0:03

Conan O'Brien needs a fan.

0:06

Wanna talk to Conan? visit team coco

0:08

dot com slash calm conan. Okay.

0:11

Let's get started. Hey,

0:13

Kelvin. Say hi to Conan and

0:15

Sona. Hi. Hey, Kelvin. How are you?

0:18

Hi. Hi, Sonia. Hi. Kelvin.

0:21

Nice to meet you. Yeah. Absolutely. Pleasure

0:23

to be here. Where are you right

0:25

now, sir? I am calling you from

0:27

Hay River Northwest territories, which

0:30

is like way up in the Canadian

0:32

far north, like, close to the Arctic basically?

0:34

Wow. Oh, wow. Wait a minute. Okay.

0:38

So central Give me

0:41

give me a longitude here. What?

0:44

Are we are we Alaska.

0:46

Okay. So you're up near towards

0:48

the west. Yeah. So it's like, oh,

0:50

wait, Longitude. Which one is the horizontal

0:52

and which is the vertical? I'm not good at my nautical.

0:54

I think Longitude is long one.

0:56

Right? Yeah. Longitude toot is this. A hundred

0:59

Longitude is up and down.

1:00

been down and then latitude is the

1:02

cross. I

1:02

never said I knew what I was talking about.

1:05

Hey. Calvin, could you excuse us for about

1:07

forty minutes? This is it. Well,

1:09

while we iron out one of the basic principles

1:11

of geographical navigation, you

1:13

know, I was no. I was just curious if, like, I know

1:16

that you're you're very far north, but I was

1:18

just trying to figure out, you know,

1:20

where are you? Are you in central, you know,

1:22

Canada? Which region? So

1:24

so so north of Montana --

1:26

Yes. -- and east of Alaska.

1:29

Oh, longitudinal. Oh, this

1:31

this is why people tune in for this podcast. Right?

1:33

They didn't have the sessions

1:34

like to do.

1:36

Well, that's why it it's like Sesame

1:38

Street. Every there's a

1:40

there's a theme. Today is the

1:42

letter m, and then we're also doing

1:44

Longitude and Latitude. And then I

1:47

think about ranger, danger towards the end, but we'll

1:49

get to that. So so, Kevin,

1:51

that's cool. So you're you're I mean,

1:53

you're quite tell me about this

1:56

town. How remote is this town that you're

1:58

in? Is it Hay River? Is that what you said?

2:00

Yeah. Hay River. So Hay River, this is where I was born

2:02

and raised. Mhmm. And

2:04

it is So so northwest territories.

2:06

This is like the area that I live in. It is

2:08

twice the size of Texas,

2:11

and it has forty thousand people.

2:13

Oh, my god. hilarious.

2:16

So if you wanna hide five someone, it

2:18

takes you, like, six hours to just find

2:20

anybody. Right? Yeah. usually

2:22

not Wilson. You you you ever randomly

2:25

see people going through the woods with their hand up for

2:27

a high five, and they're just They've been

2:29

walking for nine hours to high five.

2:31

anybody. Yeah.

2:33

And it's just so exciting and satiating to actually

2:35

get that high five. You're like, oh, that was insane.

2:37

So so what's in town? Like, okay, you're

2:39

in town. You wanna do something fun.

2:42

What are your possibilities? You're in Hay River.

2:44

You wanna get crazy. What

2:47

are the options? Yeah. I mean,

2:49

like, it's still a town. It's it's not as if people

2:51

are spread out, you know, like like, you know,

2:53

four kilometers away. Like -- Right. -- four thousand

2:55

people who live here. if we're gonna use metric,

2:57

then I may have to cut this interview

2:59

short. Okay. Right. I'm sorry. I'm

3:02

sorry. But, you know, I'm rapidly

3:04

losing patience with you. Okay. So fork But

3:06

what you're saying is so that people are,

3:09

yes, a town. I understand it's a town.

3:11

So there's a convenience store?

3:14

Is there fast food restaurants? Are there things

3:16

like that? Well, so when I grew up, I wish

3:18

that there was fast food restaurants. So, like, when

3:20

you're twelve, all that you really wanna do is just

3:22

like a normal kid and, like, go to McDonald's

3:24

or whatever. But if you wanted

3:26

to go to McDonald's, it would be five hour drive.

3:29

No. Wait. Five hours to

3:31

get to a McDonald's pass I

3:34

don't know. Yeah. The McNuggets with

3:37

the sweet and sour sauce. Yes.

3:38

No. I'm saying I don't I I want it to be,

3:40

like, a minute away. No.

3:42

I know, but I would still make it's about You're making

3:44

it. Your doesn't make the effort.

