6:34

so yeah you certified a deal yet. Alternatives

6:36

normal. I hope he's been moved freak accident

6:38

type. Deal. Hung

6:40

over. I'm sorry to hear that.

6:42

Your arm wells. Scattered.

6:45

No way to say it without it's

6:47

you know he got a laugh. I

6:49

guess it does well. he died or

6:51

you use a big fan of this

6:53

film mode. Pulp. Fiction Idol

6:55

I I never seen it. I don't

6:57

like the violent movies. I like the

6:59

light hearted saved my life would you

7:01

not? and Ninety Four a Wonderful year.

7:04

Oh yeah Bugs, Lies, moving or emotionally

7:06

Bird Simon Birch Seven that's more. I

7:08

know the human genome of subtler violence,

7:10

the cussing. oh yeah fighter. he loved

7:12

that movie Man and and he get

7:14

his buddies together every weekend. they watch

7:16

it and I guess they they. I

7:18

went to hear they had a couple

7:21

of drinks and know as somebody dared

7:23

him if he can. And

7:26

you know it's okay to last.

7:28

This is insane. It's a freak. As

7:30

he put it. I guess someone in

7:32

the movie Paul Six inputs a time

7:35

peace in his anus. Christopher Walken does

7:37

that all. Chris Martin. Yeah, I

7:39

like him. The oh yes yeah, I

7:41

like him in our Clicks. I liked

7:44

him in that sub boy slow music

7:46

when I like that too. Yeah,

7:48

But he put it says. He

7:51

put it up there and and they say

7:53

died instantly. We don't know who was. he

7:55

died from putting a lot of his but

7:57

we don't know if it hit an artery.

8:00

If it was an old an allergic reaction

8:02

to the metal vote only things pass through

8:04

the. The. But all the time without.

8:07

Morbid results he would seek. He wouldn't He

8:09

wouldn't Harris from such a thing I get

8:11

and know you're say that it's okay. I

8:13

mean you cannot get a laugh. I melanoma

8:16

your smile as a cracker will smile and

8:18

that's okay. I'll send you not to. How

8:20

on earth can you not know of has

8:22

okay I'm smiling your lips day after all

8:25

I'm smiling the his low elo oh yes

8:27

that sleep day I do know I didn't

8:29

said no idea Oh well, it's a very

8:31

important day For the every four years were

8:33

given an extra day to appreciate. Time. Well

8:36

you know I guess I never thought

8:38

about. I never really thought of what

8:40

the hell is lead day. I know

8:42

who sits a day to appreciate time.

8:44

Yes that is so so your uncle

8:46

passed away in else I guess I'm

8:48

should ask has Usd the watch I'm

8:50

working on right now that with up

8:52

his but I was killed in Asia.

8:54

Don't shoot, don't worry I scrubbed it

8:56

off, I put the sundial soap on

8:58

there and if as you know I

9:00

meant to say that I know we're

9:02

just ignore the Hi Louis to see.

9:05

My can work on it a little more. hear

9:07

her. Voice.

9:14

Such. Ridiculous.

9:20

As it has ago and now it's just it's.

9:24

Also the time since the my

9:27

little hour ago in says instruments

9:29

variants rooted said what are your

9:31

views a drill abetted suburbs the

9:33

other yeah it's normal that was

9:35

part of the proceeds are us

9:37

decide to get into doing again

9:39

I'm so sorry that is that

9:41

A. Baker. Yeah,

9:43

was an instrument of does. Yeah.

9:46

It was you close with your uncle and thought

9:48

i hate to ask this. I know

9:51

it's very personal, but was it your

9:53

mother or father sibling? There. was

9:55

my it was my it was

9:57

my of my father's so who

9:59

offered Colonel Uncle. Yeah. Mmm.

10:03

Yeah, not, you know, I gotta say not too close, you know, it's... Oh.

10:06

But... Anytime we hang out, hey, you wanna watch

10:09

Pulp Fiction again? Oh, you would really? I don't

10:11

wanna watch the movie. I don't like this kind

10:13

of film. Mmm. And,

10:15

you know, my other

10:17

brothers, you know, a lot closer. They watch

10:19

it, they love it, but he feels fanatic.

10:21

You're into Simon Birch. Yeah, I like Simon.

10:23

Simon Birch is probably my favorite movie I've

10:25

ever seen. Really? I don't

10:28

think anything's top Simon Birch. Mmm, he hits a

10:30

whole run in that movie, right? Oh, yeah, yeah.

10:32

And what a heartwarming film, you know. And of

10:34

course, The Death was sad. Oh, sure,

10:36

sure. But Simon

10:38

Birch, Indian in the cupboard. I

10:40

haven't seen that one. Are you kidding me? Huh? I

10:43

haven't seen that one. Oh my God. Incredible

10:45

special effects. Oh. You know,

10:48

because that's the thing. Nowadays, the movies, you

10:51

know, it's all green screen is what they

10:53

call it. Oh, yeah. You'll be watching a

10:55

thing. You're thinking, oh, what's going on here?

10:59

Meanwhile, they're all dressed

11:01

in green and the

11:03

background is green, too. Oh. Ain't

11:05

that a bitch? I didn't know they were also in

11:07

green. Yeah. They're not even wearing a costume. Oh,

11:10

yeah. Everything's green. And then it's like,

11:12

yeah, you know. And this is every movie? This is

11:14

pretty much every movie now. They're doing this. Wow.

11:17

Yeah. But Indian in the cupboard.

11:20

Mm-hmm. Let me tell you, I

11:22

think that's practical effects. I don't know. Or

11:25

maybe they got a really small man

11:27

to play the, you know, seems possible.

11:30

But what a great movie. Okay. Well,

11:34

here, I think

11:36

it's fixed. Look

11:38

at that. It's working. Look. It's

11:41

telling you. Oh my God. Oh my God. Look

11:44

at that. It's ticking. It's

11:46

talking. My two favorite words. Hey, I'm

11:48

going to recommend. I'm going to come back. What are

11:50

these? I mean, you know, I'm going to tell the,

11:52

you know, yes, yes. I mean, you know, I think

11:54

the impression. apprenticeship

12:02

I do it for the love of time.

12:04

Yeah and timepieces which tell us

12:06

the very time Well, I

12:09

can't thank you enough. Oh, thank you Chances

12:15

Your uncle and that you inherited it even though

12:17

you weren't close with him Yeah, you did it

12:19

here. It was just a legal inheritance. Did you

12:21

go to a reading of the will and all

12:23

of that? yeah, I went to the whole thing

12:25

and you know and He he

12:27

you know, he had quite a bit of wealth. He was

12:30

a you know, he had a chain of Blimpies.

12:32

Oh, I didn't know that should I

12:35

have known that? Oh, well, no. Okay.

12:37

Why why? Well, you just

12:39

you've been to a blimpy. He's got his picture pretty

12:41

much On every

12:43

wall of a blimpy and wow, so he's

12:45

like Jared from subway of blimpies. Yeah. Yes.

12:47

Yeah, I guess you could say that Yeah

12:51

Except he's tragically past he

12:53

is dead and Jared is

12:55

happily still alive Yeah,

12:58

isn't that something isn't

13:00

that just say life in a nutshell

13:02

life in a nutshell? It is is

13:05

alive and kicking in the in

13:07

my poor uncle. Hmm Well, I'm

13:10

sorry to hear that but at least his watch

13:12

is working again And you can check

13:14

the time all day this leap day and see

13:16

what time it is. Yeah Say

13:19

that that's a very nice thought. Yeah.

13:21

Yes. Thanks Wow,

13:24

I can't believe it. Hmm believe

13:26

away my child All

13:31

right, very well very well

13:33

very well, yeah, very well,

13:35

okay What

13:39

a lovely man Excuse

13:44

me, I'm sir. Can I hide here? What

13:47

did the hide? Bob certainly.

13:49

Yes. Yes hide hide. Sorry. Sorry lad

13:54

The bullies are right outside. They're nipping

13:56

at my heel sir. Oh, what

13:58

the bullies? Oh, yes, I? I see some hooligans kind

14:01

of walking by

14:03

and rolling up

14:05

their sleeves, looking left and

14:08

right. Are they punching their hands

14:10

together like this? I'm

14:13

trying to read their lips. Wait

14:16

till we get our hands on him. Yeah,

14:18

and they're the nerds at my school.

14:21

They're nerds? Yeah. What

14:23

makes that you then? Well,

14:27

my name is Marvin Glasses. You might recognize me

14:29

from being on the front page of the

14:31

paper. I threw up down my shirt

14:33

at the National Spelling Bee. Oh yes, yes.

14:35

That was the same day as the invasion

14:37

of Ukraine, right? And it was the top

14:40

story. So you

14:42

do know me. Yes. Whatever's

14:44

lower than a nerd, that's what I am.

14:47

Oh, a sub-nerd. I

14:49

used to be a popular kid at my school, and

14:51

then they showed us that video on how our bodies

14:53

work. And I fainted. And

14:56

now they're all trying to kill me, sir. Oh

14:59

my gosh, the bullies, they're trying to beat you

15:01

up and kill you. They went to end your

15:03

life. I did still help you? What's

15:05

McBobby's uncle? Who's Pobby? It doesn't

15:07

matter. Are they still out there, sir?

