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slash WONDERY. Are you leaving?

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Are you on your way

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1:30

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1:33

matter how much baggage you claim. Give

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to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. Were

1:56

you scared or was it fine? Do

2:00

you need a ride?

2:18

Do you need a ride? Do

2:27

you need a ride?

2:36

With Karen and Chris. Welcome

2:42

to Do You Need a Ride. This is Chris Fairbanks.

2:45

And this is Karen Gilgarith. We're

2:48

in a car right now. It's

2:50

happening guys. I've been so excited

2:53

and it's so far

2:56

lived up to the hype. I've been

2:58

excited, but I'm the one that always

3:00

has to warn and be

3:02

like careful and be like the one that's like,

3:04

we can't do it now because of this and

3:07

that. But that has nothing to do with

3:09

the level of wanting

3:11

to be in the car.

3:12

I'm happy to hear you say that

3:14

because I wasn't sure if you wanted. I

3:16

wanted and have since

3:18

COVID began, since the first cough of COVID

3:23

splattered all over California, I was

3:25

like, get us back in that car. That's

3:28

where our personal brand of comedy

3:31

magic happens and

3:33

we're back. I'm so much

3:36

less liable to repeat myself

3:38

because when I see it coming, when

3:41

I start thinking about my cat,

3:44

that's right when a biker will cut in front of us.

3:46

I'll slap my hand against your chest. Out

3:48

of safety. Safety

3:51

is not repeating yourself. It's so weird you don't

3:53

realize you miss things until they're

3:56

gone and you treating

3:59

like a book bag

4:02

that might spill everywhere is such

4:04

a heartwarming since the first

4:06

time you did it.

4:07

I mean, how

4:10

long have we been doing this podcast? Do you have

4:12

the night idea? I'm just gonna start saying

4:14

a decade. Yeah. No,

4:17

eight years. Eight or nine?

4:19

It might be a decade. It

4:21

might be because it's been a while. And

4:24

this is the very road we first started

4:27

on. Is it Ventura? We

4:29

were coming the other way. I was

4:31

traumatized because of a

4:34

story that I'm not going to tell again. A bit of a

4:36

car happening. And

4:39

we were in the same model of the

4:41

memories. They're all coming back.

4:43

The Honda Fit days. Yes.

4:45

And here we are in a much safer

4:48

vehicle. It's so quiet.

4:50

It's the studio quiet. It's

4:53

I said when I was car shopping

4:55

on the auto wall. In the best

4:58

studio on wheels. I said, I

5:00

need a soundproof vehicle.

5:02

Can I have this same car

5:06

that

5:07

I can't think of anything that records in

5:09

a car besides us? And yes.

5:12

And that's and John Daly and

5:15

and John Paul Jones podcast.

5:17

There are many now. Yeah. Are there?

5:20

It seems like it. Well, there's the famous Seinfeld

5:22

one, but he's in like old, you know,

5:24

steam powered engine cars and everything,

5:26

you know, from the 60s. There's no way that's

5:30

got to be like that's got to be like that's one thing

5:32

we have on that possibly more famous

5:35

recording is quality. Yeah.

5:37

Yes. And thanks to on lease

5:40

for providing that quality of sound on the lease

5:42

in the back seat. I'm so

5:44

happy to be here. Thank you for being had.

5:49

Listen, that sounded very facetious. I'm sorry.

5:51

This truly is a dream

5:53

come true, but that also sounds facetious. It's

5:58

hard not to sound

5:59

facetious when we talk these

6:02

days. Yeah, yeah. Anytime I say

6:04

something genuine, it will be easily

6:06

confused for sarcasm, but I'm very

6:09

happy we're doing this.

6:10

Me too. And also, you know,

6:12

I was on vacation for basically

6:16

a month last month, and so

6:18

I haven't been in Los Angeles, and I think

6:21

you understand that feeling of

6:23

when you leave LA, you don't appreciate LA when

6:25

you're here, LA when you're here. Not

6:27

you personally, everybody kind of

6:30

hates it all the time. Yeah. You go away

6:32

and you go to other places and then you come back and you're

6:34

like, no, I like it here. Yeah, yeah,

6:37

I mean you

6:39

were in Italy. I was in Italy.

6:42

Which is

6:44

much more... It's a lot better

6:46

than LA. Yeah. Hands down. Yeah,

6:49

I was in New York, but the same thing it... I

6:52

do appreciate here. I do like being

6:55

able to just get in a car and not

6:57

on a metro train. I

7:00

appreciate it. Yeah,

7:02

we... I mean there's just there's positives.

7:05

Here's the thing I'll tell you about Italy

7:08

that was one of the funniest slash death-defying

7:11

scariest things. When

7:13

we were in cars, Italian

7:15

drivers treat the road like it's

7:18

a one-way street going their way until

7:20

a car comes and then they just move over about

7:23

three quarters of an inch and it

7:25

is truly one of the scariest

7:27

most insane things I've ever seen. They

7:30

never crash. They tailgate

7:32

each other like on the highway right up

7:34

against each other's bumpers and that's

7:37

just how it's... they're very aggressive drivers

7:39

and they're also very... they get... they

7:42

know how much space is on the outside of their

7:44

car and they don't...

7:46

the roads aren't wide enough to move over

7:48

any further and... Right,

7:51

they're all narrow, right? That's a European thing.

7:53

I mean that was my experience in Spain

7:55

and in England. Yes, because it's all kind

7:57

of old and you know, they're basically basically...

8:00

on what the Roman soldiers built

8:02

when they were coming through. Unlike

8:06

LA, where it was all built about

8:08

two months ago. Yeah, yeah, this road

8:11

is about two months old. It's a very

8:13

young road. It's young and it's wide.

8:16

And I appreciate the space we have here in California.

8:19

Anyway, it was just kind of funny. There was a couple of times

8:22

where we truly thought we were going to die. But our

8:24

drivers were so, they handled

8:26

shit so well. There was one guy

8:28

that he was driving through the mountains,

8:32

like truly very steep

8:35

mountainous roads. And he was, it

8:37

was a stick shift van and he

8:39

was texting. So he was shifting with

8:42

his left hand. He'd reach over and shift

8:44

while he was texting with his right

8:45

hand. You know, I appreciate multitasking.

8:48

I mean, he could really do it. He

8:50

was a real argument for men multitasking.

8:53

I'm just not. I don't think I'll ever be

8:56

there. I have to limit my expectations

8:58

of myself because I'm a full grown adult. I

9:00

don't know that I'll ever get better at juggling

9:04

different things while driving. Yeah, I do

9:06

mean juggling. No, don't do any

9:08

of that. Don't just focus.

9:11

Yeah, I'd say just focus.

9:13

Yeah. Well, there must be a reason that all those

9:16

racecar drivers are from Italy. Yeah. They're

9:19

all adept. They truly are. That's

9:21

a blanket statement. I'm sorry. I think it's

9:23

safe to say. Bad driver from Italy. It's

9:25

like, what about me? You've left me out.

9:27

Oh, yeah. But

9:29

you know what? Those people aren't stepping

9:32

forward because they'd never admit it. No.

9:34

Because they're a prideful people. It's one

9:36

of the many things I loved about them. It's

9:38

such a wonderful country. What about the food?

9:40

Did you enjoy the food? You know, I didn't

9:42

love the food. No, just kidding.

9:45

It was unbelievable. Well, I

9:47

heard that when you go get like an Italian

9:49

sausage, it's very related

9:52

to a hot dog. Is that true?

9:54

Well, no,

9:57

I don't think so. Like they've been Americanized.

10:00

No. Okay. No.

10:03

You were talking to someone who went to a baseball game stoned,

10:05

I think. Right. And they thought

10:07

they had misconstrained the situation. Just a Dodger game with their

10:10

Italian friend. Yes.

10:11

They didn't go to Italy. They

10:13

just hung out with a guy from

10:16

Brooklyn, probably. Well,

10:18

in Italy, what was the

10:20

thing that stands out the most? Well,

10:25

it was a thing that I was

10:27

very surprised happened because I'm

10:29

just not this person. Never have

10:31

been. I got completely

10:34

hit on in the street in

10:36

a way that I couldn't stop laughing because

10:38

I was like, I don't know the lines for this part.

10:41

I'm never this person. And it

10:43

was like this guy came out of nowhere and

10:45

basically told me he wanted to get to know

10:47

me. And he was beautiful and Italian. He

10:50

looked like a soccer player. And

10:53

it was so funny. You should have

10:54

allowed him to get to know you. I know. But

10:57

I first of all didn't speak Italian. He didn't

10:59

really speak English. He knew these phrases like, I

11:01

just want to know you. And how

11:03

long are you here? And I couldn't

11:05

stop laughing because I was just like, I

11:08

just didn't. I couldn't believe it was happening. Yeah.

