0:00

Real talk. Creating

0:02

content costs money.

0:04

That is a whole fact.

0:07

Dead ass and dead ass

0:10

that costs the money part was the

0:12

part that you left out when we embarked on this

0:14

journey to.

0:15

Begin with dead ass,

0:17

I might have changed my mind.

0:20

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and

0:22

we're the Ellis's.

0:24

You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

0:26

Voice and reading each other publicly

0:29

as.

0:29

A form of therapy.

0:31

Wait, I make you need therapy most days.

0:34

Wow.

0:35

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

0:37

Yes, sir, we are.

0:38

We created this podcast to open dialogue

0:41

about some of li's most taboo topics.

0:43

Things most folks don't want

0:45

to talk about.

0:45

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

0:48

is a term that we say every day. So when

0:50

we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

0:53

one hundred the truth, the whole truth,

0:55

and nothing but the truth. We about to take Philo

0:58

talk to a whole new level.

1:01

Dead ads starts right now.

1:08

I'm gonna take y'all all the way back over decade

1:11

twenty twelve.

1:12

This is a story I've never told before.

1:14

Really. Okay, So we were what ten years in.

1:17

Yes, we were ten years in.

1:18

We had just moved back from Michigan

1:21

in two thousand and nine. We were starting to get rolling

1:23

with the gym and stuff.

1:24

Jackson was born twenty eleven. Yes,

1:27

okay, so there we.

1:28

Are, and.

1:31

We had started married to

1:33

the gym. Remember married

1:35

to the gym?

1:35

Oh yeah.

1:36

So the reason why I started marrying to the gym was

1:38

because Kay had just had Jackson.

1:40

She was trying to get her body back.

1:42

So I started filming training

1:44

her and then we had a bunch of other moms from the football

1:46

program who we're also training

1:48

as well. Apparently some

1:52

producers saw it

1:54

came to me and Kadeena were just like, hey, we

1:56

think you guys are great on camera. We

1:59

would love to help you guys create a show.

2:02

So I was like, cool, what's the show

2:04

going to be about? They were like, well, what's

2:06

at stake? What's his steak for you guys?

2:08

And I was like, what do you mean. We just got married, we have a son.

2:10

We told me I have a training program

2:13

for kids. So they got excited about the training program. I'm

2:15

like, oh my, got the training program? How

2:17

many parents? So I told them how many kids? How many

2:19

parents? Like any single moms. Many of the

2:21

moms got beef, and then I was like, whoa, whoa,

2:23

whoa, how did we get

2:25

here?

2:25

How did we get to beef?

2:27

The name of the show was called Married to the Gym, Like,

2:29

that's the segment is Married to the Gym. I thought we

2:31

were going to discuss, you know, what we can do with

2:34

love and work together and build together.

2:36

Again, there's not much his steak there, so

2:39

I said, Okay, well,

2:42

if that's not the direction you want to go, then

2:44

we don't want to talk about the kids and their parents.

2:46

Their parents come to train with us, like their personal

2:48

lives are not on the table

2:50

here. But I also had another friend at

2:52

the time who played in the NFL, and we developed

2:54

the show called d and Bow Tackle

2:56

the off season, and we filmed

2:59

and they enjoyed it. But at the time,

3:01

my boy Bow was in the middle of his football careers,

3:04

Like, I can't commit to doing a reality TV show.

3:06

Forgot about.

3:09

Season.

3:09

Yeah, we had to dig up that trailer. It was actually

3:11

really good.

3:11

It actually was really good to go and it was it

3:14

was ultimately about Bow

3:16

and I being remember the.

3:17

Show Robin Big.

3:18

It was like Robing Big, you know, Bo was six five,

3:20

two hundred and eighty pounds. I'm

3:22

a smaller guy compared to him, and

3:25

we both met our wives in college.

3:27

We were building families at the time. They

3:29

had three kids. They had lost their son,

3:32

Skylar, yes, and we

3:34

had one child. So it was just about

3:36

college roommates who were embarking on this

3:38

different life. During the off season, I had transitioned

3:40

to not no longer doing NFL

3:44

football, but I was working as a broadcaster. So

3:46

they loved that idea. But Bo didn't want to do it. So

3:50

they were like, Oh, we'll figure something else out. You

3:52

know, you guys don't have any star power. That's pretty

3:54

much what it was. You guys don't have any star.

3:56

Par We don't have any drama or drama

3:58

star.

3:58

Power and drama. Yes.

4:00

So at that time I started to realize

4:02

that there was a trend because every

4:04

year a different producer and

4:06

the more we started to gain popularity on

4:09

social media. For example, the TIM shoot happened

4:11

in twenty and thirteen, I believe, And

4:14

after the Tim shoot happened, we started to get a little bit popular.

4:17

Another producer came.

4:18

This producer was much larger than the first two producers

4:20

and already had a show on television,

4:24

and this producer wanted to do

4:26

a show with Kadeen and I. But also the same

4:28

thing, they didn't see the

4:30

positive aspect. Now remember

4:33

we're going back to two thousand and twelve,

4:36

thirteen.

4:37

They saw the positive, they just wanted negative

4:39

with the no.

4:40

No, not that they couldn't see the positive, they

4:42

couldn't see the positive being a sellable

4:45

trait for viewership.

4:46

That's what I meant when I said they couldn't see the positive.

4:49

They couldn't see the positive being

4:51

something that people wanted to see. And

4:53

I'm gonna be honest, I could tell. I

4:56

mean, I understand where they were coming from because

5:00

about sales at the end of the day, and you

5:02

have to sell to an audience that's going to watch

5:04

your TV show. So after those

5:06

failed attempts at Kadeen and I being

5:10

on our own reality show, we started

5:12

to get phone calls from producers

5:15

up until last year that

5:17

current shows who have ensemble casts

5:20

want us on their.

5:21

TV show and we just don't

5:23

want to do it. No thanks, we just

5:26

don't want to do it. And over the.

5:28

Last that

5:30

was twenty twelve, eleven

5:34

years, eleven years,

5:36

Kadeen and I finally sat down and said, you know what,

5:39

We're gonna do this shit ourselves.

5:41

We're gonna do it our way. So birth

5:45

Patreon. All right, karaoke

5:47

time.

5:48

Do you have a karaoke song?

5:49

Because you said you have one, We do have one today,

5:51

and I feel like it's rather fitting because

5:54

it can apply in this circumstance.

5:56

As we speak to you guys today, we're

6:01

thinking of ways to make it better. Right, We're trying

6:03

to make it better for y'all who have been

6:05

supporting and listening and watching

6:07

us for so many years. We're trying to make it

6:09

better for de Valini, for

6:12

our team. So I'm

6:14

a movement by myself, but

6:17

I'm a forge.

6:19

Maybe Wait how bad

6:21

I go again by

6:24

myself? You

6:26

make me better, You make me, You

6:29

make me better. Shout out to Neil,

6:31

Shout out to Neil. Y'all make us better.

6:33

That's a fact, because shoot,

6:35

all the content y'all be requesting, we're

6:37

trying trying to find ways to get it to y'all. We're

6:39

trying to find ways to get it to you.

