0:00

["Comedy Bang Bang!" by The B

0:25

Shiver me timbers and swash me buckles,

0:27

this pirate is ready for holiday chuckles.

0:29

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang! Ah

0:32

yes, thank you to Hunter Biden, no

0:34

relation. Ew. No relation!

0:36

Okay. So it's a good one. Mostly

0:38

I didn't like that you were unzipping your pants the whole time

0:40

you read that. Hey, wait a minute. Come on,

0:42

El, it's not that kind of a show. You

0:44

know what kind of a show it is, and yet you still

0:46

come in here. Yeah. Like a scoff-log.

0:49

I love it. I love that it's this kind of

0:51

show. It is, of course, not this kind of a

0:53

show. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang! for another holiday

0:55

edition, holiday 2023-2023. And

1:00

we have a great show coming up a little later.

1:02

We have some—all your favorites are going to be here

1:04

and some people that you probably don't like all that

1:06

much. Speaking of whom, let's

1:08

talk to him. He is going

1:10

to be acting as co-host for

1:13

the festivities this afternoon or

1:15

morning or evening or in the middle of the night, whenever you

1:17

happen to be listening to this. We

1:19

are recording out of time. That's right. Yes,

1:21

we have stepped outside of time. We're in

1:23

the middle of the speed force. And

1:26

you know him as one of

1:28

the hosts of the popular podcast,

1:30

the inexplicably popular podcast. How did

1:32

this get made? Shocking. Thirteen years.

1:36

Really? Yeah, right next to your mouth. Really? I got to

1:38

get that close to what— Yes, you do, sir. Oh, wow.

1:40

Yeah. He says, if I've never

1:42

podcasted before in my life— Strangely, have

1:44

you been doing your show almost as long as my show

1:46

and you still have no idea of what good mic technique

1:48

is. I don't. Is this how I do it? No,

1:51

you're behind it now. Please welcome Jason Mandzukas.

1:53

Hello. Thank you,

1:55

Scott, for having me. What a delight to be here. So

1:57

wonderful to have you. At the holidays. Holiday

2:00

time it truly is the holiday time none

2:02

no one can dispute that it couldn't be

2:04

more holiday The decorations are beautiful here so

2:06

many going on at the same time too

2:09

you have Hanukkah the rest Exactly

2:12

thank God thank God we've got them all

2:14

yeah It's like all the people

2:16

on Gilligan's Island I think all holidays should happen

2:18

at the same time like all within a month

2:21

like there should be one month where every day

2:23

is A holiday and we get to take the

2:25

entire month what about what about holidays that are

2:27

month specific though like the 4th of July? I

2:29

don't give a shit so the 4th of July

2:31

is now like it's December 28th Well the thing

2:33

is December 25th isn't Jesus's birthday anyway, let's All

2:36

right Let's

2:39

ask open AI Just

2:42

became like oh my god.

2:44

I'm looking so much forward to just being open AI

2:48

Just prompting open AI and it's just

2:50

going yeah, please But

2:53

you know let's make it in July cuz the

2:55

July 4th that is when that happens Yes,

2:57

okay, so you think all holidays should now be

2:59

in July and we get all of July off

3:01

and we celebrate all those holidays Okay,

3:04

okay. What if I did like one

3:07

week a month for a

3:09

clutch of holidays? I guess

3:11

I don't mind that but then your family feels like oh

3:13

we get to see you one week a month It's like

3:15

guys. I'm trying to escape you oh No,

3:18

we got one month. We each other and then we

3:20

I'm a man in my 50s still trying to escape

3:22

you You'll

3:24

never escape It's

3:27

so wonderful to have you on the show it

3:29

truly is we're wrapping up December

3:32

This is the last regular comedy bang

3:34

bang episode of the year with Jason.

3:36

What are your holiday traditions? Well my

3:38

holiday traditions begin with the comedy bang

3:40

bang best of the best of

3:42

the best You said it starts on the

3:45

25th this year boom. That's it for me.

3:47

That's when Christmas comes is

3:49

when I can unwrap episode one of the

3:51

best and what are you doing? You're checking

3:53

to see where you land on the every

3:55

every time I'm like God doing an egotistical.

3:57

Oh, yeah, and I speed I don't care

4:00

other episodes. If you and the guy you

4:02

do it with, if you and Paul F.

4:04

Tompkins do not say, my

4:08

name in the lead up to number one,

4:11

then guess what? Not listening

4:13

to the clip. We got to record those numbers, by

4:15

the way. Oh man, we're really late. Did you record

4:17

the numbers? No, we're really late on it. Okay, we'll

4:19

do it this week. I mean, I believe you promised

4:22

it would be done by Wednesday. Okay. Wet

4:25

day. That's another one. Okay, so all holidays

4:28

have to take place in the same month

4:30

of wet day. Are there any other comedy

4:32

bang bang specific holidays that I'm missing other

4:34

than wet day? Maybe the only one. The

4:36

wet day is the most precious to us

4:38

all. We think the wet day carols. I

4:41

feel like wet day, and I

4:43

think wet day is incredible. I think you're

4:45

missing an opportunity for merchandising. We'll get some

4:47

out of this year. That's what holidays are

4:49

all about. We will definitely get some out

4:51

this year. Greeting cards, t-shirts, stuff. What are

4:53

the... Wait, why do they call them greeting

4:55

cards? It's like you've already presumably said hi

4:57

to the person. No, that'd be interesting.

4:59

When you just like show up at their door, hand them a

5:01

card, it says hello, and then you're like, okay,

5:03

we can talk now. Conversation

5:05

cards. So what would you think

5:08

was like... Is it good? No,

5:10

it's bad. I will say,

5:12

and this is just for the listeners, before the record, you

5:14

did say you were brought... I ran this by you. You

5:16

said you were going to try out some stand up. You

5:18

said I'm going to try out some stand up, just go

5:21

with it. I'm dipping my toe back into the water. Jason,

5:25

always a pleasure to see you, but we do

5:27

have to get to our first question. That's all

5:29

right. You know... Well, am

5:32

I calling him? Or is

5:34

he... I have to call... Okay, let's

5:36

call his number. I just have a

5:38

random sequence of numbers here that I...

5:40

You don't have to

5:43

say the beeps along with the beeps. I'm so sorry. Are

5:46

there beeps being put in post? In post?

5:50

I don't know how much post you do for this

5:52

show. We're out of our post budget.

5:54

We're totally empty. The coffers are empty. Is

5:57

that why you started the GoFundMe for

5:59

finishing funds? Oh,

6:01

yeah, let me press the last number.

6:03

Okay, it's rain Bring

6:11

Man are we Fred

6:16

yeah, Fred Guinness that's me. You

6:18

got him. Hey What

6:23

is going on my man what is going on it's so

6:25

good to talk to you It's good to talk to you.

6:27

Listen if my voice sounds a little bit different cuz I

6:29

don't remember it Right

6:32

we wake up we don't remember how we talk yeah

6:34

Yeah, hey, it's one of the things about getting older

6:36

sometimes you forget what your voice sounds like you have

6:38

Alzheimer's of the voice That's

6:41

grim Terrible

6:44

thing to wish on is that was that why

6:46

you call me wish it upon him May you

6:48

have Alzheimer's of the boy god? While

6:50

you're looking right at me people are

6:52

gonna cut that out and use it Send

6:54

it to each other's voice text. It's so

6:56

great to talk to you Jason Mandu because is here with me as well Great

7:01

to see you great talk to you. That's right, but I

7:03

feel like I feel like I could see you clear as

7:05

day You as

7:07

well though your voice invokes just even

7:09

like a sartorial flare that I think

7:11

is impressive Real, you know,

7:13

no one's ever said that to me before Yeah,

7:16

oh, are you kidding? I'm a real when I do

7:18

the way I dress my style, I guess could this

7:20

be described as basic bitch So,

7:24

what is that you know? You

7:27

know like I wear polo shirts khakis. Oh

7:29

sure. You know what I mean? Play polo.

7:32

I don't play polo Oh, okay. Yeah, you

7:34

should be allowed to wear the shirts then

7:36

I agree. It's stolen valor from

7:39

from Ralph Lauren Yeah,

7:43

the most famous polo player in the world Was

7:48

like you'd look good in this I think it was you know When

7:50

you were a kid and you got you would draw like

7:52

a if you drew you drew like the same thing over

7:54

and over again Right. You like you had your own good

7:56

at that. Yeah, you got good at that. And I think

7:58

that Ralph Lauren probably just a polo guy and

8:01

then he's like I gotta make this a company. And

8:05

was it a polo shirt because did the shirt style exist and

8:07

then he's the first guy to put a polo horse on it?

8:10

No I believe that the

8:12

the the polo shirt predates

8:14

Ralph Lauren's existence. He's very

8:17

existed. Yes. Really before he

8:19

was even just a gleam in his daddy's nutbag.

8:21

Before he was Ralph Lauren when he was Ralph

8:23

I believe Livshit. That's right. That's

8:25

right. He changes it really. Oh yeah. He

8:28

actually he holds the polo shirt holds

8:30

the record for shirt

8:32

being in existence before Ralph

8:35

Lauren. The Guinness record? Yep.

8:38

But that's I totally forgot that's

8:40

part of your thing. I enjoy talking to you

8:42

so much. Well Fred Guinness is dropping records on

8:45

us from the beginning here guys. That's right. That's

8:47

right. You're Fred Guinness and

8:49

you are the owner and proprietor

8:51

or just the proprietor? I am the

8:54

owner proprietor chief cook and bottle washer

8:56

of the Guinness Book of World Records.

8:58

That's right and you're the guy who

9:00

knows them all and gives that information

9:02

to all of us in book form.

9:04

That's right and I think that you

9:07

know for kids from age I

9:11

want to say reading. No

9:14

I would say reading to 13.

9:17

Yeah reading age whatever that

9:19

happens to be for you. Yeah. 13. 13

9:21

and then it's like no

9:25

use for it. No not interested in anything.

9:27

And I do have some sad news.

9:29

Sorry Jason. No please go ahead. It's hard

9:31

with these transatlantic connections but

9:34

sad news the two fat cowboys

9:37

show the motorcycles just done. Oh

9:40

no. I love them. Just now.

9:44

I love them. It was this morning.

9:47

This morning. Is that what you're calling?

9:49

Are you? Oh I called

9:51

you. You called me? You called me? You

9:56

killed us if we had a chance. Oh that's

9:58

very sad news indeed. They captured the hearts of

10:00

everybody who picked up the Guinness Book of World Records.

10:03

Everyone loved them. They'd go to that page

10:05

first and, you know, they were... it's really

10:07

sad. What was their record? I don't even

10:09

remember. Was it Fattest Guy? It was Fattest

10:11

Twins. They were

10:14

twins! So the motorcycles had nothing to do

10:16

with it? No, but they did figure into

10:18

their deaths. Oh, what happened to

10:20

them? They were chased by Bob Ross. Oh

10:23

no! They got printed side?

10:26

Oh my god. They got printed side?

10:29

They wanted one more picture? Ever since

10:31

they were in the Guinness

10:33

Book, they were hounded by the press for

10:35

years and years. Never were able

10:37

to snap another picture because I've

10:39

never seen a different one. No, because those

10:41

motorcycles were fat. Oh my god. I'm

10:46

so sorry for your loss, Fred. Well, it's

10:48

the world's loss, really, and, you know, our

10:50

heart goes out to their families who all

10:52

pre-deceased them, of course. Oh,

10:54

so they're the last in line? They were the

10:56

last. That's right. Ronnie James

11:00

Dio. You're a Dio fan, really. I

11:02

love Dio. The star-fazer himself. I love

11:04

him. He's not that voice. I love

11:06

him. Fantastic voice. That incredibly robust voice

11:08

coming out of a four foot eleven

11:10

package. It pumps me up. Leasing room

11:13

elf. Yeah. Hey,

11:15

Merry Christmas. See, when you're that

11:17

short of a guy, do you want to be fronting a band

11:19

called Elf? I only if

11:21

you can get guys who are even shorter than you

11:23

to back up. Yeah, that was a big problem. It's

11:25

like clearly I'm not the elf. Seal nice elf. Oh,

11:27

so Scotty, what's going on?

11:34

What is going on? It's great to talk to you. I

11:36

mean, especially at the end of the year, there's probably so

11:38

many new records that I mean, people are rushing to get

11:40

their records in for the year, right? Oh, you know, they

11:42

are. And, you know, we had some great records this year

11:45

and I want to share with you if

11:47

you want to, I have some right in

11:49

front of me right now. Oh, I would love that.

11:52

Yeah. New record. These are great. Or people. Great. Yeah.

11:54

Yeah. These are. Yeah. These are actual

11:57

Guinness World Records. And

12:00

Of course, this is from the World Record Academy. Okay.

12:03

Is that associated with you or do you get the

12:05

records from them? It's actually not. Oh, really? So

12:08

this is sort of like those weather apps that just

12:10

get it from the government? Yeah, or the sky. Yeah.

12:13

Oh, that's where I get all my weather. It's

12:15

gray out. Thanks, weather app. Yeah,

12:17

right? I mean, come on. All

12:20

right. So these are some Christmas records. These are real.

12:23

Largest collection of nativity scenes. Largest

12:26

collection of nativity scenes. This is

12:28

the most individual whole nativity scene.

12:30

That's right. The most scenes are

12:32

just the biggest ones. The

12:35

largest collection of nativity scenes. What

12:37

does that mean? Like meaning displayed

12:39

or I have a collection in

12:41

storage. Or

12:44

here you can come to the front lawn

12:46

and see 10,000 nativity. You

12:49

know what I mean? A collection is a collection and it

12:51

doesn't matter where you display them. Fair enough. That

12:54

has no bearing. It's merely ownership. It's merely

12:56

ownership. Got it. It's

12:58

the amount. Okay, great. And so this guy

13:00

has 2,539 different nativity scenes. Wow.

13:06

And who cares, right? Technically,

13:09

you only need one. I'd be more interested

13:11

in biggest nativity scenes. Technically, you only need

13:13

one. I also think

13:16

there's something about putting, if you're displaying

13:18

them all or even multiples, there's something

13:20

about, that's too many big. Too many.

13:23

Too many to wrap your mind around. Give

13:25

me one. It is big as Godzilla.

13:27

It also takes away for the importance. Wait,

13:29

you won. I'm so sorry. I

13:32

want the baby to be as big as Godzilla and

13:34

the manger and the wise man and everyone to be

13:37

the same. You don't want 2,000

13:39

nativity scenes. You want one kaiju

13:42

level. Kaiju Baby G. Christ? Has

13:44

anybody made a kaiju Christ? Oh man, I love

13:46

that. You could get

13:49

the world's record for that. The Guinness World Record. If

13:51

you do it, world's only kaiju Christ? Oh my God.

13:53

Why isn't there a Christ float in the Macy's

13:56

Day Parade? There should be. That's

13:58

what it's all about. Big day. You're

14:00

right. Yeah. The big guy's coming up. The

14:02

big guy. I'm not talking about, you know,

14:04

Joe Biden, of course. I'm talking about... Why

14:07

would I think that? They always call him the

14:10

big guy. Do they? They do. They do. Who

14:12

are you listening to? Who does that? Ronnie James Deo?

