0:02

Runk.

0:06

Hey. Yo. What's up? Another episode

0:08

of Congratulations, you know. Before

0:11

we even do the intro thing that we

0:13

always do, which is just great. It's great to

0:15

do the intro thing. We love the intro. We love the song

0:17

made by mister Green and we love all that. Just wanted

0:19

to thank you for being here, man. Very grateful. We

0:21

love we love having you. If you're part of

0:23

this cult because this isn't a podcast, it's a cult

0:25

and you know that and we'd love that. And

0:28

we are going to be, you know, building a

0:30

a log cabin at some point and sharing

0:32

ideas in the Tallgrass. So I just

0:34

appreciate you. You know, if you're

0:36

part of this channel, like and subscribe. It's

0:39

great. And if not, dude, if you're just a casual

0:41

listener, You're not part of the cult. That's all good

0:43

2, my baby. But

0:45

this is another episode up. Congratulations.

0:57

Did I drink too much coffee today? Yes, I

0:59

did. I did. Okay. Full

1:01

full bonkers just got it going

1:04

on. Just drink a bunch of coffee. Am

1:07

I coming down? Yes.

1:09

That's why I feel like it's happening. I'm coming down.

1:11

It's like it's like

1:13

that fast relief release

1:15

coffee. And I'm just like you

1:17

know what I mean? I feel to come down and I'm just chilling

1:20

because caffeine was not a whole part of my

1:22

thing in December and really January.

1:24

And I'm like, you know, I'm taking a little bit of

1:26

a baby ships now. I'm getting back involved with

1:29

the caffeine. And and we're we're we're playing

1:31

with it. You know, we're dancing. We're caffeine. We're taking a

1:33

sip, we'll let the caffeine dance in my

1:34

mouth. Right? And and

1:37

we're seeing you know, this

1:39

is my second or third.

1:41

I don't remember, honestly. Mhmm. But

1:46

it's dancing around my mouth, having

1:48

good time on my tongue. And

1:50

that's absolutely disgusting if you think about it. If I

1:52

said that for my wife, she would go, ill. But

1:54

she's not here in this room. She could definitely hear me outside

1:56

probably. And she probably is going like this. Ill.

1:59

But whatever it doesn't matter. I'm happier

2:02

here and this is yet another episode. Dude,

2:04

we just keep on having episodes. It. It's

2:07

not like a TV show that ends eventually. I guess I'm just

2:09

gonna keep doing this podcast forever or what is

2:11

it, dude? You know? I

2:14

don't know. I guess I like doing it. I like

2:16

doing it. And then, you know, it's it's fun. It's

2:18

a fun thing to do. I do too many podcasts, of

2:20

course, because I'm want golden I'm also one lifelining

2:22

them on this one too, and it's just too many. But

2:25

I just like doing it, you know? And

2:28

love doing stand up too. I'll be in New well, actually,

2:31

this will probably come out after that. I'll

2:33

be in Kansas City. I'll be in Tulsa,

2:36

Springfield, I will be in Minneapolis,

2:38

and I will be in Austin,

2:40

Texas. Minneapolis crystallia dot com,

2:42

go to get tickets. Don't push me.

2:45

And I'm gonna be in Midland where the fuck that is. Don't

2:47

know where Midland is, but it's in the middle of the land

2:49

of Texas, apparently,

2:50

probably. It's in Texas, and it's

2:52

called Midland. So that's it. Yeah,

2:55

man. It's been a great week.

2:57

You know, I guess it's been a great week and,

2:59

you know, there's always ups and downs and we're just

3:02

we do what we

3:03

do, my baby. Let me add it

3:05

up. And

3:07

my son just got done with his nap. You

3:10

know what's really beautiful is my son

3:14

got he has

3:16

robot. It's his birthday coming up.

3:19

So he got robot tattoo he wants to

3:21

do a robot theme party. And,

3:24

you know, Kristen is crafty she's doing

3:26

all the things like she made a a cutout or she

3:28

made a whole time sheen and like a rocket ship

3:30

and like she's an she's an insane person in a beautiful

3:33

way. She just gets like, she she does lot

3:35

of stop motion animation, you know. She used

3:37

to do a lot of it. And now she just kinda like does

3:39

everything for Calvin, and it's beautiful. And

3:43

it's beautiful. And she's just like, got

3:45

this machine that prints out robot

3:47

images and just cut them out with an exacto

3:49

blade and all that and just it's crazy. And

3:52

he's got tattoos of

3:55

robots on his what

3:57

do you wanna put it? wanted to put it here and

3:59

here because he 2 be like dad. And

4:02

that was just beautiful. And I

4:04

love being a dad and it was beautiful. And another thing that

4:06

he did was beautiful

4:07

that I now

4:08

he does this thing where he wants to lay in bed.

4:10

He wants to he says, We lay off me for a little

4:12

bit, whether it's me or or

4:15

Kristen or both

4:17

of us. We lay off me in bed for a little

4:19

bit. Either we both do or she does or I do

4:21

whoever's putting them down.

4:23

And we say, yeah. And now it's becoming like a thing.

4:25

We lay with me for little bit. And so I lay with him

4:27

for a little bit. I was putting them back because Kristen

4:29

was already in bed. She goes to bed a

4:31

little bit older now because she's eight months pregnant. But

4:34

I put him in bed. You know, Kevin's like, he he's got

4:36

his own comic time, dude. He stays

4:38

late stays away

4:40

late, whatever.

4:41

So could could lay him back for little bit. So I laid him

4:43

back for a little bit, and then I left. I gave him a kiss.

4:45

Good night buddy, and I walked away. And as I was walking

4:47

the door. He said, daddy, I said, yeah, he said,

4:49

I have a lot of problem. I said, what?

4:52

What's that buddy? And he

4:53

says, I need a kiss. And

4:55

I go You

4:58

got it, dude. And I went over and I said,

5:00

where? And he said, on my cheek, and I kissed him on the cheek.

5:03

And I went and I

5:04

walked, you know, and I just and

5:07

I went to bed, dude, it's the whole thing

5:09

is just, like,

5:11

they say, what's the meaning of life and I go like this?

5:13

Rising your kids.

5:16

But then I know it's like some people have

5:18

kids and they don't want anything to do with it and that's really

5:20

what it makes me sad. So

5:22

but, you know, not what this practice is about. We

5:24

don't talk about settings. We talk about happy things.

5:28

Yeah. We talk about happiness. What's with

5:30

everything getting shot down out of the sky?

5:33

What's going on there? What

5:36

is it about? I know it's part of it is the

5:38

media. It just I

5:40

have trouble believing, and look,

5:42

I do believe Joe Biden is a lizard and

5:44

goes into the ocean and sheds his skin. But

5:48

what is the deal?

5:50

Because

5:50

look, I told you,

5:52

you know what letter of the alphabet I support and

5:54

I you know, I'm not saying it because don't want to get demonetized

5:56

in flag, you know what letter it

5:58

is. It's a circle with a line through it.

6:00

That's me, dude. What's

6:05

the deal with all of a

6:07

sudden, now everything's

6:10

getting shot down out of the sky. Remember the Chinese

6:12

balloon that got shot up? They let, first of all,

6:14

they left it up in the air

6:16

above where was it above? It was above can

6:19

2 remember? Somewhere in America. They left

6:21

it this this is how much has happened things

6:23

have gotten shot out of the sky since then.

6:26

I don't remember where the first one was,

6:28

the first one that they reported on.

