2:00

Do you need a

2:02

ride? Uh,

2:23

with Karen and Chris. Welcome

2:28

to Do You Need a Ride. This is Chris

2:30

Fairbanks. And this is Karen Kilgarow.

2:33

It is the middle of

2:35

the night, which is 5 o'clock

2:37

p.m. Very spooky.

2:40

The sky is mid-blue,

2:44

dark-blue, gray

2:46

clouds with a yellow horizon, like something

2:48

bad is happening over there. And with

2:50

a kiss of maw. I

2:53

feel like there are

2:55

times where I do a Jiminy Glick impression, and

2:58

I just realized it and I'm going to try

3:00

not to anymore. Why? I love Jiminy Glick. And

3:02

no one accused me of it, so I'm going

3:04

to keep doing it. Also, it just

3:06

felt more like a...it felt very...it

3:08

didn't feel like you were doing it here. No,

3:11

I'm not. You don't consciously...I

3:15

just happen to hear myself,

3:17

which I rarely listen to myself. Especially

3:21

on this podcast. I find it unlistenable. Yeah.

3:25

Um, no, I'm kidding. I've listened and I think we're great. Oh,

3:27

oh. I just heard

3:29

my voice just then. It sounded a little glicky. It

3:32

was slightly glicky. I just think that

3:35

Martin Short on that show figured out

3:37

a way to be perfectly funny at

3:40

a tempo that's not common. Yeah, you can... So

3:43

you have to, like, as a comic, you have to be like,

3:46

what's going on here? I have to figure it out. Yeah.

3:49

And the main thing you can learn is you can

3:51

insult someone as long as you have your voice go

3:53

high. I said, that voice is a little bit... And

3:56

then he Jumps up and puts his feet under him.

4:00

That was handed as. Yeah, it's it's something

4:02

to watch and we all have

4:04

it's It's other time for sure.

4:06

But oh my god, it's just

4:08

I think Martin Short as one

4:10

of the funniest human being. Yeah,

4:12

he really is. I watched Inner

4:14

Space recently. Oh, that's a good

4:16

movie, right? It's great at home,

4:18

that's yeah. I'd I'd say

4:21

day or a talked about it. It's

4:23

is that a Rob Reiner joint? I

4:25

think it is. It is. It is

4:27

a Rob Reiner joint. See things down

4:29

the I guess I'm and I'm pretty

4:31

sure. Ah but day

4:34

when is swimming around. In.

4:37

Played. Susan Susan

4:39

They use actual. Footage.

4:42

The background is not. I thought when

4:44

I watched and my dad's gonna be

4:46

grainy footage of the inside of a

4:48

body but know they made models of

4:51

so rife like a heart and lungs

4:53

and cells and and it was. It's

4:55

just really cool. as a miniature lover.

4:58

Is. Say it's and beer too many

5:00

feature? Yeah really? But

5:03

my point: I was gonna am, I

5:05

realized something today is that we all

5:07

say we hate daylight savings because of

5:09

this time of year. Actually,

5:13

Daylight. Savings is what just ended

5:15

draft. Now we're in normal time yet

5:17

is supposed to be dark and five.

5:19

So what are people complaining about? Just

5:22

the darkness. I think person all

5:24

darkness. I think the darkness around

5:27

us. But if they got

5:29

a lot of people get excited when

5:31

the conversation of states giving up daylight

5:33

savings time not doing it anymore, but

5:35

actually that would just make it to

5:37

where. The

5:41

wholesale. Antioxidants in that know,

5:44

freezing and that. The terms

5:46

than using our and cracks when they say

5:48

it's i don't like daylight savings Yes you.

5:50

Do you don't like normal farm time

5:52

Or are these are people that don't

5:54

like how light it is early and

5:57

they don't have been discovered like I

5:59

have blackout? You

6:01

mean in the morning? Yeah, like at

6:03

a paper route hour you get jostled

6:06

awake by the sun. I guess that's

6:08

what... And it screws up your route

6:11

for the day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You

6:13

miss Miss Landry's out? Yeah, and I'm

6:15

gonna give her Mr. Weatherby's paper and

6:17

oh no, where's that sports section? Paper

6:19

mix up. We've

6:21

all been there. So I guess I

6:24

like Daylight Savings Night. I've been

6:26

talking bad about it because I

6:28

didn't realize in my

6:30

head I switched them. You got the terms wrong.

6:33

I did. But I wonder, there must be... It's

6:35

not interesting but I think a lot of people...

6:37

I think it is though. Because

6:39

I think it's like a social

6:42

media shared mistake where everyone's

6:44

referring to what we're

6:46

in right now as daylight savings. And

6:49

that's incorrect. This is the weather that's the

6:51

pits but this is just life. But

6:53

also it's not weather, it's just

6:56

the way we're all agreeing to

6:58

pass time. You're very right that the sun

7:00

rising and setting is no type of weather. I'm

7:02

sorry to really one-up you on that one.

7:04

It felt good inside but I do apologize.

7:07

Every sunrise I look out the window and say,

7:09

looks like we're gonna get some weather. All clear.

7:12

But I just mean the sun

7:14

again. The sun coming up, yes. Oh,

7:18

maybe it's just all exhausting. I

7:20

mean, I think for sure it is. I

7:23

think every single fucking way

7:25

any person is trying to be right

7:27

now is excessive. Another shower?

