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1:10

Becky's, this next episode has

1:12

me talking with a showbiz veteran

1:15

hailed as a pioneer of the one-woman

1:18

show. Our conversation

1:20

got me thinking about my history as a standup

1:22

and how I have evolved.

1:25

I feel like I've come to a place of just

1:28

wanting to always do what makes

1:30

me feel good on stage.

1:32

And I think that that

1:34

makes the audience enjoy

1:36

the show more. When I started, I

1:38

did one-liner jokes and

1:40

then I would tell short

1:42

stories. Then I started telling

1:44

longer stories. I even

1:47

kind of dabbled in prop

1:49

comedy in the way that I dragged

1:51

a stool across the stage on Conan.

1:54

I've incorporated music, so

1:57

many different things, even sharing

1:59

personal stories.

1:59

personal details about like

2:02

when I had cancer and my mother passed

2:04

away. And

2:05

it's funny because all the different

2:07

places that I've reached in

2:10

my career and in my style,

2:13

there's always a conversation around it of like,

2:15

oh, is this, do you think you've found

2:17

your voice finally? And

2:20

I think I have my voice. It's

2:22

just that it's more secured

2:25

in the way that I feel comfortable

2:27

using it all these different ways

2:30

of telling stories and jokes. Anyway,

2:33

if you wanna hear me tell stories

2:36

and jokes, I may be stopping

2:38

by a town near you. In

2:41

fact, I'll be headed to

2:43

Bellingham, Washington, September

2:45

8th, Olympia, Washington, September

2:48

9th, Torrington, Connecticut,

2:50

September 15th, Rochester, New

2:52

York, September 16th,

2:55

Wilmington, Delaware, September 17th, Colorado

2:58

Springs, September 25th,

3:00

Breckenridge, Colorado, September 28th, Boulder,

3:04

Colorado, September 29th, and

3:06

November 4th in Brooklyn

3:08

at King's Theater for my next standup

3:11

special taping. There's an early

3:13

and late show. And then I'm off on

3:15

my European tour in October. Check

3:18

my website for all European

3:20

and US dates at

3:23

TIGNotaro.com.

3:25

See you on the road. And lastly, just

3:27

to note that this episode was recorded

3:29

before the Screen Actors Guild Strike

3:32

went into effect. Now let's

3:34

start the show.

3:38

Can't believe I'm being yelled at on my own.

3:41

Yelled at? Global sensation

3:43

of a podcast. It's so funny

3:46

because my girlfriend and my daughter always

3:48

claim I'm yelling at them. It's like, I'm like,

3:50

you don't know the

3:51

name of yelling. Right? If

3:54

you think this is yelling, I'll show you yelling.

3:56

I can yell and I can scream.

4:21

This is Don't Ask Tig, I'm Tig Notaro,

4:24

and while I may not be

4:26

advice royalty, today's

4:28

guest is an actual queen

4:31

of comedy. Today's

4:33

guest is an award-winning performer,

4:36

actor, singer, and author who you've

4:38

seen in American Horror Story,

4:41

Pose, and the King

4:43

of Comedy. She hosts Sandy

4:45

Land on Sirius XM.

4:48

She's on Comedy Central's list of the 100 Greatest

4:52

Standups of All Time and is considered

4:55

one of the pioneers of the

4:57

one-woman show. Her most recent

5:00

is titled Spring Affair.

5:02

Sandra Bernhardt, welcome to Don't

5:05

Ask Tig. Thank you, Tig. Yeah. Hi,

5:07

darling. How are you? I'm doing well.

5:09

You laughed at 100 Greatest Standups

5:11

of All Time. That's a fact.

5:14

Don't fight it. Oh, I would never fight it. Good. It's just

5:16

a funny, you know, all that stuff

5:18

just kind of tickles me in a certain

5:21

way. You know what I mean. Sure, sure.

5:23

It tickles me too, but I don't fight it

5:25

either. Now, by the way, I have to tell

5:27

you that your bit on

5:30

the standout

5:31

Netflix special that we were both on last year

5:34

was particularly brilliant and funny,

5:36

and my girlfriend, wife,

5:38

partner, whatever the f*** we are logged

5:41

it, and it was very clever and funny,

5:43

the firemen

5:43

and the whole thing. Well, if

5:46

only it were made up. Oh, no, nothing like that's

5:48

ever made up. Of course. And your set

5:50

that night was so, so

5:52

incredible and so fun to

5:54

watch. It was just like,

5:57

oh my God, I hadn't seen you perform

5:59

in so long.

5:59

and then it was that feeling

6:02

of, you haven't

6:04

seen somebody perform no matter how long

6:06

they've been doing it, how old they are, you're like, how's

6:09

this going to be? Then it was just

6:12

explosively fun to watch. Thank

6:15

you. It was a great night. Yeah. It was

6:17

so fun. It most amazes me how

6:19

great LA

6:20

audiences are. I

6:22

feel like they're so appreciative

6:24

and they really love performers

6:26

and anytime I've gone to any live show, music

6:29

or comedy or anything, people

6:31

are really in it. They're committed and they come

6:33

to support the artist. I don't know. I

6:35

love LA audiences. I like creating

6:38

in LA, by the way, more than

6:40

anywhere else because- Really? Yeah.