3:46

My generation knows that

3:48

a five hour drive to McDonald's is

3:50

nothing compared. to what some

3:52

people have to go through. Actually,

3:55

my my friends and I, we didn't do the five hour drive,

3:57

but we drove three hours once to go to a

3:59

quiz nosed and to go to Boston

4:01

Pizza when we were in grade twelve. Oh, Mike.

4:04

I'm sorry. Those are not good chains. I'm

4:06

sorry. You know, if I'm faced

4:08

with a choice between three hours

4:10

to get to the quiz nosed or

4:12

five hours to get to the McDonald's. I think

4:14

I'm doing these for two hours.

4:15

But what if what if quiz nosed is a sponsor

4:18

of the podcast.

4:18

Then I'm going to Krishna. And

4:21

I'm gonna enjoy some of the best

4:24

food that I've ever had in my life. Food. We

4:26

don't have so you're a jerk. I gotta

4:28

be very broad here because I

4:30

I sound like you've dropped in on a quiz

4:32

now slightly, but food

4:34

that can be digested and then

4:36

excreted later. That's what I'm

4:38

gonna enjoy in quiz notes. Oh, come on.

4:40

Just trying to be as vague as possible. Yeah. Now

4:42

now now now I'm gonna I'm gonna be bold here,

4:44

but people don't come to northwest territories

4:47

for the quiz nosed and the McDonald's. They come here

4:49

for the wilderness. That's what I will What are

4:51

you guys? Taco Bells? You mean, you

4:53

got eight Taco Bells in the town. They're

4:55

all that Taco Bells are in the wilderness.

4:58

why if

5:01

you go seventy kilometers

5:03

out through those dark woods, you'll hit

5:07

you look at Taco Bell. No.

5:09

Well, tell us about it must be absolutely

5:11

stunningly beautiful when you walk into

5:13

the woods there. Yeah, it is.

5:15

And so this

5:17

whole area is the traditional

5:19

territory of my ancestors. as

5:22

a dene person of the northwest territories.

5:24

And so my peaks have been

5:26

up here for about fifteen thousand years.

5:28

Wow. Wow. Wow. like, out in the woods. Yeah.

5:31

Okay. And so say, yeah, it's the this is the

5:33

dene people. Is that what you say? Yeah. The dene.

5:35

I I am a proud dene man. And

5:38

Very cool. And tell me about

5:40

the history of the dene people. I'm curious.

5:44

Yeah. So it's kind of

5:46

a large group. Like, a lot of people

5:48

know the Innuites, which are sort of like the

5:50

folks that are way up in the high arctic. Yes.

5:52

And so we're the next one's down. So we're

5:54

the ones that would like we would go back and

5:56

forth between the Tundra,

5:58

so, like, the barren lands following

6:01

the Caribou. So you'd go up to the, like, you know,

6:03

in the summer up to the berry lines and then back

6:05

into the forest. And they were just,

6:07

like, tough, bad ass people, of

6:09

which I'm very proud to be. That's so cool.

6:11

you said, following the Caribou, you were hunting them. You

6:13

weren't just following them. Still talking. Unks yes.

6:16

You know, because there was a lot of there was a

6:18

lot of complaints that it's just like

6:20

I swear to god, the

6:24

denai are just creeping on

6:26

the caravoo. The caravoo were

6:28

just trying to chill. and,

6:31

you know This is the stranger danger element.

6:34

Exactly. Yeah. The denny were always sliding

6:36

into the caraboo DM. So my understanding

6:38

was just so glad about my god. was

6:40

like, hey. It's a weird weird way of looking at it.

6:44

Okay. Now that's so cool. Cool. That okay.

6:46

So you were your

6:49

your ancestors and your

6:51

people would live off the

6:53

Cariboo and have to follow them for

6:55

credible distances. I'm I'm

6:57

I'm latitude and lemurtive. Right.

7:00

Way tougher than any of us here. Like so

7:02

for example, there's, like, white explorers

7:04

that have, like, journals in the seventeen hundreds of,

7:06

like, following these people around. And the

7:08

accounts would be, like, the, you know, the white

7:10

British guy would be, like, We haven't

7:12

eaten in four days and the mood is

7:14

low and we are fatigued. But the

7:16

day they're just, like, skipping and jumping and,

7:18

like, you know, gossiping about who's gonna

7:20

a crush on who? Just right. Right. Right.

7:24

These these these white chroniclers are

7:26

saying things like it's six hours

7:28

to McDonald's. Yeah.

7:31

This is all I heard of. And

7:33

we got there and the science said over

7:35

two served. Wow.

