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need buy a car, just grab your phone,

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go to vroom dot com, and check

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out thousands of cards. Oh, thank

1:08

you. You're welcome, Karen.

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I leave in all you wanna

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wait back. Either

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2:28

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2:30

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2:33

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2:42

Tell

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2:46

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2:49

Now, foreign. Do

3:08

you need a ride? Do

3:10

you need a ride? Do you

3:12

need a ride? Do you need

3:14

a ride?

3:22

with

3:27

Karen and Chris.

3:29

Welcome

3:30

to Do you need a ride? This is Chris

3:33

Fairbanks. And this is Karen Kilgariff.

3:35

Hello,

3:35

Karen. How are you today? Oh

3:37

my god. Chris, I'm, you know,

3:40

good, but, like,

3:42

I'm gonna have so many answers for you.

3:44

I guess we're we're our own guests

3:46

today. I can answer that in so many

3:48

ways. I just opened up a big can of

3:50

worms. I left it broad. How did you

3:52

start your day.

3:55

What is your routine?

3:56

My I keep

3:59

thank you for asking.

3:59

Finally, someone cares.

4:02

I follow sleep on the couch watching TV

4:05

wake up usually at one AM

4:07

or so, put myself to bed, go

4:09

to sleep for until three thirty --

4:11

Mhmm. -- wake up, start watching

4:13

TikTok, and literally until,

4:16

like, six thirty in the morning. And I'm like, well,

4:18

I might as well just go make coffee. And

4:20

I've done that, like, three nights in a row

4:22

where tonight I I have to

4:24

not do it. because my sleep

4:26

is so fucked up.

4:27

I'm Samna and I'm not

4:30

bragging, but I I

4:32

do not have problem sleeping.

4:34

I sleep at least eight hours a night.

4:36

But sometimes I wake up

4:38

in that three o'clock what

4:42

am I doing with my life and I'm having

4:44

trouble breathing the i I

4:46

don't know if it's a panic attack,

4:48

but it comes out of nowhere. and

4:50

I'll do that. But coffee I've

4:53

been drinking coffee all day. I

4:56

started by making my bed, which

4:58

is a routine for some reason

5:00

that's been working. I know it's a famous

5:02

one to, like It works. But It's

5:04

a famous. Yeah. It's it famously

5:07

works. but coffee does

5:10

not anymore. It makes me

5:12

wanna lay down and I don't know

5:14

what that means. If it means

5:16

I should be Medicaid

5:19

in some way, but caffeine absolutely

5:21

does the opposite. And it's not that I've

5:23

been drinking a lot of it lately. I

5:26

seriously can drink Starbucks all day and

5:28

take a nap.

5:29

Well, can I give you a suggestion?

5:31

Yes, please.

5:32

Because this I I was forced

5:35

to take a break from coffee when

5:37

I got COVID and

5:38

couldn't taste coffee so it was literally

5:40

like drinking bitter swell.

5:43

hot garbage water.

5:44

So I didn't drink it for,

5:47

like,

5:47

you know, it was only, like, a month at

5:50

the most, probably.

5:52

But

5:52

then when I started again, it I only

5:54

needed, like, two cups instead of that

5:56

kind of, like, just keep on

5:58

drinking it feeling. So you might

6:00

just need to reset your tolerance

6:02

because I think when you get to

6:04

the point where you can sleep on a ton

6:06

of coffee, you probably it might be affecting

6:07

your adrenals or, like, You know what I

6:09

mean? It isn't in there. Yeah.

6:11

It's going into the adrenals. It is going

6:13

into the adrenals. The adrenals are

6:16

I've just heard other people say

6:17

that. Yeah. I don't either. I don't either. I

6:19

don't know where they are. I know they're a gland

6:21

because that's the word that pops up after you

6:23

say, Adrenal. Adrenal.

6:24

I bet they're right in the top

6:27

of

6:27

your nasal cavity?

6:29

No. Not really. Oh my god.

6:32

I went down to

6:35

insonitas to do stand up

6:37

with mostly surfers that

6:39

do stand up. But one of them

6:41

was JT par, the of

6:45

Chad and JT. They do all the,

6:47

like, city council meetings.

6:50

They have they're very funny. they do

6:52

bits. They do bounce They do

6:54

live they sit

6:56

in on city council meetings with

6:58

ridiculous ideas, but they do

7:00

it. so dryly in

7:03

in, like, a surfer character

7:05

even though they are. guys that

7:06

did the thing about they went to the city council

7:08

meeting to

7:08

talk about partying? Yes.

7:11

and and to get

7:13

a statue of this video of Paul

7:15

Walker in Orange County

7:17

-- Yeah. -- to change the treatment

7:19

plant to the Brittany Spears toxic

7:22

treatment plant, and they earnestly

7:24

talk about how much they love these people and

7:26

how much they inspired them. Like, there

7:28

is no and they they do

7:30

man on the street stuff and talk to people

7:32

about about masks in Southern

7:35

California where people are continuing to

7:37

be surprisingly very

7:39

conservative, and they're on the right the

7:41

county baby? I have like them a

7:43

lot. And also, JT is

7:45

very good at standup and had

7:48

really good jokes. And I was like, I'm

7:51

developing a bit of a comedic,

7:53

I don't know, a crush, whatever. He's

7:55

a nice guy I wanna be a friend, but

7:57

I by the time those famous

7:59

surfers

7:59

got off stage, everyone was

8:02

filing out. And I did

8:04

not have it's just one of those bar shows

8:06

that was packed with people, but

8:08

then they've filtered out and I did my

8:10

set to one third of them -- Yeah.

8:12

-- because it was like a a long show, but

8:14

I had fun. But afterwards, my point

8:16

is, this this couple, Brit

8:19

and Amy Lee, Allen, they

8:21

were like, we live

8:23

near here, you obviously shouldn't

8:25

drive all the way back because it's like

8:27

three hours. And they let

8:30

they live in a guest house next to

8:32

a giant beautiful modern

8:35

mansion, and I just had it to myself. They're

8:37

like, oh my it was I yeah.

8:39

I just stumbled on the most beautiful

8:42

sleeping situation with my new truck.

8:45

coast, like, right by the walk? Yeah. You could see the

8:47

ocean right there. It and I

8:49

was, like, how and and

8:51

Brit's job was taking

8:53

things right when someone

8:55

dies. She rushes there

8:57

in something like an

8:59

ambulance and extracts

9:02

donor. Like, we're talking -- Oh,

9:04

yeah. spinal cords.

9:06

sciatic nerves. Like, she

9:08

pulls them out, like, a snake and

9:10

coils them up. I don't know, puts them in a

9:12

cooler. She was not. And she

9:14

was the moat, like, funny,

9:17

not you expect someone like

9:19

that to be like a, you know, a

9:21

funeral director type personality.

9:23

but I was so impressed with her

9:26

job. And I

9:27

bet she can take out the drain on the

9:29

glands. That's that's where I was getting

9:31

to. you said

9:32

you could? Like, she would be able to tell

9:34

us where

9:35

the adrenals actually I

9:37

bet there's someone in your neck. Right? Or

9:39

something?

9:39

Yeah. Yeah. Adrenal Lance. Mine

9:42

armpits? Yeah. They're they got them

9:44

in the pits. I've had people with the

9:46

armpit gland problems where they had

9:48

to some

9:49

issues and had to get cut on the armpit.

9:51

That's

9:51

all I know. But

9:54

what a stressful job? Like,

9:57

like dealing with something that

9:59

valuable

9:59

and sitting in with

10:02

surgeons but being part of

10:04

the surgery and violently pulling

10:06

someone apart and but

10:08

it was just her job. It was like a to

10:10

her, it's like working on a car, like

10:12

a mechanic. you

10:13

know for a fact it's violent? I bet it

10:15

isn't violent. To get

10:17

extract things from a body

10:20

just knowing I when I made

10:22

the mistake of watching my hip surgery,

10:24

how insanely

10:26

You're right. Yeah. And I guess you're

10:28

pulling things and there's a skeleton involved

10:31

or you have to move a lot of

10:33

shit to get to these important -- Oh.

10:35

-- seasons and everything. And that You're

10:37

right. that requires strength and draws

10:39

a life and, I mean, not to get

10:41

all crazy, gross,

10:44

but Oh, man. So

10:46

sorry, these were just people you'd never

10:48

remember that were basically like --

10:50

I knew right away. sitting in the

10:52

audience when they're laughing at me, and it

10:54

looks like they don't paddle out on

10:56

waves that they were they do you

10:58

need to ride fans? And they were and

11:00

it took pictures with them, and we went and

11:02

got in and out. And I stayed at their

11:04

fancy house, and they're my

11:06

new friends for life. So

11:08

Britt

11:08

and Amy Lee. Thanks for listening to do

11:11

you need a ride. Yeah. Yeah. That's

11:13

a shout out

11:14

to the Islands. Hell yeah.

11:17

because I stupidly I just went to do

11:19

this show with no plan of where. I'm

11:21

like, that's probably an hour south. I'll

11:23

just turn around, drive back. Of

11:25

course not. I had three beers, and then

11:27

the show ended late, and I

11:29

was three hours away. It took forever to

11:31

get there. So they saved

11:33

the day. much like she does

11:36

with people and organs.

11:38

Now

11:38

you must have known about what she does for a

11:41

living when you went to stay there, was

11:43

there any fear that she

11:45

might steal

11:46

your spleen?

11:47

it was lingering. I didn't

11:49

know them that well.

11:51

Yeah. But I I did sleep with my

11:54

eyes open all night looking at the

11:56

door. that's how they get the

11:58

retinas. I was also in a modern,

12:00

you know, the kind of big

12:02

boxy glasshouse where a lot of

12:04

these current horror

12:06

movies take place. It wasn't a

12:08

haunted scary house. It

12:09

was more like sleeping with the enemy kind of

12:12

domestic violence.

12:12

Things turned -- Yeah. you don't know

12:15

your husband as well as you thought you

12:17

did? Yeah.

