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your hearts, losing your butts, it's time

2:38

for couple therapy. Yeah.

2:41

This podcast is handy in the roomies. Hello everyone

2:43

and welcome to couple therapy.

3:12

My name is Naomi. My name is Andy.

3:14

We're a real life couple. A real life

3:16

couple of comedians. And on couple therapy we

3:18

answer a couple of different questions from a

3:20

couple of different listeners. Andy. Yes.

3:23

How you doin' girl? Well we are coming

3:25

to you on a rainy afternoon in Los

3:27

Angeles. It is, it

3:31

is grim. The

3:33

weather's grim. The world is

3:35

grim. But we

3:38

are, we are, we are finding

3:40

the joy. You couldn't

3:43

even bring it home. All you

3:45

had in it was grim. And I say you want to

3:47

just give us an up note, sis? You

3:49

know what, we are, we're like one of those claw machines

3:51

with the toys. And we're

3:53

searching for the one fun thing in

3:55

the claw. You know it's all just like cheap

3:58

watches. But there's one. One, you know,

4:01

there's a snagglepuss. There's

4:04

a snaggle, what's the character from Adam

4:06

Barbera? There's one little cartoon. I

4:08

don't know what your, because when you say snaggle- But

4:10

it's stage right, that guy. I don't know who that

4:12

is. I'm thinking, when you, when I hear snagglepuss, what

4:14

I was thinking of Snuffleupagus, you know, and

4:17

I'm like, Andy, do you want to

4:19

record this intro later, girl? You are

4:21

so tie-tie. It is, you

4:23

know those rainy days, y'all? Like, he's like a-

4:25

It is snagglepuss. Look, he's a purple, he's a

4:27

purple- Purple,

4:29

pink pants, the lookin' situation. That's what

4:31

he looks like, you guys, if you know. When

4:33

I hear snagglepuss, I think Snuffleupagus. And

4:36

that's also the vibe as well. Snuffleupagus, you

4:38

know, he was weary. He

4:40

was broke down. He didn't have a lot of time,

4:42

okay? He was just, I feel like Snuffleupagus,

4:44

when it came to Sesame Street, he was just already

4:47

there, and they built Sesame Street around him. Do you

4:49

know what I mean? He was like, well, I live

4:51

here. I ain't gonna move. And that's his whole energy

4:53

why everybody else is hanging out, you know? I

4:56

think him and I was gonna grouch word, really good

4:58

friends. And then- But no one

5:00

else can see him. No

5:02

one else but Big Bird can see him. Is that true?

5:05

I thought that was his whole deal. That

5:07

everyone thought that he was just Big Bird's imaginary

5:10

friend. He's like, no, I'm real. Wow,

5:12

that's heartbreaking for him. No

5:15

one can see him? I don't remember that canon.

5:17

I really don't. I remember the characters of Sesame

5:19

Street, but not their

5:21

backstories, you know? Like

5:23

I just imagine Sesame Street for me is a

5:26

space that was gentrified, and these characters were there. And Big

5:28

Bird is like the person who's like, gentrification will be good

5:30

for the community. We'll get a coffee shop. And Oscar's the

5:32

one who's like, get the fuck out of here. This

5:35

my house. You don't raise the prices. You know what

5:37

I'm saying? That's how I feel. Stuff a love because

5:39

it's like, well, as long as my units stay rent

5:41

controlled, I guess I'ma stay. That's

5:43

how I feel about, that's like what I know of

5:45

Sesame Street. Oscar's like, what? I have to

5:47

pay $500 now for my garbage can? Well,

5:50

I think they raised it up so that's why he got in

5:52

the garbage can. Oh, I ain't paying that. But you ain't

5:54

kicking, but I'ma stay in my hood. So he moved to

5:56

the garbage can. I see. You see

5:59

what I'm saying? Yeah. That's why he grabs you. Sure.

6:02

Absolutely. Why wouldn't he

6:04

be? I relate. Hey, if any producers are hearing

6:06

this, want a reboot of Sesame

6:08

Street called Gendrifier Street. Well,

6:11

isn't that like, what is that thing where it was after,

6:13

oh yeah, after Barbie, it was like, what else can we

6:15

reboot and make it seem like it's like gritty

6:17

or hip or cool, you know? I

6:20

don't know. I don't know. I have a

6:23

lot of thoughts. That's all I'm saying. Jim Henson's son. Are

6:25

you listening? Jim Henson's son. Are you

6:28

listening? PBS. I guess it's HBO now.

6:30

I think that's, if we could

6:32

pinpoint like a, like just a moment

6:35

where the wheels came off

6:37

the society's car. It

6:40

is when HBO bought

6:42

Sesame Street and moved it from, I think it's

6:44

still on PBS, but there's like a delay or

6:46

something. Like you see it first on HBO or

6:49

Max or whatever the fuck it is. And

6:51

then like 10 years later, you see

6:54

it on PBS. Oh,

6:57

Andy. That's when the wheels came

6:59

off. That's way too late. That's way too late

7:01

to be accurate. But

7:04

it wasn't great. It wasn't great. I

7:06

know. Give the children Sesame Street. Give the

7:08

children Sesame Street. Does anyone

7:10

remember a cartoon, not cartoon, but it

7:12

was a show called Zubilee Zoo where

7:15

like- Everyone remembers it. The adult- The

7:17

Aduln Vereen? Yes. Zubilee Zoo,

7:19

every day I heard that it pops into my head like

7:21

a fever dream because it was actually pretty terrifying looking. Like

7:24

they were scary looking. They were scary looking. And sometimes I'd

7:26

be watching it and I was like, does

7:28

everyone know about this? Is this on everybody's

7:30

television? Did you ever feel that way about

7:32

Zubilee Zoo? Because it was weird and it

7:34

was like the background was always- it was

7:37

almost like they were in a giant white room,

7:39

right? That they would sometimes like populate with items.

7:42

The point is it was very spare. And so

7:44

it had this sense of like, is

7:46

this legal? Is this legal? What

7:48

do you mean it's just legal? It

7:51

just felt- I don't know. It just felt like somebody

7:53

opened the door of a warehouse and then put a

7:55

tree cut out and then- Like you mean- Ben Vereen

7:57

dressed as a bird. Like Ben Vereen and a bunch

7:59

of- cameras like snuck in there and they stole the

8:02

shot from like you know a warehouse

8:04

where they're like just shipping out art

8:06

or guns or something you know something

8:09

from Beverly Hills Cop. Yes Andrew exactly

8:12

that's what it felt like it had this air

8:14

of like like every shot doing this on the

8:16

fly like if if they let the shot go

8:18

a little longer you would hear a guy go

8:20

hey what are you doing here exactly exactly

8:23

and Ben Vereen you know he's he's getting a

8:25

good paycheck for this and he said sure I'll

8:27

do it I'll do anything for the children and

8:30

I don't know if he knew how undercover the whole

8:32

thing was right like I don't know like I would

8:34

never say Ben Vereen was complicit but I

8:36

do think that he was taken advantage of. That's

8:39

my theory so okay. I've never

8:41

actually seen ZubliZoo

8:44

I've just seen someone put

8:47

the theme song online the credits

8:49

online somewhere so I know

8:51

about it but Ben Vereen in

8:54

his middle age I think oh yeah when he was

8:56

doing it right yeah right you are you're saying that

8:58

someone was elder abusing him in his

9:00

middle age to get him to play a

9:02

bird in a children's show. Yes like they

9:04

would have him do like your call times

9:06

at the back door meanwhile

9:09

there is a full-on guard at like the

9:11

front door and they're speaking around the side

9:13

they said Ben Vereen meet us at this

9:15

door and he doesn't know. I'm

9:17

telling you like it's something about

9:19

ZubliZoo felt very janky. Ben Vereen

9:22

if you are listening. Ben Vereen's

9:24

son if you're with

9:26

Jim Hensonson Will

9:29

you please let us know. I love

9:31

the idea that that if you work

9:34

in Hollywood and you're a Nepo baby yeah you

9:36

have to do what your parents did there's no

9:38

other choice you have to do the same roles

9:40

as them that they once did if you no

9:43

matter what like like whoever you

9:45

are like let's say I can't think of

9:47

someone who's not someone we might know or

9:50

might run into so I'm like I'm we

9:52

never leave the house so that's pretty bold

9:54

but no no I understand you know what

9:56

I mean never name names never name names

9:58

six degrees of separation. We

10:02

are one degree from many. So

10:04

that's why I'm like, let's

10:07

pick someone. Orson Welles' child,

10:09

that's easy. I don't

10:12

know if he has kids or if they work

10:14

in film. Orson

10:16

Welles' kid has to do like Rosebud

10:18

the Reimagining or something like that. Do

10:22

you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

10:24

yeah, Rosebud the Reimagining. Orson It's not a

10:27

bad idea. I don't like this one. You

10:29

know, anything is an idea, which is

10:31

true, I guess. Anything in your mind is an idea,

10:33

but should it all be brought

10:35

to the fore? Absolutely not. They're

10:38

doing a Wizard of Oz reboot. Why not

10:40

a? Not the Wiz. Oh,

10:43

God. Stop. So why not Citizen Kane?

10:45

Why not everything? Why not everything? Who

10:47

needs new ideas? Well,

10:49

you know, when you know I have a future. Anyway,

10:52

that's a really interesting topic. All right.

10:54

The claws coming down. The claws coming

10:56

down on like a plastic ring and

10:59

a little plastic bubble thing. Nope.

11:01

We're looking for the one

11:03

stuffed animal. Snagglepuss.

11:06

We're going to find it. Wait. We'll

11:09

find it at some point. We have

11:11

an update. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is

11:13

the claw going down around Snagglepuss. We have an

11:15

update. Do you remember in the first episode of

11:17

the year, it was just you and me. Of

11:20

course. We answered a ton of advice questions. And

11:22

one of them is a strong word,

11:24

but sure. We answered a metric ton

11:26

of questions. And one of them was about a

11:28

woman who she had gotten out of a relationship.

11:36

A man she was infatuated with had

11:38

gotten out of a relationship. Yes. Yes.

11:40

Yes. They were improvisers. Yes. I

11:42

remember. I remember. Sometimes I wake up in a

11:44

cold sweat thinking about it. You think I've never

11:46

forgotten that. It was different levels of unrequited at

11:49

different times. And it was, you know, and he

11:51

was not there yet. He was not ready. He

11:53

was living at home. He wasn't feeling 100 percent,

11:55

but they friends. But she tried to make something

11:57

happen or make a move and see, you know.

12:00

Yes, so she called him with an update. Thank

12:02

God. Hey Naomi and Andy and special

12:04

guest. This is anonymous Improvisor

12:07

who was in love with Tom. I'm

12:09

back with an update Tom

12:12

and I are still friends. I never made

12:14

a move I just kept waiting and

12:17

waiting and waiting for him to possess his love

12:19

to me and It

12:21

has not happened, but I have proceeded

12:24

to move on I proceeded to

12:26

date other emotionally unavailable

12:28

men and You

12:32

know, we're just we're just trucking along but I

12:34

loved all the advice I'm

12:37

I'm following all that advice now.

