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3:03

ACAST. Hi,

3:07

welcome to Don't Blame Me.

3:19

Hi. An amazing podcast starring two people who definitely

3:21

got so much sleep last night are feeling, first

3:23

of all, most of it's gonna crash at some

3:25

point. We don't know when it's gonna happen. I

3:28

have a thing to go to tonight. No, I

3:30

know. This is gonna

3:32

be fun. I think you'll probably, it'll probably

3:34

be good because I think you'll get to

3:36

like the delirious, loopy side before you like,

3:39

like by the time that you're like going

3:41

to your thing tonight and I think you'll

3:43

be able to ride that way but I

3:45

am worried about your tomorrow. I was playing,

3:48

I don't, nevermind. I used to not have

3:50

things on Wednesday but now we record Candace's

3:52

podcast on Wednesday. So I

3:54

was playing on doing some boxing before and

3:56

I probably won't. No, I wouldn't. Yep,

3:59

I wouldn't do that. Yeah. We both independently for

4:01

no reason. Nope. That's a lie. There's a

4:03

reason we both stayed up till story 30

4:05

because we both fucked up. When did you

4:08

fuck up your hair washing routine? I

4:10

was planning to do it on Sunday. No,

4:12

no, no, no. I was wait. No,

4:14

the thing is I had so much stuff to do

4:17

this weekend. So Saturday, can I tell

4:19

the story quickly? And we get back to it.

4:21

Yeah. Okay. So Saturday, once the Dodgers game. Oh

4:24

yeah. I saw Moss was jealous because he kept being like,

4:26

man, we gotta go to Dodgers game. And I was like,

4:28

maybe. And then he saw you go. And then he was

4:30

like, and I was like, well, there you go. It has

4:32

some lists to deal with approval. I guess I feel safe

4:34

and I'm going. And I have my mouse on. No, I

4:37

saw. Yeah. So as I'm walking up, well, actually leaving my

4:39

car, I have left my car and I'm just

4:41

like a row up as I'm walking into the

4:43

stadium. I turn around and I see a man's

4:45

penis. Oh, no. Peeing.

4:48

Oh, okay. Like, but like between

4:50

cars that didn't open the car

4:52

door. So it was blocking. Sure.

4:54

If you never peed on a freeway over the path. The

4:56

child, then you would have gotten a child

4:58

sex offender. They call the cops. Yeah.

5:02

So this was just like

5:04

upon arrival upon arrival upon

5:06

arrival. Upon arrival. Like

5:09

I get the desperation, you're drunk afterwards and

5:11

like you pee and like, but no, no,

5:13

like I haven't started. Yeah. But I

5:15

did young. So then I get up

5:18

to the stadium and I'm like, Hey, I

5:20

need to, my, what's

5:22

the fastest way to get to like this? Cause

5:24

it says that mine is on the right side.

5:27

My interest is on the right side. But like,

5:29

how far is that away from if I go?

5:31

Cause it looked like from the ticket, I was

5:33

like, this is the left entrance.

5:35

And then if you're watching, and then I

5:38

was like, I think it's just like around

5:40

the corner. Yeah. And the woman was

5:42

like, no, you have to walk all the way around. So

5:44

I was like, okay, whatever. So I get in line and

5:46

I'm there and then I get up to

5:48

the front and the guys, like your purse is

5:50

too big. And I didn't know that you

5:52

have to have your purse a certain size. I haven't

5:55

been to the game in a long time. So certain

5:57

sides are clear, right? Clear. And I didn't

5:59

know that. It was also a small purse.

6:01

Yeah. Like it wasn't big. And

6:03

I was like, God damn it. And so then I had

6:05

to walk all the way back to my car, put

6:08

my purse in, then get

6:10

back up to the front and go

6:13

inside. And we were on field level.

6:16

And there's no science telling how to get

6:18

to the field level in daughter's stadium at

6:21

all. I asked three people that worked

6:23

there. No one knew. I was like, okay. And

6:25

then I finally asked the police officer and

6:28

they knew how to get down there. So

6:30

I had to take the stairs down three

6:32

levels, finally get there. Like this is all

6:34

taking me an extra hour. Oh

6:37

my God. I would go home. I

6:39

really wanted to, but like I hadn't seen

6:41

that friend in a year, over a year. And

6:44

so I got inside. If

6:46

I wasn't seeing her, then I would have definitely

6:48

gotten in. And you were meeting me there? I

6:50

wasn't like, I'm out. I'm out. Yeah. And

6:53

I get to where the seats are. And I

6:56

like, I said, Hey, I'm here. I waved to

6:58

her saying, I'm so hungry now. Cause I've probably

7:00

walked more than I have in weeks.

7:05

So I go get in line. I was like, all I want is a

7:07

Dodger doll. Garlic

7:09

crust. They didn't have it in the area that I

7:11

was in. So I

7:14

wait in line for a long

7:16

time. Cause the line was extra long,

7:18

of course. It was in the

7:20

pavilion area where they have like the different restaurants

7:22

set up. So I go by the time I get

7:24

to the front of the line, order

7:27

my Dodger dog. We're out

7:29

of Dodge Dodger dogs. We don't have

7:31

buns. You have one job. Oh,

7:33

okay. Are you going to get it

7:35

without it? Oh, I

7:37

know. I was planning this the whole day. I

7:40

was like, I know that my stomach is going to be

7:42

rock hard, but I'm fine. We don't have buns.

7:44

Raw dog. It. There

7:47

was no sign up saying they didn't have any.

7:49

They didn't announce it. And there was only one

7:51

other food item on the thing, which was the

7:53

nachos, which are disgusting. Like

7:55

movie theater nachos. Yeah, exactly. And $20. Cause

7:59

they're in that little hat set. What am I

8:01

gonna do? Go to the bathroom and wash this out?

8:03

Eat cereal out of it? So

8:05

I get back to my feet

8:08

just Devastated. Devastated. I

8:10

would cry. Higher, hungry. Yeah,

8:12

that's awful. Yeah, and then

8:15

after the game I was like, okay,

8:17

I have to walk all the way like around

8:19

to This other side. By

8:21

the time I walk around and I get back

8:24

to the other side I realized

8:26

that it's the same gate that I was standing

8:28

next to to begin with when I said bye

8:30

to my friends So that

8:32

woman that had told me I had to walk around I

8:34

didn't have to it was that gate It

8:37

was just like a different angle so you couldn't

8:40

see it. That's cruel. I'm still not done though.

8:42

Oh my god, you guys touch your gate So

8:45

then Instagram really is a highlight reel. Yes,

8:47

I walked since I get to my car

8:50

They have no one directing traffic to

8:52

get out. No, that's

8:54

not allowed. It takes me

8:59

45 minutes just to get out of my parking lot.

9:01

Yeah. Oh also before I even got to my car

9:03

I made eye contact with the pee man again as

9:05

I was walking to my car Like he was at

9:07

his car where I saw him peeing. We

9:10

made eye contact. It was awkward. Oh god I've

9:12

seen your dick. Yeah, then I get to the

9:15

car and I sit there 45

9:17

minutes just to get out the parking spot another

9:19

like 30 minutes. Well while I'm

9:21

sitting there get a notification that says Spectrum

9:25

there's an out At

9:28

home so get excited to rush to home

9:30

without your fucking Wi-Fi Exactly. So it takes

9:32

me an hour and a half

9:34

to get once I get out the parking lot

9:37

It only takes me 20 minutes to get home.

9:39

Yeah sitting there hour and a half get home

9:42

Spectrum's out. I'm like, I

9:45

guess I'll go to sleep Nothing

9:47

else to do because I can't watch TV. Did

9:49

you eat? Yes, I did. Okay.

9:51

I did eat this story's making me hungry

9:54

Okay, so three o'clock rolls around I'm

9:56

getting I get hot as I usually

9:59

do with This is different because I had

10:01

turned my air conditioner like extra down and

10:03

I took a gummy earlier because I was

10:05

like I need to relax. This is a

10:07

stressful day. Took a gummy at

10:09

three o'clock. I hear this beep. I'm

10:11

like, what the fuck is that? And then

10:14

my light all come on. So

10:16

I guess electricity had went out at some point in

10:19

the night and that's why I was hot. But

10:21

since all my lights are hooked up

10:24

to my Alexa, they flash because they

10:26

have to reconnect to the Alexa. So

10:28

every light that I have connected to

10:30

my bedroom light, office light, the lamp

10:33

and then the lamp that's in my living

10:35

room all flashing and I'm high. The

10:42

most awful story ever.

10:44

So I had to get up. Delirious.

10:46

And then I had to pee. So I had

10:48

to go pee first while all this flashing. So

10:51

you're in a race, my covering my eyes hot

10:53

because the air had been off. And

10:56

then I had to like, I couldn't

10:58

even say like Alexa turn off all the

11:00

lights. Alexa turn the light

11:02

back on. I couldn't say that because they

11:04

had to reconnect to it. Oh my God.

11:06

So I had to go light

11:09

by light and turn everyone off while

11:11

I'm delirious, high and naked. High

11:14

and sweaty is like actually like

11:16

cruel. Wow. What a day.

11:18

So naturally you didn't wash your hair. Yes.

11:21

Wow. I'm so sorry. Yeah. But I

11:23

just want you to know you do, you argued you'd

11:25

be the toxic Instagram culture because they see it. I

11:27

go, look, she's a lovely day at

11:30

the Dodger game. Would have never known.

11:32

Has to be truthless. Tell my truth

11:34

on the podcast. Yeah. No, you gotta, you

11:37

gotta, and if you want to watch it, you gotta pay for

11:39

Patreon. Wow. Yeah.

11:41

You have a much, much better excuse for

11:44

throwing off your hair washing schedule. We

11:46

usually both wash our hair on Sunday, not

11:48

like Sunday, like evening ish because your hair

11:50

takes, like you, you wake up the next

11:52

morning and it's still pretty damp. And so

11:55

I was like, you know what, I'm just

11:57

going to start doing that too, because I

11:59

was trying to earlier on Sunday, but it

12:02

wrecked my whole day because it makes me physically exhausted and

12:04

I'm just so tired. So I was like, okay, you go

12:06

to sleep with your hair damp. I'll go to sleep with

12:08

my hair damp. Like I'll be fine. And

12:11

so Sundays is what I've usually been

12:13

doing, but I just, I just

12:15

haven't been. It's just been like working to

12:17

like, what it really has been is

12:19

lost and I've been like doing stuff on the weekend and

12:22

I usually need like energy to shower because

12:24

then I need the energy to be depleted.

12:26

Like I need energy to get depleted. But

12:29

if I don't have any to start that I'm like, I can't even do

12:31

it. And so I've been doing it on Monday for the last

12:33

couple of weeks and I did it on Monday again. And

12:36

then the issue with Monday is I have

12:39

the opposite of a case of the Mondays. I'm

12:41

like a toxic Monday person where I'm like

12:43

Monday, I made my to do list. Like

12:45

we're getting stuff done because I've tried to

12:48

like work edit less on weekends, like to

12:50

like kind of have some sort of schedule.

12:52

It doesn't always happen. I did edit this

12:54

weekend, but then I don't shower or

12:56

get in the shower because I'd like to shower

12:58

at night when months is home because

13:01

if something goes wrong, I heat. So he's there

13:03

and I showered the door open. So

13:05

when he gets home late and then I'm like, I'm going to

13:07

shower for dinner. It's like a shower when I'm

13:10

hungry, then I'm definitely going to faint. And

13:12

so then my ass was like, I'm

13:14

going to get in the shower at 11 45. My

13:17

ass gets in the shower PM. That's the

13:19

time I did too. And we were up.

13:22

Yeah, we were having parallel lives. I

13:24

was watching NCIS. Naturally,

13:27

I'm not in bed until 1 30. And

13:31

then I am just tossing and turning,

13:33

trying to fucking fall asleep until about

13:35

4 30. I am that's what the

13:37

exact time I went to sleep because

13:39

I was like, it's too late now

13:42

for me to take melatonin because then

13:44

I'll have the spins when I wake up.

