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i

1:00

wish to get married

1:01

i'm gonna just swipe what was

1:03

once

1:04

looking for love no matter of nineteen

1:07

sixty nine or twenty twenty years

1:09

and keep waiting for the fairytale are you can get

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on board the new rules of relationship

1:13

if you watch me on the dewberry more so than you

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know this know this mama's love advice

1:18

this update me with simona hoffman

1:20

stella lovers welcome to another

1:22

city leading up a soda dates and needs

1:25

there i just have always wanted to say

1:27

titillating ah hopefully

1:29

i can live up to your expectations for that word you

1:32

, dating since ah

1:34

we've got apps we got reality shows

1:36

social media what did you

1:38

try to someone as a different generation

1:42

wow the differences in dating

1:44

and relationships extreme

1:46

lake where's your

1:49

options way less premarital

1:51

sex and to be honest

1:53

way less dating burn out

1:56

and disappointment so

1:58

much has changed something

1:59

they the same

2:01

in love and that's why i have kimber

2:03

stay in and grab a gale have the excuse

2:05

my grandma podcast joining

2:07

me to break down the differences in dating

2:10

for different generations spy we

2:12

always kick off the show with news you can

2:14

use our big headline today is

2:17

here's exactly how and why

2:20

you should soft launch your relationship

2:22

on instagram then later indira

2:24

dimona i have a question from a fella who

2:26

says i fear that once my matches

2:28

know certain things about me they'll

2:31

think i'm too much for them

2:34

it's a real one your want to stick around for that

2:37

albright friends are we prepared to be titillated

2:40

suffer less day

2:41

the painting days

2:43

cosmopolitan magazine tells

2:45

us exactly how and why

2:47

you should soft launch year relationship

2:49

on instagram let me back up a second

2:52

because i know we have people of different generations

2:54

who are listening to this podcast add some folks

2:56

are not even on instagram that are saying

2:59

what i saw applauds girl

3:01

okay i thought launch his casually

3:03

introducing a relationship online

3:06

without actually introducing

3:08

it so , examples of

3:10

a soft launch our pictures that tease your

3:13

couple them to your friends and followers and

3:16

you know when court the kardashians and travis

3:18

barker had pictures holding

3:20

hands that know captions are tiger is

3:22

and day and tom holland using the using g

3:24

caption my spiderman to remember

3:27

that and then we were like why would he me

3:29

your spiderman

3:30

oh grow you meet your spider

3:32

man that's different

3:35

that's different from a hard launch a hard launches

3:37

posting hard couple pics that's clearly

3:39

featuring the other person with a caption

3:42

to match and it's just in is an

3:44

official announcement but official think is you

3:46

announce somebody you're creating a

3:48

a whole digital thread and

3:51

back when facebook was you

3:54

know the number one social

3:56

media platform there was

3:58

that option rate of clearing

4:00

your relationship and none getting all

4:02

these comments like i remember when a friend of mine undeclared

4:05

her relationship that was like and

4:07

i think she didn't know that than anything

4:10

you do on facebook if you

4:12

don't change the settings for

4:14

for it being announced

4:16

or with you know they call the tech world

4:18

posted pushed to your friends

4:20

and followers if you don't change

4:22

the setting is is automatically he's out

4:25

there so she just seems or settings

4:27

and not in a relationship and then all the sudden

4:29

that was on her wall and improve the oh my god

4:32

girl what happened like you might not be ready to

4:34

have a whole composition chooses

4:36

trying to discreetly seems her status

4:38

without making announcements and then it became

4:40

a bigger thing but on the other

4:42

side like sometimes then another

4:45

person may post you like this happen

4:47

actually with my best friend this guy posted

4:49

some i guess like a soft launch soft launch

4:52

and i didn't know she was dating anybody

4:55

and i was

4:56

a little bit hurt

4:58

it it turns out he was is really

5:00

into her and it happened really

5:02

really fast she was not ready for

5:04

the soft launch really it was more of a

5:06

hard launch because he tagged her in it

5:09

so we have to really think about who else may

5:11

be affected when you are posting

5:13

on social media about your boo

5:15

the in and why are

5:17

we doing are

5:20

we having a relationship for the public

5:22

for the outside world are we having

5:24

a relationship for ourselves and

5:27

why is that important to get that stamp

5:30

of approval like why do we even need the south

5:32

once were like here we are holding

5:34

hands and and now we

5:36

created a ton of mystery about who

5:38

is this person and how did they

5:40

meet in all these questions come up

5:43

look just hard launch when you're really together

5:45

because i've been through this with a lot of clients

5:48

who have declared on facebook like

5:50

in a relationship with so and so who

5:52

have a ton of pictures i

5:54

am in his kardashians are their masters

5:57

at this affects how many relationships

5:59

given his have we found out from social

6:02

media but then after

6:05

you have to process the breaker then

6:07

are you gonna go back and do digital scrub

6:10

so that it's not affecting

6:12

your next relationship and

6:15

i think that complicates matters

6:17

so live your life live

6:20

your life on social media but really

6:22

ask yourself why is

6:24

it that important for me to

6:26

declare to the outside world that i

6:28

am in a relationship is it that you want to send

6:31

a message to the you know aren't

6:33

d amherst that you're off the

6:35

market and therefore stop with the

6:37

dm slides or is it that

6:39

you want to celebrate love between

6:41

you and somebody else or is it that

6:43

just seeking some sort of

6:46

social media

6:47

validation

6:48

then

6:49

do you really need that is that

6:51

something that

6:53

the giving you

6:54

more value

6:56

then

6:57

the relationship that you're an are

6:59

the people who might be affected

7:02

either now or in the future

7:04

about either yourself launch for

7:06

your heart launch on instagram

7:08

ab are determined to do

7:10

a a subtle hints to release

7:12

and serve go a like in the show no

7:14

it's because we willing to

7:16

the cosmopolitan article

7:17

all of the many ways that

7:20

you can soft launch a relationship

7:22

in a classy and provocative

7:25

way to those two

7:27

words go together

7:28

her

7:29

well when we come back a kim

7:31

and grammar gail from the excuse my

7:33

grandma podcast will be with me discussing

7:36

the differences in dating for different generations

7:39

stick around you all know

7:41

i get so many questions in from listeners

7:43

in there so many things about our physical

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appearance that can make us release

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feel uncomfortable

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really feel self conscious about

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the way that we present in dating

