0:00

By the way, in case you haven't heard, my brand

0:02

new book, Feel Good Productivity is now out. It is

0:04

available everywhere books are sold. And it's actually hit the

0:06

New York Times and also the Sunday Times bestseller list.

0:08

So thank you to everyone who's already got a copy

0:11

of the book. If you've read the book already, I

0:13

would love a review on Amazon. And if you haven't

0:15

yet checked it out, you may like to check it

0:17

out. It's available in physical format and also ebook and

0:19

also audio book everywhere books are sold. One

0:22

of my core values was share without fear. I

0:24

realized that that's the phrase that I need to

0:26

tell myself. One way to tweet that would be

0:28

share in the face of fear. Ooh. If

0:32

I were to share in the face of fear, I would tell my mom

0:34

I love her more often. So what about

0:36

texting or calling your mom now? Sure,

0:38

in my phone. All right, just texted

0:40

her, I love you. With a little kiss emoji. You

0:43

didn't combust into flames. No, I

0:45

managed it. You're the master of

0:48

a guest house. And each day it's about

0:50

seeing who arrives at the house. Oh,

0:52

right now there's fear here. And we can move

0:54

to a place where we no longer try and

0:56

reject the fear or push it away because

1:00

whatever we resist will persist. Fear will always

1:02

exist. It's what we do in the face

1:04

of it. Nice, that's great. Should as a

1:07

fabrication of the mind, the

1:09

mind will say the world should be

1:11

this way. But the truth is, and

1:16

is there anything else that's been on your mind or

1:18

is there anything else that brings up frustrations

1:21

or negative emotions? I'm

1:23

just gonna think out loud here. One thing that I've,

1:28

I haven't been thinking about for a while is that

1:32

I feel like I don't experience much of

1:34

a range of human emotion. In

1:37

that I'm generally quite tranquil. And I'm

1:39

not sure if that, I mean, I suspect part of this is

1:41

the stoicism Kool-Aid that I've been drinking for 10 plus

1:43

years. And

1:46

so I feel like I

1:48

tend to rarely experience negative emotions. But

1:51

if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I might

1:53

suggest that, well, maybe that's because I have

1:55

all these sort of defense mechanisms that are

1:57

in place that are stopping me from being

1:59

vulnerable. and therefore stopping me from experiencing

2:01

the full range of human emotion because I'm scared

2:03

of something or other. That's

2:07

a bit that I don't quite figure out. I've always

2:09

been like, I wonder if psychedelic footy would be a way

2:11

of getting through that. Yeah, we

2:15

can explore that as well. So do

2:17

you want to start? How do you want to start?

2:19

With what came up in the... Yeah,

2:22

I guess if this were a normal coaching session.

2:24

Let's say it was the first time that we've

2:27

had our intro call, and

2:29

now it's like, right, first coaching session. How

2:32

would you normally go about it? I

2:34

thought first coaching session and I thought it would be

2:36

critical for you to resolve right now. And

2:39

is this like in personal life or business life? It could

2:41

be anything that comes to mind. A

2:43

lot of the time, whenever I speak

2:45

to CEOs or people who are

2:48

doing well in business, it's actually

2:50

the personal realm which is impacting

2:52

the most. It's beginning to

2:55

creep into their

2:57

head space, their

3:00

energy, their cognitive

3:02

real estate. And

3:06

so it's actually these struggles

3:09

or dilemmas or an area where they

3:11

feel stuck in their life. I

3:13

don't know if I could be just pushing myself, but I feel like life

3:15

is just generally good. Yeah. I'm

3:18

just trying to think, what are the areas in which I guess I

3:20

would feel stuck? Yeah, I guess

3:23

I don't really relate to the idea

3:25

of feeling stuck. I don't think I feel

3:28

stuck in any area of my life. Why

3:30

don't we go to what came up in the conversation? So

3:33

whenever we were talking, this came

3:37

up with your partner. Are we mentioning

3:39

her name? Yeah, let's call her Jane.

3:41

Jane. Whenever

3:44

we had our conversation,

3:48

your relationship with Jane came up in terms

3:50

of what

3:52

you do whenever you give a compliment. Yeah.

3:55

Can you tell me about that? Yeah. So

3:58

certainly a thing. I

4:00

think I've gotten slightly better at this over time. So

4:05

A, for months, I just never really said anything

4:07

nice to her. It

4:10

was only many months into a relationship that she was like, I'm

4:13

surprised that you don't compliment me very much. I

4:17

was like, what? I kind of didn't even realise that

4:19

I didn't do that. And

4:23

then when I would notice her looking

4:26

really nice, I had

4:28

to comment that, hey, you look really beautiful today. I

4:31

would feel like a massive sense of cringe

4:33

at saying that. And I

4:35

had to be like, I would say it in a kind

4:37

of joking way.

4:48

Even before we go there, if we

4:50

split that up, initially you

4:52

noticed that you wouldn't give compliments. So

4:55

it would have been the

4:57

worst thing about giving a compliment. The

4:59

thing that I was worried about is that, especially

5:02

if I gave her a compliment on how

5:04

pretty she looked, then that

5:07

would badge me as just one of

5:09

those guys who would hit

5:11

on her at uni or randomly.

5:14

Sort of that veering into

5:16

catcalling and stuff. But

5:18

also part of me was worried that I don't want her

5:20

to think that the only reason I like her is because

5:22

she's pretty, and therefore I'm not going to comment on her

5:24

looks at all kind

5:27

of thing. What would that have said

5:29

about you? That would have

5:31

said that I'm shallow, superficial, flat basically. Because

5:37

having read a couple of books about this, books

5:43

that are sort of like how to win friends and influence people,

5:45

although I don't think that talks about this specifically, they

5:48

say when you're giving a

5:50

sincere compliment, you want to compliment something about the

5:52

person and not about their looks or something that

5:54

they've chosen rather than something they've not chosen. And

5:57

so I'd always immediately veer away from any kind of

5:59

compliments about that. it looks. I think

6:01

that meant that I was just sort of veering away from

6:03

compliments in general. Yeah. Because I don't really give people compliments

6:05

very often. And so it felt quite like, even

6:09

kind of approach that area. So the

6:11

first thing you noticed is that there's

6:13

something that you wanted to do. And

6:15

there was something that was there that you wanted to

6:17

speak out. But then there was a fear of judgment

6:20

blocking you from saying it. Yes. And

6:22

then what was the impact of not

6:25

acting from that place of truth? Not

6:27

much of an impact in the short term. But over time,

6:29

it made Jane think that I didn't like her, basically,

6:32

because she, in

6:35

her model, and I think in a lot of

6:38

people's people's models, if you like someone, then you

6:40

would compliment them fairly regularly. Yeah. The whole words

6:42

of affirmation thing. Yeah. And Claire wasn't

6:44

doing that. She felt like I didn't really care about

6:46

her. Yeah. And

6:49

was just sort of going through the motions of the relationship or whatever.

6:52

And then what were the consequences of that where

6:54

she was thinking, perhaps she's

6:56

actually not that interested? Yeah.

6:58

So there were a few occasions where she

7:00

felt quite upset because we'd

7:07

be spending time together, and then I'd have to go somewhere,

7:10

and I wouldn't hug her goodbye, or

7:12

something, or hug her hello, or say something

7:15

nice to her. So she felt like she

7:18

described it as kind of her love

7:20

tank being empty. And

7:22

when her love tank was empty, then she would sort

7:25

of feel more... I

7:28

guess just like feel bad. And

7:32

it was good that like we, you know, each every

7:34

few weeks, we do a sort of relationship review, where

7:36

we go through these like 10 questions on a notion

7:38

template and stuff. And

7:41

this idea of compliments came up a

7:43

couple of times. Mm hmm. And

7:46

it took like two or three times for me to

7:48

really clock that, oh, this is a thing that like,

7:50

I'm allowed to say nice things to her. And in

7:52

fact, this is a good thing to do. Totally.

