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Back to your regularly scheduled podcast. Today's

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interview contains the topic of drug addiction,

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violence, and suicide. Listener

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discretion is advised.

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Hi. I'm Hannah Madden from San Antonio

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encouraged, and reminded of who God is.

1:02

Every story shared is a testament of

1:04

his glory and grace. Hope

1:06

you enjoy today's episode.

1:11

He was

1:12

injecting, and I asked what it was. He had

1:14

to syringe in his arm. He said, Camille, I'll show you.

1:16

And he stuck up between my two fingers. I

1:18

was ten years old. I didn't know what he was doing. had

1:21

a lot of problems in those years of being

1:23

on heroin and have a JV record from it.

1:26

great painful time.

1:32

Lipole Hastings and you're listening to compelled,

1:35

a seasonal podcast using gripping

1:37

immersive storytelling to celebrate the

1:39

powerful ways God is transforming Christians

1:42

around the world. And this is our

1:44

second the last episode of season

1:46

five. Last week, we heard from Ramona

1:48

Chirka. For years, Ramona and her

1:50

husband served in churches

1:51

together. On the outside, it looked like they

1:53

had a picture perfect marriage. But in

1:55

reality, Ramona was carrying a dark

1:58

secret. Her husband was emotionally

1:59

and physically abusive and Ramona

2:02

had lost all hope. Until one

2:04

day, she realized that the source of

2:06

true hope had never left her

2:08

at all. Again, you can hear that

2:10

story by tuning in to last week's episode

2:12

with Ramona Chirko. Today,

2:14

our guest is Cain Kellerman who became

2:16

addicted to heroin as ten year old boy

2:19

and saw his life quickly spiral out

2:21

of control after that. His life helped

2:23

no hope and he simply stopped caring

2:25

about anything. And even if his

2:27

life did have a purpose, how can

2:29

he break free from his addictions? So

2:31

gather around, lean in and join

2:34

us for another compelling story

2:36

from the kingdom of God.

2:46

I was introduced to Cairn by one of our compelled

2:48

listeners earlier this and had the

2:50

opportunity to interview him while we were passing

2:52

through Florida this summer. Cain is

2:54

six foot four. His arms are covered in

2:56

tattoos and he has a beard that's easily

2:58

six inches long. If you didn't know him

3:00

well, he might be little intimidating. Cain

3:03

was born in nineteen seventy five and grew up

3:05

in the south part of Minneapolis. which

3:07

was an extremely rough part of town.

3:10

Crime was rampant. In fact, because of

3:12

its high homicide rate, the locals

3:14

called it murder capitalists. Few

3:16

of Cain's friends were and Cain

3:19

was no exception.

3:23

I grew up in a atheistic

3:26

family, very heavily

3:28

anti religion, anti god,

3:30

anti establishment. And

3:34

They weren't against me finding out

3:36

what the what the different religions

3:38

were, but they didn't want everything

3:40

to do with it whatsoever. And so

3:42

growing up in that, I didn't have any

3:45

sense of who Jesus was what

3:47

Christianity was or

3:49

anything. That way, I just didn't know they

3:51

equated them as along with any other,

3:54

like, Gandhi or or any other

3:56

religious, like, big

3:58

figure that way. That's all they equated

4:00

them as. So it would

4:02

just be stories or fantasy

4:04

time. I accepted that just like Santa

4:06

Claus. It's like, it's

4:08

one of those things. just a story that people believe

4:10

in. I went to church eighteen times. He was

4:12

seventeen three year olds in one wedding. At

4:15

the wedding, I got high and drunk with the pastor.

4:17

I smoked a joint with him and I was taking

4:20

shots out of his flax that he had in his

4:22

suit. I just thought that's what

4:24

cushions did. I didn't know

4:26

there was a difference. I

4:28

always saw Christianity as being something stupid

4:30

in a crutch. Sunday

4:32

mornings, the bars were just as full as the

4:34

churches. And usually, twice as full when the

4:36

church got out. I used to

4:38

watch people walk right from the Catholic church right

4:40

to the bar. You know? was

4:43

a biker area where I kinda grew up

4:45

and there was this biker bar that they

4:47

would literally walk from Catholic church across

4:49

the street to the bar. you know, all

4:52

I thought of, Christianity, was this,

4:54

just this outward show.

4:57

This worthless thing that does absolutely

4:59

nothing. because everything

5:02

is

5:02

worthless. Everything

5:03

my life, your life, everything. In

5:05

the end, it doesn't really matter. Growing

5:08

up, nothing mattered. That's

5:11

why hung on the songs like metallic as

5:13

nothing else matters or other

5:15

things like that because just nothing.

5:17

Who cares? Who

5:19

cares? And I started

5:21

smoking cigarettes when I was eight years old.

5:24

I started a heroin when I was ten years

5:26

old. So

5:28

their dealer. I went over to get a bag for him and

5:30

weed. And he was injecting and I

5:32

asked what it was. It ten years old. I didn't know what he

5:34

was doing. He had to syringe in his arm.

5:36

I didn't know what it was. said,

5:38

Camille, I'll show you. And he stuck it between

5:40

my two fingers. Stuck

5:42

the needle in and that was

5:44

three years of my life. had

5:47

a lot of problems in those years of being

5:49

on heroin and have

5:51

a duly record from it.

5:54

quite painful time. At

5:57

twelve and a half, I think it was.

5:59

My good friend of the time Blake

6:02

started dating a girl. I was

6:04

walking to the corner to meet him and his girlfriend,

6:06

and they saw him get lit up

6:08

and back gunfire, and that was it.

6:10

He he had been shot. He had been shot multiple

6:12

times. about a block and a half where it

6:14

grew up and I saw

6:16

it happen. I had to

6:18

hold her away because she wanted to try

6:20

to help, like, half

6:23

of his head was gone. I

6:25

held him while I took his last breath, and

6:27

that's something that still gets me. Like, what

6:29

are you gonna do when you're twelve years old,

6:31

eleven years old? Do you see somebody die

6:33

like that? You know? I

6:35

thought because I was six foot

6:37

in sixth grade. I could draw

6:39

a beard in sixth grade. I could I

6:41

thought I was an adult. I was doing adult things.