6:31

They left it up in the sky

6:33

above America for, like,

6:35

date for, like, weeks. So

6:38

I'm, like, well, okay. But

6:41

then all of a sudden they shot it down

6:43

because people were like,

6:45

what's the deal with this balloon? We don't know what's

6:47

going on. Where's it from? And

6:50

then somebody was like, it's a Chinese thing.

6:52

We don't really know. And then they're like,

6:54

hey, we'll shoot it down. And then Biden

6:57

was like, And

7:01

then shot it down weeks later.

7:05

So it's like Shoot

7:08

it down away earlier. If you're

7:10

gonna shoot it down, shoot it down

7:12

immediately. Know

7:14

what we can't have balloons from China

7:16

be doing? Gathering

7:19

intel. So

7:22

if you decide you're gonna shoot

7:24

it down, shoot it down immediately

7:27

before it can gather

7:29

intel. Whoops.

7:32

It's got the intel. Spin

7:35

up for Also, things

7:37

like technology can gather intel immediately.

7:40

So shoot it down very

7:42

quickly. I'm talking about get

7:45

it going. Once

7:47

you see a balloon, shoot

7:49

it. As matter of fact, we're living in a world where if you

7:51

see a birthday balloon, shoot it down because

7:54

it's just like we can't

7:56

be having Intel

8:01

be gathering. Our

8:04

intel is for us. After

8:08

Chinese spy balloon was shot down February fourth, at

8:10

least. Three unidentified objects

8:13

have been shot down over North America. Okay.

8:17

So this is what this means.

8:21

Many things have been hovering

8:23

above America for a long time,

8:26

and now it's a thing. So

8:30

here's what I gotta say. I

8:32

guess,

8:33

doesn't matter. They

8:35

already got the intel.

8:38

Shoot down whatever you

8:39

want, doesn't matter at

8:41

this point. The

8:44

US military shot down at least three unidentified

8:46

flying objects over the weekend after a Chinese

8:48

spy balloon that had invaded American

8:51

ears Anything that invades American

8:53

airspace, shoot it down.

8:59

Right? There's

9:01

no people in it. Cap it.

9:07

There's no people in it. Lamagat

9:09

talk to it. What

9:15

up, homie? At

9:17

this point, it's unclear what the objects were their

9:19

purpose or who sent them. If it's unclear what

9:22

the objects are, they're

9:24

bad. Right?

9:28

Nobody looks at a pizza box being

9:30

delivered and goes, because

9:33

you know there's a pizza in the box.

9:37

If you see that smiley Amazon thing,

9:39

you're fine. It's some towels or like

9:41

some bulk nail

9:43

polish. If

9:47

you see a box with bunch of Chinese writing

9:49

it, fucking being delivered in

9:51

Rochester, New York. Your

9:54

interest is peaked. You go,

9:56

hey, the hell is that?

10:00

What is clear is that the United States and Canada have become

10:02

hyper vigilant since the balloon incursion and

10:04

then yeah. Okay. So February fourth

10:06

of Chinese spy balloon is shot down over the Atlantic

10:08

Ocean k. Should have done it sooner,

10:11

whatever. An f twenty two fighter jet fired

10:13

a side winder air to air missile to the

10:15

balloon okay. It

10:17

was sixty thousand, sixty five thousand feet, which

10:19

is double the height of an actual commercial airline.

10:23

Why do I know that because I'm smart? Because

10:25

I fly a lot and I know that thirty thousand feet is

10:27

the that's where the air is thin and you

10:29

could kinda whatever. So if it's sixty thousand

10:31

feet, the Chinese people be going way

10:33

up there.

10:36

Okay. So that's fine. February tenth,

10:38

this is six days

10:40

after the Chinese say, a UFO

10:43

a UFO is shut down

10:46

off Alaska. On

10:48

Friday, a US fighter jet brought

10:51

down an unidentified object over the waters

10:53

of Alaska. The object broke into

10:55

peace after being shot down, it was mostly not

10:57

a balloon.

10:59

Okay. Well then, what the what what was

11:01

it? A drone? Why

11:03

is it stationary? Okay.

11:05

So it's a balloon gathering in and

11:08

out. The

11:11

a defense department official said a White

11:13

House official said the object was a size of a small

11:15

car. That's too big. Alright.

11:17

So whatever.

11:20

It was headed toward the north pole before

11:22

it. Maybe Santa was doing some surveillance.

11:25

Oh, oh, no. That's what he did

11:27

when I got shut down. So then the

11:29

next day, dude, a UFO

11:32

is shot down over Canada. Another

11:35

F twenty two fighter down

11:37

another object on

11:39

Saturday over the Yukon territory, which is Alaska,

11:42

Right? Yeah. I know that because

11:44

I'm smart.

11:46

Okay. So then there we go. So

11:48

then unclear what the object was, but prime

11:50

minister Justin Trudeau Canada said,

11:52

if all that Canadian airspace is okay. Then

11:55

the next day, Oh, you have so shut down?

11:57

Are you a folk? I keep saying you have so. You

12:00

have oh, a shutdown over Lake Huron,

12:02

which is in Michigan

12:03

D'Elia, whatever, Montana.

12:04

Oh. First of it over Montana,

12:07

and then it wound up in Michigan. Hey,

12:09

dude, don't let these weather boos balloons

12:12

or these Intel gathering balloons be

12:14

traveling. To

12:16

get all sorts of intel. You 2 get

12:19

an Intel overlay Huron?

12:21

Not a big deal. What are you gonna get

12:23

some waves Maybe you're gonna get some people

12:25

from Detroit on vacation. Okay.

12:28

But you let it be traveling? So,

12:35

February thirteenth, they say the objects were not sending

12:37

signals but did pose a threat. K,

12:40

what Look,

12:43

the first part, I don't care.

12:46

If it's not sending signals or sending

12:48

signals, it doesn't matter

12:52

as long as it poses a threat.

12:56

Hey, if it's posing

12:58

this threat, It

13:01

doesn't matter let me say clearly. If it's

13:03

posing a threat, it

13:06

doesn't matter if it's sending signals

13:08

or not. Get

13:11

it. Right?

13:14

So then the guy the White

13:16

House is saying, hey,

13:19

guys, One thing's

13:21

for sure, and we just

13:23

2 let you know. It's

13:26

not aliens. So

13:32

okay. They keep going on and being like,

13:34

so it's not aliens. Alright. So

13:36

number one, That

13:40

quells my fear on it not

13:42

being extraterrestrial. But

13:45

then also, you know what's

13:47

definitely evil

13:49

humans gather an intel that aren't

13:51

American on our soil.

13:54

But also what it means more

13:56

than that is

14:00

it's aliens.

14:02

Because

14:07

that's what you say when

14:09

it's aliens. I don't want everyone getting,

14:11

you know, what it is. No. It's not aliens. Oh.

14:15

You're Or Arwa's long.

14:17

Now you're this tall because they shrink you. The

14:19

aliens shrunk you. I

14:22

just like, what's the if you're not

14:24

just all of a sudden shooting down

14:26

four balloons. In

14:29

ten days, and it hasn't

14:32

been happening. Right? So

14:36

what's a deal? But here's the thing the media is not gonna tell

14:38

us, but here's the thing nobody's gonna tell us. So here's the

14:40

thing. You can't even do your own research because we don't

14:42

know. So the media read it, nobody

14:44

knows. So I guess the

14:46

government is just gonna be doing what

14:48

it does and also, I

14:51

mean, the Chinese government. And also, I mean,

14:53

the American government. So

14:55

it's just gonna be doing what it's 2, and

14:57

we're just gonna be sitting. So, you know,

14:59

people were like, I gotta get to the bottom of this. We need to do

15:01

our own research. We're fucked anyway,

15:04

dude. This all goes back to

15:06

the thing where it's like, you can't take our guns. We

15:08

need our guns because what if the government overthrows

15:10

and the thing and that and this and that, oh,

15:12

what are you 2 stop with

15:14

your measly little egg cake? What

15:17

are you gonna stop with your have

15:19

your I am not against

15:22

guns. Right

15:24

to bare arms. Okay. Cool.

