0:00

If Moses supposes his toes is

0:02

a roses, do you think maybe he had a

0:04

drinking problem?

0:25

Welcome

0:29

to Comedy Bang Bang.

0:32

An interesting hypothesis,

0:34

one we probably will not explore, but thanks

0:36

to the tiny mammoth for that catchphrase submission.

0:39

Don't think it's going to stick, but who

0:41

knows, next week I may say it again. Welcome

0:44

to Comedy Bang Bang for another

0:46

edition. This is of course, used

0:48

to be the show where we talk to interesting people, now

0:50

it is Humanities and the Animal Kingdom's

0:53

podcast. We have

0:55

a great

0:56

few guests coming up. We have

0:59

a person,

1:01

I don't even know how to describe him. A person

1:03

who used to clean ice out

1:05

of urinals. I

1:08

can't remember if he cleaned ice out of them or whether

1:10

he just cleaned the ice that was in them or the

1:13

ice would melt and he would pour more into them, but

1:15

we'll figure out all of that out

1:17

when he comes on a little later. We also have a person with

1:19

an exciting opportunity coming up after that. Packed

1:23

show, I have to say.

1:26

Some of these shows, I gotta tell you, the

1:28

worst fucking guests come on this. This

1:30

week we have a guy who used to clean ice out

1:32

of a urinal and someone with an enticing,

1:36

exciting opportunity, I should say. Let's

1:38

get to our first guest. She

1:42

is a writer and a director, used

1:45

to, full disclosure,

1:48

used to

1:50

edit the Comedy Bang Bang television program.

1:53

So you know there will be softballs. Although

1:56

I gotta say,

1:58

if you were just walking down the street and someone threw a softball

1:59

you that would that would be dangerous so

2:02

who knows what the safest

2:05

kind of softball somebody could throw you exactly

2:07

I have seen close-up she has a new

2:10

film

2:15

that she co-wrote and directed called the

2:17

People's Joker which was embroiled

2:20

in controversy

2:22

earlier in the year but it has its premiere this

2:25

Saturday at Outfest

2:27

please welcome Vera Drew hello hello

2:29

thanks for having me on great to have you nice

2:32

to see you again I was so I

2:35

I'm so nervous to do

2:38

this because I've been listening you've been on the other

2:40

side oh you listening to well

2:42

I yeah I mean I I got to

2:44

admit like I haven't I have fallen off a little

2:46

bit in recent years was

2:49

it COVID we're having me as a boss you see

2:51

the behind that

2:54

yeah you see all the bullshit behind the yeah surprisingly

2:57

though I have I've revisited the I've

2:59

seen comedy bang bang quite a bit over

3:02

the years like it's I think I hear it's good yeah

3:04

yeah ages like fine wine which

3:06

seasons did you work on and my impression

3:09

of it was four and five but I don't know I

3:11

started

3:13

so I was on set for season two

3:16

as as a

3:17

DIT and

3:19

if people don't know what DIT is it's basically

3:22

did right yeah exactly I'm

3:25

not I'm still not quite sure what what that

3:27

job was it's a person who basically would run

3:29

in all the time and go you have to stop you

3:32

have to stop we have to do the DIT yeah

3:34

and then everything was shut down for like 15 minutes

3:36

right yeah most stressful job I think you could

3:38

have on set just constantly telling people we're running

3:41

out of media and I need to back up everything

3:43

I think we lost that entire take

3:46

we would also do we would do long-ass

3:47

takes which was DIT is

3:50

basically the person who takes

3:52

all of the things recording everything transfers

3:55

it wipes it clean and then

3:58

comes back with those because they're all expensive

3:59

and you need to recycle

4:02

them as much as you can. But we would do super long takes

4:04

and they would be like, and every once in a while, it would be like, we need

4:06

to stop. Because you're just running out

4:08

of memory. Which you never wanna do while

4:11

somebody's in the middle of an improvised

4:13

experience. Yeah,

4:16

if they're on a roll, but that was hardly of a problem on

4:18

our show. Yeah. So

4:21

second season, you were the person doing that

4:23

and I gave you nary a glance. Yeah,

4:26

no, I don't think we talked maybe

4:28

once. I think I talked to Reggie that

4:30

season more than you. I

4:32

doubt he remembers. Well, he's a real glad

4:34

hander. He's out there meeting all the crew.

4:37

Yeah. Learning, one thing about

4:39

him, he likes to learn what everyone does, what everyone's

4:41

job is. And he memorizes their name

4:43

and he memorizes all their children's names. Yeah,

4:46

so I couldn't remember his lines. He learned

4:48

everybody's name and occupation

4:50

on set. But yeah, then I came in,

4:53

I think my first

4:55

episode was the Kevin Smith episode.

4:58

Oh, season three. Yes. Season

5:00

three. Late in season three. Late in season three. And

5:02

then yeah,

5:03

came in strong four and five. And

5:06

four was the. Four was the mammoth season.

5:08

The crazy. So you were basically on for

5:10

more than half the show because you

5:13

essentially did about 65 episodes out of 110. Yeah,

5:18

it's crazy. Like it's crazy just

5:21

having that many things that

5:23

I've edited. And like, I feel like particularly

5:26

like that season four, like it

5:28

kind of was like an impossible task,

5:31

like of trying to deliver that many episodes.

5:34

It was hard. Yeah, it was. And

5:38

I made you guys work weekends, but

5:40

you had a weird schedule. You had, was

5:43

it Wednesdays through Sundays,

5:45

I believe, because I had to shoot Monday

5:47

through Friday and then I would Saturday and Sunday

5:49

work with you guys. Yeah. Yeah.

5:52

You'd come in very, very tired on the weekends. Yeah,

5:55

apparently doing that job was not good

5:57

for my health, my sanity. Yeah.

5:59

Yeah, I can I can only imagine

6:02

especially like like the days where

6:04

you were like filming multiple

6:07

episodes in a day and then coming in

6:09

and like hanging out with like a bunch of sweaty

6:12

actors you guys were not Sweaty,

6:14

I want to make sure that is Is

6:17

expressly expressed I was playing into

6:19

the stereotypes. I guess yes No, you guys

6:21

actually used to take baths in the middle of the

6:23

day, didn't you? Yeah Well,

6:25

that was when we when we flipped and became a union

6:27

show You know that's right.

6:29

They actually make you take one communal

6:31

bath per day. Yeah But

6:34

that was more from our side Let's

6:36

get these guys to be that's in our contract.

6:39

Um, so you worked on that for a while and

6:41

uh, then you Then

6:45

I didn't see you for a while. You were working at that public access

6:47

station for a little while Yeah, and then I

6:50

didn't see you for a while and then you now another

6:52

full disclosure you hit me up I'm actually

6:54

in this

6:55

film. Yes. Yeah, i'm a movie

6:57

star you play mr. Freeze, uh

6:59

in this film Let's talk about the film because you

7:01

hit me up to be in and I I

7:04

Didn't really know what it was, but i'll do anyone

7:06

any kind of favor I

7:08

was shocked that you said the lack of context

7:12

that was given I was so blown away

7:14

that it wasn't immediate Yes, uh, no, honestly

7:16

like anyone i've worked with if they want me

7:18

to do something i'll do it Also i'm offer only and your

7:20

offer was zero dollars And

7:22

I was like, well that's a loophole Yeah,

7:24

yeah um, but

7:27

uh What is does this

7:29

film is I want to have you on to talk

7:31

about it because it's had a fascinating Journey

7:34

to its now premiere this saturday

7:37

Describe first of all just describe. What is

7:39

the the film?

7:40

It's so it's it's

7:42

about uh, An unfunny

7:44

transsexual clown named joker

7:47

who starts an a lot an illegal comedy

7:50

theater in gotham city

7:52

And it's very um

7:55

It

7:55

I mean it's a batman parody. Um,

7:58

that's uh, what I say that, you know

9:59

It's a comedy,

10:02

but it's also like a very kind

10:04

of tender, queer, coming of age story.

10:07

And are you in it or? Yeah,

10:10

I play a character called Joker.

10:13

The titular Joker? Yes, the titular Joker.

10:16

I'm the first trans woman to ever play Joker. Let's

10:19

go through the Joker's, you have Cesar Romero.

10:21

Yes, possibly the best, because he

10:23

refused to shave his mouth. I did that

10:25

on a show that Paul F. Tompkins was on, where

10:27

I put on a fake mustache and make up over it.

10:29

As a tribute to Cesar Romero. And

10:33

then you have Jack. Yeah,

10:37

it wasn't anybody till Jack. Right, and

10:39

then of course you have, forget

10:42

who else, but anyway, some good people. And

10:44

then you're the first trans person to play

10:46

the role. Do you think you'll be the last? Probably

10:49

based off of the legal response

10:52

from Warner Brothers. Let's talk

10:54

about this. So basically

10:56

the show was, or the movie

10:58

rather, some people call things shows

10:59

when you're in, when

11:02

they go, I'm working on this show, but it happens to be a movie.

11:05

Yeah, like you'll hear like grips gather around me, like

11:07

I just got off this last show. Do the grip voice

11:09

though. I just got off this last show. They're

11:12

talking about like the last Indiana Jones or whatever,

11:14

that's a movie actually. So this- I think

11:16

you just slipped up. I don't know that that's the thing. I probably did

11:18

slip up. Thank you

11:20

for keeping me honest. But

11:23

this was scheduled to come out at TIFF.

11:26

It show, there was one showing

11:28

and then

11:30

you mentioned before, Warner Brothers gave

11:33

you a cease and desist, is that right? Well, yeah.

11:36

So we never got an official cease

11:38

and desist. Like we really just got like kind of this

11:40

like strongly worded letter that

11:42

was like, we don't think this is a parody.

11:45

What makes something

11:47

a parody? Because if you can put out, you

11:49

know, Batman, a porn parody, it's just

11:51

people in Batman costumes

11:53

fucking. Like Batman's been fucking

11:56

Joker and Robin and Catwoman. On

11:58

screen for years.

11:59

they can't make like a tender gay Batman movie.

12:03

But yeah, so they sent us that

12:05

letter literally like two days

12:07

before we were supposed to premiere. And they had

12:09

known about the movie, like I'm friends

12:11

with a handful of people and like the Harley Quinn

12:13

writers' room. Yeah, the

12:16

Penguin himself is my brother. And

12:19

you know, they really waited to the last minute.

12:22

I think they were trying to kind of kill our,

12:25

to really get into the movie, to kill a big film

12:27

sale and like this movie is getting a lot of

12:29

them. There's no point in doing it two weeks before because

12:31

then you would explore your options and learn that you

12:34

could do it or whatever. But two days before it

12:35

was meant, that happened to me once when we were

12:37

doing the Day the Clown Cried reading with

12:40

Patton Oswalt, which is this Jerry Lewis movie,

12:42

we were doing a script reading and we would do it

12:44

around town every once in a while. And then

12:46

they gave us a season to assist like a

12:48

few hours before we were supposed to go on.

12:51

And it just is there to scare you.

12:53

It just didn't recap you. Yeah, and yeah, it like really

12:55

scared you. And it, you know,

12:58

it freaked me out, I guess, but I think- It freaked

13:00

your beat. It scared my like team

13:03

more and kind of the people that were

13:05

sort of trying to help me put

13:07

together a release. And we weren't

13:09

gonna premiere, but I was like, I got

13:11

a passport to go to Canada. Like

13:13

we should do it. Like we're all here. So

13:17

we actually negotiated with the head of Warner Canada.

