0:00

and then Bruce, who is not able

0:02

to be here tonight, and it was

0:04

just lovely to hear the positive responses

0:06

that people had. It

0:09

made me a little bit wish that I could have been

0:11

here as well. This

0:15

evening, instead of the usual Dharma talk

0:17

for about 30 minutes, I thought to

0:20

do it a little bit differently, and

0:22

give just a few short reflections, and

0:25

then leave time for, in the rest

0:27

of the evening, for you to explore

0:30

the theme together in small groups. And

0:33

we used to do this pretty regularly at

0:35

Auckland Insight, but we haven't done it for

0:37

a while, so I thought, well, this could

0:39

be a good opportunity just to

0:41

give some space for you to

0:43

reflect together on

0:46

a specific aspect of our current theme, which

0:49

is freedom, what gets in the

0:51

way and what supports it. So

0:56

freedom, what gets in the way, what

0:58

supports it. In a

1:00

way, that's my attempt to kind

1:02

of summarise the Buddha's key teachings

1:04

on the Four Noble Truths. And

1:07

I think most of you are pretty familiar with

1:09

those. So, as you know,

1:13

those Four Noble Truths point out

1:16

that experiences of

1:18

unsatisfactoriness, of

1:20

stress, distress, suffering, dukkha,

1:26

all of those things are

1:29

a fact of life, just

1:32

a truth. And it's

1:34

possible to train ourselves, to train our

1:37

hearts and minds, so

1:39

that we can live our lives in ways

1:41

that don't make that dukkha worse. Dukkha

1:44

being the word that's

1:46

usually translated as suffering. Not

1:49

only can we live our lives in

1:51

ways that don't make the dukkha worse,

1:53

but we can actually help to heal

1:55

that dukkha or suffering. And

1:58

as a result, we can experience that. more

2:00

ease, more relief, more peace.

2:04

I think most of you have heard me

2:06

give these kind of summaries of the Four

2:08

Noble Truths a few times now, and

2:12

I find myself coming back to them over

2:14

and over. Actually

2:16

a lot for my own benefit. I

2:19

don't think I'm alone in this, but I think most

2:21

of us, there tends

2:24

to be a pretty

2:26

deeply instinctive avoidance of

2:29

anything that's even slightly

2:31

unpleasant, let

2:34

alone anything that's

2:36

unsatisfactory, stressful, distressing,

2:38

actual suffering. Does

2:41

that feel true? So

2:44

when we hear the First Noble Truth, where

2:46

the Buddha just says, there is dukkha, for

2:50

some people at certain times

2:52

just hearing that it's a

2:54

release, there's not something wrong

2:56

with me personally, it's just

2:59

a universal reality that

3:01

life isn't always wonderful despite what

3:03

the abs might imply. For

3:07

other people, maybe at other times in the

3:09

practice, that instinctive avoidance

3:12

of unpleasantness that I just mentioned

3:14

can kick in and it

3:16

can be kind of a recoil. I

3:19

don't want to know about suffering, let's

3:22

just keep pretending everything's okay, don't

3:24

burst my bubble, don't rain

3:26

on my parade, ignorance is bliss,

3:28

right? And

3:30

sometimes we can even feel that in

3:32

our practice, what I call nostalgia for

3:35

samsara, remembering the

3:37

good old days when we weren't quite as

3:39

tuned in to all of these challenges. And

3:43

then for other people, and again I think

3:45

I was in this category for quite a

3:47

while, still am in

3:50

some circumstances, there can be

3:52

a sort of a grudging acceptance of

3:54

this truth, but it just

3:56

stops there. So yeah, okay, true,

3:58

sometimes life is true. hard, it is

4:00

painful, yep, that's just how it is.

4:05

And what I noticed was that I

4:07

would forget about the other three noble

4:10

truths or ennobling truths,

4:13

as I sometimes called their

4:15

ennobling, because they

4:17

support us to get beyond our difficulties. But

4:20

again, speaking

4:23

from my own experience and also observing

4:25

in quite a few students, we

4:28

tend to like the idea of getting

4:31

beyond our difficulties, our stress, distress,

4:33

suffering, but we're much less excited

4:35

about the process that it actually

4:38

takes to get there. Because

4:41

there are four noble truths, not

4:43

just two. It's

4:45

not enough, unfortunately, to just acknowledge

4:48

that there's noble truths. Yes, there

4:50

is. With

4:52

the hope that that alone is going to be enough

4:54

for us, often

4:57

we have this unconscious belief that there

4:59

must be some kind of metaphorical eject

5:04

button that's going to propel

5:06

us to a mythical place or

5:08

a mythical state where we can

5:10

live happily ever after. And if

5:14

it was that simple, none of us would

5:16

be here tonight. We'd just be off floating

5:19

around on some pink cloud of bliss. And

5:22

of course, I'm joking. We know that, at

5:25

least intellectually, that fairy tales aren't

5:28

real. But still, when it

5:31

comes to suffering, that sense that

5:33

anything that's unpleasant is just wrong,

5:36

it's bad, it shouldn't be happening,

5:39

that sense is so baked in.

5:42

But I think we do have

5:44

to keep being reminded over and

5:46

over that this path is not

5:48

about trying to get rid of suffering.