12:39

I'm not like Dealing

12:41

with the bullshit if you tell me

12:43

you're not available. You're not available and

12:45

moving on to the next person Who

12:48

will fall in love with me? So, um,

12:50

thank you so much. I Am

12:54

an improviser in therapy. So

12:56

hopefully We'll

12:59

come along Have a

13:01

great day. Bye Okay Yes, first

13:03

of all that makes you feel good I want

13:05

more updates of people who have done the things

13:08

I suggested they do whether they even did it

13:10

before or after I told Them to sure I

13:13

do so you guys you got to

13:15

keep these follow-ups coming because that felt

13:17

good Doesn't that feel good Andy that

13:19

yes that we even maybe retroactively help

13:21

someone exactly exactly and also There's

13:24

what we're saying can't be waiting around for these Tom's you

13:26

can't be waiting for these times Okay, when

13:28

a Tom say he unavailable Tom is unavailable

13:31

Tom's unavailable. Don't be trying to do more

13:33

with Tom Yeah, move on like like our

13:35

caller said move on to the next emotionally

13:37

unavailable person and

13:40

eventually maybe it's just moving

13:42

on from a one

13:44

emotionally unavailable guy to the next but the

13:46

next one is Slightly

13:48

less emotionally unavailable. Absolutely. And then

13:50

eventually you get to someone who

13:53

is Emotionally

13:55

neutral and that normally

13:57

into the emotionally available spectrum. Well

14:00

Sure, yeah, emotional availability is a

14:02

spectrum. That is true. And that's possible.

14:04

There's also too, right, the difference of like, you

14:07

know, when someone's like emotionally unavailable, do

14:10

they seem that way at first, and then you kind of

14:12

go out and then realize like, they are like, because

14:14

I think some people, a lot of people seem open,

14:16

and then you get to know them and go, oh,

14:18

they've got the walls up, right? That's different than the

14:20

person who says off the bat, I'm not emotionally available.

14:22

So I think it's actually a step in the right

14:24

direction when you get with someone where like, oh, this

14:26

person is like interested in me, and is, you know,

14:28

being upfront about that. Go

14:30

on some dates, get to know them, but then you're like, oh, actually,

14:32

they're still kind of closed off. You see what

14:35

I'm saying? Because it's starting off with them being like, hey,

14:37

I like you, you want to get a malted? And

14:39

that's already better than the Tom Sitch. Yeah. Yeah.

14:43

Because you deserve, anonymous deserves the world.

14:45

Yeah, well, we're just watching where, like

14:48

it's so funny how, maybe it's just that I've been in

14:50

therapy for a song at this point, but like when we

14:52

watch shows, I'm like, oh, that character

14:55

is emotionally unavailable. Oh, that character is emotionally unavailable.

14:57

Maybe it's Reacher, I don't know. Yeah,

14:59

Reacher, I was like, wait, wait, wait, we were watching,

15:01

we were watching Reacher, okay? We're watching two things in

15:04

this house, Sort of and Reacher, and that's a binary.

15:07

In a way. Sort of is

15:09

back. The two genders, Sort of and Reacher.

15:13

By the way, I think Reacher should be in

15:15

every show. I think Alan Richardson

15:17

should play Reacher in

15:19

every single television show. Just show

15:21

up. Yeah. And be hulking? Yes,

15:23

just grab someone, throw them out

15:25

a window. And

15:28

then just let the story go on from there. I don't care

15:30

what it is. I don't care the friends

15:32

reunion. Yeah. Alan Richardson is

15:34

there. As Reacher, by the way.

15:36

Yeah, Reacher. So Reacher throws

15:38

Courtney Cox out of a window.

15:41

It just walks off. Right. Yeah,

15:43

no matter what, I would love to

15:45

see a Sort of slash Reacher crossover.

15:48

Absolutely not actually. No,

15:50

never the twain shall meet. Because

15:53

they're perfect worlds on their own and

15:55

I can't have them like. But no

15:57

one can enter either world. How's

15:59

our. Fantastic Ballal is versus how kind

16:01

of like low-key Reacher is that would

16:04

be fun to watch That would be

16:06

true. That would be true because Reacher

16:08

would be like assumptions kill and then

16:10

Bala will be like, okay

16:16

Like really watching them both

16:20

BBC producers Amazon producers if you

16:23

are listening we need this to

16:25

be made We'll

16:27

write it. Okay You

16:30

can pay us WGA scale Yeah,

16:32

the new the new rates. Okay, we struck. Okay

16:35

took and be started Andy. Yeah, let's

16:37

plug some stuff Okay, okay stuff. Andy you

16:40

got some big moves boo. Oh, yeah Hey

16:43

coming up this Friday It's the

16:45

14th anniversary of beginnings my other

16:48

podcast 14 years January 26 2010

16:52

Andy has been with this podcast longer

16:54

than me. Okay, a couple months a

16:56

couple months. So this beginnings 14th anniversary

17:00

You know, I just want to say and I say this

17:02

a lot too It's like you've put so much in the

17:04

beginnings you get such great guests, you know You

17:06

just stuck with it for so long it's just

17:09

the thing you do for the joy of doing

17:11

it and You've gotten to talk

17:13

to so many great people and you know as the person

17:15

who's on in the house You know and when you kind

17:17

of come out of an interview where I can tell when

17:19

it's been a good one I can tell when it's been

17:21

energizing. I can tell when there's been a connection I'm

17:25

just so impressed by you and the work you do

17:27

for beginnings and I would love to

17:29

know who this 14th anniversary guest is And

17:31

that's really just me teeing you up to tell the

17:33

listener why Jonathan Lee's on one of my favorite authors

17:35

is on We

17:37

had a great talk so I'm very excited about this. I

17:39

love that. I love a great talk So

17:42

so that's Friday. That's Friday. That'll

17:44

try Friday, you know, wherever you get your podcast

17:46

forever You get your podcast from I would love

17:48

to plug a show but I leave it in

17:50

the house I got us.

17:52

I gotta start leaving the house again, man and doing

17:54

shows. I just haven't really been we got a Netflix

17:57

Festival show coming up. Well, that's right, but it's

17:59

funny I was gonna talk about the

18:01

Netflix festival, but my like

18:03

graphic hasn't gone out yet. So I was like, is this

18:05

still happening? Cause y'all, let me tell you this. They

18:08

got me doing a show on a Wednesday

18:10

night at 10 PM. Now

18:13

y'all, if you listen to this, you know my ass like to

18:15

be embedded 10. You know, I said, this is rude. I said,

18:17

y'all didn't set me up for success. A weeknight

18:19

in Los Angeles at 10 PM? Ma'am.

18:23

So it will be your first show in like months.

18:25

So maybe, but I said, you know what I'm calling

18:27

it? I'm calling it like, I don't know if you

18:29

ever saw the movie, the movie's house party, but

18:32

I'm gonna call it a pajama jammy jam. Okay.

18:34

I will be in PJs. No joke. I

18:36

would love my audience to be in masks and

18:39

PJs. Hopefully by then I will have my

18:41

far UVC light. Okay. The

18:43

large light creating a

18:45

clean airspace. Are you gonna have a high top

18:47

fade? Maybe I'll even get a high top fade. Oh

18:49

my God, if I could find a high top fade wig, that

18:52

would be good. So maybe I'll

18:54

do that, but that's in

18:56

May. So I hadn't really started beating the drum, but

18:58

then they also haven't put the graphic out. Either way,

19:00

the point is that may

19:02

be happening. But if it

19:04

happens, if it does happen, it is Wednesday at 10

19:07

PM. Y'all

19:09

just come in your night caps. Come in your

19:11

head wraps. Okay. Come with your

19:13

candlesticks. Come with your candlesticks. Absolutely.

19:17

I want sleep dresses, candlesticks, and

19:19

night caps. But we have a

19:21

friend. Friend of the show, friend

19:23

in real life. Friend in real life. Jack Noe

19:26

Towers is doing two shows in

19:28

Philadelphia and New York City right now. Yes.

19:31

And these are our stomping grounds. You know what I mean? So we

19:33

were like, we gotta tell the people. And if you heard Zach on the pod,

19:35

if you like Zach, Zach is doing live

19:38

shows of his podcast, Confidently

19:41

Insecure in New York, February

19:43

6th at City Winery, in Philly, February

19:45

7th at City Winery. So both City

19:47

Wineries, New York and Philly, February

19:50

6th and 7th, get them tickets, show

19:52

up Zach. You know Zach is a

19:54

real one. So funny. The show's gonna

19:57

be so fun. Confidently Insecure, which is

19:59

his podcast. with Kelsey Dara, it is gonna be

20:01

a really good time so you better check it out. I'll

20:03

put a link in the show notes. And you're gonna put

20:05

a link in the show notes. That's how much

20:07

we care. That's how much we care. That's how much we

20:09

love Zach. That's how real it is. You

20:12

know who else we love Naomi? I was gonna say,

20:14

speaking of how real it is. Today's guest.

20:17

Okay, this? This was

20:19

a banger. This was beautiful. Because we

20:22

were not both like fans of him and his

20:24

work, right? And I was like, okay, I'm

20:26

just gonna take the leap. I'm just gonna take the

20:28

leap and just like send a DM and just see

20:30

if maybe. But this is our first time, you

20:32

know, obviously doing the pop is like having a conversation and it

20:35

was beautiful. It was beautiful. Understood the

20:38

assignment. You've already heard his dulcet tones.

20:40

The wonderful, the iconic Corey

20:42

Michael Smith. Okay, you know Corey. Okay,

20:44

because Corey is out here. Corey is

20:46

doing the work. Corey's books Busy, Blessed

20:49

and Gifted. You've seen him on Gotham.

20:51

You've seen him on Transatlantic

20:54

on Netflix. You've seen him in

20:56

May, December. He is

20:58

so good at May, December, honey. We watched

21:00

Made of Zephyrb. He's incredible. Incredible.

21:02

In the movie Carol. But made December

21:04

is, you know, the new hotness. Transatlantic

21:06

just came out last year. So it's

21:09

like, oh, such

21:11

good, such good roles, such good

21:13

stories. And quite honestly, Corey

21:15

did not disappoint when we sat down

21:17

and talked to him. So without further

21:20

ado, roll it. Corey,

21:28

we're here. So many technical difficulties.

21:30

And this is the first episode we've

21:32

recorded in weeks. I know. Wow. Like

21:34

of 2024. Overjoyed. Overjoyed to have

21:36

you on the show. We're such fans. We're

21:38

such fans. I'm honored that you appreciate a

21:40

Trader Joe's rant. I do think about that

21:42

from time to time about how you

21:45

have like no idea the visual of how full that

21:47

fridge was. You know what I mean? Because it was

21:49

like one of those pandemic trips where you were like,

21:51

that was of course, we talked about this before we

21:53

started recording. Oh, I thought you were just going to

21:55

splice it up in there. Nope. Well, All right. So

21:57

slice it up. Okay, well, I'll catch the people. I

22:00

was just parishes fawning over Naomi because

22:02

one of the greatest medicines for me

22:05

during the pandemic was this rants and

22:07

will call around again. Was a rat

22:09

that Naomi did ah about her nanny

22:11

going to Trader Joe's mode of production

22:14

of was and then they get home.

22:16

the refrigerator door is barely shutting. You

22:18

know that that's how where you're shopping

22:20

for weeks, months maybe and ah and

22:23

then or power went out. And

22:26

that shit was so funny. Skill: once

22:29

in the the. Line and kill me

22:31

every single time as I did watch this,

22:33

and I kid you not hands as not

22:35

as if not close to one hundred times

22:37

as. As. That

22:39

is milk from a not. It's

22:41

already on borrowed time. That drove

22:44

me crazy. Good life up a

22:46

good line. Thank you so much

22:48

that I feel about anything. Plant.

22:51

Based not base this that nitrogen I

22:53

mean like and I'd as a lot

22:55

of at supper I might like. I

22:57

might apply the says she's made from

22:59

a casio. It's already struggling and struggling

23:01

naturally because it's doing something medicine be

23:03

doing right. Adnan lot of this nut

23:05

and we couldn't. You just have to

23:07

be all right. It's like you post

23:09

something into like I'm imagining pushing like

23:11

are are all the stuff like in

23:13

an old sitcoms. you know the bosses

23:15

color for dinner and you're pushing everything

23:17

in there were in the house in

23:19

your closet. Yeah like you. Know how

23:21

sitting back and pushing it that you're doing to

23:23

these foods to turn them into these other foods

23:25

you to the so I be made a chicken

23:28

nuggets come on now com o now yet But.