12:18

Yeah. Very open space. Plenty

12:20

of time for me to see someone running at

12:22

me with garden shears. There was also

12:25

a garden. A

12:26

cat was on the loose. We were worried

12:28

about the cat. like what if

12:30

it's a pet cemetery cat. There's a lot of

12:32

things that we're going through my mind. Halloween

12:34

is among us. Halloween

12:36

is upon us. It is upon

12:38

us, and I I mean, there's all this

12:40

crusher. What do we do? Go out. Go to a

12:42

hay ride. Do we go to a pumpkin patch, which

12:44

I drove by several

12:46

very active with families,

12:49

pumpkin patches. I guess that's something you do with

12:51

kids. It

12:52

is. In fact, my sister, I

12:54

just had to take her first grade

12:56

class. to a pumpkin patch in

12:58

the morning. We talked

12:59

to each other every morning as she drives

13:01

to work,

13:02

and she was so mad.

13:04

And I was like, I

13:06

it made me

13:07

immediately start laughing. I was like, why are you

13:09

this mad about the punk a bash. She's like, you don't

13:11

understand. It's really hot. and it's boring.

13:13

And she was, like, talking about

13:15

it. Whereas, like, it might be about something

13:18

else besides the fun catch. It

13:20

was so funny, but she

13:21

was kind of joking, and then she was like, the

13:24

thing that's actually cute is the

13:26

kids because they're in first grade. They're not

13:28

excited about the pumpkin patch. They're excited

13:30

to go on a bus. Like,

13:31

it's the whole the whole

13:33

field trip is exciting to them. Like, throughout

13:36

the moment it begins, but the part

13:38

they're the most excited about is they all get to go

13:40

on the bus. Yeah. I for

13:42

me, of course, it's for kids, but I

13:44

do get excited about

13:46

Halloween more like I

13:48

wanna be somewhere right now where I'm

13:50

walking through crunchy leaves.

13:52

I wish it was colder. Yeah.

13:54

You know, I I love this

13:57

time of year, all the seasons

13:59

that have been torn from me by moving

14:01

somewhere that seventy five degree,

14:03

it always sounds like you're bragging. but it's

14:05

it's it's beautiful and sunny here all the

14:07

time, but also too hot.

14:09

But Today it

14:10

wasn't, like, ninety two. I

14:12

know. and -- It's crazy. --

14:14

there's no the passing of

14:16

time

14:17

is not

14:19

ever benchmarked by seasons. And

14:21

I my life is flying by. I

14:23

think that happens when you get older anyway,

14:25

but, oh, I could use some I could

14:27

use a long cold winter.

14:29

Well,

14:30

no. That makes sense. Because

14:32

a pumpkin patch or like a haunted corn

14:34

maze or something like that. It's like this

14:37

definitive. We are in fault. Doesn't matter

14:39

how hot it is outside. We know this for a

14:41

fact, but like, when

14:43

you're

14:43

older and you don't

14:45

have kids or whatever, it you don't really do stuff

14:47

like that because it just feels like it's for other

14:49

people. Yeah. It is. and I drove

14:51

by slowly and I watched them voyeuristically.

14:53

But in a holiday mode,

14:55

much like I do during Christmas and I

14:57

slow down, Sometimes I park. I

14:59

watch them open their presence. I

15:01

mean, I think about my own family

15:03

as I get closer to the window

15:05

and breathe a

15:08

foggy circle to

15:10

then draw a sinister -- Ten

15:12

to graham. -- just kidding. Pull

15:14

the Bella clava down over

15:16

your face. Yeah. I just turned it to house. Well, we

15:18

wish for Merry Christmas.

15:20

When the one of the first times

15:22

I saw you do stand up at

15:24

Largo I know I brought this up

15:26

before, but do you remember your you

15:28

had like a k fried or a k may

15:30

or a corn maze? Mhmm.

15:33

You were just talking shit about it

15:35

in a conversational way. So, of course,

15:37

I'm not gonna ask you to repeat it.

15:39

But I laughed, I'm like, that person

15:41

is very funny. Thank you. One

15:43

day we're gonna do a podcast

15:45

together. For nineteen years.

15:47

Yeah. The the here's the thing, and this is

15:49

the the one part I talked about it for

15:51

so long and

15:52

described it in such detail, but the thing

15:54

that is the truth about that

15:56

bit is we all went

15:58

to a haunted corn

16:00

maze at, like, some kind

16:02

of, like, freestanding mom and

16:04

pop Halloween event

16:07

space. Right? Sure. There was, like,

16:09

food trucks, and you could they

16:12

also,

16:12

we got really stoned, and there was

16:14

a guy who's swalling swords

16:16

out front and he picked me,

16:18

which is the weirdest thing no one ever picks

16:20

me. I always present as a person who does

16:22

not wanna participate. so I never get

16:24

picked. And the swordswallow were picked

16:26

me to help him do his bit.

16:28

And I was just like, it's it

16:30

shouldn't be me. Like, I kept trying to give him

16:32

the signal. whatever you're doing, I should

16:34

not be involved in this. If you think about

16:36

displaying a very shaky hand. I

16:38

know,

16:38

like, I I kind of just,

16:40

like, I don't know, like Did did

16:42

he

16:42

want you to lower the floor into

16:44

his gauntlet? No.

16:45

He wanted me to pull it back out well. No.

16:47

No. Right?

16:50

Yeah. We don't use this or not.

16:52

Yeah. And you also, it's it's

16:54

unsanitary. He

16:55

was but also dangerous. Like, what

16:57

if I do wrong, and he was Just go fast. Go

16:59

fast. And he was like, hey. It

17:01

was horrible. But then when we actually got

17:04

in and

17:04

we walked right up, the whole point was the

17:07

haunted

17:07

corn maze. Yeah. And we're

17:09

in a

17:10

group of people. We walk up.

17:12

And it's only as we enter the

17:14

corn maze. Do I realize I I'm

17:17

legitimately I do not wanna do

17:19

this. Like, this what we're about to

17:21

do, I fucking hate, which

17:23

is walk

17:24

through a thing and have people

17:26

jump

17:27

out. Like, people who wanna be actors

17:29

jump out at me. Like, yeah. I didn't

17:31

think it through until we were actually starting

17:33

to do it or I'm like, my heart starts racing

17:35

and I'm just like, this is everything I

17:37

hate in one big batch of it's

17:39

even more scary when you know they're not

17:42

union. Right. Also, their

17:44

vibes. A

17:47

clostrophobia or just

17:49

all the fears we have instilled

17:51

in us from the shining of

17:53

actually feeling like there's no

17:56

way out. I I don't think I wanna be in a mad

17:58

situation either the more I think about

18:00

it. No.

18:00

And in that one, it

18:03

isn't true maze because you have

18:05

to follow a certain

18:06

path. Like, they're not just letting you know more.

18:09

But it still was

18:11

just the thing where I went, oh, yeah. No. I don't wanna

18:13

do this. It's not daytime. I'm

18:15

not with children. Yeah. Like, this

18:17

whole everything about this is not

18:19

what I

18:20

like. Well, I thought I wouldn't like

18:22

the not scary farm,

18:24

one of my favorite puns,

18:27

but I totally

18:29

did. And it was because I was getting scared,

18:31

but no one was allowed to actually

18:33

touch you. It's just, like, little jump

18:36

scares But after, you know,

18:38

twenty minutes of getting scared,

18:40

you're expecting it, and then you're just

18:42

admiring the costumes and

18:44

everything. And I totally

18:46

had fun and I didn't think I

18:48

was going to. I

18:49

like that. We went one year and there was guys

18:51

that were running around and they had

18:53

like, crushed coke cans knee pads

18:56

knee pads. Yeah. And they would run-in slide

18:58

at you screaming

18:59

and sparkling. Yeah. But and

19:01

so it was I I just could I thought that was so

19:04

ingenious because I'm like, yeah, you

19:06

can't people. You you

19:07

can't touch people. You shouldn't touch

19:09

people. Yeah. But that

19:12

is just as good as that because it's shocking and,

19:14

like, bizarre -- Yeah. -- and, like, what is

19:16

coming at me? Also just,

19:17

like, when you just said a gardener with

19:20

sheers

19:20

running at you because

19:23

that's also

19:23

in get out.

19:25

Remember when

19:25

the guy just is starts

19:28

running toward him,

19:28

and it's like so scary. It's so

19:31

strangely scary. But then he runs right past

19:33

him. Yes. Mhmm.

19:35

He's just out for a jog. Yes. Yes.

19:37

Yeah. There's a lot of the

19:39

imagery and that was very scary to

19:41

me. Very scary.

19:42

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right.

23:52

What

23:52

else is scary? This Halloween

23:54

season? What about if you

23:57

if someone was like, there's a

23:59

real haunted house, it's on the

24:01

haunted house registry. It's a

24:03

bed and breakfast. Do you wanna

24:05

go stay there? What would you would

24:07

you stay? for

24:09

one night

24:09

to see if something would

24:11

happen? Yeah.

24:12

yeah

24:14

I guess so.

24:16

I guess It it

24:17

kinda depends on who I was with

24:20

because if it's somebody that's jumpy and

24:22

panicky, I wouldn't I

24:24

wouldn't want to. if it's someone that's, like,

24:26

we've gotta investigate this. If it

24:28

was one of those ghost investigation guys

24:30

with the big necklaces -- Yeah.

24:31

-- I might be into it. because

24:33

they're, like, gonna handle it. Right. So if

24:35

there's, like, infrared goggles involved,

24:37

you would do it. If somebody was

24:40

headed like an emeter or

24:42

whatever those things are. Yeah. And they were kind

24:44

of treating it scientifically maybe.

24:46

But I feel like I wouldn't

24:48

I certainly wouldn't do it

24:50

by myself and

24:52

because I believe in that stuff.

24:54

Like, I know I feel like those

24:56

are real or that those things when

24:58

people talk about those experiences,

25:00

they

25:01

it's real. Yeah. It's just kind of unexplainably

25:04

real.

25:04

Yeah. When growing up,

25:06

I thought because I'd never had any

25:09

experience. Looking back, though,

25:11

I

25:11

certainly have. I just was trying

25:13

to ignore them because I was trying to be

25:15

cuffed, tough, Karen, cuffed, tough.