13:47

And so same story, it

13:49

could have been like a movie, like a split

13:51

screen where we're just like living the exact same

13:53

night. That's so funny. And Mox is

13:55

always just like, and like, he can't

13:58

get like, we had a conversation. or I

14:00

was like, you can't, like, when I tell you, I'm like, you

14:02

need to remind me to shower. I'm like, all you can

14:04

do is remind me and you have to do it like completely

14:06

neutrally. Like you can't make it seem like there's any like

14:08

thing morally tied if I do or do not, because like

14:10

I will have a meltdown. And he was like, why the fuck

14:12

is that? And I was like, can I get an ADHD

14:14

thing? And I googled, and there's literally like literal

14:17

like disrotations on like the moral qualms of

14:19

showering and ADHD, because like, this is so

14:21

much energy and effort to do, but like,

14:23

if I don't do this, like I'm the

14:25

worst. And I was like, so there's like,

14:27

he only has like a small thing

14:30

of things that I'm like, that you're allowed to

14:32

say that will remind me, but not make me

14:34

feel bad if I don't do it. But that

14:36

in turn is like, yeah, I'm just gonna shower

14:38

this later. And I was like, this has to

14:40

be the last one. I have to just do,

14:42

I have to get back to my Sunday. Yeah,

14:44

mine was, I was working on

14:46

stuff, but then I was like, I have to eat. But

14:48

then I was like, because it takes me forever, once

14:51

I wash it, I need to twist it. And

14:54

I was like, so like, I

14:56

should listen to this podcast, like

14:58

review this podcast while I'm twisting. So then

15:00

I'm like doing work while I'm doing

15:02

it. But then it just turned into, I was too

15:05

tired to do the work. And I was like, I'm

15:07

gonna watch TV while I do it. And then I

15:09

was just up. Yep. So

15:11

that is the really long

15:13

disclaimer that you have

15:15

some two sleep deprived bitches

15:17

here for you to give

15:19

you advice. And just know

15:21

that despite the fact that we

15:24

are both sleep deprived, it's

15:26

gonna be perfect, amazing for all this wonderful advice. Because

15:29

we never don't deliver. We

15:32

are constantly giving the most, doing the most,

15:34

going above and beyond. Doing the most with

15:36

the least. That's literally

15:39

my entire brand. I used to say it

15:41

was mommy blogger without kids, doing

15:43

the most with the least. And

15:46

a lot of personality. If you

15:48

are brand new here, welcome to Don't

15:50

Blame Me. If you wanna join

15:52

our Patreon, you can see Melissa get startled by

15:54

her own hiccup. Video version.

15:57

This is an advice podcast where you give wonderful,

15:59

amazing life. changing advice and you might

16:01

be wondering how are

16:03

these two absolutely stunning visions

16:06

supermodels stunners business women

16:09

ethical billionaires moguls Sex

16:14

icons How are they?

16:17

Also fantastic evening advice and that's because

16:20

what we lack in credentials

16:22

we make up for in opinions This

16:24

is the call and advice podcast So in order for us

16:26

to give you advice you have to call in and

16:29

if you are in the United States, haha

16:32

Whoo, things are going great here. You can give us

16:34

a call at three one zero six nine four

16:36

zero nine seven six and International

16:38

listeners, you can send us

16:40

an audio message at Megan [email protected] The requirements

16:43

for both are the same we ask that

16:45

you are 18 or over have your parents

16:47

permission You write down everything

16:50

before you call us to

16:52

record Write down all

16:54

the details include your age It's all anonymous So

16:56

no names that you can give fake names to

16:58

people if that's helpful if there's a

17:00

lot of people in the story It's also helpful for

17:02

us because gotta follow along Include

17:05

your ages and is that a relationship how long

17:07

you've been together all the most important details Then

17:10

pull out your phone pull out an

17:12

hourglass Something else

17:14

that you use to measure time and

17:16

time yourself because you only have three

17:18

minutes So if you're way under three

17:20

minutes, we're like, okay What other additional

17:22

details can I include that they might have

17:24

questions about especially if you've listened? I actually

17:26

honestly would probably recommend listening to a Previous

17:30

like episode like a call from previous episode

17:32

before you call in whether that's like a

17:35

perfect Like wonderful call that you should emulate

17:37

or you as a listener. What do you

17:39

wish you had heard? Like what additional details

17:41

you want to have? So be the

17:43

call you would like to see in the world Say

17:46

that I think we've said it before have

17:48

we I think so Okay Because it does

17:50

make sense it flowed so perfectly if you

17:52

have called for a previous episode and you

17:54

have been on an episode And you want

17:56

to give us an update we would absolutely

17:59

Love that so much so you

18:01

can send us an email at

18:03

Megan [email protected]. The three minute

18:05

mark for the calls as well as

18:07

the voice memos is strict. You will

18:09

get cut off in both instances so

18:12

make sure it's under three minutes and

18:14

that's way longer than you think and it's three minutes

18:16

from if you're leaving a voicemail from the beep and

18:18

it's three minutes from the time you press

18:21

like record if you are doing a voice

18:23

memo. Yep we are also available

18:25

on patreon if you want to watch the video

18:27

version of the podcast. We now have six tiers

18:29

on patreon because we have them for this show

18:31

and then our other show but am I wrong?

18:34

And the tiers are divided so you can watch

18:36

the video version of this podcast you can also

18:38

watch the video version of our other podcast and

18:41

we also do live streams twice a month. They're

18:43

super fun I feel like that's like one of

18:45

my favorite things that we have like on our

18:48

patreon that we do that we're

18:50

not like other podcasts like not everybody else

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does and it was something we started during

18:55

the pandemic and I love it like we

18:57

you look forward we look forward to it

18:59

like it's fun for us we're also not

19:01

the most social people

19:04

in the pandemic but

19:06

we are at our core social

19:08

people yeah so if that describes

19:11

you or even if you're

19:13

more of like a watcher you don't

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have to participate but it's like the

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perfect thing for extroverts with social anxiety

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mental health issues or compromised

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that fun like social aspect that

19:25

like once you start going a lot you catch up with

19:28

people and you're like oh my gosh how like oh you

19:30

got your hair done that looks so cute like oh how

19:32

did that job interview go so it's like not

19:34

even just it's not like a first date you know I

19:36

mean it's like a hangout

19:38

yeah and I feel like we

19:40

know like we know everybody is

19:43

it for regular snow yeah like

19:45

deeply deeply and we hear like

19:47

wonderful crazy stories we hear disturbing

19:49

disgusting stories about poop that

19:51

one I will never be the same I have

19:53

twice forgot about them and then y'all

19:55

keep bringing them up and

19:58

I don't want I drive in the car person

20:00

and I think about it. I

20:03

don't and I hope that I forget

20:05

about it again. Can I just give a

20:07

tease to the people? Pool, diarrhea,

20:12

contact lenses. I

20:15

will never be the same. I will literally never

20:18

fucking be the same. I have

20:20

two cents. Your hair is

20:22

literally standing up on your arm. Now you can see

20:24

it. Now if only it did this when I was

20:26

trying to fucking shave my leg. Well you've got to

20:28

get like scare yourself self when you're shaving. But the

20:31

issue is just get a little

20:33

wet. Yeah. Done. Yeah. It's

20:35

like I'm like glowing firm like a golden

20:37

retriever. Could I bitch here than a golden

20:39

retriever? Yeah I don't think you have golden

20:41

retriever energy. First of

20:44

all, offense to everybody like who

20:46

but like the whole thing of being like oh my

20:48

god I just want a boyfriend with golden retriever energy.

20:50

No I don't. Energetic and stupid. Loved

20:52

you because he's too stupid to do any. Yeah

20:54

because but it's not in a like I love

20:56

you so much way. No offense to golden retriever.

20:58

I think gold like I had a friend who

21:01

had golden retriever like beautiful love that like the

21:03

sweetest. But like this is not like

21:05

I want to be chosen. I don't want you to

21:08

love me because you're too stupid. So you want to

21:10

be a cat? To know. No.

21:12

See that's what that's what it sounds like to me.

21:15

No no because cats don't like and

21:17

they choose they no they don't choose

21:19

anything. They choose they have to choose

21:21

and sell. They love like that like

21:23

to cuddle and shit. I don't know

21:25

any cats like to go. I do. That's

21:27

scary. That cat that I used to live

21:30

with. Ooh come my room, get on

21:32

the bed, make their little. Is it? Whatever

21:35

they do. You know what cats do. I don't

21:37

like how people call that. I don't know what

21:39

it is. It's too cutesy for me. And then

21:41

like nestle between like.

21:43

It's all cats? I

21:46

don't know. I've only lived with one

21:48

cat. Okay. This is the cat that I have.

21:50

I was about to say like except for these

21:52

little strays that run around here that made a

21:54

home. Here's the thing and they like me at

21:56

the other place. Let's talk about this. You have

21:58

achieved universally. I'm saying. now that I've

22:01

seen one cat interact with you and

22:03

this one story of other cats, you

22:05

universally have achieved like un-denying love from

22:07

the two harshest critics of the entire

22:09

world. Yeah. Children and cats. Remember my

22:11

other apartment too is that lady that

22:13

like lives with me. Oh, an old-

22:16

oh. No, not lives with me, sorry.

22:18

Lived in my complex and she was

22:20

vegan and wouldn't feed her cat the

22:22

food that the cat needed. And I didn't know,

22:24

I thought it was a stray cat because it

22:27

was just walking around and real skinny. So

22:29

I started feeding it and then she

22:31

was like, thank you for- you have such a

22:33

beautiful- she left a note on my door.

22:36

You have such a beautiful soul and I really

22:39

appreciate it. And old people. But

22:41

um, my cat is vegan and I

22:43

was like, okay. That's

22:45

animal of the earth. Hot take? It

22:47

is. Yeah. Wait, so no,

22:49

no, you actually achieved three. Three. Crouched

22:52

the old people. Children

22:55

of like- and like children of

22:57

like actual ages. Like just kids

22:59

love you. Yeah. And cats.

23:01

Because I talk to children like

23:03

they're adults and that's what they

23:05

don't want to be talked to like children.

23:08

Yeah. I am the opposite. I talk to

23:10

children unintentionally like a Disney princess. And

23:13

most of them tend to like it. Kids tend to

23:15

like me. I will say my nephew

23:17

loved him to death. He is starting to

23:19

get into kind of that like little asshole

23:21

stage where I'm like, please don't throw anything

23:23

into this thing that I'm telling you not

23:25

to like throw this thing into. And he

23:27

just will look at me and like

23:30

hold his hand out and smile. And I'm like, yeah, they

23:32

do it. No, we're not gonna

23:34

do that, my guy. Or also he has this thing

23:36

now where he'll be playing with his toy and he'll

23:38

just like grab- like he's playing with it and then

23:40

he will grab it and he'll look at me like,

23:42

Mine. Mine. You cannot play with it. And I go,

23:44

I literally wasn't even reaching for it. He goes, no,

23:47

Aunt Megan and then we'll run to his dad and be

23:49

like, Aunt Megan can't play with my toy. And I'm like,

23:51

Aunt Megan was not even trying to play with your toy.

23:53

Why are you riding me? I'm like, I didn't do. Like

23:56

you narc. Yep. He's

23:58

so cute though. He likes me. the first

24:00

time I met him. That is the

24:02

one that's like the Mox was like, he

24:06

immediately there was nobody he's ever done

24:08

that with before. Like if, if

24:10

the grandparents had been there to see that, but like

24:13

Mox was there being like this fucking kid won't even

24:15

do this to me. And he sees Melissa one time.

24:17

And he's like, I knew, I knew what he was

24:19

into and then I waited for my moment. You

24:21

secured the ball. And then you were like, and

24:23

he was like, we see each other.

24:26

It was impressive. He's also at the

24:28

age now where like he got his first haircut, but

24:31

his hair's like, you know, growing faster. Oh, it's really cute.

