0:00

This is a public service

0:02

announcement. The episode that you

0:04

are about to listen to

0:06

is part of the annual

0:09

Distraction Pieces podcast drunk cast.

0:11

What is about to follow

0:13

may be offensive, may be

0:15

stupid, basically it's us

0:17

getting drunk and please forgive

0:20

us if we say anything horrific. On with

0:22

the episode. Welcome, welcome,

0:24

welcome. This is the Distraction Pieces podcast

0:26

episode 400 and 547. I'm not drunk

0:32

now. This is recorded way after

0:34

the drunk cast. This

0:36

is episode 547. It's the drunk

0:39

cast. It's part two. I'll keep it

0:41

brief. Oh hang on buddy. Did I

0:43

actually leave this in buddy? I've

0:46

just realised I didn't mention my

0:49

merch and everything in

0:51

the last one. It's

0:53

Christmas. I need your

0:55

merch sales. speechvellermuggles.com, patreon.com/ScrubiusPip,

0:57

twitch.tv/ScrubiusPipyo. They're done. Let's

0:59

get on with the drunk cast. This is episode two.

1:02

If you've just tuned in, go back and listen to episode

1:04

one. I think it's my

1:06

favourite episode one of all the drunk casts.

1:08

It's quite serious but it's very honest. So

1:10

yeah, go back and listen to episode one

1:13

and then continue on with this

1:15

mess. This is part two of the

1:17

drunk cast 2023 with Chris and Stu. Let's go. He

1:30

might save on for what? Ron. Who's Ron?

1:32

Later on. Later on. Fuck it. I can't

1:34

believe that's

1:50

how we're coming back into the podcast.

1:52

Oh, you're cool. I missed you. So

1:54

I might save one for Ron.

1:59

I've got some. frosty French fancies and Chris

2:01

has just asked for one so I passed one over

2:03

and then offered Stu one he said I might save

2:05

one for Ron and then

2:07

we started recording and he explained

2:10

his wonderful terminology. Here

2:12

we are and we were talking about camper

2:14

van trips. I'm sure we've told

2:16

it on the drunk car before so most people

2:20

probably didn't see that as the cliffhanger I made

2:22

it out to be. Yeah. That

2:24

is when we were in Leeds wasn't

2:27

it when we were living in my little van. Yeah

2:29

we're living in your van but every night I just

2:31

I don't know if we switched sides but it

2:33

felt like I would be on the left and

2:35

I'd wake up at like 5am 4am and

2:39

my breath there'd be like steam coming out my

2:41

breath it was that cold. I'd be

2:43

looking and I'd be freezing with my like

2:45

super bag up to my eyes and

2:47

then I look over and people just

2:49

see me pan so it was like they're

2:51

like sweaty. I'll kick my covers off. I

2:54

always remember because it was specifically in Leeds

2:56

and it was when we parked next to

2:58

a graveyard and you were on the side

3:01

of the graveyard and I

3:03

was on the other side. I generally look around and

3:05

in the night without me waking up and I'm a

3:07

light sleeper Chris had put all his clothes on, had

3:10

his hood up, had a hat on and was proper

3:12

in his sleeping bag. I got a green adidas cap

3:14

on your eye. Yeah and then he looked around at

3:17

me and I'm there in my pants just going oh

3:19

mate morning. I was just standing behind the white

3:22

guy. It

3:24

was terrible. So I don't know if

3:26

we did that, this Back

3:28

to the Road trip question by Georgie, I'd

3:31

be well up for it. Like you know even if we

3:33

can unpack a little tent and I'll

3:35

sleep in a tent on the side of the road or

3:37

wherever we go. I could just go to like a campsite

3:39

where they've got showers and stuff. You

3:42

could only sleep in a shower. Some great

3:44

ones in Wales isn't there. All around Wales

3:47

there's these amazing campsites. I've

3:50

got to sleep on the side of the road Chris. But

3:53

you do you mate. Yeah I

3:56

might just go and have

3:58

a shower somewhere. There's loads

4:00

of great girls. Right, I'm going to head onto the campsite

4:02

now, Chris. You good? I'll see you in the morning. Well,

4:05

I can't hear you. Yeah, I'm waiting for the lovely to

4:07

go past it. Oh,

4:17

no, no, text me, mate. Text me. Yeah,

4:19

I'd be well

4:23

up for it. I'm

4:31

up for it. Again, the problem is I

4:33

know you're not going to want to take

4:35

your van all the way to Scotland because

4:37

it's not like a new van. You know what

4:39

I mean? It's you might be concerned if it

4:42

get in there, but 100 percent make it there.

4:44

It's like a good van. Give me gas, like

4:46

the engine that, but that's a

4:48

big trip. Yeah, I mean, I know that

4:50

we got home from Scotland in your car in about. But

4:55

I didn't take in any scenery because I have my

4:57

hands out my eyes for the entire journey. But

5:00

yeah, to go to Scotland to make it worth

5:02

your while. It's a week a week. Yeah. There's

5:05

so much up there in there.

5:07

Oh, fucking me and Gail

5:09

were talking about it. Actually, I was up at the fringe

5:11

and I bumped into Gail and she was saying I need

5:13

to convince you to bring the van up. Scotland

5:16

will go find some lakes to

5:18

jump in. Yeah,

5:20

I'm a little buzzy

5:23

smuggler as well. You should for

5:26

the jersey at the weekend. Can I go and have a

5:28

little sea swim over there? Yeah, but we've

5:30

not had a sea swim this year, either. Well,

5:32

we did one at the start of the year prior to

5:34

the last drunk car. That was the

5:37

coldest thing I've ever had. Yeah, yeah.

5:39

Hurt my balls. Yeah. Yeah. You've you've

5:41

got a little bit panic. Yeah. I

5:43

like that. It was insane

5:45

level cold there. Yeah. And

5:47

and I'd only a month before been

5:49

jumping in for King Rivers in the

5:51

Lake District in December. But that

5:54

fuck me, that was unreal. There was saying

5:56

in the sea. I don't know what it

5:58

was. Hello. Yeah,

6:02

I've not done much this year. I did a

6:04

few night swims. I really enjoy that in the

6:06

summer. Almost hit both. I think I asked you

6:08

on one of them. I think I hit

6:11

you up, but it's one of the things I missed

6:13

from Margate massively is with immersive tides with South End

6:15

because Margate has got the

6:19

two seawater ice-cream. And

6:21

I think that's a good thing. I think

6:23

that's a good thing. Yeah. So you could

6:25

go anytime in the morning or night, whereas I had ages where

6:30

I really fancied it and the tides just weren't matching up. And

6:34

then when they hit, I had two nights in a row. I went and

6:36

just had a swim. And

6:39

I normally do it kind of outside the station. And

6:43

the first time I went up there, I'm sleeping in a labor. Yeah.

6:46

It's a nice little bit, but it was so weird.

6:49

I was like, I'm going to go to the beach. I'm

6:51

going to go to the beach. I'm going to go to the

6:53

beach. It's a nice little bit, but it was so weird because

6:55

I went to. And then I

6:57

kind of thought, I know where you went. Yeah. Yeah.

7:00

And I had the weirdest thing. I thought I'll have a bit of

7:02

a walk first. And because that's

7:04

the kind of area I went to school in

7:06

that I was walking along and I could smell

7:09

some kids smoking shit weed. So

7:12

like resin, like not. And again, you

7:14

never think of that anymore. That

7:18

way. No,

7:22

but smoking shit resin, which again, I

7:27

haven't thought about since school because everyone

7:30

just has weed now as far as

7:32

I'm concerned, but it was proper nostalgia.

7:34

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It was proper

7:37

that kind of dirty resin.