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welcome back if you

11:21

are on the tic toc you

11:23

probably already know about my guess for

11:25

today timbers steen and

11:27

her grandma grandma gail

11:30

kim is a content creator see hosts

11:32

the excuse my grandma podcast with

11:34

grandma gail they cover dating relationships

11:37

and sex advice from two very

11:39

different generational perspective

11:41

so please help me give big switches

11:44

to these wonderful ladies of excuse

11:46

my grandma gym and dale

11:49

hi

11:51

everyone i am so happy

11:53

that you're here i have to tell you i've

11:55

done a lot of podcast episodes and

11:58

i had the most fun on

12:00

excuse my grandma it was that

12:02

your blast and i was like you

12:05

have to be here to talk to anchor

12:08

they they not yeah ,

12:10

my view on our as as well yeah awesome

12:13

what is i'm curious what made you want

12:15

to even start the

12:17

podcast in the tic toc and the

12:20

whole internet save that you have

12:22

now

12:23

i was working in

12:25

media as like a reporter and producer

12:28

and during the pandemic the

12:30

early twenty twenty one i want to say i

12:32

moved in with my grandparents in florida

12:34

and normal human york city i

12:37

would actually going on dates and my grandma's

12:39

just like such a character as everyone the single

12:41

learn very shortly and was

12:43

giving of her to sense i like my dating

12:45

life and kind of everything

12:47

else bash and picking out of bed

12:49

of that and always agree

12:52

running your life yes actually out

12:54

what has been my whole life by i was like why don't

12:56

we record saw it and make it into a podcast

12:58

and see if people like and they dead

13:01

and shortly after we started on

13:03

tic toc and instagram

13:05

you know anything crazy short videos

13:07

enough kind of like our main platform

13:09

now of yeah i teach you different

13:11

eating terms we pick out the night

13:14

owl fits we kind of

13:16

the at all my grabbing sun

13:18

and we're having fun so i'm curious grandma

13:20

gale what do you think the

13:22

biggest changes in dating

13:25

are from the time when you were single

13:27

to the time that him i

13:29

was dating and under your

13:31

roof of for the offender new well

13:34

i know i have to honestly say the dating

13:36

today as it's the we dated

13:38

and the neanderthal times i mean there was

13:40

no said we went out i went out on a million

13:42

dates but dating was

13:44

a prelude for marriage i certainly

13:47

after you got out of school me i'm not saying

13:49

dating and eighteen but by the time

13:51

he way of nineteen twenty twenty

13:53

one and your senior in college you already

13:55

thinking of getting married and the guys

13:57

were too because first of all it

13:59

was very little premarital sex and

14:02

that was a major difference in the late

14:04

fifties and early sixties if he wanted

14:06

to go to bed with a girl or guy you

14:09

know that they're basically needed the ring

14:11

on your face and eyes of

14:13

the lack of birth control he also a societal

14:15

nord societal yeah your hands would depress

14:17

you you'd never be allowed or it and most

14:20

families would never tolerate never tolerate you move

14:22

in with somebody that was that that was even a conversation

14:25

it was a very different world and

14:27

young people today rightfully don't

14:29

live that way was it all wrong

14:32

i don't think so some of the step we did

14:34

were pretty good we knew that if he

14:37

were dating someone after three four months and

14:39

it wasn't going someplace that you thought it should

14:41

go you get on with it to day

14:43

things linger on or you don't give

14:45

that person the extra time

14:48

that we did because we rarely

14:50

it was really getting to know one another and

14:52

we have to do it slowly we couldn't go

14:55

jump into bed with somebody and oh my god that's

14:57

the greatest than a my life i just didn't happen

14:59

to and sometimes it didn't end up pregnant and

15:02

then you are really in trouble you that to get married

15:04

faster whatever alternatives we saw

15:06

it you know it was a different world and

15:08

i think the girls and guys today

15:10

have less a better chance

15:13

of finding the right mate

15:15

because you have jaded so much

15:17

and have been intimate with more than one person

15:20

i'm so glad that he said that grandma jail because

15:23

you know i'm i'm bullish about dating

15:25

apps dating think that's it

15:27

the has expanded our dating options

15:30

and a lot of leaders

15:33

today particularly younger daters i'm

15:35

not picking on you can i swear a

15:38

, of daters don't realize how much

15:40

opportunity they have and

15:43

they'll come to come saying although saying hate dating

15:45

apps because i'm getting those did a happy situation

15:47

ships and situation ships are

15:50

added difficulties that

15:52

com with the added expansion

15:55

of you're dating pool so i'm

15:57

curious kim from your perspective

15:59

there's some daters that are kind of nostalgic

16:02

for this old way of dating

16:04

that the the more traditional

16:06

courtship process or

16:09

do you feel like dating

16:11

better for you today then

16:13