11:10

That's cartoonishly what you

11:12

see in movies or TikTok videos.

11:15

Exactly. You will be

11:17

swept off your feet by someone on the street.

11:20

Yes. And I was kind of like, I just wasn't

11:22

prepared. If I could do it

11:24

again, I would do it very differently. And

11:27

it was also just funny because it was,

11:30

he was very like,

11:32

you can tell it's something he does a lot. He's

11:34

probably working that part of the street. Yeah. It's

11:37

a numbers game. It really is. Someone's

11:39

eventually going to say yes. Right. Which I

11:41

respect in a way. But

11:45

yeah, I was kind of thinking I would

11:48

be seeing it happen too. Because

11:50

there's a million Americans there. There's

11:53

lots of groups of young women

11:55

with their friends having the time of their life. And

11:58

so I was like, yeah, sure. That's great.

12:01

I would love to witness it. And

12:03

then I got some up close. And it was a real,

12:06

you know, I got my groove

12:08

back. It was a real huge compliment.

12:11

And you kind of can't pay

12:13

for an experience like that. Or you can,

12:16

but I wouldn't. It's not

12:17

just something that very rarely

12:20

happens here, because when I was in New

12:22

York, that's my only comparison. My European

12:24

trip to New York. I found that I

12:26

was having a lot of open, friendly interactions

12:29

in a place where, you know,

12:31

historically you're supposed to like,

12:33

hey, fuck you, fuck nuts, stuff

12:36

like that. And

12:38

I made friends everywhere I went. Yeah.

12:41

I'm like, is it me? Am I acting different?

12:44

I'm more approachable here. I feel like,

12:47

and not that we just said we love

12:49

it where we live,

12:50

but I do feel like this

12:53

is the place where you're at least liable to get

12:55

approached in the street

12:57

lovingly. Yes. There's

13:00

no love in the streets here. I think this

13:02

is a tough town to be open

13:04

in or have like

13:07

a big smile on your face in. Right. Right.

13:09

Make eye contact. Yeah.

13:12

But you know what's funny? I've always found

13:14

New York to be like that,

13:16

where people, I think because people

13:18

are smashed together, they get along

13:20

better. And it's like, here people think

13:23

they're supposed to act stuck up, so they do. Whereas

13:26

New York, it's like people will start

13:28

asking, they'll be like, hey, should I buy this for my

13:30

girlfriend? In like the

13:32

aisle at CVS. And then you get into

13:35

a conversation.

13:35

I love it. I love it too. And

13:38

I think here, especially in recent years,

13:40

I've gotten so used to not interacting

13:42

that it just felt great.

13:45

I love, I'm going to change

13:48

this city.

13:49

Yeah. Start talking to people. Yeah.

13:52

That's my new year's resolution

13:54

starting now. It's hot girl summer for

13:56

you and I. Yeah. Yeah. We're

13:59

going to bring that open. energy to

14:01

one of the more closed areas

14:04

of the nation. Closed. Closed.

14:06

Yes, I'm not doing this at the beach. That's

14:10

the hardest time to really be open and vulnerable.

14:12

Yeah. But I'll start by doing

14:14

it indoors, but eventually

14:16

I'm going to take this openness to the streets.

14:19

You should. And that's what I'll think about

14:21

taking some clothes off. Yeah, because you

14:23

know, pace that out. Yeah. Don't

14:26

do it all at once. No, no, no, no. You just

14:28

start talking to people and get naked

14:30

in the same day. They can't

14:32

process all of them. You need to go in

14:34

levels and steps. Yeah. But

14:36

also, hey, Fiat, get the fuck

14:39

over and go. What are

14:41

you- Well, there's a car in front of them. Oh, thank

14:43

you. Because

14:43

I was going to honk. Also why are

14:45

you so small? Now I get mad. Do

14:48

Fiat's have to be that small? Sir,

14:51

oh, there's a car in front of him. I thought you

14:53

meant a car coming toward him. Oh, you didn't see

14:55

it. It was totally hidden? Totally blocked. Yeah,

14:58

they are of the same shape. But now

15:00

that they're next to each other, isn't it funny? Because

15:02

the other car is much larger. So much larger.

15:05

That's perspective for you.

15:06

Guys, this is a perspective that podcast

15:08

listeners cannot have or appreciate.

15:11

I do think they appreciate

15:13

it. Our listeners. Okay.

15:16

Yeah, I used to worry about it. And then I've been

15:18

told that specifically,

15:20

people like when we're talking about things happening

15:22

in the street that they can't see. It's

15:25

like a radio show. And we're

15:27

doing,

15:28

you know, fully work. I have shoes

15:30

on my hands and I'm crunching on gravel.

15:33

Hey, mug. And then I punch some meat.

15:36

I've always, you know, like I just

15:40

my point is when are we going to go the new

15:43

route with this?

15:44

Uh, new art? Yeah,

15:47

film, new art. Oh, no,

15:49

no. Am I pronouncing that wrong?

15:51

A little bit at the first time. But you

15:54

came around the second time and then I understood what you meant.

15:56

Now the fashion brand, is it? Do

15:59

you all? No. Doya.

16:02

Doya. It's Doya. Doya.

16:05

Oh, I love Doya. Who are you wearing tonight? Doya.

16:08

No, Doya. See,

16:12

I've made the classic LA error as if

16:15

I haven't lived here for 39 fucking

16:17

years. Getting in the left lane

16:19

when you're going down Franklin under

16:22

the overpass by the extra space

16:24

rent storage facility,

16:27

you do not want to be in this left lane. You get stuck

16:29

here because there's left turn people, I mean,

16:32

it up. Yeah. And here

16:34

comes the school bus. You're also podcasting. If

16:37

I was driving right now and I'm not trying

16:39

to put this in a position where you will always

16:41

be the driver, I promise I will give it a go.

16:44

I will always be the driver. I mean, I like

16:46

it. Thank you. God, I don't want to drive.

16:49

Please. I would be on the curb. I

16:51

would be disrupting that man's abode. There's

16:54

a man's abode.

16:57

There is an abode. I don't know if it's a man

16:59

or a woman. Yeah. You know

17:01

what? It's put together so haphazardly. I think

17:03

that reminds me of my dad and I

17:05

building a deck in under eight hours. Don't

17:09

rush a deck. No, you can't. People

17:11

stand on that. For so

17:13

long. Yeah. After.

17:16

Yeah. If it's a good barbecue, they'll stay.

17:18

Here's what I was going to say about our hot

17:20

girl summer that we're both agreeing to participate

17:23

in this summer. Yeah. Tanning.

17:26

I'm going to be tanning. Oh, but we're going to be.

17:28

We're going to get lip injections. We're going to wear tube tops. We're

17:31

going to go to every party we get invited to.

17:33

I am definitely doing that. Okay.

17:36

Well, I'm going to do it too, so don't leave me out. But

17:39

here's a vibe

17:40

that I picked up on in Italy that

17:42

when people are, and

17:45

it was the men, but when

17:47

they are being appreciative of women

17:49

in the street, the underlying energy

17:52

of it was very

17:53

loving and respectful.

17:55

It wasn't creepy ever. Now, maybe

17:57

that's because a lot of them are

17:59

wildly. beautiful to a degree

18:01

that doesn't make sense. That's kind of the deciding

18:03

factor. But you have definitely

18:06

met and interacted with

18:08

hot people with terrible vibes

18:10

that you're like, this person is dangerous. Yeah.

18:13

So it's possible. But

18:15

over there, it felt like they were like, everything was

18:17

kind of like, oh, look at you, ladies. It

18:19

was that kind of thing where you don't normally

18:22

hear if someone was like

18:23

saying something about my appearance, I'd be like, how

18:26

about you don't talk about my appearance and instead you

18:28

respect my mind or some shit.

18:30

Yeah. I never said that in my life. But

18:32

do you think that was the

18:34

trick of the accent?

18:37

Yes, I think if

18:39

it's told in the right tone

18:42

and in Italian, I would appreciate

18:45

anything anyone says

18:47

because it has a little bit of a sing song that

18:49

they literally do have and put an A at the

18:51

end of every word because that's kind

18:53

of more like their language,

18:55

you know. So it's like, would

18:58

you like a menu? Really?

19:01

Uh-huh. Not that bad, but

19:03

a general vibe of... Driving

19:09

now past what used to be the one on one

19:11

diner, some of our early tuna

19:13

melts.