7:40

And then, yeah, I just, it was a full moon and I

7:42

just found a nice spot. I think that was it. The first time I

7:44

had a walk along, there was a few too many people just smelling

7:47

about and it feels kind of

7:49

a bit weird. Yeah. Or

7:51

let's just go in for a swim at midnight or 11 o'clock or

7:53

whatever. But then I had a bit of

7:55

a walk and came back. Full moon at night. You taking

7:57

your clothes off my favorite. I'll be very funny. you're

8:00

going to, you ain't got far to go

8:02

before you turn into a werewolf. And

8:04

I do the whole transformation. I really get

8:06

my, I arch my, my shoulders and

8:10

really go into it. Um,

8:12

but yeah, just

8:14

floating in the sea

8:16

at night where it's all just pitch

8:18

black. And again, I have panics. I'll be really

8:20

relaxed. And then I'll go, I think there's something

8:22

in this. Like I think something will brush along

8:24

my leg. Again, it won't even be that bit

8:26

with that kind of stupid

8:29

thing. I'll be so relaxed and then my mind

8:31

will just go to, I'm going to make a

8:33

move now. I'm going to make a move. I

8:35

don't know what's in here, but it's so peaceful because it's,

8:38

it feels like a sensory deprivation

8:40

tank. Because when you, because it's sea water,

8:42

you can float that, that bit

8:44

easier. When you just go on your back, ears under,

8:47

so you're losing

8:49

all the sound. All you've got

8:51

is the moon and everything is just dark. It's fucking

8:54

beautiful. So

8:57

I like to get some of that in when we go on a

8:59

camp trip. First trip I've done in

9:01

the van, I went to Wales and,

9:03

uh, and I had a three

9:06

different river swims and it was just fucking great.

9:09

If we get in the river a few times, you know,

9:11

we got for that. And then we get to the

9:13

river swims

9:20

a few times, you know, overnight camp, we get

9:22

a barbecue going. And, um, if, if, if we're

9:24

doing a night one, do you want us to

9:26

pick you up on the way out from the

9:28

campsite? Chris, Chris, what do

9:30

you want us to leave you through

9:32

it? Maybe me at the services. We

9:35

probably ain't going to see you. I

9:37

feel so uncomfortable knocking on Chris's tent.

9:40

All the people on those tents, and I've got a

9:42

milking in. I haven't

9:45

caught massive 80 more times than I can to admit.

9:47

You, you're both fighting for

9:49

the local banking just by the way. What was it?

9:51

I made a note of something that's kind of along

9:54

those lines. You've got a

9:56

minute. Just

10:00

a note I made. What is

10:02

the most awkward walk that

10:04

you've ever done? Cause I saw someone just,

10:06

I think it was just a tweet that

10:09

said, why is the walk back after you've

10:11

bowled so awkward? It's so perfect, cause it

10:13

really is. I don't know if there's a

10:15

more awkward walk. And

10:17

you know, you've got that in a few wrong,

10:19

you're all doing it, but it's so weird and

10:21

awkward. No, that's a great observation. I think the

10:24

walk to the toilet during a film, at

10:26

a cinema, I think. Oh, mate. Yeah. That's cause

10:28

you go with me and you know, I'm staring at

10:30

that, you forgetting up. The thing is,

10:32

mate, I'm well over it. Even into

10:35

my mid twenties, I felt very paranoid

10:37

about that. Well now I

10:39

find it liberating because I'm like, as soon as

10:41

I get remote sort of need, in a way

10:43

I'm like, I'm going, I'm not even worrying about

10:45

it. It gives a, yeah. And it feels liberating.

10:48

And I see it every week if I'm DJing at

10:50

the club, when people walk

10:52

through the doors of a club and they have

10:54

to walk across, if they're coming early, they have

10:56

to walk across the dance floor to

10:58

go to the bar. And just that walk

11:00

across the dance floor, people are so

11:03

self conscious. The best

11:05

story I've ever heard about a walk going wrong.

11:08

I don't know if you know this one. He's our

11:11

friend Justin, Big Papa J. He

11:13

walked down to the shops in Basildon on the

11:15

Felmars estate, which is a very rough estate. And

11:17

he was walking to the shop and he had

11:20

a woolly app on. And he said

11:22

literally, he was getting ran by the shops. There

11:24

was loads of kids being proper Larry outside. So

11:26

he said, like, I sort of put my chest out a

11:29

bit and tried to walk with a bit of swagger. And

11:31

I thought I'll pick out like the biggest one. I'll eyeball

11:33

him a bit just to let him know that like, you

11:35

know, you ain't gonna be fucking with me. And he said,

11:37

and I eyeballed him like that. I walked under a tree

11:39

and the branch just clipped the top of me out and

11:41

it pointed off. He said,

11:44

I'm gonna have to jump up. One

11:48

of the kids come over and help me get my hat back

11:50

out the tree. He

11:54

was getting your hat down, mate. A

11:56

kid I went to school with got

11:58

rinsed for this. for years, so I'm not

12:00

going to say his name, but he walked home from

12:03

the shops. It got some

12:06

like some music mags

12:08

and stuff like that. He sat down and

12:10

started reading them and realized he'd cycled to

12:13

the shops. Went

12:16

back his bike had been nicked. He

12:19

just tried for it. He

12:23

just got excited about his magazines, was like having

12:25

a look on the way home. So hang on.

12:28

It's a bad day. She

12:31

won the weakest link and also

12:33

had a car nicked. Same

12:36

date. She's

12:40

a two different dates she didn't turn

12:42

up to. Sorry,

12:44

I won the weakest link. Sorry,

12:52

I couldn't make it. Chris

12:54

won the weakest link. So she was

12:56

like smart. And then

13:00

we went on another date. She told me her

13:02

car's been stolen. And

13:04

then when I got off

13:06

the station at London, I thought it

13:08

looked like a week after that one. You

13:10

know the Landon station, you'll know

13:12

it. You know there's the

13:16

row of shops and then the car parked

13:18

there. Her car was parked there. And

13:21

her house was only about three meters

13:23

from the station. So she'd lately driven

13:25

there one morning because it was cold.

13:27

And then forgot home and thought her

13:29

car's... No, but she reported it all stolen

13:31

and all that. And it was 50, 20 meters away. I

13:34

found her, it's okay. She said,

13:37

you're kidding. And then when I

13:39

told her it was in the shops, I don't think it was worth

13:41

it. I think she wished it was still stolen. Yeah, I'd rather it

13:43

was gone. I had to dump her. Yeah,

13:46

it was brutal. Silver

13:49

lining for her at least. Yeah, he's way

13:51

too bright for you, mate. She

13:54

actually was. I'm cracking open a monster.

13:57

Oh, you'll pick me up. Well,

13:59

I didn't... teams

16:00

in it. And then there's all sorts of Olympic events of

16:03

just marbles. It's hard to explain,

16:06

but then when they ended, it changed

16:08

into, I do just different community games. There'll

16:10

be full guys or pub G are

16:13

like, we do private lobbies on pub

16:15

G. So everyone in there is just us.

16:18

And we're all kind of hunting each other. And

16:20

it became a thing that because it's meant

16:22

to be high industry, my drink of monster

16:24

at the start and get fucking wankered and

16:27

I swear monsters affect me more

16:29

than booze does. Really built for a

16:31

mate. Really? You've, you've always been quite

16:33

healthy lad. I don't have caffeine,

16:36

do I? I don't have to

16:38

your coffee. I don't have

16:40

caffeine. I don't have to your

16:42

coffee and you don't really have caffeine in your, in

16:45

your, in your Pepsi max and stuff like that these days. Fucking

16:49

hardwired. I really

16:54

just the switch things. I've been desperate to talk

16:56

about it. I really miss cat

17:00

say that badly. I needed this poo and

17:04

I'd eaten. I had a big takeaway last night and

17:06

I had that I've got the bathroom being done. I

17:08

haven't, I have right. What did you have? Sorry,

17:16

mate. I like a cocoa de

17:18

mama pasta place. Do you get any of their desserts? Yeah.

17:24

I like that. Do you get a little

17:26

Biscoff balls? Yeah. And I go to double

17:28

accidentally. And I

17:32

was really busy today and I planned my poo

17:34

for 11 o'clock. Yeah. Cause I have to go.

17:36

I saw your diary. You've

17:40

got to into this diary thing. I haven't

17:43

got one. When you do

17:45

any wobsies, I've got

17:48

Molly's two lovely good friends. Right. And

17:50

unfortunately they've just split up, but they've

17:52

got a place in Margate, right? And

17:54

they've just had the bathroom done. The

17:57

only time you go around, they might be shitting their top.

18:00

I'm on the shower. Like

18:03

last week I did a paint job in

18:05

the toilet and it took me

18:07

a phone mark. Literally as I flushed I

18:09

find mommy and said that's the 13th flush. It

18:15

was basically last week it was like I'd emptied

18:17

just a bucket of clay into

18:19

the toilet. Amazing. And I was

18:21

like why is that guy happening somewhere in

18:23

the bathroom? You know and he's a brand

18:25

new one. I've spent a fortune on that.

