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The Naked Therapist

The Naked Therapist

Released Thursday, 22nd September 2022
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The Naked Therapist

The Naked Therapist

The Naked Therapist

The Naked Therapist

Thursday, 22nd September 2022
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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1:29

Okay. Let's get started. Hi,

1:32

Violet. Meet Conan and Santa. Yeah.

1:34

And Matt. Oh my gosh. It's pleasure

1:36

to meet you guys. It feels like a fever

1:38

dream. Well,

1:39

it may be a fever dream. I

1:42

hope you're alright. Violet, very

1:44

nice to meet you. Where are you right now, Violet?

1:47

I am in my living room

1:49

in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

1:51

You're in Kalamazoo. There's an old

1:53

song from the forties. I got a

1:55

gal from Kalamazoo zoo

1:57

zoo. Anywho -- Uh-huh.

1:59

Sorry. --

2:00

you were gonna know that reference.

2:02

absolutely tracked. Do you know that song?

2:04

Do you know the song Kalamazoo? Oh, yes.

2:07

Yes. Yeah. It's a

2:08

requirement of being a citizen here.

2:10

I would think so. Well,

2:12

I've already blown it with you, Violet. Let's

2:15

let's be honest. I I don't only

2:17

not only do I have no game, I have negative

2:20

games. Yeah. So I

2:22

dug a hole before even started. But

2:24

Violet, it's it's very nice to meet you.

2:26

I like the art hanging up behind

2:28

you. It looks like you've got very

2:30

cool style. I'm checking out,

2:32

oh, you've got some very nice ink

2:35

on your arm. beautiful word. Thank you.

2:37

That's really I actually have your name on

2:39

my butt. Now she

2:43

was only

2:43

kidding. I couldn't commit to it. I'm about admire.

2:45

At that moment, I say, and I just panicked. And then

2:47

I'm like,

2:47

yeah. You'd be like, no. No. I didn't murder him.

2:49

Okay. I did. Yeah.

2:52

Definitely. So finally, tell

2:54

us about yourself. Okay.

2:56

Well, I'm a stripper. Oh,

2:58

hello. Whoa. You mean,

3:00

hello? This is fantastic. Wow. What do

3:02

you prefer? Is it stripper or exotic dancer

3:04

with you, like You know midnight down arena,

3:07

nah. Here we go. Or

3:09

whatever, you

3:10

know. What was that? Nine is a nice.

3:13

Yeah. What's what's after midnight ballerina?

3:15

You you listed enough. Make it fair enough.

3:19

I love these. Yeah. Fantastic.

3:22

I need a naked therapist. Yeah. I'll do it.

3:25

I'm gonna be all. I'm good. Bye. Yeah.

3:27

So Violet, this is really fascinating

3:29

to me. I don't know a

3:31

lot about

3:33

the profession of stripping

3:35

exotic dancing. How did

3:37

you learn how to do that?

3:39

you just kinda like

3:40

learn on the go. You know, there's really

3:42

I mean, these say say it's a tutorial for

3:44

everything, but when I started in

3:46

two thousand fifteen, you kind of just

3:48

watched other girls and hope for the

3:50

best, you know. Sure. Just kind of

3:52

wing it. Yeah. I I

3:54

yeah i

3:55

long time ago on the late night show,

3:59

someone gave me a pole dancing lesson

4:01

on the show. And I was shot at

4:03

how difficult it is. Mhmm. It it

4:05

takes I mean, you have to be

4:08

in terrific shape to do that and

4:10

I'm always impressed the times that

4:12

I've somehow stumbled into a strip

4:14

club. You know, usually

4:16

when I'm no. When I'm doing charity

4:18

work somewhere, I fall through a door. I see.

4:20

And it's right. I think I'm going into the closet

4:23

where the supplies are. They're gonna help humanity.

4:25

And then I oh, what? A strip club,

4:28

well, it would be rude to leave immediately. But

4:30

when I'm there, I'm always impressed with the athleticism

4:33

of of the women Do

4:35

you work on a pole? Because you have to, like, support

4:37

your whole body weight. It seems like it's very difficult.