6:42

I feel like I've written some of my

6:44

best material in LA when

6:46

I've lived there, I've been hanging out

6:48

and driving. Well, in the old

6:51

days, I'd pull over and just jot things

6:53

down or I'd race home. When

6:55

I used to live in the valley and I'd race home and I'd just

6:57

run in and start writing things down. LA

7:00

is, I guess, it's a little bit of the

7:03

isolation and the desolation at night,

7:05

because it's so quiet and it goes from

7:07

being

7:08

jam-packed bumper to bumper all day

7:10

long. The minute 7.38 o'clock hits, it's

7:13

that the roads are wide open. You could go

7:15

down sunset

7:16

from West Hollywood to the beach in 20 minutes, which

7:20

is how it was when I first moved to LA in the 70s. What

7:23

year of the 70s? Cinco de Mayo, 1974.

7:27

Cinco de Mayo. The party hasn't stopped since.

7:31

I spent my first summer

7:33

going to beauty school. I became a manicurist.

7:36

Wow. I have a day job and I was

7:38

never going to be a waitress. That's just not

7:40

my gig.

7:41

Do you keep up your nails? I go and get

7:43

my nails done now because it's very hard. It's very

7:45

hard to cut your own nails without going.

7:48

Sometimes you cut it and sometimes

7:49

you go too deep into the cuticle. You

7:52

can really like, it can be a mess. Get

7:54

infected or something. No,

7:56

no, it's just too short. I

7:59

always keep up my nails.

7:59

I keep my nails very short. Swells up real

8:02

big. No, no

8:04

honey, I'm absolutely pristine,

8:07

manicurist, and human being, everything, there's

8:09

alcohol, there's sterilization

8:12

methods that are always. That would be

8:14

nice, so people just dip their fingers

8:16

in alcohol, like wait, are you talking like

8:18

rubbing alcohol or like

8:20

vodka? That

8:22

would be a fun place to go to. Yeah,

8:24

that's how it would be fun if you dip

8:27

each finger in an olive and

8:29

then put it into vodka and

8:31

a little splash of, what do

8:32

they put in a martini? I don't

8:34

know, oh vermouth. Vermouth, and then

8:37

just eat the olives. I used to do that when I was

8:39

little, I'd put olives on every finger and just eat

8:41

them off, just because it was fun. My

8:43

mother was in a really bad

8:45

car accident and they had used these

8:47

long screws to straighten

8:49

her toes out.

8:51

Oh my God. And when she got out of the

8:53

hospital, she used those long

8:56

screws to put through olives and

8:58

martinis when she'd have parties. And

9:00

people would be like, oh Susie, this

9:03

is such a great idea to put a

9:05

screw through an olive. What made you think

9:07

of that? And she was like, oh, those were in my toes. And

9:10

then she would use her trays that

9:12

you throw up in. They're kind of kidney shaped.

9:15

Yeah, and then the bedpan, she'd

9:17

use those to put snacks out at parties.

9:20

Just to horrified people. Did

9:22

she come through the accident? Did

9:24

she recover? Yeah, she recovered.

9:27

That was when she was in college, but she was in a

9:29

coma. She broke like every bone in her body.

9:31

Oh Jesus Christ. Then

9:33

she ended up actually tripping and hitting

9:35

her head and dying in 2012. Come

9:38

on, that is so fucked up. Yeah, but

9:40

she went through the windshield of a car. But

9:43

anyway,

9:44

that was in the sixties. This is the best

9:46

advice I've ever made. Wear your seat

9:49

belts. There you go. You heard it first. Let's

9:51

start there. Right here. It's like two

9:53

blocks or 200 miles. I

9:55

don't care if you're eating olives off your fingertips

9:58

full of vermouth. Well, exactly. Just

10:00

put those seatbelt on. Now, you've said

10:02

that your worldview was influenced

10:05

by your parents, by their work. Correct.

10:07

My mother was an abstract artist, my father was a

10:09

proctologist. Quite the combo. That's

10:11

how I view the world. How did that shape you?

10:14

Well, I don't know if it actually

10:15

did. It was just a funny line in my show. But

10:18

my mom was a great artist

10:20

and was always studying,

10:23

and always had great teachers,

10:25

art teachers and people that were in and

10:27

out of our lives. So it was very unusual

10:29

to have something like that back in the 60s. My

10:33

father was a doctor. He went back

10:35

and specialized in proctology, which

10:37

was, I don't know, it was very odd. My

10:40

dad is still alive. He's 100 years old. No.