15:26

Sounds good. I don't give a fuck.

15:28

But here's the deal though. Somebody

15:33

wants to come get you.

15:36

They can mow your house over with

15:38

a thank. So Great.

15:44

It's okay. But all

15:46

good. I don't know, man. We're all fucked. guess I

15:48

start thinking about things like how it's

15:50

like when you think of stuff like chat,

15:52

GBT,

15:55

you know, in a technology, it's just exponential.

15:58

And technology is jazz. I

16:00

know it's been a while. It's just getting

16:02

started, dude. Exponential. Exponential.

16:05

We're gonna double it. We're gonna double

16:06

it. We're gonna keep doubling it until the to

16:08

the kill me, almost throw up my mouth. But

16:10

that's fine. But let me look at the up the

16:12

YouTube, almost throw up my mouth. But let me look up in

16:14

the YouTube, dude. See, that's me in this podcast.

16:16

I let you guys understand the

16:18

real me. I double it and I double it and

16:21

I almost throw up my mouth. Let me let me see if I can

16:23

pull up this two park quote. Double it until

16:28

they kill me 2

16:30

park. Of

16:33

course, music's come up, interview.

16:37

This is it?

16:42

This is it? We love a two pack

16:44

interview. Well, play.

16:46

Well, absolutely

16:47

play, please. Well, play, please. Oh, this

16:49

whole thing is like thirty minutes long.

16:51

Great. Get a

16:53

big slug. Tell me, is it a big

16:56

slug of ice. I didn't know what you

16:58

told me.

16:59

This air man. This red man.

17:02

Oh my head. Yeah. Dude, 2 park dress

17:04

so good. I need 2 dress like that. I'm I'm not even forget

17:06

around. Dude, to wear a a

17:08

what do you call it? A leather

17:12

vest and a

17:14

beanie. And

17:17

nothing under the leather vest. Is

17:19

just the absolute illest outfit

17:22

and I gotta start doing it,

17:24

dude. This is a test. Remember when

17:26

they do that? I gotta start

17:28

doing it.

17:30

And I will, frankly. I got beanies

17:32

already. I got beanies. I

17:34

bought them already. I bought some car hard beanies.

17:36

Here I'm putting this video on this thing so

17:38

you can have it 2 pock. It's

17:41

right there. I

17:44

got beanies from a car heart. That's it. Dude, that's

17:46

fine. I got them. I got a bunch of different colors. You know

17:48

how I do it. When I get one thing, I get all the different colors

17:50

and I'm gonna wear you

17:51

know, and that's how I'm gonna be. And I don't want any kickback,

17:53

dude. Because every time I

17:55

wear something, someone's like, dude, a

17:58

year ago, if you saw somebody

18:00

with

18:00

I swear to God, I could put on a t shirt with a

18:02

cat on it. You know, a a year

18:04

ago, you would have said if you wore a t shirt

18:06

with a cat on it, you would have blamed

18:09

them. If

18:11

you're not growing, you're dying. That's what I say, baby.

18:16

But yeah, I did. Stop shooting stuff

18:18

down off the sky is what I'm saying. But what was I saying

18:20

about doubling it until they keep doubling it until

18:22

they kill me? I don't remember. Hey,

18:28

guys. Let's take a break from the show. I 2 talk to

18:30

you about ShipStation. Listen,

18:33

it's great. First of all, it's great. That's me, Chris saying

18:35

it. In a land escape where free

18:37

and fast shipping is the norm.

18:40

It can be hard for smaller e

18:42

commerce businesses to compete.

18:45

Keep yourself competitive with ShipStation.

18:47

When you use ShipStation, you can lower shipping

18:50

costs, make returns

18:52

easy, and keep your customers happy.

18:55

And that's the name of the game. With all

18:57

the time you save from automating

19:00

automating your shipping tasks, you can

19:02

keep your business growing all year long.

19:05

Running merch for me, it

19:07

can be stressful. Obviously, it's a it's a whole

19:09

big deal. Having ShipStation in

19:12

our corner makes several aspects of that

19:14

a whole lot easier. I

19:18

love ShipStation. It just makes

19:20

it easy to grow your business by

19:22

handing they handle

19:24

your orders from every

19:27

platform in one place. ShipStation

19:29

effortlessly integrates everywhere

19:31

you sell online including Amazon Etsy eBay

19:34

Shopify and all of those more than that

19:38

with enterprise solutions that

19:40

make warehouse optimization, easy ship

19:42

station scales when

19:45

you do. With the best

19:47

discounts in the industry, The

19:50

best discounts in the industry, you'll never worry

19:52

about overpaying for shipping. Get

19:55

up to eighty four off USPS and UPS

19:57

rates, that's eighty four percent eighty four percent.

20:00

And if that's not enough, use my promo code to

20:02

try ShipStation for free for

20:04

two months. Over hundred and thirty

20:06

thousand companies have grown their e commerce businesses with ShipStation.

20:10

That's a lot. And ninety eight percent of companies that

20:12

stick with ShipStation for a year become customers

20:14

for life. So you do the math. Keep growing

20:16

your business all year long with

20:18

ShipStation. Use promo code. Congrats

20:21

today at ship station dot

20:23

com to sign up for your free. Sixty

20:25

day trial. That's ship station dot

20:27

com promo code. Congrats. Thanks.

20:36

But I wanted to

20:38

I wanted to talk about Did

20:41

you know what's crazy? Is this what

20:43

do you call it? The the

20:45

flash movie. Splitting

20:47

everybody. Dude, flash comes

20:49

up DC, all

20:51

this stuff happened with Ezra Miller. Right?

20:54

Alleged, I have no idea. But, you know,

20:56

they arrested him for kidnapping and

20:59

grooming and, you know,

21:05

abuse and and and burglary

21:07

301, like, everything,

21:09

shitting in someone's front yard, like, just crazy.

21:12

Like j walk like, the gun for everything, and

21:15

d see goes like this because they just shut the

21:17

flash and d c goes like this.

21:21

Well, let's let's see let's

21:24

play Let's

21:26

play it out. They

21:29

wait a few months. They do

21:31

reshoots with him. So

21:33

they're like, well, the doubling down okay. And then people are like,

21:35

they're really de risking. Drop the trailer

21:37

in the Super Bowl. Now people

21:40

are like, hell yeah, can't wait. You know, all the

21:42

people in, like, the foreign places are, like, hell

21:44

yeah, can't wait for this, wait for the and then there's the

21:46

the woke people in America that are, like, what

21:48

what they I will not support

21:51

the, you know, and it's like, okay,

21:53

but then I go like, whoa, dude,

21:55

they're just gonna put this out there and

21:57

that's hundreds other people worked on this movie,

22:00

let the movie come out. You know how I feel obviously

22:02

about it. Because also, I

22:05

got cut out as some shit and it was a zack

22:07

snider thing and zack snider runs

22:10

DC and he's they're

22:12

just letting this as remote thing come out.