25:19

I was trying to be cut just roll up my sleeves and be

25:21

cuff tough. Yeah. That's what I meant.

25:23

Yeah. But I did when I stayed at

25:25

a bed and breakfast just

25:28

whatever was affordable one time I was doing a

25:30

show in New Orleans, and it was

25:32

clearly I mean, the place was a

25:34

mess. There was stuff everywhere, but the room they

25:36

set up for me there

25:38

was, like, clothing hanging. Like,

25:40

they were trying to scare me. And I

25:42

I just fell asleep

25:45

and into my show time. And I don't

25:47

remember even being that tired.

25:49

I was drugged by a ghost, I

25:51

think. I don't it's still unexplainable to me.

25:53

I know I just bragged about how easily I

25:55

can sleep, but then I had to

25:57

run-in the rain with an umbrella for a

25:59

mile to get to my show. and

26:02

I still will never know why I passed

26:04

out like that. I think it was a ghost.

26:06

Do they need to be Yeah. They were releasing

26:08

a tiny bit of gas into the

26:11

room at the people that you rented the room

26:13

from. Yeah. They were maybe they were just trying to

26:15

keep you there? Yeah. They were. I

26:17

mean, and the scariest part

26:19

about the place, so there was no parking. down

26:21

the street. That is horrifying. Yeah.

26:23

I but it was a

26:26

and I looked it up later. It was

26:28

famously a haunted house. that

26:30

you stay at. People stay there as a

26:32

stunt, and I did not know that. It

26:34

was just the most affordable ghost

26:36

experience that let you stay the night.

26:38

Well, New

26:40

Orleans is so old. It's

26:42

filled. There's so much crazy shit

26:44

that happened there that it is filled with

26:47

haunted spots. I believe. My

26:49

friend, Trudy, did the music

26:51

for the new Anne

26:53

Rice's interview with the Vampire, which takes

26:55

place in New Orleans, and it's

26:57

and the she's the the music is great. I

26:59

just watched the introductory episode,

27:01

but it's it's very yeah.

27:05

Everything spooky. is

27:07

New it's New Orleans. New Orleans.

27:09

It's very spooky. It's funny when

27:11

I, you know, I I think it's starting

27:13

to happen more often as I get older, where

27:15

I fully just say sentences backwards.

27:19

Yep. It's almost like it's a superpower

27:21

that'll never help me.

27:22

You know what? Partially, I think it

27:24

might be too.

27:25

What's wrong with me? Well, it's

27:27

not what's wrong with everybody?

27:29

We're not around other people as much

27:31

as we normally are. Yeah.

27:33

I mean, more and more you you're getting

27:35

to be. But

27:36

it's almost like we just haven't been

27:39

practicing in that way of

27:41

just like I am silent a

27:43

lot of the time until I'm

27:45

podcasting. There's been a couple times

27:47

where, like, when I'm recording with Georgia and then

27:49

I'm, like, and it's like a frog

27:51

in my throat where I'm like, oh, this is the

27:53

first thing I've said aloud today. That's

27:54

crazy. Not talk to anyone

27:57

in twenty four hours, and the last person

27:59

I talked to was you

27:59

when we recorded yesterday. That's

28:02

a gap of of

28:04

voice and brain relaxation that

28:06

needn't happen. One entire

28:08

day. Perhaps

28:09

maybe the new things should

28:11

be. When we wake up in the morning, we we make our beds

28:14

as we know is best for our mental

28:16

health. Right? Tidy up. Instead

28:18

of drinking a bunch of coffee,

28:20

you get some hot water and some lemon,

28:22

like an opera singer. And then you just

28:24

do some vocal warmups. Me and I I

28:26

love New York. I need New York.

28:28

apples and bananas and the

28:31

lots of fruit. I don't know a

28:32

lot of them, so I make them

28:35

up. 1121123211234321123454321I

28:43

can do it faster than that if you want to

28:45

really be annoyed. Yeah. No.

28:48

Speed is important too. Speed,

28:50

addiction, all and then just saying

28:53

stuff.

28:53

Just words and practicing

28:55

It's all

28:56

important. The thing that I'm annoyed with is because

28:59

I I set my alarm. I made my bed.

29:01

I started my day because I have

29:03

a tax appointment tomorrow. I

29:05

missed my extension. I in a

29:07

lot of ways, I mean, when we

29:09

first met, we both had this mounting tax

29:12

issue. It was -- Yes. I

29:14

kind of let it happen again

29:16

that just last year's

29:18

not multiple years, so it's it's not

29:20

that daunting. I just need to add up expenses.

29:24

But once I made my bed, I'm like,

29:26

yeah, this feels good. I'm off the floor. I've

29:28

just been cleaning my house all day.

29:30

I have yet I'm like, well, I like to write my

29:32

expenses on my iPad and it's not

29:34

charged up. So I might as well finish

29:36

watching the watcher I

29:39

just come up with excuses and I

29:41

have yet I have not started my taxes and I

29:43

have an appointment tomorrow. Can

29:45

I make suggestion, please.

29:47

because honestly, I think well,

29:49

I

29:49

have, of course, read almost

29:51

every

29:51

self help who there is. And there

29:53

is the real effective, like,

29:56

strategy

29:57

of doing things for only

29:59

ten

29:59

minutes. So you sit down, you go, I'm

30:02

only gonna I mean, like, basically, like, you're

30:04

gonna do all your car costs,

30:06

whatever. Right. Right. You just

30:07

do section by section every morning

30:09

for ten minutes. then it's not I have to

30:11

do all of this for hours and that's

30:14

what makes you get back up out of

30:15

the chair. What's my reward in between

30:18

sessions? cigarettes, neighborhood, water? You can

30:20

have one

30:20

cigarette, you can have a cup of hot lemon

30:22

water for your voice, or

30:25

you

30:25

can have a third thing that you choose around

30:27

your home. Or can maybe I'll just go

30:29

on little walks. My neighborhood is

30:32

all Victorian homes. It maybe

30:35

will also fill this Halloween

30:37

shaped hole in my soul. If

30:39

I just walk around and look some of these

30:42

spooky houses, one of them, the thriller

30:44

house. Are they all decorated? No.

30:46

I was thinking. You know, I I'm always

30:48

thinking of my plan b

30:50

jobs. What if I went door to door? And I'm

30:52

like, hi. I decorate houses for

30:54

Halloween, and I

30:55

just charge five thousand dollars.

30:58

But, you know, five hundred

31:00

dollars in in in and I just

31:02

spider webbed it up.

31:04

I'm starting to realize I don't wanna do

31:06

my new job. Yeah.

31:07

Because that's like you need a ladder. You're

31:09

gonna get mad a bunch

31:11

of different times. Yeah.

31:14

And also, on

31:16

TikTok, there's a woman who was

31:18

like, I got bored, so I decided to decorate

31:20

the front of my house. I think people, especially

31:22

LA people, they're gonna pay you.

31:24

They expect like

31:24

-- Yeah. -- the highest level

31:27

decoration. This

31:28

woman and I think her husband

31:30

made her this almost like

31:32

not a scaffold, but, like, a, you

31:34

know, whatever, like, a

31:35

wooden thing that then she could

31:38

hang and, like, she was putting

31:40

sticks and all these things, so it almost looked

31:42

like a haunted forest entrance

31:44

to her house. It looked amazing. I

31:46

would have fun making that.

31:48

I guess, there'd be moments of frustration,

31:50

like, how where oh my god. I have

31:52

to take back this ladder I borrowed or

31:55

what I poked my eye with a

31:57

stick. But -- Yeah. -- I do

31:59

like getting crafty,

31:59

you know. Yes, you do. And there's

32:02

the immediate satisfaction of of, like, oh,

32:04

I just made that look cool. let me

32:06

I don't get that with adding up receipts. Can I

32:09

no. Of course, you don't. That's like that's

32:11

that's why this as soon as you can, you should

32:13

just put it all

32:14

over. when I used to go to a

32:17

place to get my taxes done, and it really

32:19

did fill me with all the dread that

32:21

you are feeling -- Yes. I

32:23

just had all my receipts shoved into a Manila

32:25

folder. And the guy would

32:27

just pull everything out and then just ask

32:29

me a question. So it's not you have

32:31

to figure everything out -- Yeah. -- to the time

32:33

-- I don't. -- it has to be a

32:36

conversation. Receipts expire in

32:39

like, I've see them turn to

32:41

shiny, translucent pieces of paper.

32:43

I've quit. I haven't had a receipt

32:45

or kept I just look at my

32:47

bank statement. and I go from

32:49

there. Oh, that's fine. Yeah. My pass yes.

32:51

So that's my big receipt. I mean, all my

32:54

expenditures. I have an idea.

32:56

Yes, please. Okay.

32:57

Because you're art based. Can you

32:59

buy yourself and this could be an

33:01

expense that you write off and it goes it reduces the

33:04

tax base. What

33:06

if you went to CVS and you bought

33:08

one of those packets of, like,

33:10

five different color highlighters? Yes.

33:12

And then you went through your you print your

33:15

bank statement So you have some hard copies. And you go through and

33:17

you highlight different. This

33:19

is my car expenses. This is my

33:21

blue, blue expenses. This

33:23

is for show

33:23

based. You're describing exactly what I

33:25

do on my iPad except I

33:27

zoom in because you can pinch and zoom

33:29

in and I do it. Yeah. Everything's color

33:32

coded just like you're saying. But

33:34

I'm let I've let

33:36

my iPad charge up all day. So it's

33:38

the same concept, but much easier if

33:40

I just had a dry erase. board. You're right.

33:42

Yeah. Yeah.

33:43

Just highlighters and a hard copy.

33:45

It's almost more art like because I

33:47

think when things are on the computer,

33:50

it feels like this far away. It's not as satisfying.