then maybe it would have been if you were dating

16:15

fifty years ago it's hard because

16:18

i have days where i'm one way and days were on

16:20

the other machu pisces i'm like to fish swimming

16:22

in opposite directions and such an old

16:24

soul were like i romanticize

16:27

the hollywood movies and not fifties

16:29

kind of like courtship which is why i

16:32

get along with my grandma so wealth but

16:34

i'm also extremely modern and most

16:36

of my thinking and i love dating apps and

16:38

that's like one of our biggest differences

16:41

you're like okay family fix up like

16:43

you have to know the person or your friend has

16:45

introduced yeah i almost

16:47

exclusively go out from dating up dates

16:49

and i go on dates because i

16:51

think i can choose best for myself

16:54

because

16:54

under person going out with that not my friend

16:57

who sending the up with them and yeah i think

16:59

he said a great dimona of like it's just another

17:01

avenue to meet some i agree with you on

17:03

that even though i'm bullish on see

17:05

things up this and i think a a lot

17:07

of times people will say i just don't do

17:10

dating apps is like like now

17:12

that's where the majority of people

17:15

are meeting their partner so just to completely

17:17

swear off one area dating

17:21

a little bit short sighted unless you

17:23

know yourself and you know that it doesn't work

17:25

for year like i would not do something because you

17:27

like oh there's a stigma around at either wanted

17:29

i hate when people say i don't want to tell my kids i

17:31

met my husband on an app from and my

17:34

why like it's not better than like i met them shrunk

17:36

at three am at this bar in the west village

17:38

like i don't get why that's any better

17:41

at like alleys you're choosing the person on

17:43

some level but you're allowed to

17:45

not be on it and make that decision for yourself

17:47

you just have to it's personal

17:49

you can are you think come to dimona

17:51

and so yeah exactly or black adder at a gas

17:54

think that's the way surface see

17:56

you been out here in these dating street

17:58

scam i curious

18:00

if you could let us know what

18:03

the red flags are that you

18:06

see and dating there's

18:08

so many like i feel like that's every conversation

18:10

i have with all my friends of like how

18:12

many red flags you can get to before you fully

18:14

stop because it's never just one probably

18:17

like

18:18

the someone who kind of like selfish

18:20

and not prioritizing

18:22

either you or dating and john are

18:24

also like they'll are so

18:27

busy with work day you

18:29

know have a boys' night on saturday so they don't

18:31

have time for a date like just coming up

18:33

with the excuses and not making dating

18:35

a priority i think is like

18:37

an obvious red flag but like

18:40

one that i feel like is the most important i

18:43

agree with you and the second one

18:45

would be someone that doesn't like to share

18:47

in family situation

18:49

sort of a control freak i'm curious

18:51

you brought up how sexist

18:54

changed what do you think about

18:56

sex

18:57

on the first state now graham again

19:00

i don't think you should ever have sex on the first

19:02

it telephone

19:05

first of all

19:06

that's is still an emotional issue

19:08

and it has more psychological

19:11

ramifications for women than it does

19:13

for man that's proven that's written that

19:15

upset so women really

19:18

if you're having sex with a man have

19:20

much more personal feelings it's just

19:22

not the act itself act itself emotional

19:25

act it's commitment it's a lot

19:27

of stuff it shouldn't be a thank you

19:29

it shouldn't be a lot of things it should

19:32

be that you really have an emotional

19:34

connection with that person and you want to go to

19:36

the next level to me meeting somebody

19:39

and understanding somebody as level one

19:42

number two perhaps

19:44

would put in the sex put in that

19:46

that sexual element can

19:48

i saw you not in your head the agree

19:50

with graham ago

19:52

the

19:53

i agree with someone that i saw hundreds

19:55

of i know i i've read

19:57

that if you do wanted to turn

20:00

like a longer term relationship

20:02

there is no rush and like you

20:04

can wait till date five or whatever

20:07

it is you feel comfortable with ah

20:09

but , do say to her all the time like not everybody

20:12

wants dot and if they just

20:14

want are looking for like some sexual gratification

20:16

are like to have fun and that a wannabe and something

20:19

serious begin to have sex whenever they want and

20:21

you agree with i agree with that just make sure

20:23

that everybody it is actually a safe yeah

20:25

true true for yeah i'm pretty

20:28

on that know quite traditional

20:30

two words like i always tell

20:32

my friends like it's better

20:34

to wait so kim

20:37

what are you look for i know you and i had

20:39

and i bit of ah the differing opinions

20:42

on tax the use of images

20:45

of a i want to know

20:47

what your rules are for taxing and

20:49

what are any taxiing or communication

20:52

red flags that you seen before okay

20:54

well i guess first city a mogi

20:56

situation mogi just

20:59

find it so cringe he to use any

21:01