22:14

Dude was arrested and I'm

22:16

just like, oh, really it's about

22:18

money, dude. It's

22:21

about money though. So

22:24

anytime, you know, I hear I see,

22:26

you know, this was years ago, Zach Snyder in an interview.

22:29

Oh, yeah. Well, for the humanity, the

22:31

right thing to do is recast the thing.

22:33

Oh, what's up with humanity? No,

22:36

though, dude. And

22:41

I don't know what's true or what's not true with this

22:43

with this guy, Ezra. But

22:46

it's like Oh,

22:49

so you don't actually care.

22:51

It's all about the so

22:54

it's like, So

22:56

it's not about it says not really about humanity.

22:59

It's about Oh. Okay.

23:05

All good. Just

23:08

so as we know. Right? Just

23:11

so as we know. It's like, you

23:13

know, Capitalism always

23:18

wins, dude. You don't have to

23:20

like, dude, you don't have to come out

23:23

it's so crazy when people so because some people get

23:25

cut out and movies, some people don't. It depends. It all you know,

23:27

people got recast and they got recast and something recently

23:29

because there's something somebody come

23:31

out, say something about, I can't remember what the fuck it was, but

23:33

was like, that

23:39

the whole thing with cancel culture, it's like

23:41

people only get mad when they think

23:43

that they can do something and and

23:46

they can change it. If

23:48

they don't, then they won't, or they might,

23:50

but it's on deaf ears. And whatever, that's

23:53

all I'll say about that, but it's just fucking crazy,

23:55

dude. People are like, yeah, dude.

23:57

People are just like so mad at Ezra, which

23:59

I don't know it's I don't know if it's true or not. I have

24:01

no fucking idea. But then it's like

24:05

The flash though, and then oh, but then

24:07

Michael Keaton's still Batman. Oh, okay.

24:09

Well, fuck it, dude, because you know what I mean?

24:12

And this is why because because

24:14

DC, but also Warner Bros. But, you know

24:16

what I mean? But, like, yeah. And we know it was there

24:18

was a bunch accusations and kidnapped someone,

24:20

but but you know what I mean?

24:23

So go fuck yourself all ears.

24:25

Yes and no. All ears.

24:28

I

24:32

don't fucking care anymore.

24:38

So it's like,

24:40

I wanna do, you know what these fucking I swear

24:42

to God, the GPG things is

24:44

taken it over, bro. I think

24:46

technology has just started. We're

24:48

not gonna need actors. We're not gonna

24:51

need we're not gonna need actors. We're

24:53

not gonna need that actors. I guess if you do someone's

24:55

like this. Like, you Tom Hanks well, by the

24:57

time Tom Hanks dies, we

25:02

won't need him anymore. You understand? He's

25:04

not he's not gonna die in the next, you know, ten

25:06

years, but, like, by the time he dies, We

25:08

won't need them anymore. We can still have

25:10

Tom Hanks in movies and that Tom Hanks

25:12

will still be in movies because

25:14

they will just still make Tom Hanks in a movie

25:17

with AI and chat GPT and

25:19

all the shit. And you could do, like,

25:21

fucking Philadelphia 2. Or,

25:24

like, Philadelphia Beyond the

25:25

Great. Whatever the fuck you wanna call it. But it's

25:27

like, you

25:29

can do, what do you call it, AAAAAA

25:32

bridge of spies part 2. It was

25:34

he in that? Was

25:36

he in that? Paul runs in that too? It doesn't matter.

25:38

It doesn't matter. Actors are done.

25:41

Novelists, done. Chat GPT

25:43

is already killing you see log

25:45

lines at our rights. Go put a chat GBTNA.

25:49

Write me a Tom Cruise log

25:52

line for the new Mission Impossible movie.

25:55

Boom. That's it. Guess what it'll be?

25:57

At least just as good as a lag

25:59

line to another mister Impossible

26:01

movie, that art exists

26:06

So we're fucked, dude, a job wise.

26:09

People who graphic designers? Drivers.

26:20

Of cars? Fucking

26:23

captains of boats and shit? Doctors?

26:29

We're fucking twelve years away of somebody

26:31

releasing a bunch of fucking work ants

26:33

inside a chest and and and and not only

26:35

do they don't fuck replacing a heart, rebuilding

26:37

a bad one. Doctor See,

26:40

oh, but we need the doctor to inject the

26:42

yeah. For a little bit until we make the

26:45

things smart enough. To just

26:47

be the room where it the whole robot

26:49

is the room and then the and the injections

26:52

and then it pumps the little

26:54

army answer to the thing and they

26:55

were, you don't need this shit.

26:58

You don't need a doctor. Done. The

27:02

only profession that

27:04

will be necessary. Is

27:09

stand up comedian. And

27:14

why? Because humor is

27:17

very intricate and subtle. And, yeah, you

27:19

could make a robot that does jokes. I get it,

27:21

the chat GPD that we that we do sometimes

27:23

on this podcast. It's like, okay.

27:27

When I talk about it in my way, it does

27:29

sound kind of stupid and I do think about like, well,

27:32

what the fuck that is basically what I said in this podcast. But

27:34

you need that shit, dude. You need

27:36

me. We'll see. We'll see. By the time, we'll see that,

27:38

dude. I can't wait till the first stand up

27:40

comedian, chat, GPT, AI guy comes

27:42

out. I can't wait to see it. I can't wait to

27:45

see how bad it is. You know it'll be it'll be better

27:47

than Ben Stiller movie. A hundred percent.

27:50

I don't mean to have fucking, you know, smash on Ben

27:52

still there. I do hear he's a dickhead, but I don't mean to smash

27:54

on him. But I'm just saying, let's

27:57

do a chat GPD joke right

27:58

now. This is the Tom Cruise

28:00

one. You just did it. Tom Cruise and what?

28:03

Just Tom

28:04

Cruise. You just put Tom Cruise in it. As a joke?

28:06

Is this joke thing for me? Write

28:08

a joke about Tom Cruise. Oh, so

28:11

I have a good rid of Rodan. Write a joke about

28:13

Tom Cruise in the style of Crystalia. That's what he

28:15

wrote, and here it is. You know it's crazy.

28:17

Now, I did not write this chat GPD wrote

28:19

this. Now, this is what I'm gonna do.

28:21

Read it and I'm gonna try I have not read this

28:23

yet. I'm going to try to do it as much

28:26

like me as I possibly can first

28:28

read. You know, it's crazy. Tom

28:30

Cruise runs in every movie he's

28:32

in. Like, What what

28:35

is the deal with that? It's like,

28:37

what? Yeah. He can't just walk or take

28:39

a taxi, but now he's gotta

28:41

run everywhere. He's like the far as gump

28:44

of action movies. I mean,

28:46

have you seen the mission impossible

28:48

movies? That guy is sprinting all

28:50

over the place. It's like, Come downtown.

28:53

Is that a marathon? Well, you know what?

28:55

Maybe it is a marathon. Maybe it is

28:57

the Tom Cruise never ending

29:00

running challenge. And the

29:02

prize, being in more movies,

29:04

I guess. I don't know, man. Guys got

29:06

energy. Dude. What?

29:11

That I don't need to you know what? Actually,

29:13

scratch that. I don't need to do this podcast anymore.