4:39

Yeah. Well, you know, it's funny

4:41

when I was a kid, they failed

4:43

me out of gymnastics because I

4:45

was terrified of doing a handstand. Wouldn't

4:48

do it. So they wouldn't let me pass.

4:50

And then now every time I look sit down

4:52

on a pole. I think take that gymnastics.

4:55

Oh, yes.

4:55

If

4:59

only they if only they had played pour some

5:01

sugar on me at the gym, you probably

5:04

won't be able to pull it off. It's all about the

5:06

music. This would have cray. in my, like, five year

5:08

old brain. I would have been, like, feels

5:10

great. Let me at what's what kind of music

5:12

do you like to dance to? Do you have a favorite song?

5:14

Yeah. So I just like any

5:16

music that's depressing that

5:18

that set

5:19

you Wow. That's cool. Yeah.

5:21

I have

5:21

to fight with the corporation,

5:24

all the time because they want really, like, pop songs

5:26

uplifting, and I'm just, like, I want

5:28

men to cry dollar films. That's

5:30

cool. So,

5:34

like, fake plastic trays. Right? You know,

5:36

and that would be a good one. Alright. By radio

5:38

head, you know, something something

5:41

sad you know. Yeah. Like Well, the

5:43

scientists -- Oh. --

5:45

by by cold play, you know, in Oakland

5:48

-- Turn on your heart. like that you have

5:50

diamond. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

5:52

That's Sarah McLaughlin song. That's all about

5:54

the dying puppies.

5:54

Yes. Yeah. That's what I want

5:57

people to think of. You know, John can be

5:59

different stage.

5:59

So okay. I

6:03

have made questions. This is I'm

6:06

I'm I'm very happy about this interview because

6:08

I'm learning a lot. What what does the usual

6:10

client tell?

6:12

Like, what what kind of

6:14

guys do you mostly see

6:16

at the strip club.

6:17

Yeah. So for me, my

6:20

sweet spot is between the age

6:22

of thirty and six

6:23

Steve? No. I'm

6:25

in there. Okay. I mean,

6:26

I'm no depressed. You know?

6:28

Yeah. I'm in there. I tried it. kind

6:31

of introspective -- Yeah. -- you know, they're

6:33

like, I don't even know what I'm doing.

6:34

Yes. Yes. Oh, yes. Man, I

6:36

am a business owner. I swear to god,

6:38

you were describing me to a cheese.

6:41

What else? Yeah. Tall red

6:43

headed.

6:44

Yeah. You know just, like, ninety percent

6:46

makes, ten percent hair, you know.

6:50

This is every woman's dream you're

6:53

describing. Incredible.

6:55

No. But seriously, so that's you

6:57

get a lot of and and what's the thing that guys

6:59

are seeing in strip clubs that they don't realize?

7:01

Every guy says they think they're the only

7:03

one saying it. Oh,

7:04

god. You know, there's so

7:06

much every night. It's like I have a bingo sheet

7:08

and I just check off things, you know.

7:10

Mhmm. Oh, you're

7:13

just like,

7:13

You're too smart to work here and you're

7:15

too nice to work here. Mhmm.

7:18

Do you care in snow you do you

7:20

do this, you know? that

7:22

sort of thing, do

7:25

you have a boyfriend? Can I take you out when you're

7:27

doing after the shift? And then I'm

7:29

going to

7:29

bad. Dude, it's like, six in

7:31

the morning. You know?

7:34

Yeah. They well,

7:36

that must be guys that

7:38

ask out a stripper that has to be

7:40

I don't know. I I did I'd

7:43

be men get confused -- Yeah. -- because

7:45

they think, oh, this woman is dancing for

7:47

me because she really men

7:49

are so stupid. They get confused about everything.

7:51

They get confused about everything.

