0:00

In order to do social media as a family,

0:03

your spouse does

0:05

not have to agree with everything you.

0:06

Want to do.

0:07

We are living proof.

0:10

I'm happy to know that I'm

0:12

not the only spouse in the two

0:15

that was not signed.

0:16

Up for this shit, but I'm enjoying the

0:19

hell out of it. Dead ass.

0:22

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured, and

0:25

we're the Ellis's.

0:27

You may know us from posting funny videos with.

0:29

Our voice and reading each other

0:31

publicly as.

0:32

A form of therapy.

0:33

Wait, I make you need therapy most days.

0:36

Wow.

0:37

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

0:39

Yes, sir, we are.

0:41

We created this podcast to open dialogue

0:43

about some of li's most taboo topics.

0:45

Things most folks don't want

0:47

to talk about.

0:48

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead

0:50

ass is a term that we say every day. So

0:52

when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

0:55

one hundred the truth, the whole truth,

0:58

and nothing but the truth. To take billow

1:00

talk to our whole new level.

1:04

Dead ass starts right now.

1:08

All right, So we're gonna

1:10

talk about we really talked about this, but

1:12

uh, in honor of our guest today,

1:15

I have a special song for them because

1:17

it represents them so well. They're

1:20

comedians, they love to joke around,

1:22

so this song is dedicated to them.

1:26

He got jungle feed, but she

1:29

got Jump. That's

1:31

not the song. That's not the song.

1:34

It doesn't matter. It's your black, old

1:36

white going

1:46

Saturday night.

1:50

Send me.

1:52

I believe the miracles,

1:55

Spight.

1:59

I don't know none of them.

2:00

It's taking me back to the Golden Girls with you

2:02

and Jackson. Lea didn't know none of the words.

2:07

Thank you for being a friend.

2:14

No,

2:17

we can joke in karaoke because we understand

2:19

this couple.

2:20

So you meet this couple and see how funny

2:23

they are, you will understand everything.

2:24

Yes for sure.

2:26

All right, story time, So I'm

2:28

gonna take y'all back to two

2:31

thousand and.

2:34

Eighteen Halloween.

2:38

We had three sons at this point, and

2:41

Kadeen and I were in

2:43

park Slope taking our boys

2:45

to go trick or treating, and I had

2:47

this grand idea to do a video, right,

2:50

and the video was going to be about bullying and

2:52

how me and Jackson were fighting against the bullies

2:55

throwing eggs.

2:56

Right, So we pull up and

2:58

we pull up and see you.

2:59

Park and I'm like, all right, kay, were about

3:01

to do a video and Case sucker teeth, I'm

3:04

like you to suck.

3:05

Your teeth for I'm just trying

3:07

to trigger treat and go home.

3:08

Yeah see, you be trying to trick or treat and go home.

3:10

But all the stuff that needs to get paid for for trick or treating

3:12

gets paid more by these videos. So

3:15

if you're gonna tell me you want to do this, you want

3:17

to go ahead, you want to do that, but then every time I'm trying

3:20

to do work, it's gonna be a problem. So I was like, Babe,

3:22

all we gotta do is do this video. Is gonna

3:24

take us about twenty minutes, and then we can go trick or treating. Right

3:26

every two minutes, Case sucking her teeth romhas

3:29

I freaking lose it.

3:31

I freaking lose it in front

3:33

of the kids. I'm like, nah, fuck, this, ain't

3:36

nobody going trick or treated. If we can't

3:38

do no videos, we going home. Jackson

3:41

gonna look at me.

3:41

So now I can't go trick or treat it because y'all too,

3:44

we'll argue about doing videos. At that

3:46

part, it kind of got to my spirit a little bit, and I was

3:48

like damn, I can't do this to my son. So I

3:50

was like, hey, look, look, look, look look what you're doing. So at first,

3:52

you know I'm gonna do it all dads do. I blame

3:55

mom. I say, see what you're doing to the babies.

3:57

You see what you're doing to the babies. Can we just do

3:59

the.

3:59

Video real quick.

4:00

It's gonna take fifteen minutes. We do video fifteen

4:02

minutes, and then we go trick or treated. She said, fine,

4:04

Grin and Barry right, we do the video.

4:07

I post a video before we go trick or treated.

4:09

By the time we started trick or treating thirty

4:12

minutes later, we had one hundred and seventy thousand

4:14

views.

4:15

I pointed.

4:16

I said, hey, hey, you see this, babe.

4:19

Look how many views we got. I said, ain, no

4:21

week I got them views.

4:24

Okay, I'm a paid actress. Pay

4:26

me, pay me in this job

4:29

that I did not apply for, sir.

4:31

Oh, you get paid. You get paid

4:33

every other night and twice on weekends.

4:35

Oh my god.

4:37

That was a good one though, because I remember

4:39

we were two seconds away from going home, and poor

4:42

Jackson was like, so we can't go

4:44

trick or treat, So why do we have a costume, So

4:46

why did we get a costume?

4:50

That was a good time?

4:51

Yay?

4:51

It was social media life that I got bullied. I

4:53

got I got bullied into social media.

4:55

You did, you know? And I'm unapologetic. I

4:57

don't care.

4:58

And now I'm the one like babes we're posting

5:00

today.

5:01

Yeah, I got to wait for them, but

5:03

once the bag started rolling in, I was just like, oh,

5:05

this is this is nice.

5:07

You see what I'm saying.

5:08

This is nice.

5:11

You're welcome, But listen, we're gonna take a quick

5:13

break. We have some special guests with

5:15

us today. You want to meet them when we come

5:18

back.

5:18

That's correct, Stay tuned,

5:20

y'all will be back.

5:25

All right, y'all, we're back. Thank you for sticking

5:28

or around.

5:29

Man, I remember those days

5:31

where we used to fuss and fight over

5:33

content. Yes, and I said, you

5:35

know what, we should bring in some reinforcements. I want

5:38

to talk to some other families who deal with

5:40

this whole social media life and what that

5:42

looks like, you know, because

5:44

sometimes it can be very very feeling

5:46

oversaturated as a market, but also

5:49

very very lonely. Yes, And I just want

5:51

to know if anybody can empathize with me you

5:53

know what I'm saying. And Rowalland is a

5:55

comedian, host, storyteller,

5:57

and director whose social media presence

6:00

has won so many of us

6:02

over. We've watched her family grow from just her

6:04

and her husband Ben to now a family

6:06

of three, and now on

6:08

their new Pad podcast, Fly

6:11

on the Wallen, which I absolutely love that

6:13

Fly on the Wall and Amber and Ben give

6:15

us hilarious and insightful advice about

6:17

love and relationships. Amber and

6:19

Ben thank you all so much for being here.

6:22

Hey, hello, Hello,

6:24

It's so good to be here.

6:25

So guys, Oh my god, so happy

6:28

to have y'all were.

6:30

I feel so validated by the story

6:32

that was just told, because in the

6:34

early days, every single

6:36

moment I was stopping you like, let me get this for my

6:38

Snapchat, and then m became let me get this for my Instagram,

6:41

let me get this for my TikTok, and then that first check

6:43

wrote it, he was like, oh, get it, get it for your garden

6:45

now.

6:46

Yeah, yeah, let's be real.

6:49

So I was a teacher at this point. I was one

6:52

moment really hit me when I was trying to help a student

6:55

and like, I'm sorry, mister Wallan, I just saw you in

6:57

your underwear yesterday on your

6:59

work talk account and

7:01

I said, oh fudge, are

7:03

we allowed to swear can?

7:09

Oh?

7:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So I was like fuck.

