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0:31

Today's. Episode is a love story.

0:33

A hot love story. We

0:36

first shared this conversation between actor

0:38

Niecy Nash and her partner that

0:40

musician Jessica Bats are Jp during

0:42

the summer of Twenty Twenty Two.

0:44

It was the third time I'd interviewed

0:47

Niecy first for fresh air and again

0:49

during a show in Los Angeles in

0:51

front of a live at Sex and

0:53

Money audience. This. Taping was

0:55

more intimate. In. The best

0:57

way? We sent an audio producer to

0:59

set up microphones to capture Niecy nj

1:02

be talking as they sat on their

1:04

couch next to each other. And

1:06

you could hear how rock solid

1:09

their foundation of values is and how

1:11

that makes room for a lot of

1:13

humor. I thought of

1:15

that when I watched Nice See at

1:18

the Emmys back in January A. She

1:20

accepted her award for outstanding supporting actress

1:22

for her role in the series Dahmer

1:25

Thing You know what would it take?

1:27

I wanna thank me. Live.

1:31

In a me and doing what they

1:33

said. I could not. That

1:36

I want to say to myself for

1:38

and all you know people go girl

1:40

which show. Me

1:44

see It was asked about that moment

1:46

in her speech backstage why she wanted

1:48

to take the time to thank herself

1:50

and she said this well, because you

1:52

know I'm the only one who knows

1:54

what it costs. And. I'm

1:56

the only one who knows how many.

1:58

Lives are. Cry. Opening

2:01

scene before that he had the

2:04

wrong i Love America is about

2:06

trying to watch. Him as

2:08

still have. To follow is your own

2:10

feel that to go. Home and have children

2:12

and a whole month and so. Ah

2:16

how that I consider people said I

2:18

could not do. Have

2:21

some people don't believe in themselves and I.

2:25

Wasn't sufficient for people to

2:28

do have her. Me

2:30

see and J B do

2:32

that in this episode offer a

2:35

delicious invitation to show and share

2:37

your full cells or as

2:39

nice he said it back.

2:41

And twenty twenty two. Jessica

2:44

identifies my i'm loving Her

2:46

out loud ask for raises

2:49

but the truth of the

2:51

matter is we only me

2:53

terrorists. In the face of fear.

2:57

And I was not afraid. To.

3:01

Love her so the top of my

3:03

throat. Sleep.

3:31

I want to thank you for listening

3:33

and for all your support as we

3:35

adapt. Sex and Money have made our

3:37

move to sneak your stories voice memos.

3:40

His emails have meant so much to

3:42

the team as part of his transition.

3:44

There's a new way to support our

3:47

show financially. it's place or new home

3:49

and you'll get something special and return

3:51

subscribed slate and you'll not only support

3:54

our work and up sex and money,

3:56

you'll get access to new benefits including

3:58

listening to us. and all

4:00

of the other great shows Slate

4:02

makes like Slow Burn and Dakota

4:05

Ring without any ads or sponsor

4:07

breaks. To subscribe, just click try

4:09

free at the top of the

4:11

Death, Sex, and Money show page

4:14

on Apple Podcasts or visit slate.com/DSM

4:16

Plus to get access wherever you

4:18

listen. Thanks. I

4:22

first spoke to actor Nisi Nash on this show back

4:24

in 2017 and when we spoke again in 2022, her

4:30

life had changed dramatically. She'd

4:32

fallen in love and married her

4:34

wife, Jessica Betts, an R&B singer-songwriter.

4:38

The three of us talked over Zoom while they

4:40

were at home in Los Angeles sitting next to

4:42

each other. They have the

4:44

kind of love where they finish each other's

4:46

sentences and I noticed then

4:48

after almost two years of marriage, they

4:51

still seemed awestruck that they'd found each

4:53

other. They told

4:55

me that when they first met in

4:57

2015, they began a deep friendship and

5:00

neither of them was expecting to fall in love.

5:03

Well, what happened was I

5:05

saw Jessica in a documentary

5:08

and ... The same difference. A

5:10

documentary called The Same Difference and

5:13

she didn't even speak in the

5:15

documentary, but when I saw her,

5:18

something ethereal went through me that

5:20

said cover and protect. And

5:23

in my prayer time, I said, well, how

5:25

do I cover and protect someone I don't

5:28

even know? And

5:30

I said, well, I'll follow her in social media and

5:32

I'll pray for her. That's all I

5:34

can really do. Just pray

5:36

for her gifts and pray for

5:38

her life, pray for her wellbeing.