24:33

And it's getting longer. And I was like the one where

24:35

I was like, don't cut it. Don't cut it. And his

24:37

mom was finally like, we're going to cut

24:39

his hair. And I go, that's fine. Last time I

24:41

saw him, like you're right. Um, and she's like, it's

24:44

just, you know, a little thin. So it's looking a

24:46

little scraggly, but he's like at that age and he's

24:48

always like run really hot, but he's like at that

24:50

age where like his hair's going really fast, like it's

24:52

still like relatively thin because he's a kid. Yeah,

24:55

exactly. And so, but he like runs around all

24:57

the time. So like, he just always looks like

24:59

I look at him and I go, you probably

25:01

had the greatest day ever cause like his hair

25:03

is kind of like stringy and like sweaty and

25:05

like his face is all flush and there's dirt

25:08

everywhere. And like his hair just like, it looks

25:10

kind of like Dwight from the office where it's like

25:12

deep side part. And I'm like, you had a good

25:14

day, didn't you? Like you really like, this is the,

25:16

this is what you, we should all look like at

25:18

the end of the day when you have a good

25:21

day. Like that's so cute. He's adorable. But he's about

25:23

to get in that three eight three nature as

25:25

they call it. Yeah. But

25:28

it is cool as he gets older though, like

25:30

he will have now ongoing bits that like he

25:32

starts, but like we don't even start that he

25:34

then is like remembers and like, Oh,

25:36

this is funny. He knows that like

25:39

Walrus is, he like snick Walrus noises and he's very into

25:41

Walrus right now. What kind of noises do Walrus make? It's

25:43

a very specific noise. And I like looked at his mom

25:45

and she was like, we looked it up. I was like,

25:47

yeah. Cause I was like, what is that? And she goes,

25:49

it is surprising and accurate. Like that is what they make

25:52

the sound they make. It's kind of like a grunt, but

25:54

it's a little higher. You try it. And

25:56

that's not happening because I don't even remember it

25:58

that well. He takes his veggie-

26:00

That's just veggie. Why don't you just call Taylor

26:03

up? TikTok audio from

26:05

Chris Jenner. He takes

26:07

his veggie sticks, like the veggie straws,

26:09

and he puts them between his teeth

26:11

and his top lip and just turns

26:13

around and will make walrus noises. He

26:16

does that joke to everybody that he sees

26:18

because he knows that it kills. I

26:20

was like, this is pretty good. I'm impressed

26:22

by this. Very

26:24

cute. I think he might want

26:26

a walrus cake for his birthday. He's not sure

26:28

yet. He probably

26:31

changes mine three times. He told me, he goes,

26:33

are you having a walrus cake for your birthday?

26:35

I was like, no. He was like, you

26:37

want a walrus cake for your birthday? I was like, I don't

26:39

think I do. He goes, yeah, you do.

26:41

I was like, do you want a walrus cake

26:43

for your birthday? He goes, yeah. Those are the

26:46

same things. He's got a few more months. We'll

26:48

see where he is. I wonder. I'm glad it's

26:50

not. Last year, I made the starfish cake. It

26:52

was between starfish and ceiling fan. I was like,

26:54

it kind of looks the same. I think

26:56

we'll be okay. I do. I

26:59

was like, depending on how bad my starfish are, I'll just

27:01

call him ceiling fan. He'll be like, a ceiling fan. Anyways,

27:06

all of that are very long and true aside,

27:09

we have an update. We

27:11

aren't just going to throw over to that. Well,

27:14

first, thank you guys so much for your

27:16

podcast. I love you both. I've

27:18

been listening for a long time. You

27:21

guys get me through my mornings because

27:24

I'm in a male-dominated career field. Oh,

27:26

good. I'm a male. I'm a

27:28

male. I'm like, hey, you guys are about to get me through

27:31

this. I don't want to go to the house. The girl power in the morning

27:33

is really helpful when I'm getting ready. I'm from season 10, episode

27:35

5. I am the girl that

27:38

called in because I

27:40

dated someone, and they made kind of an

27:42

abusive comment to me

27:44

as we broke up. I

27:46

gave them another chance, but then they like, not

27:49

respected. I did boundaries. There's

27:51

some gaslighting. And

27:54

just like, love bombing

27:56

me mostly. So I wanted advice, and

27:59

I was like... It was me

28:01

because of my trauma that was the problem or if

28:03

it was them as the problem. So

28:06

going into like what happened since I called because

28:08

that was a little bit ago. I

28:10

was still at school for a long

28:13

time and this person continued

28:15

to love bomb me. They

28:19

kept pushing my boundaries. They

28:21

were being really over sexual when I told them not

28:23

to be. I kept trying to

28:25

break it off, but they would call

28:27

me crying and I would

28:29

forgive them and like they would

28:32

tell me I'm going to do better

28:34

and I tried to believe them.

28:37

But when I got back from

28:39

my training, they wanted to do

28:42

like a weekend getaway with me and

28:44

I felt really uncomfortable because

28:46

I just knew I was

28:49

going to be put in a weird situation with them.

28:52

So I'm like, how do I get out of this? Meanwhile,

28:55

my job offered me

28:57

to move to a

29:00

position and another city that

29:03

I've been trying to move to for a

29:05

really long time. And they were basically like,

29:07

you don't even have to interview like they want you there.

29:10

Like the positions open. So

29:12

I've offered that and it was

29:15

hard though because I have also been wanting to

29:17

like quit my job because of where I worked,

29:19

which if you saw my emails, you

29:22

know where I worked. But

29:24

currently, and it's not always the healthiest and

29:26

they gave me a lot of trauma there,

29:29

but I thought maybe if like I moved

29:31

to this new place that I've

29:33

been wanting to live at for a while, like

29:35

maybe I could, you know, stick around

29:37

and it would be good. So

29:40

I tell this

29:42

person I'm moving

29:45

and we're not going to work out and I'm not going

29:47

to come on this weekend, get away

29:49

with you. So I kind of have like an out,

29:51

which was nice, but then they called

29:53

me crying, like falling on the phone

29:55

and they said to me, like, you

29:57

don't like your job. are

30:00

you doing? And basically, this is

30:02

what's funny. This was like

30:04

a few weeks before I heard myself

30:06

on your podcast, and I received your

30:08

guys's advice, which meant a lot to

30:10

me. I told them

30:13

like I set a really firm boundary on the

30:15

phone. I'm like, I am not quitting my job.

30:17

Like I can't, not financially

30:19

responsible to like, I need

30:21

to have like a plan B before I do

30:23

that. And also, this might be good for me.

30:26

And this is what they said to

30:28

me. Oh, God. They said, quit

30:30

your job and move in with me. I

30:32

would take you homeless. You don't even have

30:35

to work like, and mind you, like, we

30:37

don't know each other that that well. And

30:40

I kept saying like, no, I

30:42

like to be independent. Like I don't

30:44

want that for myself. Like also, in

30:46

my head, I'm like, that's wild, a

30:48

very wild idea. So

30:51

anyway, I kept my boundaries, but

30:53

I was just like, that is the craziest

30:55

thing to like ever say to someone. Sorry,

30:57

not crazy, but wild. So

30:59

anyway, that was when I really

31:01

like knew how bad

31:04

this person was and how unhealthy they

31:06

are. And so I broke it off,

31:08

broke it off. And they

31:10

have been like texting me still, I

31:13

probably need to block them, but I

31:16

have not been responding. And then I heard your

31:18

podcast. And I was

31:20

like, Oh my gosh, like I needed

31:22

this validation. Like I needed this so

31:25

bad. It was so helpful for

31:27

me to finally like, not only,

31:29

you know, break it

31:31

off but like hold that. Yeah,

31:33

after I heard what you guys said. So that's

31:35

my update. Wow. Well, Melissa

31:37

just found your email and then

31:39

showed me we're obviously not gonna

31:41

say it here. But now I

31:43

know your work the field you

31:45

work in. And that offers a

31:47

lot of context and explanation. To

31:50

me, a why he probably

31:53

singled you out and like targeted you

31:55

like you for this because just

31:58

by some of the nature of some of the relationships

32:01

and why those lines might have

32:03

been blurred for you in combination

32:05

with like previous relationship trauma that

32:07

like it makes a lot of

32:10

like sense. Why? Obviously

32:13

like regardless of who this happens to like this

32:15

is creepy and like horrific

32:17

and shitty, but I feel like I

32:19

understand much more the internal questioning of

32:21

like, is this okay? Is this not

32:23

like, is this normal? Is this not?

32:27

But wow, that is like the number

32:29

one abuse tactic is

32:31

like isolating and like being

32:33

like move in with me, even if you don't have a

32:35

job. So like you don't even have

32:38

no contact with any like and it's

32:40

financial. Yeah. Right. Oh my

32:42

God. Like, wow, I could not believe

32:44

when they said that like I could,

32:46

but I was like, wow.

32:49

Like now you're using like my

32:51

trauma that happens to me in my

32:53

career field. I like

32:56

almost like to just manipulate me at this

32:58

point. And it just was like, okay.

33:00

Like I get it. Yeah.

33:03

And it's like, I'm not, I'm

33:05

othering myself from that while simultaneously

33:07

like upholding some of those

33:09

similar things. Like it's just like you're

33:12

birds of a feather. Like you can't claim to be

33:14

like, Oh no, you don't do this. That is toxic.

33:16

That's bad for you. And it's like, but look at

33:18

you. Like you're the epitome of that and like choosing

33:21

to not be with you and to like not do

33:23

that. Like that. I'm so glad

33:25

that you like felt validated by what

33:27

we said and like stood your ground

33:29

for this. Cause like, that's really, really,

33:31

really, really hard. Like, especially when people

33:33

like they call you crying and it

33:36

feels like if you listen, you've listened to this podcast

33:38

for a while that the value

33:40

that we have and our, we have

33:42

in our audience has on

33:44

mental health. And a lot of times like

33:47

narcissists, abusive, manipulative people will play

33:49

into that. Like empathetic, like I

33:51

value your feelings and I value

33:54

your mental health. And then it

33:56

becomes like, Oh, I'm weaponizing that.

33:58

Right. further my

34:00

like abuse or manipulation and

34:02

it's just fucked. Yeah.

34:06

Yeah. Wow. Have you moved yet? No,

34:09

and that's, I'm like, there's

34:11

so much going on and I have like,

34:13

I didn't have a long time to make

34:15

decisions and now I'll be moving

34:17

like September 1st. Wow.

34:20

And I am, I'll give more context

34:22

just because I'm not worried about this

34:24

person anymore, like hearing this. I live

34:26

in Colorado and then Melissa,

34:30

I drove through what I think might be your

34:32

home state. Cause I think you went and visited

34:35

there. Arkansas? It was Arkansas. Yeah.

34:37

Who picked who there? Yeah. What

34:40

part? What part? Through the whole state. Cause

34:43

I was going down to Mississippi. Okay. Well,

34:46

I'm so happy for you that

34:48

you also have like the boundary that

34:50

you create, like the universe stepped in

34:52

and was like, we're going to help

34:54

you uphold that boundary, which is really

34:56

nice. Yeah. Yeah. Good timing

34:58

on the podcast. I was so, yeah.

35:02

And when I heard my, I forgot because it

35:05

had been like a while and like, I didn't

35:07

expect you to play it. Cause I kind of

35:09

rambled. And then when I heard my

35:11

voice, I was like, okay. Oh

35:13

my gosh. That's me. So

35:16

it was very helpful. We're

35:18

so glad and looking

35:20

forward to happy, healthy, hopefully

35:23

COVID negative and you know, good

35:26

relationships in like a new chapter.

35:28

Yeah. Absolutely. Thank

35:31

you guys so much. Thank you. I

35:33

really appreciate it. Of course. Thank you so much for

35:35

joining us. Absolutely. You guys have

35:37

a great day. You too. Bye. This

35:40

is one of like, usually the updates that we have, a

35:43

lot of the time people like to call an update when

35:45

it's like funny, like uplift, like this is like fun. Cause

35:47

some of these things are hard to talk about, but I

35:49

just want to like thank this caller so much for calling

35:51

back and giving an update. And

35:53

this is so good. Yeah. You

35:55

know, I'm glad that things align the way

35:57

that they did. And

36:01

now you're out of that situation. Yeah, because

36:03

sometimes we like creating boundaries

36:05

is like a huge task

36:07

in itself. And I don't

36:09

think that there's anything wrong with and I think

36:11

it's like we need other forces, whether

36:14

that's like people or situations to help

36:16

us uphold our boundaries. And

36:18

so I think that like, that's a really, you

36:20

know, a good thing when that when that happens.

36:23

So happy that things are hopefully

36:25

going to make a big turn

36:27

and hope anyone who related to that call

36:30

will also be setting the same boundary.