19:16

Yes. The earlier tuna melts

19:19

that we shared. And now have

19:21

you been to the Clark Street Diner? It's awesome.

19:23

I have it. The food is really fucking

19:26

good.

19:27

It was amazing. One of the early meanings

19:29

you had with Georgia was there. That's right. I

19:32

mean, so much history.

19:33

A true... They used to have

19:35

a comedy show there before it was even redone.

19:38

Back when it was still kind of shitty and there was weird curtains

19:41

and stuff in there

19:42

that we all would do. I don't know if you lived

19:44

in LA. No, I didn't. I only

19:46

remember visiting and doing laundromats

19:48

with you, a series of laundromats.

19:52

A tradition that I'm glad has disappeared.

19:56

That was... The Laundromat Show was

19:58

so hard and... So funny.

20:01

Like no one did well. Everyone

20:03

just would get up and eat it while other

20:05

people tried to ignore them while

20:07

they did their laundry. I had decided

20:10

to move here and was just visiting and

20:13

I felt like I was making a huge mistake,

20:15

but. Because of those shows?

20:17

Yeah, I was also doing that show with you

20:19

and CJ Arabia and I was

20:21

nervous. I was nervous for 10

20:24

years here every time I got on stage. And

20:27

now I'm nervous again because I've stopped

20:29

drinking before every show. How's that going?

20:31

It's been going great. I've been

20:34

wanting to talk to you about it because

20:36

I didn't go through any sort of program.

20:39

I just kind of stopped and my brain

20:41

works better, I think,

20:44

except that I find

20:46

that during this recording so far I have had to

20:48

search for words. So I'm in a little

20:50

bit of a lull. I

20:53

feel bored lately. It

20:56

used to be a reason to do things. Yeah.

20:59

And, but I can tell that my productivity

21:01

will be up and I feel better about

21:04

myself. I'm not getting angry.

21:06

I'm not getting depressed. All those emotions

21:08

that are depressants

21:09

surging through your blood. Yeah.

21:12

And when you're on stage, do you lose words

21:14

or no? No, I don't.

21:17

I feel like I remember all my jokes,

21:19

but I, yes, I am nervous. I

21:22

have that new

21:24

feeling or that old feeling of being nervous

21:26

every time I get on stage. But it's a good, it's

21:29

a good, yeah.

21:29

That's energy, right? Yeah, it's energy.

21:32

That's like actually being in

21:34

your own body. And there was

21:36

a number of times we recorded this podcast

21:38

and I would, because I was nervous, I would

21:40

have a drink or two. I'm going to admit that. And

21:43

we're just talking white claws or something. I wouldn't

21:45

get hammered like the NASA episode. But

21:48

that, in my defense, I was at a party and

21:51

I suppose I knew we were podcasting

21:53

that day, but it didn't stop me from having

21:55

this. Did you say the NASA episode?

21:57

We drove and people will remember.

22:00

in the mountains and just ended up at

22:02

a nessa. Oh yeah, that's right. Yes,

22:05

I picked you up from Al Madrigal's party, that's right.

22:08

Yes, and then we both

22:10

auditioned to be astronauts. Auditioned.

22:12

We sang and danced about the moon.

22:16

Do you want us here? We'd

22:18

be really good on your moon. I'll

22:21

do anything that doesn't

22:23

involve math. Anything.

22:28

Oh look, wait, this roundabout is new.

22:31

We're discovering new things about the town.

22:34

You know what this means? 80% more

22:36

accidents but zero fatalities. That's

22:39

the story of the roundabout. Is that true? In

22:42

a roundabout way that is. Sorry. That

22:45

was a set up. I'm sorry. That was

22:47

a beautiful set up hunch. Thank you.

22:50

Well you're welcome from me to you. Thank

22:52

you. I actually thought it would get quite

22:54

the ground.

22:55

I feel I've made a large

22:57

error on my first in-car episode. I

23:00

do not think we're in the right place. Oh, I

23:03

think we are. I think, yeah. Wait

23:06

a minute. You

23:09

perhaps are correct. You know what I'm doing?

23:12

I'm going to Laura Milligan's old house. Do

23:16

you know Laura Milligan? She might be a pre-

23:18

you moving hair

23:19

person. Should we just break the news to

23:21

Margaret and pick up Laura Deak Milligan? She doesn't

23:23

live here anymore. Oh no. Should we

23:27

break the news to each of them and just pick

23:29

up whoever lives there? Hello?

23:32

Oh.

23:33

So I'll just jump

23:36

on the freeway. I missed

23:38

this chaos. We went the

23:40

wrong way and it feels great. But, Annelise,

23:43

we're still recording, right? Golden. That's all

23:45

we care about. I stopped

23:47

for nothing. Nice. Okay. I

23:50

stopped for nothing and then we

23:52

ran over someone. So we-

23:57

This

24:00

season of Queen of Hearts, we're going all the

24:02

way down to sunny, sexy Miami. I'm

24:05

setting up the hottest singles in South

24:07

Florida. Maybe I can find

24:10

them their perfect partner, or someone

24:12

to fulfill their sexiest fantasies.

24:14

A man who unconditionally

24:16

loves me and is a raging feminist,

24:19

and then ties me up, rubbing oils on

24:21

me, then surprise, gets

24:22

a girl to lick my p***, and another

24:24

guy to put it in my p***, and has a huge

24:27

p***. But remember, there's a twist. No

24:30

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24:32

very end. Cameras on!

24:35

Oh, hi! Hi! Woo! You

24:38

got me blessed. Follow Queen

24:40

of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever

24:42

you get your podcasts. You can listen

24:44

ad-free on Amazon Music, included

24:46

with Prime. Download the Amazon Music

24:49

app now, or you can listen ad-free

24:51

by subscribing to Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts

24:54

or the Wondery app.

24:56

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or Wondery app.

25:53

Bringing us back to this pre-mentioned

25:56

bre- I mean, and it's true, they

25:58

really, there's no- fatalities here,

26:01

but of course people panic

26:02

and they just run into each other. Yeah.

26:05

But are you making that up? No, 80

26:07

percent. More

26:10

accidents. Where are you

26:12

getting this data? From

26:15

the roundabouts of my hometown of Missoula,

26:17

there was a corner where many people

26:19

were hit on bicycles. It started

26:21

to be called

26:25

malfunction junction. And

26:28

I got them quick. And

26:32

the bikes were just kind of locked to a pole

26:34

to remind you they were painted white. And

26:36

it was very sad. And

26:39

that's where they put Missoula's first roundabout.

26:41

And there has since there has been no fatalities

26:43

anymore, but people kept

26:45

crashing because they weren't used to roundabouts.

26:48

I think they are now. You know what? I don't

26:50

think it's a bad thing that our first

26:53

episode in the car and the inaugural

26:55

episode of a fourth season. Am I right

26:58

or am I speaking out at school, out at

27:00

turn? This is for this is

27:02

season four wheel drive. I

27:06

mean, that's great, too. Right.

27:09

It's one of my favorite,

27:12

not only in advertising, but with comedy.

27:14

Just turns a phrase. And

27:16

it's a fun surprise. Wait, sorry.

27:18

What are these two people doing? Are they

27:21

being filmed? There's two people just

27:23

sitting at a table on the sidewalk. Yeah,

27:26

they're looking around like, look at me, look at me.

27:28

Yeah, that's a reality show. They're

27:31

on an autistic date.

27:32

And they're on

27:34

an autistic date. I love that show.

27:37

I do too. It makes me nervous,

27:39

but it makes me cry. It's

27:41

so good. It can be most things.

27:44

But I was going to say, it's

27:46

a good thing that this will no doubt be

27:48

a two hour episode. Yes. I think that that's

27:50

fine.

27:50

Yes. Well, here's the thing. As

27:53

a podcast fan myself, when

27:56

I have a podcast that I've dug

27:58

into and like, say, I do the

28:00

dishes in the morning, then I have to stop and go

28:02

do a meeting. And I get to go back

28:04

to the same podcast

28:06

to go to do, oh, is that,

28:08

there's Foothill, sorry. My

28:11

book bag fell everywhere. Where

28:13

was your arm on that one? I could have used

28:15

a nice chest caress. Oh,

28:18

we aren't doing that windy serpentine. We're

28:21

going up this blue snake.

28:22

Here we go. Oh boy.

28:24

Nice. Ooh, this is like truly some sweet

28:26

ass back road shit. We also

28:29

made the decision of

28:31

doing this during rush hour. Yeah. But

28:34

that's because there's more fodder for conversation.