33:52

To be done, you get to the last

33:54

paper, you slam them all down, you

33:56

scream fuck you at the ceiling, you

33:59

celebrate,

33:59

however you -- Yeah. -- punch a hole and

34:02

a pumpkin. Yeah. III really

34:06

I do I think that you're right also because now

34:08

when I do my art and illustration on

34:10

my iPad, I draw on the iPad too,

34:12

that's how I actually make my art

34:15

and it's less fun than getting messy and doing it

34:17

on paper. I gotta go back to

34:19

hard copy

34:20

creating. Just see if you

34:22

prefer it because just remember it's a

34:24

choice. And sometimes that just the tactile, it feels like more of

34:27

an accomplishment. Like, here I look, I did

34:29

that line. It's pink. This one's blue. Look at

34:31

me, figuring shit out.

34:34

then you put it down for ten minutes, then you go back to it for ten

34:36

minutes. If you're watching TV simultaneously,

34:38

you, like, put it down for a

34:40

little while, but then you can also listen as

34:43

you do it. You don't have to stare at the

34:45

table. Oh, this this is what I and I always save it

34:47

tonight at nighttime because I feel like that's when

34:49

my brain is operating better

34:52

because of stand up, I

34:54

guess. I don't know. I

34:56

I put everything off to the last

34:58

minute, and that's what I'm

34:59

doing. What about this though. Because you're there's a lot it

35:01

feels like there's a lot of self judgment in the way you're talking about. I

35:03

see. There's a

35:04

lot of And I want you

35:06

to judge me right back. No.

35:09

because

35:09

that doesn't work. Beatting yourself up isn't

35:12

gonna get it done. Mhmm. Because

35:14

if that did work, I would have never

35:16

had four years of taxes that I didn't

35:18

pay attention to. all it is is you

35:20

have to chip away -- Yeah. -- in the

35:22

way that you know how and then turn it

35:24

over

35:24

to that person that you're gonna give it

35:26

to or where -- Yeah. Yeah. -- TurboTax.

35:28

he gets he gets yeah. I just there's so

35:32

many different states that

35:34

I have to return tax forms

35:37

for. I need his help. And he used to work for

35:39

the IRS, so he he's

35:42

very helpful in that way.

35:44

What looks good or

35:46

looks bad. But I

35:48

yeah. He gets so happy when I

35:50

have it all itemized for him that

35:52

I got I gotta keep Thank you.

35:54

you print up a little picture of him and put it on your coffee table as you're doing it?

35:56

And it's like, this is for you, Jerry. This is

35:58

my work for you.

35:59

And, work

36:00

yeah, And when I

36:02

go to do my taxes, I'll have a framed photo of me, and I'll put

36:04

it on his desk and name it to him. And

36:07

then say even though you're sitting there, you tap

36:09

on it and you say, think of

36:11

this guy. think of this guy while you're asking for that

36:13

money back. Even though I'm right here

36:15

also, if your eyes drifted away, like,

36:17

because you're looking at your keyboard and

36:19

all the paperwork, I'm gonna put

36:21

this down closer to where you're looking in case you don't wanna look up at me, like, maybe

36:23

it hurts your neck. I'm also

36:26

down here. I'm

36:30

I'm everywhere. And he looks up and

36:32

I've I've he's entirely

36:34

behind him. There's pictures of me

36:36

at different ages. you're gonna make it

36:38

fun for him, you're gonna make it fun

36:39

for you, you're gonna approach it like

36:41

this is actually could be fun, and

36:44

I'm a hypocrite for saying all this because I

36:46

didn't do my

36:46

tax for four years. And that's why

36:48

I brought it up to you. And you're still making

36:50

me feel better because I forgot about these little

36:52

breaks I can take. Yes. That's I'm

36:55

just gonna be that's the key. Kit

36:57

I

36:57

find when I have something that I have

36:59

to get done, I automatically

37:02

start doing as like you're saying, you clean your

37:04

whole house. Right? Yeah. You you automatically start

37:06

doing something else. If you know that's

37:08

what you're gonna do, they you don't have

37:10

to pretend this is like a secret that

37:12

you're doing. Like, I learned Sometimes

37:15

if I have to write something, I writing a second thing

37:17

so that I can bounce back and

37:19

forth. And then I don't dislike

37:21

the first thing

37:24

I just am treating both of them like, you know, if you're, like,

37:26

if you're

37:26

trying to write, like, a script or something and

37:29

it's like, oh, I don't have any ideas and I'm

37:31

not this

37:31

is bad. then it's like,

37:33

fine, it's bad, bail. Go to the other

37:36

thing. Write that until you think it's bad and

37:38

then go back and reread the first thing and you're like,

37:40

it's not bad. It's good. I'm gonna keep going. Now I

37:42

have this idea. and you just kind

37:44

of like, it's not tricking

37:46

yourself. It's more like, that's our

37:48

brains are very weird

37:50

and complex. And you have to kind

37:52

of like give it all the

37:54

things it

37:54

needs to keep going. Yeah. Yeah.

37:56

And I have to see little bits

37:58

of progress to

37:59

keep going. I think dry erase is the way to go.

38:02

You mean, like, you're gonna put it up on a

38:03

whiteboard, like, representative Katie Porter,

38:05

and just, like,

38:08

let everybody know. Red

38:09

yarn and photos and evidence, and

38:11

I'm gonna solve this tax

38:14

crime that's happening to

38:16

me. Yes. Yeah. And find out that it's me that's doing the

38:18

crimes. You're the one paying

38:20

thing

38:20

for gas. Every very

38:22

using five thousand

38:25

miles of my car's mileage for

38:28

business. I'm the one that has an

38:30

office that's not really

38:32

seventy feet from my living area. I'm whatever. There's

38:34

so many examples. So

38:36

I really give money to charity,

38:38

or did I throw close away and

38:41

say that I gave them away. Oh, no.

38:43

So many times I donated things at goodwill

38:45

and the guy that work

38:47

there would be like, do you wanna receive? I'd be like, no. And

38:49

then

38:49

later on, the tax person would be like,

38:52

why would you do that? That's like

38:54

that is like, you a hundred and fifty

38:56

dollar write off and I just be like, I don't because

38:58

I don't play by the

38:59

rules. Yeah. because I because I'm

39:01

so different. And then you

39:04

spray paint. your name on the wall where the backwards are because, you

39:06

know, give a fuck. Yeah.

39:08

And it's green punk rock. Oh,

39:09

also, don't

39:12

forget to use your timer when you're doing your ten or fifteen minute

39:14

increments because then it'll show

39:16

you how quickly time passes.

39:19

Yes.

39:19

And then I won't get, you

39:21

know, distracted every two minutes. I'm

39:23

like, the timer's going. I

39:25

gotta do this. I'm gonna do fifteen

39:27

minute increments. Yeah. Okay. So you have better

39:29

about you've actually made me feel a lot

39:32

better. It's a daunting thing. III

39:36

and I missed the deadline. I just feel dumb for that.

39:38

Oh, wow. I see that everyone does

39:40

though. Everyone does. Yeah. I

39:42

I yeah. I'm I'm not

39:46

I'm just my general ability to postpone

39:48

things till the last minute. I really

39:50

wanna outgrow that, but I I think

39:52

I'm done growing. I mean, an

39:54

adult man. I'm actually getting shorter. I'm

39:56

five nine going on five

39:58

eight. And

39:59

You can write that off. That's good. I can

40:02

write off

40:04

one whole inch? Yes. Yes. That's worth five

40:06

hundred

40:06

dollars. Well, update

40:09

I I the lizard came

40:12

out the tail that's lizard while I was making my bed he

40:14

ran out. And I'm not kidding. He

40:16

just was standing in my living room.

40:19

and he

40:19

looked at me. And I I know I've talked about this with

40:22

turtles, but he looked

40:24

me at my

40:24

face and I had to visualize. and

40:27

he hung out by the door and I walked by him and he

40:29

didn't screw you away, and I opened the door and

40:31

he ran out.

40:34

he knew you were his friend. He grabbed no newspaper and he brought it

40:37

to me. He said he

40:39

said it was fun to curl up

40:41

on your shoulder last night. as

40:43

you slept. And you're like, why? If

40:45

you thought about getting life

40:48

insurance, say again. That's

40:49

a joke from last

40:52

episode member. that's a tag to the last week. That's

40:54

for the OG Diner

40:56

heads.

40:57

The Diner Sores that are

40:59

there for you. You are and can I

41:02

sleep over?

41:04

That's what podcasts are full.

41:06

Yeah. It's like Airbnb

41:08

and B. but conversations. But

41:12

he was really cute and a lot bigger

41:14

than I thought. And How

41:16

much bigger show with your

41:18

hands? like a penis

41:21

length. Good

41:26

one. But no.

41:29

That's what the

41:32

devil was not. Yeah. Yeah. He was pretty

41:34

big. Yeah. You

41:35

mean, that's torso alone. You weren't you weren't, like No. That's the adding

41:37

it. Shipt the nose to back

41:39

of the stump.

41:42

detach

41:42

area. To detached area that's seen of

41:45

the crime. Before I left, I

41:47

did a little cute little chalk

41:50

outline. But he'll be out. So take your tail with

41:51

you, son, or son of a bitch? Yeah. Yeah. Take

41:54

your tail. Don't you let your tail hit you on the

41:56

way out, and then I throw his tail at

41:58

him and hit

41:59

him. And then he puts his hat on

42:02

and then

42:02

it's the theme to the

42:03

odd couple starts up.

42:06

My favorite is

42:06

a warm it starts raining.

42:09

and a worm gets all excited to go on a

42:11

walk because they like the rain. He's like, I'm

42:14

gonna go first stroll, honey, and he has a

42:16

little hat. and

42:18

a little bow tie. What's the kids

42:20

book where the worm had a bow tie?

42:22

That's The Richard Scarybook

42:24

were, like, busy town -- Yes, sir. --

42:26

or yep. You know that

42:28

You know what I'm talking about? Absolutely.

42:30

All those

42:31

things those

42:33

memories from childhood This is another funny thing not to talk about

42:35

my sister so much, but she also being

42:38

a first grade teacher is still

42:40

around all

42:42

the books that we had when we she

42:44

did it to me today. She'll just send me,

42:48

like, member

42:48

like, those

42:51

Sid Hoff

42:51

books. Like, she'll send me a

42:54

picture of the like, there was one

42:56

where it was

42:58

dinosaurs

42:59

don't DynaSource

43:00

don't grab or something like that. There's, like, a

43:03

a book about manners, but

43:05

it's all dinosaurs. Okay.

