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0:30

Hello

0:30

listeners. Welcome back to don't

0:33

ask TIG season three.

0:36

I have an amazing guest today and

0:38

so many incredible guests lined up for

0:40

episodes to come. I had

0:42

a wonderful time taking a break

0:44

but I have to admit I'm very,

0:47

very excited to be back. I want

0:49

to let you know I'm gonna be doing a show

0:51

in Delaware on November fourth

0:53

and I don't remember the

0:56

town, but it's not a big state just

0:58

to Google around and what have you.

1:01

Also, make sure to check out my other podcast,

1:03

Tig and Cheryl's True Story. And

1:07

I'm just happy to be back. And

1:09

if you have any other questions about

1:11

what I'm up to. Always go to

1:13

tignotaro dot com. Okay.

1:16

So there you have it.

1:18

Here we go. Can't wait to

1:20

get started. So without any

1:23

further ado, let's get into

1:25

it.

1:28

when you came to my show in

1:30

Los Angeles and I saw you in the

1:32

parking lot, I was like, what are you doing here?

1:34

How did you find out about the show?

1:37

And you said, the Internet?

1:40

I was like, who knows? Right. This

2:03

is Donas Tig. I'm Tig

2:05

Notaro back for a whole

2:07

new season of possibly high

2:10

quality Definitely highly

2:13

unqualified advice. My

2:15

guest is an actress,

2:17

producer, and author.

2:20

You know her as the voice of princess

2:22

Anna in Frozen and Frozen

2:25

two. Recently, she starred in

2:27

Net Flicks' comedy, the woman

2:29

in the house across the street from the

2:31

girl in the window. And she's

2:33

also known for her leading roles

2:35

in the hit TV shows the good

2:37

place, and Veronica Mars.

2:40

Kristen Bell, my

2:42

best friend. Thank you for

2:44

being here. a donass tick, but

2:46

also you're not my best friend. I don't want anyone

2:49

to think that maybe we're best friends, but I really

2:51

like you a lot. Wait. I want people to think

2:53

we're best friends who cares if we actually

2:55

are. Let's just say it. Let's

2:57

put it out there. Maybe it'll happen.

3:00

We don't know. You know? We don't

3:02

know. We don't know what's coming in

3:04

life. No. But

3:06

seriously, who's your best friend?

3:10

Well, I say my daughter, my

3:12

oldest daughter is my best friend because we say

3:14

that most often. But I have I have

3:16

six girlfriends that ended up being

3:18

my pandemic pod and call them all my best

3:20

friends. Yeah. Yeah. I

3:22

kinda am not really into the best

3:24

friend label. I feel

3:26

like it felt more like from childhood

3:29

Whereas now it's just like I

3:31

have a lot of really great friends.

3:33

Yeah. And as I grew up, I felt

3:35

the same thing. You know, I have a close

3:37

knit group of friends, which yeah,

3:40

if you think about the definition of

3:42

BFF when you're little, it's more forward

3:44

facing. Right? It's like for your brand,

3:47

when they're at you know, but now it's like, no.

3:49

Who am I close? Like, friends

3:51

that feel like chosen family and

3:54

who's the one that I can cry with? Who's

3:56

the one that will go on a hike last minute?

3:58

Oh my gosh. What if I become the one

4:00

that you just wanna cry to? I

4:02

mean, I Maybe,

4:04

I we don't know. That's the thing.

4:06

We don't know what's gonna happen.

4:09

Mhmm. So rumor

4:11

has it that you went on an

4:13

epic

4:14

road trip this summer.

4:15

Tell me what role

4:18

did

4:18

you take on this trip. Were you the

4:20

navigator, the driver? Were

4:22

you Baggage? Mostly

4:25

baggage. Just sleeping. Wait. You were

4:27

the actual baggage, or you carried the

4:29

baggage? Both. Whoa. I

4:31

You shut myself into a suitcase and I carried

4:33

myself. The rumors

4:35

are true, which -- Mhmm. -- I rarely say

4:37

that. I guess my family,

4:39

the four of us, my husband

4:41

and two daughters, finally started

4:43

feeling that antsy itch, post COVID of

4:45

not having gone anywhere in so long.

4:48

So we said let's plan an epic summer.

4:50

So in, like, February, we

4:52

decided we were gonna go to the

4:54

f one race in Austria in the

4:57

beginning of July, Formula One.

4:59

Are you familiar? I've heard of

5:01

the race cars. And

5:03

the Austrian Red Bullring is like one

5:05

of the most beautiful picturesque

5:07

places you could possibly go. So we went Austria

5:10

for a week went to the f one race with our

5:12

pals. Then we rented a

5:14

car, and we drove all around

5:16

Italy. Mhmm. And then

5:18

we came home for a week, and then we

5:20

got into our motor home. Her

5:22

name is Big Brown. You own a

5:24

motor home? Well, yes. We

5:26

own a bus. DAX would be mad if I didn't

5:28

say bus. We own, like, a tour of us and

5:30

-- Okay. -- sometimes he tells

5:32

people Arrow Smith over. She's

5:36

brown. Mhmm. And she's in

5:38

the driveway, so she's

5:40

directly in front of my

5:41

bay kitchen window. Oh,

5:43

that's

5:43

nice. It's quite the view. You

5:46

never know what's gonna happen. That's the thing.