36:34

Shall we get into

36:36

the meat and potatoes? What

36:38

is that saying from? Oh, by the way, another

36:40

thing I don't understand the seven C's we have

36:43

more than seven C's was that

36:45

saying before Pangea and also

36:47

why not more people have Pangea and

36:49

jokes? Because I think anytime you bring

36:52

up Pangea, like fire.

36:55

I love Pangea. Like I just think it's such

36:57

a it's not a niche reference, but that makes

36:59

it a niche reference because who's all

37:01

a part of me? Well,

37:04

Mesopotamia, Pangea Mesopotamia, though.

37:07

You could bring everything back to like with it because

37:10

everyone's like, oh, before BC or like, a

37:12

day, a day. And

37:15

I'm like, no, no, no. Before Pangea

37:17

or after Pangea. I

37:19

think it's mostly because you know, E-bombs world, like, I

37:21

think that's where it came from. What

37:24

about Mayans? I feel about them. I

37:26

like the Mayans. Here's the issue. Mayan

37:29

came after Mesopotamia for me and my brain

37:31

was I was capped.

37:34

I was done. I like achieved

37:36

pure euphoria from learning about Mesopotamia.

37:39

That like there were others. Yeah, the Mayans. I

37:41

was like, okay, interesting. I was really into

37:43

this educational video. I had

37:45

to look it up to remember the

37:47

exact name. It's called the voyage

37:50

of the Mimi. I don't know if you it was

37:52

probably real old, but I'm you were in

37:54

school was already old when I was in

37:56

school because a young child

37:58

been athletes started. The. Whole.

38:01

That. If it. Were

38:03

literally what would it be? I would if he like

38:05

a substitute teacher movie or and know like I was

38:07

he'd nature. Movie or teacher who was. Didn't

38:10

want this was in science class. And.

38:13

For some reason, she's teaching us about

38:15

history and math. And. I just don't

38:17

think that she wanted to teach forces to the

38:19

elementary school. I told you my. All it

38:21

was junior. I'll. I'll do my elementary

38:23

school teacher we didn't learn science because she

38:25

was like i really don't love it know

38:27

this was like. That. with her

38:30

subject to keep some alarming have

38:32

the voice of the me mean

38:34

and it. Depicted. This

38:36

crew exploring the ocean. And.

38:38

Take he senses of the humpback. Well,

38:41

Is. It am I am I yeah upset

38:43

with kind of loving the idea that it

38:45

would mean that you to pronounce it Me

38:48

me and I lead a could get misconstrued

38:50

as like this is a journey of a

38:52

me him So they were searching for the

38:54

last my in cities and then like taught

38:56

you how to do the Mayan mass during

38:58

the class I did not understand this mine

39:01

math at all. At All.

39:03

I'm a. Don't. Where's the calculator junction

39:05

for my A lawyer? So.

39:07

Then I it is the internet and then

39:09

found some like lessons on acts i'll do

39:12

it and then learned it. And

39:14

then took a test and then my

39:16

teacher was like we're not gonna use

39:18

this as as like you wasted my

39:20

fucking babies you've wasted my time I

39:22

checked out of our our our still

39:24

learn that yes that's cruel or Iraq

39:26

or teachers like. You would spend so

39:29

much of your kids like a useless thing. We

39:31

had one like that were like that the past

39:33

with the teach us a lesson about some day

39:35

and then with like I'm not going to use

39:37

as I'm making First of all I cheated my

39:39

ass off on a than I would like them

39:41

recognition because I know that I put in work

39:43

for you and catch me in the present you

39:45

rather I would like you know the rights of

39:47

i get know i could you other member cause

39:49

it's but other what a lot of Italy memorization

39:52

to like that the separate colleges teaching is that

39:54

like know learning is actually about like ingesting information

39:56

like know I thought my remarks as human rights.

39:58

Who'd. You the for. you this to

40:00

me? Yeah, I think about that teacher all the

40:02

time. And I want revenge, but I don't remember her

40:05

name. She's probably dead. I know. I was gonna say.

40:07

Yeah, she's like really not not into

40:10

the science. And she's like, we're gonna be teaching my in 1980. The

40:12

same come out. Yeah. 1984.

40:17

From the baked Street College of Education.

40:19

Yeah, I'm thinking she might be dead.

40:22

Probably dead. I don't

40:24

remember if we had any educational movie

40:26

Spanish class, we would watch a lot

40:28

of music videos after my favorite Spanish

40:30

teacher left. Quanis. Photographia.

40:33

I can still like sing almost all

40:35

of it. I remember we watched some

40:37

schoolhouse rock. Oh, schoolhouse rock is a

40:39

classic. If you didn't watch that in

40:41

school, that was like a substitute teacher

40:43

thing in like elementary. Yeah,

40:45

like elementary and middle school. And then

40:48

Junction Junction was your function. A

40:51

bill on Capitol Hill. Yep. I don't remember much of

40:53

I remember them. But I don't remember learning anything from

40:55

them. And the only thing other movies I remember watching

40:57

is every time we had

40:59

a substitute teacher in high school, always

41:02

the number one movie they would

41:05

just turn on regardless of the

41:07

subject, PE history, math, we're

41:09

gonna watch Gandhi. And I was like, you're fucking kidding

41:11

me. I've seen this movie 1000 times.

41:14

There are two that we'd watch

41:16

Black Beauty, which is heard about

41:18

that absolute most boring movie that

41:20

ever existed. Or two, the

41:22

last of the Mohicans, where

41:25

Daniel Day Lewis plays

41:29

an indigenous person. Oh,

41:32

oh, oh. Yep. Also,

41:35

it's very violent. It's not like we

41:37

get the library edited version, but it

41:39

was still, yeah, I wasn't there. So

41:44

we take

41:47

a break.

41:50

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46:07

we're back from our break. And

46:09

finally, after so

46:11

much fanfare, are you ready

46:13

to get into the call? Hi,

46:16

Megan and Melissa. I am a 21-year-old female

46:18

and I use she her pronouns. I'm

46:20

calling in about a situation involving college housing and

46:22

roommates. I'm sure you're thrilled. So here's the situation.

46:25

Over the last year until the end of May,

46:27

I lived with four other people. I'm sorry if

46:29

this gets confusing, but I'll try to explain it

46:31

as simply as I can. Basically, the four of

46:33

them lived in a rental house for the 2020

46:36

to 2021 school year with another

46:39

roommate. And when she moved out for the

46:41

2021 to 2022 school year, they needed someone

46:43

else to take her spot, which I took.

46:46

My bedroom was the only one downstairs and had

46:48

its own bathroom attached and I paid more for

46:50

the room, which isn't super

46:52

important, but I'm just trying to give as much context

46:54

as I can. The other four

46:56

bedrooms were upstairs. Very quickly, it was clear

46:58

to me that we had very different expectations

47:00

for day-to-day life and just decent common

47:03

respect. And it didn't take long before I

47:05

became frustrated. They smoked inside of their

47:07

rooms in the house all day long would come to home

47:09

at 3 a.m. on school nights screaming

47:12

and blasting music and just didn't really have respect

47:14

for me or for our living space. All

47:16

of that isn't completely relevant and is a story

47:18

for another day. But I think it adds context.

47:20

All of us moved out at the end of

47:22

May to move home for the summer, though our

47:25

lease ended July 31st. When

47:27

I moved out in May, I deep cleaned my bedroom

47:29

and bathroom, backled any chips in the

47:31

paint, deep cleaned the downstairs common areas, including the

47:33

kitchen and living room and made sure all of

47:35

my belongings were removed. All of them planned and

47:37

said that they would come back at the end

47:39

of July to deep clean their rooms and empty

47:42

their stuff out of the garage and basement. So

47:44

tell me why on August 1st, a group chat

47:46

with the five left in the landlord starts being

47:48

blown up with pictures of their rooms in the

47:50

garage. The landlord clearly stated in

47:52

the messages she was also sending that the

47:54

downstairs bedroom was completely fine, the downstairs bedroom

47:57

being my bedroom, and that there was

47:59

nothing more. The normal wear and tear.

48:01

But all of the upstairs bedrooms needed new paint

48:03

jobs and new rugs. Based on the pictures and

48:05

videos that the landlord was sending it, it was

48:07

clear that it really was that bad. She also

48:09

questioned in her messages if people had been smoking

48:11

inside of the house. There were also piles and

48:13

piles of trash and belongings left in the basement

48:15

and garage. The landlord was clearly very upset and

48:18

let us know that she would need to deduct

48:20

a good amount from our security deposit to deal

48:22

with the damages and trash removal. However,

48:24

we all paid her in one check for

48:26

monthly rent and security deposit. Because I paid

48:28

more for my room, I included a larger

48:31

portion of the rent and security deposit. My

48:33

problem is that I am worried that my old roommates

48:36

are going to try and take whatever amount of the

48:38

security deposit is given back to us and split it

48:40

five ways, rather than giving me back my portion first,

48:43

if there is even that much left, and

48:45

that they are going to try to fight me for the money. I

48:47

don't know what to do, but our landlord said she will

48:49

get back to us with a list of deductions made and

48:51

the reasons for them by the end of the month. So

48:54

I'm just hoping for your advice on the situation. Thank you

48:56

so much. I love you guys. Have a good

48:58

one. Bye. Oh my God, that's how. I

49:00

had a roommate in college.

49:02

We lived in a house

49:05

and she brought her dog

49:07

there, even though we weren't supposed to have animals in

49:10

there. So she kept

49:12

it hidden upstairs in

49:14

the bedroom with the door closed.

49:16

So the dog would paw at

49:19

the door and we had carpet

49:21

in there. So all the carpet

49:23

came up and it

49:25

smelled like piss, dog piss and shit

49:27

because she just let the dog pee

49:29

and shit in her room. We

49:32

were only living together during the summer.

49:35

The plan had been that my

49:37

sister would move in, Megan would

49:39

move in when the

49:41

school year started because that friend actually had graduated

49:43

and she was just staying in town for

49:45

the summer, and then she'd move out and

49:48

then Megan would move in. But it smelled

49:50

so bad and it was raggedy.

49:54

And I was like, I have to get out of here.

49:56

And so we broke the lease. I mean, it's kind of

49:58

easy in the college town because there's all. always people

50:00

moving in and out. So they're like,

50:02

okay, that's fine. When they did the inspection,

50:04

I always, whenever I move somewhere, I

50:06

always get hired somebody to come deep clean

50:09

everything. I think I actually did it then,

50:11

but also I didn't, we were there

50:13

for three months. And so it

50:15

wasn't, I didn't have any wear and tear in there

50:17

at all. And we got

50:19

charged for all that mess

50:22

that was in her room. And

50:26

she was like, well,

50:28

like we have to pay more cause you're

50:30

breaking the lease. Cause you went against the

50:32

plan. And I just think that

50:34

we should just like split this. And I

50:37

was like, the reason I'm moving out

50:39

is because you did not keep this room the

50:41

way that it should have been kept one. And

50:44

then two, this is because of

50:46

your dog. Yeah. And she tried

50:48

to turn it on me and I was just like, no, as

50:51

you can see. And so I've laid

50:53

out everything. I was like, all these charges are

50:55

coming from your room. And so

50:57

since they're coming from your room, then you need to

50:59

pay it. And I need to get

51:01

part of the deposit back. And

51:03

so that was some like

51:06

arguing and back and forth, but eventually.

51:09

That's just kind of how it ended. And

51:12

so I feel the same

51:14

way since the landlord didn't send

51:16

pictures of your actual room legally,

51:18

she can go after all of you

51:21

because you're, if you're all in the

51:23

lease and yes, then it's all of

51:25

your responsibility for every room. But I would

51:27

tell the roommate, you know, like

51:29

she didn't send pictures back with my room.

51:31

She explicitly said that my room was fine.