15:09

They seem to have moved on.

15:12

They're crossing the town square now. At

15:15

the Alahasy town

15:17

square. Okay,

15:19

well I don't quite buy it because they

15:21

took my scarf and they all smelled it.

15:24

So they'd know my smell so they could follow

15:26

me in here. Like blood now. Yes, sir.

15:28

Oh my gosh. Yes, sir. The

15:31

bullies are getting more and more pursuit-happy.

15:33

Yeah, well let me guess. You

15:35

were once like me, right? What?

15:39

You do that impression. You're everything.

15:41

Well, yes, I suppose. In every

15:43

way I was. Yes, I was beaten

15:45

up on the regular. Well,

15:48

I'm going to hang out here until I'm sure they're gone. Sure, sure.

15:50

You can hide away. Just keep

15:52

Dr. Down behind that chair there

15:54

and we'll just

15:56

let you hide until you're fully safe.

15:59

Thank you. I'm so lucky I

16:01

ran it into a loser's store. Yes.

16:05

Well, it's a real roll of the dice

16:07

for me. It's not a loser's store. It's

16:10

Desmond Longo's store, my brother-in-law. I'm just the

16:12

timekeeper and I'm sort of manning the store

16:14

while he's out today. That's crazy. I

16:16

didn't think places like this really existed. Watch

16:21

repair stores? Yeah, only in, you know

16:23

that TV show Heroes? That's

16:25

what the villain does in that show. Oh,

16:27

I have never seen it. I've

16:29

only seen one Hayden Panettieri project.

16:31

I love you, Beth Cooper. Classic.

16:35

I was born in 2013, but I

16:37

know all these movies. Oh, that's good.

16:40

Yes, yes. Mm-hmm. Um,

16:42

well, do you have any

16:44

leap day plans, young Marvin?

16:46

Ugh, leap day? You mean the

16:48

worst day of the entire

16:50

year? What? How dare

16:52

if you speak such words! Leap

16:55

day is the best day of the every

16:57

four years! Mm, if you're getting beat up 365

17:00

days a year, you don't want a bonus day. Oh,

17:06

so you think

17:09

because there's an extra day of the year,

17:11

that means an extra beating for you this

17:13

year? Yes, sir. That's what it means. And

17:15

that's why you hate leap day? Yeah, and

17:18

also it makes the winter longer, and everyone

17:20

who has a birthday on this day never

17:22

shuts up about it, sir. Well,

17:27

tell that to Ja Rule! Who,

17:30

sir? Ja Rule! He was born on

17:32

leap day! Ugh, and also

17:35

most serial killers, right? Well, sure,

17:37

Richard Ramirez and Eileen Wernos, but

17:40

if it weren't for her, Charlize Theron

17:42

wanted to have an Oscar! Oh boy,

17:44

sir. So,

17:47

leap day's a wonderful day! I

17:49

don't think so. What? I

17:51

can't believe you say this! Why do

17:53

you speak these sins to me? Well,

17:56

it has no good branding, sir. There's no,

17:58

like, leap day calling. Or at

18:01

least a tradition was and ways.

18:03

Gen U soon enjoy it and

18:05

their own way. Some dance a

18:07

jig, some look at the time

18:09

of, some tell to every second

18:11

of the bay see as close

18:13

as a glass by their school

18:15

nerds. Yes yes well. Let's

18:18

put it this way. I

18:21

think that if you stick around here

18:23

today, A. Few

18:25

deaths might stop by and.

18:28

Teach. You the true meaning

18:30

of the leap day. Sir

18:33

you're tossing slow your veggies meal

18:35

as an adult. Things else: Hello

18:37

Yes! Come into man and welcome to

18:40

long ago was repair. Oh wow,

18:42

you are older than I expected how

18:44

old he is. Forty.

18:48

Six. I know that's really. that's

18:50

fine. That's okay. That's fine. Whilst I

18:52

am nervous, Hi Are you

18:55

nervous? Well here's the

18:57

thing. I'm my name's Lisa.

18:59

Lisa Oh wonderful name is.

19:01

Lisa Pizza and I am here

19:03

as part of a Tallahassee dating

19:06

initiative. okay is called let's just

19:08

go for it and is essentially

19:10

sixty percent less nerve wracking. Been

19:12

going on a blind date see

19:14

you don't know that were on

19:16

a date, but I do know

19:18

that were on a date so

19:21

I'm looking forward to seeing his

19:23

spot. Fly your the time he

19:25

for right on the times you

19:27

the Maxwell cheaper exactly so hi

19:29

fi last a pizza. Hi I'm

19:31

so I just moved here recently.

19:33

says I'm looking. To meet new people

19:35

And so we're on a date right

19:37

now? Yeah, What he a d like

19:39

it says. Well I like anything

19:42

that happens on leap say. right?

19:45

Relief. Day after all.

19:47

Oh, okay okay so pious as

19:49

the let's just go for it dating

19:52

initiative is he has his he like

19:54

some radically honest so normally fun ssh

19:56

you might said have tried to sit

19:59

of indeed yourself to someone

20:01

by not being completely honest. Okay. Honestly,

20:04

I don't care about leap day. Oh. I

20:07

have no special feelings about it. I was hoping you'd

20:09

love it and I could teach young Marvin

20:12

here a lesson about the value of leap

20:14

day. Right. Oh, is this

20:16

your son? No. No

20:18

way. Didn't know you had... Hey.

20:21

I am not with this guy. No, I'm just helping

20:23

Marvin Hyde. Maybe I'm with this guy. We

20:25

don't know yet. Yeah, that's true. Sir,

20:28

tell her about how you were a loser growing up. No.

20:31

I think sparks may fly.

20:36

So, Lisa, I'm okay

20:38

with being on a date. Great.

20:41

Pizza, last name Pizza. Did

20:43

your ancestors invent the

20:45

round food? They did. We're

20:48

Italian. Wow. And so, yeah,

20:50

I'm working in the pizza space at the moment as

20:52

a pizza chef. I'm mainly stuffing

20:55

hot dogs into pizzas. That's my

20:57

signature. I've never had a hot

20:59

dog stuffed pizza. I think you'd really like it.

21:01

And if things, you know, if sparks fly today,

21:03

maybe one day you could try one of

21:05

my hot dog stuffed pizzas. God, I

21:08

am really nervous. No, it's okay. I'm

21:10

nervous too. I don't go

21:12

on many dates. Can I

21:14

get you to started with a water or anything?

21:16

It would be amazing. I will be right back.

21:18

Okay. Yes, we

21:20

have a bathroom in the back. Use

21:24

the sink, not the toilet, mind you. I

21:27

don't. For the water, not for the

21:29

bathroom. Oh, I hope you heard. So

21:33

how do you feel about this? Confused

21:35

would be the first word I'd say, but

21:39

I guess I'm willing to roll with

21:41

it. It is leap

21:43

day after all. Like I said, I do

21:45

not care that it's leap day. Well, maybe I

21:47

could convince you a leap day is a wonderful

21:50

day. Why? What's so good about it?

21:52

It's a day every four years set

21:54

aside just to appreciate time.

21:57

Right. Okay. What

22:00

do you like doing in Tallahassee? I

22:02

like looking at clocks. I

22:04

like telling people what

22:07

time it is. I like answering

22:09

questions about time. I

22:11

like hanging out with my brother-in-law

22:14

Desmond. Yeah, he's actually the one

22:16

who signed you up for this. Oh,

22:18

I didn't realise. I thought you just picked

22:20

someone random. No. So someone

22:22

else signed me up. I would not have chosen you if it were

22:24

up to me, but it was. That's why he isn't here today. I

22:27

guess so. That makes perfect sense. It was a

22:29

set up. Yes. To

22:32

toilet waters for the lovebirds. Oh no. Thank

22:35

you so much. Wait, and did you also go to the bathroom? In

22:38

the sink. That's great. Marvin, I'm

22:40

starting to see where the bullies

22:42

are coming from. Same

22:45

with you from me, sir. Oh,

22:48

one day I'll hit this child. So,

22:52

uh. Is your date here? You say that? I

22:55

think you're in the clear. Thanks. So,

22:59

Lisa, you work in a pizza space. Now,

23:02

is that the name of the place, or is that just

23:04

a term and there's a name of this restaurant? No,

23:07

that's the restaurant's name. It's the pizza space. Yeah, I

23:09

just opened it here in Tallahassee. Oh, that's wonderful. As

23:11

you can tell from my accent, I'm not from here.

23:14

Oh. New York City. Yeah, I

23:16

was going to say Gainesville. Alright,

23:18

well, which borough would you? Queens.

23:22

Queens, mmm. Mm-hmm. That's

23:24

where I'm from. I can hear it, yes.

23:26

Yes, in the accent. I can hear

23:28

the Shea Stadium in

23:31

the way you pronounce certain

23:33

syllables. That's the main stadium I would

23:35

be hanging out at when I was back

23:37

there. But now, new life here in Tallahassee.

23:40

Tallahassee. Well, that's it. What are the best

23:42

activities to do here in this place? Time-related?

23:45

Well, no, just generally. Well,

23:48

I don't really know what else

23:50

people get up to apart from

23:53

time-related activities. I

23:57

guess there's a university of... I

24:00

could be wrong in the university. That is

24:02

a good idea. Um...