7:29

I just showered yesterday, that kind of

7:31

thing. I'm supposed to shower every day

7:33

when there are volcanoes going off in

7:36

Iceland, Italy and now I think

7:38

America. Right. Plus no one's

7:40

smelling me. It's

7:45

just if you needed another... It's just for

7:47

my own comfort. I don't like having a sticky

7:49

neck. You mean

7:51

the showering or the not showering? When I don't

7:53

shower I get a sticky neck. Anyway...

7:58

What character is that? When I don't shower... I

8:00

get a sticking neck. It's like a

8:02

light-hearted Bruno Kirby. Yeah, it's a... It's

8:05

a... It's

8:08

a... Convivial Bobby Flayton.

8:11

Convivial? Yeah. I

8:13

had to dig deep. That's why it took me five full

8:15

seconds to think of that word. So

8:18

if he was like not the bulldog of

8:20

comedy, but the... Or am I wrong about

8:22

that? No, you're correct. Yeah. Yeah.

8:25

The only headshot I've seen with a

8:27

spiked dog collar. Oh,

8:29

and is he cyst up in the shot?

8:32

I think so. Yeah. Maybe

8:34

a fingerless glove if I'm not mistaken. You

8:37

know, but I will say this about Bobby

8:40

Flayton because he was a San

8:42

Francisco headliner when I started comedy at

8:44

San Francisco. Oh, for sure. He's very

8:47

meaningful. He's very meaningful to me. He's

8:49

a classic headliner. But also, he did

8:51

lots of like character work

8:53

in movies and TV shows and he's a

8:55

fucking great actor. I showed you

8:57

this headshot of old Bobby Flayton.

9:00

People would go, oh, that guy. Yes. Yeah.

9:03

He's really good. Some of his comedy is...

9:06

Or maybe a lot of his comedy is kind

9:09

of shitty, to be shitty. But

9:11

there's something to that. It's almost like

9:13

he's like, if Don Rickles were even

9:15

meaner. Right. Which is, you

9:18

know, interesting. Yeah, it is. It

9:22

is. He's possibly meaner. I

9:24

did do a show with him in Mill Valley.

9:26

Oh, yeah. And I was like,

9:28

yikes. You can't say that. I don't think I've ever

9:30

said that to Rickles. I don't know. Maybe

9:33

it's a face thing. But I don't think Don Rickles... I

9:36

want to hug Don Rickles' face off. Don,

9:38

have you seen that fucking clip where Don Rickles

9:42

giving De Niro shit while they're filming

9:44

Casino? No. So here's

9:46

a story. This is all TikTok. Once

9:48

again, this is TikTok learner. And

9:52

Rickles found out that De Niro worshiped

9:54

him because he's like an old thin-salt

9:56

comic, like a possible diatonic. And

9:58

apparently that's De Niro's favorite. And

10:00

it under study comedy because he was in

10:02

the King a comedy that the movie no

10:04

one's really watch that's pretty good that's right.

10:07

yeah doing so he knows if he respects

10:09

that that is like that. That's also. In

10:12

and they see this in this to talk to them

10:14

when they're standing at each. Or. It

10:16

might be some a documentary where they're all extending a

10:18

lot. Of is the New

10:20

York law of lot like cops on the

10:22

seat had to die for the hope of

10:24

anything so. They. Can impose

10:27

a little said and done with his

10:29

his next getting dinner and sit. On

10:32

hum all the time. Until there's

10:35

a struggling the whole time, because

10:37

he'd fogging loves it and loves

10:39

ago for both. They're

10:41

selling the beginning have you seen

10:44

as they're showing beginning of like

10:46

that scene from here here Robert

10:48

Tonner ago ah sorry Lawn and

10:50

Find somebody is currently reading and

10:52

alone and Pretty Boy Records or

10:54

football. Move. For

10:57

current overdone can't let alone open.

11:00

Ended on animals and an

11:02

old going after home. like

11:04

what? hell on professor it's

11:06

if you. Have said that are

11:08

so fucking funny because I still

11:11

am scared. Of that man

11:13

because of cape fear. I don't even that

11:15

always how old are you scares him feel

11:17

I kill, kill me. He. Wants to

11:19

kill? You I think yeah I thought I

11:21

heard you've heard this to it's. A

11:23

gossipy but it's true. I

11:26

guess I should stay in my apartment

11:28

more. Say think we should

11:30

do many more gossip. Kind

11:33

of yeah. Honks a car says on the phone

11:35

yeah we should name names. Like

11:37

Deniro is. Not

11:40

system The Hollywood. Settled.

11:43

Lives are your. Words not mine that I just

11:45

leave you out. And

11:47

drought to get your just like no way. I'm not

11:49

going to be a part of that isn't know. This

11:51

is a point of gossiping is pretty block to do

11:53

it together. Online only ring and I'm not

11:56

wearing cement shoes in the bottom of

11:58

the harbor. steve not In the

12:00

mafia, he's just played mafios. Oh,

12:02

sure. He's friendly

12:04

with them, though. I'm sure. They

12:07

must love him so much. Look at that empty bed

12:09

bath and beyond. Ugh. Ew.

