0:00

From Washington DC, where the only thing more

0:02

inflated than the egos of politicians is the

0:05

price of a decent cup of coffee. Get

0:07

ready for Ballot. The

0:10

podcast that proves politics can be entertaining

0:12

without resorting to puppet shows and interpretive

0:14

dance. This week, we've got Donald

0:16

Trump's truth social getting ready to take Wall

0:18

Street by storm. Will it be

0:21

a billionaire maker? Or just another Trump

0:23

venture that fizzles out faster than a sparkler on the

0:25

4th of July? Next,

0:27

we'll dive into the pettiest presidential golf

0:29

feud since, well, ever. Trump,

0:32

Biden, and a whole lot of passive aggressive

0:34

pudding. And if you thought

0:36

the 2024 race couldn't get any crazier, buckle

0:39

up. We've got a man

0:41

named literally anybody else throwing his hat into

0:43

the ring. Because when your options

0:45

are Trump and Biden, why not just vote

0:47

for anybody else? All

0:50

that and more on this week's episode of Ballot. Remember,

0:53

that's B-A-L-L-O-T, wherever you get your

0:55

podcasts. Don't miss it! Is

1:10

Ken Williams one of the great prophets of our

1:13

time? I'll get to that in

1:15

a second. Hi, I'm Jonny Mack with your daily

1:17

comedy news. What I love

1:19

about this spot is there's always something new. I

1:22

was putting together today's show and I'm like, alright, it's

1:24

okay. And then I typed Kat Williams into Google and

1:27

I was like, oh, there's the lead. I'll get to

1:29

that in a second. There's some late night jokes that

1:31

I really like. On Monday, a New York appeals court

1:33

reduced Donald Trump's bond and his fraud case from $454

1:35

million to $175 million. Jimmy

1:40

Fallon said, it's the first time someone has ever

1:42

heard, good news, you only owe $175 million. Having

1:46

10 days to come up with $175 million doesn't sound like good news. It

1:49

sounds like the plot to a Jason Steven movie. Fantastic.

1:52

Seth Meyers went with after his lawyers

1:54

argued last week that Trump didn't have

1:56

the money for the bond. Trump posted

1:58

in all caps on Twitter. truth

2:00

social I currently have almost 500 million

2:03

dollars in cash that says dude they're trying to

2:05

help you that's like if OJ tweeted the glove

2:07

fits great Trump's trial

2:09

is now April 15th Jimmy Fallon pointed out

2:12

the judge picked April 15th because it's tax

2:14

day and he knew Trump wouldn't be busy

2:17

Colbert had a terrible joke I'm sure he told

2:19

it better than I did but the writing

2:21

on this one I think is awful the joke

2:24

he's not a real rich guy he displays one

2:26

on TV Donald Trump has a billion dollars the

2:28

same way Patrick Stewart has a spaceship okay

2:31

Star Trek the next generation ended in 1994 like what

2:33

is that

2:35

joke okay is cat Williams a

2:37

prophet let me set up the story

2:39

here in case you missed this federal

2:42

and local authorities rated P Diddy's home

2:44

in LA and in Miami on Monday

2:46

according to Newsweek to complete a

2:48

search for sexual trafficking investigation Newsweek

2:50

ads the latest run-in with the

2:53

law for combs comes after months

2:55

of lawsuits accusing him of alleged

2:57

sexual assault sexual trafficking abuse and

2:59

procuring illicit drugs all right

3:01

remember cat Williams was on Club Ché Ché

3:03

with Shannon Sharp kind of a big deal

3:06

he threw everybody under the bus well

3:09

listen to this all of

3:11

these big big deviance is

3:13

all catching hell in 2024 it

3:16

don't matter if you did here whoever

3:18

you is all lies will be exposed

3:20

that's all and

3:22

anyone who takes that the wrong way know

3:25

why they take it the wrong way cat

3:27

says I gotta protect my integrity because if

3:29

P Diddy be wanting to party you gotta

3:31

tell him no fascinating

3:34

David tell tweeted check out hot

3:37

cross buns that's his new special here's

3:39

a taste streaming on Netflix now I

3:41

was hit by a bicycle yeah no

3:43

no it was my fault it was

3:45

my fault I was standing on the

3:47

sidewalk I mean you know you stand

3:52

on the sidewalk you get hit by a bike

3:54

I mean what that's the world we

3:56

live in now and the guy

3:58

who hit me was a food delivery delivery guy.

4:00

Yeah, a third responder.

4:02

That's right. These

4:06

guys are heroes, delivery heroes

4:08

to heroes. Great

4:10

joke. CBS

4:13

has announced that they will air the Golden

4:15

Globes for five more years. I guess they

4:17

really liked it. The suit says CBS's collaboration

4:19

with the Globes for this year's broadcast was

4:22

a big win for both of us and

4:24

established strong momentum for award shows in 2024.