5:41

And when she noticed I was following

5:43

her, she sent me a

5:45

DM and said, I'm looking

5:48

for people of note to make

5:50

videos about my music. If you

5:52

wouldn't mind making a video,

5:54

that would be great. What?

5:57

More. What? I

6:00

would say that I left you on red for

6:03

three months. Sleepy guys. She left me on red

6:05

for three months. That's true. But I still made

6:07

the video. You didn't reply? No,

6:09

but I still end up making the

6:11

video and we became friends. I

6:13

was in a long-term marriage. She

6:15

was in a long-term relationship and

6:18

we just were friends only.

6:21

And I booked a series

6:23

called Claws on TNT. Yes.

6:27

And I thought about her for one

6:29

of the characters, suggested her and

6:31

they wanted to see her. So I

6:34

said, I will work with you via

6:36

FaceTime to prepare you for this audition

6:38

because she's like, I'm not an actor.

6:40

And I'm like, you will be, stay

6:42

tuned. And

6:44

so she ended up at some

6:46

point booking something on the show.

6:49

And that was when we saw each other

6:51

for the first time face to face. And

6:55

what did I say to you the first time I saw

6:57

you? The very first time I saw you face to face,

6:59

what did I say? Well, I was

7:01

walking out of the trailer and

7:05

the first thing she said to me was, oh,

7:07

okay, you what the people want to see. You

7:09

what the people want to see, baby. Oh. But

7:13

even at that, it wasn't, you're what

7:15

the people want to see, like, oh.

7:18

Yeah, because it wasn't, see,

7:21

well, you're my wife now, but when, because I

7:23

was about to say when I met my wife,

7:25

but when I met Nisi, there was never any

7:27

energy or she's never, she

7:30

never came across as anyone that I felt

7:32

like I could flirt with or I

7:34

never even felt that it was respectable

7:37

to, you know, kind

7:39

of make a pass to her or anything. All of

7:42

that stuff was off limits. It was out of bounds.

7:44

So when she said that I didn't take it as

7:47

something sensual or sexual, it

7:50

was something more empowering and like motivational.

7:52

She was like, oh, okay. Yeah,

7:54

okay, you what the people want to

7:56

see. I'm like, okay, thank you. You know

7:58

what I'm saying? So that was the end. The g I

8:00

got from there. So you're looking at her

8:02

and nice the a new say Jessica year

8:04

each year the what people wanna see You've

8:06

got some star quality time as what you're

8:08

say it's like as I see you years

8:11

ago full we're going to get you in

8:13

front of the canvas I've seen as the

8:15

I see here and I just I just

8:17

wanna go back to what you said. Nice.

8:19

See this urge to cover and

8:21

protect Jessica? What? it? How

8:23

do you understand that? At

8:26

the time I didn't. Ah

8:28

but after we met. Ah

8:31

she became Iceland and my cover

8:33

and protects have heard looked like

8:35

let me help you If you're

8:37

having a challenging your relationship let

8:39

me give you the best advice

8:41

I could give you always the

8:43

people into your contract right let

8:45

me call them Oh I found

8:47

out about this thing and I've

8:49

referred you to with all your

8:51

performance somewhere Lemmy com support you

8:53

lights that was how I interpret

8:55

it it and that was how

8:57

is laid out for us into

8:59

one day I looked. At her

9:01

my eyes from and I say

9:03

he sits who are you aware

9:05

digits also. Nice!

9:10

He was filming a movie in New Jersey

9:12

were just delivered the time. They discovered

9:14

they were staying five minutes away from

9:16

each other. That then nice. He was

9:18

in the process of getting divorced than

9:20

the news had leaked while she was

9:22

selling. It was a hectic period. For

9:24

her but they some time to hang

9:26

out. I was on my way to

9:28

go. He craves bomb ourselves. as he said on

9:30

my God I will grab. The

9:33

space that the thought was right in

9:35

the middle of where we both least

9:37

as they meet me at the crafts

9:39

by sat out to just be clause

9:41

in Jersey City Just see clause. I.

9:44

Go to Just be claws and

9:47

guess I'm not saying. Jessica.

