0:00

Just because a person is popular

0:05

or famous don't

0:07

mean they know what they talking about.

0:10

That's a fact, because the fact that people still

0:13

refer to us as a celebrity. I'm a

0:15

regular old girl, fast round

0:17

the way facts, and I don't

0:19

necessarily care to hear what everybody gotta say about everything

0:21

anyway, dead ass thats

0:25

hey. I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout, and

0:27

we're the Ellis's.

0:29

You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

0:32

Voys and reading each other publicly

0:34

as a form of therapy.

0:36

Wait, I make you need therapy most days.

0:39

Wow.

0:40

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married,

0:42

Yes.

0:42

Sir, we are.

0:43

We created this podcast to open dialogue

0:46

about some of Li's most taboo topics.

0:48

Things most folks don't want

0:50

to talk about.

0:50

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead

0:53

ass is a term that we say every day. So

0:55

when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

0:58

one hundred, the truth, the whole truth,

1:01

and nothing but the truth. Were about to take philosof

1:03

to our whole new level.

1:07

Dead ass starts right now.

1:10

Okay, story time, So I'm gonna take

1:12

y'all back to twenty

1:15

twenty

1:18

was done.

1:20

That was the year. Boy, that was Yeah, I'm glad,

1:23

but.

1:25

We were going through a lot as

1:27

a as a community of people. And

1:30

I remember how these things happened, right

1:33

and in order. Kobe Bryant,

1:35

God Rest, his soul had passed away, literally

1:37

in our backyard.

1:38

We were living off.

1:39

Off of Los Virgines in Calabasas,

1:42

and it was foggy and Kobe Bryant had passed

1:44

away. Jackson was going to

1:46

the Mamba Academy two

1:48

times a week when we first moved to La

1:51

and he couldn't wait to meet Kobe. That

1:53

happened two weeks later, Pop

1:57

Smoke from Brooklyn, our

2:00

community from Kanaski gets murdered in

2:03

La. It was like two weeks that that.

2:05

Then George Floyd happened, and

2:09

I remember Jackson asking

2:11

me. Jackson's saying to me, man, everybody's

2:13

just dying. Right after

2:16

that happened with George Floyd, we were also dealing

2:19

with the pandemic.

2:21

Forget March.

2:22

It was just it was it was it was everything

2:25

was happening at the same time, and

2:29

it was a lot kids my Virtually we were out of school and

2:32

I remember at one point I had I

2:34

was making posts, but then I had put my phone

2:36

down because Jackson was really struggling with the fact

2:38

that everybody was dying. He was asking

2:40

me the NBA had went

2:43

on a break, and

2:45

then when they came back, he was asking

2:47

me a bunch of questions like why keep everyone keeps saying

2:49

black lives matter and black lives matter. So I was focused

2:52

predominantly on making sure that my son

2:54

understood what was going on. And I hadn't

2:56

been on social media for like six or seven days,

2:59

and I came back on social media, and

3:01

I've seen a whole bunch of text messages, a

3:04

whole bunch of dms from and taxed

3:06

people saying Deval

3:09

doesn't care. He hasn't said anything

3:11

about what happened with George Floyd. And

3:15

people were saying, Oh, this is why I don't funck with y'all.

3:17

No more, y'all got to Hollywood, j I don't care about

3:19

the.

3:19

People in the community.

3:21

And at first I was I

3:24

was taken back. I was pissed because

3:26

at first, I let what the fuck y'all talking about? Like you

3:29

and I have always spoken up and talked about

3:31

things that matter, especially within the community.

3:33

But then and another part of me

3:36

was just like, man, fuck

3:38

y'all because I was worried about my son,

3:40

my family, like real

3:43

life, like the social media.

3:44

Is not a real place.

3:49

Like me not choosing to make a

3:51

statement had nothing to do with me deliberately

3:53

deciding that I wasn't saying anything, but

3:56

had everything to do with the fact that way we're virtual

3:58

learning.

3:59

We just moved to La. You

4:01

know, two people that Jackson.

4:03

Like looked up to, who were kind of like his little

4:05

idols at the time, him being eight years old, had

4:07

passed away.

4:08

I was concerned about.

4:12

His mental health, you know, and not for nothing.

4:15

It was it was this bad.

4:17

He was reading Charlotte's Web at the time and

4:21

remember, oh remember

4:23

Charlotte had died, and he

4:25

broke down because it was like everybody keeps

4:28

dying. These were the things that were really going

4:30

on in our life at the time, and no one outside

4:33

of our family cared it all. Some

4:35

of most of these people were nice

4:37

people, but some of the comments were just like y'all, don't

4:39

care, y'all just turn your back on.

4:41

The community, they say.

4:43

I'm like, and I was like, damn, like

4:45

that's how y'all feel, and that shit

4:47

really pissed me off.

4:48

Me too, because you know I'm quick to be like, we ain't

4:50

doing the shit, no mo, because I didn't want to start doing

4:53

it no how anyway.

4:56

So for karaoke, I'm

5:00

going to sing this little

5:02

one part of the song because it has a part

5:04

that I like but also has.

5:05

My city in it.

5:06

I came up with it, you did, so you want to start,

5:08

You want me to start, want me to start?

5:10

Good?

5:10

Good, go ahead, start spreading

5:13

the news because.

5:14

That's what they want you to do on social media.

5:16

Child, I'm leaving today.

5:19

And we was ready to pack our bags and leave social media.

5:21

Want to be a part

5:23

of it.

5:24

It, did not want to be a part.

5:25

Of New York, New York.

5:29

Big up New York every time, baby every

5:31

time.

5:31

That's the only reason why I agreed to sing that part of the song

5:34

was because Yeah, Kadeen brought

5:36

up the New York, New York per I did.

5:38

And it's like spreading the news because what news

5:40

goes like wildfire on social media, whether

5:42

you like it to or not. What do they say is the span the

5:45

lifespan of like anything that comes out on

5:47

social media, like seventy two hours, seventy two

5:49

hours and then people forget.

5:50

About two hours and they forget about it.

5:51

But there's some things that drag. Child, there's some things

5:53

that drag, and we are held against our will,

5:56

and unfortunately things

5:58

just keep going and going and going.

6:00

Let's pay some bills, Yeah,

6:02

all right, let's pay some bills. Let's come back, and let's

6:04

let's discuss celebrity decorum.

6:07

When is the right time to say something or not

6:09

say something? Platform are

6:11

we, as people supposed

6:14

to feel about celebrities choosing

6:16

to or not to say something?

6:18

Right and thereafter judging? Yes,

6:20

we'll be back, y'all. So

6:26

back to the story of time.

6:28

So I just I want to say this, and I want to preface

6:30

this by saying this.

6:31

Kadeena and I often say that we don't feel

6:33

like we're celebrities because we honestly don't.

6:36

Until the goes to court and then it's thrown

6:38

out of court, right

6:40

right, did y'all catch that's the

6:42

Instagram story?

6:43

Yes?

6:44

All right, because people wanted photographs

6:47

while I was actually in court.

6:48

You're not supposed to your phones.

6:50

Ordering the court order in the court.

6:52

But I

6:54

do have empathy for both

6:57

sides, and I want to discuss

7:00

both sides being that people

7:02

have said devout. Okay, it's past

7:05

the point if you're saying you're no longer celebrity. People recognize

7:07

you, people know who you are. I'm on two

7:09

number one shows on television. I have a huge

7:12

following on social media.

7:14

My wife has a huge following on social media.

7:16

So I'll receive that title.

7:19

I'll receive it, thank you, y'all.

7:22

I'm not ecstatic about it.

7:23

I'm not elated about it, in

7:27

part because I feel like social media has

7:29

changed the way I view celebrities.