5:48

That's the thing about life. You don't

5:50

know you're gonna fall in love with DAX who's

5:52

gonna want an aerosmith bus

5:55

parked in front of your bay window? You

5:57

don't know. If you had asked

5:59

me, when I was in high school, what

6:01

my life would be, I'd be like, well, obviously, I'm

6:03

gonna marry a greenpace worker, and

6:05

we'll do, like, a lot of philanthropy will, like, travel

6:08

around and, like, help people. Like, I had no

6:10

idea that I would marry a hillbelly

6:12

from Michigan where I'm from, and

6:14

I'm literally lucky he has all his

6:16

teeth because he's everything that a

6:18

good Michigan hillbelly should be, which is he super

6:20

into motor sports. There's

6:22

six or seven motorcycles in the driveway. Our

6:24

house always looks like a parking lot

6:26

outside. But big

6:28

brown is geared to stay. It's actually

6:31

really -- Mhmm. -- really fun for us to

6:33

be in the motor home. For some reason,

6:35

our family does very well in

6:37

tight faces. There's no option to

6:39

fight. You gotta get over your gut just quick. You

6:41

gotta get over being grumpy quick. You're face to

6:43

face with someone. You're knocking on the

6:45

bathroom door. So anyway, in August,

6:47

after Italy, we jumped in big

6:49

brown. We drove to

6:53

Idaho and stayed on the Snake River

6:55

for a week. in Swan Valley. So

6:57

beautiful. I love Idaho. So beautiful. So

7:00

beautiful. And we were there with a bunch of

7:02

friends, and then we drove up to South

7:05

Dakota -- Wow. -- staying at

7:07

places on this site called Hip

7:09

Camp, which is basically

7:11

Airbnb for motor

7:13

homes. Wow. And you stay on

7:15

people's property because they have like a

7:17

Jenny and a plug in in their front yard and you just

7:19

like park and you give them the fifty

7:21

bucks or whatever. And are they, like,

7:23

oh my gosh, Kristen Bell and

7:25

Jack Shepherd? Once we get there,

7:27

there's usually a little bit of, like,

7:30

pretty major confusion, but

7:32

they've all been lovely and

7:35

-- Mhmm. -- they're excited, but they

7:37

also don't care too much. which is great.

7:39

Yeah. Then we went to Mount Rushmore

7:41

and then we drove

7:44

to North Dakota and

7:46

stayed right by the lake,

7:48

bathed in the lake every day, the kids

7:50

caught frogs, and then we came

7:52

home. And how long was that

7:54

road trip? Almost three weeks. See,

7:56

I wanna get something like that,

7:58

probably not a tour bus, but

8:00

it's kind of Stephanie's worst

8:02

nightmare, but I think she might come around

8:04

to it. It's more fun than you

8:06

think, and you asked me what my

8:08

job was. Oh, right. I

8:10

forgot. I have driven it

8:12

like ten feet before. It's not comfortable.

8:14

It's forty five feet. And

8:16

usually we're towing something like

8:19

a trailer bed with, like, a razor

8:21

and some motorbikes and the girls'

8:23

bikes, their motorcycles, but

8:25

I do snacks. I'm really

8:27

good at snacks. Well,

8:29

that answers my question. If

8:31

you need someone to do snacks, you

8:33

got your girl. because everyone in

8:35

my family rides motorcycles and I'm

8:38

not I'm, like, barely qualified

8:40

to use the oven. I that's, like, my

8:42

max machinery. So

8:44

both of your daughter's rice. Yeah. Okay.

8:47

See, I can drive motorcycles,

8:49

boats. I can drive trucks

8:51

with trailers. I can back up a

8:53

trailer. I just haven't driven a tour

8:55

bus, but I feel like I could do

8:58

it. I can kinda drive anything.

9:00

I didn't know this about

9:02

you. Mhmm. Well, how does Stephanie

9:04

feel about Snacks? because

9:06

you need one of those. She's good at that. In

9:08

fact, we've had a conversation recently

9:11

about freckles wait, like, in the zeitgeist or,

9:13

like, at your home? Well, it's

9:15

come up in our home. Like, have you

9:17

heard about freckles? Or did you know if they were in

9:19

a freuffle? And, you know, that kinda

9:21

thing. And Stephanie said, what are

9:23

your thoughts on that? And I said, it

9:25

seems overwhelming. Like, I wouldn't know where

9:27

to sit. Like, are there enough

9:29

seats? And Stephanie said,

9:31

well, I would only be open to it because

9:33

I feel like what we're missing in our

9:35

relationship is someone that can put

9:37

together a gift basket. And

9:40

so that's possibly,

9:42

I guess, maybe you never know

9:44

what's gonna happen to lie. That's the thing. I

9:46

don't know that it's for me. Okay?

9:49

But Stephanie's looking for someone to

9:51

put a gift basket together.

9:53

Just keep an open mind. You just

9:55

never know. You just never know.

9:57

you never know. Now,

9:59

Kristen, you're a multitasker.

10:02

Let's be honest. You're a

10:04

working producer and actor. You've

10:06

written a children's book. support

10:08

multiple nonprofits and

10:10

even founded a line of all

10:12

natural

10:12

baby products. How

10:14

do you decide what you're going to do

10:16

next? To be honest, I don't ever

10:18

know. Mhmm. My capabilities with

10:21

planning and like high level management --

10:23

Mhmm. -- run-in a twenty four

10:25

hour cycle. So beyond that,

10:27

I can't really plan much.

10:29

I've taken everything in

10:31

my life based on gut reactions.

10:33

Mhmm. Like, what

10:34

is this adding value wise

10:37

to my spirit right now? To my

10:39

narrative self? To my experiential

10:41

self? Like, I take all into consideration

10:43

and the older I get, it's way

10:45

more about

10:45

my experiential self, to be honest. Like,

10:48

well, how

10:48

how much time is this gonna allow for me

10:50

to spend with my kids -- Right. -- be with

10:53

my family, do the things that I wanna do

10:55

because I I did hustle. I was a

10:57

freaking hustler when I was in

10:59

my early twenties when

11:00

I was

11:01

looking fourteen -- Yeah. -- I was,

11:03

like, trying to do every piece of work

11:05

out there. And

11:07

I

11:07

was, you know, working sixteen, seventeen hour

11:10

days nonstop. And then I just

11:12

kinda hit a point where

11:13

I wanna be home a lot more.