7:55

Totally. So I think even instantly,

7:57

if you take a step back, The

8:00

idea of who we should

8:03

be and your

8:05

mind will have an idea of what it means to be

8:07

a good boyfriend and

8:10

your mind will have an idea of who you don't want to be. And

8:12

it doesn't want to be that cat calling guy

8:14

who's just picking girls up and

8:17

who's just interested in their looks. And

8:19

then there's the internal

8:22

you who has a

8:27

drive or a movement towards what

8:29

you want to do, what

8:32

you want to express. And I say that's acting

8:35

from a place of truth. And

8:37

we'll always have this battle

8:39

in life between the mind's perception

8:41

of who we should be which

8:44

will act from a place of fear

8:46

in terms of the perception of

8:49

others of us. And

8:51

there's the deeper spring

8:53

of joy and love and compassion that just

8:55

wants to be expressed. So it wants to

8:58

say Jane I think you look beautiful or

9:00

Jane you look so hot right now or

9:02

whatever it might be. And

9:04

then you're describing there are times when you'd feel

9:07

it welling up and

9:09

you'd notice you want to say something but then

9:11

the feeling would block you. Yeah, yeah.

9:13

Yeah, for telling about that feeling. There's

9:16

almost a feeling I had when you when you said just now Jane

9:18

you look really hot right now. I was

9:20

immediately like oh hello that's that's me much.

9:23

You know that kind of thing. Yeah,

9:25

yeah, yeah. Because I guess I associate

9:28

the word hot also with like sort

9:30

of slightly seedy guys kind of thing

9:33

where something like beautiful or cute feels like

9:35

it doesn't have that like overly sexualization element

9:37

to it. Yeah,

9:39

Jeff you know Ali you look really hot right now. Yeah,

9:42

yeah. And

9:44

so talk to me around that feeling.

9:46

It's a part of it with just

9:49

feeling kind of yucky about it being

9:53

seedy or something

9:55

that would be objectifying her. Yeah.

9:58

Yeah. What else

10:00

what else I could feel like did you notice it in your body

10:03

kind of yeah? Yeah? Where did you

10:05

feel it? hard to say I Don't

10:11

often know where I feel emotions about

10:14

things yeah, or did you

10:16

feel any at one point you kind of point it

10:18

here Yeah, yeah, this kind of general. Yeah vicinity. Yeah.

10:20

Yeah, so you're solar plexus kind of yeah, and was

10:22

it like uh Was

10:24

it like a tightness or was there any? Tension Tension

10:29

yeah tensions yeah, I guess yeah some kind of

10:31

tension in this sort of this sort of region

10:34

of like oh Yeah,

10:36

yeah, yeah, totally and then what happened next

10:38

what would usually happen next when you would

10:40

feel that I think before we'd have

10:42

that conversation And that would have stopped me from saying the

10:44

thing right after we've had the conversation and a couple of

10:46

times I kind of realized that okay

10:49

the person that she Yeah,

10:52

sort of heard what she needs in the relationship

10:54

is more words of affirmation Yeah,

10:56

I want to be the sort of person that

10:58

offers words of affirmation You

11:00

know sincerely and freely and

11:03

that kind of thing yeah, therefore. I'm

11:05

gonna get over my response Yeah,

11:07

and go for it and

11:09

just say the thing and over time with her

11:11

become more comfortable about saying kind

11:14

of expressing feelings and emotions

11:16

sincerely With

11:18

my mom for example, I still really struggle to say

11:20

to my mom I love you yeah, cuz it's not

11:22

a thing that I've said very much growing up. Yeah,

11:24

and in my mind That's

11:27

like oh It doesn't feel

11:29

like me to say this I was anything but like I

11:31

feel blocked by this More this perception of

11:33

what I think I used to be when I was a kid

11:36

Which is I feel like the version that

11:38

my mom thinks I still am And it's

11:41

like that then the mind kind of gets in the way as like I

11:43

it's just safer to just not say Totally I

11:45

think it's a beautiful level of awareness Do you see that

11:47

there's a part of you would you say it's true that

11:49

there's a part of you that wants to fail of you?

11:52

And then you notice a block and

11:54

this whole spiritual journey is about noticing

11:56

that being aware of that back Okay,

11:59

So you know. When You love we

12:01

eloped crate or do or what

12:04

actions you want to take and

12:06

then it's about. Being

12:08

aware of what comes up. And

12:11

getting really intimately. Aware

12:14

of and familiar with that feeling.

12:16

Ah, there's that timers. Ah, there's

12:18

that tension gap. Ah, there's our

12:20

blogs at a rumor you haven't

12:22

asked for the block sniff, you

12:24

haven't crate of attention. The mind

12:27

will do them for the mind

12:29

of if just active and will

12:31

make assumptions and evaluations and tools

12:33

generally be fear base. For

12:35

the first part of the journey, just noticing

12:38

that okay, what's coming amp. And

12:41

noticing noticing that feeling of

12:43

know don't stay small. Don't.

12:46

Say it's don't' Take.

12:50

That risk. Because

12:52

the world will have an idea of who you

12:54

are and even people in the past love idea

12:56

of who you are. And.

12:59

The mind of terrified of change doesn't

13:01

want t. Experience.

13:05

Change Biggest change is uncertain and

13:07

the mind will find safe see

13:09

through security through there being no

13:11

change it being a multi know

13:13

what's happening and protect that going

13:16

forwards. So we

13:18

say no comfort zone And comfort zone is.

13:21

A lovely place to be annoying peaceful

13:23

growth there. So

13:26

if we go back and mobile come back to your

13:28

mom. But even if we go back to Jane. See

13:32

had spit initially were either be the

13:34

fear of how you be perceived and

13:36

I would prevent you from thing in

13:38

a thing him then you had that

13:41

stage of being aware of the tanks

13:43

in the tightness and hold you back

13:45

and same when we're discussing last time.

13:47

You're saying you'd pick out the complaints

13:50

but you'd do in a certain way.

13:52

Yep, can you say. More

13:54

about that how you would. How

13:57

you put out there. so

14:00

Okay, this is gonna sound weird. Essentially,

14:03

I learned the Mandarin word

14:06

for a beautiful girl, which is

14:08

menyu. Menyu. Menyu, yeah. Because

14:11

like a friend told me, a friend told it

14:13

to me. Yeah. And like at

14:15

uni, we had a friend from Singapore who was

14:17

also a medic in our year and we were

14:19

just randomly say like, nihao to him, you know,

14:21

just like, and then like, oh, nihao became just

14:23

like a bit of a, just like

14:25

something you would say, even to people who want him and

14:27

we started greeting each other with that kind of thing amongst

14:29

our friendship group. So there

14:31

was always this kind of fascination with like, saying

14:34

things in Mandarin for some reason. Yeah.

14:37

And someone taught me menyu as like the phrase for

14:39

a beautiful girl. And so if

14:41

I noticed Jane was looking particularly cute,

14:43

I would say, oh, menyu. You

14:46

know, and it was in my mind, that's like,

14:50

I'm telling her that she's beautiful, but like,

14:52

it doesn't require any vulnerability to do so.

14:54

Yeah. Oh, I'm just kidding.

14:57

So you'd almost present it in

14:59

the form of a joke.

15:02

Yeah. Yeah. And can

15:04

you notice any other ways that you'd express it, but it

15:06

would be almost comical, something

15:09

that you could say, oh, only joking. There

15:13

were times where I would say something like, oh, you look

15:15

very pretty. What have you done today? As like a following,

15:18

following, following that up. Yeah. Have you done

15:20

something with your hair or something like that?