7:31

This is just me personally, yeah, same,

7:33

the same, I share the same sentiment.

7:35

For example, when we were growing up, in

7:37

order to be a celebrity, you've had to

7:40

have accomplished something substantial

7:43

in order for people to recognize you as someone

7:46

who needs to be celebrated.

7:47

Absolutely, And what I appreciated

7:49

in the in our in our

7:52

day, back in our day, sounds so old now,

7:54

but what I appreciated at that time, pre social

7:56

media was almost like the mystique

7:59

that some celebtbrities had when it came to

8:01

their personal life or it came to their personal

8:03

views. It's like you didn't necessarily know, or have

8:05

access to, or expect for them

8:07

to always speak on everything

8:10

that was happening in the world, because,

8:12

let's face it, now requiring

8:14

or wanting folks who have a platform,

8:17

or who have celebrity or who have a following

8:20

to have to say something about every single

8:22

thing that pops up. You may not be qualified

8:24

to speak on it.

8:25

Nor may may not most most

8:27

of most celebrities are not qualified

8:29

to speak on the things that they speak on.

8:31

And personally, I don't care to hear about

8:34

it, but I do think there's a contingent of people on

8:36

social media who just look to see who is

8:38

going to post about.

8:39

What, absolutely when there's a cause.

8:41

Absolutely, because this is

8:44

just a truth. This is not me making this up. The

8:46

truth of the matter is is that in

8:49

recent times, you can become popular

8:51

or a celebrity for literally doing nothing.

8:53

Right.

8:54

There are people on social media who

8:56

became famous for reposting fight

8:58

videos right right, So now

9:00

they're considered a celebrity. They have four or five

9:03

million viewers or followers, and

9:05

they're considered a celebrity. So now when

9:07

things happen, the people who follow them are saying,

9:09

are you going to speak.

9:10

Up on this?

9:11

I don't care what a person who posts

9:13

fight videos for a living has

9:16

to say about politics, right,

9:18

you know.

9:18

What I'm saying, It's not to me.

9:20

There's no value in that voice

9:23

because realistically their celebrity.

9:25

What have they accomplished to be considered a celebrity?

9:28

And that goes back to why I or

9:30

you don't feel like we're celebrities. We feel

9:32

like we're continuously growing our

9:34

brand now being a Number one

9:37

show, being a New York Times bestseller, having

9:39

a Webby Award winning podcast. We

9:41

have accomplished things now to where we can receive,

9:44

you know, we can receive those compliments of being

9:46

considered a celebrity now now

9:49

in twenty twenty three, in the most humble way possible.

9:51

In the most But in twenty twenty I did not feel that way.

9:53

At the time, Sisters

9:56

was not Number one's, the teama didn't exist, we

9:58

didn't win our Webby Award until middle of

10:00

twenty twenty, and we hadn't

10:02

written the book written the book yet. So at

10:05

the time I just felt like we were a popular couple who made

10:07

videos. So when it came

10:09

time for me to focus

10:11

on my son and my

10:14

wife, who you were struggling dealing with

10:16

the fact that you have a family of black

10:19

men, three black men. You have a

10:21

brother, a dad, you have uncles,

10:24

you have a step father, but you have a

10:26

father in law, you have a brother in law. You were

10:28

concerned about what was happening in the world at the

10:30

time. We weren't focused

10:32

on social media. So to come back

10:34

and to be attacked by certain

10:36

people, not everyone, attacked by certain

10:39

people for not making a statement or

10:41

not even being able to give a chance to

10:43

make a proper statement, really

10:46

bothered me.

10:47

And there were two things.

10:49

The first thing I was going to do was be like, man, fuck y'all,

10:51

I'll say what I want and you know, go into my

10:54

Brooklyn petty bag. But

10:56

then part of me was like, you know what, you have a responsibility.

11:00

You've amassed this following. You

11:02

do have a responsibility to let

11:04

people know how you feel about something,

11:07

if you choose to devow, if

11:10

you choose to like you, if you choose to

11:12

tell people, you have that responsibility to

11:15

be clear and concise with your feelings. You

11:17

can't say something rambunctious and just so

11:20

after settling for a couple of days and you and I

11:22

talking about it, I started to just

11:25

be serious and real about

11:27

how I felt and just spoke from a humane

11:30

place. And even in speaking

11:32

from a humane place, my

11:35

opinions about things during twenty

11:37

twenty were picked apart.

11:39

Oh for sure, because why they're

11:41

looking for you to take a side. I think that's ultimately

11:43

what a lot of people look too, is

11:46

for you to take a side. And then when

11:48

you do or do not take a side. So

11:50

if you take a side, right, then the side

11:52

that you don't take is like the enemy. You're the

11:54

enemy, yes, And then if you make a statement

11:57

that is for humanity or for you know,

11:59

because you're not taking a stand,

12:01

you're taking a stance, So your opinion is going to be picked

12:03

apart regardless.

12:05

Well, there's a reason why, and I think people need to understand

12:07

this. This is what celebrities go through. Right,

12:11

when you are a popular person

12:13

or a person that is celebrated by people,

12:16

the people who are celebrating you typically believe

12:18

that they are the ones celebrating you, not

12:20

realizing that you are being celebrated by a

12:22

diaspora of people.

12:24

Right. Take dead ass podcasts.

12:26

The people who listen to dead ass podcasts may

12:28

think we are only listened to by

12:30

black millennials, heterosexual

12:34

black millennials. Right, because

12:36

that's what we are, because that's what we are, that's what they

12:38

feel, that's what they represent. No, our

12:40

audience is homosexual, trans

12:44

gen Z. We also have some

12:47

gen X. We have older people who are

12:49

fifty saving. They're not all

12:51

black. We have we have white

12:54

Asian, Indian, Hispanic,

12:58

or Latino, Latin ext it's the correct

13:00

he Also, we have

13:02

different religions, we have different

13:05

cultures.

13:05

Right, everybody who.

13:07

Supports us isn't Southern Black,

13:09

or isn't West Indian. We have people

13:12

from all over the world, and all of

13:14

those different people have different perspectives

13:16

and walks in life. So when something happens,

13:18

all of those people who support you expect

13:21

you to say something in agreement with the

13:23

way they live their walk of life, not

13:26

realizing that there's thousands of different

13:28

walks of life who listen to the same program.

13:31

So how is that even possible force

13:33

to begin for anyone

13:35

is to begin to say something

13:38

that every single person is going to agree

13:40

with. And let's face it, at that point, no one's

13:42

really looking at it from a subjective space.

13:44

Right now, they want you to speak to the validate

13:47

and confirm what they believe

13:49

about what they're going through. And a

13:52

lot of times they even dehumanize

13:54

you because you're no longer a

13:57

for example, a black heterosexual

14:00

mom from the Caribbean and from

14:03

Brooklyn. Now you're Kadeen, the

14:05

person who I watched. So the fact

14:07

that you're black and a female heterosexual

14:09

and grew up seven day adventist, none of that

14:11

matters to me.

14:12

You're just Kadeen.

14:13

But I, for example, I may be a

14:16

middle American white man, I

14:18

expect Kadeen to empathize with me.

14:20

I don't care what Kadeen is going through.

14:23

And the reason why I say that is because I

14:25

had made a comment about

14:29

people caring more about buildings

14:31

that were burning during twenty

14:33

twenty than the

14:36

black bodies.

14:37

Who were burnt or killed or

14:39

ravaged or raped or.

14:41

Shot during times during this country

14:44

when lynchings were allowed, right when

14:47

no one says anything about that. But now it's

14:49

like, oh my god, the buildings, the property. To

14:51

me, it just felt like you were dehumanizing us

14:53

as black people. Then I had some followers

14:55

who followed me who said who felt like I

14:58

was creating a divide because

15:00

I didn't care about the property owners.