4:26

You may recall, Joe Coy was the host

4:28

this year. Now, I don't know if he'll

4:31

be back or not. I hope so. But

4:33

during the telecast of the Golden Globes, Joe

4:35

Coy told this horrible, vicious joke about Taylor

4:37

Swift. I mean, this is the meanest thing

4:40

anyone has ever said about anybody. Here,

4:42

let's listen. The big difference between the

4:44

Golden Globes and the NFL, on the

4:47

Golden Globes, we have fewer

4:49

camera shots of Taylor Swift. I swear.

4:52

Oh, I mean, brutal. You

4:54

can't blame Taylor Swift for apparently murdering Joe

4:56

Coy's career by making a stone face and

4:58

not laughing at that terrible, vicious, mean joke.

5:01

So who knows if Joe Coy will be

5:03

back? I mean, would you risk having Joe

5:05

Coy back if he's going to tell mean

5:07

jokes like that? I wouldn't. Actually, I would.

5:09

I like controversy. They've

5:13

added more cast to that film, SNL

5:15

1975. That's apparently a working title based on

5:18

the real life behind the scenes accounts of

5:20

the opening night of Saturday Night Live. J.K.

5:22

Simmons has been added to the cast. And I was

5:24

like, I wonder who J.K. Simmons

5:26

would play. You know, J.K. Simmons, the fantastic actor.

5:28

I'm like, who would he play? You

5:31

know, some sort of NBC suit or somebody? No,

5:34

Milton Berle. Yeah.

5:36

Yeah. Seth Meyers was on

5:38

Mike Birbiglia's podcast. He doesn't think that Lorne

5:40

Michaels is going to step away from SNL.

5:43

Birbig's asked Meyers point blank if he'd be

5:45

taking over for Michaels and said, or is

5:47

it Tina Fey? And then you said,

5:51

I think it's a false narrative that Lauren is going something

6:00

else he wants to do more than this for Biggs

6:02

Joked. So you think it's Keenan? Thing is,

6:04

Lorne Michaels will be 80 years old on

6:06

November 17th of this year.

6:09

I don't know, a nice round number of

6:11

50 and a nice round birthday of 80? Might

6:14

be a good time to hang it up, Lorne. Again, nothing

6:16

against Lorne. I just, I want you to go enjoy retirement.

6:18

Go sit on the yacht. That's

6:20

a long week at 80 years old. Friend

6:22

of the Pod, Scott Beckett, shared this

6:24

in the Facebook group, Daily Comedy News

6:27

Podcast Group. This is from the Wall

6:29

Street Journal. It's about how the Mark Twain

6:31

Prize for American Humor gets put together, Kevin

6:33

Hart, this year's winner. The article is by

6:35

Kapi Magar, co-creator of the Mark Twain

6:37

Prize for American Humor and a special

6:39

advisor to the chairman of the Kennedy

6:41

Center. That's nice gigs. He

6:44

writes, a stand-up comedy emerges as genre.

6:47

The Marx Brothers, Frank Fay and others

6:49

stumbled upon it by riffing between acts.

6:51

It retained the scrappy underground status associated

6:53

with vaudeville, but a lack of mainstream

6:55

recognition proved a boon for experimentation and

6:58

for performers who might have otherwise been

7:00

excluded, particularly blacks and Jews. Skipping ahead,

7:02

no wonder a majority of Mark Twain

7:04

Prize recipients have been black or Jewish

7:06

and ever the overachiever, whoopie

7:08

Goldberg is both. Mark Twain

7:11

once wrote, against the assault of laughter,

7:13

nothing can stand. Dusty Slay

7:15

spoke to CBS 58 in Milwaukee about his creative

7:17

process. Dusty said, I like to write out my

7:19

set list, so I have a general idea of

7:21

the order I want to go. The act of

7:23

writing helps cement the order in my head. I like

7:25

to build an act. The hour I'm doing right now,

7:27

completely different than my Netflix special, this new hour, probably

7:29

took me six months. Backstage, he says, I

7:32

do like to take a second and kind of gather

7:34

my thoughts. I don't want a lot of people back

7:36

here. I want it to be really normal and chill.

7:38

Abe has the hardest job in the show because he's hosting

7:41

Naomi, who's the feature is in there to pump it up,

7:43

so when I walk in, it's a hot crowd. If

7:45

I can go out and tell one joke, everybody laughs, everyone

7:47

is comfortable. Audience members are not comfortable because they're worried the

7:49

comic's not going to do well. If you can go out

7:51

and give them something hot right away, they can all relax.