6:43

I was drugs, alcohol. So I thought

6:45

well, why not get married to try

6:47

that? Or, you know, why not do other

6:49

adult things? Why just

6:51

keep going? So I just wouldn't come home

6:53

weeks? just

6:55

begun.

7:01

When

7:01

Cain was thirteen, his dad was in a terrible

7:03

car wreck, and they went through a lot of financial

7:05

turmoil. To escape, his family

7:08

moved two hours away to Alexandria, Minnesota,

7:10

which had a population of less than ten

7:12

thousand people. It was a stark

7:14

contrast to Minneapolis, and he

7:16

quickly made a reputation for himself as

7:18

the new kid from the city who

7:20

loved to get into trouble.

7:22

I got suspended pretty

7:25

quickly when I

7:27

started there because I'd come

7:29

from a city school public

7:32

school. And I go to a country

7:34

public school, that's

7:37

the class sizes are a

7:39

third the size. No one knows how

7:41

to fight. Their their fights are just pushy

7:43

pushy things. And I got

7:45

annoyed at that. I I really

7:47

got annoyed that they're they can't

7:49

fight. So I started

7:51

fights. I was like, that's how you fight, I push them,

7:53

and I hit them. You know, then this is how

7:55

you hit, you know, suspension. getting

7:57

trouble, you know, that kind of thing, getting trouble for

7:59

the shirts I wore at school or I

8:01

didn't get in trouble for those in Minneapolis,

8:03

but I didn't miss town, you know, and which made

8:05

me more and more bitter. towards

8:07

the area and want

8:09

drugs more and more. But I couldn't find

8:11

anyone there. You know, they didn't have methadone, they

8:13

didn't have anything. So I went through six months

8:15

of DTs of just

8:18

horrible dope sickness of

8:20

just being in and out of throwing up

8:22

of the sweats of

8:25

headaches and body aches and just

8:27

awful at thirteen. I didn't know what was

8:29

going on. Your hormones are going crazy

8:31

and now this. My

8:33

parents wanted to have a

8:36

better image, I think. So

8:39

things got a lot tighter at home, a

8:41

lot more restrictions. rules

8:43

and and things which made me more

8:45

resentful too. It just progressed to get

8:47

worse and worse that way. By the time,

8:50

I turned eighteen. I was

8:52

still in high school. It was my senior year.

8:54

I was majoring in English.

8:56

I was taking four English classes

8:59

every day. I was gonna be an English teacher.

9:01

That was my whole goal. Still

9:03

using drugs and just not heroin,

9:05

just everything else. I was drinking. I

9:07

was doing anything I could do that way to

9:11

alleviate the pain that I had inside

9:13

my friends dying. or

9:15

just the various issues

9:17

I went through that way. I

9:20

I was just going through the motions. I was excited to

9:22

get to college. I had a full scholarship to

9:24

go to a college for english teach

9:26

for teaching English as a four year

9:28

school. full ride

9:30

scholarship too. It was all covered. Everything.

9:34

I was getting a's. I could be high and

9:36

get a's. I had no issue. doing

9:38

that. Sometimes

9:40

you're reading comprehension's better if you're stoned,

9:42

I guess, some some people say.

9:43

Right? But,

9:46

you

9:46

know, I I didn't

9:48

have any care. Didn't

9:51

care about you. you

9:53

you you anybody allocated what

9:55

was me and what I wanted.

9:57

So everybody

9:59

else I

9:59

didn't carry. So I'm

10:01

in high school. I'm

10:04

getting drunk at lunch. I'm getting high at lunch.

10:06

I'm doing whatever.

10:08

And My parents got me a car at

10:10

eighteen. I promptly

10:12

crashed that a few months later. When I was

10:14

skipping school that day, my car was full

10:16

of people. a sixty nineteen

10:18

sixty Chevy Bel Air green

10:20

Ford r. And I could fit seven or eight

10:22

people in that because it was such a wide

10:25

car think a fit more people in the trunk too, but, you

10:27

know, that was only for special occasions.

10:30

But I had at least eight nine people in

10:32

that car when I got in the accident.

10:35

It was snowing. I slid into somebody.

10:37

And when I

10:39

hit them and knocked the battery cables off

10:41

of my car, which shut down the music, shut

10:43

down everything, shut off my car, you know.

10:46

And the next thing I knew, I heard the door

10:48

is open and all my friends were gone.

10:50

they're running because they knew the cops were gonna

10:52

come and they didn't wanna get caught.

10:54

So that I was there holding the bag

10:56

again. I found myself so

10:58

alone it felt like, you

11:00

know, my friend getting shot in the

11:02

head holding his girlfriend away.

11:05

My dad's car accident. The

11:08

there's so many things that

11:10

I felt like I was the last one.

11:12

I was the one to have to

11:14

deal with all the repercussions of and

11:17

which made me more and more mad, which made me

11:19

wanna get more and more high because it

11:21

was that cycle of I don't wanna feel

11:23

this. His

11:25

car was totaled. And due to a whole bunch

11:27

of other shenanigans, his parents

11:29

eventually had had enough and kicked him out of

11:31

the house. Cain didn't really care and

11:33

just moved in with a friend from the party

11:35

scene. I

11:36

started living there, getting more and

11:39

more involved in drugs, more and more

11:41

involved in the kinda

11:43

drug underground of that area,

11:45

that party scene, that kind of

11:47

thing. Then get kicked out of high school.

11:49

I lost my scholarship. I missed

11:52

too many days of school because I didn't

11:54

have a place to live. I couldn't get this school

11:56

anymore, Tara. lost all of that,

11:58

and I lost the scholarship,

12:00

everything because I couldn't complete high

12:02

school. And That

12:05

was the impetus for me just to go, I

12:07

don't care anymore. I don't

12:09

I don't care. about

12:11

anything, anybody, anything.

12:13

I tried to kill myself a few different times in

12:15

that time and took three

12:17

balls of sleeping pills thinking that was

12:19

gonna do it. I slept fourteen hours and

12:21

got up. That didn't

12:23

work. I felt like a failure because

12:25

I couldn't even kill myself. you

12:27

know, couldn't even

12:28

do that right. I slipped my wrist, but

12:30

I did the wrong way. So I

12:32

didn't bleed out. You know, it

12:34

was all things like, oh, am

12:36

I that stupid? I can't even do that.

12:39

And then I'm always the last one.

