0:00

Steve welcomes Catherine Wolf to talk

0:02

with us about some treasure

0:04

in the dark. Now what could that be?

0:06

Call or text anytime this hour. (800) 555-7898.

0:11

Well, I've been looking forward to this conversation for a little

0:13

while now, because a lot of us have walked through

0:15

dark seasons of life where

0:17

you just, uh, feel like, what in the

0:19

world happened? How could God allow

0:21

this to be going on in my life? And everything

0:23

just feels so overwhelming, soul crushing.

0:26

And it is dark. But sometimes

0:28

in the midst of that, we see the

0:31

goodness and the grace of God even in

0:33

that. But how? Well

0:35

we're going to spend some time talking about that throughout

0:37

this hour with Catherine, Wolf and

0:39

Catherine, I want to kind of start with your

0:41

story, because it's a story that starts

0:44

really well. I mean,

0:46

you're young, you're married, you're healthy.

0:49

Uh, you've got a new little baby boy. Life

0:51

is looking up for you. Everything is going

0:53

really well. And then in April

0:55

of 2008, huge,

0:58

huge curveball. It kind

1:00

of talk about, uh, that that time of your life.

1:02

Yeah. I was completely

1:05

able bodied with no

1:07

health issues, no medical

1:09

issues, no prior conditions,

1:12

nothing out of absolutely nowhere.

1:14

As a typically abled

1:17

young mother, new wife,

1:19

I had a massive brainstem

1:22

stroke and very nearly died.

1:25

It was caused by a brain

1:28

bleed, which was a birth

1:30

defect. An AVM, an arterial

1:33

venous malformation, ruptured

1:36

in my brainstem and caused

1:38

the massive stroke, which

1:40

left me extremely impaired,

1:43

as I largely remain

1:46

today with pretty significant

1:48

physical disabilities.

1:50

And, um, and yet,

1:52

of course, I lived.

1:54

Yeah. And, um, have

1:57

been on a journey of recovering

1:59

for the past 16 years.

2:02

Wow. Well, it's a compelling

2:04

story, and we're going to continue to unpack

2:06

that throughout this hour here.

2:08

But, uh, as you

2:10

think about how life

2:12

changed in that day, you

2:14

know, it was 40 days in the ICU and

2:17

you had to learn to do pretty much everything

2:19

all over again, from walking

2:21

and talking and swallowing and all the

2:23

things. Do you remember

2:25

your initial kind of thoughts

2:28

when you realized, oh man, this

2:30

is this is not a little blip on the radar screen,

2:32

like, this is life altering serious?

2:35

Well, well, for the first two

2:37

and a half months, I have no

2:39

memory whatsoever. I,

2:42

um, it was as if I took a little

2:44

nap and woke up months later,

2:46

so I have no memory.

2:49

And I was unconscious. Basically,

2:52

when I did start to begin

2:54

to wake up, I

2:57

just couldn't understand. I couldn't

2:59

wrap my mind around what had happened.

3:01

None of it made sense. I was a

3:03

perfectly healthy, quote unquote

3:06

26 year old new mom.

3:08

And then now I couldn't even

3:10

lift up my head. I couldn't

3:12

swallow food, I couldn't speak,

3:15

um, you know, everything was so impaired.

3:17

And as you can see.

3:19

But the listener may not able to see

3:22

half of my face is paralyzed.

3:24

And all I knew at the time

3:26

is that it was fully numb on one

3:28

side of my face, and I

3:31

couldn't hear out of one ear or

3:33

see out of one eye. But I

3:35

didn't understand at all what had happened.

3:37

Yeah.

3:37

As you began to

3:40

grasp the fact that this was

3:42

not just, uh, a

3:44

small thing like this was going to be

3:46

life altering, life changing.

3:49

Um, where

3:51

where was kind of your headspace at that point in time? Because,

3:53

I mean, not only were you a young mom, but you

3:55

were an actress, you were a model. You were

3:58

having all these opportunities

4:00

for, you know, and this

4:02

just throws the brakes on all that and not only just

4:05

stops that, but it changes

4:07

the direction of your life so, so drastically.

4:10

How long did it take for you to begin to realize

4:13

that this is like

4:15

life is never going to be the same?

4:18

Right. Well, I, I, I

4:20

think since my situation

4:23

was so awful,

4:25

it there wasn't really room

4:27

for processing what the future

4:29

would hold yet. Um, which

4:31

I count as actually a gift

4:33

in that season is that I

4:35

was relearning to eat food,

4:38

so I wasn't really concerned about

4:40

what ten years out looked like yet, so

4:42

that that would come later

4:44

as I would begin to process.

