0:01

Committed is a production of I Heart Radio. I

0:15

told myself, if I don't

0:18

say the words I'm gay, then I

0:20

could always argue against it. People

0:29

die every day, and what

0:32

if we get into a car accident, and then I have

0:34

to be the one to call Mike and be like, Hi,

0:36

this is Jared, your son's living

0:38

lover, and um, he's now passed away.

0:48

If I were to die tomorrow, would

0:52

Jared like Jared would

0:54

be like a stranger at my funeral? And

0:56

like he's the most important person in my life, And like,

1:00

would he feel comfortable coming to my funeral?

1:02

Would he be allowed to like mourn

1:04

my death? Levi

1:10

Doche emailed us his story last year. I

1:13

read that email about ten times, read

1:16

it out loud to Nick, read it out loud

1:18

to Ramsey, and

1:20

I knew this was a story we had to tell, or

1:23

rather a story we had to help Levi I tell. It's

1:28

about being honest, completely

1:31

and radically honest with yourself and the people

1:33

you love before you get married. It's

1:37

also about the things you need to do and the things

1:39

you need to let go of before you can join

1:41

your life with another person's. Levi

1:45

and Jared have been dating since they were in college,

1:48

they lived together now in Columbus, Ohio, and

1:50

they're completely committed to each other. But

1:56

Levi's dad, Mike, has no idea

1:58

that he lives with Jared, doesn't

2:00

even know Jared exists. In

2:03

fact, he has no idea that his son is gay. And

2:05

that's something that both Levi and Jared want to reconcile

2:08

before they take the next step and get engaged. I

2:15

asked Levi if he was scared, scared

2:18

to tell his story in such a public way right

2:20

now. I asked him if

2:22

he wanted to use a pseudonym.

2:26

He didn't. Levi

2:31

is trying so hard to be brave and

2:33

to be honest. Levi

2:35

wants to tell his love story now, all

2:40

of it. I'm

2:43

Joe Piazza. This

2:46

is committed. I

3:15

think we tend to maybe

3:18

have like a little bit of differing versions

3:21

of the same story of how we met,

3:24

just because I like to poke a little bit of fun at Jared.

3:26

This is Levi, by the way, and so

3:29

we met when we were in college. I was a sophomore,

3:32

so he would have been in your last year,

3:35

right jr. Levi

3:39

likes to give Jared a hard time because Jared

3:41

had actually gone out with one of Levi's friends before

3:43

they met. They

3:45

ran in similar circles but didn't know each other

3:47

that well. And then one night leave I got this

3:49

message he

3:52

just like randomly posted

3:55

like a post on my Facebook

3:57

wall and it just said text me, And

4:00

I was like confused

4:03

because I was saying too like

4:05

one of my friends. I was like, I

4:07

don't know what that means, Like he

4:09

knows I don't have his number, Like what

4:12

what am I supposed to do with that? So

4:14

I just like did nothing naturally.

4:17

And then maybe like a week later, he

4:21

messaged me like conversationally

4:25

and was like, oh, we should get dinner, And

4:28

I kind of legitimized it to myself

4:31

and my friends. I was like, yeah, like I

4:33

don't want to be like closed off.

4:35

We could make new friends, Like I have to put

4:37

myself out there. This is definitely not

4:40

a date. And

4:44

then he pays for the dinner and

4:46

now I'm sweating because I'm like, oh,

4:48

this is a date. And then

4:51

I get back to my friend's apartment afterwards

4:53

I was like, I think I just went on a date,

4:55

and then we started dating.

4:59

J It definitely remembers it differently. Levi

5:03

made an impression on him. The first time that he ever saw

5:05

him. They were at a house

5:07

party. The theme was Slutty

5:09

Disney, Here's Jared.