28:38

Yeah, I think rush hour LA is the pinnacle

28:43

of Los Angeles living. What did you say? Left

28:45

here. Yeah, it's a- Really? Oh

28:48

wow, we're doing this. Oh, I'm telling you. When I said

28:50

blue snake, I meant, look out.

28:52

Out of my

28:54

way. There's a blue snake in my lap.

28:57

Okay, when I was home, so

28:59

I flew home from Italy to Petaluma.

29:02

I mean to San Francisco, but

29:04

ultimately got to Petaluma. Mill Valley. And

29:06

I was sure driving with my sister and

29:09

there was a guy jogging on the side of the road, holding

29:12

a stick with a big dead snake on

29:14

it. That's something I saw as she

29:16

was dropping me off to come home to LA.

29:19

How hilarious is that? Like he found

29:21

this snake or somebody ran over it and

29:23

he was going to keep it. Maybe he

29:26

was designing a flag for a society

29:28

made all of snakes.

29:30

Keep going. We are doing

29:32

this. I swear right now we're in someone's

29:34

driveway. Yeah, a rich person.

29:37

Yeah. Yeah. Hello,

29:39

ding dong. We're

29:42

here. I thought

29:44

you were calling him ding dong. Hello,

29:48

ding dong, get in the car.

29:52

I don't think I've ever called anyone a ding

29:54

dong. How about this person

29:56

that's on the wrong side of the road, doing

29:59

whatever they want. progress whatever

30:01

as you were to the right

30:04

this is exciting yeah it is I've

30:06

never been up here this I'm

30:09

I really have to say again how excited

30:12

down for us to be back in the car

30:14

this is at first I

30:16

felt like I was nervous almost like

30:19

I was doing a new thing this seems so

30:22

it's just great to be back yeah it really

30:24

is helping

30:27

her child he's not in the stroller he

30:29

refuses to get in the stroller wanted

30:31

to look at a rock that thing babies

30:33

love to do or a snake they love picking

30:35

them up holding them on a stick what

30:38

if that was a baby that was jogging with the snake on a

30:40

stick look at that cool house on

30:42

conk I can see you yeah

30:44

doing karate in there your silhouette

30:46

hey mr. Miyagi yeah it's very

30:48

Miyagi like that looks like very

30:51

oh there's a dojo up there well

30:54

there's a lot of nice houses up here

30:56

yeah that's one thing about driving

30:58

in the city I want to scream what

31:00

the hell do you do for a living to everyone

31:02

yeah when you first move here

31:04

you think oh all these houses it's

31:07

rich people because they're movie stars no

31:09

a lot of those a lot of those movie

31:11

stars just rent an apartment

31:12

yep they can't afford it these

31:15

people work on augmenting

31:17

chins or they

31:20

get murderers off or you

31:23

know jobs like that if it

31:24

if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit

31:27

turn right yes I should

31:29

be doing this yes you should and I

31:31

will now forever okay great be

31:34

your navigator look at

31:36

this we're coming up on a park

31:39

I have what you will turn right okay yeah

31:41

perfect we're

31:43

gonna dump out of oh I see where we

31:45

are I see where we are too I see

31:50

more oh look at this

31:53

great oh

31:55

wow we really did circumvent

31:59

this is the park

32:01

Griffith Park? Griffith Park? Yes it

32:03

is. It's a large park. There's

32:06

about three Griffith

32:08

Parks in this city and it took

32:10

me a while to realize they were all one park. Yeah.

32:12

You can just approach it from so many different

32:14

areas. There's a mountain in the middle as far as

32:17

I know. Mm-hmm. And it's

32:19

a great place to picnic or

32:21

just hang out in the bush and

32:23

try and meet new people.

32:25

Bring that open energy to this of any

32:28

kind of a bush or shrubbery. I'm doing it. 2023. This is

32:30

the year. Yeah.

32:33

To leap out and surprise people with

32:35

my presence in their life.

32:36

How's your height? You yell real

32:38

loud all at once. That's the

32:41

thing. I just bit my tongue. I'll try

32:43

to ignore it. That's the thing in New York

32:45

that I didn't expect. I

32:46

was so sore every

32:49

single day. Yeah. Because all you do

32:51

is ride city bikes and walk and run

32:53

to trains and my watch

32:55

was freaking out like who is this new, who

32:57

are you Jim Fitz it said?

33:00

In case you need a reference that no one.

33:01

Jim Fix. He wrote about

33:03

being healthy and then died. Jim Fix.

33:06

Jim Fix. Two X's. Really?

33:09

He was the jogger guy that died of a heart attack

33:11

while jogging. Yes, yes. There was a

33:13

Bill Hicks joke about him dying around

33:15

the same time as Yul Brenner and the contrast

33:18

and their lifestyles and basically

33:21

you should just live your life because they both

33:23

died. Yeah. Yeah. So true. But

33:27

lost my train of thought. Beautiful

33:30

Park is what I was saying.

33:31

Same if we're gonna equate my

33:34

New York City, Italy trip. Yes. Same

33:38

where Adrienne had her

33:40

Fitbit and we were walking 20,000

33:42

steps a day. Yes.

33:45

Because we're just hauling ass all over

33:47

every city we were in. That's what I heard

33:49

from my friend who lied about the hot dogs is

33:52

that they were and everywhere

33:55

people who were actively eating

33:57

hot dogs left and right.

33:58

No. There's so many

34:01

just ballpark drinks and

34:04

everyone was like fit. Yes.

34:07

Because there's so much walking and

34:09

I realized not to keep bringing

34:11

up New York, but I haven't been to Italy

34:13

and I like to steamroll your possible stories.

34:16

I think they really

34:19

kind of jigsaw puzzle piece very

34:21

nicely together. Yeah, yeah, because they're

34:23

both on a grid system.

34:28

So in Italy,

34:30

I'm going to be the person that talks about Italy

34:32

for five months after I come back, but

34:35

they and now so I'm like, Hey, was that

34:38

person Italian that I just saw standing on the street?

34:40

Yeah, yeah. You want them to be here. I'm

34:42

like, oh, ciao, ciao, ciao. The

34:45

food there is all so beautifully

34:47

farmed fresh and whole food

34:50

that you're walking a ton and

34:52

then you're not eating preservatives and chemicals

34:54

and shit.

34:55

That is a huge thing. There's

34:57

not a lot of processed food available.

35:00

There was one store that was almost

35:02

like a novelty shop of snacks.

35:05

It had some snack name and that's

35:07

where all the chips were. Other than that,

35:10

the only really food,

35:12

you had to go to

35:15

a stand or a restaurant

35:17

or whatever. Wow. It

35:19

was like American themed. Welcome to

35:22

this heavy breathing Americana. Americana.

35:26

I'd like that. My attempt

35:29

at the accent to be stricken from the

35:31

record.

35:32

I'm sorry. It has to go on the permanent record.

35:34

That's just the rules. I wonder if all

35:36

FR conversions does is make

35:39

a giant black metal

35:41

billboard for a bumper. We'll

35:44

see. Is that what that is?

35:47

It's quite the conversion. Are

35:50

they trying to keep mud off

35:53

of their license plate? The back of this Toyota

35:55

family wagon has basically

35:58

a snowplow. And that's

36:00

the conversion. But... Oh, the

36:02

license plate's up there. I see. Yeah. I was about

36:05

to say, you can't cover

36:07

your license plate like that, but it's directly

36:09

in front of my face. Yeah, yeah. It's bright

36:11

and clearly in sight.

36:15

FR conversions are so distracting

36:17

that I couldn't spot the license

36:20

plate in front of me. That's why they do it. So they can

36:22

evade the coppers. That's the conversion.

36:25

Yup. That's like... It's like James

36:27

Bond style, where it's like, right, we fucked

36:29

with your mind. Now you can't report us. Do

36:32

you remember in Cannonball 1 or 2, or

36:34

perhaps it was 3, whichever

36:37

one had Dom DeLuise, they would...

36:40

They had a car. They were

36:42

driving haphazardly, and they were getting pulled

36:44

over, and they had a Lamborghini or something.

36:46

It was yellow. And then they pulled over and washed

36:49

the paint off. And then all of a sudden it was white.

36:52

What? And then the cops didn't know what to do. And then I

36:54

thought it was a yellow Lamborghini.

36:56

What? I want to do that in real life. It's

36:59

like with a

37:00

hyper color temperature triggered,

37:04

just so, you know, my life of crime that's coming

37:06

up. Oh yeah, the one you're planning. Is that also

37:08

for Hot Girl Summer? Because I don't know if we can do all those

37:11

things at once. No more rules. And

37:13

that includes those of the law. Okay.