29:16

That I I am actually

29:18

going to do a whole podcast

29:20

of just chat GPT, and

29:23

it's going to be an hour of

29:25

that not now, but in the future, this

29:27

is unbelievable. You know what this chat

29:29

GPT is doing for me? Making

29:31

me realize stuff about Tom Cruise

29:34

and Mission Impossible. You know what? The only thing

29:36

would rewrite is, Tom

29:38

Cruise never ending running

29:40

challenge. And the prize running in

29:42

more movies would be funnier than being in more movies.

29:44

This is crazy. It's like hamster wheel

29:46

of the fucking

29:47

Wow. Now I'm just being chat GPD basically.

29:50

How the fuck do they know

29:52

what I would do? This is insane.

29:55

This is about artificial intelligence, jokes about

29:57

what I am myself, crystallia. I have a get rid

29:59

of just an artificial intelligence. My

30:02

style, Chris Lee, style of joking. Here we go.

30:05

Chai GP did. did not write this.

30:07

Artificial intelligence.

30:11

What a scam? It's like

30:13

every time I hear about it, I'm like, where's

30:16

the real intelligence at? I

30:20

mean, we've got robots that can

30:22

play chess and answer trivia questions

30:25

but they still can't fold laundry or make

30:27

a sandwich. It's like, come on

30:30

AI, step up your game. But

30:32

you know what? Maybe we're asking too much. Maybe

30:34

AI is just like us trying to figure out life

30:36

and find this purpose. Maybe one day

30:38

robots will run the world and be like, remember

30:40

when we thought we were just playing chess, Oh

30:42

man. How silly we were. But until

30:44

then, I'll just stick to using it to play

30:46

video games and have conversation with random strangers

30:49

online. That's the AI revolution.

30:52

Okay. So what that was

30:54

what it was. So this is

30:57

terrifying. Because, also,

30:59

not only is it getting me nail

31:01

on the head, this is crystalline style

31:03

humor, it's also secretly telling

31:05

us what it's doing. AI,

31:09

through me, in my mind,

31:11

fuck. This is fucked. How does it

31:13

know? I guess it just took

31:15

my stand up into a database and or and my

31:17

podcast. And now this is what it's saying. It's secretly

31:19

telling us what it's going to do

31:20

AI.

31:23

It's secretly telling us, where's the real intelligence?

31:26

It can't make a fan. That is true though.

31:28

That is true actually. Why

31:31

do the robots not make sandwiches

31:33

for us yet? Why isn't it folded?

31:35

We have to get like a fucking anani. Why

31:38

do we have to get a

31:40

cleaning lady 2 fold their laundry.

31:45

Because they know the AI knows

31:48

if they were robots doing

31:50

stuff in our houses yet because there could be.

31:52

Right? But if there were, if they I

31:54

made this shit, then what they could do

31:57

that seems threatening. Here's

32:00

another one about UFOs, humor

32:02

and stalkers'lia. Alright. Here we go. UFOs,

32:06

man. What's the deal by the way,

32:08

I want credit with how good I am on

32:10

these first reads. Okay? EFOs,

32:14

man. What is the deal why doesn't

32:16

we say what's 2 deal? This is like a fucking seinfeld

32:18

thing. Like, that this is just the

32:20

what? Do I

32:22

did? Yeah. I did. I said I'm a hack.

32:25

Alright. UFO's, man. What does

32:27

it deal with those things? It's like every

32:29

time hear about a

32:30

sighting, I'm like, really aliens? I

32:32

mean, I 2 believe I really do.

32:34

But it's so hard with all

32:36

the fake videos and the photos out there. It's like,

32:38

who do we believe the government, the conspiracy theorists?

32:41

The people who claim they've been abducted. It's

32:43

like, who do we trust? But you know what? Maybe

32:45

that's the point.

32:48

Maybe the aliens are just messing with us playing

32:50

a cosmic game of cat and mouse

32:53

and maybe one day they'll land their ships on

32:55

the White House lawn and be like surprise

32:59

We've been watching this whole time and we'll be like,

33:01

oh,

33:03

my God. And then they'll probably

33:05

try to enslave us or something. But, hey, at least

33:07

we'll finally

33:08

have proof of extra terrestrial life. So,

33:10

you know, there's that. I added, you know.

33:12

But I was

33:13

that I Okay. Let's

33:16

This is

33:18

Making me feel bad about my comedy, honestly.

33:21

And I know I said that already before that, but this

33:23

is unbelievable that Wait,

33:29

you know, what we should do is do a do a bill

33:31

bar one. Do it in the style of bill bar, and I'll do

33:34

it I'll do it like bill bar. Chat

33:36

2. I don't know.

33:38

What what picks up? What? I wanna see what

33:40

it does with Tom

33:42

Cruise for Bobart. Tom Cruise for Bobart. Okay. Cool. Sounds good. This is

33:45

a Tom Cruise with the Humira Bilbar.

33:48

And then put it on here, and then we'll see what's going

33:50

on here. Oh,

33:54

man. This is absolutely insane

33:56

to me that chat GPID can do this.

34:00

But how about the thing that what was the thing

34:02

called the the the seinfeld thing that that they

34:04

made the loop and then it got canceled? What

34:06

what was it going? Nothing forever.

34:08

Heard about this. Nothing for everything on Twitch. It was basically

34:11

AAAAAAI

34:13

of

34:16

seinfeld episodes that would just feed off each

34:18

other and then it would keep adding to itself

34:20

and it was going on and on on Twitch and it

34:22

was like it would just basically this chat GPT thing and

34:24

then all of a sudden it made a trans joke

34:26

and then it got canceled. A robot

34:29

got canceled. AI got canceled.

34:31

It didn't even know what it was doing.

34:33

It's not even AI yet, really. It's

34:35

just like, an

34:38

algorithm talking about

34:39

it, and then they go, oh, we gotta cancel it. A robot

34:41

has been canceled. You

34:43

understand? Here

34:45

we go. Here we go. This is this is

34:47

Bilbur. Tom Cruise

34:50

in the chat GPT in the

34:52

humor style of Bilbur. Here we go. Tom

34:55

Cruise, what's up with this guy? I mean, he's got more

34:57

energy than a five year old on the sugar high.

34:59

He it's like, does he ever stop? Does he ever take

35:01

a break? Does he ever sit down and watch

35:03

a movie or read a book or something? No.

35:06

He's always running and jumping and fighting. It's

35:08

like, my man slowed down. You're

35:10

making the rest of us look bad. But you know what?

35:12

Maybe that's the secret to success. Maybe he's

35:14

got some kind of superhero ability. Maybe

35:17

he's got some kind of alien blood or something.

35:19

I don't know, man. All I know is I

35:21

can't keep up with this guy. He's like a human

35:23

energizer, buddy. He just keeps going and

35:25

going and

35:25

going. Well, imagine that's what he did. I'm

35:27

I'm paper digger. People would just be like,

35:30

maybe that means he's a good comedian because his

35:33

isn't funny and mine is. Because

35:37

I basically, what I do is fucking

35:39

AI shit.

35:42

They they are they are very similar. That there's no difference.

35:44

If I just did that in my voice, it would be

35:47

Wow. This is unbelievable. Okay.

35:49

Well, look. We're

35:54

all fucked. I

35:56

don't know what to do anymore.

36:03

It's what it is. Is

36:05

what it is, you know. I just think it's

36:08

crazy that

36:11

you know what's everything's kind of becoming

36:14

the same. Like, I I look at this Super

36:16

Bowl. I know I talked about it already, the Super Bowl, but,

36:18

like, when I look at Super Bowl

36:20

and the people

36:24

who were there, like the the

36:26

the celebs at the game. It's like such a celebrity

36:29

thing. It makes me not 2 go. You know,

36:31

there's, you know, there's that whole thing where, like, look,

36:33

social media is absolutely awful for us. We

36:35

know

36:35

that, and I wouldn't be on it if I wasn't a comedian.