10:42

Yeah. But he's totally estranged from me

10:44

and my three brothers.

10:45

Oh. He went magga

10:48

on us. Oh, he did? Yeah.

10:50

It's very not completely

10:52

surprising because he was always a little

10:55

bit of a hard charging

10:58

bully in his own way. It's weird.

11:00

It's like when you think, oh my God, my dad's 100 years old. He's

11:02

still clicking and kicking.

11:04

My mother died before there was magga.

11:07

Obviously, magga has already always been

11:10

there, but my mother was an artist

11:12

as well. My stepfather was an attorney.

11:14

What medium did your mother work in? She

11:16

was a painter. She also did

11:18

charcoal. Missed medium. Yeah. She was definitely

11:21

full-blown artist, very funny, wild

11:24

person. Sounds like our mothers

11:26

would probably have gotten along. Probably.

11:29

But yeah, I would say I feel

11:31

thankful for the balance that I had. Right.

11:34

Because

11:34

my mother was always

11:37

cheering me on for being

11:39

exactly who I was, a million

11:41

percent. Then my stepfather

11:44

really gave us structure. I

11:46

can feel both of those things

11:49

so insanely in my life.

11:51

I understand that.

11:53

My mother was very structured in her way though. She

11:55

was a fabulous cook. She

11:57

was a wonderful pianist.

11:59

My father and his own love is

12:02

creative too. When he attempted

12:04

to do creative things, he was really good at it. We

12:06

had a classic liberal

12:08

Jewish upbringing in Michigan, and

12:11

then we

12:11

decamped to Arizona

12:13

when I was 10, which

12:16

was also fascinating.

12:18

I love the old West and it's still

12:21

wide open spaces. I'm sure being in Texas,

12:23

you can relate to that. So

12:26

I enjoyed my childhood. I'm

12:28

not saying it was, I got up scot-free. Everybody

12:30

has their memories and moments,

12:33

but

12:34

I really don't have any major complaints. That's

12:36

unbelievable. I have three older brothers and

12:38

they're all creative and

12:40

really, really smart and great guys. And

12:43

I just feel like I was the baby,

12:45

I got all the attention I wanted,

12:48

and I got to have fun and we traveled, we did things. I

12:50

don't know, I don't have anything to complain about. That's

12:54

really incredible. I have plenty

12:56

to complain about, but I also,

12:59

what I'm blown away by is how

13:01

so many of my friends that

13:04

I have in Mississippi and Texas are

13:06

some of the most open-minded, loving

13:09

people.

13:09

And I can't believe we still

13:12

connect. That's amazing. All of these

13:14

years later, I feel thankful. I have no complaints

13:16

as well. That's so great. These

13:19

friends of mine, when I lived in

13:21

Austin, when I was a young adult, my two closest

13:23

friends, I actually moved out to Los Angeles, but

13:26

they worked at this place called Clean

13:28

and Lean,

13:29

and it was a gym and a laundromat.

13:33

And next to it was a movie

13:35

rental place. And my

13:38

friend Leslie has always

13:40

been obsessed with you and would get

13:42

videos of you and rent

13:45

them and play them at Clean and Lean. And to

13:47

me, this place in Austin is

13:49

you. Oh, I love that. Even when I still pass

13:51

it, I'm like, that's where I would watch

13:54

your videos. It's so

13:56

perfect for me. First of all, I love

13:59

doing laundry. I do too. I do

14:01

like the average of five to eight

14:03

loads of laundry a week. And I'm

14:06

the exclusive launderess in

14:08

our household. I find it so relaxing.

14:10

I love folding clothes. I do too. I

14:12

love putting them away. I do too. And

14:14

also

14:14

I go to the gym all the time. So the clean

14:17

and lean thing is like right up. It's just so

14:19

right for me. Can you remember if that place

14:21

is open still, but whenever I'm in Austin, I pass

14:23

it. You are who I think about watching

14:26

those videos with my friends,

14:28

Beth and Leslie. To

14:30

go back to your comedy

14:33

career,

14:34

how do you feel like your comedy has evolved

14:36

since the 70s

14:39

when you started? Well, I think

14:41

my comedy in a certain way

14:43

has remained the same. I've always had sort

14:45

of a offbeat, sophisticated,

14:50

influenced by entertainers and

14:53

old school

14:55

performers. And yet sort of

14:57

postmodern. It's just like a big,

15:00

big, big bucket of drinks

15:03

that I combine. And I'd

15:05

always mean it always tastes delicious

15:07

and unique with just like

15:08

an overtone of patchouli. I

15:11

mean, it's like everything. It's like a kamikaze,

15:13

you know those drinks? It is. Yes.