9:50

Jessica saw online let. Our

9:52

targets of the board. Or did

9:55

not include a blizzard. I had crabs

9:57

use all of my elbows. One fancy

9:59

soda. That of, how do I know?

10:01

it wasn't a day. Because. I didn't

10:03

case I don't even remember when I had

10:05

only heard as I didn't hear. You.

10:07

And while we were eating,

10:10

insists sharing ideas. Let's it

10:12

hurts. And. Out with

10:14

lie my eyes. Are

10:16

like my eyes lit? Ah ooh

10:18

the. And. Elsewhere in. What

10:23

way that made a decision across for me?

10:25

I felt like I saw her with fresh

10:27

eyes. And then

10:29

I do feel that Jessica not

10:31

environment and probably didn't let me

10:33

as well. As far. As

10:36

as A as an

10:39

actor. Is Alan let you know Nested.

10:42

I didn't I didn't know what I

10:45

was own are out as it's but

10:47

at the time you know I didn't

10:49

know what. I was very curious After

10:51

we had a conversation we spoke for

10:54

little while. I'm like okay you know

10:56

cause she's as yet x me to

10:58

go back to her place after the

11:00

after we left the we a of

11:03

has Los Pol Go Vaxjo plays later

11:05

many years what happened last ourselves the

11:07

letters. Or sell high assess

11:10

awful as Muppets lists where

11:12

I was like, i feel

11:14

something but this is unusual

11:16

because. This. Is my friend and

11:18

as a woman. So.

11:21

I couldn't get a read on it

11:23

so I was like limp. I want

11:25

to keep the night going to see

11:27

if I'm crazy or sister is what

11:29

I'm feeling. Is. A things saw

11:31

was i ah I'm good way to go

11:34

home It was my favorite movie of you

11:36

when it's her. And she

11:38

was like okay, so what

11:41

movie? I'm. The. Original

11:43

Sparkle with Scylla, Michael, Thomas and

11:45

Irene here at Thank You very

11:47

much. As a result that we

11:49

watch the movie. And. I'm

11:51

still like my stomach has butterflies

11:53

in it. This is crazy. I

11:55

don't what is happening but after

11:57

the movie is Davis I have.

12:00

More shrieks I'm like okay the

12:02

movie is over a are I

12:04

see. A later as suicide.

12:07

Okay and we hugged

12:09

each other. And.

12:11

I kissed her on it's see but

12:13

the kids on and see was. Soft.

12:17

It was as soon as a kid

12:19

so did seat and will we pull

12:21

over. There is enlisted. He says as

12:23

she does she saw it in my eyes

12:25

as he said. You. Want to go lay

12:27

down? And I

12:29

was like. A

12:36

serious and businesses. And

12:39

city And Lucan it sooner to

12:41

blue moon, moon alliances. Ah

12:44

wow! I need to take a

12:46

breath after that store. Sam best.

12:49

I well I have two question of one for

12:51

each of you said nice See in here. In

12:54

your life when you feel

12:56

like that kind of. Lot

12:59

of emotion previous to this night and source

13:01

and you're like I don't understand what this

13:04

is. About a don't understand where this

13:06

is leading? The are you the type of person

13:08

who's like, well I'm just gonna go for this.

13:10

I don't know what this and what's gonna happen

13:12

like you just is that part of your personality

13:15

or was this a little unusual because you were

13:17

in. Cannabis date of transition in

13:19

your life and there was a lot up

13:21

in the air. Okay, so let let's unpack

13:23

that real quick. To be clear, When.

13:26

I see something I'm attracted to.

13:28

it. I wanted a dog A

13:30

The. Know is not it

13:32

as soon. As. I'm a comeback

13:34

when everything I said out the

13:37

go get how f sir I

13:39

have never started with anyone who

13:41

I was friends with first. So

13:44

that was the from.

13:48

The. Hesitation. Ah,

13:50

End: it's on the other

13:52

side of the are also.

13:55

You. Know ran away a

13:57

ghost. It because. Not.

14:00

A shame but because I

14:02

felt like me is. If

14:05

I ruined this and I can't be

14:07

friends with this person anymore, I'm gonna

14:09

be devastated. Because I

14:11

wanted said no J B A College

14:14

A Beach I wanted said no Jessica

14:16

until they throw dirt on my face.