14:17

All right. Snap. Anyway, go ahead. So

14:20

that's a... I qualify that as a

14:22

who cares record. Sure. Because

14:24

so what? This guy's got a problem. That's in the

14:26

back in the who cares... That's a hoarder. Well, we...

14:28

We have a hoarder who has disposable enough income

14:30

to buy $2,000. I mean, anybody could do that.

14:32

He's got a thickness for one thing. For the

14:34

thickness. Probably. Now

14:37

you're talking about like... All

14:39

right. Here's another one. World's largest gingerbread

14:41

village. It's in New York City, New

14:44

York. Largest. This is now you're

14:46

talking about language. And this is a chef named

14:48

John Lovech. Lovech. Lovech

14:50

or Leavech. Lovech. Lovech or Leavech is

14:52

his podcast. That's right. He

14:54

used 1,000 pounds of gingerbread and more than

14:57

8,000 pounds of frosting to create 1,500 gingerbread

15:00

houses and make the world's largest

15:02

gingerbread village. Now that's another one where we say, who

15:04

cares? Well, here's my thing. It tells me how many

15:06

pounds went into it. How fucking big is it? That's

15:08

what I want to know. Can I walk you into...

15:11

It's 500 houses being put on display,

15:13

but they are just gingerbread houses. So

15:15

they're not... Gingerbread house size. It's a

15:18

community? They're little things. It's a village.

15:20

They're like for... Oh, I see. It's like Smurf

15:23

Village made of... What's your taste or what? Three applesauce? Oh, vacuum

15:25

bin. Yeah, the vacuum bin. You

15:27

got Randy Rhodes. Randy James

15:29

was four applesauce. Exactly. Randy Rhodes

15:31

was five applesauce. All

15:34

rock stars are measured in apples, just

15:36

like Smurfs. How about this one? World's

15:38

tallest digital Merry Christmas candy cane. This

15:40

is extremely specific. Digital? Digital

15:43

records? Yeah. I don't like it.

15:45

No, let's break it down. It's

15:47

the world's tallest digital, quote, Merry

15:49

Christmas, end quote, candy cane. So

15:51

many qualifiers. Yeah. So it

15:53

could be a tall digital Christmas candy cane, but

15:56

it says something different. It is on the... what?

15:58

You know, it doesn't say Merry Christmas. Christmas on

16:00

it so it doesn't get this record? Well this one doesn't even

16:02

say Merry Christmas. Oh, okay. It's just

16:04

a digital picture of a candy cane. Oh, okay.

16:06

Yeah. Digital picture. A digital

16:08

picture? So the record is for the size?

16:10

Isn't this like the, you're saying

16:13

the screen is big enough to project the

16:15

image? How many pixels is it? Is that

16:17

what we're talking about? Is this 4K? Oh,

16:19

let's see. It is thousands

16:22

of light emitting diodes, then parentheses

16:24

as LEDs. Oh, thank you. To

16:26

create a spectacular Christmas skyline show. This is the

16:29

$700 million. Oh, it looks like fire workers. Paramount

16:31

Miami World Center Tower. No, it's just on the side of

16:33

a building. On the side of a building? Oh, it's like

16:35

projected onto, oh wow. Yeah. Okay.

16:38

And this one is, oh, Paramount Miami World Center

16:40

Christmas Spectacular Tower Lighting is a shining beacon of

16:43

cheer and best wishes to all as a challenging

16:45

year comes to a close as Paramount Miami World

16:47

Center CEO Daniel Codsey. And

16:50

again, the file under the who cares. Yeah, this is

16:52

just a thing someone did. Yeah. Anyone

16:54

could do it. Guys, can I be honest with you?

16:56

What's going on, Fred? What are bad, bad records? The

16:58

records game has gotten me down. Whoa.

17:01

No, not during Christmas. It used to be

17:03

like you had a freak that had really

17:05

long curly fingernails. Yeah. You know

17:07

what I mean? Throw it in the book. You'd have a

17:09

guy with. You got a hit. Yes, you got a guy

17:11

with twins. Are we allowed to say that? I

17:13

don't think so. I don't know. Good join. What

17:16

did they set a record for? Being most

17:18

conjoined? Yes, like in most places. Elbows.

17:21

Toes. Most shared organs. Fingers.

17:25

I miss it.

17:27

I miss seeing a guy with 500 cigarettes in his mouth.

17:30

Yeah. People in a phone booth. People in

17:33

a phone booth. They tore down all the phone

17:35

booths. They were on a pager. Yes. Oh,

17:37

okay. Don't miss them. And

17:39

you used to, I don't know, when I was

17:42

young, you used to want to think of a

17:44

record that you could do. Most people could

17:46

fit in a hoop. Most

17:49

people could fit in a hoop. That's a good

17:51

one. It's fun. Here's the thing.

17:53

Think about the picture. Yeah. I'm

17:56

sure it's fun. All right. I'm

17:58

sorry. But okay. by three ghosts

18:00

or something. Why? I'm not a bad guy.

18:03

No, but you need to find... I just don't

18:05

like my job. You need to find... Jesus Christ.

18:08

Everyone doesn't like their job during Christmas. Three ghosts.

18:10

Jesus Christ. You need to find the joy of

18:12

records again. That's the journey you need to go

18:14

on. I mean, one of the things that does

18:16

give me joy, and I'm ashamed to say this,

18:19

is of course the dark records. That's

18:21

right. We talked about those last time, the

18:23

dark record. Yes. These are the records in

18:25

the... It's a separate tome that

18:27

only you have access to. We have a Guinness Blackbook.

18:30

Which we keep under lock and

18:32

key. But we do record these

18:34

records. You must. They're

18:36

records. That's our very business. They're

18:38

raised on death. What are some of the dark records

18:40

again? Well, there's

18:43

some that are in-house. Of course, we

18:45

had most

18:49

homicides committed by an employee of Guinness.

18:51

Which I'm sorry to say has just

18:53

been broken. Oh, no. No, no. What

18:55

happened both times? There

18:58

was an employee named

19:01

Ken who was... Do

19:04

you know Ken? Ken Dennis? No.

19:07

He's not related to me. It's not a

19:09

family business. Oh, okay. Oh, it's not? No.

19:12

So you're no relation? No,

19:15

no relation at all. Oh. But you are

19:17

in relation to the beer makers, right? We talked about this?

19:19

No, I'm not. My name just

19:21

coincidentally is Guinness. Wow. And I took

19:24

it over. And when I

19:26

did, I thought I should probably move to Ireland. Right.

19:29

Yeah. For one of the two things. Yeah. I mean,

19:31

well, because... It turned out that you ended up being

19:33

in the book and not the

19:35

beer part of it. Right.

19:37

I had no interest in the beer part. Right. No

19:39

interest in the beer. I do not drink beer. Right. I

19:42

do drink Absinthe. You do? Oh, you

19:44

do? You're an apple guy. Like Marilyn Manson? Yes.

19:47

Wait, is he an Absinthe? Brian. Yes.

19:50

Oh, Brian. Yes.

19:52

I love to visit the Green Fairy. But

19:57

I do. I do.

19:59

Yeah. The dark records are a

20:01

perverse source of joy for me. So

20:05

the new record for most homicides by

20:07

a Guinness employee. His name

20:09

was Ken Sharps and he

20:12

stole a sightseeing bus.

20:16

Like one of the TMZ type ones? But

20:19

in Ireland? Yes, TMZ Ireland. TMZ it. Of

20:22

course. Who did they cover? Bato?

20:25

Bato, the rest.

20:27

Bob Geldof. Of

20:29

course, you know, big commitments.

20:32

The commitments. A lot of time in

20:34

their hands now with Shane McGowan passing. They have

20:36

no commitments. Great.

20:39

Uncommitments. Are you still

20:41

there? Hello. I felt

20:43

like I was getting an echo.

20:47

So Ken stole a sightseeing bus and it

20:49

was one of those days where it

20:52

was bring your daughter

20:55

to the sightseeing bus. Oh no. So

20:57

it was double the amount of people. Oh boy. And

21:01

all of them had daughters. Yes, they all had daughters.

21:04

You couldn't get on the bus if you didn't have a daughter. Have

21:06

adults have daughters. They took DNA tests? They took DNA

21:08

tests. You had to, you had to. So

21:12

you couldn't even be adopted either. You

21:15

had a way to do paternity tests, DNA tests.

21:19

Did any of them come back because 100%

21:22

that bitch. That's

21:24

fun. It is fun. It's

21:26

fun. And

21:30

all of that research

21:32

is done by TMZ

21:34

tour buses? Yes. TMZ.

21:38

Okay. Yes. They all

21:40

have the testers all have big

21:42

smoothie cups. And

21:44

then they, you have to spit your results into

21:47

the smoothie. Spit your sample into the smoothie cup.

21:49

Just spit. And then it goes off

21:51

to the Guinness lab. So

21:54

this is a multi-day operation. Oh

21:56

yeah, absolutely. And we should tell people that.

21:59

Wait, are we involved? to the bus? Yeah,

22:01

if you guys are providing the lab work

22:03

for the TMZ buses. Yes. So this is

22:05

a concerted effort and maybe that's how Ken

22:07

got in and was able to commit this

22:09

heinous act. That's right because everybody knows each

22:11

other you know he's like hey Liam let

22:13

me get on there and he

22:16

knocked Liam out with a shoe. What kind of sole was

22:18

on it? Was it a wooden clog? It was a wooden

22:21

clog. Ken

22:25

was famous for wearing wooden clogs around the office. Of course.

22:27

You can hear him coming from a while away. Well they're

22:29

made in Ireland so. Not famous enough to get

22:31

a world record probably but. What

22:34

do you mean? Like most famous for

22:36

wearing wooden clogs? He gets into a

22:38

slippery slope with qualifiers like that. I

22:40

know yeah. Most heard of thing. You

22:43

know what I mean? You have to

22:45

throw the lights. So what

22:47

happened? So Ken got

22:50

on the bus he got on

22:53

the little loudspeaker he floored it

22:55

and he got on the microphone

22:57

and he said folks you're gonna

23:00

die today. These were his chilling.

23:02

Were these prepared remarks or was

23:04

this like? We didn't find any

23:06

note cards but I would imagine

23:09

he practiced it before he got

23:11

on the bus. Yeah.

23:14

And then he just he drove everyone

23:16

off a cliff. Including

23:19

himself. Yeah.

23:21

He didn't jump out right before he did not. He didn't

23:23

have like a parrot dude on his own. We think that

23:25

he tried to. Oh he tried to. We think that he

23:27

tried to DB Cooper it. He

23:30

was wearing a parachute. Oh yeah he didn't want it

23:32

to. Yeah he wanted to DB Cooper it. But

23:35

his his clog got stuck. Oh

23:38

come on Sharpie. Get

23:42

it together. And we like

23:44

we heard from eyewitnesses who were nearby

23:46

they saw the bus that

23:50

there was a man screaming frantically.

23:53

Help help I was just kidding. And

23:55

we believe that to be Ken. He was kidding about

23:58

what part of it. I think he was forever. to

24:00

die. I think he was trying to avert

24:04

the crisis by talking to God.

24:06

Oh, oh, I think I

24:08

was just kidding. Yeah. But of course, if you

24:10

believe in God, you believe that God knows when

24:12

you're kidding. You can't fool God with a joke.

24:15

Are you a religious man? I never thought about

24:17

you. I'm agnostic. Oh, you are? I'm agnostic. Yeah.

24:19

I mean, you don't know the answer. I don't

24:21

know the answer is we all got here somehow.

24:23

It would surprise you if the minute you died

24:25

suddenly, pop, there you are heaven. Heaven

24:28

time. If that's how it happens, I would be surprised. Really?

24:31

Yes. What would make you surprised about that?

24:34

The pop sound? Oh, that's the only part

24:36

of it. Just heaven. Yeah.

24:38

If that's how it plays out, I will

24:40

be surprised. Even having to have the

24:42

discussion. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, anything can

24:44

happen under the sun. Boy, that's so true.

24:48

Oh, he said nothing like the

24:50

sun. Sure. Shakespeare said both. He

24:52

said a lot of things about the

24:54

sun. He was like a big self

24:56

tanning guy. Shakespeare? Yeah. He's not the

24:58

most self-tanned figure in literature though. Who

25:01

would that be? That would be William

25:03

Faulkner. William Faulkner, really? He loved to

25:05

lay out. Oh, yeah. He loved to

25:07

lay out. He was the original Tammel.

25:10

He was, really? You know how

25:12

Jodie Foster, the original on that

25:14

suntan commercial, the billboard, she was

25:16

at the Coppertone. Oh, yes. Coppertone.

25:19

Yeah. So William Faulkner, Jodie Foster,

25:21

a lot of Oster, Foster. What

25:23

are you doing? I don't know. It's

25:26

the holidays. So, whoop-de-doo,

25:28

a hickory dock. Hey,

25:32

that sounds romantic. Fred, you

25:34

came alive when you were, you

25:36

seemed so down when you were telling us about

25:38

the new records. When you came alive- When you

25:40

talked about this TMZ bus. No, I was going

25:42

to say when you talked about the dark records.