7:40

Yeah. This is okay. So

7:42

that's so cool. Other so the Dene

7:44

population is quite

7:46

high in your area. Would you say that

7:48

when you do five five someone,

7:50

chances are someone in also

7:52

a a DNA ancestor or some part of the

7:54

DNA tribe? I think it's

7:56

about half and half in in of the forty

7:58

thousand. There's, like, half and half, like, twenty

8:00

twenty. Right. But

8:02

just don't just don't let the don't at the Irish

8:04

end. They ruin everything. We've

8:07

been trying. There's a sign at the border. Trust

8:09

me. No no Irish person would blame

8:11

you. Wow.

8:15

Well Okay. Go ahead. You'll need to come up

8:17

just given that, you know, you've been to all you've done these

8:19

Kona with the borders. But typically, you go to

8:21

these, like, really boring warm

8:23

places. I think that you need to come up and

8:25

get a little frosty sometime. You know what?

8:27

I have I mean, I have explored I

8:29

did I do I did explore Greenland.

8:32

and explored Finland. But

8:34

you're right. I think I

8:36

think coming up to the

8:38

name of your town again is is

8:40

Hey. Hey, River. Hey, River. Yeah. Yellow Yellowknife

8:42

might be the place that more people know. There's lots

8:44

of tourism. Like, everybody comes here for,

8:47

like, to view the northern lights. It's like big

8:49

booming tourist industry. Yeah.

8:51

And so, like, a lot of Asian tourists

8:53

specifically, like, Chinese, Japanese,

8:55

Korean. Like, not too many Americans

8:57

are Canadian. They the Asian folks, they come up

8:59

here, and they'll Aurora Hunt. So

9:01

there's all these tourism outfits where you you

9:03

pack in like twenty people into

9:05

a van. you'll bomb around the back

9:07

roads of, like, Yellowknife and Arthur's

9:09

territories trying to find the best spot

9:11

to see the northern lights. wouldn't do

9:13

that. I hate to. I just don't think they should be

9:15

taking a van. I think you should be hiking.

9:17

You know, I'm sorry. I'm as

9:19

you've probably could guess Emeril

9:21

outdoorsmen. And

9:26

No. No. I I like to

9:28

strap on a pair of boots and get out

9:30

there, let my legs do the

9:32

talking, and I like to see the world. What's this?

9:34

Well, I just I just don't know if

9:36

you've captured the lingo. Yeah. How

9:38

doarsman barely came out of your mouth? It's like you

9:40

had devominated it out. Yeah. It's the second

9:42

time I've said it in my life. That's

9:45

with me. First one was to say,

9:47

I am not outdoorsman. I

9:50

serve. Okay. And no outdoorsman.

9:53

I understand. Let's let's

9:55

let's let's compare you to to to a

9:57

real endorsement. Alright? So we'll we'll

9:59

we'll we'll see. Nice. So so my

10:01

great grandpa He was a denny

10:03

man. And what he would do is in the wintertime, he

10:05

would dog sled out to the tundra, like

10:07

the middle of nowhere by himself. with

10:09

his dog team and he would trap White

10:11

Fox's a winter -- Mhmm. -- as you

10:13

do. Now, he was out there by

10:15

himself and there was once like, he kind of took a

10:17

tumble on a ridge and he gashed his leg,

10:20

and it started to gangrene. So

10:22

he cut his own leg off.

10:24

Oh. Okay. Well, here's what? Wow.

10:26

I tumbled a lot. I fall a lot. So

10:28

that part, I'm totally right there

10:30

with your ancestor. You know? I --

10:32

Yes. -- I fell I fell this

10:34

morning three times. and I was in a

10:36

sitting position. So

10:39

I'm not at all intimidated

10:41

by that, but so he cut his own leg

10:43

off. I don't think I would do that. Oh, that's call.

10:45

I don't think I would I mean, it's not cool.

10:47

I meant I might What I would do,

10:49

Sona, I would ask you to cut my leg off. I

10:51

would I would do that I'll do that

10:53

right now. You

10:56

would do that rather than remove a band aid

10:58

on my calves. You'd say I'll just chop

11:00

the whole thing off. No. No. I'm

11:02

just a slight scratch. Wow.

11:04

Okay. So so let's just

11:06

gotta be in your genetic code, you've

11:08

gotta be a tough guy. You really

11:10

do. You this there's no way you're not.

11:12

What? I don't think I would cut my own

11:14

leg off. like, he did go back to the woods

11:16

the next year and just kept living off the land, like,

11:18

with his living leg. But I

11:20

don't do that. However, do like to

11:22

disappear just into the woods now and again, and like just

11:24

spend a week out there by myself or more.

11:26

And that's actually one of my favorite things to tell.

11:28

Are you pretty good

11:30

at you know,

11:33

keeping track of your whereabouts, are

11:35

you good at navigating and things like

11:37

that in in the woods? I guess there's

11:39

no trails, so you wanna be careful. Right?