14:19

I wanted to always keep

14:22

her friendship. And

14:24

I was like in is this moment in

14:26

Time Messed it up on Amazon again last.

14:28

Added not by the he'd acquitted

14:30

type. you know it on san

14:33

Gonna believe this has affected. By

14:37

it but it was what's the ads in a

14:39

story she did. She goes to be so we

14:41

have we basic i feel like we were so

14:43

into be rough feel that we may love you

14:45

know that night. And and the

14:47

next day Crickets, nothing accessories

14:49

out years you retire on

14:51

my good morning. I woke up. Like.

14:54

Hell are excited and happy. Good

14:56

worn as you doing a trick.

14:58

it's good afternoon. I was like

15:00

okay, well maybe she sleepy, maybe

15:03

she's in the meeting. Good afternoon.

15:05

Crickets no response. The.

15:07

At dinnertime I'm like, well, good evening.

15:09

Crickets nothing in his had is

15:12

went on for like days and

15:14

I was like oh man as

15:16

leg something. that's funny. I

15:19

was afraid. Jessica

15:21

as should I call you Jp are like a

15:24

huge as close. As a matter

15:26

of jersey, okay, it's. A. Be

15:28

did you. Had.

15:30

That happen before with you and easy to have

15:32

you ever been with somebody who thought of themselves

15:35

as straight before they were with you and then

15:37

they freaked out of that happened to you before.

15:41

Ah yes, yes, as I've

15:43

I've had experiences with women

15:46

that never had experiences. were

15:48

women before? Yeah.

15:51

And when that was happening with nice, he.

15:53

Was their part of you like. Ah,

15:55

Man. he

15:57

has he ever again it a year Absolutely.

16:00

I was like, okay, you know, because,

16:04

you know, I understood what she

16:07

was feeling, based

16:09

off of my prior experiences. And,

16:12

you know, I texted her maybe like four days

16:14

went past, I don't think any more than that.

16:17

And then I sent her a very wordy

16:20

text message. And

16:22

I just put in the message that, you

16:24

know, first

16:27

of all, I had a great time, but

16:29

there was, but

16:31

there was something that I felt that

16:33

was missing in terms of what she

16:36

felt safe with and

16:38

about me that she, what obviously she

16:40

didn't know, that she

16:42

could keep her feeling safe

16:44

with me. And so I just

16:46

expressed to her that whatever she's feeling, she

16:49

could express that to me. And right

16:52

away, she, she responded right

16:54

away. And it was crazy also,

16:56

because I

16:59

didn't know that where

17:02

she was in her life. I mean,

17:04

I knew that her relationship had come

17:06

to an end, but I didn't

17:10

know that our

17:13

connection was the thing that made

17:16

her know within

17:18

herself that she could love

17:20

again. You know, you know

17:22

how sometimes after you have a breakup and you,

17:24

you decide this is what I'm going to do,

17:26

or this is what I'm going to be moving

17:28

forward. You know what I mean? And

17:30

I think she thought on the other side of

17:32

her last relationship, she was just going to be

17:35

a playboy with a heart, a playboy

17:37

with a heart of gold. You

17:39

know what I mean? And then, and

17:44

then along came this pretty spider. And

17:48

that's right. I mean, it's

17:50

not necessarily that I was a player or anything

17:52

like that. It was

17:55

just more so about the

17:57

way that I see things, my perspective. And

17:59

so, And so when

18:02

we were watching the movie and

18:05

I don't know, I've

18:07

only felt this way once, maybe

18:11

twice in my life, in my

18:13

entire life, where I'm getting butterflies.

18:15

You know, my palms are sweaty.

18:17

You know what I mean? And

18:19

now I'm a little uncomfortable because

18:21

I'm like, okay, that's

18:24

the feeling I felt years

18:26

and many, many years ago.

18:29

I was like, wow, this is that.

18:34

This whole experience, this

18:37

whole relationship has been really the

18:39

first time in my life that

18:42

I felt fully seen. You

18:45

know, I've been in situations before

18:47

where people, you

18:50

know, they want to take the meat and

18:53

leave the bones. I like this.

18:55

I like this. I like this about you. That.