25:45

Oh, yeah. I feel like a pivot to the

25:47

dark records might be like the happy future you

25:49

are looking for. But it's happy for me. It's

25:51

not happy for other people. Like, do you want

25:53

to know who has the most

25:55

failed exorcisms? Oh, yes. Sure. Yeah, I wouldn't

25:58

mind hearing them. His name is- Padre

26:00

David de Benvenuto

26:06

And he is the

26:09

unluckiest Exorcist in all of

26:11

Rome. So it was just luck by the

26:13

way. Well, I love the dark I think

26:15

it's so interesting compared to

26:17

biggest digital course I Mean

26:22

I'm not lying. She's the biggest

26:24

digital Merry Christmas candy. I'm you know

26:27

what? I'm so very sorry. That's alright

26:30

I mean they do hold the record. I just want

26:32

it to be you know, I just don't want

26:34

to respect it I understand and oh I meant

26:36

I want those people to know I meant no

26:39

disrespect Why was the Padre so unlucky with his

26:41

all of his exercise? He was just incompetent. He

26:43

was bad at it Yeah, he

26:45

was like the power of Christ says get out of

26:47

there. That's not the word. No, it's not the wording

26:49

So he just didn't know his line. He didn't know

26:51

Latin. He would do Pig Latin. He wasn't off book

26:54

He was not off book. He would do Pig

26:57

Latin here at spay. He lay He

27:01

also holds the record for being laughed at by most demons Oh

27:03

really oh how many demons or how many times was he

27:06

laughed at? Because

27:09

sometimes there's a bunch of demons

27:11

inside you. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah,

27:13

or inside one I wonder if those demons

27:15

are excited when that guy shows up because

27:18

he's like their favorite comic Oh, absolutely. They're

27:20

like, oh, yeah, this guy comes out it

27:22

in the prize It's

27:25

like we don't know exactly a drop-in set at

27:27

the at a comedy club and you're like, whoa

27:31

Padre Padre B and bonito is

27:33

here. We love this

27:36

guy. This guy's the best what an idiot

27:39

Yeah, it's really sad to hear it's even laughing at a

27:41

priest Yeah I think that priest

27:43

is putting a lot of the that

27:45

demon crowd work in small clips on

27:48

tick-tock now and is blowing up Who

27:51

I wouldn't feel like we've depressed

27:53

you again. No, no, no, no, no. No, I

27:55

mean that guy is a bumper. Yeah but

27:59

let see we don't have to get a complete I

28:01

mean I know you guys find these interesting

28:08

take your time yeah we you don't have to keep

28:10

it coming up with them I just thought that I

28:12

just thought that boy I'm not coming up with them

28:15

I'm so sorry you're reading reading them

28:17

these are record you I

28:19

can't I can't see you what

28:23

about the catchphrase I can't see you

28:25

I guess we could get t-shirts going

28:28

that could be a catchphrase for me

28:30

because I'm on the phone I'm more

28:32

than I can't see you it's great

28:36

well if right we do have to wrap it up

28:38

I'm so why can you stick around can you be

28:40

on the phone I know it's a lot I called

28:42

you though so often yeah absolutely yeah sure okay great

28:44

I'll stick around yeah well gonna give you one more

28:47

absolutely yeah one more to tide us over most people

28:50

blinded by staring into the Sun

28:52

simultaneously oh wow I'm gonna get

28:54

can I take a stab absolutely three

28:59

you're so close really to I

29:06

went over prices right rules should

29:09

have said your people should have said zero people

29:11

or what all

29:13

right well Fred thank you so much thank you because

29:15

we have many guests to get to and I want

29:17

to hear your input on I want to be part

29:19

of the action yes exactly you want to be where

29:21

the people are I want to be where the people

29:24

are I love to say I'm

29:27

good at it but you love to hey I

29:30

you're not gonna get it wasn't so

29:32

bad I'm gonna get a Guinness World

29:34

Record for best thing we don't you can't

29:36

qualify things like that what

29:38

like best yes you can't we don't that's

29:41

not how we judge things okay so most

29:43

most most say you're the most exactly you

29:45

could win most largest amount of singer who

29:48

has most singer right now Adele

29:51

Adele yeah yeah she does the most

29:53

with it definitely yeah well someday you'll

29:56

overtake her I hope I

29:58

hope so yeah not this year we're

30:00

wrapping up the year. But soon Adele. Soon

30:02

Adele. Fred Guinness is coming for you. He

30:05

can't see you. I can't see you. All

30:07

right. Well, let's get to our next guest.

30:10

Jason, you ready for these guys? Absolutely. Let's

30:12

do it. I guess

30:14

we just have one person here. Then I'm

30:16

ready for that one person. Yeah. Maybe setting a

30:18

record for most guys who are one person.

30:22

Let's please welcome back to the show. You know him.

30:26

I used to know I first got to know him when

30:28

he worked at my favorite restaurant, I believe, uh, filling up

30:30

the ice and the urinals. That's you, right?

30:33

I don't know what you heard

30:35

about me, but I'm the motherfucking

30:37

Randy. Yeah. Randy Stutz is

30:39

here. What's going on? What's going on, Randy? Let's

30:41

get it. Let's go. Fred Guinness is on the

30:44

phone. Have you ever talked to him? I can't

30:46

see him. Hey, Randy. What's going

30:48

on, Fred? Nothing much. How you doing, pal? I'm

30:50

pretty good. You know, I'm living large. I'm sitting

30:52

down. Hey, what do you look like? What do

30:54

I live like? Look, look at you. I look

30:57

like, what do you look like? But then also

30:59

tell me what you live like. Close your eyes, have a sexual

31:02

fantasy. Okay. Go the opposite direction. Then

31:04

find the midway point between those two

31:06

things. And that's me, my friend. I

31:11

can see you. Randy,

31:14

great to have you back on the show. It's been a while.

31:16

Yeah. It's great to be here. It's honestly a

31:18

better reception than normal. You know, I know

31:20

I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but when

31:22

I am, people be slurping. Yeah. What's going

31:24

on during

31:28

the holidays? What is it? What does a Randy

31:30

Stutz do during the holiday season? I mean, I

31:32

shut it down. I will. I did agree.

31:36

I mean, I work as hard as I can for

31:38

11 months and then December 1st, I shut it down

31:40

and I just start looking for gifts for friends and

31:42

family. Oh, good. Okay. So you have plenty of time

31:44

to do that. Yeah, absolutely. Are you ahead of the

31:47

game there? I'd say, um, I mean, what day is

31:49

it? When is this coming out? Monday?

31:52

Yeah. So I'm like Mondays

31:54

deep into, uh, into it.

31:57

I want to sign up. Yeah, bro.

31:59

I'm Monday's. deep into it. Okay, I came

32:01

on specifically, I think for the listeners because

32:03

I, I came up with a top 10

32:05

list. Oh, you have a feature. Oh, wow. So

32:07

Fred had a feature you have a feature. This

32:09

is great. I have a feature top 10 Christmas

32:11

gifts for Scott Ackerman when you're on a budget.

32:13

Whoa. Because I'm very hard to shop for. I imagine.

32:17

Why are you so hard to shop for? Because

32:19

anything I want I buy and I already

32:23

have it. Well, most of these gifts

32:25

are priceless. Oh, okay. Oh, they're Oh,

32:27

really? So you can't find these in

32:29

stores. Okay, but it's not a bug.

32:31

Yeah, it's not a bug. I mean,

32:33

priceless. Yeah, I mean, it's from me.

32:35

Yeah. And some of these you absolutely

32:37

can find in stores. Okay, like

32:39

the first one number one. Oh, this number 10.

32:41

I'm going. Oh, it's a descending

32:43

order. Subscription

32:45

to musical theater magazine, which

32:48

you can basically get for

32:50

free. No one's trying to

32:52

buy this thing. Wait, is

32:54

that a real magazine? I wish

32:56

I could buy the man. You should buy

32:58

the entire Yeah, I am out. Yeah. And

33:01

then only cover my own musical. Yeah. Like

33:05

Hearst. And then

33:07

suddenly I have like a big ottoman

33:09

castle. Yeah, get yourself a rosebud situation.

33:11

Oh, I thought that you had a

33:13

musical called Hearst. I

33:16

am thinking about doing a musical version of Citizen Kane.

33:18

Why the fuck I mean, I believe that that

33:23

could be a hit. Look

33:25

at this convo that I just got

33:27

started. It caught fire. So my gift

33:29

idea. Sure. All right. Number nine, Randy.

33:33

I'm sensing these are all slams because you made

33:35

fun of that. I like musical. No way. Oh,

33:38

no, they're not. What would some of the songs

33:40

in Hearst the musical be though? Let's

33:42

see. What happened in Citizen

33:44

Kane? He sat around. He was angry. He

33:46

yelled at his employees. He Oh, she did.

33:49

Any wonder it can share the greatest film

33:51

of all time. She was there in

33:53

the opera. He she was

33:55

terrible at laughed at her. Yeah. Yeah. These are the

33:57

lyrics. Trying

34:00

to remember his own life Yeah,

34:03

I mean yeah, no shade on the lyrics,

34:05

but drop a beat It

34:08

sucks acapella These

34:12

fucking critic these are not all these are don't

34:14

be so cynical Scott these are not all flannel

34:16

either These are thoughtful thing. What's your number nine

34:18

then? Okay number nine a DIY kit to turn

34:20

your bathroom sink into a urinal Can

34:23

you guess what it is what the DIY

34:25

kit is? Yeah? I Have

34:28

an idea nice. Yeah, it's a big bag of ice Great,

34:32

it's nothing is stopping you from pissing into your bathroom

34:34

sink except a big bag of ice Well, that's the

34:36

thing is sinks are about penis high if you're tall

34:38

enough Yeah, wait a minute and

34:41

toilets are lower. It's like why do I have to bend

34:43

over to get to you you come to me? bend

34:46

over Do

34:48

you bend over to piss in a toilet? So

34:51

you bend over and then with your hand you push your

34:53

penis back towards the toilet You

35:08

bend over you hold on to the back of the toilet If

35:12

you're a gentleman So

35:14

that your penis just points into the toilet

35:16

yeah, otherwise it goes all over the place

35:19

Truly if you want to truly aim it in there,

35:21

what's number eight Randy all right number eight now

35:24

this one obviously is you know You can't find

35:26

this in stores. I made it myself. It's a

35:28

coupon that says Scott I'll let you talk to

35:30

me for a half hour about hentai hmm Look

35:34

don't even know what hentai is bullshit

35:37

Wow never have I ever You

35:41

have to explain it to me one what hentai

35:43

is yeah, it's the stuff you jack off to

35:45

It's the stuff on your computer monitor Alright

35:52

number seven lime cucumber

35:54

Gatorade the best flavor okay.

35:57

Yeah, if you're on a budget yeah Although

36:00

with inflation. With

36:02

inflation what? It tastes better? Yeah, I agree.

36:05

What are we at number C now? You don't want to spend more time on

36:07

that? I guess. Whether you're hungover, tired. Yeah.

36:10

Are you talking one bottle or a cane? Dehydrated?

36:12

I don't know. I'm not made of money. Okay,

36:14

sure. I'll give you the taste for it and

36:16

then you, you know, price is no object. You

36:26

can go out and get some of your own. Oh, it's

36:28

your man to fish. What do you do for work, Randy?

36:30

Yeah, I'm just, I'm. Yeah, these days. Right now,

36:32

these days I work in an e-business

36:34

warehouse. I put, you know, labels on

36:36

containers. Oh, good. That's

36:39

how they get to certain people. Yeah. Have

36:42

you, what the fuck? You know how

36:44

mail works? I do. Yeah. Shipping

36:46

and receiving? Of course, yeah. Yeah, you're about to

36:49

receive. You're about to receive a

36:51

mean one now. Oh, no. What number are we

36:53

at? Let's go. We're at,

36:55

let's see. This is number five. Okay. A

36:57

homemade booklet of compliments. Like, you take really

36:59

good selfies for someone who's Gen X. That's

37:02

savage. Not

37:08

sure what the, what the, the, the

37:10

slam is there. Is that how

37:12

old I am? It's actually got it. That was actually

37:14

a nice one. Oh, okay. That was a

37:16

good one. All right. See, I

37:18

was trying to be mean. I can't because our friendship is so deep. It is. I

37:21

see. I see you maybe twice a month. There

37:23

is a slam in there. Twice a month. There is a

37:25

slam in there that you're, you're old. Being that

37:27

you're so old, it is impressive that you take good

37:29

selfies. I guess. Yeah. Not

37:32

incredibly old, I would say. What's number four? Knock,

37:34

knock. What? Oh.

37:37

Look, Randy. Carissa, what are

37:39

you doing here? What are you doing here? This is

37:41

so crazy. I'm hanging out with my

37:44

boys. Oh my God. I was

37:46

just bringing Scott this big plate of

37:48

cat puke taquitos. Oh, no,

37:51

thank you. Cat puke taquitos.

37:53

Yes, your favorite. Extra puke-y. Did

37:57

that woman say canock, canock? This

38:00

is Carissa by the way Yeah,

38:02

my ex-girlfriend. Oh ex now is that

38:04

what your relationship? Yeah, this is yeah,

38:06

obviously God

38:10

you guys looking so hot today Scott

38:14

Thank you, I guess Scott don't fall for this. She's

38:16

just doing this to piss me off. No offense. You

38:18

are looking good today Thank you. Yeah, I take you

38:20

at your word. I look okay I think I was

38:22

I could see What's

38:27

going on Chris what are you here just to give me a

38:29

gift it is the holiday season it's great to see you So

38:31

what'd you do? Exactly you and

38:33

I don't know each other all that well, you don't have

38:35

to play them We've been

38:37

dating for about a year now.

38:40

What? You've gotta be kidding

38:42

me I Don't

38:46

know that I would characterize it that way God

38:49

don't dance around the issue All right, like

38:51

honesty is the best policy and if you

38:53

want to remain friends with me Randy look

38:56

to it Yes He

38:58

looks fucking pissed dude. Look at my

39:00

shoulders. Oh my god. His body

39:03

language is soaked. It's gotten so tight

39:06

I'm saying I'm staying on my tippy toes. You pissed

39:08

me off now. I Shoulders

39:11

are locked I

39:19

don't know that Chris and I are that's our

39:21

relationship. I mean you got I took your

39:24

virginity He

39:27

was the first 85 year old I ever took the

39:29

virginity. Oh my god, congrats and you may have

39:32

set a record Carissa

39:37

all right Scott it

39:39

remains to be seen if this is true, but

39:42

you don't get to insult Scott like this Okay,

39:44

it's the holiday episode. No, I'm not insulting Scott.

39:46

Honestly, we have such a great connection I

39:49

don't consider what we did to be sex. Okay, I

39:51

know it's the definition of is and all that

39:53

kind of Um, you had me dressed up

39:55

as a goldfish in claim of your

39:57

anus You asked her

39:59

to little me Nemo you Are

40:02

you a Nemo and believe me I

40:04

found him You

40:08

don't know what he'll tell you That's

40:12

our thing Carissa do that

40:14

to Scott Little

40:17

Nemo yeah, it's the 21st century

40:19

come on In

40:25

dreamland but Totally

40:27

do not a fish. Yeah. No, I

40:29

mean like Scott like we don't have to hide our relationship

40:32

anymore We can be open with it like

40:34

for all the fans Wow,

40:38

all right. Yeah, Chris's has come

40:40

over a couple of times. Yeah,

40:43

we have so much fun together We eat

40:45

soft foods Cottage

40:48

cheese apple pie So

40:50

you admit it Really

40:55

bird specials We

40:57

go to restaurants and he complains

40:59

full-time. Oh, that is true that

41:01

it's too loud Why

41:04

did they make the music this loud? We're trying

41:06

to eat in here. Why is it so dark

41:08

in here? The

41:11

waitress is an idiot. Yeah, you

41:13

bring that 2000 lumen

41:16

flashlight just to shine at the menu so you can

41:18

see it Yeah, it's all

41:20

fun ladies blinding. I have to turn it off for

41:22

him, but we have so much. We have

41:24

so much fun together Yeah, so it is a sexual

41:26

relationship Based on what

41:28

you're saying. Well, nothing that we've said

41:30

is really sexual. I mean, yeah in the part

41:32

Are you talking about we did all that stuff with

41:35

Finn? Yeah, that's

41:37

in shit. Yeah, I dress up like

41:39

we wolf hard So

41:41

what is sexual his distinctive style? You

41:46

play his band music She

41:49

claps for it You

41:52

guys you guys reboot Ghostbusters in bed

42:00

Yeah, a lot of stuff is

42:02

lover. I don't know what blubber means. What

42:04

do you mean? She doesn't know? Well, she doesn't know films

42:06

like you mean flubber. No, I

42:08

think she's no I mean the Blubber

42:11

I think she's saying this is

42:13

a whale based sexual encounter. Is this anti

42:15

I have no or or or or or

42:18

it's a doodle bop Or

42:22

it's not equal to the whale Well,

42:31

look first, I by the way, I we gotta break

42:33

it off I can't do this to my man Randy

42:35

Whoa, what are you talking about? I know you're you

42:37

know, they know you break up with everyone, but this

42:40

is it I'm lower in the boom. Oh

42:42

my god. It's over. Here comes the moon.