11:16

And some of the business things like starting

11:18

Hello Bello, not only

11:20

aligned with what my values

11:22

were and what and I were thinking at the

11:24

time, which is the short version is we

11:26

had a baby. It wasn't lost

11:28

on us that we went to all these little boot seeks

11:30

and bought these great baby products and that

11:32

just wasn't a possibility for my sisters in

11:34

Michigan or people who I knew were on

11:36

a budget and We leveraged our

11:39

celebrity with getting an economy of scale started

11:41

in a company that can manufacture here in

11:43

the US and give very high quality

11:45

premium baby products. diapers, lotions,

11:47

cushions, vitamins, etcetera, to people without

11:49

having to choose between their baby or their budget.

11:51

And ultimately, I guess

11:53

it's kinda like what kind of story do I

11:55

wanna tell? because with the company, you're

11:57

still telling a story, you know.

11:59

Mhmm.

11:59

And

11:59

then the last

12:01

couple jobs that I've taken,

12:03

I've been really lucky that they've

12:05

run a long time, like how supplies

12:07

ran for five years, good place ran for five

12:09

years. So I'm really

12:11

we're being honest, I'm only making one decision

12:13

every five years. about what to do.

12:15

And it's a gut instinct.

12:17

Okay. Alright. Well, you know what?

12:20

I'm thinking I've come around on a five

12:21

year decision making for you

12:24

because you

12:24

and I have a top secret project under

12:27

wraps that we're working on that

12:29

hopefully can keep you home with your

12:31

family more. and

12:32

myself as well. I have a feeling it will.

12:34

It's the topest, secretest project.

12:38

Yes. And I have a feeling

12:40

that when it shows

12:42

up, it will will we

12:44

know that'll run for a hundred

12:46

years? Exactly. You just gave

12:48

away that it might be something you can

12:50

view. But we don't need to

12:52

talk about that.

12:53

Okay. And lastly,

12:56

what is it like for you

12:58

being married to somebody

13:00

with such a massively

13:03

successful podcast.

13:05

It makes me so proud,

13:08

but not proud of him, proud

13:10

for him, if that makes sense,

13:13

because he's always had this,

13:15

like, wise insight

13:17

into life and human

13:20

relations that he shares with our

13:22

family all the time, but prior to

13:24

him having a podcast, no one kind of

13:26

knew that part of him and

13:29

watching his audience grow

13:31

and how he relates to people and

13:33

how he wants to sort of

13:35

reduce shame around every corner

13:37

and let people know mistakes are

13:39

okay. It I don't know. It's really

13:41

sexy, but I will

13:43

say in the

13:44

beginning,

13:46

I did not anticipate

13:49

that his podcast would be so

13:51

big when he first

13:52

came to me. He was

13:54

probably hadn't worked as an actor in, like,

13:57

a year and was like, I wanna start a podcast. And I was

13:59

like, oh, that's so

13:59

cute. You should do a podcast. Everyone's doing

14:02

a podcast. And then

14:04

cut to, you know, six months

14:06

later, they had, like, so many

14:08

people listening and had this,

14:10

like, huge army of

14:12

people. They call themselves arm cherries, and

14:14

it's just thrilling. He was

14:16

born to chat. He was born to

14:18

talk. And sometimes, we

14:20

differ on that when I come home at night. I'm like, I don't

14:22

wanna talk I just wanna go to

14:24

bed or I just wanna be silent. And so

14:26

this actually is perfect also for our

14:28

marriage because he gets to talk all

14:30

day. and have this huge

14:32

career in talking

14:34

and I get a little relief at night because he's

14:36

kind of talked out. Right.

14:38

I

14:38

like being married to him very much.

14:41

Well,

14:41

I would hope so. And

14:44

I I was only asking because,

14:46

you know, Stephanie

14:47

doesn't know what it's like to be

14:50

married to a massively successful

14:52

podcast host.

14:54

Now, do people frequently come

14:56

to for advice?

14:58

A fair amount.

15:00

I'd say a fair amount. I

15:02

think that I offer a lot of unsolicited

15:05

advice. DAX is always

15:07

reminding me not to do that

15:09

because a lot of people

15:11

don't like unsolicited advice.

15:13

I am a person who does

15:15

because my mind frame

15:17

is like I wanna know how you did it and

15:19

you did it and you did it and you did it and like

15:21

I get to choose which one I take.

15:23

Yeah. But some people are more sensitive to it.

15:25

So I've tried to give less advice over

15:27

the years, but I

15:28

will say I am a soft landing

15:30

pad for my close friendships.

15:32

in the advice department. That's good to

15:35

know as you and I are getting much

15:37

closer.

15:37

Kristen, it's time for listener

15:39

questions. Okay.

15:43

This first question concerns

15:46

a problem you unintentionally

15:48

helped

15:48

to create. you personally.

15:51

What?

15:52

Well, listen. Holly

15:54

writes, I work at a preschool

15:56

as a teacher's assistant. The

15:59

main teacher I

15:59

help out is usually

16:02

pretty easy to work with and

16:04

nice, but there's one thing she

16:06

does that drives me nuts. She

16:08

plays the same Disney princess

16:11

songs, mostly from

16:13

Frozen one and Frozen two

16:15

every single day. I

16:17

really don't want to make things awkward

16:19

with her by asking her to change

16:21

up the music, but man,

16:23

it's been driving me crazy

16:25

not to mention

16:26

ruined my love for the movies.

16:29

Any

16:29

advice? Let's go directly

16:32

to Kristen Bell.

16:33

Wait. ruined

16:35

her love for the movies in

16:38

general, like the experience of for

16:40

moviegoing? No. For the movies

16:42

you're in, Kristen. All my films.