23:30

That's why it's the closets

23:32

gonna fly open. Watch your boss

23:34

is there and then he says you

23:36

don't get the promotion Snow Court. You

23:39

said you know what I reached out to all of

23:41

it says yes it as an adult know I have

23:43

no perhaps the sir would you have to be supplied

23:45

us at. Some ask you to the plot and

23:47

you're like let me think for a moment or a couple things

23:49

that I just like this. Will be the jumping off point.

23:51

of ours thing that thought was like wow class at

23:54

you were like. I. Would like to

23:56

think about it, but I'm responding, it's you Now see,

23:58

I don't. leave you on read you know I mean,

24:00

you were very conscious of the, of

24:03

the ass, right? Where you're like, I don't want to

24:05

leave this person hanging. And that's very tender, very kind,

24:07

very gentle. I try to be an inch, right? Whereas

24:10

I will get an email, leave

24:13

it in my inbox, like, look at it, start

24:15

sweating and be like, I have to make a

24:17

decision about this. And then leave it in my

24:19

inbox for one week, maybe more. Yes, well, that

24:21

would be an email. And if you had emailed

24:23

me, I would have left it for days. But

24:25

I assure you of that. However, you

24:28

were sneaky and you hit me up on Instagram. And

24:31

that shit says red. And I cannot

24:33

do that to someone, you know?

24:36

Yeah, and I said I had to think

24:38

about it because I don't do

24:40

podcasts or I don't actually do any kind

24:42

of interview where I talk about my personal

24:44

life or anything outside the boundaries of

24:46

work. And

24:50

it's not even that I'm like opposed to

24:52

doing it. It's just something I've avoided.

24:56

I just avoid it, you know? How come? Because,

25:01

I guess

25:04

I avoid it because I'm sort of a firm

25:06

believer in when being

25:09

an actor that there's like, there

25:11

are benefits, more benefits that come from mystery than

25:15

come from knowing too much. And we live

25:17

in an age when people really wanna know

25:19

people. And I understand

25:21

that, but I think my job is easier

25:23

when people are left wondering

25:25

and curious. Because what I do try to do is do a lot

25:27

of different kinds of

25:30

roles. And

25:32

so the less people really sort

25:34

of know about me or watch

25:36

me speak or hear me speaking, I think

25:38

the better. Wow, I mean, you're right

25:40

though. Like I get that and I think there

25:43

is, you know, there has been such a change. Like I was

25:45

just talking to Andy a couple days ago how I was like,

25:48

Ranting. Absolutely. The only way I

25:50

know how to communicate. But

25:52

about how it's like, you know, someone had messaged me

25:54

and this is different, but this is also the dance

25:57

I deal with too as a comic, right? I'm

26:00

a comic but I also want to be an actor and

26:02

I'm constantly also telling my rep, someone's like send me out

26:04

for drama. This idea, I guess my point being, I

26:06

want to do different things. But for

26:08

my primary work, it is about people knowing you

26:11

and feeling connected to you. 1000%

26:14

you have to do that as a comedian. The

26:16

thing is, I'm just not interested

26:18

in being a host of something.

26:21

I'm certainly not a comedian and I don't,

26:24

I guess I don't want

26:26

to necessarily get jobs because

26:29

people are

26:31

hiring me to do me. It's

26:34

sort of like an old school, I'm an actor, I

26:36

want to fall into something. Yeah, yeah,

26:38

yeah. No, I totally get that but there is

26:40

now, even just what we're asked to have on

26:42

social media, right? What people want

26:45

is access to your personal life. And I actually

26:47

find that very strange in terms of, I

26:50

follow my friends and I follow animal rescues.

26:52

Show me a dog doing its best. Okay,

26:54

my, you got my, what is it called,

26:56

the explore page? You got my explore page.

27:02

80% monkey videos, baby monkey. I do.

27:06

And this is actually very new. This happened to me. This

27:10

is a crisis of identity. Really in

27:13

the past 12 months, something

27:15

happened last spring where

27:18

I started watching, no, maybe it was last

27:20

fall. It was a while ago, I started

27:22

watching, like, I just saw

27:24

like some monkey videos, maybe I liked a couple or

27:27

something and now you're fed to

27:29

me. But the thing is, I

27:31

find them to be like life

27:34

Xanax. That's immediate

27:36

hit of calm. I'm on Instagram. I'm like, why am

27:38

I here? Why do I want to be here? I

27:40

go to my explore page, I watch a monkey video

27:42

and I'm like, I'm done. I'm putting it away. Yeah,

27:47

mine is unlikely animal friends. That's what they,

27:49

they show me. They show me like ducks

27:52

hanging out with capybaras or whatever. I love

27:54

that. Yeah. Love that.

27:57

And in the end, in this time of great political distress of.

28:00

The great cultural consternation. I think

28:02

that is a beautiful. Kind. Of

28:04

idiot or yeah oh yeah will be walking

28:06

through the wasteland of the United States

28:08

just washing it as a daunting but hangs

28:10

out with a cat and be voting for

28:13

it this like like like the night

28:15

of holiday but have this video I'd I'd

28:17

still works with I don't reply but

28:19

we do the why fight a mixer were

28:21

yelling at each other constantly Amy Smith The

28:24

Wasteland that for we got force. Corey.

28:27

Oh. No, you're about to do them any making

28:29

the hands of someone who it's on this

28:31

at all eyes will. I was gonna say

28:33

Ohio? Still I was it a job and

28:35

because I'm from Pennsylvania so I guess so

28:37

I get the rust belt. okay where where

28:39

in Pennsylvania? Reading Pennsylvania? Pretzel Personal. I

28:41

waited for the east. Yeah. It's

28:44

halfway between my sir, Also

28:47

big. Also the pretzel producing area of

28:50

By doesn't know as much as reading

28:52

somewhere as on. So I love ice

28:54

so take away the only thing reading

28:56

as it's either that or white power.

28:58

I do not care who wins the

29:00

guy for you for your i hope

29:03

it is reading. But

29:06

I am. I'm curious. where in

29:08

Ohio did you grow up? I've

29:10

heard suburb of Columbus, Ohio is

29:12

the land of soybeans and corn.

29:14

I mean, it is where. This

29:17

sake Prada is is born from

29:19

ah and I. I am from

29:21

a suburb that is sort of

29:24

lead. Yeah. I could

29:26

get to downtown. Color was made like

29:28

fifteen minutes but I was five minutes

29:30

from my best friends horse. Borderlands open

29:33

up the aisle of that. It'll real

29:35

in the middle of like this nowhere

29:37

vs oh sorry I have it was

29:39

explains. It was

29:41

I would seem. That

29:43

you know he does it was

29:46

that it was a wide span.

29:48

Actually are are from like lower

29:50

socio economic levels and government subsidized

29:52

apartment housing to upper middle class.

29:55

the the suburb above us was

29:57

like rich but we were sort

29:59

of. The middle class my parents

30:01

the moms a nurse, my dad was

30:03

a manual labor work for natural gas

30:06

was like fully. You. Know in

30:08

ground digging ditches? ah so that's

30:10

my at the site, my very

30:13

blue collar up bringing in Ohio

30:15

and but my prayers of Samaritan

30:17

their lives and they're wonderful people.

30:19

Oh wow that's so ah that

30:22

they're like. They. Still like each other

30:24

after all these years. Why? Didn't say that.

30:26

Okay, okay, what about. The

30:30

assess assess. As

30:32

other day renounce your after all those years

30:35

the rental the lions and hook and ladder

30:37

years so they're like the law courts are

30:39

gonna keep going with old references to drop

30:41

Off Road. ah the old comic of that

30:43

are coupled. I was like real like every

30:45

it was just one panel and every caption

30:47

was one of them like. Basically.

30:49

Saying the most monstrous thing about

30:52

the other one anyone remember this?

30:54

No, I don't want more points

30:56

As comic. I have him. Every

30:58

newspaper is Bethany Seven. I have

31:00

no idea what this goes. But.

31:03

Also and know i parents not like that is is.

31:07

My. It My dad is. My.

31:09

Dad is what I did not understand.

31:12

Growing. Up. Ah, Has been

31:14

and as he has been someone that

31:16

I greatly admire now in my life

31:18

but I did not. Understand.

31:22

Who he was or why he was where he wasn't I

31:24

was old enough to really sort of. Consider.

31:27

The way that life impacts you. You

31:30

know Whedon, how when did you start

31:32

therapy? Rancid as you know. Okay so

31:34

I I actually started therapy as a

31:36

very and twenty twenty for the first

31:38

time. Whoa advert. Wow I wanted to

31:40

many times my life but was about

31:43

the two things. One I was I

31:45

was nervous as very intimidated or is

31:47

nervous to start because it's like oh

31:49

god what did you know like once

31:51

you. Start. that process

31:54

what's gonna happen to you and fully

31:56

unravel before you can be put back

31:58

together i really have is this

32:00

fear that I would

32:03

choose the wrong person and not know what

32:05

I was getting myself into and this person

32:07

would somehow ruin me, or

32:11

I would be unfurled. And

32:14

then the other thing was like, someone's

32:17

like, oh, they're a psychologist, psychiatrist, different

32:19

kinds of therapists, they're all of these

32:21

different techniques and it's just sort of

32:23

like, I

32:25

was like, what am I looking for? I

32:28

don't know what I, I don't even know what I need,

32:30

so what am I looking for? What are these techniques, what

32:32

is that? And it was at the end of 2020,

32:35

which was just such a miserable year

32:37

and I spent three days,

32:40

three nights, the

32:42

woman who's home I was living in, she

32:44

left over the Christmas holiday and I was

32:46

alone in her house,

32:49

far away from my family over

32:52

Christmas for the, and it was the first time I

32:54

had been alone on Christmas. Maybe

32:58

ever? Yeah, definitely ever.

33:02

And so that was really crazy

33:04

and I decided, this

33:08

was maybe the time and I

33:10

was on the phone with a

33:12

friend three nights in a row

33:14

and she, bless her, helped me

33:16

as I was like on psychologytoday.com,

33:18

reading through every therapist's profile

33:21

and their bios and

33:23

what they, you

33:25

know what their specialties are and

33:28

there's certain subgroups that they specialize in and I was like,

33:30

God, I mean, what do you, like what do you even

33:32

do? Do I find someone that is alike

33:34

me? Do I find someone who's like as far away? And

33:36

I made a decision as I was looking through all that,

33:38

I was like, you know what, I need to find someone

33:41

who is very, very, very far away from

33:43

who I am, I think. So that I'm

33:45

like fully accountable to

33:47

explain every part

33:49

of my self and my life and

33:52

my perspective. So I

33:54

narrowed it down to these two older

33:57

people, a man and a woman who

33:59

were, At least I was

34:01

hoping. Vastly over qualified to work with

34:03

a society as like I'm not going

34:05

to do a psychiatrist because I wasn't

34:07

seeking out like medication for anything so

34:09

I was like I've but I do

34:11

want us like cause they on a

34:13

doctor or on someone who is to

34:16

is studied the depths of the mine

34:18

to let me know if there's any

34:20

like esoteric. Mental disorder

34:22

that I could possibly

34:24

out of. And

34:26

side is like we're going vegan

34:28

like big times A I I

34:30

I ended up calling the woman

34:32

first. As. You're

34:34

very impressive resume and educational

34:36

background. and she was Transatlantic

34:39

you like? Lived in New

34:41

York and in the Uk

34:43

for a while. And

34:45

I called and luckily I got her voice

34:47

mail because from voicemail she. Had.