42:44

No, here comes the boom starring Florence you

42:51

Yeah, I guess this is a good time for me to

42:53

give you your Christmas present and oh, they're not gonna see each

42:55

other Oh something other than the cat puke the

42:57

cat puke to eat. Oh, yeah It's

43:00

a box of all of your

43:02

hair and your toenail clippings. Where did

43:04

you get these skin tags? This

43:08

is an enormous amount of skin to

43:11

yeah, Fred I wish you

43:13

were here to get a look at how many skin tags

43:15

are in this box. I bet it's not the record What's

43:19

the record the

43:21

record is One

43:24

hundred percent skin really

43:26

just a body that was just full. Yeah There

43:29

was a man in the attack There was

43:31

a man named Arthur Chalmers who every square

43:33

inch of his skin was a skin tag

43:37

They cut they cut them all off. He disappeared

43:39

Wow Chilling

43:41

the most killing invented dermatology. I'm actually

43:43

applying for my own goodness record. That's

43:46

so lady. Yeah What is it gonna

43:48

be the curse of my name is

43:50

Chris? Uh, um strongest gag

43:52

Greek like Meaning

43:54

that you gag really easily or that you

43:56

know, I don't gag. Oh, wow Okay, you

43:58

know that That can

44:01

be tough. No, no, no, just play dumb. Look,

44:03

it's over, Chris. No, don't get you worked

44:05

up because remember your dodger said you

44:07

could diet anytime. You

44:11

could diet anytime. You could diet and die.

44:13

All right, so show some respect. I am.

44:15

No, I'm firmly on Scott's side. He's sticking

44:17

up for our friendship and he's breaking up

44:19

with you because he sees that it's devastating

44:22

me. Oh my God. I can't believe that you would

44:24

do this to me, Randy. I better give you your Christmas gift.

44:26

Oh, would you get Randy? Would you get me? Would

44:28

you get Randy? Your hair and your tongue

44:31

on like flipping. That's my hair. It's

44:33

the same box. Yeah. It's just

44:35

a reminder for both of you guys. I could frame you

44:37

for murder at any time. Okay. Wait,

44:40

this I'm not looking at the box. The

44:42

box, the hair colors are the hairs are

44:44

all different colors. The skin tones are all

44:46

different. I think this is just a box

44:48

of DNA from various. You're so smart. It

44:50

is a box of DNA. So you could do

44:53

your 23 and me Scott. Find out how Irish

44:55

and white you are. But

44:57

it surprised you. I don't believe I'm any of that.

45:00

You're not white. You're not white. I have such

45:02

a different picture of you online. That's right. No,

45:04

it's never seen me. It's a podcast. So

45:11

who's the guy that we see in all the posts? Oh no,

45:13

that's just some guy. That's my neighbor. That's

45:15

an actor. Right. I don't want this

45:17

box. It's too bad. It's

45:20

your Christmas gift. And I don't want the Christmas gift either.

45:23

I'm breaking up with you. I don't want this box.

45:25

Hell yeah, Scott. Hell yeah. Take

45:27

a stand. Be a man. Randy is

45:29

my boy. And I'm not going to

45:31

betray him. Literally anymore. I can't believe you reduced

45:34

me after all those times I helped you piss. Holding

45:37

you up over the wall. Wait,

45:39

is Carissa the person who helped you piss

45:41

at Twisted Fest? Yeah. Yeah. I

45:44

hooked up with most of the CBB world at

45:47

Twisted Fest. Andy Snyder was there. Yeah.

45:52

No, I, Randy, we're buds,

45:54

man. I'm not going to do this to you right

45:56

now. Oh my god. You're sick. You can have her.

45:59

That's so cool, man. I discussed you

46:01

can have my floppy seconds. Oh,

46:03

no, I mean you have mine It's

46:06

like someone's 35th. I think Wish

46:09

I could see it was pretty sloppy. I'll

46:11

say that mmm. Yeah, you copy 35th. It's

46:14

all good You know, it's all good

46:16

Cuz the truth is like when you're making love

46:18

it doesn't matter what number you are on their

46:21

depth chart Yeah, when you're at a deli as

46:23

long as you get the meat I

46:26

Yeah, that's that's the sense. That's the

46:28

same That's I when you're at the

46:31

deli as long as you get to me I'll

46:33

tell you that's a real bin probably the last thing

46:35

that I would say during

46:37

intercourse, but I Hear

46:40

I'm not gonna say what about right before right

46:43

before. Yeah, I might get you into skating

46:45

on thin ice after After

46:47

yeah, that's a

46:49

banger of a joke. That's a 10 out of 10 Boy

46:52

if you say that after sex and you don't

46:54

get a response you're looking for you gotta leave

46:56

Yeah, that's a good test. Are you guys back

46:58

together now? I don't know Randy.

47:00

Do you wanna get back together?

47:02

I mean, it's been fun with Scott

47:04

and all but it's kind of been like we can

47:06

have Bernie's So

47:13

disrespectful, I mean, thank you Randy she

47:15

said more disrespectful stuff to my face

47:17

for sure Right so you

47:19

saying it to Scott's face means that maybe we can

47:21

get back together So I say that kind of stuff

47:24

to my face Yeah,

47:27

we've had so many wonderful Christmases together

47:29

Randy like remember that time I couldn't

47:31

have your mom As

47:35

a gift that's a gift Well, yeah,

47:37

it was the only thing that got me and my mom back together Not

47:40

sexually right right you were estranged at

47:42

the time. Yeah, we were estranged right?

47:44

I wasn't looking for strange. We were a straight

47:47

Right. Yeah, I got it. Okay good You

47:50

never had sex with your mother you keep qualifying that

47:52

you haven't had sex with your mother in a way

47:54

that makes it now I would to me as though

47:57

you absolutely I haven't heard the recent episodes of your

47:59

show have you Talked about you banging your mother

48:01

recently or something? What the hell? You

48:03

need to tune in. I'm not talking about it. Oh my

48:05

God, I can't believe it. What's that? All those times

48:08

that we were going to sleep and you would put

48:10

on CBB World and fall asleep. The

48:12

only thing I could fall asleep to. That and

48:14

eat prey dunk. Well,

48:18

I'm glad you guys are back together. Randy, do you have any more

48:21

gift ideas to close out for you? Because we're coming

48:23

up on a big... I have a good idea. What's

48:25

that? A big box full of hair. Oh.

48:28

I know the good thing. Don't need one. To be honest,

48:30

I don't know if I want to say these because these

48:32

were on the meaner side and were... Say them. Go

48:35

ahead. Okay. A

48:37

coffee mug that says Scott hasn't seen his own

48:39

penis. I

48:45

really think you should start making that as

48:47

much. Not bad. That's a t-shirt. And it

48:49

would sell well. Can

48:52

Sprague be saying it? Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

48:55

Okay. Sprague seeing it and then Scott, you're looking

48:57

up but you're Donald ducking it. You just got

48:59

a t-shirt out and your penis is on. I get it.

49:01

That's the hottest way a man can look. Yeah, I don't

49:03

think on the official merch I'm gonna put a nude picture

49:06

of myself on it. Well, it doesn't have to

49:08

be. You wanted to be popular? Do you want to sell? It

49:10

wouldn't be nude. You'd be in a t-shirt. All right. Anyway,

49:13

go ahead. He's got to there, Scott. I

49:15

know. Okay. Well, this was

49:17

the other mean one. My latest self-published book

49:20

about Scott entitled How to Find the Right

49:22

Hoodie After You Turn 50 Years Old. It's

49:24

like, I'm wearing a hoodie.

49:28

By the way. Is that what you're

49:30

saying? Yeah, that's it. What's the cutoff to your red? There's

49:32

no cutoff. I'm just saying you got to find the

49:34

right one. It's true. It's true because

49:36

after 50, it can't be a pullover. It's too

49:38

hard to get in and out of. You need

49:41

a zipper. Yeah. Okay.

49:44

So that's it or you had a nice one to

49:46

close it up? I got a nice one. I

49:48

got you a BYOB booze cruise in my

49:50

limo. Wow. That's

49:53

right. You have a limo nowadays that you're driving and. Yeah,

49:56

I drive for Lyft and Uber. Yeah, and

49:58

I'm two row. to

50:00

row calm familiar what is

50:03

that it's just like it's a zip

50:05

card are they a lot

50:08

there just know it's part of their Lord there's

50:10

gonna be a couple people in certain regions of

50:12

the country that gets such a charge out of

50:15

here we don't need to cater to the Ray Ollie

50:17

right now Randy keep it up and one day you

50:19

might be the most famous limo

50:21

driver a record currently held by

50:23

Jan Terry Jan Terry that's right

50:26

Harry a legend a legend in

50:28

the making that's right from the

50:30

Midwest right that's right from Chicago

50:32

yeah longest bullet Chicago has two

50:34

seasons winter and yeah

50:37

I thought that was Toronto

50:39

it's not Toronto not according

50:44

to the song maybe here

50:46

she met Toronto and just accidentally said Chicago

50:48

wait that's a Jan Terry song

50:50

yes yeah I thought it was Ali out of

50:52

Haynes and Jeremiah okay I don't know you look

50:55

Randy we're at we're at a gas we're at

50:58

a gas yeah yeah you're on it

51:00

you're not remember what the doctor said

51:02

you could die

51:04

at any second I could die at it any second that's

51:07

right okay we have to take a break are

51:09

you guys thinking around let's take a break we're gonna

51:11

stick around no I'm

51:13

taking it over all right we've got a couple of

51:15

commercials and we'll be back with another guest thank you

51:17

company bang bang let's have a word for

51:20

our sponsors no no come back with

51:22

my show how

51:29

many bang bang we're back Jason manzukas is here

51:31

the how did this get made podcast I believe

51:34

still on the phone we have Fred Guinness Fred

51:36

are you still with us oh hey sorry

51:38

about that yeah I'm talking to my brothers visiting

51:43

oh who's your brother my

51:45

brother's Ted Guinness yeah what

51:48

is what's what's going on with Ted what does

51:50

he was he holding what do you want him

51:52

to put down he is holding some

51:54

of my awards and you get awards yeah

51:56

I get all kinds of Guinness like Guinness

51:59

World Records so No, oh these

52:01

are awards from other places. I get a

52:03

war. Yes from other places. Yes. I can't

52:05

give myself awards Okay, I

52:07

mean that would be a little shade conflict

52:09

events Have you ever have you ever

52:12

desired to have a world record yourself?

52:14

But you have you know, we can't

52:16

recount recuse yourself. We can't recount recuse

52:18

you know, I don't three are Can't

52:21

recount recuse recant recuse. I hope

52:24

my voice is singing up with

52:26

yours So I

52:29

almost I there is a record that

52:31

involves my brother The

52:33

most distance of years between siblings. Oh,

52:36

okay. How many okay, let me guess

52:39

four no Higher

52:42

higher. No, you're not prices right rules. I'm still

52:44

in the running. Yeah, Jason you wanna

52:46

you wanna guess at this sure 60 years You're

52:49

very close. Wow. I am

52:51

over though. Well, I am 73

52:54

years old. Okay, and my brother

52:56

Ted is for Oh Like

53:03

they planned it right hey my father did

53:07

So they were in the middle of a 69 said like let's

53:09

swing around and yep, that's exactly what

53:11

happened Yeah, my father my father kept

53:15

Don't throw every every act of

53:17

sexual Congress than ever experience. That's

53:19

what I call planned parenthood I

53:23

love that series of album Randy Snuff

53:26

is here. Especially during the holidays back

53:28

again. What will you do? Also, Chris

53:30

is here What are you

53:32

eating? Oh good. You're eating from the box

53:34

of skin tag Once

53:44

you get a big old bite of this I'm

53:48

gonna pass on that we need to get to our next yes I'm

53:53

gonna pass on that we

53:55

need to get to our next guest you've heard him

53:57

on the show before he is I believe he's in

54:00

The show business industry the strike's over we can talk

54:02

to him Although we use below the line and we

54:04

could have talked to him at any point during the

54:06

strike Here

54:08

he is back again room tone tony. Hey

54:10

everybody. Hey, hey, let's hold for room

54:12

tone Oh, that's right. Oh

54:15

Okay, we need to be quiet. There's a lot

54:17

of candy crinkling happening. Hold on. Hold on Sorry for

54:19

those of you not in the show business. We need

54:21

to get room tone We got to get room tone

54:24

in order to loop that for everything. Yeah, the body's

54:26

just makes sound editing easier to write So let's hope

54:28

a room tone. Okay, every tone has

54:30

a unique hum to it. You

54:32

have trouble with it, huh? So I just I

54:34

I went for the listeners not

54:36

to know exactly. Okay. Okay. All right. Oh fruit.

54:38

No one can cough Okay, is

54:41

that like an emotional tone? Jesus Christ. All right. Maybe we'll

54:43

try to get it later because okay Yeah, maybe yeah, maybe

54:45

we'll do it at the end of the scene when everyone

54:47

wants to go home. Yeah. Okay That's

54:51

the way I talk i'm in the the

54:53

microphone services Are And

54:56

we talk about our life in

54:58

scene. Are you are you a

55:00

licensed msa? First of all? I'm

55:03

just i'm just a simple union guy Sure,

55:06

you can tell from the way you talk you have

55:08

a bit of gravel in your voice Yeah, blue collar

55:10

guy you could kind of picture what I look like.

55:12

Yeah, no one who who is has a white collar

55:14

job talks like this No, that would be insane. I

55:17

mean what how do your voice get so gravelly? But

55:20

me i'm just a simple blue collar guy

55:22

and your question jason. Am I licensed? Yes.

55:24

I do have a driver's license Nice. All right. I

55:26

don't know. That's what he was asking Can

55:30

he hear me room tone tony? Can you hear

55:32

me? Oh, absolutely. I do have my speaker I

55:34

do have a microphone in um, fred kiddo's headquarters.

55:36

Hey, let me wait what? Yeah,

55:38

I knew you were going to be on the show. So I thought I

55:40

got in there. I put a lava I didn't know I was gonna be

55:42

on the show under your shirt right now There's

55:45

a lava under there a vampire clip My

55:49

room to Tony maybe you can answer but I

55:52

have a two-part question. Yeah number one What

55:54

does below the line mean? What is the

55:57

what? Well, no, what is the line exactly?