15:03

And I'm like, guys, I'm

15:05

not speaking to the property owners. I

15:07

am a black man who watched a black man get

15:09

his head kneeled on until he died. My

15:12

sons watched that because it

15:14

was on the news, and because it was twenty twenty,

15:16

everybody was watching CNN every day.

15:19

It was traumatic.

15:20

Yeah, so I was concerned

15:23

about me and my family, But

15:25

no one was concerned about me and

15:27

my family. They were concerned about what comment

15:30

I was going to make to make them feel

15:32

better about what they were going through.

15:35

And I think also too, if I'm looking at

15:37

the perspective of the folks who don't

15:39

have the platform, right, sometimes

15:42

they just want you to use

15:44

your platform to bring awareness or

15:47

to educate. So in sometimes

15:49

doing that, that in itself gets

15:51

misconstrued, right, because if I'm just putting information out

15:53

there because I know I have, for example me one point

15:55

three million people who support

15:58

my page, then I do we sometimes

16:00

feel a responsibility to just educate

16:02

the masses on certain topics

16:05

that are posting near and dear to me. For example, even

16:07

just you know, my philanthropy work with Saint

16:09

Jude, which is something that I like. Moving forward,

16:12

I want to do more posting about it is dear to me. Some

16:14

people may scroll past that because they're like, I have the sickle

16:16

cell dre. I't ever heard about sickle cell. Or you

16:18

may have people that said, man, I didn't hear about sickle cell, but

16:20

I'm of Caribbean descent. I didn't know that so

16:22

many people from the Cribbean descent have that trait.

16:25

I didn't think about how impact people. So then

16:27

I'm putting it out there to bring awareness.

16:29

So I do understand when some people who

16:32

feel like people who have followings

16:34

or who are popular or have some sort of celebrity

16:36

should speak on certain topics just

16:39

to bring awareness to that. And

16:41

that's something on social media interesting as we're

16:44

talking about it, and it was a meme

16:46

that was going around more recently, and it said

16:48

some people are posting on social media, some

16:50

are protesting in the streets, some

16:52

are donating silently, some are

16:55

educating themselves, some are

16:57

having tough conversations with family and friends.

17:00

A revolution has many lanes.

17:03

Be kind to yourself and to others who are traveling

17:05

in the same direction. And

17:08

I'm just like, that was so

17:10

so important to me because I'm thinking about

17:12

everything happening now and I'm like you

17:14

and I have people who we know are

17:16

directly impacted by

17:19

a lot of current events, as in

17:21

immediate family impacted

17:25

on different sides, different and

17:28

we've chosen to

17:30

be a blanket of prayer,

17:32

comfort, support, What do you need in

17:35

this moment for the people who we know in

17:37

this moment. So people may think

17:39

we're being quiet about it because we just want to be but we

17:41

know some people who are directly impacted, and that's how

17:43

we're choosing to lend our

17:45

support. But if

17:48

it's not for the and then if we were to say, oh,

17:50

I'm taking this over to my neighbor who may

17:52

be struggling, and then it's like, oh, now you're clut chasing because

17:54

you're now advertising the fact

17:57

that you're trying to support or help. It's

17:59

a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation,

18:01

and it can be really difficult and draining

18:03

at the same time.

18:04

It is it is, but also people fail

18:06

to realize that social

18:09

media is extremely divisive

18:11

because there are no checks and balances.

18:13

When we were growing up, all of.

18:15

The media outlets and this doesn't make it any better

18:17

because we too that the media

18:19

outlets are all controlled, but you

18:22

had to have a cited source that

18:24

people could trust to be on television,

18:27

right, you had to have a cited source

18:29

or be a cited source to have.

18:31

A show on air.

18:32

But now anybody

18:35

with millions of followers can just drop any

18:37

type of information on the Internet

18:39

and people would just believe it, because

18:42

sometimes the lie is

18:44

more entertaining than the truth. I'd

18:47

rather just run with the lie because it's just something fun

18:49

to do, oh for sure. And I'm starting to

18:51

realize that in this

18:54

generation of people, more celebrities

18:56

are choosing to not be divisive because

18:59

they realize in a world where

19:01

you can edit, cut, hyperimpose

19:04

if you say something, AI, if you say something,

19:07

if you do something in front of the camera,

19:09

they can manipulate your image, your.

19:12

Words, your likeness for

19:15

all of their good.

19:16

And even if it's proven after the fact that

19:18

that wasn't you, the fact that there was already out,

19:21

the damage is already done because if they

19:23

got millions of people to follow it. So a

19:25

lot more celebrities are saying I'm not even giving

19:27

them content to use me as a way to

19:29

be devices.

19:31

And the older I get, but the more

19:33

that we get a chance.

19:34

To meet people who are in higher parts

19:38

of and this is the truth you think

19:40

you're famous when you on Instagram.

19:41

Right.

19:42

I think I have a famous friend of mine who

19:45

I won't say their name because

19:47

I don't want them. I don't want people to look at them and feel

19:49

like they think they're bigger than they are.

19:51

But this is the truth.

19:52

Right, If you're

19:55

popular and you say something

19:57

or do something that ends up on the shade room, fel

20:00

big.

20:00

Right, I was on a shave and they said this. The

20:02

blogs got me. The blogs.

20:04

When you feel powerful, some

20:06

people, when they make a statement, it ends up

20:08

on CNN, It ends

20:10

up on BBC and MSNBC.

20:14

You know what I'm saying.

20:14

It becomes world news because that person is

20:16

so influential that when they make a

20:19

statement it matters to people.

20:21

I see how people.

20:22

Who have that type of influence are very selective

20:24

about what they say because there and

20:26

this is what the person told me. You are

20:28

not going to use me to divide

20:31

any group of people. It doesn't matter

20:33

if it's my powerful or if it's people

20:35

that I'm not related to, You're

20:38

not going to use me. And I want to say

20:40

this particularly for what's

20:42

happening now. If

20:46

you're listening to someone speak on a

20:49

war, or you listening to someone

20:51

speak on a

20:53

couple's marriage, you

20:56

have to understand that there is an

20:58

intense amount of research

21:00

and time that goes

21:02

into understanding all the nuances

21:05

of war and all the nuances

21:08

of a marriage. For anybody

21:11

to give an opinion without taking the necessary

21:13

time to understand everything in totality

21:16

is unfair to those people who

21:18

are involved in the war, unfair to those

21:20

people who are involved in the marriage. But it's also unfair

21:22

to the people who you are spreading the information

21:25

too. And when I say

21:27

take time the things that are happening

21:29

now, you can't learn in the day understanding.

21:33

Yes, yes, you can't learn in a month.

21:36

You can't.

21:37

For for example, people's marriage. People have been married

21:39

for over forty years. You think it'll take you a month

21:41

to figure out why these people have issues.