6:41

So we're going to take a quick break and then when

6:43

we get back, we are actually going to dive into

6:45

the business aspect of why we are

6:48

creating our own content and why it's important

6:50

for us to own our own content.

6:52

Absolutely, why Patreon up

6:54

next? Stick around?

6:55

Y'all?

7:00

All right?

7:00

Baby plus me it equal

7:02

better math? Now the song's coming

7:04

back.

7:04

Now, the songe's coming back in it. But

7:07

you were that's that forty y'alls.

7:09

Yeah, I didn't have caffeine this morning, so I'm going

7:11

to the chiropractor later and they told me that I'm

7:13

having a reassessment and I should avoid caffeine

7:16

before coming in.

7:17

So if I'm talking in slow motion,

7:20

it might be that's why.

7:22

Right, cool, Let's

7:25

go back to twenty twelve.

7:27

So I always had an

7:29

idea for a sitcom

7:32

or reality show. Now, if you go back

7:34

to twenty twelve, that was during the time when

7:37

those reality shows that were hitting were.

7:39

Flavor of Love.

7:42

Yes, yeah, that was that time.

7:43

There wasn't a lot of scripted

7:46

content that was on television

7:48

during that time in twenty twelve, and sitcoms

7:51

and dromedis weren't really a thing. So

7:53

when I was pitching the Elysis, people

7:55

are like, I don't see.

7:56

It because we grew up in our generation

7:59

on sitcom right, And that was huge

8:01

for us. We think of the Martins of the world, the Cosby

8:03

Shows, the Family Matters, you

8:06

know what was it on Friday Nights TJ.

8:09

Yeah, all the sitcom So to

8:11

us it just kind of made sense. Who were like, you know,

8:13

a sitcom just sounds like something

8:15

the world needs right now.

8:17

Absolutely.

8:18

So I looked at my beautiful wife

8:20

and it was partly

8:24

because it's something I wanted, but I knew it was also

8:26

something that she wanted. We wanted to be able

8:28

to showcase our abilities, but do

8:30

it our own way. Now, I know everyone

8:32

here has heard the statement people

8:34

sold their soul.

8:36

Right, let's discuss what that means.

8:38

People often believe when they say you sold

8:41

your soul, that you actually had a

8:43

meeting with someone who

8:46

purchased your soul, gave you money,

8:49

and now you have to just do exactly what they

8:51

want you to do.

8:52

That's not really what the statement

8:54

means.

8:55

What the statement means is that you, as a

8:57

creator, had an idea.

9:00

Your idea was good, but someone

9:02

came along and said I can make your idea better, gave

9:05

you money, and said, now your idea

9:09

is my idea, but I need you to

9:12

play out my idea because I gave

9:14

you the.

9:14

Money right the way I see fit. And

9:16

a lot of times they don't necessarily even have the

9:18

vision per se. They may just have the resources

9:20

to be able to bring that to fruition

9:23

for you.

9:23

And in their defense, they're

9:26

coming with the resources and the investment,

9:28

and most of the time they already have the audience.

9:31

Yes, So what they're saying to you is, I'm willing

9:33

to put you in front of my audience, but you have

9:35

to do what my audience wants, because

9:37

I know what my audience likes. Yes,

9:39

And Kadeen and I said, no, absolutely,

9:42

that's not what we want to do. There

9:44

was one time in particular, this is when we started doing brand

9:47

partnerships.

9:47

If you guys have noticed, we don't do as.

9:49

Much brand partnerships anymore. This

9:51

is why this was in two thousand

9:54

and seventeen,

9:57

No. Twenty eighteen, the

10:00

Graham had blew up for us.

10:02

We had a meeting with a group.

10:04

I don't like to out people or say certain things,

10:06

because it could be a person

10:08

in that.

10:09

Groups in that moment, in that moment who said

10:11

something, so it doesn't represent the group.

10:13

But I had a meeting with a group

10:15

about a brand partnership and they wanted us to do

10:18

something for I

10:21

think it was Black History Month. We're

10:23

a black family. Have a meeting

10:25

with them. And this is before Donora, because if

10:27

we were with Donora, Donora would

10:29

have absolutely obliterated them.

10:31

Would have been like laptops.

10:33

Yes, So this had to be twenty

10:36

and eighteen.

10:36

It had to be February twenty

10:39

eighteen, after we had done Clawox,

10:41

we had done Durasel.

10:43

Yes.

10:44

I remember group comes to U and sayd hey, we want to do a

10:46

Black History Month thing. We

10:49

have an idea. They told

10:51

me the idea. I said, okay, this is cool, it's easy. Me

10:53

and my family can do this.

10:54

Can you?

10:55

Is there a way you can blacken it

10:57

up? And

11:01

I said, what do you like? What do you what

11:03

do you mean?

11:05

Check this out? This is this is the this

11:07

is a real statement. Kadeen.

11:10

I know Kadeen has a long, stringy hair.

11:12

Is she willing to put on like a like a wig,

11:14

like an afro wig?

11:17

Yeah?

11:19

I said what, like

11:21

a what? And they

11:24

were dead serious.

11:25

And the fact that they felt like our

11:27

family could be blackified, like

11:30

it's Black History Month, we need to wear kin

11:32

cloth and afro wigs or

11:34

flat tops to be considered black. Our

11:37

blackness in itself in Brooklyn

11:39

in an apartment was not black enough.

11:41

We didn't look like your quote unquote as they said,

11:44

typical black family.

11:46

So then they questioned me, so is Kadeen

11:48

is?

11:49

Is she black? I'm like, I'm like,

11:51

are we really having this conversation? And

11:53

it was moments because that wasn't the only moment.

11:56

It was moments like that where they

11:59

wanted our black is to be a trope of blackness,

12:02

not just black because and I tried

12:05

to explain a couple of times black people

12:07

are not monolithic, We

12:10

sound, we act differently, and

12:13

they were.

12:13

Like, okay, well, well you know what, We'll

12:15

circle back.

12:17

So when I'm getting the circle backs and I'm realizing,

12:19

well, there's a reason

12:22

why.

12:24

They're not.

12:25

Willing to work in synergy with us,

12:28

right, So I started to ask questions and

12:30

this is the answer as to why we started Patreon.

12:35

A large part of the people in

12:37

this country who watch shows

12:40

like us shows that what people

12:42

to look like us don't look

12:44

like us. Middle

12:46

American white people pretty much dominate

12:49

the television industry as far as who watches, especially

12:51

if it's family content. So what they

12:54

want to do is either make us whitewashed

12:57

or make us a trope of blackness. This

13:00

is what I realized after going to all of

13:02

these meetings with producers

13:05

and brands. They see

13:07

us as a commodity, but only in the way

13:09

they view us, which means we would either

13:11

have to be the black family that wears

13:14

the polka dots with the ties and the suspenders

13:16

and be the whitewashed version

13:18

of what blackness is, or we have to be baggy

13:21

clothes yo yo fro afrocentric,

13:25

like they only see tropes and

13:27

tropes of not only blackness, tropes of whiteness

13:30

and tropes of blackness because they feel like, hey, we

13:32

got the audience.