16:45

these two movies. It's

16:48

ruined my love for the movies. It's

16:50

Frozen one and Frozen two. You did

16:52

this to her. Okay.

16:54

What I'd first like to say --

16:55

Mhmm. -- is

16:56

I'm sorry. And that's

16:58

-- Okay. -- moving on. Yeah. That's

17:00

pretty much all I

17:02

can come up with is I

17:05

really am sorry. I

17:07

was one of I think the

17:09

only households

17:10

that didn't have

17:12

it on a loop requested

17:14

by their kids because though you might

17:17

think my

17:17

children would be excited

17:19

to

17:19

have me in it. They don't wanna talk

17:22

about it. Nothing I do is

17:24

cool. Anytime I try to get them

17:26

a behind the scenes, like, Actually,

17:28

you know. Jonathan and I were

17:30

doing this scene, they're like, mama.

17:35

Now, psychologically, I expect

17:38

that as they're trying to assimilate with

17:40

a larger tribe. They've got to reject

17:42

their parents. Mhmm. But

17:45

I'm sorry, Holly. By the way, our

17:47

family went through it

17:48

too, driving to school. Our

17:51

sons is particularly one of

17:53

them. Wanted to hear and

17:55

I can't even remember the song. Let it go. Of course. Let

17:57

it go. Yeah. Well, not my

17:59

song,

17:59

Holly. So you

18:02

know what? I'm

18:03

only partially sorry. Adena is you

18:05

an apology. I'll tell you how we've gotten

18:07

out of kids music, which is the only thing

18:09

I can relate to. Okay. when

18:11

the girls were born, DAX

18:14

is generally allergic to

18:16

children's music. Kinda of

18:18

including Disney ones. Annie's allergic to musical theater. So

18:21

again, I don't know why I married him. But --

18:23

Mhmm. -- he said,

18:26

I really want to not play

18:28

children's music ever. I was like, great. So

18:30

we've been playing almost exclusively

18:32

Yat Rock. Vera Smith? No. Yat

18:34

Rock. Oh, Yat Rock. for the

18:36

girls, and they are, like,

18:39

huge

18:39

Mike Mcdonald fans,

18:42

huge hall of notes fans. Their

18:44

taste great. It's kind of awesome.

18:46

So I don't know how to get out of this,

18:48

Holly, other than saying, hey,

18:50

could we play a different genre of

18:53

music today to expose the kids? Yeah. And

18:55

what you could also say, Holly,

18:57

is Kristen Bell

18:59

herself. suggested we

19:02

turn this off and listen

19:03

to some Not rock. Michael McDonald.

19:06

Bingo. Yeah. You cannot go wrong

19:08

with rock. I saw Michael

19:10

McDonald live in a in

19:12

the middle of a park in Ohio,

19:14

an incredible concert.

19:17

Okay?

19:17

Why would you not share that with these

19:20

children? Also, you could if

19:22

you're a teacher, Holly, be

19:24

slightly more calculated and say

19:26

you want to insert a little music

19:28

education because when my girls are

19:30

home from school sick, I

19:32

said, well, your ears aren't sick. So when they're home from school,

19:35

we do like an introspective on a different

19:37

artist. So we've done Billy Joel.

19:40

We've done Atlantis Morrison, we've done

19:42

Lionel Richey, and I basically make them

19:44

listen to, like, their top three albums.

19:47

And then I quiz them on the

19:49

song names.

19:49

And now, what are the ages of

19:51

your daughters? Seven and

19:54

nine.

19:54

okay Okay. Alright. And when did you

19:56

start doing the well, your

19:58

ears aren't sick? Two years

19:59

ago. Okay. Yeah. Alright.

20:02

Well, Holly yeah. It comes

20:04

directly to you from

20:06

Princess Anna herself. Turn

20:08

it off. Turn it off for

20:10

you. Don't even ask her. Just flick it

20:12

off. Yeah.

20:13

Yeah. That I

20:15

get the feeling Holly wouldn't

20:17

just flick it off. Yeah. She's nicer than that.

20:19

Yeah. She's way nice. Alright, Kristen. We're gonna take

20:21

a quick break, but don't go

20:23

anywhere. We'll be right back with

20:26

more questions.

20:41

While

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my Apple Watch is checking for extreme changes

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scanning for sudden changes in direction, and

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the barometer is watching for pressure

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23:58

And

24:03

we're back. Kristen, this

24:05

next one was sent in by

24:07

a concerned dog

24:08

mom.

24:09

Hi, Tig, my dog, Jolene,

24:11

goes to a doggy day

24:14

care. Throughout the day, The day photos

24:16

and videos on Instagram of

24:18

the pups playing. They

24:20

never post Jillian.

24:23

Is there a socially acceptable way

24:25

I can ask for my girl to get

24:27

some social media coverage? Do

24:30

I need to find a new day

24:32

care? Thanks so much. Well,

24:33

Kristen, this is perfect. You've grabbed your adorable

24:36

pup. Yeah. That is a very, very

24:38

cute pup. And to hold

24:41

through this question. Look how many legs though take?

24:43

Oh, I

24:44

feel like one is missing. One is

24:46

missing.

24:46

This is a three legged pop.

24:49

Oh,

24:49

man. Are you lucky?

24:51

The dog's

24:51

so cute and then and not that

24:53

I want an animal to be missing

24:56

a limb, but it makes amputeur.

24:58

You can say it. Well, it's like when babies

25:00

have glasses. Exactly. You know They

25:02

want them to see, but oh my gosh.