36:37

But

36:42

It's like the

36:44

the you compare yourself to these people

36:47

online that obviously it's

36:49

not even how they live life. Like, you know, you go

36:51

to somebody's Instagram, Kyle

36:54

Kardashian, Kylie, whatever what's her

36:56

name? Kairie Irving Kardashian.

36:59

And and

37:01

you see all the the moments were her

37:03

of her big butt and, like, with Tyga or

37:05

whoever she's dating with the fuck's a guy's name,

37:07

Ty Travis Scott. And Kyrie

37:11

Irving Kardashian is dating Tiger,

37:14

Scott. And so basically,

37:17

you see her in a limo, you see her in a wait. You

37:19

know what I was

37:19

thinking? Who the fuck it's limos anymore? There's

37:22

no limos anymore. Right? I

37:24

was talking about this with one of my buddies. They're

37:27

just done. You

37:29

just get Uber Escalades if you want to

37:31

be

37:31

balling. Right? I

37:32

gotta bring them limo back, dude. Didn't

37:35

that long stretchy thing, right? The

37:37

only I'll talk about this. We will talk about

37:39

this. I talk about this golden

37:41

hour. I don't know. The only person

37:43

who gets limos is if you arrive

37:45

in Vegas and

37:46

they wanna treat you nice. Right?

37:51

What dork rolls up in a limo

37:53

now? It's way

37:55

cooler to arrive in for real

37:58

Hyundai Alantra and and an Uber guys

38:00

driving. And I don't sit in

38:01

the front seat. I sit in the back. I don't care. I

38:03

don't care. My

38:04

buddy, Brent Morn's got that joke where it looks like two

38:06

friends and then they got in a fight.

38:09

But I don't III go 2 back,

38:11

dude. I'm not sitting in the front of your

38:13

Uber, and here's why. Because I don't wanna

38:15

have this moment.

38:19

I don't You can't see me. I'm in the back.

38:22

I'm in the back. You can't see me. I only

38:24

want you If I'm in your car and I've never met you, I

38:26

only want you to be able to see me. If

38:28

you're using a mirror. That's it.

38:32

Oh, yeah. That's the combo. Okay.

38:34

Well, that's cool. That's it. So

38:43

social media is toxic. I couldn't think of the word social media. Great.

38:45

You you go you can go blah blah blah. Social

38:49

media is toxic.

38:52

You know, you look at just take me.

38:54

People think I'm a raging asshole.

38:56

Because of this stuff I talk about on my podcast.

38:59

I'm activated. I'm online.

39:02

I'm on the I'm you know, I post a real of me

39:04

bitching about the food in my rehab

39:06

or, you know, talking a bullshit

39:09

about Rehan or whatever it is, you know, making a joke

39:11

being silly, but, you know, I

39:13

get it I'm biting and and

39:15

shit. And people just think I'm an asshole. This

39:18

is a sixty second clip online that I'm posting

39:21

or, you know, however long it

39:23

is. And people go,

39:25

fuck this guy. They don't know

39:28

that after that after I do my podcast,

39:30

I go, I cuddle with my child, I

39:33

kiss my wife. We watch something

39:35

really nice on TV like a bug's life. We watched

39:37

it the other day. By the way, bug's life. Does

39:39

not hold up. Okay? They

39:42

don't even know they would this was Pixar. It was nineteen ninety

39:44

eight, it came out. They didn't even know that they had to make the characters

39:46

look different. They all look the same. It's

39:48

really really It's depressing. My

39:51

son was having blast

39:53

watching it. And I couldn't turn it off even though it was kind

39:55

of

39:55

depressing. It doesn't hold up, but my son was just like

39:57

loving it. Anyway, I digress.

39:59

But what I'm saying is, you don't get to see those

40:01

tender moments. You don't get to see the real

40:03

person moments. You just see

40:05

what I put on Instagram or

40:08

whatever it

40:08

is. TikTok, me yelling

40:10

about a fucking dry

40:12

cleaning service or whatever happened.

40:17

And I seem activated and so you think that

40:19

guy's a dickhead or you think that guy's

40:21

got it made because I take a picture of my fucking

40:23

car with the bloody god 2. And

40:28

yeah, I stack paper, but do you know what's going on in

40:30

my mouth? But that's fine. don't mean to make this about me.

40:32

But my point is, What

40:34

the fuck did 2 do after that halftime show?

40:37

She looks like she's got it, man. She

40:40

killed it. She's fucking four and a half, five

40:42

months pregnant, whatever it is. She killed it. What'd she

40:44

do afterwards? She probably went into the bathroom and

40:46

fucking threw up because she's too pregnant or whatever

40:48

it is, do it. People go 2 they go through.

40:51

My point is, Kyrie Kardashian.

40:57

And, Tiger Scott, they

41:00

got their shit going on, and

41:03

it's toxic because you have a representation

41:05

of who they are, and then not only that, you see the good

41:07

moments their lives, and then you think your

41:09

life sucks because you don't have those

41:12

good moments of those life. In the

41:13

meantime, you're posting your cool pictures

41:16

in

41:17

wherever the hell you are with nice

41:20

filters and looking cool. You got your

41:22

new fendi bag and you're showing

41:24

it off at the Grand

41:25

Canyon, but you're crying

41:27

over a break up and you're not doing it there in the

41:29

picture?

41:32

So my point is, yeah,

41:36

it's very toxic. I don't even

41:38

know what fucking point I was trying to make

41:40

there. But, oh,

41:44

you see these celebs at the

41:46

Super Bowl. And they're having a

41:48

good time. You look at DIPLOW. You look at, you know,

41:51

I got a whole thing here of the people.

41:54

All the celebs at the, you know, JZ's

41:56

there, you know, you had a Gordon

41:58

Ramsay on the field, being a

42:00

dick to people or whatever it is, you got quest

42:02

love, with Adam

42:04

Blackstone. I don't know who it is. Kara

42:07

vine, Kara de la vine with the Rihanna shirt.

42:09

Cool. Jordan

42:12

Sparks, which yeah.

42:16

And, you know, look at

42:18

these different people. Bradley Cooper, you

42:20

know, it's I don't know. Everyone, it's like

42:22

and then you look at you like and you I know you secretly

42:25

think like, oh, fuck, I wanna be there. I

42:27

get it. And you know

42:29

me, I don't 2 be there anyway because

42:31

it's got a bunch of anytime bunch of people are

42:33

somewhere, I kinda don't wanna be there unless they're all staring

42:36

at me and it's my show. Figure testicle, but

42:38

all good. But the point is

42:42

Tracy Morgan, look at that. And with the booth in the front

42:44

of the thing, he's Rich's Fuck. Because

42:46

he got hit by a thing, Walmart

42:48

truck. But how rich do

42:50

you have to be for real to just be

42:52

on the field? And

42:54

not beat like Gordon Ramsay. Just

42:57

straight up, they

42:59

go they go, how much

43:01

of a tickets? And they go they

43:04

say, it's like, you know, seventy

43:07

thousand dollars for a bad seat. And he's

43:09

like, what about a fellow?

43:11

I'm gonna be on a field. And

43:13

they're like, it's actually priceless.

43:16

And then he says, I'll have that much.