13:33

We know what our audience wants to see.

13:36

And Kadein and I made a decision that, well, we know

13:39

our audience and we want to make content.

13:42

For our audience, not

13:45

for your audience.

13:46

We want to make content for the audience that

13:48

has supported us since we

13:50

started. And I'm not talking about starting in twenty

13:53

seventeen. I'm talking about twenty twelve.

13:55

Because we had a Facebook page that was doing really well

13:57

with Married to the Gym, and we were getting a

13:59

hunt of thousands of views in twenty

14:02

twelve, before Instagram even became a thing.

14:05

The first video ever did that when viral was

14:07

a video of k pushing the sled and

14:09

me pushing the sled behind it and me slapping

14:11

on it. But and it got like one hundred and thirty

14:14

thousand views on Facebook at the time, which

14:16

was like unheard of. But people

14:18

just loved to see me supporting

14:20

my wife, my wife working hard, and then a

14:22

little baby running on.

14:24

The field while we were doing what we were doing.

14:27

And it reminded me of The

14:29

Fresh Prince and The Cosby Show because

14:33

at the time The Cosby Show

14:35

and The Fresh Prince wasn't the version of

14:37

blackness they were used to seeing. Think

14:40

about the seventies, the greatest show coming

14:42

out the seventies was Good Times, right,

14:44

and then it was Georgia Waisey's The Jeffersonsons,

14:47

and it was just about struggle.

14:49

It was like black people struggle. All black people do is struggle.

14:52

I wasn't a Good Times god, but I know the

14:54

father on Good Times struggled

14:56

keeping a job, you know, and I think

14:59

the mom was the one always work and she was always tired.

15:02

But the show did really well. So

15:04

when the Cosby Show came out. He's

15:06

a doctor, the wife is a lawyer.

15:09

They got five kids. The kids don't

15:11

really get in the type of trouble that you expect black

15:13

kids living in Brooklyn to get into. At

15:15

first, it was just like, I don't know how real it is, but it became

15:17

a phenomenon because that version of what

15:19

black looks like wasn't just black.

15:22

It related to everything everybody.

15:24

The first ontional too, I

15:26

think, I mean, I remember your dad saying that he didn't like

15:28

The Cosby Show for that reason.

15:29

He's like, it's not real. It was a show, Like really, my dad

15:31

said that, and.

15:31

He said that as a black man. So I guess

15:34

it really depends on the audience that you're trying to cater

15:36

to. But just start to circle back with the

15:38

brand deals and stuff like that. You know, even

15:40

just the brand partnerships that I had gotten or

15:42

you had gotten through other companies

15:45

were far and few in between, because we also

15:48

in creating content and just

15:51

in promoting other brands, we were really,

15:53

really and we still are very very

15:56

adamant about only partnering with people

15:58

who we believe in and people who support

16:00

us. Because what we also found was that

16:03

some brands when they came along, they come

16:05

to you because they enjoy your content. They enjoy

16:07

the fact that you do have an audience who is

16:10

tried and trusted, but also

16:13

in them wanting you to produce content. They

16:15

would sometimes circle back now with feedback

16:18

about how you can alter your content

16:20

to then make it in their mind, more

16:23

digestible or more appetizing to

16:25

the viewer. And I'm just like, you came

16:27

to me for a reason, then

16:30

clearly I know what I'm doing when it

16:32

comes to my content and my audience.

16:35

Why won't you just let me do what you're

16:38

paying me to do? Essentially, But

16:41

I'd say that to say, that's another avenue

16:44

as to why Devaleni decided, like, we're

16:46

just really only going to do what we want to do

16:48

in this.

16:48

Social media space.

16:50

So if you see something come out on our

16:52

page, if we pose something, you know that it's

16:54

coming directly from Devalini

16:56

and not from any other source who has coursed

16:59

us in doing it.

17:02

That also takes me to another

17:04

part when it comes to our

17:08

I don't like saying following, but our supporters.

17:11

I had a producer say, you

17:13

have great numbers, but your supporters

17:17

don't add monetary value.

17:20

Pretty much was telling me black people won't

17:22

spend money on stuff.

17:23

That's pretty much what he was saying.

17:24

Little does he know that our audience isn't

17:26

only black, right, Our

17:29

audience is a rainbow

17:33

of colors.

17:34

Ages, genders.

17:36

And the truth is they

17:39

look at us and just assume, oh,

17:41

that's a young black couple. They got young

17:43

black people. So when we create

17:45

content, they think they're teaching us how

17:47

to create content for just that demographic, when

17:49

we're actually creating content for a multi

17:52

generational audience that has

17:54

a bunch of different races and genders. So

17:58

when Kadeina and I start to sit down and think, you know what, why

18:00

don't we just do high quality

18:02

content ourselves, Like

18:05

we don't really need them. Okay, it's gonna

18:07

cast some cameras, it's going to do Okay, fine.

18:09

We'll make the investment.

18:10

So we made the investment. And once we made

18:12

the investment, we realize like, wow, like this

18:15

this is expensive, Like isn't it isn't

18:17

easy? You know, you put people on salary.

18:19

We have producer on salary, we have camera

18:22

operator on salary, we have error on salary.

18:25

We you know, you guys know Josh and Matt

18:27

and Treble. They work with us directly

18:30

practically every single day. I

18:33

think it is every single day, right, Josh, Josh. We're on

18:35

the phone like every single day, every

18:37

single day to sure create content.

18:40

Now, when you're doing this type

18:42

of work, to create content, you're creating any economy,

18:45

not only for yourself, but for the people

18:47

who work with you. We like

18:49

to say people work with us because we don't see

18:51

it as an employee.

18:54

We see everyone that we work with as partners,

18:56

team members.

18:57

Now, typically you would put

18:59

out content hope that a producer

19:01

or a production company or network

19:03

will come to you and say, here's a budget

19:06

create the content. Patreon

19:08

allows us to use the budget that we've been

19:11

able to amass through memberships to create

19:13

our own content the same way.

19:15

That's why when you're looking at the content now you're

19:17

saying this looks like a reality

19:19

show.

19:21

To pay people.

19:22

We have the same cameras.

19:24

We have, the mics, they invest

19:26

the time. We're able to do

19:28

everything the way we want to. But here's the most important

19:31

part. We can feel comfortable with the

19:33

people we love and we know around our children.

19:36

Because since we do family content,

19:38

it is difficult to ask your eleven

19:41

at the time six five

19:43

and one year old to get in front of the camera and

19:45

be themselves with people they don't don't

19:48

and that was another issue for us. I was like, I'm not going

19:51

to have people I don't know around

19:53

my kids. Oh well, we don't have to do with the house. We can do it at

19:55

a location that's not.

19:56

Authentic to who we are exactly.

19:59

People want to see who we want to share who

20:01

we are and how we go about doing it the most

20:03

authentic way possible with the

20:06

people our children trust as well.

20:07

And it's crazy that you say the most authentic

20:09

way with the people we trust and you say all that.

20:12

It makes me think of.

20:15

A message I got from someone.