12:42

So at these parties, would it whenever

12:44

they would get busted, I never ran. just

12:46

because I'm not a runner. If I don't

12:48

care, I just I I smoked. I

12:50

started smoking on eight years old. I'm like, I'm not

12:52

gonna lose my breath over this. So forget

12:55

this. So that's what I do.

12:57

I just go, just wait. But

13:01

all of that just made me more and more

13:03

my head.

13:04

Overall, I started

13:06

getting in adult trouble, I

13:08

guess. Two weeks after my eighteenth birthday, I

13:10

got my first adult charge. criminal

13:13

charge. And I

13:15

that was shoplifting,

13:17

but I was shoplifting frozen chicken. And

13:21

and this was this is embarrassing because when you go to

13:23

jail, people ask you what they're what you're there

13:25

for. Yeah. Frozen chicken, that that

13:27

that didn't go over very well. But

13:30

you know, I was hungry. I didn't know what to do.

13:33

So I just knew there's frozen

13:35

chicken that is cooked.

13:37

And if I thought I could eat it, So

13:40

I took a box of it out of this

13:42

grocery store and stuck it in my shirt, tried to walk

13:44

out. I was hungry. I didn't

13:46

care. I didn't think I just was

13:48

angry. I was

13:50

taking that. I could have taken something small and

13:52

got out of there and been fine. But

13:55

Nope. So in all

13:57

of that, and it's when I caught caught my first charge.

14:00

So they wanna make an example of

14:03

me. For stealing frozen chicken, they kept me

14:05

in jail for a month. A month

14:07

was thirty days for a

14:09

box of chicken. Right?

14:12

It was a way overkill and time limit

14:14

wise. I mean, a lot of people get like a night

14:16

or a couple hours or whatever, but no, I got

14:18

a month. And that may be

14:20

so mad, but I also found connections

14:22

where I could get other drugs inside in jail

14:24

or which then,

14:26

certainly, as I kept going to that jail for next

14:28

couple of years over

14:31

and over again. So

14:34

I ended up before

14:36

I was twenty one, I had

14:38

two felony charges. 2DA

14:42

r's. We're driving up to revocation.

14:45

three DAS is driving out your

14:47

suspension, a DUI,

14:49

and multiple estimators. I can't

14:51

remember what those are. In those

14:53

two years, in my in my

14:55

adult record, I was

14:57

busy. And kept

14:59

getting in trouble. I was a stupid criminal. Like,

15:02

again, I didn't care. Whatever,

15:04

arrest me. Whatever. Kill me.

15:06

But with with all of that

15:09

again, I just could care less. I could

15:11

care less. What if I hurt other people's

15:13

feelings or if I hurt my own or if I

15:15

died, didn't matter. So

15:18

in that time I robbed my

15:20

parents, I busted into their house,

15:22

fully expecting if they were there.

15:24

What happens happens? that

15:27

was probably the lowest part of my

15:30

life.

15:31

Cain was hitchhiking and going to parties

15:33

constantly. And whenever he wasn't

15:35

in jail, he was either drunk or high.

15:37

And since he couldn't make sense of anything,

15:39

he stopped trying it. After

15:41

all, life was a joke. But

15:43

what

15:43

he didn't realize was that God was

15:45

watching closely and was

15:47

about to intervene. What you'll hear

15:49

about right after the break.

15:51

This episode is brought to you in part by Seattle's

15:54

Union Gospel Mission. Over

15:56

thirteen thousand people in the Seattle area

15:58

are homeless. Crystal is helping to make a difference

15:59

through Seattle, June, and gospel mission. I

16:02

was homeless on and off for twenty

16:04

years. It was the nightmare the whole

16:06

time. I was

16:06

addicted to meth, I knew I

16:08

wanted a different life, but I didn't know how

16:10

to obtain it. One night, the

16:13

mission search and rescue team

16:15

reached out to me, but I wasn't

16:17

ready. They kept checking on

16:19

me for two more years. They

16:21

really cared about me as a person.

16:23

When I got clean, I

16:25

knew I never wanted to go back Now,

16:27

I'm working as an outreach specialist

16:30

for the mission. I am just so

16:32

blessed to have this opportunity to help

16:34

people out on the street in the

16:36

same position that I was. With

16:38

God's love, anything is

16:40

possible.

16:40

Willie.

16:47

To hear more, volunteer or

16:49

donate, visit UGM dot

16:51

org. If you've

16:53

been paying attention, then you've already heard me tell

16:55

you about Abai. It's a phone app

16:57

made specifically for Christians to help

16:59

them record their daily devotion, remind

17:02

them to pray and even sleep better at night.

17:04

Millions of Christians around the world use

17:06

Abai to reduce stress, improve their sleep,

17:08

and deepen their engagement with the Lord.

17:10

and there are some great audio stories in there

17:12

for listeners of all ages including

17:15

children. In fact, my kids listen to a

17:17

bias stories almost every Sunday on our way

17:19

back home from church. It's a way for

17:21

them to wind down while also hearing a

17:23

story that teaches them more about the character

17:25

of God. Abidus free to

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use and download, and because their

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supporters have compelled, they've agreed to

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twenty five percent off your first year

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promo code compelled to twenty

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two forty three. three.

17:52

That's twenty two forty three

17:55

three.

17:57

Welcome

18:00

back to compelled. We've

18:02

been listening to Cain Kellerman describe

18:04

his out of control lifestyle of drug

18:06

usage and constant parties. He

18:08

was nineteen and had stopped caring about anything.

18:10

He knew that life had no meaning,

18:13

so why bother? But what he

18:15

didn't know is that God was about

18:17

to intervene in the most

18:19

unexpected way I started

18:22

renting a house with a bunch of other guys,

18:24

and then we just made

18:26

it a party house. the ceiling

18:28

fan. We'd use that to shoot

18:30

other things. We'd have the ceiling fan on just

18:32

throw stuff up into the ceiling fan and see how far it'll

18:35

throw and We had

18:37

things wedged into the walls from that.