21:44

Of what they share, right, because

21:46

think about it, there's a lot of stuff happening that you This

21:49

is what people are choosing to share, So think

21:51

about the stuff that you don't know that went into

21:53

this, yes, or if you're just seeing one side

21:55

of something right, like

21:58

us choosing to educate ourselves in certain things. Now

22:00

it's just like, wow, I had no idea and

22:02

this stuff is dating back to before our

22:04

parents and grandparents are born. Yes,

22:07

and it's so much to unpack, and there's so much

22:09

to even digest, you know, as

22:11

an individual then much less feel like you're

22:13

trying to digest that you're continuously learning,

22:15

yes, and then not saying the wrong thing, so

22:17

that the person the masses

22:20

then feel like you're either taking a side or you're just

22:22

completely uneducated at that point, because that's

22:24

another thing. That's another thing, that's another layer

22:26

of its speaking on topics that you are literally

22:29

not educated or well versed

22:31

in speaking on, but then just

22:33

feeling like it's a hot button topic right now, so

22:35

I have to say something because people are looking for

22:37

me to say something. You know, I

22:40

even think about me in this moment, choosing

22:42

to really be there personally

22:44

for people who I know. And then I'm also

22:46

dealing with the loss of my uncle that I haven't even

22:48

you know, publicly put on social media

22:50

either. But some people may be looking

22:53

at me like, oh my god, Kadane's been so quiet for the past

22:55

two weeks. Oh she has nothing to say about this

22:57

war or anything. Yeah, because I

22:59

just lost my own my mom's brother passed away,

23:02

and I haven't said anything publicly because I'm

23:04

dealing with it, and I'm dealing with it right

23:06

The last thing I want to do with right now is be on anybody's

23:09

social media. So if I was to put my phone down,

23:11

like I really have done for the past two weeks because

23:13

my family and I are grieving in our own way, there's

23:15

some things that I might not even know about that's

23:18

happening, you know, So no one

23:20

takes that into consideration when

23:22

they're looking for people with a

23:24

platform or with some sort of celebrity to

23:26

speak during a particular time. Let's

23:29

look at some facts and stats. In

23:31

twenty nineteen, there was a survey done

23:34

that sixty five percent of responding said

23:36

that political endorsements from celebrities have

23:38

no bearing on their voting decisions, because

23:41

we actually are going into a year a

23:43

voting year now, so that's interesting

23:45

to know. Twenty four percent said that celebrity endorsements

23:47

would make them less likely to vote for the celebrities

23:50

preferred candidate, and only eleven

23:52

percent said that a celebrity endorsement would

23:54

make them more likely to vote for that candidate.

23:57

So does it really have an impact what the celebrity

23:59

that you follow were like say, when

24:01

it comes to politics.

24:03

I will say this, right when

24:07

I look at these surveys, this

24:09

is the truth. No, I'd be feeling like these

24:11

surveys be trash. You

24:14

know why people say one thing and click another.

24:16

So in a survey, I'll say, it

24:18

don't matter.

24:19

Yeah.

24:19

Have you ever done one of those personality tests where they like

24:21

ask you different questions in different ways to see

24:23

if you're like consistent or if you're lying. You're like

24:25

kind of lying a while ago. I feel

24:27

like they I applied for a job or something like that.

24:30

But like you said, it's a similar thing. They gonna think one thing, they're

24:32

gonna click something else. If you ask the question a certain

24:34

kind of way, you're gonna get a different response. So

24:36

it's never really consistent.

24:39

I'll say this. I think

24:41

popularity is what got Donald Trump in office.

24:44

A lot of people liked Donald Trump. A lot of people

24:46

didn't like Hillary Clinton. That's

24:49

just the fact, like the

24:51

Clinton's at the time were not America's favorite

24:53

people, you know. And then Donald

24:55

Trump had a history of

24:59

being little amongst hip hop, using

25:01

a bunch of rap songs, he in a bunch of music videos, He's

25:03

a bunch of movies, he had his own TV show.

25:05

He was popular, you know, he was a celebrity.

25:08

He literally was a celebrity. Ronald Reagan was

25:10

a celebrity. Arnold Schwarzenegger

25:12

was a celebrity when he became the governor of

25:14

California. Clearly

25:17

they weren't the most qualified to do.

25:18

The job, but it is proof popularity.

25:20

The popularity matters, you

25:23

know, And when people say it doesn't matter

25:25

because it sounds like the right thing to say. So

25:27

when you go to fill out a survey and they ask you,

25:29

would you vote for someone, because of course this is the right

25:31

thing to say, No, but

25:33

I really like that guy, So I'm gonna

25:36

vote, but I'm gonna say no.

25:38

I think that's what happens for sure.

25:39

I can see how that definitely becomes a trend

25:42

after a while. That's

25:44

right.

25:45

Let me ask you a question, Yeah,

25:48

do.

25:48

You ever feel pressure not to reveal your

25:50

humanity on social media like

25:53

that? Do you ever feel like I'm

25:55

afraid to show my humanity because in

25:58

looking vulnerable on thisess, it's going to open up so much any

26:00

doors.

26:00

I just don't want to open.

26:01

I don't necessarily feel that revealing my

26:03

humanity and social media, Like I can't

26:05

be vulnerable, vulnerable per se, but

26:08

I look at it this way. I feel like I share

26:10

a large portion of my life with people

26:13

on a day to day basis. Again, it's curated,

26:15

it's what I choose to share, It's

26:18

what we decide as a family to share. Some

26:21

things I feel like are for me. Some

26:23

things I legitimately just feel like are for

26:26

me. And the way I feel about certain

26:28

things, the way I deal with certain things, are

26:31

not necessarily for public

26:33

consumption all the time, you know. And

26:35

I feel like if I'm always constantly running

26:38

to social media to post every bit

26:40

and piece of my life and my day, that's in part why,

26:42

Like I haven't even done the subscription. For example,

26:44

people a couple of people say, why don't you do subscription or close

26:46

friends where people pay to see like you know,

26:48

you're day to day the entire day, And

26:50

I'm just like, no, Like, people don't necessarily

26:53

need access to that. And I

26:55

just feel like some things need to be kept for me because

26:57

I'm dealing with things in my own way. You

27:00

know. I feel like I'm a small speck

27:02

in this world.

27:05

People don't necessarily need to or care to

27:07

hear about how I feel about certain things, because

27:10

I know sometimes when I scroll through social media, I'm like,

27:12

I don't necessarily care to hear what you have to

27:14

say about it, whether you're popular, famous or

27:16

not, and I just keep scrolling.

27:18

So I just feel like some things I just want to reserve

27:20

for myself, especially when it comes to like core

27:23

values and things like that. We have our

27:25

podcast where we do speak a lot about a lot of

27:27

things that matter to us, and we

27:29

give our you know, two cents generally on certain

27:31

topics, but some people just don't

27:33

deserve to have access to that because I

27:36

choose to keep some things to myself.

27:38

I feel you, how about you.

27:39

I'm honest with people on social media.

27:41

If I feel a way about it, I'm safe. But

27:44

I don't share a lot. I don't

27:46

share as much as people think I.

27:48

Share, right, or a lot as much as you used

27:50

to, as.

27:50

Much as I used to know.

27:51

I don't share as much as I used to because I also

27:53

understand the responsibility

27:55

that comes with this platform, right, And I don't think it

27:57

just has anything to do with the platform.

28:00

I think sharing is naturally what humans do.

28:02

Right. If I wasn't a content creator, that's

28:05

what it's been labeled now. Right, content creator. Say

28:08

I was a rapper, I would rap about

28:10

my family.

28:12

Right.

28:12

If I was a painter, I would paint my family.

28:14

So through content

28:16

creation, I share

28:19

my family because that's what's most important to me.

28:21

Right.

28:22

If you look at rappers who get famous

28:24

or do well at what they do, they

28:27

share in an artistic

28:29

form what's important to them.

28:31

Right.

28:31

Take fifty Cent for example, he shared

28:34

how the drug game helped him develop his business

28:36

skills.

28:37

Jay Z shared the same thing, right.

28:39

LLL shared his romanticism

28:42

with women, right, and also the fact that

28:44

he tough like Mama said, not you are gonna play

28:46

with me.

28:47

People share what's important to them.

28:49

Since my family is important to me, I

28:52

also have to take into consideration what about

28:54

my family isn't safe to share?

28:57

So I can't share everything, right.