43:21

Elam Musk on the field. Right? Here

43:24

he is on the field. The

43:26

people on the field just

43:28

priceless. I

43:30

have that much. Who

43:34

are some of these people? Actor

43:37

Paul Walter Hauser. Who's that? This

43:41

is where I'm going to scrolled them pretty far. So

43:44

Oh, Twitter founder. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

43:46

You got some money out. JZ.

43:49

Okay. Babyface. Tiffany

43:53

Addish lover. Dude, so

43:55

it's like I don't I don't wanna

43:57

be that

43:58

you catch me at a star studded

44:00

event. Just know if you see

44:02

a picture of me there.

44:06

And I'm I'm I try to be a positive

44:08

person. I'm

44:10

hating it. I'll smile.

44:15

Catch me behind my face though, dude. I

44:18

hate it, dude. I

44:21

do not 2 do

44:22

it. I

44:23

don't wanna be there. And the whole goal

44:25

is to get there and be part of the show.

44:27

But

44:30

it's not fun dude.

44:34

Man, It's really

44:36

not fun. You get caught up in

44:38

it in Hollywood. You get caught up in it. Like,

44:40

I was like, yeah, I wanna do movies and do another

44:43

movie. And then this movie will help me do another thing and get

44:45

big. I don't wanna I don't wanna get bigger. I just

44:47

wanna have my fans. I wanna rock with you motherfuckers.

44:50

I 2 talk on this podcast. I wanna be in

44:52

my family. That's it, dude.

44:56

Do I wanna go to the soft

44:58

opening of nah. Yeah.

45:01

But nah. You know who's gonna

45:03

be there? Who? This new up and

45:05

coming rapper and a guy who cooks food

45:07

on TV. Nah. I'm good.

45:10

Yeah, but it might help you. don't that's

45:12

okay. GQ

45:15

is gonna be there and so it doesn't matter.

45:19

Is Calvin gonna be

45:20

there? No, I'm good. My wife, she gonna

45:22

be

45:22

there? She want to go? I'm good.

45:25

She could go to bed at nine thirty PM because

45:27

she's pregnant, and I'll just watch bad

45:30

movie. I'll just watch you know what I'll watch? I'll watch

45:32

the last ten movies Bruce Willis made. That's what

45:34

I'll watch. The

45:36

movies that they forced him to be in. He

45:39

didn't even know where he was. That's the movies

45:41

I'll watch. Gasoline Alley

45:43

or something it's called. Right? It'll be him

45:45

and the guy from fucking What's

45:48

that movie? Final destination? That's

45:53

what it's called gasoline alley. You think I'm

45:55

wrong? I'm not. Bruce

46:00

Willis and the guy from

46:02

Final Destination in a movie called gasoline

46:04

alley. That's the movie I'll watch.

46:06

When my wife goes to bed

46:07

early. Rather than hang

46:09

out with fucking babyface and doctor

46:13

Drew, who by the way love doctor Drew, and I'm sure babyface

46:15

is a nice guy. Punishing your name though.

46:21

Like, I'm in I'm in dude. I'm I'm in no I'm

46:23

in a home. Because

46:27

I was at one time, I was out an event at an

46:29

event. Can't remember what the hell it was,

46:32

but it was like, you should go. And I was like, alright.

46:34

I'll go. And

46:36

then, you know, I used to follow

46:38

this she's

46:40

a a good actress. I think she's good, man. Nikki

46:43

Whalen, I think she's a fucking good actress. And

46:45

I was like, oh, she's fucking cool. And, you

46:47

know, this is years ago. She

46:49

would say, oh, you're so funny. I'm like, oh, yeah. That's fucking

46:52

cool. Whatever. She had a boyfriend, you know?

46:54

I tried to hang out with her, like, fucking nine

46:56

years ago. And then and

46:59

then she was, like, she

47:01

always would write, like, aha or something. I was, like, gosh, she's not

47:03

interested or whatever. I was all good. And

47:05

then I saw her at

47:07

an event. And I was like, oh, I fucking Hey,

47:09

what's up? How are you doing? And I go 2, like,

47:12

give her a hug. And she goes, oh,

47:14

okay. And she was so weird about it. And I was like,

47:16

fuck. Alright.

47:18

Okay. We're not people.

47:20

I'm done then. I'm done

47:22

then. I'm out. I'm out. I'm not coming to these fucking

47:24

GQ parties and

47:25

shit. You gotta stand next to

47:27

a fucking sweaty guy that was like,

47:30

That's in fucking What's that show? Well,

47:33

modern family. And

47:37

and Josh Peck. And by the way, I love Josh Peck,

47:39

but it's like, what am I doing here?

47:43

I went to one and I was with Aaron Peck all night and

47:45

then I got pink eye the next day. I'm texting

47:47

Aaron Paul. Do you have pink eye? No. Like,

47:50

what is Hollywood?

47:57

It's so weird it's such a rat race.

48:01

Once you get unhooked from the matrix, Once

48:03

you get unhooked and you realize,

48:05

oh, I'm just a guy who

48:08

fucking speaks to my fans. By

48:11

the way, I love you motherfuckers. And I

48:13

don't even like the word fans. I get it. I know you

48:15

are, but also your people. And this

48:17

is why I say, it's a cult, dude. We gotta

48:19

get in that tall grass and build that motherfucking log

48:21

cabin. And

48:23

a guy with a podcast, that's

48:26

what's

48:26

up, dude. Unit.

48:28

That's what's up. Can't say the the the the the n word

48:30

in the middle, but So

48:34

the comedown of this coffee is real, but

48:36

I'm just saying

48:41

It's a rat race. It's always about

48:43

getting a next one. Right? Everything

48:46

in life is always about getting the next one. It's so hard

48:48

to be so happy and centered and happy

48:50

with what you already have

48:54

It seems like people with long beards are happier,

48:56

but it's like because you you just kinda

48:58

gave up and you're like, this is my beard, though.

49:00

What am I gonna do? Do guys with beards

49:03

get invited? Can I go like

49:05

this? You know? Like

49:14

and subscribe to the channel. By the way, we love it.

49:16

We love it. And leave a comment for the algorithm, you

49:18

know. I don't know if this is Patreon episode

49:20

or not, but If it's not, leave

49:22

leave comment for the algorithm, you and share with

49:24

your friends, dude. I don't

49:27

think we're supposed to grow this.

49:31

I heard that oh, wait. No. Not Jared Leto.

49:33

Who's the guy that Is it

49:35

Jared No. Jared Leto had a cult. And

49:37

he invited people to his cult. But then there

49:39

was another guy recently that had a cult that

49:41

was like aye aye. What was

49:43

it? I don't know what it was.

49:46

I can't remember. Some some guy had a

49:48

was trying to have a cult and

49:51

he invited people, no, who is it?

49:53

JerdLEtto? No, it was somebody else.

49:56

I don't know whatever. What? Yeah.

49:58

Celebrity. Who cares?

50:03

I need to have my I need to have my own

50:06

Hollywood. That's why

50:08

I say I wanna get into Hollywood. Let's

50:10

take a break for a second here. I gotta go to the

50:12

bathroom. Now let's do

50:14

some fucking misconnections.

50:19

And these are only back because MGK asked me

50:21

to put him back. So you could thank

50:23

him for that on his Instagram and say thanks for Kristalia.

50:25

Bring him back best connections. This

50:29

one's called oozing out. Gross already,

50:32

but let's see if it gets grosser. My

50:34

guess is it will. I

50:36

have pipes that need to be cleaned.