11:41

Yeah. I like I like being on the river. So

11:43

like I like having a canoe and like my

11:45

pack kind of thing and then like you know, like,

11:47

portaging between spots. That's probably when I'm

11:49

at the happiest. Oh, okay. I gotta say it. on

11:51

my back and, like I hate portaging.

11:53

Really? I love Portage. I hate

11:55

Portaging. Why? I'm dying to know what it means. I

11:57

was wondering Okay. Portaging

11:59

is when I was in this

12:01

That's my twelve minutes. Many camps.

12:04

My parents were very eager to get me away.

12:06

So they sent me off to these

12:08

sort of rigorous camps where

12:10

you would go on these long

12:12

journeys and portaging

12:14

is when you get to a place

12:16

where the river becomes

12:18

impassable, so unpassable, so you take the

12:20

you and two other people usually take

12:22

the canoe by yourself. Or or you can do it

12:24

by yourself. By yourself. And you

12:26

haul the canoe overland

12:29

at great distances to get to the

12:31

next place where you can put it in

12:33

water. And I remember hating

12:36

portaging And when you read Lewis

12:38

and Clark's diaries, they

12:40

had to portage a lot because they're

12:42

exploring, you know, these

12:45

to them, completely unknown

12:47

parts of the United

12:49

States. Thomas Jefferson sent them out

12:51

there to find out what was there, and Jefferson

12:53

actually thought they're gonna see Mastodon. He thought

12:55

they were gonna be Willie Man in the South.

12:57

People had no idea what they were gonna

12:59

find and sent them out there, but every

13:01

time they got to the portaging, it just

13:03

sounded off How can you explore with a

13:05

canoe on your head? You

13:07

cut holes through the No.

13:10

You just cut holes through the little

13:12

side holes through the canoe. Do that? Yeah. You do.

13:14

I cut holes all the time. Oh, camp

13:16

counselors hated me because I was always cutting

13:18

a hole. little holes, eye holes for the canoe.

13:20

Anyway, I took us on a long, I

13:22

think, informative discussion. Well,

13:24

I think we learned what portaging is, and

13:26

we learned a little bit about one

13:28

of the great explorations.

13:36

know, when work is disconnected, teams are out

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of sync, things really start to hit the

13:40

fan and not good things. Yeah.

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think we use air table here in our

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table for a lot of what we

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So the producers are on there,

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the business people, the marketing people, it

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helps us manage the flow

14:19

of files and information. Wow. I

14:21

am so glad that you guys

14:23

know what you're doing. Mhmm. because everything you're saying is

14:25

just mush to me. But, I mean, I

14:27

appreciate it. I appreciate that you

14:29

guys have the know how to say, hey, let's

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get air table in here because

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and Donald Brian needs a friend. We're

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better. Adam seems to know a lot

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repeated a lot of catch phrases from

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bumper stickers. But anyway,

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I'm glad we're using air table

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So I still think it's great. we

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really we we love it.

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15:30

Sona, you're aware of my family

15:32

dynamic. You've seen it up close. I have.

15:34

Yeah. Got a lovely wife and

15:36

two kids. and they are thoroughly sick

15:38

of me. They

15:39

are so sick. I don't blame

15:40

them. Do you blame them? I don't.

15:42

I babbel a lot. Yeah. I

15:44

don't stop talking. I make

15:46

lots of sound effects. Mhmm. I'm

15:49

very emotionally needy. Yeah. And they've

15:51

had it. And then it got worse during COVID

15:53

and everything, which is

15:55

why they pretty much abandoned

15:57

me, you know. And as you know, I'm

15:59

not I'm not good at

16:01

fending for myself. That's where it this

16:03

that's where Instacart comes into the picture.

16:05

Yeah.

16:05

Yeah. You would you would die in a second

16:07

if if you were left home

16:08

by yourself for like more than two days. Okay.

16:11

Well, that okay. You just said in a second

16:13

if for more than two days. Yeah. You Right.

16:15

They kinda messaged up. That was really

16:17

terrible. Maybe you can order some

16:19

correct grammar construction on Instacart.

16:21

Instacart, is the leading

16:23

online grocery platform in North

16:25

America. Wow. And with

16:27

Instacart, the world

16:29

is your cart. Isn't that cool? That's cool.

16:31

That's cool. No. That's you came up with that.

16:34

I think they came up with it, but I'm gonna

16:36

take credit for it. Okay. I'm taking

16:38

them to court. Why? Yeah. With each cart

16:40

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16:42

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16:51

It's this shopping experience

16:53

that couldn't be easier -- Yeah. --

16:55

fast and flexible delivery and as fast

16:57

as an hour or you

16:59

can select a delivery window. Sometimes I

17:01

like to select a window because occasionally I like to

17:03

just go running off into the woods.