29:00

But I'm also very

29:02

deliberate about how I

29:04

critique other people who share, because

29:07

that's another part of this.

29:08

Right.

29:10

We did a podcast about Ayisha

29:12

Curry and steph Curry, remember the whole issue they

29:14

had. We did one about

29:16

Rihanna and Asap Rocky. Right,

29:20

people constantly give me our dms. How come y'all don't

29:22

talk about Will and Jada. This

29:24

is why, Remember we talked about

29:26

understanding people's relationships.

29:29

We are not.

29:31

Experts in Will and Jada

29:33

or A seven Rocky or Aikisha and

29:35

Steph. So since we're not experts,

29:38

I don't feel qualified to speak on

29:40

what they're going.

29:40

Through or to pick it apart.

29:42

Only thing we.

29:43

Could speak on is people's responses

29:46

to what they're going through. But when you think

29:48

about that, that makes it more divisive. Right,

29:52

how you feel about what other people are going through

29:54

says more about you than what they're going through.

29:56

That's interesting.

29:57

And what I've learned through social media is that

30:01

I can't expose myself often

30:06

without tearing

30:09

down someone else.

30:11

Right, And that's just not how Yeah,

30:13

that's not what I want to do. It actually goes against everything

30:15

that we we believe it.

30:17

I just don't I don't want to pick a side all

30:19

the time. I don't want to say this person

30:21

is wrong. I don't feel this person

30:23

is wrong all the time.

30:24

And think about how much we we've evolved

30:27

in that when we sit

30:29

with our groups of friends, and I mean like our close knit

30:32

groups of friends, like our core people, which

30:34

is like adopt it's not even in circle anymore. We're

30:37

not talking about that stuff. We're not talking

30:39

about gossip, We're not talking about the shade room. We're

30:41

not talking about what's new and current events that

30:43

has to do with somebody's love life or somebody's parents

30:46

in way or anything. We're talking about like

30:48

progression and my kids.

30:49

What can we do better parents?

30:51

Yeah, Like, these are the conversations that we have

30:53

with you know, family, unpacking stuff. Like,

30:56

there's a lot more that goes into the conversations

30:58

that we have with our core people.

31:01

When I was thinking about everything happening back in twenty

31:03

twenty with racial injustice and everything

31:05

that we were speaking about the pandemic, we

31:08

pretty much dedicated a season of our podcast

31:11

to speaking about these

31:13

topics, sometimes bringing in guests

31:15

who were more well versed or more experts in

31:17

certain things that we weren't well versed on to

31:20

speak on these things. And it

31:22

was like our lowest when you look at

31:24

the numbers, it was our lowest numbers

31:26

in terms of podcasts listen to in all

31:28

of our seasons. Do you think about

31:31

some things are being just performative because

31:33

it's like you feel like you have to say something, But do people

31:35

really listen to it. Do people really care?

31:37

Are y'all really listening to what we have to say?

31:40

Do you really want to educate yourselves? Like some

31:42

people just don't care to hear that, but they want

31:44

to know that it was done to say that my celebrity

31:46

person has spoken on it.

31:48

Right, I agree with you, But I also feel like people

31:50

want an escape, right, Yes,

31:52

Like if you're a black man in America, yes, and you

31:54

watch George Floyd get murdered, you

31:57

don't want to sit here and listen to podcasts all day

31:59

about black men being.

32:00

Murdered or black woman being murdered.

32:02

Very true.

32:02

I deal with that in my life every day.

32:04

Very true. And that's what we saw happening

32:06

too. So it's like, not that you don't want

32:08

to give more attention to it, but it's like, that's

32:10

not what people are coming to our pages

32:13

for necessarily.

32:14

Some people just want to escape from the

32:16

everyday atrocities that happened. Yes,

32:18

And to piggyback on what you said before,

32:22

we do have some friends who are super

32:25

celebrities, and when we get

32:28

together, we don't talk about current events.

32:30

So when y'all are expecting that a celebrity

32:32

should be keen on this pop culture

32:35

phenomenon in the moment, that

32:37

person may be focusing or dealing with

32:39

some real life issues, like they have children,

32:42

you know, their mom is sick, their

32:44

uncle has passed away. So at

32:46

times where you feel like this celebrity deserves,

32:49

this celebrity owes us their voice,

32:52

that celebrity may not even be thinking

32:55

about what you guys are thinking about at all,

32:57

and they're not trying to distance themselves on purpose,

33:00

sure, but it's it's just the truth.

33:02

Like every pop culture phenomenon

33:04

is not everybody's favorite topic of

33:06

discussion.

33:07

No, And if you put your phone

33:09

down for three days, considering a news cycle on

33:11

social media last seventy two hours, you might

33:13

miss something, you know what I'm saying, unless

33:15

it's something ongoing. So do you think that like

33:17

the perception that certain celebrities have

33:20

will keep their fans from

33:22

seeing them in a certain light. And how

33:25

is it convoluted at that point? Right? Because

33:27

say, for example, your favorite celebrity

33:30

does not align or agree with

33:32

your views on something, do you then

33:34

just completely stop supporting

33:37

them and whatever it is that they do, whether it's entertainment

33:40

or sports or anything. Because now I'm

33:43

seeing some celebrities speak out and they're on a

33:45

side clearly, whether it's because they you

33:47

know, it's their background, it's their religion, whatever

33:49

it is. And then you have people just like, I'm

33:52

just not gonna continue to support you or I'm

33:54

on following you now because this is one topic we don't

33:56

agree upon.

33:57

Well, I mean, let's be honest, Like, the whole unfollow

34:00

button has always been exists. It's always

34:02

been in existence, right, it's just

34:04

now people can say I'm unfollowing you for

34:06

that one reason, for that one reason. But back in the day,

34:08

if a celebrity said something that

34:11

people didn't like, they didn't have to announce

34:13

that they were unfollowing them.

34:14

They just stopped watching their stuff. Right.

34:16

But here's the truth though, And being a celebrity,

34:21

you have your core audience. There's very

34:23

few celebrities that has

34:26

the whole world behind them, very

34:28

few. You take the biggest names,

34:30

the biggest names. I could Beyonce, she has

34:33

her people who adore her, she has some people

34:35

who hate her. Taylor Swift have

34:37

people who adore her, have people who hate her.

34:39

Will Smith. You know what I'm saying.

34:41

People love them, people hate them.

34:44

Denzel Washington, a lot of people

34:46

love Denzel Washington, but then there's a

34:48

lot of people who just be like Denzel's

34:51

too standoffish.

34:52

We don't know the real Denzel. You see

34:54

what I'm saying.

34:55

You have your people who support

34:57

you when you are authentically

34:59

and genuine yourself. The

35:01

only time you start to feel like you lose, like

35:04

people's perceptions change, is when you've presented

35:06

yourself as something that you're not and now

35:08

you have to continuously live with that your whole life.

35:11

And then a minute you.

35:11

Say, you know what, I'm tired of playing this person and I want

35:13

to be who I really am. That's when you lose people.

35:16

Because I think also to people want to

35:18

hold you to a standard

35:20

when you do have certain celebrity, right.

35:23

And it's

35:25

crazy because people can't separate

35:28

the two. For example, they can't

35:30

separate, for example, the ballplayer,

35:33

right, the basketball player and

35:35

what he does as an entertainer

35:37

in that space from what he may

35:40

believe on a social ass or a cause

35:42

as a person. And it's like some people

35:44

can't detach the two, well, create

35:46

the two.

35:47

You know why, because of entitlement Now

35:50

in this day and age, it's like I watch your games,

35:52

I watch your shows.

35:54

I want to see who you are on social media.

35:56

Right, I want to see you as a real person.