12:12

It's all beyond now. I,

12:15

uh, since I got my,

12:18

uh, cleanse sheets, and I

12:20

got some pillows from the old IKEA,

12:22

I, uh, I, my pillows

12:24

were embarrassing. Yeah, just coffee stains.

12:26

Cause as we sleep, coffee comes out

12:28

our ears. Ew. I

12:31

too, yeah. Brown? I don't know.

12:34

No, no, no, I can't hear this. I, I do believe

12:36

I think that it's cause I go to bed with a

12:38

wet head. Chris. But

12:40

I don't know whether the color's coming from there. Are

12:42

you telling me that when you take your

12:44

pillowcases off your 10 to 12 year old

12:47

pillows, you don't have brown stains?

12:50

No, we all do. We all do.

12:52

They're tan. Sure, we all do. I got

12:54

rid of them. And I'm sleeping so

12:56

much better now, these sheets. Ah,

12:58

sleep. Oh yeah. I'm

13:01

afraid I'll get them dirty. I take up the shower

13:03

to go to bed. Because you want

13:05

to be, you want to rise to the level of

13:07

your new sheets. Yeah, well they're white. Oh,

13:09

well yeah, you better be careful. Especially with all the brown

13:12

coming out of you. Yeah, I'm not sure. Horrifying.

13:16

It is, it is. But it's all taken care

13:18

of now. Okay, good. Yeah.

13:21

Actually, I put coffee filters in my hair.

13:23

Yeah, good idea. Oh, I don't like it.

13:26

I'm sorry. Um, but

13:30

it makes me think Tom Papa has that

13:32

amazing joke where he goes, um,

13:35

do you ever take your pillowcase off

13:37

your pillow? It looks like a Civil

13:39

War bandage. Oh

13:41

yeah, that's great. So good.

13:43

Yeah, that's better than my coffee line.

13:46

It's not a contest. It is. You

13:49

know, I'm constantly in competition with

13:52

the Papa. With Papa? I

13:54

am. Papa? I,

13:57

um, the algorithm has been sending

13:59

me. many of animal video

14:01

and I they work and

14:04

monkeys I'm still old-school I like

14:06

little tiny monkeys doing things picking

14:08

at a thing you're looking around

14:10

as they play with something made

14:13

for humans isotone

14:15

or glove a banana whatever but

14:17

I did most recently

14:19

it's it's interesting to think

14:21

that animals have different fully

14:25

different personalities because they release

14:27

this tiny gorilla into it

14:29

adopted family like they

14:31

took care of the gorilla it's a

14:34

baby and they release it into this

14:36

family and it was like

14:38

going up to these new gorillas trying to

14:40

give them hugs no and yeah

14:42

and one of them was like alright

14:44

and totally hugged them and

14:46

then another one that looked just like the first

14:48

gorilla pushed him out of the way yeah and

14:50

then another one was like hello is mean and

14:53

so didn't want to hug him but just kind

14:55

of put his arms around him and patted him

14:57

on the back and then they were all running

14:59

by him and he was trying to hug everyone

15:01

because he was excited somehow he

15:03

knew oh this is my new family I've got to

15:05

be cool I watched it over and over it's

15:08

just or the squirrel like

15:11

I've seen squirrels that are like basically commit

15:13

suicide in front of me especially in Texas

15:16

those girls would leap in the street it

15:18

became a normal thing especially

15:20

in Texas I don't know why squirrels

15:22

were everywhere with their tails up which

15:25

means they were alert and

15:28

then I've seen this you I

15:31

know you've seen this the squirrel that's staging

15:33

its own death and put a broomstick on

15:35

his belly what can't yeah why cuz he

15:38

gets caught in a kitchen and he feels like

15:42

maybe they're going to use the broom just I don't

15:44

know what it is or maybe it's a pet all

15:47

I know is the squirrel lays flat

15:49

and then doesn't think it's convincing enough and

15:51

grabs the broomstick and lays it on his

15:53

chest and then goes back to pretend it

15:56

to be dead like it died in a broom

15:58

accident And it's insane. I

16:01

can't. I will send it to

16:03

you. So

16:05

there's, I'm saying there's smart squirrels and

16:07

then there's like high

16:09

functioning. Anyone that's like pretending

16:12

to be dead. I

16:14

know possums do it. They're wrong with the

16:17

ability. That's right. But this squirrel was playing

16:19

possums. But also like playing.

16:22

Like acting. But laying

16:24

totally still and flat. I think

16:26

it was one of those flying squirrels. That's why they were so

16:28

flat. Maybe it was a

16:31

very smart flying squirrel. I don't

16:33

even think it's a real. I think it is

16:35

because you know our

16:37

friend Bradford, he had one in his

16:39

house. I think they

16:41

just have a little extra skin flap of

16:43

skin under their arms, but they seem like

16:45

normal squirrels until they jump off something. We

16:48

have flying squirrels in Los Angeles. No, no,

16:50

he lives in Wisconsin. Sorry.

16:52

Sorry. We have flying squirrels

16:54

in Wisconsin. I

16:58

mean, I really thought they

17:01

were. That's

17:03

a very like squirrel of another land.

17:05

That we is very, you're including yourself.