55:59

Right? And two, how do you feel

56:01

about being below it? Interesting. Well, you

56:03

know, Scott did say it. And

56:05

I know that they say that

56:07

actors and directors and

56:09

writers, they're above the line. But

56:12

me, I'm but a simple union guy, so

56:14

I live below the line. And what that

56:16

means is I guess there's a

56:18

line of the call sheet. And then everything underneath it,

56:20

you're below the line. I mean, I honestly don't even

56:22

know. You're just a simple guy. You make only six

56:25

figures a year. A simple union

56:27

guy. I'm a simple union guy. Which union

56:29

is it? Sound. Got

56:31

it. The sound union. The Brotherhood of

56:33

Sound. The Brotherhood of Sound. Local Brotherhood

56:35

of Sound. Right, right, right. I

56:37

would hate to see that band. 665, right. Oh,

56:40

Joe, just one shy. Just 4 shy of

56:42

669. That's

56:44

right. What does that mean? It's

56:46

just like putting a 6 in front of 69, which is good. Oh,

56:49

OK. It's an extra 6 card in a 69.

56:53

Hey, man, there's just someone waiting for the 9 to

56:55

kind of switch over. But then it just becomes

56:57

666. And then that's the

56:59

sign of the day. I don't like that. It's a

57:01

simple union guy. I don't like that. But you're a

57:03

simple union guy. You make a mirror mid six figures

57:05

a year. Six figures a year. I mean, this year

57:07

did a little bit more. Oh, really?

57:09

You even have seven strikes? Yeah. Well, look,

57:11

were you scabbing? No, I wasn't

57:14

scabbing. But look, with the- Scabbing? What

57:17

was that? A song you were going to sing? Yeah,

57:19

full Bob Marley. With scabbin,

57:21

scabbin, scabbin. I don't

57:23

like scabbin, Joe. Oh, you like scabbin,

57:25

too? With scabbin, with scabbin, with scabbin,

57:28

with scabbin. You know

57:30

I love a Bob Marley reader. Are you a song parody

57:32

guy, Fred? Because I have another friend who writes song parodies.

57:34

Alimony Tony? You mean, we're to money Alimony

57:36

Tony? Oh, yes. You're a big fan of his work?

57:39

Not exactly. Oh, really? He has a record for

57:42

least successful song parody career. Me

57:46

now? I didn't get it. That can't be

57:48

right. Have you ever heard him? No,

57:50

of course you haven't. All right, you're right. All of his videos

57:52

have one view, and it's him. And

57:55

it's so clear. If I get a different color, because

57:57

it's like, this is a self view. Even he doesn't

57:59

want to. watch it more. He

58:01

would think he would be like even to check

58:03

it and see if anybody else has watched it.

58:05

I hear he watches it on mute just to

58:07

make sure there's no mistakes in the editing of

58:09

the video. Right. So Tony what's going on with

58:11

the holiday? It's December to remember me

58:14

and another. Okay I don't understand what you're

58:16

saying there but no I just want to

58:18

look it was a tough year Scott. I

58:20

mean with the strikes. You only made seven

58:22

figures this year. I only made about seven

58:24

figures and I know with actors and writers

58:26

not out there doing press they were calling

58:28

the sound guys a lot. They were for

58:31

what reason? Well they did the interview

58:33

someone about Barbie. Oh I see yeah yeah I

58:35

noticed that. Yeah yeah so I did a lot

58:37

of press and I guess they pay you for

58:39

it so yeah yeah I did okay this year

58:41

seven eight figures whatever. The eight figures really? I

58:43

worked look I worked on a lot of movies

58:45

in 2022 so this year

58:47

a lot of stuff was releasing. Which ones did you

58:49

work on the cable? Oh let me let me get

58:51

this. All right so

58:53

look I worked on Barbie. Barbie

58:56

that's half of barbenheimer. That's half of bar- I

58:59

worked on Oppenheimer. You worked on half of barbenheimer.

59:01

Yeah and then you put them together you get

59:03

a hole. I worked on the

59:05

Super Mario Brothers movies right across the spider-verse.

59:07

Guardians of the Galaxy volume three. The Little

59:09

Mermaid. Avatar Way of Water. Ant-Man and the

59:11

Wasp. Quantum Mania. John Wick Chapter Four. Sound

59:14

of Freedom of course. Oh of course. Taylor's

59:16

50 Era. It's all about sound. You did

59:18

the era? Oh yeah I did the era.

59:20

A lot of room tone in those arenas.

59:22

Oh let me tell you. Boy that must

59:24

have been tough. Absolutely. No more medium. Getting

59:27

everyone to be quiet. So hard to wrangle. I

59:29

gotta be honest that maybe some of my least

59:34

my room tone is the era's tour. Of

59:36

course I worked on Indiana Jones' dialogue. Of

59:38

course. The Mission to Possible Dead Reckoning part

59:40

one. Transformers Rise of the

59:43

Beast. Creed 3 Elemental Fast X. Five

59:47

Nights at Freddy's. Puss in Boots. The Last

59:49

Wish. The Hunger Games.

59:51

The Ballad of the Songbirds at Stakes.

59:53

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Mutant Mayhem. Scream

59:55

7. The Flash. Megat- Should I keep going?

59:57

No. Let him go! Let

1:00:00

him go! Let him cook! Dungeons and Dragons

1:00:02

on her monk thieves, Equalizer 3, The Nun

1:00:05

2, Meg Tooth and Trench. I'm

1:00:07

also reading them, I'm also reading them as

1:00:09

box office orders. I think I've only been

1:00:11

getting... This

1:00:14

lady is the Red Door, the Marvel,

1:00:17

Trolls Band, Together. I

1:00:19

don't even remember working on that. What the

1:00:21

hell is that? Don't put the other ones

1:00:23

perfectly. That one does. I'm at Justin Timberlake

1:00:25

at the NSYNC reunion. Oh, it's so curious

1:00:27

to hear it once you're done, of course,

1:00:29

reading the complete list. The difference between working

1:00:31

as a sound operator for live action versus

1:00:34

animation, which it sounds like you've done a

1:00:36

tremendous amount of. I've done a tremendous amount.

1:00:38

I gotta be honest, it's very similar. For

1:00:40

the animation, it's like they need room tone, but the

1:00:43

room doesn't exist, so I gotta go out there and

1:00:45

find it. Yeah, and where do you put the microphone

1:00:47

on an animated character? That's a great

1:00:49

question. In their mind's eye. Whoa. So

1:00:52

I go where the flinter is. Yeah, I give the

1:00:54

actor who's doing the VO a pill with a microphone

1:00:56

in it, and it digests

1:00:58

it and it starts to go up

1:01:00

into the Perennial Gland. I

1:01:03

almost said Perennial Gland, didn't I? No,

1:01:05

it goes into the Perennial Gland. It's the third eye in

1:01:07

the middle of the eye. Oh my goodness. Wow. And is

1:01:09

this a trick that you have to do? Well,

1:01:12

you know, there is some dark magic involved, of

1:01:14

course, but they look like... Wait, of course. I'm

1:01:16

but a simple union. We haven't talked about you

1:01:18

being dark magic. I'm not dark magic, but yeah, I have

1:01:20

a book that I read some spells that help me get room

1:01:22

tone. No, we haven't talked about any of this. Room

1:01:25

tone. Are you like, AK Rowling, dark

1:01:27

magic? No, that notorious term.

1:01:30

I don't think so. I

1:01:32

did work on the Dumbledore movies. Oh,

1:01:35

okay. But yeah, oh, fantastic. You had a question,

1:01:37

Fred? Yeah, room tone. I got to ask you.

1:01:39

Have you ever met Brad Garrett? First

1:01:42

of all, this guy... What an interesting question.

1:01:44

Let me say something. I

1:01:46

think it's a good question because it was one of the

1:01:48

highlights of my career. Well, I'm glad to hear that. It's

1:01:50

hard to get the mic that high. Very high. First of

1:01:52

all, he's tall and my stool game is not on point.

1:01:55

Have you ever had to like, what happens if

1:01:57

you are trying to, you know... get

1:02:00

sound from a scene in which Brad

1:02:02

Garrett is acting against say Danny DeVito.

1:02:04

Very good question. It almost never happens

1:02:07

because of that very difficulty but I

1:02:09

love them both. And

1:02:11

we love them both. I love them

1:02:13

both. So I really put a

1:02:15

lot of time into making sure the lobs are

1:02:17

in the right place. And you

1:02:19

know for Brad Garrett the problem with him is

1:02:22

once he goes into a sort of octry low

1:02:24

tone like most microphones don't pick it up. Right.

1:02:26

Oh wait does he have a different speaking voice

1:02:28

and his acting voice. He actually speaks in whistle

1:02:30

tone. Whistle tone. It's the

1:02:32

exact, you know that is. No. It's

1:02:34

the high note Mariah Carey can hear.

1:02:37

Oh he speaks in that. That he's

1:02:39

speaking for. Thank you. He speaks in

1:02:41

whistle tone. Wait Mariah Carey there? I

1:02:45

can't see you. That's a good catch for

1:02:47

me. All over the place people who are

1:02:50

listening to the podcast their dogs are going

1:02:52

insane right now. Every glass shattered in the

1:02:54

room. No but his voice

1:02:56

when it gets so low it's just hot so I

1:02:58

do need to access some dog magic in the room.

1:03:00

Was he a nice guy? He's a nice guy. Super

1:03:02

nice guy. Oh that's great. He's not like his Jimmy

1:03:04

John's character. You

1:03:07

know he's a spokesman of Jimmy John. I didn't know

1:03:09

that. So you don't think that that guy is

1:03:11

a nice guy based on the characterization? He's like so

1:03:13

upset about Jimmy John's all the time. He's upset about

1:03:15

it because he likes it. Have you not seen these

1:03:17

commercials? No I guess I mean yeah reenact them for

1:03:20

us please. He's always like wow god

1:03:22

damn it it's Jimmy John's. He starts with

1:03:24

god damn it. Yeah basically it's the only

1:03:26

commercials on tv where he's swearing and he's

1:03:28

like this guy takes the Lord my human

1:03:30

being my family my family fucking uh betrayed

1:03:33

me and Jimmy John's again.

1:03:35

Yeah he's toxic. Bye. I'll

1:03:37

slit your fucking throat if you go to Jimmy John's. I

1:03:40

don't know what you're talking about. This is not

1:03:42

real. I'm gonna fucking bury you alive and I'm

1:03:44

gonna enjoy it. I'm gonna pick on your brain.

1:03:46

Are you watching Hulu minus when you show you

1:03:48

a bunch of weird commercials? Hulu minus? Yeah you

1:03:50

guys don't have Hulu Minus. Hulu

1:03:53

has my my new beetle haunted mansion evil

1:03:55

dead rise killers of the past. Yeah we

1:03:57

got yeah we got. Yeah,

1:04:00

you've got a lot of stuff. Yeah, you

1:04:02

weren't gonna Napoleon I absolutely did if I

1:04:04

get down to the end there could tell

1:04:06

did you capture audio when that cannonball? Destroys

1:04:09

that horse. I gotta be honest.

1:04:11

I got right now I

1:04:14

got the worst tonight is because that kennel but

1:04:16

can of all blew out my fucking knee I

1:04:18

bet yeah, and it just blew I was forget

1:04:20

how loud cannonball. Yeah, and I'll be honest I

1:04:22

kind of loved it on the day so we

1:04:24

had to blow up like multiple horse. Oh, no

1:04:27

They were trying to recreate it. It was like

1:04:30

Calvin Swins Ranch. We absolutely went down there There

1:04:32

was a bunch of horses that were on their

1:04:34

way up. They said yeah, it's season three of

1:04:36

luck So

1:04:38

yeah, yeah, you know I worked on a lot of stuff

1:04:40

I did a lot of press and of course look Barbie

1:04:43

for instance. It's a movie

1:04:45

about sound oh Guess

1:04:48

yeah, I mean, what do you mean? You guess

1:04:50

maybe that's pretty clear. You gotta just have the

1:04:52

movie stuff Yeah, you can like hear the feminism

1:04:54

and that's what I If

1:04:56

you don't allow the women to have sound

1:05:01

Evigating them yeah, exactly women have sound

1:05:03

now deal with it man Feminist

1:05:06

as like a longtime feminist and I

1:05:08

say like women Believe

1:05:10

yeah women what I'm believe you know I'm an

1:05:12

older fellow But I did have to recognize my

1:05:14

own privilege at some point from now and I

1:05:16

only watch movies where women are miked Yeah,

1:05:19

listen. I'm I'm with you even all the

1:05:21

background artists. They all have to have all

1:05:23

the women be like I go even further

1:05:25

I watch silent movies I host this silent

1:05:28

movie night at mccuskey's in our town Oh, and

1:05:30

then I only do voices for the women in

1:05:32

the movie Oh, so you are doing the way

1:05:34

so you're getting well, but you're giving a voice

1:05:36

to the women in the movie Yeah, and that is

1:05:38

the most feminist thing we've heard today Impersonating

1:05:42

the women I recognize my privilege I get

1:05:44

to host this at mccuskey, so what do

1:05:46

I do I pay forward to? All

1:05:49

right, and we're all for room tone Oh

1:05:53

Sorry my phone You're

1:05:57

on a phone in your cell phone is right right

1:05:59

next to it I maybe I'll try

1:06:01

to get yeah try it again later. Yeah, thanks. It's

1:06:03

just believe okay Man

1:06:06

called Otto. It's just am fury of

1:06:08

the gods. I and you Jesus Revolution

1:06:13

Yeah, it made 52 million this year

1:06:16

It's in the milk it's in the verse of oh It

1:06:26

was pretty Jesus said shut up and dance

1:06:30

I Think

1:06:37

we have a contend of a least successful Spiritic

1:06:39

career because fucking Randy you blow you blow.

1:06:42

Yeah, you and Elle Bonie Tony Hey, I'm

1:06:44

confirmed in the church. I could say what

1:06:46

I want about Jesus Christ boy.

1:06:48

That's just a really tank God,

1:06:50

I do want to say happy holidays Thank

1:06:52

you so much. Merry Christmas Quansa

1:06:56

sure all of all these You

1:06:59

have a big bite of this Beautiful

1:07:01

box. Yeah. Do you want any of these

1:07:03

skin tags? You're

1:07:06

a skin tag Tony right? I'm not in tag Tony.

1:07:08

Oh, that's a different guy There

1:07:13

are also shockingly plenty of cat puke takitos

1:07:15

as well There's a lot of weird things

1:07:17

on the table that I just don't really

1:07:19

want to get into I know yeah But

1:07:21

I did bring you a gift of course.