7:52

If you just smile at them, they're like, oh,

7:54

she wants it. Yeah. So you

7:56

know, I could only imagine. like,

7:59

you don't know

7:59

anything about me. I could be a serial

8:02

killer. Like, you know,

8:04

It's dangerous for you. Yeah. Take me

8:06

off. No. It's thorough. I

8:08

would murder. Yeah. Yeah. It

8:11

would be a great cover. to

8:13

just murder it, guys. Just to be a

8:15

stripper. To be a stripper, and then they ask you

8:17

how you go into the middle of the night, you murder,

8:19

and then you walk away. They don't know.

8:21

a little Aimee Wuornos. Yeah.

8:24

Yeah.

8:24

Exactly. It's an attractive, sexy

8:27

woman was murdering me. I just say, like,

8:29

okay. This is just good. I

8:31

mean, I mean, I'd be like, roll for it. I mean, like,

8:33

this is as good a way to go as any.

8:35

Right. this beats be worse. Yeah. This beats,

8:37

like, bowel cancer down the line. I'll just

8:39

take this. Yeah. I guess it does.

8:42

Yeah. If she put, like, razor

8:44

blades in her long hair and was whipping it at

8:46

me. My gosh. That's

8:48

so specific. Really? It did. Yeah.

8:50

You've thought of that. Dude, hey. We

8:52

can make happened. Violet, would you put razor

8:54

blades in your hair and started whipping

8:56

your hair at me? I

8:59

would write it. have to sign

9:00

at a closure first, you

9:02

know. Oh, yeah. I just like

9:03

Golly's a lawyer you can do. Yeah. Let me write

9:05

that up. We can

9:07

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13:15

You guys, it's Andy Jack Black

13:18

is on the show. And I was

13:20

so freaking excited to

13:22

talk to him, and it had to had to be

13:24

rescheduled. And then we finally got together

13:27

And man oh man, did

13:29

we talk it up? But seriously, it was

13:31

a great episode. He's just the

13:33

best person. He talked about

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Anne Bancroft. giving him

13:37

praise

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early on when he was a child.

13:40

That's pretty cool. Anyway, three

13:42

questions. Jack Black

13:45

me. Come on. You like

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me.

13:54

So

13:54

wow. So

13:57

and and did you mention you're

13:59

married? Is that right?

14:00

Yes. Okay. five

14:02

years as of the thirtieth. How

14:03

did you meet your husband?

14:05

So we've known each other

14:08

since junior year

14:10

high school. And

14:12

then we kind of, like,

14:15

just moved apart, you know, dating

14:17

different people. And I actually

14:20

reunited with him at the strip club.

14:22

Uh-huh. His friend dragged him

14:24

in because he got don't not my

14:26

husband, best friend. And they had my

14:28

husband be the silver

14:31

person to drive everybody around.

14:33

And I was in the

14:35

lobby talking to the door

14:37

girl and out the corner of my eye. I'm

14:38

like, wait. I went to high school with that

14:40

guy, you know. And I

14:43

always had a crush on him. So Oh,

14:45

that's I was, like, in my stage. Yeah.

14:47

And then I just, like, snapped came

14:49

to my stage because I love I love care

14:51

though surprise snacking all lean in like you're

14:53

about to kiss them

14:54

and then just Yeah. But you can only

14:56

do it on the right guy. You have to fill

14:58

it out. Sometimes they might man. Oh, so oh,

15:00

I see. So you're dancing and then you lean

15:02

into them like you're gonna kiss them and nailing them

15:04

and then you trick them and you slap

15:07

them. Yeah. Yeah. My

15:09

wife did that on the altar when I got

15:11

married. Oh, that's hot.

15:13

Yeah. It wasn't it wasn't hot at

15:15

all. She just really lies what she was in

15:17

for. Oh. She's very disappointed

15:19

and angry. Yeah. But we

15:21

got over it. We worked it out with therapy. Wow.

15:24

So that's so nice. You've been married a

15:26

while now. Yeah. And

15:28

like you said, you're gonna take courses. What kind of courses

15:30

are you gonna take?