37:15

Okay. The ultimate rule. Not just societal.

37:18

Okay. But I am going to be more open.

37:20

I'm going to take my clothes off more, and I'm going

37:23

to start doing home

37:23

invasions. Thanks

37:26

to FR conversions. Yeah. Thank you. FR conversions.

37:29

We do so many free commercials. I

37:32

hope the people that pay for real ones don't get upset.

37:35

But if this basically

37:38

what looks listener, like

37:40

a black piece of plastic someone shoved up under

37:43

their back bumper that says FR conversions

37:46

at the bottom. If that's the advertisement,

37:49

what are they advertising? I think now that

37:51

I'm looking at it, and

37:54

it's grippy nature that

37:58

comes out at a. angle

38:00

comes down and becomes an access

38:03

ramp. Oh, yeah. Oh,

38:06

and we both learned

38:08

something and I

38:10

appreciate what everything FR conversions

38:13

does. Now I understand FR

38:15

conversions. Conversions in their

38:17

cars. If you need a ramp

38:19

on your car, that also kind of looks

38:22

like you could maybe

38:24

kill people with it or evade the law,

38:27

which I bet you, I bet you people

38:29

with disabilities or

38:32

other abilities, they're

38:35

sick of just something looking like kind of technical.

38:38

Yeah. They want something a little sexier.

38:40

Yeah. Probably. And that, even

38:42

though it's out of our lives forever now, it's

38:44

somehow gotten some POV lane. Where the

38:46

hell did that family go?

38:48

But you know what? The FR converted right the

38:50

fuck over to the right and now they're gone.

38:53

And we don't remember their license plate. I think

38:55

there was a two in it.

38:57

Yeah. We could have read that out loud.

39:00

I smell a lawsuit. We should

39:02

have. We're in, as

39:05

I mentioned before, that rush hour traffic. I don't think

39:07

it's a bad thing.

39:08

I just,

39:10

it is something that's happening. It is.

39:12

People work. I forget about nine to five

39:14

jobs, traditional humans.

39:16

We haven't had

39:18

to deal with this level of traffic

39:21

on the show. Right. In three

39:24

and a half years.

39:24

And we used to be really good at it. Need

39:27

I remind you of the times we used to go to the airport

39:30

and drop people out? I cannot believe

39:32

we ever did that.

39:33

It was so kind of us. It

39:36

really was. That's why I say I can't

39:38

believe it because we've become so unkind.

39:41

We've, the pandemic

39:45

shrunk our hearts like

39:47

two Grinches. And

39:49

that's the other thing we're fighting against this summer

39:52

is basically the smallness

39:55

of the pandemic. Yeah.

39:57

And I think that we're going to get it solved in

39:59

this traffic. Yeah, we're certainly

40:01

by the end of the episode, we're gonna have this. Yeah,

40:03

because this episode's gonna be four and a half hours long

40:06

if this traffic gets any worse. Again, anything,

40:10

and I'm speaking for myself, when I mention

40:12

something, there's a lull, or I make zero

40:14

sense, we can just trim that out, right, Lala

40:16

Nalise? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that'll be

40:19

fun. That'll be fun, editing's fun.

40:21

It's fine. For some, it's a passion

40:23

to find the lulls, take

40:25

them out. For some, it's a passion.

40:28

Yeah. So

40:33

when you were in New York, did you do shows?

40:35

I did, and I

40:38

loved every minute of it. I-

40:41

Did you kill? I did, I felt great.

40:43

And you know, I'm not one to be braggadocious.

40:47

I asked, so you had to answer. I

40:49

really felt like I was doing well,

40:51

and I felt comfortable, and I was

40:54

like, well, this joke will work, I'll do

40:56

this one. And I realized it was just all

40:58

my favorite jokes were working, and all the ones

41:00

I've done to

41:02

be relatable on the road, or to

41:04

get a cheap laugh, or involve

41:07

my passion of genitalia. None

41:10

of those needed, or they weren't appreciated.

41:13

People would celebrate the ones that I liked,

41:15

and it made me think,

41:17

man, should I have moved here. Not that

41:19

I'm living in the past, or having regrets,

41:21

but

41:22

sometimes I feel like I could have been

41:24

in New York. Well, it's- It's

41:26

very human to entertain that idea of when

41:28

you're killing, right? It's like-

41:31

But the minute I have four roommates, and we're all in bunk

41:33

beds. And you're hanging your

41:35

bike from the ceiling. That was something

41:37

I saw in a Brooklyn apartment one time, and I was

41:39

just like, guys, I don't know

41:41

if this is worth it. You're hanging a bunch

41:44

of shit from the ceiling.

41:45

Yeah, yeah. It's like you live on a submarine.

41:48

Yeah, and I saw a friend

41:50

that I was golfing with here, and he

41:52

had moved back to New York, and I

41:55

said, do you golf here? He's like, oh no,

41:57

I'm done doing that.

41:59

Like you can. There are certain things that

42:01

I would have to sacrifice, and I

42:03

don't think I can do that. Yeah, you need to

42:05

be outside. I do. I'm

42:08

an outdoorsy guy. Yeah. The

42:10

lion needs to get walked. That's right.

42:13

Or if not, it gets frustrated, needs

42:16

to remind folks that he's king of the jungle. I

42:18

hate to interrupt you, but is that Jim Iroquois? That's

42:22

a virtual insanity for

42:24

you to have said that. That is the,

42:27

I want that hat. I love that

42:29

that person's wearing that

42:30

hat. Oh, wait,

42:32

there's another kicky hat. Look at her. Did

42:35

you see the woman? Are we in that hat

42:37

neighborhood? Oh, wow. Yeah, that's

42:39

more of a... Oh, we must be, we must

42:41

have just crossed the line into Silver Lake. Here

42:43

we are. Hi, guys.

42:44

Silver Lake is the land

42:46

of hats. Also a bunch of 75-year-old

42:48

women with very hip hats, if

42:50

it were 1992. Awesome.

42:54

I love that Jim Iroquois... Am

42:58

I saying that white? Am I saying that

43:00

white? Jim Iroquois, anyway,

43:02

the point is not drinking makes you

43:04

a sharp communicator. Jim

43:08

Iroquois, am I saying that white? Yes,

43:13

you are. Yes, sir. You are indeed saying

43:15

it in the whitest way possible.

43:16

In the whitest way

43:19

you can possibly say it. I

43:21

love Jim Iroquois. I love how he dances on that conveyor belt.

43:24

What if that was you actually channeling

43:26

the woman who was wearing that hat, and that's what

43:28

she says all the time? I

43:30

love Jim Iroquois, and people are like,

43:33

Ma'am, just ring up your stuff

43:35

at the self-checkout

43:35

and go. She only

43:37

goes because of the conveyor belt.

43:41

But the time she tried to dance on it was

43:43

not well received.

43:45

We're going to have to call our guest

43:47

and be like, hey, so do you actually want to do this

43:49

two hours after we set the time for?

43:51

Yeah, I am a little nervous

43:54

because I feel like today's

43:56

guest is going to be Margaret Cho. I'm just going

43:59

to go ahead and say it.

43:59

as well. She has done so

44:02

much that it's hard

44:04

to believe she isn't someone that probably

44:06

has something else to do today.

44:08

She absolutely probably

44:10

does. But you know, like we were going to

44:12

drive her to the market, I believe. Yes. But

44:15

if we don't have enough time, we can just drive around

44:17

with her and be like, hey, we can get a solid 30

44:19

minutes out of you. Chris and I just put in an

44:21

hour ourselves. So whatever,

44:24

whatever she can give us will take.

44:25

Right. And if, and if even

44:28

if it's not recording and I'm going to make this promise

44:30

to her, even without her even being in

44:32

the car, we will still take her to the market.

44:34

Yeah. How about that? Sure. Absolutely. You've

44:39

done it already. I mean, I've, uh,

44:41

in a non podcast environment, it

44:43

said, okay, I will still, there's

44:46

been times where the recording didn't work out,

44:48

but we still did an airport drop off. Oh, right.

44:51

I think that has happened. And I've

44:53

personally, I have picked people

44:55

up and they thought

44:57

it was going to be the podcast.

45:00

And you're like, no, this is just our friendship. I thought

45:02

you just wanted to ride. Why

45:04

does everyone want something?

45:06

Why are you, why do you want me to record

45:08

you all the time? Yeah. All the time.

45:11

Well, you're sleeping to figure

45:14

out your sleep cycle.

45:17

Okay. Reason to record someone sleeping.