7:12

And then one of and one of my co teachers

7:15

one time, as an April

7:17

fool's joke, was like, Hey, the principal wants to

7:19

talk to you about your wife's TikTok account

7:21

and as a joke, and I was like, I'm

7:24

going to get fucking fired, Like that was his

7:26

joke to me. So I

7:29

this might give some context to the

7:31

hesitancy of like not wanting

7:33

to make everything a video. But yeah, once the

7:36

money started coming in, I was like, fuck

7:38

those kids, I'm ready to be.

7:43

That's right.

7:44

Well yeah, it's like yeah, yeah, you

7:46

saw my wife's Instagram. Have you seen her? Only fans

7:48

like, let's go come on, Like.

7:54

I got to trust magic about

7:56

the only fans who said we could make talk

8:00

about Fly on the Wall and people

8:02

have said, man, wish we could be on a Fly on

8:04

the Wall with y'all because we're we're

8:06

almost certain that stuff goes down.

8:09

I'll put some cameras on, you know.

8:11

So shoot, talk

8:14

about multiple streams.

8:16

This is this is the biggest thing I think people don't

8:18

realize why vlogging is

8:20

so important, right, and why creating content

8:22

is so important. We grew up during the time where

8:25

family matters, Fresh Prints, the

8:28

Nanny, The world was filled

8:30

with family content, where

8:32

people could watch other families and say, hey,

8:34

I can resonate with that when you look at the way

8:36

the world is now. They do have reality

8:38

shows, but typically these reality shows are

8:40

rooted in evils and mess

8:42

and they want to see people, you know, go

8:44

through issues together. And it's very rare that

8:46

you find a reality show that's just all about

8:48

community. And I think that vlogging

8:50

has taken a place for that ninety

8:53

sitcom right. You don't really see any more

8:56

nineties sitcoms anymore. Now you

8:58

have YouTube pages and you have YouTube family. So

9:00

I think that this is definitely a space where

9:02

people who can create content and make

9:04

it relatable would also make it funny slightly

9:07

scripted can do well.

9:08

So kudos

9:10

to you.

9:11

Guys for seeing that

9:13

up front and getting it done.

9:15

I agree with that. I think I also grew up

9:17

in the era of like loving like

9:20

the Flavor Flames, like just kind of

9:22

very crunchy, because I was,

9:24

like, I loved those shows growing

9:26

up loved the Cosby family and everything like that, but I was

9:28

like, this family is too perfect, Like you're a

9:30

doctor, you're a lawyer, and in my

9:32

house it was kind of it was the same busyness,

9:35

but it was a little bit more wild and chaotic. So

9:37

I think, right, people people might watch all

9:39

all be like, look at this whost of family, and people watch us and be like,

9:42

Okay, we ain't that mad, we we

9:46

ain't quite that annoying. So

9:48

I think there's that level of like, wow, these

9:50

girls won't flave. Okay, I don't agree,

9:52

but let me keep let me keep watching.

9:54

Because we watched, We watched Flavor

9:56

of It

9:58

was Flavor of Love, I Love New York. Who

10:01

was the other guys? It was the two brothers Chance.

10:03

Oh, and yes, were they a

10:05

spin off from this?

10:06

They will spin a real and Chance really

10:09

Chance?

10:09

Right?

10:09

But those shows were also wholesome, even

10:12

in their mess because they weren't trying to break anybody

10:14

up. They wanted to see people find love, and

10:17

not everybody's the bachelor or the bachelorette.

10:19

Sometimes you got somebody who's like a Flavor

10:21

of Love, who who may not be

10:24

everyone's typical person of love.

10:26

But this is someone who wants to find someone to spend with

10:28

us in their life with.

10:28

So I think that in a way, we

10:31

all have that type of love because

10:33

when me and k first started, we were into the apartment

10:36

and we were struggling and we were grinding, and

10:39

there was nothing perfect about our love story at that time,

10:41

Like people had a lot to say, they

10:43

had a whole lot to say, but we were

10:45

able to work through it byt just continuously being

10:47

our authentic selves and the people were able to find

10:50

the love through all of the mess.

10:51

Similar to you, guys, I.

10:52

Want our question for Ben because I feel like me and Ben

10:54

are kind of on the similar wavelength here, but

10:57

weren't necessarily signed up for this life, but here

10:59

we are and we're enjoying the bags that come in now.

11:02

But what was like the turning point for

11:04

you other than of course like it becoming lucrative.

11:07

Did you just fall in love with the idea

11:10

of Amber, like just really being committed to this

11:12

or did you feel like maybe she was onto something

11:15

Like at what point did it turn for you where you were

11:17

like, oh, that's a good question. Social media family thing

11:19

may be a thing for me.

11:20

Well before I met Amber, I

11:23

was a thestspian myself. It's different

11:25

than a lesbian an

11:27

actor. So I did theater, but I

11:29

did theater in college. I

11:32

loved like Tennessee Williams Place.

11:34

I loved like drama and like acting.

11:37

And we actually took improv classes together

11:39

like some people get marriage

11:41

therapy, but we just took improv classes

11:44

because it was a little bit cheaper.

11:46

And so.

11:48

No, it is it's like there's yes

11:50

anning and like building characters,

11:52

and I think there's a lot of like marital

11:55

like So I would recommend anybody who's married

11:57

or like in a long term relationship

11:59

like taking improv class because even if you're

12:01

not comfortable with that, you can really learn

12:04

with that persons. This was all before

12:07

this was all before all of that. So I've always

12:10

liked acting with Amber. And

12:12

Amber was like doing funny things on snapchap

12:15

and one time there's a comedian and I

12:17

really really respect Andy

12:19

Rowl and he one time Amber

12:22

like put on a debaby song and

12:24

I was like, I can do something with this on my violin.

12:27

So I busted out my violin and I made

12:29

this like crazy like addition

12:31

to this, this is when the baby wasn't

12:34

as controversial as he is now, and

12:38

so I did some like really cool stuff because

12:40

I'm a classically trained violinist and

12:43

my and our friend and he was like yeah,

12:45

yeah, and Andy, thank you, thank you, and

12:48

I'm sorry you

12:50

say this. Can you say this

12:52

directly to Amber? Like say that again?

12:54

But like, look at Amber, Can

12:57

I ask you what it was like to support me? And

13:03

on the table?

13:04

So I was I was.

13:06

Tot him to do that.

13:07

He said, you put me in this job that I didn't apply for,

13:09

So here's my resume.

13:10

No one asked.

13:12

I think. I think it was just a

13:14

big moment was when

13:18

uh TikTok came about. Because

13:20

the reach of TikTok was so

13:22

incredible and my ego is

13:24

in need of such boosting that

13:26

when we started to get like so

13:29

many views, I was like, all right, this is this

13:31

is fun. And I it might have been

13:33

I think I don't it could have been the money, but I think

13:35

it was also just the fact knowing

13:37

I was making people laugh was so was

13:40

so good and making people not feel bad about

13:42

themselves and we're like it was positive content

13:45

For the most part. It's pretty like a

13:48

political like but like we are

13:51

you know, so I anybody could laugh

13:53

at what we did, we would hope. And

13:55

I think that's a really good way to bring

13:57

people together at a time of like very absolutely

14:00

bipolarization. And so

14:02

I think the comedy is a powerful tool. And

14:04

so it was definitely

14:07

probably the moment of like TikTok, I think

14:09

when I was like, Yeah, this is this is great, let's

14:11

do this.

14:13

Well, I'll say this.

14:15

I want to pat Amber on the back of myself on

14:17

the back for showing you guys how

14:19

to dig into your talent groups and

14:22

stop judging yourself and just be who

14:24

you really want to be. Because if it wasn't

14:26

for me and Amber, y'all would

14:28

just be You would be a teacher, you would be in the office,

14:31

y'all would just have miserable lives,

14:33

not making people last, not

14:36

making people last, not

14:38

not being.