13:20

And we're like, we have

13:21

like an army full of people

13:23

that are already ready to see this movie tomorrow.

13:26

Let us screen. So

13:28

we had our screening, it was great.

13:31

And then I kind

13:33

of paused after that to

13:35

sort of go back to my lawyers and just

13:37

make sure that we were in, you know, the legal

13:40

green zone. And like, I had

13:42

to finish the movie. Like the

13:44

movie still had some effects and stuff

13:46

that needed to be done. It's live

13:48

action, but there's like a lot of animation and

13:51

like every kind of animation, stop motion, 3D, 2D. So

13:55

there was a lot of moving parts that

13:57

I needed to bring home before we started screening again.

13:59

I also wanted to come back

14:01

with a plan this time instead

14:04

of. Because did you hope to get it sold when you

14:06

were up there and then come back?

14:08

And is it sold? Is that why it's premiering

14:11

or what's the status now? Um,

14:14

it's we don't, we don't have any

14:16

like

14:17

distribution plan set in

14:19

stone, but it is coming together right now.

14:22

Um, I mean, really like

14:25

Outfest in pretty much every festival

14:27

that we've screened at

14:29

since TIFF, um,

14:31

you know, cause we've done a handful of secret screenings.

14:33

Uh, like I did like a whole secret tour

14:36

with the movie in Australia.

14:39

Like every festival, oh yeah.

14:41

Down on the,

14:42

does Batman is, is he different

14:45

down there? Like it does. He worked during

14:47

the day. Yeah. It's

14:55

so crazy. Like, you know, like being 18 years

14:58

old and listening to like comedy death ray on, on

15:00

a radio, on the radio, listening

15:03

to you ask these kinds of questions to somebody.

15:05

And they're funny when you're listening. It's not

15:07

so funny when you're sitting here. Right. Breaking into

15:10

a sweat. Um,

15:12

but, uh, yeah, like every,

15:15

like Outfest is just really gone to

15:17

bat for us. I mean, they're sponsored by Warner

15:19

brothers. Gone to bat by the way is a pun.

15:22

And yes, we should just like

15:24

really let everyone know that you meant to say that. Yeah.

15:27

Moment of silence for that.

15:30

And, uh, yeah, that's, that's kind of

15:32

why we were sort of confident that we

15:34

were able to screen. And that's great. And, but, and you

15:37

know, I mean, what the, the little I learned

15:39

about parody law doing comedy bang

15:41

bang, because we would have all these

15:42

like conversations with lawyers all the time.

15:45

And, um, the closer

15:47

you are to the thing, the better, like,

15:50

I remember there was one thing where we were

15:52

trying to parody the goulies, which were the,

15:54

I don't know if you remember the little monsters that come out of

15:56

the toilet and like bite your butt or whatever. And

15:59

we. We put him in there and we called him

16:01

something else and the lawyer was like, no, no, no, you got to call

16:04

you got to call him Goolees. That way,

16:06

everyone knows you're parodying the Goolees. Yeah.

16:08

So like and you're parodying Batman. There's like

16:11

Batman costumes and Joker costumes.

16:13

Yeah. So it's like, yeah, we

16:15

and like you're not you're not basically trying to fool

16:17

people into going like, this is the new Batman

16:20

movie that's coming out. Exactly. And like,

16:22

I think, you know, the kind of like,

16:24

like deep, like

16:27

negative nerd response out

16:29

of TIFF was like, why didn't you just call it like the

16:32

jokester or something? And it's like, because I

16:34

actually couldn't do that. Yeah, that's actually

16:37

not legal. Yeah, like that is the

16:39

that's trying to. And although that's pretty good, the

16:41

jokester. The movie goes

16:43

out of its way to show

16:46

that it is not a DC movie. Like, like

16:48

it's I mean, there's there's a lot of canon

16:50

references just because like I

16:52

love Batman and

16:54

all the iterations of Batman.

16:56

But like, you know, it's the worst

16:59

Batman we've that you will ever see. Like

17:01

he's he's more like kind of just like an overweight

17:04

cop in it. And it is interesting

17:06

because Batman, you know, when you really think about it, you

17:08

go like, oh, this poor little guy, you got

17:10

you got his parents face blown off or whatever.

17:12

And so he goes and fights crime. He's really

17:15

a rich dude who's out there stomping on poor

17:17

people. Yeah. And like is still

17:19

like, look, we all have trauma, like

17:21

it's 2023. All of our lives

17:23

are going to one therapist Batman. Yeah,

17:26

you'll get over it. Like, this is not not

17:28

the not the solution. I don't I don't I

17:30

don't think that I don't know that they've ever shown him going to

17:33

a therapist in the comics, which would

17:35

get that would cure him. Yeah, it's

17:37

it's worse than that. He's like a super

17:39

dick now. Like it used to be like, hey, OK,

17:42

he's out there and he's at least like,

17:44

you know, he had this shit happen to him, but he's out there, you

17:46

know, trying to help out. Now he's just an asshole to

17:48

Superman. Yeah, I mean, I

17:51

think that was the thing to making this movie. Like, I

17:53

really love the like, I mean, I grew up on the Schumacher

17:56

Batman's. Like, I loved the Tim Burton ones, but I loved

17:59

Batman forever. Like I saw it when

18:02

I remember seeing it as a kid and

18:04

like seeing Nicole Kidman in

18:06

that movie was like an early like,

18:09

oh, I think I'm trans or gay or

18:11

something for me because like just

18:13

seeing her and the way Batman looked at her and

18:15

like the rubber nipples like,

18:18

you know, some wires

18:20

got either crossed or connected in

18:22

that moment. Just everything was pinging for

18:24

you at that moment. Exactly. Like, oh

18:27

boy. And like. Rubber nipples. I

18:29

just love the I love the colorful

18:32

campy fun. Did you like the

18:34

the little projected question marks anytime

18:37

the real word come on onto the set? Yeah.

18:40

Although like all the like, yeah, like like he

18:42

said, like he's in there like setting up lights

18:45

beforehand like or at least telling

18:47

someone like, hey, I want all these question marks

18:49

projected all over. It's like where all the money from

18:51

like the diamond heist goes to

18:54

the production design of his lair.

18:56

Yeah. I like miss those. I mean,

18:58

I love the Nolan Batman's like

19:01

as much as anyone but

19:02

I don't need any more credit. It

19:04

was cool to see something like, hey, this is Batman

19:06

realistically, but

19:07

now we don't need to go darker. It's like how much,

19:10

you know, already like this new one, you can't see

19:12

what's happening on screen and

19:15

it's way too quiet. It's like, what's next? Let's

19:17

go back. Let's go back to the

19:19

let's out Shumacher Shumacher. Yeah, no,

19:22

yeah. I really wanted to make him proud

19:25

with this movie. And

19:27

I hope in heaven he's watching down.

19:30

Do you think he's in heaven? I'd

19:32

like to think so like that heaven at least. Yeah,

19:34

at least he's probably in a very specific type

19:36

of heaven. Like that's

19:39

where Alfred went when he died. Spoilers

19:41

for the current comic book. By the way, I know the

19:43

current writer, Chip Zdarsky. Oh

19:46

boy.

19:47

If you're listening, Chip. You

19:50

have a few notes. Exactly. Anyway,

19:54

so the People's Joker, it comes out well

19:57

it premieres this Saturday. You were telling

19:59

me 9.15.

19:59

I'm gonna check that against

20:02

the official record, but apparently that's

20:04

your opinion. It comes out 9 15 this Saturday

20:07

Yeah, that is a weird time that

20:09

It's strange especially like I can understand if it's

20:12

an hour and 45 minutes, but it's an hour It's

20:14

an hour. It's a yeah cold 92.

20:16

So I don't really know maybe they and when you

20:18

say cold 92 you it was a mr. Freeze pun

20:20

Yes, yeah, you meant to say that catching

20:22

that one too, and I play mr. Freeze

20:25

in the film Which Upon

20:28

your instructions. I recorded approximately 40

20:30

takes on an iPhone. Yeah of my

20:33

line lines I don't know but

20:35

I don't remember what I would describe as the

20:37

most Scott Ackerman I

20:40

felt like I did about 40 reads. I

20:42

was like, oh the 40th one was actually good But

20:46

I bet I bet you didn't listen to all the way through

20:48

no, I did I definitely I definitely

20:50

think the last one like if I may

20:52

do it Cool party

20:58

The most fancy boy Wonderful

21:03

people know it's the craziest thing

21:05

is there's nothing about the design of the character

21:08

Just suggests it's you but it is like

21:10

I mean to my credit I guess I'm a good director

21:12

like I did pick the Scott Ackerman take

21:15

Cuz one people know it's you and the

21:17

other people who are in it you have Tim is

21:19

in it, right? Yeah, Tim plays Perry

21:22

White It's kind of a Alex Jones

21:24

version of Perry White Bob Odenkirk

21:26

plays Bob Begun Elliot

21:29

Glaser plays a character named Timmy

21:31

two times Sarah

21:33

squirm Sarah

21:37

Maria Bamford now plays Lauren Michaels

21:42

Sarah Sarah was one thing you've and you can't

21:44

do yeah Yeah,

21:47

well Sarah was Lauren Michaels we

21:50

she was in the movie before she was cast

21:52

and That was one of the after

21:54

tips why she was cast. Yes. Yeah. No,

21:56

I mean I heard someone does a good impression

21:59

of me

21:59

You're on the shoe. Yeah.

22:02

Well, this is great. The

22:05

People's Joker comes out this Saturday and

22:07

after that, we don't know, but how can people follow

22:09

along with the saga? You can follow me at viradrew22

22:12

on Twitter. I also

22:14

am doing a behind the scenes podcast

22:16

for my Patreon, patreon.com

22:18

slash viradrew22. And yeah.

22:21

What's the 22 for? Is that the year that you started

22:23

it or is it? It just rhymes, I think. I

22:25

think there's also- I think it does, you're right. Hold

22:28

on, let's test it out. Drew two. Drew

22:31

two. Yeah, and then the extra two

22:32

adds a little bit of, it adds like the

22:35

syllable in between. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

22:39

Okay. Uh, well.

22:44

People can follow it there. We're gonna take a break.

22:46

And Vera, you can stick around, right? Because we have some exciting,

22:48

did you hear who's coming up? We have- They sound

22:51

exciting. Yeah, someone who cleaned ice

22:53

out of a urinal once at least.

22:55

And then someone with an exciting opportunity.

22:58

Pretty good for this show. Not bad. No,

23:01

no, you've landed some good guests. I

23:03

feel very honored to be among this

23:06

illustrious group. All right, well, we're gonna take

23:08

a break. When we come back, we're gonna have

23:10

more from Vera Drew. We'll have more comedy

23:13

bang bang. We'll be right back after this.

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Bang Bang, we're back. Vera Drew is here, the people's

26:18

joker out this Saturday at

26:21

an odd time, 9.15. I would suggest getting

26:23

there by nine,

26:24

just in case something happens

26:26

and starts early. I'm like wondering

26:28

if I should show up early just

26:30

to be on the safe side. I think you should show up early

26:33

no matter what.

26:34

I'm so traumatized from TIFF

26:36

that I worry that like,

26:38

it is just like not gonna happen in some

26:40

way. You might get one of those cease and desists

26:42

literally because of this show, like

26:45

some, you know, the Brothers Warner

26:47

are listening or something like that and they send

26:49

you another one. So we'll see.