15:23

And I kind of recognized at the time that

15:25

because I felt uncomfortable saying, oh, you look really

15:27

pretty today. Yeah. And just leaving

15:29

it there. Totally. That I had to follow it up

15:32

with a sort of like, hey, I'm saying

15:34

this because I'm asking a

15:36

question. I'm just saying it because I want to say it. Totally.

15:40

Totally. And so one fear is that you

15:42

would have been perceived as being

15:44

shallow or just focused on leaks. Yep.

15:47

Were there any other

15:50

fears of putting yourself out there in

15:52

that way? Yeah, I think ultimately it

15:54

was like a fear

15:57

of being sincere, a fear of being vulnerable, of

16:00

being laughter almost.

16:03

I wonder if this is a hang up from the

16:05

days of being in an all

16:07

boys school where any amount

16:10

of anything resembling emotional

16:12

expression is met with, gay

16:15

or things like that. Any

16:18

time back in the day

16:20

someone would say something nice to one

16:24

of their friends, they'd have to follow it up with no homo.

16:27

I'm not gay but like that kind

16:29

of thing. And I think it's like that sort

16:31

of emotional suppression was previously contributing

16:41

to my cringe response to saying

16:43

something sincere. Because what

16:45

would it mean to be emotional

16:48

or to be vulnerable

16:50

or to say something in that

16:53

area? Yeah, I guess in

16:55

the days of school that would have meant some

16:57

amount of mockery. Yeah, yeah.

16:59

And you'd be mocked for

17:01

being, what would

17:04

you say about that? What would people think about that

17:06

person? Do you think that they are? How

17:08

would you fill in the gaps? Oh, like gay would have been

17:10

the word people used back in 2005 to 2012. It's now gone

17:12

out of

17:14

fashion. I don't know what the kids call it these days but... Totally.

17:18

And if you were gay in that

17:20

regard, what was underpinning that?

17:22

What did that mean? What was underpinning

17:24

that? I was in

17:26

like your... Why was it bad? It was

17:28

bad because it's like... I

17:31

mean, at the time gay was just used as a

17:33

slur. Totally. Very casually. But

17:35

I think more like... Oh,

17:39

and so when I was in schools

17:41

pre-coming to the

17:44

UK, so before the age of eight, there

17:48

was a

17:50

distinctive... I don't know, I don't know.

17:54

A distinctive thing that happened when I was in like a

17:56

year or two or something, I was in the school in

17:58

Southern Africa in Lesotho. these two friends,

18:01

these two female friends, when I was like six years old or

18:03

something, and we would

18:05

have lunch together with our little lunch boxes on the field in

18:07

school. And I remember one time I

18:09

was like, I stayed late in class to talk to the teacher

18:11

about something. And then I asked one

18:13

of the guys, do you know

18:15

where Clarissa and Sarnia went? I think that

18:18

was their names. And the guy was

18:20

like, wait, what? You want to know

18:22

where those two went? Huh, Ali's got a girlfriend. And

18:25

then that became like, you know, the kids were

18:27

chanting, Ali's got a girlfriend, Ali's got a girlfriend.

18:30

And I think that was quite like,

18:33

I didn't realize you want to be friends with girls, kind of

18:35

thing. Totally. And

18:38

then even growing up in

18:42

sort of beyond the age of six, sort

18:44

of the rest of primary school,

18:47

it was just this kind of vibe that if

18:49

you're a guy, you don't express your emotions, otherwise

18:51

you're a girl. Right. So it was

18:53

the primary school is you're a girl, in secondary

18:56

school it became your gay. That

18:58

was the kind of the thing that

19:00

stopped people from expressing their

19:02

emotions. And the two

19:04

could be linked in that whenever

19:07

we're thinking someone is gay, we might force you

19:09

that with femininity. Yeah. So it's

19:11

all for this. Okay, this idea of

19:13

masculinity is that you shouldn't be feminine.

19:16

You shouldn't be emotional. And

19:19

the mind will then create an

19:21

idea around who we are. I'm not

19:24

an emotional person or it's

19:27

dangerous to be emotional or to speak in

19:29

an emotional way or to tap into my

19:31

emotions. And I come across it time and

19:33

time again, that growing

19:36

up and I had it to my role

19:38

models were He-Man

19:42

and Hulk

19:44

Hogan and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Professor Sloan. And

19:46

we had this idea of what it means

19:48

to be a man. And

19:51

often it was very centered on masculinity and very centered

19:53

on the mind. And over

19:55

time what happens is we begin to shut down

19:58

To our heart. We

20:01

be into clothes off to

20:03

an emotional world now that

20:06

intuitive part of of the

20:08

the hearts and as is

20:10

where the magic is. That's

20:13

where love, compassion and wisdom.

20:17

Girls and flourishes. And

20:20

it's also what leads to connections. And

20:23

all of us are seeking connection with

20:25

it in connection with our work, with

20:27

our family, with our partners And what

20:29

can happen is the more we going

20:31

to remind no particular the have a

20:33

brilliant powerful mind. the more we go

20:36

into that the more we consoles else

20:38

to our hearts. And

20:40

a more that we can begin to judge what

20:42

it means t. Integrates.

20:46

Or masculine and feminine. And

20:49

so we lose balance and

20:51

we get caught up in

20:54

being rational and objectives and.

20:56

There's. Less feeling with who is

20:59

a sources in choose of

21:01

wisdom in that sign of

21:03

a heart which a lot

21:05

of men to sober years

21:07

move away from the family

21:09

that connects here. Comes.

21:11

On time where. When

21:14

Jane and I first started dating,

21:16

I'm. One

21:19

of my friends of the time would ah asks

21:21

i put you would you like about her. And

21:25

I was soon as hard to. Articulate

21:28

that. I'd be like

21:30

i dunno, I just kind of do now.

21:33

And this friend would say that oh

21:35

well in a few. And. Is

21:37

that that that that's not particularly like

21:39

emotionally majority if you com like to.

21:42

Came when I got someone. And

21:45

a thing. I got me

21:47

thinking is like. That

21:49

into the. If.

21:53

i were asked to write a two thousand what

21:55

essay on what i like about jane or john

21:58

aura by any my friends many something But

22:00

it would be somewhat disingenuous because that's

22:03

a realm within which the

22:06

intellectualisation of what I

22:08

like about my friend Catherine, for example, it

22:12

doesn't like scratch

22:14

the surface of what I actually like about

22:17

Catherine, which is more like, it's

22:20

almost hard to use a language

22:22

to describe that relationship and that connection.

22:26

And I think in the past, I've certainly felt

22:29

that. And certainly the way

22:31

I talk with my team about

22:33

work stuff as well is that intuition,

22:40

like if someone is trying to use

22:42

intuition to back up their point, I'm

22:46

always like, like, unless you can give

22:48

me some facts, we're going with my feelings rather

22:50

than yours on this

22:52

one kind of thing. And

22:55

I wonder if that's like an

22:57

over, I feel like that's the right thing to do. Einstein

23:03

said something along the lines of the

23:06

rational mind being a faithful servant and

23:09

the intuitive mind

23:12

or the intuitive part of us being almost like

23:15

a sacred gift, but we've

23:17

come to prioritize and place

23:20

more credence and value on

23:22

rationality. And

23:25

definitely part of my journey over the last couple of years

23:27

has been seeing that there's intuitive

23:30

wisdom that sometimes draws us

23:32

towards someone or something that

23:35

we can't quite

23:37

explain, that we can't put into words,

23:41

it feels aligned or it feels right. Or

23:43

we could meet someone where we have no

23:45

reason to doubt them, but

23:48

something feels off. And

23:50

there's even been some

23:52

studies to show that looking at high

23:54

intuitive business leaders compared to low

23:56

intuitive, the high intuitive business leaders, 81% were

24:01

likely to double their business in five years and it's about

24:03

25% from low intuitive. Have

24:07

there been no times for you where

24:09

your intuition does kick in or would

24:11

you more often than not

24:14

stick with the mind? I think usually

24:16

if my intuition is saying something, I

24:18

can generally find a way to rationalize that thing as well.