43:08

Sid

43:09

Hoff, he was like he was kind of like Maury

43:11

Sundak adjacent. He was -- Okay. -- all his

43:13

books, you would

43:14

absolutely recognize the illustrations

43:17

from his book. Okay. Was

43:19

he did he do the poops book?

43:22

No. Okay. Fine.

43:27

Hold on. Let me I'm gonna look

43:29

it up and tell you exactly what books you read.

43:31

Okay? I got a note.

43:33

From Annalise to that it's Danny in the

43:35

dinosaur. Yes. Amy is. Yes.

43:38

Thank you, Annalise. See, that's

43:40

produced. And and and thank

43:42

me for for the first time recognizing

43:44

the chat. Usually, I'm bad at multitasking,

43:46

but in this preparation of doing

43:48

my taxes, I find that

43:51

I can carry a lot. Also, I'm

43:53

on Adderall and Ridley.

43:56

What? No. You never told

43:58

me. I do know that Adderall

43:59

makes me a superhero. So I guess

44:02

that means I need it. Okay.

44:04

So what what's the book? Well,

44:06

no, I was just

44:07

there's ThunderHooft

44:09

that's about a horse. Julius, who's a

44:12

gorilla, there's Danny on the dinosaur

44:14

where a boy basically just gets a

44:16

dinosaur and then walks

44:18

around town saying fuck you to people because he has a dinosaur. It's

44:20

pretty great. Don't forget Amy's

44:21

dinosaur. Wait. Can you

44:24

see that?

44:25

Oh. No. Why

44:26

is it blurry? It's thinking it's

44:29

your blurry background. Oh.

44:31

Oh. Did I blur the background? Oh. Yeah.

44:33

That was me the other night before

44:35

what what we were we even

44:37

went through, and we're like, hey, look at

44:39

all these things you can do and basically,

44:41

like, changed our backgrounds. I

44:44

like it. I didn't realize I was still blurred. That was purely just

44:46

to show myself that I could do

44:48

it. It's funny because

44:49

yesterday when you had

44:51

it that way, I I put on my reading glasses and I was

44:53

like, well, these don't work anymore. But it's just

44:55

yeah. It's your your

44:58

blurry background. I like

45:00

it. I mean, oftentimes, when we're

45:02

talking, I get distracted by the hard

45:04

edges of your couch

45:06

in groups. by the

45:07

completely blank wall behind me and absolutely no

45:10

decoration.

45:10

Some people really, really

45:13

decorate for the

45:16

zoom shot. Yeah. I

45:17

mean, I kind of

45:19

got blamed for that with

45:21

my outdoorsy wallpaper

45:24

but I'm I I assured everyone, no.

45:26

I did this before I knew the world was

45:29

becoming so private. You

45:31

know? Yeah. But You got blamed. Who blamed

45:34

you? Oh, there's a lot of finger

45:36

pointing during these Zoom

45:38

comedy shows. Oh, look

45:40

at Chris. he paid for wallpaper to make up

45:42

for his jokes not being

45:44

finished. A lot of

45:46

finger pointing.

45:48

can't believe they said that out loud to you. Honestly, yeah. Well,

45:50

they thought their chat. They thought their audio

45:52

was off. The audience was like,

45:54

oh, look at this bullshit wallpaper.

45:58

And

45:58

you started crying. You said, I wish I was back with the

45:59

surfers. Yeah. So I was back in

46:02

Pennsylvania. At least they were silently

46:04

judging me. I think they

46:06

There's no there

46:08

you go. No. No. I think they were actually

46:10

mad because I said I don't surf.

46:12

I'm scared of surfing. I

46:15

said the line about it feels

46:17

like falling off a roof and having the

46:19

house chase you.

46:22

But they they were like, oh, well, then you don't belong in this part of

46:24

town. They screamed poser

46:26

and said, can I Yeah.

46:28

And I'm like, ice skate jerks.

46:32

Okay? And it's I'm not talking long boards. I can

46:34

balance on things -- Yeah. -- with other

46:36

boys. That's what I did for most of

46:38

the show. Just on one

46:40

leg, plates.

46:42

A pencil on the tip of my nose.

46:44

Just kind of a a real

46:45

hard lean to the right. Yeah. Look

46:47

at that.

46:48

I could be in AV8

46:50

commercial. They weren't impressed. They don't care.

46:52

But I was

46:53

gonna say, I think it's really it's

46:55

very impressive in

46:58

telling Like, there's so many people

47:00

doing comedy that there's a subgenre

47:03

of standup surfers.

47:04

That's He's kinda crazy. Two

47:07

of the guys I know from when I worked

47:09

at Fuel TV as professional surfers.

47:11

And that's how I got they say, hey,

47:13

do you want we're doing this comedy

47:15

show? And they all had jokes, and it was good to see them, but

47:17

they've retired from surfing and

47:20

getting into the lucrative

47:22

world of stand up comedy.

47:24

Yeah.

47:24

Really? Yeah.

47:25

Why? I mean,

47:27

it's the same rush. You

47:29

paddle out. That's the

47:32

setup. You stand at the crest of the wave. That's --

47:34

Yeah. -- that's the middle part of the

47:36

joke. Yes. And then you get

47:38

held underwater under coral reef.

47:40

That's the

47:42

punchline. It's just, like, dangerous

47:44

surfing. You guys are

47:46

held under a corollary. That's

47:48

You guys are tucked under it.

47:52

That's

47:52

what I think even when I'm in Venice, I think

47:54

I'm gonna end up under a coral reef

47:56

being held under while

47:58

being stung by

47:59

a spiny glow

48:02

in the dark, spiny fish. In

48:04

your surfing days, have

48:05

you ever seen a big

48:07

fish? Or

48:09

a creature

48:09

near you?

48:11

Yeah. In Oregon,

48:14

I was out there with

48:16

little

48:16

but they're little sea otters. like sweet

48:18

little guys that are like, hi, I'm basically a dog.

48:21

See you later? It's pretty

48:22

cute.

48:23

Like little face with whiskers

48:25

coming up

48:28

to say, hey, how's

48:28

the how's the surf? Sorry. I don't know a

48:30

lot of the human words. I'm in Paris.

48:34

Why? Yeah.

48:35

In Oregon, there's a lot and

48:37

I think that's why there's more sharks there too,

48:39

like, in cold water. And and you know

48:42

this from like, they surf under the Golden

48:44

Gate Bridge. NorCal

48:45

baby. NorCal

48:47

baby fucking black trucks and

48:49

have your socks all the way pulled

48:51

to the top. Don't forget your

48:53

flat brim hat. because we're about to get metal militia

48:55

on your ass. Sorry. That see, that's who I

48:58

should have been on stage.

49:00

Yes. I should have been

49:02

NorCal specific. you're

49:03

just like you're like me where when we used

49:05

to do that show with April Richardson at the

49:07

improv lab and I would get on stage and

49:09

say comedy is over. Then people would be

49:11

bummed, and I'd be like, oh, I didn't do very well. It's

49:14

like stop telling people to

49:16

not like you. That's But

49:18

don't get on stage and be like, here's

49:20

our differences. here's what's not

49:22

gonna work. I think they don't like

49:24

it. They want everyone to be the

49:26

same. They want

49:27

unity. Yeah. I did, oh, I was

49:29

UNIT, UI for the first part of my set, but

49:32

then as they

49:34

started firing. That's

49:38

great. Latifah. Sorry. I had to do it. I had to make

49:41

a reference. But then

49:43

when they were actually

49:46

leaving I had

49:46

to address our differences as they went out the door.

49:48

Well, yeah. It had to be

49:50

addressed. I had to For the

49:52

people that remain there, like, why is this

49:55

happening? Why are people blaming? It's not me. It's our

49:58

differences. It's

50:00

thriving you out. They love

50:02

the ocean.

50:04

I'm a landlubber. Oceans only.

50:06

That's where you mean

50:08

mermaids for dating. Mhmm. some

50:12

video that I saw shortly on TikTok

50:14

and it was like people are surfing and

50:16

then this camera goes underwater and

50:20

there's seals swimming

50:21

along with them. They just kinda don't know yet because they're, like,

50:23

in the wave -- Oh. --

50:25

just the

50:26

bats. My

50:28

dad's cousin who we used to drive

50:30

down to visit all of his cousins and

50:32

my great grandma in San Diego, we

50:34

drive all the way from Montana in

50:37

a hot air conditionless, Buickless

50:39

labor. And his cousin

50:41

Bill who was such a sweet man

50:43

and and taught me how to

50:45

get up on a surfboard when I was young. He

50:47

was a photographer, underwater

50:50

photographer, and he he shot a lot at

50:52

surfing, and then

50:54

did early, like, photoshop manipulation of,

50:56

like, like, he'd take a picture of

50:58

a iceberg and have it

51:00

hovering above the water.

51:02

Like, before People were doing a

51:04

lot of computer manipulation of

51:06

photos. He was a neat

51:07

man. Wow. And I just got

51:10

shout out to

51:12

Bill. Bill. Uncle did you call him uncle Bill or cousin I

51:14

just called him mister Wilson and then

51:16

I shot him with

51:18

a slingshot. I've

51:20

heard of you guys. Yeah. They were they

51:23

were really cool. And there there was all

51:25

this talk of, like, hey, let's which

51:27

houses. We wanna go to Montana when it's sub

51:30

zero and be in your cold house. And

51:32

we're like, oh, fucking

51:34

you're welcome to it. It's never happened.

51:37

It didn't mean it didn't mean the house. The house swap

51:39

never worked. They didn't

51:41

mean it? I think they

51:42

did. We just I don't know.

51:45

I think my whole family is, if you

51:47

offer us something, we won't

51:49

accept it.

51:52

I would I was raised to say no to any

51:54

handouts or favor -- Yes. --

51:56

offers for

51:58

help. Yeah.

51:59

on Yeah.

52:00

That's That's a shame that brings dishonor to your

52:02

ancestors. You can't do that. Yeah.