15:16

And the only thing that's really changed

15:18

is my confidence,

15:21

my ability. Paul Mooney, who was my mentor,

15:24

would always say, burn hard. You

15:26

got to get up on stage and shed your

15:28

skin. Peel the layers

15:30

of the onion. So like

15:32

every night, even to this day, even Paul's

15:34

been gone now for a few years and I miss

15:37

him terribly. His voice

15:40

is always in the back of my mind saying,

15:42

peel the onion. Be

15:44

as authentic as you can possibly

15:46

be to yourself where you're

15:49

at now.

15:50

And there isn't a night that I don't go on stage

15:53

where I don't attempt

15:55

to go deeper and deeper and deeper

15:58

into who I am. and

16:00

also channel all the

16:02

things that I've experienced and

16:05

learned on stage over the years. It

16:07

just never gets old, it never gets boring, it's never

16:09

disappointing. I've never

16:11

been jaded or tossed

16:12

off the experience

16:17

of being in front of a live audience. I just think

16:20

it's the most amazing thing

16:22

in the world to be able to get up and hold

16:24

people's attention and

16:27

imbue them with something I feel is

16:29

valuable and beautiful

16:32

and heartfelt and also completely

16:34

honest and maybe things

16:36

that they hadn't thought about before.

16:38

And sometimes I surprise

16:40

myself and start talking about things

16:43

that are a little bit off-center,

16:45

even for me. So that,

16:47

I mean, that's the long-winded answer

16:50

to say, that's what has changed,

16:52

that's what's evolved,

16:54

but I can still feel and sense who

16:56

I was at 19. She's

16:59

still there and I still love her

17:01

and she still informs who

17:03

I am five decades later.

17:06

Yeah, I mean, it's inevitable

17:08

that people change. And I know for myself,

17:11

I relate in that

17:13

through different points in my career, I've done just

17:15

like one-liners or long stories

17:18

or I've done physical things. And

17:20

I always tell people that I realized

17:22

that

17:23

when I allowed myself to grow and do

17:25

really what I wanna do every time

17:27

I walk on stage, no matter

17:29

what my voice is gonna come through, even

17:32

if I'm juggling, you

17:35

know what I mean? No matter what I do on stage,

17:37

my voice is gonna be there through

17:40

whatever it is that I've chosen to do. And

17:43

I feel like people get very scared and

17:45

try and limit themselves because they're like, this

17:47

is my persona, this is what people know me

17:49

as, I need to stay as this. But

17:51

I love the idea of what Paul

17:53

had said, of peeling the onion and incorporating

17:56

that as well, because I think that you can also be very...

17:59

much yourself

18:01

in earnest, even when it's there's nonsense,

18:04

or you're telling some deep

18:07

dark truth about yourself. Yeah,

18:09

absolutely.

18:10

Sandra, do you enjoy giving

18:13

advice? Well, apparently, clearly.

18:17

Yes, I do. Well,

18:20

our first question is from a listener who,

18:23

like you, is an artist. Annie

18:25

writes, hi Tig and guest

18:28

extraordinaire. I'm in my last

18:30

year of art school studying

18:32

performance art,

18:33

and I'm having a serious crisis of confidence.

18:37

I look at the world and see so many great artists

18:39

making wonderful and significant work. I

18:42

love making art and performing, but

18:44

I don't have anything to say that hasn't

18:46

been said before, and much better

18:48

than I ever could. Should I move on

18:50

and find something else to do with my life? What's

18:53

the point of pursuing art if you don't

18:55

believe your work has value or a place

18:58

in the world? Any advice?

19:00

I agree with this person wholeheartedly. This

19:03

has always been my complaint about people

19:05

over the years. It's like, if you're gonna get up on

19:07

stage, you better have a real strong point

19:10

of view, and you better be able to back it up

19:12

and follow through on it

19:15

over a long period of time.

19:17

Otherwise, just don't do it. I

19:19

agree. However, I would

19:22

love it if Annie would do

19:24

a show about how she doesn't

19:26

believe she belongs on stage

19:29

and to examine why

19:32

she thinks that's true, and I feel

19:34

like by the end of the show, she would

19:36

probably prove herself wrong,

19:40

that she does belong there. Okay.

19:42

And she could back that up. Okay.

19:45

Why she doesn't belong there. And man,

19:48

would I love to see that show. Okay, well

19:50

maybe you can produce it. No.

19:52

Ha, you see, you're not

19:54

gonna go that far with Annie. No,

19:57

but I'm gonna say, hey, listen to Annie,

19:59

and you know what?

19:59

I was even thinking, God, I

20:02

would love if I felt that way

20:04

and I had that angle, if I was feeling

20:07

like, I don't have anything else to say. I

20:10

really feel like there is a show there.

20:13

Okay, okay, Tig, I'm gonna tap that.

20:14

You know what, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do that

20:16

show. Well, you're then you're stealing her fit.

20:19

No, I came up with

20:21

it. She's saying she doesn't feel like she's-

20:23

But you don't feel that way. Sometimes,

20:25

don't you ever feel like, oh, I mean,

20:28

as soon as I finish working on material,

20:30

I always think, am I

20:32

dragging this around for too long?