17:05

that makes sense.

17:06

Yeah. For hours at a time -- Yeah. -- to get in

17:08

touch with my inner male. It's inner.

17:12

Yeah. These deep on

17:14

there. Oh, we can't find it myself. I'm found

17:16

my inner male. I keep

17:18

bumping into my inner female, but there's no male

17:20

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17:22

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17:50

Do you know

17:53

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17:55

a real estate agent? You're probably

17:57

thinking, what's the big

18:00

difference? because

18:00

you don't have time to say difference. You think

18:02

you're cool. So you just say what's the big

18:05

difference? Well, guess what? There's a big

18:07

difference between a realtor and a real

18:09

estate agent. not all agents are realtors,

18:11

but all realtors are

18:13

agents. They are realtors are

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can be sure they always have your best interest

18:29

in mind. I mean, a lot

18:31

of people out there are a little dodgy on

18:33

the ethics, but

18:35

not real tours Now my good

18:37

friend who I work with Aaron Blair,

18:40

we call him Blair. I'm

18:42

told he's out there in the market

18:44

right now looking for a place to

18:46

live and it's pretty scary. Blay, what's going on?

18:48

I'm on the hunt. I'm on the hunt for a

18:50

new house and it's a mess. I don't know what I'm doing

18:52

out here. It's it's chaos. Yeah.

18:55

I feel like I need some professional

18:57

guidance. I need an expert. I think I need it real

18:59

to it. Exactly. I'm glad you were listening

19:01

to me do the ad because

19:04

You probably thought I'll go get a real estate

19:06

agent. No. You need a

19:08

realtor. Realtor's are

19:10

members of the National Association

19:13

of Realtor's. you're looking for a new

19:15

home, ask yourself play --

19:17

Yes. -- is your agent a

19:19

realtor? They

19:20

will be. Nice.

19:22

Calvin, I

19:28

actually have it in my notes that you

19:30

came back in from a Moose hunt

19:32

just to do this interview. Is that right? Yeah. So

19:35

yesterday, I woke up, like, on the side of a

19:37

river in the Canadian wilderness. And tomorrow

19:39

morning, I'm probably gonna wake up in

19:41

a tent on the side of the river and the Canadian wilderness. just

19:43

to say hi. Okay. And

19:45

-- Wow. -- were you

19:47

do you do you hunt you hunt the the

19:50

fierce moose? Yes, I do.

19:52

Now, I will say there's like there's like,

19:54

you know, shitty hunters out there that just

19:56

try to get, like, you know, a disastrous

19:58

on their wall or whatever. That's not what we do. We do it the care,

20:00

like, respectful way and it's about feeding your family and

20:02

-- Yeah. -- culture and tradition. So -- Yeah. Absolutely. --

20:04

what's your weapon when you hunt?

20:07

Bazooka rifle. Right. Okay. Is

20:09

it cool to use a grenade? I

20:11

don't know. I mean, it's not it's

20:13

cool. I'd like to blow up You would not

20:15

last in the I if I saw a

20:17

moose, I'd be like, you know, they're a gray, then I

20:20

would throw it. Fire the Yeah. And then you

20:22

just see antler. Yeah. Chandler's ringing

20:24

down. So

20:26

There aren't antlers. Yes. There are. There

20:28

are. I don't have antlers. Oh, sorry.

20:30

Sona, I didn't mean to Sona is really up

20:32

on wildlife. I'm sorry. Oh, I don't know. Yeah.

20:35

because you're expert on wildlife

20:37

The fierce moos. I've battled the

20:39

moos through my day.

20:40

You're the one who asked if moos have

20:42

antlers

20:42

because everyone knows they do. You're

20:44

bumming my portage. Okay. Let's just chill

20:47

out. God.

20:49

Well, that's that's very cool. I would

20:51

love to go move hunting with you

20:54

because I Oh, come on. You think I'd be a

20:56

fun guy to have along. I'm a

20:58

chipper chappy. Huge. Oh, yeah. So here he is

21:00

what I think. Okay. I I feel like and

21:02

respectfully coming. I feel like Oh, this isn't

21:04

gonna we all know this isn't going well. I

21:06

love it. respectfully. Okay.

21:08

respectfully. Uh-huh. I feel like

21:10

camping with you would be intolerable.

21:13

Yeah. Right. Why Yeah. Just say it. I

21:15

can take it. Say it. You should try podcasts. It's just, you

21:17

know, you just don't take anything seriously.