18:58

And if you could change that and improve that

19:01

or be better with that or be less of

19:03

that or don't lead so much

19:05

with the thing, you know, it's always

19:08

been love. I've

19:11

always been loved with conditions. And

19:15

so I was found myself in a

19:17

situation where I was

19:21

able to show all my sides,

19:23

all my parts, you know,

19:25

the shiny parts as well as the

19:28

bullet holes and the stab wounds and

19:31

the trauma and all of those things.

19:34

And she still said to me, I

19:36

see you and come. Coming

19:43

up, Nisi and Jessica learned to live

19:46

together as a couple and

19:48

take their love story public. Well, nothing

19:50

was going to be as

19:54

dramatic as posting our wedding

19:56

photo. You

19:58

know what I mean? That was. the

20:00

things that broke the internet and went around

20:02

the world three times. That

20:05

was quite a mess. This

20:15

is Death, Sex and Money from Slate. I'm

20:17

Anna Seo. Nissi

20:19

Nash and Jessica Betts became a couple

20:21

in February 2020. The

20:24

same month Nissi turned 50. Jessica

20:26

was 37. And

20:28

then the world shut down because of the

20:30

pandemic. So the first phase

20:32

of their relationship was very private.

20:36

Until they posted a picture of their

20:38

backyard wedding on Instagram in August of

20:40

2020. No

20:42

one saw it coming. No

20:45

one had ever seen me date a woman.

20:48

No one even knew I was in a

20:50

relationship, you know, except my Fab Five.

20:53

Who's your Fab Five? My

20:57

immediate family, which is my sister,

21:00

my children, my mother. And then

21:02

my other fingers would go to

21:04

Sherri Shepherd, Ava DuVernay, Oprah

21:07

Winfrey. And I

21:10

feel like I'm forgetting somebody. Well,

21:12

even with four, that's like the fabbest four

21:15

I've ever heard. And you see. And

21:20

JB, what was that like for you to feel

21:22

all of a sudden sort of like, Oh,

21:25

everybody's trying to find out who I am and where

21:27

I came from. Uh,

21:31

it was kind of crazy because when

21:35

we posted the photo

21:37

from the marriage, it wasn't strategic

21:39

in a way where we felt like it

21:41

was going to break the internet. It was

21:43

more strategic like us holding each

21:45

other hands and just jumping off of a cliff

21:48

and, you know, and vowing to love each

21:50

other and stay with each other regardless to

21:52

what happens and

21:54

what comes from us

21:57

Showing and expressing our love. Animate.

22:00

You know, just to to rule it out

22:02

then and to finalize the answer to the

22:04

question. I mean, I didn't realize my wife

22:06

was such a big thing. You know what's

22:09

the big deal. Out

22:13

of. The

22:18

surface. You. Know press and media

22:20

and in all of that as. Cool as

22:22

one thing, but the authenticity

22:25

of the relationship is what

22:27

I hold dear because is

22:29

that. Is what keeps me flat

22:31

footed and grounded and stay in over here.

22:33

none of them on the cause that. I.

22:51

Do wonder. You.

22:53

All were grown people when you found

22:55

each other and sell in laws and

22:58

and once you fall in love and

23:00

decide to be with somebody. And

23:02

marry them and live together. Learning.

23:05

How to share space and live with

23:07

one another as a whole other process

23:09

cyclists. Was there anything that when you

23:12

were sort of integrating your lives and

23:14

you are habits with one another. They

23:16

you realize? Oh. This

23:18

this is gonna to submit just stinks as

23:20

he that to know what it was like

23:22

to be together as a couple. Well for

23:24

me I will say no because Abby marry

23:26

My whole life I've been married longer than

23:28

I have. You. Not a me

23:31

I was wearing for the i met my

23:33

first as allows eighteen. I

23:35

was married for seventeen years and that

23:37

mirrors my next. Mary's was a total

23:39

of ten years and so I was

23:42

used to sharing space when I wasn't

23:44

used to was living alone. You

23:47

know, and I thought I was going to

23:49

live alone for the first time in my

23:51

life. And I was like

23:53

oh this is gonna be different

23:56

What's the bachelorette? Pat light and

23:58

I was in single file. minutes.

24:00

Let me tell you something. I'm a

24:02

married woman. I got

24:04

the married you, you owe me. I can't say

24:06

single. They ain't gonna let me say single in

24:08

these streets. And so getting

24:11

married and sharing space, I

24:15

welcomed it because it's what

24:17

I know more than anything, you

24:20

know? And I went to Jessica's

24:22

bachelor pad in New Jersey and

24:25

I was like, Oh, this is Kim. And,

24:30

uh, but right before, you know, when

24:32

there was rumblings that the world was

24:34

going to be shut down and

24:37

we had said, you know, Hey,

24:39

we had just became a committed,

24:42

um, in a relationship

24:45

dating on Valentine's day.