24:06

Sir, tell her she has a nice smile. Oh.

24:09

Thine smile. Oh. His...

24:13

Never mind, sir. No, never mind. Like

24:15

the curve of the Earth upside down. I'm

24:18

frowning. Oh, no, I mean, when

24:20

you see the curve from far away, it's kind of

24:22

a... And you're looking

24:24

at the horizon, it's sort of a

24:26

frown, but when that flips, you

24:28

know, and it's a... a circle,

24:31

like... Maybe

24:33

a lesion or something. I don't know.

24:35

Look! Right. Did I do

24:37

a good job? Marvin? No! Oh!

24:40

How does Marvin have more games than me?

24:44

How old are you, Marvin? Um,

24:46

I was born in 2013, I said, which

24:48

makes me 11. Okay, don't worry about it.

24:51

You have a very nice smile, man. Thank you so much.

24:54

Oh, hey, Marvin, why don't you... ...sear

24:57

in on me here a bit. Okay. So,

25:00

um... Do you

25:02

have any siblings? Do you have any siblings? No.

25:07

Go on about that. I

25:09

didn't say that! I'm going

25:11

off book! Trust me!

25:16

Um, yeah, no siblings. Um, you

25:18

know, parents broke up pretty soon after I

25:20

was born. Oh, because of that?

25:22

In the hospital, yeah. Oh, in the hospital? Yeah.

25:26

Was the birth a factor? I

25:29

think so. I think it was pretty

25:31

traumatic for everyone involved. Sure. Of

25:34

course. My dad is the one who

25:36

raised me because I kept a pizza

25:38

name. Yes, of course. That's why I now

25:40

work in the pizza space. It's pretty upsetting

25:42

to really think about it. Oh, I'm sorry. Well,

25:44

I'll only make you think about it a little

25:47

bit longer. Okay. I've

25:50

seen movies sometimes during childbirth,

25:52

a woman's like, Oh, you'll never touch

25:54

me again, you know, wasn't one of

25:56

those situations. And then she actually stuck

25:58

with her word. Yeah, she said... She

26:00

didn't want to have sex with him ever again.

26:02

Yes. Yeah. So, and then he broke

26:04

up with her. But he took the baby. Yes,

26:07

that makes sense. Will

26:09

the battle of the sexes ever

26:11

truly declare a winner? Uh,

26:13

excuse me miss, I don't know if this is

26:16

inappropriate or not, but I have a really handsome,

26:18

really funny English teacher that I think you would

26:20

just really hit it off with. Oh, that sounds

26:22

really cool. How does he feel about Late Day?

26:25

He is kind of indifferent to it, to hates

26:27

it. Here's his email.

26:29

I love you so much. Well,

26:32

look, I may not be able to offer everything

26:34

this guy has. I don't have an

26:37

email address. Okay, well,

26:39

I think an email address can be

26:42

really cool. I've got one, lisapedsoritgmail.com. Well,

26:44

I had one for ten years and no one ever emailed

26:46

me, so I deleted it. What was the address? The

26:50

timekeeper, his very self,

26:54

at prodigy. At

26:56

prodigy? Yes. I've never heard

26:58

of that stuff. Is that platform? Well,

27:01

it was prodigyfanclub.net. Oh,

27:03

I see. I have to turn my life

27:05

around. I've got to figure it out or I'm going to

27:08

end up like this guy. No, that's a good

27:10

thing. No. Love

27:12

it. So,

27:15

with Pizza Space, that's the name of your

27:17

restaurant? Yeah, and it's Hot Dog Base. And

27:20

it's hot dog. No, it's not a pizza.

27:22

I love pizza. It's the very shape of

27:24

one of my favorite objects. Hot dog. A

27:27

clock space. Hot dog. Oh, I see. So

27:29

no. No, I don't think of...well, I guess

27:31

depending on what angle you're looking at, a

27:33

hot dog, it could be... We do hot

27:35

dog-shaped pizzas and we do stuff that pizzas

27:37

with hot dogs. Okay, so the whole pizza,

27:39

like in three dimensions, is like a long

27:42

cylinder. Mm-hmm. Interesting.

27:44

Yeah, in all three dimensions.

27:47

Yeah. The long cylinder. Okay.

27:50

Except for hot dogs. So it kind of looks like a hot dog and it does taste

27:52

like hot dog. But there's cheese and

27:54

dough involved? Yeah. Okay. Hey,

27:56

that's pizza. That's pizza. Hey, your family

27:58

invented it. Who am I to... speak

28:00

upon it. Exactly. So, a piece of

28:03

space. It's the decor outer

28:05

space themed, like, you

28:07

know, one of my favorite restaurants is Cosmix.

28:10

What's tell me more about that? I've never heard of it. It's

28:13

an outer space themed McDonald's

28:16

sort of knock off in Bolingbrook,

28:18

Illinois. Oh wow. And what kind

28:20

of food do they eat, sir? It's kind of like

28:22

they're doing a Dunkin' or Starbucks thing

28:24

where you can order like breakfast things on

28:26

your app. Oh, I love

28:28

ordering from app, actually. That's my favorite way

28:30

to get food. Really specific drinks,

28:32

how many squirts of that or

28:35

plumps of this, you know. Okay,

28:37

well what does that have to do with space? It's

28:39

space themed, Cosmix. And

28:41

I was wondering if pizza space is also space

28:43

themed. It's more hot dog themed. Oh, okay. So,

28:46

it's our paintings of hot dogs on the wall?

28:48

Paintings of hot dogs in space. So,

28:50

I guess in a way it is space themed. Oh,

28:52

okay, yes. Yeah, I never heard about it that way. I only said I

28:55

didn't immediately occur to you. It's sort of like rockets going

28:57

into space but the rockets were like hot

28:59

dogs. So, it is... Okay, yes. Ultimately, you're right.

29:01

It is a little bit space themed. A little

29:03

space themed. Oh my god, the menu items have

29:05

any sort of spacey names to them? Yes.

29:08

Okay, let's... let me

29:10

guess. Blast off pizza?

29:13

Yeah, we've got blasters. Huh.

29:17

We've got countdowns. Okay. We've

29:19

got comets. Okay, your initial instinct

29:21

that there was not space themed.

29:24

I'm just so nervous because of this

29:26

day. I'm nervous too. My

29:28

knees keep knocking together. Oh,

29:30

that's what that noise is. I thought it was that

29:32

clock. Oh no,

29:34

that was how I would have repaired it if

29:36

the clocks were knocking together. No,

29:39

just like a ticking noise. Oh, a ticking...

29:41

let's not forget, talk, yes. Of course, I

29:43

would never would. Thank you. So... This

29:46

is hard to watch, sir. Because it's

29:48

getting too adult? No,

29:50

sir. Oh, you... don't forget,

29:52

sir. Not old enough

29:55

for PG-13 movies yet. So, these

29:57

kids are not your sons. No, I'm

29:59

helping. This child hide from

30:01

bullies. Oh. This child's

30:03

getting beat up because... So you

30:05

didn't administer these wounds to

30:08

him. No, no, I

30:10

didn't raise Marvin. Any

30:13

imperfections in Marvin's psyche are not due

30:15

to me. That's great. Well,

30:17

maybe a little now, sir, after watching you on

30:19

a date. Well, time will tell. So,

30:25

you have run your pizza space. I'm

30:28

glad you're passionate. You

30:30

hope to remain in the pizza industry until the

30:32

very day you pass on from this mortal coil.

30:35

Absolutely. Yeah. But I do also

30:37

want to bring hot dogs, you

30:39

know, themed pizza to Tallahassee. How

30:42

is business doing well so far? We're

30:44

at today's opening day. Wow. And

30:46

you're left to go on a... Well,

30:48

we haven't actually opened yet. We're

30:50

opening in about half an hour. Oh,

30:52

a wonderful amount of time. Yeah, exactly.

30:56

I just thought I'd squeeze in a first date before

30:58

opening. Squeeze away. What

31:01

an auspicious day to be like, you

31:03

know, maybe... Yes, leave day, yes.

31:06

Yeah, but I can't get on board

31:08

with that. Okay, but you mean opening

31:10

day. Opening day, first date. Yeah, you're already...

31:13

Yes, and you're kind of all

31:17

excited anyway, and you might as well channel that nervous

31:19

energy into, you know, get one

31:21

day out where all the nervous energy comes out. Exactly.

31:24

Opening and the blind date. You know, look really

31:26

nice for two things. Exactly, yes.

31:29

Do you think I look nice? Yes,

31:31

I certainly do. Oh,

31:34

serious. Wow. Sorry, I

31:36

was fixing a watch! I

31:38

was fixing a watch! You

31:41

know, I think my English teacher, Mr. Jacobs,

31:43

was talking all about going to the opening

31:45

of your restaurant. Pizza space? Yeah,

31:47

he said that that is like his number one

31:49

dream, is a pizza themed... It's not pizza themed.

31:51

Pizza themed. It's hot dog themed.

31:54

Pizza themed. That's exactly what he said, is

31:56

what you're saying. Yeah, okay. Wow.