18:39

We, you know, it was just a party

18:41

house. It's all it was. drugs

18:43

constantly, alcohol, constantly, whose

18:46

vomit just standing,

18:48

just out and because people just throw up

18:50

and they'll leave it and just you know,

18:52

there was one whole room that was just beds. That's what it was

18:54

for. It was the bed room that didn't

18:57

matter. It also was in there. It's

18:59

kinda in a distinguished party. That's

19:01

all it was. And we rented

19:03

it from this elderly gentleman who

19:06

was the farmer originally that owned

19:08

that house. he lived in a trailer house

19:10

next door because he didn't need the big house

19:12

anymore, so we rented it out. So

19:14

we took it. None of us could have

19:16

phones that time wasn't like cellphones.

19:18

It was all landlines. And

19:21

we all had bills because we

19:23

had landlines from other places

19:25

that we rented, and none of us could have a phone because of

19:27

that because we never paid those bills. So

19:29

we used this elderly gentleman's phone.

19:31

His name is Clarence. He's

19:33

in his nineties. And so

19:37

one day I I was using

19:39

his landline and it

19:41

was like a typical kinda

19:43

older person, they have a phone on a

19:45

table with a drawer. In the drawer,

19:47

they have the phone book, and a notebook,

19:49

or in a pen, or something. So you gotta take

19:51

a note. So I was on the phone and I remember who I was

19:53

with, but I opened up that drawer because I had

19:55

to write something down and I started

19:57

cashing it.

20:00

And I

20:02

took it.

20:05

Took some. He's not getting notices. to

20:07

go a bit more. Every day, he

20:09

uses phone to go a bit more.

20:12

Eventually, he get arrested. and

20:15

arrested for stealing from this old

20:17

man. I get a

20:19

letter, Wallace and Jill, on

20:21

that charge. and

20:24

I was in the middle of

20:26

going through the court to be convicted.

20:28

There's a few different meetings

20:30

in court before it's you're

20:33

completed. I got a letter

20:35

from him, and he

20:37

was saying that he wished he could try to take the

20:39

charges off

20:40

of me. that

20:43

because of Jesus forgiving him,

20:45

that he forgives me.

20:49

he actively was trying to get a hold

20:51

of the DA and

20:53

all that trying to get the charges off of

20:55

me to get me out. And

20:59

I remember reading that in my bunk,

21:01

and it it broke my heart.

21:03

This old man I was

21:05

stealing all the money from him. That was what he lived on.

21:07

It was his social security. And he

21:10

lived that's what he lived on for food,

21:12

for bills, everything. and

21:14

I still left from him. And

21:17

yet he was kind

21:19

enough. Jesus has

21:22

shown through him enough to forgive me that

21:24

way. And that's when

21:26

God started to break my heart, started to

21:28

break through the crust that I had put up, the

21:30

wall that I had put up against him.

21:33

I still have that letter. It still gets wrinkly

21:36

because the the tears I was

21:39

actively pouring out of my eyes at that

21:41

point. I'm on a cryer. but

21:43

that got me. I get

21:45

that letter in the same time period as another

21:47

guy in jail, another inmate. This

21:50

guy has been bugging me to go to church

21:52

in jail. for

21:54

months. And I this guy is unknowing

21:56

me beyond belief. It just kept going and going

21:58

and going and going and kept Every

21:59

Wednesday, every

22:02

Sunday, every Tuesday, he would always want me to

22:04

go to Bibles to your church. Like, just shut up,

22:06

you know, and just get out of here. I don't wanna have

22:08

anything to do. Finally, I went

22:10

just to make him be quiet. That's the whole

22:12

reason why I went. So

22:16

I go don't remember what the bible studies

22:18

about. I don't remember anything about it.

22:20

One of the volunteers went to put

22:22

his hand in my shoulder, which now I

22:24

know it was to pray for me, but then I didn't

22:26

know what it was for, so I heard them.

22:28

Which sent me a little,

22:31

which when you're in trouble,

22:33

in jail, you go to that

22:35

and really take everything else from you, you

22:37

know. So you don't have TV, you don't

22:39

have books, you know, you don't they take it from you

22:41

because it you've lost those people just

22:43

now. This guy's got me to go to the jail

22:45

estate, but then I got in trouble because I went,

22:47

you know, in my head, I'm thinking, oh, it's

22:49

his fault. I I'm putting all of

22:51

the blame on everybody else, not on

22:53

me. It's everybody else's fault

22:55

that I'm the ones who own left behind.

22:57

everybody else's fault but mine. So I'm in there

22:59

and that same guy that invited me to church, got

23:01

me this bible and said to

23:03

open it up to a book of John.

23:06

and read. I'm all

23:09

been a reader. Like I said, I was gonna be an English

23:11

teacher. I so

23:13

I I didn't have anything else to

23:15

read, so I decided to

23:17

And what Clarence had

23:19

done a few weeks before by

23:21

that letter?

23:23

that started my wall down to

23:25

the point that when I

23:27

started reading John, God

23:30

started breaking my heart by

23:33

the time I got to chapter eight,

23:37

Don't know what verse it was, but I know

23:39

it was chapter eight because the

23:41

woman caught in adultery. I felt

23:44

like that chick, even though I wasn't caught in adultery, I was

23:46

caught in drugs all the time. I

23:48

was getting caught in this, in this, in

23:50

this, in this, in this, holding my best friend's

23:52

head. Like, all of these bad

23:54

things, all of these awful, awful,

23:56

awful things. you grow

23:58

this bitterness, you grow this anger,

24:00

that just it gets

24:02

so deep. So I

24:04

could identify with this woman who has

24:06

got an adult it, but it started

24:08

breaking my heart and realizing that he could

24:10

forgive

24:11

me. That was

24:14

earth

24:14

changing. Earth shattering. I

24:16

didn't think anyone could forgive me. I

24:18

didn't think anything could forgive

24:21

me. I thought I was the

24:23

worthless most worthless

24:27

waste of flesh that there had

24:29

ever been.

24:32

just

24:33

I thought I was. I don't

24:36

know if it's because I'm Swedish and

24:38

I'm naturally guilty, but just

24:40

am. And I felt like everything

24:42

was my fault. my friends killing themselves. My

24:45

fault. Blake getting his head shut

24:47

off. My fault. Me getting

24:49

involved in heroin. My fault. Like,

24:51

everything I thought was always my fault.

24:53

No matter what no matter what it was. Even when I

24:55

was look really little, it was

24:57

always my fault. And I really

25:00

started identifying with her. And

25:02

then when you when you

25:04

could forgive her. What?

25:06

You could forgive

25:07

me.