18:29

Did you ever meet my mate Rick?

18:31

Yeah it was. Rick, he's kind

18:33

of an anomaly because me and Ian's like

18:36

best mate growing up. Don't

18:39

love him hardly see each other but he was literally like the

18:42

third brother in our family. So we'd

18:45

go on little holidays or we'd come all the time. But it

18:48

was in the days of you leave your

18:50

front door unlocked. And I always remember

18:52

the time that we were all just sitting watching TV.

18:54

He walked in went straight out to the toilet, went

18:56

to the toilet then walked straight back out again and

18:58

went see you later and left. It was just for

19:01

like a 13 year old to have that kind of

19:03

comedy. It's

19:06

just gold. And he didn't say just

19:08

let himself in and use the toilet. That's

19:11

what I'm imagining you with Molly's mates.

19:13

Evening. It's

19:16

11 o'clock. Yeah. It's all

19:18

right. That was last week and that was

19:21

a bit of a nightmare. And

19:23

so today they sent me a message going

19:25

we won't be back till Thursday. That might

19:27

also be relevant. So

19:30

I guess 11 o'clock when I plan to have this

19:32

poo but I'm busy with work right. And

19:35

I couldn't because I had to get this

19:37

thing done. It was really urgent. But

19:40

it was get to the point where I was literally

19:42

like biting my fucking fist. In hindsight

19:45

can you remember what's more urgent in

19:47

hindsight. Yeah I can now. I

19:51

was sending me see now I was like my

19:53

face because I needed to shit that bad. I

19:55

was actually sketching my pants at this point and

19:58

I was like I've got I couldn't just about

20:00

get to their bathroom before

20:03

she and my little and

20:05

I went downstairs and then the plumber who's in

20:07

my bathroom had a few questions for me. What

20:09

is what my eyes are starting to walk up.

20:13

I get in the car and

20:16

I'm at that point I'm now

20:18

50 50 on night. Well

20:21

I'm 43 at some point I was going to

20:23

shit myself and I think it's today. I

20:26

drive to their house I break

20:28

breakneck speeds cursing at

20:30

traffic and I am everything in me holding

20:33

this shit in and I

20:35

get to their front door and I fucking

20:38

go to go flying through their front door

20:40

and as I open the door it hits

20:43

something or someone and

20:46

they're already home and

20:49

they're playing their corridor and

20:53

I you know when there's like I'm at

20:55

the point where I say a word

20:57

because he's now it's King

20:59

Kong's finger. He's

21:02

no time to explain. There's no

21:04

time to explain. I

21:06

haven't seen Abby since they split up. There's

21:09

no way I could just go

21:11

run upstairs. So I'm talking to

21:13

Abby and I'm trying to find care

21:17

for the breakup because I do

21:19

really care like he's fucking shit.

21:21

Yeah. Yeah. But things happen. It's fucking

21:23

shit. Poking out your

21:25

ass right now. After a couple of, I managed

21:27

to hold on to about three minutes and I

21:29

kind of said look Abby I kind of

21:31

need the bathroom. I didn't go into the full D

21:33

house. Flew up

21:36

three flights of stairs got on that toilet

21:39

played some music so she couldn't hear me

21:41

in labour. Why would you

21:43

play music? Because I just thought she

21:46

doesn't need to hear someone drop a bleed or

21:48

he's plucked down her brand new house. No

21:51

that's so much weirder though. Just suddenly music

21:53

starts coming out. What's he doing in there?

21:55

Why would he want it? He makes stuff

21:58

and it was so painful. for this poo.

22:00

It's kind of... I like

22:02

to move it, move it. Whoop, there it

22:04

is. And

22:08

this was really bad. I thought someone

22:11

was going to need to

22:14

stitch up my gooch.

22:21

It's so bad. Any

22:25

volunteers? And when

22:27

I'm finished and I look round... I've

22:31

only got a bit of toilet roll on the go. And

22:34

I look round, this poo,

22:38

it's like six inches out the toilet. Can you

22:40

show a picture of it? Yeah, I did. Do

22:43

you want to see? Yeah! Yeah!

22:46

Because it was the morning still. Although

22:48

the video doesn't catch it. The

22:52

stain that was coming off his nose. It

22:55

was like the poo is smoking. But

22:58

annoyingly the video doesn't show. And when I look

23:00

back at the poo, the poo

23:02

in this toilet doesn't look that big.

23:04

But I mean that... Oh, I

23:07

mean... It looks sentient.

23:10

That is down and round the youpen.

23:13

And that is like... Look how far that is out of

23:15

the toilet. That

23:18

looks like a snake. How weird is it that it

23:20

looks like it's coming out rather than going in? Yeah!

23:23

What's that face? That's

23:26

eight inches out of the toilet. Right.

23:29

Here's the video. Here's the video. If you need to

23:31

see. But

23:33

I just want like... You

23:36

don't run a marathon and don't get a photo at the end.

23:39

I'm going to go on a limb

23:41

here and say that any listeners... If

23:44

you want to see that picture and video, if

23:46

you join the hardcore listing Patreon, that is

23:48

exclusively where you can see. The footage of

23:51

Chris's shit. Yeah.

23:54

That was... But then

23:57

that's when the panic started. Because, you

23:59

know... I didn't talk about the clay poo

24:01

for just for the shits and kicks. I

24:04

was genuinely worried. That ain't going anywhere with

24:06

one flush. No. And I thought, oh, I

24:08

kind of just taking 13 flushes. I

24:11

love the literalness though of songs. I was going to finish

24:13

it up in there. That's where the panic started. After

24:16

I've taken the photo and video. That's

24:18

where the panic started. Once

24:22

I've got the footage, I really believe before

24:24

you even panicked, you sent that to Mark,

24:26

right? I didn't for once. He hasn't got

24:29

it. I called him last week. This

24:31

week I was just like, I

24:34

tell you why, Stu, because I was in panic mode

24:36

at this point because I was in

24:38

and I was like, what am

24:40

I going to do? And I genuinely thought that

24:43

I was going to have to throw that out.

24:45

It's three stories up and I was fully prepared.

24:47

I was like, I'm going to do it for

24:49

a visual flush. Yeah. What did

24:51

that do? I've got I was worried. You

24:53

know, I've had to use coat hangers in

24:55

the past, all this other stuff. And I

24:57

thought I'm not doing that

24:59

at some time. I'm on the

25:01

third story and their thing

25:03

backs onto a garden. I was prepared to I was prepared

25:05

to pick it up and just throw it out of the

25:08

window. If you had to use a coat hanger, what

25:11

song would you have gone for? How

25:16

do you sound check? Break up

25:18

stuff. Yeah,

25:22

one flush. And

25:24

it went. It was a miracle. Ron's

25:27

in. He's

25:31

getting a French fancy. But

25:34

one flush. One flush and

25:36

gone beautiful. It's a good shape. I'm

25:39

going to go in there on it, I guess.

25:42

Yeah. Yeah. So

25:44

that's my first story again. How

25:47

many times have you shit yourself as

25:49

a grown up? As a kid and half

25:51

once as a grown up, I mean, Mark

25:53

had gone to watch Monsters and

25:56

I had a dicky tummy and I sat at the cinema

25:58

screen with the only two people in the cinema. and

26:00

I normally had my feet up and

26:02

I did a fart and it was a warm one, I thought

26:05

that's warm and then literally an hour later I

26:07

moved as we got up and I went oh

26:09

it was a little bit of a dribbler that's

26:12

it. Once, really, as a rock of a

26:14

grown man. I had this conversation, except in

26:16

the 80s, after

26:18

Cunt told his story about his uncle that pulled

26:21

invisible guns from his pockets and said go for

26:23

your guns and then farted eat the kids. Cunt

26:25

tried to do it when he was six so

26:27

he'd go for his name and then he'd shoot

26:30

himself and then he'd take him back to his

26:32

mum and say that in action. Cunt's

26:35

the only person in the world who's got three

26:37

podcasts that you might get asked when have you

26:39

ever shit yourself. I've

26:43

never shit myself and I'm

26:45

not saying that to give it the big one.