31:59

Some English teacher... I barely get

32:01

out of sentence it sounds like he's my

32:03

hero sir Careful how you

32:05

talk about you, maybe you should go hide with

32:07

him if only sir You

32:11

know I bet if you did he'd molest

32:13

you It's

32:23

true I was gonna say it oh,

32:25

so I'm glad it was Maxwell Oh,

32:28

God, but I am more interested

32:30

in this English teacher than to be

32:32

honest not to ignore offense Some

32:36

was taken I have to say I don't

32:38

mean it to be offensive, but you know

32:40

sparks aren't flying Would

32:42

you say they're flying? um

32:46

not well formed by my Game

32:49

comparison to other dates. I've

32:51

been on yeah. Yes. This

32:54

is the best one Wow,

32:56

okay. Well, maybe we should continue being on

32:59

it for a little bit longer So

33:01

what was the worst accident you've ever been in oh?

33:05

once in Boston I got sucked into

33:07

some gears that of But

33:09

there was a kingdom modern

33:11

times look it doesn't matter So

33:15

yeah, that's another cock thing no, it's

33:17

not My

33:19

English teacher is six five, and he looks

33:21

like a Disney Prince. Oh, that's really good

33:24

Okay, yeah the beast Sir

33:28

what you knew I had

33:30

to go there Well,

33:33

I'm gonna have to turn the pizza ovens on pretty

33:35

soon And I'm gonna have to

33:37

start cleaning the hot dogs before I stuff them

33:39

into the pizzas What's

33:42

that entails? You just

33:44

rinse them in hot water And I

33:46

wasn't of it's a sort of a brushing or

33:48

anything you dry them off with a towel And

33:50

then you brush them obviously and they do you

33:52

sprinkle seasonings onto them And

33:54

then you have to sort of dunk them

33:57

in oil before you wrap them into the

33:59

pizza sir falling in

34:01

love with her. Oh I

34:03

bet, Marvin. Okay, but it's really been

34:05

good to meet you and you're

34:10

welcome to come to

34:12

Pizza Space anytime. Okay.

34:14

To time, that's something you like but

34:16

I wish you all the best and

34:19

this little boy I hope you'll help

34:22

set me up with your teacher. I would love

34:24

to miss. Okay, great. Good luck

34:26

with all the timekeeping. Oh,

34:28

thank you. You

34:30

know, I just, you know,

34:32

I do not care about

34:35

LinkedIn. The

34:41

big game or big mods?

34:43

First date or first big

34:45

break kit? Binge that

34:47

new show or binge install vids? When

34:50

you're a real car lover, the choice is

34:53

obvious. With over 122 million

34:56

parts to fit your number one ride

34:58

or die, you can make sure your

35:00

ride stays running smoothly. Break

35:03

kits, turbochargers, LED headlights,

35:05

exhaust kits, bumpers, roof racks,

35:08

and engines. Whether you're into

35:10

speed, power, or style, eBay Motors has

35:12

all the parts you need for the

35:15

ride you love. Plus, at these prices,

35:17

you're burning rubber, not cash.

35:20

And with eBay guaranteed fit, your part

35:22

is guaranteed to fit your ride every

35:25

time or your money back. Keep

35:27

your ride or die alive at

35:29

eBay motors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions

35:32

apply. Hey everybody,

35:34

this podcast is brought to you

35:37

by Squarespace. Everyone knows that the

35:39

holidays, it can kind of

35:42

be a little

35:44

bit hard on

35:47

the pocketbook. Well,

35:50

if you're looking for creative ways to

35:53

increase revenue and give your family and

35:55

friends the holiday gifts they want, they

35:57

need, they deserve, then you need to

36:00

started with Squarespace's new feature, Squarespace

36:02

Courses. That's right, I mean, you

36:04

could teach a course in something.

36:06

I could teach a course

36:09

in podcasting. Well, you'd be interested

36:11

in that. Let's

36:13

be honest. Maybe not me, but you could. Sure,

36:16

yeah. Squarespace has the tools you

36:18

need to create and sell your

36:20

own online course. Here's what you

36:22

do. You start with a professional

36:24

layout and then you upload video

36:26

lessons to teach techniques and skills.

36:28

With Squarespace courses, you can create

36:30

engaging content and then simply add

36:32

a paywall and set the price.

36:34

Plus you can charge a one-time

36:36

fee or you can sell subscriptions.

36:38

Turn your creativity into income

36:40

with Squarespace Courses. Head to

36:42

squarespace.com for a free trial

36:44

and when you are ready

36:46

to launch, go to www.squarespace.com/bang

36:49

bang. You're gonna save 10%

36:51

off your first purchase of

36:53

a website or a domain.

36:55

That's squarespace.com/bang bang. Oh

36:59

my gosh. It's not January

37:01

anymore, is it? No, it's long past January

37:04

and people, the new year has worn off.

37:06

2024? No, I'm no longer writing 2023 on

37:08

my checks. I know it's 2024.

37:13

The excitement of the new year, it's

37:15

totally worn off. It's gone. But you

37:17

know what? You still have to keep

37:19

your groove going. You got to keep

37:21

things going. But for businesses who do

37:23

a lot of mailing and shipping,

37:25

you got to keep moving, right? Keep moving

37:27

and mailing and shipping. Well, stamps.com streamlines

37:30

all of your mailing

37:32

and shipping to turbo

37:34

charge your operational efficiencies.

37:36

I've always wanted my

37:38

operational efficiencies turbocharged and

37:41

stamps.com does it. Get access to the

37:44

USPS and UPS mailing services. You need

37:46

to run your business right

37:48

from your computer anytime, day or

37:50

night. And with rates you can't

37:53

find anywhere else like up

37:55

to 89% off USPS and UPS. stamps.com,

38:01

they've been around for 25 years, I

38:03

believe, and I've been talking about them

38:05

now for 10, they're our super sponsor.

38:07

I've been talking about them for so

38:10

long and we've been using them. We

38:12

use stamps.com at the beginning of starting

38:14

the business earwolf to mail everything. We

38:16

love it. Keep your mailing and shipping

38:18

moving at the speed of your business

38:21

with stamps.com. Sign up

38:23

with promo code BANGBANG for a special

38:26

offer that includes a four-week trial

38:28

plus free postage and get

38:30

this, a free digital scale. No

38:33

long-term commitments or contracts. Just

38:35

go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top

38:37

of the page, enter code

38:39

BANGBANG. Wow,

38:48

so I think that went well,

38:50

don't you? That went amazing, sir.

38:52

I think she'll be back. This

38:56

is really good for me. I

39:01

have been on a date before and that

39:04

wasn't the first. You

39:07

said that I would care a little bit more about

39:09

leap day, sir. Yeah, well, do

39:11

you? I care less than I did before,

39:13

sir. Okay, I thought that guest was going to

39:15

be, I mean, not a

39:17

guest, a customer. Well I guess I

39:20

wasn't even a customer. I guess I

39:22

was just hoping someone would come in

39:24

and you'd learn more about the true

39:26

meaning of leap day, but I

39:29

suppose that didn't really happen.

39:32

But I still have faith a

39:34

guest will come in and you'll

39:36

learn the true meaning of

39:39

leap day. Hi, hello. Oh,

39:42

hello, welcome in. Hi. Do you repair

39:44

watches here? Yes, yes, this is Longo watch repair. Oh,

39:51

this is your son? Yes,

39:54

wink. Why do you

39:56

guys keep audibly saying? It's

39:58

a father-son bonding. ritual. Oh

40:00

nice, that's fun. Thanks. My

40:04

name is Loko and I

40:07

am a Norse god and I'm

40:10

here to get my watch

40:13

repaired. A Norse god? Hailing

40:15

from Asgard? I don't

40:17

know. Oh.

40:19

I was born in Detroit. Okay,

40:21

well that's probably just our name

40:23

for it. So you're a Norse

40:25

god hailing from Detroit. Yeah. Okay.

40:28

I've heard of Steve Eiserman being

40:30

from Detroit but... I don't

40:32

know who that is. Oh that's okay. Who is that?

40:35

A red wing? Oh nice. Look,

40:39

he is in Tampa now. He lives in the state.

40:42

Maybe. I don't actually forget. It doesn't matter. Look.

40:46

Here is that. Tell me more,

40:48

Loko. Yeah. My name is Loko.

40:50

Loko. L-O-C-O. L-O-C-O. Oh yes. I

40:52

found out I was, I was,

40:54

I found out I was a

40:56

Norse god by this watch but I

40:58

broke it. I dropped it. Oh. I

41:00

turned it. Mm-hmm. I was trying

41:03

to set it. Mm-hmm. And it sent me through this time

41:05

loop thing. Okay, yes. I'm

41:08

very interested in this. It

41:10

put me back into a time.

41:13

Every time I turn it, it sends me back

41:15

to the 90s. What? And

41:18

my only power I guess is saying

41:21

the phrase don't you know I'm loco because

41:24

people never know my name. Oh

41:26

my gosh. That is a power to be

41:28

sure. So this

41:30

watch, you turn it over.

41:33

When it works. When it works. Mind you. Mm-hmm.

