“Yes, but…”

“Yes, and…”

Two ways to respond. They start the same.

Then one destroys while the other builds.

Do you favor one over the other?

I like to think I use the latter. I’ll often challenge MsBoyink or the kids to see if they can frame an either/or choice into a both/and.

But honestly?

I do a lot of yesbutting.

There’s something about finding a hole in someone’s plan. Finding an aspect of a situation they haven’t thought of. Seeing an outcome they haven’t.

• Yes, but you’ll run out of money.
• Yes, but that’s too much weight for the truck.
• Yes, but you’ll be exhausted trying to see all 50 states in a year.

What even is that?

It’s like opening the top and bottom gates to an old freight elevator. I shove you down with my feet while I push myself up with my arms.

Then you tumble into the void while I walk away feeling…what? Smug? Smart? Experienced?

Social media is fertile ground for yesbutting:

“Hey, we just bought a gorgeous 43 foot fifth wheel!”
”Yes, but you won’t be able to stay in National Parks.”

“Hey, we just bought a cute little campervan!”
”Yes, but you won’t be able to have company over.”

“Hey, we just booked a week at Glacier!”
”Yes, but you won’t have cell reception.”

“Hey, we’re staying close to San Francisco!”
”Yes, but the traffic will be horrible.”

Yesbutting isn’t really interactive. You’re just waiting for the person to stop talking so you can get your yesbut in.

Yesanding keeps you in the moment. It’s creative rather than destructive.