25:05

Look how It's objectively cuter, so

25:07

I don't think either of

25:08

us need to feel guilty. Okay. Plus,

25:10

he

25:10

didn't even know he lost his leg. Well, he

25:13

doesn't know anything. That's

25:16

well, you never know. I don't know how much he

25:18

knows. Yeah. Yeah. I have

25:20

a feeling it's not much. Not

25:22

much. But I feel like I would just be

25:24

very direct and say, man,

25:26

I love having my dog at

25:28

your day care and I love seeing

25:30

all the photos. How's about

25:32

a little Jolene? You know?

25:35

I don't think it's a crazy request.

25:37

It's not offensive. Not at all. You

25:39

just wanna see your dog. I

25:41

wanna go a little bit further though. Wait.

25:43

So

25:43

she wants to see her dog posted so

25:45

that she can see what they're doing during

25:48

the day. Yeah.

25:48

I'm probably just like

25:51

everybody else's dog is shown up in the

25:53

photos. Just throw off a photo of

25:55

Jolene. I think what threw me off is the

25:57

phrasing of how

25:57

do I get my dog more social media

25:59

coverage,

25:59

which made me wanna ask the

26:02

question, what is that gonna lead

26:04

to? Why do you think your dog needs

26:06

more social media coverage. But if it is just

26:08

about seeing your dog, then

26:10

yeah, you can just say, oh, I haven't seen

26:12

Jolene in a picture in a

26:14

while, can Can you take some tomorrow? Always make it

26:16

active. Make your request is active. Can you

26:18

take some tomorrow? There you

26:19

go. The businesswoman says,

26:22

make

26:22

it active. Shelby, thanks for

26:24

writing in. Feel free to send us a

26:26

picture of Jolene anytime.

26:29

we'll post it, I guess. I don't know.

26:32

We'll see. What if we get a picture of

26:34

Jolene and she's, like, really not

26:36

photogenic and that was why

26:38

they

26:38

weren't posting any pictures. Yeah.

26:40

And then we just don't post the

26:42

picture of Jolene. Oh, Shelby.

26:44

And then that makes this whole problem

26:46

worse for Shelby. Yeah. And

26:49

then Shelby's writing another

26:51

show asking to get advice about

26:53

how to approach us. Okay.

26:54

Shelby.

26:57

really send us a picture of Jolene.

27:00

There are no ugly dogs, Shelby,

27:02

so you'll be fine. Same with

27:04

babies. Yeah. I mean, ugly

27:06

babies and ugly animals. There's

27:08

nothing cuter. That's true.

27:11

Kristen, our next question was sent in

27:13

by a different Kristen, if you can

27:15

believe that, or maybe it was

27:17

you. We never no. We don't know.

27:19

Yeah. We're about to find out. We're about to

27:21

find out. Kristen writes,

27:23

my next

27:23

door neighbor is hosting her

27:26

sixtieth birthday party in a few

27:28

weeks, and she called to

27:30

invite me. not simply as

27:32

a guest,

27:32

but as a judge for the

27:35

backyard singing competition

27:36

portion of her

27:38

party. She has never invited me over before,

27:40

and we do not know each other well,

27:42

which is why she thinks I will make

27:44

a good neutral judge. My

27:46

inclination is to decline, but she

27:48

is literally just on the other side of a

27:50

white picket fence, so she will

27:53

easily see if I choose to

27:55

stay home. Do I make up an

27:57

excuse and send her flowers instead?

27:59

Do I

27:59

ignore my instincts and agree to

28:02

judge this singing competition?

28:05

This is such an awkward invitation

28:07

that causes me great anxiety.

28:09

You seem like a good neighbor and one

28:11

who loves

28:11

awkward party moments. Help.

28:14

Well, you're right. I do love awkward party

28:17

moments. I

28:17

just love awkward moments in

28:20

general in life. It makes me

28:22

feel alive. But

28:24

here's the thing, Kristen, even if

28:26

this is Kristen Bell. I

28:28

feel like people don't seem

28:30

to understand this, and I all get

28:32

your take in a second, But you don't have

28:34

to

28:34

tell someone why you're not available.

28:36

You know what? Even if she sees

28:38

that you're home, You

28:40

can just say, oh, I'm sorry that doesn't work

28:42

for me that day. Take no

28:44

is a complete sentence.

28:46

Right? That is right, businesswoman. No

28:49

is a complete sentence. Unless

28:51

this person is out of her mind,

28:54

this person is not gonna follow-up and say,

28:56

but why? Why

28:57

can't you? What are you doing? You just

28:59

say, I'm

29:00

not available. have a

29:02

great party. It

29:03

sounds fun. Even if she does

29:06

follow-up, the people that follow-up,

29:08

it's like when you send like a thank you card and

29:10

you follow-up and say, did you get my thank you card?

29:12

It's like, did you send it so that I could

29:14

talk to about it? Or did you send it to say

29:16

thank you? Like, those are the people that

29:19

need to hear. There is no follow-up

29:21

needed here. There's

29:22

a tiny little social slap on the wrist.

29:24

I don't mind that. And

29:26

people's time, it's precious. Like,

29:28

if you wanna have the day off, you

29:30

don't wanna go judge a birthday

29:33

party, Who cares what you're doing with your

29:35

time? If you wanna sit and stare at the

29:37

wall, do that,

29:39

Kristen. Your anxiety, Kristen,

29:42

me, is coming

29:45

probably from

29:46

the perceived label

29:48

that you will receive about

29:50

not being a, quote, good person or good neighbor

29:53

because you are not willing

29:55

to participate in

29:57

this event. that label

29:59

is nonsense. It doesn't matter what

30:01

other people think about you. It only

30:03

matters what you think about yourself. And

30:06

The only person you need to be better than is

30:08

the person you were yesterday, and

30:11

time is expensive. Are you writing

30:13

this down today? I'm throwing out

30:15

so many nuggets right now.

30:16

I never listened to

30:19

you. And so I know

30:21

they're recording this episode.