1:07:23

Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. That's so

1:07:25

nice. Yes. What's other ass. Oh, yes I

1:07:29

preview ten of my game Y'all

1:07:31

can't get ideas. I actually came in I

1:07:33

gave you the gift Scott Look

1:07:36

at what you're talking and do right? This

1:07:39

microphone. Yeah You

1:07:42

gave me this microphone. It's a brand new

1:07:44

microphone. Oh my gosh That's

1:07:46

right My wife

1:07:49

wanted me to get you one of those microphones because of

1:07:51

course we got all those bikes for our kids this year

1:07:54

Why did your wife wanted? Why did your

1:07:56

wife want you to get a microphone for

1:07:58

Scott because well, she know that our relationship

1:08:00

is very new and she says like if

1:08:02

you're gonna reach out to Scott reach out

1:08:04

to him with something personal yeah you're not

1:08:06

one of the old favorites yet no no

1:08:08

no no relatively new some people said instinct

1:08:11

classic but not an old I don't know

1:08:13

about that but yeah you know I got

1:08:15

you a microphone thank you so much room

1:08:18

tone Tony and read the card of

1:08:20

course it says like Merry Christmas from the

1:08:23

Tony family wait

1:08:25

is your last name is nails but I do refer

1:08:29

to myself as room don't Tony so I'd like

1:08:31

to say room Tony nails room

1:08:33

tone Tony nails of course and of

1:08:35

course there's a little drawing from my

1:08:37

three kids in there oh my god

1:08:39

look at this my kids of course

1:08:41

are sure Sennheiser and Blue

1:08:44

Yeti right okay and what did they draw

1:08:46

what is this a drawing they drew a

1:08:48

little microphone for you oh my god microphone

1:08:50

set up with a bunch of ornaments on

1:08:52

it and there's microphones underneath it like gifts

1:08:55

oh my god this is incredible and on

1:08:57

the top yeah big star

1:08:59

microphone that's right Wow room tone

1:09:01

Tony I'm so touched this is

1:09:03

are you yes I

1:09:06

mean first of all first of all reach under your

1:09:08

shirt oh my god there's a you're loved as well

1:09:10

I just want you to

1:09:13

know that I'm getting the best possible sound

1:09:15

of Scott Akabid is incredible and so much

1:09:17

but wait a second does that mean like

1:09:20

you've been wearing a wire this whole time like

1:09:22

how long have you been recording oh yeah like

1:09:24

how long have these mics been technically if you

1:09:26

are if you're wearing a lav the people around

1:09:29

you don't know that you're wearing it you are

1:09:31

wearing a wire so some people could call you

1:09:33

so it's not like I'm working with the authorities

1:09:35

or anything Jason well but he has an

1:09:37

audio he can release it at any time please don't

1:09:39

release the audio of Scott and Carissa yeah I was

1:09:41

just thinking about when you shove that tentacle see you've

1:09:43

got my throat that

1:09:46

was one of those pieces of audio like

1:09:48

that I I listen to and I destroyed

1:09:50

because I thought no one else should listen

1:09:52

it's kind of like oh no like the

1:09:54

bear grisly man in grizzly

1:09:56

man I just thought no one should listen to this so

1:09:58

I think you saw that By the way when

1:10:00

you're on set and one of the actors goes and

1:10:02

and peas and you say like oh I'll turn the

1:10:04

mic Oh, yeah, do you actually keep recording? I leave

1:10:06

it on If

1:10:16

we can strike For the

1:10:19

below the line people so we have enough time to

1:10:21

let people pee I mean, I'll walk out there on

1:10:23

the picket line But as of right now I have

1:10:26

I have urine sound from Mago

1:10:28

Robbie Tom Cruise What

1:10:30

the main troll in the troll movie? I

1:10:33

said that one of the ways that they

1:10:35

were kind of trying to blackmail the you

1:10:37

know unions into yeah Capitulating was that they

1:10:39

were gonna release the piss tapes. Oh, wow

1:10:42

They were gonna release the piss tapes and

1:10:44

half the piss was gonna be AI simulations,

1:10:46

which I didn't think people knew but yeah

1:10:48

I think look I

1:10:50

have the piss tapes I'm

1:10:52

not giving them to the AMP TP. Thank God.

1:10:54

I'm protecting the piss tapes with my entire life,

1:10:57

but I am a CPB what I How

1:11:01

much audio you have a piss name because every

1:11:04

time we would have sex you could see

1:11:06

Wait, what was it Scott 910 time?

1:11:09

I gotta get it out before I can

1:11:11

get it out and you can hear him

1:11:13

You can hear him too. He's always negotiating

1:11:15

with the toilet. Like it's like someone he's

1:11:17

trying to block it. Yeah Well, he's so

1:11:20

physical the way he yeah the way he

1:11:22

demonstrated Yeah, I would say the sound of

1:11:24

you being definitely sounds weirder than everyone else's

1:11:26

It's almost like you're getting ready to hump

1:11:28

the toilet And it's also like we can

1:11:30

cuz you go into the bathroom right here

1:11:32

Just off the studio and we can all

1:11:34

hear and you're shouting like come on Come

1:11:37

on. They're all waiting. Come on. He's like come

1:11:39

on big boy You

1:11:42

can do it. Unfortunately the toilet is the big boy.

1:11:44

Yeah, he's talking that yeah. Yeah Toilet

1:11:46

is like above Yes,

1:11:51

he wants the toilet to like suck

1:11:53

the pee out Why

1:11:56

can't you do more like vacuum every

1:11:58

toilet you just come with a microphone

1:12:00

in it Yes,

1:12:07

you don't have Brad Garrett's urine sounds do you

1:12:11

I Better

1:12:15

fucking I

1:12:19

do have this piece out please protect them If

1:12:23

I remember correctly though these peace

1:12:25

out of very dull very It's

1:12:28

like the trickle out of well it has the fall It

1:12:32

has to fall such a long way the

1:12:34

guy it evaporates before it gets into the

1:12:36

bowl problem See you guys remember the movie

1:12:39

by giant yeah I like Brad Garrett, isn't

1:12:41

it? Yeah,

1:12:44

I guess that about Andre the giant yeah, yeah,

1:12:46

but he's like a big giant guy. Yeah, he's

1:12:48

the tallest guy in Hollywood I don't know what

1:12:50

about tall girl that next like

1:12:52

sure yeah, what about her? She is

1:12:55

so tall she was like six foot. I gotta be

1:12:57

honest. That's the one project this year I did not do

1:12:59

so you didn't do tall girl. I didn't do tall girl

1:13:01

I know they didn't call me. I guess I was busy

1:13:03

doing something else. Oh, that's a bummer. It was such a

1:13:05

good show Wasn't what was it about

1:13:07

about a girl being tall but

1:13:09

also being hot Beautiful

1:13:13

model would go through exactly I just was

1:13:15

too busy cuz I was doing no hard

1:13:17

feelings Napoleon talk to me Okay,

1:13:20

okay, okay? I'm sorry

1:13:22

Tony, but I was just about to get in the seas We

1:13:25

don't have time for the seas. I'm so sorry, but Tony.

1:13:27

Did you do the Pope's Exorcist? Absolutely,

1:13:30

there's a good exit Best

1:13:34

all over the European Post

1:13:37

a padre beyond the noodle In

1:13:45

which Russell Crowe plays an

1:13:48

Italian I

1:13:50

can't tell you I enjoyed that

1:13:52

move I gotta be honest that movie would not have worked

1:13:55

without the great work our

1:13:57

sound department did because look if

1:13:59

you read Listen to him try to

1:14:01

do the Italian accent. It's just back. So yeah,

1:14:03

we have to mask it You know really so

1:14:05

you we put a couple filters on there Italian

1:14:10

filter on they call it the meatball filter

1:14:18

Give them the full meatball which is

1:14:20

you know, it helped about it. So

1:14:22

everyone got that in Ferrari, right? Yeah,

1:14:24

oh my god. How's the Gucci? I

1:14:26

gotta be honest. We built the filter

1:14:29

on Jared Leto's character. They just was too much

1:14:33

Like you You

1:14:35

worked on Mario brothers, absolutely But you know what

1:14:37

they didn't want the meatball filter for some reason

1:14:39

they wanted Chris Pratt to just do his thing

1:14:41

Yeah, I get it. Wait. I missed it. Did you work

1:14:44

on maestro? Absolutely. I can't

1:14:46

wait to see that looks so good I don't remember what

1:14:48

it was about though, cuz I just went in

1:14:51

there started doing sounds people were walking around I

1:14:53

don't know. Is it about a conductor? You know,

1:14:55

you definitely worked on it. Don't remember anything about

1:14:57

absolutely I'm collecting the checks. Of course my residuals

1:14:59

have already started It's gonna be nice too because

1:15:01

you can then go watch the movie and see

1:15:04

him for the first time You know, I watch

1:15:06

most movies muted. Oh, yeah Well,

1:15:08

cuz I've already heard the sound dissecting the number

1:15:10

for you sound is kind of like work It's

1:15:13

yeah, it's like you might try to watch a

1:15:15

lot of comedies and stuff So I just watch

1:15:17

movies of you when you get home. Do you

1:15:19

just get into like a big sensory deprivation tank?

1:15:22

Oh, I'm daredevil. Absolutely. I get myself into water

1:15:25

Sure. Did you have daredevil powers? We've never talked

1:15:27

about this. I'd never really check. Let me close

1:15:29

by Don't

1:15:37

tell me we need to get to our next all right Hold

1:15:39

on. We got a whole for room. Don't know we are not gonna

1:15:41

hold for all right. Maybe we'll do it later. Yes This

1:15:45

is my lawyer everyone For

1:15:48

the first time please welcome Terry Alemander hi,

1:15:50

hi Terry What's going

1:15:52

on? Why did why did you request to be on the show today? I

1:15:54

didn't request to be on the shore question of meeting with you and you

1:15:56

said I have one minute

1:15:58

recording I'm so

1:16:01

sorry. I thought when you said you wanted to come meet

1:16:03

me, I thought you meant on

1:16:07

the show. Why would you think that I wanted

1:16:09

to come? I don't know. Everyone wants to be on the show. It's

1:16:11

an open door policy. I said, we needed to talk immediately.

1:16:14

And you said, great. Okay,

1:16:16

fine. We can do it on the

1:16:18

show. I have no secrets. I'm an open

1:16:20

book. What's going on? Let me turn

1:16:23

off the recording here. No, don't turn off the recording

1:16:25

of the podcast. Oh, okay. Let's keep recording. Sounds good.

1:16:28

I got good news and bad news. Oh, okay.

1:16:30

I'll only take the good news. My

1:16:34

daughter learned how to canter on her horse. Oh,

1:16:37

congratulations. That's where you go back and

1:16:39

forth, right? Yeah, yeah. It was very

1:16:41

exciting. Incredible. We're getting sued

1:16:44

a lot. Oh, no. Yeah, this year was a

1:16:46

bad year for us. So, I mean,

1:16:49

I'm just going to jump right in. So, April

1:16:52

27th, 2023, you had an episode. Sure.

1:16:56

And I'm just going to sort of read the transcript here.

1:16:59

Yeah, sure. I don't remember which

1:17:01

one this was. Okay. Let's see if this

1:17:03

jokes your memory. Mr. Books, if

1:17:05

something melts in your hands, it

1:17:07

is no longer hard. Scott, you

1:17:12

could be holding my penis in your hands. I'm

1:17:14

just saying. Take a

1:17:16

man's ear kiss. Is your dick like an

1:17:18

M&M? Scott, that's what I'm

1:17:20

saying. Wow. Wow.

1:17:24

I'm ringing a bell. Super quick

1:17:26

cue for you, Terry. Am I

1:17:28

in trouble or just gone? It

1:17:32

is just Scott at the moment. Okay, thank God.

1:17:35

I was there and I will testify against Scott.

1:17:38

That is excellent to know. I have all the dates. I know

1:17:40

what you were saying beforehand. That is excellent to know. I got

1:17:42

a recording of it as well. Please. And

1:17:44

maybe send that over to my office. No problem.

1:17:47

So, we're being sued by Hershey Company. Oh, not by

1:17:49

the women involved in the joke. And

1:17:52

not by Mr. Books. Whose

1:17:54

hands you were trying to put your penis in. Mr.

1:17:57

Books was at the book launch at the Bell House. The

1:18:00

final the final yes, mr. Brooks should get a

1:18:02

look. Yes, right. Yeah, of course Yeah, we're being

1:18:05

sued by Hershey Company. They don't like the

1:18:07

insinuation that their M&Ms are as small as your penis.

1:18:09

Oh So

1:18:15

they think the M&Ms are bigger Okay,

1:18:17

I think the M&Ms are bigger. So

1:18:20

here's sort of what I've negotiated with

1:18:22

them. Okay choices. Okay, eight million dollars

1:18:25

To me to Eminem. Oh, oh

1:18:28

from me or

1:18:30

a heartfelt

1:18:32

apology How

1:18:35

heartfelt do we have to be pretty heartfelt you

1:18:37

want to try Just

1:18:40

a weird clear It's

1:18:42

not hard to fell. Oh It's

1:18:44

heart heartfelt. No, I

1:18:47

got it. Oh, you can't countersue. I mean Scott

1:18:49

don't you want to stick up for your penis? Then

1:18:52

the discovery process they'll figure out how big it

1:18:54

is. You don't want that information I don't want

1:18:57

that. I already linked it. There's lots of pictures

1:18:59

all over. I read it You

1:19:01

got a leak it as quick as possible so you can control the

1:19:03

whole thing. I just needed like a support system It's like

1:19:05

people need to see what I've been going through Okay,

1:19:10

I apologize I'd love for

1:19:12

you to try to apologize to her process to

1:19:14

the Hershey Company. Yes, that would be you know we

1:19:16

talked about Hershey's last

1:19:18

week Pronouns and bio more

1:19:20

like pronouns and name of candy Wait

1:19:23

what? When

1:19:27

you say we talked about this and you're worried about you're

1:19:29

there This

1:19:31

is a callback The

1:19:34

last week show why not still

1:19:36

fresh in my mind. Oh, how many people are listening

1:19:38

right now being like I

1:19:46

don't have to tip right? Huh? I don't have to

1:19:48

tip me. Yes I'm assuming not okay. Um, okay, uh,

1:19:51

June 18th 2023. I don't remember this one either. What

1:19:53

any conversation? with

1:20:00

an alien hologram about feeding it

1:20:02

shit and cum you responded

1:20:05

to a comment about a toad

1:20:09

in a hole as it being

1:20:11

a earth delicacy. Earth

1:20:14

delic- I don't know- you responded to the

1:20:16

hologram of the alien about that like shit and

1:20:18

cum that a toad in a hole is an

1:20:20

earth delicacy. Okay. You're being sued

1:20:22

by France. But

1:20:25

why by France? Because they think that their

1:20:27

food is a delicacy and that a toad in a hole is not

1:20:29

a delicacy. You're being sued by the country of

1:20:31

France. By the whole country of France. Yeah. Everyone?

1:20:35

Yeah. So we got two officers here.