52:04

God, I can't do that to Christopher

52:07

Fairbank, my distant acting relative over in

52:09

London, England and other

52:12

relatives. I have a thing

52:14

where,

52:15

like, I I know

52:17

that people

52:17

do this. It's very much like how I

52:20

would never send food back at a

52:22

restaurant.

52:22

Yeah. Oh, you just

52:24

know. I've

52:25

never seen anyone do it. I've never that's

52:27

not what my family does.

52:28

I will -- I write it. -- under the table

52:30

if someone at my table does it. Right? And

52:32

so on there. people

52:33

that work in kitchens are like, people do it all the

52:35

time. You absolutely should do it. They want you to have the

52:37

best meal possible, but it's like, I

52:40

distinctly

52:40

remember. I'm sure I've still a story being in San

52:42

Francisco with my parents when I was

52:44

like eight years old and we went to a restaurant

52:47

in North Beach And it was

52:50

we had to kind of pick it randomly because

52:51

we were, like, it was we were

52:53

waiting to go somewhere. We decided to go to dinner. It

52:55

was a random choice. My parents

52:57

ordered their food. It was

53:00

delivered.

53:00

They tried it, and they both were

53:02

laughing at how bad it was. Not even

53:04

laughing, but just kind of like, oh my

53:06

god. whatever. And the waiter when the waiter came back and was like,

53:08

how is everything? And they both looked up wonderful. Thank

53:10

you so much. And lied straight to

53:14

his face. And I sat there. I was just, like, what you hate

53:16

it? Like, it's not even, like, it's just

53:18

passing fine. It's, like, you think it's

53:20

disgusting and they were because I think

53:22

in their

53:24

minds, because they both were raised with no money.

53:26

They're like, we're not gonna complain. That's

53:28

what poor people do. We need to

53:32

act like, THIS IS WHAT CLASSY PEOPLE DO IS THEY WOULD NEVER COMPLAIN AN

53:34

INSPEAKER three: IT'S ACT THAT'S NOT TRUE.

53:36

IT'S THE OPPOSENT. YEAH, PEOPLE ARE

53:38

THE ONES BITCHEN

53:40

CONSTANTLY IN sending shit

53:42

back.

53:42

Didn't yeah. James Gordon just got

53:44

outed for something like that. I

53:46

just read about it. And I was like, I read it.

53:48

And I'm like, well, that's what people do.

53:50

They are, like, want everything to be

53:53

perfect at a restaurant. But, yeah,

53:55

it doesn't seem to

53:57

me like that's poor person thing. But my family does

53:59

the same stuff. My we were

54:02

at Applebee's,

54:04

and he it wasn't

54:06

a hair in her foot. It was like

54:08

someone took a clump of

54:10

hair off of a off of a

54:12

brush. It was

54:14

like someone fuck this job. I quit and shoved it

54:16

in her posture.

54:18

It was, like, from the freshman

54:20

healthy man years, so it was already

54:23

flavorless. And there she

54:26

very cautiously was like, there's hair

54:28

in my food and he's like, oh,

54:30

it might be from the basting brush.

54:33

And she said, no. This is like an actually

54:35

and she pulled up. It was a giant

54:38

hairball. Like, it was

54:40

and the guy was like, oh my god.

54:42

Like, and and

54:44

they're like, why didn't you scream something

54:46

immediately? We almost didn't say anything.

54:48

She was eating around it because

54:50

she was hungry. Yeah. And, yeah,

54:53

it's so funny. Yeah. My family is the same way. It's It's

54:55

just Well, also, I think

54:57

I think stuff like that is, like, you

54:59

need the experience. I think

55:02

it's, like, my parents were raised. They never went out to

55:04

dinner. They never went out to restaurants

55:06

as growing up. That just

55:08

wasn't like something they got

55:10

to do. So they

55:12

wanna act like their idea of

55:14

what the best guest

55:15

at a restaurant would act like. That, you know,

55:17

it's all made up, where it's just like, you know,

55:19

you have to I remember one time this

55:21

was heartbreaking to me. I was in college and we

55:23

went to an Italian

55:24

restaurant. So I

55:25

was super broke and

55:27

I just ordered pasta

55:30

with

55:30

butter on it because there was

55:32

Parmesan cheese on the table. Sure. And

55:34

I was like, oh, that's actually my

55:37

favorite. Just Parmesan cheese

55:39

and butter and pepper.

55:40

Really outside of your house?

55:42

Well, yeah. because I I don't

55:43

like red sauce. It's such a thing.

55:45

I'm very

55:47

picky, but And I was just like, oh, yeah. Just some spaghetti with some cheese

55:50

on it. Yeah. Well, I put the Parmesan cheese

55:52

on the spaghetti. And I'm

55:54

tasting it and doesn't taste right,

55:56

but I'm just like, boom, this is all I have. And so I try

55:58

to take, like, two more bites. Eventually,

56:02

I realize some

56:03

it was the Parmesan cheese that stayed on

56:05

the table all the time, so some

56:08

asshole fucked around and put sugar

56:10

into the Parmesan cheese. That's why it

56:12

tasted bad. because it was basically half sugar. Oh

56:14

my god. I just

56:15

had that done to me at the someone

56:17

did took the time to loosen the top

56:19

of the pepper.

56:22

Yes. and I got my food and poured a whole thing of

56:24

pepper on it. And guess

56:26

what? I didn't say shit. I

56:28

scooped it

56:30

off. I scooped off what I could. I mixed it up and I had

56:33

extra peppery bowl of beans

56:35

and rice or whatever I

56:38

had ordered. In this day and age, you can say it. You can be like,

56:40

hey,

56:40

someone loosen this. Like, they would be I

56:42

mean, you know, we make

56:43

it. I was so hungry

56:45

that I'm like, find it. I

56:48

like pepper. Okay. I like pepper. Let's do the viral pepper

56:50

challenge. Make it work.

56:54

dose these while you eat this thing. Honestly, it

56:56

wasn't that bad. I do like pepper.

56:58

I like pepper

56:59

too. I think, honestly, for

57:01

for a long time, I was just like parmesan

57:04

cheese and pasta is kind of

57:06

best case scenario for me.

57:08

Then suddenly, you know, in the

57:10

last ten, fifteen years or whatever. It's

57:12

all about when you go to a fancy Italian

57:14

restaurant, which

57:16

is literally that exact dish

57:18

but it's Italian and it's better because an

57:20

actual chef makes it. Wait, what

57:23

is it? What's

57:25

it I I don't

57:26

know. It just mean I think it just means spaghetti

57:28

with Parmesan cheese and pepper on

57:29

it, but it's literally the exact the exact

57:31

thing. Yeah. I think they might

57:33

put a little egg yolk in there

57:35

or something.

57:36

Yeah. Okay. I'm getting hungry. I know. I think

57:38

that's why we're talking about this. Do you think I

57:42

should put off my taxes to make a large

57:46

meal. Yes. But you can only make the meal

57:48

for ten

57:48

minutes at a time, and then you have to

57:50

go

57:50

do some highlighting.

57:52

And then I normally take ten bytes.

57:54

You're right though. Thank

57:56

you for helping me with that. I that

57:58

is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do it

57:59

right when we're done. into the

58:02

night, I'm gonna have a party with

58:04

it. It's gonna be great. Well, also,

58:06

I think being allowed to take breaks,

58:08

and also, you can act tell yourself, like,

58:10

whatever your internal monologue

58:12

is, you can also then

58:14

go, okay, I heard you. Thanks,

58:16

and then

58:16

just do it. that's what, like I

58:18

think that's what, like, the grindy, you

58:20

know, achievers do, where it's,

58:22

like, as creatives, which is something

58:25

I loved that John Gabriel said when we

58:27

recorded with him, it was yesterday, but

58:29

for this episode, it'll be

58:30

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's pretend I think

58:32

But overnight, I watched five episodes of show and lasted until I

58:35

Right. He's at the best. I couldn't

58:37

stop laughing. They are so they're

58:40

sweet moments. Watch

58:43

a hundred and one places Place

58:45

to party before

58:48

you die. On the

58:50

mat in the backs.

58:52

I bit my tongue. I

58:54

was so excited. Goddamn. Sharpe Mowers.

58:58

So good. Right? Is it aren't they just

58:59

the most two of the most delightful people as

59:01

your wife loved their third party and

59:03

And I

59:06

love that visually, it is just a travel and food show,

59:08

but they say the narniest thing

59:10

-- Yeah. -- the whole when they're eating

59:12

and it made me wanna go

59:14

to Denver and go to all those places. I've really eaten at that

59:17

that mortuary or crematorium that

59:19

is now a restaurant. Yeah.

59:22

And the jokes I made were, like, the same as the jokes I made

59:24

there -- Yeah. -- to myself, Isalone.

59:26

But this it Whatever

59:29

he said about eating his

59:32

dead dad's dick, that is not

59:34

a normal, like -- No. --

59:36

travel show. So it

59:38

belongs on the MAX. and it was so

59:40

funny. It's so

59:40

it's the two of them are

59:43

such natural funny

59:45

people, but not you know, sometimes I mean, I think

59:47

we we can be like this. Our friends are like this. We're

59:49

when you're stand up comic,

59:52

you're so

59:54

you I should just speak for myself. I love my ideas.

59:55

So I'll fucking say it four times if I think you

59:58

didn't hear me. And I Right. Like, I'll

59:59

hit it

59:59

really hard

1:00:02

or whatever. when

1:00:02

they're hanging out and they're being funny, it's just like, it's there

1:00:05

and gone. They'd never look

1:00:07

back. And so there's

1:00:10

a very It's almost it's

1:00:12

a written show -- Yeah. -- that they're delivering

1:00:14

so naturally. But the truth of it is

1:00:16

they're just both so funny -- Yeah. -- that that's what

1:00:18

it's like to sit at a table with them.

1:00:20

But when there's a funny

1:00:22

thing that one of them says, they definitely

1:00:24

reward each other with laughter.