51:34

And then she didn't send pictures back of

51:36

the common area that I cleaned. What's

51:39

messed up is y'all's room. So

51:41

y'all need to, I

51:44

would ask the landlord how much each

51:46

of these rooms, like the

51:49

surcharge is going to be in each of these

51:51

rooms. And then specifically say,

51:53

I never, I didn't live in those rooms. And

51:55

I think a lot of landlords, the ones that

51:57

aren't shitty are understanding. And

52:00

they will say like, okay, then I'll just

52:02

take it from there because that's not the

52:04

room that you lived in. The garage area

52:07

is probably going to be a little bit

52:09

more complicated to do because that is a

52:11

common area. But their actual rooms, I

52:13

don't think that if your landlady seems like a

52:16

reasonable person, I think that you can just go

52:18

directly to her and get it taken. Yeah, I

52:20

think that too. I think you can literally just

52:22

ask her and just be like, hey, so that

52:24

my room was the one that you pointed out

52:26

that's not that like I'm these

52:28

roommates are there. They're awful and they're horrible and

52:30

they were smoking in there. Yeah, they were and

52:32

like just rat on them. Like

52:34

get your, what is it? Be an informant, like

52:37

take an informant deal and just be like, I

52:40

would be happy. Like I would actually phrase it

52:42

like this. I would be like, so

52:44

this room was my room. And I know

52:46

that you had some like questions about like

52:49

what was going on there. And I

52:51

want to make sure that like my

52:53

security deposit, I paid more for my

52:55

security deposit because I was also paying more in rent

52:58

because my room was bigger. And I, you know, I

53:00

really took care of it. And I think that you

53:02

can see that I really did like care about your

53:04

place. So I would be happy to

53:06

like share with you all the information that

53:08

I know about what was going on in

53:10

their rooms and like the potential damage

53:12

that like, you know, cause sometimes you can see

53:15

damage, but you're like, what did what caused this?

53:17

That can be helpful. And I would be happy

53:19

to like, let you know that if I can

53:21

have my security deposit back first because I don't

53:23

necessarily trust. So you can like literally that you

53:25

saw how they treated that place. Like I don't

53:27

trust them to give me that money back and

53:29

like I'm on your side here, but like I

53:31

like help me. I'll help you. And

53:34

if she is like, no, I'm just going

53:37

to like treat this as kind of a lump

53:39

sum. You tell your roommates, I

53:41

didn't do any of this shit. This is all

53:43

you. I'm not paying this. I will take you

53:45

to small claims court. Yeah. Cause like those

53:47

are the options you have. Go judge Judy.

53:49

She'll give you your money. She will. She

53:52

will. You know that she was paying her bailiff $100

53:54

million an episode. That

53:56

makes sense to me. But for some reason he didn't

53:58

come over to the new one. I don't think Judge

54:00

Judy who's insisting that man got a million dollars was like

54:04

Out. Yeah, so i'm assuming

54:06

something is probably because she

54:08

can't technically have the same

54:10

exact show so I wonder

54:12

if they were like We

54:14

can't and I wonder if she probably couldn't promise that

54:16

same pay there and then it's like you've been working

54:18

for so many years Like you're probably fine. You can

54:21

because they're not even in like la

54:23

or anything. No Who? Judge

54:25

Judy, isn't it? It records down the street. Oh, I

54:27

thought he was I thought they were I said, did

54:29

she live here? Probably because they

54:31

record down. They literally for some reason I

54:34

thought it was someone it was seeing people

54:36

lining up outside And there's a little sign.

54:38

Oh, fuck you're right. I have seen that

54:40

too. Yeah. Well, anyways, yeah, but it's Incindication

54:43

so much he doesn't have to that's what I mean

54:45

Yeah, you know his life especially if he doesn't uh,

54:47

if he he can probably like if he

54:49

wants to move out of la He can retire.

54:51

Yeah, I mean he's got millions upon millions He's

54:54

just irresponsible with this money, but but he's still

54:56

got no coming in you would hope you would

54:59

hope not But he's still got billions coming in

55:01

exactly fair. Those are

55:03

your only two options, honestly Like you're

55:05

you can't there's no reasoning with your like

55:07

roommates It's just like those set firm boundaries

55:10

and it is a lot of like I

55:12

know this is a very confrontational thing Like

55:14

it's literally being like hi landlord I would

55:16

like to make an informant deal with you

55:19

and like don't give her any information unless

55:21

she gives you your security deposit back Because

55:24

she should do that. Yeah, most

55:26

laws favor landlords

55:28

like universally and I

55:31

know that you said you all paid it in kind of

55:33

like a like lump sum and how it's divided up But

55:36

that's not necessarily legally binding and that she has

55:38

to give it back that exact same way You

55:40

don't have to if it's messed up She doesn't

55:43

have to give anything back because she's gonna have

55:45

to use that money to yeah repair And

55:47

that's why I would ask how much It

55:50

is because if it's You're

55:53

getting back like nothing then yeah, because that's

55:55

the other like the whole point of the

55:57

security deposit is so that they can fix

56:00

up things when it's in excess of

56:03

normal wear and tear. And a security deposit doesn't

56:05

cover individual rooms. So if they fucked up

56:07

their rooms, if they your security deposit was like

56:09

$5,000, they, four

56:12

of them fucked up their rooms, $1,000 each. And

56:15

the garage is fucked up $1,000. Your

56:18

room not being fucked up doesn't mean

56:20

that you're going to get money back. Like they'll

56:22

use that for wherever it needs. So I think

56:25

like, yeah, you're right. Like the first thing being

56:27

like, could you send me over like an itemized

56:29

cost breakdown of how much like everything is like

56:31

my room was a really clean one. So you

56:34

know, I'm obviously really hoping that my portion that

56:36

I paid, I'm going to be given back but

56:39

I would just like to have an itemized list

56:41

to see this. Because to be

56:43

fair, like maybe it's within like the realm of

56:46

like, there's $150. And

56:48

for a landlord who's like raking in money for

56:50

them, that's like nothing. So they're not even going

56:52

to bother reimbursing someone for that. But you know,

56:54

it's knowing that someone wants to see

56:57

how the cost is broken down and similar to like

56:59

a hospital bill you want to see us itemized because

57:01

people tend to be more honest. But the last thing

57:03

I will say is like, having

57:05

roommates, especially like this age and this

57:07

money is always going to be a

57:09

learning experience. And sometimes learning experiences are

57:11

expensive. And sometimes they're expensive, like monetarily,

57:14

sometimes they're expensive for your mental health.

57:16

They're expensive in therapy that you have afterwards.

57:19

But the good thing is, is they won't

57:21

happen again. Like after you've been through it,

57:23

you didn't walk into it knowing that was

57:25

going to happen. There's really nothing you can

57:28

do to prevent shitty people from being shitty

57:30

people. And you shouldn't treat

57:32

everyone automatically, like they're going to fuck you

57:34

over. But once you've been fucked over now,

57:36

you're not going to necessarily be bitter

57:38

with every roommate that you have. But what you'll

57:40

probably do is you'll draw up a contract that's

57:42

not just your lease agreement. That's

57:44

like, we're paying X amount for this,

57:46

this and this. And for security

57:49

deposit, this is how much the security deposit

57:51

is. This is how much each person pays

57:53

in the security deposit. If one person's room

57:55

was not affected and is like completely fine,

57:57

but the rest of the house is trash,

57:59

then the roommates owe. that person money if

58:02

they're using it. It's like, that's the only thing that

58:04

like you can do, like

58:06

moving forward to new places. But I

58:08

think in general, and this is not,

58:10

I am not a financial person, but

58:13

I think of security deposit similarly to

58:15

how I think about loaning

58:18

people money. If you are counting

58:20

and betting on getting your entire security deposit back,

58:22

don't don't you shouldn't ever think that you're getting

58:24

it back. I assume you're never getting any of

58:26

it back. Like it shouldn't be the money that

58:29

you need to finish a move. It shouldn't be

58:31

the money you need to like put an onto

58:33

a down payment, like get out of someplace like

58:35

just assume you're not going to get any of

58:38

it back. Because most of

58:40

the time landlords will just like they're not

58:42

they will come up with reasons for the

58:44

way they shouldn't give it any of it back. And

58:46

then rightfully, you should be getting

58:48

it all back, but you will have to take

58:51

them to small claims court or tell them you're

58:53

going to and spend all of that time and

58:55

energy. So it is not easy

58:57

money. Like once you once it's out of your

58:59

hands, it's going to be hard to get back.

59:01

Yeah, no matter what. So moving

59:04

forward. I know it's hard to

59:06

say that because like housing is so

59:08

up in the air right now. And like people are

59:11

so fucked over with that. And so like it is

59:13

hard to say like don't count on that money. But

59:16

just if you can create

59:18

that separation in your mind, next

59:20

time when you're moving into a place that might

59:22

help because I had to do that. When

59:25

I had someone living with me, rent

59:27

free, it was supposed to be just a friend trying to

59:30

find a place to like live and I was like, Oh,

59:32

you can totally like crashing while you find a place. And

59:35

then it was like, Oh, you came with a moving truck.

59:37

Like I thought you were looking for a place to live

59:39

and then you would move not like move everything in here.

59:42

And they were there for like, I think almost a

59:44

full year and had dogs

59:47

who wrecked everything like absolutely everything they

59:49

were never home would always be leaving.

59:51

They're dogs there. And

59:53

I had to pay

59:55

this pretty deposit and my landlord I

59:58

like had been within. another place to

1:00:00

slandlord. So it's just

1:00:03

I've been with them for multiple places I've

1:00:05

lived. And so they knew the

1:00:07

reasoning behind it, why I was moving,

1:00:09

because I was like, I need to get out of there. I didn't

1:00:12

pick them out if they weren't on the lead. I

1:00:15

mean, to be fair, I think I probably could

1:00:17

have asked him to do it, but he was like,

1:00:19

you're a great tenant, she sucks and I don't wanna

1:00:21

make it weird for you. But I

1:00:23

definitely probably should have asked him to do that. But

1:00:26

I did that, that was my excuse, and I

1:00:28

was moving upstairs, because

1:00:31

of how it was treated here. He said, I

1:00:33

can't have anyone else on the

1:00:35

lease. But I had to pay a ton, a ton

1:00:37

of money. And even

1:00:39

then, I was given a

1:00:41

bit of it, I was given some of

1:00:43

it back, because it was a massive security

1:00:45

deposit. And I was given some of it

1:00:47

back, because we had a good long standing

1:00:50

relationship. So if you have that with your

1:00:52

landlord, that is a good thing to foster.

1:00:54

And also recognizing and

1:00:57

knowing that what the

1:00:59

damage someone else did does cost money.

1:01:01

And not downplaying that, because that's incredibly

1:01:03

insulting to someone else's property, even though

1:01:05

like fuck landlords. But do you know

1:01:07

what I mean? Like it's just,

1:01:09

there's a line you have to tell with

1:01:11

being respectful, yet firm, and

1:01:15

compassionate and personable without

1:01:18

letting them see that as like, oh, I can completely

1:01:20

take advantage of you. So I'm

1:01:22

sorry, this really, really, really sucks. And it's

1:01:25

like an expensive, expensive and shitty lesson to

1:01:27

learn, where it's like, I didn't even necessarily

1:01:29

need to learn this lesson, but it's kind

1:01:31

of just, you're be hard pressed to find

1:01:33

someone who doesn't have a story like this.

1:01:35

Last thing I'll say is, if you're in

1:01:38

a situation like this, where you see that

1:01:40

they're gonna be regularly smoking all the time,

1:01:42

I would have a service call. Oh yeah.

1:01:45

And then the landlord will send someone out, or

1:01:47

if your landlord's the person that comes and takes

1:01:49

this stuff, then they'll come over and they will smell

1:01:51

it. And then it would have nipped it in the

1:01:54

bud earlier. It's okay

1:01:56

to rat on your roommates when your daughter

1:01:58

is also on the line. Yeah,

1:02:00

that's a good point Tim. Alright, next one. Hi

1:02:02

Melissa and Megan. I, 30, she,

1:02:05

her, have a friend, let's call her Sarah, 28, she, her.