17:07

Wait a minute. Next time we go

17:10

to Cheboygan, you and I, we're going

17:12

to have flying squirrels in

17:14

Oshkosh. Cheboygan is in Michigan, isn't

17:17

it? Cheboygan, Wisconsin. Is

17:19

it Wisconsin? Yeah,

17:22

yeah. They make the cheese in a

17:24

bucket with a little red squirrel on top. Is

17:26

that right? I believe. I

17:28

want to have it on the least. I want to believe. I want on the

17:30

least to tie break it. I have

17:32

to say this, I love that we're wearing these matching

17:34

sweatshirts. We haven't mentioned them. It's for a

17:36

podcast. No one would ever know. We're both

17:39

wearing super sweet coffee and tattoo

17:41

sweatshirts. They're matching. They're matching.

17:43

We're driving around and I just realized. This

17:45

is our job. We should have uniforms that

17:48

match. You're right. It feels

17:50

good and fun, but I just realized because there were

17:52

kids yelling at us from that

17:54

car. There's no way that they

17:56

saw. They were making fun of us wearing matching

17:58

sweatshirts. What

18:01

do they care? Yeah,

18:03

we look professional. This

18:05

is what podcasting uniforms look like.

18:08

Yeah. Sheboygan is indeed

18:10

a city in Wisconsin. Oh,

18:13

I'm so wrong. I'm

18:15

so sorry. And the terrible thing

18:17

is I knew I was right. And

18:20

you couldn't stand behind it. I was like, ah,

18:22

you're probably right. You know, I guess that's

18:24

my personality. I'm kind of bossy that way. I'm

18:26

really good at convincing people things that they

18:29

know aren't true when they are true,

18:31

just to kind of have

18:33

my real estate. No,

18:35

I also, you're a knowledgeable

18:37

person. That's why I believe you. It's

18:39

not the tone you're taking. But I've

18:42

told you time and again that I

18:44

don't know American geography or presidents at

18:46

all. Neither do I. God,

18:49

Taft was a good one. The

18:52

bathtub. Oh, is he the tough

18:54

guy? He's the tough guy. See, you know plenty.

18:57

And the only reason I know that is because

18:59

I would sing an exchange Georgia

19:01

and I had during a live

19:03

show one time. And he

19:06

said something about Taft and I went,

19:08

ooh, Taft. And

19:11

then we started laughing so hard. I

19:13

had no idea why I did it. It was

19:15

super weird. And then a listener

19:19

who was such a good artist

19:21

drew a picture that basically just had

19:23

Taft in the bathtub with his legs

19:25

straight up there. And underneath it just

19:28

said, ooh, Taft in that 50s poodle

19:30

curses. Oh, yeah, yeah. And

19:32

it's my favorite art that I

19:35

mean, the person who's favorite. What

19:37

is this bathtub business? He died

19:39

in the bathtub, I believe. Oh, Elvis

19:42

style. I think Elvis died on

19:44

the toilet. Yeah, yeah. But in

19:46

the bathroom. Yes, he died a little

19:48

bit in the tub. I think shit

19:50

was everywhere. That's

19:53

terrible. That's really bad. It is.

19:56

And also, I was doing it

19:58

again. Everyone in Graceland. animal

22:00

video. Yeah, I just kind of brought

22:03

that up. It was something I know

22:05

so obvious when I have a planned

22:07

topic and that was what. No,

22:10

I'm not. I want to talk about that

22:12

squirrel. It's not a confrontation. I really thought,

22:15

first of all, stop yelling at me. Okay.

22:17

I really thought that you would know of

22:19

the squirrel since you're a

22:21

TikToker. Wait, I want a

22:23

TikToker, but I've never seen

22:25

that one. I will look for it for sure. Well,

22:28

you'll see it when I send it to you.

22:30

Yes, we send it. But

22:32

I guess the thing I was

22:34

going to say is all of its theory, and this

22:36

is going to sound crazy. Are you ready?

22:39

Yeah, I'm ready. I think animals and

22:41

human beings are becoming like they

22:43

are starting to be able to

22:45

communicate with each other. Because

22:47

I've seen some set-side videos where

22:50

dogs clearly understand English and

22:52

basically are communicating directly with their

22:55

owners. I'm not talking about the stupid, like,

22:58

the button that they train. Right.

23:00

I don't like those buttons. That's abuse.

23:02

I don't like it. I think it's

23:04

creepy. I will watch

23:07

it and be entertained and make sounds like

23:09

I enjoy it, but I don't like that

23:11

dog with a cat on its back and

23:13

on that cat's back as a little mouse.

23:16

You don't like that? No. Because you think

23:18

it's fake? It's beautiful to see it. I

23:20

know it's real, and it took years of

23:22

abusive training. Yes, that's right. If you're screaming

23:25

at a mouse after just having yelled at

23:27

a cat, that just after

23:29

on the heels of screaming at a dog

23:31

that's flawless like a couple spider. It's

23:35

just too many. It's too much abuse. Like,

23:37

when I see animals doing tricks, I feel

23:39

like, eh, that was done out of instilling

23:42

fear and reinforcing with treats.

23:46

Yeah. Sorry. Agree. But

23:48

you think... Wait, what's happening?

23:51

Actual language. It's

23:53

just a bus... It's a road bus driver.