26:48

I've wet myself plenty of times laughing. You're

26:51

getting to that age. Yeah,

26:53

no, I've wet myself a fair few times like

26:55

as a kid laughing my ass off but

26:58

I can't. I

27:00

don't think I've ever wet myself. I've wet myself

27:02

once, pooed myself once, one or one. You

27:05

shit yourself three times. Wait

27:09

twice a year. You're

27:11

going to get through the ring of the ship. But

27:14

I think it's twice a year. It's twice within the

27:16

last year or so. Always

27:19

just kind of what Chris said, a

27:21

fart that's then wet

27:24

and it's like right, I'll then go and

27:26

clean up. No

27:28

one needed that additional data and I assumed you'd just

27:30

go for it. It'll

27:32

deal with itself. It feels like you didn't

27:35

go and do it. Let nature take its

27:37

course. So

27:39

the most recent one, you know

27:41

about this actually, Stu, I was filming

27:44

in Spain. Because I

27:46

had to miss a podfibre meeting because

27:49

I was in Spain. I was filming in Spain. A

27:51

bit of a runny tummy. Well, I

27:54

was out there and you

27:56

know I'm not a big McDonald's guy. I just

27:58

don't like it. Everyone assumes it's a moron. moral

28:00

choice. It's not. But

28:06

he will wet himself. So he

28:09

knows this story. So a friend

28:12

of mine is a McDonald's

28:15

fan. So they said, have a look on

28:17

the delivery apps and see what they

28:19

do because the variation in menus around the world,

28:21

you know, that fascinates me. We're like pizza places,

28:23

the variation of what they do. And I looked

28:27

and they did the fucking coolest and

28:30

looking stuff. They did this burger that

28:32

was more kind of, oh no, no, it's more like,

28:36

like it was more of a flame grill type thing.

28:38

There's more burger Kingie, but it had like this

28:41

cured ham on it and just all sorts

28:43

of just all sorts of good stuff. This

28:45

amazing rich barbecue sauce that's native

28:48

to the area. And they did like

28:50

these, these they did

28:52

some Biscoff bites as desserts. They did

28:54

these like macaroni

28:58

cheese, like dipper type things. How's

29:01

that right? I'm going to go in and give it

29:03

a go. So I walked

29:05

all the way out, out to this McDonald's. All

29:08

did it, ate it. It was all right. It was arguably

29:12

the best McDonald's I've had, but I'm not a big

29:14

McDonald's fan. And then

29:16

I went home slept and the next

29:18

day I had a flight to Cannes and

29:21

in the morning I got dressed, got

29:24

ready to go about to leave, did

29:26

myself a fart, shit my pants. How

29:29

bad? Like just a

29:31

little spray. Yeah. But

29:34

it was, it was, it was, it was,

29:37

it was the people that can't see this. You're

29:40

demonstrating that with two hands. Yeah. Yeah. I guess no.

29:42

I'll tell you about it.

29:45

It was, it was spray. So I literally, ah, into

29:48

the toilet. I

29:50

whip my pants off to check because again, you're

29:52

not sure at first and you're like, no, yep.

29:54

I've shipped my pants. I wipe clean, put

29:57

them in a bin, put

29:59

some clean pants. I'm out the door aware that

30:01

I'm about to be on a flight. So

30:04

if I ship myself again, I'm in

30:06

trouble. Now, interestingly, the first time

30:08

I shipped my pants was

30:10

the last time I'd had a McDonald's.

30:14

And it was when I lived at my mum's and

30:16

it was after a night out. I think maybe with

30:18

you, Chris, I think

30:20

it might've been a night out. Not when we were eating

30:22

next to you. No, I think it might've been the night.

30:25

Do you remember when I was throwing up out the

30:27

window of a cab and it was pink? I think

30:29

it might've been that night. And yeah, I think it

30:31

must've been earlier than that then because

30:33

it wasn't after the club. Maybe it was. That

30:36

was a club night, wasn't it? Yeah, it

30:39

was some, I said, early years

30:41

ago, pointing on the way home,

30:43

I'd got a load of

30:45

McNuggets. And the next day I

30:47

was feeling, I was just lounging

30:49

on my mum's sofa under a

30:51

duvet. I watched her on TV, I did

30:53

a fart, I shipped my pants. I

30:56

went and cleaned up. The other time

30:58

in between that was either earlier this year or

31:00

maybe end of last year. And I'd just

31:02

got a rowing machine and I was really excited

31:04

about it. Sam

31:07

had been pushing me to get a rowing

31:09

machine. My trainer, you've both met, I believe,

31:11

had been pushing me to get a

31:13

rowing machine. I've got this area outside that's kind of sheltered. I

31:15

was like, if I get a good cover for it, I can

31:17

keep it outside and I've got room. I never had one because

31:19

they take up a whole load of space. So I got this

31:21

rowing machine. I found

31:23

a guy to collect it from in

31:25

like Romford or somewhere and I

31:28

had to go back and fucking cram it into my car. All this coming,

31:30

I'm really excited. I

31:33

got it home the first time I used it. I

31:37

was so excited. I go

31:39

on it. And I'd forgotten that I'd

31:41

had a bit of maybe food poisoning

31:43

the day before. I'd had a bit of a

31:45

dicky tummy the day before, but I'm excited. I

31:47

got this at some fucking smashing away on it.

31:49

And then I fart, shit my pants up

31:52

and out. I

31:55

rush upstairs and still every time I use

31:57

it, this sounds so dumb, but I get

31:59

a. bit of a sticky tummy that

32:01

is no that is akin

32:04

to seasickness and I

32:06

swear I get seasick on a rowing machine. Fuck!

32:09

I didn't really do it every time I

32:11

use it and it's the movements

32:13

it's the back and forth

32:15

because it is this whole it's such an unusual

32:17

but rhythmic movement yeah so

32:19

I start and I'm fine but almost every

32:22

time my stomach starts to turn I have

32:24

to be careful of what I've eaten before

32:26

if I go on it the length he

32:28

goes to fucking try and work out why

32:30

she himself. I'd like

32:32

to give how many people listening this would like

32:34

to give Pip like a whole

32:36

like a Big Mac meal and

32:39

then make him do a sponsored row.

32:41

Yeah. If

32:43

he shits himself. Oh shit everywhere.

32:47

Yeah I'd make an absolute mess but anyway I

32:50

can't remember how we got onto this. I don't

32:52

believe you. I don't know because if you once

32:54

you've done it you don't want other ones to

32:56

feel like oh I've never shit myself. So I

32:58

guess that's what it is for sure. I'm just

33:01

jealous that I've not. I always thought I'd keep

33:03

a clean sheet but

33:05

it's not. My mate

33:07

Nick was the one you know

33:09

going to shit himself a lot.

33:12

He's got a lot of work

33:14

with Puerhney. Yeah. I

33:17

remember when

33:19

we were young he would

33:21

smoke weed in his bedroom.

33:24

What he would do he would get up on

33:27

the window sill and sort of like

33:29

squat with the little window open and just sort of

33:31

have you split out the window and

33:33

he was doing it in his boxer shorts and he

33:36

farted and he was like oh shit he fell off.

33:39

He threw the shit himself. So he grabbed

33:41

these his boxers jumped down

33:43

walked in the bathroom sort of shook it all out.

33:45

There was nothing there for a whole result. Walked

33:48

back into his bedroom just trod him barefoot

33:50

straight in his own shit. He had fallen

33:52

barefoot but yeah he had asked our inner

33:54

writers and I think like he said he was just sitting there

33:56

watching telly and like twice he'd shit himself and then was like

33:58

where I'm going to go get changed. and he said,

34:00

I'm just sitting out now, and he just shit myself and just

34:29

I'm just like, I'm not saying Chris, he says he bleeds you

34:31

there, I don't think. No, no, I don't think so. I've seen

34:33

it in pictures. Was it a blonde on your birthday? I think

34:35

so. Yeah, he was. He's grown out,

34:37

he's grown out. He's like, it looks good. That shit voice at

34:40

the shit length now, I say

34:42

even worse. I love it. I've never been so happy with my

34:44

hair. Yeah, I think it looks really good. I love it. because

34:47

I love it so much. when

34:50

I went bald. I'm just like, I'm just like, I

34:52

love it so much. but I

34:55

like my hair bleached blonde so much. That's a reason to keep

34:57

it. Well, fucking, well, over the moon with it, I ain't going

34:59

to lie. I can shout out to my man, Chris, and he's

35:01

a great hairdresser, Danny Margate, Marcela if you're Danny Margate. So I

35:03

referred you. What was it, 50% off Chris. Well, I told, I

35:05

told you, it's a lot of things. I told you that, and

35:07

you're telling me that you're telling me that, it's not. I'm not

35:09

saying that because it's not. I'm just saying that. But I'm saying

35:11

it's not. It's not. Well, I need tooly Mr. Indo

35:14

for this. And. So the only

35:16

way I will miss on ile

35:36

Pretty proud of WWE records. And

35:39

then you Bleached

35:42

yours. I was like, all right, not gonna know. I

35:44

feel like a fucking prick. I wanted to

35:46

go great. I've spoken to term about going for great.