a mode ye

21:03

except and then i give like a few exceptions

21:05

your i kind of like wanna look at my like

21:08

the most houses are thousand i

21:10

know what is all the time now you're showed

21:12

no no do if you likes the message

21:15

that's different than sending the emoji of

21:17

the i wanted may emerge yeah that sounds kinda

21:19

rude but like liking the message

21:21

i feel like assigned i i'll put

21:23

up with the i roll emoji

21:26

i feel like that's fine the

21:28

smirk m o g i like

21:31

when guys use hearts sorry this is like

21:33

controversial isolated really

21:35

oh no advertising

21:37

okay good night with a higher idea some guys like that

21:39

like

21:41

horror using a what do you like video

21:43

soon but again relevant it's to my

21:45

she i , i say

21:47

i can send a heart but i know now

21:50

ah no kissy face what our

21:52

i'm not married and sending

21:55

and lots on are now i don't like a

21:57

like think i only like a with is a thing thought about

21:59

we only the american the iraq i

22:02

, going to say it by suffer

22:05

t t

22:07

that's not bad world that's all i'm

22:09

okay were so

22:11

in other words know about is so no

22:13

mode you get him eventually not but how do you

22:15

read at you know i've said it that

22:17

said like they m

22:19

o g for mood model it's

22:22

a mood modifier it's it adds

22:24

context to what you're saying so how

22:26

do you read between the lines

22:29

when you only have had to go on

22:31

any don't really know that person yeah and their sense of

22:33

humor spend hours over

22:35

analyzing them with my grandma about

22:37

know i put a i agree with you

22:40

like i'm a most users mood modifiers

22:42

i feel like i should think about that

22:44

more but like even if you i'd

22:46

like to the crying laughing a mood year something

22:49

it's like something think like could still read dot

22:51

the runway a true or if someone

22:53

doesn't understand your sensibility they

22:55

could read sensibility they wrong way but then it makes me

22:57

wonder if you have that much trouble

23:00

communicating and they

23:02

don't like that sense of humor

23:04

and you then maybe that's a difficult

23:06

fits i found when i didn't my husband

23:09

he was just a terrible tax or like he just

23:12

thought he was just not good at taxing

23:14

and you know why there's still

23:16

a terrible text or to this day and

23:19

it doesn't matter of don't change but there's no

23:22

there's told that really put emphasis

23:24

on it like if they're not that it texting

23:26

it won't even go out on the date with them

23:28

you don't feel bad i had happened again

23:31

i held by the yeah happens all the

23:33

time i actually

23:35

was just talking about this in her seats

23:37

were always like ah i'd texas

23:40

guy and like if someone

23:42

like went someone like one day with that the right

23:44

responded to me like four days later

23:46

but with like six paragraph and i like that's

23:48

just weird i champion a relationship like that

23:51

and my services like i actually

23:53

think that better that he sat down and spent

23:55

the time to like formulate a good response

23:58

vs just like getting back to you in the mobile

23:59

if you had a planning you're trying to meet someone and

24:02

are like not responding a thought okay but like

24:04

this is your someone kind of like half heartedly

24:06

been like what's up like that doesn't

24:09

mean anything and i feel like we put so

24:11

much emphasis on like or digital relationship

24:14

matters a little bit but like i just

24:16

think the in person one matter so much more

24:18

it does i can tell you that from sixteen

24:21

years of marriage later say if it it

24:23

doesn't matter that he is not good

24:25

at taxing i have tried

24:27

to get him on board

24:29

with where you have grammar gail doing like

24:31

the like game just let me know you

24:33

saw it yeah like it so that

24:35

i know that like we're

24:37

having an exchange is it like if you

24:39

just read it and i'm like i don't know if

24:42

like if i'm like pick up the kids

24:45

mind and then i

24:48

need a little bit of the feedback loop of core

24:50

but it's but it's part of it like i used to say

24:52

scram a gala uses a tax thing is for informational

24:55

not conversation when i started coaching and i

24:57

still believe them but i i've had to modify

24:59

it because my really i so much a

25:01

part of our communication

25:04

culture the day after we can't

25:06

we can't ignore it yeah and you need some banter

25:08

otherwise like it's not fine like it needs to

25:10

be a little bit flirty overtaxed otherwise

25:12

like you could be taxing anybody you

25:15

could be taxing anybody i

25:17

feel like there's been a lot of stories about

25:20

you know catfish say and

25:22

and you know the tinder swindler and less some

25:25

kayla in all of these stories of

25:27

people who are not who they

25:29

say they are and

25:31

that's that's difference grama gail

25:33

from we know when you when

25:36

you were dating you know it wasn't

25:38

like you're meeting random strangers

25:40

you you are kind of a few degrees of of

25:43

that area and from or if

25:45

we it made it's a person we had a reference

25:48

they would be no way you'd go out with somebody