1:20:37

Class action? Okay. Yeah,

1:20:40

exactly. What is a delicacy? Who's

1:20:42

to say? Well, that's it. Depends on what the

1:20:44

definition of a delicacy is. So it really does

1:20:46

come down to you want to go against the

1:20:48

GDP of France. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

1:20:53

Oh, I don't know. Here's sort of what I've negotiated. Okay,

1:20:55

what do we got? A lot of pre-negotiations. This is just-

1:20:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good

1:20:59

lawyer. That's a good lawyer. Thank you

1:21:01

for saying that. Also- Taking on no additional clients. This has been

1:21:03

a nightmare. I'm so sorry. Not

1:21:07

only that, a nightmare, it must be such a nightmare

1:21:09

because it appears that you were forced to listen to

1:21:11

every episode of The Last Show. Yeah, I was going

1:21:13

to say, it's so nice to meet a fan. Today

1:21:15

alone, I scrubbed through, I want to say, 18 hours

1:21:18

of this year's episode. Oh

1:21:21

my God. I'm so sorry. He used

1:21:23

to make me listen before bed. It was hell. I'm

1:21:26

so sorry. We could talk. We

1:21:29

can't talk. I can't hear any of this. Yeah,

1:21:32

attorney client privilege, remember? Okay,

1:21:34

so here's what I've negotiated. Okay. $8

1:21:37

million or- 8 again. A very

1:21:39

heartfelt apology to the nation of France and

1:21:41

every person in the United States. To all of France? Do I have to say

1:21:43

ooh la la and shit like that? I mean,

1:21:45

if it takes you, it feels like that might hurt our

1:21:47

case. Do you think that's part of an apology like that?

1:21:50

So you think there's one thing you can say to French

1:21:52

people that no matter what, they'll be like, oh, la la.

1:22:00

France, I'm sorry. What is it? I'm sorry.

1:22:02

Randy, you know this stuff. Well, I know

1:22:05

French because I got hit in the head

1:22:07

with a French textbook in high school. Right.

1:22:09

How do I say I'm sorry in French? Just sweet

1:22:12

days au lait. Sweet days au lait. What?

1:22:15

Come on. What? That

1:22:17

you had just offended all of France. Oh no. Okay, forget

1:22:19

it. The eight million. The eight million

1:22:21

dollars? Yeah. Okay. I've

1:22:25

been hit. You're so rich. You're so

1:22:27

rich. It's not even worth my time

1:22:29

to be focusing on this right now.

1:22:32

Just give the eight million. All right. All right. Let's move

1:22:34

on. Sixteen million that we're doing

1:22:36

so far. Okay. October

1:22:39

1st, somewhat recently. Okay. First

1:22:41

of the month. I just paid the rent. All

1:22:43

right. So here's the transcript that I have

1:22:45

in front of me. Okay. So

1:22:48

intern Casey from Ohio said,

1:22:50

writers are ugly. Scott. I

1:22:55

know. I start. Can you believe I

1:22:58

started as one? And then they were

1:23:00

like, you're too good looking to, you're

1:23:02

too good looking. Get on camera. Okay.

1:23:05

Who is they? Who is

1:23:07

they that said you're too good looking. Get on camera. Do

1:23:10

I have to say right now? And I haven't

1:23:12

been sworn in. Do you

1:23:15

think I'm the judge? I don't know. It's

1:23:19

producers, you know, Hollywood. Which one? You

1:23:24

know, the, the, I'm not

1:23:26

talking about like a race of people. Is that what

1:23:28

you're saying? I

1:23:34

don't know. The control Hollywood. I'm not talking

1:23:36

about that. You look panicked. You're

1:23:38

not trying to get that on camera. The

1:23:40

microphones are frying from the club. Which

1:23:43

producer specifically said that you are too

1:23:45

good looking? I don't know. I made it up.

1:23:48

You made it up. Okay. Well, imagination is

1:23:50

suing you then. No. Imagination

1:23:54

meaning the animation studio or the

1:23:57

sort of like, the minions are suing me. The

1:24:00

idea and the minions are selling you that's tough,

1:24:02

but you gotta admit Maybe

1:24:06

do you know what it's like trying to read through deposition? I

1:24:08

can't be no be no be no Be

1:24:14

no be no be no Johnny Jeff

1:24:16

has to give deposition, huh? Nevermind Cross

1:24:24

that off Look

1:24:27

down give yourself a thumbs up and cross

1:24:29

that off a list. I give it a check mark What

1:24:32

what would you do? Go? She well, you're not

1:24:35

gonna believe it, but either eight million dollars or

1:24:37

a Heartfelt to power.

1:24:39

I can't do I can't apologize to everyone in

1:24:41

their imagining and the minions themselves. I don't know

1:24:43

I don't know It's

1:24:46

like how are you gonna be heartfelt when you're cracking your ass up

1:24:48

with these? Funny you

1:24:50

can't say that I can't know so what

1:24:52

we like to do another eight another

1:24:54

eight million Another eight.

1:24:57

That's it. That's it. That's I'm tapped out after that.

1:24:59

Okay, wonderful. We have one more. Oh, no February

1:25:03

12 2023

1:25:06

this year enough for Valentine's dealing with this year's

1:25:08

lawsuits You

1:25:10

had a person on named John Hodman

1:25:16

Yes, he's for earlier in the

1:25:18

episode you said don't worry about it. No regrets. The

1:25:21

past is in the past Okay

1:25:26

I'd be Well, that's my

1:25:28

thing is so you agree the past is in the past the

1:25:30

best is in the best sure Yeah, all right. So I'm

1:25:32

just I fly my office like this

1:25:34

for some potential self-fraud because So

1:25:38

I sort of we did a little bit of digging on mulch 25th

1:25:41

2016 on Instagram that you posted a

1:25:44

street sign That

1:25:46

said dirt available and I

1:25:48

did Yeah,

1:25:50

and you captioned it I'm good I

1:26:00

I don't know. Damn,

1:26:02

you were funny! You

1:26:05

don't regret that. I don't regret it, no. During that

1:26:07

time there was also a lot of iPod pictures.

1:26:11

Figures of your iPod. Sure. And

1:26:14

it said like, my shuffle playlist. You posted

1:26:16

that upwards of a dozen times. No regrets

1:26:18

on that. A dozen? That's too many. That's too many. Alright,

1:26:21

maybe a regret there, yeah. Okay, so I've

1:26:23

negotiated something for anybody that comes

1:26:25

across the field. For anyone who comes across my entire,

1:26:27

why don't I just delete my Instagram? Do

1:26:29

it now. I've been begging you, have

1:26:31

you been reading any of my emails? It's too good

1:26:33

though, man. It's too

1:26:35

good, all those selfies I post. Anyone that comes across

1:26:37

that post. Were someone your age? Not good. It's

1:26:40

inspirational quotes, because I don't want to brag about my body,

1:26:42

so I'm like... Yeah. Amazing,

1:26:46

fantastic. So Scott, I

1:26:49

feel like a broken record at this point. You can

1:26:51

get every single person that comes across that Instagram post

1:26:53

$8 million or... Every single person? Right

1:26:55

now a blanket heartfelt apology.

1:26:58

Alright, I'm sorry to anyone who goes to my

1:27:00

Instagram, at Scott Ockerman. Goes

1:27:02

to March 25th, 2016 and sees that post. The

1:27:05

one about I'm good? Yeah, the dirt. I

1:27:07

like that one. So should the audience go

1:27:09

to that dirt post and say apology accepted

1:27:11

or apology not accepted? You know what? The

1:27:14

audience should go to that dirt post. That

1:27:16

would be... All of you should take a

1:27:18

dirt post. Go take a dirt post. Go

1:27:20

to the dirt post. All of

1:27:22

you, including you, Carrie. Scott, listen to Venmo,

1:27:25

please go to the post and say

1:27:27

apology accepted or apology not accepted. Thank

1:27:29

you, I appreciate that. You should actually check out his

1:27:31

TikTok because we've been doing a lot of fit checks.

1:27:34

Scott's been going like, my clogs are

1:27:36

from Stansco, my lots are

1:27:38

from Ann Taylor. My

1:27:40

hoodies. My hoodies are from Buck

1:27:42

Mason. That's right. You

1:27:45

also have been doing a lot of proof

1:27:47

of life checks. Yeah, well I've been like,

1:27:50

are you still with us? Are you still

1:27:52

with us? Well, when I'm sleeping, like it's

1:27:54

3 a.m. Well,

1:27:56

CPR, I'm in. Well, Terry, thank you so much

1:27:58

for bringing all this up. My attention and for

1:28:00

I guess going through all of my social media

1:28:03

this morning. God, I'm begging you to answer

1:28:05

one single email. No, I can't. I'm

1:28:07

sorry. I'm not an email guy. And sometimes when I

1:28:10

email you, you'll respond back like I'll send like a bunch

1:28:12

of stuff. Like you need to respond to this ASAP and

1:28:14

you'll go, haha, so funny. And you clearly didn't

1:28:16

read email. I'm a DM guy. I'm a, do you

1:28:18

know that? Gaslighting. Yeah. Terry, can

1:28:20

I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question? Please. Have

1:28:24

you ever represented Brad Garrett? Okay, enough with the Brad Garrett

1:28:26

question. Look, we have to take a break. Well, before we

1:28:28

do that, we got to hold for room. No, we're not

1:28:30

only for room. All right, maybe we'll do it. We got

1:28:32

to go to a break. When we come back, we'll have

1:28:35

more comedy bang bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy

1:28:37

bang bang, we're back. We

1:28:42

have Jason Mantzoukas of course is still with us. Hello.

1:28:46

Apparently, I'm trying to do the

1:28:48

Santa Claus. I'm doing characters now.

1:28:51

Yeah. Are you, are you the Santa Claus now?

1:28:53

Have you taken over? You know when I was looking at the table? Look

1:28:55

at me, look at me. I'm the Santa Claus now. I'm

1:28:58

looking at the table full of anybody. Oh

1:29:01

boy. That bitch. All

1:29:06

this Christmas candy. We also have of course

1:29:08

Ted Ginnis is still with us. Fred

1:29:11

Ginnis. Fred Ginnis. Fred Ginnis. His

1:29:14

brother is your four year old brother. Ted, get

1:29:16

that out of your mouth. What's in

1:29:18

his mouth? Another one of your awards? He's

1:29:20

picking up crayons. Oh Jesus. You know, my dog

1:29:22

did that the other day. We didn't know. We

1:29:25

were like, where'd this crayon go? He's shitting purple. Hmm.

1:29:27

He? When

1:29:30

I say he, I mean she. I

1:29:32

know you're a female dog. I know. Dogs

1:29:34

shouldn't have gender. Sounds like a made up story. We

1:29:37

also have of course my lawyer Terry

1:29:39

Alemander is still with us. I'm missing

1:29:41

my daughter's horse recital for a bit.

1:29:45

That's right. She learned how to cancer though. That's incredible.

1:29:47

Well, I wish I was there to see it. Yeah.

1:29:50

And room tone Tony left as well as Randy and

1:29:52

Carissa. So I'm crossing them off. We need

1:29:54

to get to our next guest though. This

1:29:57

is incredible. Just, just the other

1:29:59

day. a week or so ago.

1:30:03

He signed an incredible 700 million dollar

1:30:05

deal to play with the Dodgers. He was a

1:30:07

free agent. He formerly was with the Angels. Yes,

1:30:09

I know all of this off the top of

1:30:11

my head. Please welcome

1:30:13

Shohei Otane. Konichiwa.

1:30:18

Konichiwa. Konichiwa Shohei. You

1:30:21

know, it smells broken here. I don't

1:30:25

know what you mean, Mr. Broke. It's time. I

1:30:27

think you need a new house and

1:30:29

I'm willing to buy you one. You're willing

1:30:31

to buy me a house? Yes, yes, yes.

1:30:33

Well that's lucky because he just outlayed like

1:30:35

24 million dollars instead of apologizing for a

1:30:37

lot of break. Yeah, so thank you. It's

1:30:40

good not to apologize. Rule 38

1:30:42

in the 48 laws of power. Don't

1:30:44

apologize for anything. Konichiwa,

1:30:47

thank you so much. How much is this house that you're

1:30:49

gonna buy me? How much you want it to be? 24

1:30:53

million if you don't mind. I'd do one for 25.

1:30:56

Hey, you got that for me? Terry,

1:30:58

who is this? This is my lawyer.

1:31:00

Konichiwa, Terry. Terry will negotiate this one.

1:31:02

I'm over here. Terry Konichiwa. Where are

1:31:04

you at? I can't see you. I'm

1:31:06

wearing very expensive sunglasses. Hey, my catchphrase.

1:31:09

Yeah, that dude's catchphrase. I can't see you.

1:31:11

That's your catchphrase? Yeah, sorry you weren't

1:31:13

here for that. But you stumbled

1:31:15

into it perfectly. It's because I'm on

1:31:17

the phone. Sumimasen. Oh, also, he's friggin'

1:31:19

is on the phone. I'm on the

1:31:21

phone. In case anybody doesn't know that.

1:31:23

The UK TV! Listen,

1:31:26

Scott, I'm happy to be here. I'm so

1:31:28

happy to have you on. These headphones are

1:31:30

buzzing. Okay? Oh, yeah. You need new

1:31:32

ones. Everyone's excited that you're here. Do you

1:31:35

all know who I am? I mean,

1:31:37

I certainly do, Jason. Are you a sports

1:31:39

fan? I'm not a sports fan, but I

1:31:41

even I, without any real fandom, know who

1:31:44

you are. You are the greatest baseball player

1:31:46

currently in the game. Yeah, I know who

1:31:48

you are, too. Oh, well. Somebody broke. Oh,

1:31:52

damn. Wow, wow. I

1:31:55

mean, Jason's doing pretty well. I am a

1:31:57

fool. He was in a Mark Wahlberg movie.

1:32:00

You went straight to Paramount Midas. Now

1:32:05

it's on Paramount divided by Paramount

1:32:09

Pimdas I'm gonna buy

1:32:11

the whole network. Yeah, you could do

1:32:13

anything now 700 million. Stop

1:32:16

saying it out loud Scott Unless

1:32:18

you're gonna say it much louder Yeah,

1:32:21

that's what I'm talking about incredible Wow now who

1:32:23

is this in front of me? This

1:32:25

is Terry I actually do know who

1:32:28

you are. Yes There was recently a thing

1:32:30

where somebody said you got on a plane

1:32:32

to Toronto and everyone in Toronto got very

1:32:34

excited When the plane landed

1:32:36

you weren't on the plane and then you

1:32:38

signed with the with the Dodgers.

1:32:40

Yeah, I don't think he's famous for the first

1:32:43

Exactly, but I remember Unfortunately the

1:32:46

country of Canada didn't have enough money to pay me.

1:32:48

Could you walk me through the story again? So they

1:32:50

thought because he was on the plane. They thought maybe

1:32:52

he was gonna go to the Blue Jays I'll tell

1:32:54

you what he said. He was on the plane and

1:32:56

they thought maybe he was And

1:32:59

there was started buying tickets like season tickets

1:33:01

like Wow Now

1:33:03

they're stuck with blue Jay What

1:33:06

these broke losers did was

1:33:09

track my private plane from

1:33:12

Orange County John Wayne area or they

1:33:14

were tracking your assassination coordinates. Yes They're

1:33:17

trying to assassinate me. I think

1:33:19

the most wanted man in America So

1:33:24

everyone stuck with these seasons tickets

1:33:27

they tracked my play yeah from

1:33:30

Orange County, Orange County John why to pick

1:33:32

up my lady? Who's your lady

1:33:34

a Hawaiian woman? No,

1:33:41

no more information needed mind

1:33:44

the business that pays you No,

1:33:46

don't be so no You'll

1:33:49

see it on TMZ If

1:33:54

you ever make it Ireland and then I

1:33:56

flew from Hawaii to Toronto, what were you

1:33:58

doing Toronto the six? The

1:34:00

six, if you will. Sure. I

1:34:05

talked to him. I talked to the team. Yeah,

1:34:08

but everyone in Canada was going

1:34:10

to chip in, but there's

1:34:12

only like 15 people there. They didn't have

1:34:14

enough money. Didn't have

1:34:16

enough money. And I also requested that

1:34:18

they change the name of the team to the red J's. Oh really? Because

1:34:20

you're a Crip? Because I'm a Blood. Oh,

1:34:24

a Blood, that's great. God, you can't say

1:34:26

this. I need to run all

1:34:28

this stuff by you. I love it

1:34:30

when you speak to gang culture. I

1:34:36

mistake the red with the blue. You're not supposed to ask my

1:34:38

gang affiliation. Can I sue him? Well,

1:34:41

he used to be with the Angels. He had to wear red all the time.