35:49

You did that. Yeah. I went

35:51

from a mullet instead because I

35:53

found it a change. It's the first time I've

35:55

had a mullet in a while. I've

35:57

got my locks at the back. in

36:00

it. Where was I

36:02

going to go on to next? We've got through the

36:04

food. Yes.

36:07

I was going to say again, I'm sure we tell

36:09

it every drunk car. Do you remember our other

36:14

mates, Jews? A shit

36:16

story. He was walking to mine

36:19

from Landon and he was going over the hills

36:21

and he needed to shit badly. So he

36:24

went in the woods, in the trees, he

36:27

pulled his trousers and pants down.

36:29

They did a shit. It popped out his

36:31

ass and landed in his pants. That's

36:34

what our other mates wanted, though. He

36:36

did it after night out. We went

36:38

to a house party. From Coles?

36:41

No. Another Tom. And we're not full naming

36:43

people. This isn't hardcore listed

36:45

where you go. There was this one girl I went to

36:48

school with, then you give her a full name and tell

36:50

awful stories. It's not that Tom, it's the other one. I

36:54

was going to go with him. He

36:56

had a history of leaving the hotel

36:58

late. A bit like what I didn't

37:00

learn today. He went to a house

37:02

party. We all talked about it. He

37:04

went to a house party. He got

37:06

into our house party at 6am, couldn't

37:08

hail a cat for the life of

37:10

him. Fucking was running

37:13

around the street at fucking London.

37:15

Saw a little arch, right? He, by the

37:17

way, was in that train, squat

37:20

down, had a wishy-vecy curve. Looked

37:24

down and he just done his streets. Of

37:28

course he fucking did. Can

37:32

you imagine how frustrating you'd be?

37:34

You were in a situation at

37:36

that point, aren't you? There's no

37:38

way out of that other than

37:41

raw embarrassment. Yeah. Now, doing it at home,

37:43

in the comfort of your own home on

37:45

your own roving machine. Yeah. Not bad. Doing

37:47

it in a cinema where there's no one

37:50

else other than your mate. Yeah. Again, not

37:52

that embarrassing. Doing it

37:54

in an arch, right? Just as the

37:56

world is coming to life in London and

37:58

you're wearing white jeans. My mate had

38:01

white trousers on, white chinos, and

38:04

he was in a relationship with a girl that

38:07

we all know that worked at Lizards. And

38:09

then she told me when she started

38:11

working for us, I

38:21

was like, oh my god, that was you. And yeah,

38:24

she was having it off with

38:26

me mate and he snapped his

38:29

banjos. And then about

38:32

three weeks later, he had his white

38:34

trousers on like his white chinos getting

38:36

on club then. He was in present having

38:39

a little slow dance. They

38:41

ended up when they played the little erection section,

38:43

got the erection. It went again, and literally on

38:46

the middle

38:48

of the dance floor in present

38:50

just literally did a

38:52

full carry. Yeah, that's

38:55

the situation. So

38:57

the first episode was just all us

38:59

crying about our shit years. And the

39:01

second episode has mainly been

39:03

shit. Literally talking about shit. Speaking

39:06

of erections then, I had a thing this

39:12

year that really made me realise my age because as

39:14

I said, I had my first, like I did my back.

39:22

I did my back in and that annoyed me because I

39:24

did it twice. So I did my back in. I

39:26

was like, well, that happens. I was exercising. It happened. And

39:28

then I had this flu. And then I

39:30

kind of, as I got out of the flu, I forgot I'd

39:32

had a bad back. So first exercise back, I did my back

39:34

again. And I felt like a proper old man. So I booked

39:38

a sports massage in this place in Stanford that's

39:40

like, up the road from

39:42

you. It's kind of

39:45

up the road. It's on Coronam Road. Oh, it's

39:47

on your road. So no one on your road.

39:49

No, it's a really new one. And again, I

39:51

think it's, I got a sports

39:53

massage. It was a mix between a Thai massage

39:55

and a sports massage. Because at one point, she's

39:57

kneeling on my calves and pulling my

39:59

arms back. like I'm a bow and

40:01

just doing all this mad stuff is really

40:03

good. It's great. I really rate

40:05

them, but it really made me

40:08

realize how I've aged because the last time

40:10

I had a sports massage is because I

40:12

had spine problems

40:14

because weirdly it was because of

40:17

running from school to a train station

40:19

with my books and everything on my

40:22

back. So because every day we'd rush

40:24

to take out a train. So running

40:26

in school shoes on concrete with

40:28

a heavy bag of books. It was just fucking

40:30

fine. And I remember going to that one

40:32

as a teen and being

40:34

really nervous about getting hard on.

40:37

I went to this one as a 42

40:39

year old man, really nervous about farting. And

40:42

it was such an illustration of the distance.

40:45

I had no fear. And she was really

40:47

getting into my size. And also I was

40:49

like, not a problem. But the fear of

40:51

farting during the massage just had me terrified.

40:53

I didn't. Thankfully, it all went well. But

40:55

it really made me realize the difference in

40:58

your priorities and functions as

41:00

you get older. My mind just presents

41:02

itself in algorithms now. Like

41:05

I'll open my social media and

41:07

I'll scroll down. It's generally Neil

41:09

Raiser Ruddock. We just go, Dad,

41:11

stop scrolling. Are you over 50?

41:13

Are you out of shape? You need life

41:15

insurance. And I just think I

41:17

do not want to listen from Neil Raiser Ruddock. Yeah.

41:20

Yeah. And also sign

41:22

up now and get your free

41:24

erection filled. Oh, multiple erectile dysfunction

41:27

posts. Multiple. Molly

41:29

gets like war hammer. Oh,

41:33

that's unfortunate. Oh, no, hang on. Stu,

41:35

I'm going to show you

41:37

something here. I'm barely on social now, Chris.

41:41

Are you aware? Well, if I don't get

41:43

on social, how would I be aware that

41:46

you've seen the light? Well, again,

41:48

I kind of it was one of them

41:50

that it was a it was a thing that we're

41:52

like when I was in a particular shit time earlier

41:54

in the year, I was kind of off because I

41:56

just needed to be and then it was

41:58

one of them. It's like choose what you. bring back into

42:00

your life. And I kind of just

42:02

kind of sat and went, oh, I don't really want that

42:05

anymore. So I do Instagram stories every now and

42:07

then if there's an important work thing I'll do

42:09

a post, but I'm barely on, but

42:11

Stu, he's a picture of me and my brother

42:13

with Neil Ray's erratic. I mean,

42:15

he looks great there. He does look great when he's

42:18

telling me that he relates to me. That's

42:21

as little young as he. Oh, you mean,

42:24

you're in that photo. Teddy

42:26

Sheridan. Wow. I

42:30

love that. So I'm just getting through my

42:32

old middle bit. So did you bring

42:34

those Lindos for? Yeah, you can

42:36

have them. I robbed them from my hotel room.

42:41

This hotel room, it was more, it was a

42:44

cross between a hotel and an Airbnb and it

42:46

had a kitchen and everything. And in the fridge,

42:48

there was a bottle

42:50

of champagne and a packet of Lindos.

42:54

I thought you were there. I had really full bags.

42:56

I was like, I can only fit one. I

42:59

left the champagne and took

43:01

the chocolate. I thought, okay, now I have

43:03

that. Absolutely. Do you remember when I ended

43:05

up having to pay that 180 quid for

43:07

that Jacuzzi on concept? Yeah. And

43:10

they thought I'd shit it. It was because we knocked the

43:12

truffles in there. And

43:14

I had to keep explaining to him.