20:17

Every now and again, I may see a DM it's hard because

20:20

I get so many. But this one person

20:22

kept messaging about Patreon

20:26

and essentially said in her message,

20:30

I can't believe you and Deval have gotten so Hollywood

20:33

that now y'all are requiring

20:36

people to

20:38

sign up to see y'all's videos

20:40

when y'all been doing this for free. Yeah,

20:44

man, listen the

20:47

fumes that came out of my ears.

20:49

Yeah, she was pissed' She was pissed because

20:51

I'm like, first of all, don't throw

20:53

in the whole. You and Deval have gotten

20:56

so Hollywood bullshit, Like stop.

20:58

I feel like if anybody who really knows

21:00

us know the people who support us, the people who work

21:03

with us, Devaleni are the

21:05

same old as Valenkadeen since

21:07

we lived on New York Avenue, and a.

21:09

Lot of times we get in trouble for it, from DeNora,

21:12

from our manager, from venues, They're like, you can't

21:14

just walk in and be like like, you can't just do

21:17

things like that right exactly.

21:19

You need to have this, you need to have security, you need

21:21

to have call ahead, you need to have that. And we

21:24

just kind of just like say, well, I mean we

21:26

literally are moving

21:28

like the same people. Of course when we have the kids

21:30

and stuff, they're different, you know, and depending

21:33

on the spaces that we're in, I get it, But

21:35

I say that to say like, I feel like, if anything,

21:37

Deval and I are even more grounded and

21:40

who we are and who we want to be

21:42

and who we portray ourselves to be because we

21:44

are who we are. So the fact

21:46

that this person is spewing this whole y'all became

21:49

so Hollywood now, y'all making us pay.

21:50

Have you not been getting content for free for the past

21:52

seven.

21:52

Years and they still get content?

21:54

And you still get content for free because de VAL's still

21:56

doing this hole in his phone up getting videos.

21:59

I'm still posting content on my end. I'm still

22:01

posting stories every day. There's a ton

22:03

of free content that's there and

22:05

it's readily available. There's YouTube, there's Facebook,

22:08

there's so many different platforms.

22:09

Can you explain or would you like me to explain

22:11

the difference in the content that we are creating

22:14

on social media and on Patreon?

22:16

Now, go ahead, I mean Deval take the reins

22:18

on this because he is really the mastermind

22:20

behind how we roll out our content, and

22:22

I just be like where you want me to be because

22:24

when.

22:25

To say action what I got to post today?

22:27

But you can go ahead and break it down just so it's digestible

22:29

for people listening, because we thought this episode

22:31

was important for people to understand why

22:33

we decided to even do something that was subscription

22:36

based.

22:36

Right.

22:37

So the biggest thing is there

22:39

are different types of content. When I picked my phone

22:41

up, and yes, everybody's phone got four K and

22:43

stuff like that, I do pick it up and I put

22:45

that content on social media. But one thing

22:48

Josh and I realized, because Josh and I had started

22:50

talking about doing higher quality content

22:52

I believe in twenty and nineteen when we first

22:54

moved to California, was that when

22:56

I was doing the vlogs on YouTube,

22:59

right like twenty five minute vlogs,

23:01

someone on forty five minute blogs, the average

23:04

viewership was less than six

23:06

minutes, you see. So it was like,

23:08

I'm creating content and I'm putting hours into

23:10

it and it's not being watched because people who

23:12

watch on YouTube are not going to YouTube

23:15

for long form content. They go to

23:17

YouTube or Instagram or Facebook

23:19

or Twitter for short form content little

23:21

bytes.

23:22

Remember Quibi quick bites.

23:24

People go to those platforms for

23:26

quick bites because they want to watch something and move on.

23:29

So for me, I was like, dang, I want to produce longer

23:32

form content, but it's not being consumed

23:34

in its totality. Then we partner

23:36

with Patreon because Patreon is when someone

23:38

makes a decision, they say, you know what

23:41

I'm going to spend, And for us, we made the

23:43

price extremely low. The price is

23:45

five dollars a month, and the reason why it's five dollars

23:47

a month is because it's less than a quarter of a day.

23:50

I never wanted to charge people.

23:53

You actually donor was

23:55

honest for a while about Patreon.

23:56

Months and I was like no, no

23:59

to charge.

24:00

I was like, no, I don't want to charge people because we've been giving

24:02

them content for free. But then I actually

24:05

started to think about the economy

24:07

I could create using the resources.

24:09

I'm always on.

24:12

Dead Ass podcast talking about group economics.

24:16

How can we support each other?

24:17

How can we support our friends if we all pool our

24:19

resources? Right, Patreon is just another

24:21

form of group economics.

24:23

Right.

24:23

I wanted Josh and I wanted Matt to be

24:27

here full time. How can

24:29

I ask them to quit doing what they're doing

24:31

if I'm not going to replace that salary

24:34

to be able to work with us, I can't ask for favors.

24:36

No, you get to a point in your life where asking

24:39

people for favors and to sacrifice for their

24:41

family so you can gain or you can provide

24:43

some of the other people, it is just not fair.

24:46

It's not okay. So for me, it was like,

24:48

you know what, let me utilize this.

24:50

Way to create an economy so that

24:52

I can create the type of content I want to create,

24:54

long form high quality content,

24:57

but also allow my friends to

24:59

provide for their families as well.

25:02

Like, that's really what this whole Patreon

25:05

thing is about.

25:06

It's us taking away the network.

25:09

You don't got to go to TBS to watch US. You

25:11

don't got to go to ABC, you

25:13

don't got to go to Hulu or Netflix or

25:15

HBO. No, you pay a subscription

25:18

to those networks to

25:20

watch long form content.

25:21

And half the time you paid a subscription and you're like, I

25:24

don't even.

25:25

Even watch it.

25:26

I literally just last night

25:28

went into my Apple

25:31

settings and I was just like, what

25:33

subscriptions do I even have right now?

25:35

Because I was looking at the American Express because since I'm

25:38

so phisically responsible now, y'all,

25:40

I was looking at all these different things coming out, and

25:42

I'm just like, I don't even know I still had this. I don't even

25:44

know I still had this membership because you just

25:47

sign up for stuff and then you just kind of don't

25:49

watch, or you watch maybe for one show.

25:53

And I was going to say something to piggyback off

25:55

of what you said about Patreon

25:58

and stuff, But for us, I think the most

26:00

important part, at least for me, is that we're able

26:03

to now remove the outside

26:05

noise. We're able to remove any

26:08

network, any other outside influence,

26:10

and literally we do what we want. I think the freedom

26:13

and the autonomy that we have over

26:15

Patreon is what excites

26:18

us the most because now I feel like we're all invested,

26:20

like the entire team is really

26:22

sold on this idea because we're enjoying

26:24

creating this content. It doesn't

26:26

feel like work. It doesn't when Matt pops up

26:29

on a random Wednesday and catches just something that

26:31

happens to happen in the house that was funny. That's

26:33

that's essentially what we wanted and how

26:35

we foresaw a

26:38

reality show or even a sitcom rolling out

26:40

with us, just watching us

26:42

in our natural setting and the funny things

26:44

that happen on a daily basis.

26:46

And you know the even better part about it, y'all,

26:49

Patreon is optional.