7:54

If I'm up there and things aren't going well, well, maybe

7:56

I'll try to move some of it up earlier to see

7:58

if that'll work better. S58

8:00

was curious about his rider. The

8:03

Milwaukee Improv said, Dusty's easy. Dusty's rider

8:05

is green tea. Dusty says,

8:07

I just get things from my room and eat those. Sometimes

8:09

I go to the club and if they have good snacks there, I'll

8:12

eat those too. The person representing the

8:14

club said, we've had comedians ask for Air

8:16

Force Ones, t-shirts, incredibly expensive bottles of tequila.

8:18

We work with their teams on what we

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it is Ryan and we could all use an

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extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just

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to make up for things like sitting in traffic,

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doing the day. dishes, counting your steps,

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chumbacascino.com. No purchase necessary. DWE report prohibited by

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law. See terms and conditions. 18 plus. There

10:24

are several ways to support the show. One,

10:26

you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/daily

10:28

comedy news. Listen to this sad cup. There's

10:30

almost nothing in it. You can

10:32

go there and you can join the $2 Club. That's

10:34

just a nice way to make a $2 donation

10:36

once a month. If 500,000 of

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you do that, I will be a millionaire. Actually

10:42

I'll be a 12 millionaire, right? 500,000

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times two every month. Yeah, that's a lot of money. Unfortunately,

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we're just shy of 500,000. I'm

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getting there though. So buymeacoffee.com/daily comedy

10:52

news. Sign up for my

10:54

Substack. That's where I pontificate about the media.

10:57

Go to mcdpod.substack.com. The

10:59

link is in the show notes. Sign up for free. It's going

11:01

to ask you for money. Blow right through that. Go, nope, I

11:03

want the free version. I'm not trying to make money off that.

11:06

Stephen Colbert felt bad about his Kate

11:08

Middleton jokes. Now I'm going to play

11:10

a two minute statement from Colbert. Now

11:13

it's not an apology. You don't hear the

11:15

word I'm sorry or anything like that. It's

11:17

more of an explanation. And

11:19

I don't know why Colbert is so feeling

11:22

so guilty about it. I've made my share of

11:24

Kate Middleton jokes. I'm the writer on the Palace

11:26

Intrigue podcast where we talk about the royal family

11:28

every day. She had disappeared. People

11:31

were using phrases like Brazilian butt lift.

11:34

Brazilian butt lift is funny. And it's

11:36

my kind of humor. It has really nothing

11:38

to do with Kate Middleton. It's a Brazilian

11:40

butt lift joke. Hey, did you hear Biden got

11:42

a Brazilian butt lift? That's equally as funny.

11:45

Did you hear Mike in Cleveland is getting a Brazilian butt lift

11:47

in May and that's why I'm going out there? It's

11:49

just as funny. So I did Colbert overreacted

11:51

here. Let's listen. I

11:54

don't know if you have noticed, but

11:56

we do a lot of shows. And

12:00

I tell a lot of jokes, and

12:03

I tell jokes about a lot of different

12:05

things, mostly what everybody's talking about. And for

12:07

the last six weeks to

12:09

two months, everybody has been

12:11

talking about the mystery of Kate

12:14

Middleton's disappearance from public life.