14:39

Silly taking yourself.

14:40

So, because I could see Ben right now being a serious

14:42

science teacher right now, if he

14:45

wasn't doing this, he would be

14:47

very serious. Nobody everybody be quiet in my class

14:51

has spoken. So I want to thank

14:53

Amber on myself for forgetting you

14:55

guys butterflies science

14:58

teacher for sure.

14:59

Yeah, I'm

15:01

like I remind every time we go out

15:03

to eat and they say, still are sparkling.

15:05

I'm like, who do you love? Who

15:08

do you love? Because

15:10

we didn't even know there was a question to

15:12

be asked in the before times.

15:14

That's right, idea sparkling

15:17

that I want. I want toilet bowl

15:19

water personally for me, I want the cheapest

15:22

water.

15:23

I tell them all the time, like when

15:25

I when I met him, he was slipping on the food time.

15:27

Okay, so I'm like, remember remember that when

15:30

you start arguing with me, you could go back to that food

15:32

time life.

15:33

Okay, yow again.

15:36

Hostile over here and these dead ass

15:38

fly on the wall and streets right now.

15:40

But no, but but but to be honest, man, someone

15:43

has to jump out the window and say we can

15:45

do this. There has to be someone, But there

15:47

has to be I was going to try

15:49

and see that, but I couldn't get it down.

15:50

I just wanted to pat me and Ben on the backroom. But go ahead.

15:53

But I was trying to give you your flowers, but you took

15:55

your flowers and snatched and take

15:57

your flowers, you and bend and run with your flowers.

16:00

All right, it's it right.

16:01

What's set up on the corner in New York Ben can

16:03

play the violin out tad.

16:05

Dance and we'll just like make some money that way.

16:07

Literally we'll be earning our

16:09

keep to Ben. Right.

16:10

But no, but seriously, though, this shows

16:13

you how like realistically, when Ben said

16:15

improv classes is good for marriage, I

16:17

agree because the biggest

16:20

thing with improv is listening. What

16:22

people don't realize is that if you really want to communicate

16:24

well in your marriage, you got to listen. People think

16:27

communication is just knowing what to say

16:29

to get your pointed.

16:29

For us, no, communication is

16:32

about listening.

16:32

And when I took improv classes in college

16:35

and in post college, it was all about, you know

16:37

what, let me understand where my partner's coming from.

16:39

Right.

16:39

So this is kudos to all four of us to finding

16:42

a way to listen to what our partner is saying

16:44

and being a support system even

16:46

if we didn't see the vision, right because you guys first

16:48

didn't see the vision. But it's like, you know what, I love this person

16:50

and they have a passion for it, so let me rock out

16:53

and us not knowing that us

16:55

knowing that y'all didn't see the vision, but being like, you know what,

16:58

I see something in this person and we can do this.

17:00

So that's entrepreneurship. Entrepreneur

17:03

is a huge improv class.

17:05

Yeah, cause you you literally you can't

17:07

do the scene by yourself. You can try,

17:11

but if people are signing up to see

17:13

a scene, not a one woman show, you

17:15

you kind of at some point need somebody.

17:17

And I was, I know, in the beginning, I was very nervous

17:19

because I had my own comedy career in Chicago

17:22

and TikTok is the land of TikTok

17:25

is the land of you see one interesting

17:27

thing in the back of somebody's video, and then everybody in

17:29

the comments is looking at that interesting thing. So

17:31

I think it literally became sort of one

17:34

time Ben walking through and obviously people

17:36

are like, who is that white man in your house? And then I

17:38

was like, oh, y'all, don't

17:40

y'all don't want to talk to Ben. They were like, actually

17:42

we do. We want to learn more. And it's

17:44

like, you know, that was a shock to my ego.

17:46

First, I was like, what a woman in comedy,

17:49

years of improv and stand

17:52

up classes and y'all want to see Ben. You

17:54

know that that mob scene where like SpongeBob

17:57

just mopping the floor in the back and squit was like, I'm playing

17:59

a clarinet. What's everybody looking at?

18:01

Right?

18:03

That's kind of how Ben started. And eventually

18:05

I kind of had to humble myself and be like, you know what, he is

18:07

a part of it, and you kind of need a dramatic

18:10

character and then like the straight

18:12

man of the scene to respond off

18:14

of. That's how every like every movie

18:17

works that way, every good sitcom.

18:18

Works that way.

18:19

You can't just have too crazy so or you can't have two

18:22

muted characters. So it really did end

18:24

up working for the best. And you know, you know when babies

18:26

get involved that that's

18:28

just like we have to

18:30

talk about anybody else on the internet because it's like, no, we got enough

18:33

content in our home.

18:34

Well, Amber is very clearly the director,

18:36

Like Amber is a writer at heart.

18:38

Like recently we went to a bar

18:41

and she read me some of her stand up and I was like

18:43

vomiting, like of laughter, like I

18:45

was throwing off my whist.

18:47

I was like, say it right, You're like I was vombing it. It

18:49

was so bad.

18:50

It was so funny. I like I

18:52

was like crawling on the floor

18:54

laughing, like drinking

18:57

like a nicer whiskey. And

18:59

I was really upset that she made me spit out my whiskey.

19:01

But like it's very clearly I think if people

19:04

follow us long enough, that Amber is

19:06

the director, Like she knows what she's

19:08

doing, and so all all our successes

19:11

come down to you know her, because

19:14

as what the Great Nini leaks said, like

19:16

no one knew me before they

19:19

knew you or something like that. I don't know, that's what

19:21

you.

19:21

Go to me, The

19:24

Great Nini

19:26

is a front of the show.

19:27

So yeah, for sure, for

19:29

sure.

19:29

So is it safe to say that for people

19:32

who aspire to do what we do right?

19:34

The social media content, the family content, and

19:36

this is kind of the recipe for it. You have the one

19:38

person who's like the director, the creator that

19:40

has like is the innovator that knows the

19:43

comedy, the beasts and all that. And then you have

19:45

me and Ben, who's the person that falls in line

19:48

and just knows the.

19:48

Script and just goes along with the flow.

19:51

That pretty much kind of sums up what it looks

19:53

like right for a couple of.

19:55

Say it, if I'm being honest, yeah, I

19:57

mean, I mean, you know, you can't

19:59

have a with too many you can't

20:01

have a kitchen with too many chefs, right, someone has to

20:03

follow, someone has to be the sioux

20:05

chef. But and also it takes a lot to be

20:07

able to flow with the direction

20:10

that the director is going, right, Like, I'm pretty sure Amber

20:12

may think of some things up the cuff, and it takes

20:14

Ben to be able to pick it up and do it.

20:16

You do that for me very well.

20:17

You know, I'll come with a script and

20:20

a lot of times in the beginning I'll tell, Okay,

20:22

this is what we're saying, this is the aim, and

20:25

every time we would do it,

20:27

she would say some wild shit that be hilarious,

20:30

and she'd be like, oh, was I supposed to say that? I'm like, nah, just

20:32

keep going, I

20:35

do write it, Just keep going. And then

20:38

just like you, I'm like, Kay became the star, and

20:40

I was just like, yo, like there

20:42

can be two stars in here. And people ask us

20:44

all the time, right like how will y'all how

20:47

do y'all deal with being married?

20:48

And who's the most important person? And

20:50

I'm like, nobody really be thinking about that over

20:53

here.

20:53

We provide content based on what happens

20:55

in our life, and if one wins, we both win.

20:57

And a lot of times this videos,

21:00

I think I'm gonna be the star in the video. She to start.