24:48

And you know, the world shut down in

24:50

March. But when we heard those rumors, I

24:52

was like, wait a minute. There

24:54

is no way that I

24:57

don't even know how long this lockdown is going to be or

24:59

what is going to happen. But I know I don't want to

25:01

be in it without you. And I went

25:03

to New Jersey and we packed up that apartment in one

25:05

day and I was like, today, it

25:07

took a couple of days. No, no, no. We

25:10

were going to be there three days. We packed

25:13

it up one day and left the next day.

25:15

You don't remember that? Just my little nap sack.

25:18

We don't, we

25:20

don't need none of this stuff. Come on.

25:23

She pretty much made me throw everything away.

25:25

Right. And I mean, and you know, you

25:28

talk about having a strong constitution. When

25:30

you start cleaning up somebody's house to

25:32

move, you find all kinds of things.

25:34

Oh yeah. And I'm like, who is

25:36

this girl? You know what I mean?

25:38

What girl left this over here? What

25:41

is this? So the way my wife's

25:43

house was already fully furnished and she

25:45

already had her, you know, she already

25:47

had her comfort zone in the home.

25:49

So, uh, there was

25:51

nothing, there's no space for my stuff except

25:53

like my clothes and stuff. I just got

25:55

talked to. I'm going to say that's not

25:57

true. I

26:00

had to throw away. Oh God, that was one

26:02

of my best bed. Anyway, I'm going

26:04

to say that that is not true because

26:06

I was living in a house. It

26:09

did not become a home until you got here.

26:11

Oh baby. No, that's the truth. Now

26:13

I'm gonna tell the truth. You're shame the

26:15

devil. This place did not

26:17

become a home until you got

26:20

here. And we nested in

26:22

it together because I bought a house, but

26:24

then I had never lived 30 days straight

26:26

in it because I was always working out

26:29

of town. So when we got here, we

26:31

were able to curate a music room for

26:33

Jessica. She was able to find things around

26:35

the house that I didn't even know I

26:38

had. Who knew the pool had waterfalls?

26:40

How did you find that? But so

26:44

we literally fell in

26:46

love and, and discovered this

26:48

home together during COVID.

26:52

And, and JB was where you were in

26:54

your life. Was this like nesting?

26:56

Was this something that you had felt

26:59

independently that you were sort of craving to

27:01

kind of build a home with

27:03

someone or was this kind of, wow, now

27:05

I'm doing this. It

27:07

was, yeah, well, now I'm doing this. Yes.

27:10

Yes. I mean, you know, as she said, you

27:12

know, I

27:15

had got accustomed, you know, to just kind of

27:17

like living alone, you

27:19

know, I lived alone for years.

27:22

So yeah, I mean, you know, when

27:24

I got, when I, when I got here, you

27:27

know, it was a minor adjustments. You know,

27:29

my, my wife doesn't like using the same

27:31

bathroom. So, you know, you know, those

27:33

are things that we could do to kind of,

27:35

she said, keep the relationship strong. We

27:37

don't use the same restroom

27:40

and stuff like that. That's

27:42

how you have a good long marriage.

27:44

Have your own bathroom. I

27:46

like that. Even when we travel, even

27:48

when we travel, we will not say

27:50

anywhere unless we have, I think it's

27:53

absurd, but whatever it is, what it is,

27:55

you know, I'll go find another bathroom. Do

28:01

you ever feel the difference in your age?

28:05

In our age? Mm-hmm. Uh,

28:09

sometimes. You do? Sometimes,

28:11

yeah. When? Well,

28:14

you know, like at

28:16

9 o'clock, my wife is like, it's time for bed.

28:19

I'm like, wait, what? No, that's not

28:21

age. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.

28:24

That is not age. I'm like, I'm not ready to go

28:26

to sleep yet. No. But

28:28

I'm also the same person whose eyes

28:30

open at 6 a.m. 5 and

28:32

6 o'clock in the morning. I'm up.