25:50

who somebody else did know it just wouldn't

25:52

happen and , still

25:55

unfortunately agree with that because

25:58

i feel more comfortable the

26:00

you know where somebody is from maybe

26:03

there are causing a relative somewhere

26:05

on the way you've touch base with somebody that knows

26:07

your day i think scary

26:10

and i think that's one of the hazards of

26:12

a online dating you don't really know

26:14

no the jews real picture you don't have it

26:16

to three

26:16

story ah there's so many

26:19

unscrupulous people out there

26:22

unfortunately today that you

26:24

have to be a little more careful and them

26:26

i'm sure the dating apps are doing the best they can

26:29

to screen but people are constantly

26:31

fools ah so i think

26:33

young men young women have to be ritual

26:36

and the wild west out there so how

26:38

are you how , you fixing this for

26:41

kim and for her love life or he if

26:43

is is missing anything for her

26:45

life she's as a good job on our own fortunately

26:47

i haven't been couch vanished ah

26:50

so i can't limit really comment it's

26:52

probably because i do do like old a good amount

26:54

of due diligence like of

26:57

usually it will cross

26:59

reference with all their social media selects

27:01

i'll look them up on instagram and

27:04

linked dad and facebook or ever to see

27:07

one is like their job is what they say it is

27:09

to who are mutual friends are

27:12

and if there's are lot of them fine if

27:14

there's one of them sometimes i will reach out

27:16

to like that one friend and say like hey how do you

27:18

know this person and like you think we would hit

27:20

it off once hit am like when hinge first launched

27:23

you know with all hinges on your facebook

27:26

can actually i and i had somebody

27:28

that i had date with someone that as

27:30

i only knew very

27:32

very casually but i was

27:34

laid i'll be honest

27:36

i i thought he was lake kinda

27:38

nerdy and and

27:41

, was really cool she's

27:43

a really cool lady and she was like do

27:45

you know this guy at i

27:47

at want to be like oh no

27:50

because who knows what people are into

27:52

and mind like my interpretation of i'm kind

27:54

of nerdy i mean like i i

27:56

married you know it

27:59

a bit of a nerd

28:00

myself zone idea what outside

28:02

it what to shoot it down but i was like i can't

28:04

say the negative about him but i can't

28:06

really leaving positive those it's like

28:09

gabriele you should go back

28:11

i didn't work out but i but i don't

28:13

want a the reason that it and right but

28:15

that is so hard says like and there's

28:18

some people were i i asked friends

28:20

the for and then after mike why did

28:22

you not tell me that like they

28:24

are like weird or whatever it is an

28:27

with but you know what because there's nothing really wrong with

28:29

them they might be weird for you with somebody

28:31

i will say would prefer thousand percent but

28:33

like my friends know me a why would

28:35

they not know that it wouldn't be a match

28:37

members because i think you have

28:40

to be a little open minded you never done well

28:42

i always am which is why like i do always you

28:44

can't trust one person's opinion is also they

28:46

could have bad taste like ,

28:49

yeah it is a slippery slope slope

28:51

a slippery slopes are i i

28:53

prepared a little game for us

28:55

to play so that i could get to know

28:58

you both a little bit better i've

29:00

never done this done the show before but

29:02

i think it'll be a lot of fun have you ever play the game

29:05

never have i ever have

29:07

a hammock yeah really i mean it's

29:10

so normally you'd it's like a drinking

29:12

game since you would be drinking if

29:14

you have done nothing but

29:17

instead since we are recording a podcast

29:19

and a lot of people are listening to the audio only

29:22

if you've done it you just say

29:25

me sicilia ,

29:27

so it's yeah exactly this is always that will give all

29:30

so confusing else is dimona

29:32

says something and you have done the

29:34

same to say be say yeah yeah

29:36

but you know your family gail a

29:38

third day of are going to find out some things that

29:40

are all of us are you ready oh my gosh shared

29:43

never have i ever will start

29:45

start small never have i ever

29:48

just on a first date

29:51

mean a dimona okay all three

29:54

of a sudden the a idea

29:56

actually my husband i kind of how to rule and

29:58

i kind of broke it

29:59

but

30:01

they kept her interesting so you usually would

30:03

never kiss on the first day or say

30:05

and then like what changed no

30:08

no usually i would come and

30:10

ah then i was like i

30:12

pray before i met my husband and are not be talk to

30:14

other sons excuse my grandma but i

30:16

was doing a dating plan for myself i called operation

30:19

date nice guys because i was trying to change

30:22

the kind of guys that i was

30:24

dating and so in my mind i was like a

30:26

nice guy would never tissue on the her

30:28

day and yet

30:31

the did and he isn't i yet i it in santa

30:33

think that sure i think like a nice guys

30:35

kiss on the first day ah

30:38

i just i don't like kissing on the

30:40

first state to the you don't know how

30:41