1:00:27

Yo. Yeah. And it it's,

1:00:29

in fact, if you like this, podcast because

1:00:31

Karen and I are such brilliant,

1:00:34

conversationalists and friends, you

1:00:36

will like

1:00:38

show. A

1:00:38

hundred and one place

1:00:39

is to party, but I I swear to God,

1:00:41

it was the the first

1:00:42

day that I watched it, it

1:00:44

put me into a good mood because I felt like was traveling and I

1:00:47

felt like I was hanging out with people. It's

1:00:49

what it did to me yesterday. I

1:00:52

was like -- Yeah. -- I'm on vacation.

1:00:54

I'm not gonna fucking start my taxes. For real.

1:00:56

So it made me

1:01:00

like I was friends with John Gabriel's when I and then when he was on this

1:01:02

podcast, I'd never met him before. But I was like,

1:01:04

I know this guy. Yeah. I love this

1:01:06

guy.

1:01:06

Yeah. I've I didn't feel

1:01:09

like both him and Adam Pali

1:01:11

are my

1:01:13

friends. Yeah. It's

1:01:14

I would do that thing that I've done many times before once

1:01:17

Josh Brolin was jogging by and I

1:01:19

was on the beach.

1:01:22

like wondering my my hip hurt for a while I was running

1:01:24

on the sand. I think that's what rubbed off

1:01:26

the last of my cartilage. But I he

1:01:28

was running by and he's

1:01:32

not Josh Brolin's short. He's my height, which was

1:01:34

surprising. And his head was shaved, so it was

1:01:36

just a familiar face. And he's like,

1:01:38

hey, man, but I said it

1:01:40

with such I was sure I

1:01:42

knew him. And he was like,

1:01:44

hey. And but

1:01:44

and then he realized he didn't know

1:01:46

me. And I was like, I just

1:01:48

not I'm like, I'm so sorry and then I just kept I

1:01:51

didn't I'm still I think

1:01:53

about that all

1:01:56

the time. what could have been a budding friendship

1:01:58

with with Josh Brolin. And I just

1:01:59

got scared and ran away. He

1:02:02

stopped. He seemed very interested in

1:02:04

the fact that I was saying

1:02:06

hi. You yeah. You tricked him. That's

1:02:07

why

1:02:08

I did. It was Magic

1:02:10

comes in so many forms.

1:02:14

and I

1:02:14

tricked him. But there is something you're right.

1:02:16

The kind

1:02:17

of people, you know who's like this, of

1:02:19

course, is Flanagan, who runs

1:02:22

Largo. when you first meet him because I am so self

1:02:24

conscious and so self aware

1:02:26

and such an overthinker. When I

1:02:29

first meet people, especially if I

1:02:31

care in any way about their relationship or if they like me or whatever. It

1:02:34

is awkward and weird and

1:02:36

I act

1:02:38

weird whatever. the people

1:02:40

who have it, the brilliant people are the

1:02:42

ones who pretend like you already know each

1:02:44

other and just start talking and act like, oh

1:02:46

yeah, we hung out yesterday

1:02:47

that's done that since day one. And

1:02:49

it's it's effort like I I am like,

1:02:51

oh, yeah. We are friends. I've been around

1:02:53

him once. What did he just do to

1:02:55

be? Is it which craft it is.

1:02:57

Irish. Which craft? Yeah. He's very good at it.

1:03:00

And now I miss him. I

1:03:02

know.

1:03:03

I do too. I I told

1:03:05

him I was gonna go to Largo. live,

1:03:08

everyone. He's still alive. He's still

1:03:10

with us, but he works all the time. Yeah. I

1:03:12

was gonna go to Largo see him then go see

1:03:15

because Grantley Phillips was playing who is

1:03:17

the grade. But Yeah. Yeah. And

1:03:19

I I, like, literally woke up the next day, like,

1:03:21

oh, shit. I was supposed to do

1:03:23

that. you know, that

1:03:23

happens. I care but not that

1:03:26

much. That's my problem. Were you

1:03:27

afraid

1:03:28

that he would

1:03:29

say, do you wanna

1:03:31

get on stage you're up in five minutes, and

1:03:33

you wouldn't know how to say no to him because of his kind

1:03:36

face. Well,

1:03:39

I don't think Not really

1:03:41

because I think I'm so out of practice. He would have been like sounds

1:03:43

good because he knows I haven't done sets in so

1:03:45

long. He's actually asked me to

1:03:47

do a couple. and

1:03:50

I just it's like

1:03:51

yeah. I just work

1:03:52

too much to I can't

1:03:54

put a set together from home.

1:03:58

Yeah. and

1:03:59

I work too much to go start doing sets. And

1:03:59

honestly, when I was doing sets before,

1:04:02

like, I really would love to do it again.

1:04:04

I don't like the idea that I would take I'm

1:04:08

taking stage time away from, like, an up and comer

1:04:10

youngster who's really trying and actually gives a

1:04:12

shit. Yeah. That's the kind of thing that, like,

1:04:14

when I was younger and I would watch people do that, I'd

1:04:16

just be

1:04:18

like, get off the fucking stage. Like, you're just here to

1:04:20

visit and get applause and we're

1:04:22

all working. Yeah. You're

1:04:23

right. You're

1:04:26

right. I I don't wanna be that person either. But

1:04:28

I'm gonna ask him for

1:04:29

some stage time. That being Well, and also you

1:04:31

should but also you're not that

1:04:33

person because

1:04:34

you ask do sets in your headliner. There's

1:04:36

there's a big difference.

1:04:38

Well,

1:04:39

thank you. But I felt that

1:04:41

lately, I have not been doing

1:04:43

the work and it's the same reason. You you can

1:04:45

tell when someone famous even and they'll

1:04:47

have a Netflix special. They've

1:04:50

been doing all their

1:04:52

writing from a private

1:04:54

facility, like,

1:04:56

you know, someone training

1:04:59

for Olympic gymnastics no one near them or, you

1:05:01

know, rocky working out in a barn. You have

1:05:04

to be if it would be hard

1:05:06

if you're Chris

1:05:08

Rock or someone, though, and just go do sets somewhere. Like, where

1:05:11

does that guy practice? Where Yeah.

1:05:13

He has to do, like, secret drop

1:05:15

ins at the seller. Yeah.

1:05:17

You know, I guess. Yeah. But I also

1:05:20

think

1:05:20

that at that at a certain point,

1:05:22

you know how it goes.

1:05:24

You know what

1:05:25

I mean? So it's like, I think Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

1:05:27

There's

1:05:27

also some people who have, like, ultra

1:05:30

constant confidence -- Yeah.

1:05:32

-- that

1:05:34

is baffling to me?

1:05:35

Yeah. I just don't know that I've seen anyone

1:05:37

that is above needing

1:05:40

to practice. Everyone loses

1:05:42

that with standup. I don't know. That's

1:05:44

why I like it so much. It's so damn

1:05:46

hard. It's

1:05:47

really hard. And

1:05:50

when, like, I would

1:05:50

love to do it again just because I would love to get good again. I'd

1:05:53

love it

1:05:53

amazing. love for you to do

1:05:56

it again. Oh, there's your

1:05:58

job. There she is. We've been told

1:05:59

about your visitation. Come

1:06:02

here. Wait. What's that?

1:06:04

Someone

1:06:05

opened the door. Right? Yes. Yes. And Melissa just Melissa

1:06:07

just dropped up. Okay. But

1:06:09

she this is a thing that breaks

1:06:11

my heart about blossom.

1:06:13

i blossom because

1:06:15

she is a oh, she smells so good. She

1:06:16

smells so good. Because

1:06:21

she is you

1:06:23

know, adopted or whatever. And she was at a foster home before she

1:06:25

was here. Every time she leaves this house, she

1:06:27

thinks she's being brought somewhere else

1:06:29

or given away.

1:06:30

morales are given away

1:06:32

Like,

1:06:32

it kills me or at least at least that's what I imagine. So

1:06:34

I'm always like, as Melissa was taking

1:06:36

her away to take her to the

1:06:38

to the groomers, I

1:06:41

grabbed her head and went, you live here and you're coming

1:06:43

back. I'm a girl. Yes.

1:06:46

Understood. Also,

1:06:49

she's like she gets greasy. It's just a weird her

1:06:51

weird wire hair terrier. Yeah. Yeah.

1:06:53

It gets real greasy.

1:06:55

So now she's soft, like,

1:06:57

a little snowball. It's those three c

1:07:00

short hares that the

1:07:02

dogs are still pet the shit out of them,

1:07:04

but then I have to hold my

1:07:06

hands like surgeon who just washed and and

1:07:08

and and rub my hand. I I

1:07:10

I'm very allergic to short hair dogs.

1:07:12

I wish I wasn't. but

1:07:15

I'm not allergic to the lizards. I wonder if he'll come back. I wonder

1:07:17

if he'll ever come back. What if he comes

1:07:19

back wearing a little

1:07:20

dog hair coat?

1:07:22

Would that

1:07:23

would we do then? He's I've been on vacation.

1:07:26

I bought this dog

1:07:28

hair coat. I

1:07:30

do want him to come back, but I don't know. There

1:07:32

was nothing wrong with him living here. Kind

1:07:34

of feel bad. I had opened the

1:07:36

door and kicked him out. Well,

1:07:39

I think he needs to be outside. That's where his friends are.

1:07:41

That's where his food is. I mean, I got bugs in

1:07:43

here. Do you? Yeah.

1:07:46

Oh, man. place We

1:07:48

riddle with all kinds of

1:07:50

bugs. I wanted to tell

1:07:51

you this earlier when we were talking about

1:07:53

creepy stuff. Mhmm. So my

1:07:55

sister taught me not talking about

1:07:57

my sister all the time. She's she's

1:07:59

talking about my sister. We've got our

1:08:02

sisters. We love our sisters. It's

1:08:04

sister time. Yes.

1:08:04

Well to sister chat. My

1:08:06

sister, when she buys strawberries from the grocery store, she

1:08:08

soaks them in water for like an

1:08:11

hour before she rinses them and puts

1:08:13

them in the refrigerator.