43:17

Oh, I've got some other interesting relations

43:19

here. I had to over explain myself

43:21

this year. But

43:23

that one was, you know, I'd

43:25

hired this place in Wales for me and my partner at

43:28

the time. I went down there and

43:30

about midnight, we decided to get in the

43:32

Jacuzzi with the champagne and truffles that they've

43:34

left for us. And, you

43:36

know, we were a bit drunk, got carried away

43:38

and we knocked all the truffles into the Jacuzzi

43:40

and we didn't know we had. And in the

43:42

morning- Dirty protest. In the morning, I found

43:45

the Jacuzzi and it was in the

43:47

cobblin brown water. Nice. It was

43:49

great. Yeah, it was gross. And I covered it up

43:51

and I said to the guy straight away, I'd

43:54

also hustled in really well on how

43:56

much I got this cottage for. I've

43:58

only done a number of- on him really

44:01

politely. But as

44:03

soon as he knew he had me by the

44:05

short and curries, I

44:07

took him out to the gym and showed him and I

44:09

was like, he's not the truffles, he went, yeah,

44:12

yeah, truffles or whatever it is. And

44:15

I was like, no, truffles. And he was like, yeah,

44:20

yeah, whatever it is. Drinks on the

44:22

water. He didn't obviously.

44:27

You should have drunk them to prove it. Yeah, it's

44:29

fine. I'll make a note. Truffles.

44:35

Growing up. He said, you know

44:37

how much the bill was and then like a couple

44:39

of days later, he's like, yeah, they came and they

44:41

had to change all the filters. It cost me a

44:43

fortune. It basically meant I

44:45

got the price at no discount. Oh shit.

44:48

Convenience. So what have you recently had

44:50

to over explain? I had to over explain. You

44:52

know we said the question about fun, like walks.

44:54

What's the question about walk? Well,

44:57

you know, like a

44:59

mum's care homework, as I've seen

45:01

my penis twice. Yeah, it was

45:03

very similar. I think they wait

45:05

outside my mum's room until I

45:08

go to the toilet. Yeah,

45:10

because two weekends ago, word has

45:13

got round, isn't it? It's like

45:15

when people used to, if

45:17

word got round, the John Merrick was staying somewhere.

45:19

Everyone hang around outside to try and catch a

45:21

glimpse of the of the

45:24

horror. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then you

45:26

might have my destroyed part. And

45:30

I, how my mum's room

45:32

is set up is the toilet door

45:34

faces the entrance door. But

45:37

if it is, it's obviously

45:39

supposedly hidden. Often when me

45:41

and mum watch the movie and I don't want to flop

45:44

the film, so I just run in there. I

45:46

make sure that the toilet door blocks my mum's

45:48

view of me having a pee, but it doesn't

45:50

block the entrance door. And sometimes carers walk

45:53

in just while I'm taking a

45:55

slash. But I kind of wish that had

45:57

happened this time because what happened this time was... I

46:00

came out the toilet and I was walking back

46:02

to sit down by my mum and

46:05

at that point as I was hitting

46:07

up my flies facing my mum about

46:09

three foot to the edge, the

46:11

camera walked in and I was taking

46:13

up my flies but as if I was exposing

46:16

myself or my fucking mum, you know

46:18

my mum, and

46:22

it was so awkward that I had to explain

46:24

to my mum knowing that I was doing it

46:26

for this carers I was like well I've had

46:28

a wee wee carry on watching the film,

46:30

I never felt so guilty although I've done nothing

46:32

wrong. I think the only thing that makes you

46:35

look like I wasn't getting my mum is like

46:37

obviously chain me off. I've

46:40

got cake, she's got cake in

46:42

her mouth. That

46:47

is what you're into though isn't it? You

46:49

told me this on the phone, you told me this

46:52

on the phone I rang up and

46:54

the carer said they overheard you say you definitely

46:56

don't know who I am do you? That's

47:01

it, put that in the cake. Um

47:07

Shane McGowan's died, that's sad isn't it?

47:09

He's a legend. I think he's the

47:11

only like, what was he 63

47:14

or something I think he was. I think it was

47:16

already, it was in the 60s, only

47:21

person die in the 60s and no one going

47:23

oh he's so young. It's pretty

47:25

fucking good for Shane McGowan, if you've

47:27

lived like Shane McGowan. I watched the

47:29

programme. It's a hell of an age.

47:32

I think it was Rapido or something

47:34

like that. Way back in the day

47:36

Jenny Powell. See

47:38

about R Kelly. And

47:40

I mean this was late

47:42

80s and I don't know

47:44

he was saying men like they were saying like one more

47:46

you know you keep thinking you ain't gonna make another year.

47:49

And if you watch the

47:52

cover of the gold. We talked about

47:54

it on here. Years ago yeah.

47:56

I think it was last year maybe

47:58

because I only watched it. in the last year or

48:00

so. I watched it again, a couple of years ago. Pretty good, innit?

48:04

This was done no more than two weeks ago. She's

48:06

a big fan, isn't she? Yeah, she's Irish so she's got a

48:08

lot there. The vinyl that's her dad so it's all the originals

48:10

and she put it on and I'd be like, fuck yeah, these

48:12

are great. I'm

48:15

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

48:17

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

48:20

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've

48:31

seen a lot of stuff just came amazing, amazing songwriting. I've seen a

48:33

lot of stuff he... It

48:35

was a measure of my dreams, he's a line that I just

48:37

think he's beyond poetic and yeah, so then we watched the documentary

48:39

and just found out so much more about his life at the

48:41

first, his first drink was at six. He was drinking from six.

48:44

I mean, you know, he was just happy with alcohol and it's

48:46

obviously, obviously, we're not making enough and

48:48

I like that bit, but that guy lived a very... He

48:57

was, you know, we talked pretty much on

48:59

the proper mental podcast, you know, he's congruent

49:01

with his videos. He lived

49:04

a very authentic life and that might have meant that he

49:06

didn't live as long as some other people do. Is it

49:08

wrong? Would you prefer to live longer?

49:10

Would it work with his ability to continue

49:12

to write incredible songs? Maybe

49:15

all of that, but maybe also the reason

49:17

why he was such a powerful songwriter was

49:19

that authenticity and desire

49:21

to lust for life. Really fascinating

49:23

guy. Fascinating. Yeah,

49:25

absolutely. And they said insane life, like when

49:27

you hear the stories of him

49:30

and his mates stumbling upon like dead bodies

49:32

and that on that where they were all

49:34

put into the hill kind of thing and

49:36

all just covered over after all of the

49:38

death and then his time is like when

49:40

he arrived in London and

49:42

again, all of that's in the songs. It's

49:45

so good though because I've thought... I kind of think

49:47

of the song that I love of his, I've talked

49:49

to you about it before, but I've gone a... I've

49:51

drawn a blank on the names. What... Name

49:54

a couple of your favorites. Fast or slow? Slow.

49:57

A pair of brown eyes? Yeah. Yeah.

50:00

I'm leaving drunk to hell with

50:02

that, and why it's lifeless while

50:05

my Philomena sang with my elusive dreams. Oh,

50:07

it's fucking beautiful. That song. Yeah. It's

50:10

that's my favorite. Yeah. Beautiful. Really

50:14

powerful. Have we

50:17

got any TV or film things we'd like to

50:19

speak out? Like we're at 50 minutes. So we're

50:21

going to wrap this episode up in the next

50:23

episode. I want to start with talking about morals

50:25

in podcasting because I think

50:27

it's an interesting subject. I'm going

50:29

to show you my mind a bit

50:31

of late TV TV. I've

50:34

got so many. I've got one good

50:36

and one disappointment. Okay. So

50:38

time with Jodie Weaker. Yep.

50:42

Bella Ramsey. Bella Ramsey. Fucking

50:44

hell. She's great. Yeah. Incredible.

50:48

Incredible performance. And

50:50

yeah, I watched the one with Stevie

50:52

Graham and and I'm sure

50:54

me and I thought it was all right. But

50:57

this as much as I fucking

51:01

love Jodie Weaker. I think she's

51:03

fucking incredible. Completely agree. Just it

51:05

was just fantastic. I'm

51:08

excited about a new one with Hardy. Yeah.

51:10

So it's her Hardy and the lad

51:13

who played Elvis or like bikers. All

51:16

right. In Chicago. Austin

51:18

Powers. I like Austin Hubbard. Is that

51:20

a fighter? Who's that? Who's Austin Hubbard?

51:22

Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin. It's Austin.

51:24

And the one I want to say

51:27

was disappointing. I was disappointed in Top

51:29

Boy. Really?