15:32

So I am working towards my

15:35

business degree in

15:37

marketing.

15:37

Yeah. That's great. Yeah. And, you know, it

15:39

is kinda

15:39

kinda boring. Honestly, like, you know,

15:42

I went to art school. I had a

15:44

full scholarship and then I dropped out

15:46

because I'm like, ninety percent of this

15:48

is kind of bolshitting people. You know,

15:50

like, this is why my artist

15:52

deep, you know? Exactly. And honestly,

15:54

if you're gonna make it, you don't have to go to art

15:56

school and you just put yourself out there. And

15:58

I'm like, I need a backup. I

16:00

can't dance forever as much as I would love

16:02

to, you know. So that's my

16:04

backup. What's the most

16:05

money you've made in one night? Konya.

16:08

I'm

16:08

just curious. No. Oh, you know what?

16:10

I'm just curious. Question. Why don't I ask

16:12

that for that question? inappropriate. I don't know.

16:14

It's just inappropriate to ask somebody

16:16

how much money. I mean, I'm not

16:18

gonna give an what's that? Oh, go ahead.

16:20

Yeah. Okay. I'm not

16:21

gonna give an exact answer because the

16:23

thing is, guys, we'll take that

16:25

and run with it. They'll be oh, million

16:27

dollars per night, so you don't need this tip, you

16:29

know.

16:30

Oh, yeah. I wanna say it

16:32

was

16:32

in the couple thousands. That's amazing.

16:34

Wow. It's great. Wow. Yeah.

16:36

I might get into that. You should. I

16:39

you know, it's great workout, you

16:40

know, great socialization. You need

16:43

tons of people.

16:44

Mhmm. Yeah. We recommend that.

16:46

I'd probably be too old at this point.

16:48

I'm a I'm a man. Yeah. You don't

16:50

think so. I think There's

16:51

somebody out there for everybody. You

16:54

will scratch somebody's edge for sure. Do you

16:56

think you can't do it? You're

16:58

too

16:58

I'm going to do it. Yeah. No. I don't think

17:00

you can't. I don't very. I'm very free up

17:02

my I'm free with my body. Yeah.

17:04

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Very not

17:06

ashamed of anything. Okay.

17:09

The worst down. We're just a game

17:11

dancer. I could do the straight yes. I could do the

17:13

instrument. you could really pull the stringing.

17:15

Okay. What's this guy's what he's

17:17

talking about? By the way, did you have

17:19

Did you have a question for me, Violet? Because I'd

17:21

I'd love to help you out in any way I can.

17:23

If you

17:23

have anything you want to ask me.

17:26

So

17:26

I it's

17:27

kind of a two parter. I was wondering,

17:29

number one, if you were

17:31

going to be a stripper, what

17:33

would you stage maybe. And number

17:36

two, what song would you dance

17:38

to? Okay. Ginger

17:40

Snap. Oh, that's good. Isn't

17:42

ginger Snap good? That's good. And I do

17:44

the the patented ginger snap where I

17:46

snap my head and my hair would,

17:48

you know, go to the side

17:50

and maybe nothing else would move around to the

17:52

old Ginger Snapp. Oh,

17:52

I thought that was a that was a

17:54

song. Sorry. I got confused. That's your name.

17:56

That's my name. Ginger Snapp. That's so

17:59

high. I think it's

17:59

really hand out ginger snaps.

18:02

Yeah. Ginger. Yeah.

18:05

I mean, that's then my song would be common people

18:07

as sung by William Shatner. Oh,

18:10

okay. I did not

18:13

hear you have you heard the

18:15

Wampshire versions? This team is

18:17

absolutely amazing. Yeah. I know that

18:19

whole album. No. No. The Wampshire did an

18:21

amazing fifteen years ago or twelve

18:23

years ago, and he does the song common

18:25

people by pope. And you

18:27

have to -- Yeah. -- have to listen

18:29

to it. Violet, you have to promise

18:31

me you're gonna No. I'm

18:31

going to look it up, and I'm going to dance

18:34

together. I mean, you have and you have to,

18:35

like I mean, we we you

18:37

have to record this thing. Oh, no. This is

18:40

amazing. It's Shutner, and

18:42

Shutner kills it. Yeah. Does he not Edward,

18:44

do you know what I'm talking about? Why

18:46

can't we play it right here? Talk.