20:35

Or do I really have anything? Like

20:37

I have funny things to say hanging out with

20:39

friends and family and my kids. And then

20:42

I think, do we really- We're in the

20:44

position of taking

20:44

breaks. Every performer needs to take

20:46

a break. You can't constantly, no matter

20:49

how creative you are, write

20:52

an entire, I write new shows all the

20:54

time. How often? Once a year. I

20:56

do Joe's Pub here in New York at the holidays.

20:59

And suddenly by the spring, I'm like, I'll

21:01

do a gig here in New York and then I feel like I have to write all

21:03

and, you know, I sing also, so I have to pick

21:06

new songs. And sometimes

21:08

I just feel like, I'm so tired and burned out. But

21:10

then I surprise myself. Isn't

21:13

that the best feeling when you surprise yourself?

21:15

I think Annie, if she's gonna go for it,

21:18

she has to go for it. But she can't

21:20

be questioning it every five minutes. It's just too

21:22

boring. Would you not be interested if

21:24

somebody was like, this is a show about how

21:26

I don't have anything to say

21:28

that wouldn't interest you?

21:32

What if it was like starring Tig Notaro?

21:34

Tig has nothing to say. No, because

21:36

I don't believe it. I don't believe

21:39

that you feel that way. And you might

21:41

feel that way for a couple of months,

21:44

but you're suddenly not gonna have nothing to

21:46

say. You've already said so much. Okay,

21:49

well, Annie. You're not doing that.

21:51

You're not wasting your time with that idea.

21:53

And you're not following up on it. So don't bullsh** me.

21:56

Okay, gosh. Well, Annie,

21:59

Sandra is... a true artist,

22:01

so listen to her advice. But

22:05

don't shut yourself down, finish

22:07

your studies and see where you go with it. I mean,

22:09

I'm not saying don't do it, but if

22:11

she's going to just spend all her time naysaying

22:14

herself, it's just

22:16

you can't have people around you constantly

22:18

shoring you up. It just doesn't work like that.

22:20

Oh God, no. Well, Sandra,

22:23

sit tight, more questions after

22:25

a quick word from our sponsors.

22:29

Hey, listeners,

22:42

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25:33

And we're back. Sandra,

25:48

this question is from a listener named

25:51

Missy. Missy

25:53

writes, I am the mother of three-year-old

25:56

twins and life is pretty wild. My

25:58

wife and I both have a son. work full time

26:01

and spend all other energy on

26:03

our son and daughter. One of my best

26:05

friends is childless by choice. She

26:08

constantly refers to her dogs like

26:10

they are her children. It really

26:12

bothers me. I have a dog

26:14

and have no problem with the fact that

26:17

she chose not to have children. However,

26:19

I just don't feel like she really

26:22

understands what it is like to

26:24

be a parent and I don't think you can compare

26:26

that relationship to

26:28

dog ownership.

26:29

Do I tell her how I feel? I

26:32

obviously can't stop talking about my

26:35

kids because they are my whole world. I

26:37

just really don't need a play by play

26:39

of her dog's lives and how tough

26:42

it is to care for them. Do

26:44

you have dogs? I have one, George,

26:47

and he is our

26:47

life. I mean, my daughter is going to

26:49

be 25, so she just got a cat

26:52

named Pepper, a kitten. She

26:55

is brilliant. My daughter is brilliant. I love

26:57

her and she is

26:58

fabulous. I have to say, Sarah,

27:00

my partner, my girlfriend and I, we indulge

27:03

our dog and talk about our dog constantly.

27:06

I have no problem with anybody

27:08

talking about their dogs like they are their children. I

27:11

disagree. Matter of fact, Sarah

27:13

and I always go out of our way not to

27:15

talk too much about Sicily, our daughter,

27:17

because it is just gross. There

27:20

are a zillion children on the planet

27:23

and that is your choice

27:25

to have them. It was my choice to have her.

27:27

I love her. We struggled

27:30

through adolescence. We

27:32

went through college. She

27:34

is an adult. She is making

27:36

shit happen. A dog is just fabulous,

27:38

24-7. I mean, George, he

27:44

will probably walk in here any minute. I have a snack

27:46

sitting here because he demands

27:49

snacks. He is a little bit older now, but he is on

27:51

the move and he is a snack whore.

27:54

I am like, you got to stop it, George.

27:56

This is insane and how bark

27:58

in one ear goes up and he

27:59

He smacks his paw on

28:02

the ground and demands snacks. And

28:04

I'm just totally engaged, entertained, enlightened,

28:08

and just delighted by him.

28:11

So I don't agree. I think she should

28:13

just like... Well, I feel like if it's annoying,

28:16

obviously I don't know these people or their personalities,

28:19

but I feel like if my good friend

28:22

was talking all the time about their dog,

28:25

you know, it goes back to comedy. It's all

28:27

in the delivery. I would tease them like, oh

28:29

my God, about this dog again. This

28:32

isn't even a person. You know, whatever you want to

28:34

say to acknowledge the situation.