28:35

So I'd like to get up early

28:37

and seize the day. I mean, you

28:39

know, so that's not age. That's

28:41

just preference. You know, my wife, she has a

28:44

very youthful spirit and

28:46

she's so much fun. She's

28:48

so full of fucking life. You know what I'm saying?

28:54

So I guess the

28:56

gap comes in. Like I said,

28:58

for me, it's like, you know, I'll be in the car

29:00

and I want to listen to, you

29:02

know, Lil Nas and Lil Wayne. And she's

29:04

like, yo, you know, turn on the station.

29:06

Turn on the, what's your name? I'm

29:10

like Anita Baker and Luther Fandrel to the sale.

29:14

You know what I mean? But that's not

29:16

age. That's just music preference. It's

29:18

okay, baby. It's okay. Oh

29:21

my God. Okay. Get away. Do

29:26

you think of yourself as a step parent?

29:28

What's your relationship to Niecy's children?

29:32

A step parent. I mean, I guess so.

29:34

I mean, I guess so.

29:36

You know what I mean? The

29:39

relationship with the kids are all cool. You know,

29:42

all her children are grown. But

29:44

I do have my individual relationships

29:47

with all three of them. You know,

29:49

we've all had our own

29:51

time. Her

29:55

son is very fun and outgoing

29:57

guy, cool and hip. I

30:00

mean, so I like him a

30:02

lot. He has a great smile.

30:04

Her middle child, Danielle, she's very

30:06

smart and talented. She's somewhat like

30:09

her mom when it comes down to the arts.

30:11

She'd like to act and stuff like that. She's

30:15

a very loving girl. And

30:17

the baby, of course, it's like

30:19

copy and paste on this one.

30:21

You know what I'm saying? She

30:24

was just here yesterday. Oh

30:26

yeah, the baby, the little

30:28

one is funny because she

30:31

will never miss a moment to

30:34

rag on us

30:36

about anything. What up moms?

30:39

What are you guys over there

30:41

doing? Having hot lesbian sex? What

30:43

do you say? Yeah. Yeah.

30:47

So what do you

30:49

want? And why are

30:51

you disturbing it? I

30:53

will tell you this. She's also a

30:55

musician. And one of

30:57

my greatest joys is when it just

31:00

so happens sometimes they're upstairs

31:02

together. Jessica and my youngest,

31:04

Dia making music and I

31:07

can hear them both at the same time.

31:09

It just makes my heart full. Oh,

31:12

that's nice. Do you play together? Do you sing together?

31:15

What do you usually do when you're jamming? I

31:19

play and sing, but normally for her, I'm

31:21

like her engineer. You know, I become her

31:23

engineer. I navigate her sessions so that she

31:26

could sing, record her sessions and send them

31:28

off to mix. Oh,

31:31

that's cool. That's so cool. I

31:34

want to ask you all

31:36

about faith because you both

31:38

mentioned, have mentioned prayer. Nisi,

31:41

you were once a pastor's

31:43

wife. I understand, JB,

31:45

that you grew up in the church. How

31:49

do you think about how big a

31:51

part is spirituality in your relationship? I

31:54

think of the fact that I'm a

31:56

woman of faith and

31:58

a praying woman. It's

32:01

how I got the gig as

32:03

JB's wife. I

32:07

think it was the missing ingredient to a

32:09

lot of her past relationships. What?

32:13

You're going to tell me what's

32:15

the missing ingredient? I'm going to

32:18

tell you, because you were dating pieces.