26:52

Nobody is holding the gun to your head to say you

26:54

have to sign up for it five dollars a month.

26:56

You don't have to.

26:57

You don't have to.

26:57

But if you don't, and we don't feel a way, if you don't

27:00

want to work, if you can't, and some people can't afford the five thousand

27:02

a month, I undergand that and not really

27:04

understand that. And the people who do subscribe

27:06

and rock with us, we love y'all for that. We're

27:08

looking to do even more things, doing some different

27:11

lives. You're getting exclusive

27:14

access first DIBs to live

27:16

shows that we have coming up. So there's

27:18

so many perks involved with being Patreon

27:21

members. But again, it's the option

27:23

to do it, and no one's forcing anyone

27:25

to do anything.

27:26

Yes, but I did feel it was important

27:29

to talk to because we have so many people who

27:31

are also creators or are also

27:33

actors or artists who are who asked,

27:35

like, dout, how do I get started? And for

27:38

me, Patreon is

27:40

a way to see who really truly supports

27:42

you. Yeah, yeah, you know, like

27:45

if you really think about it, five dollars a month,

27:47

less than a quarter a day. There

27:50

are some people who say to me,

27:52

Hey, Deville, how can I support you guys? You

27:54

know, like that really DMS be like,

27:56

yo, I love what you guys do. How could I support

27:59

you guys? Yeah, I'm like, join

28:01

Patreon, man, just just join Patreon.

28:03

Be a part of the Patreon. The biggest thing with

28:05

Patreon. Also, please comment and

28:07

interact so we can know how

28:10

you guys feel.

28:10

About the content for.

28:11

Sure, because this is still kind of new to us. We're still kind

28:13

of fair very new.

28:15

Josh has been running the Patreon. He

28:17

goes on the Patreon ever, he's addicted to Patreon,

28:20

Like, he goes on to make sure because

28:22

because you guys who pay the

28:24

five dollars a month, your opinions

28:27

about what we post and what we do matter

28:30

matter. Like Josh and DeNora

28:32

came to us two weeks ago and was

28:34

just like, I think you guys should do some lives And

28:37

I was like, yeah, I know,

28:39

we could do lives and it was like, yeah, you can do lives that you

28:41

can be more interactive with your audience. So if

28:43

you post a piece of content, you can then have

28:46

a formal discussion on

28:48

the Patreon live about the content.

28:50

I'm like, Yo, that's dope.

28:52

So we could actually do a show, do

28:55

an after show, and then have an audience

28:57

reacting after show when

28:59

it comes out. Like, to me, that's the most

29:01

fireway to build an audience,

29:04

to understand what your audience wants to

29:06

see.

29:07

And I don't know if y'all notice, but I

29:09

don't reply in comments.

29:10

That don't mean I don't read comments because

29:13

I want to learn what did they like about this?

29:15

What did they not like about this? Now,

29:18

just because you leave a comment, don't mean I'm going to follow you.

29:21

I get thousands of comments every day. One

29:24

person says I wish I would put more longer

29:26

content on YouTube. It's not going

29:28

to make me put longer content on YouTube because

29:31

the analytics show me that

29:34

the vast majority of people who watch on

29:36

YouTube watch short form content.

29:38

So, yes, I do read the comments.

29:39

I do appreciate you, guy, I just don't respond because

29:42

I don't want anyone else to feel like their

29:44

comment is not important. Because once I start

29:47

replying, then I don't reply

29:49

to someone. It's like, oh, he only replies to these type

29:51

of people. It's like, no, that's not the case. I

29:53

only have a couple of seconds to reply because I'm

29:56

making content, all right, So

29:58

it's important for people to understand and how

30:00

we decide what content we're

30:02

going to create.

30:03

Right.

30:03

So, for example, on Patreon, we say

30:06

long form content. Anything

30:08

over seven minutes is considered

30:10

long form content. Right, So

30:13

our Patreon videos are typically anywhere

30:15

between nine

30:17

to fifteen minutes.

30:19

Right.

30:20

We try to keep it shorter than fifteen

30:22

minutes, mainly because even on Patreon. When

30:24

you see how much people watch, most people

30:26

don't watch Patreon for thirty to forty minutes.

30:29

They watch it for fifteen minutes. But that's considered

30:31

long form content.

30:32

And how many times are we dropping a week?

30:36

Okay, so y'all want to laugh? Right once

30:38

again?

30:38

This is.

30:41

Kadeen and I and our team over

30:43

delivering. When we did our partnership with Patreon,

30:46

they said we were required to drop two

30:48

pieces of content per month.

30:51

Two pieces of content.

30:52

Per month at Patreon game. How much

30:54

y'all been ghee?

30:55

Well, I can tell you this already.

30:57

We do the podcast every

31:00

week, right, forty five minutes

31:02

to an hour, right, and the

31:04

after show. So that's eight pieces

31:06

of content right there. We got DEVOSMANK

31:10

twelve pieces of content. We got All

31:12

Day K sixteen pieces

31:14

of content.

31:15

Ever say, yeah, I've been all day? Can in it?

31:18

You have?

31:18

Okay?

31:20

Right?

31:20

For the record, we're not complaining because

31:24

we actually enjoy making

31:26

this content, Like it feels

31:28

good to get ready for school in the morning

31:31

and watch my kids do it.

31:33

And there's a camera somewhere and no one knows

31:35

where the camera is, so the kids are acting by themselves.

31:37

But then when we look at the camp.

31:38

When we look at the content, we can say that

31:40

looks like a traditional American

31:42

family getting ready for school in the

31:45

morning. They're having fun, the

31:47

kids are disciplined, they're working hard

31:49

than afterwards mom and dad is going off and doing

31:51

whatever they do.

31:52

I think that's the realest sitcom

31:54

slash reality version of a show or

31:57

of the ellises that you're going to get is

31:59

definitely going to be on our Patreon

32:01

page. And just so you know, like content

32:03

creators in general, I know it's become a

32:05

very convoluted market because

32:07

everyone's an influencer, everyone's doing

32:09

content. There's TikTok now, which

32:11

is even shorter content that people are just

32:13

really really buying into for sake

32:16

of for the sake of sounding like a big, aged,

32:18

hardbacked old lady. I'm

32:20

still trying to figure out TikTok my damn self. But

32:23

let's look at some facts and stats when it comes

32:25

to creators, because we literally are like full time

32:28

creators and with the strike happening now

32:30

and Deval and I not doing any work,

32:32

no auditions coming in, it really is given us

32:34

time to focus on Patreon

32:36

and doing this content creating. So

32:39

it kind of you know, God works in mysterious ways,

32:41

and this has definitely helped us

32:43

when it came to listen.

32:44

To these facts that K is about to tell

32:46

you, because for all you people who

32:48

are listening, who are aspiring creators,

32:51

are creating, budding

32:53

creators, listen to these stats so you can understand

32:55

about staying ahead of the curve, which is another

32:58

a podcast we're going to talk about staying ahead of the

33:00

curves for sure.

33:01

Full time creators use an average of three

33:04

point four channels for audience engagements.