25:10

And I

25:10

remember sitting in that

25:13

cell by myself, and

25:15

God had broke my heart

25:18

so much. I am

25:21

balling. Like, I'm losing

25:24

fluids rapidly through my

25:26

eyes. And at first, I didn't know

25:28

what was really going on except

25:30

I started feeling

25:33

I I had closed off from

25:36

everybody for so long. I didn't wanna get

25:38

close to anyone even if they're good

25:40

friends. No. you've didn't you've

25:42

never got past a certain space with me. You

25:44

just couldn't because I had put up those

25:46

walls that people couldn't

25:48

get through.

25:50

but God got through it. And then

25:52

I started feeling things again and I

25:54

started hurting more. And I'm

25:56

like, what is this? Why does it hurt

25:59

more? every time I've heard

26:01

people come to the Lord, it's felt good. Why

26:03

does this hurt more?

26:06

I think it's because God really wanted to get to

26:08

the bottom of me and wanted

26:10

to forgive me. I had to

26:12

get through that. and to

26:15

start the life of forgiveness. Right?

26:18

So I'm sitting in jail the next day,

26:20

next two days. not

26:22

knowing what's going on. I finished

26:24

John, I started eating Romans, I started let's

26:26

just start going, you know. And I'm like, what is this?

26:28

What is

26:30

this? That stay

26:32

in

26:33

jail was transformative

26:35

for Kain. If Jesus came to

26:37

forgive the sins of the world, then

26:39

that also included him. And if God meant

26:41

to forgive his sins, then that

26:43

also meant God cared about him

26:45

and had a purpose for his

26:48

life. was ready to commit his

26:50

life to Jesus and accept forgiveness,

26:52

but he also had very little context

26:54

for Christianity and no one was there

26:56

to disciple him. Case

26:58

in point, one of the first things he did

27:00

after being released from jail and placed into mandatory

27:03

rehab was buy drugs and bring

27:05

them back to rehab, to sell to the

27:07

other rehab participants. He was going

27:09

to be a Christian drug dealer, and

27:11

he saw no problem with that. Kain

27:12

had been through mandatory rehab countless

27:15

times and admit nothing to him.

27:17

He knew all the right answers to give and how to

27:19

pass the test and had no intention of

27:21

stopping his drug usage. But

27:23

just a few months later, Cain crossed

27:25

paths with a girl named Cheri who was passing through

27:27

town for a few days. He

27:29

realized that she was Christian and was actually

27:31

trying to live out what she said.

27:33

And that just blew his

27:35

mind. A few

27:35

weeks later, Cain failed a drug test at

27:37

his halfway house and was kicked out.

27:39

He hadn't even turned twenty yet and was homeless

27:42

yet again. He wasn't sure what to

27:44

do next, but then he remembered that

27:46

girl, Sherry.

27:47

So I

27:48

get kicked out of this halfway house, now what do

27:50

I do? She doesn't live in that town,

27:52

this girl, this Sherry, she doesn't

27:54

live there. She's in Minneapolis, which is a

27:56

little over an hour away. And how

27:58

am I gonna get out of this town? With

28:00

now I have this this bible and I

28:02

have like a couple shirts, I gonna

28:04

get out? When I was

28:06

homeless before, I didn't

28:08

have anything. So I didn't have to

28:11

carry anything. Now I gotta carry something. I

28:13

gotta get a bag. You know what? All

28:15

these things, now I gotta think about

28:17

this. It was a

28:19

weird time, I didn't know what to do. I was out of

28:21

drugs even. I couldn't find that

28:24

dealer. So somebody said,

28:26

Go to the family services office in the town

28:28

of Hastings, Minnesota, and they'll give you a free grayhound bus

28:30

ticket to get to Minneapolis, to get to

28:32

the homeless shelter. Okay.

28:35

So I went, they gave me the voucher.

28:37

I was in line at parties to

28:39

get on the bus. but stops, the

28:41

brush driver said we don't take those vouchers

28:44

anymore. And I'm like, ah. And the guy that

28:46

was behind me, he has armed a

28:48

sling because it was broken. had

28:50

this free on the inside prison bible,

28:53

his like this and said,

28:55

I'll pay for him. So he paid for my

28:57

bus ticket. but I did not see that

28:59

gentleman one other time on that bus trip too

29:01

Minneapolis after that. I got to

29:03

Minneapolis, I got to the homeless

29:05

shelter, ten ten Curry

29:07

Street. And I was gonna go there, but it's

29:09

right next to Washington Avenue, which is full of

29:11

bars, just bars lined.

29:14

And it some of them,

29:16

if if you use your sobriety tokens you

29:18

have, the ones that you go from treatment

29:20

or or whatever you get

29:22

these sobriety tokens, like, five

29:24

days or a week and then you get thirty days

29:26

or whatever. Some of these bars will nail them to

29:28

the wall and give you a free drink.

29:30

lot of them will. And I went

29:33

to everyone, and none of them would.

29:35

Not what I was under Asia,

29:37

but I had a beard. I

29:39

Nobody nobody carded me.

29:41

I didn't have a problem for years in bars.

29:44

So, like, them

29:46

not taking it was unusual. There's tokens

29:48

on the wall, but they won't

29:50

take mine. This is so weird

29:52

to me. Why can't I even get

29:54

that? I can't I'm trying to smell see

29:56

if I can smell weed. I'm

29:59

going around, looking around for drugs.

30:01

I'm trying like, I'm

30:03

I'm starting to shake, I'm starting to Like, I want I

30:05

need to get high. I I'm an

30:07

addict. It's all I was going towards.

30:10

I remember walking down this

30:12

road, Washington Avenue going to all these bars

30:14

getting turned out every bar just went,

30:16

nope. Nope. I was like, I

30:18

walk by, there's this guy sitting on a sidewalk. There's loud

30:20

music. I remember hearing loud music. Guys

30:23

sitting on the sidewalk asking for spare change.

30:25

I asked him what day it

30:27

was. I don't even know what day.

30:29

He said Tuesday. I said,

30:31

what time? He said, it's like, that's after

30:33

seven in the evening.

30:36

and

30:36

I went all this right. Sherry went to a bible study

30:38

on Tuesdays at seven o'clock

30:41

in a building and

30:43

I look up It's kitty corner

30:45

from where I was. There's a red brick

30:48

building, seven story, eight

30:50

story, something like that. That's where she went to the

30:52

bow side. didn't know where it was in that building, but

30:54

I knew that's where she went.