45:19

Oh, right. Just to see if they have

45:22

sleep apnea or, or have they blurred

45:24

out good ideas in their dreams that you can

45:26

steal. That was going to be my invention is

45:28

because I always think of

45:31

funny, good ideas when I'm dreaming. And the minute

45:33

I wake up, I'm back to my dull day

45:35

brain. Yeah. So I wanted an

45:37

apparatus that with the minute I woke

45:40

up, a pulley system would yank

45:42

me out of bed. Uh, something else,

45:44

like a Rube Goldberg machine, shoot a pen

45:46

in my hand, immediate piece of paper. And I would

45:48

write down

45:49

jokes. This was an invention. Give

45:51

me an example of one of these great ideas.

45:54

Well, there are so many times that I've woken

45:56

up and I'm like, that's such a funny idea or that's

45:58

a great idea. Or I just.

45:59

I dreamt a movie and then one minute

46:02

later I've forgotten all of it. I do

46:04

not remember my dreams. Yeah. I just don't. And

46:07

so I thought maybe in that little window

46:09

of time if I immediately was able

46:11

to write

46:13

cell phones have changed it. I got things

46:15

in my notes. They never make sense. Right.

46:17

But I do immediately write them.

46:20

I mean because that was what I was going to say.

46:22

I remember having very specifically having

46:24

a dream because I do remember my dreams. And

46:27

it's all kind of nonsense. But I

46:29

do remember one time when I very

46:31

first started stand up I think maybe

46:34

it was younger. And I dreamed I was

46:36

in the Mervins in our town. But

46:38

I was up on stage in the center of Mervins

46:40

and there was I was like doing comedy.

46:42

So this was a nightmare. I

46:45

didn't know yet that that kind of show would

46:48

be horrible and it was in the round even worse. And

46:52

I said this thing about penguins and

46:54

everybody like lost their minds. And

46:56

when I woke up I was like should I write that down.

46:59

I'm like no it's fucking blather. Like

47:02

that's how dreams work where you're in

47:04

you're in a different reality where people would think

47:06

that was

47:07

funny. Yeah. There's only been a handful of

47:09

times where it actually was a good idea. Yeah.

47:11

Usually it's just your brain convincing you

47:13

it's

47:14

a good idea. Yeah. And it's blather.

47:17

But that's okay. Because

47:19

then that enables you to go to New York and

47:22

make it there and make it anywhere. You know what

47:24

people love penguins Karen. They're

47:26

funny as hell. They are. They are dressed

47:29

up for formal events. They

47:31

walk hilariously.

47:33

They have their own books. Was

47:42

that a sarcastic one? No

47:45

I just I went from

47:47

what the fuck are you talking about to seeing

47:49

that perfect little logo. And

47:52

then I thought that the shirts and

47:54

I'm like do they make those shirts too? Yeah.

47:58

Penguins. Penguins are.

47:59

Super fucking relatable. Yeah.

48:03

They, uh... It's a rich area. They love

48:06

once and they

48:08

can't walk backwards. They

48:10

love once. They only love once.

48:13

And never again. They're loyal.

48:17

And they're not afraid to stand

48:20

up for their friends. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh,

48:23

if you push a little penguin over and you will

48:25

want to, because it's funny to see him fall,

48:28

their friends will all gang up.

48:31

I've seen it in videos.

48:34

I haven't experienced it. They will...

48:37

They will dive in for a friend

48:40

that falls in the ice. They're very

48:42

loyal.

48:42

And you got all of this from your friend,

48:44

Mr. Popper? Yes. Dr.

48:48

Pimple Popper. He is

48:50

side-interested as penguins. Yeah,

48:55

I get most of my stories from the

48:57

doctor.

48:57

From that guy. From the doctor. When

49:01

we pick up Margaret in the morning, do

49:03

you think we should offer breakfast?

49:06

We're just rolling along

49:08

at this, as Meryl

49:10

Streep said, a glacial pace here.

49:13

Just...

49:14

I mean, we're at the height of LA traffic, 4.48

49:17

p.m. Everybody's

49:19

out looking around. Everybody

49:22

knows it's hot girl summer. You can tell

49:24

the energy from these cars. Yeah.

49:26

Everybody's got their eyes peeled.

49:28

They are just so horny. Ciao,

49:31

Bella, they all say. Is

49:33

that Italian? It's Italian.

49:36

And it means... What

49:39

does it mean? Put it together. You

49:41

know what ciao means. Goodbye.

49:44

And? Bella,

49:46

I'm guessing your name is Bella? What?

49:52

Really? I don't know. No, I don't

49:54

know what Bella means. Ciao is a little bit of an aloha

49:56

for Italy. It's hello and goodbye. Okay. Although

50:00

I learned that they don't say it as much

50:02

as Americans say it to them. Oh, of course.

50:05

But, uh,

50:06

child Bella means hello beautiful. Oh,

50:09

okay. Well, that, I should, you're right. I

50:11

should know that because of my niece. Her

50:13

name is Bella. Oh, really? Isabella,

50:16

which means is a beautiful. Oh,

50:20

God, you know, I've enjoyed myself from

50:22

that, that loving self snort.

50:25

Rears, it's ugly. Giant

50:28

nostrils. I'm,

50:30

I'm sorry, but thank you.

50:33

So we're going to want to get in these right lanes. You

50:36

already know that. I do. I

50:38

feel like people obey this car.

50:42

Kind of. It's

50:44

a little bit like you have to fight your way in. Well,

50:47

you're doing a great job. Thank you. Oh,

50:50

my gosh. Your little map has other little cars. Yeah. It's

50:53

like Frogger. Yeah. No

50:55

frogs. It's

50:56

like, don't go over there. Oh, they're

50:57

going to do it. Oh,

51:00

we're turning right. Or are we getting on the freeway?

51:03

We're getting on the entrance of the freeway. Yeah. The

51:05

I five, which is up ahead a little bit. Oh,

51:07

yeah. So we don't, we don't have to go over there. We have to

51:10

go five South. Yeah. Oh, that's

51:12

five North up there. Motherfucker. So roll down

51:14

your window and put your arm out. Okay. I

51:17

will do that. Say, I've never done that.

51:20

Can we get over and we get in there. Hi.

51:23

They have tinted windows. I don't know if they were open

51:25

or receptive. Hi. Oh,

51:27

no, no. They are not open or receptive. Hi. Thank you.

51:30

Thank you. Thank

51:31

you. Good job. I find

51:33

that if I just say hi over and over, smiling

51:36

like ridiculous.

51:38

That car didn't

51:40

know what we wanted or needed. Well, I, there

51:42

was, they, it

51:45

was not within the confines of

51:47

the law. That, that shade

51:49

of tint. No. They couldn't see

51:51

out. Yeah. And God knows what they were doing

51:54

in there. And so I'm going to take

51:56

a left after this light. Yes.

51:58

We're going to cross. under a Hyperion.

52:01

Okay. And then take an immediate left. Perfect.

52:04

So pick

52:06

up our yes. It's literally gonna

52:08

be dark when we get to work out. It's

52:11

okay. It's it's it's it's

52:13

we've we've had some time off. We've

52:15

had some time off and we we

52:18

didn't it's okay we'll get

52:20

better at

52:20

that. Hopefully our friend Margaret who

52:23

we've known for a very long time. You've known her very

52:25

well. I'm a

52:28

new friend. Yes I hope

52:30

I think so. It's I'm I

52:33

she is such a icon in

52:35

comedy that I she's someone I am

52:38

nervous around much like I am when

52:40

I made a pro skateboarder

52:42

I look up to her but most comics it

52:44

isn't that way anymore. Yeah. But with

52:47

with Margaret it is that way. And that

52:50

of course it's a compliment. She

52:52

is the kind of person that'll be like

52:55

you know if she can't if it doesn't

52:57

work for her she'll let us know and she mostly

52:59

probably doesn't care. Right. I would imagine.

53:02

Yeah. Especially because

53:04

she knows me and I'm the kind of person that's like hey I went

53:07

to your old house and she's like uh huh

53:10

because that's the kind of thing I do. And

53:14

now we're just getting right onto the 5 South

53:16

to complete gridlocked traffic.

53:19

Oh man. Oh the big old

53:21

jacked up trucks letting me in. That's interesting.

53:24

Yeah that's not northern California

53:26

bro behavior. Normally

53:29

those guys try to shoot at you. Yeah it's

53:32

a shame that I think that of trucks now

53:34

but I do like that is a

53:36

jacked up truck.

53:38

There's a firearm and the guy's

53:40

socks are going to be pulled up to his knees. Yeah.