4:47

Um, this story and what God

4:49

could be doing through this

4:51

messed up situation.

4:54

Um, but early on it was, you know, relearning

4:57

basic function, which there is a,

4:59

a gift of clarity,

5:01

I believe in really extreme

5:04

emergent situations is,

5:07

um, you just do the next right

5:09

thing to learn to do the thing again.

5:12

Yeah.

5:12

Well, you mentioned what what God could be

5:14

doing through this in your life. What

5:16

was your relationship with God like

5:18

before April of 2008?

5:21

Yeah, thankfully I

5:24

had walked with the Lord for my entire

5:26

life. I received Christ as a four

5:28

year old and was raised

5:30

in a Christian home, and nothing

5:33

was ever perfect. No, no no.

5:35

But I, um, I understood

5:38

the deep truths of Jesus

5:40

and knew the scriptures.

5:43

And thankfully I'd gone to Christian

5:45

college Christian camp. Growing

5:48

up, I really was immersed

5:50

in the truth of Christ

5:52

from an early age, which dramatically

5:54

impacted my response.

5:56

Well, we're going to continue the conversation

5:58

with Catherine throughout this hour. Maybe you've got a question

6:00

or comment. Feel free to text in this morning.

6:03

(800) 555-7898.

6:06

That's (800) 555-7898.

6:10

As we continue to talk about treasures

6:12

in the dark, what are the lessons, the good

6:14

things about God that Catherine learned through her

6:16

journey? We're going to continue to unpack

6:19

that throughout the hour, so certainly stay

6:21

with us again. The name of the book, treasures

6:23

in the dark 90 Reflections on Finding Bright

6:25

Hope in The Hidden of the hurting.

6:28

Well, Catherine Wolf is with us. Uh, she's written

6:30

the book treasures in the dark, and

6:32

you were kind of thrust into the season of darkness.

6:34

Catherine, after this life altering,

6:37

massive brain stem stroke that

6:39

totally upended life back in 2008.

6:42

And as you said, the first two

6:44

plus months, really no recollection

6:47

so much of that, uh, unconscious. But as you began

6:49

to realize, life had changed and

6:51

you were a believer before this happened.

6:54

But as you begin to realize how

6:56

much life had changed and

6:58

that it was not going to go back to the way

7:00

it was before, did that

7:02

impact the way that you viewed God?

7:04

Did that change your relationship with him in any way?

7:07

Yes, absolutely. Um,

7:09

before the stroke,

7:12

I think I misidentified,

7:15

uh, wonderful, charmed

7:17

life with not a lot of pain

7:20

or hard things in it as

7:22

a blessed life. And

7:24

that was a definite misidentification,

7:28

because that's just simply not

7:30

the truth. As we read the

7:32

Word of God, that blessing has nothing

7:34

to do with, um,

7:36

the physical circumstances

7:38

of your life. And I think

7:41

I learned and understood that

7:43

so deeply after the stroke, that

7:45

the truly good things

7:47

of God are not in the physical

7:50

world at all, and nuts can never be

7:52

taken away, as it says

7:54

in Psalm 8411, that he withholds

7:56

no good thing. And

7:58

I learned that, um, you

8:01

know, in a hard way for sure,

8:03

but in a very profound and beautiful way

8:05

that God is

8:07

with me. The joy of the Lord

8:09

can be with me, because

8:11

it is already inside of me

8:14

and can never be taken away. And

8:16

um, yeah, I understood that

8:18

in a new way.

8:19

I'm sure you did. But I would imagine that had

8:21

to have been a process, because. And

8:23

maybe I'm put trying to put myself in your shoes here,

8:26

but I would think, all right, God, you have given

8:28

me this quote unquote blessed life,

8:30

as you said, you had misidentified that

8:33

it's everything is looking

8:35

good right now, and you have just

8:37

changed my life so drastically,

8:39

Lord. Or at least you've allowed it to be changed

8:41

so drastically, uh, that

8:44

I feel like I'm maybe

8:46

angry, uh, disappointed. Scared.

8:48

Wondering if I can still trust

8:50

you. I mean, were you wrestling through

8:53

some of those feelings and emotions?