33:07

So that's like Facebook, Instagram,

33:09

Twitter, TikTok, Patreon,

33:12

YouTube. That's that's six right there that I

33:14

can already think of, but there's so many, so.

33:15

Many more exactly.

33:17

AD revenue for creators has declined

33:20

by thirty three percent since COVID, pushing

33:22

creators to do more brand collaborations,

33:25

join other platforms, and create more

33:27

revenue outside of their regular streams,

33:30

which now is down even more

33:33

brand collaborations.

33:35

Ad revenue before they used to run

33:37

ads through your content and they had

33:39

to pay people. Now, I know everyone's been been

33:42

looking at or listening to singers

33:45

or rappers saying, hey, I don't own my publishing

33:47

and then told me I.

33:48

Was supposed to get paid through Xyz.

33:50

I'm not getting paid as much as I should because now with streaming,

33:52

you have to have something like a million streams

33:55

to make a dollar.

33:55

It's insane.

33:56

It's insane.

33:57

They now up the anties like so much.

33:59

It's the same thing for video creators, Like in

34:01

order for you to make money off of your streams

34:03

or quote unquote off of your views, you have

34:06

to have like hundreds of thousands of views just

34:08

to get a dollar. That's it, which is making it more

34:10

difficult for people to make money.

34:11

To add a lot of money, yep.

34:13

And then brand partnerships, a lot of these brands

34:15

are like, we don't even have the budget to be able

34:17

to engage you in a partnership

34:20

or be able to give you what you are worth

34:22

or what you demand or require to

34:25

engage. So brand partnerships

34:27

are also down. I can say that

34:29

for myself. Even just as of this year,

34:32

sixty three percent of the audience have tipped

34:34

their favorite creators at least once.

34:37

I didn't even know you could tip your creator on TikTok.

34:40

It's a thing where you can put tips on.

34:42

Oh really when people go live, Because if

34:44

you think about it right, And if

34:46

you just think about creators, you

34:49

go to your phone to be entertained.

34:50

Right, If you walk

34:53

by.

34:53

In a subway and someone's playing the drums or someone

34:55

to you know, tap dance, and you tip them like, oh,

34:57

you entertained me. You know what I'm saying, thank you for entertaining,

35:00

right. Creators just are the same ways they're

35:02

entertainers. They're just a different form of entertainment

35:05

because as technology advances,

35:07

there's different ways and mediums. I guess

35:09

there weren't always TVs. There weren't always movie

35:11

things, you know, there's always ways to Uh.

35:13

Yeah, I think that's dope because I do sometimes see

35:15

people just like, oh, you know, creators always expect

35:18

for you to pay for this or subscribe for that, And I'm

35:20

just like, guys, how like this is people

35:22

taking their time out of their day to

35:25

engage you.

35:26

Why not? So I think that's a cool idea.

35:28

Twenty four million estimated monthly

35:31

payouts on Patreon, that's

35:33

cool.

35:33

We ain't get twenty four.

35:34

Million dollars, so y'all know that's

35:36

not for us, but it's good to know that that's

35:38

what Patreon is doing for folks. The

35:41

average Patreon user makes forty

35:43

one percent of their income. On Patreon,

35:47

fifteen percent of consumers are subscribed

35:49

to a creator's membership website.

35:52

So like, is that like but Instagram like people have

35:54

subscriptions now or just random things like

35:56

that.

35:57

I mean, well, there's so many different memberships, Like you

35:59

can have a membership to Instagram, but people also

36:01

have their own website.

36:02

Oh you know coadean dot com member.

36:05

Yeah, that's true.

36:06

And ninety seven point five

36:08

percent of YouTubers do

36:11

not make enough to reach the US

36:13

poverty line.

36:15

You heard that.

36:17

Ninety seven point five percent

36:20

don't even make that much.

36:22

And I think that's important because when

36:24

I look at creators or

36:27

influencers, people typically look at the top

36:29

one percent.

36:29

They say everybody.

36:30

Same thing with athletes, right, everybody's

36:33

not making with Lebron James makes. Everybody doesn't

36:35

make with Lionel Messi makes.

36:38

Everybody doesn't make with Tom Hanks

36:40

makes. As an actor, you know, like there

36:43

are tiers to everything, and

36:45

ninety percent of the people that you watch

36:47

on television doing the things they do

36:49

don't make enough money to just do that solely.

36:52

Most actors have another job, the job, right.

36:54

Most athletes who play basketball overseas

36:58

still do something else because they don't make enough

37:00

money just playing basketball.

37:02

Same thing with people playing football

37:04

leagues.

37:04

So I think it's important for people to understand when you look

37:07

at entertainers, don't just look at

37:09

your favorite entertainers at the highest and think

37:11

that all entertainers make millions.

37:13

Entertainers are hustling just like everyone

37:16

else, you know. So we just

37:18

wanted to make sure that you guys understood

37:20

that this isn't a money grab, especially

37:23

from us like the elisis. This is not a money grab.

37:26

I will be honest and tell you I have four or

37:28

five streams of revenue. I don't rely

37:30

on Patreon. I also don't rely on acting,

37:32

I don't rely on real estate.

37:34

We really don't rely on.

37:38

You know, and that's just part of it. It's just in a different stream

37:41

of revenue.

37:41

So we can create an economy not for ourselves

37:43

only, but also for our friends

37:46

who are also creator so we can do something and

37:48

build together. Because I watched one

37:50

of the greatest entrepreneurs and entertainers

37:52

do that, and that was Tyler Perryler.

37:56

You can say what you want to say about

37:58

Tyler Floyd Mayweather

38:00

a jay Z because people there's

38:02

always detractors, but these

38:05

are men who did

38:07

it their way, built within their

38:09

audience, were told no so

38:12

many times and to their

38:15

so who they are and their audience, and

38:18

now look at them. So those those

38:20

are the guys that I look up

38:22

to and I say, you know, I want to create and own my own.

38:25

And another one is easter Ray.

38:27

Like Easter Ray, like she's killing she

38:30

started owning her own, starting on YouTube,

38:32

creating her own content. She went a different way because

38:34

Patreon didn't exist, but she got

38:36

that early bag from HBO and she's been creating

38:39

ever since. Like these are the people

38:41

that I'm looking up to be able to create and do it

38:43

on my terms.

38:44

For sure, And it's just that much sweeter when you're

38:46

able to do it and grow and rise

38:49

and reach another level with the people who have been

38:52

with you down at the bottom.

38:54

Right.

38:55

So like you guys know, Josh and Matt, we've known

38:57

for over decade now, Like these are people

38:59

who we were just like, you know, we're going to build

39:01

and grow and do this together. And we really hope that

39:03

this episode just brought

39:06

some clarity to anybody who might have been on

39:08

the fence about you know, joining.

39:09

Patreon, or wondering why Patreon.

39:11

Was a thing, or thinking like, oh my god, the Ellis has given

39:13

us so much content already, what makes Patreon different

39:16

or why is it a value to us and our family

39:18

and our team. We hope that this provided

39:20

some clarity for you guys, and

39:23

then I hope you join because we'd love to see

39:25

you on that side and continue to deliver great content,

39:27

high quality and more of the Ellis's.