26:51

I mean, you're tempting fate by being on this show

26:54

because it's a very popular podcast, the Humanities

26:56

Podcast and of course the Animal Kingdoms. We need

26:58

to get to our next guest. He

27:01

is the aforementioned person who used to

27:04

dump ice in a urinal or clean the ice

27:06

that was in it or take ice

27:09

out. No, I used to dump

27:11

the ice in the urinal and then the urine

27:13

cleans the ice out of the urinal. That doesn't

27:15

sound very sanitary to me. Well,

27:18

we've talked before about how cold your urine

27:20

stream is. That's a good point. Everyone else's

27:22

is incredibly hot and it melts the ice,

27:24

which gives you a sense of power. Mine would make

27:26

the ice even more ice, essentially.

27:29

Yeah, it would be a glacier. Hence your perfect casting

27:31

as Mr. Freeze. Thank you so much. Barry,

27:34

you must have known. By the way, as far

27:36

as A-block interviews go, no shade.

27:38

That's the

27:39

best, most interesting, informative interview

27:41

you've ever conducted in your life. I

27:43

learned something, you were at attention

27:47

and every time you got called out, I was like, dang.

27:51

I mean, it's not bad. I think I'm getting okay at

27:53

this after 14 years. In my 15th

27:55

year, I'm like, I do all right. This

27:58

was at, he used to do this job.

27:59

at my favorite restaurant, which is called what? The

28:02

Domio's. Domio's. D apostrophe.

28:04

The Domio's. Domio's. Yeah.

28:07

And he has his own podcast called, what

28:10

is it called again? Hey, Randy, a Randy snots

28:12

show. And that's over at CBB

28:14

World. Please welcome back to the show, Randy

28:17

snots himself. Hello, Randy. How could I possibly

28:19

top that introduction?

28:21

Does every

28:23

guest come on here trying to top their introduction? I

28:25

mean, come on, you could just be yourself. I couldn't do better

28:27

myself, though. Well, you don't have to.

28:30

You're the guest. Oh, you set a high bar,

28:32

Scott, and I'll never reach it. You are very

28:34

complimentary today, Randy. I'm not used to it. Well,

28:36

you

28:37

know,

28:38

it's a new year, so I have new habits. OK,

28:41

that's good to know. This is Vera, by the way. How you doing,

28:43

Vera? Nice to meet you. Likewise. I really

28:45

admire your work. Really? What do you

28:47

know of Randy snots' work? The ice part

28:49

of it, or? Yeah. Yeah.

28:52

And particularly, I think I really resonate

28:54

with that feeling of power

28:57

when the ice is melting and steam. That

29:00

was the other thing I didn't know.

29:02

Would you dump the ice, and that's the end of your relationship

29:05

to that particular batch of ice? Or would you come in

29:07

and check on it all the time and see its progress?

29:09

Yeah, you have to come in and check to see if more ice needs

29:12

dumping. But would you check on it just

29:14

to see how it's going

29:15

without

29:16

that part of it? So you're

29:18

saying, would I have a personal relationship

29:21

with this batch of ice? You just want to

29:23

know, is it melting? Yeah, absolutely

29:25

I do. I want to know that other people are

29:27

feeling their power. Say you dumped a big thing

29:29

of ice, and they were like, Randy, you're off the clock.

29:32

You go home now. Would you wait another half

29:34

hour? Can't do it. I'm giving you work for

29:36

free. I got to wait until

29:38

that last cube of ice is melted. And

29:40

then watch someone else put the new batch of

29:43

ice in. They shake their hand. Then we wash our

29:45

hands together. Then we walk out.

29:46

Wonderful. Randy, it's

29:48

so good to see you. You, of course, a longtime

29:51

guest on this show. The saga

29:54

of all of your comings and goings is legendary.

29:57

Oh, thanks. You have your friends Amber

29:59

and Stu.

29:59

of course. They're on my podcast. I

30:02

do Plissettist girlfriend, Carissa is on

30:04

the podcast. And of course, our near do well,

30:06

moron libertarian friend, Mark Adebano

30:08

is on the podcast. And

30:10

what is going on with Carissa? You mentioned Carissa, but what

30:13

is you are you guys, because sometimes

30:15

you come on here and you're broken up, sometimes you're back

30:17

together. Absolutely. I mean, it depends on the

30:21

how her devious meter is flowing.

30:23

Right. And where is it? Is it off the charts right now? Right

30:25

now? No, we're in a good place right now. Oh, good. Yeah.

30:28

So we're together. I've started

30:29

a new endeavor. Obviously, I haven't worked at

30:32

the Domio's in a long time. And why is

30:34

that I never knew why you didn't work there

30:36

anymore? Suddenly, I got there and and there

30:38

was no ice anymore.

30:39

They just they didn't have an ice budget

30:42

or what exactly happened? Yeah, they lost their ice

30:44

budget. And I was the first one cut. You

30:46

know, pandemic pandemic

30:48

hit and they were like, Hey, we got a scale back. We're

30:51

going to take out and I was like, so you don't need.

30:54

Would you maybe did you pitch like maybe

30:56

I could throw some ice in the bag? Yeah,

30:58

I should take out and they could put it in their own toilet.

31:00

Oh, I mean, you're reading my mind. I

31:02

had written little handwritten things stapled

31:05

to little bags of ice that like little like little

31:07

fortune cookies, but it was they all

31:09

were the

31:09

same thing. What was it? Well,

31:12

they all said, if you dare, dump

31:14

this ice in your toilet at home and pee in

31:16

it to get a sense of power. Why

31:19

is it like it kind of sounds like a threat?

31:22

Yeah, if you dare, why? Why put the if you dare there?

31:25

If you if you dare? Yeah, well, because you

31:27

know, first of all, you're calling people who don't dare

31:29

cowards.

31:30

True. implicitly. Yes, absolutely.

31:32

Why are you afraid to feel this power? Right. Why

31:34

are you afraid to melt ice with your urine stream? It's

31:37

hot. It's inside you. But you

31:39

bring up a good question, though. Why don't

31:41

we have ice in our toilets all

31:43

day? If it's so great in the urinal

31:45

at restaurants, like why don't we do it at home? Well,

31:47

because well, first off, you have to have like

31:49

an ice machine. Not everybody has that. Sure.

31:52

But if you but I mean, you could make the cubes

31:54

yourself, like overnight. True. Dump

31:56

them in in the morning. Ah, then

31:58

refill them. Yeah. And then by the time you

32:00

need more ice, you know, maybe they're, they're

32:02

ready again. You know, I think that it

32:05

might take away the special sensation of visiting,

32:07

you know, an establishment and going

32:09

into the bathroom and being like, I have to do my dirty business

32:11

again. And so it's basically why you don't have

32:13

a major D at your house. It's this is for the restaurant.

32:16

Yeah. And I'm not going to be a major D myself. You

32:18

know, I'm not going to be like, Carissa, right this way. Sit

32:20

down. I ordered pizza. Although

32:23

it sounds nice. Yeah. She might

32:25

like that. She might like some special treatment once in a while. Yeah. What

32:28

do you do for her? Special things for her?

32:29

Yeah, absolutely. Like what? I

32:32

say things like that was not duplicitous.

32:34

You know, so I affirm her good behavior.

32:37

Right. So you think the way that she treats me, I

32:39

should be nice to her. I

32:41

don't know. I personally, I think you guys should break up.

32:44

I mean, I've always said that. Yeah. Well,

32:46

that's coming. That's coming up soon. Oh,

32:48

you think so. Well, you said you were in a good place. Oh, I broken

32:50

up like 785 times. We're going to get back

32:52

together. Right. You know,

32:54

because I love the way you lie. Are

32:56

you going to get married? I mean, do you see that in your future?

32:59

Children, marriage? I don't know. Right

33:01

now we're a dink couple.

33:02

What is dink? What does that mean?

33:04

Double income, no kids. Where does she work? I

33:07

don't even know. Yeah. I don't

33:09

know. She's between jobs right now. I mean, it's her unemployment.

33:12

We're like a sink couple right now. Yeah.

33:14

True. True. But

33:17

I got a new endeavor. Oh, well, yeah. Your new endeavor.

33:19

What's going on? I

33:22

guess I didn't know that, but okay.

33:23

Oh, you didn't?

33:24

How would I have known that? I announced that on the

33:27

show. Sure. Okay.

33:31

I barely remember the name of my favorite restaurant,

33:34

which is apparently Dodomio's? Yeah. Okay.

33:37

Got it. You probably haven't been in a while. No,

33:39

I mean, you know, after COVID, no ice?

33:41

No, no. No visit? No

33:43

ice? No dice. That's one of those rhymes

33:46

that we were talking about with here. Nice.

33:49

That's another one. I know. Thrice.

33:52

Yeah. Well, now four times, but

33:54

yeah.

33:56

Frice. Fried rice. Yep.

33:59

There we go.

33:59

Oh, and that's the Pentagon. Yes,

34:02

we did it. I wonder how many

34:04

times they have fried rice at the Pentagon. Do you

34:06

think they delivered, do they get food delivered at

34:08

the Pentagon or people like not allowed to bring

34:10

food in there? Because if so, that would be a major

34:12

security breach, I would think. This is one of

34:15

those chime ins Vera was talking about not being good

34:17

for the podcast. Why?

34:19

I'm interested. You want to take a tangent to

34:21

talk about fried rice at the Pentagon? Yeah.

34:24

Okay. I bet they have it every

34:26

other day. I

34:28

hope so. I hope that for them.

34:29

They probably do eat it a lot there because

34:32

I think there is a food court that's like

34:34

one of the staples of food court. Is

34:36

it right there in the center of the Pentagon? That

34:38

would be so cool. Yeah, it's so big. That's why

34:40

they had to build it. They built a food court first. There's

34:42

like an Orange Julius and a Derweiner schnitzel.

34:45

Sabaro. Generals are going

34:47

up there. Ass pizza, it's bar. Like, could

34:49

you take a paper napkin and kind of press the

34:51

oil out of that slice of Sabaro? See,

34:54

this turned out to be a good chime in. It was. It was pretty good. Okay,

34:56

good. Anyway, so your new endeavor.

34:59

I have a new endeavor so I converted my limousine

35:01

into a traveling karaoke station. Oh,

35:03

yeah, I

35:04

remember something like this. So you

35:06

would pick people up. I pick people

35:08

up. It's BYOB that can bring in whatever they

35:10

want. Really? Well, then you have to park if

35:12

you want to drink. Oh, okay. If

35:15

you want to drink.

35:16

Well, I mean, no, if they want to drink,

35:18

you can't drive around with multiple containers. What is

35:20

the legality of having

35:22

liquor in the back of a limo? Is it just because it's a limo

35:24

and there's like a window in between? And

35:27

the window on mine is busted. So, okay. If

35:29

we get pulled over, they're going to be like, oh, the window

35:31

wasn't up. Well, like if you were drinking in the backseat of

35:33

my car and I get pulled over, can I just go,

35:36

no, this is a limo.

35:37

Test your luck, my friend. Let's

35:40

install a window, I guess. I guess,

35:42

yeah. See, I installed TVs. I

35:45

got a karaoke machine at this vintage shop in

35:47

town. I installed that and now we're good to go.