23:56

There ain't no kids on that bus. That

23:58

fire truck. Oh, should we help solve an

24:00

issue? another crime. Oh, somebody. They're looking for

24:02

a body. They're looking in a ravine. They're

24:04

looking in a ravine with flashlights. I

24:07

don't know why I turned down the street because I

24:09

kind of don't know where I am. Oh,

24:13

I mean, I know where I am on the grid, basically,

24:15

but I don't I think I had a plan in my

24:17

head and it was the wrong side. We're not off

24:19

the grid. I

24:22

think we're eventually going to find a

24:24

coffee shop. Yes, that's right.

24:26

Here. Why don't we make this machine

24:29

help us find the coffee shop? Yes.

24:31

Think Blonk. Now,

24:34

Will, if we drink coffee this late in the evening,

24:36

will you get sometimes

24:38

my legs jiggle and I have to have

24:40

some TheraFlu or something to calm it down.

24:43

Yeah, maybe we should get lemonade. I

24:46

know I'm going to get coffee because that's what I

24:49

want. Yeah, me too. Well,

24:51

let's just quit lying to each other

24:53

about this lemonade business. I

24:56

had a strawberry lemonade from Del

24:58

Taco the other night. I

25:01

was so like,

25:03

oh, I supposed to turn right there. Damn

25:06

it. Well, that bus has that

25:08

out for us. Yeah, the buses. I want the bus

25:10

to leave me alone. And it's hard to talk

25:12

and kind of navigate all of this at the

25:14

same time. But I

25:17

never order strawberry lemonade, but it

25:19

said on the Del Taco menu, real

25:22

strawberry lemonade. So I

25:25

was like, that sounds like it could be really

25:27

good. Yeah. If it's not super gross. And

25:30

it was so good. So what's

25:32

their change? So strawberries in

25:34

there. Strawberries. It was almost like

25:36

they probably opened a bag of

25:38

frozen strawberry. Sure. Yeah. Dumped

25:40

them in a big bath. I mean, they're

25:42

not organic. No, it's not, it's some mom

25:44

didn't chop them up for me personally, but

25:47

it worked. Wow. I

25:50

like the sound of it. I've become the

25:52

sweetest of teeth. And I, the

25:54

other day I lost my mind

25:56

because I rediscovered just straight up

25:58

vanilla ice cream. Brought

28:00

back old memories, for sure. Okay,

28:05

caddy-esque, I mean animal-esque.

28:07

What do you think? What evidence have

28:10

you seen? I guess

28:12

with both calls from dad. But

28:14

it's like, okay, so this one

28:17

video I saw was a kitten, like a

28:19

baby kitten. And it said, this

28:21

is her first time trying wet food. And

28:24

the plot is eating and going, meow, meow, meow, meow,

28:26

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, as they're eating. And

28:28

it's the cutest thing in the world. And

28:31

then as the cat... So the cat's basically going,

28:33

like, holy shit, what is this? It's so good.

28:36

Why have you never given me this? I'm freaking out. I

28:38

can't believe this is so delicious. Never

28:41

give me that dry shit again. But

28:44

whatever. And then when the cat turns around

28:46

and goes, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, and I immediately

28:48

was like, that cat is saying thank you. Oh,

28:50

yeah. And then, but the people were just filming

28:52

it. So they were like, did you like that?

28:54

Or whatever. And then the cat comes

28:56

over and it's like, time... And it's like, pick that

28:58

cat up. It wants to thank you. It wants to

29:00

hug you. Like, it's so happy you

29:03

gave it that. And maybe

29:05

I'm just losing my mind. But

29:07

I believed I was right when I was looking

29:09

at that cat. I was like, I felt like

29:11

I was interpreting the cat's intention. Yeah.

29:14

I think some are... I mean,

29:16

that's what my point is. Some are just

29:18

regular cats or dogs. Other ones have

29:21

evolved kind of like we are.

29:23

You know, our hands and feet are getting

29:25

more webbed and we're

29:27

evolving as humans. I'm

29:30

a better swimmer every year. Yeah.

29:33

There might be holes in that theory. But I

29:35

do think that... But it's a good example. Have

29:38

you seen the one where there's three dogs lined

29:40

up and they're like, who did this? Who did

29:42

this mess? Who made this mess? And they're all

29:44

looking down guilty. And then one

29:46

dog reaches over past the little dog in

29:48

the middle and just puts his paw on

29:51

the other dog and that dog gets pissed

29:53

and just rubs his nose in his face

29:55

like, fuck you. You showed me

29:57

out. It is the most... And

30:00

they're not making any noise, but it's so

30:02

clear. And do you think they

30:04

were trained into doing that? Do you think it's real? No,

30:06

no, because they were in trouble. You can

30:08

tell by their faces. Dogs can't

30:10

act that way. Like act guilty like

30:13

you've done something bad. Oh, that's true.

30:16

I suppose they could if you abused

30:18

them enough. Or if you tied a little

30:20

very... What? Did you see that? No.

30:22

That guy was doing a Papa Wheelie

30:24

all the way down the street. With

30:26

control. And also

30:29

not going rear, rear. Yeah, I used to think

30:31

it was reckless. Now I see

30:33

people riding wheelies, especially

30:35

in my neighborhood so much. Like there'll be

30:37

like 15 kids on dirt bikes.