5:50

It's about fundamentally

5:53

changing our relationships to

5:55

it. And that's

5:57

actually the way to real happiness. So

6:01

in a strange way, it's almost like

6:03

we're asked to become connoisseurs of our

6:06

suffering, to get to know

6:08

it as intimately as possible, not

6:10

out of masochism, but

6:12

so we can understand how to relate

6:15

to it more skillfully in

6:17

ways that do lead to more ease

6:19

and well-being, independent

6:22

of whatever is happening in our lives. So

6:26

I think I shared with some of you last

6:28

year this proverb that I

6:30

heard, and it's said

6:32

to have origins both in

6:35

English and African folklore. And

6:38

it's almost a cliché, because like many

6:40

cliches, it contains a kind of a

6:43

universal truth. So in

6:45

Swahili and in English, there's a saying,

6:48

smooth seas do

6:50

not make skillful sailors. So

6:58

I think we can all get a sense of the truth of

7:00

that, much as we might enjoy

7:02

blue water sailing, or if you're not that

7:04

kind of sailor, maybe cruising, maybe

7:06

there's some fantasy cruise

7:11

where every one of

7:13

our sense desires is fulfilled every

7:15

day. There

7:18

might be a certain allure to that, but

7:20

we all know that that kind of comfort, it doesn't

7:23

help us to grow, develop or mature. Quite

7:28

the opposite, it tends to keep us

7:30

complacent and stuck in our

7:32

comfort zone, depending on conditions

7:36

out there being just the way we want

7:38

them to be for our happiness. And

7:42

we can see some of this in our meditation

7:44

practice too. There's this

7:47

belief that we should be able to just sit

7:49

down and drop into deep calm, happiness,

7:51

peace and stay there. And

7:54

if it's not happening, if

7:56

we sit down and it reveals

7:58

how agitated and restless and

8:00

bored and stressed we are, we

8:03

tend to blame the messenger instead

8:05

of looking more carefully about, well, how are

8:07

we living our lives? What's

8:10

contributing to all of that

8:12

unease and dis-ease? So

8:16

even very experienced meditators can

8:18

tend to equate so-called good

8:20

meditating with those

8:23

states of deep calm and

8:25

concentration and overlook

8:27

the process that it takes to support

8:29

the heart and mind to find that

8:31

kind of ease, namely,

8:34

patiently working with the

8:37

hindrances. The afflictive

8:39

states are more and more

8:41

subtle levels so they can

8:43

release and in

8:45

their place the more skillful states can

8:47

start to develop and to be.

8:52

So this resistance to unpleasant

8:54

experiences, it happens in meditation

8:57

pretty obviously. I was

8:59

trying to give us some opportunity to

9:01

practice with that in the guided meditation

9:03

earlier to see how quickly we

9:06

start to go into resistance to

9:08

even simple unpleasant experiences.

9:12

So it happens in meditation. Meditation

9:14

is a microcosm of what happens

9:16

in our everyday lives too. That

9:20

resistance to anything unpleasant.

9:24

But if we can keep

9:26

remembering whenever dukkha arises

9:30

that smooth seas don't

9:32

make skilled sailors, then

9:35

every experience of unsatisfactoriness that

9:37

we have, it

9:40

becomes an opportunity to strengthen

9:42

our inner resources to meet

9:44

those difficulties and

9:46

as a result, supports

9:49

us to experience more ease

9:51

next time that situation

9:54

arises. So Does this make

9:56

sense for people that ring true in

9:58

your own life? I'm

10:00

guessing all of us could single

10:02

at least one example in our

10:05

minds. For. The that

10:07

was difficult, challenging, painful,

10:10

And that at the time we may have

10:12

been desperately resistance. But. With

10:15

hindsight, we can look back at that

10:17

situation and see all the benefits that

10:19

came from it. And

10:21

I see that's what I'd like to invite

10:24

her to explore together. In small

10:26

group. So.

10:29

Just to give you a sense of the form

10:31

that I'd like to use cause some of you

10:34

a new to this. I'd

10:36

like to invite us to form groups

10:39

of three, and the Martin one of

10:41

two. Or more. take

10:43

it in turn for each person in the

10:45

good just to reflect. On

10:49

a difficult time and your life. On

10:52

how that difficult time helps

10:54

you to grow in hiring

10:56

according. To. Them

10:58

to be doing this in a pretty formal structured

11:00

way. So one person

11:03

will speak our climate, the

11:05

other two people just listen.

11:08

And the people are listening at your

11:10

footing Harbor Room. and for me, risky

11:12

than what the speakers share. With.

11:14

No need to and project or and

11:17

corrupt or even a. Question for

11:19

allow the speaker for have

11:21

com system. Or.

11:23

Man or ring a bell You can move

11:26

government or from. Same

11:28

length of time than the next person. Then.

11:31

Why not one? Everybody you have

11:33

time to speak? Well, How? a

11:35

few more minutes for what called

11:37

free flow dialogue? And

11:39

that's where you relief the separate

11:42

speaker and listener and he just

11:44

explore together in a more natural

11:46

back on for what you heard,

11:48

what you'd like to continue exploring

11:51

together. So.

11:53

This is very much a mind

11:55

for speaking and listening practice. It's

11:58

another form of meditation. So

12:00

more than just the cast of a cast,

12:02

hey, where are you from? And not

12:05

so much an ordinary conversation, but

12:08

more of a contemplation. So

12:11

just in terms of eye contact, because this

12:13

might be new to some of you, because

12:16

it's a little more relational, it's helpful

12:18

to have a little bit of eye

12:20

contact, so not so much totally eyes

12:22

closed or eyes downcast, but also it's

12:24

not a staring exercise. So

12:27

let your eye contact move,

12:29

be somewhat natural, and

12:32

relax. OK? Is

12:35

that clear about the form? So

12:38

it's often helpful to try to

12:40

work with people you don't know very

12:42

well. So you just look around

12:44

the room and form yourself into groups

12:46

of three, as I said, maybe one

12:49

of two, and then

12:51

set yourself up together. So ideally,

12:54

all in chairs or all on the floor,

12:56

so you can all be comfortable. OK?

12:59

So please take a moment to

13:01

find yourself some partners.