21:02

Then there's some videos all right, and I'm like, yo, okay, they gonna

21:04

think this is funny, and Davo was funny. So

21:07

I'd like, forget trying to be who's the star. Let's

21:09

just put out the content and it's.

21:11

And then you roll the kids into it. Now, so you guys have

21:13

a three year old?

21:13

Is it?

21:14

She sixteen

21:17

months?

21:20

I don't know where are not three year old from? Okay,

21:22

so three of.

21:23

Us don't put those years on us

21:25

yet, no way.

21:28

Jet A by the bags on the eyes, she about

21:30

three second,

21:33

you'll never sleep again ever in life.

21:35

So I'm welcome, welcome, y'all.

21:38

So when you start adding the layer of children like

21:40

you said now too, then that becomes like an added

21:43

layer of content, right because people then are just like, forget

21:45

de valecadeen, forget we want

21:47

to see the babies.

21:50

At this point, I mean, she can't really tell you guys

21:52

if she wants to be on camera or not. So that's gonna be another

21:54

added layer when she starts talking and letting you know what

21:56

she wants and doesn't want. Because with us

21:58

having four children, we have like one

22:01

we have one that's just like, no, I.

22:03

Don't want to do it. No, I don't want to do a video.

22:05

No, not for and we're cool with it.

22:06

And the funny thing is people will be like people

22:09

will be like, how come kas ain't in any in the videos?

22:11

And I'm just like, kads don't want to be in the video.

22:13

I don't care about y'all.

22:16

To draw, he wants to pain. He don't want to

22:18

talk to nobody. So we like, go ahead

22:20

and do what you want to do, so.

22:21

For sure, So we laugh in jokes sometimes

22:24

about dead ass being

22:26

in our what almost eleven twelve season.

22:28

At this point, I'm being almost like

22:30

a form of therapy for us as

22:32

a couple because we get to just actively

22:35

talk about things that I mean, sometimes stuff

22:37

come up here just in conversation and I'm like,

22:40

I didn't know you felt like what that?

22:42

Yeah?

22:43

Or he'd be like, hey, really like these surprise

22:45

aha moments like who are you? Who

22:48

am I sleeping next to this stranger? So

22:51

we speak openly and candidly, but we also

22:54

like to bring levity to challenges and stuff that

22:56

come along with marriage. So have you guys felt

22:58

the same way at all with having just social media

23:00

content or even your podcast. Has

23:03

that worked for you guys in terms of being

23:05

married couple but also speaking about things

23:08

so openly, Oh

23:11

for sure.

23:11

I mean I actually write things to bring up

23:14

on the podcast because the podcast

23:16

is like a buffer, because she can't get too mad

23:18

at me on.

23:19

You know, he'll be like, okay, so this ps

23:22

far for the listeners purposes. I'm like, now

23:26

we are four k.

23:29

Right, and

23:32

I'll yeah, I think

23:34

I think in some ways I things

23:37

will come up. But we

23:39

have definitely like things have come up on a podcast

23:42

and it got too real and so we had to

23:44

like edit that out or like oh wait, no, no, no,

23:46

we're not ready to talk about this yet, anything

23:49

like being which is fair, which yeah,

23:51

because it is like this in many ways,

23:53

what y'all are doing is an open

23:55

journal for people because you are talking

23:58

things and then sometimes you need to like

24:00

edit that. And so I found podcasting,

24:03

even if we had zero listeners, I found

24:05

it just helpful for us

24:07

to communicate and to listen. Like one time

24:09

Amber was editing the podcast,

24:11

She's like, I talk over you too

24:14

much, you know what I mean.

24:15

Yeah, it's great like a highlight tape

24:17

almost because You're like, there it

24:19

is on display. I have to edit it,

24:22

and I'm like, I can't even use this clip

24:24

because I was talking over my person.

24:26

So like, mister, which

24:29

I'm sure you told me for years, but I was like,

24:31

the writing is on the wall here, so podcast, I

24:33

said, he had to say it as it.

24:36

So, yeah, I've been telling my

24:38

wife a long time too, and she

24:40

don't care. We got into an argument

24:43

last night. Now, well it wasn't an argument,

24:45

it was a discussion. And I said two words and she

24:47

just went on. Six minutes later, she's like, you

24:49

understand, and I was just like, yeah,

24:51

yeah, I got it. I said, do you understand where I'm coming from?

24:54

She said where where you coming from? I said, you don't know because

24:56

you wouldn't let me speak. And she said, well that's

24:58

fine, that's fine as long as we're in under standing.

25:00

And she walked away.

25:02

But we done here, But

25:04

did you understand?

25:06

I did understand. I understood. I was just like, what

25:08

I understand is that you don't care about how.

25:10

Well we arrive at the.

25:14

Doll. We arrive at the destination the

25:16

Lord, that's funny, but I mean

25:18

I think that we just take it in stride. Because it

25:21

takes a lot of guts for us to do what we do

25:23

to be able to share. I know when I started

25:26

doing the social media content with Deval, my

25:29

family was not sold on

25:31

it. Do y'all get any backlash from your family

25:34

members about like putting too much out there?

25:36

Because I know at first my family

25:38

was just like, girl, why are you talking

25:40

about your issues on social media?

25:42

This is crazy? Why why are cameras in your house?

25:44

I'm like, it's not cameras, it's the phone, you know, But after

25:47

editing and producing content, it looks like it's

25:49

an actual.

25:50

Footage of people in our homes.

25:52

You know.

25:52

Do you guys get any backlash from family members and

25:54

stuff?

25:55

Yeah, especially in early days when

25:58

they're not when they're just saying the storytelling

26:00

and the sharing and they're not seeing you know, Jp

26:03

Morgan's benefits, right,

26:05

They're not seeing they're not seeing capital one. But

26:08

I think now, you know, because our parents

26:10

are from the generation of like, family

26:12

don't air out your laundry, and family business

26:15

is family business, and don't let people see the almost

26:18

like the holes in your ship and your

26:20

boats, and so I think for that

26:22

generation, they're like, you're sharing

26:24

your marital issues to other people,

26:26

why they're gonna think you're falling apart.

26:28

But people feel more seen when

26:31

they're like, Okay, everybody's marriage isn't perfect because

26:33

they did come from They came

26:35

from the the era of keeping up with the Joneses,

26:37

and I think everybody is now like we're a mess.

26:40

You two great, let's talk about it. So

26:42

I think I think there's more money in

26:44

that when people feel like they're on FaceTime with us

26:46

versus just like aesthetically

26:49

pleasing Instagram couples.

26:51

For me personally, yeah,

26:53

so and that hey, listen, that's the truth.

26:55

I told Kay because k used to when I used

26:57

to start videos in the morning.

26:59

She'd have a it on. She like

27:01

wait wait, wait, wait wait, let me I said no, no, no.

27:03

No, let me brush my teeth.

27:05

I said no, let them smell your breath through the phone,

27:07

like I gotta smell it every morning, Like let

27:09

them see how real it is. Keep the bonnet

27:11

on, don't brush your teeth. And people would

27:13

literally say, I ain't hear nothing. Daval

27:15

said, it's Kadean wearing a bonnet being bothered

27:18

for me, and it's just the reality.

27:20

It's real, like it's everybody's not made

27:22

up every day. We don't speak kindly to

27:24

each other all the time. No, we argue,

27:27

so we we disagree on a lot of

27:29

things, but you know what we do, we love each other through

27:31

it, and that's what people really want to see.

27:33

Like I don't. We don't got to be perfect people to

27:36

be in love.

27:36

Like nah, sometimes k don't like me, sometimes

27:38

I don't like her, But you know what we're gonna do. Go to

27:41

bed at night, talk about our issues, wake up in the morning,

27:43

and try to be better the next day.