1:08:16

And she does this because she saw

1:08:18

a video on TikTok where you do

1:08:20

it and

1:08:21

sometimes there's the little

1:08:23

tiny tiny worms. in

1:08:25

the strawberries and they come out in the water. And then you can rinse everything off and you don't have this

1:08:27

little box. Man, I mean, if we

1:08:30

all worried about the tiny tiny

1:08:32

bugs I

1:08:35

mean, you if you put scratch your face and put

1:08:38

your fingernails under a microscope,

1:08:40

there will be

1:08:42

just a thousand sand

1:08:44

crabs you know, there's all

1:08:46

I I'm just gonna go ahead and keep eating tiny worms. Well, no.

1:08:50

Are system

1:08:52

is made for you to eat tiny worms. That's

1:08:54

like it's how we are as people. But here's the thing. So

1:08:57

I got

1:08:57

some strawberries. So I

1:09:00

was like, I'm gonna be like my sister and

1:09:02

soak these and I soaked them and then rinse them and then left them on the

1:09:04

counter and then they got moldy in

1:09:06

like two days because there was too much

1:09:09

water on them because I can't

1:09:11

I can't handle anything. And then

1:09:13

I went to clean the kitchen counter

1:09:15

the next morning. and there

1:09:17

was a puddle of water. And when I walked over

1:09:19

it, I'll send you this little black worms like

1:09:24

swimming back and forth in his kidding. I swear

1:09:26

to God. Okay. You sold me on on getting out of my lifestyle

1:09:28

of tiny were

1:09:31

made in. Who was crazy. Oh my god.

1:09:33

It was. Because they were

1:09:34

they got to basically spend a little time. I I'll

1:09:36

I'll send you this video. I wait. Or

1:09:37

is it Do you think the worms

1:09:40

are just hanging

1:09:42

out on the surface, or are

1:09:44

they emerging from within the strawberry?

1:09:46

Because that I can't

1:09:47

handle. A surface. Okay.

1:09:49

Well, I was

1:09:50

about to blame strawberries and fruit in general. I will get scurvy if it means I can

1:09:52

avoid I

1:09:55

don't know what scurvy is, but I don't wanna

1:09:58

eat anymore worms. No. No.

1:09:59

Well, you don't

1:10:00

know when you're eating the

1:10:03

worms, but this felt very it

1:10:05

was almost, like, next level of, like, I don't wanna be involved

1:10:07

in anything that ends up in

1:10:09

in this.

1:10:10

Wait. Let me just

1:10:13

Super quick. Send you this

1:10:14

video. Okay. Or do you not wanna see it? Is it too creepy? No. I would look it's

1:10:17

Halloween. Send

1:10:20

me the I'm gonna show

1:10:22

you my new friend extracting a sciatic nerve. Okay. It's just a nine second video

1:10:24

I'm sending you.

1:10:27

Mhmm. Talking. Okay.

1:10:30

It's

1:10:31

coming. I'm watching.

1:10:33

Okay. Are

1:10:35

you fucking

1:10:37

kidding me?

1:10:39

See? How big is this puddle? Tiny. At

1:10:41

the

1:10:41

end, it

1:10:42

I tip-up a little more. sense

1:10:45

of it.

1:10:46

Those are just

1:10:48

on strawberries. Yeah. Organic

1:10:49

strawberries, I presume? Yes. Organic. Oh, god.

1:10:51

That's like a

1:10:52

advertisement for pesticides,

1:10:55

and I'm gonna Chemical,

1:10:58

I alone. But here's the thing. When you can't

1:10:59

believe

1:11:01

that,

1:11:04

the and they were on the counter like

1:11:06

that. They look like little eagles. I know. But the the soaking gets

1:11:08

them out. That's why they were on the counter

1:11:10

-- Okay. -- because I because I got

1:11:13

rid of

1:11:14

them. I'm sold. I'm just gonna soak strawberries right before I put them in my Great.

1:11:20

Wow.

1:11:20

that

1:11:21

is actually a horrifying video you've sent me because

1:11:23

it's not that small of a puddle. You you

1:11:27

zoom out and And in the background,

1:11:29

I can see that they're actually, you know, very noticeable

1:11:31

in

1:11:31

size. I just walked

1:11:32

up and that was what was happening on my counter. And

1:11:34

then I

1:11:35

was like, well, I need to capture

1:11:38

this in some way because that's not good. That's

1:11:40

an absolute thing. I just sent

1:11:43

you a follow-up picture to

1:11:45

kinda cleanse your Okay. Is it gonna

1:11:47

be of a puppy? Yes.

1:11:48

A puppy. How did I

1:11:50

guess it? Oh my god. I

1:11:52

zoomed in and the dog has

1:11:54

worms. No. And why don't you say me? It

1:11:57

shouldn't have been a photo of

1:11:59

it. Yeah. In

1:11:59

her ear. Yeah.

1:12:02

No. That's That's a clean groomed

1:12:04

healthy little dog. I

1:12:07

they

1:12:07

always put, like, a little

1:12:09

scarf on the dog

1:12:11

when she's clean. which

1:12:12

is very cute. Yeah. But I have to

1:12:14

take them off because I think it's so You know,

1:12:16

people that think

1:12:18

your

1:12:18

dogs are trained, Robert.

1:12:21

Okay. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna start

1:12:23

my taxes. I'm gonna

1:12:25

open up

1:12:28

my receipts and

1:12:30

I'm getting Remember yeah. It's

1:12:32

not about perfection. It's just about eventually

1:12:33

getting it done and how fun it'll feel

1:12:35

once you're done.

1:12:36

Okay. I'm gonna let

1:12:38

you the music resume. I'll periodically get up and dance to the music I'll be playing. There you

1:12:41

go. Then I'm gonna turn

1:12:43

this into a tax form

1:12:47

dance party.

1:12:47

Also, highlight a line and then

1:12:50

try to write a joke about

1:12:52

what's in the line. So you're

1:12:54

like, gasoline, fifty eight dollars.

1:12:56

And then it's like, guys, have

1:12:58

you noticed gas prices?

1:12:59

Oh, you know what? That's

1:13:02

not a bad idea. Right? Yeah. That can be your second task. because I understand that. Some

1:13:04

not can be your second task

1:13:06

tax jokes.

1:13:09

Yes. Wouldn't it

1:13:10

be nice if I had one for each category of deduction? Yes. It's time for a

1:13:12

tax chunk.

1:13:13

Yeah. And just do

1:13:16

a whole set

1:13:18

and start doing private corporates

1:13:20

for accountants. Yes. They will fucking

1:13:22

love it. I'll be

1:13:24

doing cruise ship. I'll be

1:13:26

doing seminars in Vegas. Yes. Sounds awful. Guys, do

1:13:28

you ever try to write

1:13:30

off makeup

1:13:31

and then remember?

1:13:34

You don't wear makeup. And then you

1:13:36

just hold the mic out to

1:13:38

the audience as they fucking go insane screaming

1:13:41

and laughing. This one knows what I'm

1:13:44

talking about. Hey, plain

1:13:46

face. Hey. Hey. Do you have

1:13:48

the flu or do you are you just not

1:13:50

wearing the makeup that you wrote off? none of this

1:13:52

is making sense right now. Well, this is just a placeholder

1:13:54

for what you're going

1:13:55

to do. It's hard to hear jokes

1:13:58

from our new

1:13:59

accounting stats without you have to actually

1:14:02

be there. We need to be yeah. We need an audience. We need to know. I I'm not gonna do the

1:14:04

makeup a bit, but

1:14:06

that's basically what you're

1:14:07

looking at. is

1:14:10

kind of like a weird little record of

1:14:13

your life where you can literally

1:14:14

go through and remember that

1:14:16

day I

1:14:17

bought that thing, oh,

1:14:19

that was

1:14:19

that day. Right. There's a bit where's it

1:14:22

at that day? I'm not kidding. It is, like, going on a little, you

1:14:24

know, memory lane

1:14:27

of the past year. Oh,

1:14:29

I remember that sandwich? Right. Oh, I remember those shorts

1:14:31

that didn't fit? I sent those back. Then

1:14:34

you're gonna deduct them.

1:14:37

you

1:14:37

ever eat a Port

1:14:39

of Elo sandwich so big your

1:14:41

shorts don't fit? Boom. Like, truly, these taxes

1:14:44

write themselves.

1:14:44

right So

1:14:47

so

1:14:47

stupid. Oh, way over.

1:14:50

We did our we did

1:14:55

our legal obligation. and we had fun solo episodes.

1:14:57

And we had fun doing it. They're breezy. I feel like we

1:15:00

just had

1:15:02

a party. easy and breezy. Well, good to

1:15:04

see you again, friend. I'll

1:15:06

see you

1:15:07

again soon. Wonderful. You've

1:15:11

been listening. Did you

1:15:13

need

1:15:13

a ride? DYNAR

1:15:18

This has been an exactly right

1:15:20

production. Produced by

1:15:21

Emily Snelson. Mixed

1:15:23

by John Bradley. Our talent

1:15:25

booker is Patrick cottonwear. Theme

1:15:27

song by Karen Colbert. Art worked

1:15:29

by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show

1:15:31

on Instagram, Twitter, and

1:15:33

Facebook at dinerpuck cast. That's DYNAR

1:15:36

podcast.

1:15:36

For more information, go to

1:15:38

exactly write media dot com.

1:15:41

Thank you. Oh,

1:15:44

you're welcome. Hong

1:15:50

Kong, listen follow, leave us a review on

1:15:52

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1:15:56

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1:16:11

survey. I'm Felicia Day, and I'm the host of the official

1:16:12

The Lord's Rings, the

1:16:15

Rings of Power podcast. In

1:16:17

every episode, I'm going backstage for an all access look at what it took to bring Middle

1:16:19

Earth to life. I'll

1:16:23

even have the first full breakdown of

1:16:26

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Patrick McKay. I will be

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got to be the most amazing thing ever,

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and we wanted it to just be

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the greatest kingdom of men that

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ever existed.

1:16:45

The elves are arrogant

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and vain. They're not beyond

1:16:50

being corrupted. Can can I just say watching Owen after

1:16:52

eat in his full regalia

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is the most hilarious thing? So

1:16:56

if you wanna deep dive into every

1:16:58

episode. Watch the Rings of Power on Prime Video and listen to all eight episodes of the official, the

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