24:22

Totally. Totally. So

24:24

it's rarely an either or choice.

24:27

Yeah, but that's a brilliant level

24:29

of awareness to see that your intuition is leading and

24:31

then the mind will often find reasons

24:34

to back up. And it's

24:36

a little bit like debating. Once you

24:38

know that you're committed to putting something forward,

24:40

you find reasons to say that I'm right

24:42

and you're wrong. But

24:44

I think the key is distinguishing between the

24:47

intuitive part and the rational

24:49

part and the hard part

24:51

and the mind. And

24:53

when intuition is telling you

24:56

to say something or to do something

24:58

like I think you'll be really cute

25:00

or pretty in that example and the

25:02

mind says, don't do it. Don't

25:05

put yourself out there. It's too

25:08

risky. It's not worth it. But

25:10

deep down, you know what

25:13

it is that feels true and right for you. The

25:18

thing that, surely we're not saying

25:20

that the thing that feels intuitive and right

25:22

is always the direction that we should go. The

25:25

mind will often come up with totally reasonable objections

25:27

to doing the thing. Yeah.

25:31

Why would you do what doesn't feel right? To

25:35

me, it feels very right to be

25:40

very open about my life and my finances and all

25:42

this kind of stuff because it helps people and inspires

25:44

some people and makes good videos and all this kind

25:47

of stuff. It feels like it vibes with one of

25:49

my core values which is authenticity and

25:51

transparency and things. On

25:54

the other side of the coin,

25:56

as the numbers get bigger, there's an increasingly

25:59

high risk of security stuff

26:01

happening in

26:04

terms of assists and

26:06

blood burglaries and ransoms and kidnappings and all of

26:08

the potentially dangerous things that could happen to someone

26:10

who flexes about how rich they are on the

26:12

internet, essentially. And

26:16

at the point where, like right now it's

26:18

not at the point where that changes the

26:21

decision. But

26:23

I guess if a

26:26

family were involved and I was genuinely concerned for the

26:28

safety of my family, I mean at that point the

26:30

intuition would be stop making these videos. I

26:32

wouldn't really be in, I wouldn't, I already feel like

26:34

it's right to make these videos, but

26:36

the mind is telling me watch out for the safety

26:38

of your family. I suspect, I suspect intuition would live

26:40

in that direction as well. Completely.

26:43

Part of it is seeing that intuition will evolve and change. So

26:46

it's not that just because we act from

26:49

a place of intuition it means that given

26:51

every circumstance we will act

26:54

in the same way. Especially

26:56

when we're very open and moving from a

26:58

place of consciousness or openness and

27:01

we're not blinded by the thoughts and emotions

27:03

of the mind, we've got

27:05

clarity of vision. So

27:08

the mind will create filters

27:10

through which we see the world. The

27:13

more that we can remove those filters, the more clarity

27:15

of vision we have and the

27:17

more clarity of vision we have, the more sensitive

27:19

response that we have. So whenever I pick up

27:22

this cup, I know exactly how much pressure to

27:24

apply to the glass and in order to pick

27:26

it up, very intuitive. That will

27:28

be a different level of pressure to pick up this cup

27:30

in order to pick up that piece of

27:33

fishing. So it will continually evolve and change

27:35

and there could be a point where for

27:39

you intuitively it does not seem true

27:41

and right for you to be continuing

27:43

to do

27:45

the same thing that you did that go you to this point. So

27:49

it can be a constant evolving,

27:51

but I'd say the key part is at least to be

27:53

aware of intuitively

27:56

what feels true and right for you. that

28:00

you go against that, we can do that with

28:02

awareness. Yeah. So

28:05

when you're coaching CEOs, if it's a business

28:07

decision, for example, do you encourage them to

28:11

think how they feel intuitively

28:13

about a situation? Or how

28:15

does that process work? The

28:19

mind will often create

28:22

confusion because it can see it both

28:24

ways and it can argue it both

28:26

ways. But whenever we

28:29

can find a place of

28:31

stillness where the mind isn't being as noisy,

28:34

it becomes so much clearer what

28:39

intuitively is the

28:41

next move. And

28:43

so I'd say that whenever we get caught up

28:45

in our mind, we get caught up in paralysis

28:48

because we're dealing with analysis. Whereas

28:51

from a level of consciousness, we're dealing

28:53

with awareness. And with awareness, there's clarity.

28:55

You just see it. Whenever

28:57

you can allow the

28:59

emotion in the mind to settle, the

29:02

water is still. And so you can see through and

29:04

you can see just what the

29:06

next step might be. So I'd

29:09

say completely, it's about naturally

29:11

listening to the mind because the mind will

29:14

give you insights. So whenever you

29:16

said that you don't

29:19

want to be someone who

29:22

comes across as being shallow

29:24

or superficial or objective,

29:27

what does that tell you that you value? I

29:30

value, I guess

29:33

the opposite of those things, depth and

29:36

connection beyond like rather than shallowness

29:38

and superficiality. So you value

29:40

depth, you value connection. By

29:47

seeing

29:50

her beauty, what does that tell you? That

29:53

value beauty. Yeah, so you

29:55

have an appreciation for beauty. So

29:57

You're so multifaceted, you value depth,

29:59

you. Connection You have an

30:01

appreciation for beauty once we know

30:03

that. how to the express than

30:06

for a place of truth with

30:08

Jane. If she came walking in

30:11

right now and you thought she

30:13

lucky and emotionally a hot and

30:15

success as I say, think that's.

30:19

What? What Did you face? Her?

30:22

House. And. He you looking

30:24

very lovely tonight? Yeah that live in an

30:27

up and stop him complain. And

30:30

maps the way of life we. We

30:33

take action and then amounts of

30:36

posing seeing. Seeing what happens

30:38

and pay me another person's rants and

30:40

we we can explode that both More

30:42

important if you move from a place

30:44

of proof in line with for you

30:46

are you The truth is you know

30:49

who you are. You

30:51

know alley your mind will say. Oh.

30:54

The fear is. They. Will think

30:56

that I am superficial aura objectifying.

30:58

What is the truth be? I'm.

31:02

That. I don't think of how am I know

31:04

that's not who you are here. I know

31:07

him like having to smite you. I know

31:09

that that's don't you. I that be like.

31:12

Saying. You're at a metal like

31:14

you're not. As a matter of. If

31:18

you're beautiful man who doubts and

31:20

connection and you care deeply about.

31:23

Other people feeling values and not

31:25

feeling. Objectified:

31:29

Beautiful. But if

31:31

a mine gets involved it will

31:34

prevent us from. Sharing.

31:38

And sharing of and sharing openly or

31:40

only task and life is t nor

31:42

truth and act from that tree. And

31:48

some last week when we were at

31:50

Am. Reading

31:52

the session where the wind up with been catch

31:54

them for the whole team and one of the

31:56

things he else to do is figure out in

31:58

in the areas of health. Work and

32:01

relationships? What is one identity that

32:03

we wanted to kind of. Ah

32:06

we we. We sort of aspired to be

32:09

like and then what were three of the

32:11

country core value the says his with identity

32:13

yeah and in what context I'm. One.