30:23

So someone will hear. Are you just looking

30:25

at the lines of us talking and seeing when

30:28

mine stops? exactly

30:31

it. Now, yes, you don't have time is

30:33

the most expensive thing on the planet. Mhmm.

30:35

You don't need to justify anything.

30:38

That said, If I received an

30:40

invitation to

30:41

judge a singing competition full

30:45

of sick sixty year olds, you bet your butt, I would

30:47

be there. I hear you.

30:49

That sounds so fun. So

30:51

fun. First of all, I think judging

30:53

a sixty year old birthday party

30:55

singing competition sounds fun. If it's

30:57

your next door neighbor that you now have

30:59

to interact with and it's

31:01

gonna bring awkwardly closer.

31:04

Yeah. That's true. You know what

31:06

I'm saying?

31:07

I say, do what Kristen

31:10

says If it sounds fun, go judge

31:12

everyone. If you enjoy being

31:13

judgmental or if

31:15

you just want the day off, say,

31:17

not free. I'm sorry, but thanks for

31:20

thinking of me. Yeah. And you

31:22

you have Don't even say that. Say,

31:24

I'm

31:24

not available today. but have

31:26

a blast. Because when you say things are thinking of me,

31:28

it sounds like, oh, I'll invite her next Friday

31:31

and yeah. And you have to

31:33

remember you don't owe anything to

31:35

anybody. Unless you have a dependent, you're

31:38

really allowed to say no to anything.

31:40

And even if you might in your

31:42

head think, oh, I see

31:44

why taking Kristen say that could be

31:46

fun, but my body tells me I

31:48

don't want to be in an environment where I'm in a

31:50

neighbor's backyard and I don't know many people

31:52

and I have a requirement to judge If

31:54

that just doesn't feel good in your

31:56

body, you are absolutely

31:58

allowed to just say, oh, that sounds

32:00

so fun. I'm not gonna be able to make

32:02

it but have a blast. Alright.

32:04

Well, Kristen, that's what Kristen

32:06

thinks. Thanks, Kristen, and thanks,

32:08

Kristen. Kristen, this is our

32:10

last listener question. Emma writes,

32:13

DearTig, my husband and I are in a

32:16

tricky situation with our

32:18

brother-in-law who we are very

32:20

close with. He is a

32:22

professional videographer and offered

32:24

to edit our wedding video as a

32:26

wedding gift, which we are

32:28

so thankful for. The thing is the

32:30

wedding was four years ago and we

32:32

have yet to see any video.

32:34

We have brought it up a few times

32:36

over the past year with no

32:38

result Should we offer to pay him at this

32:41

point

32:41

even though we can't afford what

32:43

he would normally charge? Or do

32:45

we just give up and ask

32:47

for the raw footage so we can

32:49

finally watch some of it.

32:51

Yeah. I

32:54

mean, why has he done it in

32:56

four years? Oh,

32:56

that's my hang up here. Yeah.

32:58

People procrastinate. Just ask

33:00

for the for the footage. Yeah. As

33:02

for the footage, or offer to

33:05

pay him because this guy

33:07

is offering to do it for free

33:09

and he hasn't done it. So if you

33:11

say, I'm willing to pay

33:13

for it, Is

33:14

there a deal you can cut me? I

33:16

just need the footage.

33:18

If you can't afford what

33:20

he's normally charging, then

33:22

it sounds like he makes a fine

33:25

living -- Mhmm. -- and that he's just

33:27

not prioritizing it, which

33:29

that's totally okay. If someone's not

33:31

prioritizing you though, then you are

33:33

allowed to take your business,

33:35

be it emotional, or an actual

33:38

business, elsewhere. I would ask a

33:40

point blank question to be

33:42

honest before offering to pay him

33:44

because if he offered to

33:46

do it, then the sentiment of, like, I want this to be a

33:48

gift is there. Rather than

33:50

removing that for the benefit of both

33:52

parties, because it might seem like, oh, well now they

33:54

wanna pay me. I was

33:56

trying to give him a gift. You could just say,

33:58

do you really think you're ever gonna get around to

34:00

it? because if you're busy, that's totally fine. If

34:02

you don't think you'll get around to it, I'd love to have

34:04

the raw footage back see what we can put together. And

34:06

let's make it active. I'd like to get the raw footage back this week,

34:08

please. I'd like to get the raw footage back this

34:10

week because I'm so excited to see

34:13

it. You just your footage back, and you'd like

34:15

it back this week. Here's the thing

34:17

we're not thinking about. It's a brother-in-law, which

34:19

means it's like, close intimate

34:21

family is always a little bit trickier, so I like

34:23

the fact that she used the word tricky because that's

34:26

true. I think you could

34:28

start out by acknowledging

34:30

this is gonna be tricky. Hey, I this

34:32

is gonna be a really awkward question, Danny,

34:34

or whatever his name is. But

34:37

I wouldn't put too much in the

34:39

I mean, that's all, like, it's all in the delivery. You know,

34:41

like, being like, oh, this is awkward.

34:43

I feel like you're setting it

34:45

up when it maybe

34:48

wouldn't be. Look, if you wanna

34:50

present it as awkward,

34:51

great. But my instinct

34:54

is that you

34:56

don't say This is

34:56

really hard. You know,

34:59

you're coming in with a heaviness.

35:01

I mean, I guess you're right because

35:03

I'm like labeling the converse station

35:05

before the tone has even happened. I mean,

35:07

and this is why, you know, this is why

35:09

we're always up for the same role and why you always

35:11

get it because my instincts are bad.

35:14

Now let me interpret. Kristen

35:16

is making a joke because we've

35:18

never been up for the same role, and

35:20

she actually gets all the roles. But go

35:22

ahead, Kristen. I

35:24

start out Go ahead. As I sit

35:26

in my home office that

35:28

Stephanie says looks like

35:30

the kind of office you would go to

35:33

if you got rear ended in

35:36

Omaha. This is the attorney's

35:38

office you would go to. That's what she

35:40

says my home office looks like. But go ahead,

35:42

Chris. Well, if it means anything to you take,

35:44

I'm in my child's bed right now because I

35:46

don't have an office.