28:37

But we have three cats. If

28:39

you think I ever stopped talking about

28:42

Kitty City, which is what we call our house, then

28:44

you've got another thing coming. I mean, I

28:47

feel the same. It's like, it's hard.

28:49

I'm sorry. It's hard, but I

28:52

also talk about our kids too. And that's

28:54

where we... Well, of course you do. And I talk about me talking

28:56

about Cicely all the time. And now that

28:58

she's an adult and pursuing her artistry,

29:00

and she's such a unique,

29:03

interesting person. I can't even

29:05

imagine what your daughter's personality

29:07

is. Well, she's totally, wouldn't know if she had, she

29:10

had totally different than me, but she's very

29:12

different than me. She's more of an introvert.

29:15

She did this for her cat. She made

29:16

beautiful platforms that she covered with fabric

29:19

and braced them on the wall. And now there's

29:21

like five levels of platforms

29:24

where the Kitty can climb up and go all

29:26

the way up to almost the ceiling. And she did that yesterday.

29:29

Does she live with you or does she have her own place? No,

29:31

no, she lives in Brooklyn. I said, you should

29:33

market

29:34

those cat forms.

29:37

And so it just goes directly into the wall.

29:39

Yeah, yeah. Well, we shouldn't tell people

29:41

about it because what if they take her idea?

29:44

They won't

29:44

be able to take her idea. Why? Because

29:46

we can refer back to this episode. Yeah, exactly.

29:49

But I'm gonna try to connect her with somebody

29:51

to actually start manufacturing

29:53

these. Okay, so if anyone got

29:55

any weird idea, uh-uh. Yeah.

29:58

Missy, I hope... I hope this advice

30:01

helps, I don't know, take a breath

30:03

and take a beat, have a sense

30:05

of humor about it. That would be refreshing.

30:08

Yeah, I think maybe tease your friend about

30:10

the amount of times that she brings

30:13

up this dog. Also, keep

30:15

in mind you're asking a cat person about

30:17

dogs. Now Sandra, this next question

30:21

is about the morality of

30:23

flirting. Okay. Maya

30:25

writes, I am currently questioning

30:28

my sexuality and feel

30:30

as if I might be attracted to women.

30:33

I myself identify as female.

30:36

Is it ethical to flirt and show

30:38

interest in people I find attractive

30:40

if I am not sure of my preferences

30:43

and whether or not I would be ready to pursue

30:46

a relationship with them?

30:48

Absolutely. It is totally legitimate.

30:51

If you're out and about or you're

30:53

at a bar or you're at a party

30:55

or out with friends and you find somebody,

30:58

whoever it is, and you're single and

31:01

you feel attracted to that person, there's

31:04

nothing more fun than flirting. Well, yeah,

31:06

and I was going to say, first of all, it's nice to be

31:08

also upfront if it's heading

31:10

in a particular direction, but flirting

31:13

is

31:14

so fun and my wife

31:16

Stephanie always

31:18

accuses me of having a million boyfriends.

31:21

There are guys that

31:25

I truly am giddy around.

31:28

There's probably like three, oh, and

31:30

we talked about the fireman. Of course.

31:33

I am sorry. I know I look like whatever

31:36

I look like. Guess what? You know what,

31:38

you know what you look like? You look like 70% of

31:41

the married women in the Midwest. For sure.

31:44

They all look like dikes. Yeah, me and my friend used

31:46

to do this game of is that a lesbian

31:48

or a Midwesterner or both?

31:52

I love men. So do I. And

31:54

I think,

31:54

yes, there's nothing more fun

31:57

than flirting, but I do feel

31:59

like if it's

31:59

starts to get to a certain point, you might wanna be

32:02

light, just light, be light about

32:04

it. Be like, hey, I've never ventured into this

32:06

world, but I really enjoy you.

32:08

So that's how I ended up married to Stephanie.

32:11

So we're married with two

32:14

kids, three cats, and a production company.

32:16

So there you are. That's rockin'.

32:19

Yeah. So Maya, good luck to

32:21

you and whoever you choose to

32:23

flirt with.

32:25

Sandra, our last listener

32:27

question comes to us from Pennsylvania.

32:31

Liv writes, hey Tig and

32:33

esteemed guest, what are some

32:35

helpful methods for forgetting

32:37

awkward things you did or said during

32:40

the day so they don't keep you up

32:42

at night? I'm looking for answers

32:45

that go beyond alcohol just

32:47

for my liver's sake. Thanks.

32:50

Well, first of all, you have to examine

32:53

is this sort of a pattern in your life? Are

32:55

you the kind of person who puts your

32:57

foot in it all the time? I

32:59

mean, it's hard to know exactly

33:01

what she's referring to. I mean, is

33:03

this with a stranger? Is this with

33:05

somebody she's involved with? How do you

33:07

deal with awkward? I enjoy awkwardness

33:10

when people are a little, like what is happening?