32:16

Of my core values was the phrase

32:18

share without fear. And

32:21

I realize that that's the phrase I used to

32:23

tell myself. whenever. I

32:25

think. Oh I will. I would love

32:27

to make a video about X, but oh no.

32:29

Hang on. A We'll we'll

32:31

we'll we'll the video not perform how how will it

32:34

perform on the numbers gonna look like is of to

32:36

nice a topic for like the mainstream audience to care

32:38

about et cetera et cetera is is is is not

32:40

interesting enough is enough audible enough totally do. I need

32:42

to add eighteen times as much content for this to

32:44

make it to from to make a value. My.

32:48

Find the The phrase share with us. Here

32:50

is how much share. One

32:53

way to treat that would be share in the face

32:55

of here. Oh. Nice.

33:01

As get feel the fear and it

33:03

anywhere kind of thing because what's true

33:05

that the truth is fear has arisen

33:08

the i'm a financial here you have

33:10

a human mind for the byproduct will

33:12

be that you experience human emotions you

33:14

the master of a guest house and

33:17

each day about seem to arrive at

33:19

the house who's knocking on the door

33:21

he open up and see who fair

33:23

all right Now the fear here. If

33:27

so who I am to suggest and

33:29

we can move to a place where

33:32

we no longer trying reject the fear

33:34

now or push it away. Because

33:37

whatever we reverse will persist. whenever.

33:40

We try and block will remain

33:42

there. And Matt

33:44

what leads to paralysis? But if we can

33:46

all have begun to welcome the fear, the

33:48

meaning of life as experience life right now

33:50

you been prevented with fear. You're only task

33:53

to experience us here. Because

33:55

you're bigger than the fear where we

33:58

get statues when. We. thinks

34:00

that we are the fear and

34:02

it's consuming, it's who we

34:04

are. But you're so much bigger than that. The

34:07

fear is just the object of the consciousness and

34:09

your consciousness, we're just so much bigger. And

34:12

this whole journey is about spiritual

34:14

expansion where we're, our

34:16

consciousness is so big, it can hold all of it. It's

34:19

just, it's just a part

34:21

here or a part there that we can see, but that's not

34:24

who we are. So

34:26

we don't want to reject to deny the

34:28

human experience. There's fear here, but what is

34:30

your task to share? Yeah.

34:34

I think I was thinking of it in the sense of like,

34:36

I shouldn't feel fear for this thing. Totally. I

34:39

should just, yeah. Totally. The mind

34:41

will come in and judge, judge

34:43

itself for feeling what is the rhythm.

34:47

Hmm. Yeah. And

34:50

then it'll almost think,

34:53

well, I'm almost not very

34:55

yet because I'm, I'm

34:57

the one experiencing fear and I should be fearless.

35:00

Almost as if I'm not good

35:02

enough in that regard. Yeah. But for

35:05

me, what's, what's more impressive, what's

35:07

more admirable, what's more inspiring to

35:09

have one person who has no

35:11

fear and he shares or another

35:13

person who's facing that fear and

35:16

feels it and knows that

35:18

it's there and still shares now

35:22

I'm buying your boot. Now I'm

35:24

getting your, getting

35:27

your YouTuber Academy. Now I'm doing all

35:29

these things because that's real and

35:31

I feel a T and everyone else feels a T.

35:35

Fear will always exist. It's

35:38

what do we do in the face of it? Nice.

35:40

That's great. Just

35:43

thinking, what are the other areas of my life

35:45

in which I'm

35:47

telling myself I should be feeling something or

35:49

should not be feeling something. Yeah.

35:52

What should I think is the thing. Completely

35:55

should have the fabrication of the mind. The

35:58

mind will say the word. Me

36:01

personally. But the

36:03

truth is. The

36:05

world is both brutal and useful

36:08

and if the mines idea that

36:10

labels it as good or bad

36:12

and as soon as the mine

36:15

gets involved and creates a should.

36:18

Prepare for suffering. With

36:22

me all misery.

36:25

Arises from reality

36:27

clashing with expectation.

36:31

All of it. We

36:35

have an idea of how we

36:37

should be or someone else should

36:39

be or our life should be

36:41

and. Our. Little dictator in

36:44

her head says Mrs Wage should be

36:46

and I know best but the world

36:48

when playing, Sit at the unfolding starting

36:50

point. Eight billion years of commuters from

36:52

sending hundreds of a truly me as

36:54

a fine. Lifting. Okay,

36:58

The. Masses inside as. When.

37:00

We're saying this to that life

37:02

should be no, no no No

37:04

no. I'm

37:08

even as be so careful about the

37:10

language of eve. So

37:13

when we think I aspire to be. This

37:16

person. One of the

37:18

premise that you're not a person to

37:21

get totally, how can you be? For

37:23

me, you're not you know, tomato he

37:25

can be some as as yes he

37:27

starts to be. Fearless.

37:30

But you're not fearless Him so

37:32

rather than aspiring to be different

37:34

part of seeing that. Those

37:37

vice he described that is who you

37:39

are alley that they're already. You don't

37:41

need to do anything to make it

37:43

happen. all you have to do. Let

37:45

me touch of the forest. remove the

37:47

blocks to and flowing three. Courage,

37:52

authenticity, Strength

37:55

and a vase as

37:58

all. Assault. of

38:00

you. Wisdom, joy, love,

38:02

that's already there. You don't

38:04

need to do anything to create

38:07

it or find it. It's like

38:10

someone's sitting on a chest looking

38:12

for treasure, they're already sitting on

38:14

the chest that contains already. And

38:17

we have to do a slow down and look at where

38:19

the blocks and the blocks will

38:21

come from the mind. The

38:23

sheets, the ideas, the identities.

38:29

Fuck identities. And

38:33

identity is something that you want to wear like

38:35

you wear your clothes. Sure,

38:37

put it on

38:39

for this occasion or that occasion, but don't think that's who

38:41

you are, you're not your clothes. We

38:44

want to treat it the way that often

38:47

people treat shopping and say

38:49

gender typically females, they'll

38:51

go and try on

38:54

20 clothes or in turn 20% of them. We

38:56

want to wear them lightly, same with their belief. As

39:00

soon as we get attached to an identity, as soon

39:03

as we get attached to a belief, prepare

39:05

to be broken. It's

39:08

like taking a hammer and if you take

39:10

a hammer and hit a piece of

39:12

slate, you're feeling a

39:15

smash into a hundred pieces. You

39:17

take a hammer and you smash it into sand,

39:19

it'll make an imprint but over time the wind

39:22

will blow it and it'll surface out. You take

39:24

a hammer and you smash it into water and

39:26

it cuts through but as soon as

39:28

you remove the hammer, it just moves back

39:31

to its original position because of

39:33

being fluid about moving

39:36

from that place of consciousness which cannot be

39:38

defined, which cannot be put in a

39:40

box, it cannot be labeled because it's

39:42

so much more. Nice.

39:46

What comes to you with that? I think

39:48

that the should stuff is particularly interesting

39:50

because at

39:52

one point, I want to write

39:54

a book slash do some kind of

39:56

thing around a

39:59

language that Language

40:01

that doesn't serve us. I think the phrase,

40:03

I don't have time, does

40:06

not serve us because it removes autonomy from

40:08

us. And in reality, I'm choosing not to

40:10

make the time, whatever the situation is. I

40:16

kind of think the word stress, stressful,

40:20

does not serve us at times.

40:24

I feel like generally

40:27

complaining also in whatever

40:29

format. I've

40:32

been thinking for a while around this word should, and

40:34

is there any circumstance in which the word should is

40:36

actually useful? Or is it just basically should

40:39

we try and black it down the word

40:41

should from our brain and replace it with

40:43

something else? Like

40:46

would like to or have the option of

40:48

choosing to, dot dot dot. Completely. If I

40:50

can't. You

40:53

choose not to. Or

40:55

like the thing should have a

40:59

value judgment on something. I

41:01

remember I was on the Savannah in

41:04

the Masai Mara in Kenya and

41:06

I was watching a baby

41:09

leopard feeding by

41:12

its mother on this baby gewel.