30:41

And they just ride wheelies. And they're

30:43

so controlled that it

30:45

doesn't even scare me anymore. I

30:47

used to think it was insane. I would stop and... I

30:50

would think it was insane, but that guy was

30:52

great. Yeah. He

30:55

handled shit. Yeah, it is a new... is

30:57

this... Oh, it does have a drive-thru. It

30:59

does. I love everyone.

31:03

So convenient. Modern

31:05

convenience. Today we got

31:07

a $50 coffee... Oh,

31:11

thank you so much. ...gift card from our friend.

31:14

It came via email, so it's very official.

31:16

Oh. Patricia Curley. Carely.

31:19

K-E-R. Not Curly like Mo.

31:23

Carely. Carely. Patricia, thank you so

31:25

much. Yeah. That was... That's

31:28

a big one. That's big. And that's generous and nice. Yeah, it

31:30

is very nice. And we appreciate

31:32

you caring enough to listen in the

31:34

first place, but then to give a gift?

31:37

Well, I think they've seen that once we

31:39

get hopped up on caffeine, the episodes get

31:41

better. Then it... yeah. Yeah, it's an investment.

31:47

It feels great giving gifts to people you care

31:49

about, but it can add up. But

31:51

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to 500-500 to

34:34

try Audible for free for 30 days. I'm

34:40

very excited about this. It

34:43

smells. Thank

34:47

you. And can we have a couple of

34:49

napkins? Thanks so much.

34:55

Do you want yours hot? It's

34:57

okay, no. I

34:59

think that what I've ordered

35:02

is basically a tiny piece of

35:04

cheesecake. So you

35:07

want it cold. And

35:11

we're doing what everyone hates. We're

35:13

all eating. Oh, that's right. I

35:17

took a bite and I might not

35:19

continue. I just, I'm gonna

35:21

take one bite. Of course. If you

35:23

could bear with us audience, we're just

35:25

taking a couple bites. At least can

35:27

you just put in a light keyboard sound while

35:29

I try this? Yeah. Okay.

35:32

Thank you. Yeah,

35:35

no one should be forced to listen to other people eat on

35:37

my. Yeah.

35:41

Oh shit. Oh shit. That's

35:44

some good stuff. At least

35:47

we're not pulling over as splitting a box

35:49

of donuts. We're

35:52

continuing to drive and eating our

35:54

own donuts. Wow. Yeah.

35:57

I get it. At

38:00

the end of eating a meal, they're like, did you

38:03

leave room for dessert? No, it's the last thing I

38:05

want. And now

38:07

I get it. It just, I took,

38:09

my life changed. I

38:12

never would get dessert. I

38:14

do overeat when it's

38:16

the entree. So

38:18

I'm full, I'm never lying

38:20

like, oh, I shouldn't. I

38:23

just never craved it, and now I do. Now I

38:25

do get dessert, I do look at that extra menu.

38:28

I will make you come out with a large plate and

38:31

showcase what you have. Wheel that cart

38:33

by me. I'm

38:35

really sorry I continued to eat that Danish.

38:38

I couldn't help it. Yeah, I mean, it's

38:40

sitting here burning a hole in my crotch. It's

38:43

like, I really

38:46

wanna bite this thing. It's

38:48

just sitting there, it's also a hazard. It could

38:50

fall on the floor and they'll be covered with

38:52

hair. But no, you got your car. Detailed.

38:55

There's so many reasons I shouldn't throw cake

38:57

on the floor this time. I mean, this

39:00

is the time to not do it. Right,

39:02

I'm just saying if I did, there wouldn't be dog

39:04

hair on it. That's right, you

39:06

can pick it back up and then eat off

39:09

the floor of this car. Nah,

39:12

when anyone ever says I'm getting my car

39:15

detailed, I always just think of Pulp Fiction

39:17

and that you had to do it because

39:19

there was a murder in the back of

39:22

it. Did

39:24

they get their details? After they went through that?

39:26

Yeah, yeah, that's why they called Harvey

39:29

Keitel, really. He was a detailer? Yeah,

39:31

he was the cleaner. Oh.

39:34

Wasn't he called the fixer? I don't know,

39:36

that would be very well. He

39:39

was the fixer, Colin the Wolf? Yeah, yeah,

39:41

I think he had a lot of nicknames in

39:43

it. And

39:46

he showed up and they said, okay,

39:48

first of all, we're gonna need some

39:50

towels. All of it was just basic

39:53

cleaning knowledge. Yeah. That's what he did. That was

39:55

his role in the movie. He cleaned

39:57

up the back seat. And he didn't even do it,

39:59

he said. I need you to get all

40:01

those itty-bitty pizzas of brain and skull and clean

40:03

them up and you can't leave

40:05

any we need this car clean and

40:08

they're like, thank you for doing this and they shook his

40:10

hand like it was It's a

40:12

very strange if I think about it now if

40:14

I really dissect that movie So

40:16

she there's problems with

40:19

it. Well Yeah, because you

40:21

can't be the cleaner you don't tell other people How

40:24

they need to clean their thing if they hired you as a

40:26

cleaner or maybe they mean that in

40:30

like a Kind of mafia.