39:30

And we plan on evolving and

39:32

as life changes and things can happen, we still

39:35

want to have access to the people who've

39:37

helped us build. Like I know for a

39:39

fact, you know speaking to Tyler that he still

39:41

has the emails from the people that

39:43

started when he was just doing place. Remember

39:46

when he was doing the quote unquote Chitlin Circuit.

39:48

Yes, and it

39:51

became no one would go into his shows. He

39:53

was doing shows, no one was showing up, but he kept doing them.

39:55

And now his audience is millions of people

39:58

that he writes directly. So

40:01

I want to continue to evolve the Lass and

40:03

us create contents specifically for

40:05

for our people.

40:06

Yes, for you. All right, y'all, We're going to take

40:08

a quick break and pay some bills We'll get back

40:11

into listener letters after this break, so

40:13

stick around.

40:23

All right, y'all, we're back. Let's jump into this first

40:25

listener letter. Hey, I really

40:28

enjoyed listening to y'all's podcasts and really admire

40:30

you guys as a marriage. I love that I can listen to

40:32

a podcast and that I can get

40:34

a male and female perspective.

40:36

Love that we.

40:37

Hope that that we continue to do it for you guys. Yes,

40:39

I just turned twenty one this year. My boyfriend and I

40:42

were very toxic in our relationship for a

40:44

while. We both did some things and said

40:46

some things that we should never done or said.

40:49

He came from a household where being toxic

40:51

wasn't normal and it shouldn't

40:53

be. But I came from a household where my family

40:55

was very toxic and a lot of that toxicity

40:58

was embedded into me. I didn't

41:00

realize how toxic I was, or how toxic

41:03

I have made the relationship and him

41:06

until this year, when I distanced

41:08

myself from my family. Our relationship

41:11

has gotten better. When I've distanced myself from

41:13

my family. How can I balance

41:15

not trying to be toxic with

41:17

having such a toxic family? And

41:19

what are some things that I can do that will

41:21

help me leave that toxic mindset where

41:24

it's at and really help our relationship bounce

41:26

back from our toxic past.

41:30

It's a lot of toxic girl. I guess

41:32

she must have been really, really toxic.

41:35

Well.

41:35

I think the first thing is you've acknowledged, yeah,

41:38

the source of this. You acknowledge

41:40

the source of it. You're taking accountability

41:43

for the fact that you are toxic and you have been

41:45

within your relationship. I

41:47

think that's normal, not

41:50

normal per se, but just having continued

41:53

conversation with your boyfriend to find out

41:55

the things that maybe you've done in the past, unpacking

41:58

those toxic traits, unpacking what

42:00

transpired within your relationship

42:02

in terms of arguments or discussions or

42:04

things that you guys have been through,

42:06

the things that you said that you never should have said, or did

42:08

that you never did. If you'll unpack those things

42:11

and just know that you can't do them again, I

42:13

think that's part of the first steps in

42:15

making sure that you're kind of healing

42:17

from this, and then maybe seeing what caused

42:19

the toxicity within your family. You

42:21

know, therapy is one way

42:24

to really unpack your past, the way

42:26

you grew up, the things that are triggers

42:28

for you. That might be a good way

42:30

to start.

42:31

I agree.

42:32

I think therapy is very important.

42:35

First of all, I think you've covered everything.

42:37

The fact that she acknowledged it makes the most

42:39

sense. You know, she knows what it is. The

42:41

only thing I think that you might have missed is

42:43

learn your family history, you know,

42:46

before you go to therapy. I

42:48

think it's important for you to speak to your

42:50

mom and your dad, or your mom, if it's just

42:52

your mom or your dad, speak to

42:54

your grandparents. I

42:57

started to understand my family

42:59

and I no longer say my family's toxic, because

43:02

I think that that's just a word that people use

43:04

now because they don't know how to say. You have to

43:07

understand what triggers

43:09

your family have, right, and

43:11

what traumas your family have. Triggers

43:13

and trauma don't always necessarily mean that you're toxic.

43:15

It just means you don't know how to respond any other

43:17

way other than what you saw. Yeah, right,

43:20

And once you can acknowledge

43:22

that, you know what my grandmother did this

43:25

because that was her

43:27

past, and she taught my mom, and

43:29

then my mom saw XYZ. So

43:31

now oh she married my dad. Oh well, my

43:33

dad's mom and dad. That's

43:36

why they respond, oh, now.

43:37

I get it, man.

43:38

And then you learn not to judge your family

43:41

right, because your family doesn't need judgment. Your

43:43

family needs healing. Right, you learn

43:45

not to judge your family. And when you stop judging your

43:47

family, you go to therapy, you learn

43:49

not to judge yourself. Only way

43:51

I know you can learn not to judge yourself is really

43:53

to go to therapy. You need someone else

43:56

to show you what they see, because everything

43:58

you see from yourself is going to be negative.

44:00

That's a human nature. We pick

44:02

apart all our imperfections. Go

44:05

to therapy, like Canneen said, and then

44:07

from there try to help your partner

44:10

do the same thing.

44:11

For sure.

44:12

I mean, the unpacking is so so

44:14

so important, Like I've even seen it recently

44:16

in my interactions with Deval where

44:18

I'm just like, oh my god, I am

44:21

acting this way because

44:23

my parents did XYZ. Or I can

44:25

see that my sister, my brother and I share

44:28

this particular trait or we deal with in

44:30

a certain kind of way because

44:32

that's the way we were accustomed to seeing

44:34

things in our household when we were children.

44:37

So then Deval now has

44:39

a little bit more grace and empathy for me as

44:42

I unpacked that and work through it, because he's

44:44

just like, Okay, I understand where it comes

44:46

from. You're not just acting this way because

44:49

you just feel to do it. Yes, it's

44:51

just what you were accustomed to. And I'm still

44:53

learning and unlearning that at

44:56

my big age, So there's still

44:58

time for you, baby, you're only twenty one. I

45:00

love that you've acknowledged this early on

45:02

in your life and you can really take

45:05

a turn for the better just

45:07

as an individual, as an individual

45:09

first, and then it'll

45:11

impact, of course, your relationship once you work

45:13

on unpacking those things.

45:15

So good luck to you.

45:16

I think you're off to a great start because you're wrote in

45:18

about it and you're aware of it, and

45:21

now it's just time to do the work.

45:23

Absolutely.

45:24

I used to get extremely defensive when Kadeen

45:27

didn't do certain things for me, okay,

45:29

like as a wife, Like I'm like, You're like, why

45:31

wouldn't you do that? And I had to learn my family history,

45:34

right, so I started to ask my mom

45:37

like why she wouldn't do certain things

45:39

for my dad? And I realized that remember that triggered

45:41

me, like watching my dad bus

45:44

his ass to do certain things and my mom was

45:46

more like independent, focused on herself.

45:49

It kind of made me trigger and I said, I wouldn't want to

45:51

marry a woman like that because

45:53

it looks very one sided. Then

45:55

I started to ask my mom why she was like that, and

45:57

she was like, when you not grow up with your grand your grandmother,

45:59

your grandfather was in and out, wasn't around. So

46:02

my grandmother taught my mom to focus on

46:04

herself because you never want to be beholding to

46:06

someone who is not going to honor you the right

46:08

way.