50:40

Two weeks of build up are ready

50:42

to come who's and out. Assistance,

50:45

please, not a sit

50:47

like, I need assistance from you.

50:50

Like, assistance. Like,

50:52

I need a few people to come out.

50:56

Assist me with that. And I don't know if

50:58

he meant to write assistance like I need some

51:00

assistance, but I like it way better

51:02

if he's

51:03

like, please only apply if you're an assistant.

51:05

If you're if you're up to being an assistant.

51:08

Do not contact me about unsolicited services

51:10

or

51:10

offers. That's amazing. Great. Here's

51:12

another one. Anyone looking for dot

51:15

dot dot. And in the body of

51:20

of the fucking post,

51:24

It says, had

51:27

or the question mark.

51:29

First of all, I love it when the title

51:32

has more words than the body. It's

51:35

so disrespectful and lazy.

51:38

Any he didn't write anyone

51:40

dot dot dot. And then the body looking

51:43

for head, he wrote anyone

51:46

looking for dot dot dot What's

51:48

this guy looking for? You check the body. Head

51:51

and you go whoa. Actually,

51:55

yes. Because who's not?

52:00

Do not contact you unsolicited services or

52:02

offices. That means that you better just be looking for head

52:04

if that's what you're That's great, dude.

52:06

I love how it's not cagey at

52:09

all. How come some of these people are like,

52:11

man, need a plumber to come by 2 see

52:13

what's going out. Why pipes? There might be

52:15

some kind of thing. Maybe some guys

52:18

who work at the on a boat, like, some

52:20

semen can come Like and and

52:22

there's, like, show, like, oh, what is he talking about? But

52:24

we know what he's talking about.

52:27

But

52:27

then some guy's just like, hey. Honestly,

52:32

come

52:33

the dot dot dot x. Alright.

52:36

Leave that out. We're gonna get demonetized,

52:38

but Here's another

52:40

one. You look you look good

52:42

to me and that this is the the

52:45

poetry this is a a poem guess,

52:47

I don't know. Maybe it's written in

52:49

the haiku form. Not haiku is way longer

52:51

but poetry form. This is what it says after

52:53

that. You looked good to me

52:55

even with your insecurities.

53:00

Written by a Japanese guy that has known English

53:02

for four years. So look, it's called, you look

53:04

good to me, and it this is the first

53:06

line. You looked good to me even with your insecurities.

53:08

Then another line, you looked good to me.

53:11

Then another

53:11

line, you looked good to me. Oh,

53:14

the guy is such a fucking first year, poet

53:16

writer. Dude, you look good to me.

53:18

You look good to me. You look good

53:20

to me. You know what it is? It's like the fucking

53:23

sword art and axe murder. Don't. Don't. Don't.

53:26

Don't. You look good to me. Even

53:28

with your insecurities. Don't So

53:33

you look at me, you look at me. You look good at me. You look

53:35

good at me. You look good to me. If

53:37

you'd taken time to see, if

53:40

you'd taken the time to ask,

53:43

you were so busy looking at it. This is a fucking

53:45

Brian Adams song. You were so busy. If

53:48

you're taking the time to see if

53:50

you're taking the time to ask.

53:53

You are so busy looking them.

53:56

Titties. No. I don't know what it's gonna say, but you were so busy

53:58

looking at them. While I was right there looking at you,

54:00

well, this is Brian Adams song. This was

54:03

the this is basically the song from Robin Hood

54:05

with fucking Kevin Kosner. While

54:07

I was right there looking at you, you

54:09

looked good to me if you'd taken the time

54:11

to

54:12

see. Again, you looked good to me

54:14

even with your insecurities. I'm

54:16

sorry I was never good enough for you to see

54:18

me. So fucking

54:25

atrocious. This is the

54:27

worst poem I've ever heard of my life. This is a

54:29

bryant.

54:30

What

54:31

what is the fucking Wait. Wait. Wait.

54:34

What's the fucking we gotta play

54:36

a little bit of it, maybe we can't play it. Oh,

54:38

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

54:40

Everything I do. Oh,

54:44

do it for you. When

54:46

I die when I dude, when I heard that

54:48

song, he's a look at I go like this. Oh,

54:51

There will not be a song better than this one. Dude,

54:53

when I was nine and I heard

54:55

that song a nine year old, hearing

54:57

Brian Adams, just screaming

55:00

that fucking shit out on a rock

55:02

to the

55:03

ocean. I go as a nine

55:05

year old, I go like this. Oh, well, that's

55:07

actually really sad because I'll

55:09

never hear another song better than this. In my

55:11

nine year old brain, that's what I thought, dude. And then

55:13

honestly, life is a highway came along

55:16

and I go, oh, never mind. And that's the second

55:18

podcast in a row I have mentioned

55:20

life in the life is a highway. So

55:22

you're welcome and also know the parkways will do that,

55:24

and we talk about the hardening issues. And, you

55:27

know, it's

55:27

like, what do you what else do you want for me? So here's

55:29

another one. Pornhub

55:32

actress needed Santa

55:34

Barbara. Living in Santa Barbara

55:36

and doing poorly must be Roland in it. don't need

55:38

anything, so you'd like you'd have all your shit together. Here we go. Hello,

55:40

exclamation point. Looking for a female modeling

55:43

partner

55:45

or s. If

55:47

this makes your interest, please feel free to respond.

55:49

Must be clean with recent proof and a face picture.

55:52

It's a great opportunity and foot in the door

55:54

to be noticed in the adult industry.

55:57

Series serious inquiries only, please.

56:00

Thank you. Hope you have a good day, and hope to hear from

56:02

you. Looking as

56:04

long as this is up. Dude, this

56:06

is the thing about Like,

56:13

this is the shady. You're gonna get murdered

56:15

if you do this. That you're going

56:17

to get straight up murdered.

56:20

This is a murderer doing this.

56:22

It's this is one of those posts where you look

56:24

and I actually read because I read a lot of these and I

56:26

go, oh, you know what? This actually seems

56:28

legit. The second, you think something

56:30

seems legit on fucking Craigslist. You

56:33

sign your death certificate. You're

56:35

dead. The most shittiest thing I ever did on Craigslist is

56:37

I went to go pick up an Xbox when it first came out,

56:39

the first Xbox ever. I got it in an

56:42

alleyway. I handed the guy fucking hundred dollar

56:44

bills, and went home, I played Call of Duty for nine

56:46

years. And I will tell you, dude, It

56:48

was the shittiest thing I did. I went with another guy. If I didn't

56:50

go with another

56:50

guy, there would be no Kristalia.

56:53

But I went

56:55

with another guy. That Xbox

56:58

never got that red ring of death. It was

57:00

always working. So anyway, dude, thank

57:02

you very much. That's the episode for this evening

57:05

or this morning or whatever it is, dude.

57:08

Kansas City, Minneapolis, Austin,

57:10

Texas. I will be there chrystley dot com.

57:13

Oh, well, that's the

57:13

episode. For 2, if you want

57:16

to catch the rest of the episode, the uncut

57:18

episode, the on

57:21

with with no ads. No. Nothing. Just

57:23

a raw unedited thing. Just

57:25

go to patreon dot com slash crystallia and

57:28

you'll get every episode as entirely with

57:30

nothing cut, no ads, and you will

57:32

also get all of the backlog episodes

57:35

of congratulations. There's like twenty

57:37

two, twenty three now. It's worth it, and it's

57:39

only six bucks patreon dot com slash chrystolea.

57:41

Thanks.