5:12

So I show up in little black shorts with

5:15

dots painted all over my body and I

5:17

was a slutty Dalmatian and Levi

5:20

I had jeans, a full T shirt

5:22

on with a cat on and He's like, well, I'm an Aristo cat

5:24

and I'm like, that does not count. That's not

5:27

a slutty Disney costume. So

5:30

from there, like he said, I message him on Facebook

5:32

the next day and it kind of snowballed

5:35

from there. But my first impression of Levi

5:37

was I just I'd never seen anybody

5:40

like him. His energy, his

5:42

smile just like lights up the room, and

5:44

I just remember talking to him and you

5:46

know, doing shots at this party, and I was like, this is somebody

5:48

that I need to know, This is somebody that I need

5:50

to have in my life. And I can't

5:53

explain other than that. It was just like an instant connection

5:55

for me. Jared was out

5:57

of the closet already. He'd

6:00

come out in high school before leaving for college, so

6:03

I was out to my family and all

6:05

my friends. I praise

6:07

my mom and dad, because they've really educated themselves

6:10

and really taken upon themselves to you

6:13

know, read books and understand the gay community

6:15

and the gay culture. Levi

6:19

I, on the other hand, wasn't out, and he wasn't

6:21

comfortable coming out. He'd

6:23

grown up at a farm in a very conservative

6:25

family. He didn't have a whole lot

6:27

of exposure to people who were out of the closet. And

6:29

then in high school, his best friend came out, and

6:33

my dad was pretty explicit about

6:37

how he felt about my best friend coming

6:39

out, and it was clear that

6:42

he didn't really want me to be hanging out

6:44

with him. He didn't really even want me to be

6:46

like talking about him at home

6:48

or talking about interacting with him at school,

6:52

And so Leavi created these rules in his head

6:54

about being gay and what constituted

6:57

actually coming out. I

6:59

had this weird kind of logic

7:03

in my mind that I told

7:05

myself, if I don't say

7:07

the words I'm gay, then I could always

7:10

argue against it as long as I don't

7:12

like say it. But at the same time, it was

7:14

always just known, and I was fine

7:16

with it being known that I could always come back

7:18

and be like, well, I never said that, so

7:20

if it came to a point where I needed to

7:23

argue against it, I could. In

7:25

fact, Levi ran into Jared after that first

7:27

date, Jared got to see how this logic

7:30

actually worked in action. So

7:32

after I took him to dinner the first time, we

7:35

parted ways. And then

7:37

I came home and I started, you know, drinking

7:39

with my friends and we're like, oh, let's go out. And there's a one

7:42

gay club in Columbus called Access, and

7:45

so we were like, well, let's go to Access tonight. We're like sure.

7:47

And I get to Access and I round the corner

7:50

and there's Levi, who I just went on a date

7:52

with two hours ago. And I was like, oh my god, Hi,

7:55

he had a deer in headlights.

7:58

He just looked at me. I was like, hello,

8:00

how are you? He turned and ran

8:02

the other way. Hello. We were

8:04

at a gay bar. I didn't want you to know

8:06

that I was gay. I was like, that's

8:08

the boy I just wanted to date with. And my friends are like, oh, you

8:10

gotta get rid of him, get rid of now. I'm like no,

8:12

but I really like him. They're like, he just ignored you

8:15

after date one. So it

8:17

was definitely a pursuant situation

8:19

on my part. Yeah, Jared definitely did

8:21

most of the heavy lifting as far as

8:25

as far as the early time

8:27

that we were dating, Yeah, there was no give and take.

8:29

It was me giving

8:31

and giving and trying to get a third, fourth,

8:34

fifth date. But I pursued.

8:36

And here we are. How long ago was

8:38

that? Two two dozen twelve?

8:41

So we're both still in college

8:43

and going on seven

8:45

years now. Levi

8:48

isn't great with bold and spontaneous gestures.

8:51

When he knows he wants to say something important, he practices

8:53

that, and he's had a million times. He

8:56

writes it down, tears that up, throws it away,

8:59

writes it down again. About

9:01

eight months into the relationship leave I wanted

9:03

to make a bold gesture. I

9:05

really felt like I wanted

9:07

to be the person to tell Jared that I loved

9:10

him and put myself

9:12

out there, because up until this point he had just

9:14

continually put himself out there,

9:17

and I just felt

9:20

this visceral feeling about it. He

9:23

tried to find the right time all day, but nothing

9:25

ever felt perfect. It

9:28

never happened. We ended up like going to bed.

9:30

I was like so annoyed at myself. I was

9:32

like I can't believe I did this again. And

9:35

it's like pitchblack. We're just laying there and

9:39

Jared was like,

9:41

like, nothing was happening, Nothing was happening,

9:43

The room was still. I wasn't tossing and turning,

9:46

I wasn't doing anything. And Jared

9:48

was like, are you okay? What's wrong?

9:51

And at

9:53

that moment, I was like, this person knows me

9:55

better than I know myself. Like that's like

9:57

crazy, and I was just

9:59

like I love you. And

10:02

then I about shipped the bed because I was like wait, what

10:04

wait what could you repeat that one

10:07

time for me? Um? Because yeah,

10:09

like I did not. I was like,

10:11

I'm gonna have to be the one to say it first. And

10:13

you know, I'm you know, you just kind

10:15

of go into the roles of a relationship,

10:18

um, so and and then in that moment

10:20

when he said it first, I was like, oh

10:22

my god, I love him, Like this is

10:25

this is real, this is gonna work,

10:27

and you know it was. It

10:29

was a beautiful moment that we shared. That

10:32

moment was a turning point. Soon

10:35

their relationship moved from college into the real world.

10:40

I definitely made

10:42

the relationship move really really slow,

10:44

because again, we went from me not even

10:47

being out to myself to now

10:49

in dating a boy. Two

10:51

now I'm out. And

10:54

then Jared wanted to move in together

10:56

after like a couple of like one or two

10:58

years, and I was

11:01

we I was just like, no, like, we cannot

11:03

do that this early. I

11:06

haven't even told my family. They

11:10

had settled into a life of domesticity,

11:13

living in a sweet little Victorian house. To

11:16

their friends, they looked like the perfect happy couple.

11:20

But if you were to ask Levi's dad, he'd

11:22

paint a very different picture about his son's life.

11:25

They they thought,

11:28

and still, thank god, and still

11:30

thinks that I

11:32

live with one of my

11:35

college roommates that I lived with, that I

11:37

did live with when I was in college before I moved in with

11:39

Jared. They just think that I still live

11:41

with one of them. Yeah, so

11:44

it's been it's been a little bit of a roller coaster.

11:46

So um, And just to even

11:48

clarify what you just said, like, I don't

11:50

even think they know who I am, Like they've

11:53

never seen a picture of me. They think like

11:55

that Levi is living with one of his old college roommates

11:57

whose dad has met, so his dad has a

12:00

picture in his mind of who Leavi's living with and

12:02

it's not me. Levi was

12:04

under such deep cover that social media

12:06

was severely limited. We are not

12:08

on Facebook. We don't do the Twitter, We don't

12:11

do any of that. No, no, no,

12:13

no. We do have an Instagram,

12:15

but um, keep it private.

12:18

I don't think yours is private, but I feel like I like

12:21

go through it and like block particular

12:23

people to prevent them from seeing Jared's Instagram.

12:25

But mine's private, so I don't like worry about

12:27

anyone seeing mine. Um, yeah, we're a

12:29

little hidden. We're

12:33

going to take a quick break here, be

12:35

right back. So

12:47

Levi and Jared are living together after college

12:49

and they're really really happy. But

12:52

Levi still hasn't told his father he's gay,

12:54

and obviously his dad has no idea

12:56

that he's living with his boyfriend. His

12:58

mom was a different story. His parents

13:00

divorced when he was five, and his dad raised him,

13:03

so his mom was more of the cool mom, more of a

13:05

friend. Telling his mom was easy,

13:07

Telling his sister was more difficult.

13:10

My dad has always given us everything we

13:12

ever needed, but my sister

13:15

was always that support you need

13:17

as a child. Like growing up, I feel like

13:19

I always still to this

13:21

day, like come to her for advice, tell

13:23

her everything. We're like always on

13:25

the phone together. She's my best friend. So

13:28

coming out to my sister was definitely hard. I

13:30

remember sitting in her chubby

13:33

Malibu and my mom's drive away

13:36

and kind of told her

13:38

that I told our mom and that

13:40

I was gay. And when

13:43

she gets a little in uncomfortable situation,

13:45

she just kind of has like little to say. She's just kind

13:48

of like, okay, okay. And I was like,

13:50

well, I kind of probably wouldn't

13:54

be telling you if there really weren't

13:56

a reason, and

14:00

she was a little bit more interested

14:03

maybe in that, and I

14:05

was like, well, I'm kind of seeing someone who's

14:08

pretty important to me. She comes

14:10

from the same family, it's the same you know, mindset,

14:12

it's the same kind of Ohio

14:15

rural area. It's really hard

14:18

for really anyone to really

14:20

even use the word boyfriend when

14:22

it's in reference to my relationship

14:25

with Jared. I think, now it's

14:28

amazing between us. It was never bad,

14:31

but I think there was like a struggle there, which

14:33

I think is it kind of goes to show. I

14:35

think, how

14:38

much harder and how much more

14:41

work maybe it takes for LGBTQ

14:45

couples to really be acknowledged

14:47

as a couple, like a

14:49

committed couple, Like just

14:51

because we're not a man and a woman doesn't

14:53

mean that we are less committed

14:56

than a straight couple

14:58

relationship. That's also stigmatism

15:01

that people are just like, oh, you're gay, you must be

15:03

in an open relationship. No, we are

15:05

committed and want to be only with

15:07

each other. And I think people it's hard for

15:09

them to wrap their minds around it, which is stupid to us,

15:11

but I don't know, maybe make sense to other people.

15:14

So yeah, she's been really good about it. She loves Jared.

15:16

We have like a really good relationship

15:19

with my sister and my brother in law. Again,

15:22

it's just like another catch twenty two because

15:24

as much as that's important to me, I feel like

15:26

now I have involved

15:30

now my sister in

15:33

this, and so now I feel

15:35

like coming out is

15:38

now like putting my sister's

15:40

relationship with my dad potentially at

15:42

some sort of risk. Also, all

15:46

of this hiding, lying has just been a roller

15:48

coaster of emotions for Jared and

15:50

he's been so incredibly patient through

15:53

all of it, Like I get it, you

15:55

know. I I've had to come out to my family. I've

15:57

seen friends come out. I've been through that process

15:59

and it is not easy. It is

16:02

hard, especially when you come from,

16:04

you know, a Christian household. Um

16:07

so I really was not pushing

16:09

the envelope, believe. I was like, I want to tell my family. I'm

16:11

like, we'll take your time. It's fine, it's all good. But

16:13

now as we're getting older and our siblings

16:16

are getting older, and time goes on,

16:18

it's getting a little more difficult.

16:21

From Christmas is you know,

16:23

we have to drive two separate cars

16:26

because after we go to his sister's house,

16:28

then he's got to sneak away to his dad's for a couple of days

16:31

and I have to drive home by myself. Or

16:33

the hardest time for me was his

16:35

sister got married and I have a really

16:38

close relationship with her and

16:40

I was not allowed to come to the wedding,

16:42

which like broke my heart, and I think

16:44

it broke Levi's heart all because this one

16:47

man doesn't know about me. He

16:49

was so involved in planning

16:52

the wedding. My sister always like ran

16:54

things by us. Jared

16:57

made a bunch of things for the reception.

17:00

Jared and I kind of like put the

17:02

playlist together and

17:07

like my sister like tried her wedding dress

17:09

on for the first time like an hour apartment and

17:12

that was that was the only time that

17:14

Jared saw her in it. And then I get to the wedding

17:16

and I'm like, I see like

17:18

Jared's fingerprints all over everything,

17:21

but he's not there. But

17:23

a few months after Levi's sister's wedding, Jared's

17:25

sister got married too, and

17:27

Levi was able to attend that wedding. The

17:30

contrast was night and day. I

17:32

just remember they were like getting family pictures after

17:35

her wedding. They were like, LEVI, get in, and I was like,

17:37

oh, I'll get in the next like you guys like get a picture

17:39

of the Riley's and they're like, LEVI, like get

17:41

in. We're like not taking a lot of photos, like this is

17:43

like the only family photo. And

17:46

it made me like upset because again I

17:48

was just like inside my head about it, and

17:51

it kind of got to the point where Jared was like I

17:54

understand how you're feeling, but like this is my sister's

17:57

wedding. I wasn't at your sister's wedding,

17:59

and we're at my sister's wedding. Now, so can we just

18:01

like leave that at

18:03

the door. And I was like, yeah,

18:06

like that, you're right, Like I'm

18:08

sorry. It's not me complaining or

18:10

me throwing in his face like oh, your dad doesn't know about

18:12

me, like you know, but it is. It's just

18:14

like, look, this is my family. We have all

18:16

the love in the world to give, and we want to give it to you

18:19

like you're worthy. You can't

18:21

accept the love, so take it. I think

18:24

now we're starting to continue to deal

18:26

with that. And now that leave my sister Leanne

18:28

is pregnant and I'm like, well that's you

18:30

know, Levin are not married, but we're

18:32

definitely committed and love each

18:34

other, and I would consider that little

18:36

boy my nephew, and I want to be there for him and

18:38

I want to go to the hospital when

18:40

he's born. And so navigating

18:43

those logistics now are

18:47

putting up some questions that Levin I need

18:49

to figure out. I think we're

18:53

going to take a quick break here, be right back.

19:00

H

19:05

Sometimes in darker moments,

19:08

Jared thinks about what would happen if the worst

19:10

happened. People die

19:12

every day, and what if

19:14

we get into a car accident and then I have

19:16

to be the one to call Mike and be like, Hi,

19:19

this is Jared, your son's live in

19:21

lover and um, he's now passed away.

19:23

If I were to die tomorrow, would

19:26

Jared, Like Jared would

19:28

be like a stranger at my funeral and

19:30

like he's the most important person in my life, and

19:32

like would he feel comfortable

19:35

coming to my funeral? Would he be allowed to

19:37

like mourn my dad? Like yeah,

19:40

that sounds morbid and like heaven

19:42

forbid that happened, but like if

19:46

it happened tomorrow, that

19:48

would be our reality. So

19:50

yeah, I kind of do live with anxiety

19:52

sometimes, um, and it's

19:56

it's frustrating, but I try to remember

19:58

that I think it is temporary.

20:00

I don't think we'll be in this situation forever. And

20:03

again I've been there. I know what it is like to

20:05

come out to a family member and it is not

20:07

easy leave.

20:09

I what's your relationship like with Jared's family?

20:13

Like really good, but

20:17

it's like hard because you're

20:21

just like you know, like when you're doing like a shitty thing,

20:23

and like like good

20:25

people like

20:28

no that it's like shitty also, but they're just like

20:30

still just like nice

20:33

to you when you feel like why are you being nice to

20:35

me. I

20:39

remember this one time. Um,

20:41

we had only been dating maybe a year,

20:44

like not even that long. Jared's

20:46

grandma is like eighty year old woman. We were like

20:48

leaving. It was just like so casual, and

20:51

she just like gave

20:54

me the sweetest hug and she's like in my ears. She was

20:56

like I love you, and like I

20:59

was just like so taken back by that, and like so

21:04

I like inside my head about it. Injured could

21:06

tell something was wrong, like

21:09

he always does. He like I can read

21:11

my mind. It's crazy. It's psychic. And

21:14

we're like driving home and he's like, what's wrong? And I told

21:16

him and he was like, oh my gosh,

21:19

I'm sorry. Like, did that like upset

21:21

you that she said that? I was like, no, Like I love

21:23

her too, but it's just such hard and

21:27

like having this like matriarch of his

21:29

family, a woman that's her age

21:31

and like grew up probably the way my

21:33

grandparents did, and like knowing

21:37

that, like I

21:40

like couldn't reciprocate that

21:42

from my family. Believe,

21:46

I can't help but be emotional about that moment,

21:49

this moment where he'd really been seen and

21:51

accepted by a family for exactly who he

21:54

was. It was the opposite of

21:56

his relationship with his father, where he had to pretend

21:58

all the time that he was someone else. When

22:00

Levi was in high school, he says that his dad insinuated

22:03

that he might be gay. He

22:05

doesn't do that anymore now.

22:07

They just don't talk about it. And

22:09

that's both a good thing and a bad thing. It's

22:12

a good thing because it's made communicating with his dad

22:14

a lot easier for Levi. It's

22:16

a bad thing because Levi feels a lot less

22:19

urgency to actually come out to him.

22:22

It's kind of like I

22:25

don't ask, don't tell kind of

22:27

policy with him, I think, where there

22:32

really aren't any logistics because

22:36

he just doesn't really ask anymore, which

22:39

is kind of a catch twenty two because it's

22:44

not I think that in my mind, it's

22:46

like, oh, that's a good thing

22:48

because I haven't wanted to tell

22:50

him. But it also I

22:53

think has like caught me now

22:56

on this plateau where I've

22:59

lost that sense of urgency to

23:02

need to tell him, and things keep

23:04

happening and things keep coming up that

23:09

like our jardinized relationship suffers

23:11

from, because I feel

23:13

like I've now lost that sense of urgency

23:15

because my dad

23:18

has lost interest.

23:21

Not that he's lost interest, but just I

23:23

think that he's a smart guy, and

23:26

he knows

23:28

what he wants to know, and he knows

23:30

how to know only what he wants to know.

23:33

If that makes sense. What

23:35

are some of the landmarks that you've set for yourself

23:37

where you've said, Okay, I'll tell my dad

23:40

and then he didn't end up doing it.

23:44

It was I'm going to come out to him once

23:46

I graduate college. I'm

23:49

going to come out to him

23:52

once I get my own insurance. I'm

23:54

going to come out to him once

23:56

I finished nursing school. Now

23:58

it's I'm going to come out to him him when my

24:01

sister has this baby. Well

24:04

the baby, yeah, that's next month,

24:07

and the baby is like not going to really

24:11

communicate for maybe another year, so

24:13

maybe I have until his first

24:15

birthday. And I

24:18

get lost in these scenarios

24:21

that, like I said, I lose the sense of urgency.

24:24

I feel like, subconsciously

24:27

I kind of almost think that

24:30

maybe if I'm

24:32

like caught, that would

24:35

almost be easier. Maybe

24:37

yeah, maybe if he finds out.

24:40

Obviously that's not what I want to happen, But I

24:42

think that like something is

24:44

like maybe if he just catches

24:47

me being gay, that

24:50

would just bite

24:52

the bullet and it would just be over

24:54

with and whatever happens happens. Like

24:58

I said, I don't want that to happen. But like

25:01

even this podcast, it's like I don't want

25:03

to not celebrate

25:08

my relationship with Jared because of

25:13

my own hindrances. So

25:16

if you were talking to your dad right now and just being radically

25:19

honest, what would you want him to know about your

25:21

relationship with Jared. I think

25:23

that outside of being my partner,

25:26

I think that as a person, my dad would

25:28

actually like Jared. And

25:30

I don't want the fact that I

25:33

have chosen to lie about Jared

25:35

too. Tain't how

25:39

he views Jared as a person. I

25:41

think I would just want him to know, like how

25:43

much Jared honestly

25:46

takes care of me, like all of the time,

25:48

emotionally, financially.

25:51

I mean, I'm back in school, I worked two days

25:53

a week. I don't really

25:55

know how my dad like thinks

25:57

that I'm able to make ends me eat,

26:00

And I would be like, like, Jared

26:04

is the connection that makes

26:06

those ends meet. Like I would be like unraveled

26:09

if Jared didn't make the ends meet because

26:11

I think my dad cares about me and my well being,

26:13

and I just think my well being is attributed

26:15

to Jared. It's attributed to our relationship.

26:19

It's funny as an outsider because Levi

26:21

and his dad will talk on the phone and

26:24

like the love is there, Like his dad is

26:26

head over heels obsessed with Levi. They make

26:28

each other, you know, laugh

26:31

and and the joy and the love is there, and he

26:33

is concerned, you know, you know, he'll call and will say,

26:35

Levi, you know, what are you have to have? You? You

26:37

know you're eating good. Like the conversation

26:40

and the love is there, it's just

26:42

the fear of will

26:45

they say, never speak to me again. I

26:47

remember when I was gonna come out to my

26:49

family and like, oh, they're going to kick me out. You know, they're

26:51

gonna take away all my money. There, my dad's

26:54

gonna punch me. You know, you just you run

26:56

through every scenario in your head. And there

26:58

is a scenario out there that has happened with some LGBT

27:02

you know que individual, and

27:04

it's real. Those things have happened and those things

27:06

will continue to happen. And I just think the

27:09

bottom line is fear and

27:12

the yearning for acceptance by his

27:14

dad. In that side of the family,

27:17

Mike may just come

27:19

out and say, yeah, you

27:21

guys are gay. We love that, but it makes

27:24

us nervous now about the

27:26

lie that we've you know, had

27:29

for seven years. It's one thing to be gay, but now

27:31

it's another to be like, well, by

27:33

the way, we've been living together and we're

27:35

thinking about getting engaged, and oh,

27:37

so you know, where have I been this whole

27:39

time? So that it adds another

27:42

layer of the whole that

27:44

we've kind of dug ourselves into. It's

27:46

not necessarily about coming out. It's

27:49

about the lie at this point

27:51

because me

27:53

being gay is out of my control, but

27:57

what I do about it has been in

27:59

my control, and

28:01

I feel like I can't take back those choices

28:04

that I've made that are like now

28:06

going to affect not

28:09

me, I mean they will affect me, but not only

28:11

me at this point, but affect Jared, affect

28:13

my sister, affect my brother in law, affect

28:16

my friends, essentially affect now

28:18

like my nephew, affect my dad.

28:22

Um, it's

28:24

just kind of like spun out of control, and I

28:26

lose perspective of that. Not

28:29

about me being gay, but about me lying

28:32

all at the time, It's

28:34

no longer about coming out. For Levi, it's

28:37

more about the lie, more

28:39

about the fear that his dad is not only going to reject

28:42

him, but also reject this entire life

28:44

that he's built with Jared. Levi

28:47

and Jared have been together seven years now. They

28:51

lived together, They talked about getting a

28:53

dog, getting engaged, but

28:55

neither of them wants to take that next step,

28:58

the engagement or the dog, without

29:01

telling Mike. I

29:03

think that it

29:05

would almost be like starting our marriage

29:08

off on the wrong foot by like not closing

29:11

that door before we like walk into another.

29:14

And I want, you know, an

29:17

engagement is such a special occasion and

29:19

definitely something in our future. And I

29:21

want Levi's

29:23

dad in that side of the family to meet my family.

29:26

Um, my parents, you know, have been married over thirty

29:28

years and they are what makes

29:30

me want to be in a committed relationship and makes

29:32

me want to love for a long

29:34

time. And you know, I can

29:36

remember at Levi's um college

29:39

graduation and Levi was like, my dad sitting

29:41

in section you know ce A, so you guys got to sit on

29:43

the other side of the arena, and we're like, well, I am,

29:46

but going into a commitment like

29:48

an engagement. I want Mike to see that,

29:51

you know, I'm not just this slutty gay boy

29:53

running around town without a home

29:55

to call. You know, I have a family. I have people

29:58

that love me and support me, support Levi

30:00

and want us married and want us to be

30:03

committed and you know, have kids

30:05

and love each other until death do

30:07

his part, and I want Mike to see that.

30:09

I want him, you know, to experience my family

30:11

just as much as Levi does,

30:16

and as crazy as it sounds like, Uh,

30:18

I think I would like want my dad to be there

30:23

at the wedding, so

30:26

I guess I would need to tell him.

30:28

I think he would need to know before. At

30:31

some point, we'll just invite him to a

30:33

party. We're having a barbecue, come over,

30:36

surprise. I

31:02

think the perspective that's lost is the

31:04

amount of emotional

31:07

labor and patients

31:11

that is required.

31:13

From Jared's perspective, It's

31:15

overshadowed by the

31:18

crazy fact that we're dating and I'm

31:20

not up to my dad. But honestly, a

31:22

lot of that burden falls on Jared because

31:25

that's not really his choice. He doesn't

31:27

really have control over that. But yet

31:29

he still chooses to be

31:32

the partner to me that he is because

31:36

I love you, I choose it.

31:39

It's funny. I can go

31:41

back to every tiff that hit Levin I

31:43

have had about this situation or

31:46

an argument that we've you know, shared in, and we've

31:48

never used the word breakup or I don't

31:50

want to be with you. Those conversations

31:53

or tactics when we've argued or

31:55

fought have never been on the table because we

31:58

are committed to in each other and we love each other.

32:00

Grew thick and thin, and I think that's what's

32:02

kept us together for so long, and we'll keep us together.

32:21

This episode was hosted and reported by Joe Piazza,

32:24

but special things to Levi Dosh and Jared

32:26

Riley. It was produced and edited by Ramsey

32:28

Yount, with live sound recording by Chris Siegel

32:31

and mixing by Tristan McNeil. The executive

32:33

producers are Joe Piazza, Tyler Klang,

32:35

and Julie Douglas. Theme song and music by

32:37

Tristan McNeil. For comments, suggestions

32:39

are to be part of the show, give us a call at four

32:41

zero four three,

32:45

that's four zero four seven

32:49

three, or send us an email at Joe

32:51

at Committed podcast dot com. That's

32:54

j O at Committed podcast

32:57

dot com. You can grab a copy of Joe's book

32:59

How to Be Married on Amazon or wherever

33:01

books are sold. Committed as a production of I

33:03

Heart Radio and produced in our studios located

33:05

in Atlanta, Georgia. For more podcasts

33:07

from my heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio

33:10

app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

33:12

you listen to your favorite shows.