34:50

This remarkably proper sort of

34:52

Julie Andrews asked but deeper

34:54

quality to her voice and

34:57

I heard it, and I

34:59

was immediately like that to.my.

35:01

therapist is the voice of

35:03

my external conscious. But

35:06

that is not and I hung up.

35:08

I did not leave a voice known

35:10

as like well I'm gonna go with

35:13

the guy and I called this guy

35:15

will call him rob. Ah,

35:18

And. He. Answered

35:21

the phone. And

35:23

that had this really? Lovely.

35:27

Homing. Ah clear voice

35:29

and ask what he could

35:31

do for me and i

35:33

started crying media like whoa

35:35

my on this call you

35:37

or i was like km

35:39

on are really ready idea

35:41

yet fully an arm. And

35:44

ah it was kind amazing initial

35:46

interactions and then he realizes how

35:48

insane I was because use like

35:50

was be you know, what are

35:52

you, what are you looking for

35:55

and I said okay Rob I'm.

35:58

well i've broken my life in the for plot work,

36:03

family, love

36:05

relationships, and then friends and

36:08

social life, etc. I said

36:10

in each quadrant I

36:12

have major questions or

36:15

major objectives or some stories that I just

36:17

need to share that I've never told anyone

36:19

or that I just need to get off

36:21

my chest. And

36:23

then I said I sort of just want to work

36:25

through each quadrant and

36:27

figure all of this out. And

36:30

he was like, and you've never done this

36:32

before? Amazingly

36:34

rational that you go in

36:36

with this plan, having not

36:39

had therapy before and being like, all

36:41

right, I've written down in order these

36:43

things that I need to deal with.

36:45

As opposed to when I went to

36:48

therapy, I'm like, things are, I don't

36:51

know how to even talk about emotions. I'm

36:54

like, how do I do feelings? I

36:58

mean, but this was

37:00

my problem, right? I was like coming in with

37:02

all of these ideas and plans, and I was

37:04

like going to control exactly like how

37:07

this is going to work. And I was going to

37:09

like, start at the beginning and

37:11

work through systematically, like all of these

37:13

things that I feel like are my

37:15

problems. And I would say for like

37:17

the first six months, I was doing

37:19

this and I was planning every session

37:21

it was sort of like, okay, Rob, today,

37:23

we're solving this major crisis. You ready?

37:26

And I would sometimes like have it's not that

37:28

I would prepare a script, it was just like, I

37:31

had figured out what I thought were the things

37:33

that I needed to talk through, or I

37:35

decided that oh, like,

37:38

I think these are the main questions, if

37:40

I can just get an answer, like a

37:42

straight, clear answer to these questions, I'll be

37:45

good. Like I just need a pro, I

37:47

just need a doctor. Tell

37:49

me that this is this is a yes or

37:51

no, and we'll like move on. And

37:53

like, and I think it was, I

37:55

kept checking in with him like, am I doing this right? Am I

37:58

doing this right? And he was like, create a script. And

38:00

it's just like there's no right way to do

38:02

this. I'm like, well, there's definitely wrong ways. You

38:04

know what I mean? Like, which side are we closer

38:07

to? And eventually, I think it

38:09

was like six months in where I decided I

38:11

was like, okay, I do think this is working.

38:13

However, I do think I also need to stop

38:16

preparing and just like

38:18

show up and surprise myself. And that's when

38:20

the real good stuff started happening. And

38:23

so there were lessons learned just

38:26

strictly in like the format of

38:28

what I was willing to engage in. And he

38:31

was very patient with me and

38:33

letting me figure that out for

38:35

myself. This is also, but Andy, doesn't this give you a sense?

38:37

It's giving me that kind of good student energy where

38:39

you're like, finally decided I'm doing therapy and I'm

38:42

gonna do it right. And I'm gonna do this

38:44

for like, okay, any like, I

38:46

felt this way too at times where you're like, when

38:48

do I graduate? When do I get my certificate? When do

38:50

I get, you know what I mean? Like, okay, I'm putting

38:52

in my four years and we'll decide that I'm now healthy.

38:56

Is that something you do in other aspects of your

38:58

life too? This kind of like, micromanaging, I got

39:00

a plan, I'm on the move type

39:02

of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

39:04

it's a problem. So yeah, was

39:07

that part of the crisis? And actually, wait, hold

39:09

on. Before I really ask that, I'm gonna pitch

39:11

you a film. It's called Three Nights. It is.

39:15

I'm writing it in our chat.

39:17

You. It

39:20

is you, okay, at

39:23

your friend's house over Christmas. They're

39:25

gone, you're alone, and you start to have this

39:28

crisis that unravels over three days. I don't have

39:30

any more information, but I'm just saying. I see

39:32

it as a sad, risky business type scenario.

39:34

I'm just saying Sundance 2025. I

39:36

will be in my underwear. I was in my underwear this

39:38

year. Exactly, like you're in your underwear, but you're sobbing a

39:40

little bit, but you're scrolling Psychology Today. But

39:43

you're also, and like, my thing with Psychology

39:45

Today, because I look at it a lot too, and I'm like, you

39:47

know, trying to find someone where you're just like, sometimes

39:49

I'm like, I don't like that you have like a

39:51

headshot. Like, I don't like that your picture's too good. You know

39:54

what I mean? Why

39:56

does my psychologist have a Getty picture? Exactly,

39:58

I don't want anything watermarked. I

40:00

don't want your hair and makeup done. No,

40:02

no, no. I think and I think the

40:04

woman and I should have recognized this like

40:07

early on, she seemed like the type of

40:09

woman that had tapestries on her

40:11

walls, you know, a lot of wooden trinkets

40:13

from her journeys, which is fine. I have

40:15

nothing wrong, you know, there's nothing wrong with

40:18

Chachkis, but I was like, you know, this

40:20

I needed a I ended up talking to

40:22

him and he was kind of exactly what

40:25

I was afraid of and exactly what

40:27

I needed sort of, you

40:29

know, like, you know,

40:32

he had this he had this large Oh,

40:34

I say he had because this is another part of the

40:36

story, but I took a pause on

40:39

therapy in July. So I did for like two and

40:41

a half years and then took about but

40:43

he had this great and I

40:45

did all of it on zoom, despite the fact that he

40:47

was in New York, and I eventually came back to New

40:50

York, we did do a session in person that was one

40:52

of my least favorite sessions. I

40:55

suddenly became so aware of every inch of my body as

40:57

I was sitting in front of him because I was like,

40:59

you know, I was like, wait, this is a this is

41:01

a film audition. And now I

41:03

think you're paying attention to like, whether my

41:05

ankles are crossed or like, you know, like

41:07

if my knees bouncing or like, how am

41:09

I sitting on this couch? How am I

41:11

sitting on this couch? You're judging me based

41:14

on how my body is, you know, I

41:16

was like, I just I could feel my entire

41:18

body just like tensing because I didn't want him

41:20

to like, be able to decide

41:22

anything about what I was saying based on my

41:24

physical problem. The narrative. I was controlling the narrative.

41:26

And you know what, one of the first things

41:29

that I said to him, it was a constant

41:31

battle. Yes, because I do I have it is

41:33

a control problem. But one of the first things

41:35

I said to him and it ended up being

41:37

like the greatest practice for two and a half

41:39

years. I was like, I

41:42

fully, you know, we all

41:45

we all sort of perform something or

41:47

we, you know, tell certain amounts of

41:49

truths in these certain parts of way.

41:51

And I was like, I want to

41:53

practice with you every week

41:57

telling the like full truth.

42:00

of everything and holding myself

42:02

accountable for like all of the

42:04

anxiety and nervousness and

42:06

embarrassment and humiliation that I'm going

42:08

to experience doing that. And

42:11

it's really amazing because even

42:13

with some of my closest friends, you know, I don't know

42:15

that I ever allow myself to

42:17

feel like true humiliation by

42:20

being so honest. And that

42:22

was like maybe the best part

42:25

of that. On

42:28

the other side of that is

42:30

learning how to have a lot of grace

42:33

with yourself. Because

42:36

I think personal humiliation is, or

42:39

at least for me, like worse than

42:42

public sometimes. You know, people like laughing

42:44

at you. It's

42:48

like, yeah, it can be like really

42:50

embarrassing. But to sort of like

42:52

have, you know, to

42:54

laugh at yourself or to like really be

42:56

so humiliated by yourself or disappointed in yourself,

42:58

I feel like is such a more

43:01

difficult thing to overcome. Do you

43:03

mind if I ask like, do you mean

43:05

like a moral failing or just like I

43:07

like tripped on the sidewalk? Yeah, no, no,

43:10

no, like moral, moral failings, you know, doing

43:12

something that you're really ashamed of and not

43:14

like fully addressing it for yourself or not,

43:16

you know, I get that. I think for

43:18

me, it's almost funny. I think it's a

43:20

big part of why for me, comedically, I

43:22

do kind of bring I'm like, this is the embarrassing

43:24

thing or like you're talking about those rants, a big part of the

43:26

stuff I was like, you know, I was

43:29

coming to the camera hair unkempt natural

43:31

being like, we all struggling, right? And

43:34

I and that was very important for me because I think

43:36

I was someone who lived with a lot of shame and

43:38

a lot of I've talked about this a lot in the

43:40

pod to write like going to like rich, fancy white school

43:42

on the Upper East Side. I was taught from a very

43:45

early age of like mind your fucking P's and Q's. You

43:47

have to be perfect. And

43:49

then also then not fitting in because I was like a chubby

43:51

dark skinned black girl. So then it was like, oh, I'm not

43:53

even close to that. I had so much

43:55

shame of just like being who I was that then

43:57

it was like what it was to kind of put

44:00

The about their. When. Have People

44:02

Now is a oh yeah this is my

44:04

thing to right? But. Also the simple fact that

44:06

if use the ground is not gonna. Fall out from

44:08

underneath you, Like. That's the fear

44:10

and will you kind of realize it won't.

44:13

He really takes a lot of pressure off your

44:16

shoulders because you okay as a my foot up

44:18

and also two thousand people are gonna like there

44:20

are good with the board of aside i you

44:22

and judge you but then those people just go

44:24

away right? Like those aren't the people. But

44:28

realizing. The like. It's. Not. Be Under the

44:30

World are very base level performance aside.

44:33

I think it honestly say my life like a

44:35

keeps me sane to this day. I would you?

44:37

How would you rank your level of sensitivity as

44:39

person? He

44:42

is cracking up because he's our smith and

44:44

stuff. So. I

44:46

have a very sensitive first

44:48

editor. I prefer assess assess

44:50

as my arm. You

44:53

know his this left is too much he

44:55

had wrote but they're not even effort He

44:57

had zero. Does. Korea which is

45:00

a real question that know it by

45:02

psychosis. As I should be able

45:04

to isn't as it is a. Assess

45:09

assess Oh my God the success of

45:11

people laugh. I've had lots of the

45:13

put yes, very very and like also

45:15

very I'm You know I still wanna

45:17

be liked You know, bite me by

45:20

strangers and like if you're like a

45:22

her I also assume anybody who's like.

45:25

I'm cool, kind of a detached personality.

45:27

Naomi, People who like don't wear their

45:29

hearts in their sleep I assume they

45:31

hate me immediately. Your

45:33

any with that has a minor your to more than I'm

45:35

much more. Like say you want to talk about everything that

45:37

made a sad this week and it's like. Nice to

45:39

meet you were in a waiting room.

45:41

Me for a pitch for a podcast.

45:43

Everything that made you said this week?

45:46

Okay editor. Wow. Wow. part of yourself

45:48

for an assassin. Pin numbers with roots

45:50

are no. Definitely wait. Okay, wait. I.