27:44

Like that's just what it is.

27:45

It was just a learning curve for me because I know you guys

27:48

probably have also dealt with this maybe

27:50

now or early on, but getting past

27:53

what people are seeing in the comments right because

27:55

you're concerned about how this is going to be received.

27:58

So for me early on, that was

28:00

just me looking from a space of oh my god,

28:02

So now I'm putting my business out there, which

28:04

my family said I shouldn't do, and now I'm getting

28:06

backlash for it or people are commenting on

28:08

all the things.

28:09

That are wrong in this set

28:11

video.

28:12

So that was just me learning how to get kind of tough

28:14

skin and just not even going to the comment

28:17

section half the time now and just being like it

28:19

is what it is, y'all can take what you want from it and

28:22

leave leave the rest.

28:23

Yeah, we've we've spoken already about how

28:25

we got through that. How did you guys get through that? Dealing

28:27

with the comments?

28:28

Uh? Oh, well, with

28:31

the comments. I think we

28:35

we would read them and then cry to each other

28:38

was one way with it.

28:42

I think she had each other or like.

28:44

Sometimes we oh man. I

28:47

think for Amber especially

28:49

there, we got some nasty messages

28:51

like just like the racism

28:55

was just.

28:55

Of course because you're an intracial company.

28:57

Was yeah for me because like white

28:59

white people, you know, date outside their race

29:01

and they're open minded, and like black people date outside

29:04

their race and is like you hate your own race, you know what I

29:06

mean?

29:06

So I that's very true.

29:08

So you would see elements of like, you know,

29:10

like white man, you know, white

29:12

man power type of thing for you know. And

29:14

I say that completely ironically, like

29:20

they like.

29:20

Oh, you're handling all that over here. They're like, you

29:22

black bitch, where where is your man? I'm

29:24

just like what I do?

29:27

It is it is a different dynamic because where

29:29

are you guys located?

29:31

We live in La now, but we're in Chicago for

29:33

ten years.

29:34

Oh so you lived in la world in Chicago.

29:36

I mean the white people in Atlanta wouldn't have been as nice

29:38

to you been I'll be honest with you. Doing the motherfuckers

29:41

is racist and then you see you with a

29:43

black woman and they'd have been racist as hell. But

29:47

trust me that so no,

29:49

no, I

29:51

got you go ahead.

29:52

I think just like reading those comments and like laughing

29:55

at them. Uh. And then at one point

29:57

we sort of I

29:59

just I love trolling people. I

30:01

was I have three I just

30:03

I think it's so much fun. Like like one

30:05

time someone sent a comment

30:08

being like you you've referenced like Amber

30:10

dying, like we know that you're gonna kill

30:12

her, and like I was like because

30:14

I mentioned something about getting life insurance

30:17

and like I would pull the plug if needed,

30:19

because I like, just like funny and it's

30:21

to be funny. Yeah, it's and

30:24

people that doesn't hit with people. So when

30:26

I hear that, I just I double

30:29

down and I'm like, yeah, and this is how I would

30:31

do it if I were And

30:34

then and then I'll be like Amber, like how would

30:36

you kill me? Yeah?

30:37

We taught We talked on our podcast we would killy together.

30:39

Yeah.

30:39

Yeah, But to be very clear, like I love

30:41

horror, like I love

30:43

slasher films. I think this stuff is just like

30:46

interesting in aesthetic way, and that doesn't

30:48

sit well. It doesn't sit well sometimes with

30:50

our families as well. Some of our jokes, like we

30:52

both grew up churchy, Like my

30:55

dad is a hostile pastor and

30:58

your father is a deacon. Your mom's very involved

31:00

in the church.

31:01

So when same over

31:03

here, Yes, so we're talking about sex on the pot

31:05

or yeah, stuff like that, they're kind.

31:07

Of like same over here, yes, cringe

31:11

over here.

31:12

I think, Like, but then

31:14

what happens if I take my mom to Paris

31:17

and I say, you're in Paris right now because I talked

31:19

about Amber's pussy, like you know, then

31:21

they're okay with it.

31:22

We laugh, We I

31:24

don't want them.

31:27

That's so that's so true to both

31:31

of our families. Both of our families very

31:33

churchy people. I don't know, I can't I can't do it.

31:36

I can't do it.

31:36

But then when you have a party and you fly

31:38

people with places and then then they

31:41

now family members are like, can

31:43

you help me with.

31:43

My YouTube channel? Oh? Yeah, now

31:46

you want to start a YouTube.

31:47

YouTube channel links I had to look

31:49

at recently. Can you just give me some feedback and

31:51

tips on how to get my subscribers up? I

31:54

said the same person that was just like, why are you putting

31:56

your business out there on the street?

31:57

Now?

31:57

You want to put your business on the street? Sin

32:00

that good luck, good lackly.

32:03

I also think going back to the comments

32:05

thing, and I'm sure you felt

32:07

this way as well, Devello,

32:10

I was like, they probably can't see. So

32:13

for me, I was like, I am a trained

32:16

comedian, So everybody's

32:18

not gonna like the joke. Everybody's

32:20

not gonna like that, or they might have liked the joke, hated

32:23

the outfit, hated the hair, whatever it is.

32:25

These days, but I have seen so

32:27

many content creators forget

32:30

what they were originally doing because they're

32:32

arguing with everybody in the comments. So I'm like, girl,

32:34

I used to follow your page because you did

32:37

a wig tutorials. Now

32:39

you you over here to talk about some you

32:41

know, user five seven steven I got time today

32:43

and I'm like, no, you don't have time.

32:47

You don't have time.

32:47

And now this this page that used to be about

32:50

hair and protective styles has now become just

32:52

like attack of the comment section. Whenever

32:55

reality, if you get to a point where you're popular

32:57

enough, people that are down for you will

32:59

attle people in your comment section like they

33:01

will do the dirty work for you. You just need to

33:03

move on to the next video, to the next idea,

33:05

that's the next thing, because you'll forget why

33:08

you wanted to present yourself on

33:10

the Internet.

33:11

I have found absolutely no

33:13

you're you're absolutely right. I got on before

33:15

I got into television film.

33:16

I was an athlete. I play in the NFL for four years.

33:19

The first thing they tell you is do not watch sports

33:21

television because if you go

33:23

watch sports television or you're going to be reminded

33:26

of of whatever mistake the person

33:28

watching thinks you made. So

33:30

for example, and they tell you this with football all the

33:32

time, the people watching football don't know

33:35

football. So when they're telling you how

33:37

to do your job and you want to argue with

33:39

people about how you're supposed to do

33:41

what you're a coach to do, you're taking time away

33:43

from being better at your job.

33:45

I took the same approach.

33:47

When it came to doing TV film, and the same approach

33:49

of doing social media.

33:50

I told Kadean from the very beginning. Stop

33:52

reading the comments.

33:54

The people who are looking to comment are

33:56

probably trolls number one, but probably

33:58

don't even know what you're trying to portray.

34:00

They just want to find something to nitpit because they have nothing

34:03

to do. If you spend time

34:05

arguing with them, you've taken away from

34:07

the message you were trying to portray. Anyway, exactly,

34:09

get your message across. Make a video, then

34:12

make another video, then make another video,

34:14

and before you know it, all the trolls on

34:16

that one page will be going anyway.

34:18

And it has worked like clockwork.

34:19

I don't pay no attention to comments

34:22

because you know what's funny, everybody's

34:24

entitled to make a comment. Who am

34:26

I to tell you that you can't comment on my page.