51:33

I loved it. I actually. I

51:35

loved it. Weirdly. I've

51:38

got a safety. I think that even before

51:40

it was so. So good. And

51:42

I think that's the curse of when you have

51:44

some solid season that this season I quite liked

51:47

it. Yeah. I

51:49

didn't dislike it. I was just thinking in

51:51

it and stuff like that. He was amazing.

51:53

There were elements of it where I was

51:55

like, yeah. I thought the

51:57

payoff of. him

52:00

and Ashley, Ashley Waters kind

52:02

of having their moment and the genius of

52:04

the writing of them being the way they

52:06

wrote it so they can't actually see each

52:08

other having to have this conflict conversation and

52:10

then the moment against

52:13

spoilers, I guess the moment he stops getting a

52:15

response. And then the fact, the

52:17

fact he has to go and deal with this huge

52:19

thing, but then do the functionality of

52:22

climb over a fence in

52:24

silence. And the brief look before

52:26

he dropped, I thought all of that was just amazing.

52:28

And again, I think, I

52:30

think Kano is going to get overlooked again

52:34

for awards and it's mad that Top Boy

52:36

could end and he's not going to win

52:38

a BAFTA because I think his performance in

52:40

particular is just astounding. And up until this

52:43

point, I've just watched his new film, The

52:45

Kitchen. I've got a preview of it. It's

52:47

really good. It's really good. It's on Netflix

52:49

in January. But yeah, I just think he's

52:51

astounding. He's such a good actor. It

52:54

was good in the first three seasons, but the

52:56

one, that episode when the house

52:59

gets burnt down and

53:01

he's outside it, at that point I was like,

53:03

he's not dialing this in. This is

53:06

like, I think she's a guy who's really a

53:09

great actor. I completely agree. I think there

53:11

was just a few things in terms of

53:14

plot moving on that

53:16

I was kind of like, two of the

53:19

main protagonists, I don't know, they didn't go on

53:21

and protect each other. They made decisions. I was

53:23

just like, it's to push

53:25

the story in a certain direction. My

53:28

favourite is slightly outside of their character behaviour.

53:30

But other than that, yeah, that

53:32

scene in particular and the metaphors of them being both

53:34

the other side of the fence, couldn't see each other.

53:36

I thought it was really good. We've

53:38

seen Kin. I've put loads of stars

53:40

by here because it's on BBC iPlayer.

53:42

It's an Irish gangster

53:45

show. And I've not seen anyone talking

53:47

about the casting director. I'm a load of the

53:49

people in it I'm a fan of and the

53:51

casting director, I chat

53:53

to a bit, cast really good stuff.

53:55

She cast the Banshees of Innishiran. So

53:57

it's like, it's really good Irish stuff.

54:01

And it came out in Ireland a while back.

54:03

So I've been waiting and waiting for it

54:06

to come out over here. And

54:08

I just smashed through the first

54:10

series and it's just so good. Yeah,

54:13

I really rate it. I watched one and

54:15

I've not carried on. And

54:17

it wasn't because it didn't pull

54:19

me in straight away. And I

54:21

was too preoccupied watching The

54:24

Met on BBC, which is just a

54:26

police flaunt the whole

54:28

thing, which is really fucking good. My

54:31

comedy moment of the year was you

54:34

two with Cunt on your

54:36

podcast. Was it

54:38

this year? Yeah, it must have been.

54:40

It was around the coronation. It was

54:42

when he had another song that's against

54:44

and you're literally, you say the words

54:47

like, you know, all these fucking flag

54:49

shaggers, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all

54:51

bullshit. And then an advert comes

54:53

in and goes, you could join

54:55

The Met Police. And I send

54:57

you a little video of it and I

54:59

know that Cunt didn't press play because he

55:02

just smashed back and said, thanks. I'm glad

55:04

you enjoyed it. I'm like, no, this was

55:06

the comedy bit. The fact that it was

55:08

literally after you'd both been seen being so

55:10

anti the man. And then an advert comes

55:12

in going, it's your chance to change your

55:14

life. Join The Met Police today. Oh,

55:17

that's brilliant. Chris.

55:20

TV shows, I have got

55:23

down here. I thought that

55:25

by two of the two of the ones that

55:28

are fictional are once Lucy based on the person

55:30

that is Dave, the rapper. I've quite enjoyed that.

55:32

I watched the first series and loved it.

55:34

I've not. I've not continued on the third

55:36

series. No, you're not. Yeah, we just

55:38

finished season two. We like

55:40

it. Very humorous. There's been

55:42

some sort of like controversy

55:44

over wherever. Nick Nixon jokes

55:46

off the over. But

55:48

I'm not completely. I've seen that. I've seen

55:51

when the video said it. I'm

55:53

not 100 cent sure on that. He's way more talented

55:55

than just thinking a few jokes off the other one.

55:57

And I love the other one. And I've really enjoyed

55:59

it. recommended it's about a wrapper, a

56:01

Jewish wrapper. Yeah, we've got two pea

56:04

holes and uh,

56:06

good wrapper. But just really

56:08

great understanding of how the developer characters

56:10

in there. Champion, I thought was really

56:12

good. I think that's on the... Champion, I think that's

56:15

Champion. What's the fan out of

56:17

that? Because what he wanted to watch here

56:19

and I generally thought this is going to

56:21

be some UK hand-dramned, those bullshit words. But

56:24

um, it's about the family, it's around

56:26

the crime scene, but a family.

56:28

Oh yeah, I know it's. There's songs

56:30

in it. It is

56:33

so well done. It's not shit

56:35

at all. Like by that first

56:37

episode, first episode, I was kind

56:39

of like hmm, and then

56:41

it got me and it was it was

56:43

superb. But then two game shows.

56:46

Okay. Um, two ones that I've only

56:48

literally watched in the last month, which

56:50

is 007 Row 2

56:52

Million. Right, on Prime

56:54

with Brian Cox. Yeah. Not watched it at

56:57

all. Do you believe I think that was

56:59

interesting? Uh, so basically,

57:01

it's two people get paired up

57:03

whether or not they're, you know,

57:05

husband or husband, partners or mother

57:07

and daughter or whatever. And

57:10

they're going all around the world and they

57:12

have to do some sort of physical thing

57:14

to find the question that's not being buried

57:16

in sitting a grave or they've got a

57:18

knife for it or they'll cross a train

57:20

for it. All these things. And then they

57:23

have to answer like a general knowledge question,

57:25

which they start easy and then they get

57:27

kind of like, it's kind of

57:29

like, you know, fucking hell, if you don't know

57:31

it is put up. I

57:34

guess that's kind of obvious. Like a

57:36

James Bond film. And it just looks like

57:38

the experience is just just looks

57:40

like it's all part of the good

57:43

prime of or Amazon bought

57:45

the Bond franchise, haven't they? So it's part of that.

57:47

But you know, Disney get Marvel or Star Wars and

57:49

then just do loads of spin off stuff. It's the

57:51

first thing they've done that's kind of a Bond spin

57:53

off, but it's a reality thing from the looks of

57:56

it. It's done really really well. You know, money.

57:58

Everyone's coming out like. I felt three couples,

58:01

I won't show you in case you're watching it,

58:03

people earn a lot of money out of it.

58:05

Interesting. But then I've been watching Squid

58:08

Game the Challenge as well. I've not been watching it

58:10

at all. I love the show. Yeah, I love the

58:12

show because the weird thing was I think that came

58:14

out this year as well. I don't think we mentioned

58:16

it as well. Yeah, maybe. So, and I nearly,

58:19

I saw them auditioned and

58:21

I was really tempted to swing in

58:24

on an audition to do the challenge.

58:26

So it's basically Squid Game. But you're

58:28

going to go and do it for 4.6 million. And

58:31

obviously watching human beings, like it's

58:34

unscripted and just watching the psychology

58:38

of people, like pack mentality

58:41

and it's really fascinating.

58:44

I've heard a lot of the contestants

58:46

are swimming for injuries. Yeah,

58:49

I've heard that people are swimming for

58:51

injuries. I've been torn on if that's a

58:53

marketing thing because I think it's

58:55

really good to get people to watch because of Squid

58:57

Game, because of what it is. But then you might

58:59

go, it's a fucking TV show. What's the point? The

59:01

thing that I've heard negative about

59:03

it, and this is just from a few

59:06

people who started watching it, was the amount

59:08

of sob stories on

59:10

it. And not in a, I don't want sob stories, just

59:12

in a, there's so many people on

59:14

there going, I can't afford, like I'm skinned,

59:16

I can't afford to pay on bills. And

59:18

that's what was horrific about the actual TV

59:20

show. That's not meant to be reality. You're

59:22

not actually meant to be getting people who

59:24

are on the fucking poverty line

59:27

that are there to try and pay

59:29

their bills rather than. I would say this, watch it.