45:53

Want to ask a couple questions because I

45:55

think. I'm very

45:57

curious how. All.

45:59

These. Ings feed into your

46:01

create of life because. I

46:05

knew that. I know that like. When.

46:07

I started going to therapy when I sort of

46:09

really working on stuff my creative wife got better.

46:12

I. Got better at. At.

46:14

Being able to access things, I was

46:16

a better writer afterwards and I'm curious

46:18

if you're able to if you're doing

46:20

it before, how to you but accessing

46:22

for years and that's why would I?

46:25

That's why I'm I'm serious about like

46:27

about what's has. It's not like is

46:29

it's not like you are. I'm. I.

46:32

Don't I'm trying to think of like

46:34

ah, it's not like you are a

46:36

stone faced person before twenty twenty and

46:38

then randomly yeah I was like you

46:41

were a good actor prior to I'm

46:43

just as the Range had a lawyer

46:45

yet not that. But I'm curious why.

46:47

Why do it has, how's it affected

46:49

you and terms of the way that

46:51

you asked by I did. I think

46:53

that. Ah,

46:56

I do think it's have an impact. I would say

46:58

that I am. I

47:00

like myself a lot more on the other side

47:02

of those two nice years. And

47:05

I think. You.

47:08

Know I I play as the

47:11

a wide range of kinds of

47:13

people, but I often play people

47:15

who are deeply tormented. Who

47:18

have a rich emotional life?

47:22

Based on like self torments and

47:24

I think that the way that

47:27

I would have access. That

47:30

space beforehand was not

47:32

sustainable. And

47:35

not that was dangerous, but

47:37

you know we. You.

47:39

Know my ability to sort of call. A.

47:42

Is something I'm I'm proud of

47:44

what skills such as an actor

47:47

I'm proud of without wasting people's

47:49

time. And I'm. and

47:52

bit different people different ways of getting their

47:54

access in i and i think minds as

47:56

came from. Places that

47:58

you know there is a real. Cost to

48:00

doing it. That

48:03

way and I are you I always

48:05

to plead for me like in the

48:07

work I cannot do I cannot do

48:09

a of roll with fun. If

48:12

like this season, the given circumstances

48:14

of a character in that scene

48:16

don't actually impact me. Ah, you know,

48:18

so I actually just use the scenes.

48:21

But. It's for

48:23

me to have that. You. Know

48:25

that plays if I had does actually have

48:27

to come from experience and so it's like

48:29

in things remind you of things I'm not

48:31

like or know it off in a corner

48:34

like morning my dad, grandmother and then doing

48:36

a scene about you know someone who suicidal

48:38

that's not like that liked but it didn't

48:40

Tom's It's born from a place and those

48:42

places have to be accessible. You have to

48:44

think about them and live from them and.

48:47

And so that's how I was doing it, I think. I.

48:49

Think now. I. Just.

48:52

Is. The sensitivity that I just naturally have.

48:55

That as part of me, I think

48:57

I'm able to sort of just like.

49:00

As a whole, serve live in

49:02

that space and embrace that and

49:04

be accessible to that without having

49:06

to think of. You. Know

49:09

horrible things I'm ashamed of. Don't

49:11

have to car of darkness? Yeah.

49:13

Break yourself over the coals. Oh,

49:15

that's unlikely. That. The ah interesting

49:17

get you can kind of just be in

49:19

the moment and react to the person in

49:21

the scene. I gather. Still like

49:23

the other, still work like that. You

49:26

know when I'm like preparing to do

49:28

something and I know that there's a

49:30

section that you know requires certain vulnerability

49:32

like I do. Work ahead of time

49:34

to make sure that that taxed. That.

49:37

Any time I look at that tax

49:39

or read that tax to Harvard or

49:41

of the you know us on program

49:43

myself basically said that there are trigger

49:45

words. In. A saw or

49:47

and a phrase were like i know

49:50

that word is gonna do it to

49:52

me like I still do that ahead

49:54

of time. I'm just doing it through

49:56

of more gracious probably healthy. Flavors.

50:00

The first time I was ever,

50:02

the first time I was working

50:04

on a job, like

50:06

a big job with a

50:08

therapist was doing

50:11

transatlantic. And that

50:13

was such a game changer for me.

50:15

Because he was that that's another character, even

50:17

though he was a hero, which is

50:19

a rare thing that I

50:21

have been able to do. But I was playing

50:23

this like good guy who

50:25

is valiant and saving, you

50:28

know, Jewish refugees, escaping

50:31

Nazi fascist terrorism, you

50:34

know, like this incredibly remarkable real

50:36

life man. But

50:39

he was a closeted. Well,

50:43

he was married twice and had three kids.

50:45

So I don't know what to call his

50:47

sexuality, but he also had relationships with men.

50:50

And while he was in France away from

50:52

his then wife, and they

50:55

maybe sort of had an open thing, he

50:59

was having this having

51:01

these affairs with men, but keeping them

51:03

private. So there's just like a lot

51:06

of shame and torment

51:08

going on there and also trying to protect

51:11

himself because it was illegal. But

51:16

dealing with that, you

51:18

know, all of that with a therapist

51:20

while shooting, and also

51:22

dealing with the crises of filming something,

51:24

you know, we were there for five

51:26

or six months shooting. And

51:29

I, you know, I had some trouble with

51:31

some of the people I worked with, which is inevitable,

51:34

there are 200 people on a film set. And

51:36

you know, some people you just don't click with and to be

51:38

able to work through that on my

51:40

own time. And

51:43

not on set, which is very

51:45

helpful, because the person tried it.

51:48

They tried it. They really

51:50

tried me. And

51:55

I had Rob, good old Rob.

52:00

There were times where Rob said I think

52:03

you should just yell right now I

52:05

think you should just yell and without missing a beat

52:07

of like Just

52:10

absolutely hollering. No, it's just it

52:12

was just so helpful because you know,

52:14

it's like it's a

52:16

crazy job to put

52:18

yourself You know

52:22

for 12 14 16 hours a

52:24

day like on a nice edge of

52:26

vulnerability and agitations so that you're accessible

52:29

and then add people to that mix

52:31

who just like really can

52:34

Set you off and it's like it's not even

52:36

something is wrong with that person. You just communicate

52:39

in ways that do not complement

52:42

each other and it's like that

52:45

You know when you hear about bad behavior

52:47

on set I just I understand how that

52:49

can happen. It's an Agitated

52:51

place that we're all that we are have

52:54

to work from and it's really tough And it

52:56

was like a game changer For the first time

52:58

to not have to stifle all that to be

53:00

able to like, you know Be the bus you

53:02

pull up at the stop and whatever button they

53:05

push for that that bus You know lets out

53:07

that air and it sinks a little bit to

53:09

let those and wheelchairs come on You

53:11

know, that's what I was doing on my

53:13

Tuesdays at 9 p.m. Yes. Oh

53:15

my god No, that's that's sure yeah

53:18

kneeling bus you had the emotional state

53:20

of a kneeling bus 1000%

53:22

yes giving M79

53:25

okay, we're crossing we're going to

53:27

the museum Yes, we're

53:29

crossing through the park and we're just

53:32

trying to stay alive do

53:34

you do do individual

53:37

therapy and Couples therapy.

53:39

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you

53:41

have separate people for each

53:44

one? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah

53:47

for Whichever

53:49

own therapist and then we have a couples

53:52

therapist. Yeah, and our couples there he's He's

53:54

somebody we've been seeing what seven eight years at this

53:56

point. Yes something like that So he's you know, and

53:58

he's someone who's really It's good

54:01

to have a shorthand with somebody where I'm

54:03

finding you, you know, you found your

54:05

LA therapist You've been seeing them a while my

54:07

I'm like still on a journey. I'm seeing someone

54:09

now, but it's definitely not permanent it's almost like

54:11

to kind of get over the hump as I

54:13

go through like the longer process right because These

54:16

like I one lady she went

54:18

to Coachella never heard from my ass again.

54:20

Are you alive? Are you present? Yeah,

54:24

you know what? This is my thing. I feel

54:27

like these LA therapists. They're here for vibes. They're

54:29

not really here No, no, no, no, no, you

54:31

need a doctor. You need a doctor. You need

54:33

a Thank you.

54:35

I said this then I Was

54:38

like but also too because I'm also trying to get

54:40

my medication situation sorted So I do ideally want someone

54:43

who does both and so it's just been a while

54:45

But I'm like fine trying to find somebody but I

54:47

think that same thing you're saying and I've been doing

54:49

there before a long Time but even what you were

54:51

saying, you know back in the beginning of like what's

54:54

the right person? What's the right type? What are we

54:56

doing? I'm not really worried about being unfurled. I say

54:58

how do you break it apart? I say break it

55:00

apart. I don't give a fuck And

55:05

I'm trying to figure out what will be What

55:08

will serve me the best because especially as I

55:10

get older as I get a little like there

55:12

are things I want to do With my life

55:14

and I'm sick of being held back like I'm

55:17

kind of coming in with a set list I'm

55:19

like, okay, let's address this because I'm sick of

55:21

this shit But that's that's the question I had

55:23

Corey. Were you going into romantic relationships with that

55:25

same kind of good student energy? ha ha Romantic

55:29

relationships. I was going

55:31

into relationships That's

55:34

a really good question Thanks.

55:36

So I was going into romance

55:39

a romantic relationships with absolute terror

55:41

and Free

55:45

devastation no No,

55:51

oh god, I don't think so

55:53

that I Stopped

55:56

you know, one of the things in therapy like

55:59

talking about romantic relationships, you know,

56:01

he kept saying to me

56:03

is like, you know, we can talk about

56:06

this over and over, but I can't help

56:08

you until you're in one. I was like,

56:10

yeah, yeah, yeah. And

56:12

then I am a single person,

56:15

I do very well, single, I actually

56:17

like being single,

56:19

but there is like something internally that

56:22

is like, you know, animalistic,

56:25

where it's like, I do want to

56:27

couple, I do want companionship,

56:29

but I am a fiercely independent person, and

56:31

I move around a lot, and I'm a

56:34

bit of a lone wolf, and I do

56:36

enjoy life, sort

56:39

of like, without complications

56:42

and attachments. So

56:44

I struggle with trying

56:46

to figure out how to

56:48

do both of those things. Well,

56:52

because relationships require a lot of

56:54

work and consistency. And, and

56:56

I am not someone that it

56:59

takes a lot of work for me to

57:01

offer up consistency to other people.

57:03

And I'm very lucky that I have amazing friends

57:06

in my life who understand that sometimes like, I

57:08

disappear for a little bit, and then

57:11

I come back with tons of love

57:13

and attention. But I, you

57:15

know, it's like, this life and this career

57:17

works so well for me because it's so

57:19

project based. And I get a job and

57:21

I fall into it and I disappear, and

57:23

I go and I make something and then

57:25

like I have free time and suddenly I'm

57:27

available and I'm around and like, you

57:30

know, I've found friends that love me for

57:32

that and support me in that and that

57:34

understand that but that's really hard to ask

57:36

that of a romantic partner.

57:39

And I've, I've, I've struggled

57:41

really being able to, to

57:44

do that successfully. Yeah, with

57:46

a lot of your friendships, I was gonna ask too, if that's

57:48

the same approach to the friendships, do you find the people you're

57:50

friends with are the people you've known for years? Or do

57:52

you still like, meet people or

57:54

like, you know, you're on a job and you're like, we're friends,

57:56

because you have so much you can work a job and it's

57:59

giving summer camp and then your friends for children, so

58:01

then it's like, she's dead. Like, I don't

58:03

know. Like, we don't interact ever again. I

58:06

really love people, and I make friends easily.