34:28

That's the reason why I started a page right to

34:30

get social commentary. So if someone

34:32

don't like my joke, or like the video, or like

34:35

what I'm wearing, you're entitled to that opinion. I am

34:37

mad at you, Like that's your opinion,

34:39

I'm still tomorrow.

34:41

Now you got the video on the algorithm to

34:44

gage that movie engage

34:47

honey, that that video got a ring, honey,

34:49

because people, I'm

34:51

sure there are We've made so much content

34:53

over the years, so there are people arguing

34:56

on videos from three, four or

34:58

five years ago. At this point, absolutely,

35:00

you couldn't even keep up with every

35:03

cause it's it's and they smell blood in the water

35:05

too. So if you try to just comment from

35:07

one person, they could be like, ooh, I got Kiddingen's attention,

35:09

let me now, now let me They

35:12

go crazy with it. So if there's

35:14

anybody out there trying to make content, you need

35:16

to help with your YouTube page. Just don't respond to the comments.

35:18

That would be my price, just

35:21

right, and don't start altering,

35:24

right, and don't start altering your content to

35:26

what people are saying in the comments, because then you're losing

35:28

the authenticity of why you even have people follow

35:30

you to begin with.

35:31

Right, Yeah, I think that was the biggest message when when

35:34

you said Amber, is that people will lose sight of why

35:36

they got on social media anyway just to defend

35:38

one video. Yes, and now I'm no longer here

35:40

getting the content on what it is sad to see, but that's

35:42

human nature. I watched the same thing. In sports.

35:45

You no longer want to play receiver. Now

35:48

you want to prove that you can be quarterback. Just to prove

35:50

that the quarterback threw you the ball wrong in that last

35:52

play. That has nothing to do what happened. But

35:54

now you're out here trying to do something that's not your job

35:56

description so that

35:59

you'll have a strong founday.

36:00

Yeah, and then you miss.

36:01

It out on that money bag. That's that's what you really don't

36:03

know, because because I talk to so

36:05

many creators, they're like, I haven't had a brand deal of years. I'm

36:07

like, girl, you're showing hood fights in Baltimore.

36:11

What browd?

36:12

That's

36:15

the whole thing.

36:15

You're not marketable anymore because you're arguing

36:18

with people in every video.

36:20

Something that I loved

36:22

learning as a teacher is going back when you're like, who's

36:24

the star of this video? Was that centering

36:27

it not around a person, but around the great

36:29

thing. So there's this great writer, a great teacher

36:32

called The Courage to Teach by

36:34

Parker Palmer, and he says people argue

36:36

teacher centered classroom, student centered classroom.

36:39

No, it should be what he calls the great thing.

36:41

So if it's mathematics, center everything

36:43

around mathematics our page.

36:45

The great thing is that it's comedy. We want

36:48

to make people laugh. And if

36:50

I am the center of this video and make people laugh.

36:52

That's it. It ambers the center of the video makes

36:54

people laugh, that's it. If Wild's the center of the video

36:56

makes people laugh, that's it. The center

36:59

is the comedy. It's not about who's the star.

37:02

And same thing about football. The center is not like

37:05

it's your job is to learn football,

37:07

right the center. That's the great thing is

37:10

the football, the playing. I always find that really

37:12

helpful in dealing with comments because

37:14

it's not about me, it's about what's

37:17

actually funny. So I don't know, I

37:19

go back to that, what is our great thing?

37:20

No, I think, to be honest, I think

37:23

I love first of all what Amber said

37:25

about focusing on what you do. But then what Ben

37:27

said about the great thing. I

37:30

love that because that's a that's

37:32

a different perspective that we haven't

37:34

been able to articulate. But it's literally

37:36

what we do. We don't we don't make it about even

37:39

one of us. We make it about whatever the

37:41

messages in.

37:42

The video video.

37:43

Yeah, but also this is a good time to take a break

37:45

because when we come back, we heard y'all also do listener

37:47

letters like we do.

37:48

Oh do you give advice? We have

37:51

time we prob

37:53

about two of.

37:53

Them or one, because this is

37:57

do you have people writing in entire discaar?

37:59

I mean, this is.

37:59

A memoir, a

38:02

whole memoir.

38:03

And the thing is it's probably on us because sometimes they gave

38:05

us small paragraphs and we're like, we don't have any context.

38:08

We can't give you, guys, any hour two cents because

38:10

we don't know what you're trying to say.

38:11

Well, cut to this dissertation

38:14

over here.

38:14

What we're gonna do is take a quick break, pay some

38:17

bills. I gotta

38:19

pay some bills, and when we come back, we're going to jump

38:21

into this listening letter because I want to see how y'all would break

38:23

down this.

38:24

Yeah, Amber and Ben stick around

38:26

so we can see if we can help this person out. All right,

38:41

All right, Amber and Bang you're still there.

38:44

Oh yeah, I get these people. It's getting

38:46

these people business real quick, you know, saying.

38:48

Let me read this book real quick. Okay.

38:50

Hi to Valiant K love you both and have been

38:52

following your journey since Black Love so

38:54

proud of the growth. I'll try to give you the context

38:57

and quick bullet points followed by my question.

38:59

I'm twenty eight, a black woman with a college

39:01

degree, no kids, a full time job,

39:04

a business that I own, a few side hustles

39:06

in my own car. Wow, my

39:08

boyfriend, you got time for a boyfriend with all that. My

39:11

boyfriend of almost three years is thirty

39:13

four, no kids, drives and works a

39:15

full time job. We live together in the

39:17

city that he's from. This

39:19

is my fifth year here, and since I moved

39:21

here solely for work, I don't have actual friends

39:23

here, more so

39:26

colleagues and co workers. Okay, so here's my

39:28

dilemma. So we have all the context here in

39:31

big capital letters. I have no social life,

39:33

or at least that's how it feels most of the time. My life

39:36

revolves around my jobs and relationship.

39:38

My boyfriend is not as adventurous as I am

39:40

and is satisfied spending his weekends in the house

39:43

playing video games, whereas I'm a bit of a spontaneous

39:45

free spirit who lives by work

39:48

hard, play hard. He only asked me

39:50

out if it's with his friends, who

39:52

are great but just not my kind of people,

39:54

or family. Even though I'm expressed to him how

39:57

important routine date nights are to me, he

39:59

often flipped sit back on me to come up with

40:01

the day ideas and basically plan it all myself.

40:04

I get turned off when he does that because

40:06

it just adds extra task to my

40:08

CVS receipt of my

40:11

CVS receipt of a to do list.

40:13

I'm almost just.

40:14

I'm also just not used to my partner being

40:16

my closest friend within proximity, which

40:19

sounds pathetic at my big age, all

40:21

of my close friends are states away, and

40:23

I really have time funds to visit them as

40:25

much as i'd like. You got five jobs and three

40:27

hustles and you can't visit your friends.

40:30

What kind of side the hustles you got?

40:33

She's maybe hustling. She hustling enough,

40:35

she's busy hustling.

40:36

I've tried making new friends, which sucks

40:39

as an adult in my opinion, but there's

40:41

usually an undertone of envy disrespect.

40:44

They take advantage of me in some way while

40:46

personalities just don't mesh. Well, what

40:49

advice do you have for someone in my situation?

40:52

How can I improve my social life both in

40:54

and outside of my relationship?

40:56

Thanks? Abut love you both. We love you too.

40:58

Sorry.

40:58

I really tried to make it not too

41:00

long. M let

41:03

me go, let's hear wallins.

41:05

Yeah, what's y'all think?

41:07

I have opinions? So I'm gonna I'm gonna

41:09

use a phrase from a book called

41:11

The Relationship Cure. It's a very helpful book,

41:14

but in there they use the term emotional bids.