53:43

Although socks to the knees that's

53:45

also skateboard behavior. I know

53:48

it's a fine line you know whether it's

53:50

depends on the foot line that's when I have to investigate

53:53

the footwear.

53:54

And then what does the footwear tell you

53:56

cowboy boots with tall socks. Yes.

53:59

Then you know you're in danger. No, that's

54:01

someone that shouldn't be operating a motor vehicle.

54:04

If you have a cowboy boots with socks,

54:07

well, maybe that's just a cowboy on

54:09

summer. On

54:10

summer? A hot cowboy

54:13

on summer? I've

54:16

been thinking about getting boots. I was in Austin

54:18

and I did look at some. I'm

54:21

glad I didn't pull the

54:22

trigger on them. As a person

54:24

with wide feet, I can't consider

54:27

that they're just not for me. Yeah, it's

54:29

one of those shoes like a croc

54:31

where someone says, oh, they're so comfortable. I'm

54:33

like, in spite of them not

54:35

being comfortable, they're surprisingly

54:38

comfortable.

54:38

They somehow are defying

54:40

the laws of physics and being comfortable?

54:43

That's not comfortable if the heel's made of a block

54:45

of wood. Also it's

54:47

like, I get they're comfortable

54:49

if you are a cowboy

54:52

that does a certain job. Right.

54:55

Ma'am, what are you doing?

54:57

She's just preparing for

54:59

the inevitable merge. When?

55:03

Go now. Go now. There

55:06

she is. That is a 17-year-old K's bug

55:09

for an

55:11

80-year-old. It helps when you're looking

55:13

for your car in a parking lot. I

55:17

used to write my name on my underwear. So

55:20

you could find them in a parking lot? Yeah, yeah.

55:22

A lot of times that's where I wake up. Chances

55:25

are all

55:26

evidence points. So

55:28

that's where my underpants are. Where am

55:31

I? And then you check the underpants

55:33

band and you're like, Chris Fairbanks, doing

55:36

fine.

55:36

Yeah, it's like memento. Everything

55:41

I need to know about myself is in my underpants.

55:45

I've always said that since I

55:47

was a child.

55:49

In Italy, do they drive on the opposite

55:51

side of the road? Is that a dumb question? No. It's

55:54

not a dumb question. It was a smart question. Yeah,

55:56

because I assume.

55:58

We all had the same question. very

56:00

grateful that it was the correct side of

56:02

the road because we didn't think we could take the

56:05

fear element of the style

56:08

of driving combined with being on the other side of the road.

56:10

Right. Yeah. I mean,

56:12

I've talked about it a million times, but

56:14

the time I had to drive in

56:16

a commercial on the wrong side of the road and added

56:18

to that

56:19

were old men on bicycles and sheep

56:22

and very narrow roads, like you said, and

56:24

yes, it's a one lane road. Yeah.

56:27

Everywhere. Yeah. In England

56:30

and in Italy, there's lots of bicyclists.

56:33

So like, say we went to Lake Como

56:35

and it's real windy, windy, windy.

56:38

Seems like it's a one way street. Then there's

56:40

like a pod of bicyclists

56:43

on the side. So the driver gets over

56:45

and then a car's just coming straight out of it. Also,

56:47

they do a lot of passing on windy mountain

56:50

roads,

56:51

just blind, like curve

56:53

passing. Oh, that scares me. It's

56:55

scary. It's real

56:57

scary. But then you've got this,

56:59

a kind of Italian Statham-esque

57:02

driver, like the one I told you about

57:04

that can text and drive and stick shift

57:06

at the same time. Did he look like Jason Statham? He,

57:08

he had the vibe of Jason Statham. Oh,

57:11

I want to be over there. And I don't want

57:13

to be killed. You're doing, oh,

57:16

God, this car's got some get up and pep.

57:18

Oh, look at these guys. Wow.

57:21

They don't care.

57:21

Totally not allowed. No, they're just on the

57:23

gravel. This way, right? Yes. Yeah.

57:26

Okay. I'm no help. I'm so

57:29

sorry. No, it's all right. You're

57:31

doing the more confirming after the fact.

57:33

Yes. Yes. I'm just, yes, and,

57:36

and it's

57:38

funny that Lake Como, I did

57:40

not, I do not think of Italy. I think of

57:42

Perry Cuomo.

57:43

So

57:47

when you said Lake Cuomo, I just think of upstate

57:49

New York or something. And is

57:51

there another Lake Cuomo? Am

57:54

I saying that? Yes.

57:57

It's Perry.

58:00

It's Andrew

58:02

and his brother, whatever, Cuomo. Yes, yes.

58:05

You're right about the state of New York and Cuomo, but

58:07

in Italy it's Como, or like the

58:09

lake is Como. C-O-M-O. You had

58:12

me with I'm Right about the one in New York, because I

58:14

know I pulled that state out of my

58:16

ass hat. Good job. Okay,

58:18

tell me the exit now. We

58:21

stay on the Glendale freeway for 4.4

58:23

miles. Oh, great. I'm

58:26

a whole ass up here. Yeah. Boy,

58:28

this car's got some... Pappin'

58:30

its step. Yeah. And there's your

58:33

old car. Yeah, there it is. Yeah. Chase

58:35

your memories.

58:36

Look at this lunatic, like

58:39

speeding and braking. I mean,

58:41

I... Sir, what are you doing?

58:45

Yeah, that's like double-footing.

58:48

You can't be double-footing. Don't double-foot,

58:51

not in front of me. Oh,

58:53

you're good at driving. Smooth

58:56

transition into lanes. Right. You

58:59

drive with purpose, and

59:02

I feel safe. Okay, good. And

59:04

I'm not being sarcastic. Okay, good. Yes.

59:06

This is a real

59:07

adventure. This is a true kickoff, episode one, season, four-wheel

59:10

drive. This

59:13

is what I needed. There's rarely times

59:15

where I feel anxious or

59:19

like I'm gonna screw up when

59:21

we're doing it over Zoom,

59:23

which just

59:25

makes for better storytelling. And

59:28

that's what we're here to do. We're here to tell a story.

59:31

We're the succession of podcasts. Yeah, we really

59:33

are. And this is not

59:36

our grand finale.

59:38

Quite the opposite. The premiere

59:41

of season four-wheel drive. Four-wheel

59:43

drive. Oh,

59:47

enjoyable. Did you stay in

59:49

the same place the whole time you were in Italy? No,

59:51

we went to... We were in

59:54

four different places. So we

59:56

went to Tuscany, we went to Florence, we

59:58

went to Cinque Terre on the cusp of the

59:59

and then we went to Lake Como at the end. Oh,

1:00:03

man. I bet it's beautiful. It

1:00:05

is. I would like a slideshow on the projector.

1:00:08

Okay. I know you won't. Not

1:00:10

because of Mac and me. That was the old one. It's

1:00:13

been replaced with a newer model. I was sent

1:00:15

one, but I don't have any white walls

1:00:18

to screen my own Mac and me.

1:00:19

Oh, that's right. That would be really funny.

1:00:22

If I invited people over to show them my vacation

1:00:25

pictures. I think you should. It's

1:00:27

something that people used to be a joke like,

1:00:30

oh no, we have to see the slides.

1:00:32

Like that was something as a child.

1:00:35

There would be fondue and

1:00:38

my parents would actually show slides. I

1:00:40

don't know where all these photos have gone because

1:00:42

I don't even know what I look like as a child

1:00:44

anymore.

1:00:45

I think they probably donated them

1:00:47

all to like... They're

1:00:49

very sought after by child photos, especially

1:00:53

the ones with later hosin. God, I was a cute kid.

1:00:56

There's a guy on TikTok

1:00:58

that goes and finds people's

1:01:00

old vacation slides

1:01:03

and then

1:01:03

puts the slides together on TikTok, which

1:01:05

I think is awesome. And because

1:01:08

someone offered to find my cross

1:01:11

walking, I already

1:01:13

searched, so I know they're very difficult

1:01:16

to find. But someone did offer to research

1:01:19

and find through microfiche, I

1:01:21

guess newspaper stuff, old

1:01:24

photos. Oh,

1:01:25

that's good. Is it starting

1:01:27

to rain a little? Ooh, we're getting

1:01:29

some weather. You've been driving so long the weather

1:01:31

changed. Yeah,

1:01:34

I did want this podcast. The one

1:01:37

thing that was missing was possibly Slippy

1:01:39

Streets. And

1:01:41

by that I mean Slippery. Yeah.

1:01:44

Oh, we got a case of Slippy

1:01:46

Streets. Uh-oh.