58:09

You know, I'm a social person. I love meeting new

58:11

people. I can

58:14

sort of get really, I

58:17

can fall in love with a friend and

58:19

want to get to know everything about this person and really

58:21

dive in hard. And

58:24

then it dissipates, but it

58:26

isn't a demonstration of how much I

58:28

like that person. It's just sort of

58:30

like this project mindset of like, I

58:32

have like excavated and

58:34

explored this beautiful person that I find

58:36

really fascinating. And then it feels like

58:40

a friendship is set that can

58:42

like sustain and last. But

58:47

I have, I would say my

58:50

closest friends

58:52

are my longest friends at

58:55

this point. But I do meet new people often

58:58

because of work. But usually what ends up happening

59:00

is like, when I do a job,

59:02

there will be like one or two people that I'll really

59:04

become close with. But

59:09

yeah, I sort of, and this was one

59:12

of the things I asked in therapy. I was

59:14

like, is something wrong with me that I'm like

59:16

this? Or is this like, is this a problematic

59:18

behavior for people that I

59:20

sort of like enjoy really diving into a

59:22

friendship? And then I sort of cast

59:25

off and disappear. And I mean,

59:28

not disappear. It's just like I

59:32

am a tide of a human. But

59:37

it is sort of the nature of

59:39

my person. But

59:43

people can feel disrespected by that. Well, I guess it's

59:45

kind of like, well, it's interesting. Because it's all, to

59:47

me, you can interpret different ways. It's

59:49

you going, I want to know everything. And then you learn

59:51

everything. OK, bye. If

59:54

that's the vibe, then it's but that's

59:56

different than like, we've kind of gotten

59:58

in, I feel close. And now I

1:00:00

don't feel like it needs to be as tended, right?

1:00:03

And that's different. Yeah. We're more

1:00:06

like settled, we're comfortable. You

1:00:08

know, I think that we're in a good place

1:00:10

that doesn't need this like constant watering. Yeah, I

1:00:12

do. I also think some of my friendships, well,

1:00:15

my friendships definitely have shifted since therapy.

1:00:21

And also, I've

1:00:23

recently in August, I've

1:00:27

stopped drinking almost

1:00:30

entirely, which has drastically

1:00:33

impacted my social life in the

1:00:35

last, you know, almost half a

1:00:37

year. So I'm also in a,

1:00:40

and that was sort of like

1:00:42

after stopping therapy, I just

1:00:44

was really sick in August and I was starting

1:00:46

back personal training in September and I was like,

1:00:49

Oh, you know what, as I start this, I'm

1:00:51

just going to stop drinking for a bit and

1:00:53

like attend to my body and then it just

1:00:55

felt really good. And

1:00:58

then I have just like continued doing that, but

1:01:00

it's had a great impact on me socially. So

1:01:02

that's also, I'm sort of learning how this

1:01:04

is affecting, it's really shifted

1:01:06

who I'm spending time with. Totally, totally. So

1:01:10

wait, if you're comfortable talking about how long

1:01:12

was your longest relationship? Well, my longest relationship

1:01:15

was a while ago and it was two

1:01:17

years. Two years, okay. Well, two years is

1:01:19

a good run. Yeah, that's a nice run.

1:01:21

That's a good run. I spent

1:01:23

a great amount of time not in

1:01:26

relationships. But like, that's good. Like

1:01:29

I don't know, as you said, if you

1:01:31

are very comfortable and you thrive in

1:01:33

your independence, I'm like, all right. You know

1:01:35

what I mean? Like it's an interesting dance because will you ever

1:01:37

find yourself, is this what I really want

1:01:39

or is this what I really feel like I'm supposed

1:01:42

to want? Yeah, that's the thing that I see a

1:01:44

lot in, I see a lot of

1:01:46

people in society, quote, in society.

1:01:49

But like, we're just like, I've been handed a script

1:01:52

at like, I popped out of my mom.

1:01:55

I've been handed a script and I'm just going to follow the

1:01:57

script for the rest of my life. And

1:01:59

the script. says meet someone, have children,

1:02:01

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, right? And

1:02:04

then they get to a point where they're like, wait, I

1:02:07

mean some of them get to the point where they're like, did

1:02:09

I want to follow the script or

1:02:11

did I want to read a different script or write

1:02:13

my own script or whatever? And

1:02:16

a lot of people don't get to that point.

1:02:18

And I think one, but if you're, this metaphor

1:02:20

is getting really, it's getting really twisted. Uh-huh, uh-huh,

1:02:22

keep going, I'm following it, I'm waiting in the

1:02:24

water, go ahead honey. But

1:02:26

if you, uh, but to, when you

1:02:28

start reading a different script or start

1:02:30

writing your own script, you start to

1:02:32

feel like, uh, what's happening? Like

1:02:35

there's a sense of dislocation because now you're doing

1:02:37

something different from what you thought you were supposed

1:02:39

to do. Does that make sense at all? It

1:02:42

totally makes sense. I, this was,

1:02:44

this was again another thing that I was working

1:02:47

on in therapy because there's a feeling

1:02:49

of, I was,

1:02:51

I was wanting to know from

1:02:53

him. Like, is there something wrong

1:02:55

with me that like, I do not

1:02:57

want to commit to a traditional relationship at

1:02:59

this point in my life? And I don't

1:03:02

know that that's going to be forever, but

1:03:04

it is like, I

1:03:06

really love my life. Like

1:03:08

I really love my life. I'm like,

1:03:10

I, I'm not an unhappy person. There

1:03:12

are times where I seek companionship, um,

1:03:16

but I've not been successful at

1:03:19

finding a kind of companionship that

1:03:21

matches my needs because my needs

1:03:23

are very specific and

1:03:25

other people have decided along the

1:03:28

way, uh, you

1:03:30

know, I need you physically

1:03:33

more present with

1:03:35

me. You know, I,

1:03:37

I went and filmed in France for six

1:03:39

months. That was, it's a long time

1:03:41

to be away. I didn't come back because

1:03:44

I was there working and I didn't want

1:03:46

to leave. Um,

1:03:49

I, I also dated someone, this

1:03:52

is before I was, uh,

1:03:55

working in France. I, I dated,

1:03:58

I dated a French guy. For

1:04:00

a while and we did this

1:04:02

long distance thing that was sort

1:04:05

of great, but. I

1:04:07

was the one is like I actually.

1:04:09

You know who are like what? What's the plan

1:04:11

here? Are You moving here? My Moving. There

1:04:14

either. This isn't gonna like.

1:04:17

I don't think I'd wanna go live in France

1:04:19

right now do I probably could see myself doing

1:04:21

in the future. but I can do right now

1:04:23

and it doesn't make sense for use. What are

1:04:26

we actually doing? What's the. What's.

1:04:28

The plan here. But that person

1:04:30

is now like one of his. His remains

1:04:32

were my favorite people and whereby very dear

1:04:34

friend think that would have thought you would

1:04:37

have loved a long distance because I like

1:04:39

Ahmed Dubai, I am a holiday through later

1:04:41

vote Israel really long from now. Better that's

1:04:43

too bad his instructor. Variables.

1:04:47

That dress like that every six hour flight

1:04:49

of. The key issue with the by yeah,

1:04:51

long distances kind of appealing to me. I

1:04:53

am also some of his best. maybe two

1:04:55

months the Navy is this may be so

1:04:57

cognitive your butts know the idea of like

1:04:59

having the idea of having an apartment where

1:05:01

you have separate rooms. And

1:05:04

much used to be together. That

1:05:07

sort of my but. Maybe. That's a

1:05:09

little key am I but that sounds

1:05:11

like beautiful and romantic and out of

1:05:14

like. Choice. To me and I

1:05:16

I find that to be like kind of

1:05:18

sexy and that choice by the way could

1:05:20

be. Seven. Nights a

1:05:22

week sometimes threat. But. right?

1:05:26

But. Like when I'm. Express it's

1:05:28

it really has source to do with

1:05:31

like my working. Patterns.

1:05:34

You know like of what's happening

1:05:37

in my body. you know the

1:05:39

out? yeah yes I would I

1:05:41

would guess. And. Tell me

1:05:43

if this is an accurate but that. It's.

1:05:46

Very difficult, especially when you are like

1:05:48

pulling up very vulnerable things like that

1:05:50

has to leak into. Your social

1:05:52

life or your romantic life to when you when

1:05:54

you're acting you have to pull ups or I

1:05:57

thought when you for if you're in a yes

1:05:59

or if you're. Or now that you've kind

1:06:01

of like changed the way

1:06:03

that you act a little bit, right? Maybe

1:06:06

you're not accessing your own

1:06:08

personal emotions, but still you're in a scene where

1:06:10

you are Agitated and

1:06:12

you have to like now you're you're done

1:06:14

and you're not not agitated anymore but you

1:06:17

know, it's not I mean I would say

1:06:19

it's like I Can

1:06:22

I can leave a I can

1:06:24

exit out of a specific sort

1:06:26

of like emotional place it's

1:06:29

more that and I think I Think

1:06:32

creative people will understand this. It's just like there

1:06:34

are There are

1:06:36

times when you know and

1:06:39

maybe even not creative people I mean, I

1:06:41

I assume that anyone that has like an

1:06:43

intense job that really requires a lot of

1:06:45

energy and is Unpredictable.

1:06:47

I I would imagine

1:06:49

that a lot of politicians experience this,

1:06:51

you know in great, you know Stressful

1:06:54

situations. There are just

1:06:56

times where you only have so much capacity

1:07:00

You know, you're you're putting a lot of focus

1:07:02

and energy on something And

1:07:05

you need that space It's

1:07:07

like having another creative partner the

1:07:10

last person I was seeing was Also

1:07:13

creative and really understood that I

1:07:15

understood that as well.

1:07:17

So like when

1:07:20

they were You know in

1:07:22

a project And I

1:07:24

was not it was like oh, I'm

1:07:26

here to support you in your needs

1:07:28

right now because I fully understand that

1:07:31

so you know like That

1:07:34

was kind of nice because I was like, oh I'm

1:07:36

the way that I sort of like serve

1:07:38

my work I could like serve someone else

1:07:40

in In

1:07:43

like working toward their work, you know, like oh

1:07:46

I want to help you be

1:07:48

like comfortable and fed and attended

1:07:50

to and well rested and like

1:07:52

in the right Mindsets like that

1:07:54

was sort of beautiful to me. It just wasn't the right

1:07:57

person, right? You know, there were other things

1:07:59

but like the the the nature of that relationship,

1:08:01

which was sort of like deeply understanding of

1:08:03

what it means to be a creative person

1:08:05

who loves their work so much and

1:08:09

is devoted to the life

1:08:11

experience of

1:08:13

doing that work is really nice. It's just there,

1:08:15

I don't know that there are like a

1:08:18

lot of people that live that way. Yeah,

1:08:22

I only asked it because of the specific kind

1:08:24

of actor you are versus, I don't know, we

1:08:26

watch Reacher and there's not a lot against

1:08:29

Alan Richton, but he is one

1:08:31

kind of like, there's no emotion,

1:08:34

he is just doing a thing and

1:08:36

saying a line kind of campily sometimes. Reacher is

1:08:38

camp, you gotta watch, it's a character in his

1:08:41

show. Reacher is camp, it's lovely. I'm upset, I'm

1:08:43

upset. It is fantastic, but I imagine Alan Richton,

1:08:46

they say cut and he's just like, all right, going

1:08:49

back to my trailer. Like nothing, just like, and

1:08:51

it's not a knock against him, that's a specific

1:08:54

kind of thing versus someone who. Bro, what it's

1:08:56

called upon you to do, however, I will say, I think

1:08:58

even when you're not, because I think also comedy can

1:09:00

be the same way, because it's like, very

1:09:02

rarely is comedy calling on you to like,

1:09:05

dredge your depth or like stretch a

1:09:07

muscle and by just, but I think what

1:09:09

it is to simply be around

1:09:11

150 to 250 people all day long and

1:09:17

have to, like there's that front vulnerability and then

1:09:20

also the generalized like, I don't

1:09:23

know, I just feel like there's a lot of performing, even

1:09:25

when you're not necessarily. I actually

1:09:27

don't think the comedy is that different because

1:09:29

I have friends that are comedians and I've

1:09:31

been around some comedians and I find it,

1:09:34

I actually find comedians

1:09:36

really fascinating because there

1:09:39

is a, you gotta be really fast, right?