33:13

I got that from my mother. So how

33:16

do you deal with it? I'm never, I'm not

33:18

an awkward person. People may be awkward

33:20

around me and I'm very good at letting

33:22

them off the hook. The people

33:24

come up to me as they come up to every performer

33:27

and tell their stories

33:30

or express their emotions

33:32

or their excitement and gratitude

33:34

of how you've influenced them or affected

33:36

them. And sometimes it is, it's awkward.

33:39

And you just focus and you look at them and

33:41

you're quiet and you let them talk and you

33:43

go, yeah, I totally get it. And

33:46

you let them off

33:47

the hook. So for me, it's always more about

33:49

letting people off the hook. I can walk into almost

33:52

any situation and

33:54

take control of it and make

33:56

it okay for people. I believe that,

33:59

yeah.

33:59

that you're like, I'm not an awkward person.

34:02

It's like, oh, right. Yeah, you're not. You're

34:04

not at all. I feel like an odd

34:07

mix of I'm very comfortable with

34:09

myself,

34:10

but I also am somehow

34:13

awkward or find myself

34:15

in very awkward situations and

34:18

I

34:18

embrace it. But I feel comfortable.

34:20

Like I like myself, I feel confident,

34:22

I feel like I deserve to be places.

34:25

Of course you do. Well, no, not

34:28

of course. I mean, it's a swirling

34:30

mix of all of those things. Okay.

34:33

But I do have those moments,

34:35

I have to say,

34:37

where I'm walking down the street

34:39

and I'll have a memory of something

34:42

even as comfortable as I am with myself

34:45

and comfortable as I am with being awkward

34:47

or in awkward situations. There will

34:50

be moments that really pushed

34:52

it a little too far for me. I

34:54

won't even be thinking about what I had

34:56

done, but it'll zip through my head.

34:59

I'm like, oh, gosh, why did I do

35:01

that? And that's what I can

35:03

only imagine Liv is experiencing

35:06

a lot of. And so you're saying

35:08

you don't ever have those moments where you're like,

35:11

oh, God, I shouldn't have

35:12

said that. Where does that

35:14

come from? That's awesome. I don't

35:16

know where it comes from. I mean, where does anything come

35:18

from? It's your nature. It's

35:21

the way you were raised. It's how

35:23

you take on people's

35:26

emotions, how you take on your own emotions.

35:28

I think a lot of it

35:30

has also been informed by being in this business

35:32

all these years, starting so young,

35:35

having had so many

35:38

misogynistic encounters,

35:41

that I just automatically

35:42

put up this like badass

35:44

shield. And it's

35:46

worked for me, but I'm also incredibly compassionate

35:49

and patient and loving and vulnerable.

35:52

I choose the time and place

35:54

for those emotions, but walking

35:56

through life, I'm super aware

35:59

of my surroundings.

35:59

I am on my game. If

36:02

I feel any sort of danger, I am all

36:04

over the sh**. Mm-hmm. Love

36:07

it. Well, Liv,

36:09

I

36:09

would say... This

36:12

is what I would say. Live

36:15

and be well. Live, live and be well.

36:17

Yeah.

36:17

All

36:20

right. Well, we got your back. Whatever

36:22

you end up doing, Liv. Sandra,

36:24

this next and final segment is what

36:27

we call, Come Back to Me Later. Come back to me later.

36:30

Come back to me, Liv. Come back

36:32

to me later.

36:34

Come back to me later. That's

36:36

funny. Everyone wishes they had

36:38

the perfect response at the ready

36:41

for certain social interactions. Come

36:43

Back to Me Later is the part of

36:45

the show where we make that wish come true.

36:48

Okay. This request

36:50

comes to us from a listener named Amanda.

36:54

Amanda writes, Tig, I

36:56

don't shave my legs but once in

36:58

a blue moon. I'm more comfortable

37:00

this way and my husband doesn't complain.

37:03

Yet everyone else in my life needs

37:05

to comment on how gross my legs

37:07

are. Whenever given the opportunity,

37:10

they make a comment about it. Tig,

37:12

I explain that my legs are clean. I scrub

37:15

them in the shower every day. I'd like

37:17

to have some wittier comebacks.

37:20

Thanks. Yeah. Do you

37:22

shave your legs? Absolutely.

37:25

Do you think it's gross when people don't? No, I don't

37:27

think it's gross. I just, it's like,

37:30

I like a smooth leg because I

37:31

use lotion. I like smooth

37:34

skin and I want to massage it into my

37:36

leg. It's exfoliating

37:38

to shave. It's good for your skin. I

37:41

love having shaved legs but it

37:43

doesn't bother me when people have

37:45

hair on their legs or... I

37:48

mean, if it was a woman, I don't want to be in bed with

37:49

a woman with hairy legs. That doesn't, that's not

37:51

a turn on to me. I know that's sexist.