1:01:50

Be careful. He's

1:01:52

going to say it a third time. Slippy Streets.

1:01:57

My favorite certain words

1:01:59

just have a nice. High Skiddens. Slippy

1:02:02

streets is one. Jamiroquai

1:02:04

is another. Yes. Oh,

1:02:07

god, that was a beautiful hat. What was it, kangal? It

1:02:09

looked like a furry kangal. Wonder

1:02:12

if I could get away with that. A

1:02:14

lavender furry kangal. That woman

1:02:16

was doing it, right? You know that

1:02:19

she loves that hat. And I wish we had been on foot

1:02:21

so we could go, great hat, because she'd be

1:02:23

like, I love a woman in Arthur. Oh,

1:02:26

I know. I've heard. Is

1:02:29

that a line in Arthur? Yeah, he's

1:02:31

drunk. And he's about to say he

1:02:33

and Susan will not be getting married. He was just

1:02:35

beat up by Susan's father. And

1:02:40

he didn't know what to say. He felt awkward.

1:02:42

Everyone's staring at Arthur. And he's limping

1:02:45

and bloodied. And there's a lady with a

1:02:47

floppy hat

1:02:47

that she was already complemented

1:02:49

by the great lies of Manelli. And

1:02:52

so just back-to-back compliments

1:02:54

on this floppy hat. And she

1:02:56

was just elated.

1:02:58

My point is,

1:03:00

always compliment

1:03:02

a older lady's hat, because

1:03:05

they're kind of going out on a limb. I'm

1:03:08

going to wear my fun hat. I hope

1:03:10

someone reminds me I'm fun. Do

1:03:12

it. Also, I think these

1:03:14

days, trends come big, bold,

1:03:18

and you might find yourself wearing a bolero

1:03:22

in the middle of the day. It does feel

1:03:24

pretty risky. You

1:03:26

think it's a good idea, because it's what everyone else on

1:03:29

social media is doing. Then you're just

1:03:31

out and about with

1:03:33

a big old wide brim hat on. Yeah,

1:03:35

and a lot of times, and I've done this

1:03:37

myself, like someone will have a loud,

1:03:40

complicated shirt. And I'm like, great

1:03:42

shirt, when I really

1:03:44

don't think so at all. I just know they went

1:03:46

out on a limb. They're like, I'm going to wear my shirt

1:03:49

with purple and mustard.

1:03:51

Yeah. You're saying, great

1:03:53

idea to risk it. Yes. I'm

1:03:56

supporting your freedoms. But

1:04:00

boy, you have bad taste. I leave that part out.

1:04:02

I'm supporting your freedoms. Your

1:04:05

varied freedom. Oh, we

1:04:07

have a 387. Top of copper.

1:04:11

God, we got to turn on the

1:04:13

scanner. That would add to the chaos. I'm

1:04:15

going to drive by this guy real fast. Oh, and this

1:04:18

guy's evading. I believe we're, no,

1:04:21

he's just pulling over in an orderly fashion.

1:04:25

But at first, it looked like an invasion. Oh,

1:04:28

they don't have to pull over. That's just a college

1:04:31

campus cop. No, community, yep.

1:04:34

Glendale Community College Cop. You

1:04:36

don't even need to pull over. What did that girl

1:04:38

do? Glendale,

1:04:41

oh, this is the Glendale Community College.

1:04:43

It is. She was doing Glendale Community

1:04:46

College stuff, probably looking at her notes

1:04:48

on her phone. She's studying for a test while driving.

1:04:51

He's like,

1:04:52

I know you. You have some library

1:04:54

books that are overdue. Yeah,

1:04:57

yeah. Put your hands on the hood. A lot

1:04:59

of people forget that's a jailable offense.

1:05:03

Do you know that when I was little, I checked out like eight

1:05:05

Encyclopedia Brown books, and then

1:05:08

I didn't return them, and I knew they were overdue,

1:05:10

and then they just put them in the back of my closet

1:05:12

and never told anybody. And they stayed

1:05:14

there for months. And my mom's like, what was

1:05:16

the plan here? Like, why wouldn't you just

1:05:19

tell me and we would

1:05:20

go to the library? Were you at an age where

1:05:22

you didn't realize you were

1:05:25

costing her money? Yes. Young

1:05:28

enough to not understand the fines, but

1:05:30

also, I

1:05:32

think it's a good reflection of how my

1:05:34

sister and I were often left to our own devices to

1:05:37

fix things that were actually adult

1:05:38

level problems. Right. Right.

1:05:41

So then it was like, oh, shit. I can't

1:05:43

get to the library, and I don't have the money to

1:05:45

pay for this, so I'm just going to hide the books.

1:05:47

Yeah, yeah. I had a roommate that

1:05:49

if a pot or a pan

1:05:52

got burnt or was uncleanable,

1:05:54

he'd just put it in our clothes washer.

1:05:58

And then you'd find it later.

1:05:59

with Last of Us mold on it. But

1:06:06

when you said Encyclopedia Brown

1:06:08

books, I thought Brown

1:06:11

encyclopedias, but Encyclopedia

1:06:13

Brown was a child sleuth?

1:06:15

Yes, a real smart boy

1:06:17

that just

1:06:20

kind of knew trivia stuff, and

1:06:22

that would help him solve mysteries

1:06:26

around town. Oh, really? Yeah,

1:06:30

really. Oh, really? Well,

1:06:32

I was thinking trivia. It's not like, where

1:06:35

is Lake Pomo? And then he's like, the murder

1:06:38

weapon is here.

1:06:38

He's like, it's Lake Pomo.

1:06:41

Uh... I should...

1:06:45

All these childhood books, I

1:06:50

never even

1:06:50

read back then. You

1:06:52

didn't? No. Too cool? Yeah,

1:06:55

for school. And

1:06:58

there was a lot of reading at school. I

1:07:00

wanted to stay cool, and

1:07:02

so I didn't... You said fuck it. Yeah.

1:07:06

Okay. But still got

1:07:08

Ease. A lot

1:07:10

of people had... Did you have Ease?

1:07:12

Ease for excellent? Ease

1:07:15

for you for unsatisfactory. No,

1:07:17

that sounds like some Montessori bullshit

1:07:19

to me. Yeah, it does. Yeah, yeah, it

1:07:22

really does. We created our own lesson

1:07:24

plans. Lesson plans.

1:07:26

Yeah. I hope that cop

1:07:29

isn't going to pull me over. Well, we

1:07:31

were driving like community college kids. Okay.

1:07:36

Now we just go all the way straight down the street. Now I

1:07:38

know where I am. Yeah, we used to drive in

1:07:40

this neighborhood too. Yeah. It's

1:07:43

the only way I see the city I

1:07:45

live in is through this podcast.

1:07:48

And so it's great that we're back in the car. Yeah,

1:07:51

it is. It's going to make me appreciate

1:07:53

where I live. It's right up that

1:07:55

road. Okay. So should we tell

1:07:58

her we're here somehow? Yes. Analise

1:08:00

is on it. I love the case. It

1:08:03

would be so funny if Margaret came out with like old age

1:08:05

makeup on.

1:08:10

That's just what she's doing with her

1:08:12

time waiting. Look

1:08:15

at her old timey

1:08:17

mailbox. So

1:08:19

cool. Well, should

1:08:22

we practice our apologies on each other? Yeah. Okay.

1:08:26

Hey, I'm so sorry. Chris and Analise got to my house and I

1:08:28

was blood drying my hair,

1:08:31

which is a classic move of mine. So

1:08:34

you're going to take ownership? Yeah. That

1:08:36

doesn't, mine doesn't work because I was going to blame it on you.

1:08:41

I had, I had a court,

1:08:44

a jury duty.

1:08:46

Yeah.

1:08:49

I'm going to use that.

1:08:52

You had it like this morning? Oh, wow.

1:08:57

It's a nice house. Oh yeah. She

1:08:59

is a beautiful home. It is beautiful.

1:09:02

And well, there

1:09:04

she's coming down the walk. Yay. Wearing

1:09:07

a long gray wig.

1:09:17

This has been an exactly right

1:09:19

production. Produced by Analise Nelson.

1:09:22

Mixed by Edson Choi. Our

1:09:24

talent booker is Patrick Kotner. Themed

1:09:26

song by Karen Kilgarth. Artwork

1:09:29

by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on

1:09:31

Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Dinar

1:09:33

Podcast. That's D-Y-N-A-R podcast.

1:09:37

For more information, go to exactly

1:09:39

right media.com. Thank you. Oh,

1:09:42

you're welcome.

1:09:47

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1:09:49

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1:09:51

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1:09:59

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