1:09:42

So there's like this hyper, hypersensitivity,

1:09:44

like quick response, you're sort of like,

1:09:47

you're just sometimes just like throwing things,

1:09:49

you know, but it's

1:09:51

like, that is a level of, there's

1:09:54

a word, it's like you're like living in your nerves, you

1:09:56

know what I mean? But that, it's

1:09:58

a level of performance. Then accessibility for

1:10:01

a comedian that I think is

1:10:03

actually quite com like. complimentary and

1:10:05

similar. In that I these

1:10:07

just a different end of end of the spectrum

1:10:09

us added see that either doubly see that I

1:10:11

think that there is yes there is also desk

1:10:13

That said citing sometimes was like. The.

1:10:15

Rhythm percent to about the quickness in the rhythm

1:10:17

In: like there's a way this needs to be

1:10:20

delivered for it to land. And like. having

1:10:22

that in your head, but keeping it loose, but

1:10:24

feeling. Real by hitting that in a way

1:10:26

that like so specific as a family bets

1:10:29

as it is. Yes you're right. You're right,

1:10:31

You're right. you're missing for hi. I'm excited. When

1:10:33

you're right, you're right Court way we can. We

1:10:35

take a quick break and answer always one questionnaire.

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Let's number one.of us have what per start over.

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do it, especially. When it comes to exercise,

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I feel like if I don't get a saber

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1:16:00

we're back with Cory and Michael Smith here

1:16:02

to help you handle your scandal. Today, Cory, you

1:16:04

are robbed. Okay? The table will turn. You

1:16:06

are being robbed. Yes. Oh, boy. You

1:16:09

are someone's robbed. Good luck to this person.

1:16:13

This... Okay, so we're

1:16:15

on a different computer, like I said before. We

1:16:17

don't have access to our voicemail. So this comes

1:16:19

to us from Gmail from B. They just say

1:16:21

B. Okay. B. Naomi

1:16:24

and Andy, I'm a fan of the pod, have

1:16:26

debated sending an email for a long

1:16:28

time. Wow, debate. My name is B.

1:16:30

He, him, and I live in

1:16:33

North Carolina just outside of the

1:16:35

research triangle. I'm a 37-year-old educator

1:16:37

and advocate in higher education, like

1:16:39

a lot of men in higher

1:16:41

education. I'm queer, specifically more on

1:16:43

the homoromantic slash gray sexual spectrum.

1:16:46

Gray sexual spectrum? What does

1:16:48

that mean? I don't know about this. Yes, I looked

1:16:50

that up and then probably forgot. What does that mean?

1:16:53

I think more... I think it's... Naomi, you look

1:16:55

at uploads. I'm going to Google gray sexual spectrum

1:16:57

because I... Yeah, I'm going to need a definition

1:16:59

on this. Yeah. While dating has

1:17:01

always been a challenge for me as context,

1:17:03

my job requires a lot of extraversion. And

1:17:05

I'm by nature, this is... I got to

1:17:07

say, I got to say this was picked

1:17:09

solely as it was the latest one that

1:17:11

came in. Once

1:17:13

again, I am attuned to the universe. Yeah,

1:17:16

Andy picks the question. Okay,

1:17:19

this term isn't gray sexuality.

1:17:21

What does it mean? This term is intentionally vague

1:17:23

to accommodate the people who fall somewhere

1:17:25

between asexual and sexual.

1:17:28

They might experience sexual attraction once in a

1:17:30

while, but largely don't. A gray

1:17:32

sexual person may have a history of

1:17:34

sexual experience that doesn't reflect their current

1:17:37

sexual identity or sense of self. Interesting.

1:17:40

So let's see... I love a

1:17:42

complicated sexuality. I got to tell

1:17:44

you, I really appreciate it. I honor it.

1:17:47

I understand it. Let's continue.

1:17:50

As context, my job requires a lot of

1:17:52

extraversion and I'm by nature more introverted. So

1:17:55

at the end of the long week, I'm tired

1:17:57

and need to recharge my battery so I don't

1:17:59

always have... a full social battery throughout the week.

1:18:02

My dating challenges are made more complicated

1:18:04

as I'm much more interested in building

1:18:06

a romantic relationship with somebody than just

1:18:08

looking for a quick one-time stint with

1:18:10

a dude. A lot of

1:18:12

queer male community is hyper-sexualized so it's hard

1:18:14

to find a guy who thinks like I

1:18:17

do and shares my orientation. I've had no

1:18:19

luck with meeting people in person and the

1:18:21

dating apps are worse. See attached

1:18:23

for example of the hot garbage that I'm way

1:18:25

more frequently facing than not. My

1:18:28

text being the, okay so Wow.

1:18:31

So okay. There was like a, yeah

1:18:33

there was like a whole folder submitted.

1:18:36

In it someone messages

1:18:39

are, someone messages B

1:18:41

on a dating app and then at

1:18:44

some point starts saying how they

1:18:47

need $5,000. Oh my god

1:18:49

we love a scam. The

1:18:52

scammers are out, the scammers are out.

1:18:55

Fall in love and what is your routing number?

1:18:59

Also due to the cost of living and low

1:19:01

wage of being an educator I need to live

1:19:03

in a 20 to 30 minute away from more

1:19:05

populated busy areas of the triangle so it makes

1:19:08

it hard for guys to want to date due

1:19:10

to living quote too far away. Low

1:19:12

word. Any advice? Because at this point

1:19:14

it's a bit demoralizing as a lot

1:19:17

of guys that I've been interested in

1:19:19

and those that have shown interest in

1:19:21

me are expressly looking for one night

1:19:23

stands which I'm not looking for which

1:19:25

like many of the asexual spectrum often

1:19:27

leads me to feeling a bit broken.

1:19:30

Thanks in advance B. Okay this is

1:19:32

just B is out here saying I'm

1:19:34

not trying to do a one-nighter, I'm

1:19:36

trying to really connect with people but

1:19:39

also feeling like you

1:19:41

know he doesn't have a lot of time one

1:19:43

to be dating right because he's like I'm dealing

1:19:45

with these, I'm educating all damn week I got

1:19:47

to have a year. I

1:19:50

mean when you

1:19:54

it sounds like Cory you wouldn't be

1:19:56

in a situation meaning that because

1:19:58

when you're working you're all in. You're

1:20:00

not necessarily trying to take that

1:20:02

off time and put it into like, let's

1:20:04

go see who's out and about. You

1:20:07

know? Well, hold on. I'm

1:20:09

at a need. Let

1:20:17

me cast myself as like a

1:20:19

monastic actor. I mean, I still

1:20:21

have a life. I

1:20:24

still have a good time. But

1:20:26

in terms of being able to fully

1:20:28

commit to like a romantic endeavor, certainly

1:20:31

the beginning of one, it's

1:20:33

a bit trying. I think Bean needs a cat. Okay, wow.

1:20:35

All right. You know, I'll take this. Keep going, keep going.

1:20:37

Break it down. I think Bean needs a cat. Well, Bean

1:20:40

needs a lot of things, but let's start with a cat. First

1:20:43

of all, it can take care of itself, but

1:20:45

it sounds

1:20:47

like he needs another living creature

1:20:49

in his home, which is what

1:20:53

my acupuncturist, my old acupuncturist,

1:20:57

you know you're a New Yorker, a little bougie when

1:20:59

you say my acupuncturist. We

1:21:02

got some tension in this body. My acupuncturist for

1:21:04

a while every week would say, you're

1:21:06

going to get a cat. I'm like, Leah, I'm actually

1:21:08

allergic. I'm not going to get a cat. Almost adopted

1:21:11

a cat. It took about seven weeks of her

1:21:13

saying that to me every week. And there I

1:21:15

was at the ASPCA. Didn't

1:21:20

happen, though. Back to B. This

1:21:23

is really complicated, and I do feel for

1:21:26

this person, I

1:21:29

wonder, I really

1:21:31

would need to see what the profile

1:21:33

looks like on some of these apps,

1:21:37

because I do feel like if

1:21:41

there is, there have to be other people like

1:21:43

this out there, or other people who are

1:21:46

not just looking for one

1:21:48

night stands. And I feel like if that's made clear

1:21:51

in a way that is, you

1:21:55

know, positive and appealing, that

1:21:58

could be helpful. Maybe I'm being wrong. little naive here

1:22:00

as well. No, I know what you're saying. I guess what

1:22:02

you're saying too is like, okay, are you

1:22:04

presenting this as looking for long-term love because

1:22:06

that can be a pressure and that can kind of be

1:22:09

a little more worried. That's what I'm

1:22:11

saying because no offense to B, but

1:22:13

I do work with language here. The

1:22:17

way that he has written about it has

1:22:19

a weight. There's a

1:22:21

lot of exhaustion to this,

1:22:23

which I have some sympathy for,

1:22:26

but it does sound

1:22:29

like he's coming from a place of hopelessness rather

1:22:32

than assuredness that

1:22:34

you're going to find this with

1:22:36

having little patience about this thing

1:22:38

because he does seem, it's very

1:22:40

specific what's going on here and

1:22:42

he does seem very clear on

1:22:44

what he wants and needs. Those

1:22:48

are all good signs. I think patience is

1:22:50

going to be really helpful here and I

1:22:52

think a clarity of communication of your needs

1:22:55

without offering any burden or apologizing

1:22:57

about it to anyone or just being like,

1:23:00

hey, if that's not your thing, totally fine,

1:23:02

but this is what I'm here for.

1:23:07

Hey, I know you want a

1:23:09

one-night stand that's not going to work, but if you have

1:23:11

some friends that are also gray sexuals, tell

1:23:13

them we'll be over here. This

1:23:16

is available. Are there apps

1:23:19

that are a little more

1:23:21

varied? I

1:23:23

was going to say, the dropdown menu. I've

1:23:30

never, name and I were together before any apps

1:23:32

existed, so I don't really know what they are

1:23:35

like. Yeah. But is

1:23:37

there, when you make your profile,

1:23:39

is there a dropdown menu that just has very kind

1:23:42

of like, are there

1:23:44

ones that have more variety that might have

1:23:46

gray sexual in there or a sexual or

1:23:48

a romantic or something like that? I think

1:23:51

someone has written us before to say that

1:23:53

there are actual apps that are more focused.

1:23:55

Well, there are, but see, this is what

1:23:57

I'm thinking though. B

1:24:00

is, you know, he has

1:24:03

said, you know, this is a bit

1:24:05

demoralizing. I don't, you

1:24:07

know, this is complicated. I have challenges.