32:20

I'm going to say, what? I don't have

32:22

no secrets. We all family right now. My

32:25

wife knows best, right? Okay. Were

32:29

you in a relationship with a woman of faith? With

32:32

a woman who knew God. Did

32:40

you? No, you wasn't. So

32:42

there. I

32:45

say that to say that, no, in all

32:48

seriousness. It is very,

32:50

very important. We

32:53

are definitely a praying family. We

32:58

definitely have a high regard

33:01

for, we're not religious,

33:03

but we are spiritual. Absolutely. Religious

33:06

is not the thing. It's very

33:08

spiritual. And so

33:10

my faith comes from believing

33:14

in God and

33:16

unlearning the things that I've learned as

33:18

a child growing up, because I was

33:21

strictly religiously raised. And

33:24

I had to unlearn a lot of that stuff. Can

33:28

you tell me more specifically what you feel

33:30

like you've had to leave behind when you

33:32

identified as religious? You no

33:35

longer do, but why not? Well,

33:38

because there's a difference between religion

33:40

and then spirituality. And

33:43

you have to leave religion behind. That

33:47

comes with a lot of rules. Yeah, it comes

33:49

with a lot of rules, a

33:52

lot of man-made rules, a lot

33:54

of personal man-made rules. Ding, ding,

33:56

ding. So

33:59

my spirituality. comes

34:01

from having my own relationship with

34:03

God. And I think that

34:06

encompasses being a good person, you

34:08

know, being respectful, you know, being kind,

34:11

you know, all of those things are godly. Those

34:14

are the things that I hold

34:16

faith in and

34:18

stay true to in terms of my faith. So

34:20

you don't currently have a

34:22

church community. Well, we

34:24

haven't been going to church. It was in

34:26

COVID. And now since some of the

34:29

restrictions have been lifted,

34:31

we still haven't found the

34:33

church. We'll

34:36

create one though. Before

34:47

we wrapped up, I asked them about what they

34:49

were working on. I

34:51

have a single that I released May

34:53

9th, a title

34:56

We Drip, which was inspired by my wife,

34:58

which was initially a love

35:00

letter that turned into a song. When

35:02

you say We Drip was inspired by your wife, will

35:04

you tell us a few words of it? What

35:06

are the words that you think of when you

35:09

think of why? Let me see in that song.

35:11

Well, studying your lashes, kiss the

35:13

curve above your lips, get undressed.

35:16

I intend to know you like the surface of

35:18

your skin. We

35:21

caress. Come

35:23

near, intertwine with

35:25

figures in the moonlight, loving this

35:27

view. Soft

35:30

hips, that dip. I

35:34

suppose you know, during this, we

35:36

drip. Nisi,

35:41

I get it. Let

35:44

me tell you something. Every time she sings a note,

35:46

my clothes fall off. What

35:50

could I do? What

35:54

do you want from me? What do

35:56

you want from me? That's

36:06

Nisi Mash and Jessica Bess at home

36:09

in Los Angeles in 2022. You

36:12

can see Nisi in Ada de

36:14

Vernay's new movie, Origin, and you

36:17

can check out JB and Nisi's

36:19

very cute clothing line at thebetsofbothworlds.com.

36:22

That's the Bet,

36:24

B-E-T-T-S. Get it?

36:26

And they have new merch after Nisi's Emmy win that

36:29

says, I want to thank me.

36:32

One other sad update to share

36:34

just because the site of Nisi

36:36

and JB's first date permanently closed

36:39

in 2020. This

36:42

episode was produced by Appie Yellow

36:45

Duke in 2022 with help from

36:47

Julia Furlong, Zoey Ajilay, Inlee Botin,

36:49

Casey Diehl, Andrew Dunn, and our

36:51

then intern Lily Clark. Death

36:54

Specs and Money is now produced by Slate.

36:57

Please support the production of our show by

36:59

becoming a member of Slate Fox. You'll

37:02

not only support our work on Death Specs

37:04

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To subscribe, just click try free at the

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37:22

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37:28

We'll be supporting the show and the

37:30

people who make Death Specs and Money with me

37:32

at Slate, Andrew Dunn, Zoey

37:35

Ajilay, and Tamron Druze. Daisy Rosario

37:37

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37:39

Slate. Alicia Montgomery is Slate's head

37:42

of audio. Our theme

37:44

music is by the Reverend John DeLure

37:46

and Steve Lewis. And if you

37:48

are new to our show, welcome. We're so

37:51

glad you're here. Find us and follow

37:53

Us on Instagram at Death Specs

37:55

and Money. And You can find

37:57

my weekly newsletter at Annasale.subsales.com. Any

38:01

Any. Money

38:06

or harm. A lot.

38:10

Easier And eighty eight, How me about

38:13

one place for. Their age difference shows

38:15

off and their relationship our film or wherever

38:17

says you know I'm going to be going

38:19

to Walgreens for you soon on. We get

38:21

your point. Me: yeah, I mean you are

38:23

ready and you know what? About

38:30

in the backyard. Over.

38:41

Like great for thousand us.

38:44

And I met. Some

38:47

that is over My body is

38:49

last the way it is used

38:51

to be Twenty years now. I'm

38:58

in a film.