35:57

And when you don't have a social media as a celebrity,

35:59

then they say you hiding something, right. But then when

36:01

you do have social media and you post about

36:03

your stuff, they may not like some of.

36:05

The stuff you post or it's like, oh man, their content

36:07

is so curated. We don't know who the real Beyonce

36:09

is. For example, we don't know anything about her personality.

36:11

Well, I mean no, because you're supposed to know Beyonce

36:14

the entertainer, yes, and then you have to be able to

36:16

like, no, I want to know Beyonce the person. So any little

36:18

bit that she does gives and I think that's the beauty and what she does,

36:20

the little that she does give insight to her

36:22

personal life. People eat it up because they're like,

36:24

wow, she actually let me into a little bit of

36:27

her personal space to see what that's

36:29

like. And I think that's what celebrities

36:31

back in the day had the that was the beauty of

36:33

being it because people just knew you as the

36:35

entertainer.

36:36

They didn't have I'll give you an example. I'll

36:38

give you an example.

36:40

I think social media has opened up

36:42

the world to people who for

36:44

thirty forty years we didn't get a chance

36:46

to really.

36:47

Know who they are.

36:48

Oh yeah, for sure.

36:49

But now we get a chance to see who they really are. And

36:52

some people don't like who they really.

36:53

Are, right. They like the persona, they

36:55

like the celebrity, they like the image for the image.

36:58

Yeah, which is what brands have been telling

37:00

celebrities from the beginning. It's like,

37:03

if you want to continuously make money,

37:05

if you want to continue to do what you do at a high level,

37:08

you have to present an image that people will like.

37:10

Because people don't like humans. People

37:13

don't like flawed versions of

37:15

the superheroes they see absolutely,

37:17

which is crazy, right. Think about this.

37:20

Remember the movie Hancock with Will

37:22

Smith. He was a hero,

37:24

he had superpowers, but he was flawed. So

37:28

remember when what's the white guy's name,

37:30

Jason Bateman, Jason

37:33

Baman.

37:33

When Jason Bateman came over.

37:35

To Hancock as the image consultant and

37:37

he said, hey, if you want people to like you, you got to

37:39

act this way.

37:40

He said, I don't like people.

37:42

If you think about how real, if

37:45

you think about know how real that

37:47

movie is, you could be a superhero,

37:51

a god, but if you act

37:53

like a human acts, they don't like you. So

37:56

you don't like that I'm flawed like you. You

37:59

don't want me to be flawed as a celebrity because

38:01

escapism, right, think about it, I want to see

38:04

something that they're not. Yes, So

38:06

when they see a celebrity, it's just like, no,

38:08

that person is rich and powerful

38:10

because they're not flawed, Like, how

38:12

do I get rid of all of my flaws to

38:15

be like that person? Then when they find

38:17

out that that person is just as flawed as them,

38:19

it's like, oh, my life is over now.

38:21

Or they say, yo, I can relate

38:23

to this person because I'm the same way.

38:25

But here's the thing. That's what celebrities

38:28

were thinking.

38:29

Yeah, people were gonna say, right, people,

38:33

And I remember this being an athlete, remember

38:36

when Charles Barkley

38:38

said.

38:38

I'm not a role model.

38:41

Was one of the top five basketball players

38:44

in the world at that time.

38:45

This was I believe nineteen ninety two.

38:47

He had just come off going to the finals

38:49

and losing to Michael Jordan

38:51

in the NBA Finals and they were about to play in the Dream

38:54

Team, and Charles Barkles on the Dream Team, he got to a fight

38:56

in the bar, and he did a whole psa

38:58

like, Yo, I'm not a role model, thinking

39:01

that if I show you

39:03

that I'm human just like you and you

39:05

you shouldn't look up to me because if

39:07

you look up to me, you're going to see how flawed

39:09

I am. He probably thought, I'm gonna get

39:11

people off my back.

39:13

You know what them people said, Man,

39:15

fuck.

39:16

That you are role model? You made how many millions

39:18

of dollars? You have no choice but to act

39:20

the way we want you to.

39:21

This is what we pay you for. Yes, this

39:24

is what we pay you for.

39:25

Yes. So the moral of the story is, ultimately.

39:28

Don't become a celebrity.

39:29

No, no, no for real though,

39:32

like for understanding

39:34

understanding that the quorum

39:37

works on both sides. Yes,

39:39

celebrities should have the quorum because

39:41

you have a huge responsibility when you ask people

39:44

to support you and spend their money

39:46

by your products.

39:47

You have a responsibility absolutely

39:49

not to agree.

39:50

With everything your followers want, but

39:53

to use discernment with the messages

39:55

you put out and not be divisive and

39:57

create more harm. That's the only

40:00

responsibility you have as

40:02

a celebrity. You don't have to share, but

40:04

you have a responsibility to

40:07

not be divisive. You have a responsibility

40:09

to understand that you've asked these people

40:11

to support you in a lot of ways, so

40:13

you can't abandon in times

40:17

when they need that right. And you also have

40:19

to be like you have to be aware. For

40:21

example, we are well, we're not

40:23

at war, but there's a war happening in the world

40:25

right now. Yes, And I had made a video

40:27

with Kadeen weeks before and in

40:30

joking before we actually went to war,

40:32

before the war became a big deal, I had made

40:34

a joke and she had on camel pants.

40:36

It was green and painting camel pants,

40:39

and I said, man, you look like an AKA going

40:41

to war. Me using discernment,

40:44

was saying people are actually in war

40:46

right now, losing loved ones.

40:48

Absolutely, this joke is not funny.

40:51

It would be what

40:54

do you think.

40:54

As you asked, Matt,

40:57

and both of you were just like, I wouldn't

40:59

even mention it. And I think that's

41:01

the responsibility, the decorum that

41:04

a celebrity has to have, understanding

41:06

that you do have a bunch of people, what is going before

41:09

I post this, what is happening, that

41:11

this may be taking.

41:12

The wrong way?

41:12

Read the room, Yes, read.

41:15

And that's the only responsibility you have, not to be divisive

41:17

and not to cause harm. But celebrities

41:20

don't owe nobody nothing. They don't

41:22

owe anybody anything. But they're also decorum

41:25

on the.

41:25

Sides of people who are not celebrities.

41:28

Just because that person you look up to may make

41:30

a lot of money or may be popular, does

41:32

not mean that that person is

41:35

intelligent enough to give you advice

41:37

or to make a statement on behalf of anything

41:41

just because they're popular.

41:42

That's because, so let's understand,

41:44

the korum works on both sides.

41:46

You expecting that person to speak on your behalf

41:48

when it comes to politics or marriage

41:51

or finances, and you're setting yourself up

41:53

for failures.

41:53

And if I need to go in for surgery, I ain't calling a mechanic

41:56

to see what he are he trying

41:58

to say he fixes stuff a popular ma right,

42:03

I'm not going to the michelin man like, hey, what do you think about

42:05

this? You know, thyroid issue? I got no

42:07

sir. You might work on stuff, but you

42:09

ain't about to work on me. All

42:12

right, y'all, let's go take a quick break listening

42:14

out, take a quick bit. Okay,

42:17

all right, y'all, let's take a quick break. We're

42:19

gonna pay some bills and then we're

42:21

going to move into listener letters. So stick

42:23

around and we'll be back.

42:33

All right, listener letters, we

42:36

are back. I'm gonna jump right in. We

42:38

don't have a lot of time, so we're gonna read one today.

42:40

Okay.

42:40

I just want to say thank you to Valen Kadeen for remaining

42:43

discipline and seeing the bigger picture for people like

42:45

us.

42:45

Well, thank you so much.