30:57

And she had told me about the bible study

30:59

once. I went to that building and

31:01

I went four by four until I could find where they

31:03

were. And the

31:05

door was open. I look

31:07

and I'm seeing the people that

31:09

were there And on a railing,

31:11

I see a foot of Sherry was all

31:13

barefoot. She had her

31:15

foot up on a railing, so I knew she

31:17

was there. but I didn't wanna

31:19

interrupt them, so I didn't go

31:21

in. I waited till

31:23

it was the service was over because

31:25

it they were right in the middle of the

31:27

teaching part of the bible study.

31:30

So I waited.

31:33

The bible study ended, people started

31:35

getting out. Somebody

31:37

from behind me said, hey, Ani,

31:39

were you staying a night? He was a

31:42

gay guy. So I

31:44

turn around because I'm gonna lay him out now.

31:46

I'm gonna knock him out. That's my

31:48

whole thing. when

31:51

Sherry accepted in front of me, she said,

31:54

he's staying with us. And the roommate had

31:56

grabbed my arm because I talked back to it and then

31:58

turned me. So immediately just

31:59

got me out of the situation. Just

32:03

turned me out. I got me out of

32:05

there and and got me out of that out of

32:07

that room. Seriously, that that's

32:10

when I knew I

32:12

knew that week that she

32:15

was to be my wife, that

32:17

week. But that's when I realized Christians

32:19

didn't do drugs. I was still getting high in it. She's

32:21

like, why don't you do that? I

32:23

learned that Christians just didn't do

32:25

that. So I

32:27

asked God, I was like, what

32:29

are I? There's

32:31

nothing I could do about this.

32:33

I've been a user for ten

32:36

years. I've never stopped. I

32:39

was in jail, out of jail, I was

32:41

using the whole time. Just alcohol

32:44

was my thing. Drugs were loosened

32:46

in jail. as

32:49

a God need. If you

32:51

truly want me to not do this, you gotta take

32:53

it. So he took

32:55

it. Nothing else in my life has been

32:57

that easy. Nothing. When

32:59

I gave it to him, he took it completely

33:01

and took it. I've been

33:03

twenty five years sober.

33:05

I have had no one want,

33:08

need, nothing, alcohol,

33:10

drugs, nothing. I could walk

33:12

past people who are smoking up

33:14

or get eye or shooting up even. It doesn't

33:16

matter. There's no want, need,

33:18

desire. It was like that then.

33:20

When God took it. He took it

33:22

completely. And he didn't

33:24

do that with anything else in my life,

33:26

but that he did. And I

33:28

think that was just sheer grace.

33:31

because he knew I was gonna get caught up in and again

33:33

because that was my thing.

33:35

You know? And so

33:38

he completely took it.

33:40

One year later,

33:42

Cain and Cheri got married. They

33:44

were twenty and twenty one, and Cain was still

33:46

pretty rough around the edges. but they

33:48

were committed to growing together in their faith and trust in

33:51

the lord. Over the next few years,

33:53

they started a family and came work several

33:55

jobs, all while volunteering at

33:57

their church. Then, Kain began to

33:59

feel that perhaps God was calling

34:01

him to work in an area of

34:03

ministry that Kain wanted nothing to do

34:05

with. What you'll hear more

34:07

about, right after the break.

34:08

WorldView is

34:10

everything because it

34:11

tells us what's important, what's not, and

34:13

how to respond to tough

34:16

life situations. And one of the

34:18

most critical times to establish a

34:20

biblical worldview is during childhood and

34:22

adolescence. That's why BJU

34:24

Press places the highest priority on

34:26

equipping students with a biblical worldview from day one. And

34:28

actually, I've seen it at work in my own

34:30

family. You see, fourteen years ago, my

34:32

cousin was a high school junior and did

34:34

not know

34:36

the Lord. In fact, he frequently got in trouble at school and could

34:38

sometimes even be violent. The

34:40

situation became serious enough that my aunt and

34:42

uncle sent him to a military

34:44

boarding school but that only made

34:46

matters worse. Finally, in

34:48

desperation, they sent him to the school that

34:50

helped create BJU press where

34:52

he was sposed to a comprehensive worldview shaped by the

34:54

bible. Every subject from

34:56

literature to math, to science,

34:58

to history, was

35:00

discussed through the lens of God's word.

35:02

And that's where my cousin gave his life to

35:04

Christ fourteen years ago and

35:06

was totally

35:08

transformed Today, BJ U Press produces world class curriculum

35:10

with academic rigor and uncompromising

35:12

Christian faith, and they

35:14

would love to help equip you

35:17

and your student with that same outlook. Because as my

35:19

cousin would say, worldview is

35:22

everything. Learn more at BJU

35:24

press homeschool dot com. Again, that's BJU

35:27

press homeschool dot com.

35:31

Maverick is a

35:34

Christian storytelling podcast very similar to

35:36

compelled, actually, that's focused on

35:38

bringing true life accounts of what

35:40

God is

35:42

doing around the world. Listen to people who dare to stand

35:44

out, think differently, and go against the

35:46

grain as they follow Jesus in

35:49

counter cultural ways. In season one, Maverick follows the

35:51

story of a young Muslim man named Bishara, whose

35:54

decision to follow Jesus quickly turned

35:56

into a series of near

35:58

death experiences

36:00

that left an entire community upended and

36:02

changed. I listened to the entire season

36:04

in a week, and trust me, it is

36:06

so good.

36:08

Maverick just launched their second season a few weeks ago, and it

36:10

has been just as awesome. If you're

36:12

interested in missions or about the persecuted

36:15

church, or frankly, If you just enjoy listening to

36:17

compelled, then you're gonna thoroughly blessed by listening in to

36:20

Maverick. Search for Maverick Podcast

36:22

on your podcast app or

36:24

by visiting the maverick

36:26

podcast dot com. Again,

36:28

that's the maverick podcast

36:30

dot com.

36:32

Welcome

36:36

back. For

36:36

ten years, Cain and his wife had

36:38

been volunteering in the churches they attended.

36:41

this point, they were in Upper Michigan and Cain was helping with their

36:44

church's youth group of twenty kids.