8:55

Uh, absolutely. I wrestled through

8:57

all those emotions and so

8:59

many more. I would say during the first

9:02

five years, actually, after

9:04

the stroke, there was a lot of

9:06

soul searching and

9:08

wondering if I'm going to be able

9:11

to live this way. And definitely,

9:13

um, some anger at

9:15

God, I thought that. Um,

9:18

he left me in this state.

9:20

And that

9:23

that anger, that sadness,

9:26

um, dissipated dramatically

9:28

after about the first five years.

9:30

And I woke up to the reality

9:33

that this is the only

9:35

life I have to live, so

9:37

I might as well live it

9:39

really well. And

9:42

for some reason, I

9:44

believe God called me to this

9:46

life, this story. So

9:49

instead of all of the what ifs

9:51

or what if this were different? Or what if

9:54

I choose to see and say

9:56

what is what is

9:59

in the story instead of what

10:01

if, what if? And wake

10:03

up to what is right

10:05

in front of me? You know, we have a terrible,

10:08

um, desire to

10:11

constantly live on the what

10:13

if loop of life. What if this happens?

10:15

What if that what if this does or doesn't? What

10:17

if I would have done this and

10:20

hope is the escape hatch

10:23

honestly, off the what if

10:25

loop? Because hope gives us

10:27

permission to live our actual

10:30

lives right in front of us.

10:31

I love that thinking of hope as

10:33

that escape hatch. What a great picture.

10:36

Um, and we're going to come back and talk a lot more

10:38

about hope in just a moment. But before we do, how

10:40

important was taking

10:42

the time to acknowledge what had happened,

10:45

to express those feelings, that emotion,

10:47

maybe even to tell God you were mad at him and to take

10:49

time to grieve.

10:50

Absolutely. Very important.

10:53

You know, so many times I think

10:55

we see the good Christian

10:57

way is to just grin and bear it and

10:59

move on, instead of really taking

11:01

time to deeply lament

11:04

what has been taken.

11:06

And the reality

11:08

is, before we can get

11:10

to the true processing

11:13

of the story, we have to

11:15

grieve what is gone. We have to let

11:17

our own story. We break

11:19

our own heart.

11:21

Yeah, well, Catherine Wolf,

11:23

with us. We're going to continue to talk about that

11:25

throughout this hour. But she's written a book

11:27

entitled treasures in the dark.

11:29

And if you've got a question or comment, feel free

11:31

to call or text this morning. (800) 555-7898.

11:37

You know, sometimes life is moving along pretty

11:39

well, and then a major, major curveball

11:41

enters our life. That was the story of Catherine

11:43

Wolf, actress and model. She

11:45

was a mom and wife.

11:48

And back in 2008, this

11:50

life altering brain stem stroke

11:52

that almost killed her. And, uh, two and a half

11:54

months, basically of being

11:57

unconscious and then having to learn how to

11:59

do life all over again, walk, talk, swallow

12:01

all of those things. And,

12:03

uh, even in the midst of that dark season,

12:05

Catherine, you said you wrestled with God,

12:08

but you held on to him,

12:10

held on to your faith, and you've written about

12:12

some of the things you've learned in that season. And treasures

12:14

in the dark is this name of the 90 day devotional

12:17

book and more information about that at Hope

12:19

heals. Com but Catherine,

12:22

uh, the name of your ministry

12:24

in the website and everything, and

12:26

you're talking about hope just a few moments ago.

12:29

Hope heals. I think

12:31

sometimes we don't necessarily, uh, you know,

12:34

put the, the, the concept

12:36

together of out of this

12:38

incredible season of darkness.

12:41

Um, I began to find hope. And that led

12:43

to healing. How did that kind of play out in

12:46

your life?

12:47

Yeah, actually, the the

12:49

phrasing Hope heals

12:51

came to me in the bathtub

12:54

one day that I, I just

12:56

kind of out of nowhere, which I guess

12:58

is how the Lord works sometimes

13:01

in your brain. I just woke

13:03

up to, oh, gosh, that's what this

13:05

is. This is Hope heals. Hope is

13:08

healing my broken heart because

13:10

the deepest healing we

13:13

all need, it's never physical, but

13:15

spiritual healing is to

13:17

know we're not alone in our

13:19

pain and to know

13:21

that God is there with

13:23

us, taking care of us,

13:26

and healing our broken hearts.

13:28

And, um, he has

13:30

been. And so Hope heals was

13:32

the natural name.