37:54

I know that's whatever it is and

37:56

strangely hypocritical because I

37:58

would like a man with...

37:59

hairy legs. But it's just,

38:02

it's the norms. It's what we've grown up with,

38:04

you know? You're used to it. I don't know. It

38:07

just makes sense to me. I don't know. But

38:09

I don't have any advice for her about her

38:11

legs or hair or whatever. It's just

38:13

like, if she's comfortable with it, who's

38:16

questioning about her hair? Who's accusing her

38:18

of being dirty because she has hairy legs anyway?

38:21

Well, I mean, what if she even just said something

38:23

that confident when if somebody said,

38:25

oh, something about her legs

38:28

and she just says, I'm comfortable with it.

38:30

Just tell her to say, I'm letting

38:32

my hair on my legs grow long enough to braid

38:35

them. And then I'm going to cut it off

38:37

and give it

38:38

to somebody who has no

38:40

hair on their legs at all. Oh, there you go.

38:42

Okay. You

38:44

said you had nothing to say. Amanda,

38:47

that was perfectly whipped

38:49

up for you. Wait, I have another question

38:52

for Amanda. Does she trim her pubic

38:54

hair? Mm. I know we

38:56

can't talk to her. Yeah, but that's the segment

38:58

is called Come Back to Me Later. So come back to

39:01

us later about- Amanda, do you trim

39:03

your pubic hair? And does

39:05

your husband like to have oral sex with you? Because

39:07

that's a difficult situation. I'm sorry.

39:10

It's not fresh. I'm not suggesting you have a

39:12

bikini wax or anything.

39:14

But I mean, a trimmed bush is a nice

39:17

is a nice thing

39:18

to do for somebody. I

39:21

guess we'll just end there. I

39:23

mean- No, we have to end there. I don't want-

39:26

Okay. I don't want any further

39:28

discussion after your last statement,

39:31

Sandra. I want to end the episode

39:33

right there. It

39:34

was an absolute pleasure

39:36

to have you. And I am truly

39:39

such a fan of you as a person

39:42

and performer. I'm just thankful that

39:44

you took time to hang out with

39:46

me. Oh, are you kidding? Everybody loves your

39:48

podcasts. And I was so happy

39:50

that you finally asked me to come on. I was like, when

39:53

is Signetaro going to ask me to come

39:55

on her podcast? I don't see any invitations

39:58

forthcoming and suddenly here I am.

39:59

Suddenly, here you are. Well,

40:02

you've been somebody that we've been making

40:04

our way towards. I'm just teasing you. I'm

40:06

thrilled to be here now, and it's the perfect timing

40:08

for it. Is there anything that you would

40:10

like to share with the listeners

40:13

about what's going on with you or upcoming? Yes,

40:16

I will be at the Parkway Theatre in

40:18

Minneapolis on August 12th, and

40:20

then I will be in Los Angeles at the Wallace

40:22

Annenberg

40:23

Theatre on October 19th. Those

40:26

are my next two for sure dates. Of

40:28

course, I do my weekly radio show, Sandy

40:31

Land, on Sirius XM Thursdays, 1 p.m.

40:33

EST. Which I was

40:35

lucky enough to be a guest on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

40:39

Hello. Thank you again for being

40:41

on the show. Absolutely. Hi,

40:43

sweetie. Oh,

40:55

sweetie. There's so

40:59

much I want you to see. I

41:03

wish that I could give you

41:05

the answer. I wish

41:07

that I could make you believe. I

41:11

wish that I could put you on your

41:14

path and set you free.

41:19

That's what your heart is

41:22

for. That's

41:25

what your heart is

41:28

for. That's what

41:30

your heart is for.

41:33

Listen to your heart. Don't

41:35

Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig

41:37

Notaro. It's produced by

41:39

Thomas Willett and Shana Deloria. Our

41:42

executive producer and editor is Beth

41:44

Perlman. Our

41:47

theme music is Friend of the Year. Our

41:50

theme music is Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson,

41:53

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41:57

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41:59

in Tig by Edie Brickell and Kyle

42:02

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42:04

by Edie Brickell. Special thanks

42:06

to Hunter Seidman. APM Studios

42:09

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42:11

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42:14

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42:23

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42:26

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42:28

memo. And remember to follow us on social

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media at Don't Ask Tig. Don't

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Ask Tig is a production of American

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Public Media. And as always, thanks

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Dana and I'll tell Becky.

43:00

I'm Josh

43:03

Hehrer.

43:18

And I'm Nicole and I eat it. And

43:20

we're the cooks responsible for all the strange dishes on the

43:22

internet's most watched daily show, Good Mythical Morning

43:24

with Rhett and Link, and our own YouTube channel, Mythical Kitchen.

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Plus, we've worked almost every weird job the food

43:29

industry has to do.