35:49

All right. So how you did that, how

35:52

long ago? About a year ago or so? Well, no, I

35:54

bought the limo a couple of years ago, but I

35:56

just recently converted into a karaoke station.

35:58

Oh, okay. Which is, it's been.

35:59

It's been great. It's been very fruitful. And people love

36:02

my hosting skills too. Oh, so

36:04

are you driving while you're hosting? I'm driving

36:06

and I have a microphone up front and then there's

36:09

one microphone in the back. What's that

36:11

one for? The people singing? Yeah, the guests.

36:13

Okay. Well, that

36:15

was implied. It's not karaoke- You said it like it

36:17

was a special thing. Well, it seemed like

36:19

you were implying that the karaoke was I drive

36:21

around and sing karaoke and people just sit in the back

36:24

and ooze it up. No, I was not implying

36:26

that. I just find it funny that you're hosting

36:28

while driving. That's all I

36:29

asked you. Well, it's just hosting. I kick

36:32

things off and then I get the mood going

36:34

with a song. I have a couple of standards

36:36

that I'm really good at. What are you good at? Which ones?

36:38

Oh, you want to hear it? Not the song, but

36:41

I just want to hear the title of them. Okay, La

36:43

Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf. Are

36:46

you singing it in that language?

36:48

In that language? Absolutely, yeah. I can

36:50

give you 15, 20 seconds. Sure, let's hear it. I've

36:53

got bars. Okay. Okay, hold on a second.

36:57

Dezio qui fond bessé les miens. En rien qui seu peursure

37:00

s'abouge. Voila le par tres sombre touche. De

37:04

la mochel. Je par tien.

37:07

C'en t'ai amour prandant

37:10

a saibre. Aimee par la tuba. Okay,

37:13

hold on. Hold on, hold on. It was beautiful

37:15

for the intro part of it. It

37:18

was? I'm not a trained singer. No,

37:20

it sounded amazing. And then suddenly, like, I

37:23

was like, it sounded amazing. And then suddenly,

37:25

like, what happened when the chorus came?

37:27

I'm not

37:27

a trained singer. I'm not really sure. It all sounded

37:30

the same to me. But I don't have an ear

37:32

for music. I don't have perfect pitch. It just

37:34

sounded like range to me. Like, you've got...

37:36

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've got no range.

37:39

My music teacher wants... You're like Bruce Hornsby when he

37:41

went solo. Abs... Oh my

37:43

God. The amount of times I've gotten in bar

37:45

fights because people are like, hey, motherfucker, you

37:47

sound like Bruce Hornsby when he went solo. And I'm

37:49

like, that's it. I'm gonna cut

37:51

you up. God.

37:55

So if you have no ear for music, why are

37:57

you doing this? Just it's a money making an opportunity?

37:59

Absolutely.

37:59

I'm an entrepreneur at the end of the day. Yeah.

38:02

Like anybody else. Yeah. Here's

38:04

my Venmo code. Go ahead, scan it. Uh,

38:07

alright, here we go.

38:08

There we go. Alright, now I'm gonna request some cash from

38:10

you. Oh, why? Because

38:13

I just serenaded you. I didn't,

38:15

I mean, I guess I did ask for it. But you offered.

38:17

You're asking for it all the time, my friend. Look

38:20

at that outfit. Bare feet in this video. Hey, this

38:22

is my home. Oh, still,

38:25

okay. I get a bare feet in my own home.

38:27

I'm not saying you only have to ask for it out in public.

38:30

Clearly, you're asking for it at home as well. Hopefully,

38:33

I get it at home. No kidding. You're

38:36

making, I got a Joker smile looking at

38:38

those shoes. Right

38:38

here, how about you? I'm

38:41

not gonna participate in this part of it. Okay,

38:44

my friend is, my friend is looking exfoliated

38:47

and hydrated down there. Down there.

38:50

Hey, my eyes are above my feet. Okay, somewhere.

38:53

You gotta find them, but they're up a little bit higher. Okay, I'm going

38:55

up the body. I haven't seen them yet. They're

38:58

usually towards the top. This is a feast

39:00

for the senses. The sense of sight. Oh, there they are.

39:03

Wow, beautiful. That took

39:05

you so long to climb up his body. Oh, he's

39:08

like 6'2".

39:08

Yeah, you're really resting on the

39:10

midsection there for a long time. I thought I'd see

39:12

the eyes. There are a few things down

39:15

there that look like the eyes, but it turns out it's just buttons

39:17

and belts. And

39:19

bulges, of course. Yeah, that's true. The

39:21

eyes, the crotch of the face. For a minute,

39:24

I bet you thought that one of my eyes was popping

39:26

out like a cartoon, but no, that was just my boner

39:28

that I have while I record this show.

39:31

Yep, you're a single eye-shaped boner. Single

39:34

cartoon pop-eyed boner.

39:37

You got an early

39:38

Matt Braneig-looking eye

39:40

boner down there. How would

39:42

I describe my boner? Well, 1987 Matt

39:45

Braneig eyes. Well,

39:49

this sounds great. So, I mean, how much business

39:51

have you received? Pretty good business,

39:54

you know. All you got to do is, like, you post a couple things

39:56

on Craigslist. Local Craigslist is really active

39:58

for us. There's a lot of people.

39:59

that have not abandoned it. Really? There

40:02

are a lot of sex workers there.

40:04

Sure, okay. Do people expect

40:06

that from you when you come and pick them up? Are they like?

40:09

Maybe, I mean, that explains some of the comments

40:11

that I've gotten, but I don't discriminate.

40:13

You discriminate what? People who want- Against

40:15

sex workers. Oh sure, but no, but

40:17

so when you say you don't discriminate, if they

40:19

want sex from you, you just give it to them? No,

40:22

I don't discriminate that that's what they think I offer,

40:24

and I say no, no, absolutely. I

40:26

was gonna say your definition of not discriminating

40:29

very different. They come expecting a

40:31

sex worker, you don't discriminate, so you do

40:33

it. No, no, no, I'm not discriminating.

40:35

You're intimating that I- I'm

40:38

not intimating anything. I'm just merely

40:40

asking you questions, Rand. Okay, well, my answer

40:42

to that question is I say, no, thank you, I'm not

40:44

looking for that. Would you like to listen to some karaoke

40:46

or that? Do so. And

40:47

then usually they're like- When they say, and then

40:50

do they say, when you say do some, what do you mean? They

40:52

do say that. They do

40:54

say that, yeah, absolutely. And then I'm

40:56

like, what do you think I meant? Wink,

40:59

wink. And then they're like, why did you just say wink,

41:01

wink? Because that's what I say when they say

41:03

that. Okay, yeah, but I'm imagining them

41:06

saying, why did you just say wink, wink? Oh yeah,

41:08

that's exactly what they say. And

41:10

then I say,

41:11

I'm just, I'm winking at you. You

41:14

must know what I mean. That's the thing, winks have

41:16

gotten a bad rap, haven't they? Because anytime you

41:18

wink at someone, it's suggestive supposedly,

41:20

it's like, no, it's just fun to do, you

41:22

know? Go do it to your friends every once in a while.

41:24

Wake it at me right now. Yeah, no kidding.

41:27

It's fun. Your toes are twinkling as much as your

41:29

eyes. See, now you're turning it into a weird

41:31

thing. I'm just winking at you. Why is it weird?

41:33

Like

41:34

a friend. Okay, the foot is the part of the body.

41:36

Yay, I can't argue with that. There

41:38

we go. You got me there. I'm not being

41:41

weird by looking at your bare feet in studio. You're

41:43

parading around, showing us right now. I'm

41:46

not prancing, I'm not parading. For those

41:48

of you listening at home

41:50

or at work, I mean, wherever the hell you

41:52

are, Scott's got his feet up on the table. He's

41:55

twinkling his toes at us. I'm

41:58

doing sort of a wink with my toes. Yeah, absolutely.

43:59

and going, I've saw a few ideas that

44:02

I wanna throw against the wall. Yeah, like

44:04

maybe something with like music in it,

44:07

maybe something in four, four time. Yeah, I'd

44:09

be like, you're on the right track. Keep

44:11

going, give me the title of a song and I'll

44:13

plug it in. There we go. You know, bangers

44:16

only. I'm not trying to- You're a bangers only business. A bangers

44:18

only business. You're a BOB. Yeah, absolutely. Cause

44:20

I couldn't, you know, I haven't been able to afford like entire

44:22

catalogs. Right. So I'm

44:24

just- You're not on the internet on YouTube because you

44:27

might try that, but I was doing it here

44:29

at the house

44:29

and you got a plain ad before every song. Oh, right. Yeah.

44:33

No, I don't wanna do that. No, I don't wanna. That would

44:35

weigh people down when they're trying to make their decisions. Do you have CDs

44:37

or are they downloaded? Yeah, you need to see these nuts.

44:41

Shh, Randy's nuts. They're not on cassettes. Yeah,

44:45

we have CDs, so it's bangers only. And

44:48

you know, it's, I mean, it's pretty good. People

44:51

are pretty pleased with the fact. How many CDs do you have?

44:53

Probably like 14 CDs. Okay, this is not

44:55

a lot of songs. You can maybe fit 15 songs

44:57

on a CD. Yup.

44:59

Well, Violent Femmes Greatest Hits, that's like 21

45:01

songs. There's a whole karaoke CD

45:04

for Violent Femmes Greatest Hits? Well, it's

45:07

not the karaoke CD. Is it two tracks? No,

45:09

it's actually just the greatest hit CD and I turn it down

45:12

every time the lyrics pop up. Like

45:14

a DJ at a club. Like a DJ at a club. When he wants

45:17

them to sing? Yeah, both like, you know

45:19

what. I mean, that counts. I would sing along with

45:21

it. Yeah, absolutely. You sing like a Violent Femmes head.

45:23

Sure, why not? Cool. Milwaukee's

45:26

own. In a battle to the death, who would win? Violent

45:28

Femmes

45:29

or the Beaudin's? Well, the Violent

45:31

Femmes, I mean, it's all about the branding,

45:33

you know? I'd be scared to go up against the Violent Femmes

45:35

until I met them,

45:37

you know? But the Beaudin's is like, I don't know.

45:39

They're probably Christophasheists now. Yeah.

45:43

Well, this is great, Randy. I

45:46

really respect your hustle,

45:48

your get up and go.

45:50

Thanks, ain't no bustle without the hustle. Mm,

45:53

good point. But how

45:55

long do you think this is gonna last? Probably a

45:57

few months, like most of my other endeavors.

47:57

Absolutely.

48:01

Yeah, we'll share in the excitement.

48:03

That'll be incredible. Let's do it. Let's

48:06

bring it on. I can't wait to get this ad break.

48:09

Because then we'll be beyond the ad break. Then we'll be beyond

48:11

the ad break. Yeah.

48:12

All right, so let's do it. We're going to all

48:15

sit here in anticipation of the person's exciting

48:17

opportunity. We'll have more Vera Drew.

48:19

We'll have more Randy Snuts. We'll be right back with more comedy and

48:21

banging after this.

