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Welcome back to the Create Harmony

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podcast . I am Sally Burlington

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and I am happy , happy , happy that

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you chose to join us

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today . So if you're new here , I'd

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like to tell you about what you can expect

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from our podcast . So in this

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place , we refresh

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your life , we raise your well-being

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and refocus you on peace and

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joy . So the way we do that

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is spending a lot of time on

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our gratitude practices to celebrate

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our blessings , as well as discussing

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how to discover small moments of

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joy throughout our everyday routines

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to raise our well-being and make

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ourselves feel good . So we're continuing

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through our Winter Well-Being series

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and this is episode 61

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. So far during Winter Well-Being

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, we've discussed deep listening , we've

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discussed house hushing , we've

1:00

talked about the step-by-step process

1:02

of creating a spa right in your

1:04

own home as a practice of self-care

1:06

, and we've talked about winter wellness

1:08

tonics . And then last week

1:11

we discussed finding new

1:13

ways to nourish ourselves and looking for opportunities

1:15

to nourish ourselves in

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our regular routines . So

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if you missed any of those topics , you may want

1:22

to go back and listen to those

1:24

episodes . So for today

1:26

, we are going to focus

1:28

on connections to others

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as part of our Winter Well-Being series . We

1:33

talked about this in Winter Well-Being

1:35

last year and I thought it would be

1:37

good to revisit it again , because connections

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between others is so

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critically important to our peace

1:45

and joy and , as you already know

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, connection to other people is one

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of the ways that we thrive . And over

1:51

the last few years , our connections

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first they were interrupted and then

1:56

they've really been reshaped . So in

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the many , many social media influences

2:00

that I follow , I noticed a lot

2:02

of discussion about how to make more

2:04

meaningful adult friendships , how we as adults

2:07

learn to connect with one another

2:09

in more meaningful ways . And

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what I shared last year when we talked about this

2:13

is that I've learned a thing or two about meaningful

2:16

connections from my husband

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. So several years ago I'll tell

2:21

you about how I learned this Several years

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ago , my husband got involved

2:25

in a workout group and it's called

2:28

F3 . So the way

2:30

that it works is that men meet together

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in the early morning at various

2:34

locations around town and

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they hold these workouts together and their

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focus is three things . That's why they call

2:40

it F3 . It's fitness , faith

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and fellowship . These

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are free workouts you don't have to join anybody

2:47

, as welcome led by volunteers

2:50

from the group . It's

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just a really popular thing in our area . So

2:56

when husbands first start attending

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. This is sort of how things go . We've

3:01

talked about this with my friends . They get

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up way early in the morning and

3:07

they go to these super hard

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boot camp style workouts and

3:11

then they drag themselves home and

3:14

they shower and at some point during the day

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they're going to tell you many , many

3:18

details about how the workout

3:21

went . And it sounds sort of like that First

3:23

we did burpees and then we carried a rock , and then we ran

3:25

with our partners , and then we you know on and on

3:27

and on . And many of the other

3:30

wives with husbands that are involved in this

3:32

F3 have joked about how much

3:34

these men talk about the things that they do

3:36

while they're working out . So I have never

3:39

explained to my husband the

3:41

different moves that I do in

3:43

yoga . I'm just saying I've just never done that

3:45

. But also another part

3:47

of joining this group is that you get a nickname

3:50

that you go by and everybody calls you by your nickname

3:52

. Nicknames are meaningless , but

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when we are out and about in town , my

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husband will frequently see another man

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and say , oh , there's earplugs , or science

4:01

and math , or snappy . And sometimes

4:04

he does not even know their real name

4:06

, only their nickname . That's the only name

4:08

he knows this person by . And so

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what I'm telling you is there's a lot about

4:12

this group that borders on ridiculous

4:14

, and you're probably wondering

4:17

why we're talking about this when we're talking

4:19

about connections between others . But

4:21

here's the thing At the beginning

4:24

and the end of their workouts , they

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take a little time for sharing . Often

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men share things that they're working through

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or things that they're dealing with , and they really

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look to each other for support

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. The community of F3

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men frequently checks out on each other when

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they seem down

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or when they've been through a divorce , or some

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of them have seen each other through stints in a rehab

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or the death of a parent or

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a loved one . I mean , this group

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is a place that they have found

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deep comfort , and when

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I look at it from the outside and

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I think about it , it looks like more

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than a goofy workout group . Those bonds

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seem real and

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it seems like they've maybe figured something

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out about adult friendships . So

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I did a lot of soul searching and thought about

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this , about what is the secret . Why are

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those connections deeper between these guys

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? So I'm certainly not an expert

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, but what I took from

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my observation is

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that a connection like that takes

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some openness . You have to risk

5:29

yourself , you have to come

5:31

at the experience , willing

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to let people see who you really

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are . And on

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the other side of that , it takes some

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follow through . You can't

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create connections with others If

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you hear them share their deep , heartfelt

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info they're being

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open and you just say , oh , that's

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nice , and you move on with your day . You have

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to follow up and you have to pay

5:55

attention , and all that

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requires you to get over yourself , so

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to speak . In other words , we

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have to shift our attention away from competing

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to promote our own agendas and

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our own productivity and our own goals

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towards truly listening

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and collaborating with others . And

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that is going to take work Now