41:16

And basically, it's this idea that you

41:19

put it. You've been sounds like this woman

41:21

has been putting a bid out there, an emotional bid.

41:23

So I'm bidding, hey, let's

41:25

do this thing. And what will

41:27

happen is someone doesn't want to hang out with you. They'll

41:30

be like, uh yeah, all right, yeah,

41:32

maybe whatever. They won't give you a hard time. But

41:36

if they do like you, they'll they'll respond.

41:38

I can't do this now, but let's set a specific

41:40

day in time later. So based

41:43

on that, the man you're with does

41:45

not like you, like, he does not like you,

41:47

he doesn't want to hang out with you, he doesn't

41:49

care about you, like, let's be real, and you've been doing

41:51

these emotional bids for a while and

41:54

he doesn't get he doesn't give a fuck like, So

41:56

I think you have to have a really real you

41:59

have to recoverish it.

42:00

No, like you have to give up fund I'm sorry.

42:03

It's and the data proves it like

42:05

emotional bids is a huge indicator

42:07

of like lasting

42:10

friendships and relationships, Like

42:12

there's data behind this emotional bid, So

42:14

you're doing it, he's not returning. So that's

42:16

my idea on the romantic

42:18

relationship.

42:20

Yeah, it's emotional.

42:22

It's hard because it sounds to me if

42:25

I listened correctly that she moved

42:27

to the city to be with him. Yes,

42:30

So if I moved to your city to be with

42:32

you and you can't take

42:34

me down to the cheesecake factory one night

42:36

and get off that game, and I've

42:38

asked you, I've given ten bids

42:40

and you've knocked me down each time, I

42:43

might have to start packing boxes me personally because

42:45

I gave up friends, my hometown.

42:47

Maybe I used to be a block away

42:49

from my mama. I did all that to be here

42:51

with you, just sitting in the house playing games.

42:53

That's wild.

42:53

But for the friendship thing, I would definitely

42:55

recommend I would write

42:58

down a list of like five activities that I to

43:00

do. Oh, I'm sorry.

43:01

Talking about talking about my bad. My bad. I just wanted

43:04

to correct you. She didn't move there for him.

43:06

She said she moved there solely for work,

43:08

So I think she might have moved there for work and met

43:10

him. And the only reason why I say

43:12

that because then it's not his responsibility

43:15

to make sure that she has a social life.

43:17

I would agree with the movies is why I cut you off. But go ahead,

43:19

make sure we got that correct.

43:20

Yes I misspoke. I would definitely

43:23

I agree with you. I think it

43:25

is not his responsibility to

43:27

facilitate your social life. What I would

43:29

do if I was hurt, I would write down about

43:32

three to four hobbies that I have of things

43:34

I like to do, and I would go to those things by myself.

43:36

I'm a big yoga girl, so I

43:38

started going to the yoga studio by myself,

43:41

started slowly making friends at the studio,

43:44

and then I was up there, one doing something that I wanted

43:46

to do physically, and two making friends. So

43:49

I think because it was

43:51

a little strange what she said in the letter, like

43:53

any new friends I have, they start to be jealous

43:55

of me. I'm not saying that that's not true.

43:57

But like every new friend you made.

44:00

You right, what

44:03

did they do? Right?

44:06

Yo? I two things.

44:07

First thing, the emotional big thing makes sense though,

44:09

Right if a god likes you and you keep putting out

44:11

hey, I would like to do this. How hey, I would like to do this, and they

44:13

can never find time typically because they're

44:16

not that into you.

44:17

That's that's the truth.

44:18

The second thing is she says she got a

44:20

full time job, a business she owned, and several

44:22

hustles, but she don't got money to travel and see her

44:24

friends.

44:25

That don't make sense to me, because you.

44:27

Don't have a bad if you don't

44:29

have she hustling backwards.

44:32

It sounds like she's putting more money into her

44:34

businesses than she is putting

44:36

into her herself.

44:38

Right, It's like it's even

44:40

just based off of what we read, it's just giving busy

44:42

work. It looks like she's running around in circles

44:44

and she has no clear like like

44:47

there's no real actual tasks

44:49

as they're being achieved other than running around

44:52

in the circles. Because I just got dizzy even about

44:54

reading the whole the whole thing.

44:55

Right, because she didn't tell you what the business was, I

44:57

was like, what's the business? Because it was a lot of her

45:00

what's the business?

45:01

She said, a business she owned and several

45:03

hustles plus a full time job.

45:06

Which one thing I will say is she a

45:08

go getter that

45:10

also tell her about her personality. When

45:13

she wants something, she gonna go get it. So when

45:15

she say to her boyfriend, I want to go do this, if

45:17

you don't want to do it, she's gonna be upset.

45:19

What she really needs to do is find someone who.

45:21

Is just as much of a go getter as she is,

45:23

so she don't got to fight with him on

45:25

doing things she wants to do.

45:26

That would be my advice.

45:28

Yeah, like sign up for a business class, sign

45:30

up for a new business owners class,

45:32

and then make some friends there. But I've

45:35

never hung out with a new friend

45:37

and felt jealousy for them or them

45:40

jealous for me. That's

45:44

the one.

45:44

Like jealousy and envy off the bat.

45:46

Yeah, it does make me wonder what kind of energy you're giving

45:48

out there, especially if your people are not You know,

45:50

you can't attract honeywoo a big

45:52

What do you say you can't attract bes with vinegar?

45:56

Yeah?

45:56

So girl, first

46:01

of all, shout out to Triple Triple, talk

46:03

about you. She learned how to play video games because some man

46:05

played video games. No,

46:08

she's gonna be terrible at the video games and gonna

46:11

be mad that you playing video games with him.

46:13

And you messing up his school break

46:16

up.

46:16

Anyway, I'm gonna disagree slightly

46:18

with you. Uh So, recently

46:20

I bought a Nintendo Switch and ambers like, I

46:22

don't play video games. I'm like, we're

46:25

doing something different tonight because I want to spend

46:27

time with you and video games are important

46:29

artistic endeavors for me. And so I

46:31

was like, I was like, you are going I

46:35

like literally because I like spending

46:37

time with her. So if someone likes

46:39

I like doing things and I likes people

46:42

that I like to try the things

46:44

that I like. So I forced her to sit down and

46:46

she played Mary Card and at the end she's like, I got

46:48

you, bitch. Like she's like yelling and

46:50

screaming at me, like

46:52

jumping out of the couch.

46:54

And then I was like, Okay, we're gonna order some wings after

46:56

this, give me a little outside.

46:58

Yeah. But that's but that's our relationship as

47:01

far as the go. It sounds your phrase like hustling

47:03

backwards. It's interesting when people are

47:06

go getters but they're not getting you know, like those

47:08

are like I'm a go getter, but you're not getting anything.

47:10

It's like, are you a go getter?

47:12

Like you're just.

47:15

Imagine if this person listened like

47:17

so anxiously, like yes, they finally chose my letter.

47:19

She at the house like, no,

47:22

no, listen, this is now here's the funny

47:25

part.

47:25

Right.

47:25

When you got two people, well

47:28

two couples where they speak candidly

47:30

with each other, we're gonna speak candidly

47:32

with everybody, like that's just the bottom line. I'm

47:34

not going to say anything to you that I wouldn't say to my wife

47:37

or wouldn't expect my wife to say

47:39

to me, because I could tell you right now if I told Okay

47:41

that I had a part time job and for side

47:44

hustles, but I ain't had no money, she would

47:46

honestly say to me, nigga, what the.

47:47

Fuck are you doing?

47:49

Come home, come home, recalibrate

47:52

and figure this out, because whatever you're doing is

47:54

not work.

47:54

It's not working.