59:31

And then you tell me if you think everyone on

59:33

that's on the poverty line. I don't agree with that.

59:35

Yeah. Yeah. They said it was just literally people who

59:38

started it and was like, oh, these, this is a

59:40

bit much. And again, you get, that's

59:42

fair. That's fair. I've

59:45

got two recommendations specifically for

59:47

Chris. So when Molly's

59:50

gone to bed early and you don't want to play

59:52

a computer game. So Vinland

59:55

saga, anime on

59:57

Netflix that I think is fantastic. the

1:00:00

first series, all Wallace in

1:00:02

Spain actually, and it was just, it

1:00:04

blew me away. I had loads of travels. I

1:00:06

downloaded a load of it on, because where we're

1:00:08

filming was probably remote. So you're flying in and

1:00:10

then you've got this long van

1:00:13

journey. Yeah, just

1:00:15

really good Viking thing and it's just,

1:00:17

yeah, it's fantastic. Yeah, it's anime.

1:00:19

And then the other one, harder to find,

1:00:21

so you've got a tourney or whatever, because

1:00:24

it isn't out over it and you know

1:00:26

I'm not someone for doing that, but I

1:00:28

had such high recommendations. Stavanger's

1:00:30

Rain, it's on Max

1:00:32

in America. So it's part of

1:00:34

HBO, but Max isn't

1:00:36

even HBO Max. So it's its own

1:00:38

standalone thing. It's only on Prime out

1:00:41

there. It's really odd, but I

1:00:43

think it's the best depiction

1:00:45

I've ever seen of life

1:00:48

on another planet. It's a sci-fi thing and

1:00:51

it's these space, no,

1:00:53

no, it's cartoon. I don't think it's

1:00:55

anime. I think it's American made. So

1:00:57

it's, but this

1:01:00

space crew have crashed on an alien planet

1:01:03

and just the depiction of

1:01:05

life forms and that it's like, it's

1:01:08

been describing a lot of things that it's like watching

1:01:10

a David Antrim, documentary, but it

1:01:13

happens to be on a planet other than Earth.

1:01:16

And it's like all the way they tell all of these things

1:01:18

and the way they act and the way scavengers

1:01:20

rain. It blew me away. I binged,

1:01:22

it's like 12 episodes, but

1:01:25

they're like 20, 25 minutes each. So it's

1:01:27

only a four or five hour watch, but

1:01:30

yeah, really good. And just hoping that it

1:01:32

comes out over at some point or there's

1:01:35

more series. The other one, have you

1:01:37

watched anything? Yeah, well, me and mum

1:01:39

started watching it and the point where

1:01:42

there was a girl riding a giant

1:01:44

cock, it was kind of difficult to

1:01:46

learn. It's

1:01:49

a new series on Pornhub.

1:01:51

The boys spin off. Really

1:01:55

enjoyed it. When it came out, I

1:01:58

hadn't heard much about it. So I'm must be shit.

1:02:00

That's kind of the default

1:02:02

now. If there's not an article saying it's the

1:02:04

best TV show ever, it must be

1:02:07

shit. It's such a weird thing how we are with

1:02:09

TV. And I will say we've had succession, the

1:02:11

last of us to bear and Barry all

1:02:13

this year, which I all think were

1:02:16

near perfect TV. They're

1:02:18

all amazing, but you know, it

1:02:20

does. I

1:02:24

love it. I think it's amazing. But again, it's

1:02:26

one of my favorite shows of the year. I'd

1:02:28

say it's probably mine as well. Gavin

1:02:31

Gerrain gives it a run. Oh,

1:02:33

can I not? All right. I'll go

1:02:35

for, no. Yeah. But

1:02:37

yeah, Gen V is, yeah. It's a spin

1:02:39

off. Did you watch the boys? You did. Did

1:02:41

you like the comics? Did you say

1:02:43

you liked the comics? Yeah. The

1:02:48

boys coming. I've got loads of them.

1:02:51

Yeah. I've got the first one. Yeah.

1:02:53

And that's the

1:02:56

show was that comic. Yeah. Yeah. Gen

1:02:59

V really good. Really recommend it. I

1:03:01

liked, I liked full

1:03:03

of the house about the house of Asher as well.

1:03:05

Yeah. Just a bit of you. Yeah.

1:03:09

As a show, I'm not seeing many people

1:03:12

talk about called culprits on Disney. That's like

1:03:14

a heist thing. Really good fun.

1:03:16

Really. Yeah. It's really good. It's

1:03:19

visually really good. Every, all the

1:03:21

cast are really good. The story

1:03:23

is really good. It's one of

1:03:25

them shows that it's not the

1:03:27

bear or succession or whatever else, but not

1:03:29

everything has to be again. I've got this

1:03:31

kind of beam up

1:03:33

my bonnet now of how every film

1:03:35

even has to be the best film of all time. Like

1:03:39

the recent Scorsese film, I killers of the flower

1:03:41

moon. Everyone was like, it's a modern

1:03:43

masterpiece. It's the best thing he's ever done. I

1:03:45

went inside. I really enjoyed it, but I

1:03:47

got less out of it because everyone was

1:03:49

like, it's the best thing ever. And for

1:03:52

me, it wasn't. Yeah. It's fucking another film.

1:03:54

I'm not sure what the point is. But

1:03:56

yeah, I love that. So yeah, loads

1:03:58

of good stuff. And taskmaster. neither have you watched

1:04:00

Ask Master. I think you'd both

1:04:03

adore it if you've watched the full

1:04:05

series. No, no, it frustrates me. Does it frustrate

1:04:07

you? Yeah, it frustrates me. I always think they're

1:04:10

not doing it as well as me. There's a

1:04:12

guy in it this year called Sam Campbell, who

1:04:14

I'll send you and Mark the link to

1:04:17

his stand up. What's it called? He's

1:04:21

got a particular stand up on

1:04:23

YouTube that's all in a circle

1:04:25

because he's pretending a hit man is

1:04:28

trying to kill him. So the whole thing

1:04:30

is for a scope and you two

1:04:32

would love him. I think you

1:04:34

probably would as well, Stu, but he's

1:04:36

not a miserable old man. So you

1:04:38

might not. But honestly, I'd

1:04:41

never heard of him. He's Australian lad. He's in with all

1:04:43

the Donny Donny lads. So

1:04:45

he's down with all of them. I've

1:04:48

never heard of him and he has just

1:04:50

been a revelation. Every podcast I've heard him

1:04:52

on has been the best podcast of the

1:04:54

year. His stand up, as I said, was

1:04:56

astounding. Yeah. Yeah, that was amazing. So good.

1:04:58

The smoking crew

1:05:05

and everything. Was that that guy's name?

1:05:07

It's so good. Have you ever watched that? Young

1:05:11

people stuff. Let's end this episode and we

1:05:13

will be back. We're going to start the next one

1:05:15

with some favorite podcasts, either that

1:05:18

you've listened to or that you've recorded

1:05:22

yourself. But we'll kick things off with morals

1:05:25

in podcasting. We've got

1:05:28

to do the Dartford story, of course, or someone asked

1:05:30

for that. Like one of the, we've

1:05:32

forgotten socials again, but yeah, someone asked for it.

1:05:35

So we'll do the Dartford story. Yeah. You've

1:05:53

been listening to Scroobius

1:05:55

Pitts distraction pieces. There you

1:05:57

go. That was part two.

1:06:00

The wheels are starting to come off. the

1:06:02

wheels are starting to come off a bit.

1:06:04

I may lose. Were coming off for the

1:06:07

stock as we were all in the first

1:06:09

episode. You'd be surprised out kind of what

1:06:11

are ya I than main guy. You wouldn't

1:06:13

be surprised because I talked about how we

1:06:15

pro the time anyway wanna Ramadan at the

1:06:18

end of this? I'll see you for the

1:06:20

next steps. I despise pass. This is just

1:06:22

the second Moscow. Tired

1:06:31

of add barging into your favorite is

1:06:33

badass. Goodness. Ad

1:06:36

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1:06:38

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1:06:47

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