12:17

And two

12:19

weeks ago, we did some jokes

12:22

about that mystery and all the attendant, you

12:24

know, and I had a true flaw in

12:26

the reporting about that. And

12:29

when I made those jokes, that

12:32

upset some people. And even

12:36

before her diagnosis was revealed. And

12:39

I can understand that. I

12:41

mean, a lot of my jokes have upset people

12:43

in the past. And I'm sure

12:46

some of my jokes will upset people in

12:48

the future. But there's

12:51

a standard that I try to

12:53

hold myself to. And that

12:55

is, I do not make light of

12:58

somebody else's tragedy. Now,

13:02

I don't know whether her

13:05

prognosis is a tragic one. She's the future

13:07

of Queen of England, and I assume she's

13:09

going to get the best possible medical

13:11

care. But regardless

13:15

of what it is, I know, and

13:18

I'm sure many of you, far too many of us

13:20

know, that any

13:22

cancer diagnosis of

13:24

any kind is harrowing

13:27

for the patient and

13:29

for their family. And

13:34

though I'm sure they don't need

13:37

it from me, I and

13:39

everyone here at the Late Show would

13:42

like to extend our well wishes and

13:45

heartfelt hope that

13:49

her recovery is

13:51

swift and thorough. Now,

13:55

please say hello to Louis Kato and the Late Show Band. As

14:00

I record, it's the 26th. As

14:02

you listen, it's the 27th, which means

14:04

in Milburn, it's the 28th. This is

14:06

so confusing. Equally as confusing is

14:08

which of these bookmarks is it? I

14:11

have one, two, three, four, I was examining the

14:13

10, I was on the 23 tabs open on

14:15

my MacBook right now. And apparently, it's

14:17

none of those 23. All right,

14:19

let me Google Milburn Comedy

14:21

Festival. And while I was doing

14:24

all that, I forgot what day it is. Oh,

14:26

26, 28th. This

14:29

is also the slowest loading website, but it's gotta

14:31

load all the way from Australia, so you can

14:33

understand why it takes a minute. That's not how

14:35

the internet works, John. Oh yeah, I

14:37

mentioned this yesterday. The Aussies do their calendars

14:39

Monday to Sunday, so I'm trying to click

14:42

where Thursday should be and the Thursday's not where

14:44

Thursday should be. Why do you have

14:46

an alternate calendar down there? What's going on? I

14:49

get Week End, I get it, I get it. Brits, you

14:51

don't have to write me, but I don't know. Let's

14:53

see who's playing. Braun Lewis, on Sunday's episode, you're

14:56

gonna hear a lot about Braun Lewis. I've seen

14:58

Buzz on her. She's playing at 6.20 p.m., all

15:00

times, Milburn. All

15:04

right, here's one with a

15:06

clip. Sakashi Wakasugi, his show's

15:08

called Japanese Aussie. Let's listen.

15:11

Hi, I'm from Japan. Thank

15:13

you. And

15:15

I have a question, Australia. I

15:17

went to supermarket to get egg,

15:19

right? And there

15:21

was no free-range egg. It sold

15:23

out. And only KJ eggs was

15:26

there, right? The question is, can

15:28

I buy that KJ egg

15:30

in the situation? Are

15:33

you listening? It's so

15:36

confusing. I tried to get, but that

15:38

makes me worry. Maybe someone see me. And

15:41

then I think, oh, this Asian guy is through buying

15:43

KJ egg. Get out.

15:46

It's not good for the Asian community, right? I

15:49

remember him from last year. He's funny.

15:51

The clip is still funny, but I remember that

15:54

from last year. Reese Mathewson's show

15:56

is called First Radio. Yeah, that shows at

15:58

6.25 PM. I might have

16:00

to go to Milburn. I like these 6

16:02

p.m. starts. That means I'm owned by like 815

16:04

and I can go to bed. That sounds awesome.

16:07

Now, the website lied to me. When they said

16:09

there was a clip, it says clip and I

16:11

clicked it. There's no clip. I'll

16:14

read it to you. You know when you're eating fast food,

16:16

when you're driving, you think no one can see you even

16:18

though your car has windows the whole way around? This show

16:20

will be like that, public and intimate. Stuff

16:23

says Reese Mathewson is one of New

16:25

Zealand's best comedians. But there's no

16:28

clip. Let's find one more with a clip. Akmal,

16:30

I played him yesterday. He's back. What

16:32

time's that show? I mean,

16:35

think about that. It could be home, sleep.

16:37

You young people can go to these 10.30 p.m. shows, not

16:40

me. Helen Bowers' show

16:42

is called Grand Supreme Daring

16:44

Princess 7 o'clock start. It

16:46

says play clip. Oh, there is a clip.

16:48

Let's listen. I know it's a

16:50

comedy show. I don't want to get too scientific. But when

16:52

you eat when you're drunk, the calories don't pass. It's

16:55

like eating on a trailer. It's

16:57

like eating on a trailer. It's not technically a meal. It's not fun. I

17:01

thought this cute thing

17:03

I do is so adorable. And when

17:06

I'm drunk and emotional, I can now

17:08

eat two kebabs in the

17:10

space of time it takes the average human to be

17:13

half a kebab. What? Where

17:15

do you put it? It's just a metabolite. Look at my face. That

17:18

was fun enough. I had

17:20

to cut it a little short. She

17:22

started using words. I

17:25

try to keep this thing clean. She was using words,

17:27

that F word, a word

17:29

for the thing that you keep in a bra. I

17:32

can't play these things. I'm trying to keep it clean here. And

17:34

that is your comedy news for today. If you

17:36

enjoy the program, tell a friend about it too.

17:38

Oh, we didn't talk about Triumph. Oh, my God.

17:40

I was so excited. Did you see Triumph retweeted

17:42

me? Yeah. Boy, am

17:45

I needy or what? Yeah,

17:48

from the Triumph the Insult Comic

17:50

Dog account. Triumph

17:53

wrote funniest comedy special of 2024 is mine. Says

17:56

DC and Pod. Watch it

17:58

here. And tell everyone because we all. about this little

18:00

account. Let's make a poop. Number

18:03

one special. Watch it. It's on YouTube.

18:05

Just search for Triumph. Fantastic special.

18:07

Still laughing about it. Natural Comedy User. Today, I

18:09

did all that already. See you. Bye. On

18:12

five daily trivia questions, each day we

18:14

ask five questions on one subject. This

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18:21

Kahn, Quentin Tarantino, Grey's Anatomy, and

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MC Hammer. Think

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you know the answers? Follow five daily trivia

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questions wherever you get your show and there's an

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entire back catalog you can surf to get your

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Greedy corporate megastores led

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