18:47

Can we play a moment of it right now?

18:49

clear it. We

18:50

probably can't clear it. Just play a

18:52

play a moment of it. It's so great. At

18:54

least so we can hear it. Yeah. And then

18:56

we'll see what happens. That's the album where he

18:59

does the Ben Fulton song with a young man

19:01

too. Yeah. Yeah. He's genius. Here

19:03

we go. This is gonna be good.

19:05

get ready violet. This is gonna be really good. Very excited.

19:07

Okay. Here we go. And you have to really crank it

19:09

when you dance to it. Alright? And you have to commit.

19:11

It's a long song.

19:14

Yeah.

19:15

Has a story yet

19:16

This is very important to

19:19

me. This is the most important

19:20

thing it's ever. Yep.

19:24

She came

19:24

from Greece. She had a thirst from

19:27

knowledge.

19:27

She studied sculpture and Saint

19:29

Martin's College. That's where

19:30

I This works. This act.

19:33

Clearly, super amazing. Yeah. We might

19:35

not have the rest of that song, so we implore you

19:37

listener to get the copy yourself and

19:39

play it along to this next section of

19:42

the podcast. is a song that should

19:44

be in your life. And to anyone else out there

19:46

who's an exotic dancer, dance to

19:48

this song. It's

19:53

such a great song. I

19:56

wanna sleep with common people

19:58

like you. What

20:00

else I do?

20:03

Okay. But

20:06

this could ask me

20:07

I'm telling you and it keeps building actually

20:10

good. And building and

20:12

building and building and

20:14

it is fantastic. And

20:16

I swear to God, I'm gonna fly to

20:18

Kalamazoo to watch you

20:20

do this. This is just insane. I

20:22

bucking the ring. Alright. Let's watch the language.

20:24

This is a children's show. Oh, yeah. My

20:26

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, father. I should I

20:28

need from my church lady back from us

20:30

right now. But, like, I

20:33

wore the administrative assistant

20:35

dress, so to remind myself to be

20:37

cleaner, and then I'm just like,

20:38

oh,

20:39

No. That's I think that's great. Violet

20:42

works. It really works. Yeah. I like

20:44

it. Violet, it is

20:46

so nice to talk to you.

20:49

And

20:49

amazing detective. And I also have to interrupt you

20:51

because my husband would kill me. He

20:53

needed me to tell you that he that

20:55

your arrow, the substance, was the best.

20:57

Oh,

20:57

that's really nice. Yeah. Well,

21:00

thank him for saying that. That'll

21:02

get other Simpsons writers really mad at

21:04

me. But Yeah. I

21:06

can't they can't find me now. I'm hiding.

21:08

Mhmm. So Violet, thank

21:10

you so much. Best of

21:12

luck. Good luck with all of your,

21:14

you know, your degree that you're working

21:16

towards and take care of

21:18

yourself and do this song, dance to

21:20

common people, William China. Absolutely.

21:21

I will. Don't be a stranger.

21:23

I'll look for you.

21:24

Alright. Thank you. One night,

21:26

you will see me there drinking

21:29

an incredibly tall, fruity

21:31

drink. I hope you

21:33

do it. Thank you so much. That's your other

21:35

boyfriend. Yeah. Exactly.

21:38

Konan

21:38

O'Brien needs a fan with Konan

21:40

O'Brien, Sonam obsessedian,

21:42

and Mac Gorley. produced by me, Matt

21:45

Gorely, executive produced by Adam

21:47

Sachs, Joanna Solateroff, and

21:49

Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and

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