41:35

It sends you to the 90s. Yeah. Are

41:38

you able to sort of

41:40

prevent tragedies? I only,

41:42

I can only say I could

41:45

try but usually like I tried like

41:47

1993 they tried to

41:49

blow up the World Trade Center. Yes. I

41:51

went to those guys and I said

41:53

hey stop. Mm-hmm. And

41:55

they were like no. Oh. And

41:58

I said. Well hey. I don't know

42:00

I'm loco. Maybe. Oh. And

42:03

what do they... Wait, I do remember reading that in my

42:05

history book, now that you say it, that a

42:07

guy ran in and yelled, hey, stop to

42:10

them. Sure another timeline, maybe they

42:12

succeeded and you're the one who did something.

42:14

Yeah. But I

42:17

wish there was more things for me to do. When

42:20

I wave my hands, nothing happens. When

42:23

I... Don't you know I'm loco? That's

42:25

it. Okay. Hopefully it offends

42:28

them in some sort of way. It makes it change. I

42:30

mean, I don't know why you feel... Having

42:32

this time travel capability is already pretty good. You

42:35

may not need a special power on top of

42:37

that. I mean, I should be able... I

42:39

wanted to. When I first found out, I was like, I wanted

42:41

to go save the world. Yeah. But

42:44

I can't do anything else besides

42:46

say that. Well, is there anything

42:48

else you'd like to be able to change in

42:50

the 90s? If you... You

42:52

know, maybe there's something you can do. You

42:56

know, we can figure out the plan and it doesn't

42:58

need to be you saying, don't you know I'm loco.

43:00

It can be... That's the problem. When I

43:02

go back, that's all you can do. All I can

43:04

do is say that. I have no other words. But

43:06

now you can't even go back because your watch is

43:08

broken. Exactly. How did it break, may

43:10

I ask? And I know that's a very sensitive question.

43:12

I fell off a bicycle. Two

43:15

wheels. Two wheels. I

43:17

was going real fast. I

43:21

went through a spider web. You

43:24

know, the spiders here in Florida. Yes. Yes.

43:27

Went through a spider web and got scared that the spider was on me. Right. They

43:30

cracked the watch on the sidewalk. Wow. That's

43:32

almost a superhero origin except it's

43:34

how you stopped having powers. Yes,

43:36

exactly. It's akin to Madam Web.

43:40

What is that? A commercial I saw the

43:42

other day. How

43:44

many times did you get to go back to the 90s,

43:46

sir, before it broke? Oh,

43:48

well, when I first found out, I was setting the watch.

43:51

I went back to 1991. Robin

43:54

Hood Prince of Thieves came out that year. Yes.

43:57

Also, that was a year that. the

44:00

cops beat up Rodney King. Yes,

44:02

we have two different frames of

44:04

reference. And I went

44:07

to them and I was trying to stop. So

44:09

I said, hey, stop. That's good. And they didn't.

44:12

And I said, why should

44:14

we stop? And all I could say was,

44:17

don't you know I'm up to it. Oh, a tragedy

44:19

to be sure. This is Sisyphusian.

44:24

It was you. You want to be able to change

44:26

all these moments in

44:28

history. And you're powerless. All you can say

44:30

is, don't you know I'm low code. Maybe

44:32

there's some circumstance where that would actually change

44:36

history. Maybe. Hey,

44:38

once you fix this, watch me and go back in. Let me get at

44:40

it. Let me get a. Aren't

44:42

you being filled with memories of all the

44:44

times in the 90s where that was in

44:47

the history books? Like I'm thinking back to

44:49

the special features of Titanic before he was

44:51

mistreating his actors on set. And then that

44:53

guy ran in and tried to stop it.

44:56

The water's too cold for Kate. You're

44:59

two years too young to be watching

45:01

Titanic. Young Marvin. Sorry,

45:03

sir. That movie's

45:06

PG. Naughty, naughty. Not

45:08

PG-11. But that is true. I

45:10

went back to the set of Titanic. No water was

45:12

too cold. I ran a James Cameron

45:14

and said, hey, stop. He said,

45:16

why should I stop? We're filming a movie. And I said, don't

45:18

you know I'm low code. Oh. And they continued

45:20

to film. I watched that

45:22

car scene like 45 times, sir, from

45:25

Titanic. OK, well, don't tell me what you got

45:27

up to after that. That's

45:30

not legal for me to hear. All

45:33

right, let me get back to this watch. Hey,

45:41

watch where you put your hands. It

45:48

seems to have safeguards in it. Yeah.

45:53

Can we do that again? I don't think you got it.

45:55

Oh, yeah. Let me just see what I did before. Hey,

46:01

watch when you put

46:04

your hands back. Okay.

46:08

Did everyone else here scream, sir?

46:11

No, many watches have that as a

46:14

sort of security measure. A woman screams

46:16

when you try to open

46:18

up the back of the watch to prevent

46:20

the severity of all sorts. Uh,

46:23

is it done? Let

46:25

me just do a... Sorry,

46:29

I got in the right shit and thought I was

46:31

fixing it. That's what happened to

46:33

me during the car's even, sir. Oh,

46:36

moving! I'm not allowed to hear these things!

46:38

Sorry. You're wearing like... we can really see

46:40

it, too. You're wearing like a MC Hammer

46:42

style pants. Yes, yes. You know,

46:44

I tried to go back and stop him from wearing those pants. What'd

46:47

you do? I walked up to him and

46:49

said, hey, stop. And he was buying them. And

46:51

he goes, what? Who are you? And I

46:53

said, don't you know I'm loco? Well,

46:56

I bet he's used to people after saying, stop, then

46:58

saying hammer time. Yeah, yeah. Which

47:00

is one of my favorite times, I

47:02

have to say. I don't have that

47:04

word in my travels. Okay. Well... I

47:06

hate that now. Is there a circumstance?

47:08

Do we think there's a circumstance where

47:10

saying, don't you know I'm loco could

47:13

change history for the better? Well, let's try it.

47:16

Okay. Turn the watch back.

47:18

We'll go back together. All right. So when

47:20

George Bush Sr. threw up on himself, remember

47:22

that? Yes, in Japan. That's my favorite

47:24

thing from the 90s. He just

47:26

sounded, yes. The

47:29

Japanese people. Here

47:31

we go. Here we go. When

47:35

are we? This is

47:37

Japan. Wow.

47:44

Look at the cherry blossoms.

47:47

The cherry blossoms. The Honda. Oh,

47:49

that's... Wow.

47:51

In the cold. Yes. Brand

47:54

new. Yes. Wow. Oh,

47:58

there he is. There's the president. 1992,

48:01

sorry. Oh yes, right, of

48:03

course. Mr. President, Mr. President,

48:05

Mr. President. Not gonna do

48:08

it. Not gonna throw up today. Hey,

48:13

stop. What's

48:15

that now? What do you want me to do?

48:18

Because I'm, I really, what I do is not

48:20

do stuff. What

48:22

I do is not do stuff, so I don't do

48:24

stuff like stop. I don't stop unless

48:27

that's something to do. Oh, I think

48:29

you'll stop when you hear what he has to say.

48:32

I'm just about to eat this sushi. That's

48:34

something I am gonna do. What

48:37

do you have to say, sir? Don't you know

48:39

I'm loco? Whoa!

48:42

Okay, Marvin,

48:44

check your history book. See if history changed. NERD. What?

48:50

Check your history book with you. That's

48:53

my son, by the way. Let's see.

48:57

Wink. Wink. Yes.

49:01

George Bush Sr. Yes. Definitely

49:03

threw up. See, it doesn't stop

49:06

anything. No, maybe you are causing these things.

49:09

Maybe you caused them trying to bomb

49:11

it. Maybe you caused the treatment of

49:13

Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. Maybe you

49:15

are the one who made the 90s

49:17

happen. Wow. I

49:19

didn't even think about it like that. Maybe

49:22

they all know I'm loco. Yes.

49:26

It could be that you

49:29

saying you're loco is what created

49:32

the entire decade. Wow.

49:34

These are things that you don't know.

49:37

I'm trying to sort of wrap my

49:39

head around the time. How that would

49:41

work or possible. I was adopted. So

49:43

I didn't know this about myself. Oh,

49:45

like a Percy Jackson sort of... Yeah,

49:48

Percy Jackson. Actually, I don't know if he's

49:50

adopted. No, I guess I

49:53

don't know that. Maybe he's not.

49:57

I just found this out. I was just living my life. You're

49:59

living your own life. I'm going to go to Detroiters. What's

50:01

Ate My All Like? Oh my god, it

50:03

is amazing. They have the best fries. Have

50:06

you ever had a hot dog pizza? I have. Really?

50:10

I'm actually going to an opening of a hot dog pizza

50:12

place later today. My girlfriend is the owner of that place.

50:14

I don't know if that's true. Why

50:16

would you bust in that? Your new girlfriend? Yeah.

50:19

That lady is a free spirit. I know who

50:21

she is. Do you know Lisa Pizza? I do

50:23

know Lisa Pizza. From Queens Lisa Pizza? Yeah. Wow.

50:27

Detroiters the third city. I had to go to

50:29

the first city which is New York and the second city which

50:31

is Chicago. Chicago. In Detroit. I

50:33

was just thinking of a second city

50:35

sketch. Oh wow. Wow.