40:32

Yes mafia way. That's how he was

40:34

a cleaner like how Michael Clayton is

40:37

is the what do they call it? the the

40:40

what guy The the

40:42

cleanup guy or whatever. There's a phrase

40:44

for it. Yeah, and it usually means

40:49

You know literally a mess but in this

40:51

case and maybe that was a joke that

40:53

everyone laughed about when they were reading the

40:55

script He's actually Cleaning he's

40:58

telling them. He's dictating. Well,

41:00

I Don't know. So

41:03

it was like oh get it. It's

41:05

literal. Yeah, I get it You

41:07

get the funny joke, but I always if someone

41:09

says they detailed their car. I'm like, okay murderer

41:12

That's what I think. I wasn't thinking that about

41:14

you. Well, you already accused me of

41:16

that though So well too late

41:19

you do wear a lot of black Gosh

41:23

murder Oh

41:29

The time on the show where we

41:31

cough on control, I mean this is

41:33

probably Since

41:36

orially for the listener one of the worst

41:38

shows we've ever done I know and

41:40

I agree with that but the last

41:42

time we did a solo we were

41:44

knocking it out of the park We're

41:46

not machines. Okay. I mean our ability

41:48

undulates Like

41:51

the rising seas or a new Muffin

41:55

there will be no leftovers Thanksgiving and there's

41:57

a guy with an axe. That's a new

41:59

movie coming out ladies and gentlemen. Oh

42:02

yeah, I have seen that on the

42:04

sides of buses. Thanksgiving horror movie. I'll

42:07

watch it, I love horror. Horror.

42:11

I love horror. Horror. I

42:13

do. But yeah, it's

42:15

okay that we're having a lot, we

42:18

weren't prepared for this, we had a

42:20

guest cancellation, so we're doing

42:22

a solo episode and everything, you

42:24

know. I think besides- All the

42:26

prep I usually put in. I

42:29

did not have time. You didn't do your

42:31

vocal exercises, you didn't stretch. Me, me, me,

42:33

me. But I do think we're being A

42:36

plus funny, so I'm not worried about that. I just

42:38

felt bad because I was like, I

42:41

literally with absolute disdain for the

42:43

listener, was like, oh I'm eating

42:45

this fucking Danish. Yeah, disdain

42:47

on behalf of the listener. We don't

42:50

have disdain for our listeners. Well

42:52

I feel like though, it would

42:54

be easy for a listener to interpret disdain

42:56

from how rude that was. Exactly. Is my-

43:00

My apologies for that. I'm making

43:02

up for it by having this

43:04

wedge of cheesecake rest upon my

43:06

tino's. Look

43:08

at it there. Just riding that pleat.

43:11

I thought it was, I

43:13

thought that was a scone. No,

43:17

I didn't know what I was

43:19

getting. I just thought cranberry and it was

43:21

triangular shaped, but I have gotten a piece

43:23

of cake. Oh, pretty

43:26

good. Oh it's really good.

43:28

I accidentally took another bite. Guys,

43:31

you have to forgive

43:33

our coping mechanisms. It's very

43:35

dark outside, that's scary. Everything

43:38

else is scary. I stopped drinking.

43:41

Chris has a sweet, like,

43:44

mouthful of teeth. I can't

43:46

help it. He can't help it and he shouldn't

43:48

have to help it. Right. He's adjusting,

43:50

everything's fine. I

43:52

mean, if you don't want me to eat

43:55

into the microphone, you might as well just push

43:57

me off the wagon. That's right. If

44:00

Chris starts drinking again because you hate

44:02

so much to listen to people smack

44:04

food in your ears I

44:06

have to have candy while we record

44:08

in lieu of the vodka so you

44:11

Nobody knew about it including Karen

44:15

In the car. Oh, it's just my

44:18

juice I always had

44:20

juice that was kind of pale the

44:22

weird pale juice in a cup. Mm-hmm I

44:25

had a real problem Chris, please don't bring that cup

44:27

in the car Not what I

44:29

want. He would say the problem is you can hear

44:32

me get it all hyped up when I eat sweets

44:34

now I want to get a fucking no No,

44:38

no, no, no, no, he's not unless You

44:43

nice. Oh, he's nice. I didn't expect

44:45

that No, I learned

44:47

my lesson. Did you sorry and I

44:49

know I've asked you this before did you ever

44:51

know or meet? My

44:54

old friend Danny Ceballos who was in

44:56

the comedy hang world, but he didn't do stand-up.