42:47

You guys are amazing. My husband and I have been married

42:49

for over a year. I love that man so much.

42:52

That sounds good.

42:53

One of the issues, one.

42:55

Of the issues.

42:56

Look at you, look at you. One

42:59

of the issues I have with him is his weight. I don't

43:01

know an approachable way to express my feelings

43:03

to him for him to receive what my thoughts

43:05

and opinions are. I've expressed it

43:08

before, but it wasn't in a loving way for

43:10

him to take it. I've tried the loving

43:12

and encouraging way, but it doesn't resonate with him.

43:14

His weight is an issue for me. I met him in college

43:16

he was a young tender ronie. To then

43:19

meet him back in Texas, he

43:21

had gained weight, but not much to where

43:23

I couldn't take it. Plus he was working out heavily

43:25

then. Now it's out of hand. I understand

43:27

a man has to eat, but guys, this is out

43:29

of hand. He would juice and

43:31

eat right after for a couple hours to now, picking

43:34

up food on his way home, grabbing McDonald's

43:36

cookies, etc. He is bottom heavy,

43:39

so he has thick thighs. Pause, and but bigger

43:41

than mine. I have a nice one,

43:44

she said, And I have a nice one. It's getting

43:46

to the point where it's embarrassing

43:48

and I don't want him to I don't want to take him nowhere.

43:50

The way he runs in his family is what

43:53

is a loving, approachable way for him to understand that I

43:55

don't like it and it's time for him to change.

43:57

I heard his feelings last time and made things worse.

43:59

I love him, but I'm now embarrassed. He

44:02

can do better, But how can I influence

44:05

him to do better and be consistent?

44:07

Wow?

44:07

This is a topic.

44:10

Wow, a

44:13

man with a booty bigger than mine? Like,

44:15

Oh, I don't like the media fat

44:17

body to child. We

44:20

can't be in competition. We definitely

44:22

can't be in competition. However, she did say she said

44:24

something the first time, and then it kind of backfired and

44:26

made things worse. He might even just be rebelling because

44:28

that's nothious

44:33

terrorist, no dead ass. Because sometimes it's just

44:35

like, oh, and you've been guilty of that too. It's

44:37

like, oh, I say something about it, you don't like the way I said it,

44:39

or I'm trying to put a parameter on you, and you're just like just

44:41

to rebel.

44:42

Yeah, but I'm not just

44:44

to rebel and get out of shape

44:46

and put my health at risk to rebel.

44:48

That's true. That's true too. And

44:50

it's funny because this is like a reverse.

44:52

Like usually you'll hear about women gaining weight after

44:55

like childbirth, and she got big,

44:57

But now it's like a woman not to her husband.

45:00

No, no, no, no, Na, it's not

45:02

the reverse.

45:03

Women have been saying more frequently

45:06

now that they have issues too

45:08

with their husbands who gained weight. The problem

45:11

is back in the day, there was no voice

45:13

for them to express that. But

45:15

it's always been a thing. It's always

45:17

been a thing, but they can't express it the same way.

45:19

Men have felt like it's been a thing,

45:22

but I can't say nothing because I hurt my wife feelings.

45:24

This is the truth, ladies and gentlemen, When

45:27

you meet someone, physical attraction.

45:29

Is part of it, man or woman.

45:31

Yes, that's the physical attraction

45:34

is part of it.

45:35

Yeah, you could say, oh, it's the heart. Oh, it's

45:37

how they make me feel. Oh, it's they're a good person.

45:39

Absolutely not. No, y'all are liars.

45:42

Yes, saying that because

45:44

I know for me, I

45:47

mean when I met you, you you know,

45:51

yeah, you were young, TENDERRONI resemble a potspoon.

45:53

I knew you would grow into your resemble

45:55

I even grow into yourself and whatnot. But

45:58

no, you you say they in the day out

46:00

that you maintain a certain

46:02

level of physicality for

46:05

yourself, but most so for me, because

46:07

I deserve to have I.

46:08

Want to look the way you remembered

46:11

me, because I want you to constantly have

46:13

that feeling of desire.

46:15

Yes, I want that for you.

46:17

Yes, I want that for you like it's important.

46:20

I want that as a man as well. But I also

46:22

want to walk in the door, walk out of that shower,

46:24

get done working out, and have my wife say ooh

46:28

not oh I remember when And if it's

46:30

something I can control, right,

46:33

take away health risks. Right, If

46:35

it's something I can control, I can eat better,

46:37

I can work out more, I can make better life choices.

46:39

I should do that for my spouse

46:42

on my significant other, and she should do

46:44

that for me.

46:44

I'm a firm.

46:45

Believer in that, this whole idea, and

46:48

I just want to be lazy, and you're going to accept me

46:50

as I am because the Bible says accept me as

46:52

I am is just a crock

46:54

of shit.

46:56

It's a crock of shit. Bro. It's an easy way

46:58

to set the bar lower so that you have to do

47:00

less.

47:01

And the truth of the matter is, most people who set the

47:03

ball lower for themselves still expect more

47:05

from their significant other. So

47:07

you set the ball low, but now expect

47:09

that man to stay in shape or that woman to stay

47:11

in shape.

47:12

No, how right, how about

47:14

you set.

47:15

The ball high for yourself and stay in shape for them and

47:17

then say, babe, let's do this together.

47:18

I was about to ask her, or not ask her,

47:20

but I was wondering if she's in shape and

47:23

it's the thing that they can do together, right, because she

47:25

mentioned talking about it before. But is it like a

47:27

blaming him for getting weight and then not giving

47:31

him actionable things to help him.

47:33

She didn't she didn't give us a breakdown

47:35

of that. But I will say this, gentleman,

47:38

gentleman, just because your

47:40

wife hasn't said to you that

47:42

the little bit of weight gain is unattractive

47:44

doesn't mean that she doesn't feel that way.

47:48

I have a group of my guys, group

47:51

of married guys, and we discussed this, like,

47:53

Yo, have you been working out?

47:55

What do you look like? Why would you do that to your

47:57

wife? Like me bowl

48:01

reef. Like we get in and be like,

48:03

yo, you gained about fifteen my ge.

48:04

That's true. You said to your brother.

48:06

Yes, I'm like that. What are you doing?

48:09

You expect that woman to come

48:11

home and bust it wide open and be ready to do

48:13

all this stuff for you, and you not keeping up your end

48:15

of the bargain.

48:16

No, I am never gonna be on that

48:18

train where I'm allowed to just gain weight.

48:20

No, you have a thyroid issue, you

48:22

hurt, you got to a car accident, you're going through

48:25

men a pause. You're an older person who's

48:27

dealing with an issue, a medical issue that you

48:29

can't do it. That's different, it's

48:31

different, but you just choosing

48:33

to not do it. Come on, man,

48:36

because you efforting right, Because if

48:38

you were single, right, most single people do what and

48:40

this is my thing. This, this is the thing that bothers

48:42

me. With you, ladies, I'm gonna shout you out

48:44

a little bit.

48:44

Here.

48:46

You and this guy, right, y'all

48:48

not doing well? You gain weight, he

48:51

cheats, or he decides you want to be with someone, what's the first

48:53

thing you do. I'm gonna go get I'm gonna get

48:55

right, I'm gonna go get my body right to.

48:59

Not agree with you with I was like trying to

49:01

stick up for y'all, ladies, But I know about three

49:03

people come to mind right now that that's exactly

49:05

what they did. That's exactly

49:07

what they did. They broke up a homeboy

49:09

and God was just like and then in the gym,

49:12

heavy bomb looking bomb.

49:13

Now you know, why not do that for

49:16

him while he was there?

49:17

Yeah?