1:02:08

Sarah and I worked together for the last six

1:02:10

months, but have known each other for nine years

1:02:12

after working together at a previous job for seven years. Sarah's

1:02:15

in a relationship with someone called Alice, 26, she, her. They've

1:02:19

had an up and down relationship. They started

1:02:21

out casually, went serious very fast, and became

1:02:23

quite toxic for one another. This

1:02:25

included fights almost every other day, extreme

1:02:28

jealousy, gatherings, lack of trust when the

1:02:30

other isn't responding and more. They broke up

1:02:32

about six months into their relationship. They stayed

1:02:34

separated for about a month, still in contact,

1:02:36

but very negative contacts, drunk calls, I hate

1:02:38

you, I hope we never talk again, things like

1:02:40

this. They started hanging out again for the last

1:02:42

two months, Sarah's words. Sarah

1:02:44

has been quite distant and cold from myself

1:02:46

and many other mutual friends and colleagues the

1:02:48

last two months. Many of us have tried

1:02:50

to check in with her, but only got one sentence

1:02:53

responses or just the things. We figured

1:02:55

she was going through a rough patch and gave her

1:02:57

a space, knowing she would reconnect when she had the

1:02:59

ability to do so. About a month ago, Sarah asked

1:03:01

me a question about a mutual friend. I asked her,

1:03:03

have you asked them? As it wasn't

1:03:05

my info to share. Sarah flipped down on me and

1:03:07

said, her being mad had nothing to do with me

1:03:09

not sharing the info about the mutual friend, but me

1:03:11

making her feel like an idiot when she asked me

1:03:13

questions. I apologise that I made her feel

1:03:16

that way, asked what I could do, or if there was

1:03:18

an example that she could give so I could understand how

1:03:20

I can change to stop her feeling that way. She

1:03:22

blew me off, said we were totally fine, it wasn't an issue and not

1:03:24

to worry about it. It's once more

1:03:27

that I would like to talk about it and try

1:03:29

and fix this issue as our relationship is important to

1:03:31

me, but no response. Three days ago, she

1:03:33

is suddenly acting like herself. Coldness gone, not just

1:03:35

to me, but to friends and colleagues too. I'm

1:03:37

getting married in three months and I'm sending out

1:03:39

invites at the moment. Sarah received a

1:03:41

save the date six months ago. When I mentioned

1:03:43

this to a group of friends, including Sarah, she

1:03:45

pulled me aside and goes, I've been meaning to

1:03:47

ask, can Alice come along? I shared with her

1:03:49

I wasn't sure, I needed to talk to my

1:03:51

partner, and that I was hesitant due to the

1:03:53

toxicity and drama their relationship usually has brought to

1:03:55

events in the past. Sarah said she understood me

1:03:57

feeling that way and they were doing really well.

1:04:00

They have lots of events coming up together and it's

1:04:02

not like it was before. I haven't seen them together

1:04:04

since they got back together so I'm

1:04:06

not sure if this is true and if I can

1:04:08

trust what she says. Plus she's barely spoken to me

1:04:10

for the last month at this point. The context everyone

1:04:12

else has their partner invited to the wedding provided me

1:04:14

and my friend Anse know them which is the case

1:04:17

for Sarah and Alice. I'm worried if I say no

1:04:19

it'll affect our friendship which is already slightly rocky due

1:04:21

to us flipping out on me a month ago and

1:04:23

if I say yes it might bring unwanted drama to

1:04:25

my wedding. So do I invite her partner?

1:04:27

Is she in the wrong theme in asking me to

1:04:29

invite her to bring out the past month

1:04:31

of silence before making a decision or do I let this

1:04:33

go? I really don't know what

1:04:36

to do. I feel really stuck. Please

1:04:38

help. Thank you. Bye. I say don't

1:04:40

invite either. I

1:04:43

mean yeah you just like I don't think it's

1:04:46

rude of her to ask. I

1:04:48

think it's some

1:04:52

I don't think it's rude of her to ask.

1:04:54

I think it's like a little a little delusional

1:04:56

in the sense that like if this has been

1:04:58

like a you know a fighting

1:05:00

and events and that kind of thing I just

1:05:02

think like the little like I

1:05:04

don't again I don't think it's rude because

1:05:06

everyone else has their partner there but like

1:05:08

it is a little like do you have

1:05:10

like selective amnesia for like how this how

1:05:13

your relationship has been in public and like

1:05:15

what but also you're barely

1:05:17

talking to her as it is. Yeah it's

1:05:19

just kind of like that it's just

1:05:21

it's just odd. The thing is is

1:05:23

that like you're right in the sense

1:05:25

that like okay if I don't invite

1:05:28

her that will that affect our friendship.

1:05:30

Yeah. If I do invite her will

1:05:32

that cause drama? Yes. Like both of

1:05:34

those things are true and so

1:05:37

you just have to decide what is like

1:05:39

the reality that you can live with and

1:05:41

like what will be less like

1:05:43

I think like in making any decision

1:05:45

I'm like I have to value what

1:05:48

is going to be not only what will

1:05:50

make me feel better in the moment but

1:05:52

like my more likely will value what makes

1:05:54

me feel better in like a month's time

1:05:56

and then like a year's time and then a

1:05:58

couple years after that. like, I need

1:06:00

to like the decisions I'm making, I'm not

1:06:02

making for momentary satisfaction or

1:06:05

like happiness, thinking it through so

1:06:08

you don't invite her it affects your

1:06:10

friendship. To be fair, this friendship seems

1:06:12

like it's already been affected. Exactly. You

1:06:14

do invite her there's like there's potentially

1:06:16

drama. And then if there's drama, your

1:06:18

friendship is affected and you're no longer

1:06:20

friends. So it does kind of seem

1:06:22

like the same means to an

1:06:25

end. The only thing I will say

1:06:27

is there's always drama at a wedding.

1:06:29

And most of the time, that people

1:06:32

getting married are the people who do not know about

1:06:34

it. So like you can be shielded and protected from

1:06:36

the majority of the drama of your at your wedding.

1:06:38

But then you have to have a conversation with your

1:06:40

friends of being like, hey, if drama happens here, I

1:06:42

don't want to hear anything about it. Like I don't

1:06:44

want to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like,

1:06:46

do you want this friendship to go out with a

1:06:48

bang? Or do you want it

1:06:51

to not because I think inevitably, it's

1:06:53

probably going to end. Like

1:06:56

if you don't invite her, but then I also think

1:06:58

like if you do, and she

1:07:00

goes in the girlfriend or her as in

1:07:02

the front, the girlfriend, I think your friendship

1:07:05

will end in that moment. If you

1:07:07

don't invite her, because I don't think she'll probably come to the

1:07:09

wedding. And I think it'll be bad. And even if she comes

1:07:11

solo, like might be like so

1:07:13

mad and then create solo drama because

1:07:15

like acting out because like didn't get

1:07:17

invited, or you do

1:07:19

invite them and like let's say like it all

1:07:22

goes perfectly well. And it's like amazing and great.

1:07:24

What's like the risk you're willing to take on

1:07:26

it? Here's my thing. At

1:07:28

your wedding, you should have people there

1:07:30

that you want there and are applying

1:07:33

for you not people that are showing

1:07:35

up to show out. And

1:07:37

I feel like this person wants

1:07:39

to show up with their plus one to

1:07:41

show out because that's all that they've been

1:07:43

doing. So you had

1:07:46

already sent out the invitations and

1:07:48

the saved the date six months

1:07:50

ago. There was no, if you

1:07:52

didn't put a plus one on there, then you

1:07:55

can say this is not included in

1:07:57

the initial head count. Maybe

1:07:59

if someone draws drops out, I might

1:08:01

be able to invite your girlfriend,

1:08:04

whatever, current girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, whatever

1:08:06

y'all are right now. But it

1:08:09

could be where by the time your

1:08:11

wedding rolls around, they're not together anymore,

1:08:13

because they are toxic

1:08:15

and don't need there. But I personally

1:08:18

wouldn't want that toxicity that I know

1:08:20

and I can prevent at my wedding.

1:08:22

Yeah, I agree with that. I think

1:08:25

also if this because this is a

1:08:27

toxic relationship, I don't think that,

1:08:30

like you said, wedding comes around and they're

1:08:32

not in a good place, but she's already invited her girlfriend

1:08:34

and her girlfriend, like, no, I'm going to come. And it's

1:08:37

like, well, no, I don't also don't want to put my

1:08:39

friend if you're finally able to get out of this toxic

1:08:41

relationship, I don't want to put you in a position where

1:08:43

you feel like you don't have any

1:08:45

agency in this. So I agree. I think it's

1:08:47

just, hey, we did the head count. I looked

1:08:49

over all of the budgets and how

1:08:52

weddings go, we invited more people than we

1:08:54

assume that people are less people are in

1:08:56

RSVP, we actually had more people RSVP, we've

1:08:58

you can like fudge in line. We've already

1:09:00

extended everything. And like, we just like don't

1:09:03

have any more room, like I'm totally sorry.

1:09:05

And then I would say, I completely

1:09:08

understand, if it is

1:09:10

uncomfortable for you to be at a wedding where like,

1:09:12

and it seems like what you said, like all of

1:09:14

your other friends like are bringing a plus one because

1:09:16

they know each other, like you know both of them.

1:09:18

And say like, if you

1:09:20

were like, assuming she's the only person at the table

1:09:23

who doesn't have a plus one, I

1:09:25

know that like, I can totally

1:09:27

see how if you were the only person who

1:09:29

doesn't have like a partner there, that that

1:09:32

would feel uncomfortable. So like if you want

1:09:34

to resend like retract your RSVP and not

1:09:36

like RSVP and not come like, I completely

1:09:38

get that I don't want you to suffer

1:09:40

through the evening, because like you're not

1:09:42

gonna have a good time. I don't want that at all. If

1:09:45

they had been in like just lying, like if

1:09:47

circumstances had been different, and like, you know, could

1:09:49

have had a plus one, like that would have

1:09:51

changed. But just know that I can't give her

1:09:53

a plus one, but no hard feelings if that

1:09:56

means you don't want to come. Yeah. And then

1:09:58

you have to mean that though. But

1:10:00

also y'all aren't even friends at this point. No,

1:10:02

and your co workers and I think that

1:10:05

there's just like a little something that gets

1:10:07

a little bit dicey, especially being so invested

1:10:09

in your co workers like personal lives and

1:10:11

like their toxic relationship. I think like it's

1:10:13

good to be like wary of it. But

1:10:15

I don't know that kind of drama that's

1:10:17

not even workplace related drama then like infiltrates

1:10:19

into like your workplace and like it can

1:10:21

just kind of create not the greatest environment

1:10:24

and just feels like you might be a

1:10:26

little too intertwined. And your friend,

1:10:28

like the whole thing might be just

1:10:30

a little too intertwined. But

1:10:32

I don't know. I always think if you

1:10:34

think a friendship is going to end because

1:10:36

you don't invite them to your wedding for

1:10:39

like a very legitimate reason. You

1:10:41

don't uninvite someone to your wedding without having

1:10:43

a huge reason. Or I

1:10:45

think if you're having a small ass wedding and you're like,

1:10:47

I can't invite someone and that person's like, okay, we're not

1:10:50

friends anymore. Like that friendship was always going to end. Yep.

1:10:52

They just needed a little bit of like the fire

1:10:54

under its ass that was inevitably going to come after

1:10:56

years, but it just happened to be a little bit

1:10:58

quicker. Don't invite people

1:11:00

to your wedding that you don't like. All

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1:14:40

Megan and Melissa. First

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of all, I've been listening to the podcast

1:14:45

since episode one and it is one of

1:14:47

my favorite things about Mondays. Anyway,

1:14:49

so the advice I need has to

1:14:51

do with my ex-boyfriend. So

1:14:53

this past weekend I was in Las

1:14:56

Vegas, had my phone

1:14:58

5G the whole time we were good, woke

1:15:00

up Sunday morning to no service. I thought

1:15:03

it was weird. It happened before, you know,

1:15:05

iPhones were kind of crazy. So

1:15:07

I, you know, didn't really know what

1:15:09

was going on. Drive a bunch of

1:15:11

hours home. By the time I get home,

1:15:13

it's still going on. So I have to go

1:15:16

to the cell phone store and they were still

1:15:18

open thankfully. Probably to the mention I was still

1:15:21

on my ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan.

1:15:24

Now I know that sounds kind of crazy. We've

1:15:26

been broken up for almost nine months, but we

1:15:28

did talk about it. He was actually the one

1:15:30

who insisted on me keeping my phone

1:15:33

because it was a gift for my college graduation.

1:15:35

So he had his assist on me

1:15:37

keeping it. He wanted to pay it off and I

1:15:39

was just paying him monthly for the service, which

1:15:41

I had been doing. So when I

1:15:43

go to AT&T to ask them on my phone

1:15:45

isn't working. They told me that

1:15:47

I had been taken off his plan. So

1:15:50

my question is I ended up having to,

1:15:53

I couldn't even keep my previous phone or

1:15:55

phone number that was under his plan because

1:15:57

I wasn't like an authorized user on it.