48:25

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48:27

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48:29

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48:31

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48:36

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48:38

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48:39

drying off. Ha ha

48:43

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48:45

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50:05

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Vera Drew is

50:07

here, director of the People's Joker,

50:10

going to be premiering this Saturday

50:12

at

50:12

Outfest. And then hopefully in

50:15

your homes after that at

50:17

some point where all of America

50:20

and the world can see it. Yeah, I'm

50:22

hoping. Yeah, I mean, I really do want people

50:24

to see it in a theater,

50:27

you know, because I worked really hard on

50:30

it. And also you want that Nicole Kidman thing

50:32

to play in front of it because you were so into her in Batman

50:34

Forever. Oh, that would be true. Do

50:36

you have the same kind of thing when you see her going,

50:39

you know, talking about AMC movies and all that kind

50:41

of stuff? I, you know, I actually really am,

50:44

you know, when those ads started, they did

50:46

kind of give me some like warm nostalgia

50:48

pings, but I feel like the ironic

50:51

appreciation now has kind of ruined

50:53

it for me a little bit. Everyone enjoyed

50:56

it ironically, to the point where like

50:58

three weeks ago I was there and people were applauding

51:00

and then sent in that three weeks,

51:02

now people are not applauding for it anymore. Like everyone's

51:05

over it again. Yeah, we might see like another

51:07

cycle of that, but yeah. Yeah, but

51:10

that would be cool to see it play before your

51:12

movie. Yeah, no, it would be great, especially

51:15

since we do have a fully

51:18

CG version of her in my

51:20

movie. Oh, really? Cool. Kind

51:23

of a, here's what she looks, it actually looks like. What was her name

51:25

in that movie? Dr. Chase Meridian.

51:29

She's a psychologist fascinated

51:32

with bats. Because

51:34

that's what psychologists do, is they grow

51:37

fascinated with someone in the animal

51:39

kingdom. We

51:41

also have Randy Snuts here. Are you a fan of Batman?

51:44

Absolutely, I love Batman. All the works.

51:46

I just remembered the other day that Burgess Meredith is the

51:48

first penguin.

51:49

Yeah. That's, that blew my mind. What

51:52

reminded you of that? What made you suddenly

51:54

remember? Were you watching Twilight Zone episodes and suddenly

51:56

he went, rah, rah, rah. I

51:58

was scrolling Twitter and Burgess.

51:59

Meredith was trending. This is

52:02

weird. He's been dead since 97. What's going on? What

52:06

was going on? What did you find out? I

52:08

have no idea. It was just the new algorithm sucks

52:10

so much. It was burping out Burgess Meredith. And I

52:12

was like, oh. And then I saw him with Caesar

52:14

Romero. I'm like, oh my god, that's right. He was a penguin. Yeah.

52:17

Amazing at it. I grew up watching the first one. I mean, I

52:19

like them all, but you're right. It's gotten

52:21

too dark. Too dark. Let's go

52:23

back pre-Nolan to Batman

52:26

having fun. How about Batman in

52:29

Godspell?

52:30

Yes. Yeah, that's fun. That

52:32

could be good, right? As Jesus or as John the

52:34

Baptist or? I

52:37

guess he'd be John the Baptist. Yeah. Pre-Pere

52:39

ye

52:40

the way of the Lord. Yep.

52:43

That's something you could bring into the karaoke bus. That's

52:45

right. I sang that in high school. I played

52:49

that role in high school. And

52:51

I came from the back of the theater

52:53

and I walked down the steps toward the stage. Barefoot.

52:58

I tried. And then

53:00

apparently the choreographer who was a

53:03

former student who was maybe a couple years out

53:05

of high school

53:06

who came back to help out with choreography.

53:09

I was not there for one rehearsal and she made fun

53:11

of the way I walked. It didn't impression it. It scarred

53:13

me for life. Oh, Jesus. Wow.

53:16

Scared the shoes right off you. That's

53:19

great. Well, yeah, you should absolutely sing that. I'd

53:22

be honored if you sang that. I would love that. Let's

53:24

set that up at some point. How do I get a hold of you? Do

53:26

I call you? You can leave a voicemail on my

53:28

voicemail. We're always taking voicemails. We love

53:31

our callers. 779-379. This is the

53:33

voicemail from your program to book your

53:35

Uber. I have to call

53:36

and you sift through those. Yeah, I sift through those.

53:39

And hopefully you just give me an address and

53:41

I pick you up. But it's 779-379. This doesn't

53:44

seem like the most expedient. Let me get through the

53:46

number.

53:50

I'm trying to promote a show on your Patreon.

53:53

Okay. Our Patreon. But go ahead. 779-379-26

53:59

I'm just saying it doesn't

54:02

seem like the most expedient way to book your services.

54:04

Oh, yeah. Because so many people are calling for your

54:06

podcast. Well, you can text it as well.

54:09

Okay. We take texts. You

54:11

take texts? Uh-huh. So you sift through

54:14

those to find out who wants to book your Uber for a karaoke?

54:16

Yup, absolutely. Okay. All

54:18

right. Well, we'll see. Give

54:21

it a call. Maybe some people, you might get some business after this comes out. I

54:23

hope we get voicemails pertaining to the podcast,

54:25

but if I get business too,

54:27

sure. Okay. Well, speaking

54:29

of business, we have someone who has an exciting opportunity

54:32

coming up and he's been on this show

54:34

once before. Please

54:36

welcome back to the show Joey Salsa. Thanks for having

54:38

me. Don't expect

54:39

me to top that intro. That was fantastic.

54:42

I don't expect anyone to top any intro. I

54:44

mean, I don't even think that intro was all that good.

54:46

You were on once before. You gave my name. You

54:49

said the information I'd been here once before. That's true. And

54:51

I got to say as a frequent listener this time and

54:53

the one other time I've been on here, best B block

54:55

I've heard, best A block. So wait, you listened

54:57

to the one episode you were on before. Yeah,

54:59

you make a sit here before we talk. I don't know if people know that. So

55:02

I mean, where else are you going to be? I

55:04

could be running errands. What

55:06

kind of errands would you run instead of being here? You can give me an

55:08

estimate of what time I needed to be here and I could walk in. But

55:11

no, it was fantastic. I learned the phrase dink.

55:13

Never heard that before. Vera called you a fancy

55:16

boy in A block. I like that. You kind

55:18

of just let it roll right off you. We

55:20

named it. I didn't take offense to that. No,

55:23

should I? No. Tone complimentary.

55:25

Right. We

55:28

named the look of your boner. It was it was all fantastic.

55:30

There was also some musical stuff in there and

55:32

that is my wheelhouse. I am. That's

55:35

right. You're a composer. Is

55:37

that right? Yeah, I like to write musicals that

55:39

my hope is that their musicals don't exist. Last

55:41

time I got burned a little bit by that. Yeah. Last

55:44

time you came on, I guess you were doing you got

55:46

deep into the role of you were writing a musical

55:48

about Alexander Hamilton and you

55:50

got very deep into the process

55:53

where you weren't even looking at phones

55:55

and you didn't realize that a very popular

55:57

musical had already come out.

55:59

Hamilton at the time my music was called Alexander

56:02

the Great not the one you're thinking about Hamilton and

56:05

then I started presenting it and you said that a lot

56:07

of my songs were very similar to the

56:09

song. It was very weird because musically they were note

56:11

for note and that and that could be my

56:14

steps on writes most of my music and he turns these these

56:16

tunes around real quick. Okay but and

56:18

he wasn't doing the whole process if not. I'm writing

56:21

the lyrics and then I give him these lyrics and he just comes he's

56:23

like I got the I got the track yeah I'm like

56:25

wow. It sounds to me like he's not a writer he's a

56:27

guy who bought an instrumental CD of the latest

56:29

Hamilton. Like I honestly could be.

56:31

I tried that I went home I tried to talk to him locked

56:34

himself in the room for weeks didn't get let me get a

56:36

word in it twice but anyway

56:38

I realized my mistake was that I'm not Alexander Hamilton

56:41

so if I'm writing about. Hold on your mistake

56:43

in writing this musical is that you're not Alexander

56:45

Hamilton. Well yeah because what do they always tell you in writing

56:48

if you're it can help me here write what you know. Write

56:50

what you know. I would have made the same mistake.

56:52

Right yeah so I'm writing about I was trying to write about things that

56:54

people might not know about but then I was like no one knows about

56:56

me. Why don't I start writing about myself then

56:59

it can't be

56:59

anything that's ever been done before. Okay

57:02

great yeah this is actually my life. Every

57:04

human being has a unique perspective upon

57:06

this world so this

57:08

sounds good so you've written a musical about your own. Yes

57:11

so I was trying to think what's my best

57:13

time of my life but when did I really

57:15

get happy and I was thinking it was mostly when

57:17

for a little while I would go to small town to small town and

57:20

I would try to. Why the small town? Well because

57:22

I'm not big towns. Well after I finished

57:24

my sentence you'll figure out. I

57:26

was trying to scam these people into thinking

57:28

that I was a music guy and

57:31

that I would try get all the kids to buy instruments

57:33

and then they'd give me all the money and then I would leave

57:36

town and so if it's a big town this

57:38

is something you used to do. I used to go from town

57:40

to town as a musical instrument salesman.

57:42

Loved it yes. And but they would give you half the

57:44

money for how much would you take would you take

57:46

all of it. I said much like yeah yeah so hey come

57:48

on don't worry I know the guy I know the guy let me place the order.

57:50

So they would place the order for these instruments you would

57:53

skip town before the instruments. So

57:55

it was it was it was amazing and and so

57:57

then I said well let me write let me write a couple of songs

57:59

about that.

57:59

You know? I mean, it's a very interesting life. Do

58:02

you have a song? I do not want. I actually have

58:04

a few, but why don't we start with the first one? Okay, so

58:06

this is based on your life as a traveling

58:09

salesman or as a traveling con man. Correct.

58:12

All right.

58:15

76 trombones

58:17

let the pig parade.

58:19

That is way too many trombones.

58:23

There's only 82 kids that

58:25

are even in the fence. Everybody

58:28

picked a plate trombone. Here's

58:31

my theory why it happened. Randy Johnson

58:33

picked first. And he's a cool kid,

58:35

so everyone did what he did. But

58:38

now I got so many trombones

58:40

and I got no flutes or drums and two

58:42

kids carrying the front of the flag they die.

58:45

So now it's mostly trombones

58:47

and the song doesn't have trombones and

58:49

what are you gonna do with all the trombones

58:52

and everything? Hold

58:55

on. Hold on. Hold

58:57

on. Okay. Let

58:59

me, Joey Salsa.

59:02

Yeah. First off,

59:04

I have to say when you mentioned

59:06

the premise of this, you

59:09

know, the execution can

59:11

differ. Everyone can have the same idea. There's a lot of

59:13

parallel thinking in art. Multiple

59:15

discovery. Yeah. Armageddon

59:17

and deep impact. Exactly. But

59:20

the execution you hope is a little different.

59:22

Yours is a little different. Great. Maybe

59:25

not different enough. I do have to say

59:27

that the song 76 Trombones

59:29

exists in a

59:31

musical with the exact same premise as

59:34

your life called the Music Man.

59:36

Okay. Well, mine's called the Instrument Guy. So

59:38

it's different in that way. Okay. Is

59:40

the song all about how there's too many, 76 is way too many trombones?

59:42

No, it's the perfect amount in that. Whoa.

59:46

They love the fact that there's 76 trombones. In a small

59:48

town? I know. Yeah.

59:51

It doesn't make, I mean yours makes more sense. Yeah. Okay.

59:54

The thing that doesn't make as much sense is why do you care how

59:56

many trombones there are because you're not even...

59:58

Well, that's the one town that I...