46:09

So she instilled in my mom a

46:11

certain way.

46:12

To be right and very independent, very

46:14

head strong.

46:15

Like even your mom now when it comes to just your encouraging

46:17

her to retire and leave her job or take

46:19

some time.

46:20

Off, she's going to do it just like no, I'm.

46:22

Not going to do it. Yep, your mom is very head strong

46:24

in that.

46:25

And it's not with malice. She wasn't

46:27

not doing for my dad because she didn't love

46:29

my dad. She thought she was being the

46:31

best version of herself, the best

46:33

wife she could be, because that's what her

46:36

mom taught her. And I found out

46:38

that my grandmother had her first child when

46:40

she was sixteen, so she was young, right,

46:43

and it's so it's like, I'm not blaming my grandmother.

46:45

I'm not blaming my grandfather. I'm not judging

46:47

my grandfather. My grandfather had his first child when

46:49

he was seventeen. He was a baby, so

46:52

it's like there were two young people who

46:54

had a child. Things weren't the best. My

46:56

mom watched these things. My mom

46:59

learning took the best she could from both of her parents,

47:01

and then my dad met my mom and

47:03

I watched it and I was just like, this don't seem

47:06

fair. So I had certain triggers

47:08

towards women in general based on

47:10

what I saw, and I was able to, over

47:12

these past I think five years, learn

47:15

more about my family and learn why

47:17

I got so triggered with things that

47:19

I saw because of what I watched growing

47:21

up as but then I learned about it from

47:23

watching my grandparents. So that's when

47:25

we say learned about your family history. I want

47:28

you to be very deliberate about

47:30

what you're learning. Don't learn where they're from, parents

47:33

from Virginia, no, yeah, understand their

47:35

upbringing.

47:35

Yeah, and if you can have those conversations,

47:37

yeah, you know. I've had some difficult conversations recently

47:40

with various family members but it

47:42

just gave me so much clarity

47:45

on what makes me tick as

47:47

a person.

47:48

And then I felt badly.

47:49

I think when a couple of days ago even I

47:51

was like in the bathroom, like almost in tears,

47:54

and Deval was just like, what's the matter with you? And I was like,

47:56

I can't believe you've dealt with me like this was

47:58

so because

48:01

it was so frustrating just having this

48:03

conversation with another family member and

48:05

I'm just like, oh my god, this person

48:07

did exactly what Deval says I do when

48:09

we have conversations, and

48:12

I'm just like the correlation and

48:14

seeing where I get.

48:15

This stuff from. I'm just like, Okay,

48:18

yeah, something's got to change.

48:19

And that's the whole point, right You want to be able

48:22

to change and do better and be better for your

48:24

person. So good luck to

48:26

your sis. I guess that's almost

48:28

all the time we have that. We

48:31

got a little long winded, but that's okay.

48:34

Feel like we be breaking down the

48:36

past is important because sometimes you say learn

48:39

about your history and like, I know where my family's from,

48:41

I know the culture, and I'm like, I'm not

48:43

talking about the culture. I'm talking about

48:45

your family dynamics and why

48:47

your grandparents moved the way they did,

48:49

and how that affected your parents, and

48:52

how it's affecting you.

48:53

The circumstances under which they made moves.

48:56

It's very important. All right, y'all,

48:59

thank you for listening today, and thank you for

49:01

always continuing to write in and giving

49:03

us always an amazing portion of

49:05

the show listener letters, which is my favorite.

49:08

So keep writing into us. Triples

49:10

always going to pick some great, great great letters

49:13

at dead ass Advice at gmail

49:15

dot com.

49:16

That's d E A D A S S A d

49:18

V I C E at gmail dot

49:20

com.

49:21

All right, moment of truth time, it's simple

49:23

for me. Sign up for Patreon, y'all,

49:27

sign up for Patreon. And I mean, in

49:30

all seriousness, if you're looking for ways

49:32

to continue to support people who you enjoy

49:34

watching their content. Creators out there

49:36

who are taking their time and taking

49:38

their resources and giving you

49:41

a seat into their lives and you enjoy

49:43

that. The best way that you can support

49:45

them is to looking into areas where they're

49:47

offering things like subscriptions or

49:49

even shows like you guys have been amazing about showing

49:52

up our shows. Our Patreon members,

49:54

you guys have gotten exclusive access. I know the

49:56

front row seats was almost all the way

49:58

so loud after we opened it on Patreon.

50:01

But we try to make sure we give you guys little perks

50:03

and stuff too, just for being

50:05

a subscriber and to thank you for always

50:08

supporting and encouraging

50:10

our families.

50:11

So we really do appreciate.

50:12

That, yes, ma'am, and my moment of truth

50:14

is very simple. On your stuff. That

50:16

is the only way you can walk through life and feel comfortable

50:19

with your image being portrayed the way you

50:21

want it to is if you own it.

50:22

That's it, right.

50:23

We executive produced, we produce, we create,

50:26

we edit. We do everything as a team in

50:28

here. There's no brand, there's no network,

50:30

there's no one telling us it has to be a certain way.

50:32

So when you see the Elyssis, know you're seeing the Elyssis

50:35

exactly how the Elysses want.

50:37

To be seen.

50:37

The only person that tells you is going to be a certain kind

50:39

of way is the vow. That is the boss.

50:42

And I'm just a mere employee, asked

50:44

Josh, who's the boss,

50:47

y'all?

50:48

Yeah, it's the boss in my

50:50

phone. In my phone, her

50:52

name is the boss.

50:53

I'm your boss.

50:55

Okay, But when it comes to this content, stufs

50:58

the val be the boss, y'all.

50:59

All right, it's the right though, I'll

51:02

own it.

51:03

But I'll tell you like this though, being

51:05

a boss me knowing when to take advice. We

51:08

sit down in that group and I'll ask Matt will

51:10

sit there for hours. I'll ask them what you think about

51:12

this. Josh will sit down and Josh

51:14

will tell me, O, this may look the best, but this ain't gonna

51:16

work trible every time. How

51:18

does that sound, triuble? What does rundown

51:20

look like like? It's it's really a team in the area,

51:23

not enough to shout out my team and I love y'all.

51:25

They come here every month.

51:26

Yes, we stay up late, we

51:28

smoke weed, we

51:31

drink, we party, and

51:33

we do podcasts.

51:34

We have a good time. We have a good

51:36

time while we do it. And deval be

51:38

ordering McDonald's that the wee hours of good

51:40

morning. Come on, come on,

51:43

come on, come on man.

51:44

I've seen the video. Come on all

51:46

right, y'all, So, uh here goes theatro.

51:49

Be sure to find us on Patreon Hello for

51:51

more exclusive exclusive dead Ass content

51:53

and Ellis Family content. And you

51:55

can find us on social media at dead Ass

51:58

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51:59

My page is could I am and.

52:00

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52:03

be sure to rate, review, and

52:05

subscribe. And also don't forget

52:07

it's the end of the year. Get your copy of Wee Over

52:09

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52:11

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52:14

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52:15

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52:17

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52:20

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