1:16:00

So I'd get my new number, my new phone,

1:16:02

everything that day. But I'm at the point

1:16:04

where I have this phone that is

1:16:07

the one that's on his plan, I don't, I guess. I

1:16:10

don't know if it paid off. I don't know what's up with it.

1:16:12

Either way, I didn't pay for it. So I don't really feel right

1:16:14

keeping it. I don't need to keep it. So we do still live

1:16:16

in the same town. And

1:16:19

I'm trying to decide, do I shift the

1:16:21

phone back to him? Maybe

1:16:23

put a little handwritten note like, hey,

1:16:26

you know, you think he told me that I was

1:16:28

taking off your plan. Here's the phone. And if

1:16:31

that is what happened, now you think he couldn't

1:16:33

confirm it because they couldn't go into his profile

1:16:36

without him there. But, you know,

1:16:38

they're pretty sure that's what happened. So do I do

1:16:40

that? Do I send the phone with no note? I

1:16:42

thought I was texting him or emailing him, but then

1:16:44

I'm like, do I want him to have my new

1:16:46

phone number flat? Is that what happened? So it's pretty

1:16:48

shady. Keep in mind, we had just talked two months

1:16:50

ago about the whole situation of him wanting

1:16:52

to keep the phone. You know, I told

1:16:54

him I'd probably go on my own plan at the end of this

1:16:56

year. And if there was a balance for me,

1:16:59

I would pay it, things like that. So we

1:17:01

totally had like a non-messy breakup. It

1:17:03

really wasn't a big deal. So

1:17:06

yeah, what would you guys do in this situation? I'm just

1:17:08

trying to figure out what I should do. I'm

1:17:10

24. She, her, he is 26 or 27. He,

1:17:16

him. Yeah, we'd love to hear

1:17:18

your guys' advice because I'm not really sure what

1:17:20

to do. I'm so sorry. You didn't call him

1:17:22

immediately when you got to AT&T? Just

1:17:26

pull up a contact from your phone and be

1:17:29

like, hi, can I use the flan line or

1:17:31

some other phone here? Because if it was that

1:17:33

amicable of a separation, then you calling him wouldn't

1:17:35

have been that big of a deal. Like it

1:17:37

would have been an accident. Like I feel like

1:17:40

you're operating on this, that this is like obviously

1:17:42

an intentional thing. Yeah,

1:17:44

you're really, seems like something's missing

1:17:46

from this story, but it

1:17:49

was a gift. I would keep it herself. Oh, without

1:17:51

a doubt. Do not give the phone back. You

1:17:55

don't give back gifts. That's bad luck. I don't know if

1:17:57

it's bad luck, but it seems like bad luck, but this

1:17:59

whole. Situation I think he

1:18:01

got a girlfriend me too and girlfriend

1:18:03

saw that old girlfriend was still on

1:18:05

the phone bill and was

1:18:07

like What the fuck is this and

1:18:10

then? He has to kick you

1:18:12

off real quick. Yeah, but I was gonna say you

1:18:14

know, my other theory was yeah My

1:18:17

parents pay for his credit card bill and

1:18:20

they were like what is as a 27 year

1:18:22

old charge for you're right Are you

1:18:24

kidding? I'm

1:18:26

like I if if it's that

1:18:29

and You

1:18:31

know like they were like what

1:18:34

is this charge for? huh

1:18:36

Because it's easy to kind of

1:18:38

like mask that when you're on

1:18:40

a plan with him and it's

1:18:42

like oh Your monthly is increasing

1:18:44

but this is already a bill that we're paying

1:18:46

right and then maybe it was like we're starting

1:18:48

to see Maybe he got a new phone or

1:18:50

a new upgrade and they're like actually paying attention

1:18:52

to the cost breakdown But I think it is

1:18:55

either he was not paying his own credit card

1:18:57

bills or got a girlfriend.

1:18:59

Yep Yeah, I mean

1:19:01

the thing I will say though is you've

1:19:04

already bought a new phone you got

1:19:06

a new number and everything So at

1:19:08

this point, I don't actually think

1:19:10

there's any reason in contacting him and being

1:19:12

like hey Like I think what you

1:19:14

should have done if we could go back in time

1:19:16

I would go back in time and be

1:19:18

like hey did something happen because it honestly it Literally

1:19:21

could have been that his credit card expired

1:19:23

and he like got a new credit card

1:19:25

and like the automatic payment Wasn't on that

1:19:27

or like and he auto did his thing

1:19:29

like it could have been like so many

1:19:32

They say he took her off the plane,

1:19:34

but they couldn't they said they couldn't confirm

1:19:36

it But that's I think but they can't

1:19:38

the thing is they can see it. They

1:19:40

just couldn't tell her Exactly what

1:19:42

happened to like they knew if the account

1:19:44

was still active. They knew they do

1:19:46

the fashion He and like the messy

1:19:49

shit that like AT&T and like Verizon

1:19:51

workers have and they're like, sorry,

1:19:53

ma'am Your husband's mistress is also on this

1:19:55

phone plan. I mean, I think that

1:19:57

there's also a reason why you

1:20:00

didn't think it was a mix-up. Like why you just

1:20:02

bought a new phone and like you didn't call him

1:20:04

like I think there's something missing from this little story

1:20:06

here. Maybe she doesn't even know. Maybe.

1:20:09

Yeah so I mean don't keep

1:20:11

the phone it was a gift like also

1:20:13

but if they ended amicably like she doesn't

1:20:16

want him to have her new number

1:20:18

and because you're feeling offended but

1:20:21

she was too like I

1:20:23

don't know something to not

1:20:25

call him and say what's up. I get it

1:20:27

in the sense that like no matter

1:20:29

how amicably I ended if an AT&T worker told

1:20:31

me like oh I think they took you off of

1:20:33

this. Like that is like a big move.

1:20:36

Yeah and in the sense of being like well

1:20:38

I don't want to call you to look like

1:20:40

I need you. Like fuck you like I can

1:20:42

do this all on my own. Like I'm

1:20:44

gonna pretend like this isn't even on my

1:20:46

radar. Like this doesn't even affect me in that

1:20:48

sense. Like I get that part of it but

1:20:51

this phone was a gift

1:20:54

and I don't know you said

1:20:56

that you talked two months ago. I don't know

1:20:58

if you talked in text messages or if it

1:21:01

was on the phone. If it's in text messages you

1:21:03

have in writing that this phone was a gift. You

1:21:05

know unless he like starts trying to like sue

1:21:08

you for the phone like give the phone back

1:21:11

but I would just keep the phone. It's

1:21:13

still you said under a family plan so

1:21:15

like the service stopped working but is it

1:21:17

under your own iPhone? It's paid off. No

1:21:20

she's not sure if it's paid off. Well my

1:21:23

unethical advice is if it's on your

1:21:25

iCloud still I would probably I would

1:21:27

just like wipe it. Yeah take the

1:21:29

SIM card out if I have SIM

1:21:32

card. Yeah and then if you're I

1:21:35

this is like so unethical. If

1:21:38

you're gonna sell the iPhone I would

1:21:40

sell it on Facebook marketplace and

1:21:43

I would do it for

1:21:45

cash and I would

1:21:47

delete the listing afterwards and

1:21:50

do it all from like a private browser so

1:21:52

it can't be traced back to you but that

1:21:54

can still be unethical. No and there's a there

1:21:56

is a large risk there but like if

1:21:58

you want to sell it It's like your

1:22:01

options are either keeping it, selling

1:22:03

it, or giving it back to him.

1:22:06

If you do want to sell it, there is a

1:22:08

risk there because it is tied to a, like, at

1:22:10

the lease, like at the lease in a contract. That's

1:22:12

why I think that the phones paid off because they

1:22:15

would have asked for the phone back. They

1:22:17

just couldn't say it. Oh my God. They couldn't

1:22:19

say it. But the phones paid off because they

1:22:21

would have asked for it back. Cracked

1:22:24

the code. You're right. Because it's like, it's

1:22:26

like a lease on a car. And so if you,

1:22:28

they wouldn't let you drive off the lot with a car if

1:22:30

it wasn't paid off. Oh, okay.

1:22:33

So you don't have to be sketchy about selling it. You

1:22:35

can just sell it. I might in general,

1:22:38

you know, still do

1:22:40

it for cash and Facebook marketplace and

1:22:42

delete the listing afterwards. But

1:22:44

still like you're right. It

1:22:47

hasn't paid off, but no, it was a gift. And

1:22:50

if it was a fuck up, he

1:22:52

would have known because his bill would

1:22:54

have gone down monthly. And

1:22:56

if he then is like, Oh my, like where's this

1:22:58

phone? I want it back. And it's like,

1:23:00

well, you intentionally took this off here. And I've

1:23:03

been paying the bill on it every month. Yeah.

1:23:06

And like you stopped paying him for the bill.

1:23:08

It's like, this feels all like a passive aggressive

1:23:10

means of communication. And if he wants

1:23:12

it back, that's his bad. Yep. Can

1:23:14

you imagine a waking up Sunday morning, Vegas in Vegas doesn't

1:23:16

work. And then you have to drive all the way back.

1:23:19

I'm assuming someone else. I would have stopped

1:23:22

in Vegas at the AT&T in Vegas before

1:23:24

me too. But I'm assuming that

1:23:26

you were with somebody who had a phone network.

1:23:28

Yeah. But that's still too scary

1:23:30

because Vegas, that's a long way up from

1:23:33

Vegas. It's like you're

1:23:35

waking out of like you like under I'm

1:23:37

taking dirt out of my eyes. I woke

1:23:39

up on Saturday when all my legs are

1:23:41

flashing. Do you know the

1:23:43

amount of times that I've gone to Vegas

1:23:45

where like I didn't even go to sleep

1:23:47

and are I'm a very strict person about

1:23:49

DDS and we had a DD who had

1:23:52

been like sleeping and I just naturally

1:23:54

it's Vegas. So I'm why or did not go to

1:23:56

bed and I like

1:23:59

look over. at them and they're like

1:24:01

you know basically like kind of

1:24:03

awake still. Were you like six deep

1:24:05

in a room too? Yeah. Yep.

1:24:07

And I look over at one of my

1:24:09

friends and she probably like slept for like

1:24:11

three or four hours or something but like

1:24:13

you know didn't drink with sober and

1:24:16

does not need a lot of sleep and I like look over

1:24:18

my eyes are open and I'm like do you want to leave

1:24:20

now? It's like 4 30

1:24:23

in the morning maybe 5 a.m. and she's like

1:24:25

yeah let's go and we just traffic is cleared

1:24:28

out. Coasted. And then

1:24:30

Lily was in a car like so

1:24:32

much later. I can't even imagine. Alright

1:24:35

time for don't blame them. There we go.

1:24:37

Coco don't cut that out. Why

1:24:40

would you cut it out? That's exactly what we're

1:24:42

meant to say. This is don't blame them.

1:24:44

This is where a listener will call in with their own

1:24:47

advice pertaining to a call that we

1:24:49

had on a previous episode so maybe

1:24:51

they have personal experience. They have

1:24:54

some additional insight whether it's you know

1:24:56

again personal or through their work

1:24:58

or if they've... you get them

1:25:00

when I'm family. They have

1:25:02

opinions. They got it or they have opinions. Hi

1:25:08

Megan and Melissa. I am just calling in

1:25:10

for a don't blame them. This is for

1:25:12

the episode that aired a couple weeks ago

1:25:14

titled Boyfriend Won't Get High School Diploma. This

1:25:16

is for the caller who is moving and

1:25:18

didn't feel supported by her friend in the

1:25:20

move. So I think a big issue here

1:25:23

that could be addressed is feelings of FOMO

1:25:25

or jealousy on the friend's part because

1:25:27

there's this idea that the caller could

1:25:29

be having a lot of new or

1:25:32

more exciting quote-unquote experiences in

1:25:34

her new city and the friend

1:25:36

might feel like she's gonna miss out and

1:25:38

have the less cool experience. So

1:25:40

I think something that would

1:25:42

be a good idea here is making a

1:25:45

plan that involves an activity that celebrates both

1:25:47

sides of this. So for example me and

1:25:49

my two best friends from college are all

1:25:51

splitting up for this past this next year.