59:59

stayed in. So I actually did, actually

1:00:02

again, that's kind of more of an ending song, but I want to

1:00:04

start strong. That's how the musical ends. Well,

1:00:07

I don't exactly remember, but it's pretty

1:00:09

close to the end. It's pretty close to the end.

1:00:11

Yeah. And so it's like, and

1:00:14

so that's me actually leading and I lead the

1:00:16

band through it. But then it's just... That's when they

1:00:18

get their instruments. You stay there and then you're... Trombone

1:00:20

after trombone after trombone after trombone.

1:00:22

Yeah. How many trombones is too many trombones

1:00:25

would you say? I'd say over four.

1:00:27

Yeah. Wait, so, but you had 72

1:00:29

more trombones to sell to this small town. Your

1:00:32

inventory must've been pretty big. Yeah. No,

1:00:34

well, cause I just do it on Amazon.

1:00:36

Right. So once they tell you, one thing... Are you a prime member?

1:00:38

Yeah. Yeah. I joined. I joined.

1:00:40

Those are so expensive. Yeah. Just to watch the show.

1:00:42

So the title makes sense. You're a third party instrument

1:00:45

guy. Right. Yeah, exactly. And,

1:00:47

and so, and again... Did you consider calling

1:00:49

it third party instrument guy instead of just the instrument

1:00:51

guy? I'm open to that. I'm open to... I was trying to go, I thought

1:00:53

last time I made the mistake with too many words in my title. So

1:00:56

I was trying to go... What was it the last time the Hamilton one? Alexander

1:00:58

the Great, not the one you're thinking of Hamilton. Right.

1:01:00

And so this time I thought I'd just keep it

1:01:02

compact. I mean, it definitely tells you what you're in

1:01:04

for. The third party instrument guy. I mean,

1:01:07

you know, he's not a guy who's like out there making the

1:01:09

instruments. Right. Yes. Absolutely. He's not a guy who carries

1:01:11

them around with them. No, no, no. I sometimes do this with

1:01:13

my hands, which I know isn't great for podcasts. By the way.

1:01:15

Yeah. For podcasts, he's like sort of conducting

1:01:17

an imaginary orchestra. Conducting. Like tar.

1:01:20

Yeah, exactly. Lydia, or should I say Linda?

1:01:24

You big tar fan. Yeah. I watched it on an airplane.

1:01:26

You a Tar Heel? I'm absolutely a Tar

1:01:28

Heel. I'm one of Dean Smith's boys.

1:01:31

I love the movie Tar. Rest

1:01:34

in power, Dean Smith. Anyway. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

1:01:36

Well, that's okay. Well, I think it's a little

1:01:38

too close. Okay. It sounds like the same...

1:01:40

Is your stepson

1:01:43

your composer still? Because

1:01:45

it also sounds exactly like the music from... He did it again.

1:01:48

Yeah, it sounds like he just got an instrumental

1:01:50

track from... Okay. Okay.

1:01:51

All right. Well, maybe... Sort of like the instrumental tracks

1:01:54

that Randy here plays on his...

1:01:56

Yeah. Maybe you could hook up with his... Yeah, I'm also

1:01:58

not a music guy. This is just... This is all...

1:01:59

I think it's wondering. I

1:02:02

don't think I need to be the star of this. I'd love

1:02:04

to borrow those, or I'd even reward you

1:02:06

handsomely for it. Because like I said, I mean almost

1:02:08

none of my tracks are instrumental.

1:02:10

Yeah. Oh fantastic. Yeah,

1:02:12

that's almost like, yeah, I'm here just to make money and stuff. So

1:02:15

if we want to set something up, that'd be awesome. Well, here's

1:02:17

some cash in my pocket. Oh heck yeah, thank

1:02:20

you. How much do you just give them Randy?

1:02:22

Three dollars? I don't know, that's not. But

1:02:24

one song, I got some more. So maybe by the end of this, I'll have like $15. Okay,

1:02:27

why you have five songs? Okay. So let's

1:02:30

get to the second one then. Well, yeah, so okay, so there was

1:02:32

this one town where this kid, he was a

1:02:34

real wiener of a kid, you know? But I was trying to

1:02:36

sleep with his mom. And so I'd hang out

1:02:38

with him, and he'd always- Did you ever get

1:02:40

there? I think maybe at the end of the music, I'll

1:02:42

grab her butt a little bit and wink, so you think that

1:02:44

it might happen. Now is that a wink like a suggestive

1:02:47

wink, or is that a wink between friends? Good point, that one

1:02:49

actually was suggestive. But my shoes will be on,

1:02:51

so it'll be confusing for the audience. So

1:02:54

this next one, he would always sing about how much he loved his town.

1:02:57

And so this would be, and

1:02:59

this one musicals I've realized are long. They

1:03:01

take forever. And so this song- To write or to

1:03:03

watch? I mean, to both of them,

1:03:06

really. They want them to be like, you know, a couple hours

1:03:08

because they want intermission, they want to sell drinks. So I

1:03:10

had to get- I saw six the other night. It was 90 minutes,

1:03:12

no intermission. Well, there you go. I felt a little

1:03:14

cheated. Oh, see, and that's my point. Yeah. And

1:03:17

that is exactly my point. So this song, it's about- It's like six implies

1:03:19

it's gonna be six hours. Oh, okay, yeah,

1:03:21

that makes sense. I was thinking- I

1:03:23

was thinking six songs. It's like it could have been either. Hours,

1:03:27

number of performers. The woman from Blossom. While

1:03:30

we're doing topical Beverly Hills, 9021 L

1:03:32

stuff, let's dip into a Blossom reference. Four,

1:03:34

six. Oh, four, six. She was an icon

1:03:37

and we didn't recognize it. She started

1:03:39

hats from

1:03:40

what I remember. She did, she was the first

1:03:42

person on TV to wear hats. No one

1:03:44

was allowed to. It was like, remember the I Love Lucy

1:03:46

where they couldn't even go to the bathroom or mentioned

1:03:48

she was pregnant. That's right. And then like,

1:03:50

no one was allowed to wear hats until Blossom. And

1:03:52

then suddenly like everyone's wearing it, people don't remember

1:03:54

it. First toilet was on Leave It To Beaver.

1:03:58

That's what Joey said when he saw six.

1:03:59

his hat. Yeah. He's like, you can't

1:04:02

wear that. That

1:04:04

was his catchphrase. That's

1:04:06

catchphrase. You can't wear that.

1:04:08

You can't wear that.

1:04:11

So you have another song. So yeah, and this song I'm gonna have be

1:04:13

really long. I'm thinking like maybe a 45 minute song. 45

1:04:16

minutes. Oh, okay. Just to pad

1:04:18

out. Kill up some time. Yeah. Yeah. This is number two.

1:04:20

Yeah. Number two. Yeah.

1:04:22

All right. Here we go. This is from

1:04:24

the instrument, third party instrument

1:04:27

guy. Gary, Indiana, Gary,

1:04:29

Indiana, not Louis, Indiana,

1:04:32

Paris, France, New York, or Rome.

1:04:35

Also not Buffalo, but

1:04:37

Phoenix, or Seattle, or New

1:04:40

Zealand, or Madrid, or other cities.

1:04:43

Here are some Minneapolis,

1:04:45

England, they land there is a song

1:04:48

in another city that I'll tell

1:04:50

you about. Okay. All right. All right. I

1:04:52

gotta stop you here.

1:04:54

So your plan is to do a 45 minute song where you

1:04:57

just name places that are not Gary, Indiana,

1:04:59

even though you've named Gary, Indiana at the very top of

1:05:01

the song.

1:05:02

Don't tell me that happens in the other, in the other one. No,

1:05:05

there, there is a song called Gary, Indiana and the other

1:05:07

one. Okay. But it's a point

1:05:09

of pride about the little child

1:05:11

is very proud to be from Gary, Indiana and

1:05:13

sings about its qualities, not

1:05:15

just what it is not.

1:05:17

Oh, okay.

1:05:20

This does sound like an interesting,

1:05:22

like nihilistic, kind of depressing

1:05:25

version of the music. Yeah.

1:05:28

Depressing, boring. Okay. Yeah. I

1:05:30

mean, those are

1:05:31

qualities that I think I connect to. Yeah.

1:05:34

Really flips it on its head though. When it's just

1:05:36

not these other cities, you're like, dang, there's

1:05:39

a lot of cities that are not like Gary,

1:05:41

Indiana. Yeah. I would have probably around like the,

1:05:44

you said that song was 45 minutes long. Yeah.

1:05:46

Probably around like minute 30. I'd say

1:05:48

Gary, Indiana again and be like, whoops.

1:05:51

Right. No, it is Gary. Yeah. Sorry.

1:05:53

Everyone. Then go back to other cities or put a reminder

1:05:56

in there. Oh yeah. I am

1:05:58

in Gary, Indiana.

1:05:59

and then go back into the knots again. Absolutely.

1:06:02

I mean, to be fair, I guess I didn't realize how many cities there

1:06:04

were. I thought there were maybe 20,

1:06:06

but it seems like there's a lot. Yeah, and even

1:06:09

in my thing, he'd list some countries too. Oh,

1:06:11

okay. Like which? Well, Zimbabwe?

1:06:14

Not Paris, France,

1:06:16

New York. That's not a country. France. That's not a country.

1:06:18

France, Paris, France. Okay, France, you got one. I'm

1:06:20

Paris, France. And then Louisiana is a state, so

1:06:23

it's not just cities. I'm opening it up, I guess. Oh,

1:06:25

okay, got it. Yeah. All right, you have

1:06:27

a third song? Yeah, okay, so this one, I think women

1:06:30

should learn from men about when

1:06:32

to kiss. So I wrote this song. Wait,

1:06:34

this is not part of the play? No,

1:06:36

no, no. This is just a song you wrote about what you

1:06:38

think women should... This is part of the play. It's

1:06:41

my friend. He's my sidekick, and he

1:06:43

thinks about when women should kiss. Okay, here

1:06:46

we go. Here we go.

1:06:49

Now a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is

1:06:51

usually a hussy, and a woman who'll

1:06:53

kiss on the second time route is anything but

1:06:55

fussy, but a woman who waits till the third time

1:06:58

round to head in the clouds, feet on the ground.

1:07:00

She's the girl you glad you're found. She's

1:07:02

your shapoopie, shapoopie, shapoopie,

1:07:05

shapoopie. That girl is not a

1:07:07

whore. Shapoopie, shapoopie.

1:07:09

All right.

1:07:11

It was exactly the same until the chorus.

1:07:14

No

1:07:16

way, there's no way that a musical about a

1:07:19

music man has a character just singing

1:07:21

when women should kiss on dates. No, no, there

1:07:24

is. Your interest in the original

1:07:26

writer, Meredith Wilson, I believe's interest really

1:07:29

align incredibly, but

1:07:32

the only difference was the original chorus is shapoopie,

1:07:34

shapoopie, the girl is hard to get, not the

1:07:36

girl is. Well modernized, I guess. Too

1:07:39

modern. Yeah, so it's

1:07:41

the song choice, the melody itself. Your stepson

1:07:43

is fucking

1:07:44

you. Right, yeah. Yeah,

1:07:47

if it were a different melody, then it would

1:07:50

probably be unrecognizable. Does he give you the melodies first

1:07:52

and you write the lyrics to it or vice versa? No, I

1:07:54

write the songs. I write the songs and

1:07:56

then he gives me the song and the tracks,

1:07:59

they match up perfectly.