36:46

But he began to remember the words of an

36:48

older Christian woman who had given him

36:50

some advice early on in

36:52

his Christian

36:53

walk. She

36:54

said to me that I

36:56

should tell my testimony or

36:58

give messages at schools and prisons because

37:01

of my past.

37:03

I immediately said

37:05

no. I fought that fuck

37:07

that all the rest of those years.

37:09

So from nineteen ninety six,

37:12

all the way till two thousand seven,

37:14

I actively fought doing

37:18

jail ministry. I did not want to smell the disinfectants that they

37:20

use in a gel anymore. I didn't

37:22

want to smell the man sweat that comes

37:24

out that is very

37:26

particular in a gel. because

37:28

it is so overwhelming no matter how

37:30

much disinfecting you go through, it's gonna smell

37:32

like that.

37:34

The soap smells a certain way.

37:37

the sound of the doors when

37:39

they shut, the

37:42

dangling of the keys,

37:44

jail keys, make a

37:45

different sound than car

37:48

keys. So I had been

37:50

invited to go into a jail,

37:52

to somebody else did a biopsy, and I've been

37:54

invited to go in with it

37:56

caused so many issues in my

37:58

head. I had nightmares.

38:00

It messed me up

38:02

because of my pass being in, I didn't wanna ever hear that stuff again. I didn't

38:04

wanna hear it. I didn't wanna see it. I don't nothing.

38:06

Right?actively fought against going

38:10

in. I'll talk to people on the street, but I

38:12

ain't gonna talk to him inside there. But Kain still couldn't shake

38:13

the feeling that perhaps this was the calling

38:16

God had placed on

38:18

his life. that has passed

38:20

history with violence, drugs, and

38:22

crime. But most importantly,

38:24

experiencing God's grace were

38:26

factors that would let him minister to prisoners in a

38:28

way that few other Christians could. Eventually, he relented

38:30

and began

38:30

volunteering with another experienced

38:33

prison minister and

38:36

almost immediately he realized

38:38

this is what God wanted him to do.

38:40

It was a significant time commitment, but

38:42

even though money was tight around their

38:44

house, God always had a way

38:46

of providing. One that I

38:47

love to tell because this

38:48

just still still gets me is I knew

38:51

I was supposed to go to the prison and

38:53

it was on a Sunday. I

38:55

got in my car, and I went to the gas station,

38:58

and we had so

39:00

little. I couldn't put any gas

39:02

in it. in the car. I didn't have enough to get there.

39:04

I was supposed to be there in two hours. It's hour

39:06

and a half to get there. How am I

39:08

gonna do

39:10

this? I don't know, Lord, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't have anything

39:12

else to sell. I sold everything else I've

39:14

got. I don't know what to do, Lord.

39:18

I'm sitting at this gas station. Now that a pump, I'm sitting at a at a spot

39:20

and I heard a knock on the glass on

39:22

my window and look over

39:26

and there's a guy sitting there. I rolled on the window. He

39:28

puts in a gas guard and just

39:30

turns on and walks away. Just hands in

39:32

a gas guard to me. What

39:35

what? A gift card, you know? Okay. Is this a stranger?

39:37

This is a stranger. I've never seen

39:39

it before. So I

39:42

put gas in the car. It was some weird number too. It wasn't even

39:44

a whole number. It that's one thing

39:46

I can't stand. It's gotta be thirty even, you

39:48

know, if I'm gonna put gas in it, you know?

39:51

This was like some weird number too, but

39:53

it was exactly what I needed to get to the

39:55

prison and back to a tee.

39:57

Put me back right at the same level of gas that I

39:59

had when I got back. Wow. Pretty good. It was another

40:02

god moment. We keep going in

40:04

ministry and keep living

40:06

by faith. and keep

40:08

just just going and just going,

40:10

our vehicles, the houses, all

40:12

of that got us taken care of

40:14

over this time. when he's done.

40:17

And Ojibwe correctional, there was a man that

40:19

got saved, and he was known as being a

40:21

very violent guy. And

40:24

Somebody had taken the bible that he got after he got saved, got

40:26

from the chaplain, and they tore it

40:28

up. He got some tape from

40:30

one of the guards, and he was taping

40:33

it back together again instead of

40:36

hurting the person that tore it

40:38

up. That's amazing. That kind of

40:40

stuff is cool to see a transition

40:42

like that. Guards

40:44

brought a man to me. I

40:46

was in the middle of a service. We're

40:48

doing worship timing in that prison.

40:50

allowed the inmates to do the worship time. The gut kept in the chapel's

40:53

office, but inmate can actually play

40:55

it, and inmate could

40:58

sing. and no one wants to hear me sing It's two want me

41:00

to do, sing or cook.

41:03

So they were doing that. And

41:05

then one of the guards got was

41:08

waving from the back of the room, trying to get

41:10

my attention. And

41:12

I come out of the side of the room, and they're still

41:14

doing the worship. time. And he said, we just cut somebody

41:16

down. They're trying to kill themselves. We talked

41:18

to him. I said, yeah. Totally. He still had

41:20

the marker on his neck. I mean, they

41:23

literally just cut him down. from

41:25

trying to hang himself. And he saved that day. And he

41:27

walked with the Lord till he got out. I don't know

41:29

where he's at now, but I

41:32

think it's cool how in that time how much God changed him.

41:34

I spoke at a church and a guy

41:37

got up and he said he was

41:39

a guard at Ojibwe. This

41:41

was so cold that I didn't know. I it was a church that

41:43

we were going to. I had no idea that a

41:46

guard from that prison went to that church

41:48

at no

41:50

clue. And he said that there were so many stories of me

41:52

and a weird guy with big

41:54

earrings. And

41:56

this man said that

41:58

I convicted him just

41:59

going to that prison because of all the

42:02

stories you heard about me walking with the Lord

42:04

and teaching these other guys how to walk with

42:06

the Lord. convicted him

42:08

because he wasn't. About

42:09

six years ago, Cain and his family moved

42:11

to Florida where God opened up the doors

42:13

for him to share the gospel with

42:15

death row inmates. which is a

42:17

miracle in itself because a kain's lengthy

42:20

resume on the wrong side of law

42:22

enforcement. As our interview

42:24

wrapped up, Kain shared about the realities of sharing the hope of

42:26

Jesus with men waiting to be

42:28

executed. God has

42:30

opened

42:30

up so many different

42:32

doors in prison in jail.