50:39

Well, what's today's date? It's

50:41

February 29th Leap Day. The most

50:43

wonderful day of the year. I don't care

50:45

about that. What the fuck? I

50:48

don't give a shit about it. You don't give a shit about

50:50

Leap Day? Even time travelers don't care. Yeah, you're a time traveler.

50:53

Haven't you ever traveled to a Leap Day in

50:55

the 90s? Maybe. I

50:58

never really checked the date of which I traveled.

51:00

You didn't travel to one of Ja Rule's birthday

51:02

bashes? Nah, I have done that.

51:05

Really? Yeah. Well,

51:07

that's good. Maybe it was on a Leap Day. It was

51:09

on the birthday. Ja Rule born on

51:11

Leap Day. Ah, that's a shame. I

51:14

know it's awesome. That's a stupid day to be born

51:16

on. Oh. Amen,

51:19

sir. No, I shouldn't say it.

51:22

What? I mean nothing,

51:25

nothing. Well, look,

51:28

Loco, were you known as something else before

51:30

that, or have you always just been Loco?

51:33

A loquacious was before that. Mm,

51:35

oh, beautiful name. Thank

51:37

you. Irish? No. Oh.

51:41

Well, I think I

51:43

fixed your watch. All right, how much do I owe

51:45

you? It's on the house. I

51:47

should have given you the spiel. I'm actually

51:50

not a licensed watch repairman. That's

51:52

my uncle. He's not here

51:54

because he set me up to be here alone for

51:56

my dates, and I'm just sort

51:58

of a trainee. and I'm trying to

52:01

fix watches kind of on their own and um

52:04

Oh, no, I Did I say

52:06

uncle I met brother-in-law? I

52:09

can't trust you. I can't trust you as far as I

52:11

can throw I'm just i'm all Slivered

52:13

about someone was in here earlier

52:15

whose uncle died and it got my head all mixed

52:18

up and then you time traveled father Yes,

52:20

yes. I have a good excuse.

52:23

Is there a reason why this spring is hanging out? Is there anything

52:25

you can do about that? Oh, uh, let me

52:27

see. Let me just uh Hey

52:36

watch

52:39

where you put your hands on that. There it

52:41

is. It's back here. Yeah, it's back in Gosh,

52:44

I wish I had to come in here on any other day No,

52:47

this is a good day. This is a great

52:49

day. It's a terrible day. It's the stupidest day

52:51

of the year I I agree with no thanks

52:54

for fixing my watch for free Sir

52:56

before you go you ever get to

52:58

travel back again Here are the names of my

53:01

bully's parents if you could make sure that they

53:03

never meet each other or they die Oh you

53:05

could jump in the way of Of

53:08

their coitus of their coitus. Yes In

53:11

the line of fire style take the bullets

53:13

from I have done that a couple times

53:15

really and I scream. Hey stop Don't

53:17

you look good. You know, but there's ricochets

53:19

and still in pregnancy It

53:23

goes through the gap in my side You're

53:26

so cool, sir. I wish

53:28

I was hiding with you instead. No, that's

53:30

not cooler than what I talk about. I I'll

53:33

be he looks Just let

53:35

me shoot through the gap in his eyes People

53:38

oh gosh sir nothing

53:43

Thanks for having me Uh, I

53:46

gotta get out of here. Oh Well,

53:48

I guess i'll see you later then. Alrighty.

53:50

Y'all take it easy and also remember Stop

53:55

hammer time. No. Oh, don't you know

53:57

i'm locust Well,

54:03

what a wonderful man. I

54:06

fixed his watch, that was nice. And

54:09

he can time travel again. I mean, you've got to admit,

54:11

that's pretty good. I fixed a time traveling watch. I

54:13

can't wait to tell Leipza all about this. Yeah.

54:17

Yeah. What? Marvin, you

54:19

seem hesitant. No,

54:21

I just feel like I actually am

54:24

learning a lot today. Oh,

54:26

about how great Leap Day is? No.

54:31

Yeah, now I know what you mean. I

54:33

thought Leap Day was this wonderful occasion, but

54:36

seems like I was wrong. No one even

54:38

cares about Leap Day. Have

54:44

you ever told a friend? Oh, I'm fine.

54:46

When you really felt just so overwhelmed, then

54:48

this is your sign to reach out to

54:50

the 988 lifeline for

54:52

24 seven free confidential support. You

54:54

don't have to hide how you

54:56

feel. Text, call, or chat anytime.

55:00

Imagine the softest sheets you've ever felt.

55:03

Now imagine them getting even softer over time.

55:05

I'm here to tell you about Bolin Branch

55:07

sheets. In a recent customer survey, 96% replied

55:11

that Bolin Branch sheets get softer with

55:13

every wash. They're made from the

55:15

rarest organic cotton and designed to get even softer

55:17

over time. Try their sheets with a

55:19

30 night guarantee, plus 15% off

55:22

your first order with code promise.

55:24

So head to B-O-L-L and branch.com

55:26

today. Exclusion supply, sea site for

55:28

details. Timekeeper. Come

55:31

in. Come in. Bobby, come in

55:33

here. Come in here. Oh,

55:35

there you are. Yes. Yes. In

55:38

the exact spot you left me. I

55:40

didn't mention this earlier, but I've come

55:42

here to thank you because today really was

55:57

going to be a leap day for me. Literally.

56:01

As in leaping to my death. You

56:04

mean, leaping? Before

56:07

I walked into this establishment,

56:10

yes, by God I was ready to check

56:12

out early. Oh. I

56:14

was ready to take a long walk

56:16

off a short pier. Okay? Yes.

56:19

I started to think my toaster needs

56:21

a bubble bath. Oh. And

56:25

then I met you. So when you say,

56:27

leap day literally, leaping off

56:29

a building was one of the options. I

56:32

had a one way ticket to Dubai, and

56:34

I planned on jumping off the highest tower

56:36

in the world that they got in Dubai

56:38

over there. Burj Khalifa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's

56:40

the one. Yes. I was going to do

56:42

a red eye. Ethan Hutt was there once.

56:45

Oh, well, even better. I

56:48

planned on jumping off that thing.

56:51

Jumping? Well, how

56:53

are jumping, falling, failing. Sir, you're serious.

56:55

Oh, sorry. Yes. Oh, my God. I didn't notice.

56:57

There's a young child. Well, the young last year.

56:59

This might not be a... No,

57:02

no. The kind of mark a young child could see.

57:04

You know, I only, you know, I like films

57:07

like Simon Burge. Oh. You

57:09

know, I don't think young... You remind me

57:11

of Simon Burge. Don't say that. Oh. Anyway,

57:16

I figured I'd come in here. I get

57:18

the timepiece figured out because I figured, you

57:20

know, what I've

57:22

read when I punch it into Google is when

57:25

you jump from

57:27

that kind of height on

57:29

impact, you explode.

57:31

It disintegrates. Yes. Almost slightly lethal.

57:35

Yes. So I figured,

57:37

let me get the watch worked out

57:39

just to give one little, you know,

57:42

make a little bit less of a hard

57:44

time for the, you

57:46

know, the forensics... Oh,

57:48

to give them time of death. Yeah, because, you know, ever

57:50

since the pandemic, I go, you know, hey, we got to

57:53

support the first responders. So

57:56

I figured I'd give the, you know, you know, talking about.

57:59

Oh, yeah. I mean... The pandemic changed

58:01

everything. Oh, the pandemic changed everything. We're

58:03

watching Black Widow in our homes instead

58:06

of at the theater. Oh my God. The

58:08

pandemic changed everything. It changed everything.

58:11

God. Instead of looking at clock

58:13

towers, we're looking at our clock

58:15

radios. Isn't that insane? Yes. Yeah,

58:18

but I was all for the first, you

58:20

know, I was all for a... Thank God

58:22

for Operation Warp Speed. Oh, yeah, exactly. Say

58:25

what you want about Trump, but you know, he

58:28

was able to, you know, figure that out, but

58:31

yeah, man, but I was always all for the, you

58:33

know, clinical

58:36

staff. The first of all, I was out

58:38

there banging pots and pans, thinking on the

58:40

balcony. So I figured, I

58:42

just kept missing. Yeah. So

58:45

that's pretty much why I came.

58:48

I was planning. You were

58:50

going to get... So you were so...

58:52

Wait. Now, I feel like you've

58:54

skipped a chapter here. You

58:56

were banging pots and pans during

58:58

the pandemic. Yeah, singing on the

59:00

balcony. Yeah, and now that was

59:02

four years ago. I had a

59:04

couple front-facing camera videos. I don't

59:06

want to brag. Where I go,

59:08

and that feeling when you stay

59:10

at home and you can't get

59:13

a haircut. Yes. I don't know

59:15

if you saw that. It got a couple, you

59:17

know, 20 likes. I don't have a

59:19

phone, you know, with videos on it.

59:22

Yeah. But I...

59:25

It sounds really funny. Yeah.

59:27

Yeah. I thought it was pretty good. So,

59:29

okay. So you are doing

59:32

this, making front-facing videos, having

59:35

a typical pandemic experience,

59:38

watching, you know, Black

59:40

Widow at home, instead

59:42

of in the theater, as it was meant to be

59:44

seen, and, you know,

59:47

say nothing of Wonder Woman 1984. And

59:51

so then, four

59:53

years later, you're going to kill yourself. I guess I'm sort

59:55

of missing what was the, what put you over the edge.