1:24:10

And this speaks to what you were just saying, Corey, in terms of

1:24:12

like sounding like, are

1:24:17

you really in the mood to date B? This

1:24:19

kind of goes back to what we were saying before, like, are

1:24:22

you just feeling like I want, I should

1:24:24

have companionship or I want something versus, you

1:24:26

know, I think the key to dating is

1:24:29

one, it's got to be somewhat fun for you because it

1:24:31

is just a process. And so like, if you don't have

1:24:33

the energy for that, then maybe

1:24:35

it's just not in the cards right now. You know,

1:24:37

maybe you revisit this in three to six months. I

1:24:40

don't know if your job kind of ends maybe in

1:24:42

the summers, right? When you're kind of not in the

1:24:44

academia moment, maybe that's when you do your dating and

1:24:46

have fun and like, take a sabbatical for a year

1:24:49

and just do it. Just go

1:24:51

dating, take a dating sabbatical. You're not going

1:24:53

to write. Right. You're not going

1:24:55

to write a book. Exactly. And then the

1:24:57

chair of your department is going to be like, wait, why? Why

1:24:59

are you doing this? You're like, uh, this is

1:25:01

my time. I'll

1:25:03

write a book on this. Yeah, that's the ticket. But

1:25:05

then also, I think, too, you know, as someone you're like, well, I'm

1:25:08

not looking to hook up. So then it's

1:25:10

more like, is this more of the friend search

1:25:12

with the opportunity for the friendship to maybe

1:25:14

develop into something more over time? Right. Instead

1:25:17

of looking on the hookup app. Yeah, I think the apps are maybe not the way

1:25:19

to go. But I, I've never used

1:25:21

like a dating app. I'm

1:25:25

a really big believer in like getting

1:25:27

out there and meeting people. You

1:25:30

know, I just think that that's like kind

1:25:33

of priceless. The experience of

1:25:35

changes you become more famous because

1:25:37

I bet people are coming up to you, then you got to be able to suss

1:25:39

them out to make sure they're not cray cray per day. You

1:25:42

know, what's really wild, actually, I feel

1:25:44

like I don't I

1:25:46

don't know. I don't know if I

1:25:48

look really different in real life, different

1:25:50

roles. I look really different. It

1:25:52

is. It's not

1:25:55

that burdensome. And

1:25:57

I meet plenty of people

1:25:59

who. absolutely no clue and I

1:26:01

do prefer that it's really very helpful yeah okay

1:26:03

all right cuz I'm always like that could be

1:26:05

weird like it's like cuz you never know you're

1:26:07

like are you do you see your own life

1:26:10

as a role you have to think into this

1:26:12

whole thing is a performance nothing

1:26:15

I've said here is true yeah I think

1:26:21

I think be also my other

1:26:23

question you know something be

1:26:25

you talk about how it's difficult but what I want to know

1:26:28

is like what's your friendship life lifelike you

1:26:30

know are there yeah something he doesn't have a lot

1:26:32

of friends but see I'm god am I ripping be

1:26:34

apart Rob would never do this to me never

1:26:38

do it Rob will be patient Rob

1:26:40

say okay let's go through your plan for

1:26:42

this week's session and

1:26:44

then Rob was you have your power point

1:26:46

set up you're like quadrant

1:26:49

to be all

1:26:51

right but

1:26:56

he hasn't mentioned he hasn't mentioned his social

1:26:58

life and so I think my

1:27:01

question and that's to me is like that's the next step

1:27:03

to is like or not the next step

1:27:05

the first step of sort of like who

1:27:07

are your friends when you do have

1:27:09

the energy to be social are you

1:27:11

actually meeting up or are you

1:27:14

staying in the house where you live you say

1:27:16

like outside the research triangle which is like those

1:27:18

universities in North Carolina where I'm like I

1:27:21

don't know the layout you know you're talking to three

1:27:23

people who are like New Yorkers where I'm like can

1:27:25

you take a subway can you take a bus 20

1:27:27

to 30 minutes doesn't seem like the end of the

1:27:30

world depending on how it's laid out they'll me you

1:27:33

would not take it most people would not

1:27:35

take a subway they would

1:27:37

not like if if they lived

1:27:39

in Inwood and I

1:27:41

was looking up with bitches in Dittmas Park okay I was

1:27:44

taking yeah I actually don't

1:27:46

have a lot of patience for this argument

1:27:49

I will say it's a little different in

1:27:51

LA LA is so vast that truly like

1:27:53

you living on the east side in at

1:27:55

East side and getting someone like Marina Del

1:27:58

Rey is actually not gonna work out Yeah,

1:28:00

sure. But like when

1:28:03

I lived in Pennsylvania, you know, okay, let's

1:28:05

say I lived at home. Let's

1:28:07

pretend like, you know, a 20-minute drive is not

1:28:09

a big deal, I would say, down Okay?

1:28:14

That's not even half of this

1:28:16

podcast, you know? That's not even. B,

1:28:19

if you are listening to this

1:28:21

podcast regularly, and you probably have

1:28:24

one, maybe two days a week that you're going to

1:28:27

be seeing this person that you're getting to know, that

1:28:30

is, right there, that's

1:28:32

your car ride, you know? That's your round trip. That's

1:28:34

your round trip. I

1:28:37

think B is more talking about someone else

1:28:39

thinking it's too far away, though. Well, B

1:28:41

is going to put some miles on that.

1:28:44

If the person's worth it, exactly. If the person's worth it,

1:28:47

you put the miles. But I also think, but also the

1:28:49

person who's worth it is not going to think it's too

1:28:51

far away. Because to me, it's like,

1:28:53

when you live in a driving area, people drive 20

1:28:55

to 30 minutes all the time. People

1:28:57

drive them 30 minutes to hit up the Walmart, you know what

1:28:59

I mean? Let alone for someone they like. So I think, you

1:29:02

know, what it sounds like, you have listed to

1:29:04

us all the reasons why it

1:29:06

won't work. And I'm concerned

1:29:08

that that is the same thinking and

1:29:10

approach you have when you're meeting somebody.

1:29:13

It's like, don't... I'm

1:29:15

going to throw my mother under a

1:29:17

bus right here publicly. She'll probably never listen to

1:29:19

this. So I'm just giving a

1:29:21

forewarning for this. It's not that bad. I

1:29:23

will say, they ended

1:29:28

up moving from where they raised us like 20, 30

1:29:30

minutes to a different part of Columbus. And

1:29:33

my mother was very depressed there. And she complained

1:29:36

all the time about how it was so, so

1:29:38

far away from her friends. It was so far

1:29:40

away from her friends. And

1:29:42

she would say that to me. And at this point in my life,

1:29:45

you know, I was living in Washington Heights. And like, you

1:29:47

know, I remember at one point I had a

1:29:49

job in Parcelop South. Wow. And

1:29:52

I was like, I'm like, you're complaining

1:29:54

because you have to drive 20, 30 minutes to See

1:29:57

one of your friends. Like, I'm trying to...

1:30:00

They weren't. I'm sure to make a living trying

1:30:02

to feed myself, and I'm literally doing any the

1:30:04

I dance. And

1:30:07

then now my parents. Have

1:30:09

moved to rural Ohio because they're both

1:30:12

retired to this beautiful lake. And

1:30:14

and they're an hour away from their

1:30:16

friends. But she loves it there. And

1:30:19

she loves his house. She's very happy

1:30:22

there and snouts twice the distance. but

1:30:24

it's not depressed because she likes this

1:30:26

place better. Sleep for seat is like

1:30:28

from life and suddenly. Driving.

1:30:30

An hour from rural Ohio to

1:30:33

the big city to Columbus. To.

1:30:35

See friends and to make a thing out

1:30:37

of it is an adventure and it's find

1:30:39

the right. So it's like that is simply

1:30:42

a mindset change. So.

1:30:44

You know when I was thinking like. Twenty.

1:30:47

Thirty minutes to go and see

1:30:50

someone who gives you a lot

1:30:52

of soy and energy. And like

1:30:54

the companion, the kind of companionship

1:30:57

you're looking for. Like.

1:30:59

That said, That's. Actually,

1:31:01

not. A. Big. Deal.

1:31:03

Right? know your rights and it also to in

1:31:05

the early days have been so you know you

1:31:07

know they're bringing joy. Yes there's gotta be some

1:31:09

fifteen minutes were you each make the same amount

1:31:11

of the fire level trip worth? Like okay I

1:31:13

can get all the way there but like there's

1:31:16

a few coffee place right here and morning dirty

1:31:18

motel. Oh lover and the

1:31:20

I love that you love it has

1:31:22

it that is not Be Br that

1:31:24

concerts that is not be that is

1:31:26

not a that's maybe not be though

1:31:29

that see it that So let's not

1:31:31

be without a cigarette butts that's gray

1:31:33

though that's great that's in the spectrum

1:31:36

is now that it is not fully

1:31:38

an address What had to happen. At.

1:31:40

The Motel. I just said a dirty Mind all

1:31:43

by Thirty. Like, isn't that right? Party off. I'm

1:31:45

already off the fact that as dirty as you

1:31:47

can become turbo obvious. Did you get seats? Did

1:31:49

you? Did you see the I'm Did you see

1:31:51

The Yard Limited series with Elizabeth Olsen? I'm blanking

1:31:54

on the name right now. The were seen as

1:31:56

the Ferris based on a real person. She's a

1:31:58

meeting up with this other guy. This

1:32:00

is I'm in center young Bangladesh. Love.

1:32:03

And his ass over me up in

1:32:05

hotels more the things they said. You

1:32:07

know sometimes that edema touch each other,

1:32:09

sometimes you just packed lunch the got

1:32:12

that durio hotel room specs of lunch

1:32:14

meat, fresh cookies and they sat there

1:32:16

and talk for hours because there were

1:32:18

disconnected they just needed to connect and

1:32:20

the as beautiful as with look at

1:32:22

it was that was it also has

1:32:25

a murderer and that correct.boss she was

1:32:27

attacked and we all saw it by.

1:32:29

Okay I'll say this I'll say this

1:32:31

even a murderer is right. Twice a

1:32:33

day. Twice. Or thrice and I

1:32:35

had a way way way up north. Korea

1:32:39

read what other what are the

1:32:41

occasion when it comes to. Food.

1:32:44

Discussing follow that they would you bake

1:32:46

cookies as alert foods if you make

1:32:48

as a good good let your bird

1:32:51

it it's oh you bartering. Yeah I

1:32:53

have Only Dexter had been a good

1:32:55

chef. That's true. We would

1:32:57

have allowed and we were. We would

1:33:00

have allowed and would have been open

1:33:02

about that. The Benjamins area butcher would

1:33:04

not. Don't start talking Dexter Specifics: Corey

1:33:07

Corey Corey Corey Corey This was. Beautiful.

1:33:09

Thank You! This was a thank you letters.

1:33:12

It's did it go to did it go

1:33:14

to blow to deeper First know what Now

1:33:16

have you get like of? or yeah let's

1:33:18

unpack? Yeah how do you feel. I.

1:33:23

Don't really know what I'm trying us on

1:33:25

China to think about a two months I

1:33:28

think you shouldn't I also think I would

1:33:30

say right now.u d m me later and

1:33:32

tell me to delete the whole thing known

1:33:34

and under no I live in Florida said

1:33:37

unlimited ah I'm not going back on the

1:33:39

snow snow or it did look as you

1:33:41

set up shop as we say every week

1:33:43

open your heart's loosen your bought a case

1:33:45

and number two is. That.

1:33:48

Right at them at this moment. At the

1:33:50

moment it's loose. You gotta, you gotta run.

1:33:52

You gotta get off the zoo. So course

1:33:54

you did. You know we so appreciate you

1:33:56

are such big fans of think you're just

1:33:58

like you know. So founded though good entrust

1:34:01

our honored to have you. That's really nice.

1:34:03

Thank you for the invitation. It's nice to

1:34:05

spend some time with you and the name

1:34:07

we we've never met before but I am

1:34:09

familiar with your words and I'm a fan.

1:34:11

So it's nice and design a sort of

1:34:14

us were going to excavate. We're gonna go

1:34:16

deep that floats know we all time for

1:34:18

a on an attorney. I want to go

1:34:20

back and really reveal too much. Or

1:34:23

I got. Tired.

1:34:40

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