35:48

I pop around

35:50

the house. You're

35:51

right. I tend

35:53

to create this emotional

35:55

pathway between me and the other person so

35:57

that there's ultimate clarity that I'm

35:59

not trying to alpha anyone, but that's just like my

36:01

default. So you're actually correct in

36:04

saying, it doesn't need to be awkward.

36:06

You're you're right

36:08

about everything. I do

36:10

think though there needs

36:12

to be a little bit of

36:14

clarity in that I'm not just

36:16

asking again like I have once a year

36:18

for the last four years. This

36:20

will be a request that will require

36:22

a conclusion so that we can put this

36:24

issue to bed. So, hey, I

36:27

just wanna hear you loud and clear. Do you think you're gonna have

36:29

time to do that? Or

36:31

could we pay you

36:33

for your time? And

36:36

if you're busy, I'd love the raw

36:38

footage back this week. We're really excited to

36:40

see it. Also would love to

36:42

see it four, we get

36:45

divorced. Exactly. Put a time frame

36:47

on it. Yeah. Five PM

36:49

Friday. Well, Emma, happy anniversary of not

36:51

having a

36:52

wedding video. Kristen,

36:54

there's one more thing we have

36:56

to

36:56

do. Okay? Okay. Before

36:59

you go, In

37:01

this segment, we take a real question from an advice

37:03

column of the past and

37:05

try to answer it

37:06

a little better.

37:09

This is advice of yesteryear.

37:12

When Jerry prags about

37:14

taking Ginnie off, he

37:17

learns that she dates all

37:19

the boys. So

37:20

as we see

37:21

now, menstruation is just one

37:23

routine step in a normal

37:25

and natural cycle How do you

37:27

choose the day? Well, one thing you can

37:30

consider is look.

37:30

I did everything you said, but my

37:33

boss still hasn't asked

37:35

me to lunch. This question was

37:37

sent in nineteen twenty four

37:40

to Dorothy Dixon's

37:42

letter box.

37:44

Bill

37:44

writes, Dear Miss Dorothy Dicks.

37:47

My wife

37:48

is so jealous of me that she

37:51

doesn't want me even to look after my

37:53

business, nor talk to other men. I have

37:56

lost all of my friends trying to

37:58

please her.

38:00

she quarrels with me from the time I come home

38:02

until I go out. Please tell

38:04

me what

38:05

to do. Kristen, do you have any

38:07

advice

38:07

for Bill before I tell

38:09

you what Dorothy Dicks had to say?

38:12

I need so many more

38:14

details and not just for the

38:15

entertainment value,

38:18

but like This person's a skeleton. This is from nineteen

38:20

twenty four. I need to know

38:22

if Bill has any

38:24

narcissistic qualities and is making any

38:26

of this

38:28

up. But if let's just say, Bill

38:30

is telling the truth,

38:31

that doesn't sound like

38:32

a very happy, healthy marriage, and you gotta

38:35

do the thing that none of Church's

38:37

wanna see you do in twenty four and sign

38:39

some divorce papers. Mhmm.

38:42

I think people deserve to be happy, so

38:44

that's why I'd say get divorced. Yeah.

38:46

And

38:46

what makes you think he's making

38:48

it up and that he's a narcissist?

38:51

I think that's interesting that

38:53

you went there. because I just, naively, was like,

38:55

I'm sorry to hear this, Bill. Well,

38:58

anyone who thinks the world is

39:00

happening to

39:02

them triggers me

39:03

a little bit because I'm like -- I see. -- guess what?

39:05

It's not. You have a ton

39:07

of options. You can become clearer

39:09

with your boundaries If

39:12

you're asking for someone to tell you to get divorced, you've

39:15

already had that thought. Mhmm. You

39:17

don't need to wait for a columnist

39:19

to give you this free

39:21

past to say, well, she told me I should get divorced, so

39:23

it's okay. You gotta know in your heart. Are you

39:26

happy? If you're not -- Mhmm. -- get divorced.

39:28

And it just sounds he

39:30

sounds like tiny bit dramatic. I mean, who's he married to?

39:32

Like Satan? She sounds like she's got

39:34

zero good qualities, which that's people

39:36

aren't black and white like that. But she's

39:40

gorgeous. Okay. Well, there's a

39:42

start.

39:42

I don't know what

39:44

this bag

39:45

of bones looks

39:48

like either. I hear what you're saying. It's funny because

39:50

Thomas, our producer who, you know, he and

39:52

I were at brunch this morning, and we were

39:54

talking about

39:56

people do

39:57

go through life just saying, oh

39:59

my gosh, these people did

40:02

this to me, and this is the

40:04

worst. And and they just complain and it nothing

40:06

good and this happened to me.

40:08

I mean, I know life can

40:12

get hard. Yeah. And

40:14

there are really rough

40:16

times, but there are

40:19

some people that I know

40:21

should not be complaining. the way

40:23

that they are. Well, and it's like, you can complain, but you have to look

40:25

at it a little bit from

40:27

this perspective of

40:30

adlier in psychology, which is like people aren't

40:34

necessarily driven by, he

40:36

believes, past

40:37

traumatizations or past

40:40

experiences, but rather are proceeding

40:42

based on a goal that

40:44

they themselves choose. So if

40:46

you want to be in a

40:48

crappy marriage and you want to feel like a

40:50

victim all the time, then that's the path

40:53

you're gonna choose. People aren't as black

40:55

and white as this question

40:58

sounds to me in my experience.

41:00

So I wanna say to him, Bill, whatever his name is.