59:57

It wasn't the death of your uncle. It was... I

1:00:00

mean, well, yeah, I mean obviously that was all sad.

1:00:02

You weren't trying to reunite with him? Yeah. You weren't

1:00:04

even close to him. Yeah, no, no, no. You know,

1:00:06

I guess I felt a little bad that,

1:00:09

you know, I didn't, I was able to bond with him

1:00:11

but, yeah, it

1:00:13

was just, you know, I just felt like, you

1:00:17

know, what's the point? It's

1:00:19

just all, you know, such

1:00:21

a dark times, you

1:00:24

know, etc. But I gotta tell

1:00:26

you. You, me, you. You,

1:00:30

you, you flipped my whole world upside down. You

1:00:32

made me feel like I'm gonna wake up and smell the

1:00:35

coffee. That's what you're gonna appreciate

1:00:37

the time you have on this earth. You ever heard

1:00:39

that? Yes. Wake up and smell

1:00:41

the coffee. Not only have I heard it, I've done

1:00:43

it. See,

1:00:45

you're the funny guy. Yes, I would

1:00:47

fell asleep in a Starbucks. Oh my

1:00:49

God. Really?

1:00:51

Yes, really. I

1:00:54

swear upon the tombs of the great

1:00:56

ones. Jesus. That

1:00:58

ended up. Well, I

1:01:01

mean, I just literally, I woke up and

1:01:03

I smelled the coffee. Oh, okay. So you

1:01:05

were slipping. Okay. I get

1:01:07

what you're saying. Yeah. Well, anyway, you

1:01:09

know, I'm pretty much gonna

1:01:12

leave. I'm not gonna do it now. Oh,

1:01:14

that's great. 90,

1:01:17

you know, I did it. I did it, you

1:01:19

know. No, I did. I canceled the, I was

1:01:22

gonna do a red-eyed to buy. I think that

1:01:24

would have got me there. Maybe

1:01:27

technically that wouldn't be a leap day. It

1:01:29

would be the next day or... I

1:01:32

think that, look, I guess I'd

1:01:34

have to look at the flight schedule, which way

1:01:36

around the earth you're going, all of that stuff.

1:01:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, yeah, it's probably, it probably

1:01:40

won't be the same day. Right, right. And then

1:01:43

also. Yeah. Yes. But

1:01:45

anyway, I can't tell you, you know. So you're gonna live now. Yeah,

1:01:48

I think, I think, I mean, 90%. Most

1:01:52

people are probably like 80%. So

1:01:54

yeah. No, I think I'm pretty, yeah.

1:02:00

I think I'm not going to go to

1:02:02

Dubai. You learned the lesson of Leap Day

1:02:05

to appreciate time, the time we have on

1:02:07

this web. Smell the roses, wake up, smell

1:02:09

the roses. So it's not going to be

1:02:11

giving a whole new meaning to Leap Day.

1:02:13

Yeah. Well, I guess, well, in a

1:02:15

way, kind of does make it to the

1:02:17

leap day. Well, yes, it is for you, but I

1:02:20

meant by my standards when it's already a good thing

1:02:22

and I was like, oh, yeah, he leaps to his

1:02:24

death and getting the watch prepared was the last thing.

1:02:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yes, so we're on

1:02:29

the same page. Yeah, we're on the same

1:02:31

page. I get it. I think

1:02:33

I get it now, Leap Day. I get it. Well.

1:02:36

What do you do, Marvin? Yeah.

1:02:39

It's not just a stupid day. It's

1:02:42

a stupid day that gives grownups

1:02:44

something to talk about, to

1:02:47

fill their empty lives, for

1:02:49

losers to love, for

1:02:51

sweet men who want to live to talk

1:02:53

about. Incredible. Thank

1:02:56

you, sir. Well,

1:02:59

not exactly what I less than

1:03:01

I hoped to impart, but it's

1:03:03

a start. It's nice to

1:03:05

see a loser like you trying to live

1:03:08

your best life despite your everything. Marvin,

1:03:13

if you want to leave, sir,

1:03:15

talk state-to-state. I would do you.

1:03:19

But society frowns upon it in

1:03:21

this decade. Wait,

1:03:23

who's coming in? Maxwell?

1:03:26

Yes. Maxwell.

1:03:29

Yes. Come in, come

1:03:31

in, come in. Maxwell. I, Scott

1:03:34

Alkerman. Yeah, from Comedy Bank. Yes, yes. I

1:03:36

had a television show for about five years. I loved it.

1:03:39

I never got another one. Oh, you did, really? Yes,

1:03:41

yes. All 110 of them. Yeah,

1:03:43

pretty much my shelf life was for that

1:03:45

five years and then my career was over.

1:03:48

Oh, I disagree. Yeah, no, but I still

1:03:50

do podcasts. That's good. I mean, you know,

1:03:52

it's a pivot, to be sure, but it's

1:03:55

one that I'm proud of. Hey, people of fans

1:03:57

of podcasts. I guess so. technology

1:04:00

was gonna go, I mean TV is kind

1:04:02

of... From your mouth to the ears I

1:04:04

would guess. Yeah, I mean who knew we

1:04:06

would be watching Black Widow at home? At

1:04:08

home, yes. So I mean,

1:04:10

things... Your TV is 4K. Technology

1:04:12

and streaming has disrupted everything. Oh, and yes.

1:04:14

So, you know, it's a weird world out

1:04:16

there. Anyway, it's great to see you. Great

1:04:18

to see you, Scott. This is Tallahassee. This

1:04:21

is Tallahassee, where I live. Hi, gosh. This

1:04:24

is Longo Watch repair. Yeah, I've never

1:04:26

been to Florida. America's droopy dick. Yes.

1:04:29

But we have Disney

1:04:31

World. Have you ever been?

1:04:34

No. Okay, well you gotta go sometime. Yes,

1:04:37

and Tom Petty wrote a song about someone committing

1:04:40

suicide in this town. Okay, well I'll have to

1:04:42

check that one out. Was it one of the

1:04:44

big ones? Like Learning to Fly? Oh, it's Learning

1:04:46

to Fly or? I think it's American Girl. American

1:04:48

Girl is about someone committing suicide? Oh, I think

1:04:50

so. Here in Tallahassee. Oh my God. Really? Which

1:04:53

particular lyrics? She looked out

1:04:55

on the four... I don't know. On the

1:04:57

four what? The freeway. It's

1:05:01

based on a girl who leaped to her death

1:05:03

in this very town. That's very grim. I might

1:05:05

be misremembering. I'm ashamed for singing along with it.

1:05:08

Full volume. Grimmer than Grimsberg, we

1:05:10

say. Grimmer than... I

1:05:12

have another guest on my show who loves the

1:05:14

TV show Grim. Oh, I

1:05:17

love Grim. You love Grim, too? Oh,

1:05:20

I love you. By the time it takes 10 hours.

1:05:22

All right, was that you? I can't remember. I think

1:05:24

it was someone different. Anyway, I don't remember either. Getting

1:05:26

very off track. I wanted to just

1:05:28

come in here. I was making my way

1:05:31

through Florida, and I rented a car. I

1:05:35

have a lot of comedy bang bang

1:05:37

favorites in the car, like Tony Bada,

1:05:39

Gabi Giato. Tony Bada Vigniano? Yeah, and

1:05:41

Alfie Kangas. Alfie Kangas? Yeah. I

1:05:44

mean, Zubi Kondoruni is dead. Yes, yes.

1:05:46

But so he couldn't come with. That's

1:05:48

okay. The only funeral

1:05:50

I attended where no one shed a tear.

1:05:52

Yeah. People were...he was like

1:05:55

upside down. Tears weren't falling. They were like

1:05:57

going up to heaven. Yes, they were having a great claiming sadness. Yeah,

1:06:00

it was so strange. I've never seen anything like

1:06:02

that. But in any case,

1:06:04

I just wanted to come by

1:06:06

and wish you

1:06:08

a happy birthday. Oh, you remembered!

1:06:11

It's my birthday after all! What?

1:06:14

Like all those serial killers? Yes.

1:06:17

I came back. Lisa, pizza, you're back!

1:06:19

It's me, Lisa Pizza. I brought

1:06:21

pizza for everyone. Well, it's in

1:06:23

three dimensions like a hot dog. Like a

1:06:25

three dimensional hot dog. All pizza's in three

1:06:27

dimensions usually, but this is really... Well, you've

1:06:29

never had a full hot dog. I

1:06:33

think I have a flattened one on the grill where I press

1:06:35

it down really hard. They can fax them to

1:06:37

you. They're amazing. Oh really? They're absolutely delicious. Technology!

1:06:40

Maxwell, this is... I didn't want to say

1:06:42

anything, but passing through

1:06:44

Tallahassee, I stopped at this pizza place,

1:06:46

Pizza Space. Pizza Space. Pizza Space, and

1:06:48

I met a beautiful young woman who

1:06:50

became my side piece. We are

1:06:53

in a situation. It's very fascinating and complicated.

1:06:56

No, just don't tell Guwop whatever you

1:06:58

do. I didn't know that

1:07:01

Tom Petty... She locked my number. Who the fuck are

1:07:03

you? Oh, I'm sorry. I

1:07:05

just... That's Bobby. He was going to kill himself.