1:08:00

I thought it was like Elton John and his writing

1:08:02

partner. Bernie's happened. Right. Yeah.

1:08:05

But much like, I love- You know, if you're gonna

1:08:07

be a songwriter, you should like learn the names of other

1:08:09

songwriters. Well, much like me and my stepson. I don't

1:08:11

want anyone to think of my stepson. What's his name?

1:08:14

Let's not even get into that. Let's not get into

1:08:16

it. No, because then all of a sudden, everyone's gonna be like, oh, where's

1:08:18

he getting these songs from? This guy's a genius. All of a sudden,

1:08:21

you know, but then Elton John, me, Joey

1:08:23

Salsa, is what it's all about. You're the

1:08:25

Elton John in this. Yeah. It's still

1:08:27

gonna be about you. Okay. We're

1:08:29

trying to give your steps

1:08:30

on credit. We're trying to give him criticism. Oh,

1:08:32

okay. Okay, then his name's Doug. Oh, Doug

1:08:35

Salsa? No, I wish. He

1:08:37

refuses. You wish? You want it? You

1:08:40

want him to take your last name? Yeah, I'd like to. Nothing else has

1:08:42

my name, except for, of course,

1:08:43

the stuff you dip in. Right, yeah.

1:08:46

That's the one thing that shares the name Salsa. And the dance.

1:08:48

Yo, okay, I feel better about it now. Yeah.

1:08:51

Well, what would it give you if he took your last name?

1:08:53

Oh, I guess I- Feeling

1:08:55

of power, much like

1:08:57

peeing on ice? Yeah, it feels like I'd maybe

1:08:59

feel as if my life might be worth,

1:09:01

you know, I've created something, I left something behind,

1:09:03

not just a failure at every attempt I try to create

1:09:05

art. And I'm

1:09:07

failing again and again. This is only your second

1:09:09

appearance. Right, well, yeah. You'll fail many

1:09:11

more times. Oh, okay, fantastic. All right,

1:09:14

great. You have another song? Well, so,

1:09:16

okay, this one wasn't going well, obviously, I can tell.

1:09:18

So I will, let me just adjust completely.

1:09:21

This is a different time in my life. I

1:09:24

was kind of a complicated story. I

1:09:27

was learned music by a nun

1:09:29

who came to live with us and have sex with my dad.

1:09:32

And she would teach us kind of- She

1:09:34

came there expressly to have sex with your dad? Yeah,

1:09:36

I guess the nunnery was like being really mean to her and

1:09:38

like telling her, they would like write songs about how she, you

1:09:40

know, I don't know, was a weirdo or something. And so she came here

1:09:43

and then they were like, I think they were actually trying to do it

1:09:45

in a weirdo. So I think they were winking. This is a different musical?

1:09:48

Or this is part of the same- Oh, no, this is a different- The

1:09:50

third party instrument. Yeah, yeah, this is a different one. I'm a tell

1:09:52

thing. This one isn't fully finished, but I do have this song.

1:09:54

So you came here prepared with two musicals.

1:09:57

Well, yeah. And then I do, if I need to adjust again,

1:09:59

I can adjust again. Okay. Okay. All

1:10:02

right. So what's this song about? Well, this one's about, this

1:10:04

is like kind of me learning about how

1:10:06

to sing, basically. So this is the song. You're

1:10:08

learning how to sing. She would teach me and then I would also, this is like my,

1:10:11

as a child, this is me learning with my siblings and

1:10:13

stuff. So we're all singing. All

1:10:15

right. This one. This

1:10:17

one. ["A Man Looking for Russia Poopy"] Do

1:10:20

a deer, a female deer,

1:10:22

ray, a drop of golden sun,

1:10:26

me, a man looking for

1:10:28

Russia poopy, and girls, they

1:10:31

always kiss too soon. So

1:10:34

I tell them they're a slut,

1:10:37

or I'll tell them they're a whore.

1:10:41

I can't bring you to meet my mom.

1:10:44

It's the third date when you

1:10:46

kiss, duh, duh, duh, dum.

1:10:49

You slut. Okay, all right, all right. I

1:10:51

have to stop. I don't like that kind of talk.

1:10:53

Okay, fair. On this

1:10:55

program or any other. The deer? No,

1:10:59

no. How dare you bring animals

1:11:01

into this? The shaming of, that

1:11:03

kind of language is not, it's not for pleasant conversation.

1:11:06

Did somebody hurt you or? Oh, great question.

1:11:08

No, this, yeah, what happened? Well, that was actually, what I was trying

1:11:10

to do on that one was I was gonna show you as a child and

1:11:12

then how I changed. Like

1:11:15

that's, so that's me as a child thinking. Those are child

1:11:17

thoughts. But what happened to you personally, to

1:11:19

give you this sense

1:11:20

that women should kiss on the third

1:11:22

date and if they don't, they need to be denigrated

1:11:25

like that? Well, I think that's just the perfect time to kiss.

1:11:27

Based on what? You

1:11:30

have a wife because you have a step-son, right? Maybe

1:11:32

here's what we're not, it's like I'm a man

1:11:34

and I think that I know what's best for women. Is that,

1:11:36

am I not giving that a cross? No, that's a commoner. It's

1:11:39

that part of it, yeah, it's very clear. Well, yeah, maybe

1:11:41

it's my dad used to whistle, he used to have a whistle

1:11:43

and we'd all line up and then. Line up to do

1:11:45

what? To just be inspected.

1:11:48

Oh, oh, I see. I thought you meant to take turns on

1:11:50

the whistle. No, we'd never get to whistle. There's

1:11:52

a lot of patterns here. I wish we could whistle, I

1:11:54

wish we could whistle. But okay, I'll just do one more because

1:11:57

maybe I'm not representing myself.

1:11:59

You brought two more tracks. Okay, well. You're

1:12:01

just gonna do one? Well, I'll do one and then

1:12:03

you can decide if. We'll call the Audible. All right, what's this

1:12:06

next one? So this is, now this is to show you how I've

1:12:08

grown as a human. This is, I. This is

1:12:10

much later in the musical. Much later in life. I was living

1:12:12

in New York City and I was

1:12:15

at the, I lived in this place at the first

1:12:17

of the month, the guy who owned the building always wanted me to pay

1:12:19

money. And I hated to do that. Yeah. I

1:12:22

hated giving him money. I think we know where this is going. We'll

1:12:25

just start the track. And so this is a song just about how I hated

1:12:27

giving this guy money at the first of

1:12:29

the month. And

1:12:30

so you gotta understand, this is me in New York City with all my friends.

1:12:32

No, I understand all of this.

1:12:34

Yeah. It seems like your family. Five hundred

1:12:36

twenty five thousand six hundred

1:12:39

minutes. Five

1:12:41

hundred twenty five thousand moments

1:12:44

so dear. Five

1:12:47

hundred twenty five thousand six

1:12:49

hundred minutes. That

1:12:52

is too long to wait to

1:12:54

be my sha poopy. It's

1:12:57

the third date. It's the third date.

1:13:00

I can't make this clear. Okay. Oh

1:13:03

no, I don't see any of the, I don't see any

1:13:05

of that. Oh, but no, it's good

1:13:07

stuff. Yeah, it was a good stuff. Don't, don't, don't,

1:13:09

don't play again. Why are you denigrating

1:13:11

women in that one? Well, no, cause

1:13:13

this time they waited too long, I think. They

1:13:16

waited a full year. And I think that

1:13:18

is, I think we can all agree. What if the dates only

1:13:20

come like one every four months? Oh,

1:13:24

then it would be the third date. But it would be a full

1:13:26

calendar year. I think I gotta add a second. I gotta

1:13:28

add a second. You gotta add a second verse. Or it's explained.

1:13:30

That's from a different musical

1:13:32

already. All of these are different. Yeah, that's what I was saying. No,

1:13:35

no, no, this is from a different one that also exists. By

1:13:37

the name of Rhett. Ah. Doug

1:13:40

fucked you again, man. Yeah. What

1:13:42

does your wife say about all this?

1:13:44

Cause you're like, you're actually like, you're

1:13:46

being deceived by your stepson. What's your wife's

1:13:48

name? Well, would

1:13:50

you believe it if, I actually don't have a sha poopy.

1:13:53

What? Do you have a stepson without a sha poopy?

1:13:56

Yeah. What happened to

1:13:58

the sha poopy?

1:15:59

I don't know. Why save it when we can spend

1:16:02

it right now and never talk about it ever again? Yeah,

1:16:04

so this actually is well when my

1:16:06

wife was leaving I was texting you can start you can

1:16:08

hit six Oh, I can oh I can play. Yeah,

1:16:10

you so much expert had on so I

1:16:13

was texting with my wife's sister

1:16:15

and then she texted me something and because of where the comma

1:16:17

was placed because of where the Comm was placed.

1:16:19

I figured maybe she actually likes

1:16:21

me and maybe she was trying to Date

1:16:25

me and so this is a song I

1:16:27

wanna fuck I wanna suck I wanna

1:16:29

fuck him I wanna

1:16:32

fuck I wanna suck I wanna fuck

1:16:34

him I wanna take down my

1:16:36

pantaloons and put my butt in

1:16:38

the air and put his butt next to my blower

1:16:41

But the blind vented that yeah, we

1:16:43

invented two butts I'm making a

1:16:45

bubble and fucking sucking

1:16:48

and Fucking suck him.

1:16:50

I wanna fucking suck and that's what I

1:16:53

want to do to him It would be

1:16:55

nice and the but but but don't forget. I

1:16:57

invented that And

1:16:59

here's

1:16:59

the part where I acted. Oh

1:17:04

Please don't act Joe

1:17:11

you sang this last time

1:17:13

Yeah, did you forget no, I just I'd

1:17:15

like that one. That's a banger I

1:17:18

got bangers. You can sing that one in my boss. Oh,

1:17:21

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right So I

1:17:23

made three dollars and I got a and I got a gig well

1:17:25

I'll give you I'll give you some more cash for that one.

1:17:27

Ah two more dollars five dollars and a gig Yeah,

1:17:30

well Joey look I would wish

1:17:32

you luck But I don't want you to have luck because I

1:17:34

don't want something like you to succeed. Okay, I

1:17:37

get it You know a new boundary drawing

1:17:39

for Scott All

1:17:42

right, we're running out of time we only have

1:17:43

time for one final feature on the show that is of course

1:17:45

a little something called I am

1:17:47

sitting in the morning listening

1:17:50

to the podcast. I am waiting

1:17:52

for Scott Ocamento open

1:17:54

up the plug bag and he opens it only

1:17:57

halfway, but then opens it fully

1:17:59

We're hearing all the plugs the

1:18:02

guests at the chair. I

1:18:04

have a feeling someone watching So

1:18:07

I raised my head. There's a man

1:18:10

on

1:18:10

the outside looking inside. Does

1:18:12

he see me? No I

1:18:15

love how original this song

1:18:17

is Scott Ackerman.