1:25:53

Two of us have moved out of our

1:25:55

college town and one of us is staying

1:25:58

there. We've discussed a couple of options

1:26:00

to stay in touch and kind

1:26:02

of engage everybody. So

1:26:04

the friend that's staying in the college, Sean suggested

1:26:06

we start a shared journal that gets mailed between

1:26:09

the three of us. And each time we receive

1:26:11

it, we add a little bit to it each

1:26:13

time. And you get to

1:26:15

just share whatever you're feeling, make an art piece,

1:26:17

just add to it and send it on to

1:26:19

the next friend in our case. It's a triangle,

1:26:22

but potentially for the caller, it would just be

1:26:24

back and forth. And we also thought of the

1:26:26

idea of creating one of those group Instagram accounts

1:26:28

where it's just kind of like a shared photo

1:26:30

album, highlight reel for everybody

1:26:33

and everybody gets to contribute

1:26:35

to it. We like these because they

1:26:37

include everybody's experiences. So it's not necessarily

1:26:39

like one person is having

1:26:42

the like fun, new and different experience.

1:26:44

Everybody is engaging. And regardless

1:26:46

of whether they moved

1:26:48

or have the same experiences they were

1:26:50

before, they still get to celebrate those in the

1:26:53

same way. So I think that something like this

1:26:55

could be helpful for the caller

1:26:57

if she does want to maintain

1:26:59

this friendship and keep engaged with the friend. If

1:27:01

you don't wanna maintain the friendship, moving is a

1:27:03

great way to go with people. But if you

1:27:06

do, I recommend an activity like this where

1:27:09

it allows her to feel like she gets to

1:27:11

share some of her own experiences because you

1:27:13

don't want the conversation to be dominated by

1:27:15

everything that you are feeling that is new

1:27:17

and fresh and exciting. All right, hope that

1:27:19

helps. Thank you. Without how

1:27:21

those traveling pants work, I was literally

1:27:24

about to be like, or you could

1:27:26

buy a pair of jeans that fits

1:27:28

everybody and you pass them around.

1:27:31

And can we also talk about like the

1:27:33

different, like you've never seen it, but the

1:27:36

coming of age of like some of them, like first of all,

1:27:38

one person like fucked for the first

1:27:41

time and like someone else was like, oh yeah, like I'm

1:27:43

in Greece. And other people were like, yeah, I'm in like

1:27:45

a film camp. Like it's just one of those things that

1:27:47

like, I don't know. I don't feel

1:27:49

like the exciting experiences that happened in the pants

1:27:52

were evenly spread out. And I feel like it's the

1:27:54

pants. Wait, they're fucked in the pants? No, but like,

1:27:56

oh, you know, the pants were taken

1:27:58

off to fuck. That's disgusting. This

1:28:00

is what I'm saying though, but those pants.

1:28:02

I hate these pants. If those pants could

1:28:05

talk, if those pants could talk, those

1:28:07

pants would be like, I am tired. Cause they

1:28:09

put me away. Because they got to think about

1:28:11

how your friend got wet in those pants. Exactly.

1:28:13

And they fucked. And you mean to tell me,

1:28:15

I got to go play soccer in these pants.

1:28:17

I got to go to film class in these

1:28:19

pants. What the fuck did Carmen do in the

1:28:22

movie? I like cannot remember. So

1:28:24

Lena went to Greece. Also these

1:28:26

pants are like, someone washed me. Like I am

1:28:28

salty. Like I have been everywhere and who's paying

1:28:30

for the postage of this? Like these pants are

1:28:33

tired. These pants are working a full time job.

1:28:35

Maybe that's like the, what we need to do

1:28:37

is like the next for iteration of sister, the

1:28:39

traveling pants. It's from the

1:28:41

pants perspective. Oh, that's great. I

1:28:43

didn't even know who all was in this

1:28:45

movie. Interesting. We've got America.

1:28:49

I know she was from in. We've got

1:28:51

that girl from that show you watch. Right?

1:28:54

That's her. What? Yeah. Oh no, wait, Timmy

1:28:56

doesn't go to film school in the first

1:28:58

one. And we've got the original Emily quarter

1:29:00

main from general hospital. And then

1:29:02

Blake lively. Yeah. No, there's

1:29:04

like, first of all, there's sex in these

1:29:06

pants. You're with someone when someone dies. Like

1:29:09

it's just like a lot. What does Carmen Carmen's

1:29:11

visiting her father in South Carolina. Tibby staying home.

1:29:13

Film school's not the first one. Okay.

1:29:17

Yeah. Tibby's is like that. Like, so

1:29:19

do you mean to tell me that Lena gets

1:29:21

to go to Greece and Tibby

1:29:23

meets a child with cancer? And

1:29:26

like the pants are like cut to be a break. Who's

1:29:28

Tibby? Uh, Amber

1:29:30

Tamblyn. Original Emily quarter main. Oh, there we

1:29:33

go. Uh, so then Carmen.

1:29:36

Yeah. Carmen has another, they're

1:29:38

blonde waspies and they

1:29:40

emotionally neglect her because she's overweight and

1:29:42

these are the terms they're overweight in

1:29:44

Puerto Rican. Oh my God. And

1:29:47

they're getting married and like, it's just, yeah,

1:29:49

she has a traumatic summer. I

1:29:51

mean, Bridget also has, I'm not going to lie.

1:29:54

Bridget also has like a, from the outside of

1:29:56

wonderful, amazing experience. But like girls

1:29:58

got some demons. She's dealing with. some shit.

1:30:00

Lena, no, Lena literally got

1:30:02

to have the summer of everyone's lives. And they're all just

1:30:04

there being like, these are my trauma pants. And she's like,

1:30:07

these are my greased pants. Anyways,

1:30:11

that is it for our episode. We hope

1:30:13

you enjoyed please give us a

1:30:15

call. Leave some voicemails. We

1:30:18

are not sound like

1:30:20

we are scrounging and scraping

1:30:22

to get calls on the

1:30:25

show. We're not. We

1:30:27

are just trying to have quality.

1:30:30

I'm gonna say that. I

1:30:34

mean, she says the quiet part out loud. I was gonna say

1:30:36

we want to make

1:30:39

sure that they are different than other calls

1:30:41

we've had. So we've had a lot like,

1:30:43

let me give an example. People who are

1:30:45

like losing a spark in a relationship, and

1:30:47

then breaking up and then getting back together.

1:30:49

Do we give it a second try? Like

1:30:51

we've done so many of those. I think

1:30:53

it's even one of the titles of like

1:30:55

an episode. So we don't want to

1:30:57

do, you know, something like that, some things that

1:30:59

we're like really like not qualified for

1:31:01

anything that has to do with like suicidal

1:31:04

ideation. Like those are things that we are not

1:31:06

we don't have like, a the

1:31:08

I don't have the way I can think of

1:31:10

myself as the bandwidth. I don't have the emotional

1:31:13

bandwidth to deal with it. But I also don't

1:31:15

have like the resources to be able to

1:31:18

respond in a way that it's helpful

1:31:20

to you and not harmful to me.

1:31:22

Yeah. And so we got a DM

1:31:24

with something that they did put a

1:31:26

trigger warning on it at the top.

1:31:28

And so I didn't read all the message. But

1:31:30

like if you feel like that you are

1:31:33

you want to send something that you

1:31:35

know, it's gonna have a trigger warning, maybe

1:31:37

just like send hey, I want to, first

1:31:39

of all, we don't answer questions

1:31:42

in DMS anyway. But like,

1:31:45

say like I have something that

1:31:47

the trigger warning is this before you type

1:31:50

out the message because like, it

1:31:52

might be like I see

1:31:54

the initial message and then Megan opens

1:31:56

the message later and didn't see the

1:31:58

trigger warning. Yeah. And so Please

1:32:01

don't send that kind of stuff to us. Yeah. If

1:32:04

you're in our Facebook group, we have a very

1:32:06

specific format about how trigger warnings are used. And

1:32:09

also trigger warnings don't, they're not like

1:32:11

a catch-all for just saying anything. And

1:32:14

we've had calls on the podcast that we

1:32:16

have, we've issued trigger warnings, callers have issued

1:32:18

trigger warnings, it's important to state what the

1:32:20

trigger warning is for. But

1:32:22

then also knowing that if your

1:32:25

entire call is about something really,

1:32:28

really, really traumatic and

1:32:30

intense, and it's something that

1:32:32

you don't feel comfortable

1:32:34

talking to your therapist about,

1:32:37

we're not the right people. No, we're not equipped

1:32:39

for that. And we both have our own things

1:32:41

going on. And it's a lot to take on.

1:32:43

Yeah. And we're just not qualified to

1:32:45

take it on. And like why therapists are qualified to take it

1:32:48

on, some therapists stop. But like why they're qualified to take it

1:32:50

on is because they can deliver the

1:32:52

resources to you. They actually have

1:32:54

like a code of ethics. So like, if you are in danger,

1:32:56

they have resources of how they can help you. But

1:32:58

then they also go through immense amounts

1:33:01

of schooling to like not take it

1:33:03

on personally. So that's something that we

1:33:05

have. And just knowing that

1:33:07

like, we want to, we want to address

1:33:09

like, real life things on the

1:33:11

show. But also recognizing

1:33:13

if this wasn't your call, if

1:33:16

you wouldn't listen to it, because it would be triggering,

1:33:18

that is something we want to like keep in mind

1:33:20

for the audience as well. We've had calls again, where

1:33:22

people have been like, how I'm

1:33:24

behaving in this relationship is because like,

1:33:26

I have a past traumatic thing

1:33:29

that happened in my life. And

1:33:31

that is like the most that it gets

1:33:33

into those things. But other than

1:33:35

that, we're so happy that

1:33:37

you feel like this podcast is a safe

1:33:39

place. And like, to be fair, like

1:33:42

our voicemail, like if you're going to call in

1:33:44

for that, like just don't take it personally that

1:33:46

we're not including that. Like if it's cathartic for

1:33:48

you to call in, like call in, but like,

1:33:50

just know that we can't, if you're calling in

1:33:52

with something really traumatic and we're not answering on

1:33:55

the podcast, please just reach out

1:33:57

to somebody who's more qualified because we're not. And

1:33:59

like, I don't want you to wait around hoping

1:34:01

and thinking that we're going to be able to

1:34:03

address it. We're not, and we can always, we

1:34:06

can, we can't make it better, but we

1:34:08

can always inadvertently, accidentally make it worse. And

1:34:10

that's never the goal, especially with like having

1:34:13

a platform like this. So all that being

1:34:15

said, we want to have calls that are

1:34:17

a mix of like, you know, serious

1:34:19

things that people are going through, like funny

1:34:21

things, like hearted things, but the

1:34:25

podcast also isn't like so immediately

1:34:28

you call and you're getting this advice on here.

1:34:30

And like, this is happening in like a really

1:34:32

quick kind of turnaround sort of way that

1:34:35

it's also important that we're

1:34:37

not your, for

1:34:39

something serious, we're not your first call on

1:34:41

your only call. Yeah. You know, so

1:34:45

what happened to fucking in the barn?

1:34:48

What happened to any of that stuff? So

1:34:51

give us a call ring a ding ding and

1:34:54

leave a review if you haven't yet, or

1:34:56

if you have already, go update your

1:34:58

view, tell your friends to listen, recommend

1:35:01

an episode to your friend, recommend episodes

1:35:03

to a sibling, a

1:35:05

romantic partner, a sexual partner, recommend

1:35:08

the podcast to your enemy. Maybe

1:35:10

I'll become friends. Recommend

1:35:13

this podcast to your Tik

1:35:15

TOK audience. Recommend this podcast

1:35:18

to your teacher. Thank

1:35:20

you for all that, but there's

1:35:22

no, no new one to your pet. And

1:35:26

we will see you all

1:35:28

next time. Goodbye. Goodbye. Don't

1:35:39

Blame Me is a production by me, executive produced

1:35:41

by Melissa DeMonce and Diamond

1:35:43

and Print Productions, edited

1:35:46

by Coco Lawrence, post-production sound by

1:35:48

Chris Henry, production assistance by Melanie

1:35:50

D. Watson, music by Ryan Hunter

1:35:52

and Giacomo Picasso.