41:16

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Should

41:19

that happen or should it not? Yeah,

41:23

it's gotta be because. Totally. I mean,

41:25

from the position of the leopard, it should

41:27

happen. From the position of the gewel, it

41:29

shouldn't happen. There is no should in nature.

41:32

If you go out into the world and part of this journey

41:34

of beginning to experience life, rather

41:38

than seeing everything of how it

41:42

impacts of, of taking that step back and seeing that

41:44

this is just life unfolding and it's a gift to

41:46

be a part of it. We're

41:49

here for such a short period of time. And

41:52

we're just here to experience it. So

41:55

like you were saying, what would you love? What would you like to Do?

41:57

Because There's a war going on. On

42:00

and the wars between a external

42:02

world and other people in our

42:04

mind saying what should happen. And

42:07

then there's that internal in chooses

42:09

place of what you would love

42:12

to happen. And

42:14

it I've seen and I'm sure you

42:16

my bill to testified to seeing the

42:19

consequences of what happens when you follow.

42:22

What? others? Are the

42:24

world? Are your parents or even

42:26

your minds perfect and saves? You

42:28

Should d. And

42:30

it's not a pretty play for you. End up. Moving

42:36

from that place of what you

42:38

know what you would love, that

42:40

place of truth. Doesn't

42:42

involve based in fear. Like you said,

42:44

yes. But. The

42:46

rewards a greater than can ever imagine. How

42:49

do you think about the balance here between. Likes

42:54

examples. I

42:56

may one two after this. And.

43:00

Had down the road it and get like

43:02

three scoops of ice cream. but part of

43:04

me as like well Now I also want

43:06

to. Improve my fitness

43:08

and like. Buddies my as

43:10

ron abdominal fat because of me therefore

43:12

I shouldn't go need that. I scraped

43:15

right arm and so the these are.

43:18

at it is that of like. I

43:22

might feel in my heart that a video

43:24

on the ice cream but also I've and

43:27

like the higher cognitive apprentice toasts and taken

43:29

on has decided that that's about it right?

43:31

What? It in that case assume live a

43:33

difference between pleasure, enjoy, Know

43:37

the mind is built

43:39

to seek pleasure. Avoid

43:41

pain and conserve energy. For.

43:44

That's what it will be.

43:46

led by. A pleasure. Go

43:48

for the ice cream avoids.

43:51

Pain. Don't work out and

43:54

conserve energy thing us on watch Netflix.

43:59

And chill. it's so much deeper and

44:01

there's a richness to joy. There's a

44:04

great amount of joy that can come even through

44:06

suffering. It's the reason why people

44:09

will challenge themselves to run a half marathon

44:12

or a marathon. It's the reason that

44:15

athletes put themselves through phenomenal

44:18

hardship. It's the reason that we

44:20

are always driven to try and

44:22

progress because it brings a deeper

44:26

rooted sense of joy. The

44:28

more that we can move from a place of joy,

44:31

that can often bring hardship. It can bring suffering.

44:33

It can bring pain at times,

44:37

but it's in line

44:39

with this bigger calling. So

44:43

I'd say that the pleasure

44:45

drives on the mind so it's noticing when the mind will

44:47

have an idea and it will tell you, Ali, go and

44:50

do this, go and do this, go and do this. But

44:52

it's an addiction and there's a difference

44:54

in feeling between the addictive mind and

44:57

an open heart. So the

44:59

more that we can begin to, this whole work

45:02

that I do is beginning to tease apart the

45:05

difference between the two. Notice

45:07

which one's leading. And whenever

45:11

we go back to this

45:13

battle, it's between the external

45:15

and the internal. Now

45:18

the mind gets caught up in the external because

45:21

it's built for survival and survival is based

45:23

on what we have around us. But

45:27

if we dig deeper, what are we

45:29

all looking for? All of

45:31

us essentially want a sense of peace and

45:35

want a sense of joy or this

45:37

deeper happiness. The

45:39

mind will say, you know, what you want is a billion dollars

45:45

or what you want is a beautiful

45:48

partner. But if

45:50

we had the genie that came in and we

45:55

rubbed a little belly and someone

45:58

said, okay, I want a

46:00

billion dollars and every time I spend money it'll retop.

46:04

Well, Jean says, okay, I'll give you that but I want condition. For

46:08

the rest of your life, you're going to be

46:10

miserable and discontent and

46:13

restless. Would

46:16

we choose it? I

46:19

think very, very well then, so be no, we wouldn't want to

46:21

be in misery. Or

46:23

you can be married to this beautiful woman, but you're going to

46:25

be unhappy and irritable and

46:29

feeling lost and depressed, feeling

46:32

suicidal. We wouldn't want

46:34

it. So we don't want the

46:36

thing. What we want

46:38

is that sense of peace and

46:41

peace and happiness is always an inside

46:43

job. An inside

46:46

job, as in? Comes from

46:48

here. It's got nothing to do with external world. There's

46:51

nothing externally that can bring us peace. There's

46:54

only externally that can bring us joy. It

46:57

can give us moments of pleasure. It

46:59

can give us thrills. But

47:01

that deeper

47:03

sense of calmness

47:05

and serenity and

47:07

peace and clarity, that's inside. Now,

47:11

when we move from that place, we can still

47:13

achieve great things. It's not about demonizing

47:16

the external, but we'll

47:18

then be moving from a place of freedom rather

47:21

than from a place of fear. There's

47:25

so many business

47:27

leaders and entrepreneurs I've worked with who started

47:29

on the path with an idea

47:31

of what they wanted to create or

47:34

achieve. And generally

47:36

the dictum is or

47:38

was bigger if better. I

47:41

want to have a company with a hundred people, 200 people,

47:43

300 people. I

47:46

want to be growing

47:49

my company and scaling it and

47:51

then selling it. And that's

47:54

right for some people, but the number of

47:56

individuals I've worked with who along the way

47:58

have realized. Actually, that's not

48:00

what I want deep down. What

48:03

I want is to

48:06

maybe create a product that I'm really proud of.

48:08

What I want is a

48:11

small team. What I want is connection

48:13

within my company. And

48:15

that's something that we talked about. Have

48:17

you noticed that journey over the

48:21

years for you? Oh yeah, very much so. That

48:25

was a major turning point about six months ago,

48:28

maybe a bit more, where

48:31

we had a session with another

48:34

friend who we met on the podcast through, starting off

48:36

with a podcast interview. His name's

48:38

Dan Presley. He's written a bunch of

48:40

business books and does business coaching and stuff.

48:43

So he did a whole day team session with us. And

48:46

we talked about the difference between a lifestyle business

48:48

and a performance business. And

48:52

his thing was like,

48:54

between three and 12 employees with

48:57

a certain amount of revenue per employee, you're

48:59

in a lifestyle business. You've got freedom,

49:01

fun, flexibilities. Everyone's having a great time

49:03

making loads of profit. As

49:06

soon as you get beyond 12 people, now you're in the

49:08

desert where you're too big to be small and too small

49:10

to be big. And now everything goes to shit. And

49:13

the desert is where companies go to die. When

49:15

you get 40 plus people, that's when you're in performance business

49:17

territory where you've already got the systems and stuff. And you're

49:19

scaling. And you're spending loads of

49:21

money, but you're also making loads of money. You're not

49:23

making much profit, but you're not really concerned about profit.