42:34

And there's a man who I

42:36

got real close with on death row.

42:38

I just I saw a version of me

42:40

and him. Right? He was considered ultraviolet to talk with

42:43

him. He had to talk with

42:45

him underneath the door because

42:48

it was a full steel door. You couldn't yell through the

42:50

plexy very well. So what would work best

42:52

if you laid on the ground, and you

42:54

could talk through the gap on the

42:56

the door. He couldn't reach each other there was there's

42:59

two catwalks on, you know, with

43:01

death row because they don't want them to reach

43:03

out and kill the volunteer. So

43:06

they keep you past an arm's length out.

43:09

Right? So I'm I'm talking

43:11

with this man, i'm talking with this

43:13

man and he's getting closer and closer to

43:15

the Lord. He's writing letters to his

43:18

mom that are so cool. The

43:20

fruit was

43:22

so awesome. And there's a few guys

43:24

on death row that are just amazing

43:26

believers. One guy who's been on

43:28

there thirty

43:30

plus years he looks younger

43:32

than I do. Just

43:34

a just a awesome guy and and

43:37

loves the Lord. has encouraged

43:40

me so much that guy. But this other

43:42

one I was talking about, I'm not allowed to

43:44

say names, so that's why I'm being very vague that

43:46

way? Sure. he killed himself in

43:49

two thousand twenty because

43:52

of COVID. No

43:53

volunteer was

43:54

allowed in. and it

43:56

was in June of two thousand and twenty. And

43:59

that was hard to find out

44:01

that he had killed himself

44:04

you'd seen so much fruit. What do you do with that?

44:08

But the

44:11

No. A good a good friend of mine had

44:13

said to me, it's just like any

44:15

other sin. When when

44:17

that man got saved, he always used

44:19

to say that you know, his problem wasn't lying or drugs

44:21

or anything like that. His his problem was killing

44:24

people. That was his sin. That's how he'd

44:26

actually just killed somebody. You know, that was

44:28

his thing. It wasn't drugs anything

44:30

else. It was just killing.

44:33

Mhmm. And so

44:35

he backslid. Had a pastor

44:37

say it to me one

44:39

time. just bless me because it

44:42

that helped me under deal with it.

44:44

It helped me deal with the loss.

44:47

because I got so close with him. I got so close

44:49

with him. And if there's anything out

44:52

of this testimony that

44:54

would bless someone,

44:56

it's that. what people that

44:58

living by faith, giving

45:02

him

45:03

thanks regardless

45:05

and staying

45:06

the

45:08

course. It's completely staying

45:10

the course. God's called me the prison ministry,

45:12

so I try always try other things because I

45:14

don't like it. And to be honest, I don't

45:16

like the sound. I don't like You know, it's still

45:18

those things that are still stuck in my

45:21

head that way. but I love it. I wouldn't change it

45:23

for anything because I know this is what God's

45:26

called me to do. Wherever God calls us,

45:28

we're gonna go. We're gonna be faithful in

45:30

his call. because

45:32

that's the only thing that's worth it. That's the

45:34

only thing that's worth it. You remember when I said I

45:36

was worthless before, I found worthless in

45:39

him. And the only thing that's worth it is to bring

45:41

others redemption because God brought it

45:44

to me. My job is to bring it

45:46

to others. so grateful that you've come and joined us for the show

45:48

and can't wait to share this with others.

45:50

Awesome. Thank you. Thank you

45:52

very much.

45:54

Take a second

45:56

and think about

45:57

Kain's journey. He was a heroin

46:00

addict at

46:02

age ten, As a teenager, he

46:04

was a relentless druggy, and by

46:06

nineteen, he was in and out of jail.

46:08

But God used the simple actions

46:10

of a ninety year old man who

46:12

extended forgiveness. to set

46:14

Cain on a path of transformation.

46:16

And that transformation now sees Cain

46:18

ministering to hundreds of other men in the

46:21

prison system with his same background. If God

46:23

can use a ninety year old man and

46:25

if God can use a hopeless drug addict,

46:27

then he can certainly use

46:29

you and me. Cane and Cherry

46:32

just celebrated their twenty fifth wedding

46:34

anniversary and have six kids. They

46:36

live near Tampa and continue to serve in

46:38

their local church and their ministry. called

46:40

Fullthrottle Freedom. To learn more about their

46:42

ministry, just visit compile podcast

46:44

dot com, find the show notes for

46:46

this episode and will include

46:48

links. One of the biggest reasons someone

46:50

decides to listen to a new podcast is

46:52

if they receive a personal recommendation

46:54

from a friend. If you enjoy listening to Compel, then please take a

46:56

minute and share it with someone. We'd love

46:58

for more folks to be able to enjoy these

47:00

stories of how God is

47:02

transforming lives. And

47:04

if you'd like this to help create more stories just like this one, then

47:06

join Compound as a monthly Patreon supporter.

47:09

Get started at compound podcast

47:11

dot com and click donate.

47:14

Finally, if you're looking for a podcast app on your cell phone,

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when you're offline. and it's free. Learn more at

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castbox dot f m. This episode was

47:28

edited by Will Jackson, our sound

47:30

engineer, Zach Fowler, and our associate

47:32

producer is my wife, Sierra

47:34

Hastings. Stay tuned for a sneak peek from

47:36

next week's season finale with Barbara

47:38

Mueller. As a child, her home

47:40

life was chaotic at best and scarred with abuse. To

47:42

protect yourself, Barbara put up

47:44

emotional walls and developed a tough

47:46

personality. But when her

47:48

marriage began crumbling, she

47:50

realized those walls would never hold

47:52

up. If everything she thought to be

47:54

true as false, how would she ever

47:56

find a

47:58

firm foundation? I'm your host, Paul Hastings, and you've been listening to

47:59

compel. We'll be back with our final

48:02

compelling story of the season

48:04

next Tuesday.

48:15

My

48:15

husband saw me go from this

48:18

confident woman to this

48:21

mushy, needy, anxious worried

48:24

all the time, and he didn't know what to do with

48:26

that. So he just became

48:28

more work obsessed. And the more that he

48:30

did that, the more anxious

48:32

I

48:32

got.