13:34

Yeah. And so as

13:36

you began to

13:39

recognize the hope that was found

13:41

in Christ in your circumstances,

13:44

what did that healing begin to, to look

13:46

like for you? Like, how would you, as you

13:48

reflect back on the past number of years, how would

13:50

you say that God has really been

13:52

healing you? Because as you say, you're still

13:54

dealing with the physical

13:56

ramifications of the stroke?

13:59

Uh oh, absolutely. Since

14:01

the stroke, I've had 13

14:04

major surgeries and

14:06

many just

14:08

horrible, um, falls.

14:10

I've broken several bones. I've

14:13

torn my ACL.

14:15

I have just had a lot. More

14:18

physical suffering.

14:20

And yet, even from

14:23

the just

14:25

hard stuff, after the

14:27

initial hard stuff, I

14:29

tuned in to

14:32

the fact that God would

14:34

never leave. He never

14:36

left. Even on the worst day. He was

14:39

always there, always will be there.

14:41

So I. I wasn't as

14:43

afraid, um, because

14:45

I knew too much, you know.

14:47

Yeah, I knew I anticipate him showing

14:50

up in the future because he'd been

14:52

in the past.

14:53

Was there an element of,

14:55

you know, kind of having to, in a sense,

14:58

retrain your thinking in that

15:00

way?

15:01

Oh, absolutely. I believe

15:03

so deeply. That's what we must all

15:05

do. We must redefine

15:08

how we understand everything

15:10

in our lives in order to

15:12

survive anything in our

15:14

lives. I think there is such

15:17

a need to flip the script

15:19

to just align

15:21

our lives with the upside down kingdom

15:24

of God and see

15:26

things differently, reframing

15:28

everything.

15:30

And so what did that look like

15:32

for you personally to

15:34

reframe your thinking?

15:37

Right. Um, well, goodness,

15:39

there would be so many examples.

15:41

But one is that

15:44

instead of feeling like this,

15:46

just victim relegated

15:49

to this horrible story,

15:51

and this is just the worst thing that ever happened

15:54

to anybody I

15:56

started to wake up

15:58

to, no, no, this is actually

16:00

God setting me apart.

16:03

This is God choosing me

16:05

to live differently. And

16:07

instead of feeling cursed by

16:09

God, I felt chosen

16:12

by God and still do. And that

16:14

would be a very

16:16

clear example of dramatic reframing

16:19

redefining the situation.

16:22

Henry is texting in this Morning from

16:24

Middle Tennessee, asking about

16:26

friends and saying how important,

16:29

um, Catherine, were your friends during this

16:31

time? Did they rally behind you? Were they

16:33

important in your recovery at all?

16:35

Absolutely. And I think

16:38

it's very important to say that not

16:40

everybody, not not

16:42

all your friends or family,

16:44

for that matter, can handle

16:46

deep, dark tragedy.

16:49

Um, I pray some

16:51

stay in heart

16:53

stories, but some cannot. Some

16:55

are not capable of

16:58

sitting in the heart and staying,

17:00

being present for the

17:02

the worst day of other people's lives.

17:05

But yeah, it's incredibly important.

17:07

I found the body of Christ, um,

17:09

really came around me and didn't let

17:11

go throughout my entire ordeal.

17:14

Well, we're talking with Catherine

17:16

Wolf this morning about treasures

17:18

in the dark 90 Reflections on

17:20

Finding Bright Hope hidden in

17:22

the hurting. She's written a devotional

17:25

book about that. And, uh, more information at

17:27

Hope heals. Com

17:29

God has brought some pretty incredible things

17:31

out of your suffering, and as you've clung

17:34

to him as your hope, giving you a platform

17:36

and a ministry. And we're going to talk a little bit about that

17:38

coming up in a few moments. And

17:41

we're joined this hour by Catherine Wolf.

17:43

She has written the book treasures in the dark

17:45

90 Reflections on Finding Bright

17:47

Hope, hidden in the

17:49

hurting. And Catherine, as you've been talking about finding

17:52

hope even in the midst of the suffering

17:54

and the life changing stroke, that

17:56

brainstem stroke that you suffered back in 2008

17:59

after as you wrestled with God through all

18:01

that, you began to know him and experience

18:03

him in a different way than you ever did before.

18:05

And out of that has come opportunity

18:08

for ministry. Um, he

18:10

has, I would imagine you never

18:12

imagined the platforms and the opportunities

18:15

that he has given you today.

18:17

Um, you travel around the country,

18:20

you share your story, you speak,

18:22

you have, uh, camps that you run

18:24

back in 2017, started the

18:26

Hope heals camp. Um, tell

18:29

us a little bit more about that camp and what the

18:31

goal is with that.