21:19

Like, if I think would just be a joke. He wouldn't be

21:21

able to get anything done. He'll be making fun of

21:23

everybody. Yeah. People would just wanna push you in

21:25

the river, that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So far,

21:27

you've done everything right. but I think to a

21:29

fun time. Where what's the problem with

21:31

everything you just listed? As long as

21:33

someone else is keeping us

21:35

alive, providing food, and doing all the work. I

21:38

think I'm just a lot of fun to have

21:40

along. Hey, man. Sony, you wanna go

21:42

camping sometime?

21:44

Yeah. Mav will

21:47

be much more useful to you than I will bet.

21:49

That's not true. I think you will. I think

21:51

you're Wait. Okay. So so here here's what I think

21:53

though. Here's what I icon in --

21:55

Yes. -- inside you that there's an animalistic

21:58

version of you. They're right. It's gonna take being,

21:59

like, pushed up against the wall, like, you know, a

22:02

plane crash in the wilderness where you defend for something

22:04

will just, like, crack. 0II mean,

22:06

you've seen it sooner. Right? You've been around me

22:08

when the chips are down. I

22:10

have When you've gotten Rugged? Well, I

22:13

didn't say Rugged, but when pushed

22:15

to the edge, yes, I

22:17

have Vybe likeability. I think

22:19

Kelvin's saying though, like, the key there is

22:21

something snaps and you become feral.

22:23

Like, you go off under the woods and you collect

22:25

bloodthirsty wearing a loins

22:28

nothing else. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not even in

22:30

the right place. I I think I should go on the

22:32

show naked and afraid. Yeah. Yeah.

22:35

Oh, no. You don't think so. I think so.

22:37

Just watch it. I'd watch it. Yeah. I just

22:39

I mean, I

22:40

think the clown part of you

22:42

would to overtake than, like, serve I need to survive part of

22:45

you.

22:45

I think you would die joking. Yes.

22:47

I would I do think

22:50

that I You're out of

22:52

bounds. I know. Seriously, I

22:54

would. I think that is a problem. I think

22:56

I'm an evolutionary dead

22:58

end. I think I'm not meant to survive because

23:00

joke DNA. Because when the

23:03

chips really got down Calvin

23:05

in, we were both trapped there and

23:07

we were starving, you would

23:09

finally reach deep down into

23:11

your proud heritage, your dene

23:13

heritage, and you would go out and

23:15

you would make something happen,

23:17

and I would take little pieces of rocks

23:19

and twigs and create a scenario,

23:21

a silly scenario. Silly.

23:23

and I would have the rock

23:25

be sort of passive aggressive to the twig and

23:27

the twig hit the rock and I'd be giggling

23:30

as I died. Yeah. But the animals around me

23:32

would be amused. Yes. So on on this

23:35

the between cutting your own, like, off to

23:37

stunning endorsement. Or, like, curl

23:39

up and die -- Yeah. -- further to the just curl up and die. He

23:41

was here to make your gangrene legs. If it

23:43

were you and you would make jokes with it -- Yeah. --

23:45

then you would you would

23:47

die. Right. You'd find my skeleton later on, but

23:50

you'd see that there was this I I had a grinning

23:52

smile, you know. I'd

23:54

giggled my way into the afterlife. be dead. does a

23:56

skeleton, and then they'd be a rubber chicken skeleton

23:59

next year. Yeah. Oh,

24:01

god. I I'm always like a little,

24:03

you know, for when society collapses,

24:05

which, you know, who knows when that could happen?

24:07

Too many to always kinda be prepared who the

24:09

crew is. Like, you're gonna disappear in the

24:11

woods with, feel very confident that

24:13

when that happens, I can just wander. But, like,

24:15

I feel like all y'all in LA are

24:17

pretty fucked. Oh, yes. yeah.

24:19

It's Well, here's it. Kelvin, do you ever

24:21

listen to the podcast when you're in the wilderness?

24:23

Like, you're way out there on your own. And

24:25

clearly, you you must be a fan if you've

24:27

reached out to us. Do you Do you ever when

24:29

you're just far, far away in the beauty

24:31

of nature? Listen to

24:33

the podcast? No.

24:35

and I

24:38

see.

24:38

Did you want him to say yes? And

24:40

I did. Was it a nice

24:41

that he unplugged, and he goes out

24:43

there and

24:43

appreciates No. He was just out there podcasts out there.

24:46

Yeah. No. Like, can you at a lag? Like, Can you

24:48

tell me the whole life is If you

24:50

could if you could tell me that you just listen to the

24:52

ads, that would help me a lot with Oh,

24:54

yeah. The ads for sure. Those There you go.