1:18:18

Hey Scott Scott. I'm

1:18:21

listening to comedy bang bang right now Scott

1:18:24

I'm a piss pig as well Scott

1:18:28

Hey, can I get some more coffee over here? That's for my feet

1:18:30

is up halfway then start talking to our

1:18:32

customer Come on, Tom. You

1:18:34

got a doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

1:18:37

your job

1:18:38

Okay. Thank gosh. Wow. That

1:18:40

was plugs diner by Michael

1:18:42

Muto

1:18:43

or muto Not sure but this might be one of your

1:18:46

most musical episodes of all time. It really is Yeah,

1:18:48

I mean from the comedy bang bang theme to that the

1:18:51

singing earlier my son Maybe we should is there a way to get

1:18:53

I was gonna include that. Oh Yeah You

1:18:57

want a soundtrack put out is how your anger There's

1:18:59

a way that we could like advertise the music lovers that this

1:19:01

is the episode to check out Like we somehow

1:19:03

get this in the broad is there like a Broadway Museum or something?

1:19:07

There should be a Broadway Museum where they

1:19:09

have like Broadway theaters in there. Yeah,

1:19:11

like a songs Hall of Fame Songs

1:19:15

only songs only so there would be one

1:19:17

wing that's just for songs only

1:19:19

Yeah, what no whole Hall of Fame is

1:19:21

for song just for songs Yeah, just you what you

1:19:23

walk in and you just hear the songs cuz yeah,

1:19:25

and then it could be a small museum It's a fucking mess

1:19:28

all the songs at once people would go crazy

1:19:31

and they'd run out but they have to pay admission

1:19:33

first Maybe we open it next to the rock and roll Hall

1:19:35

of Fame And then if you can't get in or if you want

1:19:37

to go to another one you come over to songs Yeah, make a little bit

1:19:39

of money on the time. You guys are really on the same wavelength.

1:19:41

You get the overflow Yeah, it seems to me like

1:19:43

you're getting excited by this idea and you might abandon

1:19:45

the limo idea. Absolutely. No Okay,

1:19:49

sorry, no way it's all bangers everything's

1:19:51

going great, you know, Joey's gonna

1:19:53

join me in the limo. It's gonna be fantastic Okay.

1:19:56

All right. I

1:19:57

Don't understand these new boundaries

1:19:59

Scott

1:19:59

What new ba- Look, I want you to

1:20:02

succeed, Randy. Oh, thank you. If you're

1:20:04

happy. But you want Joey to fail. Yes, I want Joey to

1:20:06

fail. All right, let's plug things. Vera,

1:20:08

what do you have to plug? Obviously, the People's Joker is

1:20:10

coming out.

1:20:12

How do people get tickets for this? On

1:20:14

the Outfest website, I will

1:20:16

say it's a very confusing website.

1:20:19

Okay. But yeah, follow- What's confusing about

1:20:22

it? The way, like- I'd say, I'd describe it as

1:20:24

top-heavy. There's just a lot of links.

1:20:26

I sort of like that. Yeah,

1:20:29

I mean, that could be complimentary in other contexts,

1:20:31

I guess. Top-heavy bottom feeder right here. If

1:20:33

you Google- So when it applies to a woman,

1:20:35

it's great, but a website, it's bad? What

1:20:38

are we even doing? Joey, you should write a

1:20:40

song about that. Got it, I'm already

1:20:42

done, yeah. Just

1:20:44

follow me on Twitter, VeraDrew22. Yeah,

1:20:47

you'll direct everyone there. Anything else

1:20:49

happening for you that you want to plug?

1:20:51

This is your plug time.

1:20:53

No, I mean,

1:20:56

yeah, just

1:20:57

be on the lookout for the people's joke,

1:21:00

or hopefully- Be constantly vigilant. Yeah, and

1:21:02

bother James- Wake up nervous. Like

1:21:05

tell James Gunn to not

1:21:07

sue me. I'm sure he won't. He's

1:21:09

pretty chill about these things. Again, that's

1:21:12

a pun. Based upon my character,

1:21:14

Mr. Freeze. You're still in character. I've

1:21:16

never left. Yeah, surprisingly. Two years

1:21:18

ago, you contacted me, and I

1:21:20

recorded this for 60 seconds on my phone. I'm hoping

1:21:23

for a theatrical release, obviously. I love the magic

1:21:25

of the theater, just like Nicole Kidman. I think

1:21:27

that's

1:21:27

when the Venn diagram- The public feels good in a place like that. Absolutely.

1:21:31

The Venn diagram of me and Nicole Kidman is,

1:21:33

we like movies. Right. Nothing

1:21:37

else. Have you ever

1:21:39

been to Australia? I've talked to Tom Cruise a couple times. Oh, okay. Is

1:21:42

there a VOD release plan? There will

1:21:44

be. I'm very confident

1:21:47

about the VOD release plan. The

1:21:49

thing we're holding out for is theatrical,

1:21:52

and that has been the kind of big

1:21:54

sticking point. But I can't get into the specifics,

1:21:56

but I do have people smarter

1:21:58

than me. me hopefully helping

1:22:01

us put together an art house

1:22:03

run at the end of this year

1:22:06

or sometime early next year. How about December

1:22:08

25th? That's a great day. Yeah. Perfect

1:22:10

time for a third date too. Right

1:22:13

at the end of the year. Randy

1:22:17

what do you want to plug? I'll plug season three of

1:22:19

righteous gemstones on HBO. That's

1:22:21

right. It's out now. At stream on

1:22:24

max.

1:22:25

Yeah, sure. I don't know what that

1:22:27

means, but okay. That's an Instagram handle. Check

1:22:29

it out. Okay. Yeah. So

1:22:32

that's coming out right now. Catch up on that. Shrink

1:22:34

is streaming on peacock.

1:22:36

I believe it's been extended for another 12

1:22:38

months, which is great. Oh, that's wonderful. And

1:22:41

what else? I think I have plans to put out the hentai

1:22:43

zine that I made for you. Oh, great. How

1:22:45

do you do limited release, maybe a little sale

1:22:48

for charity. That's right. You

1:22:50

were at our live show in Los Angeles and you made a little

1:22:52

hentai magazine for me. I did. Yeah.

1:22:55

And I, since then, I still have no idea what hentai is. Sure.

1:22:58

I think,

1:23:01

but I think there's something up in the sky. It's

1:23:03

a bat. It's a bat signal that says bullshit.

1:23:06

I think I mentioned

1:23:08

it to cool up and I said, is it this? And she said,

1:23:10

not really, but, um, and

1:23:12

Joey Salsa, what do you want to plug? First I'll get to the bottom of

1:23:15

that hentai mystery for you and I'll come right back. I'll

1:23:17

text you. I'll call whatever, whatever. I

1:23:19

musical. Yeah. Uh, I've

1:23:21

been, if you're in LA, you can watch holy shit improv

1:23:24

live. It's a great comedy show with all your favorite

1:23:26

comedy bang bang performers. You can also watch it from anywhere in the

1:23:28

world, uh, at our Patreon and on,

1:23:31

uh, this Saturday we made sure to end it before. Even

1:23:33

communist China. Especially,

1:23:35

especially. It's not jail blocked in

1:23:37

communist China. No, we have work around. We have a great

1:23:39

work around. So we're excited and we

1:23:42

have a all day improv festival that we're ending at 9

1:23:44

PM this Saturday. So everyone can come to the improv festival

1:23:46

and then go check out. Oh, it

1:23:48

ends right at nine. That must be why

1:23:51

it's, that's why you did nine 15. We're one, one

1:23:53

PM, nine PM travel time and you're there and you're

1:23:55

there. We got, we got Edie Patterson, Lily

1:23:58

Sullivan, John Gabris, Lisa. Go back. in

1:24:00

town? She confirmed that she's doing the show.

1:24:02

So we'll see. And yeah, we're checking

1:24:06

it out, check out all of our shows. We're gonna start

1:24:08

being every other week at UCB and

1:24:10

I think we're the only streaming show at UCB so if you want to

1:24:12

see what UCB looks like on an improv thing,

1:24:15

go to Holy Shit Improv. Guess what, you're gonna be disappointed.

1:24:18

Well, but we have some camera angles, not we, they have

1:24:20

a camera angles lighting. It's pretty cool. I

1:24:22

want to plug, look, first of all, the Comedy Bang

1:24:24

Bang book is still out there going strong.

1:24:27

There may be some news about it coming up

1:24:29

about

1:24:29

a new edition so

1:24:32

stay just a tuned to this

1:24:35

show. One of these episodes I'll tell you about

1:24:37

it but people can get the info for that anywhere

1:24:39

books are sold but also at CBBworld.com

1:24:41

slash book. While you're at CBB

1:24:44

World, look we have so many great shows. Hey Randy!

1:24:47

779-379-2679.

1:24:47

That's right. Hey Randy is now out twice a month from what

1:24:49

I'm told and

1:24:55

a lot of other CBB presents. You

1:24:57

heard it here first. That's right, we have Heinz

1:25:00

Improv to meet you as

1:25:02

well as This Book Changed My Life. Bill Walton. Yeah,

1:25:05

Walton on Walton as well as what's

1:25:07

his other show called? It's

1:25:09

the, not Walton on Walton, I mean he did those

1:25:11

but you know he travels

1:25:13

the world and stuff like that. So many good shows over there as well

1:25:15

as ad-free episodes of this show as

1:25:17

well as our back catalog. Don't go too

1:25:19

far back, maybe one or two years. Wait,

1:25:24

wait, so you're saying that people can go far back

1:25:26

but you're saying one of them don't?

1:25:28

Yeah, please don't go. Just one or two years maybe.

1:25:31

But you stand by everything that was said in this episode?

1:25:33

Not everything you said necessarily

1:25:36

but I mean when did you stop listening, Vera? Maybe

1:25:38

like around, like up until two

1:25:42

years ago. Okay, yeah, so

1:25:44

I mean before then, Dicey, right?

1:25:46

Yeah, I was outraged and I stopped

1:25:49

listening.

1:25:51

But all of that is over at CBBworld.com

1:25:55

as well as all of our other shows and

1:25:58

an exciting time over there right now. Let's

1:26:00

close up the old plug bag.

1:26:01

Blah, blah, blah, oh no. Bag,

1:26:04

bag, bag, that's good. Blah,

1:26:06

blah, blah, look at her bag.

1:26:10

What other set? Blub, bag, blub, bag.

1:26:14

Open up the plug bag.

1:26:16

Get your friends together and open

1:26:18

up the plug.

1:26:21

Yeah, that was simply closing a wonderful plug

1:26:23

bag

1:26:24

by Chuck Dunker Dippy Dots. What

1:26:27

am I doing with my life? I

1:26:31

want to thank my guests. Hey,

1:26:33

hey, Grazie, Grazie, Grazie,

1:26:36

here in Drougrazie. Great

1:26:38

to see you. I thought you revealed your real

1:26:40

accent. Finally, finally.

1:26:42

A barefoot contest over there.

1:26:45

Randy, always good to see you. Great to see you. Please

1:26:48

come back. Joey, you

1:26:50

told me that you want me to

1:26:53

play track six again for

1:26:54

you, is that right? All right, here we go. This

1:26:56

is Joey Salsa, thanks for being here. You have to understand,

1:26:59

it was a text that my ex's

1:27:01

sister sent me, but because she put the comma after dear

1:27:04

instead of the comma after another spot, I thought

1:27:06

maybe she's interested in me, so then I wrote this

1:27:08

little song that goes a little

1:27:10

something like this.

1:27:12

I wanna fuck, I wanna suck, I

1:27:14

wanna fuck, yeah. All right,

1:27:17

we'll see you next time. Thanks, goodbye. I

1:27:20

wanna fuck, I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck.