0:00

Committed is a production of I Heart Radio. We

0:11

both served missions for our church

0:14

and we just decided

0:16

that our faith was something really important

0:18

to us. It was a big part of our lives

0:21

and something that we wanted

0:23

to teach our children

0:25

and keep for the rest of

0:27

our lives. It's

0:29

definitely the lens that we see

0:32

everything through. Our faith

0:34

is essential to

0:37

who we are as as people. I

0:41

remember when Skyl first

0:43

told me that he was gay. He wrote me a note

0:46

and left it on my doorstep and told

0:48

me to go pick it up. And

0:52

when I went and talked to him about it after, I

0:57

asked a ton of questions,

1:00

just anything that I thought of I would

1:02

ask him. And there

1:04

were some awkward ones. There were some that made

1:06

me feel uncomfortable asking, but I had to

1:08

ask because I wasn't going to go into

1:10

a marriage that I thought was doomed to fail.

1:14

Skyler knew he was gay when he met Amanda,

1:17

but he loved her and he wanted to start a family

1:20

with her. Both of them

1:22

are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter

1:24

day Saints. They're Mormons, and

1:27

they believed that marriage is so much bigger

1:29

than just the two of them.

1:31

But that didn't mean that any of this was going to be

1:33

easy. I

1:35

think because we

1:38

had such hard discussions early

1:40

on, even before we were married, I

1:43

think that's how the tone for our marriage and

1:45

prepared us for just

1:48

anything that like to throw at you. Um

1:52

So, with kind of that as a backdrop, we

1:56

me being gay really hasn't been

1:59

the hardest thing of our marriage. It hasn't

2:01

really, I mean, it's been

2:03

an issue. I'm

2:06

Joe Pianza. This is

2:09

committed Skatherin.

2:38

Amanda meet in their church group. My

2:41

roommates and her roommates became friends.

2:43

I mean, this is kind of a condensed version. But eventually

2:47

I asked Amanda out on a date and kind

2:49

of went from there. Amanda

2:51

is an incredibly empathetic person. She

2:53

just picks up on other people's emotions, she

2:56

can actually feel them,

2:58

so pretty quickly she knew this guy I was grappling

3:00

with something, something pretty

3:02

big. So

3:06

she approached me and you know, asked what was up,

3:08

and she kept doing that, and I just kept

3:11

telling her that I was just kind of working through my own

3:13

things and that you

3:15

know, I'm okay, I still you know, I still

3:17

want to continue this. Basically, I ended

3:20

up telling her that I

3:22

was gay a lot sooner than I expected, but

3:24

it was good. It It was probably

3:26

three months into dating I opened

3:29

up to her about it, and that kind

3:31

of acted as a springboard for

3:34

talking about marriage because you would

3:36

have a lot of conversations where she would

3:39

ask a lot of questions rightfully

3:41

so and I answered the best as I could.

3:43

She asked a lot of questions, and we had those conversations

3:47

that often started with, you

3:49

know, if we got married, what would this look

3:51

like, or how would we do this?

3:53

And basically it just acted

3:55

as a catalyst for us eventually

3:58

talking about us getting married and what that would

4:00

look like. So it really moved us forward

4:02

in that direction and

4:05

was a good thing. Skyler

4:07

was continuing to grapple with his desire to

4:09

marry a woman, even though he'd

4:11

already come to terms with himself as a gay

4:13

man. I have very

4:15

early memories of being attracted

4:18

to other boys, and I just

4:20

didn't fully understand what that meant throughout

4:22

high school. I think is when that

4:25

light kind of turned on in my head and I

4:27

started recognizing, um, what

4:29

this was and started the process

4:32

of the reconciliation of you,

4:34

my faith, my desire to stay

4:36

within the church and have

4:40

I guess what you'd call a traditional marriage,

4:43

you know, marrying a woman. You know that

4:45

desire and me never changed.

4:47

It was just always me

4:50

figuring out what that looked like for

4:53

me in my unique situation. It

4:55

was very confusing for me. I

4:58

remember when Skyler first

5:00

told me that he was gay. He wrote me a note

5:03

and left it on my doorstep and told me

5:05

to go pick it up. And the

5:07

first thing I took it, went

5:09

out to my car and read it. And

5:11

the first thing I did was called my mom,

5:15

and I was like, Mom, this just happened.

5:17

I have no idea what to do, Like,

5:20

I don't even understand. I have a million questions.

5:23

And my mom was really good at just being

5:25

kind of objective and saying, well,

5:28

it really is up to you too. I'm

5:30

not going to tell you either way whether

5:32

this is something that you should pursue

5:35

or whether this is something that

5:37

you shouldn't pursue. You guys have to

5:39

figure it out yourself, but just

5:42

know that I'll support you and whatever you

5:44

do. We really like Skylar.

5:46

We obviously love you. We're

5:49

here for you. And so I

5:52

remember telling Skylar like, I

5:55

don't know if I told him this, but I felt

5:57

when I read it and when I went

6:00

talk to him about it after, my

6:02

main feeling was, well, I'm not ready to

6:04

end this necessarily, but

6:06

I'm also not ready to say I want to get

6:08

married. I want to stop us

6:10

for a second here to say that it's not that uncommon

6:13

for folks in the Mormon Church to discuss marriage

6:15

fairly early on in the dating process. I

6:21

think part of it has

6:23

to do our emphasis on marriage, but part

6:25

of it asked to do with the fact that we practice

6:27

abstinence before marriage. So

6:30

it was kind of this space where I

6:32

just was like, I don't

6:34

know. Over the next few weeks

6:36

couple of months, I asked a

6:39

ton of questions, just

6:41

anything that I thought of I would ask

6:43

him. And there were some awkward ones.

6:45

There were some that made me feel uncomfortable

6:48

asking, but I had to ask. I

6:50

had to be able to understand because I

6:52

wasn't going to go into a marriage that I thought

6:54

was doomed to fail, and so

6:57

I had to ask the questions. I had to talk

6:59

to him, so some

7:01

of the misconceptions I had. I

7:04

was sort of under the impression that he

7:06

wasn't going to enjoy sex with

7:09

me at all, and I was under

7:11

the impression that we would only

7:14

ever have sex to have

7:17

babies and that's it, which

7:21

me. I was a virgin at the time, probably

7:25

t m I, but I had no idea

7:28

about any sort of I

7:30

just was so naive. I was so young

7:33

and just hadn't ever

7:36

been exposed to anything like that, and

7:38

so I

7:40

was like, Okay, well, I've lived my whole life without

7:42

anything sexual, so I don't really care, which

7:45

sounds kind of crazy, but that's

7:48

the mindset I was in. I told Amanda

7:50

that I didn't think it was that crazy.

7:53

If you don't know anything else, if you've never

7:55

done this thing, you have no idea

7:58

what you're actually missing out on. Yeah,

8:00

exactly. But a lot of the

8:02

questions I asked were just like, what have you

8:04

always envisioned with marriage? And

8:07

how do you feel towards women? And how do you feel

8:09

about me? And are you attracted

8:11

to me? Do you think I'm beautiful? Are you grossed

8:13

out by me? Do you think my female

8:15

body parts you know, my breasts,

8:18

my volva, whatever, do you think those are

8:20

gross? Like? Why you grossed out by them? Like all

8:23

these different things, just so

8:25

many different questions. A

8:27

lot of the answers to those

8:30

questions were I

8:32

don't know yet, or I am figuring that out.

8:35

The question of if I was like

8:37

grossed out by her or anything like that. I've

8:40

never been grossed out with her. I've always

8:43

found her beautiful, and

8:45

I love her personality, and I

8:47

love spending time with her, and

8:50

I love being close to her. I love being intimate

8:52

with her. Um and the realization

8:55

of how much

8:57

that could work and how much success

9:00

and happiness we could find in our intimate

9:03

life definitely came after

9:06

trial and error and a

9:09

lot of practice and

9:11

and figuring it out with our unique situation.

9:14

I didn't know what the answers to all

9:16

the questions, obviously, but all the

9:19

answers I did have. I made sure

9:21

to let her know and make

9:23

sure that she was in a comfortable

9:25

place where she didn't feel obligated

9:28

to continue this because I had opened up

9:30

about this to her, but also

9:32

that she understood that I did want

9:34

this to continue if possible, and

9:37

and I did love her and wanted

9:39

to give it a shop WoT

9:41

on our first date in

9:45

March, and

9:47

then we got engaged

9:50

in November

9:53

the same year, so it was pretty fast. I

9:55

think it's probably more of a cultural

9:58

thing within our church to also, they

10:01

talk about it beforehand. We went ring shopping.

10:03

She picked out her ring, so she knew

10:05

it was coming, and I

10:07

was lucky enough to trigger

10:09

into thinking that she was coming

10:12

to a bonfire with her friends. But I

10:14

had set up kind of a a layout

10:16

of like a blanket and

10:18

made a little video for her and

10:21

proposed to her kind of yeah

10:23

that night, time

10:26

for a quick break. Be right

10:28

back. Skyler

10:40

and Amanda explain some things to me about

10:42

the concept of marriage in the Church of Jesus

10:44

Christ of Latter day Saints. See

10:46

the two of them believe in what's known as celestial

10:49

marriage. Their faith calls it being sealed

10:51

to their spouse, so

10:54

our marriage can exist

10:56

beyond this life. So

10:58

it's it's obvious, Slee very

11:01

important to us, you know, the decision

11:03

of choosing a spouses is

11:06

you know, there's a lot of weight to it with anyone

11:09

of course, but I think with Stephen

11:12

maybe more so, just with that perspective

11:15

of it lasting, you know, beyond this

11:17

life. So that is probably

11:20

one of the most fundamental teachings of our

11:22

church and something that we hold

11:24

to very strongly and obviously,

11:27

you know, bringing children into the world, it's

11:29

such an important decision, and

11:31

we also believe that we can do with our children

11:33

forever. So it's the most

11:35

fundamental teaching of our church and something we take

11:37

very seriously, and that translate into

11:40

marriage within the church, and kind of like a Manda

11:42

was saying, often leads to kind

11:45

of quirky cultural things where marriage

11:48

is often pushed a lot more quickly

11:50

than by the world's standards. That's

11:53

why Skyler knew we wanted to marry a woman,

11:56

a woman who could be his best friend, his

11:58

life partner, a woman he could start

12:00

a family with. So about

12:02

a year later, in January

12:05

of two thousand nineteen, um

12:08

we started trying to get pregnant,

12:11

and we found out we were pregnant

12:13

in March of two thousand nineteen.

12:16

We were so happy. We

12:19

were over the moon happy and

12:21

just blissful and ignorant and just

12:23

so happy about what our future was

12:25

going to hold for us. And I

12:28

had pretty much a

12:30

perfect pregnancy. I had

12:32

hardly any issues all

12:35

up until about the end of July

12:37

two thousand nineteen, we

12:40

started noticing that I

12:42

was leaking more fluid than was

12:45

usual. And that

12:47

was going on. It was like a

12:50

small amount, but it started

12:52

increasing and so we decided that

12:54

it was time for me to call the doctor, and

12:57

he suggested that we go to the

13:00

labor and delivery unit at

13:02

the hospital, and we

13:04

went in and it turned

13:07

out that I was leaking amniotic fluid, and

13:10

so they thought that my amniotic

13:14

sac had ruptured partially. And

13:18

after getting an ultrasound, they noticed

13:21

that Milo, sorry our son,

13:23

we were pregnant with a boy. They noticed that

13:25

his feet we're sticking out

13:27

of my cervix, and

13:31

that meant that I would have to

13:33

be delivering him early. How

13:35

many weeks were you at that point?

13:38

They actually adjusted what what weeks

13:41

I was at based on his size, so

13:43

I was at about twenty four weeks

13:47

and two days at that time.

13:51

Because Milows feet were sticking out and he was

13:53

breached, they told us that I would have to have

13:56

a vertical c section, which

13:59

is where they cut your stomach horizontally,

14:01

but then your uterus they cut vertically.

14:04

Because my uterus was so small, I was

14:06

so not far along. Basically, they

14:08

wouldn't be able to get them out if they cut them. Traditionally,

14:10

if they cut the uterus traditionally they

14:14

tell us that, and then right

14:16

after telling us that I would have to be going

14:19

through a C section, they

14:21

drop a bomb on us saying that, oh, but if

14:23

you do have a vertical c section, you

14:26

could have more complications in the future

14:29

with further pregnancies which could

14:31

end in this life threatening

14:34

issue called placenta kreda, and could

14:36

end in a hysterectomy for you. And

14:38

so they're telling me all this information and

14:41

it was just an absolute

14:43

overload of info and

14:46

scary things. I don't know, Skyler, how are you feeling?

14:49

Definitely overwhelmed. That's probably

14:52

the best word to describe our

14:54

feelings at that time. And they're

14:56

real as well. I think all

14:58

of that information and coming down

15:01

on us that once was very

15:04

difficult. And here we were,

15:06

these new parents who we're

15:08

so excited to have our

15:11

future ahead of us exactly how we planned,

15:13

and just within the space of hours

15:15

we're told all of these things that

15:18

this completely disrupts what

15:21

we envisioned for our future. Luckily,

15:24

it was kind of a miracle. They told us that

15:26

Milo, there's

15:28

just no way that he could slip, so he was head

15:30

down in the space that he was

15:33

there was just no way that that he could do that, so that's

15:35

what we were told. I think just the next day

15:38

we were doing the ultrasound and the doctor

15:40

said, oh, baby's head is down. She

15:42

was able to live her vache only and

15:45

that allowed us the possibility

15:47

of continuing our family in the future,

15:49

so we're really grateful. We

15:54

ended up delivering him on August

15:56

one in the morning,

15:59

and since he was so little, they wanted

16:01

him delivered in the o R where the nick You team

16:03

could be right there and

16:06

they could work on getting

16:08

him intubated and all of that stuff.

16:10

So I delivered him

16:12

relatively quickly after they

16:14

got us in there, and they

16:16

rushed him away immediately, and

16:19

all I saw out of the corner of my eye was

16:21

just like a blur of skin, so

16:23

I didn't even really get to see him. And they took immediately

16:26

to the nick You team and

16:28

they worked on getting him intibated,

16:31

getting his heart rate up because he was

16:33

having struggles with his heart rate, and just getting

16:36

him into a stable state. And Skyler

16:38

actually got to go in and see them

16:40

working on him and and all

16:42

that, so I was able to follow them

16:46

as they rushed him to the

16:48

nick You area where the neon datologists

16:50

worked on intubating them. They

16:53

had a whole team of people intubating

16:55

him, and it was it

16:57

was pretty nerve wracking. They couldn't get

16:59

his art his heart rate up supposed

17:01

to be at least above a hundred, and it

17:04

was I think the low forties

17:06

initially. So they're working on him

17:08

for probably five minutes with me just just

17:11

watching in terror and just

17:15

hoping and praying that you know,

17:17

it would work out. And luckily

17:20

they got his heart rate up and they were able to stabilize

17:23

him, so they got him

17:25

established in the nick You where he lived

17:29

for twenty four days. A

17:31

lot of ups and downs during that time. That's

17:33

kind of how they prepare you for the nick You stay

17:36

is there are a lot of defeats,

17:38

but also a lot of progress and you

17:41

just have to take the winds and expect

17:44

the losses, but just move on. And we

17:46

luckily we got to hold him. Man.

17:48

I got to hold him a couple of times, and I got to hold

17:50

him once. Doing skin to skin. There's

17:53

a really emotional time, very

17:55

special, but very difficult, Yes,

18:00

definitely difficult for sure for

18:03

me, it was it was really

18:05

hard. He was so tiny, he was

18:07

only a pound and a half when he

18:09

was born and twelve inches long,

18:11

and so seeing my teeny tiny baby

18:14

hooked up to so many wires and

18:18

tubes and you

18:20

know, not being able to help him or do anything

18:23

for him really was really

18:25

hard. It was really hard. And

18:28

I was also pumping because

18:31

they say breast silk is best for pretty

18:33

mure babies. That helps prevent a lot of different

18:36

things. And so I was also really tired

18:38

because I was getting up every couple of hours to

18:40

pump. But when I look back on

18:42

the nick you experience, I just like, I'm

18:45

filled with joy and happiness

18:48

because it was the short

18:50

little time. Sorry,

18:52

it was a short time that we had with

18:55

him, and so I just looked back on it

18:57

with so much happiness and love because

18:59

he is here with us. It

19:01

was definitely by necessity

19:04

that we came closer

19:06

together as a couple. Also, just

19:09

our personalities, we naturally

19:11

kind of glom onto each

19:13

other when we are struggling. We

19:15

obviously couldn't have done this without

19:18

each other, and so we we had to lean on each other

19:20

to tell each other when we

19:23

were having a bad day. When one person

19:25

was having the other a bad day, the other would

19:27

comfort them, and it was just a

19:30

growing experience for us, for

19:32

sure, a difficult one, but when

19:34

that brought us closer together and just increase

19:37

our love for each other. I

19:40

remember the night that my whole passed

19:43

away. It

19:45

all happened so suddenly, and we

19:47

were in a They had taken us

19:49

and given us our own hospital room where

19:52

after he passed, we can hold him and

19:54

they love us, like dress him and bathe

19:57

him and you know, change his diaper,

19:59

take care of him, take pictures with

20:01

him, get like a hand mold.

20:04

And so I remember

20:07

we had all of our family there and

20:09

after all of them left, it was just Skyler

20:12

and I and we just kind of took some time

20:15

with him, with Milo, and I

20:17

remember Skyler turned to me and he's like,

20:19

I was never going to leave you before, but

20:22

there's no way and there's no way in

20:24

hell I'm leaving you now, basically.

20:26

And so that's just kind

20:28

of always been our feeling, is

20:31

that, like we've been through so much

20:34

together that we just

20:36

want to be together and help each

20:38

other through it. At

20:40

the end of the day. That's what marriage is, right,

20:44

It's two people trying to help each other through

20:46

the messiness of life. At the end

20:48

of the day, marriage is a partnership. Let's

20:52

take a quick break care when we get back,

20:54

Skyler and Amanda tell me how they started to

20:56

rebuild their lives after losing Milow.

21:09

Coming out of the other side of this tragedy

21:12

losing Milow, Skyler and Amanda

21:14

had to figure out what was next, how

21:17

they could keep going. I

21:20

think as a couple, you

21:23

can either go one or two ways. You can come

21:26

together during tragedy and lean

21:29

on each other and rely on each other and grow closer,

21:32

or you can drop a heart and deal with it individually

21:35

and eventually grow apart. So, like

21:37

I mentioned, our personalities just luckily

21:40

allow us to come together as a

21:42

couple. So from

21:45

that experience, because it was so

21:47

difficult, it's almost like anything

21:49

that we go through now is just a

21:53

just a breeze. It's just we have

21:55

been through hell and back and what

21:59

else could be thrown our way is kind of how

22:01

we see it. And obviously we still have bad

22:03

days and we still obviously

22:06

we lost our son, but we still

22:08

have things that are difficult aside from losing

22:10

Milo. But it's kind of

22:13

the path for our relationship and

22:17

allowed us to just grow

22:19

together as a couple. Yeah, definitely,

22:22

I would say to grief changes

22:25

you. It really does, especially

22:27

when you lose a child. It doesn't go away,

22:30

but you learn how to live

22:32

a new normal with that

22:35

grief that's now

22:37

your companion, and it's

22:40

definitely a part of our marriage. Now

22:43

there are times where we kind of just

22:45

grieved together. However

22:47

that looks okay,

22:50

I'm gonna explain it this way. So grief

22:52

is kind of like waves, and sometimes

22:55

you'll be really overpowered

22:57

by lots and lots of grief, and sometimes

22:59

you'll be okay and then out of

23:01

nowhere, a huge wave of grief will

23:03

come. And so for

23:06

a marriage, it's interesting because

23:10

it'll happen where I have

23:12

a really powerful wave of grief

23:14

and Skyler has to be I have

23:16

to lean on him and he'll just let

23:18

me cry and he'll have hold me. But

23:21

sometimes it's the other way where it'll

23:24

be a really powerful wave of grief for

23:26

Skylar and I have to be there for him.

23:28

And sometimes it happens at the

23:30

same time and

23:33

we have to be there for each other,

23:35

cry together, hold each

23:37

other, just be in that

23:40

painful space together.

23:43

Because of the miracle of my love flipping

23:45

over Amanda can get pregnant again,

23:48

she can have more children in the future. My

23:51

love passed away at the end of August in twenty

23:53

nineteen, and even though she knows she

23:55

can get pregnant, it hasn't been easy.

23:59

Fertility is hard in general, but

24:01

after loss, it just it's

24:04

just there's even more of an ache

24:07

to have a child because

24:09

you've lost one. You know what it's like to

24:11

have one, so

24:15

to deal with that after loss has been hard.

24:17

We actually got pregnant back in let's

24:20

see, it was in We found

24:22

out in June that I was pregnant, and

24:25

then shortly after I actually miscarried.

24:28

We've kind of had a rough journey with that as

24:30

well. Both

24:34

Skyler and Amanda say that Skylar being a

24:36

gay man is not the most difficult

24:38

issue in their marriage. They

24:40

want everyone to know that their marriage is very similar

24:42

to most heterosexual or same sex couples

24:45

in terms of their challenges of

24:47

the everyday stuff that they go through

24:50

that every couple goes through. We

24:53

have normal marriage issues and

24:55

it really doesn't have to do with my sexuality.

24:58

I don't identify find myself

25:00

purely based on my sexuality. That's

25:03

part of me, but It's definitely not the biggest part

25:05

of me, not something that I focus on. I

25:09

think because we

25:11

had such hard discussions early

25:13

on, even before we were married. I

25:16

think that's how the tone for our marriage and

25:18

prepared us for just

25:21

anything that I could throw at you. So

25:23

with kind of that as a backdrop, me

25:25

being gay really hasn't been

25:28

the hardest thing of our marriage. It hasn't really

25:30

been an issue. It has come

25:32

up. It does come up. Things that we struggle

25:34

with, like you said, are just normal maryors, things

25:37

just communication. Today, we

25:39

were kind of in the process of looking

25:42

at smoothing eventually buying a

25:44

home, and we it

25:46

was it's branding territory for us, so

25:49

there is a lot of just uncertainty

25:51

and it's very stressful. So we

25:55

had some communication issues there and

25:57

communicating the desires that we

25:59

each in a future home. Our

26:01

marriage is. I think we have a very unique

26:03

relationship. I think partly because

26:06

you know my personality, which

26:09

me being gay has, It's definitely

26:12

made me who I am today. A

26:15

couple of days after Mile passed away or

26:18

I don't even remember a little bit after Mile passed

26:20

away, I remember turning to Skylar

26:22

and I was just curious. I

26:24

wasn't wanting any specific answer.

26:27

I was just curious. And I

26:29

turned to him and said, losing Mile has

26:31

been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And

26:34

I said, is it for you or being

26:36

gay and being married to a

26:38

woman. He's like oh. Instantly,

26:41

he was like, oh, definitely, losing Milo that

26:43

has been the absolute hardest thing

26:45

that I've got to I know that's a you

26:47

know, it's a rare thing. It's a unique situation,

26:49

losing your child, But

26:52

that just kind of goes to show that it's

26:54

not even like, I don't know. I

26:57

don't want to speak for Skylar, but basically

27:00

it's not even a question

27:02

for him as to how hard.

27:04

I mean it's hard. I'm not going to say it's not hard.

27:06

I don't want to diminish anybody's experience

27:10

or anything that they've gone through, but I

27:13

just want to say that for us that hasn't been

27:15

the case. What are the

27:17

parts of it that are hard, that are still hard

27:19

and that you imagine are going to be hard forever

27:22

in the future. For

27:25

me, at least, there are moments

27:27

where I get insecure and

27:29

I convinced myself, oh, he doesn't

27:32

he's not actually attracted to you. He

27:34

doesn't actually like you or love you. And

27:36

I get inside my head and I convinced

27:39

myself of all these different things.

27:41

But if I go to Skyler

27:43

and I say, hey, I'm I'm feeling this way,

27:45

like could you clear things up? Immediately,

27:49

He's able to clear things up and just be like, no, that's

27:51

not true at all. So it's more so just

27:53

like my own thought processes

27:57

and convincing myself

27:59

that he doesn't actually love or care about me. Amanda

28:02

is very good at beating herself up.

28:04

Like she said, she she struggles with

28:07

feelings of self worth and

28:10

this feeling loved and valued as

28:12

a person, which I think we all do to

28:14

some extent. That is one thing that I definitely

28:17

I don't think regret is the right word, but

28:19

just one aspect about our marriage

28:22

that I wish I could change.

28:24

I wish she didn't have to go through. But

28:26

it's almost like they feed off of each other, where

28:29

my sexuality feeds

28:31

into her fears of

28:33

being unloved as a person, and

28:36

that is something that I wish she didn't

28:38

have to experience, and that obviously

28:40

affects me as well. Not to take sem that affects

28:43

her. Everyone has to learn

28:46

how to better express their love

28:48

for their spouse. But I think

28:50

with my sexuality mixed into that, it's

28:52

definitely amplified that if

28:55

I can speak for Amanda, which I think I

28:57

can because we have a lot of conversations

28:59

about it. But I mean, you're welcome to

29:01

input on that, Amanda. No,

29:03

I think you're spot on. Yeah. Like I said,

29:05

I get inside my head and I convinced

29:08

myself that he doesn't love me because he's gay,

29:10

and so it's more so that.

29:13

But you know, a little communication, I always

29:15

end up clearing it up. But we have our moments.

29:18

But I think just our personalities are so unique

29:20

that we have a very good relationship.

29:23

We love hanging out with each

29:25

other. We hardly when

29:28

we're away from each other. We miss each

29:30

other, and we

29:32

like our lone time every now and then, but we

29:35

worked together, we spend

29:37

the evenings together. We

29:40

are that annoying couple is a little bit too

29:42

affectionate in public, but don't really care, and

29:45

we just love spending time with each other.

29:49

Skyler and Amanda prefer to use the term demisexual

29:52

to describe Skyler. I have to admit

29:54

that I had never heard about it before our interview,

29:57

so I asked Skyler to explain it to me. The

30:00

demosexual that is something that we hadn't

30:02

heard of either. We

30:04

we just kind of ran across

30:07

it from somewhere else and

30:09

did a little bit of research, and based

30:12

on the vernacular that we have, it's

30:15

the best description

30:17

of what I experienced that we could come

30:19

up with. It doesn't exactly

30:21

match how I feel. Basically, demosexual

30:24

is only experiencing a

30:27

sexual attraction once a deep

30:30

emotional connection has been achieved.

30:32

That's very similar to my experience

30:35

with marrying Amanda.

30:37

I've always been drawn to her as a person, and

30:39

I've always sound for beautiful, But

30:42

as our emotional

30:44

connection has deepened as

30:46

a couple, my attraction to

30:49

her has increased. And I think

30:51

that happens obviously with everyone, but

30:53

in the context of my sexuality,

30:56

I'm surprised day

30:58

in and day out, I guess how attractive

31:01

I can be to Amanda without

31:04

that traditional sexual attraction that

31:06

you would attribute to someone who

31:09

is maybe bisexual. I don't identify

31:11

with that because I'm not sexually attracted

31:13

to women. I have found

31:16

a unique but good attraction

31:18

to Amanda that allows us to

31:20

be close as a couple, allows us to be intimate

31:22

we have without being too graphic. We have a

31:24

very happy sex life, and

31:27

that's something that I don't completely understand,

31:30

but that I'm obviously grateful

31:32

for and I think is

31:35

very special. I

31:38

remember being asked for when

31:40

we did is an article if

31:43

I wished that Skylar wasn't

31:45

gay, And obviously

31:48

I do wish that because I've

31:50

seen the heartache that he's had to go through. I've

31:53

seen the pain. But there

31:56

are so many different things about Skylar

31:58

that I love so much that I think maybe

32:01

stereotypically people would

32:03

coin as more feminine

32:06

attributes, but I

32:09

find them very attractive. You know, He's

32:11

so kind and loving, and I wouldn't

32:13

want to be with anyone else. So if

32:16

you know, if it meant that I had to be with someone

32:18

else in order to be with someone who wasn't gay, then

32:20

I wouldn't want that. I want to

32:22

be with Skyler. There

32:50

are a lot of things that I love about Amanda.

32:53

She just a joy to be with. She

32:56

makes me laugh. Our humor is so

32:58

similar. We just enjoy

33:01

being with each other. I love Amanda's

33:04

smile and her laugh. They're just so

33:07

contagious, and he's

33:09

got this cute little dimple of of on

33:11

the top of her cheeks that is

33:14

so cute.

33:17

I topped all those things. I really

33:20

love Skyler, and I really love

33:22

how kind he is, how willing to

33:25

help me he is. I swear

33:27

I have asked the most ridiculous things

33:29

of him, and he's just like, yeah, sure,

33:31

I'll go do it. He's just the kindness.

33:34

He so badly wants to provide

33:37

for me, for our children, for our

33:39

future. And that's something that I love so

33:41

much. He's so dedicated to that and

33:44

he wants to make sure I have the best.

33:47

I also love his sense of humor. He makes

33:49

me laugh. We just have fun together

33:51

when we're together. I just like being

33:53

around him, being near him, Skyler

33:56

said. When we're apart, we miss each other.

33:58

We want to be together. I obviously

34:01

I am attracted to him. I think he's very handsome,

34:04

love everything about him.

34:07

Thanks babe. This

34:29

episode was hosted and reported by Joe Piazza,

34:31

with special thanks to Amanda and Scott Storns.

34:34

It was produced, edited, and mixed by

34:36

Ramsey Yount. The executive producers

34:38

are Joe Piazza and Tyler Clinton. Theme

34:41

song by Tristan McNeil. For comments

34:43

suggestions are to be part of the show, give

34:45

us a call at four zero four that's

34:51

four zero four one

34:54

three, or send us an email at Joe

34:57

at Committed podcast dot com. That's

34:59

j Ao at Committed podcast dot

35:02

com. You can grab a copy of Joe's

35:04

book How to Be Married on Amazon or

35:06

wherever books are sold. Committed as

35:08

a production of iHeart Radio and producing our

35:10

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35:12

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