24:56

Okay. Great. Alright. I'm doing that. My

24:58

tax is happy. So so you know

25:00

this is a high single episode. You know this is a

25:02

high single episode. Oh, oh, great. Oh, good. Yeah. But just

25:04

just just not in the woods. and and actually so, like, as

25:06

a Den naked growing up, I was such a huge fan of

25:08

your show, but it would be, you know, all

25:10

the celebrities who appear on the show, they would

25:12

never be people like me. Okay. Like, indigenous

25:15

folks. And so it's, like, it's a huge honor to be

25:17

able to be here and just be able to talk to you. To be,

25:19

like, yeah. Like, we're, like, inserting more

25:21

in dignity. world. And I think that that's

25:23

what we're telling. The honor is ours.

25:25

Yeah. Seriously. And I

25:27

seriously would love to come and and check out your

25:29

neck of the woods. and and and walk

25:31

around with you. That'd be really fun. Yeah. As

25:33

long as long as long as long as we

25:35

brought nine hundred pounds of food

25:37

with us, Yeah. McDonald's. Yeah. Go if

25:39

Goro followed us. Goro followed right

25:41

behind us as we were tracking in

25:43

a a Chevy Suburban. It

25:45

was just packed. with

25:48

ring dings, voodles,

25:50

energy drinks, you know,

25:53

then we and and laptops, then

25:55

I'm fine. My my goal would be is I'm I'm I'm I'd

25:57

love because I work in media as well too. It's not

25:59

just the words that I disappear into. But

26:01

at some point, I'm I wanna work my way up.

26:03

And so I wanna, like, like,

26:05

like, Elbow, everybody else out of the way who's a fan and try to get

26:07

to the real show? That'll be one of my goals. Oh,

26:10

wow. I'm coming. I'm coming for

26:12

you gotta get back on television. be one of

26:14

those celebrities. I'll get back on television. Yeah.

26:16

I do this. That's for that. No

26:18

seriously. for that. I agree. I would like

26:20

that. I would like that. Well, you're you're very I mean, you know that

26:22

you're a very telegenic fellow as

26:24

well, Calvin. You're a very good

26:26

looking fellow. So

26:29

yes. You know, I think definitely you should just take

26:31

my job. I've been told a lot of my life that

26:33

I look like various celebrities even though I'm like

26:35

from the sticks wherever I go around the world,

26:37

people say like, you look

26:39

like this celebrity or that celebrity. I

26:41

can see that. I can see that. You got a little

26:43

bit of who do who do you

26:45

get a lot? Because I could see there's

26:47

different people The celebrity

26:49

who follows me around who is

26:51

like this this a constant presence in my

26:53

life -- Mhmm. -- is Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. Yeah.

26:55

You can see that. Yeah. Yeah. You've got the

26:57

similar smile to to Ryan Reynolds.

27:00

Yes. Yeah. I can see that fifteen

27:02

years, like, every every

27:04

month several times just like strangers will like stop me. They'll be like,

27:06

you know what you remind me of? Yeah. Ryan

27:09

Reynolds. I'll be at the grocery store or

27:11

like, you

27:13

know, like, in a intimate situation?

27:15

Like, in in after intimacy

27:18

after in in Intercourse.

27:20

You mean, close by phone? Well,

27:22

we intimacy. We call it the we call it the

27:24

post bone zone. Okay. Oh, sorry. Sorry.

27:26

What this is the correct terminology there.

27:29

Okay. Uh-huh. So you're in that

27:32

assiliation and what happens? After a wet

27:34

nap. So so whether it's

27:36

the grocery store or after you see.

27:38

I've heard this statement so

27:40

many times. You know who you remind

27:42

me of. Ryan

27:44

Reynolds. Oh, wait. So you've been in that in

27:47

intimate moments with a

27:50

a person, and then they say that

27:52

afterwards. But that implies that

27:54

they've been with Ryan Reynolds. you

27:56

know, and they're comparing you. Like, it's not just a space.

27:58

Interesting. It's your it's your moves, you

28:00

know. I'm told oh, gosh.

28:03

I'm told in those intimate moments afterwards that I

28:05

look like Kate Blanchett. Well,

28:07

that's pretty good. Yeah. I'm suddenly

28:09

attracted. That's a compliment. Yeah. What?

28:11

I was attracted. This is when I

28:13

was years ago. They would say, wow. This was that was,

28:15

like, Cape Blanchett. Really?

28:17

Yeah. Incredible. Would you guys excuse the

28:19

two of us for sure? Why? because I

28:21

wanna get with Cape Blanchett. Oh, k.

28:23

Alright. Listen, Kevin, I apologize. I

28:26

feel you tried to elevate the podcast

28:28

by teaching us about your

28:31

your very cool history

28:33

and your town and, you

28:35

know, really telling us all about the

28:37

dene people. And then look

28:39

where we are now. Well, he's he's the one

28:41

that brought up naked Brian

28:43

Reynolds. Yeah. All covered in it.