the other person feel like the person

30:44

is not initiate when they leave and no

30:46

but you know it daily lives i knew i

30:49

wasn't gonna lean in fact that so

30:51

wait until i've accepted a second date where you know

30:53

it's like a mutual like of the

30:56

good point that's a good point

30:58

eight inches surprise me it's surprise me

31:00

at then i was intrigued because he did seem

31:02

like the quintessential no sign and i was like swayed

31:04

do nice guys do this apparently they do other

31:07

here's another one never have i ever

31:10

more than kissing on our first date

31:13

now i be nice

31:16

in overdose

31:18

the

31:21

the and hard about yeah

31:23

, a know grandma yeah come

31:25

on spill the beans

31:27

now

31:28

okay i'll just me out of only

31:30

one home and our our oh

31:32

that's your set of that's usa disavow

31:35

usa disavow thing as minutes i've never

31:37

have i ever live with a man before

31:39

marriage

31:41

again it's just me as it

31:43

, this as i say we are out there

31:46

was actually was big point of contention

31:48

for my parents because we have been

31:50

exclusive we've been dating for like

31:52

three years and so i knew this was

31:55

coming but we actually grandma

31:57

gail you're gonna gail gonna say me i

31:59

can hours the i can already see i'm looking away

32:01

i can't really go away what is that

32:04

what you do

32:05

then he bought a house together before we

32:07

were and ah god

32:09

you need our pre nup lawyer my

32:13

, to the us as as

32:15

knew that we i knew that he was ring sobbing

32:18

and we've been talking about it we're building future

32:20

and i didn't not we were kind of just

32:23

for fun going to open houses

32:25

and i was not expecting to find

32:27

a house that i wanted and then

32:29

we found her dream house so he ended up proposing

32:32

the night of closing ah file

32:34

sharing q but it could have gone sideways

32:36

hundred automatic that it got a that

32:38

they loved him but they they wouldn't

32:41

talk to me to said the entire

32:43

month of closing okay have of this one

32:45

never have i ever been on

32:47

a completely blind date not

32:49

like an online date like an blind date where you

32:51

didn't

32:52

the know anything about

32:54

the person kind

32:56

like when you set me up a few

32:58

weeks ago i didn't have

33:01

in my , may sound the

33:03

blind date like i barely had either one

33:05

blurry photo does i guess that accounts

33:07

blind date un a blue ridge is going based

33:09

on the recommendation of graham again or hockley

33:12

exact yeah yeah yeah

33:14

guess i have to tell a

33:16

lie daves yeah i guess daves have

33:18

to that nobody that i really didn't know anything

33:20

about your friends that you are

33:23

now i think family for

33:25

you've been married now as then i think

33:27

i was obliged a nuclear it

33:29

it was a date i did know my the i

33:31

go to school with them yeah we

33:33

how did you meet tell us about it family

33:36

oh my yeah my uncle and his

33:38

father were in the navy together so

33:40

that was during the war a war two when they were

33:43

having an anniversary and them

33:45

they were at a party at their home and

33:47

they said they had a nice he ,

33:49

well i'm obliged to meet or and that's

33:51

how we met so it's basically a blind yeah

33:53

right right things that we

33:55

had no pitches to compare we

33:58

had nothing near nothing illustrates now

34:00

going on the recommend we went on family

34:02

recommendation wow that

34:04

is stepping out on fates i'm

34:06

never have i ever given out of fake

34:08

phone number

34:09

me

34:11

once a week do you do it

34:13

dissipates actually really million and my my friends

34:15

always like wanna you just give your correct number

34:17

the not response and then my friends

34:19

who really know me they're like because she would

34:21

feel like she has to respond because

34:23

i can not be mean to people want them actually

34:25

innocent like if you have my number i'll

34:28

probably end up like dating you for six

34:30

months because i to not so now so

34:32

i have to give up as a neighbor right up yeah

34:34

i can operate as having a little allowing is he

34:37

has an issue breaking i know i actually

34:39

thought you were going to say that you

34:41

hadn't because i find

34:43

that a lot of younger daters or they're like

34:46

nobody's even asking for phone numbers third

34:48

like they just are like what's your eyes he said

34:50

oh that but i ,

34:52

know why harder to give a fake id id

34:55

yard and luggage the my you have i i

34:58

mean maybe the right unless you have a sensor

35:00

but i think of her

35:03

yeah actually though there's less commitment would

35:05

say instagram because some i could follow you and

35:07

then dm you and then you could just be like i didn't the

35:10

through the diane's any time i'm

35:12

out they asked for my number not

35:14

like mans

35:16

the proper

35:17

what about you grandma i'll never

35:19

why we didn't have cell phones this

35:22

is we only have landline said nobody

35:24

had a watching thousand and nineteen sixty nine

35:26

when i graduated high school and let's do

35:28

one more never have

35:31

i ever

35:33

when in law

35:35

the

35:36