49:26

You're concerned about just building up your assets

49:29

on your balance sheet. Which of these

49:31

businesses do you want? Do you want a performance business, or do you want a

49:34

lifestyle business? I know what it's like. Lifestyle business,

49:36

150% like, who the hell wants that? And

49:40

he was like, OK, that's a good insight. And

49:42

I kind of realized that last year when we overhired,

49:44

we were in the desert with a team of like

49:46

18, 20, 25 people, depending

49:49

on how you count it. And

49:53

running business was no longer fun. And

49:55

it felt like work. And

49:59

yes, the numbers were getting bigger. But some of the costs,

50:01

the profit was getting smaller. This

50:05

is the growth mantra.

50:11

Since then, even before

50:13

then, I've

50:16

spoken to some people who have

50:19

companies valued at 300 million or whatever. They

50:23

messaged me being like, hey man, any tips on starting a YouTube channel?

50:27

You've got a 300 million dollar company. It's

50:32

not that fun, like investors and FAF and team and

50:34

problems and things. I

50:37

just love what you do. You can make videos about whatever you want and

50:39

you make money doing

50:41

it. Obviously, there's a level of survivorship bias

50:43

here in that the sorts of people that will message me are

50:47

people who are thinking in those terms. They

50:52

really love the whole big business thing. Even

50:57

the other day, I was speaking to

50:59

another friend who's had phenomenal success with

51:01

books and traditional media and movies and

51:03

Hollywood and things. He

51:07

was saying, I thought I wanted all these things and

51:09

then I got them. I

51:12

realized it's more fun and reaches more

51:14

people to just make YouTube videos. I

51:17

was like, damn. This

51:22

is surprisingly helpful insight from... Because

51:28

whenever I come to second guessing myself

51:30

thinking, if

51:32

I meet someone who's got a 10 million dollar business

51:34

or something, I'm like, oh, that's cool. The

51:38

team has realized this as well. Anytime Ollie goes to

51:40

a conference, and three

51:42

days later, they will level out and then we can have a

51:44

conversation. That's

51:47

good insight. And

51:50

that's where all these parts

51:52

come together. When if you ask the world

51:54

what, particularly a Western capitalist society, what

51:57

should you do? The

52:00

answer would be scale and grow. Whenever

52:04

we look at what

52:06

intuitively feels true and right for you,

52:10

you know it's the life of the

52:12

business. And

52:14

your mind could have moments

52:16

of saying, well, no, but I should

52:18

stay on this path. I should aspire for

52:20

more. I should want the $100 million business. Totally.

52:23

And then I was like, hell no. Completely.

52:26

Completely. So that's the path. That's

52:28

the journey of beginning

52:30

to tease apart the

52:32

direction the mind will pull us in and

52:35

moving from that place of truth

52:38

within you. That's

52:41

teasing apart what

52:43

the external says should happen and

52:46

knowing what you know

52:48

to be true and right for you.

52:51

There's the whole like mimetic desire thing.

52:54

We want what other people want. And

52:57

it's hard to then disentangle whether it's

52:59

a true internal desire or it's the

53:01

mind talking and stuff.

53:06

For example, the other day I saw Porsche Takeout on

53:08

the road. And I was like, well,

53:11

I've had a Tesla Model 3 for a while. It's been a few

53:13

years. Business has gone bigger. Porsche

53:15

Takeout would be pretty cool. I mean, it has got a

53:18

very nice interior and like, you

53:20

know, the charging infrastructure is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

53:22

Yeah. I've been thinking about this

53:24

for the next several years. But

53:29

is that the true me thinking I want to Porsche

53:31

Takeout or is that the mind telling me that I

53:33

want to Porsche Takeout? How do I know the difference?

53:37

You answered it in your language. You

53:39

said I'll be thinking. The

53:43

mind thinks and

53:45

the heart just knows. So

53:49

whenever it came to the

53:51

proof of talking to you about lifestyle

53:54

over performance, you

53:57

just knew. Yeah. Even

53:59

though... I didn't even need to vaguely think about

54:02

it. No, you didn't think about it. Totally,

54:04

totally. You just knew. How

54:07

did you know? Because you knew. Yeah. Okay.

54:11

So at some point, I'll test drive for the

54:13

Porsche takeout. I'm

54:15

saying by just no. We're

54:18

like, oh, fair enough, go for it. Why not? Part

54:21

of it seems, it depends what we are

54:24

looking to get from whatever

54:26

mind saying that this, that

54:29

the Porsche will give us. If

54:32

we think it will give

54:34

us a sense of lasting joy, we're

54:40

being deluded. But if we

54:42

can see it for what it is, which is, do you know

54:45

what, I really appreciate this car and it's beautiful. And

54:47

I would like the pleasure and the thrill of

54:50

driving it. Yeah,

54:52

fair enough. And when we can see it for what it

54:55

is, it might give us more options.

54:57

Well, do you know what I might do? I might rent that

54:59

car whenever I really feel like

55:01

taking out and once

55:03

a month or doing somewhere, I'm gonna take a

55:05

super car and do a road trip for three

55:07

or four weeks. So we can

55:09

still have all these different experiences, but it won't be

55:11

driven from a place of need. Where

55:15

we get caught up is when we have an attachment.

55:18

An attachment in the Buddha sense

55:20

is this idea or belief that

55:23

I need this to be happy. Hmm,

55:26

yeah. And part of the path is seeing

55:29

what our attachments are. What

55:31

do we think we need to be happy? Is

55:34

it the car, is it the business, is it the

55:36

relationship? Is it

55:38

a lifestyle? Because the

55:42

truth is we can have all of those

55:44

things and I've seen it and

55:46

still be miserable inside. There's

55:50

an external game and there's an internal game. And

55:53

on the left, we pay more attention to the

55:55

inner game. We'll

55:59

gain the word. world but lose their soul. The

56:05

scriptures, spiritual writings and teachings have set

56:08

it for millennia. What

56:10

does that profit a man to gain the world? But

56:12

for his soul. If

56:15

the reason why billionaires commit suicide, if

56:18

the reason why people

56:21

with power and status and prestige can

56:24

be depressed or alcoholics

56:26

or addicted to drugs

56:29

because what

56:31

the world fells of turns

56:33

out to be a lie. And

56:35

our path of finding truth. Find

56:38

truth. Move

56:40

from that place of truth and the rest takes

56:42

care of ourselves. So I guess

56:46

what are some

56:48

strategies that we can use to find, I guess,

56:51

to find what my truth is. How do you figure

56:53

this out? So

56:59

there's nothing to figure out. Figuring

57:02

out is on the level of the mind.

57:08

It's about beginning to create space to

57:10

notice when there's

57:13

a block. So if

57:15

we take it back to your example,

57:18

Jane is beginning to notice

57:20

when there is a

57:22

part of you that is blocking something off

57:25

or moving from a place of fear. The

57:29

two forces in life and only two, fear

57:32

and love. And our task

57:34

is to begin to notice when we're moving from a place

57:36

of fear. And

57:42

our choice is to move from a place of

57:44

love. Now that can involve facing fear, but

57:47

we're coming from a different place. We're

57:50

not doing something based on what we're

57:53

afraid someone else will think or

57:56

what it will mean about us. We're

57:58

moving from a place of with Them

58:00

and Joy and Love. So

58:02

in that instant, So's. Sharing

58:05

with Jane. And. We just been

58:07

in every little might for moment. Just

58:09

tapping in and bring ourselves back to her

58:11

senses. Rather

58:13

not have whenever we're in our

58:16

heads and on activity and begin

58:18

to slow down to. One

58:21

of the biggest problem is we're on the

58:23

move so much. When this

58:26

constant. Mouse.

58:30

Wheel of from a counselees.