28:45

Okay. You said

28:47

what now? Kelvin. stuck on

28:49

wet now. Kelvin. I'm gonna find

28:51

you. I'll find you, and we'll hang, and

28:53

it'll be a good time. Yeah. There we go. We'll

28:55

go dog sledding. Well, you know what? You know what? I

28:57

have I have gone dog

28:59

sledding. I did it in where

29:01

did I do? I did it up near the Arctic

29:03

Circle in Finland. I I wrote a dog sled. So

29:06

been there, done that, but I'm ready to do it

29:08

again. There's many things you don't know about

29:10

me. and I've killed several people. But you have

29:12

to do it off camera. No. Can't be

29:14

filmed. I don't exist off camera. Okay.

29:18

Yeah. if Conan falls in the

29:20

forest. There's no one there to report it. Put it on

29:22

YouTube, did he really fall? I

29:25

think it'd be fun. It'd be fun to get to know, like, the like,

29:27

me and you just out the woods like No. No. You don't

29:29

wanna know the real me. It's a horror show.

29:31

Okay. Trust me. This guy's coming, not the

29:33

real me. Alright. Hey, Kelvin.

29:36

Very cool talking to you. Hey. Were were we gonna do the

29:38

questions at all? Oh, sure. Yeah.

29:40

Oh, oh, yeah. You can. I mean, we've we've got sure.

29:42

We have some time. Go ahead.

29:44

Okay. So one of the things I

29:46

was curious about, I spent a lot of time

29:48

just going out alone in the woods. Mhmm. Oh,

29:50

we've heard about that. Yeah. Just so I'd

29:52

be curious of the three of you, if

29:55

you y'all were, like, alone,

29:57

like, whether on that TV show you ever seen it

29:59

alone, like, yeah. Yeah. Or in, like, I

30:01

don't know, there's, like, a plane crash. It's

30:03

just you alone in the woods. Which of the three of you

30:05

do you think would survive the longest?

30:08

Matt. I was gonna say Matt too. Oh, I

30:10

don't know though. I think mental

30:12

fortitude No. No. I think you

30:14

would. I think you're very you're you're

30:16

crafty. I mean, you're very good at making

30:19

things. I think you have real

30:22

knowledge of maybe how to start a

30:24

fire, how to build a birdhouse

30:26

out of twigs. That'll

30:28

get me through. No. No. I I do think

30:30

III think of the

30:32

three of us, you would

30:35

I I I'm a You sound a little bit III

30:37

think my mental fortitude would be missing

30:40

cozy comforts. And I might No.

30:42

No. No. You wouldn't crack. No. No. No. No. No.

30:44

If you had to survive, I

30:45

think it would be you, then you,

30:47

then I

30:47

would die. instantly. Yeah. Yeah.

30:50

You'd take your own life instantly. Well,

30:52

you know, if you were, like, if you had wondered

30:54

five minutes into a fairly

30:56

populated park. You

30:59

know, we're talking nuts very far.

31:01

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you would yeah. And it's

31:03

clearly you can see ferris wheels

31:05

above the tree line and hear

31:07

other people, but you just quickly become despondent

31:10

and take your own life. Yeah. Okay.

31:12

So yeah. But it's Gory. Gory's the winner.

31:14

If you had to If you had to

31:16

into town, what would be your motivation

31:18

in order to get out? Like, if you're just in the middle of the

31:20

woods, would you have the motivation to do so?

31:22

Like, would it be, like, your

31:24

family without being asked to get out to, like, family?

31:26

Yeah. No. Not going. Oh, well, you are

31:28

you're raising small children. My children are older

31:31

now, and they don't like me. they've

31:34

seen my work. So, no, it wouldn't be

31:36

family. It would be I've gotta get back and talk to my

31:38

business manager. Oh,

31:40

okay. Yeah. But what if there was like a show you had

31:42

next week and it was sold out and you're like, gotta get to them. Oh, no.

31:44

Screw those people. As long as the as

31:46

long as the money has already been collected

31:48

and screw them. Yeah. You know? And but and

31:50

then it becomes a memorial, that

31:52

show. So if I don't make it back --

31:54

Yeah. -- and those things do really well. We

31:56

you sell a lot of merch when you've passed away.

31:59

Oh. So I've given this a lot of thought.

32:01

Yeah. Yeah. Alright, Kelvin. We're gonna wrap

32:03

this up, but thank you so much.

32:05

This was very cool. Thanks, Kelvin.

32:07

Thanks, Kelvin. Huge privilege just

32:09

to talk all of you. Honestly, dream come true.

32:11

It means a lot to be a dedicate to be able to

32:13

talk to all you. Okay. Very cool to talk

32:15

to you. Thanks, Kelvin. Thanks. Thank you,

32:17

Kelvin. Take care. Bye bye. That was

32:19

so nice. Konan O'Brien

32:21

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