you've fallen in love or whether to say

35:38

though as a game

35:42

i mean if you've done is

35:44

oh me ah

35:47

i was in love i lotta times a lotta

35:49

lot and one lives long

35:51

as they're more that you want to tell us know

35:54

but no occurs those guys that silly as

35:56

i think most of them a dead

35:57

my

35:59

why as so

36:02

mine that listening to excuse

36:04

a gorilla talking with you do it

36:06

says like says like like i was my

36:08

own grandma and i know

36:11

i loved seeing how dating

36:13

has changed over from generation

36:16

to generation but how what

36:18

really see the same rate

36:20

communication and connection i feel like

36:22

that is ultimately what still

36:25

drives humans to this day together

36:28

we were all looking for love no matter if matter if

36:30

nineteen fifty nine or twenty twenty two right

36:32

thank you so much for joining me kim

36:35

and grandma gail you all

36:37

absolutely need to be following

36:39

excuse my grandma on instagram on

36:41

tik tok go to excuse my grandma

36:44

dot com and definitely definitely

36:46

listen to their podcast excuse my grandma the

36:48

links will be in the show notes in

36:50

a moment i will be back to answer

36:52

the following listener question i'm

36:55

afraid to share some personal info with

36:57

my match

36:58

what should i do

37:00

here's what i love of a doing the show i

37:02

love that you trust

37:04

me you trust me with your heart that

37:07

is really the most precious

37:10

gift that you can give me an wonderful

37:13

honor that i get to sit in the seats

37:15

and so that is what really feels me

37:17

to keep doing the show and keep giving

37:19

back and giving and slice and so

37:21

thank you for being here and thank you for

37:24

sending and so many questions i

37:26

love hearing your questions i love the united

37:29

giving me like the softball questions you're

37:31

really telling me what's happening what's

37:33

happening love life so with that

37:36

that out today's question

37:41

the motor help me this is an instagram message

37:43

from a listener named mathew matthew

37:45

says how do i approach my disability

37:48

and associated issues with someone i might

37:50

be romantically interested and i'm

37:52

currently single currently single

37:54

at once many years ago with

37:56

a solo wheelchair user and

37:58

we shared similar to the that since

38:01

we broke up i haven't dated anyone

38:03

or met up with anyone knew i

38:05

would love to be more approachable to women but

38:07

i have i have that once they know certain things

38:10

about me the think that i'm too

38:12

much for them i'm afraid the walk

38:14

away and i'll be left feeling rejected

38:17

and hurts and worried

38:19

and i won't ever find someone who loves

38:21

me for me

38:23

yeah matthew i don't

38:26

know all the details about your disability

38:29

and associated issues associated you say

38:31

but i have to say that i

38:33

can certainly relate and i'm sure a lot of listeners

38:36

can relate to the ceiling being

38:38

afraid to open up and be there

38:40

true self because

38:42

they're worried that they'll be rejected

38:44

or hurt or worried that they won't find

38:46

someone

38:47

who loves the authentic them

38:50

that is such a relay double situation

38:53

and i'm sure it's only amplified by your

38:55

disability but out bring

38:58

it back to something

39:00

that i say on the show time and time

39:02

again and why the tagline on my website

39:05

dimona often dot com that

39:07

love as you are because there's

39:09

one thing that's not really changeable

39:11

i mean we can weekend shifts

39:14

are behaviors we can sister thought

39:17

that a lot about us is

39:19

is not really going to change and

39:21

you certainly shouldn't even

39:24

for a second about changing yourself

39:27

in order to be more lovable more

39:29

the double less rejected

39:32

i know this because i've lived at mathew

39:34

you know as know as of a biracial

39:37

background not as any provisional

39:39

backer a black a jewish growing

39:41

up in the midwest

39:44

not easy and it certainly was not

39:46

the same as being a

39:48

wheelchair user or you

39:51

know navigating the disability that

39:53

you're living less but it definitely

39:56

made me feel others a lot of the time

39:58

and

40:00

it wasn't until i really leaned

40:02

into the things that made me me

40:04

and became more my authentic selves that

40:06

i was able to attract authentic

40:08

love

40:10

i have coached will care users and

40:12

folks with various disability before

40:15

on online the evening and again

40:17

i have to come back to the truth in

40:19

advertising i got another question

40:22

where someone asked about revealing

40:24

personal details on their dating

40:26

app that were like court details to

40:29

their

40:30

life in life circumstances and

40:32

they said

40:33

they said if i don't reveal that and i match

40:36

with someone a lot of times once we start talking

40:38

they're more open to it right

40:41

from what i've seen even

40:43

if someone can warm up to the idea

40:45

of

40:46

disability or having a kid

40:49

or

40:49

anything else that? maybe a block

40:52

for them i really see

40:54

that as an unnecessary challenge

40:56

for you to overcome in a relationship