47:55

That's what she would say to.

47:56

Feel like people writeing and they feel like we're kind of like friends,

47:58

right, so we have and we're

48:01

in a little friend circle, and this is your friend circle

48:03

girl telling you stop just

48:05

go get in and just go go get and then

48:07

not just go.

48:08

Also, also, it is hard to move

48:10

to a different city right and

48:12

find people like you have to

48:14

create a village that doesn't That's not

48:16

easy.

48:17

It's not an easy tak Yeah.

48:18

I think that's where Amber's advice comes in, Like

48:20

go to places that you enjoy, doing things that you

48:22

like, and then you'll find probably like minded

48:24

people.

48:25

In a sense, you don't you know what probably happened

48:27

there. She probably invited one of them new

48:29

friends to brush and then try

48:31

to combine these hustles with the fresh and be like

48:33

girl, you know, I still a seam off's girl,

48:36

and the friend Frid's.

48:41

She don't want to support your business, and now she's jealous

48:44

because she don't want to buy your off.

48:46

I was getting fresh. Tell me if you try

48:48

to sell me off.

48:49

If there is only like some online

48:51

website that allows you to connect

48:53

with other people on shared hobbies, I

48:55

don't know, like maybe meet

48:57

up or like a million of other bumbles.

49:01

For friendships.

49:05

They have that.

49:07

Yeah, I'm so glad.

49:08

That means

49:10

you haven't been on the apps in a while. Good answer,

49:13

great answer.

49:14

I don't think

49:16

we've ever been on a dating appeas

49:21

years ago.

49:23

Yeah, that's when we started dating.

49:26

The trenches and he lives

49:29

to see another day and he's still here.

49:32

Happened and happy to go through it too. You better

49:34

say that period love.

49:36

It wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

49:38

Period.

49:43

What we also loved, though, was having

49:46

y'all to day on the Showy

49:49

hour.

49:50

Went by so quick. I'm like, oh my god, I can't.

49:51

Believe we're like a No, I can't believe it was an hour

49:54

already.

49:54

Wow, Oh my goodness.

49:56

Well, I want you guys to close out by telling

49:58

everybody all y'all business, where they can

50:00

find you, where they can follow, where they can tune

50:02

in, where they can listen, give them all the tea

50:04

because amb we had such a great time with y'all today.

50:06

Y'all are hilarious.

50:08

Yay, thank you we did. Good man. You

50:10

might get something tonight.

50:14

Get something to play

50:17

card.

50:17

You better go get some period. They got

50:20

some wings for.

50:20

After yet, right, and

50:22

I'm not above wings after six, so take

50:25

some up period

50:27

wings wings, wings.

50:29

Yes, y'all been together.

50:32

Y'all know that we get make

50:36

it spicy. Literally.

50:37

Oh if I could tell y'all something, I can tell

50:39

you some things that are happening in this house with

50:41

wings and sects.

50:43

Oh my gosh, it don't

50:45

even be me though, Yes, it don't even be me.

50:47

It'd be hurt be.

50:48

Asked with a spice baby, right, what

50:51

you gotta do?

50:51

Okay?

50:52

Yeah, yeah, very longer. We

50:54

need some tips for those listen

50:56

who want a little bit more of us. You can

50:58

follow me on all social handles, from

51:00

TikTok to Instagram at Burr Underscore

51:03

I am so b you are our underscore

51:05

I am, and we host Fly

51:08

on the Wiland podcast together. We're

51:10

actually going on tour soon. Our first

51:12

tour day is going to be in New York City on

51:14

October twenty fifth. So if you're in New

51:17

York for New Jersey or you

51:19

know in that little circuit, you can say all, I'm from the South.

51:21

If you're in Maine area,

51:27

we'll talk well offline. He's from Long

51:30

Island. If you're in the Tri state area.

51:32

We will be in New York City at City Winery

51:34

on October twenty fifth.

51:35

Also we live in.

51:36

La but Burr I am and Fly on the Wiland.

51:38

Thank y'all so much.

51:39

And I just want to say, as a union, thank y'all

51:41

so much. I just want to.

51:43

Say, they got four they

51:45

got four kids. Man.

51:47

As a Union delegate, y'all did an episode

51:50

on SAG and the importance of unions and honestly

51:53

like that is amazing work that you're doing. It

51:55

was funny.

51:56

So thank you so much.

51:57

No, seriously, like I feel like there's not enough

52:00

people who are giving full context

52:02

and anybody who wants

52:04

to understand unions in a very like clear

52:07

direct way not too heady and

52:09

also laugh like you need to listen to that episode

52:11

that y'all did, so thank you.

52:12

So much for I appreciate that.

52:14

Man Manday listeners know to

52:16

listen today's show. But but yes, thank

52:18

you so much.

52:19

I know.

52:19

I'm just saying, like, if you missed that.

52:21

One us

52:24

our flower.

52:27

There to listen to dead Ass podcast, Well,

52:31

I was just very it just

52:33

warmed my heart.

52:34

It did warm my heart to hear great.

52:36

Yeah, anyway, thank you

52:39

receive those flowers.

52:40

I love.

52:41

We appreciate y'all.

52:41

Y'all.

52:43

Thank y'all so much for joining us today.

52:46

You back in the future.

52:47

All right, y'all, we're coming back. Thank y'all.

52:50

It's wild for us.

52:51

We will we will all right,

52:53

take care of y'all. All

52:56

right, moment

53:00

for in Ben today. You know what my moment of truth is that

53:02

Amber and Ben made me feel that much

53:04

more normal in this social social

53:06

media space.

53:07

I know we've been doing it for seven years. It's

53:09

been a while.

53:10

It feels like a long as seven years, and

53:12

so much has happened, But it's just refreshing

53:14

to see another couple who can laugh at themselves

53:17

and joke at themselves and not take things too

53:19

seriously andnot be bogged down by

53:21

the weight of the world and everything that's going on,

53:23

and they can just laugh, they can share, they

53:25

can put it out there, and people take what they want from

53:28

it and they leave the rest. It just makes

53:30

me feel like we have like a little group of you

53:32

know, like minded couples who are

53:35

doing the same things for their families and for

53:37

the culture, for the for y'all's viewing

53:40

pleasure.

53:40

I agree.

53:41

I think there was something that Ben and Amber said

53:43

to me that made the most sense, which'll be my moment

53:45

of truth, is that when

53:47

you get into this business of

53:50

trying to be a quote unquote example, being

53:52

an example doesn't mean you have to be perfect. Being

53:55

example means I can be exactly who I am,

53:57

and I can be an example that being who I am

54:00

it's perfectly fine. I love that with all

54:02

the flaws and everything so shout out.

54:04

To whoever's going will

54:06

support regardless, like

54:08

y'all, thank you so much for listening. I love how

54:10

when we have listener letters too, like yeah, it's

54:12

always starts with someone like giving us our flowers,

54:15

right, Yes, so we appreciate y'all for that.

54:17

We love y'all for it. Thank y'all for listening. We hope

54:19

you had a great time listening.

54:20

If you want to be a featured listener letter,

54:23

we'll go through all the housekeeping stuff.

54:25

If you want to be featured as a listener letter, continue

54:27

to write into us at dead ass Advice

54:29

at gmail dot com.

54:31

That's d e A d A d v I c

54:33

E at gmail dot

54:35

com.

54:36

And be sure to follow us d

54:39

e.

54:39

A d A s s A d v

54:41

i c E. I just said dead advice, dead

54:44

ass advice at Gmail.

54:45

I don't even pick up on it this time. Look at that.

54:48

But also if you, uh, if you haven't yet,

54:50

be sure to subscribe and join us on

54:52

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54:54

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55:02

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