49:17

And it goes both ways, right, we've

49:19

been saying, Yo, there's a whole contingent now on social

49:22

media. King, work on yourself, King,

49:24

work on yourself. That girl only working

49:26

King, work on yourself. How about

49:28

you work on yourself while being with somebody,

49:31

not after you've left them.

49:33

To work on yourself, true work on

49:35

yourself.

49:35

Wowly while you're

49:37

with somebody, be the best version of yourself

49:40

and not only for them, but

49:42

for yourself.

49:43

Yeah, I was healthy. I about to say,

49:45

like, even when we've had issues with like

49:48

just consistency on my part in the gym, it

49:50

was never because you didn't like the way I looked

49:52

at various phases. It was you just

49:54

trying to hold me accountable, saying, kay, like you need to

49:56

be consistent with this like anything else in

49:59

life, and me complaining about the things

50:01

that I wanted to achieve, and you're just like, you're never

50:03

gonna achieve those things if you're not doing it consistently.

50:06

So it's like it's coded in love, and sometimes

50:08

sometimes it's tough love. But

50:10

I do think since that the approach

50:12

may be, you know, trying to do things together.

50:14

It's a lot more fun when we do it together. Deval

50:17

and I were just talking about this the other day because

50:19

he was just like, you know, I see working out

50:21

together as like bonding time. Whereas

50:24

he likes to get up in the morning, he'll brush his teeth

50:26

and he'll go right to the gym. Me, I gotta

50:28

get up, I got to have my coffee. I gotta

50:30

like sit, I gotta marinate, I gotta get some energy.

50:32

I just can't function like that in the gym, and

50:35

we've learned to agree that, Okay, we do things

50:37

differently, but I get my workout in. Ultimately

50:40

I get my workout in. He gets his workout

50:42

in. And we've been doing it consistently

50:44

that way for the past few weeks.

50:46

We've learned, or I've learned that

50:48

Kadeen is going to do what Kadeen

50:51

wants to do on her time

50:53

and in her terms. So you know what Devala

50:55

is gonna do. I'm going to tell you. I'm

50:58

going to tell Kadeen exactly what I acquire,

51:01

what I need. You find a way

51:03

to get it done. Because when you require

51:05

something and you need it.

51:08

I find a way to get it done.

51:10

I'm not going to mince my words

51:12

or stay it in a way because ma'am, there's

51:15

no way I can tell you to talk to your husband

51:17

to make him feel better about it. You know your husband.

51:20

Listen to your husband. Listen to

51:22

him and say, hey, babe, what's going on with your weight? Let

51:24

him tell you what it is, and then when he tells

51:26

you what it is, support him, but also tell.

51:29

Him what you require. There's nothing

51:31

wrong with that. Like we can hold our

51:33

spouse is responsible. We're

51:36

gonna spend life together. Life.

51:38

This is what I require, Baby, tell

51:40

me what you require? Do we agree on what

51:42

we require and what we can perform for each other. If

51:44

we do, let's work on it. It's that simple,

51:46

this whole be gentle and talk, be

51:50

kind.

51:53

Just too much of that these days.

51:56

Babe, you like what you like, six packs,

51:58

you like beards to me to be a

52:00

little bit lean but a little big. I'm gonna work on that. You

52:02

know what I like? I like thirty six,

52:05

twenty eight, forty two.

52:06

Can you do that?

52:07

Period?

52:08

If Kate would have said I ain't with all of that,

52:10

I'd been like, cool, this. We

52:12

don't work well together because that's what I require.

52:15

If I didn't want to give us to get a six pack of work

52:17

to grow up because I don't like grown my beer, I

52:19

grow it out for her. But I feel

52:22

comfortable making a choice doing that because I know that's

52:24

what she likes.

52:25

We chose to do that for each other, so

52:27

we happy with each other.

52:29

Yes, I can't tell nobody how

52:31

to make their husband feel good working out.

52:34

I can't tell a woman how to feel good working

52:36

out. Y'all got to talk to each other, find

52:38

out what it is, and talk clearly

52:41

and directly to it. Don't talk around you

52:44

know what. That's my advice, don't talk around

52:46

each other.

52:47

And working out too, I've had moments where I'm just

52:49

like devout. You can't talk me into feeling like

52:51

doing anything. No, you can't, because

52:53

work out for me, I felt like was an extremely personal

52:56

thing in terms of just finding the energy to do

52:58

it. You know, my method, how I want to do it, my

53:00

approach. But eventually something had

53:02

to click in me to be like, Okay, this

53:05

is the result that I need and want for

53:07

myself first and foremost, and then my husband's

53:09

going to reap the benefits of it too, all

53:11

the better. That was the motivation that I needed

53:14

to even sometimes just get the kickstart, because sometimes

53:16

the rut is just trying to get it

53:18

started. Once you get in there, it

53:20

becomes addictive. So good

53:22

luck to you. Sis. Hopefully you

53:24

can just be straightforward

53:27

but also take an approach with him that is

53:30

coded in love and coded in support, but

53:32

straightforward but straightforward for sure.

53:34

And when he's straightforward with you,

53:37

be willing to accept it and don't.

53:38

Judge him for it. Yes, for sure, all

53:41

right, y'all, keep writing in to us. You could

53:43

be featured as one of our listening letters. If you do

53:45

so, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail

53:47

dot com.

53:48

That's d E A D A S S A D

53:50

V I C E at gmail dot

53:53

com.

53:53

All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about

53:57

celeb culture when it comes to decorum and

53:59

social media and what to speak on or

54:01

not speak on, and what we really think

54:03

about that. Do you want to hear from your celebrity

54:07

person or not?

54:08

This is my moment of truth.

54:10

Social media has made people feel

54:12

entitled to hearing from quote

54:15

unquote celebrities about everything

54:18

all the time, and my moment of

54:20

truth is those people are

54:22

not qualified to talk about everything all

54:25

the time, so stop expecting them

54:27

to talk about everything all the

54:29

time. And as on

54:32

the other side, as a celebrity, you have

54:34

a responsibility to make

54:36

sure you educate yourself and

54:38

not be a tool for

54:40

the divisiveness in a world

54:43

where it's so easy to take a little bit of comment

54:46

and blow the world up because they can say so

54:48

and so said this. Be smart,

54:51

celebrities, be smart. Don't

54:53

be a tool and use for divisiveness.

54:55

And people give them a little

54:57

bit of empathy and understanding that they

54:59

may may not know what they're talking

55:02

about.

55:02

My moment of truth. I'm going to reiterate something that I said

55:05

earlier because I think it's so so

55:07

so spot on with the way I felt lately.

55:11

Some are posting on social media, some

55:13

are protesting in the streets, Some are donating

55:16

silently, Some are educating themselves,

55:18

Some are having tough conversations with family

55:20

and friends. People are doing

55:22

things and working through them in their own

55:25

way, and we cannot hold people to the

55:27

standard that we feel and see fit for

55:29

them when it comes to how they deal with situations,

55:31

particularly pertaining to social media.

55:34

Some people are doing things behind the scenes

55:36

and silently and with the core group

55:38

of people who they have access to, where

55:41

their help and their voice is more tangible

55:43

in that moment. A revolution

55:45

has many lanes, so

55:48

don't judge, be kind to other people

55:50

as long as we're working in the same direction, period

55:54

period. All right,

55:56

y'all, that is

55:58

all we have for you today. Thank you

56:00

for listening, Thank you for coming back. Be sure

56:03

to find us on Patreon to say exclusive dead

56:05

Ass content, video, exclusive family

56:07

content. If you have not subscribed yet, jump

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56:11

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this point you guys should be in it,

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Okay, in it and preparing for our

56:19

live shows. Pick

56:21

a city, y'all, pick a city. I know

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