18:32

Yeah, yeah, that's.

18:35

Precious camp, which you should

18:37

all come to if you're listening

18:39

and volunteer at, is just

18:41

a sacred space where

18:43

we invite families, where someone

18:45

has a disability to

18:47

all come for totally free

18:50

to a retreat like

18:52

week of just a camp experience

18:55

and just a recharge

18:57

respite, um, just

19:00

very unique opportunity for

19:02

a family that may not otherwise go

19:04

on vacation.

19:05

Yeah. Oh, I love the fact that you

19:07

do that. We've got some friends in our Sunday

19:09

school class who have done

19:12

that. And they they talked about

19:14

the fact that this is something that they never

19:16

get to do. And the fact

19:18

that given the opportunity to do that

19:20

was just so life giving,

19:23

uh, for the family there. Another

19:26

thing that you're doing to,

19:28

uh, give life and help and

19:30

hope is, uh, a brand new coffee

19:32

shop. You guys just opened up. What's going

19:34

on there?

19:35

Right?

19:36

Yeah, we opened kind

19:38

of a brick and mortar manifestation

19:41

of this summer camp right here in

19:43

Atlanta. It's called mend

19:45

m e n d Coffee

19:47

and Goods. It's in Buckhead, and

19:50

we are just

19:52

creating a space of belonging

19:55

and belovedness for our friends

19:57

affected by disability, by both

20:00

employing people with

20:02

disabilities and providing

20:04

a universally designed space

20:07

where it's very accessible

20:09

for people of all abilities to be

20:11

in.

20:12

You know, we were just talking

20:14

a moment ago about off air about the

20:16

fact that those with disability

20:18

can often find themselves potentially very

20:20

isolated. And with the

20:22

camp, with this coffee shop mend.

20:25

Um, how are you? You know, I

20:27

know part of your goal is to address that. So what

20:29

are you hoping to do with that?

20:31

Yes, absolutely. That is a huge

20:33

goal. And one thing that I believe

20:36

the Lord left me on this earth

20:38

to do was to really champion,

20:40

um, this issue, that people

20:42

with disabilities are

20:45

super isolated

20:47

and alienated from the world and

20:49

need, um, so

20:51

many things that this coffee shop can

20:53

provide. They need meaningful employment.

20:56

They need to earn a livable wage,

20:59

for sure, but they also need

21:01

a place to belong and to be known

21:04

and to be valued and given the

21:06

dignity of work and,

21:08

um, of socializing,

21:11

of being able to, um,

21:13

see people and know people

21:15

and talk to people. And that unfortunate

21:18

is not available so many times when there's

21:20

disability.

21:21

Well, I love the fact that you've recognized

21:24

that and are showing up and and doing

21:26

that. And if you want to find out more about

21:28

what Catherine and, uh, hope

21:31

heels is doing, go check out the website. It is Hope

21:33

heals.com. More information there as well

21:36

about treasures in the dark. But

21:38

Catherine, you've you've recognized

21:40

these potential opportunities for ministry.

21:43

And you've stepped into that space.

21:45

And I'm sure that there's got to be at least an

21:47

element, uh, every once in a while,

21:49

like, Lord, really? Uh,

21:51

you want me to step up? You want me to step

21:53

into this? Um, you

21:55

know, I, I think sometimes

21:58

whether we're able bodied or we

22:00

have a disability, there's that. I'm

22:02

kind of scared to step out and

22:04

to take that kind of risk. How have you

22:06

learned, even with the

22:08

challenges that God has allowed you to walk

22:10

through in the face, how have you learned to keep showing up?

22:13

Oh good question. I,

22:16

I think it's all about

22:18

wrapping our minds about the

22:20

fact that we have everything

22:22

we need already and have been

22:24

already equipped to do

22:26

the good work in front of us, that God's

22:29

given us everything

22:31

we need. He will supply every

22:33

need we have. His divine

22:35

power proves that

22:38

we can show up, and we've got

22:40

everything inside of us to do the hard work

22:42

in front of us.

22:43

Um, Catherine Wolf with us.

22:45

She's written the book treasures

22:48

in the dark, and

22:50

it's, uh, 90 Reflections on Finding

22:52

Bright Hope hidden in the

22:54

hurting. More information about that,

22:56

as well as, uh, other ministries

22:58

that she's involved in. When you check out

23:01

the website, it is Hope heals.

23:03

Com that's Hope

23:05

heals.com.