1:07:07

Oh. I actually

1:07:09

didn't know that Tom Petty song was about

1:07:11

suicide. Oh, sorry. That was my favorite song.

1:07:13

No, no, it's about... It's not triggering to

1:07:15

you to make you reconsider. Well, you know,

1:07:17

he's a hero of mine and I guess

1:07:20

realizing that song is about that

1:07:22

maybe is... Yeah, but he just

1:07:24

died of natural causes, right? Can you get a... Can

1:07:26

you get charged if you stop pulling at your

1:07:28

collar? He has naturally curly hair, Tom Petty. You

1:07:33

know, he needs to straighten it. Beautiful. Yeah.

1:07:36

What about you, Elisa? I straighten his hair

1:07:38

too. Yeah, I don't wake up like this.

1:07:41

It looks wondrous. Well,

1:07:43

I'm involved with Scott now, so that's really inappropriate. Oh,

1:07:45

yeah, sorry. You better back off. Oh, sorry. I guess

1:07:47

I gotta shoot another date. Gosh, you

1:07:49

look pretty violent. By the way, I loved your English teacher,

1:07:51

Marvin. I

1:07:54

told you so. But I'm with Scott now. Yeah, so that's

1:07:56

not gonna happen. So, Marvin, you better back off as well. Well,

1:08:00

all right. So you're gonna might book another

1:08:02

red eye. No, no, no. You

1:08:04

have a soul to live for. To where,

1:08:06

man? Your siblings? A red eye to where?

1:08:09

Dubai? I was gonna... Is it a red eye

1:08:11

if it takes a super

1:08:13

long time to get there? I

1:08:17

mean, if it depends on your eyes, why would you get

1:08:19

off the plane? And if I

1:08:21

do it in the middle of the night... Hey

1:08:23

man, don't let these bullies get you down. They

1:08:25

won't be enough. They'll be enough. Oh, my god.

1:08:28

Let's beat them all. If I fly tonight, is that

1:08:30

not a red eye? If I fly tonight. Well,

1:08:33

let me get my friend in here to beat you

1:08:35

up. Loko, come on. Hey, Loko, come on in here.

1:08:39

Loko, get in here. Hey. Hey,

1:08:42

buddy. Do you want to beat this asshole up?

1:08:44

I love him. No, Loko, I

1:08:46

just had to do that with my life. Oh,

1:08:48

no. Oh! Marvin,

1:08:51

you don't need to get kicks and punches

1:08:53

in too. Hurt people hurt people, sir. Would

1:08:57

you mind if I kick him briefly? I

1:08:59

guess. Thanks. I

1:09:01

suppose I just woke up and smelled the coffee.

1:09:05

Maxwell. Yes? I do have some

1:09:07

good news on your birthday. I have a telegram. Yes. It

1:09:10

was sent to me care of comedy bang bang, but it's

1:09:12

for you. Okay. It's... Here,

1:09:14

let me just read it. Maxwell, keep

1:09:17

her stop. Happy birthday, stop. Bothering

1:09:20

me. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Happy birthday,

1:09:22

stop bothering me, stop. Oh, Lisa Portia.

1:09:24

Oh, my ex, Lisa Portia. Oh, you

1:09:27

pronounce it Porsh. Porsh,

1:09:29

Porsh. Well, that's why we broke up.

1:09:31

I refuse to say Porsh. Okay,

1:09:34

you really should reconsider that. I think she's

1:09:36

her name. You should

1:09:39

be considerate and call people what they want to

1:09:41

be called. Evan, you always felt that way? Yes,

1:09:43

that's true. That's true. Well,

1:09:45

it's probably too late anyway. Yeah. Anyway,

1:09:48

so you just, I guess, so happy birthday. There's

1:09:50

a telegram for you. Well, that's nice.

1:09:53

That's sort of, to put me in my place.

1:09:55

I read it wrong. I thought

1:09:58

it was happy birthday. Stop. And

1:10:00

they're bothering me. No, I get it. I get

1:10:02

it. Look, I just have a thing for Lisa

1:10:04

Pease. Rounded

1:10:07

toilet water for the whole night? No, it was

1:10:09

toilet water! I'd love to know. Okay, I'm wrong.

1:10:11

Wait a minute. This is toilet water. This is

1:10:14

sink water that you peed in. Oh,

1:10:16

brother. Oh, I'm moving. Tell you

1:10:18

what. Everyone, why don't

1:10:21

we go to the nearby Fuma Cigar

1:10:23

Bar to celebrate Maxwell's birthday? It's on

1:10:25

me. Yeah. Well,

1:10:27

I'm in. You can take off

1:10:29

from opening night of your restaurant. Well, it was only

1:10:31

open for half an hour. Oh, how did

1:10:34

it go, by the way? I was... I

1:10:36

mean, obviously... You left with me. I left

1:10:38

with you. I think it went really well. Your

1:10:40

English teacher said he would close up. Oh, he's

1:10:42

the best. Does he close the school

1:10:45

up every night? Yeah, every night. Why does he just do it

1:10:47

in that room? You must just have a good skill for it.

1:10:49

You know, I got to tell you, I probably

1:10:52

should go to a mental health hospital and seeing

1:10:54

as I was almost going to leave my desk.

1:10:56

They're called Looney Bins. What? Yeah,

1:11:00

but I can't turn down a

1:11:02

stogie. Yeah, you got to go

1:11:04

to Fuma. Have you lost stogies? You got

1:11:06

to go to Fuma. I didn't realize that

1:11:09

I invited him to. Did I say everybody?

1:11:11

I'll take care of it. Hey. Hey,

1:11:14

yeah. Holy moly, my

1:11:16

wife. You know, for

1:11:18

some... Such a dime, Loco. I

1:11:21

hope the beating helps you want to

1:11:23

live. For some pain

1:11:25

is pleasure. Just

1:11:27

Xenobytes. Okay. Look,

1:11:30

Max, we'll stop talking about the Xenobytes. Okay. Next

1:11:33

time, next time. Promise me if you meet us

1:11:35

at Fuma Bar, you're not going to be talking

1:11:37

about that. Give me one minute

1:11:39

to talk about that. 60 seconds, no

1:11:41

more. At Fuma, at Fuma. I'm going to go in

1:11:43

on Chatterer. 60 seconds, by the way.

1:11:46

Wonderful amount of time. Thank you. I

1:11:48

just wanted to make sure you were listening. Your car could be going

1:11:50

with that amount of time. That's true. You wouldn't

1:11:52

steal a car by hitting a button, would you? I'd like to.

1:11:55

It's confusing, isn't it? Alright,

1:11:57

everyone let's go to Fuma! Okay, I'm going to...

1:12:00

Close up here, uh, m-English

1:12:02

teacher style. I'll

1:12:04

see you guys all there. Goodbye,

1:12:07

everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:12:10

Happy Leap Day, sir. Wow.

1:12:14

Those were my five

1:12:16

best friends in the entire

1:12:18

world. Oh,

1:12:22

better clean up here. Just

1:12:27

put things away. And, uh,

1:12:30

let me fix one more watch. Okay,

1:12:38

what we will do is ask Matt. That

1:12:42

did it. Goodbye.

1:12:52

TikTok, thank you for listening

1:12:54

to the Timekeeper Leap Day

1:12:57

special. The cast was as

1:12:59

follows. Bobby was played

1:13:01

by Bardia Salimi. Marvin Glasses

1:13:03

was played by Aaron Keefe. Lisa

1:13:05

Pizza was played by Claudia O'Doherty.

1:13:08

Loco was played by Carl Tartt. Scott

1:13:11

Aucherman played himself, George H.W.

1:13:13

Bush also played himself. The

1:13:16

music was composed by Adam Schatz.

1:13:19

This special was produced by Scott Aucherman and

1:13:21

Brett Morris for comedy Bang Bang World.

1:13:24

Fare thee well. Thank

1:13:28

you. Pandora

1:13:34

makes it easy for you to find your favorite

1:13:36

music. Discover new artists and genres by selecting any

1:13:38

song or album and will make you a personalized

1:13:41

station for free. Download on the Apple

1:13:43

App Store or Google Play and enjoy the soundtrack

1:13:45

to your life. Love

1:13:48

the flexibility of working in all sorts of

1:13:50

places? Well, working on the

1:13:52

go seamlessly requires a strong network like

1:13:54

T-Mobile. We have America's

1:13:56

largest 5G network. So whether you're

1:13:59

on a video call at the park

1:14:01

or uploading large files at a coffee

1:14:03

shop, we have the 5G speed you

1:14:05

need. Whatever takes you on the go,

1:14:07

T-Mobile's got you covered. Find out more

1:14:09

at t-mobile.com/network today. Coverage

1:14:12

not available in some areas. See 5G device

1:14:14

coverage and access details at t-mobile.com. Have

1:14:19

you ever told a friend? Oh, I'm fine.

1:14:21

When you really felt Just so overwhelmed. Then

1:14:23

this is your sign to reach out to

1:14:25

the 988 lifeline for

1:14:27

24 seven free confidential support. You

1:14:30

don't have to hide how you feel. Text, call,

1:14:32

or chat anytime.