44:58

He was like a Writer

45:01

and I think no, I think Actually,

45:04

if I saw a picture of him, I

45:06

would maybe know him Yeah, I think you

45:08

would but I think more I've gotten to

45:10

know him through your stories He

45:13

has all my favorite look like is

45:15

it Daniel Frank? Do you

45:18

remember that? That was a

45:20

comic scene guy. I think he

45:22

used to do comedy. No

45:24

Danny Ceballos had prematurely

45:27

gray hair But then

45:29

he was other than that a very

45:31

very hip kind of hipster

45:33

He wore very cool clothes and he had

45:35

great taste and he had great taste in

45:37

the user He

45:40

one time though because we would drink to

45:42

excess and that was he was one of

45:44

my favorite people to drink to excess With

45:46

because he was so fucking funny, right? And

45:49

this one time at Mary Lynn rice cub

45:51

was driving and we drove into the Jack

45:53

in the Box drive-thru on sunset and

45:57

We were all so drunk and this

50:00

this technology it's like floating

50:02

along a ham radio oh

50:07

look at they're going full on wintertime okay

50:10

yeah I'm not above enjoying

50:12

Christmas lights hell yeah it's

50:14

I'm ready for it right this second

50:16

yeah me too that looks really pretty I might

50:19

make a cornucopia this year for

50:22

Thanksgiving yeah and pull

50:24

out my buckle shoes I like

50:28

just didn't have Halloween so I want to dress

50:30

up you know what you can do like system

50:32

and it's pumpkin base yeah do it do

50:35

it and fill the cornucopia with

50:38

your vanilla cherry ice cream just let

50:40

it flow out let it melt

50:42

in there and then shove a gourd in there

50:46

yeah if you think it's a good idea I'll do

50:48

it I do I

50:50

do wonder where would I get one

50:52

of those twisty baskets

50:55

one of those cone that's the cornucopia

50:57

yeah where do you get those I

50:59

never see them on sale thrift

51:01

store your grandmother's house an

51:04

old person's garage right

51:06

yeah you kind of just have to stumble

51:09

upon them someone has to pass that cuz

51:11

that's like saying where do you get a mid-sized

51:15

white wicker basket where it's like yeah at

51:17

your mom's house there's like the mom bought

51:19

all of those Karen where do you in

51:21

town do you think I would go purchase

51:24

a bowl of dusty potpourri home goods actually

51:28

you might be able to get a coat a cornucopia

51:30

at home warm goods

51:32

I really

51:35

appreciated it the other day I was going I

51:37

I had my keys tasseled

51:40

to my belt loop you know I do I basically

51:42

am like a janitor now yeah I

51:44

hooked them with a carabiner very cool

51:46

yeah I let them dangle I

51:49

want people to think I'm in charge

51:51

of a building I want them to

51:53

think I'm a super yeah everybody loves

51:55

power so I yes I want to

51:57

wield the power power of a building

51:59

cleaner upping

54:00

the game. How much do we have to interact with

54:02

this brand? I just I

54:04

just keep bringing it up. That's

54:07

how thankful I am. I mean, that's

54:09

all it takes with this guy. Yeah, he

54:12

likes his own name on a chalkboard in

54:14

a business in Echo Park. What

54:16

can you do for him? It is

54:18

staggering how much that that that really

54:20

punched me right in the old heartstrings,

54:23

right in the old love sack. Wait,

54:26

well, then can I tell my? Can

54:28

I tell my closer story? Yeah. And

54:31

I know you know the story. And I know I've told it already.

54:33

Is this a closer story like a guy

54:35

that finishes financial deals or a

54:38

story that will end this podcast? It's

54:40

gonna end this podcast forever. I kind of

54:42

knew the answer. This

54:44

is the end of the podcast. What? This is

54:46

terrible. I'm gonna miss everyone. Um,

54:52

I walked in I was on the road doing

54:54

colleges in like 19. I was

54:57

still drinking. So it was like 1996. And

55:00

I was in upstate New York driving a rental

55:02

car by myself. If I could, I

55:05

think so. I did a college in Africa was

55:07

wonderful. Going, but basically by

55:09

myself, I had 20 minutes material an hour

55:11

to do I was eating it and then

55:14

progressively getting a little bit better as it

55:16

went. But it was really awful. And so

55:18

I'm on like the third college

55:21

or the third hotel feeling like a

55:23

failure feeling unfunny as hell. I

55:25

walk in and there's a little one

55:27

of those boards that are now very popular

55:29

with like young mothers to put in their

55:32

kitchen. That's like it's black felt when you

55:34

press in the white letters. Oh, sure. Today

55:36

is a great day or whatever. Yeah,

55:38

yeah. They're a classic board. One

55:40

of them are one of those larger size

55:43

marquee boards is in the lobby of this

55:45

hotel. And it says, welcome guest of the

55:47

day Karen Kilgare. As I'm walking

55:49

in, and I'm like, holy fuck.

55:52

I'm so let's say it is this

55:54

I'm like, I've just pulled into this

55:56

like Marriott in Ithaca and my name's

55:58

on the board and I'm like guard

58:00

to get rid of them. He keeps going

58:02

down to the quad and barking and fliering.

58:04

I guess we'll let him perform. He keeps

58:06

yelling hacky sack at people. We don't know

58:08

what that is. We don't know what it

58:10

means. It is regional.

58:13

A lot of people call it footbag up

58:15

in Ithaca. Well,

58:18

happy Thanksgiving everyone. Hey,

58:20

happy holidays. And near.

58:22

You've been listening to Do Need a Rock.

58:25

Hey, be my head. This

58:37

has been an exactly right

58:40

production. Produced by Annalise Nelson. Mixed

58:42

by Edson Choi. Our talent

58:44

booker is Patrick Kotner. Theme

58:47

song by Karen Kilgaris. Artwork

58:49

by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the

58:51

show on Instagram, Twitter, and

58:53

Facebook at Dynar Podcast. That's

58:55

D-Y-N-A-R podcast. For more

58:57

information, go to exactly right media

59:00

dot com. Thank you. Thank you.

59:07

Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of

59:09

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