6:16

, because this is a podcast . This is what

6:18

I said last year this is a podcast

6:20

about making small changes . It's

6:24

about finding simple ways to

6:26

access joy . So I thought

6:28

that maybe we should discuss

6:30

some baby steps that we could take in

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the direction of this meaningful connection

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. So the goal is the

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big goal , if you will is deeper

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connections , but it's okay if we take

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small little steps in order

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to get there . So maybe

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the first small step we should start with

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is determining what

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is the kind of relationship we're looking for . In

6:53

other words , what do we want this to look like

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? There's no need for us to

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go to a whole lot of trouble and adding a lot of to-dos

6:59

to our lists to build a relationship

7:02

, only to discover it's really not

7:04

the kind of friendship that we wanted in the

7:06

first place . So creating

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a vision for your friendships to

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me seems like a good first step . You could

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journal about this , or you could create a visual

7:15

, or you can just think about it in your mind . Think

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about the people you know right now . Are

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there any of those people that lean

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in the direction that you would

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like to go for ? A deeper friendship

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Meaning ? Do you have any

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current relationships that have

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the qualities you're looking for in a deep

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friendship ? But you just need

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to cultivate more interaction . Perhaps

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the answer is focusing on quality

7:41

rather than quantity , and

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I wonder if there are ways that we could think about

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connection that can be done over

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long distance . Maybe you don't live in

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the same geographical area with someone

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who you still want to have a deeper

7:56

connection with . Could you send a note

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to them if they live in a different town , if

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you haven't connected in a while , or could

8:03

you commit to catching up my phone chat

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or Marco Polo some sort

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of way . Use technology as

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your tool to maintain that

8:12

friendship , even if they don't live right

8:14

around the corner . And I wonder

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if you connected with a friend from farther

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away , does that bring a new energy

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into your life ? Does that bring a special

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new blessing into your life ? So

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another thing I've noticed and I

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talked about this last year is a

8:30

trend towards conversation decks . These are

8:32

decks of cards or books that have

8:34

questions or prompts that get you moving

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in a more meaningful direction . So

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I like this idea and I

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kind of wonder if they would be best

8:43

in a group setting . We

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talked when we talked about winter well being last

8:48

year . I said I can't really picture

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myself getting out a conversation

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deck for a one on one coffee

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, but it might be perfect to

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deepen the connection between a group . If

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you're having a group get together , you

9:01

could get out a conversation deck and

9:03

maybe you're going to learn something new about someone that

9:05

you've known for a long time . So try

9:08

all of those ways to deepen your connections

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and those

9:13

baby steps might lead you to more baby

9:15

steps and before you know it , you've got stronger

9:17

friendships . So now , as

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part of our Winter Well-Being series . At the end

9:22

of our episodes , we are including a Huga

9:24

habit at the end . So , as

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you remember , huga is a focus

9:29

on things that relate to comfort , coziness

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, and a lot of times it's associated

9:34

with winter . So , for today , I'm

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going to encourage you to take a moment to

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make a list . So this simple

9:41

Huga habit is a journaling

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exercise . Now , you may be in a situation

9:45

right now that you're listening to this and you cannot

9:47

make a list . You can't write anything down right

9:50

now . If you are , you can

9:52

just make the list in your head and maybe later you

9:54

want to go back and give it more detail

9:56

and flesh it out a little bit more . But

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you're going to make a list of all

10:01

the things you like to do with

10:03

your friends when you were a

10:05

kid . So let's shift into

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our mindful posture . Let's

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settle ourselves down , let's

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think about our bodies and

10:14

think about anywhere you can feel

10:16

yourself holding tension and just let

10:18

that go right now . Just release that tension

10:20

. If you are able , take a deep

10:23

breath , breathe

10:25

in possibilities and breathe

10:27

out gratitude and

10:30

then , if it's appropriate for you to close your eyes

10:32

, you can do that now and

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we'll begin our Huga habit . So

10:38

think about your

10:40

childhood friendships and

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what types of things you did to

10:46

have fun together . What

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did you value about your childhood

10:56

friends ? How

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did those relationships operate

11:05

and what was good about those connections

11:07

? Dwell

11:15

on how those people touched your

11:18

life . What

11:22

were the qualities that they had

11:24

that you value ? What

11:30

were the things you like to do ? While

11:38

you're dwelling on that , is

11:40

there anything that you can take inspiration

11:43

from , from those

11:45

relationships that you can apply to

11:47

your adult life ? Is

11:53

there anything about those connections

11:55

that applies today ? Or

12:04

, on the reverse , is there anything about

12:06

those connections that needs to be omitted ? Are

12:11

there places that you have grown that

12:14

friendships and connections don't

12:16

apply for you anymore ? Just

12:28

think it through , and you can continue

12:30

to think about these connections

12:33

throughout the rest of your

12:35

day today . But

12:37

now we're going to bring our awareness back

12:39

to where we started , back

12:42

to our winter well-being on

12:45

the podcast . Take

12:49

a final deep breath , breathe in possibilities

12:51

and breathe out gratitude . If

12:55

you closed your eyes at the beginning , you can open

12:57

them now , and

13:00

now we're all back together . Thank

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you so much for joining us today

13:06

. We're so glad that you are here to

13:08

participate as we journey along through

13:10

our winter well-being . We're

13:12

getting close to the end of our series , even if we're

13:15

not all the way at the end of winter , but

13:17

we will have another installment next week

13:19

and until then , peace

13:21

.