58:34

If not slowing down frank space when

58:36

you will be increase. Having

58:41

time just for yourself. When

58:43

you're space for new of solitude. And

58:47

you create that for yourself. Everything

58:49

begins to settle in and then

58:51

you have more tyrosine and and

58:53

brilliant idea for county about your

58:55

career are about what your relationships

58:57

mean sea or about what you'd

58:59

love to happen. But

59:02

the first place to start with is allowing

59:04

that to arrive. We don't need to crater

59:07

it'll it'll sorcery and fun when I'm on

59:09

a plane when the journal in my hand.

59:12

Can come from great insights? Yeah

59:14

like oh yeah yeah. Yeah.

59:18

See going back to waves. With.

59:21

Jane your thing. At one point, you were.

59:24

And. Away making a joke about.

59:27

Something. That was truthful. And

59:31

even then we want to. Polls

59:33

and hold on and see. You

59:36

were not a joke. Your. Relationship

59:38

with another job. Your life is Not

59:40

a job. And

59:43

so. but it's about being aware of when

59:45

the mind will turn into joke or diminishing

59:47

or demeanor. And

59:51

so when we moved back to that place of

59:53

truth, A Send A sharing. In

59:56

the say for fear. Of

59:59

you would see. If you were, she's share

1:00:01

in the face of fear. Now.

1:00:06

More. Deadly length. And

1:00:08

ten situations are emerging situation

1:00:10

or even with and on

1:00:13

else. So. To

1:00:15

share in the face of fear how tell my

1:00:17

mom Oliver North and yeah I'll be sharing the

1:00:19

face of here yan flying over the fear of

1:00:21

going to block but if like to. Say.

1:00:24

That that block? Yeah. Completely.

1:00:26

Would you flip think that for the a moment beat let you

1:00:29

know that you lover. And

1:00:31

when you tap into that deeper place, As

1:00:34

nice as I mean like

1:00:36

and then you put the

1:00:38

mine fear which would be.

1:00:41

Or. Would it say no? Law

1:00:44

she's gonna see through. This is gonna think that

1:00:46

you've read a self help book or talked to

1:00:48

said to someone on the podcast has told you

1:00:50

that it's a good thing to do for your

1:00:52

relationship and they apparently love them mold and since

1:00:54

here yeah I'm I'm saying here And totally a

1:00:56

part of a theme that. She

1:00:59

chooses to think that. That

1:01:01

if her right. Actually, she have

1:01:03

the freedom to. See

1:01:06

choose. Judge

1:01:09

you for it or chastise

1:01:12

you for it's bar. Frankly,

1:01:14

shop for it's. But

1:01:16

that doesn't matter. What

1:01:19

anyone else says or does tells you. Nothing

1:01:22

about you and only tells you what's

1:01:24

going on inside. And.

1:01:26

We can only known. Or

1:01:28

we can only. Assess

1:01:31

other what we do. Not

1:01:35

own What the responses. So

1:01:37

we continually go back to eat

1:01:40

fried income from continually going back

1:01:42

T. and

1:01:46

at everything of like off your like

1:01:48

it great to don't less okay the

1:01:50

more we move from place truth the

1:01:52

people that are meant to be closer

1:01:55

to have come to offer and the

1:01:57

people who are meant to be more

1:01:59

distant whoa begin to move away. We don't

1:02:02

have to create balance. Everyone

1:02:05

gets concerned with creating balance. But

1:02:07

they try and do it on a mental level. But there's

1:02:09

too many variables to be able to decipher

1:02:14

or encode. I

1:02:16

mean, what would balance even look like? It would

1:02:18

be a mental conundrum on

1:02:21

any level. Do I do three

1:02:23

areas of this and two

1:02:25

parts of that and one here where

1:02:27

when you move from a place of truth, equilibrium

1:02:31

will find itself. So

1:02:36

what about texting her or calling

1:02:38

your mum now? Sure.

1:02:42

Where do I find her? Alright,

1:02:47

just texted her. I love you. What

1:02:50

little kiss emoji. You

1:02:58

didn't combust into flames. No, I managed it.

1:03:03

And it can just then be taking a little step. And

1:03:08

even if it's a conversation around, we

1:03:11

can share from a place of truth,

1:03:14

even about her fear. Just so you know,

1:03:16

mum, there's something which I'm working on. It's

1:03:18

got nothing to do with you. I know

1:03:20

it's about me. And

1:03:22

actually, I really struggle with saying, I

1:03:25

love you. And

1:03:28

you haven't done anything wrong. Because this

1:03:30

isn't about you, it's about me. But

1:03:32

I can tell that my mind is

1:03:35

worried about sharing that and

1:03:37

things that if I do, you'll make

1:03:41

me think I've read a self help. I've spoken to someone on

1:03:43

the podcast and it's not real. But in

1:03:46

a strange way, you're going to think through it. And

1:03:48

I can't explain it. But I just want you to know

1:03:50

that I love you. And you don't have

1:03:52

to say anything or you don't have to do anything about it.

1:03:54

But that's the truth.

1:03:56

I think it's that thing of noticing when It's

1:04:01

fear, fear or love. That's

1:04:05

not yet a default

1:04:08

for me to kind of notice that. I'll

1:04:12

often notice if I catch myself grumbling

1:04:14

about something and be like,

1:04:17

I think they'll find us

1:04:19

as they are because I've, I guess, trained

1:04:21

that thought process over ten years

1:04:23

of readic criticism and stuff. But am

1:04:26

I moving from a place of fear or from a place of

1:04:28

love right now? I think it would be a really good mental

1:04:31

model. Ali, that would be beautiful.

1:04:35

If in each moment you could just become a

1:04:37

little bit more aware of, am I moving from

1:04:39

a place of fear or moving from a

1:04:41

place of love, that's it. Literally

1:04:43

that's it. There's nothing else

1:04:46

to do. There's nothing else to figure

1:04:48

out. It's just moving from a place of love. Yeah,

1:04:51

and I guess if I'm, in

1:04:54

those moments when I'm overthinking, I don't want to

1:04:56

film this video yet because it's not yet good

1:04:58

enough. Am I really moving from a place of

1:05:00

love or from a place of fear? Yeah. If

1:05:03

I'm moving from a place of love, then I think actually from a

1:05:05

place of love, this video needs more work. Great. Yeah.

1:05:08

But often it's fear.

1:05:11

Totally. Yeah, totally. Because

1:05:13

most people are identified with

1:05:15

their mind. Yeah. Because

1:05:18

their mind is so active, but remember, it's a

1:05:20

servant. But we've allowed it to

1:05:22

become the master. This whole path

1:05:25

is about moving back to

1:05:27

our centre, creating separation from mind.

1:05:30

It's not, like we said, it's not peace of

1:05:32

mind, it's peace from mind. It's

1:05:34

seeing that it's a tool and it's an amazing tool.

1:05:37

And it's phenomenal what

1:05:40

the mind can do and we can direct

1:05:42

the mind and give it tasks to work

1:05:44

on and problems to solve. But

1:05:47

our task is to come back to that place of centre.

1:05:50

And that place of centre is that fuel of consciousness.

1:05:53

And consciousness is truth, which of

1:05:55

love. So when we're moving from that place

1:05:57

of truth, we're moving from a place of love. They're

1:06:00

synonymous. I feel like that's

1:06:02

a good place to end this. Nice. Yeah.

1:06:07

Thank you so much for watching or listening. All the links and resources

1:06:09

that we mentioned in the podcast are going to be linked down in

1:06:11

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1:06:13

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1:06:15

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1:06:23

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1:06:25

would be awesome. And if you enjoyed this episode, you might like

1:06:27

to check out this episode here as well, which links in with

1:06:29

some of the stuff that we talked about in the episode. So

1:06:31

thanks for watching.