41:02

Bill, listen up. Bill,

41:06

what

41:06

is your relationship with your wife like

41:09

outside of work and household

41:11

duties? Do you go on any dates? What was

41:13

it like in the beginning?

41:16

Because to me, if she's bugging you this much, she

41:18

sounds unfulfilled. And, Bill, you

41:20

do have to have fifty percent of

41:22

this marriage on

41:23

your shoulders. So

41:25

sometimes if someone's

41:27

really grumpy, I find that it oftentimes

41:29

can be reconciled by the other person with

41:31

an olive branch. So maybe built

41:33

took her out to dinner, she wouldn't be such a

41:36

nag. No. No. No. Hey, Kristen.

41:38

I do. I do. But

41:39

it is really making me laugh

41:42

as I'm reading what dorothy had

41:44

to say in nineteen twenty four. Tell

41:46

me.

41:48

The answer

41:49

is, that kind

41:50

of jealousy is insanity.

41:53

Bill, call in an alienist and

41:55

have her examine. The idea that

41:58

she is about to be committed

42:00

to an asylum will scare

42:02

her dumb. I'm

42:03

sorry.

42:04

Dorothy, what? That

42:06

kind of jealousy is insanity.

42:09

Bill call in an

42:11

alienist and have her examine. The

42:13

idea that she is about to be committed

42:15

to an asylum will scare her death.

42:18

Now, again,

42:20

Dorothy is thinking that Bill's telling the truth, and I

42:22

just don't think that's how humans

42:24

operate. Like, Bill's got

42:25

some shady secrets that he

42:28

is not talking about,

42:30

Bill has not done a fierce

42:32

moral inventory in a

42:33

hundred years.

42:34

Okay. I hear you. But

42:36

what about Dorothy? First of all, we're agreeing

42:39

that Dorothy

42:39

is actually a female because this sounds

42:42

Oh, you're

42:44

right. does she doesn't sound like a female to me?

42:46

Kristen. See, I'm just like,

42:48

you think you're naive. I'm sitting here

42:51

going poor, Bill. And

42:53

Dorothy Dicks, I was, you

42:55

know, picturing like a dolly

42:58

wig. No way. Dorothy Dicks is

43:00

someone sitting in like a

43:02

madman office. chain smoking, drinking whiskey, just, you

43:04

know, sending writing checks to the

43:06

patriarchy, figuring out

43:08

our rights. Yes.

43:10

Also because those columns used to be real money makers

43:12

for the newspapers because all

43:14

the housewives would read them and

43:16

they'd buy all the papers. It For

43:20

sure, Dorothy's not a woman.

43:21

Okay. And that was

43:24

terrible advice. Well, now you just

43:26

ruined our advice of yes, year.

43:28

because now everyone will just feel like,

43:30

oh, it's just a grumpy old man

43:32

drinking whiskey. But sometimes isn't

43:34

that the answer,

43:36

though? Yeah. more often than not. Yeah. I guess

43:38

you're right. Kristen Bill,

43:40

thank you so much for doing

43:43

my podcast that I think

43:45

will one day be neck and

43:47

neck with taxes. But it

43:50

means so much me that you took

43:52

time even though you said your schedule is kind of

43:54

free for two weeks. But that you took

43:56

time to

43:56

judge my sixty year

43:58

old singing contest of a podcast. This has

43:59

been a dream come true

44:01

for me to

44:02

allow the listeners

44:05

to hear us

44:07

the euro fall into this

44:09

deep deep deep best friendship.

44:11

Yes. And I hope that when

44:13

our top the top

44:15

ish secretest project,

44:18

sees the light of day. They'll know that,

44:20

you know, we'll be there forever

44:22

-- Yeah. --

44:23

for each other. crying

44:25

in each other's arms. Always.

44:27

Always, Kristen.

44:29

This was so much fun, and

44:32

you're such a gosh

44:34

darn delight. And I

44:36

was wondering if you would like to share

44:38

anything or promote anything

44:40

on

44:40

the know donor

44:42

say

44:42

this. I have

44:44

a movie that I'm excited about that comes

44:47

out in November. on

44:50

Amazon called the people we hate at the

44:52

wedding. And it's based

44:54

on a book, and the reason I thought of it

44:56

just now is because there's a grapple

44:58

situation in it. And

45:00

it's pretty funny because one

45:02

member is so anti

45:04

fraught, played by

45:06

Ben Platt, the beautiful

45:08

crazy talented actor musician Ben

45:10

Platt, and Karen Sony who plays his

45:13

boyfriend and there's an incredibly funny thruple

45:16

situation they get into. But it's

45:18

basically Ben Platt, Alison, Janney, and

45:20

I going to a wedding

45:22

in London. complaining a lot only to discover we are the

45:24

people they hate

45:24

at the wedding. That's

45:27

great. Alison is the best.

45:29

As are you

45:32

Thank you again, and I will probably see you

45:35

in a few days or something. I

45:37

certainly hope so. You're my

45:40

best friend. and I you.

45:42

Bye bye.

46:12

That's what's

46:20

do.

46:28

Donahask

46:32

Tig is hosted

46:35

by

46:35

me, Tig Notaro. It's

46:38

produced by Thomas Vallett,

46:40

Shaina Doloria, and Lauren

46:42

Humfort. Our executive produced and is

46:44

Beth Perlman. Engineering and

46:46

sound mixing by Alex Simpson, digital

46:48

production by James Knapp movie.

46:52

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46:54

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46:56

Friend and Tig by Eddy

46:58

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47:00

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thanks to Hunter Seidman. APM

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47:10

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47:14

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47:16

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47:19

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47:21

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47:25

a voice memo. Remember to follow us on social media

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47:29

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public media. And

47:34

as always, Thanks Dana, and I'll

47:36

tell Becky.