40:58

a relationship much rather that you lead

41:01

unapologetically

41:01

everything

41:06

that

41:07

you unique

41:09

and if that means that your wheelchair user

41:12

that's just the thing that is and

41:14

his somebody is going to swipe

41:16

left on you because of that

41:19

then

41:19

that's on them that's not the person that

41:22

is really going to be able to show

41:24

lot for you and be there for you when the

41:26

times are getting

41:27

now does that mean that you want to put

41:30

everything in your bio

41:32

like and then i need somebody to

41:34

help me with this and this is what this looks

41:36

like know of course the specific

41:39

that revealed as someone

41:42

earns that information from you overtime

41:44

as you get to know them

41:46

and i know you've heard this before matthew

41:48

but you know you

41:50

are not limited that

41:52

chair

41:53

and

41:54

you are an us and you come

41:56

to the table so much to

41:58

offer if you operate from

42:00

that fear that once they know certain

42:02

things about you that they'll think

42:05

that you're too much because you were maybe

42:07

too much for somebody else that

42:10

wouldn't see past that if

42:13

you allow yourself to be limited then

42:16

it will prevent you from

42:18

approaching women it will prevent

42:20

you from

42:22

dating someone new n n

42:24

that narrative will start

42:26

to get

42:27

more deeply ingrained

42:29

the more that you repeat it and the

42:31

more that then those bullies

42:34

form your actions

42:35

the challenge matthew to think of all of the

42:37

ways that you are

42:40

a beautiful loving person and that

42:42

someone's life would be enhanced

42:44

by having you in it answer

42:47

really like repeat that yourself

42:49

almost as a mantra repeat it to

42:51

yourself before you go out before

42:54

you approach a while

42:55

before you even sleep

42:57

on online dating and know that

42:59

the

43:00

right person will

43:02

see all

43:03

that in you but you

43:05

can see it and you first

43:07

the project outward as well

43:10

thank you for your question the and

43:12

thank you all so much for listening

43:15

this is episode four hundred and twenty nine

43:17

updates in may i love

43:19

getting your feedback i got a fantastic

43:22

email from a listener name geneva you'll

43:25

have to hear this sincerely cause she she

43:27

like breaks it down

43:29

so check out what geneva had to say

43:31

she says dimona i wanted to thank you for

43:33

how much you and your sage advice of helps

43:36

me and in turn many of my friends

43:38

several people know i have reentered the world

43:40

of dating after years of marriage everything

43:43

about dating is different this time around and they

43:45

all feel lost i happened

43:47

to start dating a slight bit before them

43:49

so they've all come to me for advice and

43:51

i appointed every one of them to your podcast

43:54

and distilled some your top tips into a short

43:56

list for them i tell them to

43:58

one keadilan

43:59

either three to five massage

44:02

you create a list of the three to five

44:04

deal breakers three no

44:07

i think don't let a first day go on longer

44:09

than an hour and a half which usually means

44:11

no dinner and even have got

44:13

the and then for she says

44:15

give anyone who doesn't have their deal breakers

44:17

a three day chance to see if they hit it off

44:20

like geneva is i hear taking notes

44:22

and i also got a dm from rosie

44:24

who said she listens to my podcast

44:27

with a journal though

44:30

i knew the help you and support you

44:32

by the way the dating accelerator program officially

44:35

officially has begun but

44:37

actually it's not too late our first

44:39

classes on wednesday september twenty

44:42

first so you miss

44:44

the early bird you miss the regular bird

44:46

you can still get in the late bird

44:48

if you sign up before wednesday at the

44:51

dating secret dot com and

44:53

you'll get those tips but also

44:55

a lot more as my team and i help you

44:57

navigate

44:59

typically through each step

45:01

each dating loop each step of the dating process

45:04

so thank you for being here thanks for listening

45:06

and thank you so much geneva and rosie

45:08

and all the people who've taken the time to dm me

45:11

or send me their questions for the show

45:13

you can always reach out i'm on twitter

45:15

facebook and instagram at dimona hoffman

45:18

you can also text me your question at four

45:20

to four two four six six

45:22

to five five or leave me a voicemail

45:24

i love to hear your voice i love to

45:26

know which guests and topics you love and

45:29

i love to know what's on your mind in dating and

45:31

relationships next week

45:33

i have something have very exciting

45:36

on deck for you any indian

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matchmaking fans matchmaking the house yes

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the hit netflix show is

45:43

a personal obsession of mine and i'm

45:45

so excited that next tuesday i will

45:47

be back with naughty with jackass

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are of indian matchmaking season

45:51

one and season two until

45:54

then until wish you

45:56

happy dating