1:34:43

Yeah, and I loved it. Yeah, but now

1:34:45

you're with the Dodgers. He got to wear blue. They're

1:34:47

going to change for me. Really? They're going to... Dodger

1:34:49

red? Dodger red now. Wow. Incredible.

1:34:52

Can I sue this man? I don't like how he's

1:34:54

approaching me. Absolutely. He can have you $8 million. You

1:34:56

can't represent him. Or a heartfelt apology. $8

1:34:58

million? You mean my rolls

1:35:01

of toilet paper? I

1:35:03

thought you were going to say Rolls Royce, but rolls of toilet paper's worth. Why

1:35:05

would you think you'd give me Rolls Royce? Because they're

1:35:07

about $8 million. I taped them all together. I haven't

1:35:09

priced them lately. I taped $8 million business together in

1:35:11

a long line. I roll them up. Can I use

1:35:13

them to wipe my ass? Wow. I

1:35:16

mean, you could do anything now. Show, hey, how do you

1:35:18

pronounce your name again? Can we sue this

1:35:20

man? I knew it right because he's being

1:35:22

offensive. Can I be honest with you? He

1:35:24

is my only client. I didn't know the rest

1:35:26

of them because he wouldn't pay my phone

1:35:28

calls. And now I'm here. So yes, I would love

1:35:31

to represent you. Show-A. Show-A.

1:35:33

That's right. You confirmed

1:35:35

it. Yeah. You can do

1:35:37

anything now, Show-A. That's right.

1:35:40

What are you going to do now? I mean, other

1:35:42

than playing baseball, which by the way, baseball, I

1:35:44

know it's a lot of money. That's a long ass game. You know

1:35:46

what I mean? We got a pitch clock

1:35:48

now, so it's a little shorter. I guess I don't mean

1:35:51

the games themselves, but just the season. Oh my gosh. Yes.

1:35:53

162 games. Spring

1:35:55

training. Mr. November. It's like, what? You

1:35:57

get December off January? Wow. Could you

1:35:59

imagine? Imagine working all year long. What

1:36:03

an insane concept. This is the problem with

1:36:05

you Hollywood elite liberal cucks. You

1:36:08

see, damn. It's

1:36:10

a problem with you guys.

1:36:12

You don't want to work for your money. And

1:36:14

that's why you're not getting $700 million. It's

1:36:18

your aqui money. Well, so

1:36:21

what are you going to do though? What are you going to

1:36:23

do with all of your money? I mean, what are the things

1:36:25

you're going to buy? Why don't people ask one million answers questions?

1:36:27

What are you going to do with all your money? I've been

1:36:29

waiting for somebody to actually ask me. I'm

1:36:32

going to fly to Hawaii in my private jet. Pick

1:36:34

up your lady. My lady. Why

1:36:36

is she living in Hawaii, Hina? She's a

1:36:38

Hawaiian woman. She's a Hawaiian woman. She's

1:36:40

a Hawaiian woman. Why wouldn't she live there? She doesn't want to move

1:36:42

out here to be with you. She wants

1:36:44

to be in Hawaii in her native land. OK.

1:36:48

See my Hina in Hawaii. Sure.

1:36:53

Then I'm going to hang out there for a couple of

1:36:55

days. OK. Well, I asked what you're doing

1:36:57

with your money. The

1:36:59

rest of your calendar looks like, I guess. Well,

1:37:01

the calendar is the money. Go

1:37:04

ahead, please. My question, quite simply,

1:37:07

with what you've had happen, where you

1:37:09

are in the game, with how totemic

1:37:12

you are in culture, why are you

1:37:14

on this podcast? Yeah, what are you

1:37:16

doing here? I want

1:37:18

to buy it. Wow. I

1:37:21

want to buy. I love this. Are you listening?

1:37:23

Sell. Sell. Really?

1:37:25

Sell. I want to buy

1:37:28

CBD World. Change it to BBB World.

1:37:30

I'm a blood. Of course. So

1:37:35

it's blood, dang, dang world? Bombity,

1:37:38

bling, bling. Bombity, bling, bling.

1:37:40

I'm going to add an

1:37:42

L. Bombity, bling, bling, world.

1:37:44

OK. And I'd like

1:37:47

to buy and bring on my own friends to do.

1:37:49

Who are your friends? Like, who do you hang out with?

1:37:51

Other baseball players? Mike Trout. Sure.

1:37:54

My Hawaiian lady. When

1:37:56

you say Mike Trout, is that the singing fish? No,

1:37:58

that's the Billy Bats. Billy Bats. best we'd

1:38:01

also be small player as

1:38:03

Billy Bean that's my favorite ravine

1:38:06

that's okay Raleigh

1:38:09

fingers gonna

1:38:11

bring him on yeah got a mustache yeah

1:38:13

yeah chase ugly will

1:38:16

be here who

1:38:18

else who else let me think of who

1:38:20

a mookie bass is gonna come all the

1:38:22

moon can't play clock mookie Blake

1:38:24

lock will be here mookie Beth and mookie

1:38:26

Blake lock mookie play lock the basketball play

1:38:28

of course and will they all be playing

1:38:31

characters yes everybody has to play a character

1:38:33

I will be holding a gun to their

1:38:35

head oh make sure they'll

1:38:37

be just like this show and you'll

1:38:39

come here to Jason Moses oh okay

1:38:41

great I'm in how much are you

1:38:43

offering you yeah

1:38:46

I own CBB world uh

1:38:48

how much does he need right now lawyer you're

1:38:50

looking everywhere

1:38:54

but to me who is this now who is it

1:38:57

in front of me how much money does

1:39:06

he need how

1:39:08

much money to be giveaway today 24 only but we need 76 million

1:39:13

dollars yeah much in the hole yes I

1:39:16

was 50 in the hole about his house on credit cards

1:39:18

I'll give you $10,000 we'll take it don't I get to

1:39:20

say okay all

1:39:26

right I'll take it I'll take 10,000 mr. Oh

1:39:28

Tony I have a question please in the revamped

1:39:30

comedy blank blank well bomb you blank blank is

1:39:34

this Brad Garrett related yes

1:39:36

what do you want to will Brad Garrett be

1:39:38

on the show you have right here I love

1:39:40

let Brad black gear blood yeah cuz

1:39:42

he's cuz he has a B yeah he's

1:39:45

a blood I'm a real I will I

1:39:47

am willing to change my name if you

1:39:49

need me to in the new iteration I

1:39:51

will be facing both blaise and plans you

1:39:53

can say J's are not offensive oh

1:39:56

baby I don't want to keep talking

1:39:59

about my gang affiliation I'm gonna sue you if

1:40:01

you keep asking me that that's a that's a hit by you

1:40:03

sue anymore I sold it to you for ten thousand dollars. Ah,

1:40:05

damn Well, can I

1:40:07

ask and you know not to not to try and blow

1:40:10

up this deal that's um Gonna be bad

1:40:12

for all of us. I so my question is why not

1:40:14

just start your own podcast? I mean at this point you've

1:40:16

got so much heat on you. This is sort of What

1:40:19

it is. Why not start your own your own

1:40:21

podcast on pikas network? Maybe well terry What would

1:40:23

you like to hear me talk about? You look right

1:40:25

at her, please Are we almost

1:40:27

from what I could hear I refuse I guess what would

1:40:29

you like to hear me talk about? I

1:40:32

don't know sports, baby. Yeah, you know a lot

1:40:34

about it, right? Why buy

1:40:36

an unsuccessful podcast network? Why not buy

1:40:38

like one that is successful even like

1:40:40

joe rogan like or the ringer one

1:40:42

that's sports focused I like to prove

1:40:44

to myself that I can make anything

1:40:47

successful interesting. I love it didn't work

1:40:49

out with the ages. Yes, sir But

1:40:52

now with comedy blank blank, of course, yeah,

1:40:54

it's gonna be the biggest thing smoking Do

1:40:56

you think you'll be able to continue to

1:40:58

take the dodgers all the way

1:41:00

to the playoffs and then no further? Yeah, absolutely. Okay

1:41:02

first round losses for the next 10 years That's

1:41:06

your promise. That's my promise to this city of

1:41:08

los angel. Did you hurt your arm too or

1:41:10

something? I did and but you're okay now. Yep.

1:41:13

I got an iron man arm. You

1:41:15

do really I got an iron man arm

1:41:18

I got an iron man. What does that mean? Like

1:41:22

a piece of armor or you've got like a

1:41:24

winter soldier arm like the the robotic arm that

1:41:26

goes directly onto your body You know an iron

1:41:28

man arm technically it's a suit on echo skeleton

1:41:31

anyway. Yeah, it would probably be you've asked I

1:41:35

haven't seen the films. I was too busy playing baseball Hanging

1:41:39

out with my Hawaiian lady. I gotta meet this

1:41:41

Hawaiian. They are summer will you bring her on

1:41:43

the show sometimes? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, don't bring a

1:41:45

you know, somebody who's a different race and then

1:41:47

just pretending to be that race That would

1:41:49

be offensive She's

1:41:52

here to pick me up right now. No,

1:41:55

I don't think she's here. No, they're saying

1:41:57

no My

1:41:59

Hawaiian high China is here to pick me up right now.

1:42:02

Nope. No one wants to bite. No one wants to

1:42:04

bite. Oh wait, she wants to use your microphone. Well.

1:42:07

Oh. She

1:42:10

can't use this one. I'll need to buy a new

1:42:12

one. Well, then she'll have to stand silently behind me.

1:42:15

Yeah, unfortunately. Wow. Cowards. Shohei, thank you so much for

1:42:17

being here. Can you stick around here? Yes. I don't

1:42:19

have anywhere to go. Oh, good. Oh, yeah. There's no

1:42:21

game today or anything like that. No game today is

1:42:23

December. One of your months off. One of my months

1:42:26

off. All right, wonderful. Hello, my daughter, Lee Kipson. I'm

1:42:28

Lee. My Hawaiian

1:42:30

high enough. And Woha. Oh,

1:42:33

you brought spam. Isha

1:42:35

Akimaz. You're going to love a swag. What

1:42:38

did you say? You're going to love a swag. Yes.

1:42:40

I love spam. It's wonderful

1:42:42

to see you guys together. He's

1:42:45

my everything. This is the romance

1:42:47

of the century. This is bigger

1:42:49

than Travis, Kelsey, and Taylor Swift.

1:42:51

Right. This is the sports romance

1:42:53

of the century. Shohei Otani and

1:42:56

his Hawaiian lady. Sweetie quiet lady.

1:42:58

Don't tell him your name. I

1:43:00

never would. Who

1:43:03

would you ever be? All right, well, we need to get

1:43:05

to our next guest. Can you stick around? Sure. OK. Anywhere

1:43:09

by your little party. That's

1:43:12

where I am, too. And Fred, you're

1:43:14

still here. I'm two-year-old, go for Fred.

1:43:16

OK, good. Well, we need to get to our next

1:43:18

guest. They were on the show

1:43:20

last year, I believe. I can't

1:43:22

remember their names. Please welcome back the picture twins.

1:43:25

And Kelly McPhee-shit. Yeah.

1:43:30

And Sarah Piazza and

1:43:32

Kelly McPhee-shit. Uh-huh.

1:43:36

Kelly Scott, Kelly Follies, me and

1:43:38

Clem. Clem. Clem. Clem. Clem and

1:43:40

who again? Pearl. Pearl and Clem.

1:43:43

Pearl and Clem. The picture twins.

1:43:46

The picture twins. We ain't married

1:43:48

yet. We

1:43:51

twins. We twins. We brother and

1:43:54

sister. And that's

1:43:56

our daddy, Bacon Man Zonkin.

1:43:58

Bacon Man Zonkin. You're their

1:44:00

father, Bacon? Yeah, that's right. I'll be

1:44:02

honest, I don't remember the lore, but

1:44:04

I'm willing to believe it. I'll still

1:44:07

get better in jail recently, but

1:44:09

now we remember Bacon Man's Oinkins is

1:44:11

our father. We grew

1:44:13

up in a tuba at the Grand Ole

1:44:15

Opry. And then

1:44:17

the, Miss What? We're just little.

1:44:19

We're just little. That's part of it.

1:44:22

That's part of it. You grew- Fred can't

1:44:24

see you, so. You grew up in a

1:44:26

tuba. Yeah. An instrument not

1:44:28

normally associated with country music. Well,

1:44:31

we don't always anywhere there's spit. We

1:44:34

thrive. Yeah, we smell

1:44:36

like spit and we vibrate like

1:44:38

tubas. Ooh, we love

1:44:40

that tuba vibration. When that brown nose

1:44:42

goes through our little piggy body. Oh,

1:44:44

yeah. That's how

1:44:46

we came up a-s the

1:44:48

tuba vibration. So good to see

1:44:50

you guys. What do you- it's the holidays. What do

1:44:53

the pig shit twins do during the holidays? Yeah, what

1:44:55

are the pig shit traditions? Glad you asked. Because we

1:44:57

got now a wheel. Got a one on a Pico.

1:44:59

She a green card company. Did you understand that? Nope.

1:45:02

A green card company? We got a green card company.

1:45:04

Greening. Greening. Your Hawaiian

1:45:06

lady doesn't need a green card,

1:45:08

does she? My

1:45:14

wife is Hawaiian. I do the Aloha card. But

1:45:16

how long? Me days. ABC stores

1:45:18

discount cards. That's right. I can't be

1:45:20

listening to anything. I can't be listening to anything. I can't be listening

1:45:22

to anything. I can't be listening to anything. I can't be listening to

1:45:24

anything. I can't be listening to anything. I can't be listening to

1:45:27

anything. I can't be listening to anything. Sorry about

1:45:29

that. Terry is taking furious notes and

1:45:31

really looks stressed at everything that's happened in

1:45:33

the last segment. Right. So

1:45:36

what do you guys do? I didn't quite exactly- We're

1:45:38

starting a greeting card company. Greedy card company. Yeah. We

1:45:40

were just talking about greeting cards earlier in the show. You were

1:45:43

with- Yeah, I did a tight 45 seconds on them. Really?

1:45:46

That's too long. Yes, it was. It's